Why Confidence Is The Secret To Great Leaders At Work & Home | Dr. Karyn Gordon | TEDxRyersonU

What’s the secret to GREAT leaders at work? In the classroom? At home? After coaching global organizations and families for 25 years, Dr. Karyn, CEO of DK Leadership and bestselling author, has the answers. After studying the research, she discovered a powerful pattern and witnessed firsthand how different attitudes of confidence impact our decision-making in many areas, including communication, relationships, goal-setting, perfectionism and mental health. To teach this idea, she created a simple model she coined “The Three Chairs”, which allows people of all ages to understand confidence and how it affects their everyday life. In her TEDx Talk, Dr. Karyn shares her own journey, teaches practical steps to build confidence, and delivers an empowering message of hope. Dr. Karyn is the #2 WALL STREET JOURNAL & USA TODAY Bestselling author of the new book “The Three Chairs: How Great Leaders Drive Communication, Performance & Engagement.”
She is also the CEO and co-founder of DK Leadership, a global leadership coaching company whose purpose is developing GREAT leaders at work and home. Nominated for the 2021 RBC Canadian Women Entrepreneur Award, she has spoken to more than 500,000 people across 17 countries-including Fortune 500 companies, family businesses, entrepreneurs, professional associations, and others.
A sought-after media personality and contributor, she has worked with Good Morning America, Forbes, Entrepreneur, Inc. Magazine, The New York Times, and Cityline. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

[@RayMainBagpiper]

I'm in awe at the passion and conviction of her speach... You can almost see the tears of passion as she talks. So inspiring.

[@drkaryngordon]

Very kind of you Ray! Thrilled you enjoyed it:)

[@michaelmorris6538]

Thank you so very much. I see what's happening with my wife now. We've been together over seven years. About 5 years ago We both got really heavy into personal development content like Tony Robbins, Joe Dispenza, Napoleon Hill. I moved from the left seat where we were both sitting to the center seat and havnt gone back. However she stayed in the left seat and continues to have a negative self image and a feeling of inadequacies. So her natural inclination is to find someone in her set or the right seat. Me bringing up solutions makes her upset. She wants me to dwell in despair with her and because I don't she acts like I don't understand. The thing is that I am not going back to that dark place. No matter what. This has really helped clarify things so much. I hope I can use this video to help my wife and in turn make her a better role model for our 2 daughters. Break the cycle of negativity. Thank you again.

[@julianasell6107]

I'm so happy you moved to the middle chair. Take care of her and make her fell confident each day. Maybe it can soud a little bit hard, but you wont regret in the future!

[@BobQuigley]

Personal development industry nothing more than another American ponzi scheme. Bernie Madoff in a different costume. Pyramid scheme for the pushers. BTW left seat is just a different point of view

[@kelvinreis8145]

So, tell us. Did get that?

[@evh892]

I wish you a great patience and positivity in this tough situation! It is hard to change anyones perspective who already got that conviction in them self’s also some pple just prefer/ love that dark self pity,drama mode - maybe the best bet is to see a psychologist and find out the reason …

[@mosescross163]

Been there before.

[@donachille3351]

This is by far the best Talk on confidence/leadership topic that I have come across.

[@drkaryngordon]

Thank you so much for those kind words! Glad you found it helpful!

[@Iphonmm]

She spoke with amazing energy and inspiration to really stimulate people making conscientious attitude for themselves.

[@drkaryngordon]

Thank you so much Viroon for your kind words:)

[@susankingston8654]

So much to ponder over. Thank You!

[@drkaryngordon]

Thank you Susan for sharing:) YES many people have messaged me saying they had to watch it a few times to take it all in. Its ALOT of info to pack into 17 minutes.

[@evav8331]

So interesting and engaging! I love the three chairs analogy.

[@drkaryngordon]

TY Eva!

[@ariwulanbunga5348]

This is the best TED talk I've ever watched

[@drkaryngordon]

Wow thank you so much Ariwulanbunga!

[@EnglishByORCJA]

It's inspiring. I would prefer to the confident than over-confident.

[@zoesparrow2348]

I love the 3 chairs analogy. An excellent TED talk for any kind of leader!

[@drkaryngordon]

Thanks Zoe!

[@anthonybrum2399]

That talk deserved a rousing applause to finish.

[@drkaryngordon]

Thank you for your kind words! The audience was actually instructed not to applause for the filming:)

[@charlesegbulefu7709]

Thank you Dr. Karyn Gordon . God bless you

[@drkaryngordon]

So kind Charles! Thank you - I feel very blessed to do this kind of meaningful work!

[@boutainaeljaouhari5338]

One of my best TEDx talks! I repeated the video many times and i can't get enough.

[@drkaryngordon]

Wow thank you so much Boutaina - thrilled to hear you enjoyed it!

[@MarcosLopez-oc5qg]

One of the best TED talk i have ever heard. Thank you Karyn. 🥰

[@drkaryngordon]

Wow thanks so much Marcos. Thrilled to know that you found it helpful!

[@Ahmad-os3si]

​@@drkaryngordonI realised that I am in the middle but when it communication I am not why because I prefer to not speak about idle topic I lost my communication skills i lost a friendship because I refused to solve the issues thank you the best ted talk really

[@drkaryngordon]

@@Ahmad-os3si Thanks Ahmad! And YES thats great insight! Often people will "see" themselves in 1 chair for parts of their life - and in another chair for other parts / decisions that they make. The fact that you can see yourself in the middle chair for most parts - but that "you lost communication skills" - is amazing self-awareness. Now the next step is to ask yourself - "If I was in in the middle chair when I communicate / problem-solve - what words / tone / body language / phrases would I use - so that I am respecting myself AND the other person". So glad you enjoyed my TED:) I LOVE seeing it make a difference / impact - that was the goal!

[@rachelmoss1493]

This was very powerful, and brilliant timing for me when I landed on it. Thanks Karyn.

[@drkaryngordon]

Thank you so much Rachel! Thrilled you enjoyed:)

[@rachelmoss1493]

Not only enjoyed it but you are powerful to listen to. I loved how you got emotional even in your own story (toward the end). So glad to have found you. Greetings from South West England. @@drkaryngordon

[@drkaryngordon]

@@rachelmoss1493Greatly appreciate your kind words Rachel! Love how people all over the world are able to watch it:) Greetings from Canada!

[@geetakumar2845]

Excellent! I really enjoyed this TED talk. Beautifully simple and empowering.

[@drkaryngordon]

So kind thank you Geeta for sharing!

[@TheLeoPoint]

👌 I belong 80 % in red chair, 19 % right 1 arrogance chair ,1 % left chair, I'm focus n working on 20 % ... Best presentation 👌 ,agree chase 4 excellence

[@drkaryngordon]

YES - chase for excellence!!! We all can control that:)

[@naseerkachery2793]

Great speech!!! Everyone should have ‘Don’t give up’ attitude to succeed in work and home

[@drkaryngordon]

YES Naseer - that was the purpose of my TED - to give everyone HOPE - that ALL of us can be successful!

[@yourfinancialcoach_ph]

super love this

[@drkaryngordon]

So glad to hear you enjoyed it!

[@apeexperimenter2634]

Thank you🙏🏽

[@drkaryngordon]

Very welcome!!!

[@nhungry9213]

Thank you. I saw this video when I was so nagative about myself. Her words inspired me a lot of power. I think I can sit 'the middle chair' too 💪

[@drkaryngordon]

Nhung - YES - you can sit in the middle chair. All of us can:) That's WHY I am passionate about this topic. I'm so glad to hear you felt inspired!!

[@meganlreilly]

Brilliant insight from Dr Karyn Gordon! She is a wealth of info and this Tedtalk is well worth your time!

[@drkaryngordon]

Thank you Megan!

[@11vaishnavigaud48]

This is one of the most empowering TED talk I have watched.

[@drkaryngordon]

Wow - thank you Vaishnavi for your kind words! The goal was to make sure that everyone feels HOPEFUL and EQUIPPED by the end of it!

[@wadeintowealth2500]

This is a FANTASTIC video. Dr. Karyn is SPOT ON.

[@drkaryngordon]

Thank you Wade Into Wealth ... and yes the research shows a correlation between confidence and how much people earn ... confidence is a skill we can ALL learn!

[@lauriewintonick6670]

A brilliant representation of the 3 prevailing attitudes and how we can work towards spending more time in the ideal one. How through using confidence in all aspects of life we can learn to believe in ourselves, shed the toxic self talk and keep our ego in check. This TEDx Talk is a must watch for all ages!! This is a human problem. Thank you Dr. Gordon for sharing your chairs, time and knowledge with us!

[@drkaryngordon]

TY Laurie! YES this is a human problem - but thankfully one that we can do so much about to improve it! Glad you found this helpful:)

[@tinabarlow453]

Excellent advice! Karyn shares a simple model (using 3 chairs) to help us understand confidence and how we can improve in this area. It's well worth a listen!

[@drkaryngordon]

TY Tina - glad you found it helpful!!

[@marilousales329]

Thank you so much for the inspiring message😊 God bless!

[@drkaryngordon]

@@marilousales329 So welcome Marilou I'm thrilled to hear you found it inspiring! That was the goal!

[@glorianekabat9444]

This is so clear and apparent. Confidence is everything. Be willing to make a decision and do not others take your power. You are amazing.

[@drkaryngordon]

Thrilled to hear you found it clear and easy to understand - thats the power of The Three Chairs ... its so simple - yet extremely impactful!

[@dopelumimusic]

Amazing

[@drkaryngordon]

Thank you - I'm glad you found it helpful!

[@shivamkrgupta3230]

Wow it's gives me energetic vibes👏👏

[@drkaryngordon]

So glad you enjoyed it Shivam!

[@shivamkrgupta3230]

@@drkaryngordon tq ma'am for this amazing session

[@drkaryngordon]

@@shivamkrgupta3230 Very welcome Shivam!!!!

[@hakuna2695]

Thank you so much for one of the most inspiring videos I have ever watched.

[@drkaryngordon]

Hakuna - thank you for your kind words! Thrilled to hear you found it inspiring!

[@jennyjer]

Confident leaders are humble and they lift others up…so wise, inspiring & true!

[@drkaryngordon]

Thanks so much Jenn

[@th3gughy]

This explains why I feel out of place when people appoint me as leading figure. I often feel inadequate, but all I do is bring "the pros" together, and I sit with them and I absorb from them.. and, well, this is a very important point of the lesson. But my favourite statement here is: strive for excellence, not perfection. Again I think it reflects a lot of myself. Thank you for this very important video and lesson!

[@drkaryngordon]

Wow Guglielmo - this is powerful reflection. YES often when people see The Three Chairs - they can see themselves in the different seats in different parts of their life. It helps many people understand WHY they have made certain choices - WHY they have set goals too high or too low - WHY they have chosen certain partners / friends in their life ... the first step is awareness - the second set is taking action - and yes having the mindset of excellence not perfection is the secret!

[@preewilliams521]

This was awesome!

[@drkaryngordon]

Thanks so much Pree! Glad you enjoyed it!

[@monicagibbs1723]

Great TEDx talk! I will be sharing this with others. Thank you!

[@drkaryngordon]

Thank you so much Monica - YES spread the word. As I shared in the Ted Talk - the key message is HOPE - that all of us can learn to sit in the middle chair:)

[@fidanpasayeva8289]

It is the greatest inspirational speech I have ever listened!! Wooow❤️❤️

[@drkaryngordon]

Thank you too much Fidan!!!

[@arafama52]

This is Brilliant! Thank you for your wonderful talk👏👏❤️💐

[@drkaryngordon]

Thank you so much Arafa:)

[@loopaal]

American people usually sit at the middle seat. Throughout my 25 year residence in the US, it still surprises me how most people, regardless of their profession, social status, etc, are extremely balanced, they know how to talk to people, they know how to communicate in various environments, how to carry confidence that is not arrogance. The upbringing is unmatched here in the US. At the age of 34, I am still working on my personality and trying to build confidence so that i can progress in my life.

[@drkaryngordon]

TY loopaal! Although many people may appear in the middle chair, come across very confident, based on research we find 70% connect / identify in the back 2 chairs. The great news is we can all learn how to sit in the middle chair:)

[@tiffy1324]

Such an amazing & powerful TEDx Talk!! A must-watch for everyone.

[@drkaryngordon]

TY!!!

[@ikaimelda7906]

Thank you for the formula, Dr. Karyn Gordon. So powerful! Not seeking perfection, because I am enough and it's inevitably boosting your confidence.

[@drkaryngordon]

YES Ika - you got it!! Do not seek perfection ... strive for excellence because you are ENOUGH:)

[@KLAKLAWES]

UR PERSONALITY * Never enough mindset * Anorexia in feelings * Addicted to cruelty * Love gossip * Coke and smoke * Behave like a secretary * Some passions like yoga or "steps" * Did a ditme like animator or selfdistructive (like everyone= cok and so on) * Addiction to dark, or darkness * If u point on someone, mangy to the extreme * It means u are always right without a strategy/sense

[@alancheng6206]

Great concise model. Loved that idea of bringing others up rather than shutting others or yourself down.

[@drkaryngordon]

Thank you Alan - YES- leaders in the middle chair LIFT others - and also hold them accountable - a tricky balance!

[@wtv60]

So true! Enjoyed this so much. Confidence is empowering..

[@drkaryngordon]

Thank you! YES confidence IS empowering!

[@saitmatovsuhrobjon6351]

Thanks for advise

[@drkaryngordon]

Very welcome:)

[@abhishekrai4731]

Absolute 💯 true categorization of people

[@drkaryngordon]

So kind Abhishek - its a great simple model to understand people!

[@mlaytonturner]

Such a clear and simple concept for how we all behave. Kudos!

[@drkaryngordon]

TY!! The goal was simple and easy to understand for ALL ages!

[@jenna_rem]

Absolutely amazing explanation of confidence and actions

[@drkaryngordon]

TY Jenna - so glad you enjoyed it!

[@xusophie5885]

Thanks Dr. Karyn. Just bump into this video, wow a huge surpise. Really inspired by your speech! I'm a person who would fear and personalize feedback from others, but now I realize focusing on what I can control and believe in oneself will make you feel so great and powerful.

[@drkaryngordon]

Thank you XU for your kind words! So glad you are understanding the POWER of feedback - its just data to help us improve:)

[@chelfisrianastasya3598]

thank you for shareing this things, it’s clearly delivered and so inspiring. appreciate for all the insights in this content, wish i can practice it in my daily basis at work 🙋🏼‍♀️

[@drkaryngordon]

Thank you so much Chelfisri - so glad to hear you enjoyed it!

[@amirbeknurillayev6805]

Thank you for your clear voice i loved it 🥰💕🥰🥰🥰💕🥰

[@drkaryngordon]

Very welcome Amirbek:)

[@suewigston31]

Wow! Such a great metaphor that truly does impact all of us! Love the practical tools!

[@drkaryngordon]

TY Sue:) Love taking research - and making it practical:)

[@Samira-me3re]

Thank you

[@drkaryngordon]

Very welcome:)

[@nawressuhaib6615]

Thank you 🙏

[@drkaryngordon]

Very welcome Nawres!

[@bassamsroujy9083]

You are really great

[@drkaryngordon]

Thank you Bassam:)

[@lisahuie6825]

heartfelt story and content. thanks for the simple framework to inspire great leaders and leadership for ourselves, our teams, our families and friends. watch the talk, practice the skills ... your future self will be grateful.

[@drkaryngordon]

TY Lisa for your kind words - AGREED - a message for all of us!

[@jenneferrabado6942]

Excellent

[@drkaryngordon]

TY Jennefer!

[@natashamorgan9911]

This was sooo good 🙌

[@drkaryngordon]

Thrilled to hear you enjoyed it Natasha!

[@bellisimashomesteam]

Totally agree!

[@drkaryngordon]

Thanks Bella for sharing your thoughts:)

[@1001zaki]

Absolutely wonderful 👍👍👍👍👍

[@drkaryngordon]

TY Simple:)

[@jpjp7298]

Starting a career at 43, I tend to sit in the left chair, but every now and again, I have a cheek in the middle chair as well. It’s split. 😂 I’m a female in a male dominated field, having to balance leadership/confidence with humility can be challenging.

[@melinamarques3997]

Awesome 🤩

[@drkaryngordon]

Glad you enjoyed it!

[@tomjohnswan]

Amazing talk!!

[@drkaryngordon]

Thank you Tom!

[@sXnjh]

I didn't know about this earlier but went through same phase and improving myself the same way. And I improved alot in 3 years. This gave me a bit positivity. Thank you so much mam.

[@drkaryngordon]

Very welcome Sanjana!

[@sXnjh]

@@drkaryngordon Glad to receive a reply from you 💝

[@drkaryngordon]

@@sXnjh Way to go for taking the time to improve yourself Sanjana - your story is a beautiful one that all of us can make changes:)

[@rebeccaguerrier1007]

Great Talk! Love the three chairs concept. The book is so enlightening as well.

[@drkaryngordon]

Thank you Rebecca - its such a simple concept - and thrilled to hear you enjoyed my book as well:)

[@gowreswarythayaparan2105]

Great talk ❤

[@drkaryngordon]

TY Gowreswary!

[@themistoclesnelson2163]

Wow!

[@drkaryngordon]

Thanks so much - glad you enjoyed it!

[@katherandefy]

And nobody claps? Great concept!

[@drkaryngordon]

TY Katherandefy! Ha - the audience was told not to clap until the recording stopped:) So glad you enjoyed it!

[@shubhamsingla7048]

Initially, by looking at the thumbnail I thought the speaker is Lisa Kudrow (Phoebe from FRIENDS).

[@drkaryngordon]

Nope - nope Lisa:) Not sure how they decide the thumbnail pic:)

[@saraiflores8026]

Amazing.. I am happy for listen this

[@drkaryngordon]

Glad to hear this Sarai!

[@blairdolphin6847]

Very informative and relatable.

[@drkaryngordon]

Wonderful Blair! That was the goal - to make it easy to understand and relatable!

[@jasleenksaluja]

Great Talk❤️

[@drkaryngordon]

Thank you Jasleen!

[@neliswajokweni5872]

Soo good.

[@drkaryngordon]

TY Neliswa:

[@bassamsroujy9083]

I am enough😍😍

[@drkaryngordon]

YES you are!!!!!

[@hanmai5885]

very useful

[@drkaryngordon]

Great to hear!

[@fatemaalajoom2633]

Can someone provide the date, time and where this took place? I have an assignment and I chose this video.

[@drkaryngordon]

What a wonderful idea! Yes we filmed it it Feb. 2022 - and it was published 1 month ago:)

[@user-rs3tb3pu6o]

Great

[@drkaryngordon]

Thank you!

[@annamed1697]

❣❣

[@drkaryngordon]

Thank you for sharing!

[@bothinaal_amdy3288]

I am enough. Thanks so much

[@drkaryngordon]

YES - you are enough. Glad you enjoyed it!

[@pierremartinetto]

interesting

[@drkaryngordon]

Thanks so much Pierre!

[@dallasjames9381]

fantastic content clearly delivered!

[@drkaryngordon]

Thanks so much Dallas!

[@dineshmishra4710]

There are a lot of people with a lots of confidence floating around now-a-days... Companies are going to value talent more for leadership roles because employees have high expectations from their leadership than just empty words...

[@pnw_party]

❤

[@drkaryngordon]

Glad you enjoyed it!

[@sreejamalka2863]

11:40

[@sajikg8140]

Yaa... Confidence is the reflection of EQ (Emotional Quotient) Over-Confidence is the reflection of IQ.. 😊😩

[@drkaryngordon]

TY Saji - YES confidence is part of EQ ... someone can have high IQ and low EQ ... when someone is overly confident (arrogant) - its a sign of low EQ. Make sense?

[@darknessarives]

What if we are laying across all 3 chairs? I feel like I do all of these for most situations in phases starting with the stage the self doubt then feeling like I'm not reacting correctly let me to over confident and cocky into no I need to reign it in and then finally reach the center

[@drkaryngordon]

Yes - many people would relate to your comment:) Remember no one sits in 1 chair 100% of the time - we are all moving around the 3 chairs. The key question is what chair do you see yourself sit in the majority of the time - and how does it impact your life? Next ask yourself, what healthy action steps can you make to help yourself sit more often in the middle chair?

[@sherececocco]

😊

[@drkaryngordon]

TY - glad you liked it!

[@na7430]

5:25

[@heyitsiya5249]

"I know a lot, but I don't know everything."

[@drkaryngordon]

YES YES YES!

[@roneljesus]

U are enough. Say it. Say it again. Beleive it.

[@drkaryngordon]

YES you are enough - PERIOD! So glad this part connected with you - its the heart of the message!

[@Nicolelie123]

Ok relationship is a important example but organization lifestyle ok

[@vadergrd]

the 999th like ... i am enough

[@drkaryngordon]

YES you are enough:)

[@febequezada5292]

I know a lot. But I don't know everything.

[@xornam3009]

My takeaway! Unconsciously we're attracted to people who think the same way we do.

[@drkaryngordon]

TY Maxwell - yes - many people find that part on relationships very interesting! So important to help ourselves sit in the middle chair - so we are attracted to others also in the middle chair (and vice versa)!

[@Ma7yrka]

если вы заметили это видео в просмотре но не смотрели его то знайте!!! на данное видео накручивают просмотры и лайки!!! вероятнее всего Ваш аккаунт взломали!! срочно поменяйте пароль!!

[@ChelseaJCastle4]

the content is great but it's so difficult to digest when the audio is this horrible. wow. let this woman re-record!

[@drkaryngordon]

Thanks Chelsea - I'm glad you enjoyed the content!

[@ginawagner6956]

I am Enough...? Love the chairs. But the ' I am enough ' affirmation has been around for decades. Ya ain't teaching me anything new here aside from the 5 minutes of the different personality types.

[@kawsarhosen4017]

She speaks Faster ...don't understand properly

[@drkaryngordon]

Thank you for sharing! Yes agreed - I do speak fast - so much I want to share in 18 minutes:)

[@scottfalkirk714]

That's a bit over exasperated, I'm watching at 2x speed and I understand it.

[@sehamalanisi4530]

u speak v fast I barely figured it out

[@drkaryngordon]

Ha - yes! So much to share in 18 minutes:)

[@kevinscott168]

Think this must e an American thing. So shallow

[@makoto9940]

When is she breathing?

[@brodyllc]

Jfc this was awful

[@satan6548]

Good lord. Do the exact opposite of everything she preaching.