When You Tell People That You Don't Drink. Mayce Galoni

[@MrZoomah]

When I was teaching in remote Australia I stopped drinking... after drinking way too much. When I returned home and went to the old pub the bar flies were happy I had returned to their midst. They tried to buy me a beer. I said, "Nah. I don't drink any more." Two of them nodded and the other said, "Good on ya mate. You'll be better for it." I bought them a round... when it was their turn they bought me a counter meal. Have never had anyone have an issue with me not drinking... and I live in a drinking culture.

[@bocagoodtimes1460]

Respect to your bar friends.

[@pallinagialla97]

It's good people around you were supportive nonetheless and not minatory

[@music-zv6je]

there's a significant difference between "I don't drink" and "I don't drink anymore", and a lot of drinkers seem to understand where you're coming from if you say the latter

[@sharaguzzetta9504]

Apparently we non-drinkers fall into two buckets for assumption: AA or religious. It’s always fun to make them guess, and they get weirded out if you say “Personal taste”.

[@mikkitoro8933]

Religion plays some part for me, but the biggest is that I don't like the taste. And it's just bad for you in general. Even if you set aside potential kidney or liver problems, it still negatively affects your mental state.

[@ben.tanner]

Or health reasons. Or to avoid addiction (even if not previously addicted). But those answers are less common and people don't expect them.

[@dyciefisk2535]

My response is that I know I wouldn't be able to self regulate. I know myself well enough to know that I'd be an alcoholic.

[@thehuggiestbug2862]

It’s childhood trauma for me fam 😎👍🏻

[@boodledemic6430]

I saw too many friends make fools of themselves. So that was my deterrent

[@marenkendall7413]

Someone told a story of being at a work dinner, saying he didn't drink for religious reasons, and someone grumbles "Jesus drank wine..." Someone else clapped back "he drank water too, let the man drink what he wants"

[@thedevicebook]

@@marenkendall7413 while I don't drink booze, it's also worth pointing out that at previous points in history & even current parts of the world there were some water purification issues where the santization effect of alcohol made it more of a safe choice in that regard. But now the downsides of alcohol outweigh the upsides when clean drinking water is available. While Jesus could perform miracles, the "I have sterilized this water" miracle probably got left out of the book in favor of flashier things like water turned to wine, walking on water, or making bread & fish last for a big crowd. Two of those make him sound like a divine caterer. There's also that awkwardness as son of God to avoid admitting while water does many awesome things, it may be contaminated. But giving countless aquatic species a place to live, regulating the planets temperature, and having water as an essential part of all life on land as well is pretty cool on its own

[@annatanneberger1]

@@thedevicebook I loved this comment! Thanks!

[@RhythmAddictedState]

Do people not realize that religions other than christianity exist... I find that quite insensitive of them. Kudos to the person who clapped back! People rarely defend non-drinkers. Talking from experience :/

[@blocklandia1770]

Crowd was not ready for this set. Some top notch jokes in here.

[@alayrabail]

IKRRRR! His timing/delivery may be slightly quick but the crowd and the comedian were not clickingggg! his jokes were SO specific, well-articulated and hilarious! " .... she's about to take the scenic route to this info..." 😂😂😂😂😂😂 I;m going to steal it to describe a couple people I know 😂😂

[@Vincent-ke5zn]

I respect a person who doesn't drink and most real adults will also

[@thedevicebook]

Perfect comedian for the dry bar! I don't drink alcohol either but I phrase it as "I don't drink booze." Something about the use of old-timey language disrupts their brain enough that the "carefully prepared" argument they wanted to start just fades away. I never understand why people want to argue with me about what I consume anyway. My theory is that *some* of them are alcoholics & so to avoid introspection, they must keep everyone around them even drunker than they are. I imagine such a person is also likely to pick an argument in an internet comment section so I am bracing for that.

[@4SteveKombolis]

Just say you are the designated driver, they don't have to know if it's just for you :)

[@croixboy96]

Former bartender. I agree with what you're saying.

[@pakuma3]

I normally do this, it does work for me​@@4SteveKombolis

[@sherireuther3047]

You have my wholehearted support. I stopped drinking booze about 6 months ago and I’m not at all sorry. I really think God helped me to understand why it wasn’t what he wanted for me. I had some wine, my usual poison, and didn’t feel drunk at all. I drove home from my sister’s house about 5 miles away from where I lived. I rounded a “dog leg curve” and made the left but cut the right short. I blew out 2 tires. Luckily it was less than a mile from my house and was at time without much traffic so I slowly creeped home on those rims. I called a tow the next morning, had all 4 tires replaced to the tune of about $1300.00. I also had just been gifted with some money meant to be used for moving expenses. Well, I certainly learned my lesson. Don’t need it. I just went to a work party 4 days ago at a Mexican restaurant. You know the usual poison is margaritas. I had the “virgin” version , just fruity juice. The girls I work with-2 threw up and both had to be driven home, 2 others were sick the next day. No, don’t miss any of that. I just danced to the DJ and had a blast. Alcohol free life is mighty fine. God bless you brother .

[@heathermiller5765]

I don't drink either. Good for you honestly. Same for those who gave it up 😊

[@tsmuff]

Some people get offended you don't drink because it makes them feel bad that they drink. Some people that know they shouldn't use the excuse that "everybody drinks". So, when you rock that boat you poke a hole in their excuse for drinking... Most people want everyone else to make them feel comfortable about their choices even if they're unhealthy. But if you're really fine with your decision to drink, it doesn't make you uncomfortable if someone else doesn't.

[@MikeTheSeeker1961]

I watch a ton of comedy and this man sets a new level of genius. Fresh, clean and different than anything else. Hilarious 😂😂😂

[@qwmx]

Someone thought I'm a mormon and another person thought I was something else (I forgot what it was), but no one has thought "maybe this person had no interest in getting drunk".

[@imaneechahir8329]

They probably thought you were a Muslim. But yeah good for you, having a sober mind through all the moments of your life (good or bad) is a brave and important choice that not many are ready to take in today's world.

[@drooplug]

I don't tell people I don't drink because they get so weird about it. Many people think it's a judgement on them.

[@martzz297]

or they assume that you were addicted

[@plumjam1351]

@@martzz297 Yes, that is part of this awkward situation.

[@plumjam1351]

I say I don't drink - I am Buddhist. Forestalls argument about drinking. Although may trigger an argument about Buddhism.

[@perfectlyroundcircle]

@@plumjam1351 "So you think you're holier than me or sumtin?"

[@humanbeing5396]

I should try that.

[@4SteveKombolis]

Someone shouldn't get less injured in a fight 😂 This guy was great.

[@Mark-cq1mo]

"I look like I'd get in a dispute at a boardgame café - and I have." 😆

[@WhaSup70x7]

LOL "We're not all of the sudden in Virgin Bar right now" 😂😂😂 Exactly!!

[@seancycle1]

Flying home to answer tech questions for mom. Perfect!!!

[@stevetrevino5346]

Never been drunk or high in my life. I've heard that "I don't trust a man who doesn't drink," joint. I just smile and offer up a "cheers" with my tea.😂

[@devilsoffspring5519]

Nothing wrong with that at all. I drink a lot because I'm chronically bored to tears (I have severe PTSD) and frankly I don't like the way I am very much when I'm drunk.

[@Mark-cq1mo]

Several genuine laugh-out-loud moments in this set, even watching by myself at home.

[@debcatman9464]

Now I want to see this guy’s whole set! Very entertaining!

[@gabrielleperson4794]

I don't drink alcohol and have never been drunk either. 52 and never will drink alcohol.

[@Ardante11]

I’m 46 and I’ve been rejected by many women because I don’t drink. I explained that my dad was an abusive alcoholic and that’s where the resistance comes from, yet they still try. My older brother later became an alcoholic also and when his first marriage ended, he went way off the deep end.

[@EvanMoon]

My best friend since third grade, his dad often beat him in his mom when he got drunk, so we made a decision to never drink. We’re both 40 this year.

[@Tialian]

42, mom drank and so did the people around her, I got to witness first hand as a kid all the dumb and dangerous things people did when alcohol was involved. Not to mention one of my dad's girlfriends almost killed me as a kid because she was driving drunk trying to race her friends while I was riding in the back of her El Camino and I got bounced out the back into a barbed wire fence.

[@dotofarrell7021]

Intelligent and hilarious! I think he is headed toward being one of the greats. 🎉

[@jerryalbert9784]

I did drink. I tell people that my drinking was getting out of hand, so I quit. The last time I had alcohol was complimentary champagne in a hotel room, so my wife could taste it. Growing up in a strict Christian household, she had never tasted alcohol. We poured the rest down the drain.

[@cjhoward409]

Grew up in a strict Christian home as well. First time I tasted alcohol, we had flown to England to visit family. Went to their church where the little communion cups had real wine and not grape juice in them. My mom was mortified that no one told her ahead of time. 😂

[@annatanneberger1]

I would have left the bottle there unopened for whoever else might enjoy it. I just hate waste. And the smugness of pouring it down the drain.

[@annatanneberger1]

​@@cjhoward409 If it was an issue for your mom, she should have asked ahead of time. If she's a Christian she would have known the communion wine is -wine- and she should request non-alcoholic or just pass it on without making a fuss. What a dickhead.

[@audreyh777]

Man you’re pretty funny. Funniest comedian I’ve heard in a while.

[@sarahs5340]

This guy is awesome. True individualism. I get it.

[@factsoverfiction7826]

Natural born comedian. The bits on his website are mind-bendingly funny & edgy.

[@barbaralatty5232]

Very humorous guy! ❤

[@sara.3042]

My mother is Canadian, and these jokes are spot on. A simple question and I'm going to be sitting there for two hours waiting for the answer. LOL

[@miraiedits]

I have a similar problem with my sister and mom (but we're Swedish). So I'll be asking my sister "When can you send me the email?", and she'll give me a long detailed list of all she needs to do that day before she sends the email. "I don't know, now I'm gonna go and walk the dog, then I will go to the store, I have to buy groceries. I'm gonna make (insert meal), but I wasn't sure if I was gonna make something else instead. After that I will-" Like I don't need to know all that, just estimate when it will be lol

[@Randomhapiness]

Each section was so relatable- nail on the head! Great set!! 😂

[@lgrantnelson2863]

The saying I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't chew, and I don't go with girls who do, is good for a laugh, and covers all the bases.

[@PinkRose0910]

It’s a good way to live .

[@jeanniebell9493]

Great material, timing, and delivery. I look forward to more ! :)

[@hex_a_lexa]

"Where'd that piece of steak go?" 🤣🤣 Yeah shove it right back in lmfaoooo

[@lovepeacejoyhappiness]

honestly, I wouldn't trust a person who doesnt trust a person who doesn't drink 🤣 In fact, I don't trust drinkers at all

[@lorenamares1427]

Hilarious 😂

[@sshelget]

I’ve never tried alcohol - EVER - in my life. I’m 58 years old. I simply don’t understand what the appeal is.

[@emersonbiggens1502]

If you've never tried it, how can you say you don't understand the appeal ?

[@thedevicebook]

@@emersonbiggens1502 I'm a non-drinker & while I have tried it, someone doesn't need to try it to be baffled by the appeal. Remember that most non-drinkers have been in the presence of drinkers. It doesn't look like a good time. Puking, hangovers, drunk driving, getting loud, starting bar fights, getting clumsy. This is all observable behavior & none of it looks like a good time.

[@russellparr9252]

@@emersonbiggens1502 I've seen the effects of alcohol and have no desire to indulge. You don't need to experience jumping off a cliff to understand it's not appealing.

[@emersonbiggens1502]

@@thedevicebook Wow, so everyone that drinks, must drink to excess. Got it. Makes perfect sense.

[@thedevicebook]

@emersonbiggens1502 In my experience if someone doesn't drink to excess, they also don't try to convert non-drinkers into drinkers. They are chill about people who choose a different lifestyle. You should try that...rather than assuming a stranger on the internet said something they actually didn't say.

[@joethomasello8083]

Thanks!

[@chrisf8143]

I love this set. Great comedian. Thanks

[@revbud3123]

Strange how people act like you have some disease when you say you don't drink.

[@thedevicebook]

@@revbud3123 alcoholism: the only disease where you can escape diagnosis by diagnosing everyone around you

[@theunknownbachatero8899]

I proudly tell ppl I don't drink. If they have a problem with it, that's on them. I just sit back & watch them do stupid & embarrassing sh!t when alcohol kicks in

[@barbaralatty5232]

BRAVO! 🎉🎉

[@MyForestNymph]

I love this guy - maybe it’s just a bit but I have actually never drank alcohol or been drunk ever in my life either !

[@annatanneberger1]

Brilliant comedy. Very funny without having to resort to shock tactics and sex and foul language.

[@live.travel.]

I'm grateful for my couple close friends who always protect that I don't drink, sometimes I'm invited to events just putting the invite out there, but generally the one friend doesn't and I never feel left out

[@barbie_mylife_milan8787]

It’s actually a Finnish saying “Don’t trust a man who doesn’t drink. He has secrets.”

[@pallinagialla97]

I think I should be praised for not drinking alcohol and still being able to dance and socialize, not ridiculed for it 😂🫶!

[@kendallevans4079]

So you want praise for simply being a regular human? You're at THAT level?

[@Muttsist]

Wait, we were supposed to get ice-cream?🤔😭

[@moonsting]

Mayce Galoni 👏 👏 👏 really enjoyed your fun style your tempo your voice! Glad you don't drink either 🏆

[@lpetitoiseau9146]

Love your comedy!

[@tedwild]

this is really good, better than a lot of the shows by big name comedians.

[@bookworm4174]

This is great! So fresh and funny!

[@elleniam]

Too funny! 😂

[@madtownangler]

I can't drink anymore because of diabetes, but most of my friends are ex-drunks so it works out o.k.

[@qwmx]

Basically he lost a fight and robbed a lady😂

[@TamaraScott-t9s]

I didn’t drink when I was young either. I’d ask for Pepsi on the rocks and everyone would crack up. I thought it was dumb but it broke any tension there might have been.

[@indievariety]

so glad this came up in my recommended, this guy is too funny 😂 the crowd was not feelin it but I was dyin

[@Fanya_valentine]

I can't understand people who can't understand that I don't want to drink. "You don't drink!??! C'mon! Have some fun!" Erm, excuse me, I had plenty of fun doing various things before I was 18 and I'm pretty sure intoxication is not a requirement for having fun. Good company and enjoyment of activity is and I'm having plenty fun right now. "You don't drink? are you like, allergic? If not then why wouldn't you?" It is possible to not like alcohol, you know? there are people who don't like chocolate, people who don't like eggs, people who don't like cheese, or people who don't like apples. Is it that surprising I don't like alcohol? I got tired of people asking so now I just ask for club soda with lime so it looks like I got an alcoholic drink, or if that doesn't work tell them I got an upset stomach.

[@johns3106]

Once, during a routine physical, the doctor was going down his checklist…”Do you smoke?”…”No”….”Drink?”….”No”…”Never?!”…”Nope,never”… a long pause as he looked over his glasses at me…”Is that because you’ve had a problem with alcohol?”….”No! I just don’t drink!” It’s unbelievable how many people just don’t get that some of us don’t need to get lubricated to either have fun or deal with life’s difficulties…plus, it tastes bad!

[@miraiedits]

I'm 36 and never drank either. I find it quite interesting that we live in a world where you need some sort of reason to why you don't want to drink literal poison that damages your brain and body lol Just because so many do it, it's somehow normalised. It almost seems to me like many people think they experience harmless "fun effects", like no - that's... signs of poisoning... you're on the path to death, as long as you stop in time you probably won't die but what you're feeling is the early signs of what could become deadly poisoning. It's called "intoxication" for a reason. Then if you don't wanna do this to yourself, you get people being like "WhY NoT??". It's odd that :)

[@haleylewis9587]

More from Mayce! Funny dude!

[@kitkat3548]

I also don't drink. It feels very-very relatable)))

[@peanbean1973]

If people dont wanna be your friend cause you dont drink, consider it a blessing. Theres way better things to be doing.

[@kurtritner6598]

Pretty good routine and nice clean jokes. Funny guy

[@marcuslinton310]

I just tell em for every drink they had, I have $3 saved and when they sober up and do the math it hits them pretty hard in the face.

[@rebekkaswan]

"We're not all sitting in a virgin bar right now!" lol This is good and muy funny.

[@skyboundzoo]

solid set!!!

[@juliamdp]

Sometimes people go “oh don’t worry, you’re still young, just start with the sweeter ones” Well, I’m not worried actually, nor am I looking for a way to start it off like they’re weights in the gym, I just don’t drink and don’t plan to

[@beautifulbutterfly4346]

So funny! I have never been drunk either, although I will rarely have one drink, usually a glass of wine with dinner. When I used to have groups of friends who wanted me to meet them at a bar, and they good naturedly gave me a hard time about it, I told them that I enjoy spending time with them SO much that I was willing to meet them at a bar even though I don't drink... could also make self-deprecating jokes at my own expense about it... and it went over well, everyone moved on conversationally and I was still always invited to the bars. I am also like this guy's Mom so I laughed especially hard at those jokes... from the tech impediments to the "scenic route" in conversations 😂 Great comedian!

[@rebekahtablante327]

“My first dog was named Blue.” Idk why but that made me lol

[@thedevicebook]

@@rebekahtablante327 probably because of Blue's Clues!

[@putaidanganimal1]

​@@thedevicebook😂😂😂😂 I thought the same.

[@jennifershepherd2145]

Tough crowd

[@Nothavinit00]

I don't drink alcohol and I don't care who knows it. Whenever folks ask, I just tell them. You can either respect me or get outta my way. 😎

[@pallinagialla97]

Great approach! Cheers to your self-confidence! 💪

[@annatanneberger1]

OOOOO Tough Guy!!! I've never come across folks who don't respect other people's choices. They make no fuss, like it's just a normal choice. Maybe you need to re-think your choice in friends and with whom you associate.

[@pallinagialla97]

Love this guy: so fair!

[@jedijunebug]

Very funny guy!

[@rideronthewhitehorse]

You are pretty funny once you got the feel for the audience keep up the great work.

[@Ithenna]

When I turned 21, my mom wanted to take me out and do whatever I wanted that night. I asked to go out for a coffee 😂 and sipped it right across the street from an ABC store.

[@johnwatson9518]

I'm allergic to alcohol. Every time I drink, I break out in handcuffs.

[@PittsburghPat]

Hilarious! Keep it up. More like this!

[@roxannaramirez929]

I find it funny that so much of a social event can be centered around drinks. It just seems odd to think about it. I don’t understand but I also literally hate the taste of alcohol and coffee. Ive been told these are things you just have to get used to the taste. But if I have to get used to it, it’s not a good time. I wish more social events were centered around other food products, like brownies and non-burnt chocolate drinks.

[@josephg.3370]

He's hilarious!😂

[@ESLTeacherTom]

Actually funnier than the crowd's response.

[@carlbaumeister3439]

For a young guy, he’s already about 85% of the way towards being a great comedian. Charming and self deprecating, a bit like a young Woody Allen.

[@freedomlvr88.]

woody allen has never been funny. most pedophiles aren't.

[@cronoluminara6911]

Great job hilariously done

[@JohnnyAllan-vj7sj]

Just tell them you're allergic to alcohol. I actually am, but no one questions allergies They think, "Oh he's still cool, he just doesn't want to die"

[@TheVoxbox13]

👍 Just started watching and haven't read any comments... But his voice immediately reminded me of Seth MacFarlane.

[@navymt2005]

Great set.

[@dnhacademic4535]

I don’t drink either. It’s no big deal.

[@ohiowalnut]

Great set!

[@bojohnsoncomedy]

Mayce is so funny!

[@brianbrewer2909]

The most alcoholic thing I've ever drank is kombucha tea. Alcohol is like cigarettes if you never start you will never have a problem with it.

[@jesseknox9322]

"I'm tightly wound" Sounds like you can use a drink

[@venomdrop4583]

Love this!

[@Aktzin]

I have a group of friends that occasionally drinks. I’m the odd one out there for not doing so, but it’s never taken away from the times I’ve had with them! I’m glad they understand who I am on that front… I know others where, if you don’t participate, it’s seen as an attack on their lifestyle, when really it’s just me knowing my own personality and assessing what I would be risking… I am an extremely competitive person, and I often have issues controlling that emotionally. Physically, I know to restrain myself, but what would happen if I didn’t have that inhibition? I have no doubt in my mind that I would be a danger to myself and others if I ever took to drinking. That line of thought, more than even my religious beliefs, has kept (and will continue to keep) me from drinking alcohol.

[@michellewaite4482]

He is so funny 😂❤

[@Vincent-ke5zn]

He's pretty funny 😁 😂 😅😂

[@RomiNa-wo6mu]

That was really good

[@tristunalekzander5608]

I was 3 when my parents got divorced. I didn't get ice cream and I had to choose between my parents, one of my earliest memories. It was honestly traumatic and I think it gave me attachment issues. I also had to suffer them bad mouthing each other for years afterwards. I was barely old enough to understand what was happening but young enough that I didn't know the difference between divorce and the world ending. 3-4 is the worst age to get a divorce, I admire parents that stuck together for their kids, though mine fought loudly so that wasn't possible. I still resent both of my parents a little bit just for making me go through that.

[@RanjitSouri-PinkFloydPiano]

Very funny set!

[@grahamquigley8818]

excellent !

[@julianachandler2975]

Excellent ❤

[@leaves4523]

I agree, it's so weird that I always have to justify I don't want alcohol at a work event.

[@micheleinacharles-hazellem1968]

Brilliant

[@LadyMarigoldWithers]

Try not drinking in the UK 😂 people are worried about me for cutting down 🤣

[@joshhanson6538]

I'm from the UK too and I remember when I told a girl in Wales that I didn't drink alcohol, she looked at me like I took a shite on the bar, and she said, "That's not normal ..."

[@LadyMarigoldWithers]

@@joshhanson6538 😂 sounds about right

[@stephenr3910]

I went to dinner with my cousin's family and ordered a plain seltzer. Her husband said, "Let's get a splash of something in that." I answered, "No thanks, I gave up alcohol". He said, "For Lent. Lent's over."

[@BlackrockKate]

Perfect

[@NickvonZ]

Very funny!

[@markowen07]

I like this guy

[@StuG-pr9tf]

He should have said that "...I took his crutches and went back inside ...well, actually I "needed" his crutches after the fight...and I went back in and grabbed her jacket and went home..."

[@QuietMikeW]

Great set! Really good