What's Behind the Estrangement Epidemic?

There are many forces at work in society today feeding the rising trend of family estrangement. Walk with me to the root of the problem, which may surprise you.
Parents, you are not alone. It's devastating to be estranged from your adult child, whom you raised with love in good faith. This channel is for you.
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[@estrangedparents]

Beyond the personal mistakes we made as parents, what other societal factors do you think are contributing to rising estrangement? STAY IN TOUCH: us.estrangedparents.me/join

[@user-nk1kk1cg2g]

I think mental illness plays a huge role in estrangement. I know some people really were physically and mentally abused, but it seems like today, it’s popular to claim that bad stuff has happened when it really hasn’t. Diagnoses like, ADHD, autism, and PTSD are very chic to lay claim to. For people with real mental illness, there’s no support for them. It’s too costly or takes forever for them to be seen by someone who can help. I think you’re right that there’s a societal decline. To be honest with you, I just don’t even want to try anymore with my estranged adult daughter. Her reality is completely out of line with mine. She’s the one who is really abusive (I think that’s the case with most estranged adult children ) It’s just easier to rejoice that I’m no longer walking on eggshells because she’s gone than it is to try to figure out what went wrong. I really don’t miss her anymore. I really don’t even know what her problem is to be honest with you but I can’t let her delusions ruin my quality of life anymore. I hope you someday do a show about embracing the loss and just moving on.

[@user-uj9cy2wj1j]

You admitted that you made mistakes like anyone whom walks the earth. As parents, you raise your children/child and nurture, guide, train, love support in their growth process. After the age of accountability and adulthood, it doesn't reflect on you. They make their decisions and have the freedom to go in whatever they choose. It's not your fault. 🎉

[@rechelle_y]

Social Media and technology. My own child's success is put over everything. And I do believe for her generation at least, the 'us vs them' mentality and tribalism run deep.

[@heatherofthemountains]

Selfishness. 😢

[@Lisajed]

It's the whole woke Society the me too generation seem to have started taking shape about 20 years ago... my sister and I talked about it all the time... young adults do not know how to be employees they actually have no clue how to be a worker because they've been raised staring Straight Ahead at their phone since they were babies. So kids these days do not know how to develop strong bonds and learn the value of relationships . In school they are sheeple sheep / people following the herd . They are not taught anymore to think for themselves or they never learned how to make logical arguments or basic reasoning skills or make a plan of action . Forget abou Emotional intelligence and how to be a gracious loser in a fair game! The government wants to keep this younger generation off balance and in fear so that we will follow whatever they want us to do willingly, like take the covid shot when they did no clinical trials on it for example. No thank you sir I am a young baby boomer with just enough wisdom to see exactly what's going on in society. And that's why I don't take my son divorcing me personally😊

[@kingofichigo]

The growing awareness of the negative impacts of narcissistic parents. No one owes an abusive narc parent who refuses to change anything

[@mariastewart9861]

Came here to say that 👏

[@Squiddogg]

Yeah, the "growing awareness... of narcissistic parents." Right. The growing Princess and the Pea attitude of spoiled baby Millennials playing the victim is more like it.

[@rrrj7816]

Where are you getting that she’s a narcissist? Because she had the nerve to make a video about her feelings?

[@naturegirl372]

People who have experienced narcissistic abuse, are familiar with how narcissists present and the study of the topic, can educate others, who are not familiar. It can be difficult for those who haven't been affected by narcissistic abuse, to see the survivors' struggle; in many cases, to the point of denying their experiences.

[@Zo.theysay]

Well said!

[@Falstaff85]

Gee, who would’ve thought someone who is estranged from her kids would be willing to blame everyone but herself.

[@misstmemrs]

The daughter has been diagnosed with autism and adhd, she says. So maybe there is more to the story. It is quite possible that the parents are not solely to blame. Also, you appear to be falsely accusing. It is what abusers do. There is ample evidence she does take some blame. Why do you think she is lying? It is not true that she is blaming everyone else. Why do you lie? It is abusive. You think she is fair game? It’s ok for you to abuse people? Maybe the daughter is blaming everyone else when her disorders are caused by chemicals or a disease process. Do you have any data to support your assertion?

[@misstmemrs]

Abusers speak in mind numbing cliches.

[@vraifille]

Do you see the flip side of that? My brother blames my parents for all his woes...but it's HIS weakness and (frankly) craziness that have led to his estrangement from the entire family. Not my folks. Were they perfect? No. But good grief. Grow up and deal.

[@ShallaBal82]

@@vraifille There may be something that happened between your parents and your brother that you don't know anything about.

[@Neonrain08]

@@vraifille parents dont treat each child equally

[@thevenusian1314]

If people were fulfilled, and validated by their families of origin, there would be no need to seek chosen families.

[@SaltyDog-wwrd]

Nonsense. These adult children are still adults. One doesn't have to disown one's parents to establish healthy boundaries. Also, no adult should expect anyone to validate that which they cannot morally condone. Adult children must live with their choices.

[@user-up6hv7ug4m]

And if bullfrogs had wings, they wouldn't bump their butts every time they hop. Perfect example of the damage done by "participation trophies". Fulfill ME, validate ME, always put ME first. It is all very Freudian - the parent(s) is at fault and there is no attempt by the adult child to try to see through the parent's eyes, so to speak. No point of view exists but theirs. Yes, supporting your kids is part of parenting, as is validating their feelings and helping them navigate and process all those firsts (victories, disappointments, loves, heartbreaks, etc.). It is how a parent helps them learn to do it on their own. It is common to have and maintain a connection with your family of origin, as well as your family of choice. That is why we form friendships. One does not have to replace the other, it can supplement and extend. Apologies, it's late (early morning) so I'm not sure if I'm making sense. Just hold your loved ones tight in a hug and tell them you love them while you can.

[@TLouise1959]

​@@SaltyDog-wwrd I could not have said it better thank you

[@roseyc.5846]

TOTAL BULLSH*T!!!

[@Noname11364]

It’s really hard living life with the need for constant validation. We’re supposed to be better than our parents. I know… difficult

[@michelegrunwald6073]

I'm 64 and still dealing with abuse. We have recently become more aware of narcissistic abuse and we who were abused are finding the strength to walk away.

[@LinNoOne]

amen and good for you

[@CorgiFrizz]

I'm 57 & grew up with a very abusive mother. She's been verbally & emotionally abusive since I became an adult. None of my siblings have contact with her. She will tell you that she has no idea why we don't speak to her and that while she may not have been perfect, there were kids who had it worse. She says that even if we were abused, it was a long time ago and we should get over it. I see no reason to allow her to continue to be anywhere just because she's my mother. That's not a free pass.

[@nonakabyrd5759]

Yes, but actual abuse is quite different than estrangement with no known cause. My daughter blocked me in Aug, in February it will be 4 yrs. I only saw her at her wedding a year ago, invited by mail. Less than one year, she's left her husband

[@CorgiFrizz]

@@nonakabyrd5759 my mother tells everyone she has no idea why none of her children speak to her.

[@reachhonduras8955]

@@angied1178 You people need a LOT of help. Your generation seems to get offended at every single little thing someone else does, but yet seem to have no self-reflection of your own faults. It is really bizarre.

[@sigrid5819]

And all I can think about is: 1. What are the mistakes you made? 2. What was in the letter and 3 Why are you blockning people for asking these questions?

[@MayflowerHomeschool]

And she complains about the government school system brainwashing children, how children are growing up on social media, etc. yet, the parents are the ones sending their children to government school systems. They’re the ones handing their children smart phones and allowing them on social media… you can’t blame the children when the parents are allowing it all to happen

[@jonathanalpart7812]

Silence

[@sharondavisson4149]

I would block you as well

[@Ale33810]

YEAH we want to know what's in the letter. If it is for "no reason" so should be easy to show in public and detect the manipulation. But she won't. I wonder why.. (sarcasm, I know exactly why)

[@Clarence_13x]

“The blame shifting is epic on this one!” -Dr. Ellickson PhD

[@misstmemrs]

Who

[@Clarence_13x]

@@misstmemrs my girlfriend is a clinical psychologist. This is her quote after watching the video. We were trying to see it from both sides, but this is classic transference.

[@misstmemrs]

@@Clarence_13x There is not enough evidence to analyze this. Any data to support your assertion? The mother seems to think they don’t deserve to be shunned.

[@smch6416]

You don't get shunned because you're a lovely person

[@misstmemrs]

@@smch6416 innocent people are abused all the time. Normal range people certainly may not always act so “lovely.” Mind numbing cliches prove no point.

[@txspacemom765]

The continued lack of my mother not taking responsibility for the things she allowed and did. I forgave, over and over, with her just smiling and never apologizing, let alone have open communication. She would continue her bad behavior and I was expected to take it. Then she played the victim and martyr when I would call her out on it. She continued to allow someone who SA me as a kid come to family gatherings. She continued to undermine everything I did, by telling me I was garbage, i was wrong, I was a loser. She called my workplaces and trashed me, sent emails in recent years, told anyone I would bring home that I was awful person. Nothing I have done anything right in her eyes. I could give you my resume but it's not even worth it for me to explain. Until you have been constantly trashed, dragged, treated like an after thought, and made to be the bad person, I finally gave up at 25 and left for good.

[@txspacemom765]

Yep had the whole family turned against me, until she passed and the truth came out. And even now, I don't speak to my family. They drank the kool aid, live with their choices.@@Hlthysqrl76

[@roycebandora9652]

I’m sorry that you went through this and hope you are doing well. I had the same situation as a teenager and with the help of the lord of learned to forgive them so that I can focus on college!

[@ajrwilde14]

damn this is exactly how it was with my mother, I stuck it out until 29 though, wish I'd quit permanently at 25

[@misstmemrs]

Me too. But it is unknown who is the most pathological in this situation.

[@misstmemrs]

What specific examples do you have of her bad behavior? Abusers insist they are a victim and speak in vague and histrionic generalities. Victims tend to have high rates of cluster b disorders. The book evicted describes the data. Abused parents are falsely accused with every kind of distortion and fallacy and power play known to man. The problem with evil or psychotic people is they have a self image of perfection

[@LaughingStock55]

I initiated my estrangement from my mother when it became apparent that she only cared about herself and her struggles. She blamed everyone else for her own misery, even though she created nearly all the stress in our family. For example, my dad was mowing the lawn at 11:00 am one morning. My mother had stayed up late drinking the night before and got angry at him for waking her up. She went outside and screamed at him for making so much noise. I was what therapists call the chosen child. She seemed to love me more than anything else in the world. When I grew up, she got sick and became permanently disabled. I let her move in with me and my partner so I could help her. The next year was hell. She threatened me every day. I wasn’t allowed to leave the apartment without telling her first. She got jealous when I spent time with my partner’s family. In the end, I had to make my mother leave and move back in with my dad. I tried to keep contact with her, but she became increasingly abusive, telling me I ruined her life and that I was worse than my dad. I finally cut her off completely because of the abuse. I am learning now how incredibly difficult it is to be a mother enmeshed son who gets rejected. The hardest part is knowing now that she never did love me for who I am. She just used me for her own emotional needs when she blew up her marriage to my dad. My situation has nothing to do with the political connections you mention and everything to do with having an entitled narcissistic parent from the boomer generation.

[@misstmemrs]

Many parents are experiencing kids who act crazy like that. Narcissism and psychosis can have many causes.

[@bythemoon506]

I would love to see just one video of a parent taking ownership. I’ll never get it from my own parents, but every gen x/boomer video or comment just confirms why the adult children left.. no ownership.

[@TheGhostOfCaroline]

If any of you actually love your estranged kids and want to mend things consider this- this comment is everything. If you want to keep making excuses and blame shifting- scroll on

[@alexajackson8227]

"No ownership" is the key phrase here. the writings on the wall! The reason can fall out of the sky from God himself and these people will still act shocked and extremely confused. The irony . . .

[@dillchives]

It's one of their weird forms of projection and denial. They've heard the reasons but don't like them and disagree, which gives them the ability to seamlessly project the "no reasons" act outward in public, even though they actually know that's not true at the same time. It's taken them years of practice to feel safe enough to keep putting on this performance endlessly, and not be embarrassed or feel too much shame about doing it.

[@tallgrrl1]

Parental abuse lasting into adulthood, predominantly featuring regular criticism, lack of emotional and practical support to achieve the standards they expected of me, unwelcome (any) comments about my body, pressure to live as they thought I should live (e.g. get married, have children), giving out my personal information to the immediate family of the cousin who SA'd me as a child (after I indicated I would be pursuing legal action against him) and other grotesque boundary violations. Refusing to listen to me as I politely but firmly explained when they crossed a boundary, and ignoring the distress they caused by invalidating me. That's behind the so-called "estrangement epidemic". We woke up and started speaking up, and gave a voice to other people who were abused, encouraging them to speak up, too. Like the old commercial, "They told two friends, then they told two friends..." Thank you, technology.

[@catalinawoody6954]

You know this is brilliant. We should start a movement about the abuse our kids have given us. Trouble in school, always fighting with friends, drugs, talking back, not respecting parents' boundaries that they set, wrecking the car, lying, sneaking out at night, Oh and the things they said about their friends behind their backs, being disrespectful, being ungrateful, always had their hands out for something. We tell two friends, then they tell two friends. Thank you, technology works both ways.

[@tallgrrl1]

@@catalinawoody6954 Agreed. It should be normalized to leave unrepentant abusive adults to their own devices, no matter who they are. We need to keep talking about it, no matter which side they fall upon, because no one deserves to be abused. Love them, but from a safe distance. ❤️

[@Suresurely]

@tallgrrl1 well said. I think her 30,000 ft view is a convenient way to remove personal responsibility. I’m sorry for what you’ve been through. I get it. ❤

[@tallgrrl1]

@denisedaniel9010 100%. The channel owner said it best with her comment about "too much contrition". From her viral video, it's clear she wouldn't recognize a boundary if it walked up to her, introduced itself, and pointed to its name tag. I would wager that the majority of the adult children who went no contact here did it as a last resort to protect themselves because of repeatedly trampled boundaries...

[@tallgrrl1]

@denisedaniel9010 The videos are truly a case study in what NOT to do if one wants to reunite with an estranged adult child. The videos are pretty slick, too. I mean, if the mom produced them on her own, good on her - she's talented. But I would venture that there was a substantial amount of money thrown at "the problem" to enlist the services of a professional content producer. This was money that should have been spent on therapy. Taking the full, unedited letters and any other correspondence from the daughter to work through with a neutral third party and being open to exploring and working through some really complex feelings about it was probably the best chance she had to restore the relationship with the child she asserts she loves so much. Instead, she created a giant circle jerk for herself and other parents who need to be right.

[@JoeCoxJr]

I had to cut off both of my parents due to their narcissism. My brother drank himself to death at 29 years old. They stole, lied and cheated. On my channel, I explain, we have no duty owed to a toxic parent because they violated their obligation to their children. I personally do not know any child that has cut off a parent has fulfill their duties as a parent. A an adult child has a built-in desire to have a connection with a parent. I find parents destroy that connection. I am open to Feedback

[@JoeCoxJr]

I’m assuming from the response that you have a child that your estranged from?

[@sandragalati6281]

As a baby boomer born in the first years of the 60s, I went not contact with my father at 19 and reconnected with him at 42. It’s now been 20 years and he’s much more respectful now. I went no contact with my mother for 4 years and then reconnected. Not all people are meant to get along - not even parents and children. Kids may need something parents are unable or unwilling to give. Same with kids. Estrangement is not always a bad thing.

[@kmartin2988]

For me, it is narcissism - it destroys relationships - actually relationships never have a chance to become meaningful as lack of trust makes it impossible. I am 68 and have finally just stepped away from the disfunction and therefore deliberate meanspirit of my mother who is in her 90s. One would think how can you do that to a sweet, charming, 90 year old? They haven't walked in my shoes from infancy and have no experience with such a personality disorder.

[@lindahornlpc]

SAD!😢

[@FollowingTheDream455]

Narcissism, Munchausen's by Proxy and alcoholism is part of the reason I walked away from my mother. I felt like my soul was being crushed Everytime I was around her. She would not stop bringing up things that had happened in the past. When I spoke the truth, she wouldn't stop attempting to gas light me. I've always had feelings of worthlessness and rage around here. I've decided to walk away because it's what's best for me. If my mother and a lot of my mother's family will continue to gaslight me, marginalize me, and minimize my abuse, I don't want to be around them. I will look out for me, and try to live my best life.

[@JoeCoxJr]

That’s what I went through. My mother will swear up and down. She never did anything wrong. She has four children that have had so many emotional problems. Degrading. Hitting. And then gaslighting. But it’s always the children’s fault. Blessings to you.

[@cecileroy557]

Exactly kmartin. I couldn't believe my mother was still giving me her passive-aggressive shite until the day she died... and I was in my early sixties. Honestly, I felt a bit of dread before her funeral because all I was gonna hear was how "wonderful" she was...

[@FollowingTheDream455]

@@JoeCoxJr Your mother abused her authority. I'm sorry you went through all of that.

[@Surreal452]

I do not regret going NC with my narcissistic mother 6 years ago for one second.

[@Surreal452]

​@@marysunshine5587 Thankfully, I'm not. I set healthy boundaries from one, though. I encourage others to do the same. (My reply keeps disappearing.)

[@grettagrids]

Me either

[@grettagrids]

@@marysunshine5587 dont judge what you dont. Know

[@anthonyp3066]

That is good. It takes courage to get away from these the entitled parents

[@starlingswallow]

Older generations were taught that they HAD to unconditionally respect and honor their parents. Newer generations are seeking healing, and through that seeking they are discovering information on abuse, neglect, narcissism, autonomy, boundaries, how to say "no". I honestly think the older generations are pissed because they didn't do their own digging and healing, they just acquiesced to _their_ parents demands and expectations in order to "keep the peace" and keep hold of some nebulous "honor" in the family. Newer generations (and some from the older generations) are realizing what they went through wasn't ok and that the peace they _should_ be fighting for is their own. It's the only thing we truly have control over (ourselves) and that we CANT control anyone else but ourselves. We aren't responsible for anyone else! We aren't responsible for anyone else's expectations, anyone else's feelings, anyone else's reactions/actions. Only ours. If we can't change someone else, we must change ourselves....and this is what's happening. ❤ (Well....not for _everyone)_

[@Sauvageonne]

I stopped talking to my parents for 7 years, but I had reasons, the main one being self-protection/preservation.

[@Sauvageonne]

​@@ps9287 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@keithmutamba1395]

@@ps9287 it’s not one but two parents. Are you not curious of the parent’s wrongdoing in this

[@misstmemrs]

@@TimB-im8xx the problem with abusers is they always falsely accuse. I prefer to keep an open mind. Here we have someone who was estranged for seven years. And now is not. I would like to hear more from this one.

[@Sauvageonne]

​@@misstmemrs Best to ask me directly then. I will answer: My mother never showed us love behind closed doors. She only did so when people were watching. She had and still has amazing qualities and was larger than life. I had no issues with my dad but no display of affection. I didn't feel pain from this, but was always drawn to watching TV programs with warm and loving families like The Little House on the Prairie. When I was 10, they initiated divorce proceedings. I was really sick of the toxic environment and the never ending proceedings so I decided at 11 that I would become a lawyer and do a better job than those divorce lawyers (I wanted peace most of all). At 12, the judge asked me who I wanted to stay with. I chose my mom (I didn’t have a preference, but wanted to be with my older siblings who had chosen her). Divorce was pronounced when I was 13. Custody and the family house were awarded to my mom DAD: 1) He chastised us (kids) and told us he would never forgive us for choosing our mom. 2) He refused to live the house. He used all the legal proceedings possible to reverse the judgment. 3) While refusing to leave, he remarried and brought his new wife to the house where my mom and us kids lived. At that point, the house had turned to a war zone. Everybody fighting everyone and me creating a thick bubble to protect myself from that madness, vowing to get the best possible school grades and leave to a far away as possible university when I turned 18. MOM: 1) During the divorce proceedings (which ended up lasting 10 years), my mom used us as spies. Always asking questions about what our dad did, who he was with, what time he left and all that. 2) When he brought his new wife to our home she only lived for that drama and used us as spies also. 3) and she fought back in court for petty material things as important as the mushroom in the garden. To her credit, she did leave the house 11 years after the divorce was pronounced. I was not interested in who was right or wrong. That was adult stuff. The only thing I cared about was that they really couldn’t care less about their children’s well-being. So I did as I had planned. I left to a far away university when I was 18 and my divorced parents were still living together with the new wife. I was CONVINCED they couldn’t possibly love me, so I disappeared from their radar for 7 years and to be fair, they didn't seem to care much. Nothing crazy, I studied to be a lawyer. I vowed to stay away from their madness and focus on my studies (which were expensive enough and I always had to have 2 to 3 jobs on the side). I simply could not afford toxic distraction. So I cut them off to protect myself and reach my goal. When I reached my goal and felt stronger, I reconnected with them and understood that their behaviour had to do with their self love rather than the love for their kids. I felt sorry for them and now I’m around for them in their old age. I don’t have resentment and take what they can give rather than require what they cannot give. So yeah, if that makes me a narcissist, so be it.

[@Bones010yjsjs]

"Accountability and humility are innate qualities to the loving parent." - Mark Twain

[@greyfox243.]

“Spare the rod and spoil the child”- Prov 13:24

[@montana-road-kill-harvest]

yup. there's something not quite right about this lady

[@chrisrussell8245]

I agree with that quote. I'm a huge advocate of parents admitting when they are wrong and apologizing. But I'm not going to practice any of that with the brats here who just like to beat up on parents going through grief here. They ain't my baby lol. Imma be as nasty as I can

[@jbalconi5922]

Ha ha! I love made-up quotes of famous people. Hint: accountability wasn't a buzzword in Twain's time

[@Phoenixhunter157]

@@montana-road-kill-harvesti feel like we’re not hearing how she contributed to this. Something is definitely off here

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

I did listen to this video to the end and it's not the reason. People live longer and can look after themselves financially. You will call me nasty but it is like witnessing a modern tragedy, you cannot hear your daughter's pain. It doesnt exist for you. You try to tie this to the economy rather than to your inability to participate in reciprocal honest communication. My mother is like you and i long for her to hear me out and see me, understand that i am not the part she wrote for me, but she just gives me the silent treatment when i ask her why her pain is real but mine is a grudge.

[@icnataliejune84]

"I am not the part she wrote for me" Brilliant!

[@jlnriddick]

Wow, Susana, THAT was a DEEP, DEEP comment! "You cannot hear your daughter's pain. It doesn't exist for you." Wow! If this channel owner can read that handful of sentences in your comment without buckling to her knees, she will surely never reconnect with her daughter. It's absolutely heartbreaking to know they will never reconnect, but you're so right. The answer doesn't reside within the "economy", no matter how hard she may try to make that argument fit!

[@jlnriddick]

@@icnataliejune84 Yes, for sure, that part, too!

[@annacho7288]

I am confused. You mentioned early you were not that political at all. From a point of view of an older millenial ('84), an European the rant was extremely political and you stated it as a fact not something you would be willing to discuss with anybody

[@estrangedparents]

In my first video I said, "I'm not that political" meaning, I'm not terribly tied to who is elected. But I'm curious, in what way was this video "extremely political"?

[@evelynwilliams8746]

@estrangedparents the entire video was political. All your hypothesised contributing factors for the "estrangement epidemic" are right wing talking points with conspiratorial undertones. "Western decay" is a far-right dogwhistle. 1. "Woke culture" is narcissistic 2. Universities are doing liberal indoctrination 3. Socialism is evil and young people are lazy 4. Decline of the nuclear family 5. Social media woke mob echo chamber cancel culture 6. Government control conspiracies e.g. anti-vax There is a lot of research on parental estrangement and if you'd actually read it your list would have been very different. It's clear that you're in a political echo-chamber of your own. It's likely your stubbornness and willingness to espouse poorly thought-out far-right talking points contributed to your family members wanting to cut contact with you. If you can't see how these arguments are political, you're probably too far down the MAGA QAnon rabbit hole to ever be saved.

[@estrangedparents]

Interesting, my intention was to bring to light trends I've observed in culture. Please let me know where to find the research you mentioned. I'd like to learn more.

[@TheKrispyfort]

​@@estrangedparents Google Scholar instead of mere Google as a search engine. If you ask respectfully, the authors of the research papers might share a PDF of their journal articles.

[@davidjardine4968]

@@estrangedparents your ideas about young people being lazy, corrupted by what you call socialist ideas and being reliant on the state are typical right wing talking points

[@sarahquinlan5910]

I am 40 and estranged from my parents. I cycled in and out of estrangement. I had come to the conclusion that my parents did not know me as a person and spoke to me and treated me like a child. They also played favourites among siblings and grandchildren. They belittled my interests, they speak down to me, they dislike my life choices. They use phrases like “we did the best we could” without changing the behaviour I complain about. They enjoy my emotional upset. I could go on. However, suggesting that it is a societal factor could be correct now with the availability of information these days however, each scenario is unique and should be viewed as such. You can’t blame society for your individual circumstances. If you really want a relationship with your adult child stop acting more knowledgeable than your grown child and treat them as an equal. You should also seek joint therapy to heal the relationship. My folks were not willing to do any of this as they position themselves as more superior than myself. I became a psychologist to heal myself and I have noticed the relationship with adult children are always on the parents. Parents chose to be parents and to raise the child, the child actually owes you nothing. If you are accepting, and love unconditionally they will come to you. If something there is lacking, such as condescension or a sense of superiority, they will pull away. I wish you good luck however, this video is really putting the blame outside of yourself.

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

Yes, so true, there's a book helped me understand, I'm ok you're OK based on a book called The Games people play by Eric berne, it was enlightening. My mother has always taken the "one up" position in our relationship and could never adapt that to equal :equal. I tried shift the dynamic over the years but she has it carved in stone. My brother was allowed to be their equal, and in fact, they cast him in the role of one up!! Against his will. Acting like children who don't know what to do and need his help. He feels manipulated and exasperated. I feel unseen, mischaracterised, belittled, used. They cannot change which makes me so sad.

[@l.b.5892]

It's 'there' not 'their'.

[@sarahquinlan5910]

@@l.b.5892 yes I know autocorrect

[@sarahquinlan5910]

@@l.b.5892 However it is petty to pick out spelling when a person shares THEIR story.

[@cathychildress4735]

@@l.b.5892why’d you feel the need to point that out exactly lol😂

[@Shod-ji]

I'm an estranged adult Daughter. I walked away from my Dad and stepfather. It's therapy that teaches you to walk away and love from a distance.

[@genxbeyotch]

I'm so grateful for this video, thank you. I am a GenX who had my children at a young age (19 and 22 respectively, so they are millennials. I divorced at 24 but was fortunate to have remarried to a man who loved and adored my children when they were 8 and 4. Both of us had nothing growing up, and we probably spoiled the kids, but we also exposed them to family camping trips, bonfires, swimming on the beach and other activities. We worked hard so they could play an instrument, join karate, soccer and volleyball. Then the market crash in 2008 happened and we lost our home. Even though that, we stayed positive and did the best we could. I've been in therapy for my own childhood trauma now for 6 months; my adult daughter has chosen estrangement from me and it's affected my mental health greatly. She has "chosen" her tribe of people; meanwhile my heart is broken because I don't see my three grandchildren anymore whom I deeply love. We need more content like yours, thank you again ❤

[@StacyWorth]

I’m so sorry! I understand how deeply that wins you. The moon is even bigger for our children who choose to delete us from their life, like they delete an app from their phone, with no regard to the deep connection that God meant for us as families to help one another, and to contend with one another this current generation seems Souless as they are victims of the indoctrination from our government for decades now. We must see that this is a form of brainwashing that would require deprogramming.

[@Julienna]

Of course you miss the grandkids and not your daughter. You never loved her and you can no longer control her anymore, she set boundaries and now protects her kids from your manipulations. Grandkids are not pets for grandparents. It hurt them psychologically to see their mom being treated poorly by her parents. I'm glad she protects them, my mother has not protected me from her evil manipulative mother... If you want to see them, you have to be nice to their mom. Nice, respectful, respecting her parental demands related to HER kids.

[@mejustme474]

@@JuliennaShe loves her daughter did you not pick that up? Who are you to say she doesn’t love her? You’re analyzing is way off best. No one said she only loves the grandkids (like pets) ? What are you even talking about? You’re perspective is way out of line. The daughter has her own reasons separate from your insanity and refusal to see the truth. She was raised right and the relationship failed for reasons you and the mother don’t understand. I hope estrangement doesn’t happen to you because sounds like your a huge fan of it and on that path for sure.

[@SusanChristmas]

@@Julienna I will take a hard line with you. I am not estranged from my children because I don't put up with this type of disrespect you are displaying.Your parents took care of you and they owe you nothing more. You owe them everything including respect and not the kind that's conditional. I have not always agreed with my parents in my life but I always respected them. They wouldn't accept anything different and I knew they were good parents.Your tone is that of a controlling manipulator who has been spoiled her entire life. You need to grow up.

[@photocath]

@@JuliennaWhat a nasty comment. You don't know the woman, how can you with so much certainty what you are claiming? Get out of your thinking path and try a little empathy. Please.

[@leftthatbehind6090]

I feel sad for you that your child went no contact but usually they don’t feel heard and respected. I don’t think cutting contact is a trendy thing to do.

[@dominic6055]

Parents never question if they are wrong or toxic, they just blame the child for being cruel. There are many reasons to stop interacting with someone, just like among friends. People get tired with someone or realize they're losing energy while dealing with certain people. And children haven't chosen to live, nor had the choice of picking their parents. It is human nature to be incompatible with some people and it's inevitable some child/parents relationship goes sour because of incompatibility. Don't take things too personally.

[@dominic6055]

@@JanaMccurry I don't want children, right now the world doesn't need more children, but needs to stop propagating traumas to children. The feeling of estrangement is the parent's issue, if the child estranges a parent it means there is something wrong with the parent, because if the parent was OK then the child would never do that. And the "bond" thing is just a mental construct based on the idea of blood and family values, it's not real. These are illusions that are being criticized more and more from people, thanks to the new times of self-exploration and for having many more tools to analyze things outside the parents or school system. People realize more and more how the root of most issues in society stems from family conditioning, so a crisis of family values is inevitable and a healthy response of maturity and intelligence from society. We need something new as for guaranteeing healthier development of children and replacing the concept of "family above everything"

[@sterlinghawk_g20]

My son cut me out of his life Nov 2018. He sure did want part of my inheritance from my Dad. I had promised both my daughter and my son that I would share. Age about age about 38 and 35 in 2018. I had been a single parent working my end off and did the best without anything. He went to his Dads for summer vacation and never returned home back in 2000. His words “Dad has the fun stuff and you are poor”. Forget that I worked 7 days straight for several months to put both kids in braces. I never regretted this. I do try and learn how I could have done better in many ways. The best I can do is work on myself going forward.

[@heatherofthemountains]

I can relate. 😢

[@Lisajed]

I don't think you could have done it any better, sometimes it just boils down to "it's not you, it really is something the other person is going through!"

[@tamarahollenbeck2988]

Sounds identical to my life. I gave my children the childhood I would have died for, but their father's family was flashier. I've been completely erased. 💔

[@seameology]

My EXACT story.

[@seameology]

@tamarahollenbeck. Same.

[@nicolejennings8389]

If an adult child abandoned their parents it's probably because those parents suck. Good parents still have contact with their children and grandchildren. That's the difference between successful, happy, families versus dysfunctional ones.

[@missmelis7260]

Hahhaha I did comment half way through first. Ok so… I double down on what I commented already. Did you just talk down on getting therapy? Because therapists are going to encourage estrangement? Do you know how many people are loyal to their abusive parents???!! Like, dads who molest and parents that beat them their entire lives!!! What I planned on commenting RIIIIGHT before the end was to offer your daughter to go together to family counseling or something. To give her the loyalty you feel entitled to and encourage by the example of not giving up. But I bet you hate CRT yet couldn't define it lol. I bet this channels success has you focused on yourself lecturing on stuff you shouldn’t instead of the problem i thought you truly had. Your kid. Remember that just because people agree with you doesn’t make you right. It could just mean a bunch of people are wrong about the same thing.

[@Calida-ff7ul]

What is behind parent/adult child estrangement are decades of conflictual relationship dynamics which the parent is not willing to acknowledge let alone change. "Estrangement is not a random or momentary act, but a final recognition that primarily negative relationship dynamics are immovable. The adult children in this study said that long-term disconnection framed their lessening contact with parents who they perceived to be abusive, poor parents, or disloyal. Explanations for estrangement differed to those in a study of parents estranged from their children, who offered more externally derived explanations. When participants were asked why they estranged from parents they offered three core reasons that were rarely experienced singularly: abuse, poor parenting, and betrayal. Disconnection formed the background to abuse, poor parenting, and betrayal, either stemming from, or contributing to, these issues. Childhood disconnection was mentioned by the majority of participants as a backdrop to the estrangement decision. Sometimes participants explained the disconnection in relation to early attachment experiences or a feeling that their parent had nothing emotional to offer them as a child. Participants often described childhood disconnection as a feeling that they did not 'belong' to this family. Disconnection was often experienced as 'being the odd one out' as children started to grow and reach adulthood, and participants often spoke about feeling like they didn't 'fit in." They spoke about seeing things differently to their parents and this was often related to values, beliefs, and ideas about issues such as religion, prioritizing an education, de facto relationships, and work ethic. While disconnection and abuse constitute poor parenting by themselves, participants described other behaviors that they considered 'poor parenting.' They spoke of authoritarian parenting styles, where parents were demanding and highly critical of the child. Shaming, scapegoating, and favoritism were commonly mentioned. Attention and affection were often conditional on adherence to the opinions and demands of the parent. In adulthood participants denoted poor parenting as a lack of parental support as well as a lack of interest in, or disconnection from, their family. The majority of participants described years and decades of assessing their relationships with parents as well as cycles of estrangement and reunification. They spoke about the frustration associated with craving family or belonging while needing relief from a relationship imbued with abuse, poor parenting, and betrayal. Many described times when they felt so worn down by the demands of the parent that they needed distance to evaluate the relationship and to regroup. Participants did not take the decision to estrange lightly. At some point, participants in cyclical relationships decided that nothing would change, that their relationship with the parent was beyond repair." If your adult child has removed themselves from relationship with you, it is the relationship dynamic between you that should be examined. It is about how YOU contribute either positively or negatively to the quality of the relationship, how you are creating and maintaining emotional safety for them and how you demonstrate your willingness to put in the emotional labor to address and repair relational conflict. If your adult child has estranged from you and you are looking for a reason for it, look in the mirror.

[@rdw2457]

Amen

[@sjohan7835]

Yep

[@fallenfairyfaye]

This is the best description I've seen for the very complicated thought process and emotional process that goes into going no contact. Thank you for sharing the research in this.

[@misstmemrs]

It is not scientifically proven that estrangement is always parents fault. The analysis is flawed. Kids can be alienated by gangs cults churches and other family and pimps. And spouses. The kid could be narcissistic and psychotic. They could have brain damage. It is very common with alcoholics. I went no contact with my family twenty years ago and I’m the first to say you can’t blame people without knowing the facts. False accusations witchunts and inquisitions have always been common. There is hope for reconciliation in recovery movements and surrender to the Higher power. It sounds grandiose and callous to frame this woman using some bogus study. Who did this study. Fraud

[@oOIIIMIIIOo]

They are not willing to change.

[@bythemoon506]

Say sorry, mean it and take some ownership. Period. Older gen x/boomers seem to be incapable of this. Every adult child I know who is estranged from their parents are first generation latch key kids. We dealt with alcoholic parents, absent parents, being pushed on grandparents and being left on our own to deal with terrifying situations and then gaslit about it.

[@jgpfaff]

It is a sad state of the world where housing costs are so high and wages so low that often both parents have to work full time. This is a recipe for neglect, as unintentional as it is.

[@pandapower5902]

It’s not a boomer thing. There are narcissistic people in each generation, don’t fool yourself

[@justjosie8963]

First generation latch key kids are in their 60's and 70's.

[@user-me8vs9sj9c]

@@justjosie8963latchkey kids were Gen X not Boomer Generation

[@bythemoon506]

@@justjosie8963 not where I come from. Women who are in their 80s and 90s now stayed home with their families. Even if they were teachers they stopped working when they had children.

[@SarahSB575]

This is an unnecessarily complex way of avoiding considering that your own behaviour as an estranged parent is most likely to blame.

[@MatriarchAstrology]

Giving everyone the run around 🏃🏻‍♀️

[@rebeccaweitzel9158]

This advice is jaded, slanted, and one-sided. Her attitude is nasty. I will look elsewhere.

[@discardedgranny9475]

I sit back & adore my estranged son regardless of anything else. We do not interact at all. This is the sad reality. The only choice I have is to bathe him, in my mind’s eye, with a boundless & brilliant love. I do not understand this “thing”. When I try to figure it out it becomes complicated & out of reach. Love simplifies it. I expect nothing in return. No explanations. No expectations. I did the best I knew how to do at the time. I forgave myself. I forgave him. It’s no one’s fault. It simply is. I love you, T.

[@petersaccocia4510]

This is so beautifully said.

[@DonnaTheDogGroomer]

That’s where I am too. When I think about her, I just send love to her. I think about when she was a baby and I would rock her. She would put her fingers at the back of my neck and twirl my hair. THAT is the picture I carry in my mind now. I pray I get to see her and hold her again some day.

[@tammytaylor4310]

Only about 6 months in to being ghosted by my son. Do you still send gifts, cards, texts?

[@ShadowJerker-st3lj]

Children suffering from PDd usually grow up with a cluster B parent. It has to be hard looking at yourself, but the majority of you are more than likely abusive shits and are appalled you don’t have access to free supply anymore. Congrats to your children, I hope they stay away from the poison:

[@shimauma42]

​@@tammytaylor4310 I would say, remember the good times and go live your best life without him. The kid who dumped you after deciding to "live their truth" was looking to hurt your feelings. Refuse it! Go out and have fun, enjoy yourself. Let yourself be happy without them. If they get around to coming back, fine, love on them, but don't let their choices ruin your joy.

[@aree4209]

It all comes down to hurt people hurting people. I am watching this happen right now. A delusional covert narcissist that blames everyone for their problems, holds grudges, sets family members up, Her only power is in hurting people. Not all people who are victims of ghosting and the silent treatment are bad or to blame. Hurt people either seek help or learn not to blame or they lash out and try to destroy loved ones. #truth

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

Your daughter has told you why she went no contact, but you know better. She doesn't get to have a perspective.

[@buyerofsorts]

She told her? I must have missed that part.

[@buyerofsorts]

@@yourworstfan Yes, I must have missed that part.

[@africantraveler7004]

@@buyerofsorts she wrote her mother a letter explaining in detail why. Her mother has refused to share any aspect of the letter claiming she's protecting her privacy, but weirdly has no issue naming, social media stalking & continuously sharing anecdotes about her daughter that paint her (the daughter) in a less than positive light. She continuously dismisses the letter as if it doesn't matter , refusing to even acknowledge the validity of her daughters reasons & blaming everything & everyone except the reasons the daughter gave. Its really quite disturbing

[@buyerofsorts]

@@africantraveler7004 Really? Well dang. Ok then. Thanks for the reply! :)

[@sonicleaves]

So what happened to other societies in history that decided to delete traditional family? Everything has already happened, nothing is new. Obviously humans survived it.

[@Kelly_Mae]

I have cptsd from my emotionally unavailable mother and my father with anger issues. When I was in my 20’s I brought up how much pain I carried from my dad telling me I didn’t “deserve my last name” as a child. Mind you I was an honor roll student, in ballet, gymnastics, cheerleader, choir, lead roles in high school musicals, active in church youth group, sang solos at church, sang national anthem solo at our high school football games, had a job since I was 15 (before I could even drive) volunteered at helping hands (feeding poor and homeless people) every month, took AP courses in high school, was accepted to every university I applied to with some scholarship help. But no, that was never enough. My father said he doesn’t remember ever saying it (he blacked out in anger) but as a child I held on to that and can still as an adult play it in my mind exactly like it happened yesterday. If I came to my mother with any struggles my mom told everyone. She would literally pick up the phone and tell our entire extended family every detail of our life. Every person in our small town knew every detail about me because of my mothers big mouth. There is much much more, but when I got married and had my children, when my children were around 3-4 years old I slowly reintroduced her to my life. But I can tell she hasn’t grown or learned from any of the time we spent apart. I live on the other side of the country and speak to her very little and when I do, I share nothing but “we are doing great!” They would both act like “I don’t know why she doesn’t talk to us more.” “We never abused her. We clearly loved her we let her do all these things” they would point at society, say it’s my fault anything but hold themselves accountable.

[@Kelly_Mae]

How can I tell they haven’t changed ? After being estranged for over 5 years and her not being invited to my wedding, or even being told about the birth of my children… as I was reintroducing her to my life (2nd chances, forgiveness and all) she told me that my brother children should be removed by CPS because their house was messy. Mind you my brother and sister in law worked their tails off and bought a house and property in cash. They have a daughter with a rare blood disease and epilepsy and have spent half of her life in hospitals with her. How disgusting of a human can she (my mother) be?

[@jenniferclowers375]

⁠@@lupin4444I could literally say the same for myself as the child in reverse. I have to do this anytime I initiate contact with my mother. It’s not either/or.

[@Kelly_Mae]

@@LittleLeaf87 thank you for sharing facts.

[@jenniferclowers375]

@@lupin4444this is literally a double standard

[@dianenociolo5198]

My father used to black out in anger too. I didn’t realize this happened.

[@snapoutofit4884]

People are going no contact because therapy is more freely available. As is finding kindred souls on the internet that have gone through what one believes they are dealing with. It's been my experience that mostly people are told why they are left estranged but choose to believe they know better and complain they are never told why. I'm a Genx and I only wish I had thought it a possibility to have estranged 20 years before I did.

[@nancyracies8824]

I don't understand. You wish you had estranged your parents earlier? "I only wish I had thought it a possibility to have estranged 20 years before I did." So you're on a channel for parents whose child has estranged them but you are actually someone who estranged their folks? Am I understanding you correctly?

[@snapoutofit4884]

@@nancyracies8824 The video, like so many, popped up on my feed and I found the title amusing, referring to estrangement as an epidemic. So I watched and everything this lady says is easily refutable from the other side of estrangement. I have not spoken to my family for 18 years, I wish I had the courage and resources to do it at 16 when I first left them. I am sure some parents are genuinely confused as to their offspring leaving, some have drugs and mental health to blame. Others, like this lady, are fully aware of why their child no longer talks to them, she just doesn't agree with their reasoning.

[@catalinawoody6954]

My therapist called them social media "drug store therapist." She says they have a script and all of them say the same thing over and over and over as they collect their "KZbin Influence" paycheck laughing all the way to the bank.

[@jynclr]

Yup. It's called the missing missing reasons.

[@nancyracies8824]

Beyond blatant abuse, a parent who has been estranged legitimately has a right to question the situation. A youth often listens to the world before their parent-- to their detriment

[@lp6568]

Oh Wow! I hope you realise that you just demonstrated the exact thing you are trying to say is the problem with society. Estranged families have nothing to do with anything other than what went on within that family over several years with a repeating and recognisable pattern. Cutting off family members is much harder than staying in the situation. Taking that step usually comes after a real tipping point. There is the opportunity for both sides to reflect and consider their own behaviour...only one side does and they often abuse themselves through that until they reach peace and realise that they are better off.

[@estrangedparents]

So the environment we grow up in, the content we consume online, and the other people we interact with have zero influence in our family relationships?

[@zr9145]

​@@estrangedparentsoh hun most of us can see you're stabbing in the dark to find anything to blame bar yourself. She left because of you. You. Simple. That narc smirk gives it away...

[@DSS712]

​@@estrangedparents They do for sure - but you seem to be equating "access to mental health resources" with "getting into taking heroin" or "joining a cult." Plus, if your daughter claims that she is legitimately happier being away from you, why would you try to convince her to come back into a system where she is unhappy? If you wanted to become a mother just for the emotional validation and company, you should have gotten a dog. Actually, you still can! So many dogs are waiting in shelters, just bring one home and it will never ever leave you or grow out of you. It will give you emotional validation for the rest of your life. I'm not being remotely sarcastic here, literally, go get a dog.

[@tallgirlhappyme]

It is my experience that those people who are harsh, and/or smug and dismissive with truly loving parents who are desperately trying to reconnect with their estranged child, are NOT PARENTS themselves, and therefore CANNOT ASSUME, nor actually KNOW the shear DEVASTATION a truly loving parent faces, and the legitimate and heartfelt desire to understand, heal, reconcile, or at least have some kind of closure. Lord, grant me to always be the "I" in kindness, and with a heart full of compassion for my fellow man. Amen.

[@DSS712]

​@@tallgirlhappyme You're right, I'm not a parent. Do you know why? Because unlike my mom, I recognize that I have unresolved trauma and emotional regulation difficulties that would make it difficult for me in my current state to be a truly emotionally present parent to my hypothetical child. Having children is a CHOICE, and trauma can only be resolved by putting in the work - not by creating a new human and projecting the unresolved trauma onto them. Also unlike my mom, if someone I'm close to sends me a long detailed letter explaining their feelings about why they feel our relationship isn't working for them, I actually READ IT and consider their point of view even if it's uncomfortable for me to hear it. I don't just dismiss them and tell them how shitty it makes me feel in hopes that they will feel guilty enough to bury their feelings and go back to a "normal" which only one party is actually comfortable with.

[@leftthatbehind6090]

Sometimes so much emotional abuse happened that you can forgive but just no longer be near your parents. Distance is sometimes necessary to heal.

[@misstmemrs]

Yes and sometimes the kid is a psychotic narcissist who joined a cult or influenced by a gang leader. Some people exploit kids natural frustrations with parents by convincing them their parents are evil.

[@misstmemrs]

@TimB-im8xx yes, I understand that, I really do, but the reality is that these can be complex issues and sometimes the adult child has serious mental problems. Sometimes they are alienated by a grandparent with undetected stealth. It’s not a one size fits all issue. Many things can cause insanity and corruption. It can be unethical and dangerous to co-sign what may be a very disturbed person. My friend Tom Gilbert was shot to death by his own son. I’ve been in Alanon for forty years and have really seen it all. Understanding the uncertainties is crucial. Recovery and reconciliation is sometimes possible. This I know. It can really surprise people who changes a lot. There are a lot of lies in this world. There are a lot of bad influence KZbin channels. Wolves in sheeps clothing. Many people are misled. Sometimes both people cling to a sliver of hope. There is hope.

[@misstmemrs]

@TimB-im8xx but I’m talking about the many people who go through normal adolescent stages and hateful toward their parents. It can be exploited. Their development can be arrested. Like alcoholics, who are notorious for hating and blaming those closest to them. Psychotically.

[@misstmemrs]

@TimB-im8xx I have some dear close friends who struggle with some difficult thoughts, like racing negative thoughts they learn to live with. Who have trouble with feeling good. Like one man has real anger and contempt for some priests who were terrible. Some people do have to make decisions about some very serious offenders. In psychology the first ethic is autonomy. People wrestle with some very difficult decisions. With others, recollections may vary. And loving family can be healing. So can some haldol, in some cases. Some people are alienated by Italian mothers, from fathers who try to leave the mob, for example. Some kids learn to hate and blame the wrong person. With adult child issues, we can have the god complex, imagining everyone else’s experience is like ours. Some parents are falsely accused and desperate to get help for their kids. I’ve seen miraculous changes in recovery. Some of these parents are in real agony. The kids on dangerous destructive roads. Blaming everything on parents in more of a deluded fashion. Blame shifting and hate can be an irrational manifestation of some organic processes. Fascist ideologues can cause it. So can pimps. And cult leaders. Gang leaders. The first thing they do is isolate the target from family. There are books written about it. How to deliberately manipulate young women. We must keep an open mind.

[@misstmemrs]

@TimB-im8xx I’m sorry to hear. I spend time in forums for abused children. How would it feel for parents to come and start telling their stories about horrible offspring? This is a channel for estranged parents. It doesn’t seem fair to make all these assumptions and share stories that Diane says have nothing to do with how they treated their daughter. I often find it strange. How abusive some abuse victims can be. Unfair. Unjust.

[@Lala-lp1uy]

After being a physical whipping post for my mom and brother, I went no contact. I Did not take it lightly. I was hurting and they did not care. When my mom died my brother played victim and tried to isolate me because of the fear I might disclose. They gaslit and stonewalled me and treated me with derision. I can forgive but if the other party cannot accept responsibility I will not diminish myself just to appease and make nice. They used me and it felt like I orbited them without a sense of self. In the end I victimized their sensibilities with the trauma they caused while they lied and provoked. I just don’t play those games. Sure , our changing world influences us but trust me if you witnessed war in the home, that is often a greater motivation for separation. Essentially I tried and they blamed me for the war they started with me when I was still a child.

[@ankurdave7784]

I got what you’re saying to a certain extent, but it doesn’t tell the whole truth. I think we also need to introspect and ask ourselves what truly makes us happy and gives us peace in life. We only identify with what ruins our happiness and ruins our peace, but we don’t really take the time to determine what cultivates our happiness and peace. I estranged from my parents because I felt that they were ruining my peace of mind. I feel more peace after estranging from them. I don’t believe that ruining our own peace and happiness all the time is “compromise,” it’s insane and we should and have the right to protect and love our own self.

[@ziltheb805]

Who is actually behind this channel. This is weird.

[@jillgolden7033]

Thank you! These videos are too heavily produced and something is off about them. I wonder if it’s some church….

[@amiesparkle00]

I’m super curious as well.

[@dillchives]

It has to be some type of religious, quack "self help" group, or (based on her obvious politics) right wing organization. There's gonna be a lot of money to be made pretty soon for people willing to lower themselves and soothe the feelings of these authoritarian narcissistic parents, as their children continue to wise up and realize what a destructive way of raising children that really was. She's just one of the first smarmy presenters that will appear.

[@valerienelson3296]

I am Alaska native & raised my kids to always value family, your elders, be of service be grateful for everything the universe provides and show respect to recieve respect. They learned to hunt, fish and always share. I also taught them unkind words are like a weapon and your thoughts are just as impotant. They had internet but between getting wood, hunting, fishing, helping in our small community, homework, family time, helping their older relatives they didnt have the time to be online for hours each day. Times have changed, but basic values haven't.

[@Thatsointeresting]

My mom goes through angry cycles and quits speaking to US for months at a time. I guess she’s just waiting until she’s not mad anymore. I wouldn’t dream of estranging from her, but she sure seems to have no issue with doing it to me🤷‍♀️

[@Thatsointeresting]

@@LittleLeaf87Yes, it’s abusive, but I don’t think she means it to be. To her, conflict is always bad, so not speaking to someone for a long time prevents a fight. She isn’t a bad person, she just has terrible coping skills and I think she’s very afraid of her own emotional world and feeling too deeply. It’s sad, but there are a lot of people who struggle with feeling their feelings and asserting their own needs and boundaries.

[@Justiceforallforever]

I can relate to you because my mother chose to be in out of my life for years at a time through my life. No communication no explanations - no nothing. There was a lot of abuse by her growing up (and it continued) so I moved out at 15 with my first job and shared a place with two older girls - I remained her polite daughter but I had to find and keep good friends to confide in. She is old now and she has never accepted how cruel her severe beatings and her hatred toward me were. Still - she can only see herself as a victim in every way. I have endured her tremendous flaws and have become my own person but I never abandoned her. It is a heartless thing to do and I get tired of her not hearing me - and it hurts. But now I am more emotionally 'mature' and try to keep reminding myself that there is not one person on on the planet that does not deserve the kindness and forgiveness of someone they care for. Most parents have had similar experiences that you offspring have had but hopefully they still 'give' even when it is difficult.

[@vraifille]

That's terrible. I'm sorry.

[@milly0129]

The first thing estranged parents should do, if they truly love their child, is ask themselves...what do I need to do better for them? Be ready to take a hard look at yourself. Ask them where you can do better with sincere and genuine concern for their emotions and perspective. Listen to what they are asking with respect for their feelings and point of view. Respect them. You don't blame society and assume that it couldnt possibly be anything that you actually did or didnt do. Its not them or society or politics or the change of seasons. They are speaking in silence. They are trying to say things that mean a great deal to them. You aren't willing to listen, every other time they tried to tell you failed. Listen and care. Lots of love to your daughter

[@estrangedparents]

Of course. And then what?

[@jenniferclowers375]

@@estrangedparentsthe above comment is spot on. This is what I had to do with my mother. I haven’t cut ties but have asked her to not treat me abusively and she isn’t interested in listening to my experience or in working on our relationship. She has chosen to shun me and does make threats of not passing down her assets but I could care less about that. So we are at a stalemate and I stopped reaching out for my own health because it is devastating. I have offered for us to do counseling together and truly want nothing more than a healthy relationship with her or at the very least a non-abusive one. @estrangedparents I’m curious about this theory and your perspective and honestly would like clarification on your views. It seems like perhaps from your responses in the comments that you feel there is a certain level of estrangement that is justified and one that is not. I empathize with your concerns over the culture and its influence on family. What of the abusive relationships? What of the relationships that children want to have with their parents but need to set a boundary or “estrange” them due to uncontrolled anger, emotional abuse/neglect, manipulation, verbal abuse, substance use/addiction? The people my age (37) who are estranged from their parents don’t want to be, but are trying to break these cycles of abuse and dysfunctionality. My chosen family are there because I haven’t always been able to rely on my actual family for support as well as supporting each other through very painful divorces when we were children. This isn’t because I am entitled it is out of necessity. I also don’t feel supported by the state or government benefits. It is logistically harder not to be in contact with family, but to be able to show up to my husband and my child in a healthy way, I had to make a sad choice. This is your channel so do with it what you will. But you have such a unique opportunity to see the other side and I would love to hear from diverse perspectives of estranged family stories and not just the broad stroke of one that feels unjustified. I agree with many of the comments that indicate that parents may not have awareness of their dysfunctional patterns or have a problem with it. I genuinely believe my mom doesn’t have other coping skills or tools and she feels entitled to treat me the way she does. There isn’t just one type or one reason for estrangement. While one could say that I am responsible for my estrangement from my mother since I am the one who asked to not be verbally abused, doesn’t she have a responsibility in the way her actions and withdrawal impact the relationship? By deciding to “shun” me is she then the one who is estranging me? It is a bewildering experience for both sides.

[@jenniferclowers375]

@@estrangedparentsI also think the “then what” includes outside support of mental health professionals. I understand you may think they are all corrupt but I assure you they are not. I am a medical professional and I agree with a lot of your political concerns around our public health and culture. There are safe and supportive therapists with tools that can help. They are not all our there trying to break up families

[@estrangedparents]

@jenniferclowers375 Thank you for sharing your story, and you are right, the decision to estrange is unique for everyone. I can't say for other people what is the definitive line between estrange-worthy and not... If there's one thing I've learned from these comments, it's that abuse is relative. Some abuse, everyone agrees it's abuse. Other abuse may be feel like abuse to one person and not another. We all make our best choices. My daughter made hers, and I'm sure she didn't do it lightly, and you made yours with what sounds like careful consideration of your own situation... I respect that too. We all have problems we can't quite see, and we either choose to work through it, or we don't or we can't. Although our outer environment plays into it some, our inner environment does too, the point is, everything is connected. There are no right answers here. I am sorry that you've had to deal with such a difficult situation, but it sounds like you're making your best choices for a healthy life for your husband and daughter, and that's what moms do... ❤️

[@icnataliejune84]

​Two people can experience the same thing and end up feeling completely different about it. If your loved one is feeling hurt than those feelings should be at the least acknowledged.

[@crisfield4364]

Boomer here. I went no contact with my parents because they were authoritarian and abusive. My millennial kids haven't gone no contact with me because even though I'm not perfect and we had the normal parent vs child spats, we love, respect, and support each other. We honor boundaries and don't abuse each other. I'm a single mom and am grateful for the friends and their father's family who have loved, respected, and supported us. Society isn't falling apart. It's different but it's not falling apart.

[@user-fj8fy5rv6j]

I did ALL you mentioned that you did as well and yet, my 21 yo son has went NC with me. He was never like he is now before he met his gf. Smmh

[@alexishill3342]

It is my hope that I share my feelings here about what you said with humility. I wouldn't want to do you harm. I'm actually a child who isn't estranged from either parent at this time, but if I were financially stable enough to do it, I would walk completely away from my mom. She is 68 now, and I can't say she's ever really loved or seen me. I was born as the second child to my mom, and first for my dad. She really wanted a male child. Unfortunately, I wasn't born with a penis, so she and her parents angrily growled at my dad that he better not treat me better than my half, older sister because now there was a Jr. Me, even as a girl, those toxic grandparents of mine called me a Jr. My mom was the 9th child of 11 and always greatly desired her parents' love and approval. She didn't get it. They loved their firstborn son. Everyone else was a spare tire to be treated like an extra field hand. I was later able to see that my mom took on this intergenerational trauma and was following the lead of her parents in only loving the first child and resenting the rest for being alive in the wrong gender. I was ignored, neglected, and abandoned regularly by my mom, and she always raged, so my dad, who loved me, never wanted to be at home. I remember ,as a 5 year old, waking up to an empty house. I called out to my mom and sister, but no one answered. I had a younger brother by this time, and even he wasn't in the room we shared. I was alone. I got myself up and dressed as best I could at 5. I went outside and tried to find other kids to play with so I would be safe, but there were none outside that day. I played alone just outside the front patio of our house at that time. Then I looked up and happened to see my mom, sister, and grandma sitting on the patio together. They weren't there when I initially came outside. I guess they were somewhere in the house. They just hid from me. I ran up to my mom and tried to show her the snail I found. She always looked so mean. This time was no exception. She glowered at me from being her sunglasses after I showed her my snail. Her words were, "Well, ain't you just nothin." To this day, I have no idea what that meant. My grandma was glaring at me too. I couldn't figure out what I did wrong. I had just spotted them and came over to share my cool find for the day. Long story short, my relationship with my mom has been the same as that day since I was born, and I'm 38 now. I see no need to keep holding out hope that she'll see me for the good/loving person I am. She had a son two years after me, and I think he should be enough for her. He is a carbon copy of her, right down to his ugly feet. I guess that's what she wanted. I see no point in continuing to hope to build a good relationship with my mom. It's a useless endeavor with no reward. Utterly futile. But, I don't understand why children who were actually loved and had functional households are estranged from their parents.🤔

[@estrangedparents]

Alexis, I am so sorry to hear that you had to experience that. Thank you for sharing your story as it may help someone else in a similar situation. I hope you find love and joy in your life, despite the difficult hand you were dealt.

[@beckyyoung2173]

Wow. I finally found another female who went thru the IDENTICAL situation i did! My mother hated me from birth too, because i wasnt born male. I now understand that back then (and it actually DOES have to do with farm life!) that only MALE children were valued, because they were the farm labor & keeper of the family name & could pass it on to the rest of the family. Females cant do all that. It was NOTHING you did, or didnt do, that borned you into this situation. YOU did NOTHING wrong. It was JUST a circumstance of birth. Seriously. It was. In addition to my family holding those same "values" ... my grandmother was mentally ill. She made the kids (eapecially the female ones) COMPETE for her "affections." This created a hateful brood of kids who hated each other & their parents, for getting more attention than they did. What a recipe for disaster! I know this is harder than it sounds, but... DONT LET THEIR VALUES & ACTIONS HAVE THE POWER TO HURT YOU! THEY dont DESERVE that much power over how you feel! About yourself, or anything else! I too, lived with the hate from them all, for being born a female. Guess what? THEY miss out on ME. I was a good kid, in spite of them. And i think you were too. And they are missing out on YOU. Dont give them the power to destroy your life or mental & emotional well-being. And in your case too, i see the generational "values" abuse. They just didnt know 💩back then! They did what they'd been TAUGHT. It really had NOTHING to do with YOU as a child and person. THIS IS THEIR SHIT. Let THEM wallow in it! NOT you. You are a good person who deserves all the best this world can give, and the world up above, as well! And dont you forget that. God says we're rewarded up above for all our suffering. We've stored up some GOOD up in Heaven! God bless & hang in there! If you want to connect more, to a kindred spirit, who's gone thru the same as you, and survived, let me know. I'd love to talk to you some more!

[@tracymorgan5386]

You don’t need to give any more examples( what you already said happened to you as a little girl is more than enough and I’m so outraged on your behalf)of why you desire to cut your mother and frankly because he didn’t protect you your father & unless she’s changed your sister & brother with the horrible feet as well asap and I sense you need to be reminded( because I have no doubt you may have been gaslighted to think otherwise) what they did was absolutely in no shape or form normal and have no doubt that you did not then nor now deserve it.

[@obyarnold599]

Shocked that estranged parents can’t take responsibility for their emotional immaturity and ambivalence (or even frustration) with their children bc of their own unprocessed needs

[@jungersrules]

The sense of entitlement that parents feel even into their 60s and 70s is just mind boggling. I'm 51 and child-free. I have no place to tell a parent what to do or what to feel. But stop already with these conspiracy theories. People were cutting ties off with parents for eons, but we just didn't hear about them because there was no social media sharing practically everybody's stories! Another by-product of all this information is that more adult children feel validation that cutting ties with parents does not make them the bad guys. Thus, yes, there probably are more people cutting ties with their parents, but it's also a thing that has been happening since industrialization. We have also learned that our mental health/wellbeing takes precedence over pleasing someone who inflicts pain and makes us miserable. These estranged parents think it's some phenomenon that is taking their ADULT children away from them. Again, in a sense diminishing the fact that these are grown adults who can make their own adult decisions. My mom and I were never estranged. We has issues, but I could tell she fought hard to suppress her need to control as I got older. Don't get me wrong, she usually lost that fight, lol, but something in her acknowledged that I'm my own person ... I only wish she "got it" earlier in her life so we could have spent some real quality time together more. Estranged parents really need to let go of all that they learned, that parents know best. It simply is not true. Heal yourself of this that was passed down to you by your parents.

[@devilsoffspring5519]

The sense of entitlement is a big one. Plenty of parents wants their kids to be clones of themselves, and it just doesn't work like that.

[@goodforu1948]

Our problem is his toy go about estranging us. No explanation, no warning. Just blocked on everything. Really chicken shit way of treating the person who brought you into this world and cared for you. Grow up

[@kingofichigo]

@@goodforu1948 gee, why would anyone abandon such a lovely person like you? It's such a mystery! Seriously though, I hope your poor kid is able to heal now that they no longer have you around to tear them down

[@chrisspaight2955]

Yep, my Lost Generation grandfather was estranged from his father almost 100 years ago. On the other side my grandfather and all his siblings were estranged from their grandfather.

[@ciggystardust99]

​@@goodforu1948 If that's how you talk about your kids in public, I shudder to think what you might have said/done to your kid(s) in private.

[@user-rm8fp8nh5b]

Something to think about. Estrangement is not new. Before so many grown kids started no contact with their parents, it was usually parents who did it to them. I know people who have been disowned (temporarily or permanently) over sexual orientation, dating somebody of the other race, getting pregnant outside of wedlock, and other issues. Why has it been considered okay for parents to disown/go no contact with their grown children, but not the other way around. By the way, I'm a Christian. I don't believe in going no contact unless it's absolutely necessary. I have done it though (not with parents, but others too toxic to deal with).

[@deborahdean8867]

I have never met parents who rejected their kids except for drug abuse they refuse to get help for. Never met a parent to reject the child except for the adult child emotionally abusing them.

[@katedaniels9623]

There is a wealth of information regarding the dysfunctional family dynamic. Individual families would have to be willing to explore it, but I would think there would be clues growing up, if only in honest hindsight. If everything was open communication growing up, and then out of the blue as an adult living on their own they presents never before revelations, no desire to heal, and then shuts the door, THAT sounds like a cult or brainwashing took place over time. But there are messed up family dynamics without anything physical, without addictions, but just attitude and behavior, excessive criticism, disapproval, always knowing better, always over talking bcuz you are right, always dismissing, always demanding, always creating goals the child feels obligated to achieve, never listening except to be right, always focused on your own thing, being arrogant, being a martyr, …. etc…..

[@donnellallan]

I respectfully disagree with the premise of this video. It has been heartbreaking for me, but I am glad that my millennial daughter was wise enough to prioritize self-care over tradition. I did the very best I could as her mother, but sometimes our best still is harmful to those we love. And sometimes real love is letting someone go. It’s been eight years and my daughter has a brilliant career in service to others who struggle as she does. I am proud to be her mother, whether she communicates with me or not.

[@donnellallan]

@@lupin4444Hi. I was born in the 1950’s and the nuclear family was accepted as the norm, what we all needed to aspire to without question. Now I do question if such a tradition of father and mother and children and grandchildren all sticking together as a unit forever is truly what is best for all. It definitely has its charms, but at what costs? Individuality is sacrificed and I believe it is time for each of us to discover what works best for us. I needed to grow beyond the traditions of my own family. I can understand why many of the younger generations are needing to venture beyond the confines of their upbringings, too. It’s a new world they are navigating. Personally, I think that an occasional note just to keep in touch would be a painless gesture, but obviously my daughter feels that would not be healthy. She gets to choose. Only she can determine what is best for herself. She may make mistakes, but she gets to choose. She does not owe me anything.

[@donnellallan]

@@steff1916 , thank you for your kind words. My heart is still catching up with my head on all this, of course, so I appreciate the encouragement today. 💜

[@donnellallan]

@@audreymuzingo933 , I have tried, yes. Thank you for caring. 💜

[@mrmills1000]

What’s there to disagree about?

[@Ale33810]

I think you showed how much you love her letting her go with no resentment.

[@thisresinates5655]

I’m an older millennial and am an estranged parent. 😔 From my only daughter/child. When I had her I was younger than she is now. .. She was the world to me and now I have to live in one without her.

[@estrangedparents]

I'm so sorry... :(

[@albertchavez2693]

Me same :( my baby girl and I were so close; I was even involved with her school cheerleading. we did everything together because her mom wouldn't come out camping at the lakes or sand dunes. We had annual. passes for Disney knots. and universal, but once she got to about 17 and started dating, she turned into her mom :( mom was not good towards the end, now I have a grandson who is 7 and I b never met him :( oh well I have my two bulldogs and a girlfriend to keep me sane :)))))))))

[@user-uj9cy2wj1j]

😢

[@heatherofthemountains]

I'm right there with you. 😢 It kills me more everyday, but then, I am still raising their 13 year old little brother. It's a long story but it started when I was just 16. I really did my best and we were the best of friends. I miss them both so much.

[@heatherofthemountains]

And so does he, their little brother. They just don't come around or answer messages anymore. It's awful 😞

[@KathNoble]

I’ve listened to the video and not sure what to make of it. I wasn’t estranged from my parents although I rarely saw them because they weren’t much interested in me. When they died I was sad more because of the relationship I wished we had rather than the reality. I can honestly say I don’t miss them at all. With hindsight it probably would have been better for my mental health to cut them off especially my dad. I think some parents weren’t parents and deserve to be cut off because of abuse and neglect. It’s hard to tell what’s going on unless you can hear both sides, I’m sure there are people who are influenced by social media etc and have cut themselves off for the wrong reasons. I can understand why it’s impossible to resolve things with a narcissist because they are always right and have no empathy. Sad whatever way you look at it 😢

[@olilumgbalu5653]

I would like to hear more from the father as to why he thinks the daughter has cut off contact.

[@elizabethcalef6225]

Some interesting points but I'm not buying into the whole argument. I've tried speaking to my family about communication, etc., including in meeting with a psychotherapist. They roundly rejected the whole process and were in denial of any problem. When there is no insight on the part of family members when one person is attempting to heal and communicate there's nothing to be done. Especially if that person is treated with disrespect, anger and rejection of facts and realities.

[@misstmemrs]

After 40 years in Alanon I’ve seen many a grandchild of alcoholics hate and abuse the sober parents. If only it was so simple to say this hostile incoherent daughter must be the healthiest one lol. No way. I haven’t spoken to my parents in twenty years. I’ve seen many a “borderline” whose family walks on eggshells. Many times it’s a family disease and definitely not always. To say it’s always the mom is insane. Most people are loaded with imperfections. There are a lot of stresses in life.

[@maus0liam]

the way an adult child treats their parents is a direct result of how they treated their child growing up.

[@monicaleond]

You can blame the fact most parents put themselves and economic factors over the relationship with their children, spending no time with them, neglecting them emotionally and even leaving them alone in front of the television and phones. What do you expect from those children? Of course they will be attached to their phones and TV and friends and not to the parents! Add to that the parents that are really physically, mentally and verbally abusive. Many people get used to the abuse and stay, but now there are many realizing the truth and gathering the courage to leave. I am one of those adult children that is gathering the courage to leave because nothing else seems to work.

[@nicolejennings8389]

Older Millennial here, no children and no plans to become a mother, like many of my peers nearing our 40s and not having kids. It's just too expensive in 2024. The birth rate is low, so you're correct, American way of life is dying, this is end stage capitalism and humans are going extinct. There won't be families. I just explained that to my homeowners association that wants me to pay fees that I don't use their facility & don't need to since I don't have children. I don't think I should pay for it to exist or the taxes on the school district, the education of others children should not be my financial obligation. They wanted kids, they should pay for education. Beingraisedby divorced parents, like manypeers my age in the 1980ssince divorcewas so popular, we all don't trust marriage so we settle for distant no strings attached relationships. We lack intimate relationships because we fear divorce courtrooms from our childhood. This adds to low marriage rates, low birth rates, low family connections, etc. The social connections are broken. It cannot be repaired.

[@buyerofsorts]

People are struggling financially? Ya don't say!? I'm 58 years old and have literally heard that non stop my entire life. Struggling financially is nothing new.

[@coffofcuppe]

Hello, Wow, that was impressive. My youngest daughter, at age 35, decided her dad and I were "toxic", oh how I hate that word. That will be 5 years on Thanksgiving. Hatefulness from said daughter, while we were bewildered and analyzing what we did wrong. No communication and it's taken me almost 4 of those 5 years to stop questioning and let it go. You have to, to survive. Thank you for the video. No one should have to go through this. Her dad is 75 and I'm 71 so I'm sure we will take this to our graves. Great video!

[@1timeslime971]

Please don’t give up hope; I’m a 59yr old wife(39yrs), mother of 33yr old daughter, and 38yr old son….our daughter, for ten years of her marriage had limited visits with us to about 6-8times per year, only at holidays, bdays or special events where other family members also attended…always arriving late leaving early….then she became pregnant. Her husband INSISTED that his fathers new wife(wife #7), come over to care for them, and according to my S.I.L. the closest thing to a mother he’s ever had(even tho they havnt lived in town &don’t actually know each other); well….after my daughter had pregnancy complications, I was told I wasn’t going to be helping to care for her and my grandson;just the new stepmom. I argued w/myS.I.L over his lying evil gossipy words of slander about me. So, on day two after my daughter and grandson home from hospital I drove the 1hr&15min drive there, but they didn’t answer my texts, calls, then closed all the blinds and didn’t answer the door. My SI.L, said just a few days earlier>”you can still come visit ANY TIME”. So I did…..guess what? S.I.L. Had a melt down that I showed up unannounced. When it wasn’t. I’d texted b4leavn my house, plus my husband texted our daughter. She KNEW I was on my way there, she’d told him, “No dad mom can’t be hereToday, Sharon’s here”. I waited on the garden bench thinking I’d wait until they woke from their nap. On,y to find out they kept peeking out the blinds waiting for me to leave. So humiliating. BTW, I’m a GOOD MOM, and my daughter and I were close until she married the narcissistic husband. He despises her family, extreme jealousy over how much we’ve given them, and done for them. After 2&1/2 months of stepmom babysitting, she quit suddenly. My daughter asked me to come two nites per week, which I did then her husband Quit his job to stay home w/their son because he HATED that his son was getting close to me. I stayed the nite 2nites weekly January thru April; then Mother’s Day came and her husband made special plans for my daughters 1st Mother’s Day but left me, her mother OUT OF IT. I was furious, hurt, confused….My daughter then cut us out of her life May-Sept….until Oct rolled around and they had nowhere to stay because their townhouse sold, but their new purchase fell thru. My daughter and grandson came here for a few weeks, but S.I.L stayed w/friends. I thank God that my husband and I had our daughter here for two weeks, as we were able to reconnect with our daughter….but she’s still married to her very possessive, often angry(perhaps violent) husband. It grieves me to see her struggling in her marriage…..She’s educated, has a great career job, while her high school drop out dummy for a husband, is a pot head lazy butt, who’s just leaching off her. Her moving taught her she can Always depend on her parents to be there for her because we’ve always loved her so much. My husband and I are devout Christians, and gave ‘her’ to God. We put our faith in Him, for HIS WILL to be done in HER life. Sheeesh, after ALL this said….She’s been in&out of our lives these past ten years, and it’s there’s been long periods of bawling, but I’m trying to be happy for the good times I HAVE HAD, and I hope and pray she continues to stand up for herself, telling her husband she loves her family & it’s wrong of him to expect her to cut us out of their lives.

[@1timeslime971]

Don’t give up hope!!??

[@MikeyPaper]

​@@1timeslime971holy crap. Wall of text!

[@scaryoldinternetlady]

If my kids stop talking to me, it’s my fault, and my job to fix it.

[@scaryoldinternetlady]

@@Esme-gf4jd if I want a healthy relationship with my children it’s my job to do everything possible to reflect, adjust, learn. Of course children are capable of all the things you infer, but I’ll be always patient and here for them as healthy as I can be.

[@scaryoldinternetlady]

@@Esme-gf4jd I’m not sure what you are saying exactly but I’m always the adult, they did not ask to be here and I’m always going to work towards being a better parent. Every stage I learn how to parent them where they are at, it’s a never ending education. If my children decide I am not safe to talk to, I’m going to do EVERYTHING I can to be safe again or provide resources to make sure their needs are met. It’s just my opinion, I’m not sure about what is deserved, my children don’t owe me anything.

[@saylorgirl799]

@@scaryoldinternetlady ROFL!! Spoken by someone who CLEARLY has NEVER parented a child. But I give it to you… You ARE VERY FUNNY! LOLOLOL

[@scaryoldinternetlady]

@@saylorgirl799 I wish you as much peace with your children as I have with mine. Please be respectful I am only sharing my opinion.

[@lmrharper3586]

The word “ Narcissist “ is the new popular word that children love to use.

[@LisaLeopold-nm9wl]

You don't mention the real effects of divorce and cohabitation of parents and it's effects on the lives of adult children who had experienced growing up with tension, instability in relationships and neglect.

[@jungersrules]

Here's a clue for you. The issues that we are dealing with stems mostly from our childhood. So, even if you cannot think of any reason that your adult child would cut ties with you, there is something that definitely happened to them in childhood that caused them to flee. Even though many of you are perplex, you've actually gotten a lot of stories here that should give you a clue. Instead, you're still confused and trying to blame the outside world. Maybe if you accepted your children as is, they wouldn't feel so worthless in your presence and actually want to be near you.

[@misstmemrs]

After 40 years in Alanon, focusing on my own inventory and amends, and not taking others inventories, I can say that adult children sometimes confuse themselves with God. They can have collapsed psychic boundaries and delusions. So they might speak with omniscient certainty about things that aren’t certain. And they can seem like they think they are omnipresent. Point is, everyone’s story isn’t the same as yours. Many people are having children talk at them with cultish rhetoric. Like psychopath cults. You can read about it at decision making confidence. People like Lisa Romano share a message that actually creates sociopath children with split personalities who can be diagnosed autistic. I’ve seen it many times intimately. For example the kids try to rule over their parents with rigid rules they call boundaries. They dictate. They try to control communication and dictate only say positive things. They imagine the parent is only supposed to validate and never give advice. Or talk at all. They falsely accuse and say terrible things. It is nonsense language. Just like trolls. You can’t get them to engage in norms of reasonable dialogue or problem solving. They play mind games. And don’t know it. They play politics. They twist and spin. They act like they are stuck at age 15. Arrested development. They are unreasonable. They play the victim like sociopaths do. They hang onto resentments over minor things or they rage over minor issues. They seem like they’re playing games or are schitzofrenic. They take revenge. Very aggressive. They may have an addiction and brain damage from it. They become extremely manipulative and evil and hateful. Crazy lies and crazy blaming. It is difficult to get help for them. They maintain in front of therapists. It is difficult to describe the behavior. It’s like they have two personalities. No, all problems are not caused by mom. There are unknowns. They are incredible at politics and frame the mom.

[@weewooweewoo906]

the most hilarious part to me, as someone who researches sociology, is that "generational cycles influenced by economic prosperity" is a very real concept, but it's actually her generation that is considered the one that was raised and lived in the era with the most prosperity (post-war golden age of capitalism) and her daughter's generation is considered the one living through the harder times of the cycle (post 9/11 world, recession, late stage capitalism) all the negative traits she puts on millennials throughout the whole video are actually meant to be applied to toxic boomers and gen xers lol. that's why everything she says sounds twisted around

[@CLEFT3000]

Exactly. This is the first glaring mistake I picked up, not even 2 mins in.

[@ninalescher6650]

Agree. Her description of the effect of educational dogma is something that happened to boomers, though you can tell she thinks her daughter was brainwashed in school to beliefs and ideas that helped lead to their estrangement. I saw her earlier videos and she is constantly playing the victim in regards to her estrangement. Though I am a GenXer who has 2 kids, she reminds me more of my parents' generation. I think their generation was more dependent on people obeying societal rules and don't know how to function if someone puts up healthy boundaries. She can only see "societal decay" instead of societal evolution because individual freedom is so terrifying. Her daughter is doing her a favor by staying away but I don't think she will be able to look in the mirror for a long time. She'd have to face her own childhood and parents etc and she's clearly not anywhere close to that.

[@user-up6hv7ug4m]

Thank you for providing much to think about. My estrangement is relatively new and the pain is still very raw. I appreciate the work you have done that puts a different perspective on the situation.

[@2oldfrogs]

Freedom of choice. Nearly 4 yrs ago, my Daughter chosed NC and I chosed to honor it. I hadn't realized how liberating it was to no longer walk on eggshells. Everyone is different. Forcing a change is unhealthy. If I accept (out of respect) something that I disapprove of then, she can agree to disagree instead of focusing how to get me to change my values to match hers. We are 2 different generations. Hers is more accepting of change where as mine likes the way things were. NC works for both of us.

[@nativearbor6]

I was born in 1961 my son, 1997. I grew up on a working tobacco farm, and 9 years a Marine. It was hard being a single boomer dad.

[@jenniferw7928]

I guess SA of children just isn't one of those societal problems, huh??? Seems like a lot of comments on this video are people saying they won't hug their abusers so their parents can say they had happy holiday dinners, but go on about cell phones and social media 🤢🤮

[@sjohan7835]

Ya - lots of glossing over of that

[@Bless7789]

Im gen x and my mom is a boomer. She is excruciatingly painful to be around, is genuinely narcissistic, plays horrible mind games, shames ppl, condemns and criticizes and does really awful things behind my back and it is just madness to try to connect with her!! Meanwhile my own children are also estranged from me, i married their dad too young, he was just like my mom but much worse and he invented all kinds of evidence about things i had never done to turn them against me. It's beyond painful and I think this video is really well thought out but is only the tip of the iceberg. I want nothing more than for my family to be whole but we have all been drinking the koolaid for so long and are so entangled in modern empty way of life that it would take a miracle, an enormous miracle. Somewhere down the line we bought into a lie and it rooted into our beliefs and now generations have gone by and we can't figure out how to get back.

[@heatherofthemountains]

Forgiveness. Honesty. Humility. LOVE. Love for one another covers a multitude of sins. ❤ You are right. Unfortunately, we will have to wait for that very powerful miracle, for this to take place, indeed.

[@Bless7789]

@@heatherofthemountains I agree with you 100% Even so far as my own mother is concerned, I think it hurts me more than it hurts her to be separated. I desperately wish things could be different on both ends of my family tree, but in the meantime there's faith. If Our Lord didn't endure betrayal, backstabbing, slander, mocking, abuse, and bitter agony I would be feeling so alone in this universe that I could never bear the weight of it, some days are unbearable and then miraculously some refreshment comes and I get the gift of being able to trust this for awhile longer. I was no saint, that's for sure, but nobody deserves this, it stems from a bigger evil than just one family or even one generation's mistakes. ❤️

[@sheliafarmer]

Your story sounds so much like mine, I don't want mine to ever come back around, I lost their brother at 10 years old from cancer, they were 13, 14, their abuse then astrangment worse than his death, they started telling lies about me behind my back, when I found out it was devastating, I never want them back in my life ever, I have forgiven them, my own parents abused me my whole life, I stayed till I could not take care them anymore put them in same nursing home, I don't have any contact with any them, I happy with my life

[@ravenmckinnon5526]

Maybe you just need to respect HER VIEWS

[@candaceorr7517]

Estrangement has been shown to be generational. Children learn by example more than anything.

[@98generals]

I don’t want individualism but I’m not accepted by my boomer mom. Dad? Yes, we are very close. Just mom who asserts that to be accepted by her I have to buy into everything she believes. At 57 that does not work for me. So I chose my friend groups “found family” because they don’t deride me constantly. I feel obligation to her but I do not desire more than that.

[@lalala4685]

Some parents are getting cut off for no good reason. And some who deserve to be cut off may actually never suffer the emotional turmoil and shame due for their actions and behavior. I'm a 34 year old millennial. Born 1989. My husband is 2 years older than me. We married in 2009 on a Tuesday, a year to the day that we met. When we told my MIL-to-be the day we planned to get married she said to her son, my then fiance, "Your brother and I will be in Disneyland that day celebrating his birthday." His birthday which was the 1st of January (not the 29th of December...) Maybe she felt like I was trying to overshadow the other son's birthday...but I don't think so... I think she was just trying to test my husband's allegiance even back then. Even if unconsciously. My husband went "low" contact with his mother this past year. An alcoholic narcissist. She squatted in our house that she said she was going to "rent" from us. She started early with the excuses for short/no-rent and then the pandemic happened. I'm sure that didn't make it any easier for her to manage her already fragile mental and emotional state. Instead of being accountable, she took advantage of the circumstance with my husband and I. The situation finally came to a close after she had forced us into mortgage forbearance and we had no choice but to sell as that program finally expired. In order to get her to agree to move her ass out of the home, she demanded 100% of the profit from the sell. Prior to the close of the house she even tried to pull out a HELOC for the equity we had built and became frustrated and upset that we would not sign for the loan. We never received any apologies from her, just entitlement. Yet now that the situation is dissolved, she laments not having a relationship with her granddaughter (pandemic baby.) Still, to this day my husband and I remain the bad guys in her mind. We are Christian so we didn't handle her ruthlessly throughout the experience, no matter how unfair to us the situation became... I wish my husband had gone no contact (would serve her right) but we believe in being decent and doing the right thing in the moment. My husband has been a very dutiful son. And I guess the right thing in the moment so far, is to keep suffering her as patiently and graciously as possible. (While preserving distance and boundaries that limit her access to my daughter.)

[@estrangedparents]

Oh my gosh, that's a terrible situation, and I'm glad you handled it so admirably while extricating yourself from the housing entanglement. Low-contact seems like the best compromise. Thanks for sharing your story.

[@curiousone6129]

Isn't it amazing how some people with mental illness, addiction, or narcissism are completely unable to manage daily life, but somehow become geniuses at gaming their families, friends, and institutions? They are often so skilled at manipulating things to their own advantage.

[@ceciliapetrowsky2572]

What a horror story! No good deed ….

[@alliefiery222]

It’s you. It’s you who needs therapy. It doesn’t make you a bad person to admit, it’s you who’s done this.

[@oo1straub665]

Estranged children don't love their parents, that simple is that. They don't even like their parents. They did not choose who their parents are therefore they, as adults have the right not to be with people they don't even like.

[@rhondascraftobsessions5817]

I am so happy that this information touched on Mental Health. My parents raised us in a world that no longer exists. I started thinking about suicide a lot in Jr. High. I started showing symptoms of suicidal thoughts to the point one day, I asked my Gym teacher what was the most poisonous mushrooms he could think of. The next thing I knew, I was called to report to my counselor. This mental health thinking stayed with me into adulthood. Looking back, I am very lucky that my Gym teacher didn't ignore what I had asked.

[@maryalbert6138]

Amen he was your guardian angel watching over you!

[@kevinhope7504]

There's no personal responsibility here. That's the key problem

[@cherylsomerfeldt8129]

I have a young daughter and was concerned in the past about her limiting contact with me one day for reasons that I could not see. I read countless books looking for ideas, and found one book that changed things for me, it is called "The Good Life" and is about a Harvard study that looked at human happiness as a whole. It really changed my focus to a loving understanding life in total rather than focusing on little gripes day to day. I advise reading or listening to that book if you are looking to avoid estrangement in the future.

[@naturegirl372]

Kudos to you, but this can't work for a narcissist, except possibly for a self aware narcissist, who could, with great effort, affect change in behaviour; to go against instinctive reflexes.

[@MetAxa369]

My step mom was very abusive when I was growing up. Now she hasn’t talked to me since Christmas 2020. It really hurts

[@charmed2u2]

My daughter doesn't talk to me. I am not perfect but your adult children shouldn't be telling what you should or should not be doing in your own house. Especially if your 60 yrs old. Adult children have to get their own lives and stop living through their parents. She is 36. Doesn't live at home. Just had a baby. Maybe now that she has a new baby she won't have the time to torment me.

[@DonnaTheDogGroomer]

I’m also 61 and estranged from my daughter. I too, had noticed how bossy she was towards me about my life and my choices, right before she cut me off. Also, none of my choices would have affected her. She lives in New York and I live in Florida.

[@charmed2u2]

I am glad I am not alone. I see a lot of people have the same problem. Still not good but makes me feel a little better.@@DonnaTheDogGroomer

[@johnarc3856]

hmm, the generation that absorbed high demand abortion, frequent no fault divorces and latchkeyed their kids followed by the next geneartion daycare, raised by strangers.... there's your sociology. now add "you have to go to college", the most obedient get the worst on this one. student loan debt. yep. all burdens on.... key the drums.....the young. -Lori.

[@kalayne6713]

When your greedy, jealous sister poisons your adult son against you, you lose two members of your family.I will never speak to them again.Toxic family is the worst.

[@1cr19]

@estrangedparents. The adult child of anyone, always, has the choice to stay or leave their parents. The parents, always, always, always have 100% of the power to make their children miserable, weak, scared, and angry at the world. The world didn’t do that to your kid, you failed to stop the world from turning in the wrong direction, and if you’re not up for a Superman-level feat like stopping the rotation of the earth to make your kid smile, don’t bone anyone without a condom.

[@legalbeagle295]

I'm a baby boomer born in the mid-fifties. My parents were not wealthy, we lived in a rural area. I have no siblings, I helped my parents when I could but I was a sickly child. I started working at 15 at $1.40 per hour. I never took welfare, never took food stamps, never took out student loans, never took illegal drugs, worked my way through college and post graduate studies, no spouse, no kids......I'm totally sick of generations that came later whine about their circumstances and for many of their parents who were enablers, even though they did not have the common sense to realize it..I can understand, in some circumstances, one might need a vacation away from a parent, but to extend that separation for months or years is the height of stupidity (except in extreme cases of physical abuse or emotional abuse)

[@shelby477]

Mass formation psychosis? WTF? She asks how many people on FB unfriended those who supported Trump? I laughed out loud at this. Because the only infriending i saw over Trump, were his supporters unfriending me. I did not unfriend one person over them supporting Trump. My first thought when she mentioned mass formation hysteria or psychosis or whatever she called it, was January 6th Q-Anon, etc. How can you blame higher learning and the Internet for your kids rejecting you? This is ridiculous and avoidance at its finest.

[@reachhonduras8955]

Wow! You're totally clueless.

[@beckyyoung2173]

THIS COMMENT, and your attitude, is WHY you got unfriended. Had nothing to do with supporting Trump or political viewpoints. It's your own PERSONAL VIEWPOINTS that are the problem & got you unfriended. Talk about harsh & ugly & unfounded accusations! No wonder no one wants to hear it. And by now, after YEARS of PROOF being put under people's noses, if you havent seen and.or acknowledged the truth yet... You probably never will. And just an FYI moment for ya... I started fighting the School's ridiculous outlook, teachings, and outright hostility to Parent's who were only doing their jobs & looking out for their child's best interests & treating them as the ENEMY, well over 40 YEARS ago. Yes, i saw way back then, where we were headed with the "education" system. When teachers REFUSE to require kids to do homework & classwork, and then cry to Parents that at the end of each semester, they cant give them a grade... And then find out the kids cant read or spell, all the way up to HIGH SCHOOL... And they want to PASS the kids ANYWAY... You KNOW the system is f*cked & teachers, principals & school officials are the problem. My kids passed. Because I MADE THEM sit down & do the work. With NO HELP from the school or teachers! Matter of fact, they were downright hostile because i actually made my kids DO THE WORK so they could actually GET AN EDUCATION. And you know what? My kids DID NOT get an education from the school. THEY GOT IT FROM ME. And they've thanked me for it ever since they were old enough to see the reality of what was going on back then. So, this wasnt a personality or "teaching style" conflict. I didnt know it at the time, but it really DID have to do with Politics. Democrat Politics. And i was voting for them at that time! And for that reason, and many more, i will NEVER vote Democrat, ever again!

[@writingfriend7765]

A Google search with the words, how to go no contact with your parents resulted in 4 BILLION results. This is an agenda.

[@MikeyPaper]

Cliche npc "Orange man bad" mentality.

[@jeanarnone3184]

@shelby477 she is absolutely correct about Trump. I was in that overwhelming minority of people who had no strong feelings about Trump. I was unfriended by so many for simply speaking of the divisiveness people allowed to develop during the Trump era. And I actually worked the pandemic - frontline, licensed healthcare provider. I was again unfriended for talking about the systemic neglect of our vulnerable elderly, and the negative impact of isolation on the very young and very old. I earned the right to speak out. She’s not wrong in what she’s saying about a very polarized society.

[@ATChick]

I think most of the children who are estranged from their parents were not raised with love. I know I was one of them. When you have toxic parents why would you want to be around them?

[@karenhill3558]

My mother was on the spectrum so wasn’t a warm fuzzy type. I’m a late boomer with an older brother and younger sister. My siblings were given all the love, which granted wasn’t much but they’re the ones that went no contact with her leaving me the black sheep to try to console her with her endless “what did I do?” I never knew the right answer. With maturity and after having my own children I realized that she did her best with what she had to give. I am angry with my brother and sister though for giving our mother sooo much pain at the end of her life. She was far from perfect but was also far from what I’d call abusive. Neglectful sometimes. Apathetic sometimes. Withdrawn sometimes. None of us are perfect. I think I was a better mother but I know I made lots of mistakes. I’m also not as heavily on the spectrum. So far my children all talk to me and we’re pretty close.

[@Corinna_Schuett_GER]

This assumption is just not true at all.

[@recoveringsoul755]

If a child cuts off a parent abruptly, it's probably narcissism from the other parent. Just make sure the memories you have are real, and not false memories the other parent has told you about. Rewritten history causes lots of estrangement. And that is called Parental Alienation and often goes along with a divorce. It's one of the worst forms of child abuse there is.

[@recoveringsoul755]

@@LittleLeaf87 sometimes divorce happens when one child is over 18 and the other still a minor. And the adult child is used to manipulate the younger sibling against the safe parent. Since the younger sibling looks up to the older one, they trust their advice. But it's still parental Alienation. Usually done by a narcissist and with a financial incentive for themselves to punish the other parent emotionally as well as financial abuse and a way to maintain access to the abused spouse through the court system The courts and lawyers and judges And therapists all profit financially from prolonged custody battles while draining it off the living assets of the people getting the divorce. Clearly not caring about the actual welfare of the children. When a child goes from a secure attachment one caregiver to a sudden and abrupt rejection of that parent, you have PA. No matter the age.

[@DD-hp9vo]

What's behind the estrangement is a fundamental and long prevalent issue with the parent child relationship. That has resulted in the adult child perceiving some long term damage resulting from that relationship which appears to have no solution other than cutting off contact. It's really that simple. No amount of trying to seek other external factors to blame for this simple fact is going to resolve any of the mass parental estrangement. But confronting the actual issues might. Once again the reasons provided by your daughter for the estrangement in your particular case seem to have been largely disregarded despite the fact she seemed to have stated this quite explicitly in her letter as per your initial video. Perhaps if you gave more attention to her words this might be a turning point and offer a means to find resolution.

[@estrangedparents]

That sounds great, but we can't cross the no-contact boundary.

[@evergreenforestwitch]

​@estrangedparents you could read the pages long email she sent you that clearly explained her issues that you glossed over and disregarded and only responded to with the one word "received" in your first video, though. She told you. You just seem much more comfortable making your daughter out to be a villain than doing any self reflection.

[@jonathanalpart7812]

@@estrangedparentsyou can however start a KZbin channel about it? Lol you’re so sick

[@HereKittyKittyKittyKittyKitty]

@@jonathanalpart7812soooo, how many children do you have??

[@HereKittyKittyKittyKittyKitty]

@@evergreenforestwitchfunny, nowhere in that letter vid did I hear her “glossing over”ANYTHING. It came down to the daughter having ZERO tolerance for her parents’ values! Hmm, I’d say it’s fair calling it the daughters problem. Suggest you revisit that vid.

[@karinwolfebridge9062]

Your tone and humour are sharp and sarcastic, and I can feel the pain behind it all but do we really think that our children OWE us anything? Isn't it our job in the end to let them go? Yes, times are changing but harking back to the good old days of the nuclear family isn't going to do any good and for many of us, they weren't that good anyway. What are we hanging onto with these estranged adult children? They have shown us who they are. Let them be that. I wonder about this, with respect for you and your audience.

[@lydiabond5393]

Yes, they owe us one thing: honor the parents. Not a suggestion made by God but he commands it. For those who raised their children Christian, we thought they knew better. Apparently not

[@Corinna_Schuett_GER]

​@@lydiabond5393Ezekiel 18; Matthew 10 we should expect to be honoured but there are always good reasons NOT to. Not back then, not today. 🙏

[@sa-ny2be]

Estrangement is an important, necessary tool, coping skill to next step, for many. However, each party has a choice too help one another, with respect, kindness, love and as much patience that’s needed, in regards to time. “You determine the outcome by your first actions.” We all must remember, or learn, to listen so very closely, given our society of 2023. Live with understanding kindness always! Peace & Love 🫶🏼

[@lissa.sahsah]

While there are narcissistic boomers, there’s also narcissistic younger generations, who will estrange at the drop of a hat. I am sandwiched in the middle, Gen Y. My mom is a narcissistic personality type who favorites my sister. Sister showed signs and got worse after college brainwashing, has a superiority complex, very independent. She hasn’t spoken to me in 10 years. I estranged my mom off and on but I am more mature. I know what mental illness is, and I try to remain in contact with boundaries.

[@chasitygriffis6300]

I was born in 1975, and I absolutely hate social media

[@istvanfoy-roberts868]

Me too. 1962 and KZbin is the only one I do. Many years ago, I tried Facebook for about a year and quit because it sucked so bad. I feel bad for these kids today who are slaves to all this nonsense. Something about social media brings out the worst in people.

[@susanh3342]

My youngest son has cut my husband and myself. It has been 7 years since I have seen my only 2 grandchildren. We were every involved with their life. I have a very heavy heart, I don't know if anyone else feels this. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about them. We used to send gifts for Christmas and their birthdays and graduations. But we don't know if they received them. They never called or sent a note that they received them. So I just stopped sending them. The worst part is we won't see them get married. I have a broken heart. We don't have a big close family, there's only 6 of us left. I'm sorry if this is long. But writing about it and knowing that thier are more families that are going through this helps me a little to know we are not alone.

[@VM-123]

Unfortunately when our children marry sadistic narcissists this is what happens my oldest son married a woman like this. As soon as the ring was on her finger she told me she was in charge of him now. Both of them have engaged in extreme verbal abuse not just against me but everyone. I am thankful there are no children. She announced she f'ing hates kids. Direct quote.

[@estrangedparents]

Susan, I'm so sorry. None of this is easy... :(

[@estrangedparents]

Holy cow, so sorry!

[@amiesparkle00]

Hmmm what happened seven years ago that triggered the estrangement?

[@MayflowerHomeschool]

This video is crazy and far too political. You complain about societal issues- how children have been raised in these school systems that have brainwashed them…. Yet who are the parents that sent their children to those school systems to get brainwashed? What generation of parents have not taught their children family values from the beginning so they grow up also valuing traditional families? You cannot expect to send your children to Caesar and not become a Roman. If you are complaining about your adult children now that they’re grown, maybe your parenting needs to be looked at- how did you raise them? Were you a loving, involved parent? Or were you a dictator “do as I say because I said so”? I see a lot of finger pointing to politics and current society…. But how did politics and society become what it is now? You can’t expect to sit back passively, let the government school system raise your kids and then wonder why your kids turned out the way they did. All I see is deflection, not taking accountability for your lack of parenting, and blaming estrangement on the government, politics and society. I’m estranged from my parents, and we have the same political views. I value traditional family structure- mom, dad & children. But I also value that my parents have boundaries and don’t expect to have full control over my life and my children. That’s where the divide comes and I’m not sure why adults can’t understand that. We value our parents opinions, but once it’s overstepping boundaries into my children, a line needs to be drawn. For me, I want to break the cycle of narcissistic parenting- that’s exactly why I’ve cut off my parents. Because the constant criticism, invalidation, and constantly having to justify my decisions to my mother was affecting my mental health and consequently the mental health of my children. They started showing signs just like I did in my childhood and it needs to stop.

[@TheQueenOfDreams]

I wanted to comment on your post to touch on a couple of points. Recognizing that every circumstance is individual, I thought she did a good job overlaying historical cultural patterns with what we are seeing in society today. I myself am recently estranged from my oldest, who only sited my “beliefs and behaviors” as the reason, which is rather vague. So after months of wrestling with profound grief and frustration, I engaged her younger sister to tease out more information. All three of our children were lovingly homeschooled until jr. College. I am as traditional of a Suzie Homemaker as you can find today, a “professional” stay at home mom, 25 years of homeschooling, homemade dinners at the table every night, the whole nine yards. It was my entire identity for three decades, and I excelled at it because I loved every minute of it! We were not overly strict, but reasonably protective. We were a very tightly knit family, and my relationship with our oldest was especially close. When her first boyfriend became trans and she stuck by him, I admired her courage, but worried over their well-being. I was admitted ignorant of the topic and have spent the past six years trying to get up to speed. But the more I have learned, the less I can ignore, and I have formulated opinions of my own. And those opinions offend her, to the point that seeing me comment or retweet a post about protecting children from medicalization once or twice prompted her to cut us off (by her sister’s account.) I probed her sister further, and she confirmed they both had happy childhoods, no complaints, but our inability to affirm something we do not believe is unacceptable. Strange that her inability to affirm what WE believe is not an issue for anyone… However, I am also estranged from my own biological family: my mother’s siblings, who left my mom at a homeless shelter when they didn’t want her anymore and didn’t bother to tell me; as well as my father and his kin, who couldn’t accept “half-bred” grandchildren. My children never even knew him, and I’m certain are better for it, but if he had showed up and sincerely wanted to be a part of our lives, I would’ve allowed it (with supervision, because he never stopped being a black out drunk.) It’s rather sardonic that I didn’t cut him off for being abusive when I was little, no my mother for abandoning me, yet here I am with children who say we gave them great childhoods, and we are cut off from our beloved child over… beliefs!🤔 So estrangement is something I am quite familiar with. But my parents were addicts, abusive and absent (I was mostly raised by my grandma) and yet I didn’t cut them off. I wanted to, many times, to protect myself and the family I made, but forgiveness always felt like the right path, and the best example to set. And I didn’t have family growing up; I wanted that for my kids, as much as possible. My own daughter has had no abuse, neglect, or ill treatment to justify her choice. She has mistakenly conflated affirmation and acceptance with unconditional love, but they are NOT AT ALL the same thing. Her generation has no grace, no understanding, and no forgiveness in their hearts. If parents can do absolutely everything humanly possible correctly and still be estranged because a child grows up to believe differently than the rest of their family, society at large is doomed. There will be no more nuclear family. And it’s no wonder, her generation doesn’t even want to have children, they don’t really care much at all about family. They want to remain spoiled children, hedonist. To play video games and get drunk until they’re 40, not change diapers and wake for midnight breastfeedings. I am ashamed to admit I once pre-judged parents that were estranged. I thought, as bad as mine were, I never cut them off, so these folks must be REALLY awful. 😅 But we aren’t. We are decent people, doing our best to do our best. Some parents are problematic, but truly, the new epidemic is narcissistic adult children who aren’t getting enough attention, from social media or otherwise, to feed their ravenous egos, so they need a victim card for social cred. They think any offense justifies such extreme measures. But time will prove unkind, as we always reap what we have sown. She will weep without stopping for a decade when I die, I guarantee it. She asked us what she would get when we die just two weeks before she went “no contact,” (effectively murdering us in her heart.) We’ve been walking around the house like a couple of corpses, even feeling that we are actually dying, and enduring major health scares, so last week, we updated our we will and trust, and removed her. It sounds like a cruel thing to do, but it was so terribly painful, I can’t even describe. But if anything were to happen to us, neither of us trust that she loves us, respects our wishes, or would honor them, so… You say you want to break the cycle, but cutting your parents off isn’t the way. Depriving them of their grandchildren, and worse, vise versa, isn’t the way. Forgiveness and healing are the way. Your parents may be able to learn to respect you, your home, etc. Your children can learn by example how to set boundaries with dysfunctional people and still love them. Hopefully. Or perhaps, someday they won’t like what you believe or how you behave, and the cycle continues. Perhaps we are all doomed to the karma created by our parents?

[@MayflowerHomeschool]

Thank you for your thoughtful and respectful reply! So much to respond to- 😅 I think there is a big difference between estrangement because of toxicity, consistently overstepping boundaries after repeated forgiveness, invalidating, gaslighting, etc. and estrangement because of a difference in beliefs/social media. It seems as if many people on here including possibly the poster of these videos, are dealing with the latter situation rather than the former. After repeated emotional abuse during childhood, forgiveness has always been the route I took. Even 15 years into adulthood, I’ve consistently put myself in my mother’s shoes, knowing it was difficult raising 2 children being so young, now that I am a parent myself. However, there is also a difference between a difference in beliefs and respecting those differences and moving on, and pushing beliefs onto me. I have homeschooled my children from the start, my oldest being in 7th grade now. My mother doesn’t believe that’s the best for my children. That is fine- but I’m still going to do what I feel is best for my children. She goes behind my back to my 7th grade daughter and tells her she needs to go to public school, do this that and the other. When my daughter tells her she doesn’t want to, she keeps pushing and doesn’t respect no for an answer. This is a light example of her crossing of boundaries. There comes a point where I have to draw a line and say enough is enough. Once she starts affecting my family in a negative way, that’s when I have to say enough. I have given her 35 years of forgiveness and there comes a point where you can’t cast your pearls to pigs any longer. I understand there may come a time when my children turn into adults and feel the need to step away from me. I would be devastated for that to happen, but they have free will and if they feel that’s best for their mental and emotional well being as well as for their family, there is nothing I can do about that. My value is in Jesus, not in whether or not my children want me in their life. I can only do my best while they’re under my care, give them love, support and respect into adulthood and the rest is their choice. Again, my estrangement hasn’t been caused by social media differences, differences in political views, etc, so I can’t speak on that. But I can speak on the annoyance of being treated like a child at 35 years old, that my opinions and decisions don’t matter and are wrong, and that my feelings from childhood are wrong. That is what is most hurtful about estrangement. I wish I could have a normal mother/daughter relationship and I have tried for many years: but it has come to a point that for my mental health and the emotional health of my family that I’ve needed to keep distance. I am so sorry your daughter has felt the need to estranged from you. I know how hurtful it must be. I have seen my own generation of adults never grow up and start families and act like grown adults and it infuriates both my husband and I, as that is how my sister is and my husbands sister. We don’t have much of a relationship with either of them because we hold different values and lead different lives of raising our 3 children. My children can contact my parents all they want once they’re of the age where they can stand up for themselves, know themselves and their own values, and can see through the manipulation. My 12 year old is almost there and I’m proud of her for that. Then it will be her choice if she wants a relationship with them. But until they know the difference between being respected/ loved by someone else and manipulated/constantly judged, I am keeping my parents at a distance. I am 38 weeks pregnant currently with my 3rd child. My mother decided she wanted to come into town for the birth, that’s fine. But there will be boundaries. It’s not that I am 100% keeping my children from her; but I need to also be more aware of the effect she has on us as a family and if there are any issues during her visit, I will putting a stop to it. I understand her wanting to meet her grandchildren and I’m respecting that. I pray my parents do learn to respect my boundaries, home, etc. we do have the same beliefs politically (minus their beliefs on Covid- still asking if we’ve been vaxed, etc) but I tend to ignore those comments. I also pray to do things differently with my children and hope it’s enough to make it so they never cut me off when they’re adults. There is no guarantee in that though. My husband and I can only do our best everyday, love our children, value them as separate people apart from us, and know they are on their own journeys in life separate from us. They’re not “our” children, they’re the Lord’s and have to find their own ways.

[@TheQueenOfDreams]

@@MayflowerHomeschool I really feel for you, I was in a similar circumstance when my children were young. I was often the buffer between them and their grandma, but they were able to have fond memories of her, for which I’m grateful (she passed a few years ago.) I know you want the best for your children, and that sometimes our parents seem incapable of learning or understanding respect for our boundaries, so we have to do that for them. I hope your mom can find her place in your lives and stay there, respectfully. Mine did, eventually, but not until a few years before she passed. It took a toll on me, but I have no regrets. If I had cut her off, surely my grief would’ve been greatly compounded, and it’s been difficult enough. 😢 I have always been the matriarch in my family, the glue, the healer, the reconciler. But mom’s family is cruel and toxic, so I’ve distanced myself from them. And I’m an only child, with no connection to any blood kin in the world except two of our three children. My family is EVERYTHING to me, so I really feel this estrangement. I also identify myself with Christ, I don’t mean to say that being a mother trumped that. Only that, because of that foundation, motherhood WAS my ministry, and my goal and purpose was to be the best at it that I could possibly be, to give mine the mother I never had. And I clung tightly to the promise that, if we raised them “in the way they should go,” they would not depart from it, but our first made a full 180, and to be honest, I have done more than my screaming at God for not protecting her from it. But she is His now, not mine, so I commit her to His grace and pray for mercy. I’ve taken what you’ve said to heart, and have been examining my own ability to respect my daughter and the choices she is making as an adult, and the truth is, I don’t, and I just can’t. It would be easier if I could, but it isn’t going to happen. She is living a life of hedonism (she makes her money by producing yuri (animated lesbian p*rn) and has turned her back on God and us in order to continue on that path without guilt. But it is not we who condemn her, it’s her own heart, because she KNOWS the truth, and she knows we know it, too. I have tried very hard to ACT respectful, but I have no true feelings of respect for her anymore. And as much as I wanted grandchildren, I am glad I don’t have any to be indoctrinated into her cult. It would completely tear my guts out to watch her castrate or mutilate her own flesh and blood. It’s a mercy that I have no grandchildren. Congratulations on your upcoming birth! I sense that you are a very good mother, doing her utmost, and I hope they rise up and call you blessed one day. Personally, I believe these patterns are generational curses, which the Bible says do carry down three and even four generations. The fact that she has become so much like her grandma, the fact that I am so like mine, all I can hope is that, should God grace me someday with grandchildren, they will be devout believers, like THEIR grandma. Then I will be the “problem” grandma. 😉

[@julianamitchell3183]

Yes and it is diag du jour. Therapists should be be held accountable for this alienation culture.

[@gisellebuonomo]

I am an over 50-year-old woman, and I am not a parent simply because I never wanted to be. As far as my relationship with my parents, my mom died many years ago and I have no relationship with my father, so I am estranged from my dad. That's HIS fault completely. I loved and love my mother deeply...DEEPLY! I always will. Our relationship was not perfect, she was not perfect; however, she was loving and that's why I will always love my mother. She was there for me and my two brothers. She provided for us, and she loved us. She didn't neglect us, nor did she spoil us. She taught us AND she learned from us. She was genuine. My father...no. Wasn't there, still isn't there. I see him as pathetic and ignorant beyond belief. I feel for him because he's caught up in his own phoniness. My personal thoughts on this estrangement of children from their parents: As far as the parents, it's the way in which their own parents raised them and whether they worked through whatever issues may have been there or whether they carried those issues on and into their own relationship with their children. People don't want to take responsibility for their own actions but as time goes on, their actions speak for themselves. Case in point when children grow up and then move away from their parents. There was obviously something not right in the relationship. Whether it was blatant neglect or simply a strained relationship because of not enough genuine love, or the child being spoiled to make up for whatever the parent didn't know how to do, or whatever, the parent is generally the one who created the relationship and how that relationship evolves or doesn't. At some point parents need to take responsibility for their own relationship or lack thereof with their children. It's that simple. We are all human and we all gravitate toward those who love and care about us. Yes, we can all be manipulated by others; however, if genuine love is there then no one can rip that away. I know this because as much as many have tried through the years that my mother has been gone, including my own father, I love her, and my love is real because I know she was real, and no one will ever make me feel differently. If my mother were alive today, we would both still be together and be in love with each other. That's the outcome of my mother's parenting, and her unconditional love for her children. That's how it works. P.S. the numbers after my KZbin name is my mother's birthdate. ❤

[@montana-road-kill-harvest]

yeah, I can see why her kid went no contact. There's no accountability on her side-- just a giant 4th turning/social ills lecture. All her points are true but does not explain why HER daughter went no contact-- something doesn't seem right here

[@stephenmelton2532]

When you're to the point of 1/3 of the population being caught up in this, she's not the problem. Social engineers wrote the algorithms that led so many down this path. Nothing of this scale happens by accident.

[@montana-road-kill-harvest]

@@stephenmelton2532 Ghost in the machine.

[@bbose1533]

Yup. Totally ignores the points the daughter raised about the effect their relationship has had on her mental health. The daughter wrote an actual letter stating this, referring to gaslighting and how the relationship ruined her life. But the mother has not considered this at all. Continues to make video after video blaming everything else under the sun and social media as the cause. Says she's not political but proceeds to produce a highly politically motivated video. We begin to see why the daughter opted for no contact. Even a whole damn letter from the daughter couldn't get through.

[@merlenealt4233]

@@bbose1533If people would look within themselves, and truly judge themselves, they wouldn’t be so quick to point the finger to someone else as the cause of their problems. Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone. No one is perfect. We all need to love and accept one another. Love covers a multitude of sins! I would never cast off my child or my mother, or anyone else, but my arms would be open and stretched out still. You cannot love without forgiveness and you cannot forgive without love. Families today are hardening their hearts. So sad. “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” ~Reinhold Niebuhr

[@estrangedparents]

What kind of accountability are you looking for?

[@user-fj8fy5rv6j]

Maybe ending victim mentality is a start. These adult children will hold on to something from 92 years ago just to bash parents and blame all of their lives issues on their parents as well Smmfh Toughing up and take accountability!!!!!!!

[@michelebee305]

I'm 53 and I'm in an estranged relationship too. ..... .... .. WITH MY MOTHER.... She reminds me of you. Lol I'm so glad your daughter saw the light at such a young age rather than waiting until she was 50 like I did. My life has been so much better since that old hag is no longer in it. But anyway good luck with your channel. Lol

[@jjoanna2]

sorry but this video is a joke. The real reason for raising numbers of family estrangements is raising awareness of complex mechanisms of psychological abuse children undergo in tangled toxic families where parents are literally unable to step down from the throne and put their kids needs and feelings first. The field of family abuse (especially non-physical abuse) used to be extremely blurry and confusing right until now with the rise of psychological awareness, accessibility to therapy and psychological lingo to name certain behaviours and mechanisms. We are no longer so confused. We are learning to recognise what is a healthy parent-child relationship and what is abuse. The society is maturing to break a taboo of "perfect parental love" that should have been broken years ago.

[@misstmemrs]

It is common for children of alcoholics and other dysfunctional families to hate and abuse scapegoats. It is not a good idea to co-sign what may be delusions of a psychotic person. The line between flawed but normal range parents and abusive pathological narcissists may not be so easy to see. The child can be the narcissist. Children are narcissistic by nature. They can struggle with discerning fantasy from reality, and can be misled by exploiters. Normal rebellious developmental states can turn into a psychotic disorder. A head injury can cause this behavior. So can certain viruses. Narcissists project narcissism onto those closest. Cruelty toward this woman is a red flag. Disordered people tend to play the outlaw and take the law into their own hands. It is unethical.

[@misstmemrs]

I remember reading about that famous novel that came out in the 1700s. So popular because it spoke to peoples resentments for their parents. Glad they have finally figured everything out. Young people today are so much smarter. I guess.

[@ileanareyes3973]

basically giving everyone the run around and blaming an entire generation!!!! blame everyone and anything but herself !!! the repressed anger and resentment spills out of her !!! disgusting!

[@misstmemrs]

@@ileanareyes3973 It is an abusive distortion and false accusation to characterize her this way. She acknowledged all of the people who fallaciously compare there horror stories of abuse with her story. And expressed sympathy but said it is not like her story. Wicked, evil people of the lie fakseky accuse with the troll salad style we are seeing in these comments. Any victim would recognize this type of abuse and recoil in horror. These sound like young people who hate and abuse their parents. Possibly sociopaths. How many of them hate parents who are as dysfunctional as they are is unknown. Pathology is not necessarily evenly distributed in families. It is certainly horrific to see an entire generation blamed inappropriately. The nazis were quite an example of a group psychosis. The milgram experiments also represent how groups of people can become evil. The influences and causes can vary. One great truth is that abusers blame the victim. Another one is that it is common fir victims to have cluster b disorders. It is unknown how many estranged children are from normal range families and could be helped by quality professionals. Unfortunately, many psychologists are cluster bs. In this case, the daughter has been diagnosed with autism and adhd. Psychosis and personality disorders are common with these diagnoses. There is uncertainty with these diagnoses. Addicts, fir example, can improve dramatically the longer they are sober. They are notorious, as are psychotics, for blaming others pathologically. And changing their opinions dramatically with medication. Too much is unknown to assign all the blame to anyone. The good news is that there is hope in recovery to learn to think more moderately and refrain from dumping and spewing your own rage onto innocent bystanders. Abusive young people always blame the victim parents. Just like any other abusers. Victims often also bear some responsibility for dysfunctional behavior. Estrangement is an extreme behavior and can be inordinately destructive.

[@misstmemrs]

@@ileanareyes3973 there is no evidence she does not blame herself. She said that she experiences severe shame. Your comment is a common cliche abusers play. It is so painful and difficult for all concerned and hard to figure out who, if anyone, is to blame for this devastating situation. Getting to the truth and exploring with an open mind is a mark of health. It is so difficult for abused children or parents to face the truth about seriously dysfunctional family members. Sometimes a child is a sociopath.

[@eliseintheattic9697]

IMO Narcissism is the true epidemic. Children of narcissistic parents are parting ways for their own mental health. Alternatively some narcissistic children, or those who marry a narcissist part ways with healthy parents. Either way, narcissism and the mental and emotional abuse it creates is at the core. We live in a narcissistic culture that venerates peoplw with the appearance of beauty, wealth, power and influence and are willing to do anything to get it. How could that possibly go wrong?

[@estrangedparents]

Narc is the new racist. It's meaningless. No one knows what it really means but it's freely thrown around.

[@MayflowerHomeschool]

Wowwww this is invalidating…. Case proven for those of us who have been commenting on our parents narcissistic personalities on here- further invalidation and gaslighting

[@afterlifeauthor]

@@estrangedparents Were you called a narc by your daughter or other people around you?