When INFPs Fall in Love Alone: Understanding Limerence

[@peachesandpoets]

Ok but has anyone else come to their senses and is unable to access the limerence and actually miss your imaginary relationship? Now that's some fun shadow work to unpack 😂

[@mitthrawnuruodo1730]

I’ve learned to accept the person as I get to know them and limerence wears off. I go in with a healthy expectation and not get caught up with my imagination

[@elrisitas1927]

Limerence is hell ...

[@marcusappelberg369]

It is indeed, suffering it right now.@@elrisitas1927

[@Korany]

Yeah, when I learned about the term “limerence” I saw myself in a different light and my whole life changed. I was like, oMg I was delusional my whole life!!

[@maurine3553]

I have been dealing with this in the last year. I am self aware to recognize I am idealistic but I expressed my feelings anyway because they were just too overwhelming. I made sure I dissected my feelings and emotions and also vetted the person before I approached. Also, as you said I was lucky to have a INFJ friend by my side to guide me through it. It didn't go well but I am glad I did say something to avoid what if's later on. I read somewhere that limerence is a sign that there is an area in your life that need to be worked on. I put work in that area and realized the limerence started to fade gradually. Not yet there yet but almost there 💪

[@khadeejadja]

Yes... I read that too. The main factor of it is emotional abandonment by parents since early on. Painful to know it, but it's worthy when we do our own healing journey.

[@GeekPsychology]

Makes sense to me. Why if those obsessive type things probably come from unprocessed baggage as well.

[@goldenlioness868]

@@GeekPsychology I have a question about limerence that I would like to ask involving my experience that I am unsure if it was or not. Can I message you someone privately to share so I can understand it?

[@nicolafarnhill2184]

They rarely share the same intensity. Controlling the love is hard, because it's so intense for us INFPs.

[@GeekPsychology]

Yeah… the idea of controlling it seems strange

[@mrs.kathleenantuna7701]

Yes I have had these experiences. Especially in my youth when I was in the closet. I had so many crushes on girls and built up imaginary scenarios. I can honestly say to Simone that I really do care about her as limerence only lasts a few years. I am not out to disrupt relationships. I can transform romantic feelings into being the best of friends. I am grounded in reality and use my feelings in creativity to paint and write.

[@GeekPsychology]

Transforming feelings is an amazing skill

[@FallenMonk55]

I met this amazing woman, we chatted for 2 weeks, met 2 times, and I told her I loved her. She was so patient and understanding, but I failed her when I let the jealousy get the best of me and broke up with her. Truth was, she wasnt emotionally interested in someone else, and I mistook her message. I recalled how intense the feeling of jealousy, hurt, and unworthiness. These feelings towards her and the implosion towards myself was overwhelming, and nothing Ive experienced before in my life. I finally discovered about limerence, and it helped me get over it within a short period of time. It was also recognizing it as being bounded by a love spell, and taking all my mental strength to break out of the spell. I asked my interest if we can try again, and hoping that she will give me another chance. I feel a longing to be with her, and this new reconnection feels like it is on a different and deeper level. I feel much more stable, self confident and more at peace with my emotions. Sometimes I hate being an INFP, but I accept who I am, and will continue to work towards a better version of myself.

[@elizabethgladman1578]

💯 So many wonderful thoughts! Yes, tell people how you feel even if it is: "I had a crush on you, but not so much now. I'm going through some things and I might like you later." or just tell a person you would like to hug them. People that care about you will go on this emotional journey with you. And those that don't want to deal with your emotions will be made obvious. If you don't say anything they can't come on the journey with you.

[@The_Prince_Of_Crows]

True story. I am here because I just met an INFP (I am INFJ) and I am trying to understand her thinking on things. We went to school together but ran in different crowds back then. I just happened to answer a DM from her and we clicked pretty quick. Had she not reached out and had I not decided to respond late to a DM that was sent long ago we would not be talking now. She is going through some serious life changes right now but I am willing to wait for her to see what is next and I am not going anywhere. I think you have to try to make yourself known if you can and be aware of a sort of cosmic synchronicity at work under the surface. Otherwise you may miss out on something truly beautiful. You just have to be reasonable and realistic about it all but nothing ventured nothing gained. Sometimes you find that the other person was receptive all along even if there were no signs. 🤙

[@GeekPsychology]

Yeah. Nobody will ever know if you don’t make it known (knowable)

[@zitrodivad]

infp here. i had a limerence! i acted on it and this person actually became my best friend for almost a decade! eventually it ran its course and now i am detached.

[@GeekPsychology]

Interesting plot twists there

[@zitrodivad]

@@GeekPsychology haha yup! i could write a whole book about it. and i might! lol

[@ouiamelie]

It ran its course...10 years latter :-O

[@lindseytaylor4460]

I do this regularly with my favorite musicians lol. It's silly but they serve as muses for me!

[@hanfei6871]

I felt so seen and not alone when you called out the time period (early to mid 20s), I grew up in a pretty emotionally neglected household and never had a lasting close relationship with anyone. I didn't care for the longest time but when i entered college and continued education (21-25) I got pounded by 3 consecutive intense limerence episodes (2 romantic and 1 platonic), I am still navigating the 3rd limerent object and deciding to embrace solitude for growth. I am finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel though; I genuinely want to be ready and whole before I can be in close relationships with love. Dear INFPs grappled by the same situations, are we really ok to be alone for so long? Do you feel guilty about being late in life and love? I hope we can truly love ourselves in this long journey that has just begun for many of us.

[@enigma.of.solace9383]

It's confusing. The fantasizing is strong but pretty amazing. Feel like I could write a romance novel at times. Night owl here, and at night, it can get pretty intense with the fantasies. It's not even really sexual, it's definitely more deep, romantic and comforting.

[@GeekPsychology]

Yeah I don’t think it’s usually a sexual thing. It’s a binding of souls.

[@Mindsetolympics]

Its VETTY VETTY DEEP 🤷🏾‍♀️ it feels like Im a character in a movie but I hate it because I don’t want them to know I like low key am obsessed with them. But it gets worse if I see them regularly.. and then I try to avoid them

[@channingfreeman9417]

Thank you always for educating us. It helps me feel not so alone and you describe it in a way that I fully understand. I have to feel heard and seen.

[@GeekPsychology]

You are so welcome. I’m happy to know that my advice and experiences are helpful ^^

[@LiciaMissori]

THEY DON'T SHARE THE SAME INTENSITY got me laughing so hard :')

[@GeekPsychology]

Hehe It’s true!

[@ouiamelie]

like never???

[@Taichientaoyin]

In his eyes I can see he is an INFP 😊

[@gratefulhealing]

I once expressed my love for a young lady. Well it was not taken alright. She even had a bf. I still thought it would be fair to show my cards. In retrospect it was selfish and ill-advised. Yet I somehow wanted to go through with it. I cannot expect others to feel or live in my fantasy. Same goes with a lot in this world which can lead to disappointment. It's important to grow up freely yet with healthy boundaries (even to yourself). We'd like to delve into our dreamworld/scenarios. Only because we can doesn't mean that we should. Scorpio grills hit me up lol I like pain.

[@GeekPsychology]

I’ve had some struggles like that too…

[@hanfei6871]

bro same... the same story is being told so many times in this video's comment section lmao that makes me feel less alone.

[@khadeejadja]

😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 Thank you Matt, so much, for making this video a reality. Really enjoying the content of this video, through your video limerence is not something too terrible, too embarrassing or make anyone look sick. And your voice, as always, like a romantic poet who's dearly reciting his most romantic poems ever in the stage. Before knowing about MBTI/Jungian Typology and the thing called limerence, without really in awareness what is limerence all about, limerence was the main thing that has been the burning fuel of my creative process ( writing poems, short stories and novel, somehow all of them are not in English) prior to my retirement. Too many experience with limerence since entering adolescence period, I must admit it, somehow I'd rather telling some of it in private setting. BTW, I agree with you that pent-up limerence can have negative effects on our well-being and we need to talked about it with trustful person. In my past, I was so lucky to have God-sent friend in need when I have to do the leverage or the limerence turns detrimental to my own mental health. Honestly, a great welcome for any love & relationships videos. Looking forward for other related topics.

[@GeekPsychology]

I have many others that are “worse”. I just didn’t talk about them. ^^

[@khadeejadja]

​@@GeekPsychologyWow wee... I wish I have the informations about limerence, like what you told us in this video, when I was 18-19 years old. I must admit that's the most painful period where I learned the pain of rejections and other terrible stuffs about relationships without proper guidance from much experienced and loving adults. It's so traumatic when you have to figure out things for yourself.

[@Indykitty1]

I have had this happen and I enjoy it for a while then I get busy with other things and the feeling fades.

[@GeekPsychology]

Yeah. Reality is a kicker.

[@victorialadybug1]

For me in most cases it's unwanted and I don't know how to make it stop.☹

[@Taichientaoyin]

Is he an INFP? He looks like one. I am INFP 😅

[@terrycraig6386]

Are INFPs " Introverts ?".sounds like it.

[@dougmccoll6126]

Are you kidding? A Tae Kwan Do girl in your class when you were 10!! Hell Ya! Did the thought of her inspire you to work toward that black belt? (you don't have to answer that, INFP's already know and everyone else can just ask one of us). Feedback is good except that if limerence has lead your loss of rationality, your may subconsciously interpret their feedback in a way that keeps you high on dopamine or their counselling may suggest a challenge that you did not anticipate, thereby raising the stakes, anxiety, and excitement of creating the reality you envision. INFP's that also inherited genes of extra-stubborn ancestors will know what I mean...they did in!!

[@lilac624]

I am gay.I am INFP and Enneagram Type 9... Anyway you are handsome...😊

[@GeekPsychology]

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