When Your Spouse is in Midlife Crisis

IF YOUR SPOUSE IF HAVING A MID-LIFE CRISIS: Do you wonder if your spouse is having a mid-life crisis? Or if s/he is just depressed? Or did they really fall out of love? The symptoms can be really confusing.
In this live-stream I will share the top things to look out for, how to tell the difference between love lost and a mid-life crisis, AND what you should (and should not) be doing to support healthy resolution.
Join my free marriage support group here: / healthyauthenticmarriages
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[@MonikaHoyt]

Hi guys! You can *JOIN MY FREE MASTERCLASS* HERE: watch.monikahoyt.com/s/BgjnkV

[@manocapital]

This video deserves at least 3-5 times watching for people who already watched and liked it. Thank you so much.

[@marcoramos4873]

Wow, I starting to realize that this is my wife right now. About 2 months ago she dropped the “I don’t love you anymore” on me without any real reason. She just says she fell out of love and that she will never be able to love me ever again no matter what. It’s been a heartbreaking couple of months. I moved out to give her space, im on week 2 and I feel so bad about everything. She has been rewriting our relationship history, has tunnel vision where her only goal now is to divorce and be by herself for a while. Im trying to focus on myself, but I want to help her so bad because I love her so much. Even with how many’s times she’s yelled at me with “I don’t love you, you need to move on” I still chose to love her every day. I need to be patient, but it feels like shes on a bullet train towards divorce no matter what. I hope she wakes up soon before she causes more damage. 18 years together, 14 married and we are about to turn 37 this year. God please give me the strength to be patient, and please help her open her eyes and her heart again.

[@TP-vu3tc]

Marco, I know what you're talking about because I am going through the same BS and am older than you. Social media is not the answer. Good luck, my friend

[@randideelancaster9904]

My husband keeps saying this and idk why, he will not explain, so I tell him ok there's the door and he starts crying and saying I'm sorry and he changed his mind?? Talk about not knowing what ya want, it's been 7 years now! And he keeps doing this at least once a month

[@muhamedfaour3710]

I feel your pain, I’ve been through this my self with my first marriage , and it ended up in divorce Got remarried and now 15 years later , I am going through same situation. I know how it feels , there’s not much you could do except take care of your self and move on She’s going to come back and beg for you and it will be your decision weather to take her back or not , trust me it’s your decision not hers

[@MBALEMEDIA]

Oh God, it's not easy bro.

[@pretty_flaco]

welcome to the club buddy… cheers

[@anaiss265]

This was incredibly helpful. Separated from my husband after 18 yrs who holds totally different values, memories and has become a person I no longer know. It's like I married a teenager. He wanted the separation, refused counseling, and exhibiting tons of anxiety. Blames me for his unhappiness and discomfort. Hope he finds his way but I'm going to put my own mask on first. There is no reasoning with reactivity. The best I can do is accept that this is who he is at thus time in his life rather than expect him to be who he was before the crisis. The Chinese symbols for crisis means danger and opportunity. Thank you so much for clarity.

[@sharonandrews9687]

Exactly the same thing happened to me. Wishing you all the best for the future. ❤

[@anaiss265]

@@sharonandrews9687 Thank you Sharon! We will both have the best in our future. Learning to release!

[@sharonandrews9687]

@@anaiss265 I am actually believing now it was a blessing in disguise. I feel so free and content x

[@anaiss265]

@@sharonandrews9687 I love that Sharon! When you fine the treasure in the pain, you know you've learned the lesson. Blessings and abundance to you!

[@martyedwards1531]

Can you address limerance and an OW during a mid life crisis. This was so helpful. It's hard not to feel guilt or to be afraid they won't come back when you don't suspect anything and they disappear after a 24 year marriage.

[@dorothyabed4233]

I tried holding the frame but found out through this nightmare that cheating was going on along with drug abuse. I no longer could take the disrespect on everyday basis and had to let him go. Our children went through hell and back. He became a different person that I just didn’t know. 2 years have passed since I left him and he’s still vindictive to the point where his new wife called me using his phone letting me know that she’s his new wife for the last year. Our kids have lost all trust and respect for him. He’s gone down the rabbit hole. We were married 18 years, 3 children...

[@aleksandramajlat9086]

I literally feel like i'm going to die. His crisis affected me so much that I ended up being depressed. I feel like I lost someone, my person. Like he just died and I'm left alone 😔

[@MonikaHoyt]

I'm sending love and so sorry you are depressed. do you have support?

[@sammas2959]

I think that you are too attached to this person. Let it go! Accept things as they are!! Live life, dying can wait!!

[@evej865]

My husband can become such a different person that he even looks like a different person in photos. It was a sudden change that started at age 46. I've been through four years of good days and bad days. The bad days include having things thrown at me, the phone hung up on me, and three younger women in affairs. I'm terrified that I will be the person who discovers his deceased body. The good days are just like when we met 13 years ago. We are loving, patient and kind on good days. I am scouting out a good male counsellor for him. I'm trying really hard to be strong and kind. I'm tired and might have to divorce him to save myself.

[@manocapital]

If I may ask how old is he now and how long this has been going on?

[@shannonzielfelder5668]

You are a beautiful person. You deserve so much more than how you are being treated. Please leave and take care of yourself by giving him boundaries. I hope you are living in peace by now. 🧡

[@janegriffin3872]

Someone told me LET GO OF THE ROPE! Don’t over try or worry- once you let go you see that rope is tied around tight to the huge OAK TREE! God! We are believers and hubby is seeing a good faith based counselor helping him through/ in this process! So I’m thankful for that! He is doing a little better- starting to share a little bit! Not so much about our marriage! But sharing things-bothering him.

[@83aquastar]

I’m (40F) in a 2 1/2 year live-in relationship with a 48 year old man who I suspect is going through this right now. Wants to separate, is looking at new careers and hobbies, he just seems to be going through it right now. Add to it that he’s got his first grandbaby on the way. This resonates loudly. Thank you 🙏🏼💜

[@floridabrit9572]

This gives so much clarity to ehat a lot of us are unfortunately going through right now, which is a living nightmare. So I've been in this situation for 2 months where my husband moved out on myself and my son. He says there's noone else, i know he still loves me somewhere in there and still cares as everything is paid for. But we just want him hack. I pray it doesn't take a long time, i really do. I first watched this video a week after a left (i wish i saw it a week before) but watching it again resonates even more. Thank you 🙏 ❤️

[@dhangsommers]

My husband is 55 and now wants a divorce. He said he wants to spend time with; do what he wants to do! Without having to answer anyone. He doesn't want to marriesld anymore and the most popular he said His not happy.

[@karinerroa7573]

Mine is turning 40 and said same.

[@lori-janspringer4832]

I’m in the same situation. How are things going with you now?

[@Kelly-iu7nn]

Mine said exact same thing!

[@claudialopez2142]

Hello, I would love to hear more about how do we self grow as my husband is going through his midlife crisis, and touch the subject on when he asks for a divorce during his crisis.

[@cab26]

This is amazing! You put into words what I couldn’t in my anxiety.

[@Jennifer83]

Thank you for this. I’m at a very difficult part of my husband’s midlife crisis. Such a difficult place to be. And so very confusing.

[@MonikaHoyt]

It takes patience and just taking it day by day

[@hemenwayhaulingllc1783]

It's hard not to take it personally!!! I think the hardest

[@walker11288]

My 30yo wife is going through exactly this. It's the worst thing I've ever been through. I did all the wrong things because I panicked, I pleaded, begged etc. I spent the first few weeks really beating myself up. I then spent a couple of weeks so confused and just could not understand what she was telling me. We are now undergoing a trial separation. I now have to let go, focus on myself and focus on my kids and hope that she comes around :( We've been together for 12 years, married for almost 5 and have a 3 and a 1 year old.

[@ianjones7304]

How are things now?

[@walker11288]

@@ianjones7304 after further research and therapy I've worked out she has borderline personality disorder to some degree. We're still separated and I don't see us getting back together. Of course I would try reconciliation because I married her and it's the least the kids deserve but she's not interested. BPD is fucking horrible and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. The worse thing is you can't tell someone you think they are suffering from it. I hope she realises and gets help for it but for now I have to let her go, focus on myself and my kids and move on with my life.

[@jasonfromm5637]

Keep the faith brother, can u describe some traits of that please if u don’t mind, like being hot and cold? Thx my man

[@walker11288]

@@jasonfromm5637 look up AJ Mahari on KZbin, she has been the best for me at explaining the traits and how it shows up in relationships

[@jazzercaster4749]

How are you going now mate?

[@isuzujerrysabah5409]

Thank you for sharing this…Its really happening to me right now..My wife is having her mid life crisis..And i am praying hard we will go through this together eventhough she’s not really supportive at this moment..But i’ll do my best to give the best support she needs in any way possibel..Thank you again for sharing this..🙏

[@elguerrero3422]

Same thing it’s happening to my with my wife, I’m struggling big time…she is a total different person. I wish you the best and I will pray for you and your wife to find your way back to be a happy couple

[@johnsteiner2960]

I'm in the same boat guys with my wife too, unfortunately, she had a hysterectomy done about a month ago is in menopause, is going through what seems to be a midlife crisis and has been threatening to divorce me, we have six children and yes it's been hell. If you guys are praying people then please say some prayers for us thank you.

[@chrisdespard2314]

Wow. Your video has lifted me up. I felt like this was all my fault, and now I have realized I’m not just a terrible spouse that I had no idea I was being. I have to admit before I saw this posting I have been handling this all wrong. I’m guilty of trying to make my spouse give me answers to clear my mind of the uncertainty of what the future held for us. I feel awful for doing that not knowing now I was doing more damage that good. I would love to get more information on booking an appointment. I have more questions and would love to get advice tailored to my marriage.

[@MonikaHoyt]

You can book at monikahoyt.com/talk

[@jonathanaves6752]

How can I book an appointment?

[@manocapital]

You have unpacked a lot information in one video thus I recommend people who watched and liked your video to watch it more than once to better understand it. Could you please do another more depth video series perhaps on the subject like midlife crisis in women and in men individually, midlife crisis and affair, midlife crisis vs other mental or emotional issues etc? Many thanks.

[@evakouts5301]

Yes. This is a great suggestion. I would be very interested to see more specific videos like you mentioned. Thank you for pointing this out.

[@Jen-iv7rh]

My husband is in a midlife crisis pretty sure. First he said he wanted a divorce then he said we will live as a married couple I told him would give him his space. He is still loving to me. He said he is scared. I worry though because he has been drinking wanting to go to bars with single men he may not be telling me he may want to be in another relationship. Whats happening i am trying to have a happy face.

[@dhangsommers]

What if my husband is the one asking for divorce. His 55 been married for 23 years and he said his not happy. Saw his chats. Then I got jealous and instead of winning me back. He just said he wants divorce. I don't know him anymore.

[@patrinasheppard6476]

Wow! Wow! Wow! What a video. This is the clearest, most informative and helpful video I've come across on this topic. Thank you soooooh very much. This was Godsent. You gave so much hope and clarity. Subscribed and liked immediately.

[@natashabantz4474]

Wow this is my life 1000% right now. Thank you soo very much for your video! 💜 it's so reassuring hearing this information!

[@christinemaria77]

Its me too. So scared and feeling unstable inside but trying to keep it together. I can't eat. I don't know what to do with myself. Just taking it a few hours at a time

[@MonikaHoyt]

Hang in there and take extra good care of yourself ❤️

[@kathymorales7959]

Thank you for this! My husband has been going through this since April 2020. Pandemic, adult daughters moving out to start their own lives, we lived separately a few times, in May 2021 he went to see his doctor who prescribed some anti anxiety meds, which seems to have helped a little. I’ve recently truly tried to stay calm and take care of myself though I’ve tried to do it in the past it is difficult because I do feel alone. Your message reaffirmed that taking care of myself has to be my priority. I still love him and am holding on to hope though it is difficult at times because we sit in silence so often. Again, thank you for your post!

[@varshasukhija2881]

Don't worry all will be well God bless uand yr family

[@karinerroa7573]

This hit it right on the nail. I am changing the way I handle this.

[@manocapital]

How?

[@cando9109]

Vikki Stark's book Runaway Husbands addresses the abrupt change in husbands demeanor.

[@140ex5]

My wife is definitely experiencing a mid life crisis. It began with a song she heard. Everything changed at that moment. Won’t seek professional help or prescribed medication. No matter how much I try to convince her I’m here to help, it doesn’t help.

[@misswhygirl]

Thank you so much for the video. I am struggling with my love one who is going through midlife crisis and I feel I am at a lost. Now I finally see some sunlight through this whole crisis, will try to be strong for me and for them but will need a lot support. Just joined the Facebook group.

[@karinalombrozo3257]

it’s a big topic a crisis - so many factors: hormonal neurological astrological

[@javierotero5232]

When she leaves it is over! They don't want to communicate and are mean and bitter. Everyone says, just work on yourself, that does nothing to bring her back. If they do come back its to use you, because life did not turn out as they hoped. So the only thing you can do is hope, that's it.

[@bigrelly2001]

That’s why u have to work on u for u. That’s part of moving on in my eyes. Shit I won’t dear take her back anyways

[@itaibar8909]

What she doesn't mention is that in a midlife crisis many go into an affair, a fantasy affair with almost whoever was close by, a totally opposite of the spouse, this makes some of the suggestions hard to apply if they are in an active affair

[@ryanrobertson8951]

I think my wife is going through this. She's not happy, but can't seem to express why or what needs to change. Has no interest in working with me on it.

[@louielitaramos5900]

Exactly what's happening to my relationship. The hardest this I don't know how to control my self.

[@melkerner]

Perimenopause and emotional disconnection / depression. Complete withdrawal of all intimacy for years...

[@TheHooper]

I would have liked for you to have delved more into the “awakening” aspect and if/how that has an impact on the relationship and individual, especially where the symptoms may overlap.

[@hollycarso8867]

My husband decided he wants to have multiple lovers and he found a 25 year old that he can talk to about anything and she’s open to multiple partners and I just am not able to give him that. I’ve never been more depressed or terrified. He won’t even talk to me anymore after 17 years. It’s so destructive. My whole life is in turmoil. He wants a divorce right away. He quit his job and is traveling with this girl. I don’t see how I can do anything. Like I said he’s making sure he doesn’t see me anymore

[@joyslatton7353]

My husband been doing the same way.

[@joyslatton7353]

It started with lies. And cheating with women then women and men. But he is very very easy to talk in to stuff and especially lf he paid more money 💰 he was poor .

[@janegriffin3872]

Let me know anything I could apply! But I get what you’re saying about being the steady strong one!! I decided to no longer ask him if he wants to talk about us. I am waiting it out. Just talking about things- this has improved. We will be going together soon to the counselor as well. Meanwhile yes working on me! Even looking at things I e wanted to do personally or for my practice!

[@debraward6012]

Midlife crisis for men can last from 3-10 years It’s a long painful process If you decide to stay the course for him just know it won’t turn around quickly

[@xxiblazeixx]

OMG it's like you've just been watching a recording of my life

[@TP-vu3tc]

Me too, exactly.

[@JennyPenny2008]

Holy moly 😮 it’s like you just described my (now ex??) partner!! Like as if you were watching everything I’ve been through over the last year. How long do female midlife crises usually last for?

[@charlespeterson3952]

You described my wife perfectly ... Hmmm I have to wonder if it has something to do aging, where the brain thinking pattern changes, and the presence of brain fog, causing confusion. I wonder if taking NAD+ supplements such as NR or NMN would reverse this and bring back their brain’s normal thinking pattern. I’m betting it would make a significant impact.

[@lmfisher650]

What if he abandoned you and went and got into a relationship with the coworker and moved in with her in another town? All within a few 2 months of us splitting up. He doesn't talk to me now. I've been nothing but amicable and kind but i have hired a lawyer to divide up our assests. I don't want a divorce though. He never said anything about divorce when i mentioned it. Married 15yrs, together 17yrs. Will he come back?

[@Fitby_dia]

This is what I’m going through

[@Fitby_dia]

Wow this is what I’m going through and totally what my husband going through. We are so happy and have no fight and in the end he decided to leave and live with another women.

[@violetstameski664]

😢

[@giuseppevella9501]

Don’t panic? Well, what to do if he is about to be unfaithful? When he is hiding his phone all of a sudden.

[@MMAGUY13]

My wife had a midlife crisis and she hated me like the devil himself she left me for five months don’t know how many people if any she slept with then slowly she went right back to being the same person she always was and it took about five years for her to be totally normal to this day I still can’t forgive her for the hell she put me through I wish she was a girlfriend and I can keep my house my paycheck and I’ll have to see her because we had children because I would not forgive this I like to never see her again it was so evil

[@marysmith861]

What if it was the reverse and you were the person going through the midlife crisis. Would you expect her to forgive you? Has she ever asked you to forgive her? Forgiveness is a struggle for me also.

[@MMAGUY13]

@@marysmith861 They shouldn’t be able to cross the line with Hating and cheating and lying you don’t do that Because you don’t want to lose the person you’re with but they go ahead and do that and then we stay with them like we are worthless I have no rules you could do whatever you want because you’re so valuable to me and I can’t replace you and you can replace me easily what does that say about myself I should leave her and let her pay the price for all the evil she did there’s no excuse a midlife crisis is not an excuse you could have a midlife crisis but if you do evil it’s because you’re evil

[@MMAGUY13]

@@marysmith861 And no she never asked me to forgive her

[@MrGeek63]

Hey that sounds incredibly difficult thing to go through. I am still in the middle of it. I’ve heard it said that resentment is corrosive. It’s as if you are poisoning yourself. Would you consider forgiving her for the sake of your marriage vows, and for the sake of your children as a roll model? Forgiveness is a gift that you give yourself. Maybe if you forgive her she can have the space to see what horror you went through because of her and process her actions from your perspective in-order to reach the point where she is deeply sorry and sees that she needs to ask for your forgiveness and it’s not just surface platitudes. Peace to you.

[@MMAGUY13]

@@MrGeek63 Thanks Brian if your wife is in the middle of one I pray for you. Be strong God is on your side

[@nursetheresa70]

You are an answer to my prayers

[@HollaHollag23]

Can you please do a video on the midlife crisis affair? Why they have it?

[@genasoriano559]

I love your encouragement I could really resonate from it. Thank you for sharing some feedback.

[@MonikaHoyt]

Glad it was helpful!

[@chappellpuppets]

my wife is in a MLC and we have been separated but it's been bad because she started seeing other people

[@jamiesauter57]

That's terrible, I wanna give her space or maybe separation but fear the same

[@Ladybird33]

How long do these episodes usually last?

[@lucillekara3213]

Thank you so much for this. Me and my husband has been together for 33 years and he is 52. I noticed that he was distant. He lost his mom 3years ago. He said he has fallen out of love. I reacted i asked him to move. And he has been gone for a week (sepetated)and i found your videos because i wanted answers. He said he loves me but not in love??? This video showed me that his in midlfe crisis. But your other video on Red flags tells me Its over. I only see the red flags . Marriage on point of No return 😢 So i really dont know. How do i know what to do.

[@JP-ht7to]

More about this topic please!

[@chadtoscano9168]

Where can we post questions? The video froze on her end when she was talking about that

[@anniemcmillen940]

This sounds really familiar

[@AngieFlores-sx7qp]

This all made sense. Thank you, for that.

[@me.my.self.I]

HiCan you do a video for people who themselves are depressed or going through midlife crises? Like whats the pathway for them to find their way back to their spouse and to life. Is there hope for such people? I am going through it right now and on an intellectual level i know how things could have been different and how alot of what we are right now is my fault but i just feel like drowning. On the surface everything is fine but on a deeper level i feel nothing. I don't think there is anything left in the relationship. Like its too late to make any changes.

[@jonathanaves6752]

Thank you for this info , it gives me hope.

[@MonikaHoyt]

Best of luck!

[@castro95john]

Serious question she having a affair i know why and i got to the root of it. And shes having midlife crisis she says she can not think about cause she will lose it.her parents and grandmother are both dying which is making her party get tattoos and a boyfriend like a teen....we live together. And shes had severe depression. She says she will leave once shes comfortable or sees if its worth it to her? How should i approach this

[@ianjones7304]

How are things now My wife is in the same place

[@castro95john]

@@ianjones7304 honestly i invested alot of time i can tell you its really just to make life easier for them to move on and use you as a support system. Since this we completely seperated and it was a hard year but eventually you get over it and realize life is better off.

[@ianjones7304]

@@castro95john thanks for the update. Like you my wife has had depression bad when younger. We still live together, been 3 months, I know she is talking to other guys - I’m still standing for my marriage Not sure what comes next?

[@benitalarmer6237]

what if they lie all the time, even about little, unimportant things? My husband appears to be textbook MLC, but he just lies and not only denies that ('I find proof every time my gut tells me he's lying) and then he gets angry and starts throwing a fit when I confront him, regardless of how I let him know

[@MonikaHoyt]

Lying is not a defining characteristic of an MLC..that sounds like something else altogether

[@Tsan1010]

I believe my wife recently got a psychiatrist and is taking medication. her conversations with our children on the phone sound very upbeat maybe a little too much. My concern is with this help and medication. Will she be able to recognize that she destroyed our marriage and family or will it create some false illusionthat all of the destruction she did was for the good of making her happier.

[@Foxie635]

This is my husband to the core. He filed for divorce.

[@AndyACD]

Thanks very much for the great insight!

[@nazneenharianawala3461]

Thank you so much for this video.

[@obidavekenobe]

Is this explicit to men, or can these signs be seen in women too? Or are the signs in women different?

[@5hanesBoard]

I call it a midlife awakening

[@manocapital]

Why? explain pls?

[@faizajama7329]

Thanks that was very helpful

[@VeronicaGonzalez-ys9vc]

Would this advice apply to a situation where the husband has gotten into an adulterous affair? It is there any additional or different advice for this?

[@AnnieCherian-oh5sc]

How you find out he's in middle life crisis

[@JP-ht7to]

Wow!!😮

[@chappellpuppets]

what about mlc affairs

[@MonikaHoyt]

this is common unfortunately

[@jasonfromm5637]

Spot on As Iam the husband dealing with my wife

[@elguerrero3422]

Same here for two months, it’s very difficult brother. I wish you the best

[@trynewthings321]

I can´t thank u enough

[@manuellongfield]

My wife is going through this and now we are separated, she's started cheating since December. Should I wait until she heals? She's also in limerance

[@MonikaHoyt]

Yes however anything you can do strengthen yourself in the meantime may help, being a safe place but also holding boundaries for balance.

[@louiseworlin682]

Hi what a amazing video, explained an awful lot. Been with hubby since was 15 now hes left the family home. A very good man who is lost !! Can you help me with a call perpas ?

[@stuartmunro3164]

So my wife as separated with me but as said I love you but not in love with you , I need to find my self etc etc , now she doesn’t communicate unless she wants something , so ami best doing no contact and wait for her to come to me ??

[@MonikaHoyt]

Yes for awhile and see what happens, leave space for her to fill

[@AnnieCherian-oh5sc]

He not talk still more ego or toxic,family influence not come together😊

[@mickeykozzi]

my wife is going through 100% of all of this right now, its very hard :(

[@manocapital]

If I may ask how old is she?

[@elguerrero3422]

Mine too for a couple months already…it’s extremely hard, they are some days that it’s hard to even breathe and try to be composed at the same time, how are you guys doing now?

[@jasonfromm5637]

How do I help her if it’s depression

[@punkqueen5664]

The problem is that they cheat

[@TP-vu3tc]

NOT ALWAYS

[@Mikulover2020]

What age does this happen? Can this happen when a person turns 40?

[@MonikaHoyt]

it can happen anytime in midlife

[@vivianjohnson-jones5449]

Ohhhh shit girl you just said a mouthful

[@mrsm2293]

It look like it attack men more yooo

[@claudialopez2142]

Hello, I would love to hear more about how do we self grow as my husband is going through his midlife crisis, and touch the subject on when he asks for a divorce during his crisis.

[@mrsbella294]

Wondering the same. My Husband has left living with another woman and in crazy mid life crisis spiral . He filed for divorce and hasn't seen kids in nearly 5 months .

[@christinemaria77]

@@mrsbella294 ouch. Agonizing. I'm so sorry. I hope he comes to his senses.