"Why Dating Is Hard As A Demisexual..."

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[@melaniegrace7707]

Aren’t you supposed to have an emotional connection with people before sleeping with them? Isn’t that just generally healthy behavior?

[@simona_ab]

In theory yes. These days not so much 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@enibeni2071]

Humans are genetically prone to feel connection with those who they have sex with.

[@Iudd_]

Actually reading some of the experiences that demisexuals have written it seems they have no sexual attraction *at all* to others (Like completely 0) before forming an emotional bond, which if that is true then I can understand why it passes as a "sexual orientation"

[@cradica]

@simona_ab wanting to sleep with someone and being attracted to them are 2 different things. If you beat your meat, are you attracted to yourself?

[@Managuabrother]

Yeah they're trying to say sleeping around with just anyone is the norm... *coughHookupculturecough*

[@1tommyday]

Every single tiny thing doesn't need a label

[@p0llk4t07]

Without labels how will they know how special they are?! 😂😂😂

[@kellysouter4381]

In the seventies we disliked labels. We enjoyed feeling free.

[@spiriteddefect5125]

BuT iT mAkEs Me SpEcIaL!!! 🥴

[@cmay7429]

I need a label for despising labels.

[@amyaeschbach3581]

My 18 yr old daughter is on autism spectrum, symptoms mainly sensory. She hates being touched, hugged. I can’t touch her hair or arms. At 14, after being online she began thinking she must be asexual! I talked with her about not needing labels, everyone being different and time. She had barely started puberty! I feel for her true hardships but a label doesn’t help. I believe with her therapy, and time, and getting to know people she will eventually find someone safe enough to her willing to go through this process slowly with her! Also the video, everyone worries about dating and wrestles with self esteem. I believe dating, not hook up culture is the way to get to know someone. With my husband, on our 1date I didn’t feel like I wanted to jump his bones! Overtime, through other attractions besides sexual, such as his sense of humor, his utter kindness, selflessness, love for his kids- he was a teacher. He was reliable and hardworking! All of this was so attractive. Soon, I wanted to express my love and admiration for him. Wanted to be as close to home as possible. Boom- the physical started and my desire sexually for him came so alive! 25 yr anniversary this year! Everyone needs different things. I see them as “personality traits”! Thanks

[@TordenFaaret]

"what if i get feelings for them and they don't get feelings for me" girl, that's what everyone going into dating is thinking, it's not a separate sexuality it's called worrying.

[@BartekAlfirion]

Its just called thinking lmao

[@auouraschannel5230]

I was single for a long time... well 2 😆 after my marriage broke down. I knew after dating do many duds, that the only way to make a connection was to be friends first. I honestly didn't want to wait so long. I had feelings for a friend I had already, but I didn't want to screw up what we had if he didn't like me back. But after one specific night, all that changed. I'd gone on a bad date. We had gone to a golfing place called "Glory Holes" and each room was based on something very slutty. It was fun until we got to the 'Saw' holes. I really felt like i was going to be sick and ended up having panic attacks. My date left me in town to get a bus. On the way home my panic attacks got worse thanks to pathetic teens making one heck of a racket. I ended up calling my friend and begging him to meet me st the station. My family just basically abandoned me. He walked me home, holding me tight so I knew I'd be safe. He didn't know that I notice him kissing me on the back of the head as I walked inside. That was it for me. The very next day we decided we were going to be together. It's been a year and a half, we're living together and thinking about marriage.

[@wentoneisendon6502]

These people are DESPERATE for a label

[@loriblue1000]

They really are as thick as mince 😂

[@Brightfur10]

I cringe at the thought that I once identified as demisexual

[@bruisedkneesclub]

i once identified as gender fluid and claimed to have gender dysphoria turns out i just had an eating disorder LMAOO

[@_aoe]

It’s okay we were just confused in a world that objectifies people and sexualizes everything, making us feel like it’s uncommon to want an emotional bond

[@inspectordumbass5855]

It's alright. We all did cringy things when we were younger. Most adolescents have a touch of special snowflake syndrome.

[@deconsructall6994]

Question - what is a demisexual? Does it mean you eat them after you've had sex with them... like a praying mantis

[@chocobotaxi4506]

I mean, I get it but also I'm not mad at the term existing. It helped me not feel like I was wrong for not being okay with things that I was told were normal and universal, and helped me to stop forcing myself to go through the motions of what I was taught to think was normal. I think that the problem is that it's used as an identity and an orientation rather than an attachment style.

[@kberrie38]

Had someone try to label me as a demisexual once. Told them I don't need labels, I just have standards. People would be SO much happier if they'd knock off the labels.

[@gothica3605]

i feel like people dont understand that thinking a different way doesnt mean youre a different sexuality or gender.

[@alesiajacobs7295]

I’m the same exact way. I have standards and self respect. No, I don’t need or want a label for my personal values. Every single one of my relationships have developed from long friendships. I’m not going to go and hook up with just anyone.

[@gigahorse1475]

I would fit the label of demisexual but I don’t identify with it because it’s so stupid. What’s even dumber is that it’s considered a part of the “asexual spectrum.” I’m not even close to asexual. I just don’t want to sleep around for purely physical reasons. Idk what these folks think normal humans do… generally people have some semblance of emotional closeness before sex.

[@untype3992]

So, everything is a sexual orientation today ?

[@melissamurray8307]

Yep.

[@Cardinal_claw]

​@@doid4354 Wouldn't be surprised. These people also call everything fetishizing

[@cradica]

IRK

[@jamesneese7663]

And anything. These are straight thinking they are special and want in on the June parades now ...

[@p0llk4t07]

Little did you know that there are 6 billion sexual orientations...one for each human on earth!

[@minnies782]

One girl said she is a demisexual because "she has to get along with the person she has sex with"...

[@AmazingRebel23]

Dawgggg how damaged is her friend group

[@ellie698]

🤦🏻‍♀️

[@youtubeposter3814]

I’ve always heard demisexual as meaning you are not even sexually attracted to someone until you feel an emotional connection with them.

[@BloodrealmX]

Yeah, that's not Demisexuality, that's having standards.

[@BloodrealmX]

@@youtubeposter3814 That is correct. Demisexuals are incapable of feeling sexual attraction to someone without a pre-existing emotional bond.

[@4everseekingwisdom690]

You know I'm more attracted to someone's mind over anything else but I'd never call myself "sapiosexual" because if I'm not attracted to that person physically they could be Einsteins twin sister and I wouldn't be interested

[@ItsSimplyAless]

Yaaa the mind exactly

[@CharlotteIssyvoo]

His sister, Maya was pretty cute, actually. Looked just like him, crazy hair and all.

[@MizrahiChick]

I need emotional connection and I call that class.

[@Myviewingtime07]

Same

[@15walkingaway]

Right. In my day we called it having standards.

[@jamesneese7663]

Please. None of these talkers seem virgins. Sounds like they're just trying to be special by saying they don't hook up willy nilly anymore

[@ItsSimplyAless]

🙏🏽 exactly

[@cradica]

Honestly, I'm aro ace. I don't feel anything, sometimes I'll just pick someone because I'm desperate/horny, but that's not what love is!!!

[@ER__783]

I once went on a date with someone that referred to themself as demisexual and ironically wanted to jump my bones on the very first date. Then there was another date that identified as SapioQueer. When we decoded this elusive tag, it boiled down to being bisexual - they found intellectual stimulation and conversation attractive in a person regardless of gender but refused to allow me to refer to them as bisexual because of their "identity." When did gay, bi, and lesbian become outdated and offensive terms?

[@BloodrealmX]

Yeah, that first person was lying, but that doesn't mean Demisexuality, or Asexuality as a whole, doesn't exist at all. That second person was a friggin' moron. No arguments there.

[@CharlotteIssyvoo]

"Bi" has been a derided term since as long as I can remember, and I'm 53. I'll bet that's why this person used the term "sapiosexual."

[@BloodrealmX]

@@CharlotteIssyvoo Bi is only offensive to the gays and lesbians who hate Bisexuals.

[@jaygoodwin8833]

Nobody is more ''biphobic'' than bisexuals themselves. They will use any label under the sun except what they actually are. They hate the bi label so much that they try to redefine and destroy homosexual/gay/lesbian. Bisexuals hate themselves so much that they needed 2 spots in the Lgbtqia+ acronym, B and Queer. Queer literally just means bi or spicy straightl They are usually more homophobic than straights in my experience.

[@kellylyons1038]

Being gay, bi, or lesbian is BOOOORINGGGG 🥱 you gotta do more than that if you want to be cool and hip!

[@jadefire2817]

I'm old enough to remember when the conversation was strictly "Do you like guys, or girls?" , and that was the end. Conversation moved on to another topic . (If it was ever discussed at all!) *sigh*

[@gypsy13291]

I'm old enough to remember having a note passed to me in class (7th grade) from a boy named Carl. It read: "Do you like me? Circle yes or no". Very sophisticated :)

[@jadefire2817]

@@gypsy13291 *Ha!* Too true. 😂

[@soultosoul45]

@@gypsy13291 😂 so cute.

[@CharlotteIssyvoo]

And nobody asked if you like both. Drove me nuts. It's still the same today.

[@knrdvmmlbkkn]

@@CharlotteIssyvoo"And nobody asked (...) Drove me nuts." Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt. (Literally, in this case.)

[@Aging_Casually_Late_Gamer]

They have to blame the labels for why it's hard for them to date, because they'll never blame themselves

[@unironicallydel7527]

yup. Not the fact that, oh, I dunno, they actively try to make themselves as unattractive as possible (especially 'nonbinary' people)

[@GusBried]

​@@unironicallydel7527eh, most non-binary people I've seen look like fairly attractive women, that sometimes like to wear not very feminine clothing. Where that means they prefer jeans and t-shirts or pant suits to dresses :/

[@Raphaeltheslayer]

@@GusBriedso… regular women? Most women in the west go around in pants and shirts why do they need a label if that’s the case? Dresses are considered only for fancy events and super girly girls are outside the norm typically… so why?? You’re the norm

[@clawwestfall8799]

​@@GusBriedI think it has to do more with how casual sex is normalised, so these ppl (who are totally normal females) think they're the abnormal for not enjoying sex with random ppl. Do I think it needa a label? Nah. But it kinda makes sence in modern environment of hookups and close to no commitment.

[@unironicallydel7527]

@@GusBried I doubt you've met many, then. Look online and you'll find the clowns.

[@MosaidDeath]

In the first persons defense, she didn’t say demisexuals need an emotional bond “to sleep with someone,” she said “to be attracted to them.” That actually makes sense. BUT it’s still either straight, gay, or bi. It’s just preference, like red hair. So giving it a new letter is superfluous.

[@BloodrealmX]

No, it's not preference, Demisexuals are incapable of feeling sexual attraction to someone without a pre-existing emotional bond. It just doesn't happen for them.

[@MosaidDeath]

@@BloodrealmX ok, maybe “preference” is not the right word. I just meant it is still a subcategory of heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, or asexual. It’s still going to be in one of those categories. No need for special “identity” letters. If it is real it would just be a subcategory.

[@BloodrealmX]

@@MosaidDeath Demisexual _is_ a sublabel of Asexual, yes.

[@jaygoodwin8833]

@@BloodrealmX So are many other people, youre not special.

[@jaygoodwin8833]

@@BloodrealmX No. Asexuality is the complete absence of sexual attraction, not a silly spectrum. Youre the reason people including Marcus dont believe asexuality exist. Real asexuals are rare and got drowned out by snowflakes like you.

[@WhoAmI-ds9vc]

Pre dating-apps, finding a partner in your friendgroup, sportsclub or even at work was normal. That's how it worked (and still works, better than dating apps in my opinion), first you get to know someone a little, maybe become friends and when both parties take interest in each other you start dating. And now these people are acting as if they're something special when all they're doing is the same as their parents did.

[@elissahunt]

I kind of blame the entertainment industry. Fictional couples have to "meet cute," and maybe hate on each other a while before getting together. It's pretty rare for a story to have a couple know each other a while, become friends, and then become lovers.

[@knrdvmmlbkkn]

"finding a partner (...) (and still works" It doesn't work very well if you don't have a friend group or a sportsclub (I'm not sure what that denotes in this case), and/or work from home or not at all. "And now these (...) as their parents did." Provided that their parents needed to have an "emotional connection" to feel sexual attraction, which I reckon it would be rather awkward to inquire about.

[@WhoAmI-ds9vc]

@@knrdvmmlbkkn I said it works best, not that it's the only way. So there's no point in what you wrote. Also, if you don't have any social contacts at all that's not a permanent condition. You still can join a club or try a new hobby in order to find a partner, or even just some friends. And if you don't want to or can't change that, that's probably something to tackle before finding a partner. Also, I have no clue what you are going on about in the second part of what you wrote. No one said anything about inquiring about their parents sexual attraction. Wtf

[@elissahunt]

@@knrdvmmlbkkn if you're completely isolated and never interact with other people on a regular basis, you'll never find a partner on a dating app because you don't know how to interact with real humans face to face. Learning how to be with other people is the first step. You're absolutely right that you can't meet people if you isolate yourself. So, you join a group or two of people who share your interest in something. A running (hiking, biking, walking) club. A book club. A knitting circle. A social club (Elks, Lions, Moose, Shriners, etc ). A Bible or other religious study group. A gaming club. Every single activity or pastime has a group associated with it. Join one. Meet people. Make friends. Interacting with people is the first step.

[@wa_akii6873]

problem is most ppl that are in this predicament are dating in times when what you mention doesnt really exist and is considered to be wierd. so ofc people think they arent normal and that they need to normalize this. society has added wierd connotations to dating ur friends or "having friends of the opposite sex."

[@dingleberrysnigglefritz]

Why can't they just shut up? They never shut up!

[@dingleberrysnigglefritz]

they never shut up

[@Wallflowerz3356]

Don’t hold ur breath for that mate 😭

[@solsy]

you don't have to listen to them, by the way.

[@9395gb]

They need jobs and to struggle for a career. It'll make them shut up.

[@digitalgypsy1961]

It's like a freaking mind eating bacteria.

[@nerysghemor5781]

I'm full on asexual (it is NOT my identity, just an explanation and I am fully accepting of myself), and that absolutely floors me that people would want to act surprised that it makes your potential dating pool very small. DUH. Why whine? This is just a fact. I get on with my life, and if I happen to come across someone, good, but if I don't, that is fine too, and I can have a good life too. Hell, my own thought is that it's important for me to be honest about that with a potential partner prior to a date...not just out of respect to myself, but out of respect for the man. If he is not going to be satisfied by being in a relationship with me, then he deserves a partner who CAN satisfy him and I am not going to be offended by the fact that this person is not me.

[@knrdvmmlbkkn]

"then he deserves (...) CAN satisfy me" I think you meant "him" rather than "me".

[@nerysghemor5781]

@@knrdvmmlbkkn You’re right, stupid typo, going to edit. I would not want a man to be in a relationship with me if it left him unsatisfied because that would be selfish of me.

[@shurale123]

​@@nerysghemor5781 same thing

[@tomw.1507]

Oh my god just date who you like! How do they keep on trying so hard to be "normalized" when they just make it worse by slapping on every label they can find.

[@kellysouter4381]

They don't want to be normal and have no confidence in their talents.

[@geirpg]

This obsession with labels must stop.

[@mickyr171]

Had a mate who claimed he was this, took him to the pub and started talking about people I like in the crowd, he played along and I simply pointed out that he doesn't know any of these people so how can you know you like them? lets just say he gave up on the idea lol

[@ItsSimplyAless]

At one point, I considered myself demisexual, (straight tho, not lgbtq) but then I realize that it’s just the society that is too hyper sexual. I’m just not attracted to random people.. that’s the thing

[@sjm9876]

Yess I totally agree. I think it isn’t normal to just hook up with random people on a first date

[@jaygoodwin8833]

Demi is just a reaction to hookup culture and this overly sex-positive society. Teens and young adults naturally felt alienated and invented a redundant label to connect with likeminded young people. The problem is just the snowflake syndrome of it all and also now Demi and asexuals act like everyone else are like horny animals ready to fuck anyone or anything, anywhere at all times.

[@somerandomgirl6093]

Same here. Now i am thinking that probably i am asexual... but most of the time i am like "meh, who cares" because i have better thing to do besides thinking in having or not having a relationship.😅

[@Yumemiru_Kumo]

Before I heard about Lgbt etc. i thought everyone would agree on how not wanting to hook up with someone you don't know was the norm, years later, i figured out I'm almost the only one thinking that way in my class💀

[@TanyaRando]

OMG they’ll do anything to be so “special” and yet they want to be part of a community.

[@rd6458]

I think that may be the case for some, but for many, I really do believe they feel they have no choice but to identify as "demisexual" in order to not be judged for NOT wanting to participate in hookup culture. Our modern society and culture have done this; women are now deemed "prudish" and "uptight" if they don't want to be used by a man, and are judged for it (just like they are if they DO get used by one on the other side), so in a way, women really can't win. The excess of the labels is annoying but our modern society doesn't really give ppl much choice on this one, I'm afraid.

[@gothica3605]

​​@@rd6458SPITTING FACTS! This is exactly it. Ive been in asexual spaces and every single person who identifies as demi are female. Coincidence? I think not.

[@HasiramaSenju-sd9fl]

​@@rd6458its like they are getting oppressed by hookup culture 😂, funny thing is real christians should approve more of this so called "sexuality" than the whole hookup culture which is pretty much a sin

[@MorayG0gol]

Demisexual is not a sexuality, but I do believe it is something people experience. It’s not about needing an emotional bond before sleeping with someone, it’s about not experiencing sexual attraction to anyone’s body, until you get this special emotional bond. Like, porn doesn’t work for these types of people. They don’t look at others and think „hot” or feel sexual attraction. People on the internet misinterpret it. Labeling it is so unnecessary. Especially labeling it as a „sexuality”.

[@ItsSimplyAless]

1000% agree with you.. as someone who once thought I was “demisexual”

[@Iudd_]

I'd say it's more valid as a sexuality than for example pansexual

[@MorayG0gol]

@@Iudd_ True. At least demisexuality is still about sexual attraction. Pansexuals say they find someone attractive regardless of their body 💀 how does that even work

[@sarads7877]

Personally i never felt the need to label it till i started going out to gay bars etc with my friends, and they noticed i have pretty much zero sex drive, and started asking me about it, like “why aren’t you flirting/hooking up with anybody ever? Why are you always uninterested?” type thing.. at one point they just decided i was asexual and started calling me that 💀That’s when i started looking into it, and found a label that describes me

[@BloodrealmX]

"not a sexuality" It's literally a sublabel of Asexuality.

[@Rebecca-fi9dm]

I was one of these once 😭 glad i gained a few braincells

[@tonylarussa4046]

Welcome back to reality!

[@rishun13]

lmao i once labeled myself as demi bisexual.gosh it's cringey af lol

[@Rebecca-fi9dm]

@tonylarussa4046 glad to be back

[@coffiteaa]

I like ur pfp😋🎀

[@Rebecca-fi9dm]

@@coffiteaa thank you! I love camus 🥰🥰🥰🥰

[@scotthix2297]

I don’t know about all the labels but in my 20’s a friend, a comic, once said …supposedly in my defense: Stella’s not a slut, he’s serially monogamous. He only sleeps with one person at a time… he also thinks he’s married if you finish the pizza.

[@BloodrealmX]

You sure they were a comic? That's not funny, that's just bullying.

[@MichaelDG2023]

That’s great. Reminds me of the old U-Haul joke for lesbian courtship

[@MichaelDG2023]

@@BloodrealmXI think you’re missing some context: intent, reception, generation, relationship. If it was done to hurt or humiliate, then indeed, you would be correct.

[@excalibro8365]

@@BloodrealmX It's bloody funny to me. You sure you have sense of humor? Looking at the rest of your replies here, it seems to me you always assume the worst out of things, being negative just for the sake of being negative.

[@soylentgreen6082]

So here's my issue. If I don't have an emotional connection with a person, having sex with them is unpleasant. I don't get the whole "even if pizza/sex is bad, it's still pretty good" thing. No ! I don't want Dominos. I am also a social introvert, midway between introvert and extrovert, but barely on the autism spectrum at all afaik (tho everyone is). I have hooked up but I don't like it at all, even if the hook up was with a hot partner. I also like being single and enjoy my time alone as much as socializing; I need both. I don't particularly care if this behavior makes me demisexual or not as I am ambivalent about supporting the LGBT community due to the unconscionable actions of most Trans activists which I find deeply morally objectionable. I don't care about labels. If it fits, I will wear it. Am I demisexual or not? Should I even care? I am single and haven't met anyone in years, and I care a little bit about that, but the upside is being happily single is a low risk lifestyle.

[@mariedinkler8542]

I'm an old woman. I will eat dessert first😊, don't wanna die mid meal and not get to it😅😅

[@Britt4770]

You're right 😂❤

[@soultosoul45]

😂😂

[@morgenstern2603]

I mean, I have no idea what is wrong with Marcus, but I can eat only dessert, and skip dinner all together. :D

[@weswolever7477]

After all … life is uncertain 🍰

[@gigahorse1475]

I’m 24 and this is how I live my life. 😂❤

[@tamaraadams2142]

Why is everyone so eager to put sexuality in a box. Sexuality isn’t something a person can intellectualize, it just is. Forget about it, live it and enjoy life without trying to analyze every fricken thing. In the past revealing yourself as gay or lesbian meant fighting for your rights as an American, now it’s just idiotic.

[@hmmmmnothanks]

as a (diagnosed) autistic woman, i consider myself asexual because i just do not feel sexual attraction and i do not find people sexually attractive. i have always been this way and never had an interest in having sex with somebody, regardless of their gender. i am not broken or mentally ill just because i do not experience sexual attraction.

[@cradica]

I am autistic as well. Possibly asexual, but I have slight interest is $ex, but only to have children.

[@dardend4155]

We're so backwards now that we think not wanting to have sex all the time with everyone is "special" or "not the norm". People need to be more comfortable single and celibate. Implying that it's an orientation or that their life is hard because of it just means they are secretly lonely and want relationships/attention.

[@sjm9876]

We live in upside down world

[@AsheDuran]

Im glad Im a 33 years old trans who doesnt dive deep into tiktok cringe because...holy hell, these videos are all terrible as in you can tell they lack a lot of common sense

[@inner_chaos]

I'm autistic and what that red haired girl said is very much relatable (even if she herself isn't autistic). Dating or meeting new people in general is especially exhausting for us. You don't know if you can be your "weird" but authentic self around that person or not so you put on your usual mask, you're acting basically. You have to actively read their body language, you register even the slightest change in their tone of voice and almost panic trying to figure out what's that supposed to mean (even if the other person didn't even realise they changed their tone). It's draining.

[@finnfox13]

Yes! And I personally have thousands scripts in my head for every possible scenario. And if peoples don't follow the (my) script of how the situation is going then everything gets a lot more worse. Then you have to change the script and quickly "read" the situation all over again. It's a never ending hel*ish story of how many masks you have to have to go thorough the so called normal day. And desperately seeking the connection to the world and everyone around you not really...never quite getting there. Those, who have been around forever (like family) then yes. Things are easier. But making connections - even at workplace or friends...It makes you feel like you need a day of to recover for a day or to... I don't even want to imagine how difficult it would have been if I would have ever wanted some kind of a relationship with someone as a partner. That is way I think, that some on the spectrum resonate with the term demisexual. They don't want to be labeled as asexual for they never even haven't had a relationship that close with someone to even have that physical attraction/desire towards someone "(by this I mean so called "normal" relationship between peoples) and without that experience it is difficult to identify as asexual because how can you know, if you don't know. I think, that it is pretty common with peoples on the autism spectrum to think like that. We can be pretty specific about our likes/dislikes for example about the food & it's flavours & textures but if something is hard to imagine then it is hard to be identified to something. Also - we might struggle for being to labeled as something - which is pretty common these days. You have to be this or that. It is kind of sit in a box labeled as "such&such" so it is easier to...sit in a box, that is not so strictly labeled as something. Even something simple, like if you like a certain band - to the point it can be called as a special interest for a person on ASD - and you refuse to be called as the pet name, which the fandom is called because the box labeled as it is something you can't connect with and don't really understand the whole fandom-thing-connection etc. And - of course - we need to remember, that autism spectrum is a huge umbrella and there are peoples on spectrum who are sexually very active and outgoing to the point, that they might get abused in their relationships in one way or another to those, who have a fine, long marriage & get's diagnosis after their grandchildren gets diagnosis to those who more likely will live alone all their lives (sometimes not by choice) and those, who need help in everyday life more than others. And there was another example of the way autistic brain works. I was going to give just a little and very short answer and I find my wander all over the place and talk about the other stuff, what I wasn't going to even talk about and now I am going to make myself stop.

[@MarineCorpsChick]

​@finnfox13 that doesn't sound like autism. That sounds like you should be examined for borderline personality disorder.

[@richerDiLefto]

If you look at someone and feel sexually attracted to them, then I’m sorry, you’re NOT a demisexual. Demisexual means you have a *complete absence of physical attraction* for someone until you get to know them, not that you won’t sleep with someone until you get to know them. **Many** people feel the latter, that just makes them normal.

[@cradica]

There are gay men who find women pretty, and that doesn't mean they are attracted to them

[@VickiMackLataillade]

Good grief, I can’t take it!

[@sherryzmezzo]

I'm kind of that way. I don't feel physical attraction to men I don't know. Strangers get nowhere with me.

[@celeste8157]

I'm autistic, and if something were to ever happen to my husband (God forbid), I would never even date again. That sounds like my worst nightmare.

[@paulineb66]

So now it's weird to actually have feelings for someone before having sex? I am done.

[@cradica]

If you're aro ace, like me. you literally feel nothing. It's so annoying.

[@beckbro6585]

According to these people I would be a demisexual, but I don't want a label nor do I feel the need to be part of a group. People are so hyperfixated on sex or sexuality that they lose focus on how to just interact with people and live their lives.

[@guskinmaypho174]

I feel really old because all these "special labels" seem to me like something normal that got labeled because people needed to feel special.

[@rd6458]

Some want to feel special, others simply don't want to be judged for being normal.

[@StevieChilds]

I don't think it's autism... Sometimes, sure, but social media has left people lacking basic social skills when socializing in person. Makes sense a younger person who lives online would have issues with physical relationships.

[@StevieChilds]

@@doid4354 I went through the same thing high school, didn't even have my first bf until I was 19. I was pressured a bit by my friends in school but I never considered myself weird or thought it was something wrong with me. Sex just wasn't a form of hormonal instant gratification to me. It's not at all uncommon, imo it's part of maturing at different times and developing an individual identity. Different isn't necessarily bad.

[@jaygoodwin8833]

Social media and pandemic made alot of people fall behind on developing social skills

[@9395gb]

100% agree steviechilds a lot of these people aren't autistic. They lack social skills. They need to bring back old fashioned etiquette classes back to high school and college.

[@thesunwillshine996]

I don't think it is about needing to feel special. Personally asexual just seems to make sense to why I am the way I am. I am not open about this in my private life. No one knows or asks. I have just always been the one who is single. I have lived and tried things. I don't have that drive. I don't get why I can not be trusted to know who I am? I don't push this on anyone. I just want to live my life in peace.

[@BloodrealmX]

This Marcus chick just wants to feed her own ego and can't conceive of someone else not being a raging narcissist as well.

[@IAmRooble]

A friend once came out to me a s demisexual and externally I was like "oh, okay, cool" and her response was "I knew you'd understand." But on the inside I was thinking "uhh so you're telling me you're basically just like everybody else?? 💀" She really thought she was special lol.

[@lsdestroyer8624]

How does the term demi mean half when describing male or female identities, but when added to sexual, it suddenly means the need for an emotional connection? None of this shit makes sense!

[@sarads7877]

Cause it’s halfway between asexuality (aka complete incapability of feeling sexual attraction) and “normal” sexuality (aka no difficulty at experiencing sexual attraction). Hence demi-sexuality: you CAN experience sexual attraction, unlike asexuals, but it doesn’t work the way it does for a “normal person”.. it sits in the middle

[@sarads7877]

Cause it’s “half-way” between asexuality (aka complete incapability of experiencing sexual attraction) and a “normal person’s” sexuality where there is no trouble experiencing sexual attraction. That’s where the “demi” comes from, it basically means partially/half-asexual

[@weswolever7477]

I’d rather have a demitasse with a little cream

[@owleye1127]

Indeed. An etymologist or three should have been enlisted or at least consulted. And then there would have been someone in the room to tell them the term asexual was already taken.

[@NotAStanAccount]

​@@weswolever7477 I thought you'd said "demi-tease"!

[@VR0180]

3:58 that’s actually kind of contradictory. You can find someone attractive/be interested in them without having or wanting to have sex with them

[@erviatangerine5108]

Yes that's called asexuality

[@clarah4683]

I have considered the demisexual label at times, not because i want to feel special or different or i think im oppressed, but because it can be helpful in explaining people around you how you experience that aspect of life. When your friends are hooking up, or speaking about how hot and sexy some people are and everything around seems so sex-centred, it can be somewhat othering and a little word that means "all this feels foreign to me because im 0 attracted to anyone unless there's a personal bond" can be helpful.

[@kagudarzell4571]

same, have not considered myself special or anything. i find it easier to say demi cuz people seem to accept it better than if i just say "no im not interested in that kind of stuff" also tend to stops ppl from trying to convince me too feel sexually attracted to the ppl they do.

[@clarah4683]

@@kagudarzell4571 omg yes. People take explaining oneself without a label like an invitation to debate what's up with one. But suddenly respect it if it's got a label. It honestly annoys me .

[@letsdomath1750]

@@clarah4683 Yep, exactly, a label is a shorthand descriptor for that mouthful of an explanation.

[@racheldennison8839]

That person thought that going on a date would be wasting their precious time. That’s the problem. How do you get to know some one if you view the time spent getting to know someone new as a waste of time? Even if things don’t work out people aren’t a waste of time.

[@user-ec9uw4pk1z]

Sex is Not so beautiful for some people

[@KamajiiTheMog]

To be fair, when "she" said "How am I supposed to know someone just from a picture" I felt that. I have had plenty of times where a picture didn't give me any idea of what the person in it was like, BUT that's what dating is all about, finding out if the person is good for you or not. BUT on the flip side, the guy I am currently with who is my absolute soulmate and we are even engaged, I only started talking to because I saw a picture of him cosplaying as Heisenburg and not only was I surprised to see another cosplayer but how well his cosplay was, so I decided to send him a message and everything fell into place from there. So, sometimes you just got to take that chance.

[@aceclop]

I don't think there's anything wrong with just not having sexuaI attraction or limited sexuaI attraction and it's waay more complicated than just being a " woman " or man for that matter

[@tkps]

No, it really isn't. People are just less honest about how they genuinely feel. Especially women who are under more pressure than ever to jump into bed with whoever asks. Some will some won't but less actually want to than admit that and yes, there's a number of men who feel the same but would more likely get ribbed for it so keep quiet.

[@AMKB01]

My older daughter used to refer to herself as asexual, until it started to become part of the ever growing string of letters after LGBT. She has zero sex drive, and is just fine with that, and didn't want to be lumped in with the sexuality brigade, so she started calling herself non-sexual. As for dating... I remember a time when the purpose of dating was to get to know someone and see if they were someone you could potentially form a permanent relationship with. Now, it seems the purpose of dating is to satisfy one's lustful feelings, with no desire to form a relationship at all. What a dysfunctional concept! The sex act released the same brain chemicals as drugs like cocaine. Basically, the more you have sex with someone, the more "addicted" you become to them, forming an ever deeper bond. If people are having multiple sex partners, they don't get to form that bond. I can't even imagine how much that is screwing up people's brain chemistry and ability to form healthy relational bonds.

[@knrdvmmlbkkn]

"If people are (...) form that bond." According to which research?

[@annamossity8879]

@@knrdvmmlbkknThere’s loads of research backing this claim up. Google it.

[@beatnrg]

It’s so funny how the younger generation constantly think that they came up with everything that’s been around for generations if not centuries.

[@celeste8157]

No one should be having sex with someone they don't have deep feelings for. I wish that no one would have sex outside of marriage, but that's not the world we live in, so at least don't have sex with strangers. That will destroy your soul.

[@ItsSimplyAless]

🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

[@alycefrench5753]

Whenever I see all of these labels on someone's dating profile, I always pass them up

[@rosmarinus117]

I used to be one of the people who claimed to be 'demisexual', because it made sense to me. But after being with my boyfriend for several years and living with him, I don't really feel out of place. I feel normal. And a lot of your points do have validity, but I thought I'd share where I think this whole demi thing comes from. I felt out of place because I was raised in a family of queers. My mother was married to a woman at one point, and my brother has come out as gay for over a decade. While I remained my introverted self, not interested in dating culture, and not really having a huge social life like my brother. I spent a lot of time with him, and since I can remember he has always been very expressive about who he finds attractive, always dating, etc. I wouldn't say he's hypersexual, but in comparison to me, he definitely feels like it. So when you're raised in a family of 'hypersexual' queers, you feel like the odd one out. This was further ingrained into me when I noticed my age group's dating culture. It was everywhere. It was overwhelming. It was bewildering, how people could hop between partners and 'experiment' without even getting to know them for at least a few months beforehand. I've always felt strongly about developing a real emotional connection with someone. The best way I feel is repulsed when faced with hookup culture. Intimacy and sex is a sacred thing to me. For the longest time, I couldn't imagine giving that to anyone. And then you brought up how autistic women were more commonly identifying as a type of asexual. I've never been diagnosed with autism, but my brother is definitely on the spectrum (and diagnosed), and I do know that its well hidden by women compared to men. I hate being touched by strangers and even by family or friends, my brother included, even though he is the closest person to me in my life besides my partner. The demisexual label was short-lived and basically forgotten. I felt like I wasn't normal, like I didn't belong. And during that point in my life, I was insecure with my own emotions. There's a lot of reverse psychology involved, really. But now that I am living with my partner and in my (first ever) intimate relationship - none of that ever mattered. I don't feel dysfunctional. And in the face of hypersexual hookup culture, I don't even know what to call myself besides normal. But saying 'normal' might piss "them" off, given how they want to normalize everything.

[@letsdomath1750]

Not sure where the self-identification as "demisexual" didn't seem to fit anymore, but based on your account, you sound extremely demisexual, lol. It would only be an issue until you found a compatible partner, which is your boyfriend in this case. Once you are with someone, it would not affect your life at all, unless things didn't work out with your partner and you had to start all over.

[@agentwolf5305]

⁠​⁠​⁠@@letsdomath1750dude, they just said they aren’t demisexual and are normal. Plz don’t try to push this back onto and reaffirm this sexuality to them when they JUST said they aren’t this and don’t want to be it. Respectfully leave them alone. And besides, having a bond with someone before sleeping with them USED to be the normal thing before hookup culture took off.

[@letsdomath1750]

@@agentwolf5305 The nuance is something you are sorely missing. It's not about needing to have a bond to sleep with someone; it's about needing a bond to be sexually attracted to them AT ALL in the first place. Again, feeling any sexual attraction felt whatsoever (stage 1, the point of distinction between asexuals and demisexuals from "normal") is very different to about to have sex with someone (stage 10, the point of distinction between "normal" and being into the possibility of casual sex and hookups). That is what is not normal as it's closer to asexual than it is to what most people report as their lived experience. There is no such as everyone is just normal. Each person has unique preferences and incompatibilities, and the label is merely a shorthand to capture a paragraph detailing how they develop sexual attraction.

[@hollysanders1590]

Geeeez, they're NARCISSISTS!!! Me, me, me, me, me, me. It ALL has to be @ me!

[@BloodrealmX]

Good description of Trans.

[@junkyard_dog18]

a demisexual is just a normal person. hook-up culture is the outlier... maybe men biologically dont need a connection, but many do. as a man, i definitely 10000% need that, and i dont really know any men who dont. love & sex are interconnected

[@ItsSimplyAless]

10000% agree with you

[@Cardinal_claw]

This, for the majority of humans throughout history people need emotional connection. People that genuinely enjoy hookup culture are more of an outlier than any of the people claiming this label

[@mikicerise6250]

Haven't you watched the video? Men don't need that yo. Face reality - you're a woman! It's biology. I just realized I'm a woman with a p too thanks to this video. We should meet up at the ladies' dressing room. 😊 Thanks ToT.

[@rd6458]

@@Cardinal_claw And even those who enjoy the initial thrill still have to deal with the consequences of it.

[@erviatangerine5108]

Well I don't know a single man who needs it 😆 so I call it bs, men will sleep with anything

[@tomatosoup1304]

I don't see it as a sexuality per se but I'm not mad at the term. It's not as harmful to have a word to just say 'hey, I feel zero sexual attraction without an emotional bond' compared to most things.

[@sianais]

It's harmful because it implies normal behaviour is abnormal. These people think sleeping around with zero attraction or bonds is strange when it's not. The more they internalise it, the harder everything will get for them because they're going to assume the people they interact with aren't the same. They're just normalising hookup culture. It's bad enough that sht got as bad as it has because it's honestly the thing that is causing a lot of the insecurities affecting these people.

[@BloodrealmX]

@@sianais No it doesn't.

[@letsdomath1750]

@@sianais What are you on about? A demisexual is on the asexual spectrum. It's literally not what you call "normal." To have zero sexual attraction, literally zero (allow that to sink in), without an emotional bond, is not a universal experience. This person is telling you that without an emotional bond, they can easily go their entire lives without sex and be totally fine with it. Hookup culture is entirely separate.

[@AmberMcMillan-nw5jb]

Please make this a series! Where you go through different identities. Would love to hear your take on them. It's ridiculous that society has made our sexuality a part of our identity. Are we so dull and boring as a person that we must grab onto sexuality as a personality. So very sad. Wonder what these people will do when they realise that sex becomes a very teeny tiny part of your life as you get older?

[@kathryn8543]

I think 'demisexual' is also just a symptom of how hyper-sexualised modern culture / media is, with young teenagers pressured to engage in hook up culture etc, which actually isn't the way most people enjoy relationships and feel attraction. and those people have been othered. it isn't just people wanting to feel special, but a wider dating culture issue

[@Mikinaak2023]

I kinda get it. The labels are out of hand. I am not autistic but I do require a mental or emotional connection before I can ever feel physical attraction. I don't understand lust whatsoever.

[@BloodrealmX]

The labels exist so people can try to understand themselves better. This is true of the Asexual spectrum in particular since it's quite broad.

[@jennamichelle2001]

Thank you for bringing up autism and sex/dating! I’m 22 years old and autistic; I’m a virgin and have only been in one relationship, which was long-distance. I’m terrified of and uncomfortable with dating and sex, and I actually don’t want to conquer the fear because I’m not interested in getting involved in that stuff.

[@marianealonso202]

I've been told by someone I was demisexual, after explicitly saying I'm not and I don't believe it's a sexuality. I'm just not promiscuous

[@marianealonso202]

And it was real life, by a straight woman who is not chronically online. So I was really not expecting it

[@blackrosegardens]

I once identified as fictosexual, being only romantically and sexually attracted to fictional characters and it has a flag. I thought it was something to be proud of cuz of how affirming everyone was about it. What the fuck imagine being lifted up and praised for the most normal teenage thing ever. Being attracted to fictional characters and not dating at 15 years old 😭

[@hannahhood5481]

Fictosexual 🥲 Omg kill me now glad you got out lol

[@camm5245]

I got caught up in the demi/asexual label when I was younger. Turns out it was just C-PTSD. It's a very unhealthy label to give yourself.

[@luizaraposo2320]

I am just putting my own experience here in case I can start a good discussion about it. After talking with a few ppl, I realized I probably was Asexual, after that, I thought that demisexual fitted more. The problem is that I don't wanna be part of the LGBT community, and every time I see something about ace and demisexual, it has a different meaning, and it never fits. The biggest problem for me is that everywhere I go, or see someone my age or younger, they're talking about sex, they tell stories and make plans related to it. I have never related since I was a teenager and even now as a young adult. I've kept the term Ace in my head cause it felt easier in case I need to explain that I don't care about sex, I don't wanna have with anyone, and I don't feel attracted to most ppl cause I don't care about it. My feelings are more apathetic towards sex, but I don't have an aversion or an uncontrollable need, I just have better stuff to do. Again, I don't associate with LGBT, never been part of it, just got curious about a aspect of my personality, and realized that not only they don't help figure it out, but somehow seems to make it worse to others. But I really want to know anyone else's opinion cause I'm young, idk everything, and could use some takes from others that have been through something similar

[@rd6458]

You sound like a normal human being to me. :) I can also understand the pressure to use terms like "Ace" or "demi"...given that the expectation now is to lower all standards and sleep with the first person who calls "dibs." Modern attitudes about sex and relationships and marriage are not healthy at all, and feeling averse to the culture is a sign that you're normal, and being guarded around ppl you don't know, but who want something more, is very normal and instinctive behavior. As I said in other comments, sex is very consequential, or potentially so, and no contraceptive can guarantee that you won't be affected by those consequences, because none are 100% effective. Having friends who embrace you for who you are, and having hobbies that are fulfilling to you, provide a great bulwark against this. :)

[@luizaraposo2320]

@rd6458 That's basically how I live my life, I play games, watch videos, and study. It's actually nice to hear that I am normal, I mean, I was raised like that, but in the state of the world right now, it's nice to know there are ppl who agrees. Thank you for your comment, I appreciate you sharing your perspective!

[@BloodrealmX]

Asexual doesn't mean you have to HATE sex. Hell, some Asexuals can even enjoy _having_ sex when their partner wants it simply because it feels good but it isn't something they seek out. It's a broad spectrum, which is why there are sublabels within it like Demisexual so that people can try to understand themselves better.

[@rd6458]

@@luizaraposo2320 Of course, and likewise. This day and age being normal is actually quite a badge of honor; nothing wrong with being yourself, but "being normal" doesn't have to take any of that away. So just keep being you. :)

[@luizaraposo2320]

@@rd6458 Thank you! You're really sweet!

[@lindab.716]

Just another example of “I need attention and to feel unique “.

[@CharlotteIssyvoo]

My husband has joked that he gets to be queer because he's demi-sexual, a term he thinks is silly. On your assertion that men are "wired" to be fine with having casual sex, he said: "That's ridiculous, because there are plenty of men who aren't wired that way, like me, and then there's plenty of women who are okay with casual sex." Me, when I was single, I was fine with casual sex, though obviously I felt safer if the other person was a woman.

[@BloodrealmX]

It seems like intentional misinformation from channels like this one causes people to misuse the Demisexual label. It's being incapable of feeling sexual attraction to someone without a pre-existing emotional bond, it's not just "not wanting casual sex".

[@CharlotteIssyvoo]

@@BloodrealmX Yeah, I think I'm getting that. But I do think that's a whole lot of people. I think most of them can look at someone and think, "That person is sexually attractive," but that's not the same as actually being sexually attracted to them. I think it all boils down to what we mean by "sexual attraction." If we mean that we sexually desire the other person, then I think a lot of people are demi-sexual. If we mean that we can see that that person is sexually attractive, then I'd say very few people are demi-sexual.

[@aishalady3867]

I have never thought that demisexual IS a sexual orientation, but more like a psychological thing. How is not wanting having sex randomly a sexual orientation?

[@mayamartich9866]

Right, doesn't make sense:/

[@rd6458]

Basically because they aren't permitted to say "I want a committed relationship/marriage" anyone in today's society without ridicule or being branded as right-wing.

[@letsdomath1750]

It literally tells you something about how a person experiences sexual attraction with a single word.

[@DandyXandy36]

As a woman, I don’t need that emotional bond but I was sexually abused as a kid so that’s probably why I’m different. I only need physical attraction but this isn’t normal 😒 my life is more difficult because of it

[@DandyXandy36]

Demisexual makes sense to me but was never a part of my reality 😢

[@gingeralice3858]

I'm the same way but I wouldn't say my life was more difficult because of it beyond feeling misunderstood by the rest of society as a teenager. I guess if I had been born 10 years later it would have been a non-issue.

[@9395gb]

Get a good therapist to help you if you can.

[@Xenono54]

idk I've been in love a lot of times, but never felt sexual attraction to any of those people. Even back in most horny teenage years. I've no autism, no trauma, sexual or otherwise, I don't identify as anything whatsoever not even asexual, though their stories resonate with me. And it never really bothered me, you know, right until the point people on the internet, who never even looked into the issue, started making judgmental claims like "you should figure out why it's happening", "you just have low libido", "deeper connection might come AFTER sex" (no, it doesn't, btw, not for me), effectively making me feel like I'm some kind of social misfit. Idk who you think you are helping with these. I don't come to your videos telling you you should figure out your trauma instead of cutting off body parts, do I? What business do you have disregarding people's experiences that are different from yours - while they hurt no one?

[@bethandurlucia4361]

Hi I’ve been watching for a while but never commented i just wanted to say thank you for making these videos about theses topics and linking them to autism..I’m autistic and it’s hard communicating my feelings around things like relationships, I’ve never had one and I feel like nowadays people are constantly trying to force a label onto me like Demi or asexual when I’m just autistic and move my own way at my own pace it’s nice to see someone finally addressing the almost forced labelling so thank you 🖤

[@katlouise12]

“How do demisexuals date?” By setting out their boundaries from the start and finding someone who has similar expectations or is willing to respect yours. Really no harder than dating as any other type of person.

[@suitcase6698]

As an autistic gal, the one tiktok about it was cringe as heck

[@kristinjoni]

I have an autistic daughter in college. She can come across as rude sometimes if she’s overwhelmed. She doesn’t like to hold hands or have hugs so often. She gets socially drained easily. She thought in high school tbat she’s bi or a lesbian but honestly- she just doesn’t “like” anyone that way and hasn’t been in a relationship. She’s finding her way. I accept her as she says she is because I want her to feel open to talking about it with me. I hope she finds love if she wants it. But I’m proud of who she is.

[@9395gb]

Are you sure she's autistic or just has bad social skills? A lot of these kids and young adults have terrible social skills because they weren't taught them and many of them need basic old fashioned etiquette classes.

[@AB-J]

Demisexual isn’t a sexuality, it’s a preference

[@weswolever7477]

And demitasse is a half a cup of coffee

[@tomemberton1546]

Thank you so much for this!!!!! We have TOO many labels that mean nothing. I am a 72 year-young gay man. I truly think they have gone way overboard!!!!!!

[@inkassosjefen6315]

I understand this lable. This lable would fit me, and honestly it makes dating impossible! Because everyone wants to sleep together very early, and it comes up loooong before the bond is even there. This is not just "being normal", because its not normal. Sadly. I wish it were.

[@The_Tortoise_and_the_Hare]

not everything needs a label though. A normal everyday person wouldn't even know what demi sexual is, but if you only plan to date withing that sort of hyper extreme community then fine go ahead with the label, but you mostly only find that group online, so if you wanna find someone irl maybe don't use that label, because not to be mean, but most people think labels like that makes no sense, and it could make people not want to reach out to you. But if you are into that community then you would probably only want someone on the very far side of the middle.

[@aceclop]

​@@The_Tortoise_and_the_Hare I think it makes sense to use the label and if someone cares, they'll be interested enough to ask and if not, you really wouldn't need them in the first place.

[@The_Tortoise_and_the_Hare]

@@aceclop you do know that there are probably a ton of people who are the same way but without the label and when they see the label they get a bad feeling because certain parts of a certain community has gone on to become extremists, and you wouldn't know if it was an extremist or not so then it's better to not take that chance. People can be what they are but don't expect so many people to care, isn't it better that people not care than to have people start getting frustrated with always being talked down to for not feeling the need to learn. Most people know the basic stuff okay, don't expect people who doesn't know anyone in the community to dig deeper, like I would expect that my family and friends took interest in my mental health stuff since I am in their life, but I don't expect the whole world to read up on stuff and change their world to fit me and my challenges. I'm so glad I live in a country where people treat each other like humans, we're not a very sociable country, I am fine with the basics, but things are getting way out of hand these days and it simply makes no sense, and you for sure can't expect people to know everything now that everything has to be something.

[@aceclop]

@@The_Tortoise_and_the_Hare If someone gets triggered by you telling them that you're demi sexuaI, then they're probably dwelling in some spaces that you wouldn't want to deal with regardless. Normal people will either have heard of demi sexuaI and accept it or they'll ask what it is and then be like ok.

[@BloodrealmX]

@@The_Tortoise_and_the_Hare So basically you're saying people shouldn't try to understand themselves because you don't care about it?

[@isabelle3037]

I was losing romantic feelings for my ex when we were dating for a year and she didnt want to have sex or even touch me. Sex is really important and can make or break a relationship.

[@Digitalhunny]

I'm old so I remember the before times, before hook up culture & not much has changed. Some do it & some don't. Just do you & what makes you happy regardless of labels.

[@Cathinata1]

the difference is that demisexuals literally will not have a physical reaction of sexual attraction until they have a deep bond with someone, unlike most of us that can still feel those phisiological responses and choose not to engage until getting to know a person. :)

[@cradica]

Actually, that's your sex drive talking, not your attraction. Sexual attraction is when you fall in love

[@erviatangerine5108]

"Sex is the difference between love and friendship" did you just said asexuality is not a thing lol

[@sidcrook-hutsler9155]

I feel like demisexual is just having morals hahaha.

[@Altarior]

Have we seriously gotten to the point where just being genuinely interested in another person is its own "sexual orientation"!? 😭😭😭 This is just plain healthy pair bonding for a functional long-term relationship

[@purplebanana6420]

so glad im ace and that we get no coverage cause these people crazy

[@jamesneese7663]

For people so against labels.....these people love to label and categorize and box themselves in... Guess thats another group going to need representation on the pride flag.......

[@SummerStars18]

it's already in there.

[@aceclop]

There's definitely a huge difference, from my understanding, non demi people can have sexuaI attraction to people they don't know, even if they don't act on it, whereas a demi sexuaI never experience that attraction unless they know someone.

[@BloodrealmX]

That is correct, yes. This Marcus chick just wants to feel special herself.

[@tkps]

@@BloodrealmX You really are a piece of work. Just because Marcus won't agree with you. For that comment which incidentally doesn't bother Marcus if that was your intention and it clearly was, you should be ashamed of yourself and you give away the sort of person you are. An ill mannered spoilt brat who no doubt spouts how inclusive they are until someone doesn't lockstep with your views on the world.

[@letsdomath1750]

Yeah, it's a fundamental misunderstanding. In real life, I have zero, absolute zero, sexual attraction to anyone I am not emotionally close to. This is not for attention or specialness; it's an observation of my nature and disposition, and I have a bunch male and female friends on multiple continents, and when I describe my experience like that, they drop the whole "oh, you are normal" and replace it with "oh, I am not like that." LOL

[@kellylyons1038]

If you are a genuinely unique person with your own interests, hobbies, passions, and ideas, then you are comfortable just being you without labels. I think these people know they have no real individuality which is why they cope so hard with contrived personalities.

[@stephanielanthier7565]

I am autistic and I didn’t successfully dated someone who is not a childhood friend so you are right about that. It is complicated but I never really feel the need to label myself Demi sexual I’m just not promiscuous as you said. I don’t understand the need to have validation from other people on my identity or appearance etc. I think it means very bad self esteem. I’m not a huge fan of social media honestly I think it’s toxic when used that way.

[@deathbymajorityvote5448]

Food>>>sex and romance. Sex and love is useless and pointless to me, I'd rather eat garlic bread instead of being in a relationship 👍

[@babymama406]

Well. I guess they finally found one that fits me. But, I reject it. I think it’s pretty common and normal to need emotional connection before you can have satisfying sex. Especially women but men too.

[@BloodrealmX]

Not "have satisfying sex". She lied about it when summarizing it. Demisexual is being _unable to feel sexual attraction_ towards anyone without a pre-existing emotional bond with them.

[@SummerStars18]

I'm autistic and I have never dated. I don't like people in that way, and considering that I have a hard enough time connecting with people in the regular way, I really did think there was something wrong with me, (before I found out I was autistic). I never liked seeing people open mouth kissing or using tongues, I deplore sex scenes in films/ tv shows, I find genitalia of either sex to be ugly and don't like seeing it.- I just don't have that urge. I had woke friends when I was a teen to early adult who told me that I was demi or Ace- Then I had people tell me it's because I want 'that' in a certain type of way and it actually made me part of the fe-tish lifestyle- I spent so long trying to 'fit in' and 'feel normal' but none of it ever felt like me. When I was officially diagnosed with my Autism, SO many aspects of my life suddenly made sense, and things that my family had always just put down as me being 'quirky' were explained. Finally I didn't need to try and force myself to feel or act in ways that i didnt understand. And I realised that there had never been anything in me that needed fixing. (It also had the added benefit of turning me away from anything woke because i realised they were just trying to lable as me something THEY wanted me to be, and not just letting me be 'insert name') Just being myself, instead of trying to be like everyone else, and force myself into boxes and under lables, that were never right for me, has been the best thing to ever happen to me.-

[@wa_akii6873]

i always assumed demisexuality meant like u can't find someone random hot like you *actually cannot* like u dont feel any attraction at all, and that it has nothing to do with who u can sleep with. its more like u need to be friends with someone before you can actually start feeling attracted/like ur falling in love

[@toodlescae]

In 62 years I've seen and met plenty of men that I immediately thought were hot or attractive. It didn't mean I wanted to sleep with them. Everyone used to ask what my "type" was or what made me attracted to a man. I said it's different by individual. The only commonality most had was dark hair but even that wasn't all of them. It could be one's smile that attracted me while in another it could be his eyes. 🤷‍♀️

[@aprilmay4328]

thank you Marcus, this one in particular made me tear up. sexual attraction and intimacy is something i've always struggled with, and so i resigned myself to the asexual label. but ik now it's not just an identity that i have to live with my entire life; it's okay and normal to be afraid, it's okay to not align with hookup culture, and it's a fear i can overcome by working on it. your videos make my day Marcus thank you for everything you do❤️❤️❤️

[@j.s.1353]

As a bi who was a tomboy in high school I am glad that I didn't grow up with this idealogy. It is sick what they are doing to this poor young people.

[@CaraHTheRealCie]

I'm a straight woman who isn't into casual sex. I don't need a special term or validation for this.

[@thefandomsassemble3361]

I disagree. I think most people are not demisexual. How normal is it for people to have crushes on celebrities just because of the way they look? It happens to most people including females. Demisexuals would not have this attraction because they haven't got to know them yet, therefore meaning they are a minority. Yes not wanting sex imediately is normal but just because they don't agree to sex till they know someone: that doesn't mean they're not sexually atracted from early on.

[@xoluciaxo_3721]

Asexual I can get behind, demisexual is just ridiculous

[@cradica]

Agreed, you know some asexuals (like myself) will just have $ex with someone because they feel like it. That's not attraction!!!

[@knrdvmmlbkkn]

@@cradica"some asexuals (like (...) That's not attraction!!!" To "feel like it" sounds like a kind of attraction to me... albeit not necessarily sexual attraction.

[@jaygoodwin8833]

Even with asexuals there are so many fakers who go on and on about sex, how horny they are, how they love having sex but totally asexual anyway. Ive seen heterostraight asexuals wehemently claim they are queer and lgbt+. I called them out of that and got accused of HETEROPHOBIA lollll

[@cradica]

@knrdvmmlbkkn it's like how betting your meat doesn't mean you attracted to yourself

[@jaygoodwin8833]

@@cradica Huge fucking difference between your hand and a whole nother human being

[@nathanmoranx2105]

It's an aspect of my approach to dating but I also do not want or need it written on my forehead. Also I know a man who had a medical surgery that's feminizing, for other health reasons, and I did not feel a demi-sexual attraction to him upon first meeting, that melted away in the first few minutes, instead we click in a wonderful way I've only dreamed of. Ah, wholesome! 😊

[@Yikes_its_Psychs]

Does anybody remeber in the 90's and early 00's when we tried to do away with labels? Why is gen Z and Alpha trying SO HARD to make labels for every-damn-thing?

[@joeyk5]

It’s all ridiculous