Why Are People So Passive-Aggressive?

[@ozdergekko]

If you insist

[@RandomPerson28337]

kills someone by mistake 😂

[@dannybrockman2492]

🤣😂

[@TommoCarroll]

NO, IT'S FINE...we'll watch the video!

[@accounteasy91]

Take my like... or whatever

[@HuesingProductions]

@accounteasy91 BOI not in this tone!

[@TheCimbrianBull]

Just sayin'!

[@dannybrockman2492]

Nahhhh

[@natendo1987]

This video was good....I guess

[@mnlalg8320]

😂

[@iza595]

🤣🤣

[@neurotransmissions]

But what if I'm aggressively passive?

[@kalynmonroe4503]

Neuro Transmissions then u r

[@longliveplanetawesome3223]

It's called acting creepily. People will probably avoid you because of it.

[@fresnoniiji]

Lol

[@yosemite963]

what the hak s dat

[@mauriceupton1474]

Its based on poor communication skills and lack of confidence often on how to respond in various situations. I actually think it's a learnt behaviour and you generally get it from your workmates but mostly from your parents. But I have to say you have one of the best channels on KZbin.

[@TheMightyN]

Not always; most times, it's based on a lack of understanding the other's morals. People don't need to be insecure to be passive-aggressive in their delivery.

[@BoltBandicoot]

@@TheMightyN true

[@joshuaisgreatgamail]

Deeply passive aggressive people don't like it when you are direct with communication and assertive with it. It makes them act out more passively. Telling them the behavior hurts doesn't work either. Walk away from them. The will alwats hurt and sabotage your efforts with a whatever to boot!

[@MzRiley1272]

You're spot on!

[@Bauerness]

So sad and unfortunately true.

[@sdrawkcabUK]

true! you can try to meet them halfway, come up with work-arounds yadda yadda.... but life is short. Just ditch them, cut them out your life, and move on. Harsh but effective.

[@amelian9677]

100 %.

[@epicmaj8r]

Honestly, people like that are frustratingly unreasonable. It's best just to leave em

[@sogerc1]

Fine, I Liked this video, are you happy now, Nessy?

[@AnonymousFreakYT]

Psh. This video was okay, I suppose.

[@Hamster-ie8qz]

Lol me

[@Arthera0]

my sense of humor is apparently very passive aggressive... or whatever...

[@Lobokami]

Passive aggressiveness just infuriates me and thus makes me more dangerous to those around me. People aren't mind readers, if something is wrong, just say it. Simple as that.

[@olxxa4967]

Well, I don't speak english so I just discoverd this word. Anyway, I kinda recognize myself. I think I am passive aggressive. I just find it difficult to set boundaries. If I am hurt I won't say it . I don't know how to deal with conflict. Growing up I always felt like my needs, my opinion were not important, so why even bother to say it. I am learning to be a better person and a better communicator, don't get me wrong. But it is difficult. It is difficult for some people.

[@lessismore8533]

Agree

[@UnDeRSEEG]

I was surprised not to see one of the reasons for passive aggressiveness listed as a manipulative tool to get others to do what you want. E.g. "No its fine!! We can do what you want to do!". An unassertive person is likely to feel guilty at this point and give in to the passive aggressive persons will. Passive aggressive people learn that this helps them get what they want and tend to use it more in the future, whether intentionally or not. Sadly, it builds resentment in the unassertive person.

[@NGC-7635]

In some jobs being purposefully inefficient is a necessary skill otherwise people start to take advantage of you. The work work you do, the less everyone else thinks THEY have to do. In physical jobs you burn out and break down and in sedentary jobs you will fry your brain from stress and have a meltdown.

[@III-mu4yn]

it stems from insecurity, most if not all negative behaviors do.

[@braincraft]

Thanks to everyone who voted for this topic in the poll I did the other week! If you voted, you better watch this. Okay? Am I doing assertiveness right?

[@braincraft]

On the community tab! It should show up in the sub feed, otherwise you can select "community" on my channel page.

[@Friendship1nmillion]

BrainCraft Your bit at the end "You're Welcome" had me like "Yeah 😆" . 👍📠🔭⛔🛐🆘️

[@joesjoeys]

Your passive-aggressiveness gave me anxiety since you are usually so sweet and bubbly. :(

[@robinhyperlord9053]

Pacifists are scum

[@sugarandspice2136]

Passive aggressive people are dangerous to have in your inner circle because you never know where you TRULY stand with them.

[@Jackal_Blitz]

What if the fear of confrontation is real and warranted? Another person mentioned how sensitive and PC our culture is becoming lately. Being direct and assertive can be extremely risky if another person is likely to go off the deep end over whatever you say, regardless of how true it may be.

[@BJ-zd2or]

That's the problem what I've seen in the real world, is that even socially acceptable people act irrational yet still people see them as legitimate influencers. Alot of people I know are passive aggressive, frustrated by their situation or environment. Theres a big misconception going around that can devoid the situation.

[@priyao5097]

True but careful- I’ve known narcs that use the PC excuse to be “brutally honest.” It’s abuse.

[@danielhart7435]

@UCuplDiRYz9C4-ijok28pMqQ Or maybe you’re a pussy who needs things sugarcoated to protect your fragile ego. You’re honestly the real narcissist here.

[@MagicAndReason]

My favorite name for passive-aggression is "whoops, I accidentally broke everything you care about."

[@MagicAndReason]

@Kandilario Yes Sir Hallelujah Amen Psychology doesn't address issues of the supernatural, so I strongly doubt that "demonic narcissism" is a psychological category.

[@mysunshine2191]

I've never thought of somebody would talk about such a topic ! I thought like it was only me who got bothered by passive aggressive actions... Thank you ❤

[@Dixavd]

I find passive-aggressive traits pretty attractive which is annoying since it makes communication more difficult (and comes accross as patronising when my reaction to someone holding back anger is to start blushing).

[@sleepyote]

Dixavd you'd love Tsunderes then.

[@YTEEsenior]

I think passive-aggressive in many cases stems from lack of skill sets and/or vocabulary to handle the situation. Also frustration on not being able or allowed to get your point of view message across or understood.

[@Alex-io6ky]

Whitey Senior aha i go out with foreigner non english speakers and this has become a issue that comes up

[@Toastmaster_5000]

Before watching this video, I was thinking how I'm very rarely passive-aggressive (though I know many people who are). After seeing the potential causes for it, it makes a lot more sense as to why: * I go out of my way to be objective about things, and put a conscious effort to not make decisions (or reactions) based on my emotions. * I'm good at accepting my losses - it's the only way to truly move on from something. I know my strengths and weaknesses, so I don't get all that emotional over helplessness. * I will either face things head-on or acknowledge the consequences, so I pretty much never avoid confrontation or rejection unless I'm fine with the outcome. In summary, it all comes down to whether the cons of me expressing myself (whether that be direct or passive) outweigh the pros of me keeping my thoughts to myself and just dealing with the situation. That being said, I either tell people out-right what I'm thinking or I remain polite.

[@Toastmaster_5000]

Nicholas McKay How ironic.

[@matejmazur01]

They are groomed into being passive aggressive by the aggressive overlords that run their life.

[@Master_Therion]

If you are attacked by a gang of pacifist Buddhist monks, is that passive aggression?

[@sebastianelytron8450]

Do me a favour and thank your employer for me. Changing your work hours has made you discover and comment on so many random channels lol

[@Master_Therion]

LOL thanks ^_^ Normally, I'd still be asleep right now. Working nights was hard.

[@timothyhilditch]

This guy uses like bots don't thank him. instead report him for spam.

[@Master_Therion]

Timothy It's funny you leave this reply on a comment with only 8 likes. It looks like my bot is broken lol ;)

[@timothyhilditch]

Well it is simple your like bots only like until you reach the top. On a less viewed channel like this it only gives you a few. But on Scishow you have hundreds of likes every video.

[@theilliad4298]

I think it’s cynicism- pessimism- ineptitude all wrapped into one

[@tommyrisnes1502]

Mhmm, whatever

[@jinodosen879]

Short answer : they are cowards.

[@Hamster-ie8qz]

Wow, thanks a lot.

[@Hamster-ie8qz]

I guess you aren't passive aggressive since you can't understand

[@jinodosen879]

@@Hamster-ie8qz You just got offended cuz you a passive aggressive little bitch.

[@Hamster-ie8qz]

@@jinodosen879 lol, I'm the one who's passive aggressive? You called me something lol.

[@Hamster-ie8qz]

@@jinodosen879 I just wish people would understand.

[@williambrade9679]

I feel like this video was targeted towards us British folks

[@6612770]

Whatever...

[@The_Hanged_Man_Arcana]

Lol

[@ThatShyGuyMatt]

I'm not one to get into fights. I put up with alot of stuff. However sometimes I do get passive aggressive to make my feelings known. Like when my wife says shes going to do something but keeps putting it off and she says "I'm gonna do it today, promise!". I'll be like "I'm sure you will!" and I'll make a big sarcastic grin.

[@NaN0s7]

"Until next time; you're welcome." That took me a whole extra second longer than it should have to realise that you were being passive aggressive xD

[@Ikiratuki]

Most people are much too proud to admit when they've been hurt. Some snap at you when you ask about it. Personally, I'm in favor of unfiltered sentiment. Unfortunately, we have no business with each other if my opinion is made out to be problematic. The best part of being unfiltered is the amount of time and effort saved.

[@leonardoreyes1697]

Id love to see a video of you dedicated only to show your process of stop motion

[@ruskreeder2434]

This was really good. You sure aren't passive-aggressive. You stood up for yourself when I made a comment you didn't exactly love. I admire you for that. I admire people who are upfront when they are hurt. I admire people who stand up for themselves without being caustic. It is probably because both my mother and father are that way. My respect for you increased after you stood up for yoursel in that (misunderstood) tiff. Sincerity

[@NobbsAndVagene]

Tsundere: the logical next step

[@jenohogan9254]

That was me for a long time, until I finally addressed it. I wasn't taught how to deal with emotional confrontation. Passive aggressiveness can be really damaging to relationships of any kind. Be straight forward, but kind and don't forget to listen. :-D

[@rmg2419]

We're you the passive aggressor or someone else being passive aggressive toward you?

[@bakjoul]

How did you realize you were passive aggressive ?

[@alexixeno4223]

Most of my friends call me the sarcastic ahole, but yeah this is me. Thank you for this it will help.

[@youkai888]

This is interesting. Looking forward for the next one in the series. (passive agressively suggesting that you SHOULD do it, otherwise... lol)

[@PoisonelleMisty4311]

they drive me crazy, because they are so fake and can't be direct with me, hurt me. It makes me think they are either cowards or have past trauma.

[@TheZenytram]

This is to dificulty, i can't human whatsoever.

[@resart5445]

2 things 1 refusin to kill a person isnt a mental dissorder 2 anser to passive agresive acts with pasive agresive acts

[@observer7418]

I've been assertive with PA people. They usually just become more aggressive

[@amelian9677]

Always.

[@ThePhoenixpaw]

My passive aggressiveness comes from years of suppressed anger tempered by abuse throughout the years spent in school. That's probably why guilt-tripping others is a second nature to me. But hey, despite that, chronic depression and frequent suicidal thoughts there's noooooooo reason for me to get help, as judged by psychiatric professionals here in Sweden.

[@Alex-io6ky]

PhoenixPaw hehe funny but true

[@JonathanTash]

KZbin hates you in a passive aggressive way. They have shown me hardly any videos from your channel. Everything is about to change though, because I pressed the bell Icon.

[@PoojaChoudhary-kw2on]

I guess it is because passive aggressive people are scared of confrontation. I thought being indirect is only way to talk to avoid confrontations ,didnt realise I am a passive aggresive person

[@vikingmike8139]

Passive aggressive behavior is a tactic of a truly weak person who also lacks any shred of character whatsoever.

[@theatheistpaladin]

Passive-Aggressive: Better than simply being aggressive.

[@SlowSausage]

Thank you. What are people meant to do? Go around screaming and shouting at each other. It's better than bottling it up and it's better than being active aggressive. The world could do with more passive aggressive people!

[@coolGhostVIRUS]

Nah. PA actually is more unpleasant and mean than common aggression. For both who communicate. I do it on a regular basis.

[@mariothrowsfireballsuntitl1841]

I prefer people being aggresive than passive-aggresive because they are just hurting their self image. While there is no social repucasuion towards passive-aggresive.

[@SlowSausage]

Anatoly Novikov I'd rather someone make a snide comment than punch me. No brainer. Sticks and stones.

[@SlowSausage]

MarioTHROWSfireBalls untitled You're just being silly!

[@jlivin2783]

My mother used to tell me im passive aggressive a lot growing up! I see now maaaybe just maybe there is a little truth to that😂

[@youkai888]

But I think passive aggressive behaviour is not always bad and sometimes it's inevitable. I think this falls under the bigger umbrella of "manipulative behaviours" (this is something I came up with now). Manipulative behaviours are not always bad. For example lets say that you have a very spoiled child who doesn't listen to you no matter what you say. You can only passive aggressively educate such a child. For example you act a little bit distant. Don't be there for him/her when he/she wants to rely on you too much. Being too open in these kind of scenarios may actually backfire and give the other party what they need to fight back. Where as you sometimes need to hide your agenda from the other party in order to teach them a lesson and manipulate them for your own and for their good. This might apply to a lot of situations. Not just parent and child. But it's really difficult to explain here where and how much manipulation or passive agression is ok. There are just too many possible scenarios.

[@Cluless02]

This is a vital and illuminating series! So well done!

[@drewdavidson663]

How much does "passive aggressiveness" weigh?

[@laibadar6308]

Please do make videos about the behaviours and problems of teenagers like high school and college students.

[@slr-d]

great video and insight. And you're right, it literally *never* leads to any real change. thank you 🙏🏾

[@angiejones968]

Unfortunately I’m passive aggressive🙄I really hate it. It took along time for me to understand and realize that I’m being passive aggressive. I also know that I am when I can’t explain what I want or how I’m feeling to others. I however didn’t know all the times I’ve been silent was passive aggressive. I’ve always wonder. I did this even when I was a kid. It was my go to when I could not express my needs. I’m sure I’m not the only one who is being passive aggressive on purpose; I definitely don’t mean to be. I’m learning when I’m being passive aggressive and am trying not to be.

[@DarkSoulsfan111]

So basically bad behavior is one of insubordination and being passive aggressive is a form of insubordination and therefore bad behavior.

[@kathrinel.j4382]

I do this a lot espically on social media. But im getting better at not reacting this way to other passiv aggressiv people.

[@WillN2Go1]

I think there's a potential positive feedback loop here. I cringe and grumble as much as anyone, when I find out or am told I'm wrong... But there's nothing like taking a deep breath, finding out how you went wrong and how to do it better. The situation improves, and the effect of being able to 'fix' something radiates outward. You seek out challenges, accept failure, mistakes.. as just normal steps to eventual success. People who are stuck in passive-aggression seem to never progress: you called it right at the start, "Fine" (you missed "I don't want to talk about it." Which they usually say just as soon as you begin your response to their long tirade about you.) Does communication always help? Communicating with a passive-aggressive person, a controller or abuser? How well does that work? The last two, almost never, but the first? A direction that's probably perpendicular to your Communication Spectrum is What can I do to fix an unfixable situation? People get passive-aggressive at work because they are often boxed in, no one is interested in anything except 'you're wrong, you're always wrong.' I had a boss who was just going to nail me every chance he got. It was some atavistic hazing nonsense. I thought, sure I can fight with this guy, but that would be playing his game.... And of course there were probably lots of other ways to address the situation. I had the notion: What if I just did something amazing every week? So that's exactly what I set out to do. He might still fire me, but it's just a job, and I didn't see any way to keep him from doing that, so why worry about something you can't change? Of course avoid him, follow all the rules, but if everyone else left early because 'it's okay' I shrugged, stayed and worked on my next amazing thing. I suppose this was a kind of passive-aggressive response. I haven't been in the situation that fostered my goofy response for years, but my fix is still working for me.

[@tlamiczka]

The presentation and advice at the end was great....but it's appliable only to neurotypical people imho. What about for example communication with Aspie? After years of involuntary practice, I found out that there's roughly no difference if I react assertively or with silence or with something else to this person - I just need to wait some time until the..."event" ends and we can speak without drama again :-)) Any advices for this? It's fine if nobody answers me, I guess. Whatever, I'll be fine. (sorry, I had to try it too :-)) )

[@sleepyote]

Nikola Bornová my autistic friend just told me he seems passive aggressive to others sometimes because he has trouble reading social cues.

[@pavelooo2289]

"We experience emotions based on our assessment of a situation. We then experience another emotion based on how we assess our ability to cope with the initial event and the consequences of our response to it." Nice.

[@mikelakner5622]

Passive Agressive is also a great label to put on someone you want to dislike. Almost anything the disliked does can be called PA and abusive and can be used to justify retaliation. Ignore something - PA. Roll the eyes - PA. Avoid a TV genre and that's PA. I'm never comfortable with nebulous labels so easily applied to a person.

[@Ravie1]

IKR. The bad thing about knowledge is that asshats use it to verbally abuse people.

[@dreamz1780]

i start a conversation with a passive agressive person and they say: "nobody was talking to you" i hate it with everything

[@thomaschase1719]

Great episode! I love your artwork too.

[@Averdein]

Such an underrated channel!

[@michaelesposito239]

Because you get locked up for being aggressive aggressive

[@drizzlingrose]

im very passiv agressive. its how i cope with all the shit i cant do anything about.

[@TheyCallMeNewb]

The School of Life has an acute lesson on "Emotional Translation" that I might propose others watch; every week or so. Inculcation through continued exposure: the theologian does have something - one thing - to teach us it seems.

[@KiLLED5639]

Being around more than one person that's passive agressive towards you is a challenge. and that's all I have to say.

[@ratamacue0320]

I love the meta-passive aggression in this video. :)

[@lagartogrande1908]

As soon as the conversation deepens the passive aggressive person clams up on you. So you repeat yourself, then they get annoyed at you. So you repeat yourself again. They are being passive aggressive. GAME ON. Oh, then they play the victim card. At that time...hold your ground. Make them answer you. I they are going to make passive aggressive comments they must be prepared for pushback. Ha, you wanna play games??

[@iquanyin1]

as a former editor, i disagree. resisting and resentment are just that. they aren’t “aggression.” by definition, aggression must involve some element of crossing lines or stepping over boundaries to try, by force, to effect something. aggression isn’t “passive.” to say it is basically takes straightforward concepts-different concepts and words denoting specific, distinct things-and muddies them up. this is part of why “passive aggressive” was removed from the DSM. being reluctant, or feeling resentful, aren’t aggressive. yelling, punching, commanding, intimidation: those are aggressive. see the difference. i wasn’t just an editor, i did nonfiction books, specifically social sciences texts for ivy league universities (and yes, i do know how to write formal english, i simply choose not to bother in casual forums). regardless, this is a great series. thanks for doing it.

[@nealsterling8151]

Could "usual" passive agressiveness have a common or similar origin as why people are so agressive on the internet and while driving? (Since they can't see each other and assume everyone's hostile?)

[@TheRagbags1]

I think it’s a learned response from an inattentive parent. I watched this with a boyfriend & his siblings …all very strange . It seems , in my opinion, to come from a place of lack or hurt .

[@HoD999x]

it's "sure. fine. whatever.", not "fine, whatever". i learned this on scishow psych

[@HemogIobin]

Sure, fine, whatever -Dana Scully

[@maksimilijan5029]

well thats coming from the right person...

[@merlinpendragon1272]

I think we as people are passive aggressive because there are crimes with hefty penalties for being straightforward aggressive.

[@user-it8dx7xh1h]

If I send this to my passive-aggressive friend am I being passive-aggressive?

[@selvyjunitacendana3601]

How about their behaviour cant be changed? How about if they humilliate me then after I confront my dislike respectfully?

[@chuckkostrzewa6960]

DOES THIS APPLY TO OUR COUNTRY'S DISPLAY OF CHARACTER ON FOLLOWING THROUGH ON ENFORCING THE LAWS ON OUR POLITICIANS??????

[@jaydeehervey2145]

Not being passive aggressive (I love your channel) x

[@kamilk]

So, what's the difference between being passive-aggressive and being assertive in a polite/silent way?

[@F_lippy]

When you're assertive you are owning up to your aggression, regardless of how small it may be. Assertiveness is simply being commanding and confident in your own words but doesn't always have to come off as being braggadocious. Being passive aggressive is noncommittal aggression that an individual inserts into an interaction, regardless of whether it is in response to receiving initial aggression or not.

[@kamilk]

Pip IV Thank you for the answer. Now I will be able to distinguish whether somebody is ignoring me, is using unspoken passive-aggressiveness toward me or just being assertive in a silent manner ;) In fact sometimes in real life the differrence is so subtle/minute that you can not be certain what someone's attitude toward you really is. Especially in very formal/official circumstances/environment.

[@gauravpandey775]

Watching the video made me remember a FRIENDS episode.😂😂(can't remember which one)

[@DysnomiaATX]

Great episode, I guess....

[@robchr]

Uh, thanks?

[@datman6266]

Awesome video! So many good ideas!

[@antjohn5383]

Fascinating I thought this was a parody The exact presentation turns out to be passive aggressive on the commentator side

[@carymnuhgibrilsamadalnasud1222]

Come to Canada especially the GTA people here are some of the most passive aggressive people you'll meet.

[@alhaeri1]

i just love this series great job really nice

[@stephenhogg6154]

Why is passive aggressive behaviour so ubiquitous among health practice staff (doctors' receptionists)?

[@GuyYakobovitch]

Probably because they are the lowest part of the food chain in their working environment. Doctors tend to abuse their power and make sure you know your place and surrender.

[@stephenhogg6154]

@@GuyYakobovitch Interesting. How, for example might doctors abuse their power? To do what exactly? Do you mean that they can be rude, domineering, unreasonable? That would imply quite a toxic environment. Do you think that heath clinics in general are toxic environments?

[@inorite4553]

I can't stand those that act Passively Aggressive. but you know whom I really hate, those that act Aggressively Passive!

[@tfsheahan2265]

It would be an unusual spouse that doesn't respond to the other's insistence with, at least, a little passive-resistance. I think we should move these shrubs over there, and those over here. 'Yeah, like I don't have better things to do than excavating and moving plants around like they were furniture?" , he thinks.

[@david_blackstar]

Hi Vanessa, how normal do you think it is for a person to be passive aggressive for some topics but unfiltered sentiment for others?

[@qwertyTRiG]

How does passive aggressive behaviour differ from other forms of indirect communication? Does the study of pragmatics in linguistics have any relevance here? And, like pragmatics, to what extent does it vary between languages and cultures?

[@karlanico1990]

I just found my new favorite YT channel 😁

[@naythanjones2320]

I'm trying to figure out if one of my employees is passive aggressive or just doesn't care. Can't get him to answer his damn phone and is always late. But I don't have anyone else to hire so it's like I'm stuck with him...

[@BieluChukwu9]

Hire for what?

[@garrettcampbell8039]

I always thought it was jus avoiding conflict in most cases, no?

[@mysunshine2191]

So interesting! Thank you ❤

[@ahmdsq1894]

Thanks for such a super topic to represent about, but dont ya think that the language was a lil bit difficult for the un-native english speakers?

[@Kelvin-ki7wz]

I’m an unapologetic passive aggressive person, I prefer to stay that way to keep my bad temper in check.

[@mduvigneaud]

I'm not passive aggressive! I'm actively aggressive. Um... wait... (hopefully it's obvious that I'm joking. It doesn't always work.)

[@bailylex]

Thanks, it's great stuff!

[@eugenealive]

I'm emotionally unavailable to watch this video now

[@cat_loaf943]

Lol, why the heck you reading my mind, lady?