When you're not sure if your date is also autistic

Autism Acceptance Week - April 2nd-8th - ‪@NationalAutisticSoc‬
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[@mrkiky]

Pro tip: just open with "hmm, it appears we both have autism", like a true chad once demonstrated.

[@magorzatakucharczyk7301]

Look at me. On this date. Functioning 😂

[@twocubez7848]

As someone on the spectrum who’s recently gotten back into the dating pool, this has quickly become my mantra.

[@RosarioRebellion]

“That’s a hate crime” 😂 cute couple!

[@jameslucas5590]

"And a win!"

[@critical-goat]

You might not connect romantically, but hopefully this becomes a wonderful friendship.

[@flandrinelextensionniste6490]

A well functioning couple is a frienship!

[@bartsimpsonn6027]

Nerd

[@critical-goat]

@@bartsimpsonn6027 My friend likes to remind me on a daily basis 💜

[@books4739]

a wonderful cuckhold situation

[@sharonegan7511]

My hubby, me and my daughter (all Autistic) have blinking, staring conversations all the time and it's a beautiful thing to behold because it's not awkward, it's just a Tuesday.

[@stuartlawscomedy]

love this

[@xantiom]

You guys are like ninjas taking in codes with the blinking

[@Cherrycreamsoda1]

Didn’t realise the blinking was an autistic trait 😅

[@sharonegan7511]

​@@Cherrycreamsoda1 Who said it was?

[@EdwardMillen]

I'm genuinely curious, do those involve eye contact? (because I cannot do that... in almost all circumstances anyway)

[@CelineRazavi]

appreciate the honest and contactless ending, that's hot

[@awesomebearaudiobooks]

I think I might be autistic, and yet I am very contactful, and I've met some autistic people who are also contactful. The ending made me sad.

[@ParodyKnaveBob]

​@@awesomebearaudiobooks Perhaps you're neurodivergent in some other way.

[@howcomeitsbeeping]

@@awesomebearaudiobooks Totally fine and normal for an autistic person. It’s not about disliking people or being terrible at social interaction. Autism is a set of neurological differences, and some people’s nervous systems find physical touch overwhelming while some people find it very calming and reassuring.

[@llama0057]

@@awesomebearaudiobooksit’s not a one-size-fits-all diagnosis! It looks different for everyone

[@EdwardMillen]

​@@awesomebearaudiobooks same here, that's the one bit of the video I couldn't relate to lol. I'm *definitely* autistic (diagnosed a long time ago), but I've only realised relatively recently that physical touch is my thing (love language etc), I need it. So yeah, hugs are great, and are pretty much the only thing I've found that calms me down properly when stressed (or even approaching a meltdown) etc. Although I also have some level of contamination-type OCD... so yeah, not an ideal combination (but that seems to be a common theme with many aspects of how I am as a person) :/

[@darthhavok1]

I loved the honest communication at the end. What a relief

[@wcjerky]

Honestly, talking about fonts and their effective applications sounds like a fine conversation. I'm in.* *under the condition I don't have to leave my home or change from my sweatpants or be assaulted by bright lights.

[@jambott5520]

There is no shame in leaving your house with comfy sweatpants and sunglasses. Some people may judge you, but you are the one wearing some cool shades and not having to deal with bright lights so I would say you would be winning

[@fabovondestory]

Absolutely! As someone who is into Graphic Design (and autistic lol)

[@notsomeoneofnormalcy-cv3yq]

This brings back memories of the time I was at a party and one of the other guests, a child psychologist, asked my (non-ASD) wife, "Soooo..... does your husband know he has Autism?" 🤣

[@gracep2910]

Why did you call me out in the first second with knowing fonts way too well

[@wmouse]

"Actually it's a typeface."

[@SteinGauslaaStrindhaug]

But now I want to hear what he said about the font! 😅

[@vortex4666]

I went on a date once and me and my date legit went on about aircraft for what must have been hours, it was great

[@samuelcornish8050]

That last conversation where youre both on a completely different page and not synchronising is exactly what happens with autism. I chat to people and am never in the same place they are so conversations are so incredibly long

[@valenz1234]

this should have more views

[@MurasakiYugata]

This is remarkably relatable. And cute. Well done!

[@jazdigance6403]

I love this doubly as an autist and a fan of Peep Show

[@eswift8318]

Ok. All well and good, but...what was the font on the menu? Probably something sans serif for readability. But don't just leave us hanging like that!

[@reed6514]

Subscribe for more fontent. (Get it, content + font = fontent, HAH IM SO FUNNY)

[@andywest5773]

Papyrus. Date ruined.

[@Accrovideogames]

When a neurotypical person asks me if I'm autistic, I'm offended. When an autistic person asks me if I'm autistic, I'm flattered. I actually am not autistic, but I have C-PTSD. If a neurotypical person asks me this question, odds are they are using it as an insult. If it's an autistic person asking it, odds are they're just trying to establish trust. Trust is the love language of people with C-PTSD. There are similarities between autism and C-PTSD, which makes it easier to empathize with one another. The vast majority of people don't give a shit about our comfort. They want to "fix" us in order to fit in.

[@flowersafeheart]

Interesting! What similarities have you noticed between Autism and C-PTSD?

[@reed6514]

We're Not Broken by Eric Garcia is the best book I've ever read. It's about autism, but i think it's applicable to anyone with a disability, and really even to people without significant disabilities, since we all need support sometimes, and should love and accept both ourselves and others. Pretty sure I'm autistic though.

[@jambott5520]

I find that it really does depend. Neurotypical people aren't a monolith, a lot of them can tell something is up (even if they don't know exactly what) and are asking as to why. Admittedly I do have to do a lot of convincing for most neurotypical people about stuff to do with autism. I can get away with that because I really love talking and got fairly good at it over the years. Plus I have built up plenty of useful analogies. Like if you are ever having trouble explaining what being non verbal is like, the best analogy for an nt person I have found is trying to place your hand on a pan you know is hot. Sure you can physically do it, but that doesn't change that without great mental strain your hand is not going on that pan. If they don't accept the analogy, that's their problem. Usually they are at least willing to hear you out.

[@francesco3772]

​@@jambott5520use holding your breath instead: you can do it, but you instinctively wouldn't want to unless you really had to and it takes effort.

[@francesco3772]

As someone else was saying, neither NTs nor NDs are a monolith: our interpretation of phenomena are just models to better understand their apparent characteristics. Segregating ourselves in these made-up categories can be comfy, but it's childish and harmful long term, especially when you end up identifying yourself with a clinical diagnosis.

[@isamekailmahmud9302]

I am also autistic but I personally really like hugs

[@Yupppi]

This is like a normal date except you're not thinking when to scream "you're autistic!" to your date partner. I've been to romantic dates with some autistic girls and they were the best dates I've had, which is I suppose a bit unexpected. So much fun and comfortable chatting. And sometimes I'm still surprised that I am not autistic myself.

[@summit881]

Damnit, it’s too accurate! 😂

[@switzerlandful]

I wonder if autism is human beings adapting to low sensory and low energy conditions and normalizing to it... and then when exposed to high energy and high sensory conditions becoming overwhelmed and irritated by it (to the point of not being able to cope or think straight) so that you don't operate properly.

[@ZipplyZane]

My guess is that NTs have a better ability to filter out things. I think may have to do with GABA and how it functions. My reasoning? I'm not autistic. But a lot of the effects I had when detoxing from benzo withdrawal seem similar to autism--at least, the overload part. It also seems similar to some OCD traits I have. I also think sensory seeking autistic people have other systems in their brain overcompensating, and thus they feel things less than they should, and thus seek out more. This also fits my experience, where I started having numbness and stuff. Just theories, of course. I've long wondered if they've tried GABA-related stuff for autistic people to help with the bad part of autism.

[@Thehealthycreative_]

I like this but I’m confused by the end

[@Eryniell]

the end is a loop of finding common ground in not feeling a spark with each other XD

[@Fizzfaldt]

This was freaking awesome

[@stuartlawscomedy]

Thank you! A follow up sketch is here in case you're interested: kzbin.info/www/bejne/gJKqf3-lmMt7b7s

[@omnacky]

I scared a friend away once by talking about our autism (must've made him uncomfortable that I could tell)

[@MrNyathi1]

Not being funny here - saying this as someone who's supposedly ADHD - I feel like we're stretching the certain categories of neurodivergence to the point that they're not helpful. Or to put it more personally, I'm pretty sure two or three of my friends could be diagnosed as autistic, but honestly I just think of them as people who interact differently than the average person. I'd far rather understand who they are as individuals than try to interact with them based on a diagnosis/neurodivergent category. EDIT: I looked over what I wrote, and thought some folks might think I'm saying that autism isn't a thing, and I'm not saying that. I know I'm neurodivergent, I experience flow/hyperfocus, distractability because just one thing at a time isn't enough stimulation, a tendency to impulsivity, etc. And among my (newer) friends is a guy who shows virtually no facial expression, converses very awkwardly and monotone, doesn't have the best sense of timing. One of the things I love about the guy is that he still shows up to social events and contributes and stretches himself when it's very obvious it's not comfortable for him, but he knows the other person values his doing that. I have no idea whether he has a diagnosis of autism, and I honestly don't care, it's not going to change how I interact with him.

[@cjlister8508]

"people who interact differently than the average person" Well, thats literally what being ND is.

[@pumpkinhill4570]

Especially since the “average person,” definitionally, doesn’t exist. Everyone deviates from this imagined average to some extent, so it becomes totally subjective about where we’re gonna draw the line to say this person is neurodivergent or that person is an autist. I think it’s easy to get obsessed with labels, and that obsession gets in the way of just being yourself and allowing others to just be themselves.

[@MrNyathi1]

@@cjlister8508 Sorry, I didn't see your reply till now. Have a look at pumpkinhill's reply below; they said it much better than I can ;)

[@ninjabgwriter]

I feel like functioning is a really important part of a diagnosis, and functioning can be masked by outward appearances. In interactions, I look extremely polite and can be basically friendly, but I really struggle to make friends or keep myself safe in public. I didn't know until like 6 months ago that a friendship was supposed to be mutually fulfilling, I thought it was a duty to entertain the other person, and if I felt uncomfortable or unsafe it was because I wasn't doing a good enough job at socializing, rather than the other person being a potential danger or manipulator or bully. I thought being skilled at socializing was just minimizing awkward moments and eliciting positive reactions from other people, because the ways in which I naturally want to socialize put most people off. And though I interact a bit differently in superficial conversations, I struggle A LOT while doing so and get sensorily overwhelmed in most public settings, and often have to use the bathroom to avoid having a public shutdown/meltdown. That was basically the only thing that got me through the school day as a kid. I really really struggle with awareness of myself in space and reaction time, to the point where I cannot drive (and public transportation is not really available where I live). And though I can be articulate and put others at their ease, though I was diagnosed as 'quirky' for years before I finally got an adult autism diagnosis, I struggle to do mundane tasks like laundry or hygiene or chores or feeding myself. I know how to do those things, but the number of difficulty they cause me and the dozens of coping skills I have to learn and implement for each one is so much work. All this to say, if you only look at someone socially only, it can be really misleading. There's so much that has to go along with social difficulties to get an autism diagnosis, and we're often trained and highly encouraged to keep that stuff invisible. People see me clean when I go somewhere and don't know I have been trying to shower for a week and in a guilt spiral because I want to be clean but I cannot handle feeling like I'm being pelted with hail by the water droplets so every day I'm like 'ok today I'll do it' and then the only thing that can make me actually do it is leaving the house.

[@MrNyathi1]

@@ninjabgwriter Whoa, there. I think you're getting confused between who you *are* (definitely neurodivergent), and who you've *become*. People don't just naturally become people pleasers - that's abuse sequelae you're talking about (and I'm saying that from personal experience). Social skills are something we all have to learn, it's just that different people struggle with different aspects. Someone who's confident about interacting with others still has to learn consideration, for example. And that learning takes place in context: at home, at school, in the workplace, etc. If you've been abused, you learn that your feelings are not important, that you exist for the other person's benefit, that you can't do anything right, etc. That is not true. I don't know you, but I can tell you: you matter, you have worth, you can heal from these things, you can compliment yourself for doing the right thing (rather than should all over yourself that you only get it right sometimes). And you have strengths, massive strengths, as well as weaknesses. You are the way you are because you can bring something that no-one else can. I really wish I could give you a hug, right now, and tell you you matter, and encourage you to find who you *are* and what you're made for. Masking is about learning to fit in with people who're different, but like I said, we all have to learn social skills. It's easier for some than for others, and some people are masking a predatory nature rather than an awkward one, but I don't think that we have to see using self-control as a bad thing. Masking that you're vulnerable is actually another way of saying 'unlearn people pleasing', and I hope you commit to learning it. Predators can be very nasty indeed, as you obviously know from your first paragraph. I used to struggle with social skills and don't anymore (largely thanks to some wonderful precious friends), but executive dysfunction coupled with perfectionism has led me into bad burnout. As I work in a creative field, and I'm burnt out in my core competency, that's an issue. I'm healing, and a major part is being able to forgive myself for not naturally being good at things like time perception (forget time management, I ask myself at 2:30 AM how on earth it was 23:15 quarter of an hour ago...) and knowing when something I've created is good enough. I can't carry on being at the mercy of executive dysfunction, which means I must use strategies. But accepting that it's okay that I'm not 'normal' in that regard, and that I might well not have the creativity I do if I were normal, is helping (there's still a road to walk). I really trust you'll find healing, and discover your life purpose!

[@FBI_Agent_69420]

If I want to know something about my date, I find the best policy is to just ask them straight up. Like "hey, 5th of July, do you like trains?".

[@michaelgraflmusic]

What the ... am I autistic? I had no idea!

[@Adonnus100]

My doctor is autistic. Sometimes I found it weird how I said something, and instead of reacting like I expect she just stares at me for 5 seconds with a blank expression :DDD I guess it's normal, I've now found.

[@KRT912]

This feels so much like an episode from the peep show

[@yokaiwatcher8500]

Either express it outright, or wear a “Autism awareness” bracelet, and play with it to the point they have to make the connection

[@DeathnoteBB]

Who’s they? If it’s an autistic person, we don’t always assume things. If it’s an allistic person, they assume everyone is allistic.

[@budmonk2819]

She is gorgeous 😍

[@petermoto409]

Do we know her name?

[@Bobdixon_Moonvarga_Dancer_III]

Came here for this. I need her name.

[@petermoto409]

@@Bobdixon_Moonvarga_Dancer_III She's lovely and a really good actress.

[@nightynightlayla374]

0:42 Is it bad that my first reaction is thinking I’m being mocked at? Am I crazy for thinking this? It sounds so judgmental and assuming. I’d be upset in his shoes honestly.

[@CyrusMcWin-bd3sl]

Now I'm trying to figure out if I'm autistic lmao

[@ANARDCUDUBH99]

Autistic Women are often undiagnosed but like this girl… They are absolutely stunning.

[@traveller23e]

...Sorry, I have to ask, why did you capitalise women?

[@bland9876]

Noe make them also shy.

[@flandrinelextensionniste6490]

That was wholesome!

[@lorisiccia5914]

so cute... but honestly thinking about cool fonts... wishing i could remember names..i used to print them out to have my favorites on a sheet. short studies in graphic design but then went off on a font tangeant. copperplate was always a fav and considered printing off labels for my spices but printer went off with the ex and the gf he wasnt cheating on me with.....cuz he said it was in my head. nope very real but moving on.... thats ok no spark anyway and i had better conversation with my dog. good luck to them. maybe their wedding invitations in some swirly script font. or lets be real itll be comic sans cuz its a joke. soon it'll all be in her head too. poor girl. but thats the way life goes anyway cute video

[@reed6514]

🐕

[@erinfield1943]

I mean, I felt a spark.

[@VEX_INC]

hol' up, why is this so relatable? 🤔

[@looniemoonie5955]

Bro I think everyone and their mom knew I was autistic but never told me... You know how exactly I started to suspect something was off about me? From a random 18+ manhwa. When I was 29. Not even kidding...

[@Marcus-rg7bg]

God help us. No wonder were introverts lol. Look, i like you and you like me. Lets just go home and be happy about that lol. Just lay there with eachother quietly until one of us says something stupid and random.

[@danbanrock2]

I understand the waiter. He thinks that he might fall over from the noise and cause me not to get back home in time to watch Mr Bates versus The Post Office. And the fonts are too bright for the noise.

[@TheAnantaSesa]

I don't get why they both said they feel nothing and want to go their separate ways but yet also asked to do it again despite having just said no before asking the same question with eagerness as though they hoped the other would say yes. I mean I can understand enjoying the lack of emotional upheaval so I'm guessing it was just a confusing execution of it. Kinda like how you should tell first responders that you hope they have a boring day at work.

[@ZipplyZane]

They seem to be responding to two different versions of the question. They just went on a date. So they don't want to do that again. But they did enjoy each others' company, and would be happy to get together again, in a non-date context. But they're having trouble communicating it. Then again, I'm apparently not autistic, so maybe I'm wrong.

[@TheAnantaSesa]

@@ZipplyZane well I have "can count to 10 without using my fingers" autism (lol) so I don't understand either.

[@LCaaroe]

I think it's because they've both learned and explicitly internalized that when "neurotypicals" say "we should do this again sometime" it means the opposite. Of course that's not entirely true, in reality it's a polite non-commital and non-confrontational way to end an interaction with a person whom you are not going to go out of your way to see again. People studying social interaction from an "outsider perspective" might interpret hat as "we should do this again" literally means "we will never meet again" and should be used that way. Anyway, I'm sure it was fun reading a way too verbose explanation of a joke. Bye

[@ZipplyZane]

@@LCaaroe Huh. I didn't consider that. I've heard of that on TV, but I can't say I've ever really experienced it, and I don't do it myself. I always considered it one of those thing that the "mean girl" types do. Then again, I'm also considering tone of voice with this. I can easily imaging the fake tone of voice saying this. The one that sounds overly cheery. The fact that I can tell these people both seem utterly sincere may be getting in my way.

[@TheAnantaSesa]

@@LCaaroe I must be neurodivergent then bc "we should do this again" has always to me meant what the words mean. And all the people that said it and met up with me again must have been divergent too. I know how to pick them, I guess.

[@Kleinage]

This is a very sweet video.

[@somebuddyX]

This word: date?

[@-Mike]

Well wtf, I guess I am on the dang spectrum.

[@JohnSmith-ep6bj]

Not really feeling the spark is so accurate

[@FitLadyJoy]

So they made eye contact with each other?

[@Magnus_Mundus]

This behavior seems completely normal to me ... Wait... Am I autistic? Are most people I know autistc?!

[@stuartlawscomedy]

congrats buddy, welcome to the club - the lighting is low and the music is at the perfect volume to obscure your conversation from the tables near you but not set your brain on fire

[@jmackmcneill]

This is entirely possible, as it seems over years the only people I want to continue engaging with are neuro-divergent, so there are almost no neuro-typicals in my life.

[@davidthedeaf]

It honestly confuses me. My best friend is sure they are autistic. I see they try to hope or find others to be autistic too, and wondered if it is an online thing, everyone trying to get everyone else to be so they feel normalized. If they do not want marriage or deep relationships, it just feels like time to move on. Sad.

[@yehorveremii]

tf u said

[@yehorveremii]

this is the most relatable ever, tho, very painful experience. I can date like once a year or two, or I will lose it, ngl. Always end up very very horror for me.

[@hats4cats]

im a high functioning autistic. my problem is i have a high iq and understand complex things like quantum mechanics and string theory. actually going to college for theoretical physics to be a theoretical physisist. String theory or quantum loop gravity theory is what i want to focus on. got 109% in fundemental chemistry and 103% in general chem 1. Wasn't even trying that hard. took a 1 month long summer course of college algebra and aces it easy. was fun. not as fun as trig, that was FUN to learn. but....but despite all this i cant make a good grocery list. i don't know what i like sometimes. not something think about. and think constantly. it gets annoying

[@shamrackle3712]

Stuart, is your family from North or South Carolina? Maybe Spartanburg? We share the Laws family name, so I was curious. (Not as common as Law or Lawson, etc.) 😉🙂‍↔️

[@No-Analysis]

She kinda looks cute.

[@LegionOfWeirdos]

I didn't understand his last line and couldn't read the caption because the suggested video covered it up. 😐

[@stuartlawscomedy]

“Yeah we should do this again” “Nah I don’t feel the spark” “Me neither!”

[@anna-marie-]

LOL, me and my best friends!

[@minamur]

what is the font on the menu the same font as?

[@Wolfcone]

Stimming is such a mistake of a word to introduce to the west.

[@MaverickJackJohnson]

I can't take all this will they won't they!! I hope they don't! x.x

[@DellikkilleD]

might be a shocker, but some of us dont care about eye contact, in fact Ive been told I make 'aggressive' eye contact, what ever that means

[@earlleeruhf3130]

When I go out on dates and want to known if they are autistic I give them some paint and canvas and brushes to see what they create.

[@stuartlawscomedy]

ASD SEQUEL! kzbin.info/www/bejne/gJKqf3-lmMt7b7s

[@TheDanielscarroll]

Ha cute!

[@SteveJones-e8w]

I tell you, Nay: but, except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish. Luke 13:3 KJV

[@Aurochhunter]

0:43 cue for cringe.

[@BLT7]

I'm in this video and I don't like it

[@tsovloj6510]

This

[@Yamaazaka]

No.

[@ReynaLikk-yj4xw]

guys please don't take this video seriously, i'm autistic and i assure you im not like this lol 🤣

[@traveller23e]

Neither am I, I've never managed to get to the "on a date" stage lol

[@viazuaga]

Cringe

[@hotgirladjacent]

So true bestie