What Makes a PSYCHOPATH PARENT | (Identifying Toxic Parents) In 9 Ways |Psychotherapy Crash Course

#trauma #PSYCHOPATH
#tamarahilllpc
***TRIGGER WARNING
Who wants to believe that they have a psychopathic parent?
Who wants to accept that they may never have a "normal" parent to run to when needed?
I honor and respect GOOD parents. NO ONE wants to be faced with the reality that their mother or father is incapable of normal human emotion. It's a shock to the heart and mind to find out that your parent may be a psychopath.
Most research suggests that psychopaths are born and that many life experiences have a way of "strengthening" the psychopath so that they can become the un-emotional and callous individuals they are.
In this video, I discuss the characteristics of psychopaths and narrow the focus to parents.
*All of the behaviors discussed in this video occur together -- like a syndrome -- and rarely occur alone. For example, some parents may do the things discussed in this video but that does not NECESSARILY mean they are psychopaths.
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DISCUSSED IN THIS VIDEO:
0:00 intro
1:55 How do I understand my parent?
2:34 What a psychopath parent looks like
4:59 Socially "normal"
5:00 Psychopaths aren't ALWAYS criminal and dangerous
5:30 Psychopaths vs sociopaths
6:45 Psychopath parents often...
7:35 Psychopaths are calm and collected
8:33 Psychopath parent may hide things/tell life-altering lies/embrace dark things
9:18 Propensity toward manipulation and scheming ("they get to the top")
10:00 Psychopath parents may stalk/obsess/follow others
13:48 Grandiosity/poor behavior control/shallow affect and mood
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FURTHER RESEARCH
7:31 Ted Bundy Documentary: • Serial Killers - Ted B...
10:07 My stalkers playlist: • Stalkers/abuse/narciss...
15:52 Good movie on psychopathic behaviors: • Video .
10:00 My video on psychopathic males: • Male Psychopathy: Unde...
EXAMPLE MOVIE: • Video
Article on psychopaths in society: www.frontiersin.org/articles/....
My other vides on psychopaths: kzbin.info?searc...
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Epidemic Sound
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DISCLAIMER:
*Videos are provided for exploration and educational purposes only and does not constitute clinical suggestions or consultation for individual cases.
If you or someone you know is having a medical emergency involving harm to self, please reach out to the suicide prevention hotline suicidepreventionlifeline.org/.
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----Contact me-------(BUSINESS INQUIRIES ONLY)
I'm Támara, a licensed and internationally/Board certified trauma mental health therapist, with over 14 years experience. I specialize in helping children, teens, and families with mental illness. I also treat psychological/emotional trauma in children, teens, and adults.
If you'd like to contact me or inquire about my international consultations, you may email me at [e-mail]. *Please note: all consultations are charged a fixed rate fee based on the case content.
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[@TherapistTamaraHill]

It's so sad but some parents are COMPLETE psychopaths and there is NOTHING that can be done to change them. It's a sad reality for some families.

[@truth4utoda]

This is my husband's mom. So sad.

[@Kimi56890]

@@truth4utoda I know right

[@AdamantlyAdams]

Certainly, it is sad.

[@MsThe90]

A parent that projects their own uglyness onto you, a parent that takes blatant advantage of your emotional dependence on them, a parent that enjoys hurting you, watching you cry, a parent that shows a totally different face to the rest of the world is a psychopathic parent. The worst of all, a parent that trains you to become like them and then cries victim.

[@dark7angel456]

I've been dealing with this type of behaviour from my parents for years and they target my strengths and weaknesses and they get envious at certain things, I thought I was losing my mind not understanding their new behaviour of inappropriate remarks and not showing much of a conscience when they do something horrible towards me, also have to suffer from they're weird unemotional psychological mind games

[@LS-fe4ob]

Yep

[@jantelopez5626]

why aren't ALL parents assessed for psychopathy .. they do need to be identified just because they have different needs but most of all because THEY ARE INCAPABLE OF CARING FOR A CHILD

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

That's a great question! I wish we had something like that to rely on. Unfortunately, sociopaths, psychopaths, and narcissists are all having children nonstop.

[@jantelopez5626]

@@TherapistTamaraHill come on psychs back us up.. lobby for childrens rights! psychiatrists/ psychologists are the where the buck stops with the law .. you guys could change policy to be preventative rather than waiting for abuse to happen . we dont let kids vote for a reason .. we shouldnt let psychopaths parent for the same reasons.. there needs to be a threshold of cognitive ability

[@xrc7445]

"Very depraved of morality" Well, my dad, besides being physically, mentally and emotionally abusive, also viewed me as his second wife and would treat me like a jealous bf, so yes, they're very depraved.

[@dark7angel456]

Thats screwed up. Im dealing with very awkward family now, inappropriate remarks and no conscience and laughter at things that arent funny, always trying to get me upset or wreck my moods. And playing constant mind games on my state of being and wrecking my internal peace they have no guilt or apologies it is so disturbing

[@aljazkolar]

my father was definetly psychopath. Every emotion on the inside of me was considered a problem to get destroyed. And he was like a robot

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

I'm sorry. Never easy when it is a parent who you are born into this world automatically trusting.

[@SSMITH-so6fn]

I am a man, and my mother is very emotionally distant from me constant character assassination , but she is very caring to outsiders, so people think her slander of my person is well deserved. i am amazed how many women she has as flying monkeys, i rarely deal with women

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

That's interesting. Some sociopaths have a lot of supporters. But not knowing the facts for your specific situation I cannot say 100%.

[@MsThe90]

My mother is also like that. I have come to realise she doesn't actually have any empathy for other. She just likes to fill her empty shell of ego with praise from others. The more she hates, envies someone the more she's indirectly begging for praise from them.

[@fliss7570]

My mother is like that. I'm only really connecting the dots now

[@smo4069]

@@fliss7570 good luck with this, my mother has psychopathic tendencies and has been such a heartbreak to get my head around. Just in case you feel worse after coming to terms with it just remember it’s a long road until you see the light. There’s a tough road but you’ll get there in the end. It’s so so difficult and not many people can accept it either that your parent has ASPD or is a psychopath but they exist and others out there do understand xx

[@darkskinisalwaysin]

I think a lot of them like to hide behind religion too; it gives them a sense of power.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

That's a good point. They do! It's sad because they paint a bad picture for those who truly do live by the principles of a healthy religion. It's sad because they take money, portray themselves as martyrs, etc. Very distasteful.

[@truth4utoda]

I agree with you both. Yes.

[@Heyokasireniei468sxso]

my parents are the criminal version, thank you for saying what a mother is supposed to be like they had me thinking im crazy in those regards. my mom the other day said i had no empathy for her after telling me to die of aids

[@samanthamarshall8639]

You made so many points that describe my mother to a "T". I am 41 and an only child, I have been crushed by mother through out my life. Almost like being in an abusive relationship. The constant push and pull of emotions, her making feel confused or even crazy at times. Her laughing at my heart break. Thank you for taking the time to make these videos.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

You're welcome! I'm glad this was helpful. It's very challenging to have a parent like this. Once you come out of all of that "abuse" you realize ...I don't need this...I have been traumatized. I'm sorry. But I'm also glad you were validated through this video.

[@dark7angel456]

I can relate! She likes to make fun of my pain so does my WHOLE FAMILY... ive come across alot of pyschopaths.

[@michelemurphy3541]

It IS an abusive relationship. It took me a very long time to understand, you have relationships with everyone-meaning, abuse models can apply to everyone you have a relationship with. If the person;parent, friend, co worker, boss is being abusive, it is an abusive relationship. We need to talk more about that to sort of dispel the confusion of picking up the parent child relationship is wonky and mirrors an ‘abusive relationship’ *context of lover because the abuse model is same **and there can be many abuse models that fit. SoI f you are reading this, confused, wondering why you parent child relationship looks like a lover abusive relationship, it is.

[@itsYourChance]

My mom used to to have me locked up in mental facilities for teens....but i was running from her. She needed to be locked up. Shes done so much.not criminal.but crazy still but still so smart and plays it off as if shes dumb. Shes a leader in a church but she's crazy.but its a mask. Shes caused me pain and manipulative ways. I feel ashamed to say. It shouldnt be so. I have no mother. She used to try to lose me in stores as a little girl. I would never do what shes done to me.. to my kids. Shes competitive. Always needs be heard seen loud annoying on purpose. Hates men. Doesnt want her kids to find love or success. Shes not diagnosed.shes avoided counseling..but always sentme to it. Those counselors told me something is wrong with her. She laughs at pain. Or smirks!!!! If we are happy and laughing, she hates when we all laugh at funny things. Shes a stalker...to me.. her eyes pop out ifu ever tell her no thank u to anything she offers. I swear what she offers is cursed literally.. she scares me

[@Homoclite]

I gotta get my head right for this one! And remember NOT to type a huge essay! This is going to be REALLY good!

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

😇

[@fairygurl9269]

♡ she hasn't discouraged my Thought essays, im still working to Improve and Organize thoughts to Simplify them...sometimes hard bunch of memories pop in at once ♡♡ much respect for your Journey♡

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

😅

[@suzsiz]

My mom has psychopatic traits. She has gotten Worse with age, getting paranoid and schizo traits and also more aggressive. Really sad😢 I want her to be admitted to psych ward but she refuses help becus «there’s nothing wrong with her» No self-reflection. 🙄 My Dad has gotten a restraining order against her.

[@AdamantlyAdams]

Oh boy! The good news is that, I'm learning what I experienced as a child. When I compile everything, my mother and her deceased husband are psychopaths. And, their friends, and my uncle are not functioning adults. Afterwards I wonder, where is the love? When it comes down to it, It's my duty to meet my mother's needs and realities. As a result, now, I know know who my opponents are and what they're doing. Thanks to you Tamara for this one here! I love turning over every stone to find out why it was so horrible. That's to my advantage 😂😊

[@elizamarie3379]

thank you for making this video. it confirmed everything i thought about my father. he was granted custody right before i turned 13, even though my mom had come forward for years with evidence of my sister and i being se*****y a***ed abused by him and his son. he convinced everyone she had brainwashed us and i am now going to physical therapy for pelvic floor dysfunction and remembering everything. this put so many dots together, especially about how he has treated me coldly, angrily, and neglected me for so many years after claiming he was the keeper of peace. i cannot thank you enough.

[@catherineharber6514]

Thank you so much Támara for your integrity on addressing the uncomfortable truth that some of the white collar professionals are psychopaths. My dad was a respected attorney and knew how to win over the approval of the community while being depraved to his spouse and children behind closed doors. Thankfully, I made the decision to sever ties from him a decade ago, and my life has run much smoother.

[@user-wi3yx3gy2o]

It’s hard for me to remember my moms ex boyfriend, even though he was the one who around me basically 16-24 hours per day from ages 6-13. My mom was a traveling medical sales rep with a territory of all of northern and central California (Reno to Bakersfield to San Francisco to a Crescent City). She only slept at home half the time or less. She moved this guy she barely knew (he was her waiter in Reno basically) in with us and immediately left me alone with him all the time from 6-12. She dated a lot of other guys after my dad died (and left me with my grandparents all the time) before this guy moved in. She someone settled on this creep. He was highly impulsive grandiose parasitic and abusive he would have her buy him all sorts of cars motorcycles and other toys. But I honestly cannot remember much of anything that happened when I was home or when I was around him. At first, he isolated me from other kids except going to school. Before, I spent a lot of time with my grandparents. But he isolated me and my mom from family. He made me do all the household chores, made me jog every weekend with him (he ran and did sone fun-run type competitive races). He threw out all my toys and other things, and that’s just the things I will mention. He was irrationally violent and he kept me in a state of constant terror. Later on, he pawned me off on babysitters after school so he had time to do god knows what. He started going to college 3 hours away, had a few short-lived jobs, and was cheating in my mom a lot apparently. Most things that happened are fuzzy or a complete black hole. I only remember bits and pieces of things before age 13.

[@dark7angel456]

It's a harsh reality to accept. That they have no empathy

[@Homoclite]

Ok...Creepy As Hades! I've briefly seen places very similar to what you've described in Southern California. As for parents, it wouldn't surprise me if my own biological father was a sociopath...which makes me think he's where my sibling inherited the nonsense from. I once had a coworker who described his parents with the coldness you spoke about. In his demeanor and etc... I believe him, but didn't think at the time that his parents were either psychopaths or sociopaths. Great Video! This gives me more clarity on experiences that I've had with people outside of my family.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Thank you! And yes, it is creepy. It's even more creepy when you see where some of these individuals may live. Some live in really beautiful areas and homes which cloaks their evil a lot. There's really only one slight difference between and sociopath and a psychopath and that is that the sociopath tends to be less "smooth" in how they operate in their lives. Psychopaths tend to be calm, cool, and collected through almost anything they are apart of. Sociopaths aren't as smooth. So you may be seeing some overlap in and outside of your family for sure.

[@Homoclite]

There are a few areas in and around the city of Los Angeles and wealthier sub cities that certainly give off those vibes! Much of the heinous stuff in those areas are never reported by the news media.

[@dark7angel456]

I feel this is whats hapoening to me. I have no emotional supportive ppl, i feel so alone and sad, hardened, by fact that theyre like this.

[@mariacastro2682]

Psychopath..when you see this you know…they have no “startle response”…massive ceiling fan comes down inches from them “no response “ no change in the face ,eyes don’t widen..mother and sister both are in this category…frightening people

[@xkero]

My mom is a psychopath. I'm a dark empath, but I don't use it for bad, I use it more to protect myself. So luckily, I'm able to tell immediately what my mom's trying to do. I've recently found out how to annoy her, too. I only annoy her to the point she stops completely and leaves. Because I don't feel like being around her, and as her 13 year old child, that's disappointing to say, but it's true. That's why it sounds like I'm talking like that's my enemy or friend I'm annoyed of. Because I don't see her as a mother anymore.

[@tiablasangoriti8347]

Fantastic overview of the intense subject matter Tamara. It is a heavy topic for sure. It needs to be talked about in 2022. Thank you for raising the awareness. This is ignored content that I've been documenting for three years. I'm glad you're speaking on it. 300 million people need to hear it. One of my research writing pieces covers this subject matter. As I think about it today, I intend to shift the genre from a memoir/autobiographical piece to one that does not slam a country or a culture. That can have tremendous blowback in an Authoritarian fuctioning nation. Just ask the investigative journalists in the world like Assange, Binny & Manning. After doing some soul searching and deep reflection, I now intend to readjust repackage my research. I will be a Science Fiction piece or a Fable. That will put more weight on the issues at hand as opposed to slamming the psychopaths and sociopaths individually. Thanks for sharing your 13+ years of professional insight and brilliant wisdom with us. It is so helpful indeed. Be Well.

[@ellakramar1931]

My father is like that. Emotionally distant, gets bored easily. Angry hyper at the drop of a hat. He beat our school psychologist once. He beat his manager at work. Criticizing everyone. He cant take criticism himself. Has no boundaries..cast me to the wind...

[@itsYourChance]

My mom.its terrible and they can be so smart and avoid diagnosis.but im sure she is a narc and eith bipolar and or this.. shes in her 60s but oh a torturing person

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

I'm sorry. This is often the hardest thing to accept when it comes to parents -- but primarily mothers. Who suspects their mother?

[@unalekuze6814]

OMG, that is my father and mother down to the core! Thank you for making this video! It definitely explains a lot if not everything. Is it possible to recover and not repeat the parents' traits?

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

I'm so sorry. That's tough for sure. But you're welcome! I'm glad this was helpful. It is possible to be absolutely NOTHING like your parent. Genetics are strong for psychopathy but that's not the only determinate of the personality disorder. So many other factors such as education, loving caregivers or experiences/relationships, etc. can all influence you as well.

[@unalekuze6814]

@@TherapistTamaraHill Thank you so much ❤️! I watched all of your videos on the subject, and all of the things hit home and are on point, and I also understand the behaviour that is being taught, like planning all of your conversations/movements ahead of time, hiding certain things, etc, but that can be unlearned, right?They did point out to me repeatedly that I seem foreign to them, as if I'm not really their child, so I'm putting a lot of hope in that.😂

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

☺You're welcome!! LOL Some people would do that.

[@truth4utoda]

Waiting on this !

[@yellowcottagetales]

Watching a lot of videos and reading articles for research, and this is the best one. Great work!

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Great to hear! Thank you! And glad this is helpful.

[@tiablasangoriti8347]

You are brilliant Therapist T! Keep of the masterful sharing of your higher learning. Be Well.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Thank you!☺❤

[@nicolecasper364]

How do you prove these psycopathic tendencies in court when they can charm their way out of things. In a custody battle

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Very good question. The sad reality is that not many courts can readily identify these people. The court system sometimes seems to support psychopathic individuals because psychopaths know how to play the game and play by the rules. The court system has a black and white approach to everything and a psychopath can ride that line very well. We simply need more knowledge among legal staff.

[@thedancingqueen9567]

Mom lies all the time about just everythig. I mean she never tells the truth of anything and often exagerates and blows things out of proportions. I often feel like my guts are constantly pulled as she is trying to make me do something with constant manipulation. Couple of times she'd gotten into her head that we gotta kill our family dog which is in reality not in such condition that we'd have to! Why is she like this, could she be psycho or have tendensies? Does she just enjoy the possible pain inflicted by this event if pulled through? I have explanation to her behavior, allthough some is definately narcisistic. But I know she's as crazy as to really do eliminate the dog and not feel much about that has gotten me thinking...

[@troytroy9958]

This was very interesting thanks for that knowledge.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

You're welcome!! Thanks for watching. And glad this was helpful.

[@lorrainecortes7296]

Thanks for this important information!

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

You're welcome!

[@hanifahal-amin3583]

Wow! Yes. Unnerving.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Indeed! They do exist. Sometimes it's hard to believe.

[@truth4utoda]

Scary but true. Lived near someone like this.

[@innocent3723]

Very informative knowledge I got a lot of great tools from this thank you 🙏 for all you’re help sweets 🍭

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

You are so welcome! ❤ And thank you.

[@Bojan_V]

This is very disturbing indeed. Also these type of people are causing so much harm and suffering at the time of wars and revolutions when the legal sistem doesn't exist. I remember stories about horrible things going on when wars happend on the teritory of ex- Yugoslavia. There is one problem more to the victims of such horrible abuses too. Sometimes they encounter their psychopathic abusers on the street or elswhere in life, because the legal sistem failed to lock them up in jail! Few years ago i was reading about a survivor who encountered her abuser on the street several times and he threatened her! She and many other woman, man and also children experienced horrors so bad that i don't want to write it here. But many of psychopaths had parents who were either psychopaths, or who had some other type of personality disorder (malignant narcissism etc.).

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Thank you for sharing this. I think it's important for me to highlight in this comment as well that different countries and regions experience psychopathology in different ways. Psychopaths in Spain may be very different than psychopaths in the US or Canada. This is an important point because behaviors and dispositions may be displayed differently based on where the psychopathic parent is from.

[@atheistbewildered2987]

They are so easy to miss

[@anotherdayjustbreathe2063]

Great video and very informative, these topics always so fascinating. thank you for all you do! If you haven’t already touched off this topic, would you please consider talking about the type of personality that wouldn’t actively or directly murder but they’re almost as dangerous as a murderer as in, they would knowingly and comfortably take several steps back / turn a blind eye and ALLOW you to die or allow serious harm to come your health and safety ? All the while if they’re confronted they’ve kept their hands clean and there’s plausible deniability and feigned ignorance etc etc But their pattern of strategic inaction, definitely has a sinister ring to it… Aren’t those types of people as dangerous as murderers ?? Especially if they’re close to you and play it off to everyone else that they love you.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Thank you! I would say these are simply psychopaths. You may find some of that information in my previous video on psychopaths vs sociopaths: kzbin.info/www/bejne/gGnKfpptedmNnqM. Or this one on sociopathic males kzbin.info/www/bejne/iWS6kGetr7Cqr6s. I will be doing a KZbin live chat in February so I will try to touch on this then as well.

[@anotherdayjustbreathe2063]

@@TherapistTamaraHill Thanks for the reply and for the answer, I’ll check those out, much appreciated. I look forward to your live and will be tuning in. Hope you have a good day!

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Thank you and you too!!

[@yashny]

Deos kiling birds for fun during childhood count? I know someone who did this. They didn't eat it they just killed the pigeons for fun and not as an adult they are quite abusive and rageful to their family but pretend to be normal in public.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Yes. Absolutely. There is an inability to empathize and feel shame for taking a life, even if the life is a bird. There is a cold and distant edge to this and this is why psychopathy and sociopathy is often diagnosed.

[@yashny]

@@TherapistTamaraHill thank you for letting me know

[@oppressednolonger1497]

rural areas with people who reside there in possession of hunting tokens and tools, as well as the trophy items that are displayed as a symbol of hunting skills is not in itself the indicator in any observeable way to denote sociopathy/psychopathy.

[@janethomas78]

psychopaths gaslight

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

they also stonewall, manipulate, triangulate, emotional exhaust, and make you feel out of touch with reality. They are aweful parents.

[@HomeFrendsten]

Psychopaths sociopaths narcsists are not fit to b parents

[@sianrudd9167]

As a little girl….My mum locked me in a dark cellar til 1am, pushed my face in a bowl of hot porridge and pushed my head under water in the bath. No love, praise only hatred.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

I'm so sorry. That's terrifying and callous. You may benefit from watching the replay of my live chat from yesterday: kzbin.infoqslTrXoptfw

[@samco63]

What percentage of the population would be a sociopath or psychopath, do you think? Or have lots of the traits?

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Sam, the percentage rate of psychopaths in the adult general population is about 4/5%. Using the PCL-R which is the golden standard assessment for psychopathy shows a percentage of 1.2%. You want to be careful Googling statistics to explain this. Google has many statistics on psychopaths which tends to be contradictory. You may find this article helpful: www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7219694/

[@samco63]

@@TherapistTamaraHill thank you!

[@bc986frAPBc]

​@TherapistTamaraHill Tamara, they are actually really common. There are a lot more than what the official statistics say. 😢

[@kimberlydavis5034]

Can children be a psychopath or young adults? What would be the signs and behavioral issues for children and young adults?

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Good question. I talk a bit about that here: 1. kzbin.info/www/bejne/n5vJlpKqfpyGr68 - the road to sociopathy.

[@anuradhajoshi9492]

What can I do about my situation please help me I cannot live with my mother another day or ill become crazy too I am not in a good condition physically and I don't the money to move out what do I do ?

[@slkjess1206]

I’m sorry your going through your situation. No doubt you can get through it. I believe in you. I am in a similar situation ( early 20’s ), I have never even had a long term job. I’m not giving up tho. I know one day I will make it out this dungeon of hell. Stay strong, seek professional help, and only trust yourself to help you.

[@patiaurelio]

If you’re an adult with the capability of work… leave. Get a job, save, move on…

[@HomeFrendsten]

They are indecent and lack disciplline

[@dark7angel456]

I always HATED their humour. I am disturbed of their humour

[@williampankratz600]

Ms. Hill seems to focus on men being the predator when its closer to a 50/50 thing where any gender has that ability

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

That's because these stats are closest to the truth: "Research has consistently found that the prevalence of psychopathy is higher in male offenders and prisoners than in female offenders and prisoners (see the review of Beryl et al., 2014)." - www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.661044/full#:~:text=Research%20has%20consistently%20found%20that%20the%20prevalence%20of,%28see%20the%20review%20of%20Beryl%20et%20al.%2C%202014%29. AND Mar 1, 2022 · "About 1.2% of U.S. adult men and 0.3% to 0.7% of U.S. adult women are considered to have clinically significant levels of psychopathic traits. Those numbers rise exponentially in prison, where 15% to 25% of inmates show these characteristics" (Burton, B., & Saleh, F. M., Psychiatric Times, Vol. 37, No. 10, 2020). www.apa.org/monitor/2022/03/ce-corner-psychopathy It's something I also see consistently in my work. It's disturbing but there is a lot of research into why one gender has the highest percentage over the other.