Why Abuse Survivors Often Forget to Tidy Up Their Things

Ever wonder why abuse survivors often struggle with keeping their space tidy? 🏠 There’s more to it than meets the eye.
In this eye-opening video, we delve into the psychological reasons behind why many abuse survivors find it challenging to maintain an organized living environment. From emotional overwhelm to coping mechanisms, we'll uncover the complex factors that contribute to this common issue.
In this video, you'll learn:
The hidden connections between trauma and clutter
How mental and emotional exhaustion affect daily routines
Practical tips for survivors to reclaim their space and find peace
Understanding these underlying issues is the first step towards empathy and support. Whether you're an abuse survivor or know someone who is, this video provides valuable insights and practical advice.
🔔 Remember to like, comment, and subscribe for more content on mental health and healing!
#AbuseSurvivors #MentalHealth #TraumaRecovery #ClutterFreeLiving
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Video Time Line
WHY ABUSE SURVIVORS OFTEN FORGET TO TIDY UP THEIR THINGS 00:01
NUMBER 1 FEELING HYPER-VIGILANCE 00:24
NUMBER 2 EMOTIONAL OVERLOAD 01:52
NUMBER 3 DISASSOCIATION 02:40
NUMBER 4 PRIORITIZATION OF SAFETY 03:39
NUMBER 5 DIFFICULTY FOCUSING 04:36
NUMBER 6 SELF-BLAME AND SHAME05:40
NUMBER 7 DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY 06:44
NUMBER 8 PERFECTIONISM 07:57
NUMBER 9 PHYSICAL HEALTH ISSUES 08:47
NUMBER 10 LACK OF SUPPORT 09:34
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DISCLAIMER:
The information in this video is research-based and for educational purposes. Please consult an authorized professional for guidance and help on your specific case.

[@casperinsight3524]

Survivors have a fundamental need to feel safe & secure without judgement, criticism or disdain.They need to feel supported emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually and sometimes financially.

[@TheShadyGarden333]

Where might they get these needs met ?

[@tally551]

Explains why people just offering me non judgemental basic care was like slowly waking me up from a coma.

[@Portia620]

Truths! Sadly it’s a long term sentence of years to get out of this mess!

[@casperinsight3524]

@@Portia620 Sad but true it can be a lengthy process which is why spreading awareness to prevent others from becoming ensnared in their web is life altering 🕊️

[@casperinsight3524]

@@Portia620 🙏🏼💗🕊️

[@crystallevin]

Imagine being sick for a week from a flu virus. Then you slowly start feeling better but not fully well yet. Your energy is low. You still feel out-of-sorts. You just don't have the physical strength or emotional motivation to do anything around the house yet. Dishes are still on the kitchen counter from the week you were sick. You see them but still don't feel "well enough" to tackle cleaning the kitchen. You also haven't done the laundry in a few days and you are wearing your last clean outfit. You know you should buckle down and just start putting everything back in order but you just can't. So instead you sit on your bed under your coziest blanket and ignore everything that needs to get done. You mindlessly watch movies or "cat videos" on your computer, not really seeing or taking in what you are watching. You feel kind-of spacy and not really yourself. You don't even notice that you've missed eating a meal. You don't feel hungry. In fact you don't feel anything. You are kind-of numb and watching something on your computer makes you feel like you are part of the world somehow without being truly part of it. That is how recovery from narcissistic abuse feels. Just like recovering from having the flu, you are perhaps better than when you were directly being abused by the narcissist but your mind and body are slow to recover. You feel spacey, you can't seem to get fully "well" and everything seems to take so much extra time and emotional energy to do that you can't seem to keep up. Some people call this state "dissociation." Yes it is, but it is more than just a definition. It is the very real experience of your mind and body not being able to catch up to the speed of life because you are still "sick" and healing takes time. You won't feel well until you are well! If you are in this phase of recovery from narcissistic abuse, Love yourself. Take it slow. Do one thing each day that will improve your life in the future, that your future self will be glad you did today. Take small steps to simplify your life -like organizing one drawer, cleaning out one shelf in the fridge, cleaning one thing in the bathroom (toilet). Only do one thing each day if you still feel "sick!" Love yourself the whole way.

[@nancyritland9116]

you described me exactly.......only.......i do not look at cat videos.......i spend the day petting, talking to, and interacting with my 8 cats (and 2 dogs)...............with no motivation or energy to clean up my always messy house.

[@annstropes2236]

This is me.

[@My2up2downCastle]

Spot on!..... once you have escaped, freedom is overwhelming and you don't know how to deal with it.

[@technojunkindatrunk]

Wow! This is me! Thank you for putting into such precise words!

[@Heiscomingbacksoon7]

I am so grateful for your comment. Thank you for taking the time to write that. I took screen shots. Thank you again❤

[@ittybittykittymama7582]

I struggle with physical and emotional exhaustion. I've learned a trick, though...to just do one little thing when I feel strong enough. I even time myself so I can be proud that I spentbten minutes on a small task that would have been unused if I didn't do it! It may be something simple, like stacking the dishes to be washed in neat stacks. Just seeing them in a better light can give me the desire to finish the task in just a few more minutes. I've also considered that, as I live alone, my being messy is a revenge for all the times my possessions were thrown away, give away, stolen for sale or hidden away from me. I can do what I want, now, and nobody can make me do otherwise! Let's help each other find ways to support and help us to grow! No one understands us like our brothers and sisters do! We are no longer victims! We are survivors! Survivors unite!

[@4estdweller4ever]

You make some good points. Recently I found a guy on KZbin that cleans for a living and also cleans for free for people who suffer from depression or other illness. It’s pretty heartwarming. He also is autistic and his wife has ADHD. lol. One really good tip he made is to only clean up about a 3 ft by 3 ft space at a time. In other words if you’re cleaning your kitchen tell yourself I’m cleaning the stove or I’m cleaning the sink. Not so overwhelming. He’s really awesome. Often hilarious. He has really logical reasoning and has wonderful empathy. He often cleans hoarding type houses and tells trolls if you say one negative thing about the people he’s helping “I will block you and then remove your post! Midwest Magic Cleaning is his channel.

[@mississippiatheistette8769]

i broke my overwhelming to do lists down into daily, weekly, and monthly tasks. That really made me feel like I was getting stuff done, and sort of prioritized everything for me, since monthly stuff tends to be the important repeating tasks.

[@LindaGrey-wm9uc]

Wow. Possessions thrown away etc rocked me because same for me. Never encountered another! I have a dollshouse I'm overly attached to.. I know this is because Mother wouldn't let me keep the dollshouse my Grandad made for me. I know it's weird at 74yrs but I don't care. It's hard to create when you know someone will walk off with it.. working on it. I do wish you all the best, God bless

[@silvergirl7810]

@@LindaGrey-wm9ucit’s not weird. I had to often be ‘the adult’ with my mom as she tried and was often overly good but then went the other way and would breakdown for days on the couch. She had issues and as a child I never knew what to expect so I just took over at age like 3 1/2- I remember comforting her then feeding my sister and trying to clean. It got worse from there but reason I’m saying this is that as an adult I started collecting antique dolls and it wasn’t until later that I realized - ohhh, I’m doing this because I didn’t get a ‘childhood with dolls’ and in the doll world there are plenty of adults with doll houses let me tell you! Look up Carmel doll shop, Theriault’s, and I’m going to see if I can find this video I recently watch about this lady who makes these gorgeous dollhouses - omg it was so fun watching.

[@4estdweller4ever]

@@LindaGrey-wm9uc I’m the same way. I am repelled by Better Homes and Gardens style decor. I decorate my little space with emotions and memories. Every where I look I see things that soothe and comfort my heart. I have a little car that I played with in the dirt as a little kid. My mother dug it up in her garden bed years later. It means something to me bc it comes from a time in my life when I felt safe and loved before a monstrous stepfather swooped in destroy our family and crushed me into a heap of broken pieces. Some of our possessions are bits and pieces of our remembered life when for a moment we were happy. That makes them priceless. I understand.

[@4estdweller4ever]

Trauma is soul draining. Sometimes it is paralyzing. Sometimes it can feel like someone is holding your head under water. It feels like stability is a place I can visit but I can’t live there.

[@Leannot35]

@@4estdweller4ever you described that very well

[@ahhwe-any7434]

Idk if I spoke something into existence bc the ex mom in law was all back to mumbling little girl under her breath again. But talking to my baby about me. ... I called her out but she didn't want to answer bc she's a bastard. Just like her sons. But those ppl r not just funny to me but just all of the above. So annoying it'll leave me dumbfounded bc idek how to react. That great gpa used to call me that too. I just always thought they were weird. Yeah I was a "little girl/ when I stepped into the world by myself... But it'll prob had me land on either side of territories too. Bc maybe I am a bit impulsive, brave, ballsy & maybe a little delulu @xs. but if im trying at least i tried. Might feel a little embarrassed afterwards bc my audacity... But it'd prob feel worse if I didn't try. / But I do feel paranoid "" about who I allow into my life. I don't get the luxury of falling back on my ignorant... Enabling security blankets. I might feel delicate aLot. It doesn't mean I didn't think sh a bill xs over tho. & at least tried to plan out what I was capable of. .Etc etc but just all of the above about ppl calling me a little girl. Like wtf in the world. I'm 42 now ty very much, lol. Also a whale. I think it's more do u think ure being insulting? Bc I'm insulted more by ur motive than ur stupid words that only u believe. Bc let me just start telling u how ure like then. Annnd all hell breaks loose bc how dare I. I honestly can't stand those folks. When is it never not about u. Even when the newest generation comes in? No, not after that? But I'm "full of myself..." Or my 1 yr old needs to humble herself. No amount of religion never made any of those folks bright. Let alone bright, not even morally correct. How does 1 memorize the Bible, & still act that ignorant tho?

[@4estdweller4ever]

@@ahhwe-any7434 So English is your second language? Ramblings are not commentary. Proof read before you send out disjointed mental meanderings. You think people are self absorbed? Look in the mirror.

[@JennyLynn814]

FR 😔🥺

[@casperinsight3524]

When ppl become dysregulated their #1 priority is to feel safe and secure or they are unable to think straight. They may become paralyzed like a deer in the headlights and unable to organize until the freeze response ends. Its a parasympathetic nervous response to stress & overwhelm, depression, anxiety, worry and fear.

[@twistedalicemcgee]

This is the state in which I am currently finding myself. Thank you.

[@recoveringsoul755]

And they yell at us for what they are causing!! And the family courts don't get any of this, and think you should function like a robot that never needs sleep even.

[@casperinsight3524]

@@twistedalicemcgee Prayers of Peace 🙏🏼💗🕊️

[@casperinsight3524]

@@recoveringsoul755 The caring courts and lawyers would benefit greatly but the shady don't care and use it to their advantage

[@recoveringsoul755]

@@casperinsight3524 all they care about is money. Certainly not the welfare of children. They've been giving full custody of abused kids to the abuser for 40 years now. According to the author Lundy Bancroft, who has studied and worked with angry and controlling men.

[@earthwyrm6756]

You left out all the practical reasons why a messy living area can be an advantage in an abusive home: 1) a messy personal space deters others from invading your privacy, 2) if they do anyway, it's harder for them to monitor you by reading personal writing, letters from friends or even just finding out what books you've been reading, 3) likewise to find items like underwear (for creepy or overcontrolling purposes), and 4) find/ borrow/ steal other stuff like clothes, jewelry, cosmetics, toys, electronics, money...

[@aliray7833]

That’s well put

[@jeremyseale5463]

I did the deters people thing, but when you start to heal, the good people will feel a bit deterred too... I always just wanted some to say, "don't worry, I'll help you," just as I would, but they don't and I have to know it's not their responsibility, it's mine

[@embersomega]

It's also a clear way to see if anyone has been in your sanctuary area. 😅 Personal experience here.

[@Ana-yt7yi]

Exactly!! and I add: 4) If you are the scapegoat or you are under a coercitive control, if they notice you care about your things and wellbeing they feel the need to make an adjust to compensate you are trying to do better for youself. They need 'You are a disaster, I am better.', they need to minimize your wellbeing, energy and resources to keep easily the control over their supply. More caos sometimes is less problems and, as you say, It is better for hide important things for us.

[@ahhwe-any7434]

My car is like this. Not like always that bad. It's been bad at xs tho. Like spilled liquid & ish under things creating life. I know it's yucky. But that's my rarer moments. Other than that, it's still kinda messy. But I do actually try to get into the details of cleaning it. With like baby wipes.. tho

[@catherinewolfe1144]

I am 70 and have struggled with the aftermath of abuse my entire life. I have been to therapy most of that time and spend untold hours trying to understand myself. This video answered all of my questions. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! I feel more relieved than I ever have. I look forward to many more videos like this.

[@TrueSelf1111]

Me too. Years of searching. May have progress from EMDR work in therapy. Have you had that?

[@nancyritland9116]

me too, i am 70, and my family is cats and dogs.........................living in the aftermath of 50 years of abuse

[@zsuzsamold]

​@@nancyritland9116😢❤❤❤

[@JudeNance]

SO LET IT BE

[@carolmiles7474]

I have been driving for 20 yrs clean licence , Now I am losing confidence and hate driving ,get lost and I have crashed,

[@librapainter7174]

I had to pay someone to help me declutter. Just getting washed and dressed is arduous, I consider it a good day if I get the washing done.

[@veronicaladd5821]

Me, too, trying to get ready to go out is too stressful, sometimes the only way is to have a drinks

[@casperinsight3524]

Some ppl become OCD with organizing and use cleaning their home as a coping mechanism to feel in control

[@srodriguez721]

Yes!!!

[@ebello2024]

I grew up with a narcissist abuser. I actually prey I get cleaning OCD. It may seem horrible but the alternative is to live in chaos which brings shame and isolation. I can't afford a therapist either

[@crookedfingersgirl7356]

I had that after the constant mess room as a teen lol. I escaped finally and went the complete OPPOSITE. Now I'm back to mess... I DO want the spotless tidy super organized place BUT I'd spend hours. I had no idea at the time cause I was like ' well I'm not counting, certain way only, so this can't be OCD'... In hindsight decades later it was definitely OBSESSION and fear lol... Pray I find the middle ground lol...

[@casperinsight3524]

@@crookedfingersgirl7356 Ah.... I can relate.... Perfectionism/procrastination can be overcome with baby steps day by day. Completing small manageable tasks to gain momentum 😉

[@warriorforchristscarlet3623]

Yes

[@daniellestobart-xp8xk]

Someone noticing the small inroads you have made in the clutter means such a lot. My abuser would pretend not to notice my achievements and constantly make reference to 'living in all this mess'

[@belwillcoily6407]

OMG! I sooooo relate to this! They are absolutely horrible people.😢

[@Monotronikmusic]

I can relate. And it's not that I don't want to clean. And dressing up clean is not an issue. I do wash my clothes and make sure I dress clean, but just my room is not being tidy due to narcissistic abuse from my family affecting me. But I'll bounce back and organise myself. And the main reason is trauma and safety.

[@GregAndler]

Thanks

[@nocomments5029]

It’s the reflection of the confusion inside

[@louise2091]

Yes!

[@cc1k435]

And the exhaustion you feel ALL the time. 😢

[@4estdweller4ever]

Yes! I’ve always said my environment is the physical representation of my mental health. Also my motto is “my house was clean last week. Sorry you missed it.” 😊

[@louise2091]

@4estdweller4ever or ^it's the maids day off!"

[@cassandraknight8804]

Distress

[@marciawood2061]

PTSD -you get lost in time. It is like you are still in your situation in real time when you are flashing back. Hypervigilance outside of flashbacks and then nightmares so you are exhausted as well...

[@gothboschincarnate3931]

Imagine partial OBE-CPTSD..... moving out into the country is helping me greatly....less predators out in the wilderness.

[@larkrowe41]

Exactly. I constantly feel overwhelmed with the constant load of small tasks. Sometimes anything that's not life and death seems irrelevant and just doesn't seem to matter. I can't sweat the small things. I just don't have the energy.

[@eenzaakvanliefde1969]

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I'm 66 years of age, still struggling to overcome narcissistic abuse. I have ADD, which is linked at overwhelming abuse. 😢 Being tired all the time doesn't help either.

[@casperinsight3524]

A kind word or words of encouragement can help a person through their day 💗

[@alivingstone4Him]

"And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you." - Ephesians 4:32. God is love and He is Just and Holy and all his ways are perfect. Love Him above all and love others as you love yourself. For love is the fulfillment of the law. Do you know the LORD Jesus?

[@Leannot35]

@@casperinsight3524 it sure does specially, genuine and sincere it does

[@ms.steveygolden1118]

​@@alivingstone4Him Yaaaaaazzzzzz 🙏

[@TheNorafee]

On hard days i have to put take a shower or brush your teeth on the to do list- i always make "the list "

[@tesselaynes5428]

Do you mean dissociation? This video gave me 11 minutes of flashbacks. So I was trying to do my spring cleaning but Im in bad shape cause of severe depression. Then it got hot for 3 days over 90. Then I decided to renovate a few things to make more room in my 2 room bachelor. Now I have to put them all together, move everything around in this whole place to make everything fit. Get someone to take my garbage to the dump. I started spring cleaning in early June. Its now July 6th and its looking pretty hoardy in here. Ill probably put on a few episodes of hoarders now to give me motivation.

[@twistedalicemcgee]

I can heavily relate to this, also, thank you for correcting the content creator on the dissociation. I was hesitant to.

[@4estdweller4ever]

I watch a guy on KZbin. It’s called Midwest Magic Cleaning. He cleans for free for people who are depressed or ill. He’s autistic and has super logical thinking. Many good cleaning tips and has helped me to improve my cleaning and organizing. He often cleans hoarded houses. Very empathetic and tolerates no trolls. “If you say one negative word about the people I’m cleaning for I’ll block you and exterminate your post”. lol.

[@annmeacham5643]

⁠@@4estdweller4ever I love him! If only he lived closer to me . . . He’s a true blessing. 😇🙏👏😍🥰

[@Mr60minor]

Understand Relate 💯

[@angelagulia3440]

You got this ❤ You really do ❤🎉

[@gaebren9021]

Having a messy rooms means that I can hide things that the abuser cannot find.

[@gracerussell2043]

This is so true, I just thought I was a lazy filthy animal 😢💔

[@couldntholdacandle6681]

It takes year's, I would do it on auto pilot as when I was a kid and it wasn't done I would be punished for it. Then as an adult I had a partner who wheeled it like a weapon, he'd say you think you are better than everyone else. That's wasn't the only things he picked on said or did. Now that I am not in the relationship and panic happens I have to remind myself those people are here now. It's okay to be myself. I am allowed to do what I please when I please and I won't be punished for it. I still struggle most days. Coming to terms with the facts.

[@alivingstone4Him]

I never knew why I was always looking around at my surrounding until hearing this recently on another video. That is so interesting! I even got told to leave a store because I kept looking around me and they thought I was going to steal something which I would never do as I fear and love God and He sees everything we do. I think I am getting better at not looking around as the LORD has been healing me from all the trauma and abuse I endured. But yes keeping things tidy is something I am working at and that too has gotten better for the most part. May the LORD heal all the hearts that have been thru the horrible abuse of our souls. In Jesus mighty name. Amen >> " He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds" - Psalm 147:3 Blessings to all who read this.

[@lookup4939]

Thank you and Lord Bless you too 🛡️👡🗡️🪖📯🕊️🙌🤲🙏

[@alivingstone4Him]

@@lookup4939 - You also! Jesus loves you and sees you! El- roi - the God who sees.

[@alivingstone4Him]

@@lookup4939 - and thank-you !! :)

[@truthmerchant1]

This is a great video, so validating of the struggle we deal with and that it's not our fault and not a character defect. It's the result of having to work incredibly hard to survive an appalling situation and we're actually really strong and creative in the ways we have developed in order to stay alive and function despite everything that was done to try to destroy us.

[@shereerockdaschel9301]

I’m sorry it went the opposite direction for me I am a clean freak now. Now it’s a place for everything and everything in its place.

[@belwillcoily6407]

I wish this was the way my trauma affected me 😢

[@chrisgrew1144]

Thank you for this answers a lot of questions….Domestic Violence and others too 😢😢

[@are_you_a_noahide_yet]

Bring back family. Not merely the nuclear family, no. Bring back the Long House where generations cherish one another and are available to be there for one another. One would be amazed at the difference this makes in lives of humans.

[@pennyc11]

It doesn't work if your parent was the baby of the family. Everyone is gone that mattered. Abuse hurt us all in different ways. A lot of people are having children in their 40's even 50. Their parents will be sad memories. The children find themselves alone with no older relatives to help them or to help engage in family outings. It was so sad for our youngest brother. Family squabbles broke siblings apart. He has so few good family memories that my older brother and I have. Just the ones from our dark days.😢 My children grew up never knowing my grandmother, aunt, uncle cousins, even my father died young as compared to older people today. There was a sadness that came from that too.

[@redwarrior2424]

My mess is my citadel, preventing people from coming in and getting too close to me emotionally. Inviting people over is making myself vulnerable which I've learned through the years is a dangerous thing. All the clutter acts as a shield, a fortress that keeps me safe, a reason not to invite people in. I've experienced narcissistic abuse practically from birth and have struggled with trying to be more organized and tidy my whole life. It's a source of great shame. I'm still isolating for health reasons even though the actual pandemic is considered past, but it's also a convenient excuse not to have people over.

[@ahhwe-any7434]

I live an apt. The only ppl I have over is the landlord & maintenance. The only thing I feel "vulnerable" or kind of embarrassed about is all my little motivational quotes I leave everywhere. If they try to f me over, that's cold. I'm not imagining they would. But at most, I'd hope they'd just give me passes bc I'm that discombobulated & just lifeing. On the "outside " & yeah, it's clean, I might appear together. But I do have my Maybe dramatic moments of everything's crumbling. Bc it is that delicate. To me.

[@asumptuous1810]

Literally same for me. It’s keeps me safe from everyone, for the most part. Even my landlord/management of my townhome, I’m required to protect myself from them too. Between the now gone narcissist that has also helped create the clutter but left, in a way, I could care less if no one ever steps foot in my house. On the other hand, this is not who I really am and I know it. I deserve better and want to live a life of healing, harmony and peace, including my surroundings. So, I intend to address this and act upon my wishes.I’m trying to work through this, with no help. It’s beyond difficult. I’ve given up on professional help. They (therapists) don’t know what they’re doing either! I do a little organizing and decluttering every day. I’m also taking mental health and trauma management courses. Any little bit helps and matters! Good luck everyone, love and hugs 🤗 🙏🏾❤️

[@jillpomponio5725]

I just found a piece of the puzzle 🎉

[@silvergirl7810]

I’m having trouble making decisions- cleaning and declutterring is a good part constant decisions. It’s tough for me.

[@alivingstone4Him]

my decision making is still hard to do. Its terrible. I understand you. I am sorry. Jesus knows about it and is there for our help. He loves us and cares. Casting all your care upon HIM, for HE cares for you. - 1 Peter 5:7. He suffered rejection, abuse and hatred, and was betrayed and killed because of envy but God turned it for good and used it all so Jesus death would provide forgiveness for all of our sins. Then he rose from that grave three days later just as he said. Jesus is alive and is exalted on the throne of God. He is coming back in power and glory to take those who put their faith in him to be with him forever and ever. In His presence is fullness of Joy ! Jesus is our peace and joy. He fights our battles, hears our cried and delivers his own. VEngenace belongs to God, he will repay those who mess with His children. Do you know Jesus? If not would you like to know him and come into relationship with Him? :) I hope to hear back from you.

[@redwarrior2424]

​@@alivingstone4Him It's hard to see Jesus caring in this f*cked up world. I think he's giving us a wide berth. Jesus has left the building!

[@alivingstone4Him]

@@redwarrior2424 - I am sorry for your pain. Indeed this world is messed up but not because of Jesus but because we are given free will to choose and with that choice to choose for ourselves we hurt people and do evil - sin. God is love and he wants us to love him and love others. For love does no harm to his neighbor. Love is the fulfillment of the Law. Jesus fulfilled the law perfectly. The good news is one day soon Jesus will come back and put an end to the evil in this world and to create a new heaven and new earth wherein there will be only Joy in his presence. But only those who put their faith in Jesus and his death on the cross for all the sins we commit and others commit against us. He rose from that grave three days later just as he said and is alive and coming back. He cares about you. he loves you. He took all the abuse, the rejection, the hatred, the beatings, the false accusations, and false arrest, the hanging on a cross to die a criminals death, the mockings, the beatings, and 39 whips of glass shredding his innocent body and sinless life all for you. For me, and for all his enemies and the whole world. He understands our pain and suffering and is acquainted with all our griefs. He wants to help us thru this life if we will receive his gift of life and redemption and restoration. Do you want this my friend? He is a shelter, a safe refuge and faithful to the very end. Blessings to you.

[@gabrielamarcus]

​@@alivingstone4HimPlease, tell Jesus to come and cleaning up my kitchen and living room. I just cannot keep up with that.

[@alivingstone4Him]

@@gabrielamarcus - "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." - Jesus Christ in Matthew 11:28-30 Just do what you can dear one.

[@warriorforchristscarlet3623]

As a survivor in abuse as well.. mostly mental abuse. I Also was trained how to clean around 5 years old. And when things get messy, it drives me insane, and makes me feel so gross.. OCD big time. Stay strong out there.. we can make it through.. take things a day at a time. Do your best. Give it all to the Lord.. He fights for you.

[@astrangeacttofollow6342]

Some thoughts I had recently to explain my clutter: My mother was a satanist who abused me and worked against me as she caused harm to people and animals: 1) What I did to save/help people and animals was usually undone by her and her fellow satanists - so fixing something (clutter) became considered (by me emotionally) not worth the effort, and 2) as it was painful (emotionally and sometimes physically) to see some horror that she did, it was protective of my spiritual state to blank out / ignore various things - like clutter, to just leave things unmentioned / unnoticed so as to not cause trauma you couldn't prevent.

[@audreyheart2180]

✝✝

[@carolynbennett2735]

Where can those who are suffering from this get practical help?

[@GoldieBrown-pc6mb]

Look for somatic exercise and help, Tai Chi, research all types of breathing therapy in your area and start activity of self expression. Hope that helps

[@4estdweller4ever]

@@GoldieBrown-pc6mb I find singing is similar to yoga. The breathing technique needed to sing is very relaxing and grounding. Singing can feel like a cat purring 😽

[@CM7777...]

Google to solicit a professional house/apartment cleaner

[@MelModica]

I’ve been journaling, praying and meditating daily and that has helped a lot. Music helps me too. I listen to my favorite music daily and play guitar and sing. Baby steps everyday will lead to great progress over time. I’ve been battling anxiety and depression for decades and I’ve been able to manage it most days. It’s not always easy but in time things can get better.

[@GoldieBrown-pc6mb]

@@4estdweller4ever sounds great,I should try that!

[@deniseelsworth7816]

Thank you. I wondered why I had become this way. It baffled me because I was the opposite before. ❤

[@audreyheart2180]

✝✝

[@iammajor562]

Thank you! I FINALLY have an ANSWER!!!🤕

[@crookedfingersgirl7356]

I really appreciate this channel. TY. Survivors deserve understanding.

[@artifundio1]

Imagine not having to imagine any of it...

[@DevineDarkLight]

thanks for this info, now i have the answers why i am the way i am

[@RC-eb5hq]

Overwhelm in general... time spent attempting to figure out how we attracted/keep attracting people like that to us so we avoid it in the future

[@Nova-cb3fv]

PTSD is a trauma that I can see described here.

[@Crystal-oz1qz]

It helps when you turn your daily chores into a game. That's what's been helping me to not only do more chores but enjoy doing them

[@mississippiatheistette8769]

i broke my overwhelming to do lists down into daily, weekly, and monthly tasks. That really made me feel like I was getting stuff done, and sort of prioritized everything for me, since monthly stuff tends to be the important repeating tasks.

[@lisaosborne8635]

Dont think iv ever felt so understood

[@annonaQOC]

Thanks for this! It explains a lot that I didn't know. PTSD/CPTSD and depression from a physically and mentally abusive childhood + nearly being intentionally killed by my childhood and lifelong love at nearly 50 years old.🙏🏼

[@squidward6187]

It was actually kinda hilarious in retrospect when I was diagnosed with severe PTSD. I was in rehab and I had a meltdown, scream-crying. They rushed me to a trauma specialist and she told me, "you have twenty minutes." Immediately I dissociated and just started listing off all the things I had to endure at a break neck pace. The whole time I was looking down. When I finished I looked up and she was staring at me with her mouth open. It shocked me out of my dissociation because I had assumed she wouldn't believe me - normies never do because they are brainwashed to believe mothers are perfect beings. So we stared at each other in shock for several seconds. And then she said, "you have severe PTSD." She said it three times since I wasn't really responding. I was just sooooo relieved to know what was wrong with me. I kept being misdiagnosed. First I was diagnosed with recurring depression, yes, but hardly explains everything. Then I was diagnosed as borderline and looked it up and was like, this isn't me at all aside from the emotional dysregulation. Borderlines are the people who GIVE people PTSD. My mother was definitely borderline.

[@jenniferhart3941]

This is so validating!

[@user-kv5dr7wy2x]

This makes so much sense now. I've been in a haze of abuse for over 2 decades. I can only liken it to escaping from a cult and now see it as being in a trance like state. It was like veils being removed from my sight and seeing Cleary what had been done to me. I'm so ashamed I let someone traumatise me and inflict so much pain and humiliation on me for so long. Now I live in a shit pit and I'm overwhelmed. Abuse from this person as devastated my life. It's real and it's happening to another person right now. It needs to be criminalized. Not only do they make u live in a shit pit but worse your mind, your thoughts from waking to sleep are a shi t pit. I liken it to my body being like a steam train, slow and sluggish, but my minds like a Japanese bullet train, my thoughts never stop even wen my body is exhausted. It's a horrendous life. ✌& 💘

[@codeN_8]

Hugs. I understand.

[@user-kv5dr7wy2x]

@@codeN_8 💛

[@asumptuous1810]

Thank you for a very revealing video. This explains a lot and I am very grateful to you!🙏🏾❤️🤗

[@staremerson2921]

I appreciate this video recognizing survivors

[@Katie-me5kp]

I once went to a church that turned my life upside-down just because of the state of my living space. .. they made it so I wouldn't be able to date or even be friends with almost anyone.

[@yves2694]

Thank you for this invaluable video. ❤

[@wintergoddess8210]

Thank you ❤

[@trudygriffith5482]

This is extremely insightful

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

This is very helpful. Thank you.

[@abigailslade3824]

When nothing you do is good enough why waste the effort in trying.

[@reshenewells6815]

Can relate to this when I was dealing with domestic violence organizing and dealing with day to day routines was difficult

[@Dianne-uv3bs]

This is an excellent video

[@saramomo7927]

YES. YES TO ALL OF THIS!!!!!

[@spotthenarcissist]

Ever wonder why abuse survivors often struggle with keeping their space tidy? 🏠 There’s more to it than meets the eye. 🔔 Remember to like, comment, and subscribe for more content on mental health and healing! #AbuseSurvivors #MentalHealth #TraumaRecovery #ClutterFreeLiving We encourage you to comment down what you think below. ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ 🙏🙏🙏Please support my work and buy me a coffee through this link: bit.ly/3aRsYjI Like this video and subscribe to this channel. It helps us a lot. ►►Click Here to Subscribe: bit.ly/3tqtJGv ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ MUST WATCH VIDEOS: 📌Weird Mannerisms of People Abused By Narcissists: Watch it here🠮 kzbin.info/www/bejne/aX-lh52wat1patU 📌10 Behaviors of MEN Abused By Narcissistic Wives: Watch it here🠮 kzbin.info/www/bejne/sH64ZGaFapeLb5Y 📌Why Those People Abused By Narcissists Likes to be at home: Watch it here🠮 kzbin.info/www/bejne/lZLIp6ibncushLM 📌Strange Traits of People Mentally Abused By Narcissists: Watch it here🠮 kzbin.info/www/bejne/fprCdGiwj6pghdE ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ #spotthenarcissist #narcissism #narcissist

[@amiralozse1781]

thats almost 100% me. thank you very much for this detailed list! would love if you could add some links to literature.

[@sallystrachan7323]

I relate to all of this. ❤

[@rickl1458]

This is so true

[@Kloops]

I recently discovered why I don’t throw away empty plastic water bottles and used Kleenexes from blowing my nose from my many tears and old papers and receipts and the packaging of the things I buy… making it messy because I feel like I am trash. So therefore I live among the trash I have been brainwashed to believe that I am. I throw away stinky old food though so I have that going for me. Lol. But I do need to do better for myself. I’m not trash no matter how long I believed my ex husband and his family. Before I met them around 30 years ago, I was a clean person with everything having a place and everything was in its place unless i was using it and it was put away when I was finished with it. I made my bed every morning and I kept up with my chores. I didn’t have clutter. The first time I went to my ex’s parents house when we were dating, i thought they were moving out because there wasn’t a single empty space in their HUGE kitchen. I learned though that it’s how they live. Every cabinet was crammed with a things and they had two fridges in the kitchen with a freezer in the garage. The table was piled high with junk. I allowed myself to adopt that lifestyle because they played all day and every day. They never ever had chores. Don’t get me started on the bathrooms. I sort of did maintain some chores on the daily for myself and my husband in our home. However we were infertile and didn’t have kids for the longest time so our toys piled up I turned into them. It’s true you are the company you keep. It’s hard but I’m trying to keep the faith and hope that I can get back to being disciplined and having a schedule and routine that helps me. Trash cans are in every room and it has helped greatly. Now I am working on making my bed every morning.

[@karioxford9823]

Wow. This hit home on so many levels. I hate that I relate.

[@kathrynwatkins5360]

im still afraid every day. it feels like I'll be afraid forever.

[@soal3415]

My abuse ended .. physical part..in 1996. I keep having set backs and nightmares about it. Even my arms are crossed in front of my neck and chest say protect yourself. I am thinking about therepy or something to help. Your video is correct. I know whats wrong with me. I was doing good. Something triggered me and im not sure what. Ive been in this...stage if stuff for 5 years now. My insurance doesnt cover the good therapists. So right now youtube has been my go to.

[@jennyintelle806]

Extremely true😢

[@guardsmanom134]

Number one affects sleep as well. It literally makes it impossible.

[@pennyc11]

I can relate to some of this sadly.😢

[@babsbybend]

Having mess around was an early warning system. The abuse would still occur, but the element of surprise was gone when stuff was knocked over. If I had had Legos, I would have left them wherever, so I had to do it with shoes, books, etc.

[@sonibraun4971]

I asked myself for a longer time why I am untidy, why I always struggled more in this department than in the others. Now I know. I was always critized. Whatever I did, was wrong, bad, unacceptable...simply crap etc. So when I start tidying, when I start 'create', 'produce' into the outside world - I get the immediate association with that label. It's like I can't run away from it whenever I 'create' something in that regard, I get put on that label. I could get confronted with that unbearable pain again. It feels like criticizing myself, my whole person at the core. That's why I leave it at that and just do the minimum that's necessary. I know I'd have to change the association with something positive and new but I wonder how. Maybe imagining.

[@carrikartes1403]

I always feel like cleaning if I am angry. I hate anger.

[@elenasanchez6867]

Very interesting tips

[@CleverChimney]

Thank you. I’ve lived 61 years thinking it’s all my fault. It’s not and I know exactly whose fault it is. 🤬

[@theepictale5383]

This didn't happen to me until my children left the home. Then the clutter became readily available weapons ever though I lived alone.

[@carlorizzo827]

ThankU! Well, Hell. Right on, i got all of'em. Especially shame & perfectionism. Let me add one more. One of the abusers was a neat freak, the house was kept immaculate. I associate order & cleaning with being abused lol. If my room is a mess, I'm more relaxed. I live with 2 roommates (single, could never pairbond) I am considerate in common areas. We clean up when we can. Don't talk about it, just do it

[@tabbyba9293]

Dissociation not dissasociation. Dissociation is leaving your body, dissAsociation is separating yourself from other people.

[@warriorqueen9792]

Yes. I might look calm on the outside but really I'm frozen and disocciated.

[@ahhwe-any7434]

Idk how I appear to ppl. But I've noticed that I come across a lotta folks who always want to be right about everything not even there & go off on some irrelevant rant & as long as they're talkative, loud, rude, disruptive, talking down to me, at least we figured out the root and now actually have answers to all the problems. And the only problems that even kept us connected to begin with? Bc otherwise, who r u? To me? Lol I'll never be the do u know who I am. It's more no. Especially if u had to ask. For me, it's more no but really, who r u then? Bc idk either but that's not my duty.

[@5kycity]

Is it just me or did this literally just say the same thing in 10 different ways 😂

[@DillyDallyLove]

I have all these symptoms and now that I have time that should be a time of worry. I have nothing keeping me worried. I don't know how to function without the constant assaults... they were always there and I got perfect at handling them just like Stalin.

[@Deelynn-woohoo]

Yes.

[@etherealdeal1792]

Wow no wonder my place looks like a bomb went off. Thank u

[@BitterMoonEmpress]

correct!

[@nevereverforever0010-uf9su]

sitting around in my own mess, the worst its ever been. I'm trying, everyday, I can get back up. how do u get out of freeze mode? sick of this all never been this bad. idk how to feel bettte r but I gha keep trying. hus wanna not have to fight to survive anymore

[@melissaklemm9976]

YES

[@My2up2downCastle]

Say to yourself....... i bet i can tidy (this area) up in 20 minutes.... I'm doing it for ME, no one else. .....reward yourself with something that you would have been criticised for eating/drinking when you've done it. ...... because now you can....

[@DavidSphere-eu4mi]

Yup

[@TrueSelf1111]

I have been out 6 months. I was so scared. My safety was so important. I left the mess. I just couldn't deal with it. So much shame. 5 good years. Love Bombing is the best drug. 5 years of decline. I didn't understand. Therapy helps.

[@Missdoubletrouble541]

The image at 10:04 reminds me of me.

[@janetopalisthemoonwitch2949]

I left a tik tok on loop for 3 hours once and I was in the same room as my phone ☠️ help?

[@VidMaya999]

I don't want to start anything anymore, I'm tired of hearing the mental self fulfilling prophecy "oh you'd start but give it up midway". I'd rather fatten up like a pig rather than trying to eat healthy or going for fresh air walks. I no longer blame the perpetrator, but, this thought which my psyche has moulded itself into. How do I fight me?

[@Kifudancer]

You fight that by giving yourself small wins. And celebrating them! You took out the trash! Awesome! Give yourself credit for doing that, don't just sweep it under the rug by telling yourself it's too small to count. Everything's made up of small actions. Try not to just immediately demand of yourself that you do everything at once. And if you do break something off halfway, you finished half of it already! Awesome! That's half that you wouldn't have done if you hadn't started! TLDR, be kind to yourself. You wouldn't expect to run a marathon on a broken leg, so give yourself space to heal and train up to the bigger things. I hope that's a helpful thought. You do got this, even though I know it doesn't feel like it.

[@rachelE894]

i have all of these

[@annegoodreau4925]

I don't know who the writer is but wow, have you ever got it right.

[@bevpenner7188]

❤

[@kyrahknowz1442]

💯💎💯❤.

[@Schneesonne1988]

it is DISSOCIATION not DISASSOCIATION ... and yes, it is how my brain works 99 % of the time ...

[@lalarebelse5985]

Thats my life

[@queenofyoworld]

I am getting help.

[@carolmiles7474]

This sounds mad ,i never get dressed unless i have to go out . I am a mess i lock everything away and forget where i put it because of theft . I cannot get rid of him ,i do not want to go to police he will twist things .

[@teddyboef2821]

Why do so many people cannot get the term dissociation right? It is freaking annoying.

[@asumptuous1810]

This video is excellent and extremely helpful. So many things are clearer to me now, than all of the information from incompetent therapists on apps owned by people that have nothing to do with Mental Health, yet are making millions off of our pain and traumas, misleading and mistreating us into deeper dis-ease. I’m so fed up. Thank you for sharing this life-saving knowledge and I hope that it reaches everyone that needs to see it. There are ways out and to paths of healing. Find supportive, loving and understanding people. We’re a unique tribe and our community must support, educate, nurture and uplift one another. Sending love and healing to all!❤️‍🩹🌈🌞🎈❤️❤️❤️