Which Team Fortress 2 Mercenary Is The Biggest War Criminal? [Bumbles McFumbles]

[@TheRealBDouble]

If the medic is not actually a medic because he lost his license, he's committing a crime by presenting himself as a medic

[@TheReZisTLust]

He's just like millions of other doctors and nurses in real life 🤌

[@TLDR_REAPER]

Pyro is an alien it says so on the official TF2 wiki page it also states he can live forever so him and medic would not die in prison

[@l0sts0ul89]

​@@TLDR_REAPER Link?

[@insomniagobrrr5542]

Not a WARcrime

[@SimoneBellomonte]

Not a war crime though

[@RocoPwnage]

counter-argument: it's not a war crime if it's funny

[@bumblesmcfumbles]

That was actually in the documents i read for this

[@Dynalex]

Agreed.

[@ChangeNameEdits]

It isn’t a war crime if there isn’t there any people to report it

[@Omnicide101]

Ah yes, the TNO School of War Crime Justification

[@MercyKill022]

@@bumblesmcfumbles 21:19 pretty sure that's for dramatic to be continued

[@MrDuck-po3wy]

Fun fact, if a Medical personel starts fighting (such as: shooting at the enemy) they are no longer considered Medical personel and is now allowed to be harmed.

[@Megalon-qc8pf]

Medic (shoots). The Geneva Convention- “So you have chosen, *DEATH* “

[@omnical6135]

does a friendly medic count as unarmed because all of his weapons are home-made and not meant for warfare?

[@Rurike]

Well thats fine cause most pockets dont waste time fighting back anyway

[@Hydraagent-eh4yb]

The medic is literally a walking war crime since it’s illegal to arm medical personel

[@iCybernide]

the harmacist

[@1971taks]

I find it hilarious how heavy being the guy who loves killing has the lowest sentence and then medic whos a healer almost has the highest amount

[@HappyBeezerStudios]

He is still possibly an armed civilian in a war zone. But even his gun is fine. A minigun does not count as automatic weapon, so it is theoretically legal to buy one.

[@Dreinack]

@@HappyBeezerStudios automatic weapons are banned from war??

[@ourlordandsaviorsquirtle3278]

​@@Dreinackno, to buy as a civ

[@Eliphaser]

@@ourlordandsaviorsquirtle3278 in the US, only since much later after the game takes place in, plus there are still ways to legally obtain them, and that applies for private ownership, while the weapons of the mercs in TF2 could just be owned by the corporation that employs them as mercenaries, which could have provisions to own them as a PMC

[@jeesusapotol9715]

u will get it if you're an actual tf2 fan

[@jesternario]

Let’s face it. Pyro isn’t actually a paid mercenary. He just walked onto the battlefield one day and started burning everything.

[@Sacc_the_bambaspis]

mann co. : you're hired

[@GamingWarlord64]

He gets paid in exposure and he LOVES IT

[@sageisokay1689]

I'd be surprised if any of the mercs were actually paid

[@sageisokay1689]

@@RiverWychulis nvm ig at least Demo's getting paid

[@mastermindoftrouble]

Not only that but also he is being BRAINWASHED for fucks sake too, this won't count him under the list of war criminal because his goggles augment reality for him courtesy of his Meet The Pyro commercial, so he's COMPLETELY unaware he's killing people. I would disallow that for him because of that fact entirely, so for me, that would put Medic at first place.

[@AceCJay]

The fact that medic would actually survive his 500 year sentence due to him having 7 extra souls is crazy

[@pyrarius1598]

Let's see, if every 100 years 1 soul dies, 6 souls would die and he'd have 1 extra life (1 died already and 1 is currently being used, he'd have about 60 years to love aftwerwards unless he can get more souls)

[@crafty4722]

Lore B)

[@samuraijackoff5354]

@@pyrarius1598 bet he'll be doing some back room prison surgery.

[@makisous1650]

@@pyrarius1598 he will probably experiment on himself if he wants to live longer

[@HappyBeezerStudios]

@@makisous1650 Or he just goes full on Operation Paperclip and never goes to prison in the first place. After all, a full army that can utilize uber would be pretty neat

[@16BitGamerCat]

Notably, Spy's list of crimes does not include dodging the child support payments. This proves that he does care for Scout. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

[@sev1120]

Spy canonically pays child support confirmed

[@SimoneBellomonte]

He’s a more caring father than Vergil.

[@Molo_da_boi]

I’m pretty sure it’s not there because this is talking about “war crimes” Not paying child support isnt a war crime, it’s a normal crime

[@terriblecompany1588]

It is confirmed that spy does support scout and his family financially

[@Totasfunnynumber]

​@@SimoneBellomonte he disappeared into the night

[@roelcrafter9850]

"Tf2 is about 9 people who vaguelie tolerate eachother when not out right insulting one another" is one of the greatest quotes i have ever heard

[@loveroffunnyy]

it's vaguely, not vagulie.

[@Whoopsie1447]

It's a comment on a KZbin video, it's not that deep (also, usually you capitalize the first letter in a sentence, that’s quite embarrassing seeing as you take spelling and such so seriously)

[@lolnt6103]

​@@Whoopsie1447spelling is not grammar

[@Whoopsie1447]

@@lolnt6103 sorry, I fixed it. I don’t know why I put grammar instead of spelling, thanks though

[@thegreatkiwibeast2591]

Sounds like a family reunion

[@iamshark6221]

I never realized how many diy weapons pyro had. Such a creative creature

[@bobtheanimator8353]

Well of course! He can't just use the same fun-thrower ALL the time

[@slayinderp7501]

"THE LOLICHOP ISNT EVEN *R E A L* !"

[@AK-Drakoin]

A creature 😭 I too define Pyro as an “it” and “that thing”

[@watchmychannelorelse]

*creatures

[@bl1tz533]

I need someone to kill me. I just realised how much being called a creative creature flatters me

[@wolfcl0ck]

"Spy impersonated Tom Jones!" *Shows literally the saddest heartfelt image from the entire comic series*

[@Anton-de5vu]

Spy: finally confesses his relation to his son and lets him know that he’s proud of him before he passes” Mc fumbles: wait, that’s illegal!

[@kingvideogames]

Just because you are bad guy, doesn't mean you are bad guy.

[@ihaveaname3403]

timesamp?

[@smimi-smoismoi5027]

@@ihaveaname3403 21:37

[@vicenzogames5535]

@@kingvideogames also Spy:leaves his son for 23 years

[@lockk405]

I remember someone asking which merc would you trust the least with your children and everyone said medic in unison.

[@pyrarius1598]

@@amied7361 He said the LEAST, I'm pretty sure Demo would keep the children safe and confused while Medic would give them a Chitin Exoskeleton while they sleep

[@starlite5154]

Sniper, Engie, Heavy and Spy wouldn't really kill a kid, they may be contracted killers and psychos but they would have no reason to kill a kid they're still somewhat sane I wouldn't put it past Scout to get frustrated and bash the kid's skull in with a bat but still i could see him babysit a calm kid Demo is drunk, so you wouldn't want him around your kid anyway but i don't know if he would really kill a kid? Idk about him, definitely a no but idk if its a "never in a million years" thing Pyro would definitely be terrifying,you can bet they'd try to make your kid "happy" so i would never give them my kid in a million years Medic would also 100% do some weird shit like replace my kid's heart with a chicken wing so yes i wouldn't trust him at all either

[@clownplayer7265]

@@starlite5154 Scout is somewhat friendly to kids, he shared some molars with one in a halloween comic and his parental issues would motivate him to be a nice father even if he's not the most qualified for the job. Demo is a nice chap when sober, particularly in the "WAR!" comic when he's an easygoing chap when off clock, thought the alcoholism might indeed be a problem. Pyro did burn books to cheer kids on Teufort and also had fun with a puppy in the previous comic issue, still wouldn't trust him with kids but only because he would be a bad influence rather than he being a danger to the kids themselves. Medic however I agree. He would probably be the kind of guy who would like to improve their hearts by pouring crazy shit on them. And the scariest part is that Medic wouldn't do it out of genuine malice as much as his ideas to make kids growth stronger would be bizarre.

[@braedenmclean5304]

@@starlite5154 from best to worst. Engi. Sure he is a killer like the rest of the cast but he is *by far* the most sane out of the bunch. The only worry would be him teaching your kid how to build a portable turret nerf gun. Heavy. Very sweet and wholesome considering his profession. Would most likely educate your kid on Russian literature and sanvitch techniques. Very minimum chance of anything going wrong but be prepared to pay for cleaning if your kid touched Sasha. Demo. This may be a bit of an odd choice, but demon has shown that he is very capable in his day to day life, even when drunk and is able to hold down 5+ jobs at once. Sure he may show your kid how to make c4 or gun powder but remember “if I was a bad demo man I wouldn’t be sitting here discussing it with ya now would I!” Scout. Sure he is pretty unhinged and stupid, but I can’t see him actively harming a child he is looking after, again he may teach them some swears or bad habits but I would trust no harm would come to the child. Spy. Similar points as scout, a killer for hire but polite and would get the job done just watch out for your kid trying to backstab you if you cook him broccoli. Pyro. Another odd one but as long as they are in a place that is fireproof damage should be minimal, kid wouldn’t be hurt as pyro just wants people happy but your house may be burnt down. Sniper. Piss fiend, keep him away from children. Soldier. Insane, killer, genocide, most likely to necksnap your kid if he thought he was a magical wizard. Medic. Do I really need to say why he is at the bottom of the list?

[@SHMOUSEY86]

@@starlite5154 sniper may not kill your kid, but he'll probably piss on them.

[@dinodude8899]

I think you missed a weapon in Scout’s melee arsenal… the Unarmed Combat. it’s literally the decomposing arm of Spy. Not exactly a traditional weapon.

[@jacobdagun3670]

Nah, it counts as hand to hand combat. Even though he clearly came armed.

[@dinodude8899]

@@jacobdagun3670 pfffft! Good one. XD

[@alaeriia01]

Wouldn't Scout's baseball bats count as homemade under the same logic as the Nine Iron? It's a piece of sporting equipment.

[@dinodude8899]

@@alaeriia01 that… is a very good point. Not to mention the actual baseballs that the Sandman uses…

[@TheFlame_Hawk]

​@@alaeriia01baseball bats are traditional weapons to an extent, even if not military ones

[@johannesneumayer6041]

Fun fact: We actually know, that the Phlogistinator is not home-made. Pyro got it from a spaceship, in the same manner as Soldier got the Bison.

[@forgetfullsanity]

Wouldn't that count as home made since he probably took it and brought it home and then on to the battle field?

[@johannesneumayer6041]

If you crafted a weapon at a certified workshop and took it home before bringing it to battle, would that not make it home-made according to your logic?

[@TheReZisTLust]

It's only technically home made if he attached something to it altering the weight, so like a charm would work

[@flamingrubys11]

@@on_the_inverse_5193 actually they kinda are? basically one of the workshops items more or less says look at the merc your making a weapon for hands see what those hands would make"

[@sirtieman]

@@forgetfullsanity it wasn’t pyro’s property, it was just stolen

[@psychopathic_kitten1029]

11:00 Remember, "Every weapon has either been made or modified by the mercs..." Each individual weapon in the whole game is it's own war crime.

[@squidward9188]

The man made custard that scout throws…

[@rattle_me_bones]

Horrifying.

[@gabrieldario9921]

They have also been given to them by Mann co, like the direct hit, Eyelander or FaN.

[@psychopathic_kitten1029]

@@gabrieldario9921 And then those were modified by the mercs they were given to.

[@toasterdotpng]

@@gabrieldario9921 which is why it also says modified

[@lilernecgs7946]

12:55 Heavy's bear arms are technically legal, as the US constitution guarantees your right to bear arms

[@Spencer_TheSpender]

Boo, this sucks

[@sayvionwashington1939]

Ba dum.tiss

[@blacktemplar1139]

And the Medics mediguns are technically legal, otherwise most of the food we eat would also be illegal otherwise

[@J_Crane]

I love and hate you

[@colegraham782]

But not the right to bear bare bear arms.

[@xylasatanari525]

Funny thing is, based on the time period the games take place in, a lot of the mercs would potentially get away with it, since the game takes place a few years before the end of the Vietnam War, and a large portion of these crimes wouldn't be added to the Geneva Conventions for at least another decade, most notably the ban on incendiary weaponry. So that's a scary thought.

[@empereurnico6048]

god

[@faeyzaihsanulfikri9975]

Dear god

[@xylasatanari525]

@@faeyzaihsanulfikri9975 There's more...

[@faeyzaihsanulfikri9975]

@@xylasatanari525 no

[@onyx_gabriel]

@@xylasatanari525”No…!”

[@nastygumbo8426]

Knowing the universe tf2 is in I imagine that their are no war crimes at all

[@starmaker75]

Yeah at best the tf2 world has something like the Geneva suggestion.

[@greycatturtle7132]

Ye xD especially when there are 2 companies that control the world

[@freetoplayking7362]

Saxton Hale: there won't be a Geneva convention IF THERE'S NO GENEVA Ms. Pauling: Actually- The Administrator: Shh shh shhh, if he finds out, we'll all lose our jobs

[@AVI-lh6rm]

"The only war crime in TF2 is not killbinding when a funny happens." -Sun Tzu (Inventor of fighting)

[@Dinnyeify]

"It's not a war crime if there's no military left to judge you" Dr Coomer

[@DefRevenge24601]

The fact that 7 out of the 9 classes have less war crimes than Aran Ryan has infractions is oddly terrifying.

[@StoutShako]

"Here's one of me favorites, Mac." **PULLS OUT A THERMONUCLEAR BOMB**

[@capsulecat8569]

Thomas the Thermonuclear Bomb*

[@tysonvienneau1830]

In which way? Are you afraid of Aran or Medic and Pyro

[@dyanim8503]

@@StoutShako XD lmfao

[@DefRevenge24601]

@@tysonvienneau1830 Aran.

[@genuinegenie7078]

Considering Medic is so medically skilled to be able to surgically remove someone's soul and invent the medi-gun, I think Medic has a chance of actually living out his prison sentence if he wanted to by performing a surgery on himself (which we know he can do since he had to transplant his own heart to get Ubered) to keep himself from aging.

[@maninhu9837]

He could get more souls die ask to never age or be immortal and come back

[@dicyanoacetylene6220]

@@maninhu9837 this just made me think that the Medic could make a deal with Lucifer where as long as Medic surgically gives himself a new soul every few years if not more often, Lucifer will alow Medic to stay on the surface to collect a bigger prize once someone finally does do him in. Let's say each new soul grants 10 years of additional life, a revival, or a favor of some other kind, and the moment Lucifer has a controlling share of souls, Medic runs out of chances and will be stuck in hell upon next death unless Medic can retip the balance in his favor.

[@jordenpantoja1625]

If medic were in real life, and every thing else didn’t change. It’s possible that he would HAVE to work for the government if he gets caught, because of his medic expertise, Ubercharge, and being able to bring back the DEAD. Now of course he would get time in jail, but he would have to spill the beans on how his contraptions work.

[@maninhu9837]

@@dicyanoacetylene6220 the thing is that the devil gets only one soul per life while medic as long as he gets 2 he is in the controlling share

[@dicyanoacetylene6220]

@@maninhu9837 well, the devil can always wait, if the medic only keeps one soul ahead, then medic can't revive (remember, a soul is either 10 years OR a revive OR a favor) and keeping only one soul on standby for revival is too little security, as he might need to burn an extra for a favor, plus might need an additional one incase what ever caused him to die is still around. So, while 2 at a time might be stable, 4-6 is probably a better bet.

[@EccentricEnthusiadam]

I vaguely recall learning somewhere that it's a war crime to wear enemy uniforms or disguise/misrepresent yourself or your army.

[@kuni2330]

Well it's not the enemy's uniforms, it's just a disguise. You're probably right on the second point though.

[@Arockettt]

Your eternal reward?​@@kuni2330

[@lucky9293]

I don't think espionage is a warcrime

[@alaeriia01]

​@@kuni2330 it's a paper cutout mask of the opposing team member.

[@kansaslml7796]

​@@lucky9293 To quote wikipedia: "Wearing enemy uniforms or civilian clothes to infiltrate enemy lines for espionage or sabotage missions is a legitimate ruse of war, though fighting in combat or assassinating individuals behind enemy lines while so disguised is not, as it constitutes unlawful perfidy."

[@vulduv]

"No homemade weapons!" "The cozy camper is homemade." Sir, that's a backpack. Not a weapon.

[@JNJNRobin1337]

shoes are weapons and so are shirts, pants, socks, gloves, glasses, ect

[@ZeUbersMensch]

@@JNJNRobin1337 including body

[@gordonfreemansupremacy3629]

Tribalmans shiv is a wood carved kukiri

[@THE_STORM_THATS_APPROCHING]

You can kill someone with a backpack

[@fantasticgood5403]

Then explain why the Mantreads kill people when you land on them

[@hardlyanydiggity3953]

Fun fact: Luckily, the mad milk is actually just milk from _irradiated cows._ edit: why the fuck are people still replying to this

[@delcaprascalar1860]

Yes that adds more to the nuclear arsenal scout has

[@dicyanoacetylene6220]

@@delcaprascalar1860 I think that was counted among the original 6 (the C.A.P.P.E.R., the bat saber, the soda popper, crit-a-cola, BONK atomic punch, and mad milk) unless there's something else. The mutated milk? But that, the beauty mark and the bread bite probably could be classified under bio weapons, wich is a different category that I don't think was covered.

[@jhonjoeanimations9683]

*"homemade mad milk"*

[@MisterStabby]

So it’s just heavily processed Bonk

[@delcaprascalar1860]

@@jhonjoeanimations9683 Dam that reminds me it could be homemade since Scout drinks too much Bonk and Bonk is radioactive

[@Interceptor00X]

The Holy Mackerel isn't an "improvised weapon" it's a "Weaponized insult"

[@sev1120]

Same with the hot hand

[@NAFProjects]

69th like

[@matthewcorrie3324]

So Vicious Mockery given physical form?

[@Interceptor00X]

@@matthewcorrie3324 yes

[@CountShaman]

@@sev1120 I'd argue none of the Pyro update weapons are improvised since they're Mann Co approved and obtained via contract.

[@perkelyat]

Don't count your war crimes, make your war crimes count.

[@mythos951]

Pyro could plead insanity. In legal terms, the definition of insanity is the individual not being able to understand what they are doing is wrong. Pyro doesn’t even understand he is killing people.

[@Kohchu]

I was actually thinking this too. With the exception of starting fires; as it's been shown in the videos, and comics that he willing starts fires and adores them; everything else in his mind, he is doing to spread the joy and happiness he feels because of fire to other people. So technically speaking, only the flame parts of Pyro's crimes could be categorized as a crime; because he knows he's burning things... the rest are all caused by paranoid, delusional psychosis... More likely, Mann Co and the Administrator would be imprisoned for arming him, and telling him 'it's okay' since they are arming, and actively encouraging a clearly not mentally well person, to go and slaughter people with an axe and a homemade Flamethrower; while selling him mods to make it even stronger. Pyro would still get war crime penalties for owning a Home Made Flamethrower and starting fires.... but a good chunk of the other stuff could be addressed to insanity and handled differently; unlike the other Mercs who know full well they are killing people. In addition, because the Pyro is a successful CEO of the business rivaling Mann Co, Frontier Engineering; when it comes to successful construction; he could probably spin it to use as legal evidence that Mann Co is actually attempting to sabotage his business by psychologically attacking his mental state. We know Mann Co makes those Optic Masks, because they are also available for the other mercs via the Pyroland goggles, and the Hazmat Headcase for Sniper.

[@Sumschmuck]

Pyro could slap heavy on the back of the head during the trial

[@cameronballz6154]

In other words...pyro vision saves the day again

[@yaboiPatches]

Meds

[@thatdognotthepuppy5809]

@@Kohchu Illegally owning a flamethrower and starting fires aren't warcrimes, they're just regular crimes. Pleading insanity doesn't mean you aren't punished for your crimes or aren't counted in your sentence, it just means that you don't serve your time in a conventional prison like the neurotypical would, you'd serve it in a mental institution and it would still be a really horrible experience, worse than regular prison actually. But given that we're talking about war crimes specifically, it's a tough one because we haven't had many substantial war crime trials since 1948, it's less likely that we'd execute them today but if we did, he'd still be killed.

[@micro9084]

If you are not comitting 10 war crimes in a day while playing TF2, you are probably doing something wrong.

[@Aaa-bi8ly]

What about gun spies doing a no disguise challenge?

[@Boomblox5896]

@@Aaa-bi8ly If it's a CHALLENGE to not commit war crimes, then that says a lot about TF2.

[@Parkin_M]

Or you playing as the peaceful heavy

[@Boomblox5896]

@@Parkin_M *peaceful

[@CantThinkOfAnythingToUseHere]

When I play 2Fort, I just sit alone in the intel room with my sentry. I'm not commiting crimes playing like that. :)

[@superdude899]

"In response to fan requests, Heavy no longer has legs."

[@galegopaulista4564]

"Oh, Heavy is a defense class, so he shouldn't even have legs to begin with" - Lazypurple.

[@mrpersoonman]

"yata. yata. yata. YATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA. yata. yata. yata."

[@lordkenkaih]

But the point is that there’s no question which one of us is going yo win in these heavy *”duels”*

[@Aiden-MGR]

I love Lazypurple

[@herald246]

@@Aiden-MGR who doesn't? :]

[@2freejuices]

"Genocide? How? He's just one guy!" Might just be the best quote ever

[@THE_UNKNOWN_JESTER]

Undertale has a CHILD GENOCIDE A WHOLE RACE OF MONSTERS

[@JustARandomGuy219]

*Gets WWII flashbacks*

[@thehaloscrolls391]

So you’re telling me Heavy canonically commits the least amount of War Crimes, and the worst one is like, him using bear claws

[@OptimusPrime-1984]

Did you miss the part in which he is RUSSIAN???

[@Man_Aslume]

@@OptimusPrime-1984 ah yes your world view Russia bad West good

[@OptimusPrime-1984]

@@Man_Aslume Bruh, litterally was talking about the part of the video about mccarthyism r/Woosh

[@ibilesfighter3.16]

@@Man_Aslume i think you mean in america's worldview in 1970's

[@Man_Aslume]

@@ibilesfighter3.16 Lmao

[@cthulhubecausewhynot1182]

Damn, Pyro will get out of prison just in time for the Heavy Update!

[@starmaker75]

That would be a pretty funny idea for a promotion comic of the heavy update.

[@teshinthai2541]

he will need to wait more for the 7th comic tho, she need to do more war crimes.

[@josephleebob3828]

do you think they can get these powerful people to jail,they cant they can just destroy the entire army

[@cofagrigusfan24]

at least Heavy can make sandviches for the others while he is in jail

[@galegopaulista4564]

But only for about 120 years, before he is set free, so most other mercs won't be able to enjoy those sandviches for too long.

[@raikaria3090]

If the Gulags couldn't hold Heavy... I'm not sure what could.

[@jakoblent4694]

@@raikaria3090 that man killed a mother grizzly of the Russian variety and Australium is gone... Have fun keeping them in

[@LuanNguyen-uk5gw]

@@jakoblent4694 eh, I think prison won’t able to keep all of them in for long.

[@samuraijackoff5354]

He would probably stay in prison just for the bed.

[@Stewwit]

and ms pauling is the only reason the mercenaries arent in jail, shown in expiration date

[@X-SPONGED]

18:36 Fun Fact : Scout's "Mad Milk" was originally supposed to be called "Mann Milk". But for some reason, Valve decided to change the name to "Mad Milk" last minute. I wonder why

[@TheWither129]

“Mann Milk: Non-Milk Substance” Definitely too on the nose

[@LayZe.]

because mann milk sounds like coom

[@Cadoe]

@@LayZe. he's being sarcastic

[@blax140]

and people use name tags to rename it to that anyway lol

[@Xross420]

*Scout, are you sure this is milk?*

[@JohnnyD1986]

Two things about the comic crimes: 1. "The Pyro may have set something on fire!", yet you've shown Ms. Pauling attracting Pyro with a fire she herself set. 2. The stuff Engineer stole were blueprints his father made. Legally, he has a right to them.

[@apossiblyhereticalalphaleg3595]

I mean, Pyro has set things on fire

[@TheZombieKing87]

@@apossiblyhereticalalphaleg3595 he is a Pyro maniac after all

[@13th_Ghostly_Grimm]

Engineer father I thought it was his grand father.

[@YukimareThePsion]

If you wanna talk about crime, you should look at Blutarch. He outright robbed the grave of Engineer's grandfather and stole the blueprints of various devices... And then attempted to claim ownership of all of the schematics acquired. If Engineer was able to avoid his own crimes, he could easily have taken Blutarch to court and screwed his employer over, and suddenly he would have far more to worry about then a failing life extender machine.

[@NoFlu]

@@YukimareThePsion Wasn't engie's grandpa an employee of Blutarch, if so, its debatable if his blueprints would really be *his* depending on if he was paid by BLU to drawn them up...

[@StriderOwO]

Correct me if I'm wrong, I'm not 100% up to snuff on the Geneva Convention, but Discounting the fact he doesn't have a medical license, I believe it would still not be a war crime to kill the Medic, since he's an active participator in combat. The war crime for killing a medic only applies if said medic is a non-combatant.

[@serenical_]

@@theburningkitten4019 if they *shoot* their gun, not carrying it. Why tf would thry give medics guns if they could be killed legally carrying it

[@kirtil5177]

@@theburningkitten4019 i wonder, does medic's bonesaw and syringe gun count? The gun seems hard to classify as anything but a weapon, but medic might be smart enough to convince court that its a medical equipment and not a weapon that counts him as an armed combatant

[@BritishSoldier-kr9xf]

@@kirtil5177 Why would you need empty needles for giant bonesaw unless you are in the reserve

[@twiddlerat9920]

@@theburningkitten4019 no, it only counts if they take it out

[@kirtil5177]

@@BritishSoldier-kr9xf my only idea is that needles arent bullets, and the needles also dont have to be empty in that gun, like a nail gun but for a more precise medical application that medic doesnt give a shit about

[@Incogneato]

Note that the war is a private war between two mercenary teams, not countries.

[@Dreinack]

if the war is private does it make the crimes less or more punishable

[@sinyu4015]

​@@Dreinackfumnier

[@DainKeith]

​@@DreinackUnpunishable

[@jindrichsander7271]

​@@Dreinackit would just fall under normal criminal acts of murder, I suppose atleast in most countries. It might be different in countries which are filled with war and terrorism on daily basis.

[@NickTheFloridaMan]

The Geneva Convention applies to all forms of declared war, even if it’s not between countries.

[@creativecub7252]

Imagine making this into a challenge. win one round per class without committing a war crime

[@coocato]

Medic might be the hardest honestly, everyone else has a way to play it safe but not him

[@Rule-12]

Afk mf's can win this challenge very easily

[@handlesarecringe957]

Probably easiest as either heavy or stock sniper

[@Imsorrywat]

Hardest with Scout medic and Pyro

[@HazardThe2st]

​​@@Imsorrywat scout can just use a stock loadout though?

[@pennycarty7794]

I don't blame you for missing it because the weapon is so forgettable (and let's be fair they have enough strikes against them anyway) but Pyro's Third Degree melee weapon also causes disintegration, meaning it would fall under nuclear weaponry. So one extra bonus point for the mute madman!

[@mouthwide0pen]

tfw the only strict upgrade in the game is useless

[@sleeby526]

Neon annihilator

[@venezolanoanimatios5863]

@@sleeby526 that one too

[@killerkirby366]

@@mouthwide0pen wel no It’s a straight upgrade so like it has the same use as stock fuck I’m gonna die time to try and random crit

[@mouthwide0pen]

@@killerkirby366 stock fire axe is also useless you are the Pyro who has a flamethrower. you have no reason to use a 65 damage fire axe when you can just hold m1. pyro has the powerjack for mobility, the homewrecker for support, the axtinguisher for offense, or hell, even if you do want to fall back on your melee as a hail mary for some reason, the back scratcher is better at that than stock and also makes medkits heal you more!

[@sapphiresplash]

"Who has committed the most war crimes?" Pyro: "yes"

[@Aaa-bi8ly]

*mmmmmph

[@Spirit_045]

Who committed the most war crimes? Pyro: z + 7

[@yancamb2202]

@@Spirit_045 Where z = Pyro.

[@Boomblox5896]

Even if you manage to detain all of these Mercs, good luck holding them in. Heavy has experience escaping from the Gulag, and I'm sure all the others are tough enough to muscle through an entire facility with whatever they've got. Spy is a professional stealth operative so there's so much he can do on his own already, but a few of them like Medic, Engineer, and Sniper may need extra support from their team to escape.

[@amitavrashmi17]

Don't forget that in one his taunt you see Pyro doing a Kamehameha wave of fire without using any weapon so he can just melt the bars

[@beeefeater]

Soldier is so dumb that he will probably explode the whole prison

[@microwave8931]

Sniper is an assassin. He probably knows how to sneak. Engi is, well, an engineer. Medic has obtained other souls, so he can probably outlive the sentence

[@alaeriia01]

Engie would build a gun that he can use to shoot his way out.

[@deadshot_daquiri_remastered]

Engie could build a drill with enough armor to withstand whatever the prison guards may use to stop him from breaking out with a bed, 3 toothbrushes and a bench he casually found around

[@lordkinesis4432]

Poor Miss Pauling. She's the one keeping everyone from going to jail and this video just highlights how much work she has to do to keep them out.

[@BogusmanTheSwagman]

"I refuse to believe that the Scout is hawking love custard at his enemies. What could possibly be in the resupply to refill it? Soldier." - Bumbles McFumbles, 2021

[@catsareyes6446]

Honorable discharge

[@CyberK4]

Why else do you think Scout has the libido of a dolphin; he's got fertility in his magnum dong for days. Get him 1 year of crossfit and body-building programs, and he'll be the next Chuck Norris.

[@connormcgehee9349]

It's a picture of miss pauling

[@sebastiangibson9671]

@@connormcgehee9349 um thats concerning

[@gggold3932]

A flesh light and a picture of ms Pauling

[@skeletonking2501]

I knew Pyro would get the most since his whole thing is literally a war crime as of itself (incinderary weapons) but wow, was not expecting him to go to jail for homemade stuff

[@naryosh_]

If each merc started their sentences when jesus was (allegedly) born at year 0 consecutively, where the next merc would start serving their years as soon as one was finished, they would still have 899 years to go as of today

[@Wafflelord-Gaming]

So in other words they are almost free, just got to keep their spirits up

[@naryosh_]

@@Wafflelord-Gaming in complete honesty i feel like TF2 could last 899 years more into the future with a fanbase of more than 1 person

[@superdude899]

@@naryosh_ Even if you start when Jesus was most likely born, it still wouldn't be any better.

[@handleonafridge6828]

@@naryosh_ fun I hope it’s a fact: Jesus probably existed, it’s more disputed if he was the son of god or not, so you don’t have to say allegedly. The more you know

[@trashlord3214]

to be fair regarding the Track Terrorizer's description: 1. it wasn't written by Valve, but was actually part of a contest they had(though an argument could be made that they still approved it), and 2. taking the _War on Smissmas_ comic into account he was probably MILF hunting.

[@Tristicl]

14:05, wrong, the Jarate is caused because Sniper drank a pill that enchances his bladder and such, Jarate was actually made itself as a pill from Mann Co, the concept of using urine in battle via Jarate was also made by Mann Co. While the bottle itself is not made by the company, the entire act that Sniper performs of throwing jars of urine at his enemies is licensed and endorsed by Mann Co. This was proven by the promotional comic: "The Insult"

[@timetraveler_from_2012]

Jarate is a weapon using glass shards so it instantly regains its warcrime status

[@jorgebrionesvillalustre3666]

Then it could be classified as chemical weapon.

[@karenzeise1522]

Also jarate bottles contents aren't made by Mann Co but jarate pills and the pain tonic are meant to expedite the process of making jarate

[@micahpitsiladis9732]

It’s literally homemade

[@guusemunch1707]

Fun fact, medics medi gun “juice” is actually a combination of scotch and BONK! Atomic punch, meaning he is the runner up in the nuclear weaponry category

[@LittleHelperFan]

Blood also

[@LetsPlayWoomy8835]

and piss

[@DaltonIzHere]

And whatever is inside the medkits.

[@fishd2594]

and a samvich

[@willropa4226]

I'm mostly surprised that Soldier, who was rejected from all military branches most likely due to his low mental state, was on the lower end of the spectrum when it came to crimes. I would think his mutilation of corpses as seen by his collection of heads and human ear necklace he gives to Heavy's sister would be a few no-nos. Not surprising though was Heavy and Pyro. Heavy's the calm big brother of the team, he wouldn't hurt a fly if he had to, and Pyro is an actual psycho, not jokingly he's definitely psychotic since he doesn't even know he's burning people to death since he spends every day in Pyroland.

[@mimmain2673]

It's always a beautiful day for him.......but enemies though

[@s0ph053]

So pyro could get off on an insanity plea.

[@Spacebugg]

@@s0ph053 so the guy that gave him the flamethrower is the real culprit

[@mrpersoonman]

honestly it's probably just that genocide is counted as a single crime, if you were to count every German he killed he's likely WAYYYYY up there

[@ffwast]

@@Spacebugg pyro built his own flamethrowers

[@Awesomeness-iz3dh]

17:04 Actually the jetpack is an incendiary weapon. Pyro has a taunt kill with it where he shoots flames behind him.

[@7isAnOddNumber]

Fun Fact: A mine such as a sticky bomb, when activated via a command, is not a war crime. Using something such as a tripwire is indeed a war crime, but if it is activated by the user and not the victim it’s totally ok. As such, Sticky Bombs are not technically a war crime as you must activate them yourself. I think don’t @ me on this

[@mollywantshugs5944]

Right. It would probably count as a grenade

[@owenblount7334]

So it’s like c4

[@KeroTheInvincible]

I believe so. Landmines were outlawed partly due to undue suffering (being mostly designed to maim rather than kill), and partly for their tendency to harm civilians and non-combatants after the conflict is already over.

[@furinick]

@@KeroTheInvincible i think the terminology they used is that those are indiscriminate weapons that don't care who steps on them

[@Alldaboss]

You are correct, demos sticky bombs and similar in the use of claymore they are detonated via the user and not triggered by a tripwire or proxy fuze so they are warcrime free it's more like a M32 GL that can be activated by the user.

[@the12gaige97]

20:40 I’m not 100% sure, but I think turning the thief into a pumpkin would count as mutilation

[@thelordofthelostbraincells]

Kidnapped a man, and mutilated him into a pumpkin. Yes

[@THE_UNKNOWN_JESTER]

It was self defense

[@paperhat_boi]

​@@THE_UNKNOWN_JESTER"your honor it was just self defense"

[@missingindy]

This doesn’t even matter in the canon, because in Expiration Date, when Scout asks Mrs. Pauling what she’ll be doing (to ask her out on a date), she responds with “Funny you should mention that! I’ll be burying bodies all week, so you don’t go to jail.” also one of her contract lines goes something along the lines of “Hey, I’m on a cave tour- wait, this is the cave I’ve been hiding bodies in.” Followed by the horrified screams of others upon finding said bodies

[@koopatroopa7968]

Fun fact, the Pomson and Cow-mangler actually break a rule in the Star Wars universe. Not an actual law, but rather a rule in a holo-contract. According to Screen Rant, the reason Darth Vader tells Boba Fett “No disintegrations” in Empire Strikes Back is because he’s had experience with bounty hunters disintegrating random people and claiming that the remains were of the perp in order to swindle Vader, which you gotta have some droideka-sized balls to do, because if you fail Vader, you might as well be a tree in front of a lumberjack.

[@bane_0f_heroesx226]

If things like a golf club and beer bottle are homemade weapons, wouldn't every single scout bat also be homemade?

[@thestrange2742]

A bat can be used as a weapon so no

[@bane_0f_heroesx226]

@@thestrange2742 So can a golf club and a beer bottle, they are household objects used as weapons, so homemade weapons

[@thestrange2742]

@@bane_0f_heroesx226 for a baseball bat yes but it can depend (i'm not a war veteran)

[@JTBJacksdeadasschannel]

Oh god you're right. But I think something like the batsaber would be designed as a weapon. Same with the sword.

[@kansaslml7796]

@@thestrange2742 It can be used as a weapon but it's not designed to be used as one, it's sport equipment

[@VestedUTuber]

Hold it... I don't think the Medic's ubercharge actually counts as using chemical weapons, since they're not used on the enemy to harm but rather on teammates to heal and boost their abilities. Same goes for classifying mediguns as weapons to begin with, since they, again, are used to heal and strengthen teammates, not to directly attack enemies. On the flip side, the Engineer's sentry gun violates bans on automated weapons that target and fire on their own.

[@HappyBeezerStudios]

Plus ubercharge is used with the consent of his teammates.

[@leonel392]

@@HappyBeezerStudios I mean... "Are you sure this will work?" "I have no idea!" I doubt the mercs even have any idea of what's inside of the Ubercharge XD

[@maxrgo6937]

Exactly. Ubercharge uses no chemicals that directly affect the enemies. What is using the chemicals is the gun and transmits them to the body of the pacient. But the damage is done through the weapons the pacient is using, not the medigun or ubercharge. Ubercharge and any weapon based or functioning on ubercharge, are not considered warcrime weapons for such base or function. The only exception might be the kritzkrieg, since its chemicals or whatever it has, does affect the bullets to cause more damage, but Valve doesn't consider the kritz an ubercharge weapon, at least not on the jungle inferno contracts. There, when they mention "ubercharge" to finish a contract, kritz doesn't apply.

[@LukeIsHere231]

Then it should count on the syringe guns?

[@VestedUTuber]

@@LukeIsHere231 That could be chemical or biological. Or it could just be relying on the impacts of the syringes themselves. The Blutsauger (literally "bloodsucker") has a health-steal effect but the stock syringe gun and the overdose just do normal damage, so it's actually unlikely that the syringes are loaded. As for the Crusader's Crossbow, whatever's in its syringes actually heals teammates.

[@yagadoobeegiddyba]

the phrase "secret bonus warcrime" is the funniest thing ever to me for some reason

[@nidzabalkan235]

"Another one." - Dj Khaled

[@SERAPHIM-54]

Scout is keeping his war crime streak at its peak

[@a_lexine]

Demoman's stickybomb launchers don't fall under anti-personnel landmines, nor does the iron bomber, for one simple reason they're war crimes because they're hard to remove and easy to detonate inintentionally by civilians. stickybombs are clearly visible and have to be detonated *manually* . as for the iron bomber, the bombs detonate automatically after a very short delay, so if you'd outlaw the iron bomber, hand grenades in general would be outlawed too.

[@jmurray1110]

I mean depending on use a landline can be legal if you fling it at someone’s face and it exploded because it’s not being used as a trap but a makeshift weapon

[@brightwafi1291]

@@jmurray1110 ah yes, the explosive coin-toss

[@fregi8779]

general rule of thumb? Explosive wired to a switch that a living person operates good Explosive wired to a switch that a victim activates bad also timers count as the former because someone sets the timer, and it will eventually remove itself

[@jmurray1110]

@@fregi8779 and since the sticky bomb also have a time limit Sure it’s longer than the entirely history and future of the universe but it does exist

[@hyper1-k6f]

@@jmurray1110 the heat death of the universe will happend faster the a sticky detonates litraly

[@cakepigs]

technically a lot of them aren't committing war crimes since tf2 is set in 1968-1972 Therefore: Demoman isn't committing war crimes for using anti-personnel mines since that wasn't a law under the geneva convention until 1997 (also removes some from scout) Pyro can use flamethrowers as they weren't banned until 1983 Also technically being a mercenary and a combatant excludes medic from the protection of the Geneva convention, he's also breaking the Geneva convention when on the red team since he uses the symbol of the red cross whilst being a combatant. Anyway while I'm not reading the whole Geneva convention for ones I can't find simple dates for since they have weird ass naming schemes many of the conventions put against them might not really work due to the fact they weren't enacted or enforced during 1968-1972.

[@Recoil1808]

Technically that final point regarding medic using the Red Cross is not actually true. The Red Cross as a symbol is effectively a trademarked symbol, IRL. Medic would be fine on that one, because while his symbol indeed does include a red cross against a background, it is NOT a red cross against a white background, but a yellow/orange one. Admittedly sucks that the St. George's Flag (the English flag, not to be confused with the Union Jack, which is the flag of wider Britain) would probably fall under it, though. Meaning if the UK ever completely broke up, the English could theoretically get charged for flying a flag that's existed longer than the Red Cross has.

[@NoFlu]

I think flame-based weapons are only banned if there's a chance for non-combatants to be affected or see the effects of these weapons. So technically he'd get off the hook, except for maybe that one chinese-ish KOTH map, or any other map set in a city/town....

[@Recoil1808]

@@NoFlu Those areas are also clearly abandoned in most cases. That's not to say that they're particularly decrepit, but there also generally isn't any real traffic beyond the mercenary clones killing themselves over and over (even ignoring the killbinds, RED and BLU spy is the same person, technically meaning that even if it is not suicide, a RED spy backstabbing a BLU spy is still killing himself).

[@maximiliandeisz2961]

@@NoFlu only if it is the primary weapon of a batalion and/or intended to be used against humans. Having a flamethrower to burn down the forest is fair game. If you are shot at while on such a mission using the flame thrower against enemy combatants is also fair game.(assuming they shot first)

[@frozenover_exe]

@@Recoil1808 While that would be hilarious if that happens, I think the Red Cross has specified proportions. Knowing the Red Cross’s corporate ass behaviour that wouldn’t stop them from suing, just make it even funnier when they do go to international court

[@the_glowsquid6729]

Yknow, having Pyro and Medic have the most warcrimes makes sense

[@JacobtheCuber]

Fun fact: when you mention that you can’t fire on people who surrender- there is a soldier achievement called Geneva Contravention where you kill 3 defenseless enemies after winning a round

[@blaz4333]

I think it’s often overlooked that the soldier also killed all 4 of the Beatles, as revealed in ring of fired

[@owenblount7334]

Hilarious

[@maximusxvii6889]

A true hero

[@M0nochromedonut]

I love how pyro doesn't have bad intentions but to others he's just everything but positive words

[@pajwubx1809]

He is A positive word for the people who work with him, effective

[@carbon8ed]

I don't believe demoman's stickybomb launchers would count as "mines" in a conventional sense. The reason anti-personnel mines are outlawed in warfare is because they often get left behind, then long after the war is over some unfortunate soul will stumble upon it and get obliterated by it out of nowhere. Stickybombs are *exclusively* manually detonated, which presents no such risk.

[@spinomitegames9000]

This is true. Unfortunately for demo, this doesn’t include the iron bomber. That is if it counts as a war crime in the first place.

[@vasianduban9995]

True . Demo could explode his sticky in any time that why it’s not a war crime

[@carbon8ed]

@@spinomitegames9000 Iron bomber grenades have a fixed fuse time that's activated as soon as they're fired. Not any different from hand grenades.

[@Davvg]

Yeah, the fact they are not a non-discriminatory weapon makes them significantly less dangerous- though it might still be a problem if they are in fact filled with shrapnel?

[@carbon8ed]

@@Davvg Almost all bombs are full of shrapnel. Shrapnel is the primary way that explosive weapons kill people.

[@slenderminion2229]

I cannot believe it. After all these years. The final comic just came out and actually gave us _closure._ _In a Valve property._ Truly a Christmas miracle.

[@scorpiouskrimson]

Or, in other words: "Which TF2 Mercinary has the most infractions?"

[@randocalzone8772]

This is his legacy now, he's never living it down

[@trailbreakertv8918]

Well it think pyro could be ryan

[@hailghidorah2536]

“You're gonna love this one Mac.” *brings out Phlog*

[@scorpiouskrimson]

@@trailbreakertv8918 Bringing illegal weapons into the ring- I mean, battlezone? I believe it.

[@virokyu]

Pyro should have an additional crime counted against him for his flare gun, as it's meant to be used to signal for help/rescue, yet he uses it to set people on fire

[@Aaa-bi8ly]

And scorch shot

[@ibilesfighter3.16]

And thermal thruster

[@smilemore7431]

I just imagine all the merc’s sitting around a table counting their war crimes to see who has the most. Edit: I think soldier would be mad about his placement in the war crime list. He’d probably want to be higher on the list.

[@twin_towers_destroyer]

He’s committed mass genocide. We don’t have a kill count, but he’s definitely way higher than he was placed.

[@literallyglados]

@Soldier [TF2] yeah america commits war crimes every day of course youre on this list

[@Dinnyeify]

I mean if he's upset he can fix that... (don't 😐)

[@headsman9836]

It's actually quite fitting and considering his patriotic brainwashing. I'd bet he'd be pissed if accused of even 1 crime.

[@Superdude403]

And would proceed to commit more war crimes in order to get higher

[@GlyphWitch]

Honestly, the biggest shocker for me in this is how many crimes Scout goes under. It's completely expected for Medic and Pyro to have as many as they do, but Scout?

[@dicyanoacetylene6220]

Who gave bumble Mc fumble the biggest panic attack when concerning how many crimes they committed: Aran Ryan or pyro?

[@BlazingShadowSword]

Yer gonna mmph this one Mac!

[@sinclairguess1187]

Aran ryan retired from boxing and become the next scout

[@jakoblent4694]

@@sinclairguess1187 Nah Ryan is the descendent of the TF2 Pyro

[@2-Way_Intersection]

to be fair, you could easily see pyro coming a mile away on this one

[@MikeHawk-bg5ss]

@@sinclairguess1187 Aran Ryan retired from boxing and became the next -scout- Warcriminal

[@onemariobro]

Actually you should update the “homemade” part because Mann co sells all the weapons the mercs make so essentially all the homemade weapons are technically legal via Mann Co

[@galfinsp7216]

I can see the idea

[@blurryf4i]

But what about jarate

[@robertpaiva4953]

@@blurryf4i I'm actually pretty sure that it's mannco selling either the jars or the kidney enlargement supplements that make garade possible not the piss itself therefore it's still a warcrime

[@mymom5213]

@@robertpaiva4953 But the jarate can be bought in the mann co store

[@sev1120]

However the initial weapons that Pyro made to get on MannCo.'s radar to be hired as a mercenary would be counted as a war crime And it's not like he's gonna drop out of first place either way

[@bizmasterTheSlav]

Medic is probably the only one capable of actually surviving that prison term because every time he dies he can just give away one soul and he has plenty left to spare

[@LetsPlayWoomy8835]

couldnt medic just revive the others

[@CastroyPlaysFuncraft]

Well, no. He can give away 1 soul until the devil has majority share. So he’d eventually run out of bargaining power. He’d need to keep taking on more.

[@bizmasterTheSlav]

@@CastroyPlaysFuncraft I think with enough planning and determination he can obtain functionally unlimited souls, even in prison. Remember, he can extract those surgically.

[@Fauniq]

Let's be for real, he's going to find a way to surgically extract souls in prison.

[@christopherearth9714]

17:41 It's okay. It's okay. It's over. You can rest now... it's over.

[@No-yn7ry]

1. Demo sticky launchers are not war crimes since the definition of a illegal mine is one that is Victim-Activated thus they are not war crimes since they are activated by a non Victim detonator (ie demo). 2. The game takes place 1960s to 70s the article that was made that banned mines was made in 1997. Same thing for incendiary weapons the protocol call on it was made in 1980 to 1981. 3. The vast majority of the combat takes place somewhere in the USA a country that is not party to the Ottawa treaty (the treaty on landmines).

[@gamingandotherstuffchannel]

I'm pretty sure the game took place in Australia

[@Masked_SVincent]

@@gamingandotherstuffchannel nah it’s in New Mexico (well the main desert maps), but their materials to make the weapons (australium) is from Australia. So the country plays a big part, but the fighting doesn’t really take place there.

[@shrek6723]

@@Masked_SVincent also, Brazil.

[@FACE_OF_WOOD]

One thing you forgot to mention, heavy has tortured an engineer, as said in poker night at the inventory which was made canon by valve adding atleast 1 item related to that game, heavy proceeds to explain that he shoved the wrench down the engineer's throat and started breaking off his fingers while he was suffocating on the wrench

[@MrMoron-qn5rx]

I dont think its actually canon. A few other devs have claimed its not canon in their universe. However i wouldnt be surprised if it was.

[@yourcordialvermillionchapw2398]

Heavy: _"(Describes in abnormal gruesome detail the torture of an Engie) Isn't this not the most funniest thing??"_ *(All of them are disappointingly horrified, even a lunatic like Max was astonished...)* Red Anol Bead: _"That is some BEEPED up BEEP man!!"_

[@robertsissco2439]

@@yourcordialvermillionchapw2398 And don't forget, one of those disgusted people was a writer who, at one time annoyed by his friend, threatened to die, go to hell, depose Satan for the dark throne, and sing the song that ends the world, was horrified by the treatment of Engie by Heavy.

[@yourcordialvermillionchapw2398]

@@robertsissco2439 Oh wait it actually makes sense as to why Heavy is very over the top that it even scares people of said feats: Heavy hangs out with Medik whom outwits a very old veteran *Satan* various times in the lore. Medik is so good that he bets on souls/outwits Satan with nothing but a pen XD.

[@soupisgoodfood84]

This game is fucking wild, i thought heavy "punching out" all of scouts blood is funny, but this beats it by a 1000!

[@themambawarrior2290]

15:08 Pyro is cannonically smart enough to become the CEO of a company and direct it to high wealth, I think he's smart enough to make the Dragon's Fury. Though the phlog is, I believe space alien tech that he acquired, rather than made.

[@trivynium]

He is probably under the command of the engineer, you know, to cover stuffs. And in comic pyro see everyone as south part canadian and speak gibberish, so it is safe to say he cant understand anything anyone said (beside the mercenaries i think) let alone moderating a huge company

[@GlareanLiebertine]

Phlog, Manmelter, and Third Degree are space alien tech.

[@_a_random_muffin_]

Actually, the Dragon's Fury is a legit weapon sold by Mann Co. so that One specifically is fine

[@takeshimoral8738]

It could just also be a joke about CEOs not actually controlling much in companies, so the record profits *in spite of* pyro could be part of that joke, especially since he could barely understand what they were saying, so it would be strange if he could make decisions in response to employees

[@raymondwiggins354]

Also does the hothead count as a homemade weapon? it's literally just a mitten you slap people with(and is one of if not the most disliked Pyro mele weapons for me).

[@thelordofthelostbraincells]

22:37 lest just assume each mercs soul is worth 100 years, medic can theoretically outlast his "life sentences"

[@maritofuentes4690]

Tf2 takes place 1942 right? Apparently medic canonically dies in 2024

[@thelordofthelostbraincells]

@@maritofuentes4690 1969-1970 actually

[@SimoneBellomonte]

@@thelordofthelostbraincells Source? 🗿

[@thelordofthelostbraincells]

@@SimoneBellomonte source for what?

[@pootisman2742]

​@@SimoneBellomontethe James Bond settings and the weapon designs. The comics too put the Gravel Wars in the late 60s and Mann vs Machine in the early 70s.

[@crowbird0540]

[11:40 Scout: Non-Intended Weapons] Okay so, this one is easy to look over because of how often movies and games use them as weapons, AND how they are genuinely used it real life, but... Baseball bats are *not* officially recognized as weapons of war, they are sports equipment, and as such, would classify as 'an object not intended to be a weapon' This would mean *any* of Scout's melees not expressly being another weapon would count towards warcrimes, including some double offenders like The Atomizer. Boston Boy and his Baseball Arsenal are going to the Hague just as quickly as he'd make it to home plate. Come to think of it... -Pyro's Stock Axe is a FIREAXE, which has the express purpose of being a *tool* used to navigate through burnt terrain -Frying pan is a cooking utensil. It's made for pancakes, not for bludgening. -The same is true for the Golden Pan (though you probably could really make pancakes without melting the pan) -Sydney Sleeper is almost certainly homemade -All of Engie's Wrenchies would be considered maintenance tools, and thus smacking spies with then would be outlawed -While the Bonks are not being used as weapons, the Mad Milk is a thrown projectile, and most certainly counts -In the same note would be the Gas Passer, which is some Petroleum substance in a can, clearly meant for use in gas powered machinery, not making Mercs extra crispy -All Boxing Gloves and fist based weapons (Ah-la Robofists) would either be handmade, or sporting equipment (while they are used to harm people, it's only in the ring, not in the field, so they still count as crimes) -Saxxy is an award, not a Mace (even if it turns people to gold when you hit them) -Medic's Saws almost all classify as Medical Equipment, so on top of violating the Hippocratic Oath further, they are also warcrimes -In may have missed it while you were relieving Vietnam, but ALL of Pyro's flare guns are not weapons; they're designed to signal for help when lost. The fact he makes them as harmful as he does is both terrifying, and a war crime -In a rare display of annualling a war crime, Sniper gets away with his Cozy Camper, as it is not used as a weapon!!! (It still does have Jarate though, so it's more of a misclassification... Net change: 0)

[@artmex7815]

pan And saxxy award isnt made of gold but australium

[@jakoblent4694]

@@artmex7815 Which would fall under Nuclear weapon as Australium has a slight radiation and I'm pretty sure turning people to gold is not something that should normally happen

[@artmex7815]

@@jakoblent4694 australium* im pretty sure

[@jakoblent4694]

@@artmex7815 if a australium pan turns its victims into australium then the comic crisid wouldnt be a thing

[@artmex7815]

@@jakoblent4694 thats a good point, im not Fully sure about any of it

[@fireempire7342]

The way you said "he made in his imagination" killed me!

[@glacierwolf2155]

I knew Spongebob was onto something when he talked about using his imagination.

[@SaganHawkes]

I was definitely not expecting the Zach Hadel "POISON" clip but I am so glad it was there.

[@curro5145]

hi sagan hawkes

[@prohikikomo]

Wow you watch Oneyplays? Didn't know Sagan Hawkes of all people actually had taste.

[@jonathanwatson4484]

15:37 "I am just an silly little pyro, you not going to have beef with an little guy?"

[@pedrosian7031]

You missed an important one! Wearing an uniform of the opposing force to confuse the enemy is 100% illegal. Also, i am not sure if the Dead Ringer counts as 'perfidy' considering he feigns death to often kill someone after they believe him to no longer be a threat, which is not exactly too different on principle from surrendering only to kill your enemy once they put their guard down and assume you are no longer a menace. ...the things one can learn when planning D&D campaigns!...

[@inquisitorbenediktanders3142]

@PsyKKKo but then the question is does it count because it seems like spy loses his disguise *after* he hits the enemy? I mean, if you think of that it counts as a warcrime.

[@philipdegti2910]

also failing to wear a military uniform or anything that could distinguish a solder from a civilian can be considered as perfidy and punished as a war crime.

[@FrozenOver0]

Huh, I suppose this means that any class that can taunt kill after being being put in their disarmed state when losing around would count as Perfidy too?

[@philipdegti2910]

@@FrozenOver0 hmm, i never thought of that but yes that probably would count as Perfidy and maybe even me considered a war crime

[@aslightlysanescientist3874]

@@brandon737 medic has no license therefore he is able to be harmed anytime

[@zesnowpea6347]

Pyro: has 35 infractions Aran Ryan: Finally, a worthy opponent. Our battle will be legendary!

[@undeadreborn4867]

even Aran not crazy enough to fight a mad man with a flame thrower... never mind he's loading his gloves and reading an AUG, I don't even know where he got that.

[@zesnowpea6347]

@@undeadreborn4867 bold to assume he wouldn’t just cheat his death

[@alitobahrain3782]

The 35 is war crimes while Aran Ryan’s are boxing rule breaks

[@zesnowpea6347]

@@alitobahrain3782 he changed the score so now he has 42 war crimes because he’s a cheating cheater who likes to cheat

[@cvalion409]

I mean who knows, maybe the maniac under that mask... is Aran Ryan! It would explain the comedically high levels of rule breaking.

[@grfrjiglstan]

Shadman's lawyer: "Hoo boy, this is gonna be a tough man to defend." Bumbles McFumbles: *inhale* "Listen here, boy, you don't know the first thing about tough cases!"

[@swishfish8858]

Wait what happened to Shadman

[@swishfish8858]

Nevermind I just looked into it, holy shit.

[@craneisthename]

@@swishfish8858 who’s shadman?

[@swishfish8858]

@@craneisthename ...if you have to ask, you don't want to know. :P

[@oneofmanyparadoxfans5447]

@@swishfish8858 They managed to bust him? Jeez. What did they get him on? Tax evasion, Al Capone style?

[@jolo8224]

i can’t believe you got lyle to shout “poison” for this video. the way he insisted on ingesting cyanide to make it sound authentic was very admirable

[@ManWithThreeDollars]

18:19 it’s community made therefore not canon, so although scout committed enough crimes to warrant multiple death sentences, he’s not a pedophile

[@Moshael460]

Technically, valve put it in the game, so by extend, it's actually canon.

[@KopKing11]

​@@Moshael460id just like to mention that under the logic of skins and cosmetics being cannon Chell canonically sold weatly to mann co to be turned into sapper which is a reality no ones ready for

[@Dash123456789Brawl]

⁠@@KopKing11Is there any specific implication that Chell was involved in that? Because looking at it from the Portal side, AFAIK there’s no reason Chell would ever have even met Wheatley again after the credits roll. It wouldn’t surprise me if GLaDOS managed to get hold of him again, though; it would make sense she’d want to see him suffer more rather than just hope he’s suffering somewhere out in space.

[@KopKing11]

@@Dash123456789Brawl To my memory the description says A kind lady which I can't see as being glados as the description is clearly second hand from mann and I think they would just assume her to be a robot, also as if this even needs mentioning glados is anything but kind. Although I do concede that it seems out of character for Chell to do that so they may both have had a hand in it.

[@nucwaff2727]

​@@KopKing11the kind lady line might just be a reference to how GLAD0S and Snipers voice actors are married IRL

[@Leffrey]

The problem with übercharge as chemical weapons is that the mediguns aren’t weapons. They’re only affecting allies in order to heal them, like the things a real medic would carry. As we see in meet the medic they all (vaguely) consent to the operation that makes them über compatible

[@Ixs4i]

pedantic time: you can technically heal and uber enemy spies when theyre transformed so like that kinda counts

[@Leffrey]

@@Ixs4i A: you are being tricked into übering the spy B: you're still not hurting anybody (the person doing the murder is unafiliated and already doing war crimes by false-flagging) C: The spy is actively going out of their way to be affected, so that's consent as far as I'm concerned (or at least willing endagerment)

[@timothymclean]

There are a _lot_ of chemicals being used on the battlefield. Not even all the chemicals being used to hurt people count as chemical weapons, with the biggest example being potassium nitrate.

[@clownplayer7265]

Maybe for most uber weapons, yeah. However, the kritzkrieg does focus on helping someone mowing other people down with it's uber so the kritzkrieg actually can be considered a weapon if by having support on offensive capabilities.

[@mqfii8992]

Video idea: Which Pokémon's evil teams commited either the most or the biggest crimes? Example: - Team Rocket: Animal cruelty (Cubone incident) and owning an illegal cassino. - Team Aqua/Magma: Intentionally causing a geological disaster. - Team Galactic and Team Flare: Attempted genocide/crimes against humanity. - Team Plasma: Attempted murder of children. - Team Skull and Team Yell: At least being just a public nuisance. At most taking over an entire town.

[@mikaruyami]

- Cipher: Animal Testing/Genetical Manipulation, Kidnapping, Stealing, Political Corruption, etc, etc.

[@omegacolossus]

I think that Aqua/Magma has everyone beat because if left unchecked, that could potentially cause global destruction.

[@mqfii8992]

@@omegacolossus Team Flare planed to use either Xerneas or Yveltal's power to kill most humans and Pokémon's for Lysandre ideal, beautiful world. Team Galactic intended to use Palkia and Dialga's power to destroy the universe and be remolded In Cyrus' image. Both would've succeeded were not for the Protagonists' intervention, hence the "attempted" part. Though the argument could be made that Aqua/Magma actually partially carried on with their plan and Earth was flooded/draught for some time, so actual damage and death happened.

[@FrostedMike]

I didn't play Sun/Moon so I don't know. Chairman Rose (Sword/Shield) caged a near extinct animal, performed tests on it to harness it's powers, with a great risk of failure which means a potential destruction of an entire region or the planet. Additionally, Rose have a monopoly over the energy and the Pokemon League of the Galar region. Leaving no room for competition. Rose claims his deeds are for the greater good of Galar, but somewhere I believe it was for personal gain. Still, it's nothing compared to Galactic and Flare who had the intention and attempted to destroy the world.

[@mqfii8992]

@@FrostedMike Team Skull Is mostly just a bunch of punks who engage In petty crimes and vandalism. Though if you want to count the Aether Foundation as an evil team, then Team Skull Is accomplice In Lusamine plans and Necrozma stealing the light from Alola (and presumably the world) and the possibility of either Necrozma or other Ultra Beasts destroy the world.

[@Caberknight]

22:28 I like how demoman and sniper are smiling And heres another thing; Which mercenaries will go to heaven? Or hell?

[@microwave8931]

Scout and Sniper were shown in heaven, so they're making it

[@AidenFrey-k3i]

Medic went to hell in the comics as well

[@chrisppx]

Tf2 makes the Geneva Convention look like the Geneva Suggestion

[@Celcel512]

Fun checklist*

[@P.H691]

“Hey guys, does the Geneva convention apply to video games?” -LazyPurple

[@madquack6449]

Just like the real world!!!

[@mestre12]

Not even a suggestion at this point.

[@Strykerx31]

Well, your not wrong on the 2nd part.

[@spiderssssssssssss]

Me, a Pyro Main, watching this video: *”Interesting”* Seriously tho, great video, and also I’m still amazed that I actually guessed Pyro would “win” a couple minutes in! Good for them….or, bad, because of the many years in prison, but still!

[@iamthescouthere8556]

Like they would be able to catch them anyways

[@briankenney9528]

As a pyro main i guessed from the title

[@vasudeanguy8523]

The only one that's close is the Medic.

[@djtrac3r935]

Here’s my thing, pyro is completely unaware and of their actions because of pyroland, which is what he sees the world as. All of their weapons are in their eyes, things like toys or instruments or candy. When they kills a merc in the real world, they see them as babies and that their playing with them. Pyro by all means is insane and is completely unaware that they are committing war crimes. And because the pyro vision goggles exist, it can be assumed that when MannCo hired them, they took advantage of the fact pyro is insane and they take advantage that they can’t distinguish reality from fantasy. TL;DR: Pyro could technically be innocent as they can’t distinguish reality from fantasy. They are being used to MannCo’s advantage and Pyro’s crimes could be chalked up to straight up insanity.

[@mightydusknoir2649]

That doesn't he'd get off scot free. He'd most likely spend those 700 years in an isolated room of an asylum.

[@Duality2222-2]

That's not particularly true as in the comics he is self aware he is using fire based weapons as when he, scout, and soldier are attacked by baby bears (I'm sure the comic just made a joke that they were babies and were near adult hood) he hallucinates that one of the bears is talking to him saying fire is bad and setting things on fire is a big no no. This enraged the Pyro and he went berserk on the bear chopping it up with his axe.

[@jakoblent4694]

@@Duality2222-2 He is aware that fire is a thing but when we see through his vision one comic earlier we see that fire for him is a rainbow so smokey basically told him that rainbows are bad for people which in pyros head is bad

[@sev1120]

Whilst pyro would be deemed innocent due to insanity, the primary issue would be somehow getting a case against MannCo (as, in the comics, MannCo funds RED and BLU, and RED and BLU collectively own 99.9999% of all the world's businesses (the remaining one being MannCo itself()

[@jakoblent4694]

@@sev1120 Red and blu are dead the world is now pretty much freeballing so the government can actually intervein since nothing stops them

[@kingofthedepths3513]

Harboring a criminal Soldier has a evil wizard as a roommate

[@vulpesdecinere972]

A lot of this is inaccurate. Even if he didn't lose his medical license, Medic is a combatant, doesn't matter if he heals people. If he participates actively in combat (hey look at that, he has a needle gun) then he is fair game. The gas passer is gasoline. Sure, it is a chemical compound, but it's not being used as a chemical weapon, merely a prelude to a physical one (Fire). It's more akin to napalm. If you wanted a real chemical weapon, you'd look nowhere else than the sniper. Bio-chemical to be exact, due to the fact he had to go through a process to start pissing jars of mini-crit enabling piss. Oh, the gas passer being a wound enflaming compound is funny as a pun, but, once again, not very accurate to word of the laws of war. Anti-Personnel land mines? No! The sticky bombs are NOT land mines. They're remote explosives, which are very much legal as long as they don't destroy anything civilian-related! The wrap assassin ball actually does have merit, as it is using shrapnel that can not be detected as easily as metal. The sniper's backpack (and by extension other non combat related items, even the radioactive BONK) are not weapons, that should be obvious. Besides this, fun video. Keep doing what works.

[@natk205]

Even with that list of inaccuracies, most of the placements wouldn't change. Especially Pyro's.

[@vulpesdecinere972]

@@natk205 Well, incendiary weapons used directly upon enemies are a subject of hot debate. Technically they are NOT banned as long as they're discriminate and only used against enemies and not civilian structures and areas. But, at the same time it's Pyro and we literally have a Meet the Team video of him burning down an entire village of non-combatants. Maybe you're onto something.

[@Zer01211]

Needle gun is op

[@zesnowpea6347]

@@vulpesdecinere972 shouldn’t medic be allowed to have a weapon, but only able to use it in self defense? It doesn’t seem like a good idea to have a medic go into an active battlefield in equipped

[@ECODKyleskymast]

@@zesnowpea6347 i think the problem is that the Medic is actively fighting instead of just going in to take wounded soliders back to safety.

[@Archersforeal]

Okay that “1 crime, 3 days” joke at the end was golden 😂

[@TheActualMrLink]

What crime WAS Jesus convicted of, anyway? Blasphemy?

[@-Juney-]

@@TheActualMrLink He was convicted of treason I think, as he was telling people he was the son of god. The king of the territory Jesus was in at that time felt threatened that Jesus could overthrow him since he, the king, was an evil heartless bastard, so he crucified Jesus to save his own skin.

[@greasyclown]

@@-Juney- People were saying that "new king has arrived" when Jesus was a tiny baby, so thats why the heartless king decided to murder all infants and children in his city or something but Jesus and his parents escaped the city unnoticed and survived

[@OptimusPrime-1984]

@@-Juney- More complicated than that, he was acused by the Jewish elders of blasphemy, but the Jews had forbiden to murder anyone, so they went to the Romans and asked them to kill him, but the Romans couldn't find them guilty of any crime by themeselves and were worried that his followers would rebel agaisnt them, so they went to...who I *think* but am not sure was some sort of king at the province they were at the moment, that guy said Jesus was just a crazy guy and passed the ball back to the Romans, which finally, through Pilatos condemn him, washing his hands as a symbol that it was the Jews that wanted to kill Jesus and not his own fault... Many would say that blaming the Jews is antisemitic, which if was applied to our contemporary Jews would be true, however the Jews at that moment and time were just a furious mob that wanted to draw the blood of Jesus because he was pointing out the hypocrisy of their society at the time for about 3 years and also claiming to be the Son of God and the Mesiah, so if someone haves to get something out of this story, let it be that, that a blood thirsty mob killed Jesus

[@Ultragamer63]

I genuinely expected Medic to be the biggest criminal but Pyro makes just as much sense in hindsight.

[@FluentMagpie]

15:07 - The Phlogistinator further escapes this because he didn't actually make it himself; it was made by people from an alternative universe

[@FlamingLily]

You missed one actually, Medic (at least RED's medic) commits a war crime by using the Red Cross iconography despite not being a non-combatant medic (VAlVe has also committed this war crime)

[@liamderuiter7963]

For the enflame your wounds category he actually skipped the flare gun, detonator, and scorch shot

[@tundcwe123]

Scorch shot gives Pyro at least 100 war crimes since it's a pocket torture machine from hell made by satan and pyro together

[@HappyBeezerStudios]

Are we talking setting things literally on fore or about inflammation here?

[@tinymicrowave6821]

They don’t cause you to take bonus damage like the jarate or fan o war, they just deal bonus damage in certain scenarios, like how the neon annihilator deals crits to wet players (correct me if I’m wrong)

[@shabungaloo]

@@tinymicrowave6821 by all technicalities, every flare gun except the mannmelter and detonator mini-crit or crit on enflamed targets, which all of them apply except the mannmelter

[@thelastmlg2699]

​@@shabungaloo uh, detonator minicrits burning targets

[@Z_E_B_O]

11:30 funfact, in military training you learn that if someone uses an object against you as a weapon you have to estimate what defense would be appropriate. if the object can kill you and the guy is running towards you, you are allowed to shoot him for example.