What Makes a Girl Instantly Unattractive?

[@Cuestar]

not sure if i went a lil too hard at the end. It's just a pitfall i've seen myself fall into and I realized the conversations I was having were mostly unproductive and it don't feel like it was justified to continuously dump that on my friends with no real plan to change or fix it. Pls be open with your friends, but just be weary of their experience in these conversations and if it's helpful to tread that ground again.

[@luvely1062]

Cue, that's what they all say. But please, go harder, we like it.... Edit, I still have to watch that part.... Edit, I don't think he went too hard. There is a difference between hard facts and sugar coat, Cue met in the middle.

[@Cuestar]

yeah don't speak too soon lol

[@luvely1062]

@Cuestar Again, your NOT my dad, DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO BRO!!

[@luvely1062]

Listening to the whole thing, tbh that's kinda common. It's very easy for a young person to latch onto a person that automatically reassure you, then when you leave school/that environment it's can spill out, to people that don't know how to talk about it. I find that most of the time people don't realize what they are doing till we'll after they have stopped or left that mindset/environment. I don't think you went to hard, tou were real. Not much sugar, but no scolding. Well said I think.

[@adrestia11811]

I'm 100% here for the mental health PSA's in the meme videos. Let's normalize discussing mental/emotional health, please! But also, some of this stuff is pretty heavy, so please do take breaks from it (for your own health!). I would not mind a "Cue watches cute puppy videos to recover from the hell that is the internet" video.

[@H.P._Lovecrafts_Beloved_Cat]

Oh man, thinking that guys can’t be abused or sexually assaulted. You can be the most conventionally attractive woman in a room, the moment you say something like this, you go from a 10 to -100.

[@bridgetbenson6291]

When I was about 20, a friend (6'5" bear of a man) of mine told me that his ex used to abuse him. That's the moment I realized that abuse wasn't only a women problem. I hope more people have that same realization. Maybe this world will become a little more kind.

[@wtichery]

@Chandler Burse kinda proving hardcore feminists point if you're gonna abuse them lmao nice try

[@wtichery]

Let's just be real here though, the most vulnerable men are BOYS, underage boys and very young men with little to no experience who don't know what abuse is. All children should be educated on what an abusive relationship is in school.

[@wtichery]

@Chandler Burse you can't beat someone up for an opinion, plus it wouldn't be domestic abuse if you weren't dating, just assault 👌 Edit: dating or family members

[@wtichery]

@Chandler Burse and clearly you don't know the power of education... Yes knowing you're in an abusive relationship is the beginning of ending it, both boys and girls generally feel like unless they're being downright beaten it isn't abuse, that means slapping and pushing and other forms of physical or verbal abuse can be downplayed by both the abuser and themselves. But you take things so seriously you'd assault someone over an opinion and go to jail over words 🙄 It's important people educate themselves and others over what an abusive relationship is, so people can use the resources that are available to them. There's domestic abuse hotlines in every state that will walk you through how to escape and find more resources, but nothing changes if the victim feels like they are in a "normal" relationship and downplays the abuse, that is literally up to the victim. You can't "save" people who aren't willing to save themselves, just the same as addiction it has to begin on the actions of the person it is happening to, or they will more often than not run back into it.

[@Tsuchiyomi]

I unfortunately am the hateful person. I hate my job. I hate my disability. I hate the kind of person I am. I pretty much just hate being alive. I have realized this is why people don't want to be friends with me, and some things I have found I actually enjoy, which is rare, i am useing to work on this. I am working on my hate issues. I hope 2023 is a good year for me to work on this.

[@MinatheRaichu]

You got this dude!

[@Dastardly_Duo]

@@MinatheRaichu honestly. I used to feel this extreme sense of self loathing and ruined my own life cause I felt I wouldn't be here for very long anyway. But it'll pass, people just need time and a chance to look at the brighter side of life. A support group would be the most helpful with this

[@MinatheRaichu]

@@Dastardly_Duo i remember feeling like that a long time ago. But I also felt an unnecessary responsibility for making other people feel better (thanks to being the oldest child). So while I was miserable doing anything, I did it for others. It was unhealthy and unsustainable. I did what OP is doing. Use things I enjoy as a look to the future and a way to look on the better things. Now I live independent of my parents and with a partner I can rely on that helped me get there. (Disclaimer tho that relationships do not guarentee eternal happiness- my partner adds to my happiness and is not the sole provider)

[@MinatheRaichu]

@@Dastardly_Duo side note, love that Callie pfp

[@Sulcuryalt_Inone]

Knowing's half the battle.

[@MistyMoth]

The height requirement is honestly an issue (this coming from a female). I get a lot of jokes as well as genuine heart to hearts of "you're really interested in him? The height difference doesn't bother you?" and my 3 years of wonderful relationship groans. And don't get me wrong, I am a strong advocate that men think that ALL women have the height issue, but the women with these standards are just the loudest. Truly.

[@rokukou]

Ikr. There's preferences and then there's being shallow. And honestly, physical preferences are, in concept, shallow.

[@lucilucid]

A female??? *Tips my fedora* Hello there, Ma'lady.

[@JewelWildmoon]

@@lucilucid Goddammit 😂

[@slashbash1347]

Only carnival rides have height requirements.

[@Rainkit]

Most women don't care, but most women also aren't using dating apps lol

[@JewelWildmoon]

This one goes for any gender, but people that think it's funny or cute to make you mad or upset. It's a different thing if it's genuinely just them complimenting you or trying to reduce the tension by pointing out positive things about you even when you're in a bad mood, but it's a red flag if it's something like asking them why they purposefully do things to piss you off and they use it being cute/funny as an excuse.

[@adugger8406]

this speaks of emotional immaturity

[@kiraoshiro6157]

whenever a boy would bully me in school, I'd talk about it with my parents and they'd say "he's just doing that because he likes you!" and I'd think "well if it's a stupid crush thing then that's even more annoying" back then I was really shy and was planning on just being alone forever, living in a tiny woodland bungalow and only ever leaving for work and supplies. so the whole idea of romance or a social life was dumb lol but little me just didn't get it yet probably if I had the confidence I have now, I wouldn't've been as bothered by them calling me short and whatnot. but if a grown man I'm dating acted like this, it shows me he has the mentality of a 6th grader. and that will definitely bother me cos I personally don't wanna be with a man who plays boys games. (unless it's minecraft)

[@coreyperdue37]

It can be used properly as a prank so they don't take themselves so seriously

[@coreyperdue37]

Its fucking scary as hell to say you like someone, at least give us manchildren that

[@Jane-oz7pp]

My ex would jam their fingers in my throat every time I yawned. I eventually had to tell them "I've asked you not to, do it again and I'm hitting you, it's assault"

[@quertie420]

responding to the question: having no consistent friends. some of the worst people i've ever met CANNOT keep their friends to save their lives. in my experience, it's usually a sign that they start shit with people. i can't explain why, i've just seen a pattern

[@flaffy6181]

This for sure. I'm at an awkward stage now though where people did this to me and I stopped talking to them so now I'm pretty much on my own. Simultaneously very freeing and very lonely.

[@c1rcl3s]

It's also a sign of depression

[@MassiveSwordAndCards]

It's also possible they attract toxic people. Someone with low self esteem and/or depression is always a target for manipulators. For instance, I have no friends because everyone I've gotten close to aside from my current girlfriend has stabbed me in the back (stealing, cheating, etc) or thought they could get away with pranking/abusing me all the time. And by "pranks" I mean things like kidnapping me from my home - haha so funny!

[@love_vin]

@@MassiveSwordAndCards i feel like the prank of kidnapping friends from their homes really depends on your relationship with the person. ive done it quite a few times but theyre always glad to be in that position

[@fantasystaplesuwu1554]

3:54 Besides just for preference, a lot of people actually shave their eyebrows and redraw them because of 3 reasons. Either they have cancer, they have alopecia, or their eyebrows are just naturally extremely thin. Either way, it's fine to be unattracted to it, but it's not okay to make fun of people for it.

[@kevinspacey5325]

dude, I've seen some bad paint jobs in my life and they always stand out. Me and the wife make fun of them. Not the cancer ones of course. But I'd rather glue pubes to my face than that. . . .

[@Alberto-wu1mj]

I agree. Preferences are fine. You should have preferences. However, just because it isn’t your preference doesn’t mean their preference is wrong.

[@YemmieInc]

@@kevinspacey5325 so how would you know whether a stranger has cancer or not from looking at them? Sounds like you and your partner are dicks. So...perfect for eachother I guess 🤣

[@kevinspacey5325]

@@Alberto-wu1mj Lets apply your statement to rape. "You should have preferences. However, just because it isn’t your preference doesn’t mean their preference is wrong." do you see how meaningless and vague what you typed out is?

[@helixxia9320]

no i know people who do it just for trend reasons. i have friends who have lots of piercings and are very punk in their style that draw their eyebrows stick thin in purple. not just people with hair loss problems do this. but they might be the majority of people who draw in their eyebrows with only pencil without hairs but there are people who do it just for fun too

[@js8qp2pwisos]

11:10 i hate when i am being self deprecaiting (?) and someone will say "noo ur not! ur so beautiful/talented/smart/etc" its like...no this wasnt an attention thing please stop trying to make me feel better now i am annoyed.

[@Alberto-wu1mj]

I relate to Cuestar’s story at the end of the story. I once dated a someone who constantly talked about how I was too good for him. I felt like I had to constantly reassure him that was not the case. Eventually, I realized he either needed help I could not give him or he was fishing for attention. It was exhausting.

[@rosestar1324]

My ex was like this. So mentally exhausting and I am glad I broke up with them. I mean, if you genuinely thought this then either get professional help and improve yourself so you're "worthy" or break up with me and don't waste my time.

[@browhattheactualfu-2659]

Bad hygiene will always universally be unattractive, like dawg go take a shower‼️

[@kevinspacey5325]

that's a given

[@detectivemadoka69420]

A friend o f mine has the bad habit of not taking showers, he once went 2 weeks without showering and complained that people didn't want to talk to him.

[@strawberryj3lly]

Things I find unattractive in women/men as a bisexual woman. - Morbid obesity sounds controversial, but I cannot date someone whose heart might stop at any moment bc they don’t care enough to lose a few pounds. I’m also a very fit person that likes exercise and going on morning runs with my dog-I can’t eat sweets as much as I’d like to, so dating someone that’s huge (300+ pounds) is a no no for me. - only talks abt themselves and doesn’t bother to get to me - compulsive liar

[@c1rcl3s]

I'm a woman who's 5'11 and I know that height has become a sensitive topic so what I do is just write my own height on my profiles so that the sensitive guys stay away. I don't care how tall they are but I've gotten a few guys message me telling me I'm a freak for being so tall

[@tamsel814]

Same here, I also put my height in my profile. I don't put it in my profile to scare away short guys but to prevent insecure guys from bothering me. It doesn't always work but it at least I don't get asked my height or other height related questions as much.

[@Sam_Lite]

"Hurt dogs bark the loudest." No way they aren't jealous of the height you have due to social standards.

[@hjalmarselberg5653]

Honestly it's just insecurities from their part at that point

[@fawnieee]

I'm 5ft10 and so many guys have told me (randomly) that they could never date me because I'm "too tall". When I saw my friend dating a guy (she's the same height as me), a few inches shorter than her, the amount of men that would come up to them unprompted saying how she was emasculating him etc was huge and that they would never ever let her wear heels with they were with her. I find most women don't really give a shit, it's just an insecurity that men project onto women.

[@incrediblybored4787]

Yuck. Thats like telling someone theyre gross because theyre from asia or something. Literally something you cannot help or do anything about lmao. Im the opposite end of the spectrum and prefer women taller than me, so dont think you wont get a partner because it really is just a loud minority screaming out. A surprisingly and scarily large minority, but ultimately a minority. Plus, you get an automatic red flag to stay tf away from those people when they openly criticize you for something you can do nothing about!

[@melindamaconi5216]

I think when people criticize those with a “height requirement” the red flag is that it’s often based on an arbitrary number/status rather than just preference or attraction. So for example, I don’t think there is anything wrong with saying “I’m attracted to tall guys.” That’s fine and is just stating a preference. However, very few people can tell exact height at a glance. So if a person sees a tall guy, finds him attractive but then asks for height and loses that attraction because he’s 5 foot 11.5 inches rather than the coveted 6 foot, I think that’s where it becomes a red flag. If the attraction was present before asking the question, it’s more about status than about preference or attraction.

[@countesscrows]

It would make more sense if they wanted a certain height difference instead of a random number. "I want my partner to be a head taller than me" makes far more sense than wanting someone over 6' when you're super short and wont be able to even hold hands comfortably lol.

[@lilymulligan8180]

Wholeheartedly agree with your thoughts at the end there, Cue. Constantly seeking reassurance due to low self esteem may help in the short term, but tends to make things worse in the long term. And yes, most importantly, seeking help for your mental health issues is 100000% your responsibility as the individual - even if your issues aren't your fault. A little tip: seeking constant reassurance/validation is a very common compulsive behavior in folks with OCD. If you find yourself doing this a lot, it might be worth exploring OCD treatment techniques. You don't have to be diagnosed with OCD for the treatments to work for you. You can find info about exposure & response therapy for free right here on KZbin :)

[@key2theuniverse713]

If she's interested in me..... She obviously has no self respect

[@jordanjoestar-turniptruck]

Groucho Marx energy

[@pollypockets508]

:-(

[@mak27456]

Don't say that bro. I bet you have a lot to offer somebody.

[@key2theuniverse713]

@@mak27456 cheers my dude ❤️❤️

[@PossiblePsy]

Instant obsession, and clinginess, overcomplimenting (also known as lovebombing), I got a message from a chick who dm'd me after seeing one of my posts on insta, she called me handsome and I instantly liked the confidence, but it took her literally like a day and a half to start asking me questions like "would you ever love me?" And saying things like "I love this that and the other about you" I told her to slow tf down when I should've just blocked her from that point, to which she started explaining that she was sorry and just wanted me to know how amazing I was, i literally only knew her for 2 days total. Moral of the story: Women Confident enough to compliment = Hot Women that immediately start drowning someone with compliments and lovebombing on the literal first and second day of knowing someone = freaky (not in a good way)

[@rokukou]

Maybe I'm more forgiving but it sounded like her heart was in the right place. At least you know she liked you. I agree that there's a level of "Maybe I shouldnt say that" that everyone should have, and what she did was very overwhelming.

[@DeadAlready_1248]

Do you think she's done that to other men?

[@Sulcuryalt_Inone]

@@rokukou "would you ever love me"

[@PossiblePsy]

@@DeadAlready_1248 most likely, she seemed to have an extremely clingy personality from the get go. And if I WAS the first, I'm definitely not gonna be the last

[@PossiblePsy]

@@rokukou see, at first I thought the same thing, but even when I told her to slow it down a little and just see what kind of a person I was first, then make her decision of if she wanted to advance to a romantic relationship down the line she just straight up kept pursuing it, having already developed some figure of me in her head after 2 days of talking. That is not healthy in the slightest, you cannot tell what your feelings are about someone after 2 days of talking, and going on to push for a romantic relationship even after the other side tells you to take a step back and evaluate the situation before blindly jumping in is a red flag. I'll be 100% honest, I'd rather end up with a woman who first thought I was a complete shithead but over the span of say a few months warmed up to me and realized who I really am, over a woman who doesn't know me, is confessing their love to me, and becoming overly obsessed with an idealized version of me which she doesn't even know if it's real or not Sorry if I'm writing way too much it's a force of habit 😅

[@pollypockets508]

I went on a date like a week after I dumped my bf of 5 years for cheating on me. I still feel really bad for that poor guy.

[@naglfar6305]

ok what you did would be a red flag to me. Is a week even long enough to get over someone?

[@pollypockets508]

@@naglfar6305 Not even a little bit. I was just being stupid. I have learned my lesson.

[@dominicrigsby8547]

​@@pollypockets508did you apologize to the poor guy?

[@lizzyarlyn3409]

I’m 38 and one I realized that the men I noticed and thought were attractive were also middle aged men, I’m a mom and I notice dads. It actually is kind of odd when you realize that guy’s in their 20’s seem like kids. I’m officially old.

[@YemmieInc]

I'm 26 and men in their 20's are children . ✨ I won't even date a person under 30 at this point.

[@RK-cj4oc]

@@YemmieInc Lol its always the ho's who type that BS.

[@kirar8005]

customizable eyebrows here, my natural brows sit super low and make me look like a neanderthal, so i just lift em a lil

[@Slithery]

If I remember right the bias towards attractive people is the halo effect. It’s a generic term for one positive trait affecting the overall perception of a person, group or organisation. In terms of attractive people it means their good looks mean others assume they have other good qualities.

[@Whyiseverynametakenwtf]

The problem with the "playing hard to get" thing is that SO MANY guys think we're playing hard to get, but most of the time (at least from my experience) i am just not interested at all. I am nice to them because i am not a shit human being, but i am not flirting or anything. Then when i say no to a date or even when i literally say "i am not interested in you" they think i am playing hard to get. It's annoying. Obviously not all guys are like that but I've experienced stuff like that several times. (Edit to add) i am glad if it makes me unattractive though (when they mistake it) and then they leave me alone

[@AwesomeJudaline]

My man Cue delivering the excellent content yet again and making my day better

[@ExtraOni]

I think that's a sad thing. I've heard 2 other men over 50 say similar things about how they were surprised thier tastes aged with them. Which says to me that other men's tastes aren't aging with them and thats gross.

[@flaffy6181]

Always with the great takes Cue. I struggle a lot with self esteem issues and the last point is very real. I have to actively work on it every single day, and make sure I don't make it my partners problem. Deep down I know I'm totally fine, but it's very difficult having grown up right when social media really kicked off.

[@trevinschaerr3732]

Envisioning long-term relationship plans right off the bat a little Yandere-ish there. Also height-shaming, even though I’m 6’1 I see how hard it is for many short men and if the woman I’m seeing is talking shit about a man because he’s short I’m telling her to GTFO.

[@richardrahl7546]

If a co-worker told me that they're not interested in me out of the blue, I would be like, okay. And as Cue said, having preferences is fine, but don't be a dick about it.

[@JordysEvilLaugh]

"I want you to change but accept me for who I am".. that one hit me hard lol. I was in a relationship for 2 years with someone like that. There was always something I had to change. But he was always perfect.

[@clawwestfall8799]

I think the height and weight requirement/preference is a valid, however when someone writes something like "I need a guy 6ft and taller" or "no girls over 130lbs", it's kinda weird. Because when it comes to height, you literally can't change that and some 150 - 160 cm tall girl writing she wants just guys over 180 cm is ridiculous. And with weight, it's pretty stupid, because often it is like "no one over 60kg/130lbs" and it's like... Someone who is 150cm and 59 kg could be chubby, while someone who is 170cm is skinny at that weight. And athlete could weight more than a regular person, yet look more slim, because 1kg of muscle takes less space than 1kg of fat.

[@Jane-oz7pp]

Yea I'm 186cm and 100kg. If I just say "yea I'm 100kg/~200lbs" it doesn't look heaps good. But when people see the fact that I'm literally just large framed and have a little softness in the tummy they're like "oh, yea okay, that's cool"

[@johnnyhuerta1999]

11:53 damn cue… this self analysis is why I love you. I just found out I may be doing this

[@CarbonatedToast55]

The 'I hate whatever is popular' kind of person. Met girls and guys like this and it's just not attractive.

[@spacequeen2046]

For me one of the most unattractive traits is someone self-deprecating all the time. A LITTLE self-deprecation can be kind of funny and relatable and humble, but CONSTANT self-deprecation makes me feel like you want me to be your mom & prop you up all the time. It feels like begging for compliments and reassurance and I think it's impossible to be attracted to someone who openly disparages and insults themselves. Makes me feel like I'm being forced to be a parent or therapist which kills any sexual tension there could ever possibly be.

[@calebcrouch6133]

The proper technique is occasional self deprecating jokes, but more self aggrandizing jokes.

[@TheTeamWildfire]

Heavy self criticism/self hatred is a very huge issue just in general. As someone who suffers from it myself and has a friend who suffers from it, I have both points of view on the matter. Yes, I agree, compliments and such just roll off your shoulders when you're in "that mood" and it can get rather awkward. I had one situation with the said friend earlier this week where I was in an awful mood in the morning and they were in an awful mood in the evening. I couldn't agree with their compliments and reassurance because from my point of view I was worthless and therefore all of their logic doesn't apply to me. It got bad to a point of her getting frustrated with me not accepting it. And then later that day the situation turned around and it opened my eyes on how they're feeling about themselves at the moment and how they felt about me earlier. Self hatred is awful because it makes you go in this "I hate myself -> my self hatred makes others dislike me -> people dislike me, therefore I'm a bad person -> I hate myself" loop.

[@calebcrouch6133]

Are you a furry?

[@maqima]

for the "I'm attracted to people my age" it's kind of easy getting caught up in the idea of youth = beauty for women mentality, healthy people like people their own age

[@CrystalBrightz]

I have a minimum height requirement. It's: taller than me. Not hard, just beat 5'4" and you're golden.

[@justaperson4656]

3:40 not everyone does that for a look. It can be the result of tics, repetitive bodily behaviours, harmful stims, etc. My sister compulsively pulls and rips out eyebrow hair, she's super self conscious about it

[@marshmallowmountains4636]

I don't think you can have a hard "weight requirement" because one weight might be healthy for one woman but severely underweight for another. Like literally NO guy believed me when I said I was 180 because I don't look it at all. They all thought I was around 130-140. My height and body type carry it well, and when I was actually 130 I looked anorexic. Preferring non-overweight is fine, but I don't think you should say "I won't date a woman above x pounds" because there's a lot of body types and heights that affect healthy weight.

[@tamsin5764]

I was casually seeing a guy and he had super bad breath. He had really bad teeth he couldn't eat normally. I said you should fix your teeth it would improve your life. He said I was trying to change him and everything he was.

[@calebcrouch6133]

What do you mean he couldn’t eat normally?

[@tamsin5764]

@@calebcrouch6133 he had to chew with his front teeth only because it hurt him to chew with his molars.

[@Dimetropteryx]

Playing stupid or helpless, as if that's going to trigger some protector/daddy instinct in me instead of instant disdain. Being generally high maintenance. If you can't look after yourself, a partner isn't the solution you should be looking for. Being a bully. You better believe I notice whether you tend to punch up or down. Any kind of insincerity, actually. If I wanted someone to stroke my ego I would have gotten a dog instead of a cat.

[@bluesquadron8667]

Inability to control themselves. If they keep saying they will stop/start doing something, they will never do it. My ex said she would stop partying because its literally killing her, but she cant stop

[@adugger8406]

wont. not cant. this is a choice. she doesnt want to

[@hjalmarselberg5653]

I feel like a lot of guys have the whole height requirement on their mind too much I'm 172cm (~5ft 8), that is a dealbreaker for a lot of girls and that is fine, not every girl is bothered by it and you're not doomed to be alone for the rest of your life If a girl is overweight and you're not into that then you aren't an asshole for rejecting her, same goes for this I think it's because it's unchangeable, so if a girl says that a guy must be 6ft to date her the immediate reaction is "but that's literally impossible (for me) I can't change my height" and that is true, but only for said girl, please don't let some girls' standards put you down fellow short kings

[@calebcrouch6133]

I agree, but being overweight can be changed while height can’t. Although, there is that new horrific looking surgery people are getting now. They break their leg bones and extend them, let them heal, then repeat multiple times until desired height is achieved. But yeah, confidence and a good lifestyle can make up for height a lot of the time. Not for shallow women but you shouldn’t want them anyway.

[@TheSimba86]

That moment women realize that 90% of what makes them unattractive is personality based

[@lizzyarlyn3409]

Again as a grown a**woman nearly 40, I can tell you that genuine self esteem problems and “ attention seeking “ are the same thing. No matter how one goes about it, the constant need for validation is a sign of serious self esteem issues. And yes beautiful people have low self esteem too, in fact I think they have it worse. Source; me I used to have really low self esteem, now that I’m older Im finally comfortable with myself, I’ve aged well so that helps, but I still struggle sometimes, especially around my period, hormones can do that.

[@malashepherd653]

The talking about an ex constantly thing is a hard one. I recently broke up with mine. we spent 2 years together and traveled around so the majority of my most exciting stories involve him. I try not to say “we” or really mention him at all when talking to people I’m interested in but it is hard to have to monitor.

[@naglfar6305]

This is one of the worst things a girl can do imo. Had a gf earlier that spoke a lot about her ex (ex was a woman, she was bi), it got so grating, I broke up with her.

[@Jane-oz7pp]

I actually have to say the opposite to that ick tbh Someone who is upset about me talking about someone who was a major part of my life for several years is clearly insecure and not worth my time.

[@malashepherd653]

@@Jane-oz7pp that’s understandable. I think there’s a balance in it. If you’re constantly talking about them, not just mentioning them in experiences you shared or when brought up, then you could still be hung up on them.

[@wouldntyouliketoknowwesath7789]

I've thought about shaving my eyebrows and drawing some a few times before, but that's mainly because of how faint and small they are. I kinda just look constantly pissed from how my face is shaped, and how I seem to not have eyebrows on first glance

[@slashbash1347]

If there's a baby daddy, it might be fine. If there are baby DADDIES, that's when I clear the area.

[@tuckvison]

The one about suggesting a change -- I find it very common that people always want to oversimplify complex issues so that they can look like a problem-solver. It's insensitive to suggest that you somehow are smarter than the person explaining their issue to you about how to fix the problem or more capable of fixing it with just a simple suggestion. So that's why "you're the villain"; when people complain about something in their life that upsets them, it's because they're looking for emotional support, not a solution. If they want your underinformed advice they'll ask for it -- or they'll google their problem and try to fix it themselves. People only complain about things they know cannot be fixed with simple solutions. I agree that being negative all the time isn't productive, but sometimes productivity isn't the goal, or is impossible, and the person is trying to cope rather than fix something that can't be fixed

[@Jane-oz7pp]

Yea I've literally never been painted as a villain for suggesting a change to someone when they're unhappy with something. Probably because the first thing I do is validate their feelings and try to understand, and then I just approach it from a "have you considered this? It's not exactly a direct solution but it might help?" attitude

[@tuckvison]

@@Jane-oz7pp Yeah. As always being nice > being right or smart

[@jacobjohnston3983]

Personally, it’s smoking for me. I’d never want to date someone who smokes.

[@akidemixschoolofmarksmansh4142]

Talking marriage one month into dating, or coming to my place for dinner and loudly saying "I don't do dishes".

[@ConejitoPequenito]

Thanks for the nuanced take on self-criticisms! I 1000% agree. Nothing to add, your talk was perfect

[@Jimmiwashere]

Here's the other thing on the self-criticism, the thing a therapist will teach you is to do that labor for yourself. To learn to question those thoughts, look for evidence against them, and argue against them. And it's hard to do. It doesn't work right away. But it does work gradually and, in turn, will make you more receptive to compliments from others. People especially get tired of doing that emotional labor for you if it does no good.

[@kirahoney2068]

Totally agree that it’s not the having preferences part that’s an issue- it’s the need to go around crying it from the rooftops, or being a jerk to people who don’t fit those preferences. If you don’t have anything nice to say, you can just not say anything, and you can be kind to people you aren’t attracted to, too.

[@WanhanAjanMansikka]

Im also trying to work on being less negative, so a lot of what you had to say resonated. Thank you.

[@Sulcuryalt_Inone]

Emotional labor. Some knowingly want you to engage with it for their perceived "benefit". Not being perceptive of unwittingly getting people to put energy into dealing with it is most certainly different than knowingly using it as a point of control over others. Both instances can be detrimental to those interacting with people that hate on themself, but if one is able to acknowledge what they're doing and are willing to make changes in order to stop. That is commendable. Unfortunately there is quite a large number of people whom will purposefully never stop.

[@rosestar1324]

Hot take: no matter the reason, if a person expresses negative views of themselves, do NOT date that person and if this is a family member or a friend, tell them to get a therapist and respectfully not put you in a shitty situation of trying to cheer them up. Because as someone who was depressed like that, hearing the compliments didn't work and I would just think "well to them I may be pretty but I don't agree". It is manipulative if you are doing that to a person. If you need support, then you need to ask the person for permission to vent and not make it a habit of saying stuff like "I am ugly" repeatedly to someone. Cuz whether you're depressed or an attention hoe, you are not mentally healthy and need a professional for help. People can still do manipulative behaviors without intending to all the time. Doesn't change what it truly is.

[@mariapaz6379]

About the last one on fishing for compliments. This year i learned that people with depression can become very reliant on others to the point that they become kinda self-centered and abusive. These behaviors can manifest in the act of self deprecation and the expectancy of emotional support from peers, they too can manifest in the shape of promises made and broken repeatedly, and the lack of accountability, between other things. I comment this because, beware, this attitude will push away others and ruin relationships. Others cannot save you from this, you need to seek help and actively work into changing your way of thinking.

[@naglfar6305]

Too many women do this and it is such a mental drain.

[@luvely1062]

Not clicking this video, that's what!!!

[@charliedeegan1598]

This applies to everyone but if you shit on things that other people like just because you dont like it, instant turn off. Idk why people thinking making fun of something i like will make me like them

[@sandwich3044]

Just gonna throw my two cents out there. For some (not all tho) people crying is just a stress response. I feel people lump a lot of things as attention seeking, when context of why the person was crying in the first place (esp if something like depression/past abuse etc is a factor) would matter. As it's also possible that someone would, obv, do it for attention too. So it really just depends on person to person. So i figured i would share an alternate concept.

[@ZERO_42069]

People always use that “you dont deserve me at my best” quote wrong the whole quote is I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.

[@allnightfright619]

6:50 This is that nail in the forehead KZbin skit from a bunch of years ago.

[@nyoodmono4681]

Thinking that burping loud in public means emancipation.

[@hexhydr4]

not being able to have good conversation with them. like if someone’s just saying random things to try and start a baseless conversation, nah. but if I already like the person than maybe if they like killed a child or something idk

[@Alex-cw3rz]

Difference between preferences and a requirements. If it's a weight or height requirement that is a immediate turn off. If it's a height or weight preference it can come off harsh especially height seen as it's meaningless and apart from l ying which a lot of guys already do (making the issue worse) there is literally nothing you can do, unlike almost every other preference. But it's just a preference, therefore it's not a turn off.

[@tentrilliconlp7748]

I can't wait for all the superficial replies.

[@aybaws]

where superficial reply

[@a13m34]

It's like 4/150 now

[@Trailer_Park_Jarl]

The strangest red flag I ever saw personally was a girl who refused to date her own race(I'm white, she's black). I understand somewhat people who only want to date their own race. You can see that as a common trait between you. But she actively refused to date black guys and only dated white guys. She gave me a whole laundry list of reasons that were all kind of racist. When I brought up the fact that if we had a son, he would be a black guy she got mad. I just disconnected from that relationship right then.

[@tobiasjakob2583]

The height thing is so bothersome especially when people just assume that this preference has to be universal and no woman could ever want to date a shorter guy. I'm like three f*cking centimeters shorter than my gf of four(!) years and people STILL sometimes feel the need to question her attraction to me solely bc of my height. Like what??

[@cheater00]

I'm tall - no one ever came at me with "too short" and no one would think to - but if a woman told me about a "minimum height requirement" i'd be pretty offput and might end things soon after, because the "minimum height requirement" is almost never a preference, it's just a way to be oppressive and shitty to guys.

[@UnlimitedProduction1]

The height requirement doesn't bother me on the surface, what I have an issue with is when a man has a physical requirement then people get upset at him over it. In most cases weight can be controlled, height can't Secondly, I've ran into women who were harsh towards short men. The women were okay telling me because I'm 6ft tall but the way they talked about their unattraction towards a short man was off putting for what were otherwise decent women.

[@moafwaz5563]

When she mentions her star sign either on any form of about me page or in person

[@ectonyx]

i have a minimum height requirement for myself, but i'd barely even call it a requirement, more just a preference. id prefer a partner (regardless of gender, im bi), to be taller than me (5'6"), but if the right person came along and they were like 5'2" i wouldn't turn them down. don't really know what this has to do with anything i just felt like sharing

[@mysticquests]

i post shitty pics that i know are shitty because its my way of forcing myself to be confident even if i dont really feel like i am. and it works. literally have been complimented by a stranger that told me they really appreciated the way i show my real self a lot. i definitely used to be self depreciating back in the day, and it was annoying more than helpful, and made a lot of people sick of me. but now its way different and im not talking down to myself while posting 'shitty' pics LOL

[@cthulhu_-_8761]

I’m sure this goes for anyone, but when your effort isn’t being matched, then after addressing this issue no changes were made Literally just broke it off with someone yesterday over it

[@maqima]

sometimes I like tall guys, sometimes I like guy the same height as me, but you shouldn't let that superficial preference affect you!

[@silvanalucas6403]

One thing goes without saying not taking no for an answer

[@silvanalucas6403]

I wish it worked that way like people were unattracted to you if you're on attracted to them. So much would be avoided no feelings would be hurt and no trauma to deal with afterwards

[@countesscrows]

Every time i ask women why they want taller men they reply something along the lines of "feeling protected" and "being taken care of". It's just such an outdated idea to be the small delicate woman who needs a big strong man to take care of her and it makes no sense because height doesn't mean shit about being able to protect. My last two boyfriends were 6'2 and couldn't protect me from a bee. My current boyfriend is 5'3 (two whole inches shorter than me) and if i ever need protecting, i'm sure he's far more capable than those other two.

[@davelightsaber1621]

… girls who say “it’s giving” outloud 😑 .

[@beansbro7616]

Cue here’s a huge for you man. Another thing that makes a women or really, anyone unattractive is if they mistreat service works and don’t apologize for it and have an attitude about it

[@pollypockets508]

I know that cancer patients draw in eyebrows when they lose then.

[@davidlisteresq]

I wonder if those men only find the "height requirement" thing a turn off if they don't meet that requirement. How many have broken up with or stopped seeing a woman because they find out they have a height preference but they are passed it? Very few I guess.

[@shreddytodie1605]

I really like this guy. Hes so inclusive of everyone and his videos are so entertaining. He for sure deserves all the subs he has along with all the subs to come. :)

[@strawberrysangria1474]

People who put themselves down for attention are just as insecure as those who truly believe it. Those who believe it may try to change themselves, while attention seekers want you to change them. Negativity enrages them because they don't want to improve, they want you to fix their confidence issues.

[@comajuice]

Wanting a taller or shorter partner is fine, but if they're already taller but you need them to meet a certain number that's just fucking weird

[@larrackell]

Phew, that truth bomb at the end.

[@Hadgerz]

The thing that differentiates the height requirement and weight requirement: height is an immutable, unchangeable quality, but anyone can put down a fork. They are not equivalent requirements. A man who doesn't want to date a deliberately unhealthy unhygienic overeater who is loud and proud about it, and who casually ridicules him for not being 6'4, is not as shallow or petty as she is.

[@michellestella7477]

So according to you all fat women are the same? All fat for the same reason, all proud of it?! What do they say about generalisation agin?

[@S0l1DShark]

That last bit… pretty good advice.

[@katashworth41]

I hate the height requirement thing, I (fingers crossed) won’t be dating again in the future but I’d just warn anyone who was significantly taller than me that they have just signed up to get things off shelves for me.

[@MistySophie]

I have a high requirement. Well, it's more of a preference. I'm 1.69 curvy girl , and I want someone mt high or taller since all my life I felt big and awkward, especially around boys, and I just afraid to feel this way with a partner too if he is smaller than me

[@rosestar1324]

Height and weight requirements are fine imo. My future partner doesn't have to be 6 feet tall but he can't be shorter than me. Also, I'm not gonna be with someone who's 300 pounds unless they are a very tall body builder to justify that weight.

[@annagreene4534]

What you said at the end is so true

[@NBDYSPCL]

It's always been so strange to me how normalised it is to tell young women they need to find a "rich man" or judge the value of a man by his possessions. I've met far too many women who seem to think once they get the "right" (read, wealthy) man they'll have all their needs met and taken care of. Like they're a surrogate father or something. Obviously men judge women by their assets too. But I feel like we're criticising that a lot more than we criticise certain women for wanting to coast off their husbands successes. Have your own ambitions.

[@JustKhari]

last time i came this early the girl got mad

[@quietblake6997]

As a girl, I think its incredibly toxic to have a straight requirement for dating. It leads to hurt feelings, and is just plain toxic. Awesome personality, amazing friendship stretching 2-3+ years. Permanently friendzones him cus he's not stacked at 6ft. Picky picky...

[@harrydresden4661]

Im in my mid 30s and im yet to not be attracted to a hot woman half or double my age.

[@pancakes8670]

Pro tip. People who say that they are "Brutally Honest" are more interested in the "Brutal" part than they are the "Honest" part.

[@slashbash1347]

One of the things that did it for me was the word "non-monogomous" in reference to her relationship preference. "Bae" would have the same affect. As for what I see online: 1. No personality description; just the names of your kids. 2. You say your kids "are my world," refer to yourself as a "mommy" (you should only say that word if you're a little kid or talking to a little kid), or you call your kids handsome/beautiful (why do you I need to know if your kids are beautiful? If they're ugly, that at least means you get with ugly guys, which means I have a shot). 3. No personality description, just RIPs for people in your life who've died (I've seen it more than once). 4. Instant hostility, like demanding people swipe left if they XYZ. 5. No unfiltered pics. Means you're ugly. 6. No pics at all. Means you're a ghoul. 7. Racial preference. That tells me you fetishize the race instead of loving the person, whether you're a white girl who only dates black men or a black girl who only dates white men. 8. No personality description; just say, "Ask." I'll ask; I'll ask why you're so lazy that you can't be bothered to write a couple of sentences.

[@silvanalucas6403]

Getting actually mad at people who like the things that they don't like. Such as music TV shows and even as far as telling you how to dress.

[@clutchmctryhard3110]

I personally don't like the height requirement thing because there's literally nothing you can do about your height so it's kind of an unfair judgement imo 🤷

[@rosemary7028]

As if women who have a height preference could just turn that switch off in their brain. Just be grateful they are upfront about it so you both don't have to waste time. Also large group of men is only interested in petite women yet no one is losing their shit about it.

[@andironjack5321]

Im a dude and i can tell you right now that im dense as a rock. If you want to date me then you need to tell me dont be coy or play hard to get cause i wont notice and ill probably move on.