What it's like being an INTJ Female

Hi everyone!
I'm trying a new way of recording since my old way just didn't look nice. I'm still learning how to edit and getting used to talking to a camera, so please excuse anything weird. I think at some point I say friendszezzzzz, but we'll just blame it on my accent. I hope you enjoy my story time about being an INTJ female. It came out sadder than I expected, but it was nice to talk about.
INTJ, INTJ Female, Myer Briggs, story time, depression, anxiety, social pressure, misunderstood, new channel, small creator, background cats

[@Iamkura]

Immune to peer pressure is the right way to describe an INTJ growing up.

[@ChromaticTempest]

I used to ascribe to this, but really what kind of pressure is it? When I found friends that were more intellectual, it became harder to veer from their prodding and pushing. They were smart N-types. I folded quickly facing that and began a year-long escapade into substance abuse. Up to that point, people had near zero effect on me as far as pressuring went. I could care less, but someone that I kind of respected? That I found intriguing conversations with? It was irresistible. No person is immune to the sweet nectar of inclusion in that which is valued. All it takes is a like mind and all the no's suddenly face the void of wanting to be accepted. Peer pressure is a term used to describe those seen as equals or better that decided to lean in and force an action. It can happen to anyone... I'm a clear INTJ. I thought I was above it all until I wasn't. Many people I knew growing up I thought foolish. They weren't peers in my eyes. Then I found them, the people worth knowing... I say all this b/c I think anyone can lose themselves. It just takes the right situation. I don't want to see a young INTJ think they are immune only to find themselves lost, letting what they truly value slip from their fingers.

[@01mmccombs]

INTJ male- I get it and totally understand you. I feel like people don’t want to connect at a deep intellectual level. It’s like the world is full of superficial, extroverted sensing and extroverted feeling function types and they want us to be like them. I would rather have one or two close friends that I can connect with at a deeper intellectual level than a thousand people who just want to discuss small talk. It almost feels like I am a ghost walking in a crowded city and no one can see the true me. Studying Stoicism and practicing meditation has really helped me.

[@nikiyikes5674]

Thank you for the comment! I use reading, writing, and exercising as a way to empty my mind and feel connected. Meditation where I currently am is impossible. Much too loud and I'm not good at blocking it out unless I'm doing something that can fully distract me. And I agree, connection to many out there appears to be only skin deep whereas we like to truly learn about people and the world around us.

[@mickadatwist1620]

@@nikiyikes5674 dont try to "block it out". Just try to sit down and close your eyes despite the noise. That is: being in the world, that is noise....of some sort unless you are somewhere in a forest where there is noone within 20 miles. Life isn't happening in forests. I don't mean to sound like you need saving.

[@TheMilwaukeeProtocol]

"I would rather have one or two close friends that I can connect with at a deeper intellectual level than a thousand people who just want to discuss small talk. It almost feels like I am a ghost walking in a crowded city and no one can see the true me." --> I find it interesting that, as someone who is the exact opposite of INTJ, I feel the same way as you do here.

[@01mmccombs]

@@TheMilwaukeeProtocol so, what is your personality type? Opposite as in swapping the function types ESFP or opposite as in completely different as ESFJ.

[@TheMilwaukeeProtocol]

@@01mmccombs I've had results under both ISFP and ISFJ. I also usually get moderate results across the board and not extreme results.

[@bluesgirl410cg]

I am also an INTJ female. It’s so hard. Most of the men I have dated have been F, and some of them actually got mad at me for being logical. It takes someone who is really secure in who they are to be with an INTJ female. Some men are easily threatened and uncomfortable with women not showing stereotypical traits because they define their own masculinity against your behaviour. It’s bizarre. Always be yourself, it’s frustrating, but it’s the only way to find someone that actually likes you, the real you. (Also, very similar experience growing up, you’re not alone). And thank you for sharing.

[@ipreferattitude]

I totally agree! I suppose they are taught to 'not be like a girl' in so many ways that this probably breaks the wiring at a very basic level that is difficult to process

[@exnihilonihilfit6316]

So you're saying you're already 100% perfect and there's nothing to be improved in you?

[@spambaconeggspamspam]

To me, and INTP male, INTJ females or male are nothing but admirable. Please be yourself, it's so much more interesting.

[@nikiyikes5674]

Thanks for the comment. I agree! Most of us had no choice but to learn how to "blend", and that doesn't come from an insecure place. We all, to some extent, have to learn how to be personable and do things such as "small talk". To introverts in general...that's torture! But alas, that is the world we live in, and we will always have to do things such as say Good Morning and respond to comments about the weather.

[@qua7771]

@@nikiyikes5674 I feel it's better to learn not to blend but in a good way. INTJ's have some unique character features that should be accentuated. For one, we have a quick witty since of humor that just seems to come out of nowhere. This can be used in any awkward social situation such as small talk. Secondly, we usually know something about almost any subject, which can lead into more interesting conversation. You could say that introverts don't like socializing, but with like minded people, and the right topic, we love to talk. The key is to keep talkative extroverts in your wheelhouse, or perhaps start with the humor. When there in a group conversation, I will kick back and study the dynamic of the interchange to stay amused and seem interested.

[@jenniferc6285]

Intj female here with male intp best friend. I feel the same way about intp

[@cjay233]

As an INTJ, I was quiet. Still am. Always reading. Wanted to get married, but didn't want kids. So I've been told, I talk to kids like they are adults, but hey, they asked me a question, so I answered it. Don't know that they understood. I wear black, blue, white, a little gray, a little red, a little dark chocolate, and a little purple. Always making 'a plan.' Always trying to solve people's problems, not knowing that they might not want that. I live in my head. I like to work alone. I like organization, but not always 'neat.' I can lead, if I have too, but I prefer being behind the scenes. Hate social work, touchy feely groups. The internet makes me 'smart.' People asked me how to do such and such. I look it up and tell them. I often wonder why they didn't do the same thing.

[@gracefitzgerald2227]

I am in my 40s and recently took 2 tests. I’m an INTJ-A. Everything makes sense now. Deciding not to have children, loving black, callous in some decision making. However the hardest thing for me is realizing most of the world doesn’t have the same goal in striving to reach your highest self. I could never understand people’s lack of will power, or weak moments. It’s arrogant to say and I suppose it is, but sensitivity isn’t my strong suit. Thank you for the video, and a big shout out to our the special people that do accept us for who we are.

[@nikiyikes5674]

Thanks so much for the comment! I've been told I'm cold and heartless many times over things such as not crying during sad movies...It can be tough, but we are who we are and that should be celebrated.

[@sifisosukaka632]

Exactly I am 18. I started being vocal about not wanting children when I was still 11.

[@gnosis8142]

docs.google.com/document/d/1GCJlCn844x62IaP4ce2ADSu1M7cfMjLyrcZ0QqwdHAo/edit?usp=sharing

[@WolfoxBR]

@@nikiyikes5674 Funny you would say that. I cried in plenty of movies, but apparently I cry at different movies than most people. So there I was trying to hold back the tears by the end of Arrival and my then wife (xSFx) was looking at me like "why are you crying like that?" She even asked me why I cried, I explained why, and she just didn't get it. The funny part is that then she would cry in some other movie - of the kind "this is made for you to cry" - and I wouldn't. Oh well. I guess that's how it works. ;) And yeah, I got the "cold and heartless" from many people, even from my ex-wife sometimes, even though I'm absolutely not. It took me a while to understand that it wasn't necessarily a "me" problem.

[@sharudow]

When you meet another INTJ, never say "we are similar". You should say "we come from the same planet and everybody see us as aliens ^^". French Male INTJ

[@dawndawn3036]

As an INTJ female, I was very lucky in my childhood. Other than being told that I was too quiet, I hardly had any problems. I had school uniforms, so clothes were never a problem. Now I do have blacks and greys, but I compensate with a few monochromatic clothes. I have also gone through phases of wondering where on earth I would find someone who gets me. I guess that my husband is ENFP, who managed to get me to open up. He is funny and sensitive yet logical. Although he (and other men too) often says that I am not a "normal" female, he can see advantages in that and I don't feel insulted. He doesn't have to worry about getting gifts or forgetting anniversaries, isn't that nice?

[@nikiyikes5674]

You know, I would have thought past boyfriends would appreciate that I don't care about for gifts and anniversaries but...they thought I was lying? it's so insulting to me because we INTJ females don't do that lol if we say we're fine it's not paired with an eyeroll. That means we're genuinely fine lol However, if someone is going to give me gifts, I much prefer snacks! Maybe someday I'll find an ENFP (or they'll find me? That seems to be how it goes). Thanks for the comment.

[@2001porcia]

Wow that is so wonderful! Genuinely happy for you. Hopefully I come across someone like that as well! Can’t wait to finally be appreciated for being authentic! 💕☺️

[@fanny1492]

I'm intj married female, i cry watching your video. I understand your experience in the childhood perfectly. It's hurt to understand that people don't like us. But it's okey now, i have learned that it is okey to have masks. The masks are also me. The me i choose to handle people. Persona. Maybe it's easier for me to accept it since i was Asian. Our culture rarely say 'be yourself' , we have to behave all the time and fulfill others expectation. Marriage is the same, the truth is, it's never about being yourself. It's about loving a person with all your heart and try to understand him, and willing to compromise and fulfill his expectation. And vise versa. We learned qualities that people like, and we keep our qualities that people don't like as a secret weapon. Hence, we are special, no need to take as a burden, take it as your power. That is my experience. You re so beautiful. Love you and bless you 😘💕🌺

[@nikiyikes5674]

Ah, thank you so much for your kind words! And they say INTJ's are heartless and lack the ability to empathize with others...You're beautiful too!

[@moondriedtomato]

Wow, thats a new way of seeing things. my hidden power.

[@morganemulan2265]

As a French INTJ female, hearing what you say I have the impression that it might be worse to be an American INTJ. It seems to me that extraversion and small talk are more valued there than in France, so I can understand why you felt the need to wear a mask. I had never really had to do it, although I had to learn how to amplify my facial and verbal expressions so that people understand better the way I feel and what I mean. Now that I live in China, I think introversion is not seen as something bad and I feel less pressure to actively engage with people all the time, it is kind of relaxing. It is interesting to see how the culture you grow up in can influence how you develop yourself and react to your environment, and maybe also how you see yourself!

[@morganemulan2265]

Also what I forgot to say and might be important for INTJs growing up, is that in France it is quite valued to say what you think and be honest, even if you disagree with others and it leads to heated debates. In the US I have the impression that it is not really the case. In China (and Korea as well, I saw you want to go there haha), it is better not to be honest all the time in order to avoid conflict, I don't really like that part of the culture and it makes me miss France sometimes! But after all every culture has aspects that we like and other that we don't like...

[@nikiyikes5674]

I also am from the south...and southerners are ALL about small talk and being friendly and...just a certain way. That makes things little more difficult. Thank you so much for sharing that since I can only speak for my specific environment. You mentioned, however, that in France they value honesty? Peesh...that's exactly how I get in trouble! I've had to learn how to just...not speak even though my INTJ death stare betrays me.

[@ccs1229]

I'm moving to China. Now.

[@morganemulan2265]

@@ccs1229 Haha I am waiting for you! Although there are also annoying things in China, like too much protocol, too much noise... and good luck for getting a visa nowadays...

[@nobodyhere4667]

@@nikiyikes5674 I spent a small amount of time in Paduka Kentucky, met a guy who needed a ride home from Winnipeg. We drove done and checked out Memphis and I found the "southern charm" very appealing lol. But! I was visiting. Now that I think about it I may not have liked it but I could see myself living on some backwoods community, hiding back amongst the cut-zoo(spelling?). I was surprised that no one gave me a hard time, I had a mohawk and stretched ear lobes. Plus, we were driving around with Canadian plates, this was after Canada refused to join the US in Iraq, people were pissed at Canada. Everyone was cool to my face. That's about when I realized that the American people are just people for the most part. Its the Fascist American government I really hate. lol 🤣😆😆 I also could not bring myself to try a pigs knuckle. I looked at it and I tried to psych myself up but I couldn't eat one. We don't have those up here so when in Rome right? lol

[@sayaleli4980]

As an INTJ female, I absolutely like your hairstyle and how you dress.

[@elypelowski5670]

As an INTJ male, I always find it fascinating listening to a female INTJs life perspectives. I can identify with so much about your thinking and emotional response to situations and people. I can imagine for a female INTJ it is really tough growing up as a kid/teen. Very much an outcast. Why ? Because the INTJ ego is masculine by nature and in society the INTJ female is STILL expected be nurturing/emotionally supportive according to feminine roles in society. Therein lies the struggle. I really like hearing your insights as a female INTJ. Keep making videos !!

[@maggis0]

Your cat is so INTJ - virtual hug sent from another female INTJ. I giggled when you said: 'how do you people?' as that's something I literally uttered a few days ago (in fact, I asked:'how do you human?'). I relate 100% - unable to provide the answer to 'how do you people?'. Btw: I have practically identical outfit, perhaps like 99% of other INTJ females. Thanks for your video.

[@nikiyikes5674]

Badger is very sweet, but he loves to attack screens. And I've always asked myself the "how do you people" question mentally, so it just came out here! It was probably the most genuine part of the video other than my cat LOL. Thanks for the comment!

[@maggis0]

@@nikiyikes5674 : point proven: Badger is an INTJ as well - trust issues:) Just kidding, amazing creature. I forgot to mention in my previuos comment something that is, I guess, related to the rebellious streak of INTJs - I would not necessarily consider myself (or other INTJs I've known) quarrelsome, however I've always opposed the 'do as I tell you' mentality. A few people have accused me of treating others with disdain and I think it has stemmed from both being honest and willing to question authority/norm/standards. My intentions have never been to prove them wrong just for the sake of it, intimidate them or make them look stupid - it would always come from 'but tell me why', a genuine question about their logic. I still question everything, although as I've grown older, I tend to keep these doubts to myself, knowing there would barely be any answer provided. For the very same reason, although I've never been fond of children as objects of 'cuteness', I adore, admire and respect their curiosity and straight forward attitude of 'why is the sky blue?' - kind of a thinking. Thanks again for the video

[@nikiyikes5674]

@@maggis0 You explained it perfectly!

[@dogdonut3]

I'm an INTJ woman. I'm 51. I have been married twice. First time I met him in high school through my best friends. I think he was an ESTJ. We were married for over 20 years. Second husband (he's an ESFP) I met, after my divorce, through our teenage kids being friends. We've been together almost 5 years. When I first met my ESFP husband, he struck me as so kind and honest (and also handsome) that I wanted to know him better. When he told me that he wanted to know me better because I was so good (his view of things I'd done in life), I actually teared up a little. I had always been painted the "bad guy" in past relationships, but this man saw me as good! That's what started our journey together. It's a very trusting, honest, loving relationship.

[@miapia1]

My friends parents has never liked me either 😄. And boyfriends tell me I don't cry enough and that means to them that I don't care about the relationship. Good video :) /intj

[@nikiyikes5674]

On one hand, I am very sorry you've experienced the same things. It's confusing and honestly heart breaking to be misunderstood on that level, especially as young kids. I am glad to see so many people who can relate to my experiences, however. This is more support than I could have dreamed, and I can't wait to make more videos :)

[@sakadmon5480]

lol don't cry enough? it's a bad sign if you cry because of a relationship. better if you don't cry at all. right? i don't understand them.

[@rogerhuggettjr.7675]

I think that the problem is that guys feel its their job to manage the relationship. If our actions don't provoke emotion then we feel inadequate to make you happy and feel we are failing and move on. Guys egos need a progress report or we feel can feel like we are just filling a temporary role until someone that can provoke passion comes along. This is coming from an INTP who is turned off by extroverts.

[@TheShamuraja]

@@rogerhuggettjr.7675 Yes!! Between emoting too much and not giving a damn, there is what you said. Basically making someone feel that their effort is not in vain. That one values it and that it means something. Basically giving feedback, that they're on the right track! Books on love languages help a great deal as well as humor. Because there can be hiccups from both sides and we still have to talk about them.

[@AkireMaru]

@@rogerhuggettjr.7675 but not all women cry when they are happy… right? I’m seriously confused. Do the women you date habitually cry?

[@ammygamer]

As an INTJ-A female, I had the same experience of bullying in school/college you did. People did a lot of psychological bullying with me, pranks and such, but they never had the courage to do so in my face, prefering to stand and chuckle while their plans unfold from afar. I did not only I have the famous "intimidating aura" but was also very tall for my age. The school staff was utterly useless trying to prevent it, so I just held on tight and avoided giving them the satisfaction of actually irritating me. In the end I think I actually pitied those fools. Now, I'm Assertive with a capital, bold and underlined A, so I never felt the "need" to put on a mask as a teenager. Mostly, I guess, because my family loved me, accepted me and supported me even though I was such a quiet person in their eyes. "A small wild creature" they would tease, and hug me (holds back squeak) lovingly. So I grew up being very comfortable in just being myself in its entirety. The only reason I didn't tell them about the bullying is because I guess, in a way, I felt indebted to their enourmous kindness and I didn't want to trouble them with something I could deal with. Being stronger than my bullies became a point of pride, even if now it sounds a little childish to me. But the thick skin I got from the experience has served me very well in later years. The bright point in all of that though was that I met my fiance back then as well. Sometimes I went to the local public library to "recharge" (I was friends with the librarian and the janitor there, they were wonderful people) and this one guy from school, a year younger than me, one day walked up to me and asked me how I was doing. I couldn't lie when answering that (Especially when something in me was saying that he wasn't asking that just for pleasantries as people normally do. My guess is my resting b*tch face looked pretty bad in that particular day) so I told him (with the usual factual tone) how my school life was "going". I also wanted to vent a little, I guess. He was actually pretty shocked, and made a point to always come to talk with me whenever he saw me from now on. I distinctly noticed people gradually stopped with the pranks because he and his friends (basically all boys, which eventually also became my close friends as well) were seen with me a lot, though my classmates still blatantly ignored my existence in class and made all sort of rude comments about me when they thought I wasn't listening. As time went by I learned that he was also suffering bullying, but from a different kind. He was sort of the class "clow/pet", which baffled *me* in turn. In my eyes he was such a sharp toll in the box, I couldn't fanthom why they would treat him like that (you know how we INTJs are, we detect true smarts in people like a sonar). He even developed a really bad case of not trusting his own capabilities because of the low self esteem b*** talk people threw at him. He was only "himself" around me and his friends, but now that I had all pieces of the puzzle I could cleary see there was some insecurity to certain things he did even when around us. So once I got that figured out I told him that I thought it was all utter nonsense (to put it in kind words) and I was about to glue the truth to his forehead if needed to, and I would fight him if he ever doubted me on what I was about to say: Starting with whole absurdity that our school was to allow for something like this to happen, then I began listing the many many things he had perceived in me and in the people around him without even being told so, the skills he had unknowingly showed me as time and acted as if they weren't anything worth of notice, and to put a cherry on top how incredibly kind and caring he was, even when nobody was looking, even holding to that kindness when people had been so horrible to him ... Only to realize he was slowly sinking into his chair and turning into a cherry himself. I stopped talking as I caught myself thinking that he looked incredibly cute flustered like that. ... Oh. OH. I see. And then I sort of realized at that moment that I did like him. As himself. And he probably liked me too. So I did the next obvious thing and just asked him straight out, then began chuckling uncontrollably at his enthusiasm and at the madness of it all. Cue poor library staff asking him to *please* be quiet. So yeah, we've been together for 8 years now. Peacefully might I add. Some of his demeanor has rubbed on me, and vice-versa. It's nice to have someone I can just... Be with as I am. I truly believe the same applies to him. We complement each other well. He has softened my edges and I've gave him some dully needed ones. He is a very pro-active and confident man now. I still squeak everytime I'm hugged though hahaha. Some things never change, eh? The wisdow I can offer is: it's easy to be around someone who appears to be happy and settled in life. People want to bask in the rays of glory of someone's sucess and "feel special" for being their friend. When things are cleary turbulent for you though, many are going to just scatter away or join the people mocking you. But... There's always someone. Hidden, maybe. Someone that will stay, and listen, and care, and help. Truly. If you stick with being true to yourself even in darkness, no matter what, you will undoubtedly eventually find people that still want to be by your side through it. And who knows? One of them just might be the one for you.

[@henriettenitu9476]

Hi- here a newly discovered female INTJ. Your video described my life step by step and made me cry- something I don't do often, and your last question made me laugh because it was so genuine (me sending hugs). For the past 2 days I have read and absorbed all I could find about INTJ personality. I have struggled my entire life to understand myself, why the first reaction of people when they meet me is rejection, why I do not fit, never able to make connections, what is wrong with me. In the past 20 years I took several tests that showed I am an introvert, a lonely wolf but did not explained why I am the way I am. I was lucky enough to have in this life journey my mother, who always told me to be myself, stay true to myself and to what I believe is right for me, never give in, never be afraid to make mistakes or take wrong decisions, always learn from them and never accept to change for someone. She also was telling me when I was an adolescent that I should always choose clothes and jewellery that make me feel good despite what is fashionable or liked by others (she meant that for her I am unique and I should stay that way). I have learned in time to accept myself, be proud of who I am (perfect with all my imperfections and solitude). Now as an adult (45) I have discovered (by pure chance) that my personality has a name and can be described (in my country seems that MBTI test is performed just in the army so I will have to research over internet for more info- this is why I thank you for sharing your experience). I have words now and suddenly things make sense. As I understand, INTJ females are 0,8%- this number made me feel truly special and not alone anymore. I am not an alien, I am not broken, I am not heartless, I am just different. Never thought I would get married (was not on my to do list and it happened when I was in my 30's) - we have now 14 years of marriage. Is not easy, is a constant struggle and constant give and take and requires compromises (within our personal boundaries). That is why I still search and try to understand my self. I believe that understanding my self better, will help him understand me better, and in the end will help us have a better and healthier relationship over the years to come. I owe him this, because living with me is not an easy task and he deserves it for his patience.

[@2001porcia]

INTJ woman here! Growing up I’ve always had my intuition, I knew when adults were wrong and when they said things that were sexist like how girls shouldn’t play with cars or when I once had a very well-liked teacher who pulled me aside and pointed at another woman teacher telling me that “this is how a girl should walk/talk like.” So because of this past, being “girly” or “woman like” is used as a facade to overpower and intimidate fragile ego men and the women who are not good women to other women (if you know what I mean). It has become my personality to be a bubbly personality, but not entirely nice, and I repress a lot of dark humour that I enjoy when I am alone. As learning that I am in fact, no doubt an INTJ woman, I tend to not give a shit what a man thinks about me unless he is actually interested in me for my personality and not my looks. The only man that an INTJ woman should have around is a man who is at most attracted to her INTJ-ness in my opinion. 🌶🔥

[@saadmughal5478]

Your video is so refreshingly honest! - A male INTJ

[@nikiyikes5674]

Thank you so much! I really wanted to do something that was more than just...repeating information. I was looking for content like this and couldn't find much of it, so here I am!

[@diveflyfish]

“I was immune to peer pressure” so true even for an INTP who borders on INTJ…! Your not alone!

[@justanothersherlockian7058]

I'm 14 and an INTJ female. I think the same way. I like solving peoples' problems instead of hearing them complain and cry about it and do absolutely nothing to help themselves. I don't do romantic relationships because they take too much time, energy, and falsehoods. I am able to let go of whoever I want, for I don't need friends. My peers' approval is none of my concern. However, I am top of my class and am driven by my ambition to become a homicide detective. My teachers and my mom enjoy the fact that I don't act stupid like the people in my class. I am proud to be an INTJ.

[@justanothersherlockian7058]

@DrMAD oioi When I saw the other comments I thought, "Are these really INTJs? Why is everyone in their feelings now???" And thanks😂

[@justanothersherlockian7058]

@DrMAD oioi Yeah eww feelings

[@justanothersherlockian7058]

@DrMAD oioi Exactly, that's a great way to put it👍

[@rae3781]

This spoke to my soul! I got into MBTI in high school too, and it all started making sense. Like you, I was able to put forward the traits people thought were good, but it wasn't really me (doing that was also an autism thing too for me). When I was myself and alone, I was completely different. Sometimes people would be like, "Just be yourself!" So I did that. It never really works out for me that well. I know a lot of girls see me as an outcast because sometimes I'm too "masculine", which is another thing you talked about. I've always found it easier to be friends with guys than with girls, at least in groups. It's weird having the "masculine" personality type. Like you, I don't think logic should be "masculine". We girls like logic too! Also, that "how do you people?" as the end was SO RELATABLE!

[@nikiyikes5674]

Thank you so much for your comment! When I sat down to do this video I didn't really know what direction it was going to go. It was just something I was wanted to express because I knew it wasn't just me feeling these things. I've seen many videos about INTJ's in general, but I wanted to do something more open and honest (oddly enough). I'm glad you liked the video :)

[@diogee5442]

You cannot be stereotyped when the proportion to the rest is almost homeopathic. And since being an INTJ is just having a particular style of thinking, and not belonging to a general class, the situation becomes even worse - you are almost unique. Therefore, it is easier for others to create relationships. They have more in common, and the most common they have are instincts - sex, safety, communication, pleasure. It is easier to create a connection based on them. Fragile, superficial, but it is even biologically justified. INTJs, in my humble opinion, are loved intellectually. We integrate people into our lives. For us, achieving the goals of our loved ones is no less important, and sometimes even more important than ours. Breaking up such a relationship is painful. Therefore, you will think three times and use Vulcan logic along with boolean tables before both breaking and creating relationships. Meanwhile, romantics just want romance. Something light, natural. And INTJs bring an unnatural mind to this process and this is apparently scary, something like: she has the potential to kill me at night and my corpse will never be found. ( After your demand for a cat, as a man, I will tell you you have everything you need for this =)) Or maybe it's just that low empathy and high self-control of women are not acceptable at the instinctive level for romantic men. Maybe you should look for someone who shares your long-term goals first, and then thinks about the relationship. Who has the mental outlook and power of mind not to bring their bad day with them and call others names.

[@nikiyikes5674]

You hit the nail on the head! Thank you so much for sharing your insight. In a world full of romantics, it certainty can make relationships of any kind difficult for an INTJ. It makes no "logical" sense and is baffling. Someone who shares my long-term goals is most ideal.

[@skoriox6868]

Thank you. Male Intj here I just learned the 1st step for healthy relationships, to look for allined "long-term goals", from you. You just passively made more than i was befor reading this.

[@electrikmuse]

Female INTJ here! Many of your experiences resonated with me. It's incredibly draining to constantly self-edit in order to appeal to the people around us or to meet expectations. The strangest thing is when a person obsesses over traits that differ from "the norm" - where it's less about understanding and more about glorifying the idea of us. Over the years, I've accepted that I will have various friends and acquaintances that only fit certain parts of who I am and that I may never feel fully "connected" (except on rare occasions). I find that so long as I am doing things that support my self-actualization and stay true to my core values, I can find enjoyment in my life , either on my own or with others who can hang. :)

[@nikiyikes5674]

It get's easier as we age, it seems. Now I have no problem cutting people out of my life or walking away, but because I was taught certain things, that was very hard when I was younger. I was a lonely child, but I never get lonely as an adult because I realized that I am also someone, and I am enough! Also...video games! lol. Thank you for the comment!

[@adfectus1270]

INTJs have the most interest minds out of all the types, my best friend is an INTJ and im always fascinated with his mind, dont give up hope, you just need to surround yourself with compatible types!

[@nikiyikes5674]

Agreed! Thank you so much for taking the time to comment :)

[@nj3195]

As a black INTJ female ❤I knew there was something wrong with other people from the time I came in to consciousness. A word of warning you will be surrounded by people who take your real feelings for granted, don’t let them! Because you don’t act like a toddler they will say you seem strong or that they don’t have to worry about you. I have feelings like everyone else I just don’t need a Tele novella for everyone to see and relate to. Honestly, once I discovered my feelings they were sophisticated and fine. Something most knuckle dragging, selfish immature and greedy types don’t get😂. That mask is real tho! I did it to mask up to learn more about why people are so counter productive. I wanted to learn compassion for others and experience feelings just to see if they are worth the struggles I saw😮. I also agree that wanting authenticity in relationships requires we find out who others authentic selves are. I made a promise to not allow the world to change me as a child and I have kept that promise. I suppose pretending isn’t changing just a strategy to get more information. I am married to a man who is way more emotionally demonstrative than I am😂. It is possible to find love but it’s nothing like the movies or romance novels it’s a balancing act. As an INTJ you might want to wait until you are older to marry just to get the independence you crave or find a partner like mine who appreciates your uniqueness. By the way, you will be attracted to extroverts but introverts will give you the space you may need❤. Good luck sis!

[@upscaleavenue]

"We may think we know someone, but the truth is that we only know the version of them they've chosen to show us" - Taylor Swift - Different masks for different people, especially as an INTJ.

[@justanothersherlockian7058]

"Don't do love, don't do friends. I'm only after success. Don't need a relationship. I'll never soften my grip." -Marina And The Diamonds (from the song 'Oh No!')

[@kerrinw8559]

I am also INTJ-A. I am 57 now, but you remind me of myself in my 20s - introverted workaholic, which really just gave me an excuse to avoid relationships, since I wasn't any good at them. Still wear mostly black (and grey), never married, don't like kids (prefer cats!). I, too, had figured out how mask certain behavior traits to fit in better. And as I matured, I was better at sensing (and I suppose actually "caring about") when my aloofness was taken personally and hurting someone's feelings. I have learned to "lighten up". And I accept myself. I didn't learn about Myers-Briggs until my late 30s, but am now proud to be an INTJ. My (rare) dating partners haven't always appreciated me- but my employers definitely do!

[@emilythegreat5851]

As an INTJ woman I went the opposite from the beginning of your video. I made one of my goals to be married and have a family because when I was young it was presented to me as if it was a given. it seemed like something thing I could just do and get out of the way and have forever. I started this project as young as 14 because I read statistics that said you usually meet your partner around that age and its been over a decade of "research" and I still have no results to show for it except for a 6 year engagement which ultimately broke off. Connecting with men is really hard because a lot of the time they do expect a standard woman that has better use of their F function in general. To find love in that respect I wouldn't be able to be myself. I've had to just remove this goal from my plate because it has genuinely consumed me into thinking im unlovable as my true self. So im just choosing to love myself instead. The "if you're married how just how" really spoke to me.

[@nikiyikes5674]

The one and only INTJ I've met in person actually dated around a lot, and wasn't the most "loyal. She was also into partying and being around people, and when we think INTJ, that's not what we think of. But you hit the nail on the head by mentioning upbringing and how that just can't be factored into assessment tests. Part of my resistance to relationships is from my upbringing, but I also would try to "play the role" when I was younger. At some point we all have to love ourselves first. The most attractive thing an INTJ can be is themselves, and we do look better when we're not trying. I'm sorry you had to experience all that, but thank you so much for your comment and I hope to hear more from you on my future videos.

[@pingz2454]

As an ISTJ 5w6 i can relate on everything, it felt like you described my childhood. In school i also was immune to peer pressure and felt out of place, i was always prone of doing "my thing" the way i wanted to because of my lack of extroverted feeling so i totally get you. Similar to you peaple confused my shyness with lack of interest and had peaple trying to "help"and pushing me to go see a psychologist and other stuff bacause they tought i wasn't well but i always refused bacause i knew that i was fine. I was lucky enough in middle school to find an ESTP to hang out with ( and play videogames in the afternoon lol ) so it passed kind of smoothly. In high school i was also lucky to find an ENTP to hang out with who really understood me so it wasn't as bad as in your situation for sure. I was also definetely very resentfull and bitter torwards everyone in high school because i felt misunderstood and felt that i couldn't be myself. But it got better when i learned about mbti at around 17 because i started to forgive peaple and their ignorance more easily. It's kind of embarassing looking back because in my last 8 years of school i just hang out with those 2 guys and ignored everybody else but fortunately peaple accepted it. The "putting a mask" concept is thrue also for me, it's very hard to relax and open up around peaple expecially if i know that they are feelers because i always had trouble with those guys. But fortunately my life turned out great, now i have so many friends that are thinkers that really get me. My INFP brother also had problems similar to mines and we really undertand each other, it's refreshing to speak with him so now i am happy. I wish you good luck my sister from another mother i always love INTJs with all my hearth, i wish you guys had it easier growing up it always breaks me hearing that peaple struggle during a period that should be so positive and full of adventure. Ciao and a kiss from Italy 🖐️

[@ankymrn]

It’s like you’re describing the story of my life... Thank you for this video.

[@mar8888]

INTJ female here, and I resonate with most of what you share here, as an INTJ female. I wish I could chat with another INTJ female so much.

[@anneperkins85]

As an intj woman, I fell for the first guy who was completely undaunted by me. Turns out he is on the autism spectrum. So, that explains why he didn't see me as strange; he simply saw me as marvelous. In the movie Free Guy, Ryan Reynolds has this moment where he sort of slow motion swoons over watching his crush shoot up bad guys...my husband said that's what it was like for him falling in love with a powerful woman. 😁

[@meadowsol11]

I’m so glad I found your channel. I feel seen ❤

[@MikeAnthony1991]

I have played and replayed certain parts of this over and again and transcribed your words into my 'thoughts' journal, your insights are helping me understand a lot of unresovled angst I have developed through growing up and experiencing the same things you described. Hearing that someone goes through literally the same issues I do for literally the same reasons and has literally the same thoughts and struggles about it as me is...heartbreaking in a way I guess. Thank you very much

[@lancefarrar3442]

May my words never be more eloquent then the ears of my audience.

[@skmanny2525]

Nice hearing your story! Feels great to know I was always right about myself and always feeling alone in this world!

[@nikiyikes5674]

I felt it was important to talk about from a more personal perspective. We all have an idea of what the general qualities are for an INTJ, but it can feel really isolating. Thank you so much for leaving a comment. I'm happy you enjoyed the video, but I am also sorry you related to my experiences.

[@skmanny2525]

It's odd how we have the same exact sense of style lmfao

[@ovehlu]

Thank you for this. I like how real and open you are. Your life purpose leads you to a very important path. It feels lonely, but know you are a rare gem. That in and of itself, makes us stand out. I've lived half a century, and learned to follow my soul path. INTJ traits, are the blessings and tools that shape me. Regardless of the world around me - I can't keep turning back and waiting for others to catch up. It's ok. It really is - all of it. 🙏🏼

[@ricahernandez3065]

All my years in existence, i spend time to get to know myself at a deeper level and wondering why do i struggle to relate with others unconsciously it takes effort and practice. But then i found the myers brigg personality test and discovered that i was an INTJ, I cried 'cause i deny some things that i dont accept and that led me to create a new character on what society accepts.

[@nicolebuchanan9233]

INTJ female, loved this video, keep them coming, i struggle with feeling able to be my total self with anyone and I totally agree that as I’ve gotten older you learn to present what people want and hold other parts of yourself back, romantic relationships just seem difficult and they often end when I feel like my time and energy are being wasted

[@afrinahmed4181]

You are a gem Niki 💎 Sharing it here will give hope and courage to others that they are not alone and being INTJ is not a problem at all 🙂 Thank you for sharing 💙

[@isfallingdown]

Well, I always appreciate a good story time and yours was exceptionally meaningful. Thank you. I see a lot of similarities between our stories and I hope that you can find a good friend that just accepts you. It makes a world of difference.

[@nikiyikes5674]

Thank you! I do have people in my life now who try, and that's all I can really ask for.

[@tianbriggs6276]

I felt this on a deeper level. This is 99.9% of my life to a tea. I have learned to tone down my original self just to fit in. I had to be more friendly which is exhausting to me, less uncaring about others cuz I appeard cold and distant. I do the right things but try not to get too attached to things cuz some how my intuitive mind tells me that life happens in the end. Now I'm older, this seems like my real personality but deep down inside of me I'm crying for redemption. If by chance I twerk to being myself, everyone assumes there is something wrong with me again even though I feel like I'm in my element. It's nice to know that someone feels the same way tho. That makes me feel I'm normal. Being an Intj is a blessing and a burden indeed cuz u will constantly ask if you are the problem. Thanks for sharing...

[@charlotteselley2553]

I'm INFJ but sometimes get results that say INTJ... I totally relate to everything you said during this video! It's so nice to see someone who understands.

[@briannamorrison380]

Wow, I've related to just about everything you said. I was abused in school by teachers and other kids because I didn't fit in. I actually had to find ways to teach myself the things I needed to learn. The good thing about it is I found out that I'm very good at teaching myself things and it can even be addictive for me. I was fortunate enough to find a wonderful husband who is fine with letting me be me. He's very easy going, and is very intelligent. We met each other at a trade school and we just clicked. I can totally relate to having to put on a mask everyday just to be able to get along with other people, it's very draining. I look forward to my solitude or just being with my husband.

[@nikiyikes5674]

Wow, thank you for commenting! It's a shame that so many people reject those who don't fit their idea of what someone should be. I'm glad you found someone you can be yourself with! I hope to find that someday myself.

[@HanaHana-rd3nr]

As a Korean INTJ female, it is so glad to know that there are same personal character people out there.

[@shemac1482]

I'm an American INTJ female and recently became romantically involved with a Korean guy and...oh boy. It took him a while to get over the fact that I'm not emotionally expressive and bubbly. He would always want me to "say something sweet," and I can't do that. To me, saying something "sweet" means saying something meaningful. I won't say warm, fluffy things just to stroke someone's ego. If I'm going to compliment you, it's because I mean it, and I want you to know that it's something I've actually thought about YOU specifically. He's learned to appreciate this recently, and he values my version of sweetness a lot more now because he knows I really mean it, and it's genuine.

[@cruzader35]

I'm an INTJ guy in his twenties, and this was so refreshing to hear someone else mention these troubles connecting with others that resonates so strongly. You convey your ideas with such clarity and authenticity that I wish was more common. As for people skills, you seem to be ahead of me with a competent mask to put on for others, whereas I've run up against the issue of giving up on myself just to get some sort of connection with the world recently. I feel like there's a way to reconcile interacting in a way that's genuine to me that is still acceptable to the world, but I haven't quite found it yet. Hearing others speak about it seems to help slowly.

[@capngreeblereviews9267]

It is really interesting to hear your comments about being young. I am an INTJ male but man... so much of what you said was exactly what it was like for me growing up as well. I learned early on what people wanted to see so I made a "mask" and just displayed that most of the time until someone genuinely wanted to speak to me and not just do the surface level "how's the weather" conversations. Also, I too wore and still do prefer to wear a lot of black.

[@folday6169]

Thanks for sharing! I relate to people mostly by not revealing what I might really be thinking or feeling at a given moment except when I am with those who I feel might understand me...they are the ones I consider friends. Fred

[@tobeyc2962]

First of all, thank you for this video. Over 90% of what you said makes so much sense to me. I never liked/played with dolls or played house - I was always on the computer or doing puzzles, drawing, or building things with legos. I'm a 34 yo INTJ female from South Africa, no kids, never been married or had a serious relationship, I've never actually even had a best friend... I "struggle" to maintain friendships/relationships, tbh it's not really a priority for me. I got tested at work about 3 years ago, but what it means to be INTJ wasn't really explained to me... so up until last month when I got lost in an INTJ wormhole on KZbin, I didn't really know what it meant. I'm so grateful for your video and other INTJ videos because all along I felt like a ghost walking through life not connected to anyone or anything and not quite knowing why but just feeling different from everybody else. It's a bit of a cliche but knowing I'm not the only "weirdo" makes me feel a lot better. I've always accepted myself as I am for the most part but I completely relate to trying to be "normal" around other people just so that they can be comfortable... However, even when I try to "human" (i.e. coo at people's baby pictures, be excited by someone's engagement/pregnancy, or have any reaction to normal social interactions) but it can feel disingenuous to me. & I fear that it may come off that way too. This is probably the biggest struggle for me, I think that's why I don't bother building connections with people because unless they have interesting ideas or thoughts for me to dissect and examine, I'm usually not particularly interested in their regular lives. It's probably why I love podcasts so much, I can interrogate other people's ideas without necessarily having to interact with them. In fact, I almost want to send INTJ videos to people in my life to help them understand me better.

[@theonides]

So much of the way you describe your childhood rings so true. I had nothing in common with my age peers. I loved spending quiet time in the library devouring books on astronomy. I sometimes told off my teachers if I thought an assignment was dumb and a waste of my time. It was hard to make and keep friends. I was at the top of my class in math, but I had a teacher try to tell me that girls can't do math, and boys didn't like smart girls... as if I cared about that at age 9. I didn't bend. I didn't stop being the best at math. If anything, I doubled down. I have to be myself, whatever that is. If people don't like it, that's their problem... but it is lonely. I was probably 30 before I felt like I made a connection with someone that really got me. Someone I could talk to at my normal level, and who appreciated my bluntness and honesty. I teach math now at college/university, but even there, where you'd think they'd be more accustomed to INTJs of both sexes, people still find me intimidating (students interacting with me one-on-one is something I've actually learned to do well--but it does always feel like work). I don't know that I've ever been anywhere where I felt like I really belonged. I don't know that it ever gets better, but you find more ways to manage it. Focusing on the things you can control and not the things you can't helps some.

[@rafinhapkt]

As an INTJ female, I can relate hard! Most of the time I feel exausted to put a mask on, while I'm at work, college or with friends, but I learned since I was a child that I should do it because it makes people more confortable around me. About relationship, I'm still struggling with it. My ex said that I'm too cold, and that the fact that I'm not jelaous meant that I didn't like him.

[@sa_kuri]

OMG, I can relate to like EVERYTHING you just said! I'm so sorry you had to go through all those "misunderstandings" about your personality...it's so annoying and sad and dangerous when adults don't understand you as a kid and judge and misunderstand your actions and tell you there's something wrong with you! I don't even know how many times I've been told I was "rebellious" just because I was questioning and analyzing with logic what was happening around me...and it finally feels so good when you find out what an intj and you find the logic and the meaning behind everything! And not being able or better allowed to be yourself...it drives me crazy! Thanks for this video, it's really helpful for some of us! 🥰 But don't worry, there's hope for us intj females. I have a boyfriend, we've been together for nearly 15 years now. We met in high-school and I felt he was different from all the other people around. Not exactly like me, but we share some personality traits...we are both extremely introverts and that helps a lot because he understands the way I deal with relationships and people. We have common goals, common interests (not each single one but many). We agree that' having children is not something for us (that helps a lot when you get older and things get more serious). We stick together when other people pressure us because we don't follow "the rules of society". It's not impossible for us to find love, it's just more difficult to find the right one. But when it happens and you are sure you have found the right person, no matter if things are tricky every know and then, you know it's forever. It must be...since we calculate and analyze everything with logic it doesn't take long to understand if a relationship can last or not! 😉

[@nikiyikes5674]

I have a hard time getting friends to understand that I know when dating that person isn't going to work, and sometimes that's without having a proper conversation lol Thank you for the comment!

[@sa_kuri]

@@nikiyikes5674 I know it's hard...but there's a few people in this world that can understand us 😉 Thanks a lot for your videos!

[@Olga_mayday]

Oh my goood, I understand you so much!

[@nellietan6675]

INTJ female here and married to an ENFJ. It was hard for us in the beginning of our marriage but as we understand how we operate ourselves things has become better. When I was a child, I will always be the weirdo among the girls, so I got bullied and boycotted most of the time throughout my school years. The teacher didn’t liked me as well back then. So I tried to change myself to be likeable but it led me to self destruction in the end. After I knew about my personality type, it has all made sense to me that why those things happened in the past. Now that I know I’m born like this, and not everyone can easily accept me for who I am, I’ve accepted all my strength and weaknesses. Now I’m on a personal growth journey because I believe everything starts from within. With continuous work on my inner self, I’m a happier person in my own skin without requiring validation from others. Side note, I still can’t stand doing all the girly stuffs. 😉 Cheers!

[@karamcdee]

Thank you for making this video. I could relate to everything you said. I learned early too that the real me was not acceptable and tried on multiple masks/personas. I got so good at it that it started to feel like me and I guess in a way it is. I only found out I was an INTJ a few years ago and suddenly a lot of things make more sense. Including systematically figuring out the blueprints/formulas/frameworks for all the situations I found myself in. Thanks for being real and sharing your thoughts.

[@Hensch]

M22 INTJ-T here, i'm surprised you made so insanely similar experiences like me. Being bullied by adults in school still fcks with me at times it just makes me so cynical, on the other hand i love humans my mind is always torn between perspectives. You're very interesting as a person to me, I never could relate to a person this well you have my sub. Plus, you are astonishingly beautiful :)

[@rasamasala]

I'm an INTP male and I still relate to everything you've said. Especially trying to find solutions but people not liking that. I don't like the high emotions that lead to nothing. I understand the mask you have to put on so people don't get offended. I get the "people thinking something is wrong with you" when you're just being you. I've had fights with my parents with me challenging them on their blind faiths and me feeling like it's wrong. This list goes on and I've felt like I'm the crazy one out of the bunch. I have a playful silly side and people characterize me by that, but that's not me all of the time and that's ok! In any case, I'm trying to handle it by just being myself and not second guessing the decisions I've thought up in my head. That and setting my own expectations for myself rather than following other people's expectations. Thanks for making a video thats relatable.

[@seattlethistle]

Wow - I identify with SO much of what you said. I didn't care for dolls, or pink - I wear exclusively black/grey. I never wanted children or a pouffy wedding. I'm 48 and I've been single for a while (altho I have had a few long relationships) but I really feel like I'm single for life now. I've felt out of step my entire life and regret not finding out about MBTI and being INTJ until last year. So much has become clear. Sounds like at least you know yourself! All the best to you!

[@myrtila]

Thank you for this video. I was questioning whether I’m an intj or and infj and this video made it clear that I’m the latter.

[@biancavidal8537]

This makes so much sense, I had to suppress my introvert tendencies growing up and as an adult family used to tell me that I was depressed. I find it very difficult making friends since I find it suffocating and have felt misunderstood practically all of my life. I have been told by female family members that I won't found love as I am too cold. This didn't really bother me too much as I am quite selective with female friends I have. I tend to like going where there's water and hiking to unwind and think.

[@ejayanderson9584]

Thanks for the video Niki. The first two decades of my life were centered around playing baseball. After I learned I was an intj, I've thought of this early time playing sports as against my true nature and probably a waste of time. However, your video made me realize it was probably the best thing I could have done early in life to keep me normal and from being ostracized. Thanks for helping me see this time in a new light.

[@KuhiChr]

Thank You for sharing! Now I know I'm not alone and I can relate to what you cone true in the life as INTJ. And don't You worry, we are "blessed" with freedom, not many people on this planet can say that. Enjoy an opportunity and make wonders for others, or just for the sake of the human race. (And the answer to your question - nope, it is not working out with other people. Preparing myself to confront loneliness and also considering an animal companion for my future. Never mind - every life has its own path!).

[@lauriehansen5865]

So much I could related to as a fellow female INTJ. Thanks!

[@snapstories9395]

As an Infj female, I can relate to some of the things that you talk about in your video; I can find it hard to connect with other people, too because I have very different interests from most people my age.The best advice that I can give is to find someone you appreciates all that you have to offer. P.S. I love you cats in the background, they're super cute.

[@bgb9822]

Holy crow that made so much sense to me. Thank you for this. I have a theory that INTJs get along well with cats!

[@chrisalt8543]

Hi, I'm an INTJ-T male who found this at 54 years old. I was tested in high school, because of bad grades and dyslexia was the answer. I was depressed because of the grades before I found out that I just learned differently. in junior high and high school, I was always dinged for "does not work well with others" and "lack of participation". What helped me through life was my younger sister being an extravert and making friends through daily interactions, otherwise, I was always in my shell. I worked at a Subway restaurant, and this helped with the skill of interaction and small talk. I have only had 2 friends for about 35 years now, and another for 3 years at work because I was so tired of being misunderstood so I told him I took the MBTI test revealing INTJ-T. I am married.

[@sankalpbhardwaj1944]

Just thanks for putting up this online...

[@nikiyikes5674]

You're very welcome! I hope you enjoy my future videos as well.

[@eualiajohnidou2313]

You are one of us!I also had a persona to avoid all that "noise" you discribe in your video. Now i get silent, because i feel very easy tired from people who make only "noise". I have family (husband and children). I respect my need for lonely time, so i find alone time in the day. My family understand this. Every single of us could find the way to live as it suit us.

[@s.w.126strawberry6]

I am an INTJ-T and I totally resonated with everything you said, except I always masked my rebellious nature and was actually seen as opposite to the way your teachers and school saw you. I’m sorry you had to go through that, but I’m grateful for you sharing your experience as well❤

[@myinnermagpie]

An insightful video. As a 60-year old intj i understand where you’re coming from. More videos please!

[@nikiyikes5674]

Thank you so much! I plan on many more videos in the future, but with a full time job and college, it is a bit difficult finding the time (and a time when it's quiet in my house). But this is something I'm very passionate about, so there will for sure be more coming soon.

[@LionhartM]

Enjoyed this ramble

[@nikiyikes5674]

Thank you! I try to stay on topic, but if I plan out everything I'm going to say it comes out robotic.

[@skg9644]

I’m nearly 40 and it’s so comforting to hear there are other people out there like this. it’s an actual personality type. 1 of 16. Which means while it’s represented in the minority, it’s still acknowledged. Just a shame that the characteristics don’t lead or lend to natural human connection in general. But that’s more to do with society than anything being wrong with having these characteristics. I’m a nurse, have stood my ground in the face of authority to improve things on my ward despite a relatively hostile environment, and just can’t relate to the small talk my colleagues initiate, colleagues who shut down to more analytically clinical topics which fire me up. I see so many people approaching life a certain way I just don’t relate to. I suppose it depends where you live, but there does seem to be a ‘right way and a wrong way’ to ‘be’. I relate to what the guy said about living in my future self, but I’ve tried to stop doing that. One thing I have tried, is doing the opposite to my instinct, in a situation. And it’s ok when I’m in control and testing myself, my flexibility. It’s a little freeing to say, “I am like this, but I can do that”. I’ve also found myself in situations when the majority feel uncomfortable, but I’m in my INTJ zone. Maybe not the best example but one is having studied advanced life support skills thread through needle to the point I became a nominated instructor and followed that through and teach the skills myself now in my own time just so that I’m calm, collected and knowledgable in an emergency situation. I don’t just learn what I’m told, I go as far as I think I need to, which is never ending 😜 Few quick traits in action: I’d rather sit in a cafe with a book of math problems than an acquaintance even though there’s no test coming up. When I got knocked down by a car I walked til i found somewhere private to cry. Never cried at school and wondered why others did for the things they did. When my gran died all the cells in my body shifted and I told a colleague the start of a sad story related to my uncle and her funeral, and i thought she’d give it the polite 2 minute listen but she let me go on and to tell someone who’s not in my circle something so intimate...I just thought she was the best person as I’d have looked for a way to end the conversation. I don’t think I’m empathetic to people emotional pain if I haven’t experienced the situation. Physical pain - I’ll do anything to help. I don’t open my mouth if I have nothing to say and if I do, just to try it out, I feel stupid even if everyone else is talking about the same thing. People think I don’t like them even if I do. I can withstand huge uncomfortable opposition, in order to do what I think is right. When I’m quiet, watching tv, or driving or whatever I’m constantly thinking, analysing, planning, etc

[@nikiyikes5674]

In my opinion, we INTJ's can learn anything including how to empathize with others and their pain and how to be patient and understanding...but...(lol) I also have the belief that deep down we will always be our "base form", if you will. For example, people exhaust me and rather they know it or not it doesn't change that fact. I can empathize with others even if it's something I've never been through, but I will get annoyed with them if they linger in that pain for too long (instead of attempting to create a solution). We just do our best to give the people around us what they need or expect, and we can learn to do that, but we are still INTJ's lol Some of us are better at that than others. Also, thank you for all the work you do as a nurse. I don't think I have the inner strength for a job like that.

[@lindyjansevanrensburg6966]

I took the test for the first time yesterday and I tested INTJ-T at the age of 47. Looking at your video talking about your experience is like hearing about me. Thank you. I found my husband late in life. He tested ISTJ. He doesn't always understand me, but he does try very hard. we get along very well. He also understands that I do not want children and is OK with it. Thank you. I have not come across another INTJ in real life, so to here you is like finding out that I am not the only odd one.

[@fidgetykoala]

I had the exact opposite experience, when I was younger I did had friends, and as you say I was refraining myself a bit, I was lowering my abilities to be able to fit in. Since basically everyone has exited my life, I have been able to be by myself, and I don't allow any restriction on me...we don't need many people in our lives, just a few solid, decent beings.

[@doro.scientist.artist]

Hi Niki, thanks a lot for your video!! I am a german female INTJ and I totally understand you. I am unlucky from my birth on but I can´t wear a "mask" any more ... . I try to use the (and my) INTJ-qualities in my new job as a scientist (like Marie Curie or Barbara McClintock) because I think it naturally fits ("absent-minded professor" ;o) ). Not beeiing who you are costs so much of energy which can (or better: must) be used in a much better way (saving animals, the planet etc.). Best of luck to you & Miezi & Mauzi! Keep going!!

[@Shaneanagans]

ENFP from Ireland, just wanted to say interesting video and Badger stalking the camera made this amazing 😂

[@nikiyikes5674]

Thank you! hopefully my channel can shed some light on INTJ's for you. Allegedly INTJ's and ENFP's should be best buds lol And goodness...Badger always chooses when I film to start acting out.

[@anacheah8981]

Not too worry of being too dissecting. What others called boring is a natural topic for INTJs. As INTJ Female, I always kind of rebellious and dissecting. Everyone around me always look at me funny, and my siblings look exasperated whenever I tell them my thoughts, too. I have been learning not to care so much of other people's opinion about me as they are actually live in other realms from mine. When I knew about MBTI, I got to comprehend my psyche and also found a lot of kindred spirits and felt a lot less lonely. You'll find a lot of INTJ friends here, too. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings.

[@JL-js5tz]

Female INTJ here. Also tested multiple times and every time an INTJ. I, however, test more midline on I v. E. I think I have a slightly easier time peopling. BUT, your video was so vulnerable, refreshing and relatable for me, a 43 y/o married woman INTJ. I had a terrible time flirting, just zero tolerance for games and my ENFP husband is the only reason I leave the house and have fun. They think similarly to us, an an intuitive, but their E allows them to flawlessly handle the small talk and social shit, and then when conversation gets deeper, you get to join and look like a rock star because he did all the work setting the table socially. We’ve been together 25 years married 20 and we are polar opposites. What makes it work is he’s midline E, I’m midline I. I don’t think a high I like yourself could tolerate a high E. You’d need to find another I or low E so you wouldn’t feel the pressure to socialize to keep them happy. We have about a 3 hour time difference in our schedules, so after I go to bed, he starts calling all his friends and they talk for 2-3 hours. I have zero patience for that time consumption on the phone. I get up at 4:30 am and have 3 hours of “me time” before he wakes up... and that satisfies my need for quiet renewal and allows me to comment on your video in peace 😂 you asked how we do it, as a married female INTJ. Honestly I don’t think I’d find another man I’d get along with this well. If he left, I’d probably be alone because I can’t flirt and have no desire to. I just enjoy having a best friend I’m sexually attracted to. I don’t have to be coy and girly for him and he loves me anyway. I haven’t read a lot yet about typology, but I have read that we’re highly compatible with ENFP for that reason: they’re not intimidated by our minds as many men are. I work with an ENTJ and that’s amazing as well, no games, don’t have to small talk to be comfortable with each other, and “gets” my personality easily. I get you though! sending love from another INTJ with lifelong struggles to “fit in” and very few women friends because I too have been told I think “like a man,” don’t cry, and am more stabby than squishy. ❤️

[@drunken_viper]

I'm an INTJ - male (in my early 20's) and I discovered mbti very recently and now it all makes sense. Before MBTI things were so bad that I used to think that I was autistic and had acute Aspergers Syndrome or something related in the spectrum. I find it difficult to process the feelings, of others and my own and because of this, I fail to make meaningful or long-lasting connections with people. I tried once but there were so much uncertainty and chaos ...I was scared because it felt so good but so also weird at the same time; I was clueless. In the end, I just ended up emotionally scarred and cynical. Hence I want to understand more about myself and the INTJ archetype. It's uncanny how much I relate to your experience growing up, I will be waiting for your next upload.

[@Bgrosz1]

The earlier an INTJ can take the MBTI test, the better. I found it in college. Until then, I thought I was just a broken person. After taking the test and reading up on INTJ, I realized I am who I have to be and just a rare personality... and in no way broken.

[@SeanIsCrispy]

Since INTJs are such a rare type I feel all INTjs will inevitably have similar childhood experiences. Lol, my childhood was also a confusing shit show until I found MBTI.

[@nikiyikes5674]

Thank you so much for sharing this. I thought there was something wrong with me for the longest time, and to be honest, I still have those moments. It usually happens when a friend or family member tells me I'm heartless or talk a bunch of "nonsense". Connecting to others for me is like trying to break through a brick wall, but I know I am that brick wall lol But we INTJ's are at our most attractive when we're just being ourselves and being honest about who we are. I learned the hard way that trying to be someone else just hurts us more. I look forward to hearing more from you.

[@Iamkura]

I relate to just about everything you said. I am an INTJ female as well and presenting that upbeat front is also a big part of my life. Even though I also AM that person, it's mostly a part of me that I learned to use for socializing. I'm also a bit edgy and dramatic in the way I dress. But always in dark colors because they look good on me. It just expresses that nonconformity I feel deep down. As most INTJ females, I don't dress with an edge because I'm interested in fashion, but because it's an intentionally used tool, to portray what I want the world to see. Relationships? You really wanna know? Well, I don't have the slightest clue how everyone else does it. I've been single my whole life.

[@christanprice5720]

INTJ Male here and I identify with every aspect of this video, classified as a trouble maker in school, developed a mask to 'fit in', the relief of discovering I'm an INTJ because it meant I wasn't as alone as I thought I was. I'm in a relationship with an ESFJ now and we make it work by just being clear about what we need from eachother, she helps me open up to others in a way that's genuine to me and I help her not care so much about the opinions of others, we both acknowledged early on that we're vastly different people and accept it as a positive that makes our relationship stronger.

[@neza8519]

18-year old INTJ female here. I completely agree with what you said. My life till now has pretty much been pretending to be someone i'm not also (mainly in primary and middle school). But i have found that it has taught me, how to be a part of society and know how to act in social situations (although i am still very awkward) and i value that. It helps with seeming more approachable and therefore with making friends. and only when i find and make good friends (i have found) i can show my whole self. but most people still find me very weird lol. whether they are my friends or not. but i kind of don't mind. you just have to find and surround yourself with the right kind of people and those can be very hard to find. ps: just keep in mind i'm only 18yo and know pretty much nothing about life :)

[@GorviArora]

Girl u r so strong ,I can relate to some of ur struggles with mine too...I just don't understand y boys so confused with girls like us...we want solution for problems & they expect us to do drama for any problem...y they judge us if we say practical thing on their face rather than indirectly by our actions ..... Girl don't worry we will also get our right track one day.. Have faith🤘

[@heatherfowler1200]

I completely understand and agree with you. I've had the same problems growing up and still have issues. I've had to disassociate with my family due to how they've treated me and I am married and it's extremely hard. Most of the time I want to leave and just be with myself as no relationship I've ever been in has worked. I never wanted kids either but I have 3 due to peer pressure and it was extremely hard being a mom and still is. It was very hard to be a typical mom because the connection I should've had with my kids I couldn't have and I always felt like something was wrong with me. Now they're older and my son is just like me, he himself is a INTJ and we get along better than my girls and I do but I fight with myself to be the best mom I can be and should be and it's extremely difficult.

[@DalalIsaac]

Every word you said it's like you're describing my life, exactly! Can you imagine being an INTJ female in the Arab's world? It's a complete nightmare. And like you, I had to learn how to wear masks not only one but multiple to go with flow. I got married for 15 years, we had difficulties so I had to put on anthor mask, once I got tired of it and started to sound a little bit as my true self, just a little, he couldn't stand me and we got divorced. Now I now for sure that I can't be in a long-term relationship, everyone hates us because we are different, we have strong opinions, we intimidate them by our peculiar personalities but the good thing is they respect us and we make good friends which I value more than the romantic relationship.

[@nikiyikes5674]

I can even imagine what it's like for you. I'm sorry you can't be yourself and went through so much as a result. All any of us can do is strive for our happiness, and whatever that looks like will be different for everyone. I look forward to seeing more of you on my channel :)

[@becki8843]

Thank you so much for this video. Related to all of it. Edit: I am married, to an ISTP. We are both problem solvers, albeit different industries (he's an engineer and I'm a canine behaviourist) and we do speak the same language. The first conversation we had escalated into quantum mechanics and I knew he was the one haha.

[@nikiyikes5674]

Congrats! Nothing better than finding someone you can nerd out with.

[@AdrianaPVillalobos]

I am an INTJ I am in my 20s and I understand what your saying I can relate

[@nikiyikes5674]

Thank you for the comment, but I am also very sorry that you can relate. At least we can all take solace in the fact that so many of us have experienced similar things. Makes the world not seems so lonely!

[@hoyand3317]

I would like to talk about myself, but you already said everything. I guess that's the only benefit of social media.

[@jenniferdsouza385]

Totally relate! Each and everything you said....INTJ

[@Nicole-jm4wb]

Identity suppression and putting on a mask for them to leave them alone. Yes, it's strange to think that I got to experience that kind of that treatment. I too, had a hard time during my primary and secondary school days. I was bullied by my classmates and neglected by my teachers in my first grade because I'm not as "bright and active" kid that they were expecting. I tried to act that way, tried to act out emotions even if I wasn't comfortable to. My grades weren't that stellar mainly because of the learning environment I had: there was always not enough time to expand on ideas, concepts or values-stereotyping has become the correct way and it sure dampened my motivation to excel in anything. For so many years, I tried to be someone I wasn't--I suppressed my conviction or silenced my own opinion to most people. I am just thankful that I got to meet friends who understood that need to be authentic to myself and almost all of them are introverts too. The only family member that closely gets me is my dad, everyone else thinks of me as eccentric and sometimes too anti-social for them. I don't actually "people" with crowd but, I learned to interact with them enough to get them recognize my personal boundaries. I learned them gradually and painstakingly: small talk, jokes (even here, sometimes it's too dark, dry or sarcastic) but, what comes after is the introvert exhaustion that I have to deal with.

[@billdefrances4314]

I totally get you. I am an INTJ, although my I/E scoring is pretty close to 50/50. Thanks!

[@zoe1972]

I just listened to another intj woman video and she said it's very helpful to read books like 'how to win Friends and influence people'. I think us intj women don't naturally have that, but we can learn it if we're determined.

[@costa2984]

INTJ(F) - was married almost 20 years with INTP. Loved every day of it. Find yourself and INTP/INTJ partner who also happens to like Doing the same things you like Doing. All the best.

[@ashleywoncheck9582]

Ugh! I present outwardly quite femininely yet still get comments from guys such as "you should've been born a man." I was offended at first but honestly maybe I should take it as a compliment since I can deal with situations much more logically and smoothly than most. Very relatable-please keep the videos coming!

[@nikiyikes5674]

Thank you for the comment! As an outwardly VERY feminine woman myself, that is incredibly annoying to hear. Emotions are hardly gender related, and men have the right to express their feelings just like women have the right to be rational and logical. Many more videos to come!

[@Noon_00Nz]

I'm a male INTJ, but I kinda went through some points you made. I played by myself because I am the only one who can agree with me. I did not pay attention in class because I just did not see the point, but I just had a bad grade all the time until middle school. Funny, I still have loved to wear black because it seems like a cool color for me to wear. Right now, I'm starting to question myself why I only have Black. (without knowing it was for the funeral) and Dark Blue (with some red/dark purple/gray, etc. mixed in). I was always an outsider and did not know how to deal with classmates in general. Looking back, I know that I was not close to them enough and was rejected from the group. I actually did not put on a front until my second year in college because classmates just kept bothering me, so I put up an act to just act brash and rude by just speaking my mind because I always learn to censor myself not to say anything hurtful to someone. Yes, I would agree. Since I bring disaster to the group, I don't see it as others. Therefore we have a problem. Felt resentment and bitterness, too. I need to see the point for me to do it. It seems the attitude of 'we need to do something we agree or like to do' is a wrong point of view to have. I tried to bring a high-energy conversation to the group, but it was out of tune the group. I treated it like my special occasion while others just stay like that most of the time. Then, I retrieved back to my safe place. I also learned to stop saying the thinking that others reject totally and learned how to censor myself not to reveal too much of my thoughts. The same goes for holding back to what I am going to say because I seem to say things that are more hurtful than cheering them up. Finding the solution is the key, but also got rejected by others, too, so... But I'm kinda viewing differently about marriage because I just want to settle with one partner and stop playing this dating game. I hope that my partner would have my back and then all done.

[@smazynashiya8234]

ENFP-A (5w4w9) female here 💁🏻‍♀️ I liked to think different than other stereotypes since my childhood and I was also sort of rebellious though I couldn’t express that in front of everyone. Fortunately my parents are supportive but others were never. I also liked to wear black, tried being a soft spoken smart masculine woman and believed in freedom to do whatever I want. That's how my childhood was. The only difference was that I haven’t gotten the introverted intuition, that's very weak function of mine, rather I constantly elaborate whatever information I perceive and the inferior Si, which causes me to feel the state of my body when needed. Though I am a lot different and grounded than before, being modest, polite and feminine with the vibe of independence. And that groundedness, modesty and femininity are also totally chosen by myself. There is nothing wrong being whoever I am, if I am true, just and authentic from my core.

[@denvercolorado811]

Thanks for this. I an an INTJ and dating an INTJ female.

[@neferausar7090]

INTJ -A male. Cannot wait to meet an INTJ female. Great conversations and understanding. Possibly a relationship.