Why Do Americans Ask "Hi, How Are You"??

When Americans say "Hi, how are you?" they don't really care, do they? Why do they say this, and what should you give as an answer?!!
So my question for you is: What other examples do you have of words losing their original meaning and then causing a misunderstanding because of that? And I did my best to explain the "Hi, how are you?" thing, but what questions do you still have about this topic?
Why So Much Small Talk in the USA? • Why So Much Small Talk...
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[@PineSG]

As an American: Good Job Dana! I would add the notion of "invitation" ... In both cultures ..the greeting of Hello/Hi .. is NOT an invitation to conversation. It is polite acknowledgment. In America, then we could add that "Hi, how are you" is again NOT an invitation to conversation, but IS more warm and offers more than just acknowledgement. Now from a psychological view I DO think it offers benefits. The mind being the funny thing that it is, just the simple act of being put in the position of saying " I am good" or "I am fine" even when NOT true... can place ones brain in a state that is more open to actually be being more "good". Positive affirmation. Especially when one can consider being good or being bad... as not absolutes but multi-level scales. Point being, with 382 million people walking around saying " I am good"... some percentage are going to impacted in a positive way, all for the cost of a few words added to a greeting. PS: I do hope all are doing well!

[@Dunklerturm1990]

I can understand this Point, but we germans do take many, when not pretty much all things veary literally, direct and honest. Asking a question not the exact way it is meant to be can lead to missunderstandings from the german perspective, that´s why we´re always pretty precise in our questions. So when a german is asking you "how are you" and is forced to say god even if it isn´t the case he doesn´t feel well in this situation in most times germans are prefereing to be exact and honest and even when it is cultural pretty normal for an american to say such things, I as a german would feel like a liar when i tell everybody "I am good" and I am geeting the feeling I am in a society of liars when I am hearing "I am good" from every person, so that´s far away from a "Positive affirmation" for me then. Another thing is, you can talk the world better then it is that way, I am prefering a honest picture of the feeling in the society I am liveing in, when everybody is saying "I am good" to me it´s surreal for meand it would give me the feeling something´s wrong, there´s no world where everybody if feeling good and happy even if you are pretending there is. All in all I don´t wanna offend anyone I just wantet to give another perspective and not all germans are so meticulous like me, but many are. So in the end, have a nice day :-)

[@spitymaeh]

I guess it comes from the superior customer service in the USA. It might feel more warm if you are greeted kinda more personal with this question even if it's super fake. Same with the "have a nice day" when leaving a clothing store or store in general even you know the sales person is super pissed that you leave the store without buying anything.

[@Dunklerturm1990]

PS. The best spot you can see the difference between german and american culture it the political leader. There is no way in the entire multiverse a proven chronic liar could ever been votet in germany, we are prefereing honesty, responsebility and respect for your duty as a leader, but americans seem to not care about such ethical values like hoestly and respect, it´s more about the feeling someone is giveing you. When you see our political leader you see a "cold" but honest and trustworthy person with no real "feeling", it´s all about the facts, giveing a good feeling may be a bonus. This sould not be an insult, it´s just the facts obout what are the majority of people in our countries seem to prefer and in germany it seem to be facts over feelings and in america feelings over facts.

[@insaeggebrecht6531]

That's exactly what I thought, I would feel very uncomfortable with saying "I am good" when I'm not. But even in Germany some people say "Wie geht's?" as a greeting when they don't really want to know how you are doing, especially in text messages (at least that's my experience).

[@Dunklerturm1990]

But when you´re asking "wie geht´s" you´re usualy not surprised if your conversation partner is saying "ziemlich scheiße heute" (haveing a bad day) don´t you? For me it is normal to expect a good mood, but when I get the answer that there´s not everything okay I am not realy surprised because it is that I was asking for. And now I have the opportunity to give a cheer up phrase or to ask what is going on ^^

[@ila257]

Aaaaaah, thanks, this was really helpful :D I still think just saying 'hello' would be much easier instead of a whole conversation. But I guess, I'm quite German in terms of smalltalk or avoiding smalltalk :D

[@hotsistersue]

How do Germans make friends if they don't engage in small talk? Small talk, in my experience, is how we get to know one another. So, how do Germans do it?

[@ila257]

You make friends in school / at work / in sport teams etc. and before the deep chats you maybe start with smalltalk to get to know each other :D but it's also totally accepted if you don't have smalltalk with everyone you meet for example at work, maybe some of your colleagues aren't sympathetic and then it's absolutely okay just to say "Hallo" when you walk past them in the hallway. And in general: usually you don't make new friends because of smalltalk you had with the cashier, at least here in Germany :D

[@Belgarion2601]

It's not like we don't do small talk with peers... I guess we just move to more personal topics a lot quicker than Americans (which includes North and South America). And in shops, supermarkets, etc. we just keep our mouths shut (pretty much^^)

[@1029blue]

I think, in a way, it's easier for Germans to weed out who they will get along with because, when they do make conversation, they are very direct and to the point and don't mind discussing things like politics and religion. You might not get to know people's deepest feelings right away, but it's not hard to figure out what their views are. In the US, it seems like there are so many bullets to dodge because people get offended by a good amount of topics, that smalltalk seems like the only option among people who you're not close to.

[@infolord79]

TravelEnthusiastDE Saying "Americans" refers to those in the USA. American is specific to the USA. A Brazilian is a Brazilian, a Canadian is a Canadian, a Mexican is a Mexican, only Americans are American. You'd have to be extremely stupid to refer to a Honduran as an American.

[@martinstubs6203]

You could argue that letting "How are you" loose all its meaning is in it self a sign of superficiality. But "Wie geht's" doesn't mean anything much in German either most of the time. Die difference between American and German is that you just wouldn't say "Wie geht's" to a stranger, let alone "Wie geht es Dir?"

[@Countryen]

As far as my experiences goes - Germans do say "Wie geht es (Dir)" to complete strangers in Text and Chat (like games, dating sites/apps, ...). But I've never seen it in "real life" :)

[@sissidieauswanderin]

Martin Stübs Wie geht's Martin? LOL Yes I agree very much with you!

[@movingoutyoung]

I really wouldn't wanna be a cashier in the US 🙈😅 must be so draining to have that mini conversation without any real meaning to it with every single customer 😂 over and over again 🙈 I already think it's exhausting to be a cashier here in Germany. They have to say "Hallo" and "Schönen Tag noch" which is already a lot in my opinion. Considering they say this hundrets of times over the course of a few hours.

[@spitymaeh]

I guess that's the reason why cashiers in the US work super slow. At least Dana said it is like that. She said for her it feels like cashiers in Germany are always in a hurry and it's like a race for her if the customer or cashier is faster putting stuff over the scanner and into the shopping cart.

[@jamesbuchanan1913]

Yes, retail work in the US is pretty much soul murder.

[@emergcon]

since i allways pay with debitcards in germany, i do smalltalk at the cashier. problem is: its seems like they often crave comunication - and i am embarrased cuz it holds up the whole line ;)

[@MrC0MPUT3R]

I actually loved talking with customers when I was a cashier. It made the time go by so much faster and made the customers happier/easier to deal with.

[@darthcreel]

I actually enjoyed it. I found small talk to be an easy way to pass time while working a job like being a cashier.

[@KatyAdelson]

Hmm...I'm American, and although I usually answer the "Hi, how are you?" question with "I'm fine" (especially when I don't want to be bothered), I sometimes answer the question a little more "truthfully" lol. If I'm feeling tired, I'll say, "a bit tired, but okay." or if I have a headache, I say that I have a headache. It's probably not what people expect to hear, but sometimes saying "I'm good" just doesn't feel right. I've also noticed that if I reply more truthfully and then ask the "How are you?" in return, the other person also tends to answer more truthfully (e.g. they may say that they're also tired, and why they think they're tired). I think it is interesting and can (sometimes) get a more interesting conversation going. =) Another similar "Hi how are you?" question/greeting that has changed its meaning is when checkout people at a store ask "Did you find everything today?" I've noticed that we're supposed to answer the question with "yes" and carry on with the checkout process. Sometimes I have an urge to say "no... but that's okay" if I didn't find everything that I was looking for, but that would just create an awkward moment for the cashier. It's not like they can help me find other items their store doesn't carry, so it is kind of a silly question to ask.... =/

[@3089280288]

Katy Adelson It is a silly and rhetorical

[@jross4622]

I think Germans on here are overthinking this wayyyy too much. It's a common courtesy greeting in America, and Americans are okay with it. I'm an American and I prefer a friendly "Hi, how are you?" over just a "Hi". Also, just because I ask the question "How are you?" without actually expecting to hear a big long story/conversation doesn't mean I'm a fake person who doesn't care. Think of it as holding the door for the person behind you, you don't hold the door for them because you know them personally or care for them deeply, it's just polite :P Bottom line: different cultures= different greetings and customs.

[@richardsull119]

Maybe, but keep it short. Or put a positive spin on it like, "Hanging in there!" It really is still just a greeting and a sort of performance between two people, and not the start of a dialogue about how you are really feeling.

[@transsylvanian9100]

It's not "overthinking", this is emblematic of a larger and deepseated problem of widespread mass psychopathy of american society leading to pathological dishonesty and fake politeness. Only really disturbed people would act like they are interested in how you are doing when they aren't.

[@xNinchenx1991]

I don't think it's like holding the door at all. I am german and I always hold the door for the person behind me. Also I smile when I meet someone while saying "hi" - which seems polite enough. It is actually pretty common for Germans too, to say "hi, how's it going" when meeting someone you know personally, even if its not a close friend. Like your colleague at work or your grandmothers best friend or whatever. But if I do ask it would feel totally normal if my grandmother's best friend would come up with a response like "not so well, I broke my finger last week and since then haven't been able to cuddle with my cat." It takes 30sec to listen to this and it would be totally normal to do so whereas in the US, coming up with just one sentence about your personal life would be considered strange. This just seems "fake" to Germans. On the other hand, I would never say "hi, how is it going" to the cashier at the supermarket or to a stranger while hiking. I would just say hi and smile. Because I don't know them and I think they wouldn't want to be pressured into talking to me by getting asked a personal question. If the cashier asked me how my day was going it would feel strange to me. Why would a stranger want to know anything about my day at all? I had this colleague who used to work in the US and he told me this story where someone at his firm asked him to meet up for lunch, like "hey, it was nice meeting you, we should have lunch together some time". He told me that he actually asked the other person out for lunch a few weeks later and it must have been very awkward. Why would you tell someone it would be nice to have lunch together if you actually don't want to go at all? Same thing with "see you later". Americans say "see you later" even if it's 100% clear they won't ever meet again. It just seems fake. Even though I do believe Americans aren't necessarily "fake". Still it seems like it. Why would it be polite to say "see you later" if you actually never meet again? In Germany this would be considered unpolite because it's so not honest. Germans hate when people aren't honest. To me it feels like I don't need to talk to a person at all if they are not honest because it feels like a waste of time. In Germany it would be normal, if I meet someone I really like, to tell them more about myself on the first day of a new friendship already. If I tell a new friend that I'll call them I would really mean it. I would call and meet up again. When I spend time with my American friends I never know if they really want to meet up again or not. I only smile and say yes to everything but I can never be myself. I can't say what I mean, I can't say what I like or don't like about a person, I can only be polite and then go my own way. Also everyone seems 100% nice and interested in the US even though they are not. It happened to me that I wanted to build up a better friendship to an American because I liked her but she only tried to be polite. It's confusing. In Germany those things are very clear and honest. Even if you don't say "I don't like you" (which you wouldn't even do in Germany) but if you don't like someone you just wouldn't talk to them all that much and you definitely wouldn't ask any questions.

[@3089280288]

J Ross Then don't ask how some one is doing if you wanna get real answers

[@leonpgut]

Then why would you ask someone how they are if you don't mean to ask them how they are? That's weird!

[@halfdemon_setsuna]

Yes! I don't get that. If I don't care, I don't ask like germans do. It's better that way.

[@PineSG]

I do not think it is correct to say that person does not care. In America, to ask that question, in that way, as a greeting is NOT an invitation to a conversation. Just as "Hallo" is not an invitation. But unlike "Hallo" which is really ONLY and acknowledgment of existence... to add more warm and be less formal, adding the "how are you" has become the norm.

[@Markle2k]

You just have to get over the fact that there is no perfect one-to-one correspondence in German conversation. You're learning a cultural difference. Choosing to refuse to respond appropriately is not a good solution because it is going to cause social misunderstanding. Don't worry about translating this interaction into a German one because there isn't a German one. This is how people greet one another, in English, in America. And the UK. And Australia. And New Zealand.

[@Tsyroc]

For me, it could lead to a conversation but I'm a little weird that way. I will say that it generally throws people off if you give a real answer to the question. I mean, other than "fine", "okay" etc... :-D

[@MyMadspirit]

ikr?

[@squidwardshouse67]

It is pretty superficial in fast food places in America. Sooo fake and unnecessary but apparently it's all part of great customer service here.

[@emilyshmelimy]

If you aren't good you could answer with "I've been better." And the most common response you'll get from that is "Oh. Well I'm sorry to hear that."

[@jodiipodiigames]

I'm an American and never really thought about it that way haha. But so true!

[@Lookn4Gsus]

Brendan Jacobi I've heard of grammar police but never the "how are you" police. Sheesh.

[@ashlieneevel2708]

I'm glad you went around correcting this mistake. I'm 3 months late to the video, and I'm cringing at all the people thinking that it really has no meaning like "COOL". I'm American, and when i ask how are you, I'm really asking, I may not care how you're doing 5 minutes after you're gone, but in the moment i'm interacting with a stranger I care, and while I don't expect a detailed reply, I will certainly sit and listen to someone who needed to get something off their chest, stranger or not.

[@RFHeimi]

That`s why i love the north german "moin". Just a greeting for any situation at any time.

[@xNujeL]

This is probably one of my most favorite video of yours because I've been wondering about this thing forever and you explained it really well. Plus, I'm just a sucker for anything linguistics related and I think it's very interesting how phrases/words change meaning over time.

[@johnlabus7359]

Thanks for this Dana. I'd add that if Americans are expected to not presume that Germans are rude because they are not outwardly warm and engaging with strangers and minor acquaintances, Germans should also realize that Americans are not superficial because of how they greet each other. Thanks for being a big smiling bridge between cultures. Don't change!

[@sissidieauswanderin]

John Labus Yes, well said for both cultures!

[@uhohhotdog]

When someone asks how are you it's also ok to say "I'm hungry", Or "I'm feeling homicidal "and then stare them down.

[@uhohhotdog]

And if you're in America when you say this you then flash your gun.

[@emergcon]

and now ure gonna be detained the next time at an us airport ;)

[@sissidieauswanderin]

Uhohhotdog Gaming you could but they would be highly confused and probably doubt they understood you correctly! 😂

[@Wendi713]

I believe your dead on Dana!!! I live in Silicon Valley in California. People here (for the most part) are extremely self centered and really don't care about how others are doing. I'm a bar tender and hear this exact conversation frequently. It's nothing more than an extended "Hello". It has lost all definition ad people here are simply too involved in their own lives to even look up from their phones. At times, your lucky to even get a "hi". Great video... you speak the truth.

[@dayanaclaghorn]

I'm an American, and I still struggle with this. I wish people would just say hello or hi. I'm a pretty literal person, so I used to answer the question, not just say good. I don't remember people doing this when I was a little kid, so I wonder if people don't say this to children, or if I was just oblivious. At some point in my teens though, I learned to say fine, or good, and move on. I have noticed that sometimes people treat me like I'm rude for not saying it back. But I'm not about to ask a question that I don't genuinely want the answer to.

[@CardcaptorLiShowron]

And I’m confused. I been in America for years, and whenever someone asks that question they’re really asking the question. They always say hi when they mean hi. Can you guys please tell me what states in America does this. Because every state I been don’t do this.

[@TimothyCHenderson]

I would add that if you know someone really well like a long time coworker, friend or family member, responding to "Hi, how are you?" with an actual explanation of your day/emotional state is acceptable but only in instances where it's important to you. The other person will usually understand that what you're saying is important to you if they are in your inner circle.

[@halfdemon_setsuna]

Das beste Beispiel war für mich, da ich seit 6 Jahren nicht mehr in der Schule bin, als eine Arbeitskollegin in gleichem Alter, die viel Kontakt zu Oberschülern noch hat, plötzlich auf meine Beschreibung zu meinem derzeitigen Hobby meinte: Läuft bei dir. Ich war total verwirrt und meinte: Wie?? Was läuft? Dann hat sie mir das erklärt.. Ich habe eine Weile gebraucht, um zu verstehen, was sie mir sagen wollte....

[@sissidieauswanderin]

Celmaen Verstehe ich nicht?

[@linghong2609]

In Chinese we will ask "Have you had your lunch/dinner?" But we're not actually asking about lunch or any meal, just a way of greeting.

[@rudirestless]

very similar to The Philippines.

[@Trifler500]

I know a Chinese American mom who likes to ask "Have you had your vitamins?" in the same manner.

[@flol.1741]

I think that your explanation works really well up to the point where you claim that, that is not superficial. I will agree that in Germany we do not ask the cashier wie geht's because we don't really want to know. However it is your other example: "at work" where I think Germany is a lot different. I ask most of my collagues: "wie gehts" every day and usually the answer is: "gut" but when it isn't and they want to tell me why, that doesn't make me feel uncomfortable, annoyed or strange in any way at all. I am very happy to listen, offer comfort or advice when their kids are sick or their shower broke or they had an afwul experience with their insurance company etc. As soon as we know someone on a first name basis these more personal things become completely ok to open up about, It seems to me that in america they don't. Which is why even after your explanation I feel that Americans are somehow more shallow.

[@InsertTruthHere]

I once got a call from an American friend at the outset of which we of course exchanged pleasantries as is the norm. So I was all, "How are you?" - "Good, how are you." - "Fine, just finishing up this term paper. What's up?" ... "Well, my mom just died." I think it exemplifies quite well how both the "How are you?" and the "Good" have lost their meaning. You might even say it despite actually being devastated.

[@Rainsofchange]

I think Americans--and a lot of people, actually--persevere to "be good." Mental and emotional health is still a thing a lot of countries, especially America, poo-poos despite growing acceptance. Not only that, but a person might be devastated, but that doesn't necessarily they aren't doing the best they can in a situation. A person may have lost their mother, but they may have expected it or still been in a state of shock. They might be dealing with things and are currently able to cope and feel "okay."

[@MisterFreak579]

Another question : Why do Americans always put a big smile on their face ?

[@castellddu]

If I'm asked how I am I say 'Fat and ugly much the same as usual' or 'Dull and boring much the same as usual'. I do this because I'm an awkward misanthrope who likes to break cultural norms plus I don't like to lie. Philip in the UK.

[@wheeeliegirl]

castellddu I kind of do the same thing. My response is usually something to the effect of been better been worse,ojust one of those days ya know. that is if I'm not actually good. still veage without being disingenuous

[@PineSG]

HAHA.. I might borrow that! Actually, I often say "Fair to Middling" (not sure how to spell that second fake word). Being that I am from the south US, it was a common term from the early 1900's. When I say that to young people, they often say that their grandparents spoke like that.

[@FurrBeard]

My favorite response when I want to have that effect is "Larger than life and twice as ugly!" - and it's *extremely* rare for anyone to recognize the source of that without prompting. Of course, I am somewhat taking it out of context.... ;)

[@nccuss17]

When at the mall (or another place), where they pester you with credit card offers, or other things, and they start with 'Hi how are you', I will often respond with: 'busy', 'sick', 'crappy', or whatever else that's usually a negative one or two word response. I never get a reply back. When it's a telmarketer on the phone, and I give a negative response, they will often ask 'when would be a good time to call back?', and I reply that I'm very busy and don't know (which is not far from the truth actually). Checkout lines i'll usually be either more positive, or just not say much at all. Work, I'll give whatever one or two word response is most accurate at the time usually.

[@Armygirlsdad]

I'm with you. I don't have a single usual response. I never say good or fine. So-so, not too bad, not too terrible, could be better could be worse, and others are responses I'll give. And yeah, it's the "I don't like to lie" part that keeps me from saying the cultural norm of good or fine. I have actually said the question itself is a lie because the questioner doesn't actually want you to answer truthfully. But as a socially inept introvert who values truthfulness above friendliness, I'm outside the norm. (Ohio born and raised.)

[@golemmoja]

Here's a pro tipp for small talk in Germany: If you think just "Hallo" is to short and not polite enough, you can add a specific question on a positively boring topic, such as "Hey, wie war die Fahrt?" or "Bist du gestern noch gut nach Hause gekommen?" ("How was your trip?" and "No problems on your way back home yesterday?"). Most car/bus trips are boring enough that even Germans stick to a simple: "Gut, danke." or "Stau! Das Übliche halt." You might still start a 5 minute discussion about the current situation of the public transportation system in Berlin, but at least you won't be putting the colleague you barely know into the uncomfortable situation of telling you about their brothers suicide.

[@l.c.899]

thought they say: howdie partner, yeehaa

[@jodiipodiigames]

Lara Croft 😂

[@Nabend1402]

And "Howdie" is, of course, also just a shortened version of "How do you do?", meaning "How are you?".

[@sabine0910]

:D

[@acc45460]

Hm, I'd expect that from Australians - even though it's a cliche, of course :D

[@thekenneth3486]

I am from Texas and live in Texas, and it really is fairly common hereabouts to hear and say, "Howdy". It's just a friendly way to say, "Hello" or "Hi, there"-a little more gemütlich. Younger generations are losing the habit, though, sad to say.

[@terryefosheehawkins1341]

For the most part, I completely agree with your explanation. I would also like to add that there is an element of privacy that I tend to observe. If I am having a bad day, and I don't want to talk about it, I will say that I'm fine, because quite frankly, it's not everyone's business how I'm feeling. If, for instance, my dog died, my child broke his arm, and I had a flat tire, I sincerely do not want to relive it, I just want to move forward. However, if you are a very good friend, I would answer truthfully, "I'm having a crappy day. Can we talk about it?" With a stranger or a mere acquaintance, I would say, "I'm fine" because I am.

[@Hanna-vw4oy]

I always wondered about this topic! Great video! Helped a lot! ~~

[@coralaisly]

In my experience "Hi, how are you?" "Hey, how goes?" and "Hey, how's it going?" and variations on these are superficial and the expected answer is some form of "Good," "Ok," or "alright." Basically, low level pleasantries exchanged. If someone actually wants to know how you're doing, they'll change it to something along the lines of "Hey... are you ok?" "You alright?" or "Everything ok?" and it will be accompanied by a slightly concerned look. That's when, if you're not ok, they want you to pull them aside and actually tell them what's going on. Usually this person is going to know you at least a little, like a work buddy or a friend.

[@a.b.1103]

That's interesting. What I'd like to now is this: When can you trust US Americans to mean what they say when they say things like: "What's your phone number? What's your facebook account? Let's meet tomorrow, I'll call you! That's great, let's do xyz... You definitively have to visit me ..." I've heard these comments countless times and the first 3 times I was thrilled, but then I realized that it doesn't actually mean anything at all. None of these invitations were ever followed up on. It is one of the reasons why I don't like US Americans any more. To me, that is deceitful and superficial. So, what do you make of it?

[@OrangeFluffyCat]

A. B. Were you thrilled internally or externally? I can't speak for them, but when I make invitations like that and the other person doesn't seem very enthused about it, I worry that I came off too strong and I back off and leave them alone until they contact me. So, maybe some of those people got the wrong impression that you weren't into it? Or maybe you're dealing with a bunch of easily distracted young people with bad social skills?

[@ericacrombie9035]

I agree with OrangeFluffyCat. If you didn't reciprocate they might have either found you rude or they thought you were giving them a hint to back off. Asking "how are you" isn't just done to sound polite, it's done because not asking is often considered rude. Being polite is standard, so not making an effort is considered rude.

[@a.b.1103]

Actually, living in a touristy university town, these interactions took place mostly in Germany with tourists / students / expats of different ages. And they were not in a dating / flirting context and in interactions with both sexes. And (for a european) I definitely did show enthusiasm. No honestly, if I wasn't interested in a friendship, I woud have kept the small talk to a minimum. I do however avoid the word "awsome" ;-) .

[@OrangeFluffyCat]

C.F. Gauss Ok you bridge troll, don't even try to imply that America is somehow the only place in the world with "fake politeness", there is fake politeness literally everywhere, it's what keeps societies functioning. Places like the UK and Japan are the world capitals of fake politeness, and it's just fine because it avoids unnecessary conflict and keeps things running smoothly. Also, to lump "America" into one cultural category is stupid, the people and interactions you'll have in rural Alabama will be VERY different than if you're thousands of kilometers away in San Fransisco. The amount of politeness people bother with, fake or genuine, varies wildly from place to place.

[@moriahscogin1245]

A. B. i dont think that comes from a place of superficiality. i definitely think they had every intention to infact meet up or comunicate further, but!!!!! one thing abojt american society us that we are VERY social we get tied up in busy life being social with 15 different people all the time. SO when you are invited to meet up and hang out then there is an expectation for you to express interest as well. meaning when you exchange numbers its not wrong to message /call them first and offer a time that works for you.. I know for myself and alot of my friends you meet someone knew and you totally want to meet up but then you go hime and all the sudden youre stricken with fear and anxiety. do they really want to meet up or did you force them to say yes? do they even like you? what if you make a plan and you get there and they have a terrible time and you cant think about anything to talk about? and when that happens you never pick up the phone and youre scared to make a move. just a simpl aknowledge ment of "hey im so glad I met you Im free friday night and am going to *resturant* and want to know if you want to come?" bam you got yourself a new friend. so mo not all of us are superficial (yes youre gonna meet some who are) but there is 2 sides to every friendship

[@emmynoether9540]

Thanks Dana, this made it clearer!

[@WantedAdventure]

+Emmy Noether Glad to hear that!! 😊

If you're passing someone in the hallway... how do you have time for "How are you!" "Fine, how are you!" "Fine!"? It's "Hi!", "Hi!" and then you're already past each other. :D

[@jannab8123]

Dana! Thank you so much for this very well explained video! I studied English at the university for 6 years, I've lived in Scotland for half a year and am still confused by this. However, you now finally brought light into this dark corner of my brain :D. And guess what, one day, I'll use this video for my students. Unfortunately the students I teach atm are a wee bit too young to understand the problem but I'm sure it'll be fun to discuss this issue with some students age 16 and older :).

[@jeank9146]

Ok, I am an American. I am glad to be an American. When a clerk asks me how I am, I say "fine", "great", "good", maybe even, "tired". Then I say " how are you", or "how's your day going". It is NOT superficial. I actually care about the answer. Sure, it's just for the moment, but it is part of being American. The person who makes no eye contact, makes no small friendly remark, comes across as borderline rude, or just plain rude. Don't knock us, try tolerance for a culture you don't understand.

[@oechsnea]

I always mean it too, even with strangers. I hope not everyone is faking.

[@spcfl1461]

Amy O Most of them are faking it. Source: over a decade in retail and hospitality here in the US

[@germanwithyvonne]

I just taught my students on that topic. The lesson was about small talk and behaviour and of course of the differences in the different cultures. Anyway, even in Germany has the phrase "Hallo, wie geht's?" kind of lost its meaning. If it comes down to work situations you never answer turely. There is just one answer: "Danke, gut!!" But I also kind of did the "Americans are so superficial" - mistake and told them that as an example that it is in the US more a thing of being polite and having a nice small talk with each other (--> small talk is always positive) I will recommend your video! Thank you for that.

[@HansBjorgman]

I'm American and when people ask "How are you?", if I'm feeling bad, I tell them "I'm alive.". Telling them I'm alive is true. Most of the time when people ask "How are you?", I will respond with "I'm okay, and you?" or "I'm okay" if I don't feel like conversing with them. It's true. I'm 'okay' because I'm alive, not dead. That is how you respond without lying. I didn't know any better when I was a moody teenager and I would tell people how I actually felt and then they would only ask more questions and pretend to care. It was a nuisance. I don't really care much for small talk, so quick and simple answers are best for me. I'd honestly rather someone just say "Hello!" and smile at me, instead of talking a lot when I know they don't really want to talk to me.

[@mylyaleyeqis6710]

The first english word that came in my mind when you said "words losing their original meaning" was "f**k". Nowadays it's normally not used for... you know... but as synonyme of "damn". Not only in the English language but also in other languages.

[@mylyaleyeqis6710]

corr.: synonym for

[@e.urbach7780]

The word "damn" has also lost its original meaning: "I condemn you to hell". Even those who don't believe in heaven or hell, use it!

[@juliegirl1989]

Thanks for clearing that up! I really never knew how to respond to that simple question.

[@assertivegirlera]

Spot on Dana! We definitely use that here in Australia. It's also usually accompanied by a hello nod especially when shopping/not stopping to ask how someone is

[@MrDrifterNL]

Back in the 80's they asked "How's it hangin'"

[@e.urbach7780]

LOL, and then my guy friends would answer "a little to the left!"

[@sissidieauswanderin]

MrDrifterNL hehe! So, how's it hanging?

[@betaich]

Why than are you asking at all? If it lost it's meaning in the context of saying "Hello", then why the hell waste the time? Also I learned in school that to the "How are you?" question, they never want an honest answer so the culture thing has deeper roots as you might think.

[@Markle2k]

Because you aren't supposed to be learning how to speak German using English words. German has its own idioms, why are English speakers not allowed their own?

[@DasJiggly]

Because language is there to understand each other. Culture has nothing to do with it. If I ask you "how are you" i want an honest answer in order to understand you. If we use random words that loose all their meaning because its a "culture" we will not be able to understand each other anymore because we are forced to fit in the norm. Also english is the world language and is supposed to let every human on this planet communicate. And yet foregin english speakers use those words for something completely differemt without caring about anyone or anything other but themselves. This unliteral "hey, how are you" is so selfish in so many ways ...

[@whitefantom]

Culture and language are inseparable things. Language doesn't exist - or come to be - in a vacuum. Languages change and evolve over time and words (and phrases, too) come to mean different things. That's how language works. "Gay," in English, once meant "happy," but now refers to someone who is sexually attracted to the same sex. Dana also gave the example of "cool," which once referred to a temperature between warm and cold, but is now also used to refer to things that are current, popular, trendy, or even simply interesting. Slang is a linguistic phenomenon driven directly by culture, which is why slang from one English speaking country doesn't have the same meaning in another (a perfect example is "fag," which in British English refers to a cigarette, but in American English is used as an insulting term for someone who's homosexual). Slang is an extreme example of how culture drives linguistic change, but languages change more gradually as well, and all of those changes are directly tied to the cultures in which the language is spoken. Any English-speaking person trying to read Shakespeare could easily tell you that; Shakespeare's puns, jokes, metaphors, and even just plain statements often require extensive footnotes to explain what certain words and phrases meant in Shakespeare's time, because in many cases they don't mean the same things anymore. Idioms are another area of language strongly driven by culture, and in a way, that's what "Hi, how are you?" is in this case. Idioms are phrases that have been used for such a long time that they've lost their original (or at least their direct and literal) meaning and are now understood in a different way. All languages have idiomatic expressions, and all idiomatic expressions are so closely tied with a given culture that it's impossible to translate them directly into another language without losing their meaning. That's what's happening here, really.

[@eleo_b]

betaich --now that is how language works. Not everything is literal. That is the greeting in itself. I'm sure you've also said "auf Wiedersehen" to people you know you're never going to see again in your life.

[@transsylvanian9100]

This is a cancerous practice that encourages pathological dishonesty.

[@INTPMann1957]

I think the subtlety is in the context. If you're saying "how are you?" to a stranger or a coworker (in a casual sort of way) that you don't have a close personal relationship with already, then you're correct, it's just a polite greeting. On the other hand, if you already have a close personal relationship with someone, or if the other person is obviously in distress, you might say (in a grave tone of voice) "how ARE you?" and look them in the eyes intently. That's a subtle signal that you're concerned for their well being and are prepared to hear all about their troubles. For what it's worth, when I was a moody, self-absorbed teenager who felt isolated from the world, I used to struggle with "how are you" -- and I'm an American! So I can't really blame Germans for being confused about it...

[@redgirlsrain]

I find it's pretty common in America for someone to answer the "how are you?" with "eh, I'm alright/okay" or "not great" even if they are just talking to a random person, people don't always respond in a positive way. There are plenty of Americans that don't seem to understand that no one really cares how they are, and will go on a huge rant about their day. I find the appropriate response when a stranger replies that they aren't doing good is to say something like "Oh, I'm sorry to here that. I hope your day gets better." and then hopefully the conversation ends. I actually avoid using this phrase because of the risk of starting a conversation...

[@achillesmichael5705]

thanks for this very good video it really changed my views and made me understand the phrase better

[@ramonfortunomd]

Great work Dana!!! I saw the videos you performed in and recorded in Berlin, about Bier, Saufers, and also the video that clearly pictured the differences between Hochdeutsch and Boärisch (München) Deutsch!!! Ausgezeichnet!!!

[@agbook2007]

Fine, thanks for asking! (Fine is less of a "lie.") No need to lie... it just is a formality!

[@gracej6021]

Dana, great job explaining this for people from the outside looking in. One more point, however, is (at least in Michigan) "Hi/hello how are you?" said to a friend means that you really want to know, an acquaintance it depends. I think the decider is your Tonage/body language. =)

[@ivantrkulja6180]

Truly nailed this one Dana! Moving to the US from Switzerland I felt awkward the first few days with these exchanges...a few weeks later this dialogue just flows. Nonetheless, our cultural background surfaces in stressful situations: I recently ran out of gas and barely managed to get to Sam’s gas station, where it turned out I cannot fill up my car without a customer card. So while I voiced some curse words to myself in my mother tongue, a senior gentleman asked me “Hi, how are you?” , and I answered “oh it’s been better”. Realizing I broke the social routine somewhat too late, I hear him mumble uncomfortably “well, that’s not good” as he sped up to walk away from me. Along these lines, I am constantly confused with gas stations here: - my first experience saw me having to pre-pay inside as the card readers were broken. I had no clue how much a full tank on my rental could possible be : $100 what I usually pay in Switzerland ? The cashier laughed at that - the mere existence of gas stations that you need a customer card for - having to lift a metal piece at Shell’s to get the pump running - practical non-existence of Diesel

[@erdsandwich9337]

thanks for your education. Love your videos

[@lovingLANA20]

thank you so much. you helped me a lot! :)

[@Rainsofchange]

It's strange to see some people comment about how exhausting this stuff must be when it really isn't a bother at all when you've grown up around it. It's all about the context of the situation(strangers vs. friends/family) and culture! I feel like the expectation of hearing, "I'm good," as a response is in part due to how we as people feel when asked. In the context of a situation where a cashier, whom I've never met, asks how my day is going, I doubt this person actually wants a super detailed, nuanced response, and I don't want to tell a complete stranger the inner workings of my life at the moment. Why would they want the details? They don't know me or have any emotional investment in some relationship with me. All the same, it's kind of them to ask and it's an opportunity to remind myself that my life could always be worse, so I answer with, "I'm good." This might also be a way for an employee to also ask you how your experience was at the store. Some of them will ask if you've found everything okay, but also asking how you are offers you the opportunity to bring something up if you actually haven't had a good experience in the store. Sure, an employee might be more used to hearing that people found everything, but it isn't entirely unwarranted for someone to say they had trouble finding an item or navigating the store. Because a stranger asking, "How are you?" is more like asking, "How are you doing right this moment?"" It's almost locked into the context of your current environment and how your at-present experience is going. If you aren't doing well while grocery shopping, what about this experience isn't making you do so well? Most people say, "I'm good," because their shopping experience was perfectly ordinary. You might get a few variances. Very small, usually humorous invitations into somewhat deeper(shallow puddle) conversation. For example, someone might ask, "How are you doing?" And an older person might say, "Still going," or "Still kicking!" It offers a small insight into their day or their life, but it isn't something to be deeply investigated. If someone admits they had a long day, they aren't looking for you to open up a tub of ice cream and open an ear. Something equally light, but empathetic is expected, like, "Haha, yep. I know that feeling." Just something that agrees with them or shows that you understand that feeling. On the flip side, it's almost always an invitation into an in-depth conversation when you ask a friend or family member, "Hi, how are you?" or "Hey, what's up?"" It might start out light, but a person is much more comfortable and likely to share what they did throughout their day or what some guy said to them that ticked them off in the parking lot.

[@knitndreams]

this forces people to feel good. "how are you" should stay as it is and not a senseless question.

[@knitndreams]

i still think its fake. but germans do have same issues i guess.

[@veranicus6696]

nope

[@knitndreams]

Well asking without really caring for the answer is fake. But that's the general problem. And this applies to Germany and the USA and a lot of other cultures.

[@syddlinden8966]

american here. No, you don't have to lie. Don't go into a whole story about how your day sucked cause some people are a-holes and will think you're​ whining, but I have a rule that if I feel like crap, I'm not going to say I'm good unless the person asking has no business knowing. It should be a brief assessment of your mood. Those not in your "confidant" group always get a "I'm good", cause your business isn't their business. Anyone trustworthy with the information can get a more honest answer. Say I'm really​ dragging ass at work and a manager asks how I'm doing, I might say "I'm wiped today," "man, I slept like crap," or "I'm okay, just really tired." I've also outright said "bad morning" too, or just "meh". It both communicates that today sucks but also doesn't invite questions because I'm there​ to work not complain about my day. "Fine" is often used as a dismissive response as well, less than good, but better than crappy, "and I don't want to talk to you about it because you're a stranger. :)" Also, as someone with chronic depression, it's my rule to say I feel like crap when I feel like crap. Denying how down I am isn't going to fix anything or even begin to help my mood. At the very least, mentioning I had a bad morning cause, hey, I have chronic depression and anxiety, is bringing awareness and slowly eroding the taboo on even just talking about such things. edit: As for shopping situations, things like "long day," "ready to go home," "time change sucks," "omg, traffic!", or "man, it's crazy in here today" are good ways of communicating being tired or irritated at a crowd without being rude about it. A cashier can also use "it's been busy/crazy" to communicate the same thing. examples: hi, how are you today? ... ready to go home. how are you? ... man, it's been crazy in here all afternoon. (all as scanning groceries) hey there! how you doin? ... uhg, terrible sleep. I'm wiped. ... oh, that's too bad. ... I'll live. You? ... Surviving. (goes into whatever project needs to be done at work that day) So it doesn't HAVE to be "I'm good." It really is a little situational. I actually use a more casual "hi" when it's a work situation or I'm just greeting someone. Something like "hey, hey, hey!" or just "hi there!" with a wave.

[@Nicole3900]

Agreed!!

[@KatalovesLinkinPark]

I feel just like you. I have both depression and anxiety, too, and I hate it to tell people I'm good when I'm not. Even in Germany there are people who just ask out of politeness how you are and don't care about the response, but I won't lie anyways because this just drags me down more when I prentent I'm fine when I'm not.

[@3089280288]

Sydd Linden If you ask the question, you should be prepared for the answer whether good or bad with no explanation but its too forced and rhetorical

[@krystofdayne]

I'm still not really satisfied with that. I mean, I get it, but it only reinforces my thinking that Americans are superficial xD because adding "how are you" when you don't really care must have come from pretending to care and being overly polite and so on when there's no real need for it. It may have evolved and lost its true meaning but still, why overuse it in the first place until it lost its meaning when you actually don't mean it?

[@LaMiriabelle]

Krystof Dayne It is not that much different in Germany. Colleagues always ask "How are you?" They don't really want to hear answer. The only difference is, that we don't use that phrase for strangers.

[@Markle2k]

Don't try to translate the question or the interaction into German. There is no analog. But don't act like German doesn't have idioms as well. It's not strictly true that we don't care. If you wanted to be really cynical, you could interpret the question as a rephrasing of "Are you going to cause me any problems?" But really, it comes down to the fact that question isn't asking for a deeply personal answer. You'll just have to get over that mental hurdle. Different languages and different cultures have different idioms. And idioms are more impossible to translate than prepositions.

[@DerNunu]

I almost always ask people how they are. But I actually do care and want to know the answer.

[@DanJan09]

what LaMiriabelle said. As soon as you "know" a person in Germany (at least in NRW) we do greet each other with Hi, wie geht's?

[@Metalhammer1993]

slight difference we use that for friends and you´re a shitty friend if you don´t care for the answer. I don´t use that question for strangers or people i just see a few times a week. that question is reserved for friends and than i of course care for the answer. and that´s how it should be treated all though at least on a business level it´s normal form. "how are you" and a short answer ususally " good" or " a little busy but it´s fine" or before an oral exam my prof "how are you" "a little nervous" in generally a short answer that does not allow any questions anfd doesn´t raise concern, like the english/american "good" but doesn´t mean i like it more rthan that. it´s superficial and unnecessary

[@93maija]

I'm Norwegian, which I've found out have A LOT in common with Germans. Not really used to nonsense small talk, not a big fan of it either. I've been to England a few times on class trips, and one of the times we were staying at English host families, with English students at the same age as us. I remember the girl in my family constantly (or... often) asking me questions like "how are you?" and "you all right?" and that felt really weird to me, because I was wondering if I looked sad or uncofortable, like I didn't have a good time, when I actually felt totally fine. I figured out later that she was probably just asking to be polite, which is more common in England that Norway.

[@Rainsofchange]

I'm so used to it that I hardly think about it. I'm so used to having people "check in" on me and "checking in" on others. It's particularly so when you're hosting something or have guests over. I think it's commonplace here for putting the responsibility on the hosts to open up opportunities for comments/concerns. Since some people might not speak up or draw attention if they would like X, Y, or Z or feel X, Y, or Z, we feel obligated to offer little chances for them to say something just in case. So, we ask! "Are you comfortable? Can I get you anything? How are you? You alright?" We ask even when most visual cues tell us everything is fine, but we do it to be sure. Sometimes I've had people remember something or take me up on the question. "You alright?" "Yeah--oh, wait. I'm a bit thirsty, actually. Do you think I could have something to drink?"

[@veronicas421]

Good topic, Dana! I agree that the greeting is pretty much a long way to say Hi/hello. I also think it can depend on the situation and how well you know the other person. Strangers' greetings are the simple hi, how are you? - Good, and you? - a polite greeting. Friends/acquaintances greeting each other are being polite, but I think that if there is a valid answer that your friend knows about like an illness, family illness, etc, than a more apropos answer is acceptable- but keep it more upbeat. Ex when my dad passed away, if I greeted a friend with the hi, how are you, I'd answer that I was making do or "better than yesterday how are you?" Something brief but more real. (And the same can be conveyed with tone if the I'm good phrase is answered)

[@kiwu100]

This video almost explains everything I wondered about, when I was in Florida. :'D Really, I was so confused that every stranger wanted to know how I am, but never listened, when I actually told them.

[@HansBjorgman]

Yeah. When I was a teenager, I always HATED getting asked "How are you?" because I always felt obligated to tell the truth. I was a lot more socially awkward than I am now, though. I've gotten a little better over time. I just respond with "I'm alive." when they ask.

[@Trifler500]

Hans when people ask me "What's up?" I often reply with either "the ceiling" or "the sky". :)

[@JustBrii]

I actually care when I ask somebody how they are! but i do ask I'm a different way if I really want to know. . .

[@alittlemuslimshoppe2555]

Great video. I was JUST teaching my 5 yo this yesterday. I think my hubby thought I was weird, but when I asked "is what I'm saying wrong?" and he thought about it, he realized it was true. It's just so ingrained in our culture to say these things that it loses its value. I've met tons of people who've moved to America as a 20+ year old and have expressed the same thing as part of the culture shock.

[@erictaylor5462]

One of the most confusing places this can happen is at the doctor's. The doctor comes in and says, "Hi, how are you?" well likely you are not doing so good because you have come to see the doctor, AND the reason you have come to see the doctor is because you are not doing so good. How do you respond? Is the doctor just greeting you, or trying to get the exam started because he only has 10 minutes to spend with you?

[@e.urbach7780]

In that case, you've gone to the doctor *because* everything is not o.k., it's their job as a physician to address health problems, and you're paying him or her to be concerned about your welfare, so the circumstances are different from just greeting someone in public. You would tell them truth, with all the details, but as succinctly as possible, because they're trying to get the exam started and only have a few minutes to spend examining you, diagnosing your problem, ordering tests and filling out prescriptions. This is business, more than a friendship (even if you know the doctor socially), although many doctors are trying to improve their "bedside manner" by engaging in a few seconds of friendly small talk even in their exam rooms, as a way to improve the psychological well-being of their patients. If you were to pass your doctor on the street, and they greeted you with "hi, how are you?" they would expect you to keep your answer short and to the point -- even if you don't say "I'm fine" -- because they're not going to discuss the details of your health on the street for privacy reasons, and because that's their profession/they get paid to do that when they're in their office/exam room, but not otherwise. Some of my friends/relatives who are in the medical field really dislike "talking shop" outside of work hours, and they will address a health question very briefly, but then ask you to make an appointment to see them at their clinic or in their office if you want to actually discuss it.

[@kajalfreaky]

We had a refugee boy in our class and his german wasn't that good. But we really liked him and we always said to him "du bist so ein geiler typ" which means "your such a cool guy" but it literally means "your such a horny guy". Geil is a slang word and it's only used when you're with friends. But he didn't know that so once our teacher was nice to him and he said "du bist so eine geile Frau" which you shouldn't say to a teacher because it's very respectless. The situation was pretty funny and luckily our teacher wasn't mad.

[@sissidieauswanderin]

Blaues Auge LOL! Das war ne geile Story!!! 😂

[@Kaliavidya]

It's really great to see how much your channel grows! I was thinking in Germany people oftentimes say 'Wie geht's?', 'Gut und dir?' -> That might be an equivalent of the american version

[@tweevers2]

It is simple...over the decades "Hi, how are you" has morphed from any form of greeting/question into it being ALL just a statement...It is a longer warmer form of just 'Hi' nothing more.It is ingrained within our culture to speak more than just a blurted out one syllable 'Hi' which is kind of cold and snappy.If Someone walks past me and says "Hi how are you"...I reply just reflex like "Hey there!" or "what's going on" or "what's up"...as we are both continue on walking away from each other.Never to think thery are asking about me or wanting to know anything.There is nothing to think about or read into with this greeting of 'how are you',you just reflex react a quick greeting in return and never break a stride.

[@sissidieauswanderin]

Hehehe! That's exactly how I felt when I moved to America! People ask me "how are you" and I'm trying to respond-only to realize that they actually didn't want to know. Lol! Now I know, if they say "how are you", I answer "how are you" too lmao! 😂

[@peggy5823]

This actually bothers me as an American! This happened the other day in the grocery store. A church member passed by me but stopped to say hey how are you doing? And I just smiled and said good and went back to looking at the shelves 😣 I didn't realize until after that it's considered rude even though I was born here. I honestly hate that back and forth banter because I come off as rude a lot when I don't continue

[@KiraFriede]

Well, in Germany you don't always tell the ones who ask what you feel. But it's not very common to just answer it by "I'm good" (at least if the person is just talking to you). You often add something to reason it. And it's also more accepted to mourn about something (not too personal though). When asked in the office or by acquaintances you may answer "Quite well, just a lot of work today" or "I'm good, but now I'm really looking forward to the holidays" or "Ok, had some trouble with the car this morning". A good reason to mourn is also the weather, too much work at once (especially if you hadn't much work the day before), the recent customer who drove you insane or the traffic. But if we are happy, we are also adding that (also not too personal stuff), but if a customer said something nice, the weather is perfect, you had a great day/ holiday, you were lucky etc. you may add that as well at the end of your response. Complete strangers or cashiers/ receptionists won't ask how you are, but sometimes if you enjoyed the purchase or if you're ride was well (if you found the hotel easily) or (when you leave), if you enjoyed the stay. There you most likely answer it positivly, at utmost add like a sidenote about the high shelves or that driving with gps is always an adventure.

[@nob5773]

Is it also common to thank the person for the question? Because in germany its kind of normal to answer something like: "fine, thanks for asking." so " gut, danke der Nachfrage".

[@uhohhotdog]

Nxdlo2 not common but ok

[@sydneyl9732]

Nxdlo2 yes!

[@HansBjorgman]

Some people do and some people don't. It all depends on what you want to do.

[@redgirlsrain]

I find that it is very common in America to thank the person for asking.

[@uhohhotdog]

I'd say it happens about 1% of the time tops.

[@keriezy]

I like to surprise people who ask how I am with an honest answer. It throws them when I say things like, "Same sh*t; different day" "It's been better" "Suprisingly great" "We will see when I get there." I like to have small talk (very American) and I find this is a great way to actually form a conversation, it's a more open ended approach to conversating.

[@Ahiku]

A couple of years ago I worked for a car rental company (complaint department)... and one day my coworker asked me to take a call for her, since it was a native English speaker... and my coworkers liked to get rid of English conversations... (not that I like them very much myself... it's just really hard to phone to someone when you can't use body language and I'm not actually fluent in English...) Well, my coworker said: "There's an American guy who has a complaint about his car" and I was like: "Okay, put him through"...and mentally prepared for the worst... You know, most German customers don't actually stay friendly when there's a bigger problem like: "Whoops, we did not get the car we booked like 3 months ago..." So I prepared for yelling and unfriendliness... but the guy was also like: "Hi :D How are you?" Which tbh, really took me very, very off-guard, because NO ONE ever asked me that before. I didn't know what to do, and ended up saying nothing and staring on my monitor XD in the end he thought the line was shit and was like: "Hey, can you hear me?" and I was like: Hello? Hello? XD Ah, there you are... now I can hear you... OMG it was so embarrassing. (Well, he was pretty rad and super friendly and I could find a solution for him, so everything was fine in the end, but yet I swear I started to sweat blood while talking to him, because I always waited for him to freak out and really complain about the service. So knowing that this is just some kind of empty phrase really does help.)

[@hereinweymouth]

A young frog went up to an older frog went up to an an older frog and said "HI! How ya doin'?" The older one ansered, "Well, I can't kick."

[@Trifler500]

I would say that if you're not having a good day, it's fine to answer with, "Not so great" or "I'm having a hard day". I don't think it's expected that you answer "good" if you're not. The main thing is that you don't try to elaborate.

[@ApothekenHeidi]

Thank you for this video, Dana! Especially as a cashier that has been asked several times "hey how are you?" by Americans I, of course, figured out it isnt meant as a real question, but to this day I didnt know how to asnwer properly. So thank you for that!

[@user-vq5gz3if3o]

Great job Dana!

[@bethanyredd2948]

This is probably the most practically informative video ever and I'M American! Meaning I probably should have known this but I didn't.

[@Depipro]

I myself work with tourists in the streets of Amsterdam, and it has taken me a while to sort of get used to being approached by Americans (or people whose first experience with a Western culture was American) in this style. More so because the situation implies a spontaneous response. Nowadays what comes out on my side is usually a calm: "Good enough, and yourself?". I guess (or hope) what lies between the lines here is: "This is not really the theatrical genre I'm used to, but don't worry, I accept and respect you". Seems to do the job, as people usually come to the point after that. :)

[@tammys5687]

As an American, I agree! It's just a greeting! We recently moved from Michigan to South Carolina, and one greeting that throws me off every time is "Are you doing OK?" instead of "Hello! How are you?" When I hear "Are you doing OK?" I instantly think I must look sad, or mad, or sick, or *something* but over time I've come to the realization that it is also just a greeting and doesn't really "mean" anything.

[@thetiki1859]

A common response in the area I live in in the US is "could be better could be worse" It's a way to respond to the question "Hi, how are you?" and be able to tell someone that you're feeling 'iffy' or 'bad' without giving your whole life story. People usually don't pry when given this response but rather they reply "Oh, I'm sorry, I hope your day goes by better" or "I know the feeling" to let you know back that their day is bad as well. It also lets the other person be able to know you're 'iffy' and wish you well. That is usually the end of the conversation as well.

[@GurtBFroe1]

I'm often asked "How are you?" and I would reply: "I'm here", or "I'm o.k." I'm also asked "How is it going?" and I would say: "It's going". What about the British greetings: "You all right?" or "You o.k.?"

[@elliotsmith9623]

Excellent explanation Dana. It's the same in the UK - certainly in London. When I lived in New Zealand, I had an English friend at university who always greeted me with "awright?" (alright, how are you). In NZ people normally just say "hey" or "hi" as a greeting. It's only after I moved to the UK that he didn't mean to enquire after my well-being - much as he did care in general as a friend 😊

[@janemarie270]

I am from the American South and I can see why this would be very confusing as there are a lot of diffrent ways of anwering "Hi how are you?" There is the simple, "Fine, thank you," which you would use with a boss , or stanger. Then there is the more colloquial, "Fine as frog's hair", or "Fair to middling" which you would use in a less formal setting. All these are just a polite way of saying hi. Dana is right in to say "how are you" would be to drop the hello, use a concerned inflection and possibly even touch the person's arm or hand ( if you are close with that person). American southeners have a habit of saying hello the people passing on the street with a smile or a tilt of the head. It is not an invitation to stop and talk, but just a way to say "Hi, I see you."

[@mollygrace3068]

Ok, let's look at politeness. In America, it's polite to ask how someone is doing, to show you care. It's also polite not to burden someone with all your problems. So for strangers or acquaintances, that'll look like, "Hi, how are you?" "Fine, thanks! And you?" But think of it like offering food or gifts in countries where you're supposed to refuse at first. If someone knows me a little better, we'll do that part, then they'll probe a little more. Like, "Oh good! How are the kids?" To which I'll reply, "Oh, they're great. Y'know, it's cold season, so a little sniffly." Then they ask more. So one is asking deeply personal questions right off the bat, and no one is divulging too much at once. You both inch your way there. After a few minutes, I might let on that actually I'm not fine and I'm really worried about my kids' health, but only if the other person continues to ask questions showing interest.

[@gentlejojofletcher4294]

An example of a word changing its meaning is the word "gay" meaning homosexual instead of fun and frolicsome. Or you can combine the meanings in one saying such as "gay as a picnic basket". When someone asks me how I am and I am expected to say "fine" I answer "I'm gay as a picnic basket, how are you?" I leave it to the astonished stranger to decide whether I meant to come out of the closet to them, or whether I am just saying that I am doing great in a way that challenges homophobia.

[@GrosserMagus]

Perhaps you set a new trend with this :) We have a pretty similar example in Germany with the word "geil". In its original meaning it was pretty similar to "gay" in its original meaning: A perfectly harmless word, saying that something is very nice, pretty and frolicsome. Then, over the centuries, it also was used for a sexual meaning: "horny", and eventually lost all other meanings and was tabooed. In the 80's of the last century, young people began to use "geil" for something very nice, pretty and frolicsome... many people in that time - including me - didn't know or think about its original meaning :) Nowadays, it has both meanings, the sexual and the non-sexual. And the non-sexual meaning is now a pretty common word - again.

[@partyof.7298]

When I was an exchange student at a Highschool in the US, I was thrilled at how nice and friendly my new swim teammates were - I thought I made a ton of new friends! Not to mention that, of course, most of them did not become my friends. I found it really hard to make real friends in the course of the year and as a teenager, I had big problems with all the " fakeiness" - and I experienced some incidents where classmates were super unhappy and were not able to show it to anyone! Not even to others they considered good friends! It took me years to see through those cultural differences and see both the good and bad about it.

[@Kazooka]

I've commented on this before, as it's come up so many times - perhaps you can mention this idea in one of your videos sometime: When Americans say "How are you?" it is equivalent to "I hope you are well." It is simply a wish for your well-being as a fellow person. That said, this meaning deepens as your acquaintance with someone deepens. So in the grocery store example, it is simply a casual greeting. However, if it is a colleague or classmate you see every day, you are more likely to be open to further discussion of well-being, and it would not be out of line to elaborate: "Okay, but I didn't get much sleep last night." "Not too well, I've been feeling a bit under the weather." "Great! I just got tickets to see my favorite band!" I think it's important to make this distinction, so that those just learning about American culture understand that it is not simply an empty phrase if you have established more of a relationship. This would also apply in the store example if you are very regular in your shopping habits and have become somewhat friendly with a proprietor/cashier - more likely to happen in a smaller shop like a bakery or boutique rather than a grocery store.

[@Sinista123]

I know Americans do that... and I still think it's rude and I probably never get used to it.

[@machtharry]

Yeah this takes me offguard every time in the US. Last year i was in Las Vegas with a group of friends, we just talked about exaktly this topis and 5 minutes later i walked to my room, passed an hotel employee and he locked at me: "How are you?". What did i do? I stoped walking and started talking.... Just 5 minutes after me and my friends talked about this. But to my excuse: I was in Vegas so i was a little bit drunk :D Similar but not as bad was "Your welcome". But i got used to that now.

[@JudithLeenen]

Thank you, Thank you, Thank You! Next time (probably next year) i know how to answer... Makes me feel a lot less awkward :)

[@FluffyMonsterPony]

that's interesting! i always thought about why my american parents in law always ask everyone how they're doing but now i know! plus my husband and i are planning a trip to florida this year so i feel more prepared now knowing this! thanks dana!

[@MarcusSchmalzlockus]

But isn't it absurd when you tell a friend how bad you feel just a minute after you've sad that you are feeling fine?

[@SakraIgor0qNomoko]

Ironically, if you just say "Hi" followed by a bit of a pause, it usually means you want to engage in conversation whereas "Hi, how goes it?" or "What's up?" are just greetings with the expected responses of "Pretty good" (if you feel things could be better), "Good" (if you feel neutral about your situation) or "Great!" (if you feel positively about your situation) as answers to "how goes it?" and "Nothin' much" as an answer to "what's up?". In addition, if you don't feel like saying the whole phrase "How are you" at the end of each of these responses, you could instead say the response followed by "You?". For example, "Hi, how are you?" "Pretty good. You?" "Good."

[@fedupnow61859]

Thanks Dana. I knew that I was taught that in my german class.

[@AL-cg4vb]

I think you left out the most important bit when it comes to this conversation. The US has an extreme stigma around mental health and doesn't actually want people to talk about the negatives. Western culture also has this obsession with happiness. We view it as this way of life, to obtain for every hour of the day when reality is its small moments to enjoy. Not control. This is more of a driving force behind the "Hi, how are you?" than the words losing their original meaning. The idea that you mentioned at the beginning of the US forcing people to be happy is actually extremely accurate in everything I've ever seen. This is a contributing factor to how our society handles mental health and why we need so much awareness around this topic. So far we're getting better, but we are a far ways away from being okay.

[@mattwcheese2045]

the one thing I would add is that saying I'm fine instead of "I'm good" is helpful when you actually don't feel that great, because fine is more ambiguous.

[@Marshal77]

What an excellent explanation! These words have just lost their original meaning in america(!), people no longer cant differenciate the old and new from simple question "how are you" unless aided with body language and tone of voice. Its kind of sad. But would it make more sense to treat questions as questions:I would have thought that in longer run, people start to use common sense and treat questions as questions again, but once accustomed to something else, I guess its too late for that. Honestly, your answer is best I ever heard.

[@NailGunZero]

One of the things Ford Prefect had always found hardest to understand about human beings was their habit of continually stating and repeating the obvious, as in It’s a nice day, or You’re very tall, or Oh dear you seem to have fallen down a thirty-foot well, are you all right?

[@ChaosCora]

You should have uploaded this in 2012! When I went to the US as an exchange student, some guy came up to me at the first day and said "hey, how are you"! I was kinda surprised that he cared so much and I was like " oooh you know... I still got that jetlag and I'm pretty tired, I still have to get used to everything and I really miss my family...." and so on and so on. He probably thought I was the biggest weirdo and never really talked to me since :D

[@JoshuaHillerup]

Here in Canada "OK I guess" is what you say when things aren't good. If the person cares they'll ask for more details, and if they don't they won't.

[@Stormorbiter]

I feel "good" is really used if you just don't want to really have a conversation at the moment. But if the question is asked in a more social setting then it can be appropriate to say "good" or however you really feel, as the question "how are you" is used as One of the most frequently used conversation starters

[@bashansheshui5115]

it seems like nobody answered your homework question about what other similar cultural misunderstandings we know. So, here's one I experienced: I showed friends from the US our town. One of them got exhausted from walking and suggested "Why don't you show us the castle?". I took that literally and thought he requested a justification why I didn't do so, when I had only saved it as the crowning conclusion.

[@davesurya1356]

I just remembered Keanu Reeves thing on this reciprocal situation: "You're breathtaking!" I hope the guy really meant it😅(loved him though)

[@roldanbelenos1549]

Ms. Newman, I think you did a very good job in this video of explaining the whole "Hi, how are you?" phenomenon to non-Americans. However, I want to point out that "Good" isn't the only typical response. For example, a direct "Fine, thanks" is usually heard when someone doesn't want to engage in frivolous or unnecessary small talk and prefers to keep the interactions on a more professional or formal level. This might be a response some Germans or other non-Americans may prefer to use, instead of "Good". Some evangelical Christians, particularly in the South, may respond with "I'm blessed." And of course, in formal situations, people don't use "Hi, how are you" as a greeting, but instead use "good morning/afternoon/evening" instead. And, if you're in an area where people don't speak English (yes, these do exist in the United States), then of course you'd use whatever is the norm for that language ["aloha" (Hawaiian) / "buenos días" (Spanish) / "yah-ta-hey" (Navajo) / "Bonjou" (Cajun French), etc...]

[@roldanbelenos1549]

Also, "Hi, how are you?" is not really understood in a literal sense by Americans (as you pointed out) but more as a long "Hello" (as you pointed out), especially since most other greetings (including saying only "Hello") are mostly formal or can seem cold. But based on the comments on here it seems many non-Americans just don't seem to be understanding that concept. It's not any different to the other end of an interaction when someone is leaving and you say "See you later, alligator". We know it's just a funny way of saying "goodbye" and that we're not actually being called a giant swamp-dwelling reptile. If an American asks "How are you?" and means it literally, then it is always said with a completely different tone of voice and body language which are usually reserved only for people who know each other closely or intimately. This is not something a visitor to the United States should expect to experience.