What Makes a Good Life? Lessons from an 84 Year Study on Happiness | Offline with Jon Favreau

[@billbruff9613]

John, thank you for this insightful conversation. I am constantly impressed with your intellect and personality as you engage people in sharing rheir ideas. Your interest in this longitudinal study may also be fed by looking at the amazing longitudinal studies of families over generations that were done by the Fels Research Institute originally based in Yellow Springs, Ohio. The wealth of knowledge gained in longitudinal studies is so much more powerful than all those "snapshot studies". Thank you again John for all your hard work to keep all of us thinking and reflecting on our lives and our shared communities.

[@ChristinaTheWatercolorFox]

What about disabled or people with serious chronic illnesses? I’m disabled by a genetic condition that has no treatment or cure but I find that I’m a mostly content and happy person. It has taught me how precious my life is. How lucky I am to have my beautiful kids and husband. Our home is a warm gathering place for family and friends. I really think my pain is able to teach me what matters. I had to let go of all of my expectations and goals for how I planned my life to go but once I got through that I focused on what I can do. It’s sad that disabled people are often excluded from these kinds of long term studies for whatever reason. 😊

[@KLara-ig7fr]

Yes. It is that initial grief of life expectation. You learn you circumstances are different.

[@hungryghost3260]

Were disabled people excluded from a study of about 700 participants? Most were enrolled as children or university-aged young adults. It seems likely that some percentage became disabled or otherwise seriously ill at some point in their lives. From your comments, you seem to be doing an admirable job of embracing your family and friends and avoiding the trap of self-pity. In that sense, it appears that the study is indeed inclusive of you. 🙂

[@PathosConsultingGroup]

this guy radiates positivity. he’s like a college professor I would have taken twice

[@jeepguy77]

My goal is not to expect happiness I just want to feel content. But what I struggle with most is the people who find it their goal to make people miserable. That I don’t understand.

[@pamelaplowman1143]

Great subject! Thanks!

[@calvinbaxter7151]

As a non expert in anything, one possibility is that something is wrong/there is some hurt there and bringing other ppl to that level is easier than doing the work to get out of that place. Please take this with as many grains of salt as needed. Just one tiny part of the picture. I definitely think about that issue as well

[@leebrock4783]

It seems like the people who cause misery are themselves miserable. Not all of them, but more now than ever before.

[@flor9389]

In my non-expert opinion, they never got the coping skills for fear, anger, and loss of control. They still lash out just like a toddler.

[@MajICReiki]

@@flor9389 Emotional Regulation Control can be learned later in life, though as with any longtime habits and behaviors it requires active exercise (like analogy used in interview), on going continued and persistent recommitting investments to adapt. excuses I hear often to not try, I won't know who I am, I won't recognize myself, what if I lose part of myself that I like? I am Who I am... really! I do. Self improvement is not losing one's identity, or personality, who we are. It is individual efforts to reinforece and improve strengths as well as factors that may hinder our greatest potentials. If anyone is afraid of that, perhaps start with working on a fear of achieving/success (in any area of life)?

[@time4sanity]

Absolutely LOVE your Offline series!!!

[@susanrobertson984]

Same but it is also depressing.

[@BuriedErect]

This episode really affirmed everything I've been working on in therapy. Great conversation! :)

[@suzibarlow3611]

I love all you do. As a near 70 year old woman, I ask that in your generation, please take time to mention when you do all male anything, balance with what studies may be in progress with women (and puhleeeze do not call us women and other minorities! We are the majority). Let's keep in mind that women's roles in the family create happiness - rarely tracked in its significance. At least mention this! Men are happy in their work and relationships because of wives' and partners' work. How are those partners feeling annoy their lives, award free?

[@davelindstrom6005]

I agree wholeheartedly with you, my friend, but the last sentence befuddles me... Probably the damned auto-correct, but please explain?🤔

[@passionliving]

I'm fascinated by the 2 happiness studies that date back to 1938. I'm curious about how this longitudinal studies measured happiness. I have always been fascinated about aging and how life choices impact a person's quality of life. I learn so much from asking my elders if they would have done anything differently and then I just listen. I also love hearing about the aspects of their lives that they truly enjoy and any advice they would share. For me, my happiness is connected to the communities that I hold dear. A life full of close connections with family, friends, mentors, supportive colleagues, loving professional clients and grateful customers. The opportunity to connect with people that share similar interests just to dance, laugh and play. It all matters. 💝

[@yharihari]

The last part of the conversation reminded me of this maxim. "The true wisdom of life consists in seeing the extraordinary in the ordinary." - Pearl Buck. I think we can replace "wisdom" with "happiness" in the quote😊

[@pattyayers]

Or you could just randomly substitute any noun

[@craiglilly3657]

This is an excellent conversation. Well done.

[@ROLtheWolf]

I use community theater this way. Whether it's castmates, crew or the regular audience members and family, the whole group becomes my tribe. We evolved in tribes, and hardly ever saw strangers, but the same 50-100 faces all the time. Now we live in a building with 100 strangers and hardly ever see a friendly face. I believe this guy.

[@SaltheartFoamfollower]

What an awesome chat, tho I have to admit, covid lock-downs and isolation showed me just how much I hate socializing, I am not a herd animal, hate being in large groups, can't stand being in the store at peak shopping times. The public transportation I take daily is such a PITA, I like hanging with a couple friends, a few members of family at a time, but hate family reunions, hate other large family gatherings, I love peace and quiet.

[@LeGrandColbert]

These conversations are so valuable, and this one feels especially poignant right now. Personally I know I'd love to be more connected to people and to be part of a more cohesive network. I used to be much more so and I feel the absence of it. It's at least nice to know that many, many people feel that way. Almost like we're alone together. I love having the Pod to listen to as well. Makes me feel like it's 2012 again and my college pals and I are having our deep, philosophical conversations into the night or discussing political events. Thanks guys.

[@azusa9963]

Jon, l love this series! I try not to miss one. Your interviewing style is so relaxed and refreshing. You find the most interesting people to interview. Thank you 💛

[@laurencrouse2418]

I love substantive conversations

[@MAC-op5fc]

Such a great conversation. I say this every time but Jon is such a thoughtful and generous interviewer. Definitely want to read this book. Thank you!

[@alm5693]

Made it 10 minutes in while plopped in a chair alone at home, drinking a diet cola and eating a couple cookies. Think I'll come back to this later when it doesn't feel like a lesson in why I'm a dead man.

[@pattyayers]

You *don’t* have lots of warm, supportive relationships? YOU GONNA DIE

[@alm5693]

@@pattyayers Even my cat wants me to go away. Edit: ...but feed her first.

[@victoriapetty-nawrath5288]

thank you, this came at a time when I needed it.

[@nightcited1600]

Great and fascinating Offline this week, Jon. This one that I am going to share with quite a few of my friends. I learned a lot and the conversation underscored much of what I have intuited about our current online life.

[@deborahmccoy5619]

I love this series. I appreciate you and your interviewing style. This one was particularly sweet. And I won't apologize for gushing. Lol

[@chebbolino7481]

Thanks Jon, this series keeps delivering!

[@vassibieber4894]

Taking care of our health is so difficult, in the USA. Health care is so inaccessible because of price. I have had to turn down procedures because I can’t afford them. I’ve needed counseling and psychological care and haven’t been able to get it because my insurance is billing me $200 an hour. It feels futile when people who need insulin have to split doses because it’s costing them almost $1000 per month. How do we get happiness when a lot of us can’t even afford basic dental care? All that said, this was a great conversation.

[@danielhofmann4283]

Thank you Jon for this great interview and of course huge gratitude to everyone involved in this study and their insights

[@amberhale2410]

Offline episodes are so good.

[@TheOldHippiebilly]

Best episode I've seen in a long time. Thank you!

[@TheSuzberry]

Thanks so much. Please know your friendships can be rekindled when the kids are older. I’m recommending this to my therapy group. BTW, I’m knitting as I listen.

[@pattyayers]

LOL! Good joke. 😂 20 years later, all your old friends will still be just the same and living nearby

[@EsmereldaPea]

Thank you for acknowledging the bias out of the gate.

[@ChildPerson]

Great interview! Thanks!

[@dawnbielawski9212]

Jon, thanks for this wonderful discussion! I really enjoyed the flow of the conversation while learning about this research I'd never heard about before.

[@teresapappas9773]

Interesting and informative. Thank you!

[@carolyntalbot947]

These conversations are so worthwhile, few and far between as content. Thank you!

[@hazellove2144]

That was awesome. Hope you have him back. 💖🤗

[@vanessawhitneypro]

Thank You, gentlemen... This was fantastic. I ordered THE GOOD LIFE.

[@TheAngiepangie424]

Psychologically, Shyness and Introversion are not the same. Shyness isn’t a trait of introversion. Introversion/Extroversion is about point of reference & how an individual relates self & world.

[@rhondah1587]

I really don’t like to be with people. Hard to have a relationship without people. I am happiest alone.

[@pattyayers]

But you MUST have lots of WONderful reLAtionships! You MUST! Or YOU GONNA DIE!

[@rhondah1587]

@@pattyayers Well since I've reached the ripe old age of 70, I don't much care. Death isn't something to fear and I'd rather do it alone than with those who are going to go on living after I'm gone. Funny that they want everyone to be up in everyone's business. When I do have to be with other people, I do my best to be kind and polite but mostly people seem more ready to take advantage of that kindness and see it as a weakness.

[@rachellewis-marlow2412]

Thank you for this wonderful conversation. I do want to offer a response to the seemingly unanswered question about how the quality of human relationships impact the body. I have to wonder if the male perspective of the PI's is producing a slight observational blindness. What if we start with the acknowledgement that we are mammals. Our physical survival depends on the quality of our relationships. What if we consider the necessity for infants to have access to co-regulation with an attuned attachment figure in order to organize ANS functions? What if we look at the impact of sensory processing on the nervous system and consider the effect of soothing or activating external stimuli on vagal nerve function? All of these factors are at the very core of human relationships.

[@pepealexandre8815]

Great talk.

[@laurencrouse2418]

great show and guest, thanks

[@JohnRay1969]

Happiness is your choice. It only depends on your perception.

[@freedomofreligion3248]

Everybody, needs somebody, some time." (isn't there a song like that?)

[@leonghiew]

Thanks Jon. Love how this interview and others like this inform our other debates in this channel. What's the point of working out our politics if we don't work out the more important drivers like happiness?

[@daanodinot]

Man, what a nice guy.

[@jimhurt9343]

Great talk. Thanks!

[@hanaperkey2172]

I wonder how all of these factors would align with childhood adverse events--ACEs. Those are more prevalent in marginalized communities and also greatly affect the quality of our relationships. Some of this may really boil down to degree of accumulated stress with healthy relationships being a great buffer. We know we regulate our nervous systems best when we do it with others, and support from others increases our ability to feel safe and attached--two of our most essential needs.

[@MajICReiki]

Lovely Interview and discussion 💞

[@genecastillo8]

Great topic!

[@ragauerk9310]

Of his two points, that's why so many 'forced' refugees, escaping warring group dangers etc, miss old communities, often wish could go back, but here, tho per se 'better' face prejudice, isolation, live hanging off the bottom rung of the ladder. Also striking when 'assisting' poor communities the magnitude difference of their happiness to your home community is repetitively astonishing. A 'sister city' group was 'wined and dined, area adventured, were appreciative, but could not wait to get back home. A persistent across locale and time and varied groups thread. You want less immigration? assist human rights where they are. They have a concept of 'enough' and what's (who's) important in life compared to the consumer on a wheel that we live. A balance would be great. Those advocating hate are the worst of humans everywhere, hands down.

[@GrazMc]

Can we talk about how ridiculously handsome Favs is? 😍👌🏼🔥

[@jac-attack]

I mean now I'm more depressed that me being alone forever means I'm just going to get sicker! There is more anxiety being alone all the time just because you have to be on alert more than when you have others who you can rely upon. Sometimes I put on podcasts to sleep to people talking so my brain can pretend there's others around and I can relax. This one was a bad choice! Lol. Glad to hear all the people who are already happy and healthy will stay that way but kinda sucks that American communities are getting smaller and smaller to only include immediate family and it makes it harder and harder for people who don't have a spouse or kids to get that kind of connection. The pandemic was absolutely awful because I realized I hadn't touched or been touched by another human being in months. Felt very jealous of the parents who were going insane being locked in with kids because they still had that connection with other people. Anyway, expand your communities to include single people. It's better for everyone.

[@livenandlove1980]

Can you join a group of interest? Online or in person works.

[@pattyayers]

We are close to HALF the U.S. population , but treated like we don’t exist

[@pattyayers]

@@livenandlove1980 Sure, that’ll fix everything up all nice and tidy and happy-happy in a quick little minute

[@Gwen2010ish]

Relationships can also create and exacerbate stress, no?

[@livenandlove1980]

@pattyayers never said that. That's a first step. There isn't an easy answer. There isn't 1 answer.

[@kaceykelly7222]

If our society used this data to help make our country happier, I believe there would be an amazing change in how our nation functions and relates to the rest of the world. Maybe we should do a trial run like in the book - only an entire state or region!

[@therewillbecatswithgwenhwyfar]

Oh this is going to be really interesting!

[@therewillbecatswithgwenhwyfar]

8:53 all of these things have to do with untreated trauma and access to resources. I have a trauma history and that put me three times more likely to have an autoimmune disorder. Now I have two of them. "Taking care of my health" it would be easier if I wasn't significantly disabled via rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia. Maybe it's easier to be happy when you're not dealing with chronic illness, constant pain, & financial (food, healthcare, and housing) instability.

[@kathyannk]

Twelve-minute mark: I strongly doubt the reason people in the demographic who statistically died younger in the 70s and 80s “weren’t educated enough” to know the dangers of smoking/substance abuse. Less privileged people were more susceptible to things that contributed to a younger death rate because life was just harder.

[@lyledal]

The man seems WAY too excited about bringing humans into the lab to stress them out! 🤣

[@ameliablack4613]

I'm only halfway in right now, but I'm hoping you ask about spiritual connection too. The need for connection can be fulfilled (more or less for different people) by turning to our spiritual connection that is always there.

[@pattyayers]

Truest comment here by far. But no - - you MUST have lots of great relationships or YOU GONNA DIE

[@benjaminscullion7624]

Strom Thurmond Day would be an unpopular holiday that offends many people, but the real problem is that it lasts way too long.

[@silv12]

Is there a pill I can take in lieu of a relationship? Don't think it's possible for me to get that naturally.

[@awesomeperson41210]

check out Brian Hare’s idea of survival of the friendliest. He is an evolutionary anthropologist

[@tylerhackner9731]

This is interesting

[@susanrobertson984]

Introversion =/= shy!! Shocked to hear that said in this interview.

[@kristinsewell1441]

Yeah. There were a couple of statements I kinda took issue with.

[@pattyayers]

Equals/ Doesn’t equal? What are you trying to say?

[@susanrobertson984]

@@pattyayers that combination is symbols means “not equal”.

[@shanghaiallie]

Would be interesting to see how this maps with neurodiverse people. I'm autistic and aro ace and my need for human relationships is definitely set at a much different base level than other people. I can honestly say I've never felt lonely a second in my life. Meanwhile people are my stressor. I don't think you can generalise about what makes all people happy without considering that some people are just genuinely happier and better off on their own.

[@aguijohn1321]

By not caring about what other people think, is that why sociopaths and psychopaths tend to be higher earners/CEOs/Etc....because they don't care what other people think?

[@Weemadaggie]

Please, please stop equating social media to internet or being online. It is not the same.

[@pattyayers]

Oh my god! I thought I was the only person on earth who realized that. Do you, too, remember when the Internet was exciting and fun and not toxic at all? I think a lot of people think Facebook, Instagram and TikTok ARE the Internet. It’s mind blowing

[@cardocann6689]

Red Green: "If your wife's having a good time and you're not, you're still having a better time than if you're having a good time and she's not." How much of happiness is sucked out of your life by the 'American Ideal' - two cars, two and a third children, white picket fence in suburbia. Our TVs and social influences give us the idea we can't be happy without the "Bright green pleasure machine." Order yours right now and get two for the price of one.

[@pattyayers]

Great song, thanks for the reminder

[@ntaylo6299]

Lucky Charlie.

[@ErikDeSart]

Your mental health wellbeing directly affects your physical wellbeing.

[@chuckm1961]

And vice versa.

[@jakelesnake]

Yeah this was pretty obvious. Neat statistics here and there but otherwise the main take away is: People need people, it helps handle stress, stress has negative health effects. Literally everything else is super obvious and I'm not sure anyone will get anything from it except having what's right infront of them spelled out in laymans terms

[@janetschuhl]

John your advertising is way too long

[@socialmediamanagement1859]

Money! Without it you can't go to therapy, you can't eat, you can't to school, you can't rest because you need to pay for esssntials like food, utilities and rent. Money make us all happy. And of course only people with money study happiness. Ahaha it would be funny if it wasn't tragic

[@ryanweible9090]

seeing your enemies driven before you and hearing the lamentations of their women? frankly i think lamentations are overrated, no bassline.

[@peterphalam8946]

Evidently you never studied, the abstract lonliness, of Vietnam Veterans and how Christians and video calls made it worse, however I am healthy, wealthy and wise. Drink daily use marijuana daily.

[@KLara-ig7fr]

😢 No one ever thinks to include women. Our lives are so entirely complex.

[@chuckm1961]

In what way were women NOT a part of this? They are human beings, like men, and the discussion was about human beings. What the hell are you talking about?

[@bigbadborders]

That dude is creepy AF.

[@krissyhimes9357]

He should be honest and instead of saying "some of us" he should say whites only!

[@socialmediamanagement1859]

Yes! Really!

[@chuckm1961]

He was talking about all human beings. What in the name of God are you talking about?

[@Boomers4Zoomers]

I purchased this book for my grandchildren. The author should consider Podcast to this coming of age generation. It would be a great public service.🫂🙏