Which Team Fortress 2 Mercenary Is The Biggest War Criminal? [Bumbles McFumbles]

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Take a shot every time I misspeak one of the weapons name. My favorite is calling the Solemn Vow the Hippocrates Oath. I wasn't even close
I'm only human so if you think I did a bad job, fair.

[@AceCJay]

The fact that medic would actually survive his 500 year sentence due to him having 7 extra souls is crazy

[@pyrarius1598]

Let's see, if every 100 years 1 soul dies, 6 souls would die and he'd have 1 extra life (1 died already and 1 is currently being used, he'd have about 60 years to love aftwerwards unless he can get more souls)

[@crafty4722]

Lore B)

[@samuraijackoff5354]

@@pyrarius1598 bet he'll be doing some back room prison surgery.

[@makisous1650]

@@pyrarius1598 he will probably experiment on himself if he wants to live longer

[@HappyBeezerStudios]

@@makisous1650 Or he just goes full on Operation Paperclip and never goes to prison in the first place. After all, a full army that can utilize uber would be pretty neat

[@RocoPwnage]

counter-argument: it's not a war crime if it's funny

[@bumblesmcfumbles]

That was actually in the documents i read for this

[@Dynalex]

Agreed.

[@ChangeNameEdits]

It isn’t a war crime if there isn’t there any people to report it

[@Omnicide101]

Ah yes, the TNO School of War Crime Justification

[@MercyKill022]

@@bumblesmcfumbles 21:19 pretty sure that's for dramatic to be continued

[@jesternario]

Let’s face it. Pyro isn’t actually a paid mercenary. He just walked onto the battlefield one day and started burning everything.

[@Sacc_the_bambaspis]

mann co. : you're hired

[@GamingWarlord64]

He gets paid in exposure and he LOVES IT

[@sageisokay1689]

I'd be surprised if any of the mercs were actually paid

[@sageisokay1689]

@@user-js4iv4vw6k nvm ig at least Demo's getting paid

[@mastermindoftrouble]

Not only that but also he is being BRAINWASHED for fucks sake too, this won't count him under the list of war criminal because his goggles augment reality for him courtesy of his Meet The Pyro commercial, so he's COMPLETELY unaware he's killing people. I would disallow that for him because of that fact entirely, so for me, that would put Medic at first place.

[@lilernecgs7946]

12:55 Heavy's bear arms are technically legal, as the US constitution guarantees your right to bear arms

[@Spencer_TheSpender]

Boo, this sucks

[@sayvionwashington1939]

Ba dum.tiss

[@blacktemplar1139]

And the Medics mediguns are technically legal, otherwise most of the food we eat would also be illegal otherwise

[@LowHB]

I love and hate you

[@colegraham782]

But not the right to bear bare bear arms.

[@16BitGamerCat]

Notably, Spy's list of crimes does not include dodging the child support payments. This proves that he does care for Scout. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

[@sev1120]

Spy canonically pays child support confirmed

[@SimoneBellomonte]

He’s a more caring father than Vergil.

[@Molo_da_boi]

I’m pretty sure it’s not there because this is talking about “war crimes” Not paying child support isnt a war crime, it’s a normal crime

[@terriblecompany1588]

It is confirmed that spy does support scout and his family financially

[@Totas_funnynumber]

​@@SimoneBellomonte he disappeared into the night

[@TheRealBDouble]

If the medic is not actually a medic because he lost his license, he's committing a crime by presenting himself as a medic

[@TheReZisTLust]

He's just like millions of other doctors and nurses in real life 🤌

[@TLDR_REAPER]

Pyro is an alien it says so on the official TF2 wiki page it also states he can live forever so him and medic would not die in prison

[@l0sts0ul89]

​@@TLDR_REAPER Link?

[@insomniagobrrr5542]

Not a WARcrime

[@SimoneBellomonte]

Not a war crime though

[@1971taks]

I find it hilarious how heavy being the guy who loves killing has the lowest sentence and then medic whos a healer almost has the highest amount

[@HappyBeezerStudios]

He is still possibly an armed civilian in a war zone. But even his gun is fine. A minigun does not count as automatic weapon, so it is theoretically legal to buy one.

[@Dreinack]

@@HappyBeezerStudios automatic weapons are banned from war??

[@ourlordandsaviorsquirtle3278]

​@@Dreinackno, to buy as a civ

[@Eliphaser]

@@ourlordandsaviorsquirtle3278 in the US, only since much later after the game takes place in, plus there are still ways to legally obtain them, and that applies for private ownership, while the weapons of the mercs in TF2 could just be owned by the corporation that employs them as mercenaries, which could have provisions to own them as a PMC

[@roelcrafter9850]

"Tf2 is about 9 people who vaguelie tolerate eachother when not out right insulting one another" is one of the greatest quotes i have ever heard

[@loveroffunnyy]

it's vaguely, not vagulie.

[@Whoopsie1447]

It's a comment on a KZbin video, it's not that deep (also, usually you capitalize the first letter in a sentence, that’s quite embarrassing seeing as you take spelling and such so seriously)

[@lolnt6103]

​@@Whoopsie1447spelling is not grammar

[@Whoopsie1447]

@@lolnt6103 sorry, I fixed it. I don’t know why I put grammar instead of spelling, thanks though

[@thegreatkiwibeast2591]

Sounds like a family reunion

[@wolfcl0ck]

"Spy impersonated Tom Jones!" *Shows literally the saddest heartfelt image from the entire comic series*

[@Anton-de5vu]

Spy: finally confesses his relation to his son and lets him know that he’s proud of him before he passes” Mc fumbles: wait, that’s illegal!

[@kingvideogames]

Just because you are bad guy, doesn't mean you are bad guy.

[@ihaveaname3403]

timesamp?

[@smimi-smoismoi5027]

@@ihaveaname3403 21:37

[@vicenzogames5535]

@@kingvideogames also Spy:leaves his son for 23 years

[@hardlyanydiggity3953]

Fun fact: Luckily, the mad milk is actually just milk from _irradiated cows._ edit: why the fuck are people still replying to this

[@delcaprascalar1860]

Yes that adds more to the nuclear arsenal scout has

[@dicyanoacetylene6220]

@@delcaprascalar1860 I think that was counted among the original 6 (the C.A.P.P.E.R., the bat saber, the soda popper, crit-a-cola, BONK atomic punch, and mad milk) unless there's something else. The mutated milk? But that, the beauty mark and the bread bite probably could be classified under bio weapons, wich is a different category that I don't think was covered.

[@jhonjoeanimations9683]

*"homemade mad milk"*

[@Feesh6]

So it’s just heavily processed Bonk

[@delcaprascalar1860]

@@jhonjoeanimations9683 Dam that reminds me it could be homemade since Scout drinks too much Bonk and Bonk is radioactive

[@dinodude8899]

I think you missed a weapon in Scout’s melee arsenal… the Unarmed Combat. it’s literally the decomposing arm of Spy. Not exactly a traditional weapon.

[@jacobdagun3670]

Nah, it counts as hand to hand combat. Even though he clearly came armed.

[@dinodude8899]

@@jacobdagun3670 pfffft! Good one. XD

[@alaeriia01]

Wouldn't Scout's baseball bats count as homemade under the same logic as the Nine Iron? It's a piece of sporting equipment.

[@dinodude8899]

@@alaeriia01 that… is a very good point. Not to mention the actual baseballs that the Sandman uses…

[@xylasatanari525]

Funny thing is, based on the time period the games take place in, a lot of the mercs would potentially get away with it, since the game takes place a few years before the end of the Vietnam War, and a large portion of these crimes wouldn't be added to the Geneva Conventions for at least another decade, most notably the ban on incendiary weaponry. So that's a scary thought.

[@empereurnico6048]

god

[@faeyzaihsanulfikri9975]

Dear god

[@xylasatanari525]

@@faeyzaihsanulfikri9975 There's more...

[@faeyzaihsanulfikri9975]

@@xylasatanari525 no

[@onyx_gabriel]

@@xylasatanari525”No…!”

[@thehaloscrolls391]

So you’re telling me Heavy canonically commits the least amount of War Crimes, and the worst one is like, him using bear claws

[@OptimusPrime-1984]

Did you miss the part in which he is RUSSIAN???

[@Man_Aslume]

@@OptimusPrime-1984 ah yes your world view Russia bad West good

[@OptimusPrime-1984]

@@Man_Aslume Bruh, litterally was talking about the part of the video about mccarthyism r/Woosh

[@ibilesfighter3.16]

@@Man_Aslume i think you mean in america's worldview in 1970's

[@Man_Aslume]

@@ibilesfighter3.16 Lmao

[@clairerose4997]

I never realized how many diy weapons pyro had. Such a creative creature

[@bobtheanimator8353]

Well of course! He can't just use the same fun-thrower ALL the time

[@slayinderp7501]

"THE LOLICHOP ISNT EVEN *R E A L* !"

[@AK-Drakoin]

A creature 😭 I too define Pyro as an “it” and “that thing”

[@watchmychannelorelse]

*creatures

[@bl1tz533]

I need someone to kill me. I just realised how much being called a creative creature flatters me

[@EccentricEnthusiadam]

I vaguely recall learning somewhere that it's a war crime to wear enemy uniforms or disguise/misrepresent yourself or your army.

[@kuni2330]

Well it's not the enemy's uniforms, it's just a disguise. You're probably right on the second point though.

[@konradsartorius7913]

It does not constitute a war crime, but you lose the designation of soldier and become a sabeoutur. This means the Geneva convention does not protect you.

[@Arockettt]

Your eternal reward?​@@kuni2330

[@lucky9293]

I don't think espionage is a warcrime

[@alaeriia01]

​@@kuni2330 it's a paper cutout mask of the opposing team member.

[@M0nochromedonut]

I love how pyro doesn't have bad intentions but to others he's just everything but positive words

[@pajwubx1809]

He is A positive word for the people who work with him, effective

[@micro9084]

If you are not comitting 10 war crimes in a day while playing TF2, you are probably doing something wrong.

[@Aaa-bi8ly]

What about gun spies doing a no disguise challenge?

[@Boomblox5896]

@@Aaa-bi8ly If it's a CHALLENGE to not commit war crimes, then that says a lot about TF2.

[@Parkin_M]

Or you playing as the peaceful heavy

[@Boomblox5896]

@@Parkin_M *peaceful

[@CantThinkOfAnythingToUseHere]

When I play 2Fort, I just sit alone in the intel room with my sentry. I'm not commiting crimes playing like that. :)

[@Interceptor00X]

The Holy Mackerel isn't an "improvised weapon" it's a "Weaponized insult"

[@sev1120]

Same with the hot hand

[@NAFProjects]

69th like

[@matthewcorrie3324]

So Vicious Mockery given physical form?

[@Interceptor00X]

@@matthewcorrie3324 yes

[@CountShaman]

@@sev1120 I'd argue none of the Pyro update weapons are improvised since they're Mann Co approved and obtained via contract.

[@the_glowsquid6729]

Yknow, having Pyro and Medic have the most warcrimes makes sense

[@nkvdev]

Don't count your war crimes, make your war crimes count.

[@johannesneumayer6041]

Fun fact: We actually know, that the Phlogistinator is not home-made. Pyro got it from a spaceship, in the same manner as Soldier got the Bison.

[@forgetfullsanity]

Wouldn't that count as home made since he probably took it and brought it home and then on to the battle field?

[@johannesneumayer6041]

If you crafted a weapon at a certified workshop and took it home before bringing it to battle, would that not make it home-made according to your logic?

[@TheReZisTLust]

It's only technically home made if he attached something to it altering the weight, so like a charm would work

[@flamingrubys11]

@@on_the_inverse_5193 actually they kinda are? basically one of the workshops items more or less says look at the merc your making a weapon for hands see what those hands would make"

[@sirtieman]

@@forgetfullsanity it wasn’t pyro’s property, it was just stolen

[@lockk405]

I remember someone asking which merc would you trust the least with your children and everyone said medic in unison.

[@pyrarius1598]

@@amied7361 He said the LEAST, I'm pretty sure Demo would keep the children safe and confused while Medic would give them a Chitin Exoskeleton while they sleep

[@starlite5154]

Sniper, Engie, Heavy and Spy wouldn't really kill a kid, they may be contracted killers and psychos but they would have no reason to kill a kid they're still somewhat sane I wouldn't put it past Scout to get frustrated and bash the kid's skull in with a bat but still i could see him babysit a calm kid Demo is drunk, so you wouldn't want him around your kid anyway but i don't know if he would really kill a kid? Idk about him, definitely a no but idk if its a "never in a million years" thing Pyro would definitely be terrifying,you can bet they'd try to make your kid "happy" so i would never give them my kid in a million years Medic would also 100% do some weird shit like replace my kid's heart with a chicken wing so yes i wouldn't trust him at all either

[@clownplayer7265]

@@starlite5154 Scout is somewhat friendly to kids, he shared some molars with one in a halloween comic and his parental issues would motivate him to be a nice father even if he's not the most qualified for the job. Demo is a nice chap when sober, particularly in the "WAR!" comic when he's an easygoing chap when off clock, thought the alcoholism might indeed be a problem. Pyro did burn books to cheer kids on Teufort and also had fun with a puppy in the previous comic issue, still wouldn't trust him with kids but only because he would be a bad influence rather than he being a danger to the kids themselves. Medic however I agree. He would probably be the kind of guy who would like to improve their hearts by pouring crazy shit on them. And the scariest part is that Medic wouldn't do it out of genuine malice as much as his ideas to make kids growth stronger would be bizarre.

[@braedenmclean5304]

@@starlite5154 from best to worst. Engi. Sure he is a killer like the rest of the cast but he is *by far* the most sane out of the bunch. The only worry would be him teaching your kid how to build a portable turret nerf gun. Heavy. Very sweet and wholesome considering his profession. Would most likely educate your kid on Russian literature and sanvitch techniques. Very minimum chance of anything going wrong but be prepared to pay for cleaning if your kid touched Sasha. Demo. This may be a bit of an odd choice, but demon has shown that he is very capable in his day to day life, even when drunk and is able to hold down 5+ jobs at once. Sure he may show your kid how to make c4 or gun powder but remember “if I was a bad demo man I wouldn’t be sitting here discussing it with ya now would I!” Scout. Sure he is pretty unhinged and stupid, but I can’t see him actively harming a child he is looking after, again he may teach them some swears or bad habits but I would trust no harm would come to the child. Spy. Similar points as scout, a killer for hire but polite and would get the job done just watch out for your kid trying to backstab you if you cook him broccoli. Pyro. Another odd one but as long as they are in a place that is fireproof damage should be minimal, kid wouldn’t be hurt as pyro just wants people happy but your house may be burnt down. Sniper. Piss fiend, keep him away from children. Soldier. Insane, killer, genocide, most likely to necksnap your kid if he thought he was a magical wizard. Medic. Do I really need to say why he is at the bottom of the list?

[@SHMOUSEY86]

@@starlite5154 sniper may not kill your kid, but he'll probably piss on them.

[@SidorovichGaming]

Medic is probably the only one capable of actually surviving that prison term because every time he dies he can just give away one soul and he has plenty left to spare

[@LetsPlayWoomy8835]

couldnt medic just revive the others

[@CastroyPlaysFuncraft]

Well, no. He can give away 1 soul until the devil has majority share. So he’d eventually run out of bargaining power. He’d need to keep taking on more.

[@SidorovichGaming]

@@CastroyPlaysFuncraft I think with enough planning and determination he can obtain functionally unlimited souls, even in prison. Remember, he can extract those surgically.

[@Fauniq]

Let's be for real, he's going to find a way to surgically extract souls in prison.

[@2freejuices]

"Genocide? How? He's just one guy!" Might just be the best quote ever

[@THE_UNKNOWN_JESTER]

Undertale has a CHILD GENOCIDE A WHOLE RACE OF MONSTERS

[@JustARandomGuy219]

*Gets WWII flashbacks*

[@superdude899]

"In response to fan requests, Heavy no longer has legs."

[@galegopaulista4564]

"Oh, Heavy is a defense class, so he shouldn't even have legs to begin with" - Lazypurple.

[@mrpersoonman]

"yata. yata. yata. YATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA. yata. yata. yata."

[@lordkenkaih]

But the point is that there’s no question which one of us is going yo win in these heavy *”duels”*

[@stevetheweebgamer6939]

I love Lazypurple

[@herald246]

@@stevetheweebgamer6939 who doesn't? :]

[@genuinegenie7078]

Considering Medic is so medically skilled to be able to surgically remove someone's soul and invent the medi-gun, I think Medic has a chance of actually living out his prison sentence if he wanted to by performing a surgery on himself (which we know he can do since he had to transplant his own heart to get Ubered) to keep himself from aging.

[@maninhu9837]

He could get more souls die ask to never age or be immortal and come back

[@dicyanoacetylene6220]

@@maninhu9837 this just made me think that the Medic could make a deal with Lucifer where as long as Medic surgically gives himself a new soul every few years if not more often, Lucifer will alow Medic to stay on the surface to collect a bigger prize once someone finally does do him in. Let's say each new soul grants 10 years of additional life, a revival, or a favor of some other kind, and the moment Lucifer has a controlling share of souls, Medic runs out of chances and will be stuck in hell upon next death unless Medic can retip the balance in his favor.

[@jordenpantoja1625]

If medic were in real life, and every thing else didn’t change. It’s possible that he would HAVE to work for the government if he gets caught, because of his medic expertise, Ubercharge, and being able to bring back the DEAD. Now of course he would get time in jail, but he would have to spill the beans on how his contraptions work.

[@maninhu9837]

@@dicyanoacetylene6220 the thing is that the devil gets only one soul per life while medic as long as he gets 2 he is in the controlling share

[@dicyanoacetylene6220]

@@maninhu9837 well, the devil can always wait, if the medic only keeps one soul ahead, then medic can't revive (remember, a soul is either 10 years OR a revive OR a favor) and keeping only one soul on standby for revival is too little security, as he might need to burn an extra for a favor, plus might need an additional one incase what ever caused him to die is still around. So, while 2 at a time might be stable, 4-6 is probably a better bet.

[@Incogneato]

Note that the war is a private war between two mercenary teams, not countries.

[@Dreinack]

if the war is private does it make the crimes less or more punishable

[@sinyu4015]

​@@Dreinackfumnier

[@DainKeith]

​@@DreinackUnpunishable

[@jindrichsander7271]

​@@Dreinackit would just fall under normal criminal acts of murder, I suppose atleast in most countries. It might be different in countries which are filled with war and terrorism on daily basis.

[@TheFloridaManVA]

The Geneva Convention applies to all forms of declared war, even if it’s not between countries.

[@Boomblox5896]

Even if you manage to detain all of these Mercs, good luck holding them in. Heavy has experience escaping from the Gulag, and I'm sure all the others are tough enough to muscle through an entire facility with whatever they've got. Spy is a professional stealth operative so there's so much he can do on his own already, but a few of them like Medic, Engineer, and Sniper may need extra support from their team to escape.

[@amitavrashmi17]

Don't forget that in one his taunt you see Pyro doing a Kamehameha wave of fire without using any weapon so he can just melt the bars

[@beefeaterb]

Soldier is so dumb that he will probably explode the whole prison

[@microwave8931]

Sniper is an assassin. He probably knows how to sneak. Engi is, well, an engineer. Medic has obtained other souls, so he can probably outlive the sentence

[@alaeriia01]

Engie would build a gun that he can use to shoot his way out.

[@psychopathic_kitten1029]

11:00 Remember, "Every weapon has either been made or modified by the mercs..." Each individual weapon in the whole game is it's own war crime.

[@squidward9188]

The man made custard that scout throws…

[@rattle_me_bones]

Horrifying.

[@gabrieldario9921]

They have also been given to them by Mann co, like the direct hit, Eyelander or FaN.

[@psychopathic_kitten1029]

@@gabrieldario9921 And then those were modified by the mercs they were given to.

[@toasterdotpng]

@@gabrieldario9921 which is why it also says modified

[@mythos951]

Pyro could plead insanity. In legal terms, the definition of insanity is the individual not being able to understand what they are doing is wrong. Pyro doesn’t even understand he is killing people.

[@Kohchu]

I was actually thinking this too. With the exception of starting fires; as it's been shown in the videos, and comics that he willing starts fires and adores them; everything else in his mind, he is doing to spread the joy and happiness he feels because of fire to other people. So technically speaking, only the flame parts of Pyro's crimes could be categorized as a crime; because he knows he's burning things... the rest are all caused by paranoid, delusional psychosis... More likely, Mann Co and the Administrator would be imprisoned for arming him, and telling him 'it's okay' since they are arming, and actively encouraging a clearly not mentally well person, to go and slaughter people with an axe and a homemade Flamethrower; while selling him mods to make it even stronger. Pyro would still get war crime penalties for owning a Home Made Flamethrower and starting fires.... but a good chunk of the other stuff could be addressed to insanity and handled differently; unlike the other Mercs who know full well they are killing people. In addition, because the Pyro is a successful CEO of the business rivaling Mann Co, Frontier Engineering; when it comes to successful construction; he could probably spin it to use as legal evidence that Mann Co is actually attempting to sabotage his business by psychologically attacking his mental state. We know Mann Co makes those Optic Masks, because they are also available for the other mercs via the Pyroland goggles, and the Hazmat Headcase for Sniper.

[@Sumschmuck]

Pyro could slap heavy on the back of the head during the trial

[@cameronballz6154]

In other words...pyro vision saves the day again

[@yuhboipatches6530]

Meds

[@thatdognotthepuppy5809]

@@Kohchu Illegally owning a flamethrower and starting fires aren't warcrimes, they're just regular crimes. Pleading insanity doesn't mean you aren't punished for your crimes or aren't counted in your sentence, it just means that you don't serve your time in a conventional prison like the neurotypical would, you'd serve it in a mental institution and it would still be a really horrible experience, worse than regular prison actually. But given that we're talking about war crimes specifically, it's a tough one because we haven't had many substantial war crime trials since 1948, it's less likely that we'd execute them today but if we did, he'd still be killed.

[@SamuelTrademarked]

The Gas Passer is technically homemade by your definition. It's a gas canister you use to refill things that need gasoline and it's repurposed for war. So not only is it a chemical weapon, an enflaming weapon AND an incendiary weapon, it's ALSO HOMEMADE. Pyro is committing war crimes like he's just stealing cookies, my word. also the mad milk is from radioactive cows.

[@ajc0072]

Erm... That last sentence is... I wish wasn't wrong because scout drinks BONK!, which is a radioactive drink... this was supposed to be a simple correction, Let's watch him die again! 18:19

[@obscureobsessiongames]

An interesting thing of note I realized: Couldn't Pyro still plead insanity, given his deeply seeded delusions? Would that help alleviate his sentence at all? How plausible would it be for that plea to be accepted?

[@ourlordandsaviorsquirtle3278]

Just, wear the goggles as proof

[@beefeaterb]

Pyroland is proof of it

[@ianfinrir8724]

Pyro fits the legal definition of insanity in most jurisdictions as (s)he is not aware that (s)he's killing people.

[@MrDuck-po3wy]

Fun fact, if a Medical personel starts fighting (such as: shooting at the enemy) they are no longer considered Medical personel and is now allowed to be harmed.

[@Megalon-qc8pf]

Medic (shoots). The Geneva Convention- “So you have chosen, *DEATH* “

[@omnical6135]

does a friendly medic count as unarmed because all of his weapons are home-made and not meant for warfare?

[@Rurike]

Well thats fine cause most pockets dont waste time fighting back anyway

[@Hydraagent-eh4yb]

The medic is literally a walking war crime since it’s illegal to arm medical personel

[@iCybernide]

the harmacist

[@nastygumbo8426]

Knowing the universe tf2 is in I imagine that their are no war crimes at all

[@starmaker75]

Yeah at best the tf2 world has something like the Geneva suggestion.

[@greycatturtle7132]

Ye xD especially when there are 2 companies that control the world

[@freetoplayking7362]

Saxton Hale: there won't be a Geneva convention IF THERE'S NO GENEVA Ms. Pauling: Actually- The Administrator: Shh shh shhh, if he finds out, we'll all lose our jobs

[@AVI-lh6rm]

"The only war crime in TF2 is not killbinding when a funny happens." -Sun Tzu (Inventor of fighting)

[@Dinnyeify]

"It's not a war crime if there's no military left to judge you" Dr Coomer

[@trashlord3214]

to be fair regarding the Track Terrorizer's description: 1. it wasn't written by Valve, but was actually part of a contest they had(though an argument could be made that they still approved it), and 2. taking the _War on Smissmas_ comic into account he was probably MILF hunting.

[@Awesomeness-iz3dh]

17:04 Actually the jetpack is an incendiary weapon. Pyro has a taunt kill with it where he shoots flames behind him.

[@vulduv]

"No homemade weapons!" "The cozy camper is homemade." Sir, that's a backpack. Not a weapon.

[@JNJNRobin1337]

shoes are weapons and so are shirts, pants, socks, gloves, glasses, ect

[@ZeUbersMensch]

@@JNJNRobin1337 including body

[@gordonfreemansupremacy3629]

Tribalmans shiv is a wood carved kukiri

[@THE_STORM_THATS_APPROCHING]

You can kill someone with a backpack

[@lawnorris5403]

Then explain why the Mantreads kill people when you land on them

[@DefRevenge24601]

The fact that 7 out of the 9 classes have less war crimes than Aran Ryan has infractions is oddly terrifying.

[@StoutShako]

"Here's one of me favorites, Mac." **PULLS OUT A THERMONUCLEAR BOMB**

[@capsulecat8569]

Thomas the Thermonuclear Bomb*

[@tysonvienneau1830]

In which way? Are you afraid of Aran or Medic and Pyro

[@dyanim8503]

@@StoutShako XD lmfao

[@DefRevenge24601]

@@tysonvienneau1830 Aran.

[@Stewwit]

and ms pauling is the only reason the mercenaries arent in jail, shown in expiration date

[@StephenDurnan]

20:14 What you said there is in fact wrong. It is confirmed in multiple places that medic has had *NO FORMER TRAINING AT ALL.* "What he lacks in compassion for the sick, respect for human dignity, and *any sort of verifiable formal training in medicine"*

[@vyor8837]

Verifiable. He does claim to have had a license at one point(it was just revoked).

[@StephenDurnan]

@@vyor8837 On the back of his action figure box it states he has never had any medical training

[@vyor8837]

@@StephenDurnan clearly wrong though

[@StephenDurnan]

@@vyor8837 How is it wrong? It's quite literally made by valve

[@vyor8837]

@@StephenDurnan doesn't mean they wrote the blurb

[@cthulhubecausewhynot1182]

Damn, Pyro will get out of prison just in time for the Heavy Update!

[@starmaker75]

That would be a pretty funny idea for a promotion comic of the heavy update.

[@teshinthai2541]

he will need to wait more for the 7th comic tho, she need to do more war crimes.

[@josephleebob3828]

do you think they can get these powerful people to jail,they cant they can just destroy the entire army

[@StriderOwO]

Correct me if I'm wrong, I'm not 100% up to snuff on the Geneva Convention, but Discounting the fact he doesn't have a medical license, I believe it would still not be a war crime to kill the Medic, since he's an active participator in combat. The war crime for killing a medic only applies if said medic is a non-combatant.

[@serenical_]

@@theburningkitten4019 if they *shoot* their gun, not carrying it. Why tf would thry give medics guns if they could be killed legally carrying it

[@kirtil5177]

@@theburningkitten4019 i wonder, does medic's bonesaw and syringe gun count? The gun seems hard to classify as anything but a weapon, but medic might be smart enough to convince court that its a medical equipment and not a weapon that counts him as an armed combatant

[@BritishSoldier-kr9xf]

@@kirtil5177 Why would you need empty needles for giant bonesaw unless you are in the reserve

[@twiddlerat9920]

@@theburningkitten4019 no, it only counts if they take it out

[@kirtil5177]

@@BritishSoldier-kr9xf my only idea is that needles arent bullets, and the needles also dont have to be empty in that gun, like a nail gun but for a more precise medical application that medic doesnt give a shit about

[@GlyphWitch]

Honestly, the biggest shocker for me in this is how many crimes Scout goes under. It's completely expected for Medic and Pyro to have as many as they do, but Scout?

[@pilotbug6100]

Challenge: Play one round for each class without commiting any war crimes

[@vicmatthew595]

"Well time for pyro.."

[@CopyZero]

Honestly, here would be my loadouts for this (under this video's standards): Scout - Scattergun, Flying Guillotine, Atomizer Soldier - Air Strike, Gunboats, Escape Plan Pyro - Degreaser or Stock (would only be used for airblasting), Shotgun, no melee to use at all IIRC Demoman - Grenade Launcher, Sticky Jumper, Skullcutter Demoknight - Bootlegger, Splendid Screen, Eyelander Heavy - Minigun, Sandvich, G.R.U. Engineer - Widowmaker, Wrangler, Jag Medic - Blutsauger, N/A, Solemn Vow as long as I don't attack with it Sniper - N/A (using any sniper rifle would be assassination and I have no clue for the huntsman), Cleaner's Carbine, Shahansha (would be bushwacka but I'm pretty sure that's serrated) Spy - Revolver or Ambassador (depends on if Ambi headshots count as assassination), Sapper, Spy-cicle as long as I don't attack with it. If having the S.V. or S.C. in my loadout still counts as a war crime then I really don't have a choice for Medic's Melee and any other knife should be fine as long as I don't backstab anyone.

[@pennycarty7794]

I don't blame you for missing it because the weapon is so forgettable (and let's be fair they have enough strikes against them anyway) but Pyro's Third Degree melee weapon also causes disintegration, meaning it would fall under nuclear weaponry. So one extra bonus point for the mute madman!

[@mouthwide0pen]

tfw the only strict upgrade in the game is useless

[@sleeby4226]

Neon annihilator

[@venezolanoanimatios5863]

@@sleeby4226 that one too

[@killerkirby366]

@@mouthwide0pen wel no It’s a straight upgrade so like it has the same use as stock fuck I’m gonna die time to try and random crit

[@mouthwide0pen]

@@killerkirby366 stock fire axe is also useless you are the Pyro who has a flamethrower. you have no reason to use a 65 damage fire axe when you can just hold m1. pyro has the powerjack for mobility, the homewrecker for support, the axtinguisher for offense, or hell, even if you do want to fall back on your melee as a hail mary for some reason, the back scratcher is better at that than stock and also makes medkits heal you more!

[@JohnnyD1986]

Two things about the comic crimes: 1. "The Pyro may have set something on fire!", yet you've shown Ms. Pauling attracting Pyro with a fire she herself set. 2. The stuff Engineer stole were blueprints his father made. Legally, he has a right to them.

[@apossiblyhereticalalphaleg3595]

I mean, Pyro has set things on fire

[@TheZombieKing87]

@@apossiblyhereticalalphaleg3595 he is a Pyro maniac after all

[@13th_Ghostly_Grimm]

Engineer father I thought it was his grand father.

[@YukimareThePsion]

If you wanna talk about crime, you should look at Blutarch. He outright robbed the grave of Engineer's grandfather and stole the blueprints of various devices... And then attempted to claim ownership of all of the schematics acquired. If Engineer was able to avoid his own crimes, he could easily have taken Blutarch to court and screwed his employer over, and suddenly he would have far more to worry about then a failing life extender machine.

[@NoFlu]

@@YukimareThePsion Wasn't engie's grandpa an employee of Blutarch, if so, its debatable if his blueprints would really be *his* depending on if he was paid by BLU to drawn them up...

[@koopatroopa7968]

Fun fact, the Pomson and Cow-mangler actually break a rule in the Star Wars universe. Not an actual law, but rather a rule in a holo-contract. According to Screen Rant, the reason Darth Vader tells Boba Fett “No disintegrations” in Empire Strikes Back is because he’s had experience with bounty hunters disintegrating random people and claiming that the remains were of the perp in order to swindle Vader, which you gotta have some droideka-sized balls to do, because if you fail Vader, you might as well be a tree in front of a lumberjack.

[@Dr.Void-34]

Scout is keeping his war crime streak at its peak

[@_The_Dumbass_]

Despite being 700 years I feel like Pyro would live through his sentence

[@ebookie_meowda]

Pyro would probably be one of the safer people on this list. He is the only merc that can plea insanity. He had no idea what he was even doing.

[@unsie]

@@ebookie_meowda tf you mean probably he literally wears goggles that make him oblivious to what hes actually doing (btw this isnt an insult dont fight me im just joking about and expanding on what u said)

[@ebookie_meowda]

@@unsie Lol nah I got it. That was funny. :)

[@TheWither129]

Bold of you to assume he will remain in in prison for the duration of the sentence

[@spv4711]

I feel like all the mercenaries can because of medic

[@creativecub7252]

Imagine making this into a challenge. win one round per class without committing a war crime

[@coocato]

Medic might be the hardest honestly, everyone else has a way to play it safe but not him

[@Rule-12]

Afk mf's can win this challenge very easily

[@handlesarecringe957]

Probably easiest as either heavy or stock sniper

[@Imsorrywat]

Hardest with Scout medic and Pyro

[@HazardThe2st]

​​@@Imsorrywat scout can just use a stock loadout though?

[@JacobtheCuber]

Fun fact: when you mention that you can’t fire on people who surrender- there is a soldier achievement called Geneva Contravention where you kill 3 defenseless enemies after winning a round

[@thelordofthelostbraincells]

22:37 lest just assume each mercs soul is worth 100 years, medic can theoretically outlast his "life sentences"

[@maritofuentes4690]

Tf2 takes place 1942 right? Apparently medic canonically dies in 2024

[@thelordofthelostbraincells]

@@maritofuentes4690 1969-1970 actually

[@cofagrigusfan24]

at least Heavy can make sandviches for the others while he is in jail

[@galegopaulista4564]

But only for about 120 years, before he is set free, so most other mercs won't be able to enjoy those sandviches for too long.

[@raikaria3090]

If the Gulags couldn't hold Heavy... I'm not sure what could.

[@jakoblent4694]

@@raikaria3090 that man killed a mother grizzly of the Russian variety and Australium is gone... Have fun keeping them in

[@LuanNguyen-uk5gw]

@@jakoblent4694 eh, I think prison won’t able to keep all of them in for long.

[@samuraijackoff5354]

He would probably stay in prison just for the bed.

[@skeletonking2501]

I knew Pyro would get the most since his whole thing is literally a war crime as of itself (incinderary weapons) but wow, was not expecting him to go to jail for homemade stuff

[@naryosh_]

If each merc started their sentences when jesus was (allegedly) born at year 0 consecutively, where the next merc would start serving their years as soon as one was finished, they would still have 899 years to go as of today

[@Wafflelord-Gaming]

So in other words they are almost free, just got to keep their spirits up

[@naryosh_]

@@Wafflelord-Gaming in complete honesty i feel like TF2 could last 899 years more into the future with a fanbase of more than 1 person

[@superdude899]

@@naryosh_ Even if you start when Jesus was most likely born, it still wouldn't be any better.

[@handleonafridge6828]

@@naryosh_ fun I hope it’s a fact: Jesus probably existed, it’s more disputed if he was the son of god or not, so you don’t have to say allegedly. The more you know

[@TheLunarMan]

I'm pretty sure demoman's stickies are fine because they're manually detonated, making them less like mines and more like C4

[@vibewebyt2293]

As a pyro main, i am happy that pyro has the most war crime out of all of the merc.

[@lordkinesis4432]

Poor Miss Pauling. She's the one keeping everyone from going to jail and this video just highlights how much work she has to do to keep them out.

[@guusemunch1707]

Fun fact, medics medi gun “juice” is actually a combination of scotch and BONK! Atomic punch, meaning he is the runner up in the nuclear weaponry category

[@SwissestCheese]

Blood also

[@LetsPlayWoomy8835]

and piss

[@DaltonIzHere]

And whatever is inside the medkits.

[@fishd2594]

and a samvich

[@Caberknight]

22:28 I like how demoman and sniper are smiling And heres another thing; Which mercenaries will go to heaven? Or hell?

[@microwave8931]

Scout and Sniper were shown in heaven, so they're making it

[@EdwardENigma-cg3kt]

Let’s be real we all knew Pyro and Medic were going to be the ones with the most war crimes.

[@willropa4226]

I'm mostly surprised that Soldier, who was rejected from all military branches most likely due to his low mental state, was on the lower end of the spectrum when it came to crimes. I would think his mutilation of corpses as seen by his collection of heads and human ear necklace he gives to Heavy's sister would be a few no-nos. Not surprising though was Heavy and Pyro. Heavy's the calm big brother of the team, he wouldn't hurt a fly if he had to, and Pyro is an actual psycho, not jokingly he's definitely psychotic since he doesn't even know he's burning people to death since he spends every day in Pyroland.

[@mimmain2673]

It's always a beautiful day for him.......but enemies though

[@s0ph053]

So pyro could get off on an insanity plea.

[@Spacebugg]

@@s0ph053 so the guy that gave him the flamethrower is the real culprit

[@mrpersoonman]

honestly it's probably just that genocide is counted as a single crime, if you were to count every German he killed he's likely WAYYYYY up there

[@ffwast]

@@Spacebugg pyro built his own flamethrowers

[@sapphiresplash]

"Who has committed the most war crimes?" Pyro: "yes"

[@Aaa-bi8ly]

*mmmmmph

[@Spirit_045]

Who committed the most war crimes? Pyro: z + 7

[@jolo8224]

i can’t believe you got lyle to shout “poison” for this video. the way he insisted on ingesting cyanide to make it sound authentic was very admirable

[@_Funtime60]

8:30 IIRC I heard that remotely controlled land mines have an exception since the ban is intended to prevent the creation of new minefields which are hazardous to civilians. This is why the US can still use claymore mines despite agreeing to the ban.

[@Tristicl]

14:05, wrong, the Jarate is caused because Sniper drank a pill that enchances his bladder and such, Jarate was actually made itself as a pill from Mann Co, the concept of using urine in battle via Jarate was also made by Mann Co. While the bottle itself is not made by the company, the entire act that Sniper performs of throwing jars of urine at his enemies is licensed and endorsed by Mann Co. This was proven by the promotional comic: "The Insult"

[@timetraveler_from_2012]

Jarate is a weapon using glass shards so it instantly regains its warcrime status

[@jorgebrionesvillalustre3666]

Then it could be classified as chemical weapon.

[@karenzeise1522]

Also jarate bottles contents aren't made by Mann Co but jarate pills and the pain tonic are meant to expedite the process of making jarate

[@micahpitsiladis9732]

It’s literally homemade

[@X-SPONGED]

18:36 Fun Fact : Scout's "Mad Milk" was originally supposed to be called "Mann Milk". But for some reason, Valve decided to change the name to "Mad Milk" last minute. I wonder why

[@TheWither129]

“Mann Milk: Non-Milk Substance” Definitely too on the nose

[@LayZe.]

because mann milk sounds like coom

[@Cadoe]

@@LayZe. he's being sarcastic

[@blax140]

and people use name tags to rename it to that anyway lol

[@Xross420]

*Scout, are you sure this is milk?*

[@Krimbler]

“yeah guys public intoxication is a warcrime”

[@kingofthedepths3513]

Harboring a criminal Soldier has a evil wizard as a roommate

[@BogusmanTheSwagman]

"I refuse to believe that the Scout is hawking love custard at his enemies. What could possibly be in the resupply to refill it? Soldier." - Bumbles McFumbles, 2021

[@catsareyes6446]

Honorable discharge

[@CyberK4]

Why else do you think Scout has the libido of a dolphin; he's got fertility in his magnum dong for days. Get him 1 year of crossfit and body-building programs, and he'll be the next Chuck Norris.

[@connormcgehee9349]

It's a picture of miss pauling

[@sebastiangibson9671]

@@connormcgehee9349 um thats concerning

[@gggold3932]

A flesh light and a picture of ms Pauling

[@a_lexine]

Demoman's stickybomb launchers don't fall under anti-personnel landmines, nor does the iron bomber, for one simple reason they're war crimes because they're hard to remove and easy to detonate inintentionally by civilians. stickybombs are clearly visible and have to be detonated *manually* . as for the iron bomber, the bombs detonate automatically after a very short delay, so if you'd outlaw the iron bomber, hand grenades in general would be outlawed too.

[@jmurray1110]

I mean depending on use a landline can be legal if you fling it at someone’s face and it exploded because it’s not being used as a trap but a makeshift weapon

[@brightwafi1291]

@@jmurray1110 ah yes, the explosive coin-toss

[@fregi8779]

general rule of thumb? Explosive wired to a switch that a living person operates good Explosive wired to a switch that a victim activates bad also timers count as the former because someone sets the timer, and it will eventually remove itself

[@jmurray1110]

@@fregi8779 and since the sticky bomb also have a time limit Sure it’s longer than the entirely history and future of the universe but it does exist

[@adrianraulskrobek5868]

@@jmurray1110 the heat death of the universe will happend faster the a sticky detonates litraly

[@mothcummies]

It's worth noting that disguising yourself as the enemy is also a war crime!

[@jonathanwatson4484]

15:37 "I am just an silly little pyro, you not going to have beef with an little guy?"

[@missingindy]

This doesn’t even matter in the canon, because in Expiration Date, when Scout asks Mrs. Pauling what she’ll be doing (to ask her out on a date), she responds with “Funny you should mention that! I’ll be burying bodies all week, so you don’t go to jail.” also one of her contract lines goes something along the lines of “Hey, I’m on a cave tour- wait, this is the cave I’ve been hiding bodies in.” Followed by the horrified screams of others upon finding said bodies

[@bane_0f_heroesx226]

If things like a golf club and beer bottle are homemade weapons, wouldn't every single scout bat also be homemade?

[@thestrange2742]

A bat can be used as a weapon so no

[@bane_0f_heroesx226]

@@thestrange2742 So can a golf club and a beer bottle, they are household objects used as weapons, so homemade weapons

[@thestrange2742]

@@bane_0f_heroesx226 for a baseball bat yes but it can depend (i'm not a war veteran)

[@JTBJacksdeadasschannel]

Oh god you're right. But I think something like the batsaber would be designed as a weapon. Same with the sword.

[@kansaslml7796]

@@thestrange2742 It can be used as a weapon but it's not designed to be used as one, it's sport equipment

[@BX56_YT]

7:11 Crossbow would count too, as healing your teammates with it builds a small amount of Ubercharge.

[@cheetahboi_yt]

So, what I get out of this is that Medic, considering he has 9 souls, is the most likely of them to survive with Heavy as a close second.

[@cakepigs]

technically a lot of them aren't committing war crimes since tf2 is set in 1968-1972 Therefore: Demoman isn't committing war crimes for using anti-personnel mines since that wasn't a law under the geneva convention until 1997 (also removes some from scout) Pyro can use flamethrowers as they weren't banned until 1983 Also technically being a mercenary and a combatant excludes medic from the protection of the Geneva convention, he's also breaking the Geneva convention when on the red team since he uses the symbol of the red cross whilst being a combatant. Anyway while I'm not reading the whole Geneva convention for ones I can't find simple dates for since they have weird ass naming schemes many of the conventions put against them might not really work due to the fact they weren't enacted or enforced during 1968-1972.

[@Recoil1808]

Technically that final point regarding medic using the Red Cross is not actually true. The Red Cross as a symbol is effectively a trademarked symbol, IRL. Medic would be fine on that one, because while his symbol indeed does include a red cross against a background, it is NOT a red cross against a white background, but a yellow/orange one. Admittedly sucks that the St. George's Flag (the English flag, not to be confused with the Union Jack, which is the flag of wider Britain) would probably fall under it, though. Meaning if the UK ever completely broke up, the English could theoretically get charged for flying a flag that's existed longer than the Red Cross has.

[@NoFlu]

I think flame-based weapons are only banned if there's a chance for non-combatants to be affected or see the effects of these weapons. So technically he'd get off the hook, except for maybe that one chinese-ish KOTH map, or any other map set in a city/town....

[@Recoil1808]

@@NoFlu Those areas are also clearly abandoned in most cases. That's not to say that they're particularly decrepit, but there also generally isn't any real traffic beyond the mercenary clones killing themselves over and over (even ignoring the killbinds, RED and BLU spy is the same person, technically meaning that even if it is not suicide, a RED spy backstabbing a BLU spy is still killing himself).

[@maximiliandeisz2961]

@@NoFlu only if it is the primary weapon of a batalion and/or intended to be used against humans. Having a flamethrower to burn down the forest is fair game. If you are shot at while on such a mission using the flame thrower against enemy combatants is also fair game.(assuming they shot first)

[@frozenover_exe]

@@Recoil1808 While that would be hilarious if that happens, I think the Red Cross has specified proportions. Knowing the Red Cross’s corporate ass behaviour that wouldn’t stop them from suing, just make it even funnier when they do go to international court

[@7isAnOddNumber]

Fun Fact: A mine such as a sticky bomb, when activated via a command, is not a war crime. Using something such as a tripwire is indeed a war crime, but if it is activated by the user and not the victim it’s totally ok. As such, Sticky Bombs are not technically a war crime as you must activate them yourself. I think don’t @ me on this

[@mollywantshugs5944]

Right. It would probably count as a grenade

[@owenblount7334]

So it’s like c4

[@KeroTheInvincible]

I believe so. Landmines were outlawed partly due to undue suffering (being mostly designed to maim rather than kill), and partly for their tendency to harm civilians and non-combatants after the conflict is already over.

[@furinick]

@@KeroTheInvincible i think the terminology they used is that those are indiscriminate weapons that don't care who steps on them

[@Alldaboss]

You are correct, demos sticky bombs and similar in the use of claymore they are detonated via the user and not triggered by a tripwire or proxy fuze so they are warcrime free it's more like a M32 GL that can be activated by the user.

[@egotisticalghost6745]

Interesting that you gave Demoman a homemade weapon count for the golf club but didn’t give it to Scout for his melees, which are all baseball bats Edit: You could’ve gotten Soldier on stolen valor since he claims to be a World War 2 veteran, despite never joining the military

[@GoofyGoober373]

Well the unarmed combat is a dislocated arm and fano war is not a bat.

[@SonicYeet]

This was the last youtube video I watched before my house burned down. And I still play as Pyro.

[@VestedUTuber]

Hold it... I don't think the Medic's ubercharge actually counts as using chemical weapons, since they're not used on the enemy to harm but rather on teammates to heal and boost their abilities. Same goes for classifying mediguns as weapons to begin with, since they, again, are used to heal and strengthen teammates, not to directly attack enemies. On the flip side, the Engineer's sentry gun violates bans on automated weapons that target and fire on their own.

[@HappyBeezerStudios]

Plus ubercharge is used with the consent of his teammates.

[@leonel392]

@@HappyBeezerStudios I mean... "Are you sure this will work?" "I have no idea!" I doubt the mercs even have any idea of what's inside of the Ubercharge XD

[@maxrgo6937]

Exactly. Ubercharge uses no chemicals that directly affect the enemies. What is using the chemicals is the gun and transmits them to the body of the pacient. But the damage is done through the weapons the pacient is using, not the medigun or ubercharge. Ubercharge and any weapon based or functioning on ubercharge, are not considered warcrime weapons for such base or function. The only exception might be the kritzkrieg, since its chemicals or whatever it has, does affect the bullets to cause more damage, but Valve doesn't consider the kritz an ubercharge weapon, at least not on the jungle inferno contracts. There, when they mention "ubercharge" to finish a contract, kritz doesn't apply.

[@LukeIsHere231]

Then it should count on the syringe guns?

[@VestedUTuber]

@@LukeIsHere231 That could be chemical or biological. Or it could just be relying on the impacts of the syringes themselves. The Blutsauger (literally "bloodsucker") has a health-steal effect but the stock syringe gun and the overdose just do normal damage, so it's actually unlikely that the syringes are loaded. As for the Crusader's Crossbow, whatever's in its syringes actually heals teammates.

[@the12gaige97]

20:40 I’m not 100% sure, but I think turning the thief into a pumpkin would count as mutilation

[@thelordofthelostbraincells]

Kidnapped a man, and mutilated him into a pumpkin. Yes

[@THE_UNKNOWN_JESTER]

It was self defense

[@paperhat_boi]

​@@THE_UNKNOWN_JESTER"your honor it was just self defense"

[@qcubic]

The Third Degree would *technically* count as a nuclear weapon, considering the description mentioning how it's "a boon atom-splitters", and also it evaporates enemies on kill.

[@D7nt_MindMe]

You forgot the Night At the Inventory stuff where heavy confesses that he tortured an engineer by breaking all his fingers, and shoving his wrench down it's throat.

[@yagadoobeegiddyba]

the phrase "secret bonus warcrime" is the funniest thing ever to me for some reason

[@nidzabalkan235]

"Another one." - Dj Khaled

[@dicyanoacetylene6220]

Who gave bumble Mc fumble the biggest panic attack when concerning how many crimes they committed: Aran Ryan or pyro?

[@BlazingShadowSword]

Yer gonna mmph this one Mac!

[@sinclairguess1187]

Aran ryan retired from boxing and become the next scout

[@jakoblent4694]

@@sinclairguess1187 Nah Ryan is the descendent of the TF2 Pyro

[@2-Way_Intersection]

to be fair, you could easily see pyro coming a mile away on this one

[@MikeHawk-bg5ss]

@@sinclairguess1187 Aran Ryan retired from boxing and became the next -scout- Warcriminal

[@sussygojira4121]

1:55 Not just like candy, but *LIKE OXYGEN*

[@soup9242]

This video has helped to confirm my theory that every single class has at least 1 weapon that was made by that class. Also, there’s a reason the Phlogistinator doesn’t look like Pyro made it himself. In the comic “True Meaning”, it’s revealed that the Phlogistinator came from space.

[@virokyu]

Pyro should have an additional crime counted against him for his flare gun, as it's meant to be used to signal for help/rescue, yet he uses it to set people on fire

[@Aaa-bi8ly]

And scorch shot

[@ibilesfighter3.16]

And thermal thruster

[@FACE_OF_WOOD]

One thing you forgot to mention, heavy has tortured an engineer, as said in poker night at the inventory which was made canon by valve adding atleast 1 item related to that game, heavy proceeds to explain that he shoved the wrench down the engineer's throat and started breaking off his fingers while he was suffocating on the wrench

[@MrMoron-qn5rx]

I dont think its actually canon. A few other devs have claimed its not canon in their universe. However i wouldnt be surprised if it was.

[@yourcordialvermillionchapw2398]

Heavy: _"(Describes in abnormal gruesome detail the torture of an Engie) Isn't this not the most funniest thing??"_ *(All of them are disappointingly horrified, even a lunatic like Max was astonished...)* Red Anol Bead: _"That is some BEEPED up BEEP man!!"_

[@robertsissco2439]

@@yourcordialvermillionchapw2398 And don't forget, one of those disgusted people was a writer who, at one time annoyed by his friend, threatened to die, go to hell, depose Satan for the dark throne, and sing the song that ends the world, was horrified by the treatment of Engie by Heavy.

[@yourcordialvermillionchapw2398]

@@robertsissco2439 Oh wait it actually makes sense as to why Heavy is very over the top that it even scares people of said feats: Heavy hangs out with Medik whom outwits a very old veteran *Satan* various times in the lore. Medik is so good that he bets on souls/outwits Satan with nothing but a pen XD.

[@flameuptheherbwoofdownthebeer]

This game is fucking wild, i thought heavy "punching out" all of scouts blood is funny, but this beats it by a 1000!

[@thedizaster115]

Well, demoman's stickies arent land mines, they're remote detonated explosives

[@llominous3495]

Why yes this is EXACTLY the type of content I need at 2 in the morning!

[@carbon8ed]

I don't believe demoman's stickybomb launchers would count as "mines" in a conventional sense. The reason anti-personnel mines are outlawed in warfare is because they often get left behind, then long after the war is over some unfortunate soul will stumble upon it and get obliterated by it out of nowhere. Stickybombs are *exclusively* manually detonated, which presents no such risk.

[@spinomitegames9000]

This is true. Unfortunately for demo, this doesn’t include the iron bomber. That is if it counts as a war crime in the first place.

[@vasianduban9995]

True . Demo could explode his sticky in any time that why it’s not a war crime

[@carbon8ed]

@@spinomitegames9000 Iron bomber grenades have a fixed fuse time that's activated as soon as they're fired. Not any different from hand grenades.

[@Davvg]

Yeah, the fact they are not a non-discriminatory weapon makes them significantly less dangerous- though it might still be a problem if they are in fact filled with shrapnel?

[@carbon8ed]

@@Davvg Almost all bombs are full of shrapnel. Shrapnel is the primary way that explosive weapons kill people.

[@blaz4333]

I think it’s often overlooked that the soldier also killed all 4 of the Beatles, as revealed in ring of fired

[@owenblount7334]

Hilarious

[@maximusxvii6889]

A true hero

[@-ZM_Gaming-]

Pyro cant see anything past pyro vision so he might be sent to an asylum. While Medic... Uhh... "I didn't say I had a license"

[@waltuh11121]

At the end watching how many years the mercs will spend in prison while they simply smile with that music is just hilarious

[@scorpiouskrimson]

Or, in other words: "Which TF2 Mercinary has the most infractions?"

[@randocalzone8772]

This is his legacy now, he's never living it down

[@trailbreakertv8918]

Well it think pyro could be ryan

[@hailghidorah2536]

“You're gonna love this one Mac.” *brings out Phlog*

[@scorpiouskrimson]

@@trailbreakertv8918 Bringing illegal weapons into the ring- I mean, battlezone? I believe it.

[@smilemore7431]

I just imagine all the merc’s sitting around a table counting their war crimes to see who has the most. Edit: I think soldier would be mad about his placement in the war crime list. He’d probably want to be higher on the list.

[@twin_towers_destroyer]

He’s committed mass genocide. We don’t have a kill count, but he’s definitely way higher than he was placed.

[@literallyglados]

@Soldier [TF2] yeah america commits war crimes every day of course youre on this list

[@Dinnyeify]

I mean if he's upset he can fix that... (don't 😐)

[@headsman9836]

It's actually quite fitting and considering his patriotic brainwashing. I'd bet he'd be pissed if accused of even 1 crime.

[@Superdude403]

And would proceed to commit more war crimes in order to get higher

[@bacontastesgreat]

bro the "prinny blade" said so confident its the PRINNY MACHETE