Robert Waldinger ON: If You STRUGGLE To Find Happiness In Life, WATCH THIS! | Jay Shetty

You can order my new book 8 RULES OF LOVE at 8rulesoflove.com or at a retail store near you. You can also get the chance to see me live on my first ever world tour. This is a 90 minute interactive show where I will take you on a journey of finding, keeping and even letting go of love. Head to jayshettytour.com and find out if I'll be in a city near you. Thank you so much for all your support - I hope to see you soon.
Today, I am talking to Robert Waldinger, a professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, and co-founder of the Lifespan Research Foundation. Dr. Waldinger received his AB from Harvard College and his MD from Harvard Medical School. Dr. Waldinger is a practicing psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, and he directs a psychotherapy teaching program for Harvard psychiatry residents. He's also a zen master and teaches meditation in New England and around the world. And he is the co-author of the book, The Good Life: Lessons From the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness.
Robert shares his expertise on adult happiness. We go back and forth with our thoughts on the effects of chronically stressful relationships on our physical body as well as our mental and emotional health, why we should stop minding what people think about us and instead start checking in with ourselves, and the pros and cons of engaging in personal development and being open to changes.
What We Discuss:
00:00:00 Intro
00:03:23 The pros and cons of remote conversations
00:05:16 This 75-Year Harvard Study
00:13:10 The three flavors of happiness
00:17:45 Turn to activities that are enlivening
00:20:18 We’re not trained to look inward
00:26:23 Take note of the things that are evolving
00:35:32 When you’re living with people that causes you stress
00:40:14 Active re-imagining of life from a different time
00:47:03 Chronically stressful relationships break down the body
00:53:30 Looking at the long view when dealing with relationships
01:01:00 Socio-emotional learning
01:02:57 How do we keep our relationships in shape?
01:06:02 Security of attachment for introverts and extroverts

[@jeromesupan]

To everyone reading this Keep going. No matter how stuck you feel, no matter how bad things are right now, no matter how hopeless & depressed you feel, no matter how many days you have spent wishing things were different. I promise you won't feel this way forever. Keep going.

[@candygeek6746]

thank you stranger.wishing you love and good health.

[@sandragomez7610]

❤

[@TXWERKS]

Thank you

[@marniehibotelho511]

I'm 56 and I feel like I'm never going to feel good. I cried all day today.

[@marniehibotelho511]

How can I see this doctor? I'm north of Boston?

[@hegakara]

It’s my first comment on KZbin. So I’m improving my English right now watching interviews with Jay Shetty and I want to thank Robert Waldinger for clear and understandable pronunciation of speech. It motivates me to develop my understanding of English! it’s incredible!

[@dyarbrough1992]

I feel like he kept missing the point about some family members being consistently toxic and grating. Most of the time it’s better to step away from those and not keep trying to fix them if it’s only hurting you. That was the biggest obstacle in my life and I wish I didn’t let it go on so long as it took extreme tolls on my mental and physical health and general quality of life. Crazy but true. I loved this episode 😅

[@judds1511]

first time i haven‘t agreed with a podcast of Jay! tbh they have kind of dismissed the point. some families are indeed toxic and do not recognize their mistakes ever.

[@zemanel5119]

Pppp0

[@JenMarco]

My toxic family is my problem too. Do I put my happiness first and possibly have regrets later or keep taking care of my parents who destroy my self esteem and my health and happiness and possibly regret it later? There’s no easy answer.

[@rhondawhite9528]

@jtuno122 While I understand that it is not easy to listen to people say negative words to you. However, your self-esteem is how you feel about you, not how someone else feels about you. No one gets to say you're this or that but God. If Godnhas not planted any of those negative words about you in you, then stop be what other negative people say about you. I know, it's easier said than done. Nevertheless, you are strong and want to move forward with your life. Surround yourself with positive people and people who love on YOU!! family or not. Praying for your mental health, be blessed.

[@27patrick1981]

Robert said "sometimes you have to walk away from your family of origin." As a clinical Psychologist, I've noticed there are many instances where one needs to either walk away entirely or there are boundaries with others that need to be navigated/ created by the individual to help ease their experiences within themselves as they pertain to family. I've noticed those boundaries/ that decision to walk away (if done) are must effectively mediated/ guided by their own careful and meaningful introspection as it involves emotions/ feelings connected to those relationship experiences.

[@lenardfrancis7133]

Jay, I'm in Zimbabwe and have been following your podcasts on Podbean for 6 months now. I've stumbled on this in a search for meaningful content and I've been blown away by the conversations you've had. This one with Bob Waldinger is no exception. Even though we live in different continents and view the world through different lenses, it's amazing that, as people, we are so similar. Thanks for living out your purpose in a way that benefits millions.

[@anjanimishra6194]

Hello I am from India you are right

[@weldinggirl]

What a great comment, bless you and keep pushing!!

[@Alexlittle9]

Powerful

[@cind9493]

Love is safety...and understanding...that resonates so deeply.

[@hira.hassan]

Valuable conversation. Thanks!

[@htetaunglynn5433]

Bob is such a wonderful psychiatrist with Zen ground.I love this conversation.This reminds me of so many important things that I takes for granted.Thank U for this

[@RajniSharma-gm1vh]

Jay Shetty.. Seeing and listening to your podcast is the most Rivetting experience of my life.. Yeah of course one can change the course of one, s life seriously for the better if you want so .. but of course it is the desire behind it that must work else it can turn out to be a futile project... spirituality can help each one of us towards that goal. .. no matter what your age may be.. Sweetheart i am turning 80 in just a few months and i am looking at life with a new Perspective and i am sure in my heart that i will be able to show the world where there is❤ will there is a way.. Kudos to your efforts helping us change our lives and not waste away this last chance to live our beautiful remaining days embellished with all the love❤ warmth and all that goes with it. Sending you a big hug all the way. .. ❤

[@shraddhamahwe8051]

I am now a mature student in UK healthcare. It worries me how the young adult try relentlessly to people please including patients. The blanket rule of just being nice & kind to everyone is gone out of the window. In the process of pleasing person X,T,D,z,o,6,4…. we loose ourself .

[@mov.cierra]

I’m thoroughly enjoying this talk. I’ve gained new perspectives on different levels of my current relationships; it was very impactful. Thank you for having this conversation.

[@janicescott-pair97]

Exactly, sometimes you must walk away from certain family members. Blood is not always thicker than water.

[@JennyGaston]

Yes the first line is classic.♥️ We too often shape our lives on trying to please others and are often worried about what other people think👏🏾.

[@MotivationHubOfficiall]

💯

[@AnnTsungMD]

Absolutely! It's easy to fall into the trap of trying to please others and worrying about their opinions, but ultimately, we need to prioritize our own needs and desires in order to lead fulfilling lives. While it's important to consider the perspectives of others, it's also important to remember that we can't please everyone and we shouldn't sacrifice our own happiness or well-being in the process.

[@glendavalle4611]

I caught your channel and I have been struggling for a while now, but this was such an eye opening experience and I ordered the book. Everyone has been saying I really negative and I didn’t realize I was, but in hearings this I realized I played a critical role in growing up. It was truly negative and it is a related behavior and I want to Stop, while painful as hell Thank you for helping me grow

[@warrenisaac5634]

That was my experience too. Growing up in a really negative environment and being a negative person as a result. Not knowing I was that way until multiple people pointed it out. I watch myself and watch to see if what I say is negative, what I do Is negative and most importantly if I am negative towards myself. I have to change how I am negative with myself before I can expect to change the way I am with someone else. Just as important is giving myself time to change, I didn't get this way overnight. Best of luck!

[@victoriabaker444]

The “Toxic Family” it’s a horrible label yet an absolute reality for so many us. Which makes sense as the world itself is reaching toxic levels. Humanity plays a massive part in this. Naming it for what it is brings awareness. Allowing for understanding, shift and change which will affect others and our environments. Healing… operating out of Love instead of Fear. Feeling and living from a place of connection instead of auto pilot. So, even though it feels wrong and family is family some will say. To walk away from environments that harm us physically and psychologically is in essence creating a better world. It’s creating a better you. That is worthy of being loved, respected, nurtured, adored, so that you can grow ❣️ Stay strong you are not alone 🌟

[@ianlassitter2397]

If something is "toxic" then maybe developing an immunity would be a start so one isn't infected and better yet doesn't spread it to others. If "toxic upbringing" etc., becomes/is an acceptable excuse for not being a better human then one has to ask if they would ever want to be around anyone claiming they are "infected with it"? They be like a disease carrier passing it from one messed up person to another. Most people can change this if they seek to stop giving into the "the past was bad so no my current emotions and mental state is bad too". If they have recovered then that’s a different story. As in “this one time I was so sick with the flu, but then I got better”. If you have a disease that’s contagious you go to the doctors, they isolate you from society until you recover or you can't spread the disease. If you have mental and emotional afflictions that can be spread then we need to treat people like the illness they are and give them treatment and isolate them from infecting others. It’s the only responsible thing to do. Not let them walk around infecting others who should be forewarned that someone entering your life is so full of mental illness they can infect you with.

[@lissigabriel6312]

This is true we can help solve other peoples problems and not our own 😢I feel I can help other people and see what might be happening to their situation but I don’t have the courage for my own 😢💔

[@MotivationHubOfficiall]

Ask for help in such case ❤️

[@md.obaidurrahman9671]

Jay,Your way of talking is so much engaging.that's why i am regularly watch your podcast.

[@FlowersandSun22]

I love all of your podcasts. I loved what you said about people changing

[@danielschultheis3332]

What a beautiful conversation to listen to and to watch! Thank you Jay & Robert for these deep insights on connections and happiness!

[@siba92]

Love your podcast so much, love from South Africa ❤️

[@dabela2279]

Hey Jay. You , and your fellow mentors, are saving MILLIONS of lives. Thank you Sir. D

[@juliemidgley5287]

Such an absolutely delightful and insightful conversation Your shared energy, love of life, peace and joy are evident. A wonderful podcast, what I would call "soul food". Thank you both xoxo

[@susanpuckett7682]

This interview was really something I needed to hear. Thanks so much.

[@guptaprabhunath9035]

Thanks for such interesting interviews

[@manifestabundancebymotivation]

Life-changing insights! Robert Waldinger's wisdom is a must-watch for anyone struggling with finding happiness. Jay Shetty always knows how to bring the best out of his guests. Thanks for sharing this incredible video.🙏

[@AditLuna]

OMG! This talk... One of the best! So many amazing points to think about and get deep in it! Thanks you so much for the great questions and insightfull answers! ❤

[@TheLChoco]

Absolutely loved this episode, such an interesting conversation

[@shalondawilliamslynard]

This is sooo good. Awesome points about toxic family. Grace

[@warrenisaac5634]

Your interviews teach me so much about my relationships with other people and just as important is the relationship with myself. Your work is inspiring Jay, Thank You!

[@improveyourfocus6706]

Never regret yesterday. Life is in you today and you make your tomorrow.

[@jamilahsyogaflowshakir1821]

What an incredible interview ❤

[@_Senoretta_]

Best podcast I have ever watched 💜

[@lutfhiardiansyah5421]

I have attempted to meditate many times in my life and prior to this CD the only success I've experienced is with live guided meditation. kzbin.infoUgkxzpa8CIfZcihW4Z0F_ja0QF3W9KIatrsq This is the first CD I've used that cuts through my unmedicated ADHD and enables me to truly relax and experience a quiet and energizing interval. The instructors voice is very soothing and pleasant to listen to. I am easily able to sit successfully through the entire CD, and for quite some time after. I cannot adequately express how tremendously helpful this CD has been on my spiritual journey!! Two thumbs up and 10 stars!

[@Muffin-star]

Wonderful conversation… what I take away is happy life can’t be find you need to manifest

[@agira5792]

This is a life saving, thank you.

[@bushidooffaith4706]

thank you, watch last night, and forgot to say. thank you for taking the time to put this on line, which always stimulates my mind, so thank you and God bless you both

[@MotivationHubOfficiall]

❤️

[@AniEgoista]

I would like to express my gratitude for this wonderful and valuable podcast! You bring so much valuable information, and your guests are simply amazing. Each episode becomes a source of inspiration and knowledge. Please continue to delight us with your intelligent conversations and interesting topics. Thank you so much for your hard work and dedication!

[@rohishgoel2796]

More like a simple conversation but very educating and reminding basics of life

[@Sifupaulresnick]

Great interview 🙏🏻

[@sihembennacer9584]

Thank you for sharing 🌹

[@m_e_r]

If these turning epochs do not move with our will today The spheres of time are not constant, do not grieve Don’t lose hope, for awareness cannot perceive the unseen Behind the curtains hidden scenes play, do not grieve. Hafez

[@preetibhandaridubey]

Glad I heard this episode. Lots of learnings and takeaways for me.

[@sumintthomas]

Incredible 👏👏

[@nathanleung5592]

Always truly appreciated Jay Shetty for the motivating work you’re doing & sharing and have been following you since learned a ton about life! Keep up the good work

[@adityabgj]

Big Fan Jay Sir ❤️

[@quely1977]

Awesome conversation. ❤

[@SarwanKhattak]

Great Video..................matchless...... Love you Jay...............keep it up. Thanks Bob for such a useful inforfmation. Thank you.

[@moonmoss777]

I love the range of your speakers. I found Robert via After Skool. It made me happy to find you had an interview with him. Look forward to reading his book!

[@glasfordgordon8654]

Just a powerful presentation.i have learnt so much

[@naamabinnes657]

Loved this video! What an amazing guy ❤

[@MotivationHubOfficiall]

💯

[@laurarinna]

Amazing interview...thank you so much! 😃 😊 😀 ❤️ 😍 💖

[@farializ]

❤️ 💯❤️ 💯 Great Episode very informative 💯♥️💯♥️ Thanks Jay! 🙌🏽

[@melissaheath6058]

Wow!!! I watch Jays podcast along with many others… this really touched my heart! Soooooo many different ways to unpack all the “aha” moments here. Tbh, I’m not surprised one bit that relationships are key to health. I’m praying on this but am open to any ideas on how to get to our youth and give them these skills, mindsets, a perspective on healthy relationships, boundaries, conflict, ect that most never see modeled. Anxiety in children is an epidemic! Let’s change that by giving them tools, validation of self… TIME TO BREAK GENERATIONAL CURSES … action we need action…

[@inbeenergy]

Wonderful information. Listened over on Google Podcast and came here to like and say thank you!

[@MotivationHubOfficiall]

❤️👍

[@merlinseries1]

Thanks so much Jay Shetty for the incredible work you're doing I've been watching you since And without lying l've learned a lot about life ✨ Hope just to meet you one day Thanks so much 💓

[@MotivationHubOfficiall]

Glad to know ❤️

[@Alexlittle9]

*Incredible*

[@TeddyFreeze]

Great interview Jay! I’m going to be on your show one day.

[@MotivationHubOfficiall]

Ameen

[@evilmastar]

Such an insightful podcast. Very interesting. Could you please upload a part 2 conversation with Dr Robert Waldinger? Thanks for the book suggestion, hopefully it is available in my country or will order a Kindle version.

[@bangeru1]

Very good episode.

[@farializ]

❤❤❤very informative♥️♥️♥️

[@ellenweber6925]

Wonderful conversation here and thanks for the deep and awesome reminders about nurturing vital relationships! So helpful and healthy! Also liked your willingness to challenge past ideas about Introvert and Extrovert. That topic has me revisiting a blog titled Inside the mind of an introvert. Would you agree we link introversion to fixed personality traits to the exclusion of how introversion works in brains that hold fluid transformation equipment. Thanks for your wonderful triggers for reflection. Best blessings in the critical work you do!

[@chandraprabhaghosh1133]

The man looks so contended at the starting "it's my incentive to fly here"

[@videogames8128]

Hello to the creatures of the earth,👋 I hope you are building an amazing fabulous life. Please pray for me to reach my goal because am really struggling 🙏. Thank you and God bless you all 🙏

[@MartinezGodhand]

I think if we live in life we have to be patience about any dream of any work.keep silent becomes dreamers

[@cheicknesamake]

i will make it and meet jay one day❤❤❤

[@MotivationHubOfficiall]

Ameen ❤️

[@thatomofolo452]

True dat 👊👊💯🤧

[@ADel-mm2zp]

What is that about ALLOWING people to change? People will change or not change regardless! You take it or leave it.

[@laurafahey542]

i’m a baby boomer i hav a good memory of all my school yrs from 8 yrs old on n some memories instead 4,5,6, yrs old of course

[@MotivationHubOfficiall]

😳

[@shilparaheja07]

Loved this. One of the rare ones where Jay spoke as much as or more than the interviewee! And I don't mean that in a bad way. It felt like two people discussing and bringing their own wisdom. Very enriching . Jay always asks the right and pertinent questions. I wish we were taught all this in school and college.

[@thourayasoraya5968]

❤❤❤❤❤

[@awestaguetherealtor1520]

❤❤❤❤❤❤👏

[@anidem.]

59:40 effective relationship convo

[@MotivationHubOfficiall]

💯

[@D54812]

can someone help me out finding the episode where he talks about a study where they ranked pleasure from 1-10 and non dual state was a 10/10

[@sachikavashishtha151]

❤️❤️❤️

[@julessiriban4317]

i just watched your interview with elle! PLEASE do another episode with khloe k!!

[@soultrekotc6635]

Love this jay. He voice sounds like another spiritual teacher. I can’t remember if it’s Gary Zukoff or John Cabot zinn? 🤷‍♀️🧐

[@paula-pw7yd]

Great discussion - shame about the frequency of ad breaks

[@catysantos7419]

Hello good afternoon . I appreciate and watch all your content.ahe,I would like to know if you guys allow me to make cuts.?

[@PRIYAJAY-SHETTY]

JAY Shetty JI WEDS PRIYA SINGH WEDS JAY GHANSHYAM SHETTY JI KI WIFE PRIYA SINGH 🙏💋 THANK you so much for your precious time to meet you jay Shetty JI WEDS PRIYA SINGH 🙏😇😇 ji school

[@pkindian506]

I freezed some time on you 😀

[@csmith5611]

All very benevolent and totally missing the difference between worrying about a young adult getting cold ( love) and living with a horrible narcissistic parent. The latter requires leaving as soon as humanly possible and spending a lot of your life processing what destruction has been wrought upon one, in an effort to make a better life. Frightening that a psychiatrist speaks this way. Victims need him on their side, not waffling about letting others change and be respectful. Don't ever do that with a narcissistic parent. Run.

[@markmacfarlane3169]

Andrew Huberman has some concerns with the accuracy of your opening claims.

[@mutalebtalukder9445]

What is the regret for

[@emmasflying9017]

Hi i have a question:what about if i don't like the person that my family member is becomming? It's 20yo so I accept he's all grown up now but he's becomming a very difficult person to deal with,self limiteting,self centered,it's all about him, he's always right,ecc.....how am i soppose to interact with that person? Ok,it's my son,so i can't just stop talking to him....and it's not a result of my education beacause i'm the opposite and i have another son and he's also so different.i keep telling myself that i have to respect his ideas and all but I don't like them at all and i don't like the type of man his becomming 😓 sorry for the mistakes,i'm italian 🙏😔 and i'm talking about the conversation at min 37. Thank you in advance 🫶

[@MotivationHubOfficiall]

You need to find why he is becoming like that. Spend more time with him and see if his habits change. If you don't liked something just tell him and tell him why don't like it and why it's right or wrong according to you.

[@emmasflying9017]

@@MotivationHubOfficiall thank you 🙏👍

[@MotivationHubOfficiall]

@@emmasflying9017 welcome

[@PreetiPreeti-bq2xq]

Am I the only person feel his voice sounds like Robin sharma

[@vegancatlady1017]

So apparently males don’t like females over 25. I am 29 single own a home. No kids and cannot entertain any type of relationship because I want to practice self-care & healing. So, I may be ready when I am 30. Is this too old? I can’t jump into any relationship. I have to work on me and heal. I want to be in my feminine energy and have a provider and help me but will he come if I am 30. I never thought 30 was too old until I realized guys bragging how they enjoy 25 and under. I don’t know how to feel about it but kind of disgusted honestly due to the fact it’s Predator characteristics

[@coisalinda2424]

Please help me or teach me to be happy again I don’t want to forgive Tim at all but I want to move on to a better place. I want to take care of my mom better.

[@ivonalatu4363]

No one can make you happy except yourself

[@otg1433]

A great freedom in being a no-body. Starting from a completely false premise: What is regret??? it has no place in reality and you look back the story is not even your essence no more than a kind of dream, you are most definitely not who you think you are and you are not an individual ..... just a conceptual fictitious character, an impostor apparently walking through time and space. This question what you most regret is totally benign and this podcast etc is mere static, only good for entertainment purposes a distraction at best.. silence is the beginning of healing and there is absolutely no place for any reflections, questions of regret. Will pass on the chance to see you live on your first ever world tour or any book purchases. Keep feeding the dream..and good luck with that.

[@user-ru1cn5lf6h]

Nooooo i worry I dotn Spence more time with baby Javier'1syis

[@livinginthemoment8964]

Wow less content more adds

[@Sannyasin]

The day you realize your PARENTS were right, your KIDS will be telling you that you're WRONG.

[@KhanKhan-fw9fb]

I rejected life you also rejected your life my promises

[@MaahBoysTV143]

L

[@pripri8814]

You should let the guest talk more. 60% of the time the host was talking

[@gobikego9665]

Who invited who ? 😂😂😂

[@ORIGINALJRL]

I like your podcast, but way too many ads. I'm out

[@suechandra3484]

Jai SHIT

[@lilibelGonzales]

:))) Your podcasts are super great, but sometimes you talk too much and don't let your guest speak :(

[@claudinediamond2555]

You just started studying women? I’m done listening. ✌🏼

[@NickC341]

great discussions but the host talks way too much!

[@grigoriy6336]

Man, this thumbnail sucks. I am scared to watch on this picture