When You Suspect Your Partner is Having an Emotional Affair

How do you approach a spouse you think is having an emotional affair? How you do it could make or break the relationship. Here are 5 things to consider before approaching your partner.
Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC is a psychotherapist, specializing in intimacy, parenting, body image, and relationships.
Reaction Reset is a self-help series that explains the psychology behind why we react negatively and how we can begin to make a positive change. Subscribe for a new episode every other Wednesday!
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[@teenatalk7120]

I think it’s over and I need to just stay strong and let him go he has already crossed my boundaries

[@mozerm]

I recently discovered my wife was having an emotional affair with a long time friend. I confronted her about the friendship several years ago (maybe 8 or 9) and she always said they were just friends. He's part of our friends group so I know him too. In any case, I recently found out she had sent him a very personal wallet card calling him her best friend, love, and soulmate. Pretty crushing. She's minimizing it (although accepting that it was not appropriate) saying it happened because our relationship was so broken. I should have been much more forceful from the start about not being willing to accept the relationship. We're trying to work through things out to see if there's anything to salvage. Bottom line - don't ignore warning signs. Things don't get better or change by themselves. If it feels wrong then it is wrong. Your gut already knows the answer.

[@lungonelias1836]

👌👍😔

[@KG-wz5ml]

A lot of the symptoms mentioned in these are spot on. Just my opinion. In my situation, when I try talk to my partner, she absolutely loses her mind. Screaming & yelling. I don't point a finger. I ask questions. My partner seems to mention this guy 6 to 7 times a week. I tell I don't know this person, she insists I do. This man is her boss , considerably younger. My partner recently was going to dinner with her co-worker... Surprise . The Boss showed up. Hmmm. My partner let it slip or at least it certainly appeared that way to me. We are still having discussion. Because now , my partner threw in the man is married and has a wife... Seem sketchy that now is some kind of cover. Guess what married people get cheated on. Strange, if the situation is so innocent, why not disclose everything. Instead it looks & feels like a cover up. My partner keeps all of her electronics password protected. Imagine that. While after a discussion. The phone was offered I chose not, to. Instead I continued to ask questions, like are you having conversations about me to your boss... Well at first. She lied. So I confronted again as it turned out, she admitted as much. Again she says nothing happening. I say conversations about is about work , it personal , private and inappropriate behavior. Meaning, that guy isn't your boss. I'm going to leave this post here for now. I just wanted to share with the posters some of the things that I see happening. If your partner or significant other is exhibiting these kinds of behaviors I would be very alarmed. I know one of the defensive things that were said to me is that I'm almost 60 years old I'm the oldest person in that place. Last time check I don't believe there's an age range on affairs.

[@pipergunderson-swaney4539]

3 yrs later he blames me for finding the text messages saying- i love you too a woman i do not know. He wants me to think that is ok.i know more happened because he keeps defending his friendship., as if i was bad for finding the texts. Gaslighting.

[@AmericanDreamer]

hey, just seeing your comment, I hope you left his lying ass.....not only he spits on your relationship, he also accuses you of his own wrong doings. There are better men out there, he proved he does not truly love you...I hope you find strength and peace and walk away. How are you doing , 2 years later? if you are together still, has he stopped gaslighting you?

[@ceciliabarron1753]

I found out he is attractive to a coworker through a text he sent his brother. And his brother encourages it.

[@somethingdifferent4u247]

Truest words ever spoken.

[@annamariascalderaro-defina8969]

My husband is on tictok , he never talks to me,, always on his cell. He. Hides his cell, he gets mad, calls me nasty names, will not stop following these ladies. I know he is talking beyond the app. He won't stop.

[@MaryJoRapini]

Please consider talking to a therapist.

[@lacielucille]

I understand. Similar situation on TikTok but he was spending a good bit of money sending TikTok gifts to the person who is a small content creator doing live streams to an intimate group of about 15 people that he was constantly involved with. And the rest of his followers and those he follows were all thirst traps, but not with an influencer level of followers but regular people on TikTok. These weren't e-girl models, just regular people he desired. Quite a few were living in our greater metro area. Hopefully your partner didn't try to excuse the behavior by telling you that the TikTok algorithm radicalized him and set him up. 🤮 Best of luck to you.

[@kerryfat1697]

It’s not therapy think 🤔 about it serious 🧐 pause it’s really u need to really spice up ur relationship really man are man spice it up a little

[@teenatalk7120]

I confronted him asking why are you liking all your coworkers Facebook posts without even liking mine er have dated two years but he worked with her before that and he was friends but I didn’t ask about an affair just asked why he liked all her posts and none of mine then after two years he says she is just a friend and not very open and I e don’t live together after two years

[@reesepieces92]

1. Told him he denied it and said it’s part of his job to text these women 2.very defensive and says he only has eyes for me. But he has these girls numbers saved in his phone under guys names. I called the numbers 3.i don’t really have anyone close. My family was never happy about our marriage so telling them this would just fill them with joy 4.i have set boundaries, he will not though . He uses his work Instagram page as his own personal page to talk to ppl and uses his cellphone for work customers to get in contact with him and I’ve told him plenty of times this bothers me. Why can’t they text or call the phone at his job and not his personal phone and the Instagram should be for the business only but he keeps saying I’m just doing my job, I’m a friendly man

[@MaryJoRapini]

Reese, you are with someone who lacks integrity, honesty and transparency. Please, you deserve so much better. Staying with someone who dis-respects you and your relationship is not someone you should stay with just to save face with your family. He does not act like he loves you....Listen to your gut. My hope that you will get the courage to seek therapy and guidance going forward.

[@SaystheTruth3]

I believe you are too paranoid.....it's too much imho

[@reesepieces92]

@@SaystheTruth3 my family did too. But apparently he was having an affair with a coworker and she's pregnant...but thanks for your thoughts

[@SaystheTruth3]

@@reesepieces92 I'm so sorry to hear that... I'm wishing the best for you in your future 💓 hugs!

[@graceiminza7565]

Thank you so much for this video it was so wonderful.So much helpful guidance.God bless you

[@roseying6198]

Infidelity is such a bad thing to have in any relationship. My advice will be for anyone having such thought to fully understand that it will always inhibit one giving his or her best in any relationship. So the best thing to do when infidelity issues arises is to find out for sure. I used to have allot of doubt about my partner and had to find out for sure. It was heart breaking what I found out but the best thing to do to keep my already troubled mind at peace. Thanks to the help I got which enable me to find out everything and see things for myself. I was really happy I did take the step and now my heart is peaceful after everything.

[@phawtakhun3652]

So how did you get to find out for sure?

[@roseying6198]

I employed the help of a professional, who helped me to uncover everything with evidence. Here is his contact no. below

[@roseying6198]

1[559]

[@roseying6198]

[3760]

[@roseying6198]

[021]

[@beegee5305]

Therapy didnt work. My EX BF was very secret about his whereabouts and all the outings with his little "friend". He deflected and tried to make me look like insecure. We went to 3 different therapists at his request, only bc he wanted to find someone who backed him up. He actually didn't really want to go to therapy at all, but acquiesced. Didnt help. When I left saying that he can do what he wants to but if he wants to be in a relationship with me, she has to go. He agreed ...then 2 days later reneged. (Wishy washy-ness was also a persistent problem). I left. Then suddenly he was writing letters saying he wanted to go to therapy (as if it was his idea all along) and that he wished we had gone earlier when problems were small. Like, what the heck did he think I was doing all along?? I couldn't go back, it felt like hoovering.

[@merlebrown7664]

These day marriages & romantic relationships often don't last. So my husband and I have used special prayers to secure our marriage and it seems our love keeps growing 🥰❤️

[@teenatalk7120]

Almost like he is waiting for something and lately he has been communicating less with me and acting very cold to me and I have asked and even sent him videos and asked him to stop talking to her delete her from Facebook and he refused

[@namboy2233]

Outstanding content as usual! But, was not sure I understood why recommendation #3 is necessary [no offense intended]?

[@mickboyce386]

Just brilliant

[@angelheartmartinez8124]

My partner right now for a year i always having a fight every time i bring her friend..they are chatting everyday..day and night even changing kisses two to four emoji..they were friends from university..he told me just friends but the messages were intense and one day i saw my guy message her that soon he can calm her mine..i found out that the girl having the divorce anytime right now and my partner separated with her ex 2 years ago...and this august he will go back for good in their country and one time he told me that he will be finally with his soulmate he has waited for 20 years..its so much hurt me..

[@jaydixson1731]

Great words

[@LuisLR7]

Mary, I have a question. My gfs friend once expressed his sexual desire towards her ( before I met her, my gf ). She said no They got ramen and she mentioned the planned get together ahead of time. She tells me the logistics. At the same time, this makes me feel uncomfortable and I expressed my concern. Her answer was “I don’t have any guy friends, I don’t see him in a sexual way, also, he talks about how in love he is with his gf” Despite her understanding how uncomfortable this makes me feel, she still hung out. They hang out once every 3 months or so Not sure to read the situation

[@merlebrown7664]

Apparently there are different prayers to make her ex go away. And I can give it to you if you want it.

[@user-nx4el1vo7o]

How did it turn out?

[@pacitaescobalgaputan9865]

My husband has a communication with other girl,but he put in the phone that she is a compnion in the office but he hide the text

[@MaryJoRapini]

Red flag for sure!

[@carolashlee8002]

My partner has been having an emotional affair with his wife & I’m not comfortable with it. He just defends it & has met up with her in secret

[@halethanh3910]

the sound is not good I am quite disappointed

[@osio7528]

Go back to Vietnam

[@SiDung-qg7rn]

@@osio7528 don’t be racist, dude!

[@osio7528]

@@SiDung-qg7rn he has a Vietnamese screen name, how is that racist?

[@SiDung-qg7rn]

@@osio7528 even if his screen name is Vietnamese, you told him to go back to his country? How do you know if the US isn’t his home? Even if it isn’t, he has the right to stay and make it home, permanent home. That makes you a racist.

[@billioncharacters]

Your speaker is broken!!!

[@LavishPatchKid]

In contemporary times - guys who are pigs avoid relationships like cancer. I know. I'm one of them. Guys who still get in relationships - are more than likely monogamous. Therefore, for one of these guys to cheat - means the 'love of his life' turned into an absolute nightmare. Female emotionalism is probably the most powerful force on earth to temper men. But there's a caveat: people grow immune. It explains everything from modern dudes cheating, to sons of single mothers becoming completely unruly by their teens. And of course, said boys are then immune to the emotional pleas of others for life. You can't put the paste back in the tube.