What to NOT say to a cancer patient/survivor (and what you should say/do!!)

Having been through cancer treatment I heard a number of things that annoyed me!! Watch this video to know what not to say to someone fighting cancer

[@JodiW]

I was at a wedding and a friend of the family came up to me and told me how beautiful I am and how she just can’t believe this is happening to US and then broke down crying. Ugh. First off, not the place! I’m trying to enjoy the celebration and put cancer on the shelf for a bit and this gal made not only me uncomfortable but all who heard. Oh please people!

[@angamor977]

Thats true when people bring you homemade food for you and your family after Chemotherapy it is such a blessing! Thank you to all of you who care enough to show it more through actions then words!

[@deborahlanyi5535]

You are speaking my feelings exactly! Some comments..."I know you should..." . Aaah!!!! It's endless. I must follow my thoughts/decisions. Thanks for voicing all your thoughts 🌺

[@ArtDueck-bo2md]

Thank you for being honest and sharing. I was diagnosed with stage 2 nodular melanoma in October 2022 - I know it's not breast cancer but I've experienced some similar comments. I felt that the worst comment I got was "it's only skin cancer". They may have been trying to be positive , but it was the day I went in to meet the surgeon to discuss my "options" I had a wide local excision and a sentinel lymph node biopsy. Later I went through 11 treatments of. immunotherapy until I developed vertigo and tinnitus.

[@tristanyounger8072]

Eight months ago I stumbled across your channel. I was newly diagnosed with TNBC and BRCA 1 positive. I have just finished up 4 treatments of chemo. I’m 34 with 2 small children. I just want to thank you for making videos and sharing your story. I constantly watched your videos and took notes. Thankfully I have handled this all pretty well...but I’d like to give you some credit. So thank you from the bottom of my heart.

[@gettingwiggywithit3500]

What a lovely comment - you made me a little teary!! I'm glad it helped you. I only made these videos as something to fill my time when i was sick/recovering from my many surgeries. But i'm so happy that it's helped people, even just a little bit. Wishing you health and happiness xx

[@bethcsontos1644]

Hi Nikki! How are you doing? I hope you are still doing well. Your channel has been sanity-saving for me. I had the same cancer and treatment, and brca1 gene, diagnosed at the same age. Your story is identical to what I just went through. I appreciate the way you speak about it. Thank you for making these videos.

[@dee8261]

Just wanted to say you look amazing! That hair style looks so good on you 🤗

[@csc1641]

One friend told me she was having a tummy tuck and would lose some hair and that we could trade stories. Another friend told me my stage 3 triple negative cancer will come back. The Human Resources person at work told me to update my beneficiary on my life insurance policy as it was missing. Another person said that I sounded good when I talked to her on the phone (should I had sounded bad?). I was diagnosed with Triple Negative in March of 2020. I tested negative for BRACA1 & BRACA 2. I have finished 4 A/C and now started Taxol for 4 treatments. More than halfway finished with chemo. So far, I am tolerating it well (thank you God). I finish chemo mid-July and will have a double mastectomy mid-August (no reconstruction). The physical side effects of chemo have been manageable but the mental struggle has been real. My Onocologist saw my mental slide and acted quickly. I am seeing a Psychiatrist and social worker and they put me on an antidepressant which has helped. The dark slide scared me but we are on top of it now. Don't know what my future holds but cancer will not rule my life. I already made my mind up to that. If anybody is struggling with chemo and cancer diagnosis, please reach out for help with mental health doctors, medication or support groups. There is help out there for you. I am really cleaning up my diet and will develop an exercise routine that is healthy and not extreme. I am going to reduce stress in every area of my life especially my job which I plan on leaving as soon as I can. We are club of strong women and men and I wish well to everyone going through cancer diagnosis and treatment.

[@gettingwiggywithit3500]

Cheryl Smith what a lovely post. The mental side of cancer is far harder than the physical.... I found it very lonely having all these fears and dark thoughts, but no one would talk to me about them (apart from my momma who was 4 years cancer free at that point so understood). I also had PTSD afterwards triggered by a relationship breakdown. I had been warned of the post cancer struggle but didn’t believe it, but it is a real thing. The world moves on and sees you as “better” and “all fixed now”. But you’re not the old you. And you’re not the cancer you. You’re just a shell of your former self, tired from fighting, bald and fat (or at least I was), and thrown back into work and normal life feeling anything but back to normal. But here is hope... 2.5years later it hardly crosses my mind. It’s a part of my history but no longer my whole story. Good luck with your chemo sweetheart. Sending you healing hugs xxxxxx

[@Rampaigee]

Thank you for sharing. Heard some of these already. Guarding my heart. God bless u.

[@Sunshine-sr1hy]

I so, so needed this video today. Thank you. Thank God for putting this video in all the random videos I watch.

[@denises7388]

You're so well spoken and encouraging to listen to, thank you. I start chemo next week and am trying to educate myself but not scare myself ( more so than I already am) I have a strong circle of friends and family and want them to stay calm with me. Continued good health and thank you for sharing your experiences.

[@jilly235]

I love how you presented the “your brave... inspirational” because I know people mean well but, you are right. You are simply choosing to live, so you kind of have to go through chemo, surgery, radiation, etc.

[@sharongreen5656]

I was diagnosed with stage 3 TNBC also. It is good to hear your story, and I have the same feelings you do! Thanks for being brave enough to post!

[@gettingwiggywithit3500]

Sharon Green thanks Sharon. 🥰🥰

[@cdsnider9496]

Thank you so much for sharing your story! My wife has stage 2b her2 positive. She started her chemotherapy yesterday and we are just beginning this journey. She is only 37 and this was not on our radar. This whole thing suck and totally agree that it's not a choice to be brave. It helps listing to others open up about their experiences. I hope you are doing well!

[@claudiaabadia9300]

Thank you for your contribution with your story ... sad to say I’ve had all of those “not” to say to a cancer patient. I am a survivor of stomach cancer had it twice in this life time... first time 9 years ago and partial gastrectomy and last year full gastrectomy. I went to surgery with my heart on hand and I had a smile on my face okay if I had to die. Thankfully to my team of doctors I am doing great. I will listen to people however I am not everyone’s story... and science has changed and research is amazing. I am great-full to my practice of Yoga that made me stronger and know that I am not everyone. I am strong and full of life... “you are beautiful and amazing” I agree there isn’t a good kind of cancer, People like to be victims and label themselves as supper rare etc etc. Cancer is and will always be scary, how we deal with difficulties are personal. Bless your heart for being brave and staying strong. I wish you a heartfelt good and healthy future. 💗💗

[@suesch60]

Hi Nikki, it's good your bringing to light..thoughtless words....the one I hate is, "did they catch it earley?" People should just say I'm sorry...Im praying for you (unless your not, dont lie). And it is annoying that everyone wants to tell you who they know that has cancer, when its not about them, its about you.

[@mmck1463]

Thank you so much for your genuine and honest approach to teaching us!! And yes, you look GORGEOUS (trade you) lol.

[@Yugo-CA]

This was very helpful, thank you and god bless you!

[@fatimasantos5619]

Love your videos They kept me going knowing there’s hope One year cancer free Hope u r well 🌸

[@gettingwiggywithit3500]

Fatima Santos thank you for your comment 😘🙏🏻 a huge congratulations on you one year cancer free. I just hit 2.5 years myself 😁 I am well and loving life xx

[@shanimarais9695]

I adore you and I am in awe of your strength and positivity. You face everything head on and just persist. May God bless you and keep you under His guiding and protective wing always.

[@gettingwiggywithit3500]

Thank you. What a lovely message ❤️

[@sandegirl1]

Just finished round two of chemo for stage 3 tnbc. So glad I found this channel. 🧡

[@gettingwiggywithit3500]

sandegirl1 good luck with your treatment darlin xx feels like a lifetime at the time, then all of a sudden you’re 2 years cancer free and life’s back to normal. ❤️❤️

[@daphnesgaray]

Thank you so much for making this video. I will share

[@sunshine-ph7wi]

you are so right...i am near to finish chemo..i am especially pissed when people tell me breast cancer is a good one to have..it is cancer there is not a thing good about it..

[@kayleightaylor7238]

Just watched your hair growth video, thank you for posting this! I finished chemo 16th dec so at that fuzz stage and reassuring to see others growth 😊x

[@gettingwiggywithit3500]

It'll get there! Mine seemed to grow so much slower than other video's i had seen online. But I guess everyone is different! It will grow...just have to be patient! You'll have a full head by summer :)

[@jgsully1662]

I’m in the waiting stage... waiting to see if this lump I found two weeks ago is really nothing or something. In trying to do some research, I’ve stumbled over several of your videos. I really, really appreciate your willingness to be so open and honest in sharing your story, tips, and especially this video. I’m notorious for putting my foot in my mouth so even if this lump isn’t cancerous, I feel like I’ve learned so much from you to help me with friends/family that might battle cancer in the future. Thank you!

[@gettingwiggywithit3500]

JGSULLY the waiting is the WORST!!! If it’s any consolation- I had my mammogram and my diagnosis within 10 days (they knew within 3 days so called me to give me a face to face appointment- they had previously said they would call me if it was nothing to worry about so I knew it was bad news!) And thank you for your comments. I used KZbin a lot when I was going through treatment so wanted to do something to help others in a similar situation ❤️

[@janinemitchell9546]

This is right on! So right about everything and it is just so helpful! I am also a TNBC survivor since July this year...I am really struggling with PTSD and would love to hear how you are managing your survivorship.

[@gettingwiggywithit3500]

Janine Mitchell congratulations on getting into the survivors club 💕💕 I will try and do a video on my PTSD and dealing with ongoing scanxiety xx

[@JodiW]

Hi I am also a TN stage four MBC gir l or woman, I am 53. I know exactly how you are feeling and it's so hard but normal!I have several videos on my channel as well. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers for sure.

[@melindalindsay5073]

I am very glad to see you doing well. Your videos inspire me I have a triple negative berth cancer stage 3 , I hope we will doing well and we will survivor

[@gettingwiggywithit3500]

Melinda Lindsay you can do it!! I’m still no evidence of disease 21 months on....all my bloods and scans look ok. Good luck with your treatment xx

[@melindalindsay5073]

Have you get the immunotherapy?

[@chemt4684]

Nikki, a great video, thank you. For me the worst thing some people told me was that Chemo will kill me before cancer will. So instead I should take plenty of soda bicarbonate, no sugar etc, and make my body alkaline. Also not to listen to my doctors ..... To hear all that at the beginning of my treatment was really awful and scary. I believed that my doctors will save my life, not that they are rubbish.

[@gettingwiggywithit3500]

chemt46 ditto. It’s so annoying xx

[@emmamignogna192]

one friend when i told her started to cry because she had a friend who died from cancer so that was pretty encouraging

[@sumakiran3751]

Thank you so much for this video...Im tnbc early 2nd stage.. just finished my 2nd EC a week before..next week will be my 3rd EC ...still hv 1 more EC and 4 Taxol,,(pretty scared of Taxol)... definitely im strong and will fight back... unfortunately i thought my close best friend will be with me during this journey...but she started fighting and abusing me...so decided to stay away from her(which is tearing me )..but it's ok..

[@mohammedfaiq3671]

Thank you very much, Very nice points

[@cindyjohnson1124]

I have a co-worker that told me I was her hero and how she looked up to me for what I was going thru. I was taken back by that comment and didn’t know what to say. So I replied thank you. I gave that conversation a lot of thought. Why did that bother me? The second time she said it I told her this is what was handed to me and that no one gets through life with out obstacles. This was mine and she herself was going through her own with her elderly father. We are fighters not hero’s. But when people tell you about their family members that dies of cancer. That is awful but I just say treatment has come a long way since then. Nikki it was hard to find women with triple negative breast cancer. I enjoyed following your journey and I want you to know that you did help me with your tips and knowledge. A mammogram caught my cancer at an early stage. Had a lumpectomy, had chemo #2 this week, with 2 left. Once I’m done with chemo I’ll have radiation therapy. Thank you for sharing your journey with all of us!! You are in my prayers alway.

[@gettingwiggywithit3500]

Cindy Johnson hi 👋🏻 I do think it’s a case of people not knowing what TO say, and it’s such a scary think. The obvious word association with cancer is death, and so people almost over compensate with nice things to say. I got the hero comment too... such a strange thing to hear when all you are trying to do is stay alive!! I’m so glad to hear that my videos helped. That’s all I want to do. When I got diagnosed I scoured the internet and it felt like all there was to read/watch was negative depressing stuff. It’s hard, but you’ll get through it. Looking forward to having you in the survivors club 💕💕 best of luck with your treatment xx

[@JodiW]

Cindy Johnson I also have triple neg. I’m stage four metastatic to the bones. I’m doing pretty dang good inspire ! Your right not many of us around.

[@Mslovely42]

Hi I really enjoyed your video everything you said I'm going through now except I haven't started chemo yet I supposed to start Friday and I'm scared nervous all in between I'm currently still working but I'm going to go ahead and put in for a leave of absence because what I do for a living is very physical and I'm already missing a lot of time from work anyway just going to doctors appointment it's really scary but I pray that I make it out on the other end. I hope you continue to thrive and be healthy best wishes

[@gettingwiggywithit3500]

Lamach Williams hi 👋🏻 thanks for the comment and welcome to the crappy cancer club!! You will get through chemo - just take one day at a time and before you know it you’ll be out the other side. Best of luck xxxx

[@susanhenderson5599]

Hi Nikki, Thanks for the Video how true is all your comments,I just finished my Chemo last Thursday whoop whoop.Should be returning to work early next month. Apart from the awful side effects of Chemo I found its so strange how it makes you feel emotionally it turns your world upside down thats for sure.One of my bug bares was certain people saying between chemo well im sure you will be feeling better tmoz, you got to be strong and stay positive,like you say wanting to have a not so happy conversation and them wanting to change the subject,just think it will soon be over you are doing so well,@ the beginning of treatment,Dont worry about loosing ya hair it will soon grow back,The bf saying have you done much with yaself today,these are just a few of very annoying comments grrrrrrrrrrrr I could go on and on. Nicki you are looking so well and I do hope Mentally things are good for you,I look forward to the next Video. Many Thanks xxx

[@gettingwiggywithit3500]

Susan Henderson hi 👋🏻 congratulations on completing chemo my dear. It’s a huge achievement. Make sure you look after your mental health in the next year. I was totally unprepared for how hard it all hit me 6 months after. Had a little mini breakdown last summer..., a lot of counselling needed xx And yes. The “stay positive” comment really REALLY annoyed me. It was almost like I wasn’t allowed to be upset and sad about cancer, because I had to be brave and everyone’s hero. But it’s impossible xx And the hair comments!!! Jeez. “It’s only hair it’s not important “ and “it’ll grow back”!! 😡😡😡 always easy to say when it’s not YOUR hair huh?? Anyway, good luck with going back to work. And look into some counselling before you need it. I wish I’d got a head start on my referral xx

[@susanhenderson5599]

@@gettingwiggywithit3500 Thankyou so much for your Reply,and I'm sorry to here about your mental health,tis no surprising though as I said Chemo turns ya world upside down and nothing can prepare you for the emotional journey it takes you on. I have also been warned by my Oncology Nurse about this and to be honest I allready feel vulnerable trying to think of getting back to work and normal life,it's like I lost myself some were along the way,I'm thinkin I mite need some support. Thanks againxx

[@omanaraju256]

Well said dear..remember god loves you..keep faith in god

[@john5431]

"good cancer" 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️ .. you are absolutely beautiful 😍😍 I hope you are doing well!!

[@annahughes5631]

Hi Nikki, would love to know how you’re doing now? Currently going (struggling) through treatment (with a newborn may I add🤦🏼‍♀️), and it’s life after that brings me the most fear, the anxiety, what ifs, PTSD. You have a really calming, positive way of explaining things. No doubt you’ve helped hundreds of women on this journey.💕 Hoping you’re happy & healthy xx

[@gettingwiggywithit3500]

Anna Jane hello darling xx I am all good. I had my 3 month bloods done on Monday - phone check up with my oncologist a week today so 🤞🏼 they are clear. I keep promising I will do an update video, if only to show you all just how long my hair is!! 😘 I am sending light and love to you - treatment is hard enough without a newborn and a pandemic going on. One day at a time is my only advice. Some days are far easier than others - even now 2.5 years on!!

[@annahughes5631]

Nikki Kirsten That would be wonderful if you did and update, I think many people you’ve helped on here would be very happy to see you!!😊 Definitely gives me hope you’re doing well. In the middle of treatment all I can see is darkness and fears of the future. I wish I could have more of a positive head on but I’m so fearful of recurrence/secondary cancer that I find it so difficult to stay focused🤦🏼‍♀️ xx

[@gettingwiggywithit3500]

Anna Jane I remember it well....the darkness is all consuming at times. And it’s hard - whenever you voice your fears often people won’t let you say them out loud and encourage you to “stay positive”. However - there are plenty of us survivors around. My mom is 6 years clear now, and I’m 2.5! There is hope. Xx try and get some counselling - Macmillan offer a great free service. They might even offer some virtual services you could engage in from the comfort of your own home xx

[@dogzdigital]

Thanks for the video, my partner is in hospital recovering from a mastectomy today, and will be starting chemo in a few weeks. I am doing all I can to support her, but I've never really encountered cancer before, so I am very appreciative of your insights. Thank you. PS. that haircut really suits you.

[@gettingwiggywithit3500]

I’m so sorry to hear this. It’s a tough time for all involved - as hard as I found my treatment it was almost worse watching my mom go through treatment. It’s hard to watch someone you love in daily pain. I hope she is coping ok xx

[@dogzdigital]

@@gettingwiggywithit3500 Thanks, I appreciate it. She's doing OK, had her first round three day's ago, pretty knocked around but tough as nails.

[@gettingwiggywithit3500]

@@dogzdigital your support will get her through x just watch out for rounds 3 and 4. My mental health took a dip around then, not helped by Christmas falling in the middle of them. It started to feel like treatment was never ending at that point, and I was tempted to give up. It was my support network that really helped. Be sure to try and book little “treats” for the week before each chemo session - this will be the week she feels at her best, but will probably be worrying about the next session. I loved having beauty treatments or dinner out with loved ones...it really kept me going. Best of luck to you both xxx

[@nattybaftercancer3723]

Great one!! I just posted a similar video on this.... The perspective on being brave is son interesting thing for many....we really don't have much of a choice....fight or like you said, the cancer will kill us...

[@silviafady76]

You’re really beautiful and I very happy you’re doing fine 🌼🌼🌼

[@jilly235]

Okay.... number 4 was good too! Because I’ve had someone very close to me suggest going on a healthy diet... I was kind of like “well, I kind of just want to be free to eat what ever sounds good when my taste buds are crappy.” And I was kind of pissed off by the comment. Not to be a jerk, but I was dealing with cancer and trying to get through it. I was not really concerned about my weight and what I was eating, as long as it was not super bad food all the time.

[@gettingwiggywithit3500]

I can remember that very well. Lots of people asking me if I was going vegan.... as if mid way through debilitating chemo was the perfect time to learn new cooking skills. I ate whatever I could taste properly because chemo really affected my taste buds! X

[@sacredheart414]

You go, Girl! "Cancer is shit" just made me laugh out loud. So true. Going through BC chemo treatment now and agree. Thank God for the treatments available, but it's HARD. Thanks for hitting all the highlights of cringy comments which no doubt come from good people, but are not helpful. The "have you tried" question another one which really gets to me too.

[@humanitiesdiedlongtimeagof4344]

thank you for this video,, my partner got grade 3 breast cancer and remove her breast and emotional and sad to see her crying and feel lost,, she start chemo next week for 6 month after radiation and tablet and ct scan,, its ver emotional time for us , and change our life, she crying special night times,, very hard to understand only people with cancer can understand and loves one..

[@gettingwiggywithit3500]

It’s a very emotional time. My partner was the same. You just have to be strong for them xx I might do a video with him soon if you have any questions you’d like him to answer about how he felt about my treatment then please let me know xx

[@cottagegardener3725]

Ok, I was guilty of one of those (gulp). Good video and helpful information.

[@gettingwiggywithit3500]

Cottage Gardener honestly, I think I was guilty of these when my mom had cancer. But information is power....hopefully I’ll help people to know what to say xx

[@yolandamarquezguerrero9263]

Greetings from Spain. I know and a I understand all what you say. I had kidney cancer . I lost my left kidney. On Agust 2014. Im ok. Only I want to send you a lot of hungs . Thanks for your videos.kisses

[@georgiascott4172]

Nikki - excellent video. You look amazing. Update us one day soon. xo

[@georgiascott4172]

Self-isolate and be ever so aware of this sneaky COVID19 which we are all alerted to. Glove up and Mask up but better yet, stay home. Sending love from Philadelphia in the US.

[@susanhenderson5599]

Hi Nikki I was just wondering How you are? would be nice to hear from ya.I've been back to work just over a month now only 2 short shifts a week on a fazed return all though very nervous first couple of shifs tis nice to be back and also to be feeling more well in my self. I am going to have some counselling soon as I do have low times and dont want to get to low before doing something about it. Gone back to my Fitness class once a week,Iove it, all though OMG the muscle pain was bad after the first time but it so does help with the mental health. Look forward to your next Video Sue Henderson

[@gettingwiggywithit3500]

Susan Henderson hi 👋🏻 I am great thank you. I have my fifth and final surgery booked in for Christmas Eve 🤦🏻‍♀️ but looking forward to getting it done and starting 2020 as a healthy person! I also have a new job starting in January so looking forward to that xx I would 100% recommend counselling. I found the hardest bit to be going back to “normal life” once treatment was done. You have to adapt to your new normal - which includes panicking about each and every ache and pain. But I actually have whole days now where I don’t even think about cancer - a year ago I was lucky if it was whole hours. Best of luck with going back to work 😘😘

[@susanhenderson5599]

@@gettingwiggywithit3500 Thanks so much for the reply Nikki and good luck for your last op.Yeah a new year just around the corner and Nice that you will have a fresh start with your job, I am lookin forward to getting to your stage and having my new breast. Hope you have a lovely xmas and all the very best for the New Year.

[@claytonjade]

People do still choose not to have treatment many times... xx

[@csc1641]

Your face is so beautiful and your hair is so healthy looking. Wow. Love your charming personality. You pull me in.

[@itsonlymyopinionok8115]

You look great!, lol I heard the "good" cancer is "Non Hodgkin Lymphoma" , there is no good cancer, exactly. I don't feel like a super-hero .. cause we're not the only ones in the world that have gone through it.

[@teddy2596]

Kind of going off what you said in the beginning- I know a family friend who was given 6 months to live... three different times. Over ten years ago. Everyone responds differently

[@Mslovely42]

You haven't posted in a while hope you are doing fine

[@gettingwiggywithit3500]

Lamach Williams I am alive and well 🙂 will post an update video soon xx

[@BigSoul29]

@@gettingwiggywithit3500 good to see you're well !

[@Mslovely42]

Nikki Kirsten good to know 🥰

[@littlemisshuggable]

😘

[@traceycook7136]

How are you today

[@Stellarstaller]

The “have you tried some supplement/medical marijuana” is one I got a lot! So annoying, people don’t understand that modern medicine is the answer to treating cancer and not natural herbs.

[@gettingwiggywithit3500]

Zane Salvador yeah, me too. Drove me mad. So many people told me I could cure it with CBD oil. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

[@tracyired1182]

cancer or not you are beautiful

[@vesaberisha1741]

What should i buy to a friend that have cancer? Hes a boy 15 y

[@gettingwiggywithit3500]

Maybe something he can do at home , an activity you could do together like a board game/cards/video game? The best thing my friends did was just to come and spend time with me at home whilst I was sick xx

[@vesaberisha1741]

Nikki Kirsten thank u ❤️

[@sunnydayz6197]

Doctors in America suggest to drink:)

[@Bryndis1971]

Hi You are so beautiful, I’m so glad I found your channel. Your hair is amazing. Is there a away to send you a private message or can you find me on Facebook? I’m sorry, I’m just shy in asking questions 😊

[@habib0409]

if I have cancer my first fear is not death , it is confronting god with my sins , is that in your mind because I believe we are gonna be punished or awarded for what we did in our lives

[@combatcancerveganseafoodsa8782]

Hii Peace on you . You can't ate like your ate now That is wrong Read the : Profile of Sakura Channel # 12 to fine what you must ate . Ate like that ate to though out from this Daaah Cook daily You will be in excellent health, God willing exist lots from types of dishes on channel sakura#12 soooooo proportional to you. Dedicated to cancer patients, diet and vegetarians. Pay attention to cancer advice. Some videos are long and tedious control By Video speed from the control button,to enjoying learn by funny 🤣🤣. Do n't leave yourself like this .