WHEN THE INFJ STOPS TRYING TO BE SOCIAL (these 5 things happen)

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INFJ Life Coach Lesson: Discover the five things that occur when INFJs embrace their introverted side. As INFJs, we have been wired to be compassionate and considerate towards others, which is generally a positive trait. However, this approach often comes at the cost of our own well-being as we tend to go overboard. Today, let's explore the five transformations that occur when INFJs let go of the pressure to be social.
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[@miawasp80]

They call me selfish and they refuse to see their own selfishness. This is their projection on to me. Enough.

[@koylejeune4332]

Yup

[@ZvonTube]

Yeah whenever I go out to explore and experience things on my own (like a concert or convention) and tell some friends about it, they react saying “and you didn’t invite me?” It’s not in good jest either. It sounds like they take it personal and I owe them an invite when I want to experience my own interests alone.

[@Rafaela.Br_]

People project all kind of things on infjs

[@koylejeune4332]

@@Rafaela.Br_ fucking truth right there.

[@ditasaule1618]

It's good to be selfish. Only then you can be there for others truly too.

[@kencornwell]

I just want to say that I am happy and very proud to be here with so many of my fellow INFJ's Thank you all for being here with all of us.

[@darrenparkes9805]

Thank you , keep well ,keep strong, we are awesome

[@kencornwell]

@@darrenparkes9805 I appreciate your words of encouragement. Thanks for that also.

[@victoriabrand2777]

It's taken me decades to get this far.

[@jessmason2112]

No doubt. 💯

[@lrwiersum]

I’m happy at last at 65. It was all worth it. I was dangerously suicidal for many many years. I’m so glad I hung on. So deeply grateful to be me now.

[@yeswing10]

My best time was COVID! I had an excuse to isolate and enjoy myself!!!

[@girlwhoroams770]

You're absolutely right! For me as well 🦋 felt like I was in ' I am Legend ' everyday! Yippeee 🎉

[@karenwyand7884]

Covid was nirvana!!

[@lrwiersum]

Covid was a gift to me. Life changing. I don’t force myself anymore.

[@ZvonTube]

What’s funny, as an introvert myself, Covid was fine for me in the beginning but as it prolonged my head became a prison riot (I internally process a lot). So it got dreadful and depressing. There were definitely a lot of contributing factors like how I got exhausted sitting behind a computer everyday and faking my interest in virtual meetings for work and seeing through all of the superficial positive attitudes of colleagues. I ultimately learned that I’m driven by physical environment and activity because it keeps my mind busy with everything going around me rather than inside my head. Doesn’t mean I want to be interacting with a bunch of people but moreso seeing everything in motion rather than isolated, static, and stagnant. It was a weird experience for sure.

[@japanesereadingandwriting]

The Corona Virus Lockdowns were horrible.

[@RabidFlowerpot]

When i started being my true self, i lost a long list of acquaintances but gained a very small list of true friends. It has been totally worth it.

[@juliusmuhumuza3018]

"People see you the way they are not the way you are"i ve just known this revelation 😢

[@HaleyMary]

It occurred to me recently, that not one of my friends has really tried to get to know me. As an INFJ, I am an open person and am open about my interests and opinions, but I find that most people try to build an image of me inside their mind rather than truly getting to know me.

[@jilljackson7759]

I agree. For me it’s easy to listen and share. I find people are starved of having anyone to actually listen and they get selfish and can’t stop talking. I still hang in there for the rare person to actually reciprocate. Listening doesn’t always mean agreeing, but most don’t bother to check in on your real opinion.

[@Cynique_savant]

Our INFJ quirks draw people in for some reason, it's annoying because they force us to hangout with them but expect us to start and carry the whole conversation and switch topics while they look puzzled at how we effortlessly connect the existential dots in everyday life 😂

[@lrwiersum]

I don’t need others to understand me now that I understand me.

[@miawasp80]

Lol 😂 I refused going out with a few friends because I was exhausted. Sure enough they mad at me cuz I’m the life of the party. I’m not kidding. So. Am I really their friends or are they bored without me cuz we are so independent I’ve lived and live a very fun life. Traveled the world alone. Done things they only dream of. They call me selfish now after being a giver all my life.

[@MegaCyberleader]

90% of people call me a monster, when I act the way I truely am.

[@jessmason2112]

Slowing your roll and taking the time to introspect and reflect you will find even more wisdom in those shadows. ✌️😎

[@BassoonGoon4Lyfe]

I mean as long as you aren’t physically bringing harm to others or messing with people’s lives I’d say you’re more than likely good. If it’s just that you act in ways similar to how she describes in this video it’s most likely over dramatization on their part

[@Paasy]

But don't get lost in those shadows. The dark has a lot of lessons, so does the light. Find a balance and accept both sides to your live. The dark will make us stronger, the light will give us strength.

[@jessmason2112]

That's where the wisdom lays. Energy is derived from both the positive and negative. What you do with that energy defines who you are. Good or Evil. For example: do you want to ruin people's lives or do you like to help people ?

[@jessmason2112]

Don't be a Evil mfer because what goes around comes around. It's called Karma. Don't think for one second Karma won't catch you.

[@DonTrump-sv1si]

I love being the popular guy that gets and understands everyone, but its probably not the healthiest

[@lrwiersum]

Now that I honor my true nature, when I DO go out and interact with others, I have so much to give. There’s a center for adults with mental health issues that I attend and I have become a valued elder there. I go 3 days a week only, the staff is always happy to see me because I’m such an ally. I find small acts of service to keep busy and spread love and sanity. It’s wonderful. When I need to isolate, I ISOLATE !! I do everything on MY terms, it’s great.

[@bhanveegupta1531]

Have been directly or indirectly told by people in general, that I'm a "weirdo" for so long. Only lately, I'm embracing it coz if not, it costs me a lot w.r.t my precious life energy

[@natureglimses]

When Days are bad our focus sharpens

[@lukula2934]

For many reasons, I have rarely felt like I belong in this life. Actually, at 70 yrs. old, it has been only a handful of times. I remember how profound it was to feel this way. But the sense was fleeting. I just assumed there was something wrong with me, like anti-social or just chronically and deeply introverted. But, as I realized how shallow and desperate most people are in their lives, I settled into what one might call ,"an empathic indifference".

[@norag.5690]

Don’t burn bridges… we do need folks every once in a while. But, it really takes a great deal of effort not to Ghost folks. I have numerous acquaintances! And each one I treat uniquely, and every one wants my friendship until I just don’t have the endurance to maintain more than 1-4. Then they snub me, because off course I ghosted them 🤦🏼. Truly, I can’t care about this, it’s who I am! Thanks for this video!

[@koylejeune4332]

That is true. Connection is vital. Learn and discern what’s best for you. Be selfless as possible. Selfish and selflessness are two sides of the same coin. That is a battle of mine currently being a giver all the time.

[@koylejeune4332]

Also learn the balance of it all. I have. However, meddling with others energies is where that selfish or selflessness comes into play for me.

[@themountainsandthesea4121]

💓

[@Infinitesimal-ho7it]

Are we all on the same wavelength. Apropos to my thoughts this morning.

[@bikemystic]

Wenzes, I've related to every video of yours that I've seen. Thanks for making them. I left a relationship a little over a year ago and have no desire at this point to enter into another one. I just wanted to affirm what you're saying about enjoying solitude. I've never enjoyed my life more than I do as an independent Earthling with total freedom.

[@HaleyMary]

After the pandemic, I made it a habit not to stay out late with my friends like I used to. A lot of them would stay out until 1 or 2am singing karaoke and I found it exhausting. I stay for three hours tops at open mic nights and then leave at a more decent time, like 10 or 10:30pm and I already notice that I feel much more refreshed in the morning by reading a book before I sleep and even get more rest. I feel more mentally healthy this year than I have in many years.

[@stevew7719]

I am a 64 year old male INFJ. I have spent most of my life feeling different and on the outside. Your videos have helped me understand myself and my relationships so much better. Your knowledge and ability to convey these concepts has helped me greatly. Thank you so much.

[@tonyjones1560]

IKR? I’m 61 and only found out about all this about two years ago. Wish I’d had this info when I was 19, it would have saved me a ton of hassle.

[@Roltereen86]

WHEN THE INFJ STOPS TRYING TO BE SOCIAL (these 5 things happen) 1:02 #1 We start accepting our own weird attributes 5:40 #2 We start shicking people with who we truly are 8:19 #3 We're less concerned of people like us or not 12:24 #4 We figure out what we like and dislike 14:04 #5 We acually become an inspiration by being ourselves

[@lindateuling7862]

One of the most helpful features of these "Lists of 5" for me, is seeing how much I am doing right, but having it listed in a systematic and orderly way. My work and social relationships have improved a great deal and this list spells it out well. There's one item I have that has also helped things as well. Although I do feel more confident, there are still occasional moments of feeling nervous. But openly admitting it and still keeping on often helps build respect from others.

[@Roltereen86]

@@lindateuling7862 I also love these lists of 5 as well. I would take notes and review these lists from time to time to also help me improve some of my rusty spots. It is definitely up to us to try to keep in shape despite the odds from society where we are living in. 💪💪💪💪💪🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂

[@sunshinesunflowerz1647]

This is gold: THANK YOU, WENZES! because I knew that I didn't want to become social from an early age but my mother, nixed the future that God placed before me, by wanting me to be social by going outside and playing with the neighborhood kids. Now at 40, my faith is picking back up from where it left off, and God is nurturing me into who wanted me to be. It has taken me this long to embrace being called: weirdo from supposed family and "friends". I like me. I've always liked me, and marched to beat of my own drum by not rushing but simply working diligently at my pace, and asking needed questions, along the way. I am a INFJ who loves to be of service but with boundaries now. I was hard on a particular type boys growing up because they just didn't strike my fancy; thus, ultimately being manipulated by them, by the time I received my menses: year 9. I am blunt. I am different. I am also very loving, kindhearted, sweet and if people are intimidated by me enough to not to get to know by experiencing me outside of their projections, then that's says a lot about them. ✌

[@katejo9663]

It is tried and dangerous to confront with bullies. And when I stop explaining for myself, they make up stories for me. I never appears to any graduation ceremony of schools because I don't go alone with almost all of the schoolmates. People just get away from me. Now, at work, I maintain the minimum conversions to my colleague, hoping they don't bully me.

[@katejo9663]

I feel like a failure in life. I really want to have a friend that cares for me, like I cares for others. I don't like to door slamp people, I really want to find a beautiful place and stay forever. But that place is only in my head, and the person that will never let me down is also only me. The judgement others gave me is because of who they are, they can think like that all they want. They accuse me to be a taker, it is because they're a taker. They cannot stand me for being right, it is just because they know they are wrong. It is good for me to stay save, stay healthy, and wealth. No one is my business until I am well.

[@darklavender4229]

I love this video. I need this. Love you for articulating this out! Since a few weeks back I feel I went above and beyond for others. Then, I started thinking: What's in for me? (while it has drained a lot of my energy). Now I focus more on my needs.

[@matthewsolidum3494]

Thank you wenzes for discussing the most insightful and accurate analysis on what is like to be an infj ❤ I feel empowered and powerful when listening to your podcasts everytime. I remember searching about being an INFJ in google, I didnt like the messages and takeways bc there's a limited view on us as INFJs 😢 youve totally change the game for us infjs 🎉❤

[@boonheng411]

Thanks for everything master infj. I also learn, we cant really trust anybody. And we should mostly trust our family no matter what the certainty.❤

[@Wenzes]

What were some of your eye-opening revelations that came once you finally released the burden of social expectations?

[@MegaCyberleader]

Im so tired of this; people.

[@MegaCyberleader]

you are still beloved in my life.

[@Twinkie989]

I became the "crone" of the family- and I left the narcissist and dumped my psychiatrist.

[@omnivincitveritas]

How much l loathe small talk and how much everyone else enjoys talking about nothing. It's all I can do to engage in this waste of time and energy. I also realized I am on an island and no one around me thinks or acts like I do. I have said many times I am on a different planet in a different universe than all of these people and this includes my family.

[@marinamayer6920]

I go to the gym to work out and that's it, the teachers there understand it, they know I'm consistent and work hard. I felt I lost such a burden when I stop trying to be friends with them. I'm aware they think I'm weird, but with time, good qualities started to show up.

[@Jewel544]

Oh, this is so true!

[@djs032]

Preserve energy

[@darrenparkes9805]

Giving my love to my fellow INFJs , keep well , keep strong,

[@kencornwell]

Today I was watching a live of someone I admire greatly and almost had them here as a guest to help with projects and learning from that person. So in the beginning of the live of which I had missed and only attended the live late that person who was a bad alcholic says I was the one that caused them to stop drinking without any kind of help and then said I don't like that guy. Being INFJ is so hard sometimes.

[@Yintendo]

how did YT know i was an INFJ and recommend me this video?

[@ambraiezzi5037]

Wenzes thank you. Very helpful. Very helpful.

[@kristyboxx]

Thank you Wenzes for another inspiring video. I loved when you said "oh, I don’t want to be rude to others" which actually means "therefore I’m rude to myself". That is a profound thought that made it even into my journal of thoughts, ideas and quotes.

[@burcu4711]

thanks you for videos, as an infj you really helps me a lot ❤

[@halohalo86]

Thanks so much for the wisdom shared in this video! As an ENFJ I really do share similar struggles as INFJs when it comes to people pleasing, trying to fit in and often not being my true self around people. But the main difference being more extroverted and enjoying (sometimes craving) spending time with people (but I don't like small talk and shallow people though), and being a 'social chameleon' adapting to different people would sometimes make me almost not even know who I really am when no one is around. But after spending a lot of time on my own, and with maturity, I am becoming clearer on my own values, likes and dislikes, and so on. But sometimes I do catch myself falling into the trap of starting to think and act like other people in a group does, especially when I don't have a choice whether to be with them or not - i.e. workplace colleagues that l have to spend 9 hours together with, 5 days a week (even though I think they are good people, I know that outside of work we just don't have many common interests, and I would probably not choose them as friends if not for the job bringing us together). I wish there were helpful channels/resources like this for ENFJs as well ❤

[@wren3347]

#5 is the most edifying to me. Being genuine, being real, being at peace.

[@LungteNangram]

Thank you so much.

[@redhorsburgh..2345]

I call it peopleing which some days l just don't want too..lol so declare a alone day... TLC is needed but one thing l have come to realise if you don't value yourself others will not value you .. and one true friend is worth ten that don't value you.

[@ebuz3288]

I have been as I am now my whole life, would get in trouble on purpose to get sent to my room. People I let get close to me know me as who I always have been. My main friend I've known my whole life, she understands me for the most part, her mother was my nanny from 6 weeks old. So if I'm distant she is ok with that.

[@ginadellgrottaglia6897]

High masking is exhausting. No thanks. No more. 💪

[@Butcherbg]

Vomiting rainbows and unicorns in the good way (me doing so, right now @ the end of the video :P) I am amazed you keep having content and it is not repetitive either. I used to watch you, short after I re introduced myself to the MB personality thing. I rated INTP and I haven`t re done it since and don`t ~feel like it (see INTP ~feel things :P). I liked what you are saying and I won`t like I also liked your visuals. I still like both. You remind me of this male homonymous, elementary school, classmate of mine that used to bully me a little. You can 100% be his little or big sister (depending on your age, but I've heard is not polite to ask ladies about their age, I might have checked it before, but I forgot and I currently cannot rate you to mine, and respectively his, the classmate`s 36, even if he isn`t already he would be within this year as an 88). You have very many visual similarities like facial structure and somewhat teeth as well. Like it`s not like I liked him, especially considering he were bullying me, but I don`t think he was a bad guy and he even might have been a little charismatic. I only saw him once after High School on a University entrance exam, because he were giving that one a shot too. He have gained some weight and size since elementary, but still looked like himself. So I recently thought about you, but since I do not subscribe and I have completely forgotten your channel name, I did not actually went trough finding you, but I watched a few other MB Personality related videos and your channel "sufficed" by itself for me... I were reluctant to watch another video of yours for a while, but now I did and I am somewhat happy of doing so + look at this comment :P. Bye.

[@Claus1234]

🙂🙂🙂Pure Wisdom

[@drusillialeavel7533]

It has been thirty years on over forty I'm not regarding on what others think about me (INFJ A type). And all you say is true. But there's a downside in this; I must often stop people to see me as a messier. But it is cool to be a human kind of" avenger"😄🤠💪🐯🐼🐢🦅🐦 even having an autoimmune disease. And I Love my alone time, and text a lot, with friends who aren't introverted.

[@Vaporeon_91]

“It is a rare person indeed, when he is taken for who he truly is.” Scmendrick the Magician-“The Last Unicorn.” By Peter S. Beagle

[@mikkel6938]

Gotta love that accent of yours. Are you from Brooklyn? Just curious

[@shyamalganguly3598]

Things those impede us, I don't know if there are many who find themselves in a cluster that is very recognisable from these ones to the largest ones starting from a little too bigger than ours (say) and it's much more and more difficult when the units which make a specialized genre are rather well apart physically to get much of an impact to the larger clusters holding a common view averaged out from the number of competencies mattering the understanding the loosely bounded one from these vicinity cluster available to the very discreet unit of an unrecognizable whole which perhaps has a very different outlook to matters, any matter so to say, and combined it's not defendable by any of the larger opinionated groups and not being so it's creates a no go for the unique unit is a square peg in a round hole! There are drawbacks to every individual and none is flawless and these little cluster have its own but the difference is they are able to recognize those but for the inflexible larger opinionated moulds make the single unit an impasse for even get a scratch of what they strive to get it through and I used EVEN for all bigger moulds aren't in the same mould because the jotted intellect varies from one larger to the other and so also the capacity to absorb a loose unit in a different mould of intellect! Therefore what happens they begin to get upsets, so much so that they become too lonely to walk through their own desired direction! Even though not being set or fit they remain in a recluse building a hard cocoon around them and over time they become more and more unrecognizable to the extent of an impasse for the misfit mould they are in! The drawbacks of recoiling from the hurts they receive and receive and because of their uniqueness to not retaliating with vigour they shrink back and bank in disgust rather not being able to find a way out or not finding a solution to impeding break through and that is because, to me at least, the shape they're made of! I'll tell others to be a little selfish for making a fruitful progress even by making a false instance of myself being selfish but that's only to give a push for a self benefited future and it's in reality is almost shaming to myself to the kind! You keep your mouth shut to the extent it's death pain to do so rather than be free not bothering what happens to people around and acquiesce to being a scapegoat which could be any other many who being in the mentioned moulds accepted by the level of judgement left them anyway unharmed for more gruesome, maybe in the same line of action, act and these people live their oyester life admitting that none is free from the life's everyday anxieties and none has as much time to think over other's affairs rather their own but don't forget humans have bitter histories than any other species and their little contributions always made sea differences in ongoing life matters! I'd not writing these to make you understand if I didn't find my all counts not going according to my level processing things to get a life I always wanted! In saying that I'm not demanding that I'm flawless and like anyone else I too am and as human being I'm not completely void of hankering for greed and smart going to what I'm capable of but miscalculation and shocks happen and for being in a different league I'm a nogo and stick in the mud depending on the actions of the small genre I belong and like before many will get me wrong except the ones who basically have come to know me inside out!

[@deborahwolff5651]

I have no desire to fit in and am okay with being alone. People can be too clickey, and I'm not interested in their conversations. I like to be deeper and think outside the box😮 but it doesn't work with most people.

[@karenwyand7884]

Now I just need to learn how to handle the "you've changed" comments 😕

[@jessmason2112]

💯💪❤️ 9:12

[@Bohobabe17]

12:14 👍

[@Bud88883]

HOW ABOUT YOU STOP SCAMMING PEOPLE??😂

[@cyber_future]

love being here with other INFJs 🫡