Why Avoidant partners NEED you to LEAVE them

[@knitnpaint]

Right. F that. I left him. I don't want him back. Now he wants me. F that. I don't trust him anymore. I am looking for consistent and reliable parner . No more avoidants. Gotta get over my addiction though. Limerence. Fantasy. Euphoria recall. I can do this. It has been 5 years of this toxix sh.. show. I can now self regulate. 🎉

[@naturalist369]

Bravo 👏 No more avoidants for me either. I give them all the space they require and can also regulate just fine now, especially when not around them 😉 Bless you ❤🌟🙏🏼🎶😇🌈🕊💫

[@naturalist369]

I get exactly what you mean . The illustrations are effective, no matter it's stick men and women lol. I really wasn't anxious to begin with, rather felt sorry for the avoidants and kept trying to reach out, which then made me anxious ! Now I know sympathy is dangerous as it leads to toxic, negative places and energy. Empathy knows better as I enjoy my own space and grounding. . Bless you Mark and all those here 🥰🎶🙏🏼😇🌈🕊💫

[@lili19393]

1+

[@vickysharma-gl6gv]

Great

[@cheriemcfadden5287]

Good for you! Honor yourself and your worth🙂

[@TheMsSimone]

Broke up with an avoidant this morning after almost a year together. Reciprocity wasn’t there and when life tossed me the biggest curveball he wasn’t there for me. I’m at peace with my decision. Onward and upward!

[@msdfnfly8447]

You go girl! I'm stuck 5yrs now......and up to this morning he said "I did nothing wrong" 😂😂😂😂 I tell him okay, then this is over he storms out and 3hrs later I get kissy face gif🙄

[@MsTachke]

You are so damned right.

[@kristinybarra8865]

What has to happen is you don't date somebody like that and move on

[@ktbiwk]

💯 anxious people aren't always "needy" sometimes they're used to being abandoned when the chips are down* and they sense it's about to happen again... the gut is never wrong.*

[@gregkelly9775]

Exactly same as my experience. Got a massive curve ball myself - terrible personal loss. Had been there for her and all her 4 yrs of life curveballs. And in my time of need, she said she had met somebody else .... wtf

[@CoachAJ2024]

You’re better off learning to identify the avoidant and simply avoid them for your own sanity. Even the most secure person will turn slightly anxious with the constant push pull dynamic that is part of the avoidant playbook.

[@markgroves]

I don't disagree - and the real gift to the avoidant is telling them the truth and calling them forward. Unfortunately their behaviour generally hooks into the wound of anxiously attached people.

[@lisaz4411]

Exactly better to avoid the avoidant

[@OriginDragonGod]

I think avoidants are not THAT bad, mainly misunderstood, I think avoidants can change and given time, become mature and will can work on the relationship with you.

[@r_and_a]

​@@OriginDragonGod absolutely! imo it's sad so many focus on the avoidant's part in *negative* patterns instead of how anxious/avoidant dynamics can naturally encourage & reinforce the working on becoming more secure the video actually had some good info but their comments undermine it imo. ironically the more you respect avoidants' need for space & take responsibility for your own anxious tendencies the safer & more comfortable an avoidant becomes

[@fredpantis2084]

@@r_and_a Well, you can't expect equality in every situation. The dynamics and perspectives are different. For example, anxious attached always look to fix their partners because that's external validation for them. Avoidants don't need that, so you'll find a lot of anxious types on these kinds of videos trying to learn about everything. Some are just trying to change their avoidant, while others like myself are trying to learn how to self regulate and understand the why. Avoidants don't really like to self reflect because, simply put, it's overwhelming. They don't know how to handle emotions. They mask everything but are internally struggling. I'm not saying they can't self reflect, they do weeks or months later, but they try to suppress and distract themselves; these are just coping mechanisms. What Anxious attachers do is try to fix or seek external validation and when they don't, they don't really know what to do and these videos help them cope. They also have a hard time self reflecting because that doesn't give them the external validation they need to feel secure. They generally have these two core wounds of abandonment or worthlessness. So, in short, you'll find anxious attachers here because they want to try to fix. You'll find some avoidants who are aware of their attachment and want to start their healing journey here. But unaware avoidants don't seek out these videos because that requires acknowledgement and that can be overwhelming. So I think the right perspective as you try to become secure is to not take things personally. Everyone is at a different stage in their journey and it might not match where you are at and that's okay. The comments are unhealthy and unhelpful, but these people are really hurting. Their experiences are as real as an avoidants' extreme desire to flee.

[@bhavna123]

Its been 2 months of no contact!! I left!!my anxiety couldn't take his cold behaviour anymore!!

[@MsTachke]

I really can imagine.

[@ballasamsundaranup4842]

Same as mine my exwife left in 1 day after marriage.. sudden shutdown…

[@HilarityFiles]

Dating an avoidant is extremely damaging. Even if you are secure when you meet them, you will end up not knowing which way is up or down. You’ll end up discombobulated and feeling like there is no safety, security, certainty, stability. It’s just a shitty dangerous dynamic. You’ll end up feeling more alone while in the relationship than you feel when you are actually alone. I actually ended up saying- in order to be with you I would need to abandon myself and that ain’t fucking happening.

[@marguskiis7711]

Yep. It is horrible. Avoidant women also do not have ANY morals and dignity. They are super selfish and highly abusive.

[@cmangiapane5846]

Wow Mark - you just described my 6 year relationship as an anxious person with an avoidant and in less than 9 minutes! You are very effective and efficient communicator. Thank you so much for making this video!!! God Bless you. ☺️

[@Angel-8]

Avoidants don’t deserve a relationship until they deal with their damaged selves.

[@elsiagrace2021]

So basically, to be in a relationship with an avoidant, you have to act like you're single the whole time and the avoidant is someone you may or may not see for a date night or talk to on any given day. Think of them like one of your friends that you get together with to hang out occasionally. That's it. Nothing more.

[@markgroves]

@@elsiagrace2021 - I hope that’s not what you got from my video… Because that’s certainly not what I said. If you’re dating someone who’s avoidant, invite them to show up and meet what you desire in a relationship. If they cannot do that and are unwilling to change, staying and orienting around them and their needs will be a very fast track to a lot of suffering. This is true of any person you’re in relationship with no matter their attachment style

[@hx1487]

I think this is the best definition available on the internet

[@kippyc98]

My avoidant was fine for a while, but too many life pressures kept piling up for him. Rather than talk with me, he iced me out. I think he was afraid of appearing weak with me. I tried to get him to open up, no dice. It was lovely for a while.

[@azubuikevictor9367]

Brr you said it all

[@melissamorton9280]

13 years married and have a child with a DA. He abruptly ended our relationship 3 months ago after travelling to Canada for a study work trip for 3 months. Hid freedom and time to think made him think life would be better without us. He completely blindsided me. He definitely appears to be going through something with him chucking clothes away, ending his business, ending his marriage saying he fell out of love for me. I did everything for him.

[@4seasons546]

In my experience the avoidant person has a cycle 🔂 and to get the separation they need they will behave in ways that cause separation. When the. couple gets back together there was a new low standard set that the avoidant can behave in a bad manner and they will still get back together - as this cycle repeats 🔂 itself the reason for separation becomes more and more extreme - it’s like the avoidant person is pushing your boundaries to see how much abuse punishment you can take and still resume the relationship to show that you still love them and accept them. The next cycle of pushing you away will be worse and worse because you accepted to come back after they have already done something to push you away. Cycle = Mr. Nice Guy. 🥰 / Mr. Devaluation Demoralize 🥴 / Mr. Outbursts of Rage 😤 / Mr. Punisher 🤐🫥 silence disappears separation/ Mr. Peekaboe 🫣 tip toe back to Mr. Nice Guy Sweetheart 🤗. Cycle of abuse & narcissistic cycle.

[@Fresh_Baked_Bread_Is_Life]

That's a narcissist, not an avoidant. Avoidants avoid, not go into rage, devaluation or use silence to punish.

[@originalmix2546]

@@Fresh_Baked_Bread_Is_Life Avoidant IS narcissist!!! Wake up!

[@r_and_a]

​@@originalmix2546 *actually* DAs are the *least* likely to be narcissists according to many studies from people who understand the fundamental differences, especially how to deal with each & potential for change ironically, APs are the most likely to be covert narcissists & seemingly *far* more likely to self righteously play the blame game rather than actually work on their *own* issues 🤷 hence the vitriol the spew places like here

[@r_and_a]

​@@Fresh_Baked_Bread_Is_Life i gotta stop clicking on attachment vids from any besides the two i've found that don't conflate DA with narcissist & enable the blame game over personal development 🤦 always nice to see you though 💜

[@Fresh_Baked_Bread_Is_Life]

@@r_and_a yeah some of these people have some interesting perspectives. Nice to see you too! 🤗

[@kolsen5420]

I never saw the signs. He just ended it out of the blue after 15 months, one week after telling me I was the greatest thing to ever happen to him. Never knew about attatchment style before. Ive tested several times as secure... but this has rocked me.

[@sunnygirl1826]

❤ it will ease. More love of self helps (I found). All the best to you.

[@MsTachke]

This is not easy and will take some time respect yourself and set your bounderies, you are worth it.

[@markgroves]

Sorry to hear that happened to you. Make sure the experience of being discarded doesn't become the belief that you're worthy of being discarded. because you're worthy of so much more! My breakup course is in my community -- and it walks you through 5 weeks of exercises and healing so that you can move forward. Link is markgroves.com/aligned

[@marguskiis7711]

So the avoidants do. And they laugh and humiliate you after that.

[@kolsen5420]

@@markgroves yes im currently working my way through your course and loving it. im definitely facting feeling like, of course only someone like him would choose me, and that im broken and he probably recognized that in me. but i know deep down that isnt true. thank you

[@robertahardy4215]

He was all over me with romantic words and (unsatisfying) sex at the beginning, but as soon as I showed a desire for more depth, like having him come to my house for a change, he started announcing his need for space. He said, “Women want to make a nest and men just want to be free,” and other insulting nonsense. I dropped him like a hot potato at that moment. That was at least six months ago. He still texts me and a few days ago invited me to have dinner with him. I’ve ignored him, because I’ve seen what he has to offer, and it’s not enough for me. I will probably be alone the rest of my days, but that is far superior to spending my life catering to someone’s egotistical, puerile fantasy.

[@desertbluesplaylist7550]

Well done. Let’s hope we meet someone much more suited, warmer, happy to be in a relationship and better.

[@naturalist369]

@robertahardy4215 i get where you're coming from , though doesn't necessarily mean you'll have to be alone the rest of your days. We can be clear about what we actually want and that is always a good thing. We don't have to settle for less. Raising the bar for ourselves and wanting reciprocation is definitely a requirement. Yes, it's preferable to be alone then to settle for someone that's selfish. The worse loneliness is living with someone who doesn't really care - been there, done that, no thanks ! Bless you and Best wishes ♥️🌟🎶🙏🏼😇🌈🕊💫

[@Atanasisa]

❤

[@markgroves]

This is love bombing... I did a podcast on that here: kzbin.info/www/bejne/jqmxh2x7mbNne7s

[@markgroves]

And great work dropping him like a hot potato... this type of behaviour, where the request for more depth is met with gaslighting BS, is a massive red flag. I acknowledge you for taking that stand. AND, committing a life of aloneness confirms a belief that when you love people, they are able to show up and meet you where you're at. Avoiding relationships doesn't allow us to learn the skills necessary to create epic ones. You can garner some incredible brilliance from all the moments of your relational life that have caused frustrations and pains... it is precisely by exploring those experiences that you can step more confidently towards connection. You have a big heart, someone wants to share it with you!

[@ljiljanameter5902]

I never heard better explanation about anxios-avoidant dance. Big thank you from Austria.❤

[@markgroves]

You're so welcome! Happy it was helpful!

[@paulipuhakka8788]

What I find is, that wall gets thrown up with a door in it. They’ll open the door just enough, and when you try opening that door to be let in, they close that door on you, again, and again, and again! How many times does that door get closed on you, before you stop knocking on that door? I’m done, I’m out! I’ve had enough!!!!

[@Nancy2551-g6i]

Amazing video A month ago, my partnership of five years came to an end. The choice to break up with the person I love is something that really gets to me. Even though it's all for nothing, I've done everything I can to get him back, and I couldn't imagine my existence without him. I've tried everything to stop thinking about him, but I still can't help but miss him and think about him often. I don't know why I am saying this here.

[@markgroves]

I'm so sorry to hear that... often when I get asked "How do I let go?" It's by doing everything holding on is holding you back from. Intentionally healing and prioritizing YOU. My breakup recovery course is a 5 week journey into that can help support you in this: go.markgroves.com/heal-the-love-quiz

[@davidimes]

Avoidant = avoiding responsibility/accountability

[@originalmix2546]

🎯

[@fishinthesea3454]

Maybe trying to avoid pain and hurt and suffocation by the anxiously attached?

[@davidimes]

@ I wish that was the case. She was just trying to avoid accountability and responsibility for horrible and hurtful behavior. Not the first time.

[@katherinesmithey2499]

This is so good! Thank you, Mark! I'm a fearful avoidant that's on a healing journey. I'm more secure leaning than I've ever been, yet I'm still processing some triggers and tweaking the "I gotta get out of here" escape mentality of being on my avoidant side. Your little stick figures are perfect in describing the dynamic of an anxious/avoidant pairing! Very on point! Very easy to follow. Very satisfying and encouraging to know that each attachment style can heal and be more secure. In order to heal and have what we've never had before, we have to do something we've never done before to break those patterns of attachment that aren't working for us any longer. Hopefully, this will help so many to become a little more self-aware and give them the little incentive to take the first step in healing their attachment style. Thanks again! 🙌🏼💪🏼🫶

[@robertahardy4215]

I think what’s hard for an avoidant is understanding how not to overreact. What’s needed is to get comfortable with communicating discomfort. That requires accepting your own discomfort, and not blaming anyone else for it.

[@Fresh_Baked_Bread_Is_Life]

From our perspective it's kind of like "What now?" It always seems like there's something. When I date secure or other avoidant men, they meet enought of their own needs so I feel like I can relax into the relationship but when it's with someone who leans anxious it seems like there's always an issue to be talked or argued. ​@@robertahardy4215

[@markgroves]

This is such a beautiful comment! thank you! and yesssss to increasing your capacity for co-regulation!

[@michellemybelle9591]

became aware 8/29/24! I took a stand, by not talking for 2 weeks, except what was absolutely necessary... And it's been awful, "it's all your fault". we are married and I get the one night stand behavior. Yet he blames me for it. I backed off over 18 months ago, just let him do what he whatever, gave him space, didn't push any situations, and he seemed to be so "happy", although he wasn't. Then I learned about all this stuff, and thought ok... now I'm aware... so I figured now I'll work with what I know... IDK if it will work... or how much I'll be able to take but I'm willing to try bc I heard from other vids that I have to learn to speak his language... which sound like he ain't got to Put in the work to change, and he won't bc he told me I'll never ever go to therapy. I am starting in Jan. God please help me!

[@Kmahersh01]

I left my avoidant after 4.5 years because he couldn’t talk about the future. To get back at me, he moved on to someone new pretty quickly. For 6 months, while he was with the new girl, he consistently drove by my house. It was so odd considering we spent 4.5 years together for him to drive by and when I would see him, he would just pretend he didn’t see me. I still miss him, but his behavior was so confusing, especially when he was in a new relationship. If I drove by an ex, I would stop and say hello. It was very childish behavior. We are both in our mid 40’s.

[@markgroves]

yeah that's tough. Explore how early in the 4.5 years you felt that distance and unreliability. That will connect you back to your intuition!

[@Kmahersh01]

@@markgrovesyou’re absolutely right. It was about 6 months in. He love bombed me for the first two plus years. At the time, I didn’t know that was a thing. In the beginning he talked about the future all the time, until about 6 months when he first pulled back. When he used to pull back, I didn’t chase, so I think it made him nervous and he would then love bomb. Like we didn’t do anything for Valentine’s day one year and I didn’t put up any fuss, and a week later he bought me a $2k watch, just because. He had those mixed signal behaviors. I have high empathy so I could see his internal struggle. I finally had enough after 4.5 years because it started to turn me anxious. I finally felt like I was wasting my time, he was never going to change and honestly, I started having the hots for any guy who could show or talk about emotions. I realized that even though I loved this guy and he was meeting all my needs but the emotional intimacy one, that that’s what I needed more than anything. I have stayed single the last two years to grieve and really get intentional before I try to date again, but I’m starting to feel ready!

[@SavedByAnAngel-t3e]

Yes. Mine sent a picture of my car when he was in my neighborhood instead of knocking on my door and saying hello. Or he could have called. Was just a waste of time.

[@SavedByAnAngel-t3e]

​@@markgroves Mine never takes that long. I used to think something was wrong with me. It was my intuition telling me something wasn't right.

[@vin605]

Agree with your demonstration 💯 %. Know who you are and whatever your childhood trauma is the key to keep grounded and Find healing from with in. This will keep your self worth balanced to any attachment style you come across.

[@happyiglu]

dating an avoidant is the best thing you can do as an anxious, because they will show you exactly where your toxic wounds are

[@biancae1059]

Agree

[@biancae1059]

I think both can work towards secure attachment together

[@SavedByAnAngel-t3e]

Exactly.

[@GISW85]

depends on what she does more. She did all nasty things like talking alot about her ex and very egocentric, not thinking of my wants and needs.. i wanted to end the relationship, but she doesnt so i kept going in hoop she would change.. no same weird cycle of getting me nerveus.. i went crazy, needed to go to therapie.. she ended the relationship and in my depression i stalked her.. Im still in therapy because of this relationship

[@CeoMoMM4444]

Exactly 💯

[@alittlemo9361]

Can you please recommend how to start healing and improving after decades of self neglect? I know what I need to do, but just feel stuck. How do you start?

[@ella1682]

I side with you...

[@marguskiis7711]

I left an avoidant woman I loved a lot. Nothing happened. She just found a new man very soon and is very proud of it. I am devastated.

[@dig-in8bo]

You dodge a bullet. She will go through the honeymoon and then breakup cycle. Find a secure attached partner and build from there. Trust me. I've been there with an avoidant. I will NEVER put myself through that again.

[@flower23487]

You now have your blessing in disguise actually, brother. Recognise this space as your blessing to grow and live your authentic life with more authentic people for you. Good riddance! Love isn't supposed to be the way you have lived it with the avoidant with all bs**** and constant suffering. Remember that You absolutely deserve a safe, reciprocal love with someone healthy for you. Someone who will be all in for you, as you will be all in for the person. Reciprocity. The cycle will repeat for her if she doesn't learn her lessons but that's her own bs****. That shouldn't be your concern. Focus on your life, healing and happiness. What lessons you have learnt from this situation so as to choose best onwards? What needs to shift within your core beliefs about yourself? 😇🙏🏼 Choose yourself, your wellbeing and live an expansive life for you, where you can meet up with someone who can match up with your energy and reciprocate safe, healthy love to and with you. Remember you are enough, worthy and lovable. 🙏🏼

[@flower23487]

​@@dig-in8boAgreed. Never again.

[@marguskiis7711]

@@flower23487 Several women stormed to fill my void at once after the break up , showing up being supportive, loving initially. BUT. I despise them. They look pathetic. They are tiresome. And weak. Once I became indifferent and stubborn towards them due my grief they began to send whining, depressive and bitter messages how cruel I am. They just want to consume me, nothing else.

[@ballasamsundaranup4842]

She will go through the love cycle and the end is a break up she will go through they will never have consistency

[@amarchelk]

I exited stage left months ago. Now he contacts me recently and just wants to be "friends." I told him that I don't need a male friend and we don't have any spiritual connection anyway. He apologized that he contacted me but told me he "continues to adore me." If he truly adored me, he wouldn't come and go the way he does and would work at making things work. I'm tired. I don't have any energy for an avoidant anymore. I blocked his phone number and Facebook page. I'm dead to him and he's on his own. I've already given years to him... Enough is enough.

[@Wurdnurdninja]

I am an Empath. I was primarily secure with a side order of anxiety and I'd never been in a relationship with someone dismissive and avoidant before, but this was a Karmic one so quite the whollop to my nervous system. I am shocked at myself for how long it took me to recognize it wasn't just in my imagination, nor how much of the 'benefit of the doubt' I extended in credit before finally facing the fact that the "Great love of my life"....wasn't. I am unlearning, relearning and discovering parts of myself I didn't know existed. It's taken time but from the hell I endured...I emerge anew. Know thyself. It ain't pretty nor easy but the mirror is held up and with a finger pointing at them I see 3 others pointing back at me. It behooves us all to ask ourselves what unhealed parts of ourselves manifested this person, and what it reveals about ourselves having had the experience. Be brave...it won't be easy.

[@sandiejonischkeit1796]

I have been married to an avoidant for 14 years now, it started great, for the last 5 years I am now anxious, I have depression, I am full of inflammation. And now I am done, I need to find me again.

[@mfawls9624]

This was actually a good, helpful video. I'll check out some more...

[@rowanjthomas]

Good video, thanks. I think the problem I have is that I don't like to play games. I don't want to pretend to leave when I don't really want to. I do understand your point though, and I think it's important to make peace in my heart with the idea of being on my own, which I think I've done pretty well. I also provide my partner lots of space. As much as she needs. I think you're right that if I were to leave her completely, it'd give her space to realise what her true feelings are for me. But I just can't lie and tell her my back is turned, when it isn't. The best I can do is give her space.

[@ijustneedmyself]

"You leave the connection to yourself to be connected to them and that's no way to live, so eff that." 🤣💯

[@arankagionetti2098]

Exactly! Immature toxic unrealistic mind fu..k keep walking dont look back!

[@malu.maluqui]

Wow perfectly explained! Totally true. I felt disconnected from my self, lost, confused about my values and priorities in life, so anxious and exhausted.

[@ijustneedmyself]

@@arankagionetti2098 I'm trying 😫

[@ijustneedmyself]

@@malu.maluqui It is so disorienting. It makes you question yourself so much.

[@malu.maluqui]

@@ijustneedmyselfwow yes!! And By nature I am already questioning everything so imagine my 🧠!! 😥😭 but even if it’s an awful moment, I know I’ll be all right, stronger and better.

[@magicisreal111]

Thank you! I left my DA after 3.5 years - I knew even if I couldn’t do it for me I had to do it for him, because I was only enabling him to relate with intimacy in an unhealthy way.

[@nikki8789]

My wound keeps dancing with his wound 😢

[@monicaprado2890]

No Thank you. I walked away... I wish him well and I pray he gets help or stay single and not date forever.

[@nataleekennedy6544]

Anxious people tend to have a level of entitlement towards the other person as well, I mean its coming from a wound ultimately, but to continue to step into another persons space that is clearly not on the same page? Its disrespecting yourself and them

[@deborahzaccarohoffman4139]

That thought process isn’t going to help anybody learn whether you or them. Some people need to be more self-reliant and build their own space. others need to learn the world does not end if you’re influenced by someone or God forbid mutually interdependent. Neither is perfect and both are limited.

[@nataleekennedy6544]

@deborahzaccarohoffman4139 I think the learning really comes in understanding the space. Anxious attachments need boundaries (this is where the entitlement comes in), avoidants need vulnerability. It's a respect thing ultimately, for yourself and others, on both sides. Avoidants aren't doing themselves any favors by being emotionally shut down, or anyone else.

[@christy99963]

Thank you. Love how you explain it and say it bluntly with a big brother tone

[@markgroves]

Cause I care! Enough tolerating BS!

[@walkertranger5746]

This is fact! I am secure … She was anxiously attached and then when emotional intimacy arrived , she shut down and ran … space ghost . An avoidant needs healing

[@wrangelinhabitant161]

OMG, 😂your Profil Photo ist sooo funny in comparison to your normal mimic 😂😂😂😂

[@Josh-db1ls]

Stay still and know your God Psalm 46: 10

[@jesb5784]

Oh my! Love the white board. You’re the greatest!

[@markgroves]

Most beautiful art on its way :)

[@kristinybarra8865]

My God! your eyes are blue!

[@kateaghaghiri2968]

I needed this! I left 2 months ago.

[@markgroves]

Well done!!

[@dclarke1896]

I find it strange that when I left avoidants alone my anxiety practically disappeared.🤔

[@markgroves]

The pursuing reinforces the anxiety, because the anxiety is fuelling the pursuing. Once you stop, the anxiety isn't fed, and the deeper belief that you need to chase love can heal.

[@dclarke1896]

@ Thank you 🙏

[@marguskiis7711]

For women it is easy. They have tons of options and they are into consuming anyway.

[@dclarke1896]

@marguskiis7711 Even if they have options, what kind of options are they? Personally, I had a lot of options, and they were practically all toxic, married, had girlfriends, mean, avoidant, and the list goes on.

[@sarcasticcat4982]

​@@dclarke1896 choosing a man today is like choosing between Beaker and Animal from the Muppet Show. What a ride! I just realized Kermit the frog is an avoidant.😂

[@ladyk2002]

Nice illustration, even though you draw stick people. 😂

[@markgroves]

Nice and simple... right?!

[@ravirajakani]

Finally I understood what is space! They want to feel the attractions that will bring them towards us. If they feel attracted they will come. If they don't come then we can understand that they aren't attracted. Now I have no problem, whether she comes or leaves! Partners should feel attraction equally! Whatever is her decision, All the Best! This is the best explanation I have seen so far. (Do not underestimate your drawings! They made me understood! ) ❤❤❤

[@thehighwayboys7644]

W.O.W. Love this one ❤

[@georgeelder8415]

Let them know that they show up, or they're being replaced with someone who does... It's a win win?

[@chilloften]

Indeed, f that! I’d much rather feel content in ME.

[@jaymurphy8279]

What I would LOVE to see (which I am 10000000% NOT OWED in any way shape or form) is a deep dive into the effects of putting off sex in a relationship can solve many of these issues to one degree or another. It's my theory is that if you aren't banging you're talking and that has a profound impact on the foundation of a relationship. It's not perfect but I feel like it's VERY helpful.

[@michaella5799]

Avoidants avoid talking tho, they replace real connection with superficial sex.

[@jaymurphy8279]

@ exactly: don’t replace the sex.

[@shadowsbruther]

@@michaella5799they do. I even suggested prolonging sex with female FA and she basically shamed me into having it. Bc it’s “2024” “everyone’s fucking” “Who’s everyone” “Well,. My sister and that ONE guy she brings over” “That doesn’t sound good” “Well I’ve showed you all of me”(falsified sanctity) meaning her backyard and kitchen I didn’t hold the boundary and here I am 4 months later wishing I never spoke a word to her. Please heed this if anyone is in the early stages.. it’s soul crushing but you need to hear this. This person will waste precious years of your life. Do NOT let them. They are selfish and not in step with the creator

[@kristidin1983]

Not completely true. Most DAs end up giving up sex after awhile too. So then what?

[@jaymurphy8279]

@@kristidin1983 then I guess there is no hope and it’s not even work looking at idea of putting off sex.

[@vforsejrv7801]

That was very good. Thanks❤

[@MsOrganic1]

❤❤ yep. detached with love.

[@BunnyRabit-yo3lx]

Is this advice for dating only or also marriage?

[@markgroves]

Any relational dynamics, including marriage... the partner who is avoidant needs to be called forward. If you haven't already invited them towards change, start there.

[@paticus888]

Jeeeez. Well said

[@annaholden2406]

🌟 thanks

[@annie456_45]

There’s no such thing. You are just attracting this shit it’s you. They are totally capable to commit to other people. Do not tolerate any bullshit. Second you see that red flag leave

[@originalmix2546]

exactly

[@HopeWins777]

What about when an opposite sex parent dies, what happens to the child attachment and being ambushed like that? It definitely affected me

[@mervisa89]

Thank you for this video🫂

[@maristella525]

Thank u!

[@latebloomer7191]

Yeah. I tried not approaching for years. He never even tried to come closer. He was very comfortable, as long as I stayed (it looks better from outside the relationship and it keeps the financials flowing).

[@marguskiis7711]

Confident avoidant women never come back.

[@HotRodHarley06]

Actually it could be a very emotionally injured woman that doesn't "come back". Meaning if their past partner was too emotionally healthy for them they'll find someone on their level meaning they'll level down.

[@marguskiis7711]

​@@HotRodHarley06 coming back means weakness and taking accountability for them. So, not coming back is principal for them.

[@marguskiis7711]

​@@HotRodHarley06 women probably more like level down than come back.

[@HotRodHarley06]

@marguskiis7711 absolutely, leveling down is easier than facing and fixing their own wounding. And the cycle of maladaptive behavior continues.

[@vernita0216]

LEAVE. Never return. The End.

[@Jessica-y9x]

He told me he distanted himself because he was scared i would leave him for someone hotter or younger in 10 years ...... a irrational thought

[@sarcasticcat4982]

Well, in my case HE left for someone HE thought was hotter and when HE got dumped HE tried to come back. I think they project ...🤔 Oh well. It's done.

[@jesseskellington9427]

How do you get somebody to leave when they won't go? 😢

[@markgroves]

@@jesseskellington9427 - you leave them.

[@paulalane8638]

Is an avoidant a person who is addicted to their bottle and phone? When you try talking to them you get no respinse or its the wrong time or you didnt let them express themselves..lots of blame. Its like they need you there but care not about connection or intimacy. Its dead! Very toxic!

[@tylercrooks8659]

How can two people have a healthy relationship when one has a huge open wound hole in their head? 😂 This is great. One point that I’ve noticed working with some men that would be labeled as avoidant is that they don’t know how to deal with the unhealthy behaviours of their partner. Without the skills to navigate, it’s either be aggressive or passive / avoid. Often times they just need to learn how to be assertive to manage the dynamics better. 🙌

[@the_blue_lotus_portal]

Why would it be their responsibility to deal with their partners unhealthy behaviors?

[@markgroves]

Learning how to relate to the behaviours appropriately can be what changes the unhealthy behaviour of their partner. Because the current response (passive/avoid) is unhealthy itself... so they pair well together. One changes... and the other is forced to change, and both move towards healthy relating!

[@markgroves]

Yeah, when one changes their skillset the other must learn to as well... or fall away.

[@donnapowell8606]

Viscal pisces

[@Ladymumma444]

Omg wow 😮 true

[@gayleneflower398]

Yep, F that!

[@meagandekkar6377]

Basically, an avoidant only wants sex. An anxious wants constant attention. An avoidant should go live away from folks and stop playing people and using them for sex. An anxious needs to find another anxious person so each person’s needs are meet.

[@markgroves]

Anxious people need to heal the pursuit of people who show they're not all in. Don't find another anxious person, become secure.

[@taylorbee4010]

I’m supposedly anxious. I can self regulate. I have issues doing it in relationships when I think I should be leaning on my partner and they are inconsistent or simply not there. Why try to be independent when you are with somebody else? Just be alone if you want to be alone or that way.

[@taylorbee4010]

If you can fulfill yourself why choose the pain of another?

[@markgroves]

if we can't depend on or lean on our partner when we need them, anxiety is an appropriate response. The body is saying, "if anything goes wrong, I don't know that they'll be there."

[@alex2410]

What to do if I am the one with avoidant attachement style?

[@markgroves]

start to learn about how to lean in! You want to explore how to "co-regulate" - this episode will help a lot! kzbin.info/www/bejne/qIragGWXiN-phKcsi=3mUs49XPbB-quJIu

[@alex2410]

@markgroves thanks a lot dude. Appreciated.

[@alex2410]

@markgroves haha what?

[@marguskiis7711]

Not to ruin others lives one after another

[@jasonhand2439]

💯

[@RisenPhoenix-t4m]

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@karenfischer]

Sometimes we’re just avoidant because the person is not a good fit on the one hand, but too nice to leave on the other.

[@shadowsbruther]

That’s cowardice. Leave that person and apologize for wasting their time.

[@kristidin1983]

What an absolute load of shit! Grow up!

[@carmelocaramelo2296]

Maybe you're telling yourself that about everyone that has met you in a deep level and makes you afraid and avoidant. Still it's cruel to waste someone's time like that.

[@YusufPeeally]

​@carmelocaramelo2296 yes absolutely true he talk like it s normal to treating someone like that , we all need to be respected regardless our status social , apparence ,age.

[@TheCloggydoggy]

That is NOT what avoidant attachment is. Dismissive avoidants are at their worst when someone *IS* a good fit and they have feelings for them!

[@Whyurforeheadsobig]

Very informative

[@JessicaAnotii]

Amazing video A month ago, my partnership of five years came to an end. The choice to break up with the person I love is something that really gets to me. Even though it's all for nothing, I've done everything I can to get him back, and I couldn't imagine my existence without him. I've tried everything to stop thinking about him, but I still can't help but miss him and think about him often. I don't know why I am saying this here.

[@JessicaAnotii]

It's interesting! How can I contact a spiritual counselor most efficiently, and how did you find one?

[@JessicaAnotii]

I just sought him up online thanks to your helpful information. remarkable I just checked Father Obah Eze online, and he's really genuine. Thank you again ❤

[@markgroves]

@@JessicaAnotii that person is a scammer. Don’t contact that guy.

[@markgroves]

@@JessicaAnotii - is it normal part of the break up process to miss the person we were in relationship with. Especially if it was for a long time. Not only is it normal for the body and mind to stir, you’re also grieving a future that you thought you were going to live. And now, it feels like you’re out of control. So that can make us want to try to find a way to gain more control. This can fuel a lot of behaviors. Encourage you to dive deeper into healing, so that you don’t repeat the patterns within an avoidant, and you can move on and choose somebody who can meet you in the depths of your heart. My break up course is five weeks… And it will lead you through the process from healing to thriving. Also, you’ll be part of a community of people who don’t tolerate BS in their relationships! And, I do two live group coaching calls a month, and there’s coaching available in the community.