What no one tells you about narcissistic abuse

[@meadowdevor]

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[@dianahill5116]

I'm atheist.

[@Psych333]

The predatory stare is for real. Once you see them do it to someone (especially younger girls), it haunts you and you can’t explain what you just saw. It’s horrific. It’s the real face of the shameful evil.

[@meadowdevor]

Chills. So true.

[@budayjerang2195]

Exactly 💯.

[@francesbernard2445]

There is a kind of demeanor which is frightening to see on a persons face. When being isolated with a person like that for most of your waking hours during the entire first 8 years of our lives or longer we become desensitized when seeing it. Then after a long period of not having to put up with that sort of thing it is almost like we are trying to catch up on lost time when being hypervigilant concerning both others and ourselves too. Today a group of people started bullying me or bullying the person sitting across from me holding what looked like maybe a set of prayer beads from another nation. The leader of that group said in a louder sarcastic sounding voice, "I can tell you are one of those." I couldn't tell who he was trying to bully most. Me or her holding the beads while she was wearing what looked like a hijab or a nun's habit.

[@noverguy]

THE STARE...yes! If I only knew THEN what I know now. By staring back at us, we assume they are "in agreement" with what we are talking about.....but its just not true...that stare is a one of a kind thing...its not normal. Run away...

[@vwiccy]

‘The stare’ came from my mother to other women and girls … so it doesn’t even have to do with a man staring at a girl, kind of thing - I’m not sure why she didn’t give “the stare” to men, but it was always girl children (weird and more about behavior controlling, as far as I can tell) or women - critically, like she wanted to rip them apart - once she was staring so very cynically at this couple who were together. And older woman was with them - a beautiful older women and a beautiful younger women - my mother said after a long hateful stare and analysis, “Of course *he* is with the younger women” - well my mother’s hearing was not good and she did not hear that the older woman was the young women’s ***mother*** - I’m not sure how my mother’s eyesight was skewed, but the younger man and younger woman looked exactly the same age, with the older women being the age of a parent, obviously to anyone’s normal eyes 🤦🏼‍♀️

[@stylist62]

The narc will do things to hurt you then punish you when you get upset until they break you emotionally

[@elizabethsheffield6609]

......... YEP - USING THEIR BLAME-SHIFTING-EXCUSES for the breakdown of the relationship........yep .... been there/done it/ worn the T Shirt.

[@macnchessplz]

Yes and when there is sociopathy also involved it’s worse (and usually criminal in nature).

[@comments3179]

I saw this stare. He looked at me like he was a lion and I was his prey. Will never forget it.

[@Kelly-oe8kr]

Like an animal excited about the imminent attack, yep I know it well

[@richellepeace4457]

That stare is you being profiled by multiple demons. Every time you see that, run and pray if you are open to it.

[@michelelewis5666]

Wow-wee!! I am so glad you brought this up! I teach a spiritual warfare class at my church and have learned that demons are incredibly narcissistic. My ex quit coming into the house (when he came by to pick up the kids) after I sprayed holy water around.😂

[@elisadelaurenti2516]

I don't run away. I smile real big and stare back. It scares them.

[@ST-ff1zd]

That stare, as they plan how to hurt you.

[@yvonnegourlay2557]

Eph. 6. [12] For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

[@immers2410]

How’s the private jet?

[@boisebabe2179]

My blood ran cold when she said “that stare” even when you’re not looking at them. I always wondered what was going on in his mind.

[@VeronicaThompson-k7t]

Another 🚩 Personal questions coming too soon for a situation. The narcissist loves being in control, so whoever asks you personal questions is in control in fact. I found myself “guessing”, but being hesitant to ask any personal questions with new people. Then it down on me that the people who “jump” on me quickly with many questions are manipulators. They try to force me to start meeting their expectations and judgments as they keep questioning… in a friendly tone, but cold intent. Then when they’re satisfied with my energy drained they simply look away, walk away. I’m supposed to stand there re-examining all I just told them. Not anymore!

[@TrthBHld]

I had a partner ask me tons of questions thinking they really wanted to get to know me only turn around and use them to make fun of me for jokes then get their family to call me insecure for saying that's wrong behavior. Buhbye...

[@PulseCodeModulate]

The most difficult aspect of survival for me was the inability to shut down the constant rumination in my mind from the three plus decades of crazy making and trauma bonding. Trying to understand the absolute meaninglesssness of all the love, affection and work that went in to the relationship and that there is no solution or resolve, boggles any healthy mind. Thank you for your work. Jeffrey Z. in SC

[@janiecepoush1904]

I Listened to Jordan B Peterson… & Then A Neuro Scientist (Brain), & Gained an Understanding for RUMINATION, which is Triggered by theSympathetic Nervous System, ie., The “Fight, Flight, Freeze, or, Fawn,” modes. When Someone is in FEAR, and/or PAIN… Rumination is the zBrain Connecting All the DOTS, TRYING to Figure Out a Solution to STOP the PAIN! Jordan B Peterson said, “People will Ruminate for: Days, Weeks, Months, & Years & Mot be able to Sleep for Decades, even!” •••••••••••••••••••••••••• SO RUMINATION IS A NORMAL, HUMAN REACTION!••••••••••••••••••••••••••

[@Phoenixrising0000]

Same, this drove me nuts for months and still boggles my mind 11 months out

[@michelelewis5666]

Thank you for this! Because of my rumination, I have felt like there is something wrong with me. A more mature person wouldn’t ruminate so much, right? I guess the goal is to ruminate less and less as we heal. And it really takes a long time when we are healing from narcissism because of their lack of remorse, their entitlement, and everything else that goes along with this truly horrible kind of person. 😢❤️

[@PulseCodeModulate]

@@michelelewis5666I don't think maturity factors in much with these abusive practices. A secret I use to overcoming rumination is paying close attention to my feelings while it is taking place. The power of not being able to escape is that the emotions hold you hostage in your body. Anger, bitterness, frustration and exasperation are what keeps you chained. Little by little, if you can attach faith, hope, love and appreciation (that you are out now) in the middle of the ruminating, you will find it slowly dies. Think of it like a bell that's been rung- it takes a while for the sound to decay from when it is first struck. Hope this helps and take care. Jeffrey Z. in SC

[@JuanelosLibre]

I would suggest talking to a therapist. I have suffered with constant rumination most of my life. Not until recently has it begun to fade.

[@palmereldritch_6669]

This is something that I learned from my one narcissistic relationship. She was NOT human. I had the insight at one point that there was no there behind her eyes, that she was a black hole, that even the nice gestures were a facsimile, a manipulation. When I finally cut the cord, she tried to manipulate me, reel me back in with sex and other transparent shennanigans. But I knew when I was done that wanted nothing more to do with her, like at all.

[@biondna7984]

I think growing up with a narcissistic parent grooms us to find narcissistic behavior normal. My mother was a somewhat narcissistic alcoholic, whose moods were unpredictable daily, and often about anger, resentment and self-pity. I went on to get love-bombed by, and marry, another narcissist whom I got free of after 24 years. 18 years after the divorce, he's still trying to get money from me. Meanwhile, I'm 21 years alcohol-free, and have ceased being a people-pleaser. I still use, like Phoenix above, my sense of humor to get people to laugh, to win them over, even before I'm sure I WANT them in my life. I'm still working on living more mindfully. It's getting better and my second marriage was heavenly, only ended by his illness.

[@justsewit_tk5477]

My father was overt and mother is covert with a covert enabling husband! My father chose to be estranged from me, wrote me a letter to tell me I was no longer a part of his family. Then when he got sick he reached out only to find out if he was a grandfather or not. I didn’t tell him. I spent twenty years grieving after he wrote that letter. I didn’t know I really was abused until someone pointed it out to me. It’s been 7 years since I was last in my mother’s house, the day of my estranged father’s funeral. People deal with my mother, yet they believe her over me. I’m the one who is told to repair the relationship!

[@meadowdevor]

I’m so sorry that you went through this too. And I was so glad you’re here. Thank you for sharing your insight.❤️

[@jo-annahicks3324]

Can soooo relate to yourcomment!

[@sun_rose123]

You're not alone ❤

[@nickf2170]

Narcissistic bosses are great for this stare. If you challenge them, or act with autonomy they short circuit inside....and they will absolutely give you the predator stare. Handle this by turning your ear to them, when they speak, and when you speak, turn your head to lock eye contact with them, and hold that eye contact until you are done talking. Then turn your ear back to them. They will crumble.

[@muchamocha7]

I think the predatory stare first occurs when they spot the initial weakness in you. They realize they have a new toy to play with. I want to learn how to not give off that sort of vulnerable energy; how am I doing that? I don't know how they see it.

[@wendybond2848]

The problem with having a narcissistic parent is that you grow up thinking you don’t matter. It’s easier then,to accept poor behaviour by a partner or not notice the red flags.

[@othmane-mezian]

Kind of learned desentization.. greetings from Morocco

[@TrthBHld]

Absolutely, it's all a person knows. Red flags are familiar, home, the only type of love they identify with - even though it hurts and is unhealthy. Makes perfect sense, understandable

[@KitKat_293]

4:00 yes the parallel is excellent because when people dont have stable food as kids they don't really know how to naturally pace themselves with food as adults. they will be prone to over-eating or binging in the same way kids with unstable parents will be prone to love binging or not have a concept of what love should be. in fact binge eating or binge drinking are common adulthood illnesses for neglected or abused kids. it's all very closely connected

[@angierox6964]

100% I find that it’s very difficult for me to describe a lot of the behaviors because they’re so odd. And so covert that I sound petty or I sound crazy when I’m trying to describe it so unless somebody already has knowledge of the diagnosis I find it’s easiest to avoid and change the topic.

[@Rabswood296]

Yes exactly this so when discussing it or raising it with some one just refer to it as 'their personality ' I say things like because of 'his personality...' people can grasp the difficulties of dealing with someone who has a 'difficult' personality

[@MeganVincent-tl4tg]

Yes! They use plausible deniability also so if you were to confront them about their behavior they could easily dismiss it and turn it back onto you!

[@davidestabrook5367]

My narcissist neighbours don't respect my boundaries, so they repeatedly try to store their stuff, on my property It's odd, and when I try talking about it, people don't understand, and think I'm overreacting. I've had to send 3 emails to the housing trust, about the neighbours violating their tenancy agreement, by storing petrol in their storage cupboard. But they won't get rid of it, and they won't stop propping open the fire and security doors.

[@annmurray2832]

As a child i was taught to tolerate a nd placate abuse,putting my feelings away and elevating the pyscopath.Set me up to recieve abuse and stay too loong in it as an adult.69 now ,never too late to listen to Jesus who says the truth about me.

[@TurnAroundwithMaryOver55-fq2lm]

Yes! Almost 73 here. Alone but at least I can be myself!

[@cynthiabrennan3860]

I feel for you, sister! I, too, stayed until very recently, and always believed I was too deficient to find happiness, and the only bit of security I would ever have in the world was in the cocoon of my “family”. I hate that my entire life (until very recently) was utterly ruled by a mother who tortured me psychologically and told me since childhood that there was so much wrong with me, that the world could never love me, that the only love I would ever receive would be the “love” she gave me. I believed so many of her lies. I’m 62 and am deeply scarred by a lifetime spent in the thrall of a narcissist. I hope God gives me another decade or two before He takes me home, to heal some, and discover who I truly am through Christ who loves me.

[@MoteOfDust430]

Gosh, I sure wish you guys had been around even 35 years ago. Thank you for being here how

[@2daldridge]

Yep I remember doing research on a boyfriend in my 40's and for the first seeing the word Narcissist and realizing this described my parents.

[@ThePapppy]

I think that stare always freaks me out! I feel the wrongness of it immediately! It happened the other day ! It gives me a sick feeling in my gut

[@OptimisticMaya]

This video was SO valuable. I feel seen and heard. I could relate to everything they discussed. Covert narcissism is the worst kind and the metaphor used in the video relating it to second-hand smoke is very accurate .. slowly killing you (your soul, your sense of reality, your sanity, your health and on and on) and you don’t even know it’s happening.

[@goobygoo2]

For me the most important part of this video is the question you ask at 9:47. If someone hasn't experienced narcissistic abuse it's like the story of the natives that had never seen a ship so they didn't know that a ship existed, and therefore, could not have prepared for the ship (that they could not see) that showed up on their shore to take their island and destroy their lives. The blank stare you get from the person you're trying to explain narcissistic abuse to (who has not experienced it) can be as damaging as the narcissist's stare. Then they comment with something like, "It doesn't sound so bad, maybe you need to mellow out." And, yes, narcissists seem inhuman and alien-like.

[@davidestabrook5367]

Other people just don't understand how toxic it is, when people jump to the defence of your abusers. "Have you ever thought you might be misinterpreting them?" "Being a parent is hard, as you're not a parent, you just don't know". "People with autism get accused of being a narcissist all the time. Are you sure you're not overreacting?" People with NPD can't behave in any other way, than to abuse people close to them. But people who aren't narcissists have a choice, and they're choosing to rush to the defense of abusers. At this point, I have more contempt for the narcissist defenders, than the narcissists.

[@Idontevencareaboutmyopinion]

You can almost feel it. Especially when you make your boundaries known to them and they think they can get past your boundaries. The one that is focused on me right now just tried to grief grift to get by it. Gray rock all day long baby! I learned even when you go through therapy, its still okay to keep them at distance. You don't owe them anything. It's not your fault! Wicked is as wicked does. I've also learned narcissists can be abused by narcissists as well.

[@christiededman182]

The stare changed from admiration obsessive to hate filled obsessive from my narc tormenter who I saw 6 days a week - I tried to explain to someone who I thought was my close friend but they ended up dismissing it -- It took my daughter watching from a distance to see what I was talking about -- I hate myself for letting this person into our lives. I will say my husband believed me from the beginning and hated this person from the start -- listen to the people that love you when they're telling you someone is evil and up to no good.

[@mshiker]

after my divorce to a pathological narc I fell too soon for a guy who was flattering me..being a gentleman..bringing me flowers etc but: he sucked all my energy every time he entered my space. I started to think there was something wrong with this man. It was: he had been 5 times engaged, four times married and divorced, broke and in debt..like really bad. Had to let him go.

[@janelleanderson6744]

Smart.

[@gwendolynwehage6336]

The thing that stood out as God opened my eyes to narcissism was that I lived with narcissistic family members who learned from one another how to treat me. My mother was mean, rude and disrespectful and trained by example the others to treat me this way. I grew up hating the rude mean things they used to say and do but feeling like I was "too sensitive" to normal banter. But it wasn't normal, it was only portrayed as normal and I was the silly one who didn't like it. I was called rebellious by a brother for not wanting to lift weights, I was 12 and hated that sort of activity but he labeled me rebellious because I would not do it. My mother wanted me to fail, saying things like "you will be pregnant by the time you're 16 when I wasn't having sex with anyone, as though she wanted me to fail. I was not pregnant until I married and have remained married to my husband for 53 years now. I am convinced my family picked on me out of jealousy, I was a child who enjoyed lots of different kinds of things and every thing I tied they mocked about and demeaned me. There is no doubt they all wanted me to fail and it caused monstrous jealousy in all of them when I didn't fail. I have never heard one nice word from them over the years about anything, only dismissiveness and mocking.

[@PaigeSquared]

My mom will say nice things to others about me, but not to me. It is a power thing, like if she admitted i was capable of basic things, she might have to include me in the plans for things, like she would with a human being.

[@jb.stiehl]

Look into the family scapegoat role.

[@davidestabrook5367]

I'm sorry you both suffered from narcissistic family members. I've heard other people give the same story. Never hearing any encouragement or kind words from them, but they praise you to other people. They do this because having successful family members makes their image to others look good. But they criticise you to your face, because they have to feel like they are the best person in the room.

[@NFTeve]

I dislike negativity BUT I watch many narcisist videos, videos about cults and such becasue if I dont, I forget and some narc comes along suck up all my evergy or tries to use me in some way. Both my parents are full blown abusive narcs, so its a lot of education and awareness to not fall into the familiar sceanario. xoxox Love to you. There are good people out there, I seek them out.

[@jonathanstrand2474]

Glad you both caught it early. After a series of Narcs, thankfully not romantic relationships, but then all my real & close friends died. And then Covid, isolation, & with too much time to reflect. I’m an empath, with both ADHD, autism spectrum AND an auditory learning disability. All my attention is on the meaning of the words, clues like body language, sarcasm, even insults, I’m oblivious. I’m also 68, far too late to learn these things, much less the practice a change in my behavior. Narcs instantly see the perfect mark, who’s not in the moment verbally. It’s only after the conversation when I review, that I feel the sting. A new one recently tried, 14 days in I knew what she was, but I don’t make my own opportunities for friends 2 or 3 at a time was the most ever in my circle. The verbal glitch means I’m just not socialized…..where would I even go, it’s a verbal world.

[@PaigeSquared]

Look for other neurodivergent people! I had no idea. I remember reading "divergent mind" by Jenara Nerenberg, and feeling hopeful, I opened myself up to the idea of finding others that I could be friends with. It makes such a difference when you can vibe with someone!! 😊

[@jackrippper3389]

I've seen this stare many times and as early as 1995 when I was a child. I always thought something was wrong with me or people were just disgusted with me. When you get a stare like that, what follows is a SERIES of insults or uncomfortable situations. One teacher that death stared at me even stood me up infront of the class to humiliate me and said "shame on you". I didn't react and just sat back down because I didn't do anything wrong. Later that year at camp, this teacher took a photo of me I wasn't aware of and gave it to me. I had a nightmare about that teacher too.

[@stupensardi2783]

I am so sorry you both had to endure the abuse aswell. When the puzzle pieces fell together for me it was a major shock. I was in total disbelief and at the same time relieved to finally make sense of it all. I still sometimes feel like I am in a bad dream and need to wake up.

[@kkey4700]

Very well said by Phoenix their lack of normal human functioning and responses is unfathomable. Thank you

[@Naomi-vs1tl]

Yes, this stood out to me, too. My father and at least one sibling were narcs, and when I was growing up, I used to have this dream where my father looked over at me and coolly said, "Can't, Naomi. Coupons." Coupons, I guess, being his word for nada, nothing, zippo, zilch, never, not ever going to happen. I simply don't care about you. I read books about fathers, made list of questions to ask him to get him to talk, tried ridiculously hard over the years to make a connection with him. (I didn't learn about narcissism until recently, or I wouldn't have wasted so much time and energy.) In the end, two weeks before he died, he changed his will to disinherit me and my siblings at the behest and threat of abandonment by his wife (not my mother) who had been trying to get him to die for years. I didn't and don't miss him. I never cried or grieved his death. It was actually a relief not to have to deal with him any more. My only grief is all the time and effort I wasted trying to connect with someone who never cared about me. It's such a mind-fuck, especially as a child, to realize that the parent you've been trying so hard to connect with ever since you were born, isn't human enough to do it. Of course, there was all kinds of abuse as I was growing up, lots of beatings and punishments over nothing, designed to provoke lots of negative emotion, which only evoked more punishment. He fed off it. But, the worst was the absolute impossibility of any genuine human connection. And it seemed like he had no clue that anything was missing. How can you ever explain it to anyone who hasn't experienced it?

[@phalinimcleod8819]

I like Ms Gould's perspective that she wishes that there could be more education so that even people who have not been through narcissistic abuse could be educated to understand how insidious narcissistic abuse is and how deeply, thoroughly damaging it is to its victims.

[@sandys2672]

Oh yes, when we first find out about NPD, it’s as if someone was a fly on the walls of our lives. It is profoundly Unsettling, astounding, and ultimately liberating provided we follow the steps to freedom and healing, in that order.

[@KBArchery]

I can relate! I didn’t know my mother was a narcissistic until my late 40’s too!! Yes I was a chameleon hoping for breadcrumbs “Being stared at like a predator” Tension in the body Thank you Your voice is so beautiful

[@meadowdevor]

Thanks for watching. I am glad you enjoyed the discussion.

[@oberonmatheny7147]

Just yesterday I made the comment "unless you experience it, you will never understand.... never conceived... and that's ok!" It's healthy to understand/acknowledge the reality of this truth. Also, it's still puzzling to me that I didn't know/see/understand that I was being manipulated and abused for 27 years of marriage. Knowledge is power!!

[@carolynjaynes9094]

I stared right back at the staring predator like he was a little mouse, and I was a powerful tiger. He dropped his glaring eye contact like he didn't want me to see through him, to who he really was (evil) but I already did. I never went back to that place.

[@gwendolynwehage6336]

I am over 70 years of age and have conquered the feelings about narcissistic family, however, even to this very day the slight feeling that I have done something wrong when I do a good deed to someone, as though I have been foolish in doing it, rises up for a few seconds and is quickly laughed off because I know where it comes from. I was treated like I was stupid and my brothers to this day, who are older than me, still try to treat me this way. They rarely contact me but as soon as we begin a conversation they employ the same covert arrogance and dismissiveness they used to do but more subtle because they know this will be a rare occassion that we are together. And, they know I will not put up with any of it, they end up looking foolish because I had no reaction as I did when I was a small child. When they pass I know I will feel relief as I did with my parents who taught them to be this way.

[@planetmchanic6299]

You don't have to look for love when it's where you're coming from.

[@leveticus1461]

The glare is real. But then again i gave the same glare to my narc mother. She always knew. My covert narc sister always said she was afraid of me. I finally left. Im glad. Their loss.

[@OscarSperlich]

Very insightful conversation! ❤

[@hardywatkins7737]

An angry stare or glare isn't always narcissitic. I have a narcissist ex who all but destroyed me many years ago. Trying to talk to her always resulted in threats and hostility. I saw her a year or two ago when i visited my home town, there was an opportunity to say something but because i know that attempts at conversation always go south i just stared at her angrily for a few moments knowing all the pain and destruction she had caused me. Minimal words were exchanged. She asked me if i was ok. I said not really. And that was that.

[@beaglerescue5281]

We understand the difference. I bet that was empowering to stand strong in the face of an abuser instead of ducking to avoid them.

[@hardywatkins7737]

@@beaglerescue5281 Well it was nice to look her in the eye without any self doubt. I just couldn't bring myself to call her a narcissist or a monster. It's like i wanted to scream and yell at her but knowing anything i did or said would make little to no impact.

[@noverguy]

Lots needs to be learned about ALL of what you both are talking about here. Seems to me that everyone I talk to about this NARC subject either knows all about it from their experiences, or they "think" they know about it, but have no idea what NARC ABUSE Is because they have never experienced it. What really needs to be done is some kind of a way of educating people about the NARCS before they are near one...probably easier said than done. The Coverts are the worse of all because without experience with them, they are so difficult to spot until its far too late. I think the 101 way to know you are around someone who is a NARC is the moment they make you feel confused, and you cannot get a straight answer from them, and instead they give you a runaround - or worse yet THE SILENT TREATMENT....bingo. You are in the midst of a NARC. Thank you for all you do and talk about here Meadow... : O )

[@meadowdevor]

Thank you for watching and adding your voice to this community. ❤️🙏✨

[@noverguy]

@@meadowdevor I've listened to many for a few years now and you're one of the best - why? Because you are experienced.Our experiences were horrific, so all we can do with that skill set is go out and help others. Thank you for all you do from New Hampshire USA

[@fionarevell5934]

With my ex my friends couldn't understand why I was dismissing rad flags, excusing her obvious lies etc (this was before things got really bad) because that's not the person they knew me and even after things got really bad and we split up I went back several times but no more. I'm now trying g to get through the trauma bond and get myself back. In hindsight I think it was partly because I was still grieving fter the loss of my life (even though it had been years since losing her), partly because I believed her stories about her life and her ex partners and partly because she was someone I already knew (or thought I did) but mostly because my father was a narcissist (well probably more accurately a psychopath) so it didn't seem abnormal to me and I was already in too deep before I saw the truth

[@siriosstar4789]

The word narcissist is being used for just about anyone that wants something for themselves . In a way everyone is a narcissist because all action is performed for the enhancement of the individual personality . what we are really talking about here is extreme forms of " me me me " . But now the interpretation of that extreme form of 'me first ' has been broadened to include just about anyone that makes you feel like you are being manipulated . The line between a so-called normal person and a narcissist has been blurred .

[@MeganVincent-tl4tg]

I’ve seen the stare, it’s unnerving. You feel like an antelope trying to escape from a lion.

[@meadowdevor]

Exactly!

[@NatzTalk]

Omfg! I saw his predatory stare when we were friends and I came over to his new apt. When I got there, got out of my car, he was standing leaning over the railing with his neck stretched out, staring at me with a smirk and this INTENSE stare ( like a sexual and haha got you stare). I passed it off as a typical sexual stare and ignored it like other men but their stares weren't so intense like this but ever since the relation progressed things weren't adding up and I kept going back to that stare. We were friends but I think this is the point at which he started scheming. He started saying comments like, " Hey Nat, if we become a couple you handle the kids and ill cook and clean, okay." Or "if you drink I'm not going to argue you with you to drive, not even if we get married." Love bombing had started.

[@lindac2554]

What is omfg?

[@jans724]

"Dealing with an alien" was such a spot on description! Do you have any advice for a father who has a daughter (3 years) with a covert narcissist on how to protect my daughter? I have her 50 % of the time. Please don't suggest to get more time since it's out of my power and the system is very biased against men/fathers. I need to protect my daughter emotionally, psychologically, help her build confidence, resilience. I have a great connection with her but half of the time she is with the narcissist and I only hope 50 % is sufficient. .

[@paulinetaylor4192]

Hi Jans You will definitely have to do some damage control along the way, sadly. I raised my two children as a sole parent, girl and a boy from the ages of 4yrs and just 10 mnths. He used to pick on the girl a lot during access visits, try to find fault with her, blame her for things, if kids had a squabble for example, even when clearly not her fault. Bought her cheaper gifts at Christmas, (left price tags on) She is very intelligent and would add them up, even at 5, see that her brother's cost more :( But as siblings, they loved each other and I always kept their equality afloat, in spite of him. My best advise to you would be to always advocate for her self esteem. (I don't mean to over- compensate either) Just be emotionally available for her, show an interest in her inner and emotional life. Let her know that you value her as a person, that you 'see' her, if you know what I mean. Also, always take an interest in her interests, in the things that make her unique. It's that support from you that will foster her inner sense of self and help her find her own compass to navigate the lack of interest and support, and the criticism that is likely to come at her from the other side. I also taught my kids to go to nature when things get difficult, that can be a garden, an animal, a day on the beach or just a walk in the bush. Nature is honest and it calms us down. A good relationship with you will also help her to grow up and believe that she deserves a loving relationship from a spouse. P.s, both my two are grown. They are good people, have stable relationships and good jobs. Another ethos that I used as a guide: 'is this in the best interest of the child?'' to ask yourself this when making decisions, for eg, whether or not to argue with your ex at handover in front of the kids. Good luck with it, you'll be fine. (Nice to see a committed father with his heart in the right place) All the best

[@jans724]

@@paulinetaylor4192 Thankyou very much for this and your extended reply! It concerns me very much and is very important to me. I do all the things you mention and will continue to. It comes naturally since she means the world to me. I know we have a great relationship, just it's only 50 % of her world. Thanks for sharing your experience as well. It's unfathomable how vile and horrible these people are. It's such a serious disorder. Again thanks!

[@Michael-777-7]

I agree so much I been in the same situation and Im starting to understand and heal slowly

[@meadowdevor]

Thanks for watching. Learning is the first step to healing. Glad you're here.

[@KBArchery]

Can I have your opinion of EMDR?

[@meadowdevor]

Unbelievably helpful! I highly recommend it. I did a round in my 20's and then again when I had an intense bout of PTSD in my 40's. Both times it helped immensely. @KBArchery

[@Michael-777-7]

@@meadowdevor thank you Im glad to be here 😊

[@strongereveryday1891]

Yeah. It was years before I realized it was abuse

[@aliceroberts1980]

I remember just wanting a hug from my mother than my narcissistic husband being starved of normal needs that everyone has . I make sure I hug my daughter and see her I see her .

[@krillin6]

Wow, BPD is just as bad (if not worse) than NPD. Don't give these monsters any compassion, they will use it to abuse you every single time.

[@davidestabrook5367]

I'm sorry you had bad experiences with a toxic person with BPD. I hope you'll be able to heal from the horrible experiences they subjected you to. There are a lot of similarities, such as the remembering things that didn't happen. And there are evil people with a BPD diagnosis. But generally most people with BPD are quite loving and caring, and they're struggling a lot. If they have a good secure relationship, that heals them of a lot of their childhood trauma. The two women I know with BPD, are both smart, caring and kind. Although I've heard some real horror stories about others. Remember diagnosis doesn't matter so much (except NPD diagnosis). It's how someone treats you that matters.

[@jazznbluessinger]

Thank you for posting this! You just helped me figure out a portion of my mom where I thought she had Asperger's and, maybe she did, but now it strikes me that she might have been a very covert narcissist her backhanded compliments which could be also very cutting may have been mistaken for asperger's instead of narcissism very interesting

[@NFTeve]

Amazing! Thanks so much! I had never heard that about trying to connect genuininely but since narcisist is just playing emotions there never is a connection. I have always just wanted to have fun and enjoy things and wonder why is everyone so conflicted over everything. Cuz I have mostly been surrounded by narcs who wont stop until they see me unhappy, afraid, doubting myself etc

[@JackN808]

Thank you for another great reminder video. Yes, unless a person has been through the narcissistic ringer, they will never understand it. And yes, once you know what the tell-tale signs are, you can usually spot a covert narcissist fairly quickly.

[@meadowdevor]

Thank you for watching. ❤️ So glad to have you here.

[@ageek522]

The stare, looking back 30 yrs now, I see it so differently. It used to be this funny story. Now it has a whole new flavor. I was only 22 he was 10 years older. We were at a barbecue, I was sitting outside by the driveway. He was the passenger of a vehicle that drove up. Before it even stopped, he had the door open, staring at me. He didn’t take his eyes off of me and he walked about 30 feet while staring at me. The woman who was driving was yelling at him, calling his name. She was mad slammed her door and peeled out of there. He did not take his eyes off me. He did not acknowledge that woman or anyone else, and he focussed on trying to find out who I was. Why was I flattered???? Why was this story ever funny??? Why have I laughed about the story with my kids???

[@francesbernard2445]

I can relate. Both my parents had a certain kind of look on their face when they were about to punish. That was sometimes the only clue that I was about to be punished; Not always when I understood before seeing that look that I was trying to get away with something wrong.There is such thing as Scopophobia. It tends to go along with both Agoraphobia. What often preceeds the development of a phobia is hypervigilance while not being sure what kinds of strategies they need to keep in mind while having less control about their own sense of purpose each day. That can happen while growing up in a home with a very controlling parent. Some controlling parents focus their cruelty towards their marriage partner most only at first while being often the goofy and unpredicatable fun parent leaving the other parent or the nanny to do all other parenting of their child.

[@meadowdevor]

So interesting. I had to google scocophobia… very very true. Many of my clients and myself included probably leaned that way. Thanks for your insights.

[@carrieross1053]

I was actually proud to be a chameleon! I could be so flexible. It makes me grieve now. It was a survival skill. I thought everyone else had a narcissistic parent. Or that I was just over reacting

[@observationistdave]

Surviving it is recognizing it and then to believe in yourself as a decent human being. You can never work on constructively wirk yourself until you believe you are worthy of being constructively worked on.

[@goobygoo2]

OMG, thank you for this video. So thankful for both of you. Your conversation is about as "frank" as it I understand that can be in this emotional/psychological nightmare that it is. My wish is that those who need to hear this conversation are led to it by grace - thank you - grace. Thank you both!!!!💖

[@DragonballSteve83]

Wow I used to call it Shark Eyes! She would completely change and became unreasonable

[@beaglerescue5281]

It gives me the creeps.

[@dr.muhammadamin1554]

If someone stares at your shoes. Run!!!!!!

[@dr.muhammadamin1554]

@@Hollyhock7 When you meet someone and he/she looks at your shoes. He/she doesn't like you and wanna judge you from your shoes. If your shoes are not clean or low quality they despise you and if good quality they are jealous of you.

[@Jenny-bo4bb]

Wow thank you ❤ excact same experiences here

[@tameranieters]

My narc mom said if you don't look deep in my eyes. I know you are lying. I have a strong stare. I feel like I am being casual and I have a strong stare. If I have a narc boss he/ she can not out stare me. This is one of the side effects of a narc mom

[@Karina_Engr]

The Little Shaman’s content was the no nonsense material I used and needed. In the end, I’ve let all that stuff go because it doesn’t matter. I don’t let that stuff in.

[@kyram123]

Everyone is interested in themselves… but narcissists are overly interested in you. It’s not love, it’s learning to manipulate you later 😮 Choose a partner who talks about themselves a little too much or is a little awkward instead ❤

[@10percentrugs]

Your videos are very helpful.

[@Elazar40]

Seems like the world is filled with one type of abuse or another. Unresolved trauma, too.

[@caligirl1002]

Hoping for bread crumbs, and walking on egg shells. Good points.

[@Sitting8ull]

Is there someone in your life who seems to constantly drain your energy? Just my family.

[@Leafgreen1976]

I'm proud of you!

[@sayedenforever556]

I would catch him starring at me too. Sometimes i would wake up from sleep and he would be up starring at me. Weirdo...

[@carrieross1053]

I thought maybe I was too much. And of course if I shared this real stuff (and it was too much for a child) I thought I’d be odd or no one would connect and it would prove I was in fact to much. How can I join this community? How can I help? This is the most sadistic person and I’m just grieving that my own mom did it. I know I’m not alone. How can I help or connect?

[@thebudgetbee9694]

BPD and NPD aren't mutually exclusive.

[@brightpage1020]

What you need to do to make them happy: the impossible. Literally. Only they can allow themselves to be happy or engage in happiness, joyous feelings. That is their choice. We can only lay be responsible for ourselves and our own track toward happiness or peace. We can’t be responsible for theirs. No 1 person can provide everything for anyone else. That’s way too much pressure on either of them and a setup to fail. But with narcs it’s extra faily because they don’t want to be happy. That’s not their goal. Their goal is to be in control of you at any given moment and for some, by any means necessary. Control doesn’t even make them happy because it comes with responsibility they can’t or won’t manage. But they can’t foresee that even if it’s a lesson they could have learned a hundred times in a row. Because they can’t introspect. And they wouldn’t be interested in doing that even if they could. Easier to make you feel weak, confused, filled with character flaws that require their management. Uhm… You can manage any character flaws. Because you can learn, so grow and change. The pain and effort of responsibility can be instructive if not exhausting. But if you do it for yourself and keep getting up after breaks for rest and to recharge your batteries, you’ll gain traction toward your goals. If you keep effort if for them exhausting yourself for their goals.. you’ll never be satisfied because they can’t be. By definition of their personality type. They can’t be. They can maybe be more comfortable asserting power over you or control over you, but that’s the best it can get for them. That’s their loss. Let that be. Get off their track and redirect yourself to your own. Keep doing that consistently as possible. And you’ll see gains and repair your relationship with you. That’s the one that is really abusive under this cover that they are the problem. They are a problem. But your deeper issue is with you. That’s why you keep them around. To have someone to blame that isn’t you. But you can stop blaming and start solving for you with self care. By building a network of support that is filled with healthy supportive reciprocal relationships. That model healthy, rather than toxic. But since you are aware, and willing, it falls on you to gain traction. You can. You can. Get around folks who have broken that code of codependency. Just get around them. They take control of their lives and outcomes by taking responsibility instead of casting blame. You can. You can change. You know how I know? You wouldn’t be on channels like this if you couldn’t. Get it. Get yours. Be your own biggest support. For your health. You own brightest advocate. No one narc or not can carry that for your benefit. That’t too much pressure. They have enough problems to deal with.

[@karynknutson1480]

Impeccable timing that I have come across this post. Thank you for taking the time to articulate it. So much gratitude. ❤😊

[@freedomofspeech6095]

I’m convinced these narcs are possessed. Eyes are the windows to the soul. Pure evil is shown in their eyes.

[@nathemstreet]

Right. A dark web criminal fixed that predatory stare on me. I had No Idea what I was about to be subjected to.

[@charleshall3372]

Ireland has narcissists?

[@eyesofdisarray9967]

There are no narcissists in Ireland Kathleen!

[@mooty765]

Owe you mean the look I give my girl when I come home from a hard days roofing and she asks me to move a refrigerator before I even get a chance to sit down 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@janelleanderson6744]

Feeble attempt to normalize.

[@mooty765]

@@janelleanderson6744 feeble attempt to gaslight a male is more like it 😁 feminists end up lonely bitter Karen's good luck 👍

[@tmking7483]

My mom possesessed by legions of demons_ im still breathing🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉 they tell u they are aliens ir angles 🃏😁 My abusers believe they are angles from heaven.

[@alycewarr5332]

I know most narcissistic abusers are men, but where’s the children of these fathers? I always hear stories of moms. In our family it was the father.

[@CorylSchuler-bb4ou]

We have been living the days where the love of many has grown cold. Abuse and trauma has increased the number of narcissists. They are trapped in their own nightmares and healing can only come through them seeking it and getting help. They need to acknowledge they have evil in their character and repent of it to be free through Jesus forgiveness.

[@lisab2747]

🙌❤

[@andy.hello.6602]

They are reincarnated royals

[@beasport505]

Pm of Canada

[@mcs58-w4o]

It is "alien". The biggest narcissist is satan. The most wonderful super empath- Jesus Christ ❤

[@spaideman7850]

look for the narcissist smirk, when the narc succeeded in achieving their goals(ie. make you argue with your mother-in-law/wife), you will see a milisecond smirk on their face before switching to pitiful face to comfort you. I had seen it twice and i couldn't forget the evil smirk on her face.

[@meloneymoore8856]

My female covert narcissist neighbor Sara Gross and her covert narcissist male counterpart in apartment unit 204.😇😇😇-Xclusyph Icon