When constant obsession won’t let you move on

Shruti writes, “I was in a relationship for 7 years & the guy just bailed 10 days prior to our wedding without any explanation. Obviously, it was hurtful, painful & the saddest part is it's been a year now & I am still thinking about him- not in a romantic way, not wanting him back, but he is just there. I feel stuck, my life is just not going anywhere I have tried everything, but nothing is working pls help.”
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[@philipc4353]

Great advice. I guess the universe has a way of filtering out people that don't belong. And it can be painful especially if you truly care for them, but in the end it's always for the best.

[@trendafile6356]

but why did we meet them in the first place!?!??!

[@SusanWinter]

Great perspective

[@SusanWinter]

@@trendafile6356 Sometimes it’s a learning curve. Other times I believe it is a “check in.” Do you really want what you think you want?

[@trendafile6356]

@@SusanWinter thank u Susan.

[@gnarlycat]

That is such an excellent way to look at this situation…that this woman dodged a bullet. Susan is so brilliant and insightful.

[@SusanWinter]

You’re making me blush once again!

[@raymondsilveira1936]

I really like what you said....if someone drops you that fast...you really dont want that kind of person in your life...you have been given a gift

[@everg14]

I have such an obsessive personality and thus it’s hard for me to move on when I care about something esp someone so much. I can’t imagine being dumped before getting married without an explanation. God that sucks for the person

[@SusanWinter]

Have you read the book “Attached”? It’s quite good and explains Anxious Attachment style!

[@caitlinjuarez9787]

I know this feeling because I’m currently dealing with it. Feels like I fight myself and my own thoughts. I miss him although he was awful to me. And I understand that I deserve more but me I don’t fully believe it yet. I work hard to let him go and all day and night the thought of him sits in the back of my mind. Even as I write this , I continue thinking of him on a endless loop. This has been the hardest mental battle I have ever endured.

[@SusanWinter]

I’ve been there. And I tried everything. I promise you the time we’ll fix it. The shortcut waste began dating other people; and try to be open to them rather than comparing them with your ex

[@jwilson9985]

Going thru this same thing since December.. Most awful thing I've ever dealt with.

[@sarahholmes2277]

I've been there too and it does come to pass. Keep being good to you and enjoying all your interests.

[@zeezyu]

this video came on my page and I needed it the most today! It’s one of your best videos!!

[@paredescax]

And the universe keeps sending me those signals. I was just lurking on my Ex's Instagram and FB right before I found this video that was the perfect slap on my head to remind me I've worked hard to get here, and yes, why deny it, it is still hard to erase that person especially when there wasn't closure nor explanations but getting blocked everywhere without any reason. You always have got the perfect and positive approach to helping in what can not be put into words or explained. Thank you for being there, Susan.

[@SusanWinter]

Carlos, I love what you’ve written. And I love yourself awareness. I truly believe that obsession is the mind struggling to make sense of an illogical situation. And as for no closure, that is a perfect example of illogical. Look how your ex dealt with the situation; they blocked you. No honest communication. No I’m sorry, it’s not working for me. Nothing. But they left a mess behind them. So perhaps they weren’t as wonderful or worthy as you once thought?!

[@mmmmkay4773]

I need someone who is obsessed with me this way....in a healthy way of course 😊

[@markolson5981]

Susan I was married to my ex-wife for 28 years when she did something like this there’s no closure I constantly keep searching and searching and searching wondering what went wrong help.

[@moonbysa]

Maybe it’s about having a higher and deeper faith and trust in your life. To believe the Universe has your back.

[@SusanWinter]

Beautifully said!

[@teaghanfinks5083]

This lady is a genius . She speaks so clearly and makes great simple points. Doesn’t over complicate it

[@ChrisLT]

Needed this one today. Been a year and a half since the breakup and I've been pretty good for most of 2022. But had a relapse over the weekend for reasons, and this was a good reminder that the ending was the best thing that could've happened in this whole scenario.

[@SusanWinter]

Whenever you feel yourself reminiscing of the good times, take a minute to appreciate how far you’ve come as a person from the breakup. Growth happens even when we least expect it and without trying

[@ChrisLT]

@@SusanWinter Yep, and the growth got a kickstart because of the breakup. Wouldn't have achieved what I have since without it. Good stuff.

[@karenwade6713]

Same here. Wow right on time.

[@hilea.m.z4460]

Surprise me the universe Such a brilliant woman I’m blessed I have found you my dear Susan ❤

[@A22208]

I've been dealing with this for YEARS. IT SUCKS

[@musicbyjamie]

Susan - your videos have been helping me get through my first heartbreak. Life DID intervene for my benefit. Gotta tell myself that everyday.

[@stephendavies-hale6348]

Going through this now, only with someone 20 years older than me.. losing a special kind of love like that doesn’t go away so easily, I’ve dated other women my age and it didn’t bother me as much as this… Susan I love your videos though ok! Many thanks

[@SusanWinter]

I promise you that the right person is right around the corner. Trust that the universe has your back and just see what happens!

[@stephendavies-hale6348]

@@SusanWinter appreciate it!!! ❤️

[@moonmaiden4197]

Perfect explanation. So simple and calming to the mind.

[@SusanWinter]

I’m so glad you think so!

[@quentinvanvincq4817]

Merci beaucoup Susan. It's exactly what I needed to heard today ! 🌟🧚

[@beehungry6190]

I have a very similar situation and its been over a decade and you think you will get over it but it stays with you. Cruelest thing that could ever be done to someone is take their humanity. You will never forget this.

[@SusanWinter]

I hope you find the closure you seek. Try to transform that pain into self love and fill that void with appreciation for yourself!

[@aannggiieess]

That was so helpful. You have such an intuition for this. Thank you !

[@SusanWinter]

Thank you for watching, Angie!

[@philwojtowicz4632]

Powerfully spoken and wonderfully clarifying. Thank you, Susan for this session.

[@1224darl]

Thank you for this. I needed to hear this. ❤️

[@sabrinanes7649]

Absolutely loved it! Thank you

[@SusanWinter]

I’m so glad!

[@ninacharm9044]

As always Susan, your advice is AWESOME and intelligent. Been there, and it was the best thing that ever happened to me.

[@SusanWinter]

Why thank you Nina! It’s great that you are in a much better place!

[@niharikatomar1152]

Much needed, Susan! I love you ❤️ You've helped me a lot.

[@SusanWinter]

😊 it really makes me feel amazing to know I’ve been able to positively impact your life

[@Survivorofnarc]

Thank you so much. God bless you.

[@nikiedewael3766]

Wonderful words!!!

[@mist4134]

Great advice Susan! Love your wisdom😍

[@16Meily]

This video has helped me so much. THANK YOUUU

[@denzel1790]

What a strong and blessed lady 🙏🏽💝! Thank you Susan for the advice💯👍🏽. This can happen to anybody and we are all here to know better ☀️😇

[@SusanWinter]

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️!

[@pitchpines3851]

Such great advice Susan! Your videos really help make sense of things that seemingly are hard to grasp.

[@SusanWinter]

What a nice compliment! It makes me so happy to hear that I’m helping my followers! ❤️

[@uytran7408]

Hi Susan. Your videos has helped me so much during my devastating honeymoon breakup. It happened five days ago. I realized now that I was treated so badly. I am now ready to move on and the feelings have calmed down. Really want to subscribe, but keep getting reminded of him whenever I i see you now 😔 I’ll come back and hit that subscribe button when I’m completly done with this ❤️❤️❤️

[@SusanWinter]

Healing takes time and the wound is still fresh. Fill the void left from the breakup with self love! And you’re welcome back to the station whenever you feel ready 😉

[@uytran7408]

@@SusanWinter Subscribed! I had this revelation that this breakup has been one of the most heartbreaking, tiring and at the same time beautiful thing I’ve felt. I’ve learned so much about myself and now I appreciate everything around me more. Every compliment, I now take to heart. Every person I meet I no longer take for granted. I’ve seen how strong I am. It just wasn’t meant to be and it’s no ones fault. Yes I was treated badly, but his intentions were never to hurt me. He saw that I was hurt which is why he ended it. Because of this he will always have a place in my heart. In maybe a months time I want to send him a thank you letter and invite him to be my friend. I found out that I have a very big heart. He broke my heart, but because of that I could finally see what was inside ❤❤❤

[@sootyspark7281]

@@uytran7408 how are you doing?

[@clancyk8497]

Thank you Susan! Good advice! 😊💯

[@SusanWinter]

You’re very welcome

[@Godisgr8684]

So powerful ❤️

[@tomib.4076]

Susan, your videos are very insightful. I've watched so many of them and your insight and perspective on human behavior and thinking is interesting. I just wanted you to know that your videos have personally helped me overcome several obstacles in life. Thank you for sharing your knowledge on KZbin. I wish you nothing but the best.

[@roberttydeman4771]

Been watching your guidance for two years..just thankyou Susan..God bless you xx

[@SusanWinter]

🤗 thank you for the love!

[@thewayyouwearit7407]

Hi Susan thank you for this great great video❤ your words went directly to my heart . I've been experiencing the same situation as this lady but for me it was 5 days prior 😅 Actually i made peace with the person but i keep ruminating and blaming myself hope i will find peace and light ❤❤ i'm open to new beginnings ❤❤

[@mtek7857]

Hello Susan, I would like to thank you deeply. Your videos have helped me get through the hardest time in my life. I was in a relationship for 9 years, and she left me for another man, out of nowhere. It was a shock. It hurt more than anything ever has, especially since I was blind sided and it was like a switch was turned-off in her head and her heart out of nowhere. Everyday since, I have been working on bettering myself, at first it was to prove that she made a mistake, but now it's different. I know my self-worth. I don't care to prove myself to her. I am doing it for myself. For the first time in years, I feel like myself again. I'm still hurt for the way that things went down, but I know now that I am better off without her. I'm thankful for the love that we did share, and I am done questioning why things went the way that they did. But, I realize that she is not the same person I fell in love with, even if I remained true to myself. It's hard to part ways after so long, but sometimes, it IS for the best. I still think of her, I guess because it's still fresh (Only about a month and a half), but I'm not thinking and analyzing the reasons behind why. I know that I did nothing wrong and the reasons do not matter. We are still moving stuff out of our apartment and I haven't seen her in sometime, but I left her a note. In short, it said in a calm manner, "I realize now that you are not the same sweet and innocent woman I fell in love with, she would have never did what you did, and that's okay. I will cherish all the beautiful moments we shared. Thank you for showing me my self-worth, and that I am better off without you. Goodbye." It was so empowering writing that, and leaving it at the apartment for her to find, and even if she never reads it, I'm also okay with it. I am excited to see what the future holds. Thanks again Susan. You are a god-send.

[@michelleb5471]

Oh how I wish I could carry you around in my back pocket😊 Susan, your so positive and grounded !I love your insights so much 💕I’m sure you hear this all the time but you are awesome 👏

[@SusanWinter]

Remember Polly Pocket? That toy from the early 90’s? Maybe they can make a special version for me!

[@michelleb5471]

Lol I love it 🥰 one that talks and gives some of your greatest Susanisms and quotes “We never wait on a maybe “

[@JeromeGrayer]

New sub thanks for your insight. 💜

[@lejournaladallaire5535]

First time I'm watching your videos in a loong time and GOOOD I missed you! Your advices are so good

[@SusanWinter]

Welcome back! It makes me smile to know that I’ve been able to help you!

[@yuktasharma8173]

I loveeeee this woman!

[@ROMI909]

Dear Susan, mentors like you have helped me get over my situation. Going through divorce, fighting with mental health issues and torrid pain of rejection is overwhelming but thank you so much for your words of wisdom that come across all the way to my place here in India. Different cultures but I guess these humane problems are common regardless race and culture. Thank you Internet, thank you KZbin and thank you.

[@faizasheikh4403]

Your videos change my life thank you, they help me heal i love you Susan

[@SusanWinter]

I’m so happy to hear that I’ve been able to help you! Many hugs to you!

[@faizasheikh4403]

@@SusanWinter ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

[@AgnieszkaJ]

Thank you 😁👏👏👏😎🙏❤️

[@SusanWinter]

You’re very welcome

[@YouTubeUzername]

Damn, its hard to believe that someone would just leave like that without there being some serious issues in that relationship. Either way she dodged a bullet!

[@SusanWinter]

Sadly, this situation does occur but I 💯 agree that it was for the best!

[@michelledehaen8997]

Or many things where unspoken in that relationship....

[@sweetpotatoepieeee]

I too have been trying to mentally & emotionally move on. I helped someone financially & gave moral support & they later treated me so cruel. Said so many means to me. But im going to start assigning closure like you said. It was so bad I feel like I'm starting everything over to help make sense of how someone can treat me that way after all I did for them. I feel used & worthless at time but I know that's not true.

[@SusanWinter]

It’s so sad to hear this or I should say to read it Anayas. The person was a user. And they tend to be very good kind artists. They have to be charismatic and warm to pull you in and to gain your trust and sympathy. You are not the first person conned and you will not be the last

[@sweetpotatoepieeee]

@@SusanWinter Thank you Susan! I just love you and your advice ❤️ ♥️ 💕 You are so right! Some ppl are users and we have to move on

[@PlanetWomble]

Brilliant. Thank you Susan. I am still stuck on a girl from 30 years ago. Hope this helps! Any further advice would be greatly appreciated.

[@eddie9454]

Susan Winter, you are a gift from the universe!

[@SusanWinter]

You’re so sweet! Thank you for being a ⭐️

[@dominiquebitaa6458]

You speak a way my mind can understand..

[@cassidyladden1716]

Susan thank you for this video. I started following you recently and I have to tell you how grateful I am for what you do. The perspectives you offer have been life-saving. I recently got ghosted after a 7 month relationship. We had a fight and he just never spoke to me again and has ignored all my attempts to make contact. It has been extremely shocking and painful for me but listening to you helps so much. You bring a lot of peace and comfort to what can be a very cold and scary place. Thank you again ❤️

[@SusanWinter]

I’m so sorry to hear that your former partner hurt you like that. Sadly, ghosting has become common even in established relationships. That being said, if your partner could do that without any communication shows their inconsideration. You deserve better and will find it!

[@chapterbychapter5643]

My girlfriend left me for someone else. She broke up with me for her. I feel this. We were together for three years and I can’t seem to stop thinking about her.

[@shaynalee]

Amazing answer Susan… talk about turning lemons into lemonade … more like lemon cake! 💜💜💜

[@SusanWinter]

I adore lemon cake, and lemon bars…

[@kevinscott7268]

Thanks Mam Love From India🙏🏼🙏🏼😊😊😊

[@SusanWinter]

Many hugs to you!

[@sincerelysophiak]

love this, what about when the partner who left is obsessing? (won’t stop calling, texting) etc?

[@SusanWinter]

Same thing. But maybe there is a mental condition involved in this. Did you make absolute and clear closure? Did you ask them to respect your privacy and leave you alone. If you put a boundary in place it must be consistent and definite. If you’ve done all of that, then the person is simply “off.”

[@RG-hf4et]

"We can't make sense of it" ...... A past love interest has been on my mind for 35 years. Not all the time but enough that I wish he was not an issue. He died recently at 64 years/too young and made all these memories resurface even harder & more frequently. I even had a few dreams of him which I never had before since he passed. I really want him out if my mind.......

[@donaldgansky5907]

His loss You will have to give yourself closure

[@pratikshamangrulkar70]

hey thanks, I was kinda in a same situation but just wanna ask, how long it will take to get over this thinking 1/2/3/4 years ?

[@styledbyemilyxo6035]

Her name is Indian, I will be you anything his parents intervened. They would have done this anyways in the future most likely. You are right it is a gift.

[@sonjalalelu3667]

Rejection ist god's or the universe protection. ✨💫 I was in the same situation with the obsessive thoughts after he dumped me and am eternally grateful now that I grew beyond it and found self-love after all.

[@louiselouise8133]

My husband woke up one day and left, didnt speak to me for a month, that was 2.5years ago and I am still stuck because I have no 'why' nor does my daughter. So cruel

[@zaink7037]

Like a viewer once said obsession is a habit and all habits can be broken. Just think about it you never obsessed about the person those times you've seen then before unless it was a love at first sight thing

[@SusanWinter]

Very true!

[@joanapinedo20]

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@valvihk3649]

What if you dont even care for the logical answer of why they left? They are just there on your mind. I think it has something to do with being with and around them for her 7 years for me 11 years. What dp you do? Dont think of them romantically but they are just there in your head as if they never left.

[@lyndamcmullen9410]

♥️♥️♥️

[@SusanWinter]

🤗

[@diegom-a7970]

Damn

[@user-yx9zw5cl5x]

Mam I want to communicate with you how can I do?

[@moubhattacharyay6891]

5:15 Hard Truth.. We Need To Use Our Both (🧠+❤) In Balance To Clarify A Situation Lyk This.. Whatsoever Is Happening In Our Life With A Reason, So Accept That..Take Those Each & Everything Shits As Ur Experience & Try To Overcome Frm Those Slowly Bt, Steadily To The Future Life.. The Earth Is Really Big To Live Ur Life For Other.. The World Needs U More So, Give Ur Helping Hand 👐🏻To Those Who Truely Want This..😊

[@daivaselmistraitiene4365]

👍

[@user-yv1fh3fc8y]

Nowhere is her letter did Trudy mention love. I reckon the guy looked at it as a business commitment and he realized it wasn’t good business.