Why coping skills aren't enough | Selfharmerproblems

[@aramiran2734]

I get so annoyed and feel so alone when people try to make me use coping mechanisms to stop self harming. Being hurt sucks. Nobody wants to have to deal with the pain, the stress of figuring out how to look after so many wounds, the itch of old scars, hiding the tools and the marks it leaves, however you harm, it isn't ever fun. If we could just stop, or not do it in the first place- we would, without a question. Something happened that made us do it. I don't understand what is so confusing about that to everyone around us. What right do these people really have to try to suggest we should just draw something, or go for a run? If that worked at all, we would sure as hell be doing that instead of inflicting pain upon ourselves. The people around me know that I do it, and they try to guilt trip me out of it, or try to tell me I have no good reason to do it, or it makes my skin ugly, or it would be so much easier to just not do it. Like... I talk to this pastor about it sometimes and she got so excited to hear I was trying coping mechanisms, and I told her upfront- don't expect too much. I didn't have confidence that the coping mechanisms were going to work, even though they hurt, and sure enough, I used them a couple of times, but gave in, and self harmed worse than I would usually as a result of putting it off. If I try to put it off, it builds up and I end up going all out all at once like a binge after a fast, and there have been a couple of times that sort of thing landed me in the ER. But nobody wants to admit that something could be wrong, nobody wants me to get assessed because they don't want someone putting a 'label' on me, I sure as heck can't afford to try to nick off and pay for a therapist myself, so I decide I'm going to keep doing it, and they still just want to believe that it doesn't have to happen, but it does. Because it's all I've got.

[@amandajacobs57]

I really needed to see this. I feel like I haven't been working on the why I'm doing it and what triggers it, that self awareness, and that's why I keep going back. I get so frustrated because I will go months without doing it and then all of a sudden I have some bad days and it's all I can think about until I just do it. Thank you for making these videos.

[@Lia_hier]

Actually one of the first things my therapist told me was that coping skills are just useful if you 1. Really want to stop self harm and 2. You also work on your mental health in general because it's the thing how works best for them so the "easyst"way to stop self harm is to reduce negative thoughts first and than reduce self harm by using skills

[@alionahamilton3427]

Im in DBT therapy at the moment and i feel like its 100% about coping skills which is very frustrating to me because mental illness is complicated and all im learning is how to avoid cutting but i feel lile im spending every waking hour trying not to cut and sure im a few weeks clean (yay!) But it's so draining and nothing is actually changing.

[@meowsrrr]

I've found a coping mechanism for me I draw a hand connected to a wrist on paper i color it in I scribble red on the the paper off of the hand and scrape that up with the object then do what you would do to your wrist on the drawing

[@minenotyours74]

thank you

[@jessicajordan0483]

I love your videos. I'm actually a care worker and I watch because I feel I can be a better worker if I take the time to understand the individuals I work with as well as exposing myself to others who go through things I've not experienced personally ❤️ My most fundamental thought and way of approaching others (especially in the role of supporter and carer) is to remind myself that the body I see has a "me" inside it just like mine does so you need to hear and see their reality to be able to help them... Anyway, I love what you do for that reason because through vulnerability others can be exposed to the realities that exist and that takes bravery xx And btw, you always look ok in the videos so don't worry, lol. And lastly, I think you were looking for "self-awareness" at the end there, how that is as important as the coping skills. Unless you have self-awareness and understanding of your self no amount of coping skills will help because they are not a one-size fits all prescription, they need to be tailored to each individual... Well, that's how I think 😁 Keep it up, love your work!

[@YouthPotential]

Sorry I only just got round to watching this. Really great work Malika, the quality of your delivery gets better and better. Nice to hear someone talking about preventative measures (proactive) and distraction techniques (reactive) in the way that you did. As you say it’s easier to pass on reactive measures but harder proactive measures as everyone’s “Why” will vary.

[@YouthPotential]

I will watch all of this later. Looking forward to it ❤️