What's a narcissist thinking during sex? | The Narcissists' Code Ep 866

How do narcissists behave in the bedroom? How do narcissists view sex?
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Welcome my channel! If this is your first time seeing my face or hearing my voice, my name is Lee and I am a self aware narcissist. I have narcissistic personality disorder ( NPD ) and I've been in therapy for my personality disorder since 2017 and it has definitely changed my life because without it, I would have lost everything.
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Thank you so much

[@Elenasn]

I love how all narcissists are so convinced they are amazing in bed, yet the whole comment section under this video is packed with stories of how disgusting and lacky those creatures are in sex 😂

[@Polish_Princess4]

My narc was amazing. Never felt like that and I'm 47 he's 49. Known him since I was 15. LONG story! The sex is actually the one thing he got right. When we had sex. Of course that all stopped.

[@kimsanders8262]

Lol

[@chayes3862]

😂😂 Spreading seeds of disappointment cheating and have the audacity to suggest you have their child(ren)... As if intentionally being bound to them is a joy. 👀 Ssshhhhhiiiiittttt🙅🏽‍♀️🚮 Isn't the old adage "don't get high off your own supply?!" 🤪😆🤣😂🤣

[@ShaMarie1629]

@@thebaddieshealeryou told no lies! 🤣🤣🤣😭😭

[@pandanina]

Actually I also know a friend that told me that the body of her narc husband and the way he is in bed is really the only thing she adores about him. Maybe it's also depending on the culture, the body itself, circumstances etc.

[@samonecharisma3043]

Sleeping with a narc is like being a sex doll, they literally don’t care if u make noise, move, or are satisfied!!!! This is spot on omggg. I remember asking my ex narc to change positions and he literally got mad, & I got mad too. Like wtf is wrong with me asking that! I’m literally traumatized from the intimacy, my body was taken advantage off. I could care less if he was cheating because his sex was trash 🤮🤮🤮

[@lovettewilliams4114]

Lmbo 😂you got me rolling over here.. love ❤️

[@christinemanigian209]

Funny🤣🤣🤣 Sounds familiar. They want a position that only They are in control. Otherwise it infuriates them. Man, they all operate out of the same narcissistic handbook. Incredible. Ironic. Exactly all the same.

[@TheRelaxationZone1]

😂😂😢

[@terrimehring2137]

I know it's like they just wanna get off like cely and mister on the color purple movie.

[@tillapaugh1995]

He cares if I'm pleased but it's still about the control the correct position the correct words all if it. There is a script in every aspect of life including this one

[@nicolebeard6051]

My ex-husband was all over the place when it comes to this topic. Sometimes he withheld. He was also a porn addict. The sex was great in the beginning especially, but I didn’t want it as much towards the end of the marriage (probably because of how he treated me). If I turned him down, he would become passive aggressive (slamming doors, silent treatment, etc). I’m so glad I left.

[@FollowingJesus320]

The X choked me and talked about having my friends in the bedroom with us and it was automatic turn off and I just couldn't

[@allisonburgess1180]

I can relate 💯

[@cheryldee95]

It’s like I was reading my own story here. To a tee. And I, too…am so glad I left. It’s a hellish existence having to live with these wackos.

[@DarkandTwistyallday]

Did we marry the same person? Mine would also NEVER kiss me.

[@freewoman]

@@DarkandTwistyallday Mine wanted to be kissed but had halitosis 🤮. Their sense of hygiene is the pits... I bought him mouth wash , I told him how he needed to brush his tongue and brush twice a day. Always ended up in a fight.

[@shaleykala2871]

cheating on you… and not touching you… WILDNESS

[@AvrilLewis-in1gs]

They also accuse you of cheating

[@MentalHealness]

💯

[@terrimehring2137]

Happened to me😮

[@emanuelaamy8005]

It happened to me for 11years, i can count how many times i had sex with him , i decided to work overtime because i was hurt when i see him not touching me or talk to me 🥹

[@NAMASTE133]

Yes… for a whole year … while he had another women he made some weird stuff with her, not me.. I’m out

[@PrettyBlue822]

HORRIBLE!!!!! It’s cold loveless completely disconnected… like an awkward stranger! No touching no kissin no passion nada

[@maidieltorrez1980]

Ohhhhh lorttttt… I was embarrassed and ashamed….. I thought I was the only one

[@daphneeversole2937]

I was married to mine for 20 years, no kissing during sex, no actual connection, like porn sex. I thought it was normal because I was 17 when I first got with him. So the guy I met after my divorce, I was completely thrown off, because I wasn't used to the intimacy during sex.

[@Nugliscious]

The last time she jerked me off I thought she was trying topull-start a lawnmower I walked kinda funny for a week. Now I'm checking out some porn which I find hilarious and boring at the same time.

[@patriciamurray1967]

Yep same with me, and they are not discriminate will sleep with anything, anybody, you'll say you slept with him or her? Ugh! Just nasty, disgusting and cold, makes you feel less than but I guess that's the goal for a Narcissist everything they do is to degrade or devalue you in some way.

[@patriciamurray1967]

​@maidieltorrez1980 no it's a bunch of us out here.

[@MrJfortheElohim]

Lee, you are damn right about them withholding sex to punish their spouse.

[@MentalHealness]

🙏

[@kiarapatton90]

Yes mines withheld 2 months and then told me to shut up when he wanted sex. 😮

[@amys5715]

Honestly what damaged me the most was withholding sex and affection.

[@christinemanigian209]

@@kiarapatton90 They all operate the same way. It's so eerie.😳

[@bonitajolie9341]

​@@amys5715Yup, but now I wouldn't allow him to touch me with a ten foot pole. I left him 8 years ago and the fact that I ever let him touch me makes me nauseated.

[@shaleykala2871]

crazy.. true. at the beginning, it was all about pleasing me, and it was incredible. then after the love bombing phase he withheld sex and then when we were intimate was incredibly selfish and i always felt unsatisfied. they use your body for their own needs, and once they hook you they use it to cause you pain and take control. so sick

[@charlottenobody20]

You hit the nail on the head!

[@EricaGray-uw3ou]

I agree with you. Like, at the beginning, it was very passionate and amazing. And, I noticed, he seemed to have been, more focuse on foreplay and pleasing me. And, also on top of that, we use to kiss and make out. But over the years, those things, have changed. And I'm very much aware, that he has been, with other females. And, plus he has mention it to me. And, plus I knew that he was sleeping around with other women, a woman's intuition never lie. But anyways, on the downside about it. Like, the more, I kept giving myself to him, the more I felt, like it was a chore or some type of reward. Like, for an example. Back in July, about 2 months ago, most recently. Was when we was last intimate. Last year and back in 2021 and 2022. Him and I, had a big argument and we didn't talk those two years. But fast forwarding, it was taking me awhile to orgasm. Sorry, if that's too much information. But anyways, like, he really was so focused on trying to make me, have an orgasm. So, I don't think he was being 100% selfish at that time. But anyways, once he did all he could do, to try to get me off. He decided it was taking way to long. So, he took it upon, himself and finish, himself off. Then once he was done, he got up and took off. Like, he did ask me, if I had a condom. And, I mentioned to him that I didn't have one. Then he says, Ohh, let me go get another one, out of my car, or see if i have another one. Apparently, he wanted to do it again. Then, when he gets to his car, I was expecting him to tell me, that he found one and to come back. But instead, I called him and asked, where he was, and he said actually I got to go, and get my brother. I'm going to the gas station, and I have then I have to take him to work. But he did ask, if he could come back in the morning and finish. Ahh, that never happen. But anyways, since then he has been withholding it, and when I have asked him, he says he's down for it. But never follow through on us Linkin up. I mean, I wasn't comfortable with me asking him, when was the next time, that we're going to hookup. I don't think, any female should lower her standards and beg a guy, for sex. I mean, that's just my opinion. But anyways, the two last times that I tried to ask, he definitely delayed it. So, I'm at this point now, where I don't even want it anymore. ✌️

[@danieladegan8106]

Right...amazing at first but then it's robotic..beginning, middle and ending is the same..boring and I felt dirty and used after.

[@EricaGray-uw3ou]

@@danieladegan8106 It was such a weird feeling after a while. He says we have a sexual connection. Ahh Ok.. 😂 wow

[@shaleykala2871]

@@EricaGray-uw3ou omg…. he would tell me the same thing!! that we had the same sexual energy

[@bonetajohnson6897]

It was the staring in my eyes like he was trying to take my soul LITERALLY it creeped me out so bad

[@MentalHealness]

🥺

[@domdom27939]

Literally same it was kind of scary

[@neen9438]

Mine stared at me shocked and full of disgust. Why are you staring at me? Erm it is normal when you love someone and make love... I was so confused... 😂😂😂

[@little_wonderer9290]

Like a predator

[@NatzTalk]

Omg mine did..I squeezed my eyes shut. It unnerved me because he had this arrogant look on his face during the times he was tryna be cold to me.

[@6548ww]

It is amazing how all the Narcissists operate exactly the same in almost the exact same order it is scary

[@MentalHealness]

🤭

[@little_wonderer9290]

Because it's demonic. There's no creativity or originality, it's a hivemind connected directly to the devil, I'm telling you.

[@lisa.4444]

He acted like he was a sex God, talked big. But when it came down to it he wouldn't kiss, wouldn't touch unless it was absolutely manditory, and when he was finished he'd jump right out of bed. And then act like he was the best thing ever.

[@brandigreen1792]

My ex narc was obsessed with porn and watched it on his phone during sex. He was terrible anyway. My body started to physically reject him. I couldn't and didn't want to be intinate with him anymore. I am celibate now and very peaceful.

[@cathymcdonald9175]

Yes same here. He was obsessed with porn when having sex.

[@vvnlewin]

How did it feel when your body physically started to reject him?

[@brandigreen1792]

@@vvnlewin It literally became very painful to have sex with him. I wasn't aroused or interested in being intimate.

[@scorchedearth4352]

@@vvnlewinI seen your question I can tell you about how my body did reject my boyfriend that’s how I knew something was wrong with him. I loved having sex with him we been together 2 years . Then in my mind I started to try to get away from him ! I started having hot & cold sweats (I’m thin I never sweat) soon as he came over ! I was shivering, shaking when he called 😩, my stomach would drop ! I get really wet during sex I couldn’t anymore 😢that happened 2 times he was so mad & blamed me ! I couldn’t get wet plus I had no sexual desire at all my face changed too I have bags under my eyes now from crying so much 🥺I have ptsd , depression, anxiety & panic attacks now & a lot of confusion I forget a lot ! It’s all from him 🥺 ! It messed with my brain too I can tell I’m different now 😢 get away if you can please it changes you drastically I owned a salon when I met him I don’t now ! They can destroy your life ! I really wish I was exaggerating but I’m not ! Don’t have a child with him they don’t care about them either!

[@Riarosie3]

@@vvnlewin I experienced the same but my body started rejecting him I was not getting wet or it was uncomfortable or it hurt, extremely hard to get in sometimes

[@RoxanneSchwartz-lv1xn]

Mine withheld sex. When we rarely did have sex, he quickly got dressed and left right after. Made me feel worthless, like a cheap screw, nothing more.

[@cletiawilliams1436]

Yes!! My ex narc to....got up quick and put his clothes on no cuddling no thanks I love you nothing....well come to find out he was sleeping with prostitutes and that was his life. Didn't know until a year in.😢😢

[@Jackmcars12]

My ex used to lay with me, it got to making me feel used, quickly dressing and leaving. Never wore a rubber either, scared me.

[@MrsDMHamma]

Same exact thing

[@tmichele8922]

Omg this sounds just like the man I broke up with

[@brookeplifts]

Mine too. Boi would just finish, then get dressed, go get something to eat, come back and turn on his video games and ignore me. Made me feel like a wild animal getting impregnated 😭

[@jewelsbyk]

I always cried afterwards. To think that I thought it was normal since he was my first is insane.

[@MentalHealness]

😫😫

[@jackiecolbert3915]

Me too

[@krisd6811]

Yep

[@krisd6811]

All these stories are so sad wow

[@Melvina1975]

This is so so sad to hear so many of us went through the same thing😢😢

[@sharondotson7027]

My narc hated kissing (I am a damn good kisser) unless he was really drunk. He didn't like oral sex for me or himself, and I faked it every time so he wouldn't feel bad. Then he walked around like a proud peacock thinking he had done something great. After five years of leaving and going back, I finally had enough and told him I WAS DONE. It has been three months (well I did try to call and text him one day when I was lonely, but he didn't answer either) I have not tried to call or text again. It is over and I have moved on. I am not in a relationship with anyone now and don't think I want to be. I am taking care of myself and learning the word NO. I would rather be by myself than ever go through that again.

[@samonecharisma3043]

My ex narc didn’t like to kiss either & I remember when he first told me and I was like ummm I love kissing. It was a terrible relationship I’m 5mo no contact.

[@lovettewilliams4114]

I bet you he did all those things with the side chicks 🐣

[@terrimehring2137]

I agree me too

[@ramaredirachelrammala]

M happy for u that u left this toxicity.I sooo want to divorce him but not havinn enough money to take care of myself and my kids got me stucked.

[@sassyhartwv]

Mine want tell you what he wants,want talk dirty,uses the word vagina says he's christain and he don't like talking dirty. As soon as he puts it in it's over he climaxes. He want talk about what he likes or nothing I feel like I'm having sex with a child at times. Does this sound like a Narcissist?

[@JM-ip1es]

One thing I noticed with narcs, they usually hate cuddling after sex; especially if you’ve been dating for a while. And my ex narc definitely like conflicting pain… I wouldn’t say it was bdsm but it was very aggressive.

[@Victoria-uq8mf]

Yeah totally. My husband likes to say "get off of me whore " and pull his private out very quickly. 😅

[@LizBeLike_]

YES! My ex narc would neverrrr cuddle after sex. Honestly would never cuddle in general. Or Kiss. No for-play, just to the point and that’s it.

[@jennylynfujioka]

I never cuddle too..i never realize he was a narc after 2 years

[@dedasine485]

Phewww...and I thought I was alone. Good riddance 👏 😌

[@tmichele8922]

Omg I thought I was crazy like this man doesn’t cuddle, he gets up gets dress like he was with a whore

[@user-cq9vk5gt7o]

Wild. My ex narc would always talk about how his ex was crazy and toxic, part of the toxicity was that she was really "competitive" in the bedroom, to the point of crying if he finished and she didn't. This video makes everything so clear. Because now I'm 100% sure it was due to his calculated selfishness. I dodged a huge bullet.

[@terrimehring2137]

Damn that's what happened to me for years to the point we stopped period. And then we separated.

[@artifundio1]

Yes, my ex narc did this too.

[@amandasurratt4439]

It happens but my guess is that it happened that way too often and her "crying" about it was really an attempt to talk about it. Been there.

[@duhsunnyday8590]

More like he got his and left her there multiple times frustrated and unsatisfied for days til she emotionally broke down

[@MsLB-lm9mu]

Yep it sounds familiar

[@islandqueen7342]

Found a letter that another woman wrote him...he told her i have to beg him for a hug..a kiss...sex..n that he dosent eat from me...this was the last straw he has done so much worse...but it took these words on papaer for me to say no more...he came n packed his stuff n left yesterday, n im so proud of myself...gonna love on me..n pour myself into things i love to do..its gonna be ok ladies...being alone wont kill u but a Narcissist will😊.one love❤

[@MizrahiChick]

Fly , sister .

[@crystalball3717]

This is so sad to hear. They are unbelievable.

[@Melvina1975]

He never ever deserved you in the first place! They never deserve to be with good people like us☺stay strong queen.

[@islandqueen7342]

@Melvina1975 thank u beautiful ☺

[@Melvina1975]

@@islandqueen7342 Your so welcome gorgeous!

[@ritabrown7002]

The point here is that sex to them had nothing to do with intimacy or strengthening bonds. Just sad and I will never be touched like that again. It makes me sick to think about what I was thinking compared to what he was thinking

[@Polish_Princess4]

YES!!! THIS IS SPOT ON FOR ME!!!

[@ChrisS-vt8bw]

My narcissist only wanted bedroom time on his terms, when he wanted it. He would be intimate with me when he sought control or when he wanted gratification. Mostly he withholds intimacy because he knows I want it unless he's feeling needy and wants to cuddle. It's very frustrating.

[@citysick]

💯

[@klijhachamberlain7654]

Sex on his terms you are not allowed to initiate it, if you do rejection is certain.. Yep.. It’s about CONTROL.

[@AmyHeavner-b7k]

And the predatory stare during made chills run down my spine

[@MentalHealness]

😫😫

[@little_wonderer9290]

The stare as he waited for me on the bed with his phone in his hand 😱

[@MizrahiChick]

My husband's eyes had no whites in a photo I took with a SLR camera. I have friends that think he was demonic .

[@Mindsetolympics]

YES LITERALLY the guy I dated too!!!😅

[@okiedokie4358]

@@MizrahiChickyes they are filled with demons

[@crzellmer]

The safe word is always meatloaf I would do anything for love but I won't do that.

[@LindaDuncan-e5d]

♥️😂🤣🤣😂😂♥️♥️😂🤣🤣♥️

[@springfauna1465]

What's love got to do with it?? (😂)

[@cateyu5547]

That’s a mood downing safe word for sure for time out, nuttin less sexy than meatloaf 😂

[@Just...Peachy]

😂

[@Gina_sw]

We would only do it once a month and I remember counting the days because that’s the only time I felt any type of love from him 😢😢 very sad moment of my life. I’m so happy I’m done with that. Went no contact a month ago, still holding strong. I can’t say it’s easy

[@malessiaweatherby3893]

You will get through this and so over it...with prayer, no contact and reconnecting with your Spirit. It is inevitable, necessary and most of all It's possible.❤

[@treeroot7636]

Just remember he never loved you and never will (don't hold onto toxic hope).....It isn't because of who you are but who he is.

[@Gina_sw]

@@malessiaweatherby3893thank you ❤❤

[@Gina_sw]

@@treeroot7636i think that’s what hurts the most. After 10 years to finally realize It was never love to begin with. It’s sad but i had to face it. I’m still holding strong 💪🏽 thank you 🙏🏾 ❤

[@Polish_Princess4]

No contact has been EXTREMELY hard. I went a hole 11 days. Then got in my feelings. Texted him... A LOT! SO mad at myself. Wondering if I'll ever be me again.

[@cheryldee95]

The reason some narcissists want to be ‘the best you ever had’, is because that’s the ONLY way they know how to connect to anyone. They think sex is intimacy. Period. The idea of being vulnerable and really getting to deeply know another person…isn’t even on their radar. They don’t know what you’re even talking about if you bring it up. So, they focus on learning the ropes about how to (supposedly) be the ‘best lover’ (read: putting on a memorable sex act that they learned by watching ‘corno’) and believe they are suddenly some Casanova in the bedroom, who will simply be found irresistible to others. ha! As if that’s all it takes.

[@pinkheartfairy]

So true

[@emmajackson5139]

I agree my ex is hypersexual due to abuse when he was 14. I honestly think that's the only way he knows how to connect. Plus (p)orn addiction and a high body count. He didn't have a clue

[@priyanesan3299]

Sex is intimacy for them. They have no clue about intimacy. They are just “Disgusting Shit”. Most are addicted to prone. The line,”The idea of getting to know someone ……. Hit a nail on my forehead. So damn true.

[@emmathompson6470]

I thought it was just me the 1 minute mile and did watch a lot of porn

[@joycemcdonald6254]

Well said

[@LondonJahzara2011]

Some will want to see you pleased, but Don't be fooled it still about their ego and feeling that they have the power to control you sexually.

[@HollyMarie72]

That is EXACTLY how sex was with my ex…if I was pleased he would strut around like he was Gods gift to women and acted like I should be soooo grateful 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 The only thing I’m grateful for is that he’s gone!

[@celiajames600]

This has been my experience too

[@Inspiration2941]

💯💯💯

[@moniqueweb3136]

My ex is a narcissist through and through. Right now I’m in no contact. In the bedroom he was very demanding and disrespectful at times. Even when I was tired he didn’t care I had to perform and I’m not going to talk about the lack of sleep goodness. I wasn’t being pleased but he DID NOT care. When I would refuse to perform he would get extremely bad then throw a tantrum. SMH I sooooo happy I’m done with that situation.

[@JJones148]

This is exactly what I'm going through right now.

[@moniqueweb3136]

@@JJones148 I’m telling you from experience it’s not going to get any better and if it does it will be short lived. Save yourself and leave

[@stephaniewilliams845]

Thank you for sharing, I thought I was the only person this happened to. I worked a 10 hour shift on no sleep (the sleep deprivation!) and I was exhausted and about to pass out, I just needed like a quick glass of milk or something but NO! He had to have sex right then and I was too exhausted and figured if I faint, it'll be over faster and I can eat

[@hechrhymes4018]

I’m glad you got out ❤

[@lisasmith8856]

Same thing happened to me. He wanted to have sex so much. He would wake me up in the middle of the night and if I didn't do it he would get angry. After I leave and go to work he would text me while I am working that if I didn't do what he wants and stop being lazy he was going to leave me

[@klijhachamberlain7654]

They manufacture obesity too! YOU DID NOT LOOK THE WAY YOU DO NOW BEFORE YOU GOT WITH THEM!! Due to the emotional, mental or physical abuse YOU CHOSE FOOD TO COMFORT YOURSELF!! Also, increase stress increases cortisol in the body causing weight gain!! How many of you gained a substantial amount of weight?? Or have weight that is stubborn to lose??? Health problems such as high blood pressure, diabetes, prediabetic all these things are illnesses that come with narcissistic relationships, and abuse!! If you are in a narcissistic, abusive relationship in any form way,😮 shape or fashion, I have to tell you to stand up for yourself against them. If you can’t leave them stand up for yourself at all cost!! Do not let them continue to abuse you, even if you have to separate yourself and make less space in your life for them do it!!! Because if you don’t, your body will break down on you, your mental will break down on you and you’ll end up in the hospital anyway either way by them or your body reacting to them!!! THANK YOU LEE! Keep watching these videos to bring validity to your life and your circumstances to keep your head on straight (you are not crazy) Abusers love to isolate you! Find support in a church, if you go to church already tell someone, or if you go to a church with the narcissist you might need to change churches all the way around. If you don’t go to church find a club, join them and to all find support in these comments from other people that are like you experiencing or experienced your current situation!! Offer each other emails, Facebooks or other social media outlets or phone numbers if safe. Become friends, prayer partners, if needed. Get Stronger together. Until you can leave or get the strength to leave. Narcissist do not change but for a great deal of effort, and FYI, it’s so much bigger than you! SO SCREW IT!! It’s time to work on you. That’s all you can focus on right now. trust me Narcissist will leave you on their own after all so much of what I’m telling you to do God bless all of you out there and I want to let you know that I am praying for you… pray for me as well❤

[@diamonds2diamonds370]

Yep this was me,

[@StephanieAnita-oj8li]

Same I gained nearly 20 plus kg and I am aiming to lose all of it and more for health sake

[@AniyaLewis-gl1dw]

For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that who so ever believe in him shall not perish but have eternal life. If we confess our sins he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead thou shalt be saved. For the wages of sin is death but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ. Repent for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.

[@TheCovertsEnabler]

The cheating started when I lost 120lbs and then it was "you're getting vain" and "I bet you think you're cute now". Hasn't given me a compliment on my looks since, but every text in his phone is "Hey pretty lady" to the other women. As he accuses me of cheating. 🤦🏽‍♀️ God I hate this. Broken up but living together with our kid, plotting.

[@mishmatta]

the stress has taken a toll on my body. not only weight, but fibromyalgia, high blood pressure, etc.

[@tinatupper2282]

Mine was very gentle and loving during intimacy. I think it’s what kept me going back. That’s one area of our relationship that was amazing.

[@drechelle28]

My ex- narc, was HORRIBLE in bed. He was a one trick pony. Towards the end of our marriage he was withholding, but I didn’t care because I didn’t want to be with him knowing he was sleeping with someone else. I was thankful for the break! 😂🙌🏽

[@Missybella92227]

Same!! The worst ever. Then he’d get upset I wasn’t animated. He got upset when I told him ALOT of women exaggerate/ fake it.

[@garykeenan3724]

Weirdos definitely

[@drechelle28]

@@Missybella92227 🤣

[@catlady715]

lol...this one as well....one trick pony.

[@chasegoolsby9465]

@@Missybella92227why fake it tho that’s crazy

[@GodChoice25]

😂😂😂 the one I encountered told me don’t say nun, don’t breathe, be still while he stroked. The way he kept positioning my body was wild like a robot, he did not care about my needs whatsoever, so selfish. Never again!

[@Redeemed2000]

It's amazing how many narcissists hate kissing! I thought it was just my Ex. They hate having oral sex with their "main" partners but will do every nasty thing with their side piece. Ridiculous. 🙄 My Ex stopped having sex with me completely. Then stopped hugging or anything and yes all of that making me feel guilty for asking for physical intimacy.

[@danoncrawford1233]

Omg!!!! This is so true!!!!!

[@MrsDMHamma]

So true

[@neen9438]

... With his tinder and bar dates he was a kinky bastard indeed. Didnt understand what was going with us.

[@nsvshhw]

Kissing is intimacy. A narcissist hates intimacy. Narcissists run the gamut from impotent, to perverted and extremely marginal bedroom abusers. Narcissistic personality disorder is always accompanied by at least one other mental disorder. That's why narcissists are so alike but also so different in fact. What unites them is - get away from them!!

[@okiedokie4358]

They want you to be their mother that’s why, eventually when they feel your there mother, sex with you is icky to them, that’s why they cheat with Tom dick and harry and I mean that when I say male names cos they go with men too

[@Vanessa-em1km]

I got with my narcissist husband at 16 yrs old & married at 18. We were married for 25 years. I thought this was normal until "after" my divorce! 😮

[@MentalHealness]

😞😞

[@mermaid78]

He was like a machine but never paid attention to my needs!

[@MentalHealness]

🙏

[@malaika4960]

My ex brother-in-law always commented how ugly it was when women had colored har (red, blond, etc.). Next thing is, he divorced his wife who had short beautiful black natural hair for a woman who wears red wigs and weaves 😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@mz.necie1976]

It’s SAD asl!!!FR

[@MentalHealness]

😆

[@Elenasn]

they don't look for a human they like, they look for a supply. That's why they don't notice appearance.

[@pinkheartfairy]

😂😂😂

[@c4444-c]

So many men are lacking empathy and not getting consent, being violent. And the guilt trips!

[@MentalHealness]

😫

[@krystaltaylor8634]

That's true. It's very scary out here.

[@cliffkonkle3467]

@@c4444-c Women do this too it's not just men.

[@love-by-design]

The purity thing is spot on. My husband would tell me he doesn't want me to have piercings bc it's whorish. He would tell me he doesn't wsnt me smoking weed bc only trashy women do that. He would tell me he don't wsnt a woman who drinks and so many other things. Every time he cheated he chested with women who did all those things and had facial piercings etc. When I said I thought you didn't like that...he would say they are just fun girls to throw in the trash

[@violetashen]

that’s a major tactic my narc used on me all the time!! “do not as i do” type thinking.

[@recoveringsoul755]

Mine tried to insist that I was a virgin when I met him. Kept up that nonsense for decades. If I try to talk to my kids about a relationship lesson using a past boyfriend as an example, and if he was anywhere around, he'd loudly interrupt and say I was a virgin when we met. And I wasn't even talking sex stuff with my kids. Just how we solved some other relationship related interaction My kids didn't have good role models in their own parents so I was trying to teach healthy skills but using healthy examples.

[@madamejaysynstarotoriginal]

😮

[@Polish_Princess4]

My narc surprised me one day with a little whip. I was ALL for it, but then he said he couldn't do it again. I asked why his words "I don't want to look at you in that way" I replied I'm a lady always but can be a freak in the bed (he knows this) I said something about using a safe word his response was " I don't know if I'd be able to stop" watching this video has brought me much clarity.

[@recoveringsoul755]

@@Polish_Princess4 that's terrifying. Not be able to stop? From what I've heard about bondage is that the one tied up is supposed to be the one in control. You've got to trust your partner with your life. It should be about the pleasure of the one being "dominated". Sounds like maybe he enjoyed hurting you too much. Or thinking he was.

[@amyludwig8685]

I've healed so much.. I'm so thankful I nearly died... because a determination to heal from allowing any chronic mistreatment, abuse rose up so fierce in me.. I became determined to heal, in myself, the parts of me that accepted the abuse and mistreatment. Meaning, I had to heal the relationship with myself. Today, I almost never attract narcissists.. and if one should cross my path, I see the red flags, I KNOW they're red flags, and in the beginning of knowing anyone, they always show their best selves.. so if they show any signs, love bombing, entitlement, disrespect, marginalizing, skirting of responsibility, too much attention.. woops! Not for me!!! And a very useful tool I use is, I track behavior.. I pay attention.. close attention to how they show up around me too.. sometimes the signs are in how they treat others, too, so I watch that, too. Anyone who wants to hurt us, control us, make us feel less than, DOES NOT LOVE US. I had to allow myself to be educated on what love really is.. And sex alone is 100 times more satisfying than sex with a narcissist.. Lastly, I believe codependency is covet narcissism.. because it's still all about controlling how others see and feel about us.. Be well. Loving myself genuinely, healing the inner relationship with myself, understanding why and where these beliefs originate.. this is the solution. Become unstoppable.. ❤ Lee, I'm very proud of the work you're doing and your courage to be honest with the world.. 🙏🏼

[@ceelee126]

💜 love to you and your strength . I hope your healing journey is full of love and acceptance....for yourself 💜

[@amyludwig8685]

@ceelee126 Thank you!! 🙏🏼 Sending you love and respect back!! ❤️

[@ceeceeivory8654]

You put the rash in Rasheem.. you dirty scumbag

[@malessiaweatherby3893]

Now, me too!! Spot ON!!!

[@AniyaLewis-gl1dw]

For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that whosoever believeth in him shall not perish but have eternal life. If we confess our sins he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. For the wages of sin is death but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ. That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead thou shalt be saved. Repent for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.

[@5DPhoenix]

I've heard so many perspectives of people saying sex was great with their narc. In my experience, the sex was boring, robotic, completely unsatisfying, and actually quite laughable. He was like a young virgin having his first experience with a "cougar". Would just lay there like a dead fish with this "take me" attitude. Then afterwards he would giggle like he really did something. Or he would just stop, walk away, then finish himself in the bathroom. It was thee most pathetic sex I've ever had, and I told him. Assumed I was using sex as a weapon. Naw, I didn't enjoy it, it was lame and wack af!

[@little_wonderer9290]

The most bizarre part is that we kept letting them come back and do it again! It wasn't even good lol

[@darlenescott1969]

2minuts done

[@cateyu5547]

😂

[@luvbug1318]

My ex was a narcissist and him clapping cheeks was like applause from a man with no arms.

[@aiviewsandnews]

Be selfish, love yourself, choose yourself, be yourself.

[@danielleoeding2880]

Mine was vanilla in the bedroom but I found his online ads listing a bunch of weird likes. He was a huge cheat. He did a heap of worse things but the cheating hurt the worst. Spot on again Lee. ❤❤❤

[@Polish_Princess4]

In the beginning it was AMAZING. He was all about me and i had NO problem being all about him. We constantly had our hands on eachother. And we kissed so compassionately. UNTIL... IT ALL STOPPED! His favorite thing as an excuse to deny my advances was "its all about timing" Like WTH. It made me question EVERYTHING about me. My sanity was gone. Still recovering. Not sure if I'll ever be the same. Corno, he was in the bathroom FOREVER. Me went by bathroom door quietly and heard the sounds. This was after I initiated and was denied. "All bout timing" line AGAIN. Went back in the bad and CRIED MY EYES OUT. I then asked him when he came out if he was ok? He said he had a stomach ache. At this point I got mad and I said I heard the sounds from you phone. He of course accused me of being crazy and insecure. "Weirdo" I was also called when I knew he was watching porn and asked him about it... I feel so dumb. I began to question if I really heard it at all.

[@Virgogirl45]

I experienced this exact same thing.

[@nsvshhw]

They are not just looking!. They are participating in online sex dating. This is exactly what they are doing in the bathroom. Many victims of narcissists are deluded that they are just looking at some pictures. No, they are participating in a real online dating. The ideal option for them - no intimacy, no physical touch from the partner, but still a feeling of reality. It is wrong.

[@AniyaLewis-gl1dw]

For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that whosoever believeth in him shall not perish but have eternal life. If we confess our sins he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. For the wages of sin is death but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ. That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead thou shalt be saved. Repent for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.

[@FreekVonkie]

Completely true. I'm, just like you, a diagnosed narcissist and am in therapy. Sex was always about myself. I watched a lot of porn online, copied a lot of it in bed, demanded my girlfriend to wear certain clothes and just banged her without any love nor feelings. This is why cheating was also very common with me, since it had the same lack of emotion and served just one goal. It is empty and finally makes you depressed. So yes, what you say is abolutely true.

[@renadahines9994]

Omg wow

[@chanelbarrett]

Damn

[@chantalamundson5845]

It made you depressed? Just to clarify. It’s pretty amazing to see some people getting the help they need. I only wish more people with NPD could or would. My ex idk if he has NPD or just tendencies but he cannot self reflect at all. Blames others and refuses to take any accountability whatsoever for anything he’s done. It comes down to him blowing up and leaving abandoning us because I’ve spoken up to protect myself. He then blames everything on the poor reaction I’ve had toward him for the even worse behaviour he had towards me. Then won’t talk to me for months tells me he hates me and wishes me death. Idk how I love a person who treats me like this. Like attracts like? I’ve questioned myself if I am the one with NPD but I have huge empathy for others and care when my behaviour is poor and need to make amends. So he’s left me and ignoring me all because I spoke up but he’s made me the villain. Fuck idk how to get past it if I’m honest. It truly becomes an addiction.

[@FreekVonkie]

@@chantalamundson5845 Thanks for your reply. Every narcissist knows exactly what he/she is doing and therefor knows how 'far' from normal it is, but he/she doesn't care at all. As a matter of fact he/she is so empthy concerning feelings, that it is a selfdestructive way of living. Everytime I cheated I started to notice that it didn't made me happy at all. My family was happy, but I was the one who was always negative and as a matter of fact jealous of everyone who seemed happy, honest and open. From that moment on I realised that I had to change. I was about to pack my bags, so this last call came right in time.

[@Sheila3114]

I'm an empath, but I keep my walls up. I don't attach my feelings. I keep trying to leave my narcissist and he usually sucks me back in. I wasn't expecting him to sneak up on me and fell in love with him at work, (7 days a week & 56-60hrs a week). I kept texting him to keep him away and get better at his game than he is so id fool him into thinking I want to keep him. Now I'm not texting him anymore so I don't accidentally get him to text me back. I could be wrong this time though, because the holidays aren't over yet. I'm using this time to build myself back up so when he texts back I won't give him the satisfaction of a response 😂 he keeps my things there if I forget anything I let there to get me to come back, but im not coming back for them. Now if I feel anyone getting too close I push them away

[@amandawright7421]

Once again, he speaks 100% truth!! Good stuff

[@MentalHealness]

I try. Thank you

[@nat3199]

Be CAREFUL Lee/everybody where he differentiates the treatment of you vs the partners they cheat with. I hope people don't view that as themselves being "special" to the narc and thus excuse the behavior. Remember, your only "specialty" to them is the particular use you have for them. Cheating is cheating and whether it's in the bedroom or emotionally at the end of the day they are not committed to you and youre not "enough" for them in whichever way and they don't actually have any respect for nor value you becsuse if they did, they wouldn't dare seek elsewhere or do anything to jeopardize that. Do not forgive, diminish/minimize or tolerate the gravity of this whatever form it takes. If you ever catch yourself conflicted over it just imagine if the roles were reversed how ripped to shreds they would be. And dont pretend you aren't just to hang on to someone who believes theyre entitled to your submission and comittment no matter what they do. Remember their only concern is being caught and after that seeing how much they can still get away with by convincing or pressuring you into tolerating whatever BS including this. The concern is never you, nor how much they value the relationship. It's how much they can get away with after they get bored and decide you're not enough. PS, just because you are not enough to the narcissist (which is how they view you and why they cheat) does not mean YOU are not enough. It just shows that THEY are never going to be satisfied even with a beautiful, loving, and dedicated partner who may give them whatever they ask for in or outside the bedroom and beyond....they will NEVER be satisfied.

[@brandykp733]

My ex use to say, he doesn't reward bad behavior. I'm glad I left his sorry behind 3 months ago.

[@latashabreal9077]

Probably wasn't a reward to begin 😅

[@MizrahiChick]

Wow. That is exactly the phrase mine used .

[@ladyjadelindia]

Mine also says this…

[@cryptoworldpeace2974]

During the discard phase, mine would threaten to basically “put me in a corner” if I spoke out about my emotions. I’ll be honest: I don’t tolerate disrespect in a relationship. I restated my boundaries again and again. Having boundaries and refusing to give someone what they want, when they’re acting like a POS, does not make you a narcissist. Turning someone’s feelings against them does though.

[@justsayin6214]

With mine it was like I was a doll that he used for his pleasure and he would do certain things to me even though I told him I don't want it and that I want him to stop. He told me "it has to be like that, it's part of it" and when I started crying he told me to stop crying because it turns him off. He also put me under intense pressure, kind of blackmailing me, whenever I didn't want to sleep with him, which was every time because he killed my libido and it stayed gone until a year after that relationship ended

[@jackiecolbert3915]

Sounds like my ex husband

[@justsayin6214]

@@jackiecolbert3915 sorry you went through that too, have my virtual hug 🥺

[@violetashen]

I sincerely believe i survived my narc (as in didn’t commit suicide) is because he was super lazy. He was a horrible human being who enjoyed unraveling my brain. He put a lot of energy in talking to other women online but he never went through with meeting them even though they would beg. I wonder if because he was so lazy, he was worried he wouldn’t find someone like me who put up with it, and therefore didn’t go for it. But it never stopped him from getting the attention. Not sure what would’ve happened to me if he had been worse. He got married after me. He told me his next relationship needed to be a marriage because he wasn’t able to take care of himself and needed someone else to. And he said he needed to be less of an asshole to achieve this. He never saw me as marriage material. It never came to fruition since I was in college through our whole relationship. I was full on prepared to take care of him. Glad i got to discard him.

[@Lois_Unwordy]

He’s almost certainly not being less of an asshole, or not for very long. Maybe until he gets married.

[@AniyaLewis-gl1dw]

For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that whosoever believeth in him shall not perish but have eternal life. If we confess our sins he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead thou shalt be saved. For the wages of sin is death but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ. Repent for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.

[@allsouls5997]

They only think of pleasing themself.

[@kevinpusey4902]

Spot on Lee. I hadn't seen my ex narc for a month, and when I was finally able to, I went to visit her. Within minutes of being in her house we were hot and heavy on the couch. She always has music videos on her tv playing, and suddenly she looks over my shoulder at the tv, and stops me saying, "wait wait...I wanted to see this video." So, I rolled off her, and sat and watched this music video in silence. It was the strangest thing. Now, I know why.

[@stillyoungmind17]

Im curious though. Looking back what were some of thr other red flags that u missed but brushed it off?

[@kevinpusey4902]

Fits of rage...never apologizing for her fucked up behavior...and not feeling I could trust her.

[@tracyfox466]

Thanks so much Lee for this post as you are absolutely correct in everything you presented here!😉👍🏻 Over time in many romantic narcissistic relationships they will definitely start to exhibit a what’s called a Madonna-Whore Complex where they make their partners start to feel like they are more of a mother or sister figure in their life rather than a sexual partner. I absolutely dealt with this in my relationship with my narcissistic ex where if I was being flirty with him or tried to initiate sex he would give me a look of contempt or disdain to make me feel guilty or disgusted with myself for wanting to be intimate within my own marriage and long term relationship with him. It was extremely hurtful and demoralizing to say the least and it was just another tactic to demean, devalue, and destroy my self esteem and self worth. I think it took me far longer to forgive myself for putting up with it for 27 yrs than it ever was for me to forgive him. For many years I beat myself up for making such a huge mistake and feeling like I had wasted so many years of my life trying to make my marriage work, but it was a huge life lesson that helped me to see how I let not only him but so many others take advantage of my love and kindness. Have I changed? Absolutely, but I didn’t allow those people to change the loving and trusting person that I am. I am wiser now but I am far more selective in who I allow in my life and who I give my love and kindness to. My faith and spirituality got me through my ordeal and the Bible scripture Matthew 10:16 really spoke to me as it says, the Lord sends us out among wolves in sheep’s clothing and we are to be wise as serpents but harmless as doves.🙏🏻❤️🙏🏻❤️🙏🏻❤️

[@PatricaKing]

Those wasted years.... that's what has my mind twisted up rn. 22 years trying to figure out where the goal post was being moved to next. God Bless you and bring you peace. We are worth saving!

[@xariaandcompany1650]

This is probably the one thing I didn’t experience. But I can say that he used it as a way to keep me with him

[@ktwhimsy6946]

I’m so glad you touched on this…all about control 100%! I remember my ex getting mad when I wanted to try something new (because it wasn’t his idea, and it turned into a character assassination + interrogation against me for bringing it up) …I also remember him telling me he “wanted to possess my soul” while we were sexually intimate… I wrote it off as part of his being a Scorpio, HA!

[@nathalieandersson9432]

He was bad at everything and not just sex. He wasn't my type in terms of looks. And he also has an alcohol problem, so he didn't fit into my life so it was easy to leave him

[@celmaferrao6491]

😂😂😂

[@tiffanymalveaux7468]

My narcissistic ex tried to force me to tell him he was the best I've ever had during sex while creepily staring into my eyes. Inside I was cracking up because I was thinking that he must really be CRAZY 😂 but after staying silent thru most of it I finally responded by saying "do you want me to lie?" Then he choked me out!!! LMAOOOOO smh

[@lovettewilliams4114]

Wow 😯 remember to tell him what he wants all the time manifesting your escape from the world 🌍 of weird 😏😫😬🥴

[@LatoriaMartin]

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@themedia742]

😂😂😂

[@williamwashington4633]

😂😂😂😂

[@juned1719]

😳

[@CL-lo4wd]

Thank you for this video. It made me sob. I can't help it, it was so painful to hear Some of the things you said about control... it's just hitting me now, how severely I was used and abused.

[@MentalHealness]

You’re welcome

[@michelleeckert6348]

I'm glad you're free too. Now be good to yourself. Get your favorite food, or coffee, or go on some nice outing, read a good book. Do something for YOU, and dont feel guilty! Replace all the narc memories with memories that'll make all that fade away. Good luck, sweetie, and never go back! You Sure deserve better! 😊

[@CL-lo4wd]

@@michelleeckert6348 Thank you. I don’t feel “free” yet, just the shock wearing off I guess. But very grateful for these videos and the support. Thank you!

[@arinoelplus5allmine645]

Mine would just come in his room while I'm in there chilling and without any clothes on... ready to go... I'd be like can't we l we chill and watch this movie, then he'd get all mad and upset with me... that's that sense of entitlement coming out

[@kitkatherine0177]

It definitely is about control. We were both doms, but I was usually the dominant one in bed, but he still found ways to maintain control, by refusing to wear protection, refusing to get tested, using sexual coercion for oral sex, and gaslighting me in bed. I never finished. We stopped when he finished.

[@recoveringsoul755]

Refusing to wear protection but insisting on sex is sexual assault. I had to learn that. It's not consensual My ex is the only partner I ever had to fake it with. He was trying to break a record held by a prior partner I had. Someone who actually cared if I felt good. I was done and needed to stop but he wouldn't. Competing with an ex lover. NEVER tell them any numbers. So just to get him off of me I had to pretend I arrived . Ugh. I shudder to even think about it. He either acts like he's performing for cameras I can't see, caused physical pain way too often. Received far more than he ever gave. Lazy and then nothing

[@mrzkikibabychannel282]

Wow, we have similar traits. I'm dominant as well. My narcissistic ex never wanted me to be in control. He literally go soft when I want to be in control give him pleasure. It's always his way of sex it was good in beginning. But now just got boring same position and he try to have sex when I'm good in tired sleep till I caught on to his patterns. He started argue with me see my reaction what he cause of course. Then when I just went silent and ignored him tune him out because I just don't want believe no more of his foolish lies I addtess him with. He addicted Corno/ porn. Like watching by himself. I was like let watch it together. He like no this my way I can have sex with you. More contol/ mental cheating on me with porn female that share pics and videos that I caught several times spend time in bathroom or in the opposite rooms as me. Withhold affection no that like affection and foreplay. Another sign of controlling he is. Now seen I took my power back I stop letting come over because only reason want come over because my place was peaceful and using me for convincing. Pretend to my boyfriend really wasn't want to be my boyfriend. In beginning treat me like queen till one day that mask 🎭 came off reveal who he was couldn't be consistent of being a evolve man he pretend to be. I was brought chaos, confused try to question my female intuition. Guilty trip me of my moral, and belief to do what he say and is was right it wasn't. That a sign of narcissist arrogant weak want to have power and control over empathy but thank God have discriminate I see right pass there scheme. And narcissistic don't like it when ppl find out the truth about them. The truth hurts a narcissist person. But love to bring up past of what u did or even smear lies to get guilty off them. Love to play the victim really they are villains what causes it. How there mind play make empathy believe there lies no true pretending they are good person. Sneaky, in dark work of decit. They haven't heal take responsibility and accountability for there lies, do to ppl. They want u feel there hurt and pain relief them to feel joy an happiness when drive u insane over madness. Ladies stay woke and wise Mrz Kiki baby had told you ✌️♥️

[@genesewatson648]

Wow my ex was the same way refused to wear condoms even after i told him i keep getting bv or a yeast infection that’s when i realized i keep getting this because your having sex with somebody else or multiple people

[@juned1719]

When I left my ex I didn’t want to believe he was a narcissist cuz I never knew a narcissist and couldn’t believe they were walking among me. I would even make excuses for his narcissistic behavior with my therapist after we broke up. Took a while but once I was fully out of the relationship I can’t deny it because every example given for a text book narcissist describes him exactly.

[@MentalHealness]

🙏🏽🙏🏽

[@thelittleetherealghost]

WOW now I understand why the world’s most selfish boy in the bedroom who would just soak it all in and never ever give much of anything aaaallll of a sudden tried to make sure to please me riiight before the discard- all a part of the setup for the reverse Hoover method. He wanted to be the best I’ve ever had to add to the list of manipulation tactics to get me to Hoover myself to wipe his slate clean. WOW… wild, I’m almost 90 days no contact and I’m STILL learning more. That was one I’d never been able to connect the dots for. Now I know. THANK YOU, Lee!

[@MentalHealness]

you’re welcome

[@tiffanyglaspie563]

That’s my story…….he even said that to me….” I don’t want to/can’t do those things with you”! Blows my mind! It’s almost sad we had no clue he was a narc but I’m glad I know now. Divorce is so close. I’m worried he will lose his mind when those papers show even though he’s started a whole new life with the mistress he lied about and is embarrassed of because he does do those things with I. The bedroom and she’s so unfortunate looking and shaped but once I had had enough and came out of the fig that’s what he had stuck himself with. So damn sad…….especially for our daughters.

[@tiffanyglaspie563]

*in the bedroom And *fog not fig 🙄🤣

[@barb7124]

My husband stared at me sometimes with absolute hate in his eyes. I was taken aback.

[@judywilliams3399]

He was with me but not with me. Fast and gone. I have heard of things that is really bad in the BED. Some women never tell anyone about the pain in the BEDROOM.

[@naeyalee7580]

I hope I get to forget my pain

[@angelamitchell1385]

Mine was a jock and treated my body like gym equipment and I was just part of his extensive exercise regime All ego boost no emotional connection 💪🤦‍♀️

[@PatricaKing]

The guilt and shame tactic. He would do some kinky thing (prolly saw in his porn) then 2 weeks later call me a hoe for participating in it, and then a week later try to make me do it again!! WTH? It was so awkward and an unsafe place to be emotionally. Complete nutjob.

[@mortischahicks5341]

My ex NARC was weird in the bedroom. He wanted it in the same place same time same positions. When he wanted it. You have no opinion throughout the whole act. It's ALL about them!!!😢😢

[@jadecolbert4286]

Great post!!! No one is talking about this

[@briancorrer7775]

My narc ex wife was abusive in many ways but here is a small story in case it might help someone else go through their pain… After not coming home to me and the kids for a week, me and my wife had marital relations. During that marital relation she sqrrted on me for the first time. So we are lying there naked and she asks me if I noticed that so I said yea it was different for sure. She goes “so I have something to tell you but don’t be mad”. Proceeded to tell me she had been cheating in Miami while she was away…BUT GET THIS… I should be happy that she cheated because the person she cheated with on me taught her to squirt during the affair, and it really opened up her world sexually. That she hopes I can appreciate it it for what it is. Only in Narcs clown world…I had to get an std panel..smh…but I should be happy for her.

[@nmc1859]

Sorry that's gross.

[@teiashort1451]

Wow

[@recoveringsoul755]

She could have taught herself how to do that. Don't need someone else. Or the 2 of you could try it together. It's best to learn by yourself so you can teach your partner how. If they want to. I guess some people think it's gross. It's a different kind of sensation than a V orgasm or a C orgasm. It's... more. I haven't really let loose on a partner since I learned how because I'd need to put down a tarp or something and lots of towels. I can keep going and going and going. I'm not in a relationship now. Stay hydrated I'm sorry she was unfaithful. That hurts like hell.

[@cletiawilliams1436]

My ex narc I saw pictures of him cheating on his phone....he said in my face it didn't mean anything....I didn't....sum! So I shouldn't be mad.

[@recoveringsoul755]

@@liciab8282 great point. Sadistic predators. Mine was sadistic too. Took pleasure in seeing the pain he caused.

[@reallove5068]

He said not wanting to go into too much detail while giving us the details 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@MentalHealness]

Hahahahah

[@stephaniewilliams845]

He didn't lie when he said he was a narcissist 🤷‍♀️ I'm very proud of how far you've come and ecstatic about the self-awareness part, it gives all of us the real help that we've been searching for. You describe the inner workings of this "disorder" in such a way that through my new understanding of how narcissism works, so much blame I've placed on myself for a lot of things that happened and are currently happening has been lifted ❤

[@coast2coast8306]

💀 🍿

[@emmarae4322]

😂😂

[@gonegirl9114]

My ex would ignore me all day only to wait for me to go to sleep and pry my legs open and force himself in me. To this day he tells everyone I’m crazy. Projecting is real with them.

[@MentalHealness]

WOW what!?!?!?

[@mombythesea2426]

Did you report him for rape?

[@winnieamar9368]

Yes!! This is accurate. The intimacy withholding, doing it only when they want to do it, not caring what pleasures you, not wanting to discuss about you like or don't like and what can be tried next time.. its all about control. Disgusting. Thankfully I do believe that I'm decently attractive looking,have a good body. Otherwise I would have internalised this part of his abuse as well. Dodged a bullet atleast in that area 😂

[@soyicasweet99]

Yep my narc was like that too. Most true Narcs withhold sex as a form of control. Especially if they think you want sex with them.

[@AniyaLewis-gl1dw]

For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that whosoever believeth in him shall not perish but have eternal life. If we confess our sins he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. For the wages of sin is death but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ. That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead thou shalt be saved. Repent for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.

[@isamarpolanco8625]

We should just tell them it wasn’t that good. Lol

[@clairecalitz]

Lee, you are a fountain of valuable information.

[@MentalHealness]

I try. Thank you

[@victorramos2299]

100% correct about them withholding sex from you, making you beg for sex, but looking for it outside the relationship, it happened to me twice with my ex.

[@artifundio1]

Talking about a trigger warning 😅 On the up side, while I was taking the blame of all things going bad in the marriage, my research about bed skills went everywhere. I got sooo good in bed. But just me, he never improved in 12 years! 😮 Thanks for the video Lee 👍

[@recoveringsoul755]

Yes!! Best sex ever was with myself. I didn't know my body could even DO some of these things. Too bad I didn't have a partner who loved me so we could discover it together

[@teiashort1451]

Damn

[@jeane68]

Mine was so hot in the beginning but then held back on his effort once I fell in love. He didn't initiate sex but wanted it everyday. We laid in what I perceived as intimacy for hours everyday, cause I need that, so I guess he felt obligated to keep me satisfied to a minimal degree on his part. He didn't want me with anyone else. He didn't want to lose his supply, I guess. One thing for sure, when he started to look for new supply, entertain every woman that would allow him and of course was cheating on me; I knew there was a shift in the bedroom and even called him out on it 2 months before I found out that he was cheating and hanging with other women. I didn't know what a narcissistic person was, but I called all of his bad traits out and knew what he was doing without knowing the name of it.... he was caught pretty early with me and my life was text book to being used by a narcissistic man. I loved him so much, my whole life had been a lie for two years. Very devastating.

[@majorsolutionsllc]

"Out here in the real world....they out here like Spider Man!"😅🤣😂

[@MentalHealness]

😆

[@blakethomas-qr8dn]

Your videos have been spot on. The 8:35 minute to 10 minute mark is exactly my relationship. Every time I asked for sex which wasn’t often my ex would call me names such as nymph. We would only have sex no more than twice a month. My ex was out in the streets being raunchy with others though. 😢

[@nsvshhw]

If you are questioning whether he had love for you, your ego is playing a dangerous game with you and you are still in the narc's trap. I will answer you, no, he didn't have any love, not for you. While he was with you, he had more. others, he compared your bodies, your movements, your behavior so he could fill his narcissistic brain with more technical information to use in the next love bombing to the next victim. Don't ask yourself questions about the narc, ask yourself what kind of person you are, what are your dark sides that are unprocessed and have drawn you into the narc's clutches, how is your self-esteem, and why do you need the approval of a narc. .albeit subconsciously.

[@blended2010]

I disliked having sex with my ex-husband because he was terrible at it. 19 years of mediocre 3 to 5 minute narcissistic loving 😂. Oh well, I'm freeeeeeee 🎉

[@LaTashaChante]

This is the truth. I was married to this very scenario and some. I believe he targeted me after learning that I was saving my virginity for marriage. He did everything needed to get me down the aisle!! Our first time, there was no patience with working me into every act imaginable. All kissing stopped after marriage. He was a very selfish lover and most times were very painful for me…never a climax for me but always demands from me. Even my pregnancy was forced against my will. This video hit home! Also when the cheating started, the rejection and physical disconnection happened immediately for long periods of time. Whew…horrific! So glad to be out but blessed to have my son.

[@AniyaLewis-gl1dw]

For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that whosoever believeth in him shall not perish but have eternal life. That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead thou shalt be saved. If we confess our sins he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. For the wages of sin is death but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ. Repent for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.

[@Wildheart4331]

All of this makes so much sense. My ex used to be so bland in the bedroom. The purity light concept you brought up just makes SO MUCH sense. I told him I wanted to get a tattoo, and he told me, “no, don’t do that babe. Your body is beautiful without tattoos.” And all of that made no sense to me considering all of his exes were girls covered in tattoos. He always told me that I was so pure and I never understood that either bc in my mind I felt like a human full of flaws. I mean he treated me like dirt despite saying I was pure and too good for him. I wonder if even in his narcissistic world he did have a version of love for me. Toxic as hell though

[@MentalHealness]

😫😫

[@Wildheart4331]

@@MentalHealness I also wanted to experiment and would wear provocative stuff bc I wanted to feel desired and he would turn me AWAY. I felt humiliated. Physical intimacy had to be when he said and the way he said it. But even though he would do that he would brag to his friends and tell them that they wouldn’t understand the stuff he goes through since they didn’t have a hot girlfriend. It all made no sense. One big mind f*ck.

[@junebloom2670]

The ex situation couldn't get it up and he would do nothing about it. Totally neglected my needs. He made sure to have fun with me though but left me with nothing. He was horrible in bed and was into BDSM. Everything you say here is spot on. He is covered in tattoos but thinks tattoos on women are dirty. He liked my "milky" white skin. He had to have control and it was never loving or intimate. He used to say, "show me your tits." He told me he wanted to rape me. He is a recovering porn addict. He is an addict period. These people are sick. We weren't together long, Thank God. I could have never stuck it out with him in the bedroom or otherwise. It was terrible.

[@AniyaLewis-gl1dw]

For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that whosoever believeth in him shall not perish but have eternal life. If we confess our sins he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead thou shalt be saved. For the wages of sin is death but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ. Repent for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.

[@lt827]

One narcissistic ex from many years ago was so rough with me that I was bleeding after sex. All he said was go to the hospital: he didn’t even offer to take me there!

[@jackiecolbert3915]

I know the feeling too well. It's sad

[@alouise3557]

Remove the word "rough" and replace with "abusive" and suddenly the act was not sex. It was something very different. This is sick.

[@fruitsarelife7073]

Omg 😰😰🤭🤭

[@ALTERGRAVITY]

Same here!!

[@babyhandgrenade4004]

Makes a lot of sense. I told mine that I felt that we were sexually incompatible and when he asked me why, I said because your to vanilla for me. Now I'm not into a bunch of crazy stuff, I am into BDSM but I do draw the line at certain things. This makes a lot of sense. He was probably out there getting it from this woman that he was talking to when I left them. He said that I was the best he ever had but I can't say the same for him. Everything you're saying makes a lot of sense. Thank you for making this channel to help us.

[@flockinggoose1181]

Recently, I came across traits of covert narcissists, and I am curious if my experience fits anyone else. When I started dating my now wife, we would always have sex and be intimate (I guess this was the love bombing). Still, after dating in college and two years into our marriage, it gradually declined into a total cut-off of sex and physical intimacy. We maybe have sex once a month, if that, and it feels like a chore, as if she's doing it as a favor to me, not that she wants to have sex. We have talked about it three times now over the years; the first talk was I wasn't intimate enough, the second talk was because I didn't work hard enough at my job (I'm an emission engineer), and the third talk was she's not feeling like it, noting how every discussion concluded with it being my fault and nothing she could fix. Every time I try to initiate, I get shut down for the same reason: tired, we will do it tomorrow, etc. It has gotten to the point where I am so defeated by the rejection I don't want to try because I fear the rejection/feelings that follow. My wife has only initiated sex once in three years (I brought this up recently hoping to shed light on her lack of intimacy after she rejected me, and she responded with a chuckle stating the exact day she initiated, which crushed me because she knows the exact date and showed she doesn't care or wants to fix anything) between the intimacy signs and the mix of frequent gaslighting, blow-ups over small things, constantly redirecting and making any argument my fault if I point out a flaw or issue, etc. I'm finally seeing the light and realizing it has not been all my fault over these years, as I have been told/made to believe.

[@MReeb-nq9pd]

Not your fault at all. I do feel like she may be getting her satisfaction elsewhere. Either physically or online…?

[@Monica-mm2vv]

Were you raised by a narcissist? You might be accustomed to being mistreated. I sure wish Lee would comment on this. If she doesn’t want to work on herself, there’s not much you can do. I’m sorry.

[@emmajackson5139]

In the bedroom there was no intimacy. No kissing during and sometimes there wasn't even any eye contact and he could only finish via his own hand.

[@juelzbreeze4758]

Omg! Mine to. He would finish with his Hand!😂

[@tamaragunter1255]

Same here. Wth does that mean? Anyone else I've been with thinks I'm so good. They finish in like 5 secs. But he can't finish unless it's his hand.

[@AB-ib3nf]

It's because they don't want to give you the satisfaction of you having an ounce of control over them. They also sometimes have sordid fantasíes or are bisexual & that's what they're thinking about in their solo moment to climax so they can't feel that secret thing with you.. &/or they've been self soothing for so long even if you're fully capable remember they're egotistical, so they want to be the one to feel accomplished in the situation. Add if You're able to conceive know this is also to prevent you from claiming pregnancy, so when they're finally ready to leave you they don't have to look back & possibly is a way to degrade you subliminally in a low key way, to make it seem as if you're not good enough, so that they have to do it themselves, so you stay trying to please them but they have an excuse to cheat later..& they've created insecurities in you meaning you'll stay with them because you've lost your confidence even if you're the best thing they have ever had. Hope this helps.

[@juelzbreeze4758]

​@@AB-ib3nfwow! That makes sense. Especially if they have a porn addiction and are into other things. You're so right!🤦🏽‍♀️

[@juelzbreeze4758]

​@@tamaragunter1255same!

[@LeeAnn25sk8jx8n]

Thank you so much for putting this out there ...every topic your spot on. It's a self esteem thing ...they get theirs by degrading you ...😢😢 It's a horrible relationship in every single aspect .. porn addict ..just a addict ... and yes he loves to hit me whenever however 😢

[@mdelorme3698]

Now that you have some self awareness i hope you will get some help with allowing yourself to be in an abusive relationship

[@kimc5379]

It was a time having sex with the Ex Narc was very painful! It was like he trying to hurt me on purpose! I slapped the sh*t out of him and told him don’t you ever sex me like that again. I guess he was trying to punish me for something! I’m glad I’m done.

[@kishahall26]

Thank you. I experienced just about everything that you described with my ex. Thanks for validating my experiences.

[@audra212]

My ex would withhold sex. He was really good at it and used it as a means to control me.

[@faithfullylala4858]

We need a part 2 thanks for sharing 🙌🏾🙌🏾

[@cherrylynn7173]

My ex narc was drunk most of the time and suffered from drunken impotence. So it was frustrating a lot of times to get him to stop trying to have sex with me when he couldn’t perform. The other times when he could perform he wasn’t selfish at all. Our sex life was very plentiful and spicy. He was all about pleasing. I think he used sex as a weapon to get me to fall hard so I wouldn’t think he was cheating. He was also very giving when it came to dating. But best believe I wasn’t the only one he was grooming.

[@MegaRose1958]

That's interesting you said wanting to have sex to have control, I didn't care for his technique of thinking hard and fast was passionate. I went along with it so he could be satisfied. I stopped giving oral sex bec. I didn't like how he would disrespect me, now he would get mad and question me because I wouldn't want him to perform oral sex on me. Now he was good at that, but he wanted to do that because he wanted to end up having sex and since I didn't find pleasure in that , and I didn't want him to know how much I enjoyed that, because as you said I didn't want him to have over me. The one thing I never understood is why he never wanted sex if we went out of town. I was extremely hurt by this when we went to Destin, FL and stayed for at least three days. I asked him did you ever go to hotels in the past and have sex and he would say yes, so I couldn't understand why he wouldn't with me. We were together for a little over five years. Bec. I didn't miss the sex, it made it even easier to have no contact.

[@1love847]

Well the Covert Narc was a dream come true and so teachable and pleasing beyond belief. Just had so much to prove! Damn. I miss that demon sometimes!

[@MentalHealness]

😫😫

[@MostWant3d007]

Love what you said at the end about sex don’t let it be the end of you ❤

[@jayjellobean]

Thank you for your content. I was with a cis het man that withheld intimacy from me and my love language is physical touch. I feel nauseous as you tell my story. I can say that there has been nothing more hurtful that I've experienced. I don't tolerate cheating/beating, etc. so I got got by a covert narcissist.

[@tiheshakp]

Was great in the beginning, but due to his drug and alcohol abuse, he had bouts with erectile dysfunction

[@cletiawilliams1436]

Same here.....sometimes he made me wait to ....I had to stare at him and wait until it wakes up! I was so over this! He was doing that synthetic ish too.

[@Yoruba_Goddess]

I dated a Narc for 6 years in my 20s it took ALOT of healing, recovering learning and understanding these vultures. I've been single for about 7 years or so and I can not and do not want relationship or marriage..I enjoy being single. I was seeing a guy for several months and realized he was a narcissist too x10 and OMG i constantly had flash blacks of my ex because they are so much alike except this guy is worst. I relazed I didn't allow him to suck me in like my ex but I ultimately had mixed emotions and a deep hate for him because I didn't want him to be that guy. Though im not mentally trapped in his antics anymore im definitely addicted to his sex. I disconnected mentally and emotionally from him. But im definitely hooked physically.

[@314honeydipp]

Oh wow, this video right here just opened my eyes to my whole relationship with my ex smh I mean he never hit me but what you discussed here I experienced from beginning to end. Learning all of this has been helpful but I'm so disgusted!

[@jamela6020]

Yep...very scary. It sounds too much like my ex. Also never hit me. It even sounds strange to me saying my 'ex'. I've been with him 20 years. 😢 He sort or discarded me a little over a year but still holding on by a string. But something happened 3 months ago that finally made me stop all contact "cold turkey" But I have been loving my peace of mind not trying to figure things out with him. It's been very freeing catching up with life..

[@314honeydipp]

@@jamela6020 I hear you🙏

[@renadahines9994]

Yeah this definitely opened my eyes now it all make sense wow

[@NevaMindYo]

Wow. I literally have him saved in my phone as PRESERVER. Thanks for being honest and “Going There” it’s important.

[@passion8princess261]

On a more serious note though....there is nothing wrong with being sensual and sexual even if one is into Kink, it does keep the fire burning, the only bad part is when someone makes you feel bad about it when truly it's natural and can be a wonderful experience with the right loving person.

[@nghiemhien78]

The purity thought, nut. Thanks for sharing.

[@MentalHealness]

You got it

[@lt827]

My ex used to do things that he knew turned me off in the bedroom like talking like a toddler. He also tried to period shame me. He also refused to go to the doctor to get viagra for years once he had ED. He thought we could look after himself without meeting my needs.

[@Victoria-uq8mf]

Oh wow. My husband period shames me every month.