When a Narcissist Says 'I Love You' and Sleeps With Someone Else

[@exofnarccop]

If words and actions don't match. RUN

[@christinemunoz962]

They don't love you for you. You is a person they love what you do for them and what they get out of you

[@cherrybacon3319]

When I found out about this womans number I that he said he didn't have, he said he hadnit because he didn't know what was happening with us and she was 'company'. I was absolutely gutted and the thought of him being with her made me sick to the stomach. I've had to make my own closure, and I firmly believe that once a cheat ALWAYS a cheat!! 🍒

[@dawnmarie4864]

Take the word Love and replace it with Use 😢

[@ladyvirgo013]

💯 facts

[@firsttbone]

Jeez I lived this for the last 2 years!! 20 days no contact and it's getting easier finally 😊 Every teen should watch your videos!!

[@Pinkchinook909]

My husband says that he put me and our kids as the priority while he has been sleeping with other women.

[@brookescott9598]

This is so me for 54 years of marriage! I was married....he never was! Divorced June 16, 2023 at 70! I pray I will know REAL love before I die. Get out! Do not stay frozen like I did. Best of luck and sincere prayers to others who are trauma bonded. I was like an indentured servant while he sat home cheating and porn watching! I believed his lies. Smooth talker, can be charming and everything looking good til it doesn't! Diagnosed sex addict and narcissist 2 years ago. Holy Cow! I was with him since 17! He was 3 1/2 yrs older. I left a high school sweetheart for this! Four children and my belief in forever families kept me locked in. Recently learned of affairs throughout marriage including 3 of my "best" friends. People WATCH YOUR BACKS!

[@fooled_twice4668]

So glad you broke free this summer. I got out at (only) 10 years and (only) 3 kids later, but completely relate to your feelings and experiences . My ex brought women into our house while i worked night shifts. Or downloaded porn. So many lies i had to uncover. He burned out and is gone now, and i feel thankful every day i never have to see him again and he can’t hurt me or my kids ever again . I hope you find real love! (I haven’t yet, but still have hope !)

[@brookescott9598]

@@fooled_twice4668 💖 Congratulations! Good work getting put at 10 with three kids. Took me 54 years to get out! Hugs and best of luck to you💙💞💙

[@kimgordon3695]

6/16/23 #IndependenceDAY

[@BeTheLight624]

Independence Day 6/24/23

[@steffiekensley8743]

The challenge is they're actively hiding it so it takes something obvious for you to even know. But, I'm a firm believer, when you know, you go because let's be clear, my soulmate would never cheat on me. He wouldn't risk it. We're confused initially because someone with an adult body is saying adult things but they have a child's brain regarding relationships and emotional processing. Plus, their behavior is pathologically sadistic so it's a slow suicide to remain with a malignant narcissist. In Ben's words, "There's not a person out there who can say I love you and still cheat on you." Exactly! 💯 Choose you. Choose love. 💞✝️❤

[@kimgordon3695]

#THIS^

[@kathrynmilligan8839]

Aren't they just immature. Wanting it all. Actions speak louder than words

[@hassanakin5012]

Narcissist always say the love you.because of controlling situation.my narcissist text me and says she loves me all the time.what I have done?I discarded her 4 times in a row.Make her feel that. She is in tears all the time.all I do is sit back and watch her feel what I feel.Narc free guys.i am strong enough. You should do the same way😂

[@CL-lo4wd]

Yes, this happened to me so many times. Biggest mindf##k ever. Thank you for clarifying this.

[@debbierockz1]

3 days prior to moving in with the new supply, he texted me he love me always ..smh sick

[@TheOriginalRasheedat]

Y’all. This man asked to marry me. I said no because he will ask and then have a woman in his bed the next morning and act like he never said it. He said he’d prove it and asked if we could take a trip together the next day. I went to pick up his daughter the next morning and there was a woman in his bed! I stayed calm and left, respecting the woman. I let her sleep. Lol. But when I came back and she was gone I tried to talk to him and he kept playing like he’s sleep. I grew a cup at the wall and told him all he had to do is LEAVE ME ALONE. Do what you want but leave me alone. He cussed me out so bad. Told me I was lying. Said he never asked to marry me. Said I was crazy. I threw a shoe at him and told him he could go to hell. I turned to leave and he picked me up by my neck, dragged me out the house and literally threw me off the porch and on the ground so hard, I almost hit the neighbors house. Then he called people and said I hit his daughter. His family cut me off. I was so traumatized. We were BEST FRIENDS. Before anything, we were supposed to be friends. I cut him off though and I never looked back. His guy best friend died and his children were so worried and asked me to reach out to him so I did. And he said he loved me and that he would call so we could meet and talk. I said ok. But I knew he’d never call. And I knew I’d never meet with him or speak to him again. And we haven’t. It took me a while ti even get out of bed after that happened. I’ve never been so hurt or so betrayed in my life. I’m great now. You can get through this!!!!!!

[@kimgordon3695]

Respect yourself #FIRST

[@BeTheLight624]

Wow, it is a wonder he didn’t permanently physically injure you. He was a coward of a man-child. You absolutely did not deserve that. It had to hurt tremendously emotionally. You are a strong woman. God bless you.🙏🏻🩷

[@audreastilwell8201]

It will never change

[@elenorcarelse1954]

Love is a Verb... ❤

[@Speedracer-Girl]

Narcissists throw that word around way, way too much. And with anyone that they need something from. I love you to get sex, I love you to give me money, I love you to believe my lies, I love you to not abandon me... Love only should describe deep feelings and endless joy for someone. But, no, not for a narcissist and do not EVER expect them to learn what the real meaning of it is. That word is the golden ticket to them to get what they want out of people in this life. Don't believe they feel and can give you the real meaning! Never, Never, Never, Never, Never

[@dahliafiend]

I love you so much and will always be there for you. 14 days later she was screwing a new guy. When I got cancer I didn't see or hear from her once.

[@MariaMendivil-hf6zr]

I just found out today baby #2 is on the way, at least that I know of; thank you for your page- it’s helped me understand some!!❤

[@avgonyma1]

Or they suggest having a baby, tyen dump you 2 months later for no obvious reason.

[@vulvaawareness]

So helpful. Amazing. Thank you.

[@RawMotivations]

Glad it was helpful!

[@shotbyslaidins8428]

Ben, love your content it has shed so much light on what I am going through. Can I make a suggestion tho, can you change he into they/their as my experience is with a female narcissist. I find the “he” off putting. Just a footnote. Thank you again for the information, insight and understanding of the person I am dealing with.

[@tyronecooke3781]

Ben can I ask you why a narcissist don't know there a narcissist but are scared of getting exposed. So if they don't know there one why they scared of getting exposed.

[@edgreen8140]

They don't know their diagnosis but they know what they are doing is wrong. So they abuse behind closed doors.

[@PyewacketCharmer-w6m]

While in college, I dated a guy who now I know was a narcissist. He would make me feel bad about myself. I had never dated anyone because my father was very protective of us. So, when I started dating, I didn’t know how to deal with the crazies out there. Anyway, he and I dated for a while. He never said he loved me or anything like that. One day he did say that if we were to ever get married, he would cheat on me. I was speechless. We weren’t even engaged, and I already felt like I was not enough. I wound up dumping him. I did feel his lust towards me, but that’s about it. Heaven knows what ever happened to him, but if I were to guess, I would bet his life was filled with pain and dysfunction. I dodged that bullet with him. Dumping him freed me to meet my future husband who never cheated on me. Things worked out the way they should have, Thank God.

[@JulieOakman-q9l]

Thank you for your insight.🌸

[@noonereally4798]

Words don’t mean anything, men will tell you whatever if they think it will make you stay longer, words don’t cost anything, so why not? That’s why you should ignore words and look at actions instead, all saying “I love you, while sleeping with someone else” means is, I want multiple sexual partners.

[@kimgordon3695]

Exactly

[@Aaron-ws9nc]

Women too

[@BeTheLight624]

Well done, very helpful, thank you!

[@christinemunoz962]

In regards do I believe his words or do I believe his actions always go with his actions because if he says he loves you? That is a verb you act love if he doesn't show you love and his words don't match his actions big red flag.

[@Gwendeline]

He was with a woman for months n I couldn’t tell but it was yrs

[@Progamers0.0]

My narc is female but this is identicle. I see a lot of the same behaviours in multiple people who were abused when young. Are you open to telling me if that is something you expierianced ? Did what the traumas you expieianced create the thought proscesses? If so Have you looked at the events and what they told you about you that was not true? Im an survivor of an long on and off relationship with a covert . And studying psychology. Looking to undestand more about my expieriances and what creates this mindset in a human. Being empathic along with things ive noticed ive seen and felt both the truth and the pain projected on to me. It is amazing seeing inside the mindset. Thank you. I had thigured out most of it. But this fills in blanks. Big time.

[@kimgordon3695]

💞

[@SisterofaaronDaughterofimran]

Simple case of mistaken identity is highly likely though . Its not far fetched considering how easily text can be misconstrued

[@RawMotivations]

Huh

[@Babaluu1a]

Hi Ben, I truly thank you for your channel on this extremely important topic. My question is; Is it safe to ask the narc their definition of Love without getting into a battle?

[@kimgordon3695]

It is if they worked on IT

[@edenjennings8395]

All this but I think people get too hung up on their personal definition of cheating. And you have touched on this in other videos. It doesn't have to be physical cheating, or even emotional cheating. It's that deep betrayal that actually causes the dissonance, which can come from lying, or other repeated deceit other forms of abuse such as financial, watching them abuse others which takes them out of the character you thought they were or they portrayed to you. Honestly I think for me, physical cheating would have been easier to digest, as opposed to the erosion of daily drip of offenses that I was constantly uncovering. I think it's that drip (lie) drip (missing money) drip (another lie) drip (find out about taking advantage of someone else while they are portraying that they are a good upstanding person that can cause relationships drag on for decades based on false substance and ultimately cause cptsd and gad.

[@dahliafiend]

Her breaking up with me for six months because of all these deep emotional reasons, then I later found she happened to run into her friend since 1993 14 days after the break, and dated the entire time. I don't know why she came back but I imagine he didn't commit to her. She didn't tell me at the time of course. Later when I said she was a cheater she self righteously said "I have never cheated on a partner in my life. " She had been telling me she was deeply in love with me and then leaves me an happens to run into this guy at a party two weeks later even though he lives two hours away? I'm supposed to believe that. At the very least she had planned it out and then lied to me.

[@fishstickbio594]

America has became a sexually depraved society unfortunately …..men are the ones who do it ….you said this in one of your videos ….I have learned about sexual fantasies in men and it’s pretty down scary ( DSM style )

[@anthonygutierrez7732]

It's woman to no morals no ethics no God when we kick God out of everything there is no objective moral standard, now it's a free for all . ..I'm talking about the God of the Bible btw

[@caroleminke6116]

Misogyny

[@MarcusBlvins]

She cheated on me and said she didn't.its hard now cuz she has completely control over me she stabbed me two days ago am scared