When It Comes To Love...Is Pretty Privilege Really A Privilege?

An interesting video has been making the tiktok rounds...and it has brought an old topic of mine back to the forefront. In this video, I discuss a recent online conversation regarding love, pretty privilege, and who really has an easier time finding a mate; those with pretty privilege or those without.
Media/Creators Mentioned:
/ ari_mjx
/ imjustmarko
/ wordswithkavery

[@Nyammings]

Before watching the video I'm going to say I think pretty privilege is like winning a lot of money in the lottery. It's absolutely a privilege to have all that money but then you have all these people hounding you like they're entitled to your money.

[@Covers-and-Commentary]

good analogy

[@hellothere8347]

Yes true men feel like they just suppose to have you! And I hate that! I try to look terrible on purpose sometimes so that I don’t get approached and it don’t work

[@marisaking5982]

Very true men feel so entitled to you and then act crazy when you don’t want them

[@Misaamanenoir]

It's like winning the lottery with different levels of currency at the same number but not rétrospective to the currency. It's similar to the preferences. Yeah they everywhere and will gas a woman up but what is it worth? Most of the time I'm like.... 😑✌🏽️.. If you pretty or a preference you better use to to make some money lol

[@MyBluebonnet]

I agree! But it can certainly make life “easier”!!!

[@amariafields3270]

As much as we can say pretty privilege has cons, I can bet nobody with that privilege would ever want to be average looking on their worst day. That to me speaks volumes.

[@Goddess_Infinity]

More money more problems they say but you would still rather have more money than not .

[@BubblyViolin11]

Yup….. I think the point that often gets missed in regards to relationships is that women with pretty privilege have options. Like, you may have to wade through the options, but at least you have some. When you’re average or even ugly, you won’t even be approached.

[@carrington2949]

@@BubblyViolin11 Options is the key factor in all of this. The same can be said for being born into wealth. While there are down sides i.e. being exploited, you still have options.

[@gucciasalways]

I think a lot of the “cons” people with pretty privilege experience are just cons all women experience when dating tbh. Like the whole men staying with you even if they don’t like you. Men will do that even with an ugly woman-say because she cooks for him or cleans or just because she loves him and he’s biding his time until he can “level up”-and even worse he’ll hide her on top of that. A lot of these “pretty privilege problems” are just problems that come with living underneath the patriarchy, but I feel like pretty people don’t understand that because they’ve never experienced the other side of the coin or listened to the experiences of women who have.

[@JulianSteve]

Yep. You’re correct👏🏾‼️

[@ErinLastNameRedacted]

“It’s hard not to settle when nobody’s interested.” Finally someone put it in words.

[@DearShamica]

This!!!’

[@awsambdaman]

Right but is that settling though? Like we all have levels..5s end up with 5s for the most part. If it means you compromise on morals like trust and honesty and compassion, don’t settle for sure. But if we’re talking about physical attractiveness..why would you expect a 10 when you’re a 5

[@asdasd-dm1hd]

​@awsambdaman this unfortunately isn't true because women now seemingly only want men more attractive than them

[@godsangel67able]

Damn!! BARS!!!

[@_KrystalAlexis]

@@awsambdamanyour 10 and be someone’s 5. Beauty is subjective.

[@goatmonty]

Pretty privilege is a privilege, it makes your life easier generally. HOWEVER!- At the end of the day, it's the same misogyny that harms women regardless of their appearance. Our enemies are not women who are more/less attractive than us, but the misogynistic society which places undue importance on women's appearance.

[@kidawesomeness123]

Very well said!

[@Goddess_Infinity]

@@kidawesomeness123 I think so ! But I’m a male space , like better jobs , women throwing themself at them. But many women may think you are probably a douche bag / player .

[@vwatchem]

Preach!!! The good news is: this misogynistic society often drives women to the brink of insanity, to where they end up alone with cats. And then psychological reports show that those very women are actually the most happy people alive 🤣 Joke’s on them! (I’m currently in a healthy but long-distance relationship with the love of my life, but if he fucks this up 🚶🏽‍♀️)

[@sportsactuary8574]

Although it's not 100% there is a correlation between beauty and health. The purpose of beauty in nature is to motivate the healthiest people of each sex to select each other and mate first.

[@moustik31]

Yes, pretty women have to learn the difference btw sexual attraction and romantic interest. As she says, she has a lot of options for the 1st but not that much for the 2nd. That being said, all women dating have to do that, even if we dont have as many options.

[@princessm8977]

Ask a man why he loves you, 8 times out of 10, he'll list what you do FOR him. Not so much who you are. So whether it's because he likes how you make him look because you're pretty or because you break your back sacrificing for him, men center themselves. I think it's time that women center ourselves too.

[@mimiandy1683]

I had a conversation with my cousin last year about this very same thing. He had wrote a "romantic letter" for his girlfriend-turned-wife. He asked me to proofread the letter. In his letter, her "best qualities" were the things she has done for them. And I knew his girlfriend and the type of woman she was/still is, so I had to break it down for him.

[@purplelove3666]

Why would you not center yourself?. Selflessness does not get you anywhere in the eyes of human beings.

[@Jenna1394]

you are so right.

[@100Stratusfiedx]

@@mimiandy1683 it’s so funny because when you break it down all the things she probably does for him can be outsourced. There’s never any mention about a woman’s character or personality.

[@elizabethclarke4981]

Nobody loves people for just who they are tbh we also love what they do for us relationships are conditional

[@Adele1024]

The biggest downfall to pretty privilege is that once your beauty starts changing into a more mature look, and the younger women start getting more attention, most former beauty queens get resentful. The more you were praised for your beauty, the more noticeable it is when you start to lose the attention.

[@nelixsulu6201]

That reminds me of how Bridget Fonda got slammed recently for the way she looks now. Apparently she was the "it girl" back in the 80's/90's. She played in Jackie Brown with Pam Grier

[@grazielaalmeida8438]

Yes, pretty women have more options of dusties, I'm not say that they can't find a man that truly loves her, but most of them get cheated when they start to age or their bodies change after pregnancy.

[@oncode7735]

Yeah well this doesn’t happen for most bw who take care of ourselves until damn near 70. I notice that a lot of younger women are resentful of a older woman who still has it going on. Ask me how I know 😆

[@ifunewme]

@@oncode7735 girl you all up and down this post saying how older women still keep their beauty . Being an older beautiful woman is NOT the same as being a younger beautiful woman. The stock will decreased on the older “beautiful “ woman . It is what it is.

[@Adele1024]

@@nelixsulu6201 They did the same for Lela Rochon, and many other women who were formerly praised for the way they looked when they were younger. It can be a very anxious thought for some women, to go from being the “it girl” to being pushed aside.

[@TheSecretninja2001]

Pretty Privilege is still a privilege, it doesn't mean there won't be negative aspects, it's just that there's more pros to Pretty Privilege than cons. A woman who isn't conventionally pretty will want to be pretty, but a pretty woman will want be just as pretty as she already is or prettier, but not seen as ugly, plain, undesirable, or outside of the beauty standard. That is a privilege. As women we'll always have negative experiences with men based on our looks, however, meeting the beauty standard is a buffer/filter for that.

[@thedivinegoddess2001]

This.

[@All_forthelove]

Yes! Spoken so beautifully.

[@AliciaAmbrosia]

I agree but I think there is still more to it. Like Steph says, being called ugly HURTS & is brutal but so does no one wanting to be your friend/use you because they think that person is attractive. The way humans treat other humans can be disgusting.

[@alli5078]

Agreed

[@shantiwilson6143]

@@AliciaAmbrosia Yes but which 'poisons would you rather choose? Pretty privilege comes with far more benefits than being considered unattractive and invisible.

[@nowwhat1434]

Men will 100% date based on wanting to impress. They are so looks and image focused. They will forego their own attraction just to fit in. Look at how athletes and rappers all date the same 10 girls.

[@sixteen.candles.4644]

This

[@TyWerks]

damn this is a good point.. I don't think athletes are a good measure though

[@Jenna1394]

Whew, heavy on the dating the same 10 girls, but also a lot of that has to do with the fact that men's scope for romantic partners is so narrow. They literally date the women in their immediate circle.

[@grazielaalmeida8438]

You all people are so negative in these comments, all married women that I know are average, and their husbands love them.

[@nowwhat1434]

@@grazielaalmeida8438 I’m sure your friends husbands are glad they have you to advocate for them.

[@newjersey5801]

Supermodel and actress Paulina Porizkova (who describes herself as a nerd in a model's body) experienced the same negative aspects of pretty privilege that this woman in your video mentioned. In a 2021 interview, Paulina described how her former husband, singer Ric Ocasek (frontman for the rock band "The Cars"), changed and became cold towards her as she began to age. She mentioned feeling as though he married her for her youth & beauty, but did not truly like her. She said he found her personality "boring" and admitted she felt "worthless" in their marriage. Today, she's in a better place mentally and promotes self acceptance without plastic surgery (esp for older women). At the end of the day, beauty truly can be both a blessing and a curse. Those who have it can feel just as lonely standing in a room full of admirers, as the ones without it, sitting at home alone.

[@mercyrn35]

Very well stated. I also read Paulina’s story and it definitely shed light on the cons of being conventionally attractive. Princess Diana, and Lela Rochon also are excellent examples of this.

[@13579hee]

I agree with where you're coming from but I think, as Mae West one's jokingly said "it's better to be looked over than to be overlooked".....even the lonely pretty person is still "looked over" I know about Paulina saying that. I've never really been a fan of her personality, but I have always admired her openness about the modeling industry and society's obsession with beauty overall. She's always made it clear that she and other models didn't really work hard to look the way that they look. That underneath all of the hair treatments, Skin Care routines and workout regimens they were simply inheritors of genes that will come together to create faces and bodies that fit the socially constructed concept of beauty. It doesn't really make sense to reward them for it and people's love towards them is totally superficial. They're like paintings, people really just want to look at them. Sometimes that situation can have a fairytale ending, other times it's a cautionary Tale.

[@vimanaarchitects2151]

@@13579hee 1000% agree with you. Even tho you'll lose it when age you still can use the pretty privilege to build a career and connections. I am telling that from the first hand. I was really chubby girl with sharpei type of eyes(too much skin) and very thin lips.People treated me like shit at work. Once I've lost weight like I became extremely thin,with tiniest waist,had blepharoplasty and injected my lips to be bigger.BOOOOOOM!!! Even women now want to order more projects.(I am an architect and interior designer and make projects for people) It helped me to earn a lot more,also my price for projects is twice more than before. The same men who treated me like trash are now offering me stuff,open doors and etc. I hate them deep down inside and hate their hypocrite Nature. Only my family and my closest 3 friends treat me the same. Others especially men are so shallow I don't want to marry or to be in relationship at all now. Disgusted to my roots.

[@13579hee]

@@vimanaarchitects2151 I 1000% believe you. Im a 30 year old guy, fat & dark skinned.....I KNOW people treat me the way they do because of what I look like. If I could snap my fingers and make myself taller, fit with muscles & lighter skin I KNOW doors would magically open up for me. The thing that pisses me off the most is when people invalidate my experience by telling me that looks don't matter and the reason I struggle with getting attention is because I "lack confidence". All research shows that the confidence argument is a whole bunch of BS and that looks matter the a LOT. In a very ironic twist, research also shows that external validation is one of the main driving factors for instilling confidence in people. This is why it drives me mad when people tell me I Simply need to "believe in myself" in order to become confident. That's not what conventional wisdom of the day says. If anything, I need more people stroking my ego and giving me compliments because of what I look like in order for me to perceive myself differently. This is why so many people who fit the socially constructive concept of beauty don't have the same hang-ups as individuals who don't. I always tell people I think it's odd how much women aspire to have Rihanna's confidence when so much of Rihanna's confidence comes from the fact that she has lived an experience of being validated throughout most of her life, largely due to what she looks like. Unless someone can move closer to fitting the socially constructed concept of beauty, they're never going to have the confidence level Rihanna has. And confidence doesn't actually mean having high esteem for oneself. If you look up the etymology of the word "confidence" you'll see that it comes from the Latin word "confidere", which itself is a combination of 2 halves, the prefix "com" (meaning "with") & "fidere" (meaning "to trust")..... in my opinion, this ancient definition coming from the days of antiquity still ring true. True confidence demands trust"! I always tell people that the real definition of confidence is "to be able to trust and or rely on something". As it relates to ones self personally, I think real confidence is one's own ability to TRUST IN or RELY ON something about themselves. People who fit the socially constructed concept of beauty or have the confidence in knowing that the way they look matters to the people around them and will put them on the receiving end of a great deal of positive treatment.

[@dspenderella9671]

Very well thought out and insightful comment! 👏🏽

[@momoshiggles3631]

I was working at a job once with this man who looked and sounded exactly like the All State guy. He had a beautiful black wife and cute little son. But then he also invited me to his hotel room during a business trip. I was floored because his family looked perfect. His wife was a complete 10. And he still wasn’t satisfied.

[@manuuyt5919]

Maybe he was also intimidated by the beauty of his wife because he knows her beauty is valuable. And so cheated to devalue it.

[@MOSIMA.]

@@manuuyt5919 facts.

[@themagicalfox6]

Yep, beautiful woman get cheated on too

[@LarennPBel]

@@MOSIMA. FACTS FACTSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

[@lelelew2735]

Maybe she was a pillow princess and not freaky. Also he wanted to devalue thats a good point

[@katie8325]

I think the deep issue here is misogyny and our patriarchal society. Women go through it whether they’re conventionally attractive or not, just in different ways.

[@crazy4beatles]

Yeah - I was thinking a similar thing. If you're worth is in your looks (as this society likes to think) than you're treatment based on that parameter alone is going to leave you feeling misunderstood and unloved.

[@dspenderella9671]

VERY good points on this thread! 👏🏿

[@lamarlo4437]

But patriarchy and misogyny has propelled certain women to success and kept out others. Skinny women who are molds are propelled to higher success than plus size models. Even if the plus size women is just as attractive as the skinny model, the plus size model will always be a bottom caste

[@MrKoolaidkid10]

I’ve come to the conclusion that any topic that relates to men that is inconvenient to women will be hit with the catch-all term of misogyny/patriarchy. This isn’t just a woman’s issue and regardless of where you are in the world it applies.

[@1000mizz]

It's well past society, its corruption through sin. Men have had many wives/concubines since the early days of life. Not knowing how to truly appreciate a woman's worth from the get-go. There has always been a beauty standard, the bible shows it: "Leah was tender-eyed, but Rachel was beautiful and well favored". That alone covers the whole pretty privilege convo. PPL late with these convos, just open up the bible and see the reality of ppl in this world. Lucifer's story; his vanity became his everything. This is why celebrities want to keep their looks and why pretty ppl or ppl with privilege will most likely never want to downgrade from their status and will do anything to keep it or make it better.

[@iversongirl]

I think the thing missing from the discussion is the assumption that women who are deemed unattractive don’t have to deal with men using them. It may not be for their looks but it can definitely be for their resources or simply a body to have sex with. These things still happen to those people as well, just with a smaller pool of men. And then the other half of the time they’re getting overlooked. It’s not like once these unattractive people find someone, they just know this person really wants to be with them for them. If you’re attractive bad men will try to exploit that, if you’re not very attractive but have other things bad men will exploit that. But overall looking better in society has more pros than cons. Not many people are willing to go under the knife to make themselves uglier. But so many take dangerous risks for beauty because they know there is greater value in it.

[@JESSKISS19]

Agreed I was used for resources and sex and most times overlooked

[@sweetpeaj1952]

Right

[@fantasiazplatkami]

​@@JESSKISS19 being used only for sex when you have feelings hurts terribly

[@fae3821]

I feel like this comment should be pinned 🤌🏼

[@bunnyboo6295]

@@JESSKISS19 Don't give those things freely until a person has earned test people make sure they want to be with you

[@dspenderella9671]

Also, I've never liked the, " How it is that YOU are single? " with so much shock... They'll think b/c you're fine as wine you MUST be crazy/ psychotic then. They'll fish for a flaw or problem to justify you being single asking do you have children & crazy baby daddies...If you're intelligent w/ a nice personality, fun, self-sufficient, etc, then they'll search for trauma, daddy issues, - anything to give them leverage to have a chance, or to justify why you aren't off the market like it's impossible for you to choose to be single when you're beautiful & heterosexual...It usually boils down to them thinking it must be your fault - there must be something wrong with you, otherwise there's no way you could be single (as if beauty alone can sustain a healthy successful marriage/ union...).

[@queenmisanthrope]

So true sadly

[@wisdomdantecourt8179]

Yeah, that gives not lowering your standards a bad rap! 🤬🤬🤬

[@itsjenscott6320]

This right here!

[@tashajourneys]

🗣one more time for the people in the back!!! When I get the why are you single question…I just end convo because of what you just listed above because the conversation is about to turn negative!

[@shantiwilson6143]

There are pros and cons to virtually everything in life but I could never sympathise with people with 'pretty privilege' who complain about the 'woes of being' "fine as wine" like you said, it often sounds like humble bragging and the pros of being considered attractive far outweighs the cons. Those same people wouldn't want to be on the other side of the spectrum, where they are bullied, ignored, persistently rejected and made to feel invisible/worthless because they don't fit a certain beauty standard. Unless you have experienced the 'cons' (i.e. harrasment, isolation, bullying, abuse etc) of being attractive significantly more than the benefits, then those try to downplay their pretty privilege can not be taken seriously.

[@longlivebeans]

Here’s the thing & I think a lot of people can relate to this but if you’ve experienced both sides of it, you know which one has it better. I’ve been thin/young & people treated me like a queen but I’ve also been fat/old & now people treat me like a second class citizen. Someone being jealous of your beauty doesn’t even come close to the pain of someone being disgusted by your existence.

[@SapphicSis]

facts

[@ccebs8009]

I agree. I experienced the latter, most of my life. had 1-2 years of looking better and experiencing actual kindness, now im back to being mistreated. Sometimes I would rather be invisible.

[@orubek355]

😲

[@rosedalinevaletine6931]

I’m going to be honest, beautiful people, for the most part, tend to stay beautiful in old age. Some people think and truly believe old people are ugly, but that’s not true. Some people are ugly, regardless of size and age.

[@purplelove3666]

@@rosedalinevaletine6931 that's true. I use to take care of this old lady and she was so beautiful at her young age and she is still beautiful with white hair at her old age

[@Lexlatelyofficial]

Wow, that girl was spot on. I can relate. Men will compromise values in order to be with a pretty girl. I am always the one to end things with a man and it’s exhausting!! I once dated a man for 4 years.. towards the end of our relationship I asked why he wanted to be with me so badly. All he could come up with was “ I want my kids to have a hot mom”. Really? After 4 years of investing in this man… that’s all he could come up with? I know there are bigger problems in the world but it really sucks

[@orubek355]

That's sad.

[@sixteen.candles.4644]

@@orubek355 he was trying to get you pregnant?

[@nelixsulu6201]

And then they get bitter when that "pretty woman" becomes their bitter baby mama.

[@grazielaalmeida8438]

@@nelixsulu6201 They get bitter when this woman feel ofended and go, so they start an "alpha male" podcast saying that women are bad.

[@butterflymage5623]

@@grazielaalmeida8438 I mean I understand the frustration of the comment, but that’s not why alpha male podcasts get made.

[@captainwartburger2571]

I simply CANNOT believe you are 38, it gives me sooooo much to look forward to. You are so youthful!! I thought we were the same age and I’m 22!

[@gardeniagorgeous4232]

Lol, a lot of BIPOC age this way and don’t start showing much aging until 50. We don’t just shrivel up at 30. You MOS DEF have lots to look forward to, you’re just a baby.❤

[@ladymariej4156]

I've always felt that men feel entitled to have access to women (pretty or not) Simply because men feel like women are on this earth to serve them in some form(I was told this directly). It's the entitlement for me. It's both ridiculous and exhausting 😤

[@Misaamanenoir]

Most religions say so 😅 and yeah men do seem to think we exist for them

[@TyWerks]

As a man some men do talk like this

[@Misaamanenoir]

@@TyWerks many men talk like this. Maybe even close to most

[@c45177]

@@Misaamanenoir according to religion men exist to provide and protect women and women assist/help men but not serve

[@joyandpeacefullaughter5307]

Andrew Tate and Co.

[@kyliCatherine1]

As someone who has benefitted from “pretty privilege,” I can acknowledge that it is a privilege but it does come with disadvantages. I totally get what she is saying. You tend to attract a lot of superficial men who are interested in you SOLELY based on your looks and could care less about anything beyond the surface. I’ve been used by men to flaunt around and impress their friends and coworkers. It does make you wonder sometimes if people actually like YOU, or just the way you look. When you start to age or gain some weight, are they going to leave? It used to make me very insecure, to the point where I felt I had to look my absolute best at all times or else I wasn’t valuable. Still, I can recognize that it is still a privilege and comes with perks.

[@purplelove3666]

Do you think Handsome men have it easier than beautiful women in these pretty privilege thing?

[@jaebyrd4608]

Same. As a black woman who some people consider “ambiguous” looking I get a lot of superficial people in general and it’s super hard to create genuine relationships with women who want throw you away for a man. I agree it is a “privilege” but due to patriarchy any privilege based on beauty will always be a boomerang to bite women in the ass.

[@MIMIX015]

@@jaebyrd4608 ‼️‼️‼️

[@shegoego2396]

@@purplelove3666 it depends if he is handsome in a way that is seen as feminine they will have some mockery from other men i think if you are more macho you will have a good time though men still understand that a feminine looking man is still a man if they are straight

[@kyliCatherine1]

@@purplelove3666 That’s a good question. I think they probably do have it easier when it comes to love bc women aren’t generally as superficial as men are in regards to looks. So women most likely won’t be just using them for their looks

[@VixxKong2]

The struggle is pretty similar. Only being picked because of your appearance vs never being picked because of your appearance. In the end you're still lonely and unloved.

[@MsLolaTaylor]

💯💯💯

[@Definitelynotabot4]

TRUEEEEE

[@Vedanta1999]

It really depends on your individual situation but overall I’m beginning to realise how lucky I am to have pretty privilege and I’d rather have it than not have it to be completely honest. I like playing life on easy mode. Had all my life but I know one day I won’t that will be hard

[@VixxKong2]

@@Vedanta1999 You should always play your cards right and maximize your privileges 💯

[@juannaym8488]

I had a really massive glow up last couple of years. I was called ugly and my mother was ashamed to be seen with me, something changed about my look and now I am considered a handsome man, like I legitimately get compliments several times a week, compared to the 20 years of nothing before It's honestly both dogshit. The struggle really is the same. I felt unwanted and lonely because no one looked at me, now I feel misunderstood and lonely for people only caring about my outside I don't know man, I have no idea if there's a way to win really

[@jettj6088]

The blonde lady is right. This was my experience. Some men wanted to use me for all my good aspects but didn't expect to deal with any of my flaws. Men are sometimes disappointed when attractive women have flaws. I'm also tall and some men seemed to want to use me to have taller kids (if they were short).

[@kyliCatherine1]

I agree with them not expecting flaws. That’s why I always hated when men put me on a pedestal bc I know it’s eventually going to come crashing down once my flaws are revealed. I got to the point where I would just rather them admire from afar than get to know me.

[@jettj6088]

@@kyliCatherine1 Well said. Most quality men know it's more than just looks. It takes a woman a decent amount of time to learn that discernment. Unfortunately a lot of them get tore up before they know what they are in for.

[@Bikinbottommunch]

So true also nobody talks about how these men never tell you what they don’t like about you or what you can fix until it’s time to break up because they’re afraid to lose you because the way you look lol

[@PrincessWhatsername]

As a pretty girl with ADHD (which went undiagnosed most of my life because I'm also smart and did well enough in school), I have SO many flaws...SO MANY, and it's always once those flaws become something they have to help with or make any kind of sacrifice for (particularly depressive spells), they then start treating me differently, shaming and criticizing, talking to other women, etc. After a while you start to feel like you're nothing more than a fix for men seeking "crazy", beautiful women because they perceive girls like me as exciting and hypersexual...their manic pixie dream, instead of just neurodivergent with some beauty as a treat. Literally men have just gotten bad for my mental health lol I do better alone.

[@kamilareeder1493]

Men put the men in dissapointment lol

[@erinsymone1645]

That part at 26:04 "if a man is interested in me, I'm immediately like, well, what's wrong with them?" - this has been EXACTLY MY EXPERIENCE. It really is sad when you think about it, but when you know you are not the ideal, you HAVE to question why this person is seeking you. It's almost like, something in them must be broken for them to be going to me and not to someone else.

[@JaneMoon_6]

Yep. I had a friend try to set me up with a man who was actually quite average looking to maybe a bit above. I assumed he wouldn't be interested in me (since this is generally the case unless the man himself is below average). My friend passed my picture to him without my knowledge. To my surprise, he was interested, but I immediately became suspicious that something must be off. The next day I found out he had recently separated from his wife and wanted to find someone asap.

[@chmepi]

In the words of Halle Berry about being “pretty”…”This hasn't spared me one heartbreak or heartache or fearful or tearful moment, trust me."

[@dspenderella9671]

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@temposhop8739]

I think pretty women do incite more attention from highly predatory types. the will to destroy what they dont have. unlike wealth, you can't hide it.

[@razmiddle9410]

I think the only people who can legitimately say that are those who were conventionally ugly and became conventionally beautiful later. Otherwise, how can you possibly compare?

[@dspenderella9671]

There is NO comparison even being made in that statement. She simply stated her experience that her beauty never spared her any heartache or tears. I too can say I've experienced much grief in life, & being pretty didn't prevent that. That has NOTHING to do with the experience of aesthetically unattractive people or any pain they may feel. One's experience does not take away from another's experience & two things can be true at once. It's a shame that when Halle Berry was asked about HER experience, just like if when any pretty lady mentions her life has been less than perfect, then you have people interjecting about what other people's experiences are trying to make a comparison to invalidate them... That's like if I say my head hurts, then someone else jumps up talking about what hurts on them and how could I know unless I'm them...Like wtf does someone else have to do w/ me expressing what I'm going through... Why is there even a comparison being made... When people invalidate other people like that, then that takes away any compassion they may have had & leads to them invalidating those who invalidated them. It shouldn't be an oppression Olympics pissing contest...Sheesh😂

[@temposhop8739]

@@razmiddle9410 as unnecessary as this comment is, I was a very gawky kid who blossomed in my late teens, and so by your requirements, I may qualify an opinion.

[@Blissedx]

Lately i realized that being closer to average is protection within itself, especially bodytype-wise. I'm a black woman with average curves, bigger bust than bottom and growing up I would've probably been in alot more danger in those Brooklyn streets if I were more curvy even as young as 12 years old. Funny how everyone wants a curvy body today but sometimes being a bit more narrow can protect you from being objectified daily. I'm thankful for my body.

[@Black.hole.]

Yes!! As someone who naturally has the “bbl shape” it’s A LOT. Being constantly sexualized and objectified is something that gets real old, real quick.

[@animeghost888]

@@Black.hole. That is very true. Let’s not even get into the adultification when you are growing into your teenage body. I was skinny, but still was growing into my moms obvious curvy-like body, and it was scary that i was basically robbed of my childhood because of the changes.

[@tambariw]

I think people just don't understand the meaning of privilege and people therefore don't want to admit to their privileges. And the thing about privilege is that it doesn't equate to perfect living situation. It just sets one up for more advantages than others. It doesn't mean there's no cons. Imagine saying that being rich isn't a privilege. Yes mo money mo problems... But I'd rather have rich people problems than poverty. Same thing with beauty.

[@susanayakairasizeperez7763]

Agree

[@jenniferray509]

Exactly I would rather be rich too because as much as some people with money say they have a hard time they don't have to wonder how to get food. Same with being pretty honestly.

[@Tiredttttttt]

Being able bodied is also a privilege but disabled people don’t spend time online whining that the able bodied dont “acknowledge” their privileges , attractive and rich people don’t owe us anything

[@mimia.4810]

@@Tiredttttttt It's just good to have honest conversations about how society functions. It's not that we're asking attractive rich people to give us things, it's about us checking ourselves and what roles we play in society to perpetuate pretty privilege or capitalism. I personally like pretty privilege conversations because it helps me learn to not judge others by their physical appearance so harshly.

[@bambieb2177]

Yes! Words have definitions. I don’t even feel this conversation needs so much time. It’s simple. Privilege doesn’t mean perfect life. But it sets you up for success in said area.

[@kaydenevideo]

Pretty privilege is definitely a privilege. But it can be temporary. Sometimes people age, gain weight, or are stricken with illness or injury. And what happens then? Like you said in this video, it’s probably more important to be beautiful spiritually. To be kind, and good to people. To have good character, patience, and a sense of humor. Beauty is more than skin deep and it’s unfortunate that our society focuses so much on appearances.

[@derpwadder]

I wish everyone thought this way 🤞🏻

[@zamar2158]

Society is not a random thing off on its own. It's made up of you and me. We all give importance to beauty. It's a human condition. It's natural. We always known that mere beauty alone is hollow.

[@nelixsulu6201]

But it makes you wonder how far in life will those things get you? I feel like people with those qualities always get the short end of the stick

[@Myaccount923]

@@zamar2158 exactly. People are hypocrites. I’m considered typically attractive but I was a late bloomer, and always valued personality and inner beauty in general as a child. But growing up in this degenerate society, it made me become a lot more superficial and focus on my looks to be point of some calling me arrogant now, because I saw that’s all majority of people care about and focus on🤷🏽‍♀️

[@angieangiel2666]

Yep appearance is the first thing people look at. And will judge you for it without knowing the whole story.

[@TheLily97232]

I remember one of the gorgeous girl at middle school said one day "I wish I was fat and ugly like Chloe so I would know guys truly love me". 1. That's hurtful 2. They forget men would date / marry even uglier women just for having someone for their labor at home and get children. Men are still misogynistic. Ugly or not. Assuming that they're better with uglier women is a wild assumption

[@Poodle_Gun]

But she's right. And to be honest, why is that more hurtful than saying somebody has pretty privilege? It's douchy. It's the same thing as skinny shaming.

[@brittneysmith3065]

@@Poodle_Gunno, she isn’t.

[@mikikiki]

​@Poodle_Gun how is stating someone hasn't earned what they have because of how they look douchey?

[@Poodle_Gun]

Wow, a lot of people excusing themselves in the comments. Same old same old. Color me not surprised. Lord forbid you don't want to be pushed around and have your experience invalidated. 🙄Shallow.

[@Poodle_Gun]

This is an example of why attractive women need to have boundaries. People have an entitlement to push you around. The think of you as the whipping girl. Give it back, so they learn.

[@princessm8977]

Pretty privilege is absolutely a privilege. Though ultimately, the greatest privilege in love is luck. You may be wonderful but haven't been lucky enough to meet the right person.

[@kmms4720]

Agreed. Some of us are just meant to desire the love we want but never get it

[@kelb6073]

I don't think most people can have it all. Something goes sideways eventually. Find happiness where you can.

[@Sunflowersweetflo]

Whew...the fat girl that was always the secret girlfriend...yeah that was me. That's why at the age of 34 I'm easily triggered by anyone that wants to keep things secretive. 🚩

[@tinafae8644]

*hugs*

[@sixteen.candles.4644]

Yeah my exs keeped me a secret.

[@nelixsulu6201]

The guy I was in a situationship kept me secret for 8+ years. But it was a "situationship" though

[@beewest5704]

Had a friend like you. The dude really liked her but hid her because of what other ppl would think or say. He was very attractive. I called him a p*ssy. She never spoke to me again.

[@DreamAboutMe823]

I was there. Ouuu I hate to say this out loud but I lost a lot of weight (over 100 lbs) and now, I get flaunted all around town. When before, men didn’t even wanna be seen at McDonalds with me.

[@IgnoranceAverse]

People. please teach your children to not fall into thinking that Eurocentric features are beautiful. It needs to be taught at a young age. I was a pretty precocious child, and I questioned why people saw certain people attractive. Now, I SERIOUSLY do not see beauty as other people do. We need to learn how to question and dissect our beliefs.

[@JulianSteve]

This is so true. I am learning more and more on embracing my Blackness. Whether online or in person. Eurocentric ideology fucked us all over, especially Black people (in my opinion)🤷🏾‍♂️

[@EmbraceTheChallenge]

You can’t teach this stuff. It’s instilled immediately

[@puppyprincess2822]

@@EmbraceTheChallenge This. If you live in a euro/western society, then by default, a child is taught those idealogies, especially from peer, social media, friends, school, eyc

[@Myaccount923]

@@puppyprincess2822 maybe but you can still take responsibility for your children. They look to you first before anything you mentioned

[@IgnoranceAverse]

@@EmbraceTheChallenge Don’t underestimate the minds of children. It can DEFINITELY be taught. I’m not that much of an anomaly.

[@dollyleblanc9322]

You genuinely look so pretty with the head wrap… it makes you look so youthful

[@klmammkm]

Yesss

[@audrey.m.w.v]

As a 22 year old woman who has lived in different countries in Africa, Europe and the USA, I can honestly tell you that most of the married women I have encountered have been women that most would describe as “average”. Yes, that includes thicker, dark-skinned, women (many of whom I personally find beautiful but whom our society under-appreciates). In fact, I have known a number of women who actually look just like you, Steph, and who happen to be happily married, living in the suburbs with nice houses and nice cars (many of whom were either my mum’s friends or mothers I would see pick up their children from private school). I witnessed this a lot especially in South Africa as well as Kenya whilst living in those countries. If you lived in Africa there is a high probability that you would be married by now, in my opinion. It’s a myth that being extremely beautiful guarantees a woman a nice dating life or life in general. Many average women are married to so called “high value” men and some even to billionaires who chose their wives not solely based on outer beauty, but personality, intellect and inner beauty. When we as women realise that beauty doesn’t guarantee a golden existence, we will learn to focus more on our other talents and inner beauty. God bless.

[@vimanaarchitects2151]

she isn't claiming the opposite.Are you dumb? She says it's EASIER for pretty people in general to build relationship,connections,career and many more. EASIER,but it doesn't mean others can not.

[@cosmickitty9533]

It is true that many of the richest men in the world have average looking wives and have reached their success by making smart choices not just going blindly with the herd in business and in dating and have chosen good women who are not just gold diggers.

[@msk7458]

Thank you. I have also observed that. I think the average women know what they are working with and put their best foot foward to secure the best potential. They seem to have an uncanny sense of sniffing out potentially good/successful husbands/men. They build with them and in the long run reap the reward of their wisdom.

[@kayanclarke5216]

True. Most world leaders have average wives.

[@audrey.m.w.v]

@Africa1234 I definitely agree that just being a wife doesn't make you lucky. Being married to a good man, not just any man, is always the goal. In terms of preferences not being mistreated, that's not really the case. Many preferences and societally beautiful woman are mistreated and abused in marriages and relationships as well. I mean, just look at how many preferences are being made baby mommas and are being cheated on by men in Hollywood. I've witnessed this in my own personal life as well. Again, just because a woman is beautiful doesn't mean she's immune to being mistreated, abused or cheated on. It happens all the time, the grass isn't greener on the other side. Another good example of this is Marylyn Monroe and her troubled love life. I think that if a man is the kind of man to cheat on you and abuse you, he will do it regardless of your looks, which is why it's so important to marry a good man!

[@msasake]

This conversation reminds me of white privilege. Like yeah you’re still going to have issues even if you’re white but your whiteness takes you places others don’t want access to

[@Dick-Jagger]

that not true! you base if on a white country. Ofcourse you would see "white privilige" when you are in a white country. If you white person/asian guy walks in Afrika he would get affected by "black privilige". It's not about the privilige but who's the majority. Black are only 13% of america. people tend to forgot that. And there are also environmental differences, culture differences, classe differences,...it's not black or white thing.

[@fixthatface483]

@@Dick-Jaggerwell duh, we’re in America so YES white privilege is a thing🙄

[@jane-ud4ub]

I don't even think men know how to properly love. 🤷🏿‍♀️They may (love) the way you look. They may (love) what you can do for them. As far as just loving you for...you. Idk. Basically what the lady in the TikTok just said. 😂

[@Nekole1]

This 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

[@elizabethclarke4981]

Shit that goes for anybody male or female, gay or straight 😂

[@Lisette121]

Right. I heard a podcast recently that really resonated with me. About some men being emotionally attracted to men but sxually attracted to women. I feel like I've dated guys like that. They don't like to communicate much or spend time together without sx. However give plenty of time and communication with their guy friends. I feel like the guy who loves a woman loves her as a friend first not just a lover.

[@LadySilence]

BOOM! They generally dont have proper empathy or relate to self sacrifice love in a way a woman does.

[@Nekole1]

@@elizabethclarke4981 Exactly, which is why I never look for anyone to help me. I get sh*t done on my own. Depending on men was a headache, because they will always control the shots because they are bringing home the money.

[@RamenzillaX]

Pretty privilege is still a privilege overall, but it doesn’t necessarily protect you from misogyny, racism, homophobia, etc. I’d also add that having certain privileges doesn’t necessarily mean you’re happy, grateful, respected, or mentally well either. Most pretty people wouldn’t choose to no longer be attractive. I’m certainly never going to walk down the street and be scouted to be a model, but I have some traits that are valued as “attractive” in society and it’s pretty easy to find men who want to have sex with me, but finding a man who wants to date me seriously? A whole entire dumpster fire mess.

[@lanzinator4734]

I feel for that woman too. But also...I "casually" dated a guy recently who would describe other women in his life as hot, and intelligent,and talk about their deep emotional connection. And even though I have a masters degree in philosophy and did a lot of emotional labor with him, he never extended that same respect to me. He didn't really listen to my thoughts or feelings or take that time to deepen our connection. They've done studies on this. Men perceive women they consider attractive to also be kinder and more intelligent.

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

And therefore treat them better. You did too much for him. I realise that men don't respect you when you do too much for them ie emotional labour.

[@PumaM90]

Beautiful woman just got it. I'm sorry but they just do. Every time I see a gorgeous woman go by i just melt and get so jealous of the guy she's with 🤣.

[@lanzinator4734]

@@rejectionisprotection4448 Yeah, I mean.... I didn't want anything more from him than to hang out from time to time and have good sex. He's not someone I would consider for a relationship even if he were interested. But he's an oversharer and I'm a nice person so.... compared to other men I've dated who were overtly disrespectful it seemed like a tolerable trade off, for a while. :(

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

@@PumaM90 It's nothing to do with beautiful. I've seen average looking women get great treatment from HV men and good looking women get shitty treatment. It's about a woman having standards and being aligned with those standards.

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

@@lanzinator4734 So you did too much for him and didn't expect or want much in return, that's a double whammy. I think that men like and respect a woman who holds them to a higher standard and expects them to be and do better. Hell, I've got to keep remembering that too.

[@Sunmoonandstars123]

Hey Steph, I’m just a random internet stranger so you don’t have to believe me, but you are beautiful in my eyes. Whatever man doesn’t see your beauty isn’t for you. The right ones will find you stunning inside and out.

[@prassociates2000]

I COULD NOT AGREE MORE becuz beauty standards have been created according to European standards WHICH WE SHOULD NOT LOOK TO AS THE STANDARD but unfortunately we do...so many people especially women are choosing to do botox and get plastic surgery to meet the Eurocentric beauty standard when the NATURAL BEAUTY is YOU BEING YOU in every aspect of physical and inner beauty...pretty privilege exists because of our very superficial society. Steph I absolutely LOVE your channel and you are beautiful and so confident in who you are and what your purpose is and that BEATS OUT STOOPID SUPERFICIAL EUROCENTRIC PRETTY PRIVILEGE anyday!!! And by the way men don't even like pretty women (or women at all) anymore, men pretty much like pretty men🤷🏽‍♀️

[@angieangiel2666]

I'm sad that men are just judging her on the way she looks only. Steph has great character but they only choose to look at looks and that's no fair. I truly hope she finds the right man that will look past superficial things.

[@ArieELLE]

Right! She’s gorgeous!

[@ptlovelight2971]

Agreed! If the modern world finds her "unattractive ", that says more about our sad society than it does about pretty people

[@incognitonegress3453]

@@ArieELLE she looks like my sister. She is gorgeous. Fuxxx society.. reset standards. Good grief! 🤗😘🙏🏽

[@lynninfinite]

Pretty privilege opens a lot of doors but that doesn’t mean all open doors are good opportunities. Beautiful women get a lot of attention but what are the intentions? To marry? To flaunt? To hit and quit? Pretty privilege doesn’t instantly change someone’s life into a permanent positive lifestyle. There’s so many factors. It makes me think of Love Island Australia and this model couldn’t get any matches, he takes great photos, but his personality and energy didn’t attract any women in the villa. Lol

[@catwhisperer1253]

I pictured Gaston from Beauty and the Beast. Lol!

[@orubek355]

Not all open doors are good opportunities 👌

[@yihaw149]

Why are we still debating about this topic when it has been proven time and time again through studies that pretty people in general just have it better (higher income, more confident, better mating potential bla bla...)? Obviously there's always exception in every story but the general consensus is that pretty people do have it better in life in most measurable aspects. So that won't change anytime soon, the more we are aware that this privilege exists the more ways we can find to balance the scale. For example, having blind interview process where appearance won't factor into the decision making process. However for mating potential, looks will always play a role in the human species, so it's better to reconcile with that, do whatever you and I can to maximize our looks potential and reap the benefits. It's not shallow but rather based on very sound science.

[@reet7060]

To kidnap and traffick?

[@reet7060]

@@yihaw149 Because an ugly person is far less likely to be kidnapped, trafficked or sexually assaulted

[@JayEneff31]

The same thing happens to men with money when it comes to love but I guarantee you they wouldn’t choose poverty. All these pretty women know good and well they wouldn’t choose ugly. As someone whose been both, I know which is easier to walk through life as. Love is just hard for everyone so that’s not the bar.

[@grazielaalmeida8438]

Men with money tend to marry women with money, look at Jeff Bisus, Bill Gates and others, they don't go after instagram models, they know these pretty girls want to money and clout. So who stay with these pretty women? Shit men that like flex culture and listen to alpha male podcasts.

[@thetiredfemme3652]

There’s a difference between being Pretty, Sexy and Pretty & Sexy. So when a viewer referenced Dorothy Dandrige and Marilyn Monroe and the you contrast that with Lena Horne and Audrey Hepburn, keep in mind some view Dorothy & Marilyn as pretty & sexy so their exploitation would be different from Lena & Audrey who many would deem them as traditional pretty (girl next door) not so much as sexy. So there’s indeed a difference in the manner in which they’re treated. But that’s another rabbit hole to go down another day. 😩🤣

[@scooter9657]

This is so true

[@porchiajohnson1441]

I've lately become obsessed with trying to be pretty instead of sexy or a baddie. It's my way of coping with how black women are never seen as cute or innocent always hypersexualized. I'd rather be Audrey than Dorothy.

[@sparklyunicorn5431]

You know what's funny, I think I can relate to both sides... there have been times in my life that I have stood out as pretty, and it can be very weird, and I do agree with the video points. I also remember hanging out with a gorgeous model-looking woman and it was EXHAUSTING witnessing how many men threw themselves at her and were just straight up FOOLS. It was very eye-opening, and since that experience, I knew being that beautiful was not all it was cracked-up to be. I much rather be average pretty, not super-model pretty. There have been times where I have been more invisible because of my dress or lack of makeup or whatever, and in some ways that can be liberating... but can also be boring if you want attention. It is complicated being a woman lol

[@empyrea_2546]

This...I relate to this

[@So-what692]

Same! I mean you can also can be overlooked for being dark skin as I have many times. It’s not until they actually take the time to looking at me I get omg your pretty to be a dark skin woman. Are you wearing makeup? are you mixed with something? However it has been also protection being overlooked because of my dark skin and for that I am thankful for💯

[@sparklyunicorn5431]

@@So-what692 Dark skin is beautiful, people are idiots.

[@kefilwem8284]

I am also 38, dark skin, tall, average size, single, no children and successful. I've been called ugly so many times. I am tired of being ignored and or degraded on blind dates. I've resolved myself to being single and celibate for the rest of my life.

[@bevs9995]

im hispanic. I think that the reason why I have been disregarded and abused by m n, is because i was abandoned by my father and therefor the child [daughter] of a single mother. Therefor, Ive been marked for abuse, and considered low-status.

[@kameralkutie5594]

Do you only date black men?

[@dianamoncada6734]

I used to have pretty privilege and I honestly never noticed it until recently 3 years ago my face completely changed. I am now below average and I am treated like crap everyday. Men don’t hold doors open for me, guys who I am not even looking at seem bothered by me and don’t want to be close to me. Today I just went to get a salad and the woman automatically thought I couldn’t afford my salad when Um excuse me I work and make decent money because it seems she made an assumption based on my looks and it is proven that good looking people make more money.. Anytime I go to a place to order food and it’s mainly guys they ignore me and don’t bother to take my order until I say something. I notice this in my everyday experiences and it has taken a toll on my mental health. I’m sorry of course being pretty doesn’t automatically mean you’ll find someone who’s compatible with you but your life is definitely easier in terms of at least being treated like a human being. I am not even treated like a human being many times it’s that bad. I wish I could go back to my old looks. I am still a compassionate woman and I like helping others I am actually in school be a therapist but every time I go out and I get shitty treatment I lose my Hope on society because I am just trying to live and be. I am not even looking to pick up guys. I’ve had people laugh in my face, waiters never listen to me when I try to order and if I am with my friends I am invisible. I know I am worthy because of who I am inside but unfortunately many not all I would say there’s a few exceptions only see your outer worth.

[@Age_Of_Aquarius84]

I'm 5'10, slim with long feet, natural hair, glasses and dark skin. Looks wise I've always been compared to Kelly Rowland or Gabrielle Union, but that hasn't exactly translated to a stellar love life. Never had a problem attracting men, sadly the calibre of men I attract and/or have entertained in the past means I've spent most of my adult years in unfulfilling, abusive, toxic situationships that amounted to nothing. Now I'm a 38 year old single mother (my son's conception wasn't consensual) and I still don't know what it feels like to be loved or part of a healthy, stable relationship. And I've made my peace with it now. I have been single for over 5 years and celibate for 3 years because my focus is my little boy. I'm also acutely aware that dating in 2022 is still 🗑 and I want no part of it. It doesn’t matter if you're ranked a 10 or a 2, there's something seriously wrong with these men.

[@smallypuppy22]

It's almost demonic the way they ghost you and see you as just an object😢

[@kameralkutie5594]

Do you date only black men?

[@lolasimor2895]

You are on point.

[@JaneMoon_6]

Long feet? Is that a quality men look for? Lol I've honestly never heard of it, but if so I guess it's good news for me.

[@Age_Of_Aquarius84]

@lauracuell1526 typically no lol, but just making a point that my perceived imperfections (tall, long feet) haven't affected my ability to attract males.

[@k.alvarado6237]

As soon as I realized how people consumed my physical appearance, I started moving differently. You have to learn how to harness the power

[@i.l.746]

End of story 😌 👏🏾 💚

[@yourlittlesecret7575]

How? I need help

[@tfkdandsvkc]

How??help us

[@lmon3163]

im replying so i can scoop up these tips

[@k.alvarado6237]

There really aren’t any tips. You just have to realize how men as a whole view you specifically and know what you can expect in time, attention, and money from a man.

[@Vr4z1el]

So here's my perspective based off a very similar experience to you. I am also 38, never had a "normal" dating life because I was never sought out by men. I also put a lot of time into my education and career and here I am now with very low dating experience and single amongst my age range of everyone else who has baggage from their previous life. I tried the dating apps, got the low value pool of dates from low value decaying, baggaged men. Gave up on dating apps. Now just waiting for the right one to walk in front of me, which likely wont ever happen. So having said that, I think I am okay with my situation. Would I rather have those dating experiences of being desired, going on trips, having someone to walk hand in hand places with? of course. But what I have learned is a hear and see womens stories who fell in love with the wrong man, got pregnant and/or married and now they are carrying and tied down by the weight of something that was a false fairy tale for the rest of their lives. This made me realize that I have so much in life to look forward to. I have my health, I have my career and I have my freedom. I have zero baggage. And because of this I can just get up and go where I want. And to me that is more valuable then any man, any dating experience, or alternate life where I am tied down with someone.

[@nelixsulu6201]

Yea I'm 27 & I believe my situation will be just like yours in the next 10 years. I think sometimes we have to be at peace with what God has planned for us. People nowadays are having so many problems in relationships & marriages. Men are killing their wives, girlfriends & children at an alarming rate. I think things happen for a reason.

[@KingBluetooth66]

No offense but if you're not attractive why do you think you deserve an attractive guy? You said the men are low that you meet on apps but if no man has ever desired why would you think that you would find an attractive wealthy guy on the apps if you yourself are unattractive and no-one wants? Maybe you should aim for someone on your level

[@helloitstiana5512]

@@KingBluetooth66 lol ouch

[@JESSKISS19]

@@KingBluetooth66 even ugly men want attractive women . I'm unattractive and the unattractive options treated me like shit too .

[@Vr4z1el]

@@KingBluetooth66 I dont know why people always think dating and relationships are about attractiveness. Its not a matter of attractiveness. I went on plenty of dates with men who were not considered attractive and plenty with men who were attractive. Its more about overall compatibility. If you're not compatible with someone why would you continue to date them just because they are unattractive/attractive? Dating just based off looks alone and or settling is a recipe for a life of misery. Also the men I met on apps in my age range had a lot of baggage. I think thats common the older you get. The dating pool gets much smaller. The good men are taken while the single men are single for a reason. I honestly dont know why anyone would settle just to be in a relationship. Makes no sense.

[@deej6795]

I'm sorry but having options is a privilege. What the girl talked about at the end especially, being the one tasked with determining whether or not to choose a person who's already chosen you is a privilege that not everyone gets. Straight women already have to weed through the sea of dudes and determine their intentions, that's not what I'm talking about. She was already chosen as someone a lot of guys are willing to go the distance with now all she has to do is choose back.

[@Lisette121]

Exactly.

[@dspenderella9671]

Understood, but please understand it's hard to "choose back" when you have TOO many options to choose from...You will often choose many of the wrong ones before finally finding the right one, & with every wrong choice that can add layers of trauma. Before my husband, there was a period of 3 years I was single, & everyone assumed since I was always going out on dates being "flewed out" a few times on vacays, & often with very attractive men in great shape who had good jobs & no kids - everything that LOOKED good on paper, that I must've been living my best life, but when you're dating with purpose looking for something real & meaningful that will last - in our contemporary culture where too many people no longer value healthy traditional monogamous committed relationships, then you'll end up kissing a lot of charismatic fine azz frogs who waste your time. At one point it was tiring entertaining & juggling men; they all started to seem the same regardless of backgrounds, race, personality, looks, where they were from, socioeconomic status, industry, etc...I became discouraged and stopped dating & started running from men. I recall being dragged to church & a visiting pastor no one knew came in as a guest preacher; he told me that every time I gave a man a chance and it was a disappointment it was making me feel more and more hopeless about having the healthy loving marriage I desired, so in putting myself out there being available & choosing - I had ironically made it harder. He told me sometimes we need to be still. It was confirmation. Little did I know my husband had already seen me in passing. When he returned from his European tour he ran into me & I thought he was just trying a pick up line when he asked if I remembered him, but he did look familiar... Then he described where he'd 1st seen me & I instantly remembered...It was one of those times when I wondered why that cutie didn't shoot his shot & wished he had, but assumed maybe he was taken, ghay, or just into something else (just b/c we can be beautiful to most people doesn't mean we'll be everybody's type) so I hadn't thought anything of it b/c I was into someone else anyway and might've noticed attractive guys, but wasn't checking for them at that time. He told me in retrospect after we started dating that I wasn't ready then...I was too preoccupied and distracted, so had he attempted to pursue me then that he couldn't court me like he wanted to & I wouldn't have fully received him to benefit from it. Timing is everything! He was right...I would've assumed with his looks, opportunities, money, etc that he wasn't gonna be about anything, had too many women, wanted to play house but wouldn't really commit, etc...I would've categorized him with so many others and not fully gave him a chance b/c I had been through too much with too many suitors...I needed that time to myself first. Sorry to have been long-winded, but I think too often people don't want to hear "pretty girl tears" and think, "I wish I had those problems" but truly the grass isn't always greener on the other side, & I'm not just saying that. I've always loved having more options to choose from... I'd be capping if I said I didn't, but I'm more concerned with QUALITY over QUANTITY...Quantity can wear you out and make it harder to find what you really want. I hope that makes sense 🙂.

[@sj-9212]

@@dspenderella9671 would you rather just be average or ugly and never get taken out in public on dates?

[@gluckwunschwinston5618]

She was not chosen, her looks were chosen. That's the point she's trying to make I think. And looks will fade, so you're constantly left wondering if they actually like YOU

[@dspenderella9671]

@@sj-9212 Did you not hear me CLEARLY say I like having options? Obviously I like being beautiful, but I also understand duality / two opposing things can be true at the same time - there's variations within beauty. You don't have to be just ugly, average, or beautiful- there's levels to this between each classification...I would want to be pretty still, but maybe not the type too many men preferred (for instance my body and preferred complexion and hair texture draws too much attention, & I do NOT want attention from certain types of people).

[@tanyalatricestaysonfire3929]

I just had this convo with a friend last night. Pretty privilege is still privilege and while there may be downsides to it because beautiful people are not thought to be people of depth and substance (a lot of times), it is nice to have access to certain circles and opportunities that average looking people don’t have. As average looking people, we have to make up for the lack of beauty by having amazing personality, engaging conversation skills, intellect, fit bodies, femininity, etc, to make ourselves appealing to people who may think otherwise. I see how men entertain certain behaviors and attitudes from beautiful women that they would never tolerate from average women. So society has more GRACE for beautiful women if they fall short in other areas.

[@purplelove3666]

Yeah.they can cry me river lol

[@tfkdandsvkc]

Very true well said

[@pariscortez4190]

I would say no. Pretty gets you lusted after and gets you in the door but it doesn’t guarantee LOVE...

[@sixteen.candles.4644]

This. Ive been lusted after. 2 kids but no love.

[@sj-9212]

Average women go through this too. The only difference is, men ghost them or don't even take them out in public.

[@KYRAA30]

True

[@pariscortez4190]

@@sixteen.candles.4644 atleast u got ur beautiful kids out of it :)

[@pariscortez4190]

@@sj-9212 men ghost baddies too lol. and i know a man (famous man) who kept a gorgeous woman under wraps...

[@calideeslife3224]

Just last week I talked about my experience as a child, feeling snubbed by the ice cream man because I was not pretty like the little girl who was ahead of me in the line. Rejection HURTS. It changes you. Sometimes for the better. I always enjoy your videos Steph. ❤

[@ccebs8009]

I have a plethora of similar experiences, even now as an adult. It really does change you. I think it made me more aware and able to see people for who they really are. My sister on the other hand, very oblivious, trusting and easily manipulated.

[@eve3363]

That ice cream man is sick but women engage in pretty privilege as well.

[@theblackmonk3153]

@@ccebs8009 in what way did being unattractive change you

[@briannadickson2884]

What a pedo!

[@sarcodonblue2876]

Men do favors for attractive girls and women but women and girls will be nasty and cold

[@thobie8]

Also, there are a lot of people who still have this ridiculous idea that if you mate with a pretty person...your kids will be pretty. This really makes dating in your 30s an extreme sport

[@whoome1638]

I always laugh when people say things like that to me and my husband. They think our children will be attractive and it catches us off guard. I told one guy that unattractive parents can have attractive kids. It’s all a genetic lottery. Just like we can look like a relative who was alive 100 years ago but no one else looks like them. Or how we inherit disorders from a family member, we never met, who live 200 years ago. Some people can be so ignorant and don’t realize they could offend others. Those comments actually me me extremely uncomfortable. It’s just random and weird

[@purplelove3666]

I have seen beautiful celebrities that had kids who were not as attractive as their parent.

[@purplelove3666]

@@whoome1638pardon me but they sound very stupid

[@carolagab]

My father was considered beautiful when he was young, but his parents weren't attractive at all. Attractive people do not always make beautiful children

[@kikibrown9548]

@MeS. Very true. My mom was attractive, but my dad, not so much. I inherited enough of my dad’s features to be average/below average looking.

[@i.aint.1.of.ur.little.friends]

It works the other way as well. Many men (including particularly good-looking men) prey on women who they know do not recieve a bunch of attention for the sole purpose of having someone to give them any number of valuable things. Using them until they can move on to a woman who looks more like they want or jumping between "average" woman until they wear out their welcome. And like other commenters said I think most people would not choose to become less attractive if they had the ability to. So as much as it may have it's downside, they wouldn't change it

[@DJKidd301]

Its called hypergamy. Not a new or wrong concept

[@i.aint.1.of.ur.little.friends]

@@DJKidd301 this has nothing to so with my comment lol.

[@DJKidd301]

@@i.aint.1.of.ur.little.friends You said "many men prey on women who they know do mot receive a bunch of attention... until they can move on to a woman who looks more like they want". You stated it like it was a revelation, but men and women do this all the time. Its hypergamy. How in the era of the internet are people needed to be told that there is no such thing as intrinsic value?

[@i.aint.1.of.ur.little.friends]

the action of marrying or forming a sexual relationship with a person of a superior sociological or educational background. What you stated is not what hypergamy is and didn't have to do with my comment

[@DJKidd301]

@@i.aint.1.of.ur.little.friends Hypergamy (colloquially referred to as "marrying up") is a term used in social science for the act or practice of a person marrying a spouse of higher caste or social status than themselves. It is mostly practiced by women." A man leaving his woman for a woman that is better looking or younger is an example of hypergamy, as there are more socioeconomic benefits from having an attractive wife. If a man is average (5) but marries an above average woman (6-7) he is likely to make more money than if he was single or with his looksmatch. It doesnt happen alot because most men cant pull it off and would rather date down anywayb

[@jackiep5663]

The “social spaces” are never worth it because the only reason why we are brought around in those scenarios is to be shown off. It’s not a good feeling. Like all humans, we all want to be loved and appreciated and being used and played with like a disposable toy is never not hurtful no matter what you look like. People use people no matter what you look like, but being used for your looks is not something to long for. Much love. Thanks for the video.

[@middlesys9180]

Interesting perspective about men who complain about being single or not being able to find a good woman. Hadn't thought of that. But you raise a good point. They perhaps know alot of good women but they don't meet their beauty standards.

[@nangaeboko6710]

This situation was talked about on some of the men's channels. There are women who would be suitable wives but unfortunately they are below average in looks. The counterargument to this situation is that the prettier the man's mate is the more motivated he becomes . Just being successful should really be enough of a motivating factor but more times than not..it isn't.

[@middlesys9180]

@@nangaeboko6710 And I find this point extremely interesting because I think many women suffer from the same dilemma. What they want is vastly different than what they can get. At some point you will have to pick between a suitable match and being alone. Looks fade. Waistlines grow. Hair grows thin and gray. Why invest so much value in something that is depreciating by the minute.

[@tfkdandsvkc]

@@middlesys9180 I laughed so hard at waistlines grow😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣

[@nomessnostress]

And vice versa alot of women ignore or treat unattractive men horribly

[@neoloanderson6676]

I still think it would be better to have pretty privilege than not, if dating or finding love is hard either way, better to be treated by society as a whole with opportunities, freebies, perks, protection and people wanting to do things for you.

[@Yesitsmedaphne]

I feel like this is more related to misogyny in general than pretty privilege. Society has generally taught men to dislike and not value women, and being pretty doesn't change that. It's almost as if some aren't seeing all of the other privileges of being pretty simply because being exempt from misogyny isn't one of them.

[@Dick-Jagger]

that not true at all. it's biology...men like pretty healthy women it's that simple. I don't know why women can't understand it. The problem is you see it only from a female-lens, you need to see it from a revolunare-biology point of view. On average women are looking from survival traits: somebody who's strong, intelligent, able to fight, making money(resources),able to protected,... men are looking for reproductive properties: somebody who's young, beautiful, healthy, fertile,.... This is way men like pretty women, we wired that way. and women like succesful men because that indicate that they have the survival-traits. The way that ugly girls feels is the same way unsuccesful, broke, short men feel. It's just survival of the fittest. Cute girls don't complain or succesful men don't complain. That's just the game of life. Adapt or die :-s

[@udontevenwannaknowbruv]

And it’s becoming even worse. I want to have children some day but not when I see how easily influenced young men get by these misogynistic alpha male podcasts teaching them to hate women and that their whole existence is only to cater to them. It’s very problematic and dangerous.

[@wayawuffin]

our society has set it up so that one of the most important things a woman can be is beautiful, and while that negatively effects the beautiful as well (i definitely feel for her having to treat her relationships with suspicion), the privileges of being desirable still vastly outweigh the disadvantages 😭

[@grazielaalmeida8438]

I only see disadvantage, men see pretty women as sex toys, I know it, becouse I am average look, so men tend to want to know more about my personality, while with a pretty they go directly to sex, they don't even want to hear what these women accept in bed or don't accept, they take advantage of theirs bodies in the worst way, even avarage women like me are treated like this sometimes, but with pretty women it's almost all the time.

[@reviewersmith3549]

This is so humble-bragging every women goes through not being treated like an individual autonomous human being it’s not just because you’re pretty

[@mc2383]

Did you see the question that she was answering which was located at the top corner of the screen?

[@reviewersmith3549]

@@mc2383 not talking about that specifically it’s mostly aimed at the comments

[@mc2383]

@@reviewersmith3549 Got it, I noticed that as well.

[@litterallylibra]

why do conventionally attractive people always assume the reason people are mean to them is because they’re sooo beautiful? girl maybe you just suck 😭 like have they ever considered that maybe they’re just terrible people? because i know plenty of beautiful women (inside And out) who do not have these issues.

[@pinku4419]

Right

[@anonplussedhuman2615]

Ooh ooh I have this answer. As an ex benefactor of pretty privilege it's because you're so used to people blowing smoke up your ass you don't look at your personality. I had to do a real look at myself in therapy to make my personality better. I've put work over friends and ran a well known Instagram but was miserable. I've never gotten to know myself because my inner validation came from people's praise of my looks since I was a kid.

[@Luvvserena111]

But sometimes as ridiculous as it sounds it is true. The way you look can have people assume your character before they even know you. I’ve been assumed to be stuck up cocky and superficial on so many occasions and my personality doesn’t fit that at all I don’t take myself that seriously I don’t think I’m better than anyone I’m generally welcoming to people I’m introverted and a deep thinker. I used to work in a warehouse and my appearance kept being brought up bc they felt I didn’t fit the “look” of the job.

[@juliatripp2010]

​@@Luvvserena111💯

[@yoursnatchedwig2856]

Exactly the same ugly people think people are mean to them bc they ugly not bc they suck😂

[@thobie8]

Most things in life have their advantages and disadvantages. In relationships, when youre out socializing or even in the work place ...pretty privilege still affords those certain individuals an opportunity to "get better" things...

[@ariesaraya1822]

An ugly or avg looking person can go through the same things pretty ppl go through but the pretty person will garner much more sympathy and praise. They will also have alot more opportunities to overcome.

[@ForMySoulSistas]

"She's beautiful but yet never felt loved" that's deep 😏 I think the lack of feminine solidarity also plays a huge role for ppl who have pretty privilege. Loved how you talked about the dating app algorithm preventing you from seeing certain guys, these apps play us too much 😒 Yes to consistency gurl 👍🏾That's a good video to balance your first one on the topic

[@paigelovette8156]

Here's my stance. I have always been a cute girl but I did go through that awkward phase as a kid, but regardless of what I thought I was never considered ugly. Growing up I wont lie to you, did I have a hard time making and keeping female friends ABSOLUTELY. It was so bad that when I was a teenager, I was legitimately scared of other girls. the jealousy and backstabbing was out of this world and it caused me to have insane trust issues with other girls and I became a loner with no friends from "evil girl trauma" I experienced. Fast forward, I am getting older and really growing into my looks. I am getting prettier and the world notices. I realize when I was a kid having pretty privilege wasnt so great also because I wasn't that pretty but the older I get the pros outweigh the cons by a longshot. I am a black woman btw, just turned 25 last month and I have lived in the suburbs my entire life. I used to work as a front desk receptionist at a gym with very high scale clientele. Just from handing people towels and saying "Have a great workout!😁" I have gotten offers to move to another state for a high paying job, asked multiple times to be an assistant, I was also working one day and a photographer walked in saw me and asked if i could model for him. i am now the face of his clothing line and photographery company. I say all that to say, I am sorry but...There is very little downside to pretty privilege I'd be lying if I said anything different. Also, a woman was talking to me about how hard it is being beautiful once and I proceeded to tell her "Oh! well that sounds terrible! if being pretty is so bad that's such an easy fix! Just stop taking care of your skin, combing your hair, working out, and walk around with dirt on ur face...You will no longer be considered pretty." She then said "it's not that simple" 🤦🏽‍♀️ when women get online and make videos about the difficulties of having pretty privilege I emphasize to a degree but I hate that alot of women try and make it sound like the worst thing ever. As someone who did not always have it I mean it when I say pretty privilege is a blessing and anyone who says otherwise is a liar. btw ur my favorite KZbinr I LOVE YOUR CHANNEL and I've seen every video and I follow u on insta. I look at you as my internet aunt!❤❤❤❤

[@jesslove8372]

Be careful. She could lead you astray with bad advice

[@paigelovette8156]

@@jesslove8372 No one can lead me astray who I only know from the internet.

[@KatieRae_AmidCrisis]

"I know a lot of really great women. I know me." I loved this ❤️ Also. I wanted to say - you look amazing in this vid. The combo of the shirt, the earrings, the head wrap. Beautiful and fierce.

[@ladyrosemary5480]

Pretty privilege is a thing and their are some people that will have challenges with it but it doesn’t change that it does exist. Not being “pretty” basically makes you invisible and people feel they have the right to be cruel to you. It’s a heavier burden.

[@awandezwane1500]

I enjoy your content cause it's so relatable. I find it hard to have these conversations in real life with the people around me cause the minute you say "guys don't like me" everyone tries to convince you your perception is wrong or think that you hate yourself or are insecure. The thing is we do love and honour ourselves, and have a healthy self-esteem and confidence, but we're just honest about our lived-experiences that no one is checking for us like that, and we're at peace.

[@Monsieur_Balance_7]

Pretty Privileged does help bring people, but it does not equate to love. I have seen a lot of unattractive people in what seems to be a good relationship. When it comes to love, I believe it is based more on luck. Either way, real love is lost on most of us because many people are vapid.

[@TyWerks]

I'm glad you said this it is a lot of luck lol, but increases with more ppl you talk too

[@purplelove3666]

I wouldn't say luck.i would say what's ordained for you

[@nomessnostress]

Me tooo i have known plenty women who may be seen as unattractive in relationships!

[@freerhymin4life]

What I noticed from both her video and your video, despite opposite experiences, is a similar pain of feeling “unseen”. Feeling that people don’t really see YOU and value you for who you are. I think whether people ignore you or pay attention to you based on looks, they are still operating from the same paradigm of valuing appearances over substance. People don’t suddenly become kind to a good-looking person; they’re merely being sycophantic and potentially predatory. Thinking of my aunt, who is conventionally attractive and her narcissist husband. That being said, pretty privilege definitely does open doors and provide access socially.

[@Madi4321]

Great comment. Hurts to be unseen.

[@zamar2158]

Pretty privilege is merely a millenial way of saying what has been known forever. Beauty has always given advantages to its owner. Before love there is attraction. Beauty attracts. Then one gets to know the person and love folliws. But beauty alone will not engender love in a heart. For that you need much more. Beauty is an attractor and somewhat important in the overall scheme of life, but certainly not the be all and end all. However those downplaying beauty are trying to cope and rationalize .

[@lpena332]

Women without the ‘pretty privilege’ struggle and have to work 10X harder for what they want because there’s no man willing to help out. Single people, especially women struggle more in the financial aspect of their lives. I’ve seen many women solving their financial future just by being married and many don’t even have to work at all and just by being married to a successful guy they have it made for life.

[@24-7onfocus9]

It's the same way how women ignore or hate on men who they don't see as successful enough.

[@Divinia93]

Then do what you can to fix it if it really bothers you that much After reading this comment section I’m honestly embarrassed for a lot of women It’s complaint after complaint after complaint If you’re over weight then do what you have to do to lose it If you have skin issues do that you have to do clear that up If you don’t like your hair or clothes, that’s a fairly easy fix Do what’s in your power to be the best version of you

[@marciavoe6284]

@@Divinia93 Being unattractive lays in your bonestructure aswel that you need surgery for. You get that costs a lot and comes with health risk. Its not something you just do.

[@Daniel-tx2vt]

@@marciavoe6284 now THAT is VERBATIM an incel talking point.😂😂😂

[@marciavoe6284]

@@Daniel-tx2vt Incel or not thats how it works.

[@levelupwithada]

Unfortunately, it doesn't work in relationships. It all boils down to men objectifying women. They see women as objects rather than human beings. It's important to be with someone who loves you for you, but for beautiful women or women who fit the standards of beauty, it may be a bit harder to find true love.

[@4drep]

Men leave pretty bitches and dog them out too. Y’all delusional on this side of the internet

[@elenal1906]

This, all of these problems are a function of the patriarchy

[@4drep]

@@elenal1906 what problems

[@NoName-sp5dp]

@@4drep all of them. Read

[@DJKidd301]

Women: men see us as objects Also women: I want a soft life but not from men under 5 foot 9 and under 6 inches, its just my personal preference.

[@TheWorld-xs8ly]

Years ago when I was in the hospital for a few days, one of the secretaries would come into the cafeteria and all eyes would turn. She was beautiful, tall, blond with a very sweet spirit. But, she seemed miserable and I think it’s because her beauty isolated her. In fact, I remember another woman actually saying she hated seeing this woman around because she was so attractive. I felt sorry for her and this had to be difficult for her. She tried very hard to be “liked”

[@binniekatana3685]

Hey Steph! Just want to say thanks for being a light and creating the content that you do. I know it's not always easy, but your perseverance is seen and felt by so many!

[@LoveAndSnapple]

I wholeheartedly agree with the part where you mentioned having experiences. Within the video as well as the interlude. I completely understand what you mean about being in places and spaces that make the dating scene a lot more satisfactory. When you’re the standard of beauty or when you’re at least conventionally attractive it appears that the sky is the limit when it comes to how much you’re able to receive and enjoy. But when you’re on the opposite side of the spectrum you’re expected to settle for mediocre experiences and to treat yourself while in a relationship. You see women getting properly courted and indulged, as is their birthright, but when it comes to you all of a sudden men want to start spouting off at the mouth about “what about feminism and equal rights?” Those kinds of men will 50/50 you to death and you’ll be stuck having average experiences that you can honestly do yourself. Just as you mentioned, you had to work really hard to get in the same place as the guy and his date. And that’s why a lot of women really do have to get a higher education. Because if no one is checking for you and you don’t get a grip and work hard, you’re never going to see the best parts of what life has to offer.

[@1saramak]

I relate to her a lot. Men will decide I'm the right girl for them before even getting to know me - it's such a turn off for me as I want a partner who values true connection. I also have health issues that are not visible and most of the men pursuing me won't be able to deal with the reality of being with me. There are ups and downs and I need someone who loves me for me and not for how I look

[@sarah2172]

this is so true, people treat privilege as a hinderance when they don't know how to navigate the world with their abundance. But they'll never EVER want to switch sides and be on the ugly side I'll tell you that much

[@CulinaryGuide]

Yes!!!!!! Bringing honesty to the discussion 💯. I'm so glad you said it. I hate when conventionally attractive people say it's their confidence or sense of humor while ignoring the obvious.

[@valerieodonnell6764]

My most beautiful friends also have the lowest self esteem and are the most insecure. Why? I think it has something to do with getting the message since childhood that their value is in their looks. It becomes their identity. I don’t ever recall being told I was pretty, but I was told that I was smart, creative, etc. Do I sometimes wish I was prettier? Sure, I think we all do. But I’m glad that I had the opportunity to build my self worth on something other than looks when I was a young.

[@choclate39]

l just saw that video , and I never thought about it from the standpoint that she mentioned. It’s very sad and as someone who is used to being overlooked , unfortunately there were times that I was too content with guys finding me attractive since I’m not used to the attention . I know that I have so much more to offer than that. I don’t want my self esteem or worthiness to be based off of only the physical even from my own opinion . That’s something that I’m working on , thank goodness for therapy , lol ! Btw , you are spoiling us giiiirl ! I’m here for it lol!

[@dspenderella9671]

Thank you for your honesty...without gaslighting or discrediting anyone else, you simply presented your truth. Btw, you look very well put together (I like your natural fro & style & I think you would be considered attractive to men who can appreciate natural beauty even if you aren't used to being considered attractive). More importantly you present intelligently, like a thinker, objective, and like someone with a healthy mind who's doing the work to be the best you that you can be...Much respect.

[@tfkdandsvkc]

Me too I have been comfortable with men not finding me attractive

[@choclate39]

@@dspenderella9671 Aw , thank you so much for your encouraging and kind words .

[@mahletberhanemeskel6754]

This is crazy. I am a brown skinned black girl average 6, but I don't have pretty privilege I have been treated like an eyesore a solid 3 and whenever I dress up get my hair extensions in, wear natural makeup, when my skin gets clearer, and when I am much happier I can be a solid 8 the difference in treatment is real. Dating is hard when you don't have pretty privilege I have realized that they don't care about the quality of my personality, instead I feel as if they're bothered by my physical appearance as if I am a solid 3.

[@jadabrown7008]

I’ve experienced both sides of pretty privilege, due to being different weights and having different body shapes throughout my life. All experiences are valid, and it’s interesting to hear different perspectives. In my personal experience, promiscuity had an impact on it as well. Everyone thought I was beautiful until they found out I wouldn’t sleep with them. Looking for love with or without pretty privilege can be difficult when people seem to only want a one night stand. I love you and your channel.

[@LonerBecause]

It's interesting seeing her side cause like you I'm on the opposite end as well, cause I'm invisible and skipped over with no options. And it's been like this for a very long time for me. I do believe, who's for you will come into your life when it's time. I'm at the point in life if somebody not checking for me. I'll keep it pushing.

[@ClaireHaire]

*My experience, men treat you like anything but, a person. To some you’re the hot girl they couldn’t get in high school, some keep you around bc there’s status that comes with being with a beautiful woman. They will even stretch the “talking “ stage (Cassie & Diddy) , knowing they see you as expensive furniture.*

[@ninagrace-lee8323]

I mean this happens to ugly women as well though. Men will use you for what’s convenient in the moment

[@CharlotteMusinga]

Exactly Objectification

[@moroccansarenthumanbeings2640]

They don’t treat women like a person no matter how we look tho.

[@grazielaalmeida8438]

You all people, have a bad opinion about men, I know most men objectify women, but not all men, there are still and always will be men that truly loves women, but they are rare.

[@dspenderella9671]

"See you as expensive furniture"...Whoo, that about sums it up for far too many of them in my experience... An attractive man with a good heart is like a rare cut diamond. My husband is a breath of fresh air after choking on so much dust, b/c you just perfectly described much of my earliest experiences (& I've dated men in various demographics, ethnicities, races, nationalities, socioeconomic classes, and age groups... The world at large has fostered men who just don't view women as equals collectively...🤷🏾‍♀️)

[@getitg44]

I am lucky in a way because I have experienced both. I went through an ugly duckling phase and then suddenly got to my 30s and blossomed. Was like a true life Cinderella story, and yes I can confirm that both have pros and cons. Being pretty can attract fake friends and men who have no genuine interest in you, which can leave you feel empty inside. But being unattractive can make you feel unseen and invisible. I try to find a balance by wearing a cap sometimes and going out without giving a damn what I look like, but yes, I can confirm that there are pros and cons to both, but pretty privilege is still the better option of the two.

[@KawaiiLuna1]

How did you blossom? In my mid 20s rn, I've BEEN ready to get out of my ugly duckling phase :/ I'd rather deal with the cons of pretty privilege too

[@no_prisoners6474]

I'm 30 now and hmmm I have thee same story. Never been loved and the last time I tried I was 25. That left me understanding that my bullies were right. And I even apologized to the guy for thinking he chased me with good intentions. I was like what was I thinking ugly as I am. I should've kept it moving. But after that heartbreak I chopped off my hair and had THE WORST acne breakout due to the lowest level of depression. After all this I just decided to live my life in my own. I don't even think I'm capable of desiring a man anymore. That part of me completely died and Im partly glad cause I never have to experience that feeling of loneliness or lack. If I'm feeling down I look at other areas of my life. The danger is the same guy that treated me like crap, if he finds someone beautiful and worthy, does it mean she's at an advantage? I don't think so, I think she gets the guy but the guy isn't a good person. So at the end of the day, we all have demons to fight.

[@nordette]

If thats you in the display pic I'm genuinely curious as to why you think your ugly? Your very pretty. There's nothing ugly about your face. Who taught you to hate yourself?

[@no_prisoners6474]

@@nordettelol I have make up on the pic. Thank you. I learned how to do make up while recovering from that depressive period. My skin broke our horribly and I had to just face all of myself but I learned make up for occasions where I wanted to look good. I have been told I'm pretty and I guess I'm not ugly but I do look like my brothers. I definetly have a man face especially if my hair is shaved. Back when I was in high school it was more obvious so yeah kids were horrible. I understood that I couldn't even have a crush. I was just embarrassed of myself. I also had my first boyfriend and kiss at 22 and the guy did not love me. He was polite and a good friend but he just didn't have that desire for me. Evidenced by the lame reason he gave for breaking up with me. The guy who broke me I met when I was about 24. He made me understand that I should just not expect love. And from my past I just figured if I were pretty he wouldn't have played me so blatantly. So that's the story.

[@rethinks5054]

@@no_prisoners6474 ugly people should make money 💰 not babies, Im kinda ugly and will not beget a daughter only to end up hanging from ceiling. Finding an ugly maid is a wish for some not so good looking families.

[@no_prisoners6474]

@@rethinks5054 lol the other sad thing is I graduated at 22 with honours in finance and only got my first proper job a month ago. So for 8 years I had to deal with being rejected by love and career. But I'm glad something has gone 'right'

[@SnowofLight]

@@no_prisoners6474 Wow, if you're ugly my life is over. Do you get more attention abroad? I was considered ugly in my home town but at least average anywhere else

[@goshenqueen]

Thank you for making this. It’s so so interesting to Hear and made me think. Many people tell me I am conventionally attractive but I have had a really hard time finding love. I’ve never even been in a long term relationship and I too get the “how are you single?” Well damn I don’t know. But I do think in general I have been treated kindly out in the world because I am “pretty”- I don’t get things for free (lol) but people might hold doors or say “good morning” or help me if I seem lost etc. and it is valid to acknowledge.

[@pietapoeta]

One very interesting way that pretty privilege works is with children. I (trans man, 29, dark skin native American with African heritage, coily 3c hair) was a child considered very ugly . My daughter (7yo lightskin native american with silky long hair) was always perceived as pretty since day one. She's used to getting free stuff whenever we go to stores because people think she's so pretty. She's used with getting compliments from adults all the time about how she's just like a princess/doll etc. If she says she wants something out loud in public, there's a possibility someone will get the thing for her cuz people sympathize with angelical looking kids, to the point of it becoming a problem, because if I said she can't have something like a candy and someone offers to buy it for her it removes me from my authority as a father. Every time this happens I'm brought back to my childhood and I think about how I NEVER ever not even once had this happen to me, but quite the opposite, I used to get really harsh criticism from adults that I couldn't even comprehend yet, I was used to have adults talking about how I looked like I wasn't even there, when I was at the store, people wanted to check my little hands to see if I was stealing. The fact that I need to educate my daughter on why she can't have everything people wanna buy her/give when we're out, and tell her that things are NOT free just because she got it for free once it's pretty privilege by itself. I had to be educated (by myself) on how to look innocent when I was at the store so people don't mess with me. I had to be educated on how to protect myself against mockery, violence and hate. I still have social anxiety and would rather die than ask for information on the street and my daughter is a social butterfly that never even once had been rejected while trying to make friends at school, so she basically thinks everyone is friendly. Pretty privilege in childhood is not just about privilege, is about how your whole pov of the world is formed, it affects you forever. If you have trauma there, you're gonna probably spend your whole life healing from it.

[@RYEANkindaAWESOME]

I wish everyone was treated equally, especially as children. I’m so sorry for your experience. This spoke to me, even though our stories diverge in different ways, I feel your hurt and I resonate with it.

[@banefulbty]

Pretty Privilege is low-key just proximity to European Beauty Standards

[@soleil4124]

Yup. When I used to use dating apps. Men found my afro hair and brown eyes boring. Unless you're lighter skinned with light eyes and long straight/curly hair, you don't get that much interest. Mentally, took me alot to get over that. I don't hate myself, but I doubted myself for a while.

[@muahdusa]

@@soleil4124 Did that come from black men? In my experience with having locs, non-black men were intrigued with my hair. My blackness and my features are exotic to them.

[@soleil4124]

@@muahdusa Yes. Also one white Cuban.

[@ltgdr6298]

what if european girl are on average just a little bit more attractive because of the importance that europeans have attached to aesthetics and beauty for centuries, which has given rise to a sexual selection of individuals considered beautiful.

[@ltgdr6298]

@@soleil4124 what you say show a huge lack of understanding of what is called "beauty"

[@Mindyourbusiness82]

Pretty privilege is still a privilege, very much so. And that young lady's video proves what (some of us) already know it true. Men date and marry for the approval of other men.

[@meganchambers8108]

"I love how you turn heads when we walk in a room" is only romantic when you know the person saying it also loves other qualities about you.

[@lovelypacific]

Funnily enough, pretty privilege is a privilege to almost every factor in one’s life except love. There are whole apps for “influencers” that basically let them in free to events etc. as long as they post on their Insta, statistics show they are better liked, have access to more opportunities etc., and live financially more stable lives because people (men and women) will open doors for them just cause. When it comes to love however, the men who tend to have a competitive mindset in regards to partners are the one who actively pursue these women through charm, money etc. And those same men will cheat or be abusive because of related traits to their competitiveness and just general toxicity. I could say a lot more but basically look out for the guys who are way too good at first dates. It often means they’re well practiced at it, like a man who often gets fired so gets really good at job interviews.

[@grazielaalmeida8438]

I am also aware of men that give gifts. Gifts are good and very welcome, when a man already know me, so it's meaninful, but at the beggining, I find suspicious.

[@meep_murp8758]

I still remember the time a boy in high school telling me he wouldn't date me because I'm ugly AF and looked like the girl from 'The Ring' horror film. A simple no would have sufficed but ok. Thanks for the trauma mama.

[@meep_murp8758]

@mental case no.

[@4mydearlady]

That’s terrible! I’m so sorry he said that to you. He’s just a broken brainwashed kid, though. And it was a long time ago. Don’t give a child the satisfaction of having any kind of power, big or small, over your self-esteem/self-worth. I’m sure you’re a beautiful person.

[@meep_murp8758]

I forgot to mention that he was later arrested and charged with attempted murder a decade later so... yes now I'm rather grateful I wasn't his type 😐

[@manuuyt5919]

The Ring Lady is badass , here's hoping that your life brings you blessings, joyful moments and happiness

[@ayomidedareabel5525]

At least you were compared to a human😂😂they said I looked like stitch in the cartoon lilo and stitch

[@muellsonne]

Thanks for this insightful video. I’m of mixed ethnicity but since post puberty I have been able to choose any man I wanted. I had similar experiences to the girl in the video. One guy told me he only stayed with me because “beautiful people are fun”. My ex fiancé was more than happy to show me around during company galas but treated me like shit when we were alone. Also, sometimes if I am nice to a male person I have to interact with, e.g. at the bank or in a store, they make an effort to find out my phone number (through client data) and start texting me. I know this sounds ridiculous, but I am an introvert and I feel uncomfortable ever going to these places again after and I will avoid them. I still absolutely believe being pretty is a privilege and it has been proven by studies that pretty people have it easier in several areas of life, e.g. career. Also, I agree with you that as a conventionally pretty person, you can gain experiences that you would not usually have access to (like the galas mentioned etc.) and that could open up opportunities for you.

[@Jackie1111]

I think pretty privilege has its good and bad. Yeah you get a lot of attention and opportunities for dates etc. But its based off of sexual intentions. And love is not guaranteed and its shallow

[@sixteen.candles.4644]

Bingo

[@dspenderella9671]

🎯

[@mystery5178]

Agreed.

[@emily3282]

“Don’t you know about the war at home?!” You’re hilarious. I so appreciate your thoughts and authenticity!

[@corina4100]

I was bullied in high school by the other girls in my class because of this. I was used by the boys because of this. I've had fake friends who resented me because of this. I've had a hard time getting a "real" job because I'm not taken seriously. I've only gotten service jobs where I basically get paid to stand there and look pretty. My mom, who isn't conventially attractive, said herself that she never thought being beautiful would come with problems until she saw what I was going through. I think it's just hard to be a woman no matter what you look like. Period.

[@zenoubaal3344]

I was both and its definitely easier to be conventionally attractive, people have to stop to lie, we have way more opportunities

[@straw1berry11]

When you age and your beauty fades, you'll realize that being conventionally attractive was sooo much easier

[@udontevenwannaknowbruv]

I look like a completely different person whenever I put on make up. The difference in the way people treat me is so shocking it scares me. You can even notice it in the ‘subtle’ glances male strangers suddenly give me when I have make up on, somehow I am only visible when I look like an attractive woman. Men at my job make longer eye contact when they talk to me, they go out of their way to help me or even simply have a conversation with me. And I’m like, guys… It’s still me… I just have some make up on, it’s not like I had plastic surgery or turned into a better person. 🙄 Women, wether they are strangers or not, they also treat me with more respect and take me seriously, it’s not just men. Trust me you should be thankful to be conventionally attractive. People like you think that the bad treatment ugly people get is exaggerated but then you age and get uglier and realise, they were right. It is that bad, having confidence does not fix that (because ugly people are not ‘allowed’ to be confident), society is very much focused on appearance. The pros will always outweigh the cons of looking attractive.

[@erikawilliams3603]

Wow the timing of this video is impeccable. I was just having this conversation with my best friend from college the other night. To give some perspective, we became friends in college. We went to a PWI. I am a 4’11” brown skin black girl who’s got a little meat on her bones. She is a 5’5” skinny white girl with big eyes and brunette hair. She’s very pretty and has no problem gaining attention from a guy anytime we’re out in public. I am pretty too, but in a cute and adorable way. We made a ton of guy friends in college. Just about every single one of our guy friends had a crush on her at some point. I had the opposite problem, no guys ever found me attractive, not even the guy friends I would have a crush on. I was always just the friend. This has ALWAYS been my role. I never had any remote romantic interest growing up. Never was kissed, never went on a date, I never even held hand with a guy in a romantic way. I didn’t even have a date to my high school prom. My first kiss was in college and a frat party. She however, has never had trouble finding a guy who was interested in her. In the span of our 5 year college stint together, she had 4 boyfriends and a number of hookups. I had none. I had guys that I would go on one or two dates with but whenever I would bring them around her the guy would immediately turn their attention to her (happened a couple times). I was in this weird position where I loved her because she’s my best friend but I envied how easily she could pull and sustain a guy’s attention. I also couldn’t be mad at her because she never did anything to deliberately sway these guys, she just existed. Anyway fast forward to today, I finally found the guy for me. My first relationship at 23. We’re coming up on a year dating and although it’s too early to tell , I really think he could be the one. However my friend is not been so lucky in the dating department. This past weekend and incident happened with an old guy friend from college. They met up to go out for a night of drinking and afterwards he invited himself back to our apartment in expectations of having sex with her. She was so disappointed and hurt that none of her guy friends could just be a friend without some kind of romantic or sexual attraction. We had the conversation of how she always felt like she couldn’t have guy friends without one of them liking her and how I had the opposite problem of always being the friend and never being found attractive by any guy. We debated on what was worse. I empathize with her a lot. It definitely must be tough. However the little girl in me that just wanted to feel desired for once would’ve killed for even a quarter of the attention she would always get. Whether ill intentioned or not.

[@tfkdandsvkc]

Wow av always been the friend too

[@rachel3760]

I'm someone who meets the beauty standard. I wouldn't consider myself beautiful but I definitely have almost all the features young women are told they should. And I'm sorry but people complaining about jealousy and not being taken seriously make me roll my eyes. The people who are super rude to beautiful people are almost certainly rude to people they seem very ugly. The implication that "ugly" people have never had to work harder to prove themselves is bs too. People overall are nicer to pretty people, like way nicer! A couple mean people who are probably also jerks to others don't disprove that. The fact that people are even willing to listen to beautiful people complain about the struggles of being beautiful without immediately mocking them is proof that we're coddled by society! At 23, I just now realized how much of a bubble I live in and I think some of these pretty people who are upset need a reality check. That being said thank you for being so empathetic and nice when you speak on this topic.

[@Pizzashakes]

@dspenderella9671 read this

[@fixthatface483]

Preach

[@productioninquiry8937]

Dating is hard for all women in this current environment. An attractive woman has more options. Her argument is literally, "Being pretty got me a husband." How is she proving her point? 🤣🤣🤣

[@caressaclark1042]

And probably a very high-earning husband. I don't feel sorry for her, but I enjoyed hearing her viewpoint. I am thankful for the little bit of pretty privilege I have.

[@productioninquiry8937]

@@caressaclark1042 Same.

[@briantbmoth6472]

Like having a husband is the pinnacle of life. She was in a marriage where her husband didn’t like her except for her looks. Good thing she realized and left. Looks fade.

[@productioninquiry8937]

@@briantbmoth6472 That's her opinion. He liked her enough to marry her and want her to be the mother of his children because of her appearance. Her marriage failed, just like 50% of other people. Should pretty privilege have kept her married too?

[@productioninquiry8937]

@@briantbmoth6472 Having a husband must have been a priority for her or else she would have never had one. Same goes for the kids.

[@jewlzn7130]

I want to say something. Beauty is subjective. Beauty depends on where you are. As a travel nurse, ive been up and down this country. I used to feel pretty hopeless about my love life in Maryland. In DC , there are Latinas and Ethiopians who have absolutely skewed the standards of beauty. I went to Alabama and I found that men there liked me. Genuinely everywhere I went, nurses, RTs, were all over me. I went to the gym and the guys liked me as well. Then I went to the Midwest. And if you're surprised that you saw dark skinned women being married - you'll be in a constant state of shock in the Midwest. I got hit on basically everyday. I had a 4a wig on and even the residents (future docs) were swooning over me. So, maybe if you change your location and do some mental work, you'll be surprised. Those wounds did cut deep. People are cruel. But, this isn't your fate unless you marry yourself to it

[@Originaltuber]

You are so right. Beauty is subjective and location helps! Thank you for sharing! I would like to know where in the Midwest?

[@JM-ip1es]

I can second with the girl said in the video. I’ve always had guys who wanted to date and marry me for my looks. When we’re seen together in public I felt like an objectified trophy. Then once we were home alone I was mistreated even worse... I was beat, lied to, yelled and constantly belittled. I wasn’t a person just an accessory for their ego. Abuse is abuse. I didn’t have it better because of my looks. Superficial kind treatment didn’t last beyond the surface...,of complaints, gifts and opening the door for me... but in the end I was never truly loved, or cared about. Now I choose to be single and have peace. Good looks doesn’t equate to a good life... the person’s intentions for you does.