Tips For Dating An INTJ | Be Yourself!

Yes, I am in my PJ's.
INTJ, INTJ Female, Myer Briggs, 16 Personality Test, Dating Tips

[@elypelowski5670]

Yup. I fully agree with the INTJ shapeshifting. People that are not in my inner-circle perceive me in so many different ways. It is because INTJ are masters of creating facades to meet the perceived expectations of various work/social settings. Actually both INTJ and INFJ are both masters of being chameleons and creating facades. However, (INTJ/INFJ) they approach it differently. INTJ uses Te to create the façade and INFJ uses Fe to create the façade. The underpinning for both is Se insecurity and the need to control the extroverted sensory and sensory perceptions of others.

[@nikiyikes5674]

100%. I am excellent with handling people, difficult ones especially. I don't get upset and my façade doesn't shake even when I've been screamed at. I was called outgoing one time at work and...It was a strange moment. I felt like I got transported into the Twilight Zone lol

[@colywogable]

Intj female here. I remember once spending a week-long residency with all sorts of people. On the last day, we were saying our goodbyes, and I earnestly said to one woman, "It was so nice to meet you."... to which she replied "You're so serious"... this was hurtful to me! I was telling her exactly what I was FEELING, that it was NICE to have met her. But I wasn't doing it in the typical bubbly extrovert way, I guess. I just said it plainly. This is what you mean when you say people need to be OPEN minded to really get to know an INTJ! I am a warm, sweet, playful, and affectionate person on the inside. It is hard when people don't know this. Intj are very misunderstood. It hurts.

[@nikiyikes5674]

I'm not sure why direct communication seems be misinterpreted. That happens to me often where I'll speak my mind and yet people who have known me for years will shrug it off. I can't even count the amount of times I've had people tell me to "smile" as if we're supposed to walk around smiling for no reason as well. I may do a video where I mention this in the future.

[@jesssss12]

It’s even worst been a girl. Get used to it. I’m a girl INTJ. I get the too serious card, guarded, cautious etc.

[@salvaged_wretch]

i feel this. INFJ here... when i insert my genuine concerns for a persons well being they often times think i am hitting on them or romantically interested. and this can be the whole spectrum of people any gender any age. and this is my bizarre misunderstanding. i use this to measure the dark and coldness of the world is so much so that any bit of kindness displayed gets torn apart and mishandled. makes me wonder, should i stop ??

[@eugenenguyen9972]

Best tip for dealing with intjs is to be a decent person. Don’t play the guilt card, have some dignity, don’t deal in lies, because we would know. We only date someone we respect.

[@nikiyikes5674]

It makes it harder to know each other when everything is smoke and mirror. Adult INTJ's tend to be less willing to play games.

[@ENFPerspectives]

Plot Twist: when the INTJ is the liar. 💔💔💔. Sometimes people don’t think white lies count, if it’s “none of your business”, even if it’s your business because you’ve factored the answer into the equation. Have to call this out ever time I see a post where INTJ are the non-liars. Naaaaa, they’re actually as human in all areas as anyone. Some people in general are more honest, but it’s definitely not a type thing.

[@nikiyikes5674]

@@ENFPerspectives Very valid. It's impossible for these tests to factor in everything, and there's so much that goes into what makes a person who they are.

[@betiye4741]

Yes well said

[@et9120]

I (INFP) think this is good advice that also extends into friendships. Personally, I'm guilty of having unrealistic expectations for new friends. I have the tendency to expect others to be okay with my pacing of a friendship without consciously considering how quickly they are okay with moving. INTJs are good with pointing out that as an issue or just distancing themselves to allows things to slow down, but it shouldn't be their responsibility to do so. Luckily, after a friend pointed out that issue to me I've done better and am paying more attention to both the direct clues and indirect clues from my friends.

[@kristiannoel4866]

This video explains what went wrong with part of my last relationship. My ex-wife pressured me to open up all the time and got frustrated with me, especially with my need for alone time and to grow. She couldn't understand why I didn't wear my heart on my sleeve as she did. I'll show this video to any future partners for her to think about.

[@mamu7976]

haha the start. 'official INTJ' (very witty) 'female' (obviously) 'and a dating expert' (INTJ sarcasm- priceless. LOL)

[@elypelowski5670]

Yep. Agree 100% .. hahahaha

[@nikiyikes5674]

That INTJ deadpan humor lol

[@anonygent]

Some thoughts: "Be yourself" is only a good suggestion if you are actually interesting and willing to listen. If you're not interesting or you're not willing to listen, then don't be yourself, be someone who is interesting and willing to listen. Having someone idealize me sounds pretty cool, actually.

[@syebethel]

Thanks for stating at the outset that we're not copies of each other. I believe that's all ppl see of us, very cold and robotic. By definition, we're so independent, you prob will only find a few characteristics the same in "all" INTJs.

[@briannamorrison380]

I would love to hear more stories about how you've learned to deal with people in your life who don't understand you or have misunderstood something you said or did. I get labeled as being an extremely critical person, I get told that my opinions are insulting and that I do it on purpose. In reality, that's not who I am at all. I would never purposely insult someone, and I don't realize that I'm being critical. I have a tendency to over explain things or try to help someone solve a problem by telling them what I learned. They take it as me treating them as a less intelligent person. I've been caught off guard many times by friends who ended up being mad at me over something I said or did by just trying to help.

[@emberflash1641]

I've very recently gotten into the same sort of trouble. By expressing what I've learned, another person considered that to be a slight to their intelligence. No, if I didn't think you were intelligent and capable of understanding and discussing what I learned, I wouldn't have bothered mentioning it! I've been trying to work on slowing down my thinking and letting conversation flow so the other person feels their intelligence acknowledged and I don't seem so critical.

[@nikiyikes5674]

I'll be sure to do more videos about that :) I think I have improved and changed my perspective a lot. It's hard to fathom that some people come to you and they don't want advice or help. Sometimes they just wants someone to listen and other times they want you to agree. Well...I won't agree with someone if I disagree, but I can be vague these days and let it go.

[@kenseisato1989]

@@emberflash1641 If you really want to help it's best to ask if they want advice that might be helpful or even better find a solution together. The right people will come ask for advice and the wrong people will continuously rant in circles.

[@emberflash1641]

I'm currently wearing a spiderman shirt so no judgement. I like the point you made about idealizing INTJs. This is one of my biggest pet peeves, especially considering it makes it harder for us to bring up when things are genuinely bothering us because "we've got tough skin" etc. Also, nice background!

[@nikiyikes5674]

My sister was quite upset when she came across my video and saw I took this shirt form her...years ago. She had no idea I had it lol But yes, I agree 100%. Some of that I will admit is my fault, but boy do we INTJ's HATE vulnerability. By the time we feel safe enough with someone, they tend to think we're infallible and unbreakable. Bye bye relationship.

[@lancefarrar3442]

I expressed a partial dream - partial real [as a child] to a friend of an encounter with a space ship and feeling at home. --- she replied "Lance, you weren't abducted by the aliens, you were abandoned by them".

[@ryanquick1824]

TOTALLY, ABSOLUTELY TRUE for MALE INTJs, too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! even though we dont often outwardly express it, the feelings part of an INTJ ABSOLUTELY CAN BE an UNFATHOMABLY DEEP wellspring of content. sometimes we just, simply need time to ruminate over things and think them through ourselves (our BEST relationship will ALWAYS be with ourselves) BEFORE we entirely open up. HAVE PATIENCE WITH THAT.

[@nikiyikes5674]

Oh, I will think and think and think about things. Sometimes for years. And I seem to throw people off because it seems so sudden to them or random lol I have the ability to seem so close and so far at the same time. I can be really affectionate but in the same breath reject affection from others. I plan on doing more videos about this topic in the future. We INTJ's have to do our part as well in order to have a healthy relationship with someone.

[@GearsDemon]

Thanks for the advice dating coach. I'll put this to good use If I ever decide to date - INTJ

[@nikiyikes5674]

This made me laugh so loud I scared my cat. Thanks!

[@briannamorrison380]

I can totally agree with what you said about dating. We don't like stereotypical dating rituals. Just do what you like to do together and what fits your relationship.

[@nikiyikes5674]

I find it interesting how some have felt that I mock dating rituals because I myself, don't want to follow those "rules". If I'm being honest I don't really like "rules" to begin with lol What's so wrong with two people being open and honest from the start, and then creating a dynamic that works best for them?

[@nottooverthink5881]

I like your pictures 📸 on the wall.

[@WolfoxBR]

Yeah, I agree with everything you said. It's so refreshing to see someone who (by virtue of also being an INTJ) knows so accurately how I feel and think about things. Thank you.

[@ENFPerspectives]

(1) Mature and (2) Genuinely Into You (3) Don’t Idealize Them (but they idealize people they like) Very important to know.

[@nikiyikes5674]

I tend to place people on the same level I place myself (not above of below others, but I guess it's just me; so separate?) , and I will admit that I can be harsh when someone does something that I find to be distasteful. Like when someone doesn't research something they read on twitter and believe it wholeheartedly...so you're not wrong. I plan on doing a part two but towards us INTJ's because it's a two way street for sure. We're not perfect.

[@ENFPerspectives]

@@nikiyikes5674 smart strategy

[@lanabroz]

Love it! Thx 💕

[@Intuitioncalling]

Most relatable 💯

[@xtina0623]

4:26 As an INTJ I feel like I could open up about anything that happened but not what I just experienced. So the s/o would need to be patient until I ruminate all the feelings and thoughts til I could express them through words.

[@nikiyikes5674]

Honestly, I know I can be hard to get to know because I am open but closed off too. That's confusing for people, and it's something we have to deal with the best we can. All we can hope for is that the people we allow in our lives will understand and accept that we struggle with being vulnerable. Doesn't mean it's impossible for us to truly open up.

[@arianam9977]

I'm an INTP and I'm the same in that aspect. I can open up about a really bad thing that happened to me years ago but not something recent.

[@barbiechix1]

You explained this very well fellow intj

[@nikiyikes5674]

Hey guys, I got home from work and changed and was just too tired to put adult clothes back on, so I recorded it in my huge Deadpool shirt. I've gotten a lot of comments about this subject, but as always comment down below with what you agree or disagree with

[@chelboy3307]

What job do you do?

[@kosie769]

@NikiYikes I know the ENFP is most compatible, but what about INTJ vs. INTJ relationships?

[@elypelowski5670]

Wait .. since when are PJs not adult clothes ???? hahahahahahah I did not get that memo I guess because I work in my PJs from home :p

[@elypelowski5670]

P.S. ... I still want that golden octopus. That is so bad ass on so many levels.

[@nikiyikes5674]

@@chelboy3307 I have a boring state government job as of now. Finance and administration.

[@shepardcommander5174]

I agree with everything you said, especially the idealizing part, cause i am currently going through this🙃 it is no fun when the other person is awesome to be around and you see the potential for more, but then they just put you on this pedestral, wanting to please you by showing an excessive interest in your hobbies which makes it seem so inauthentic, fake etc...i hate this so much cause i lost interest so fast but i STILL like them as a person for who they are and just wish they would have more confidence. Its weird but i am angry at them that it turned out this way. I know we can seem unapproachable and closed off, so people who really like us have a fear of loosing us, of missing a chance (to be with us) etc, but this is not the way...

[@nikiyikes5674]

We INTJ's tend to have expectations of others. We put them on the level we put ourselves, and then we tend to lose respect when they do something that we disagree with or find unacceptable. We for sure have to do our part as well to make sure we're not being unfair to the people in our lives. I plan on talking more on this subject :) I am 100% guilty of not wanting expectations placed on me, and not wanting to be idealized, and yet I am a little harsh on the people in my life. I find it's easier when other are upfront with me about who they are, the good and the less good.

[@shepardcommander5174]

@@nikiyikes5674 wow, thanks for this comment! You are totally right! I have to remind myself of this... Though i wonder why i keep being unfair, having all these expectations even if i dont want to have them applied to me, its like i know this part of myself but when i decided that i have lost my respect i am distancing myself (maybe so that the feelings fade away) we can do this pretty well i think, cutting people off before we are getting hurt and investing too much in them. I always wonder if this was the right decision and am pretty sure this is the reason why i am an eternal single (but i like it this way) I'll be looking forward to your video, you made me quite thoughtful

[@nickr5213]

As always, great presentation and insights. I love your intro, hehe. As an aside, the golden octopus in the back captured my interest, and reminded me of something I find fascinating, but won’t go down that rabbit hole at the moment.

[@nikiyikes5674]

He used to guard my candy for me, but when I found out sugar was a migraine trigger, he started guarding my various forgotten treasures.

[@nickr5213]

@@nikiyikes5674 Well, since you mention “forgotten treasures”, I will head down the rabbit hole a little bit. One of my great passions is abandoned places and ruins, decayed structures, that sort of thing. One place I remember seeing in person was in North Carolina. There is a sand dune that swallowed up a miniature golf course, and one of the attractions was a large yellow octopus. For quite some time, multiple attractions were visible, at the mercy of the shifting sand, but eventually the octopus and a pirate ship attraction were both salvaged and the rest was completely buried under the sand. The only thing that can still be seen occasionally is a small castle, but sometimes it’s completely buried and other times revealed as the wind changes. There is also apparently an old hotel buried in that dune, but that was well before my time and there is no photographic evidence, only some anecdotes of individuals that say they found and explored it. Now, returning to topics at hand, I’m sorry you have to deal with migraines. And, I hope all is going well with plans for Korea.

[@anonymousanonymous1859]

So so accurate

[@nikiyikes5674]

I did my best to think about things using my own experiences as far as how I have felt, but also what others have talked to me about. But of course, every situation is different just like every person. I'm glad I did a decent job :)

[@ranatheprincess541]

You're so beautiful

[@hebamedicine21]

Missss youuuu 🖤✨

[@nikiyikes5674]

I do my best to make time for my channel :)

[@jesssss12]

We shapeshift. I’m pretty quiet with people I don’t know and super crazy with people I know, people that know me say I’m funny.

[@jackdaslayer]

I'm glad I'm not the only INTJ who has done videos in my pajamas! They are just more comfy. Think I live in them tbh!

[@nikiyikes5674]

What even is normal clothes anymore?

[@jackdaslayer]

@@nikiyikes5674 exactly! Think the last year has been more Pajamas than anything else!

[@Chtsht23]

Lmao that pause at 0:08

[@nikiyikes5674]

Yes, I'm a comedic genius. I would like to thank Michael Scott and Ron Swanson.

[@Chtsht23]

@@nikiyikes5674 Ron Swanson is the GOAT.

[@shamaribenton]

How many INTJs didn't publish their comment? 😊

[@DreamUN]

I’m here for Usui 😅

[@mialindvall]

Really miss your videos. So few people I can relate to like this. Hope you are well ❤ /INTJ

[@nikiyikes5674]

Hi Mia! I'm sorry I've been gone, but I'm back now and will eventually make a video about where I've been. Overall though, I'm doing better than I think I ever have :) Back to INTJ content and whatever else I feel like posting lol

[@mokari9268]

Future video ideas, favorite movie characters or people in history or a list of mbti types and things you like or admire about them? Or maybe favorite movies or books lol

[@nikiyikes5674]

Good idea!

[@arianam9977]

@@nikiyikes5674 Do you know anything about INTP's? If so, could you make a video about how a relationship between an INTJ and an INTP could be? Or something similar :) Cause I'm an INTP and there's an INTJ that likes me xd

[@bellydancekira1913]

and how do you relate to Voldemort giving free Hugs? Can you explain Memeculture among INTJS, please? It´s so irritating to me as an enfp :D

[@stefanmusaki8881]

06:30 👏🏽👏🏽👌🏽

[@sofia8574]

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

[@five4825]

What's ur zodiac?

[@ruben9282]

Have you ever dated an INFJ? Supposedly INFJs and INTJs are a good match. ☺️

[@LittleMew133]

Have you? Can you elaborate further?

[@LittleMew133]

Why do I feel like INTJ act hot and cold all the time? Like the opposite of the ISTJ's consistency.

[@nikiyikes5674]

I believe that's because of our dominate Ni function. Now for me, I have other reasons, but in relation to your question, we just live in our heads a lot. The INTJ type is very abstract in how we think. We also tend to hyper focus so it can seem hot one minute, our attention switches, and now it's cold. We either give you all of our attention, or none of it.

[@LittleMew133]

@@nikiyikes5674 Thanks for clarifying. I'm an INFJ and I have Ni as well, but somehow my Ni is "softer" than INTJ's Ni, so I'm always curious about the hot and cold aspect.

[@Inusaa-1]

Hypocrisy is being myself )

[@bchill69]

..I've seen dozens of videos about "advice on dating an INTJ" but where are the videos about "I would like to date an INTJ" (and enfps don't count)...

[@nikiyikes5674]

I think that would be a very strange video for someone to make. Most of the time, when you meet someone interesting (in real life), you won't know what their personality type is until later if they're aware themselves. Then videos like this can come in handy. So that's the purpose.

[@svetiilija4666]

you're way too emotional for this type! INTp anyway fits well... take pride into your own type!

[@nikiyikes5674]

INTJ do have emotions and as someone who is twenty eight and has scored INTJ with my job, I think it is safe to say I do take pride. I am an INTJ and I also have emotions.