"Why Do I Always Feel Like A Bad Person?" AKA 187

This week we will talk about breaking a therapist’s trust and what to do, why we can always feel like a bad person, the signs of past sexual abuse, why we can get stuck in negative thoughts cycles and blaming ourselves for every misstep, and whether comfort is a need or a want. Let’s get into those questions!
1/ II broke my therapist’s trust and she expressed that she felt angry with me. I totally agree that I crossed a line but for the rest of the session I don’t feel like she treated me very kindly. I felt pushed to...
2/ I hope you are doing well. I wanted to ask you why I always feel like such a bad person. I feel like there is something wrong with me, and that's why everyday I try to be nicer and nicer so that no one thinks I'm mean.
3/ I have several signs of having been sexually abused as a little girl. I don't have any memory of it and no suspicions as to who may have done it nor when it happened. I don't have body memories, I don't have flashbacks, and I don't have...
4/ I am often reminded of minor mistakes I have made in my life throughout the day. These personal small blunders from my past enter my stream of consciousness like...
5/ I am wondering about comfort: is it a need or a want? I know children need comfort, but I’m a 40-year-old adult! Meds plus 2.5 years of therapy have helped me get a little better at handling my feelings, but honestly, I still suck. I still crave comfort when my emotions get so overwhelming, which is often, but I don’t trust anyone…except my therapist.
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[@fifteenbyfive]

I tried to go to a therapist once. After pouring it out the guy looked at me and said "You sure do a number on yourself." I was mortified. Never went back and never tried to go somewhere else again. Wish I did. Wish I would. Wish I could. I have such an aversion to feeling like that guy made me feel, I guess on any given day or time I'd rather just avoid it.

[@mintgreenlia]

Anyone who blames you for how you feel is an unprofessional idiot. I had one horrible therapist like this too. Most of them are not terrible like this. Don't give up. Try someone else.

[@thefrog4990]

It sounds mean but he’s probably slightly correct. Don’t be so hard on yourself.

[@fifteenbyfive]

@@thefrog4990 Yep these are like learned behaviors and after a long span of time it does feel a bit like self-inflicted wounds.

[@fifteenbyfive]

@@mintgreenlia I'm sure you're right Lia. Thanks.

[@cristinafrick9773]

I'm so sorry you went through this- it's definitely worth trying again though- my therapists have been very helpful, praise God! Sending lots of good thoughts and prayers to you all!

[@jesselocke6170]

My therapist broke my trust in her. She forced me to do trauma work and the. Judged me for it. She left me feeling traumatized and suicidal. All the while telling me I’m making progress. It took me 2 years to recover from it. She triggered my OCD that I didn’t know existed. I constantly told myself I’m a piece of garbage. Trust your gut.

[@Lemonady]

Timestamps! Q1 - 0:32 Q2 - 5:32 Q3 - 11:05 Q4 - 23:22 Q5 - 28:04

[@schmemmm]

The bad person thing I have found can be this core over reaching theme of OCD or a sub theme of OCD. It can also play into the OCPD perfectionism. I also feel like it can be linked to anxiety and depression. All together that rumination on things we did in a manner our brain tells us is wrong or things we didn't do that our brain tells us is wrong, can be devastating without an awareness of being able to challenge that belief. To either deal with the subconscious belief/s or stuck emotion/s causing the rumination and obsession, or acknowledge the intrusive thought spawned by OCD or OCPD black and white thinking as just a thought and then refocus on something else while assigning it no meaning.

[@chrisgrove7829]

The why do I feel like a bad person question really hit me. As someone who’s had issues with alcohol and anger issues, I’ve made some mistakes in my life. I’ve taken ownership of those mistakes and have made amends as best as I can, but I really struggled with feeling like a bad person. Through therapy, mindfulness, and really looking honestly at how far I’ve come, it really helped keep me from those negative thoughts and feelings:) That honest self check in really helps:)

[@kuibeiguahua]

OMG thank you for this, recently I’ve had to mumble to myself that I’m not a bad person just to get by some days

[@Bekins88]

I'm working on bridge statements in therapy. It's hard work but it's helping.

[@janetlink3626]

Thank you Kati for all you do. You have truly helped me today with your answers. Much peace and love.

[@bek___]

Happy Thursday! Thank you for another wonderful episode!

[@gordongraham7]

I'm so grateful for you. You make the world a better place. ❤

[@covert_warrior]

Thank you so much for this. I am going through such a hard time right now. And your words have been very helpful.

[@speedstackinggurl]

Thank you for this! And shoutout to whoever asked #2, hit me in the feels. Pretty sure I cried for most of the answer because I FEEL that.

[@chinesekungfu2031]

I love that these vids are on this channel...I think more people will see them!

[@kreasiw]

Excellent episode. You are so insightful. You always make me feel validated and comforted. Thanks Kati. 😊

[@darawilli2860]

I’m currently struggling with just about everything you touched on in this video, I feel so seen, thank you. ❤unfortunately I don’t have access to therapy yet. But your videos really have helped me and I’m looking forward to starting therapy this next January 😊

[@julianneedsblood7091]

I am so happy that we are all here trying to grow. Thank you for your studies to try and make us all better.

[@Mrking813]

Hey Kati I hope everything’s okay with you, you always help other. I hope you are in the positive environment you deserve 😊😊

[@rubberkiwi1]

I'm so happy for a new podcast! I didn't notice you switched the channel origin of this but I did notice the lack of otdm episodes and hope to enjoy more of that podcast soon also! Thank you so much for this podcast that I listen to devotedly with love! ❤

[@erikagravino1558]

Thank you, Katie! I am currently working on becoming a licensed trauma therapist and you inspire me so much along the way

[@Craigflowers-eg8tg]

That is an admirable thing to do!

[@WisconsinWanderer]

At my age 67 I remember one incident when I was 5-6 years old an older family member sexually abused me. I shared this with a therapist who said there were probably more incidents but I blocked them out,is this possible? It’s been bugging me for years all I know it changed my life forever. Thank you Katie I always learn something from you and appreciate you 😊

[@ellalynntaylor]

aww thank you so much for the bad person question as I have always sort of felt like a bad person, and I dont want to say it comes from my dad because then im blaming him and that's not good, but he sometimes make me feel that way and not my siblings so ill start with the bridge sentences because they make me feel so much better than just saying positive things about myself that feel fake. anyway, you really helped me a lot today so thanks!!

[@nance1111]

I wish we could clone you (and other good therapists) so everyone that needs or wants a good therapist would have one. You're a breath of fresh air.

[@chas4x4]

wow you are so relatable I always feel I am the only one but when you say you have some of the same thought I am so negative on my faults and have the same thoughts as you are awesome I have just found you and only listened to a few videos but you are so real thank you

[@LiveFaustDieJung]

I lied to my psychiatric nurse about my ED. I knew she knew I was lying. Just saw her again and told her I was lying and that I knew she knew I was. We had a good laugh about it. That’s a much nicer response. ✨ I have those issues about being kind. I literally feel like people will end my life if I don’t do the right things. I know it’s paranoia, but it strikes fear through my soul and I run away from friendships thinking I’m a horrible person and hurting people for existing. Logically it doesn’t make sense but the other aspect of the broken mind worms through. I then think they are better off. They need healthy friends and such. Not a dumpster fire like me. It causes me to want to end my own life.

[@anyaroz8619]

comfort in my mind can be both a want and a need. Depends on a situation. For example, I have been nomading (traveling, country-hopping) for 11 years now and I am realizing that I am gradually getting tired of it. Traveling is great and my husband and I stay in a new place for months at a time, so we settle into a culture and the place and create routines to make sure we enjoy life. BUT. I've noticed lately that I like to walk and browse furniture or kitchenware stores! I don't plan on buying anything there of course. (we try to minimize as much as possible and keep very few things) But just being around the stuff that is associated with a home feels great. I definitely do it in search of comfort of a home I don't have.

[@lgpeace]

Listening to you really helps me when I’m in between therapy sessions. Because I feel like you give the same loving and safe energy as my therapist does. Thank you, Kati.

[@lgpeace]

Also, how do I ask you Questions like this?

[@Maria-no4ej]

that last story, I could have wrote it. I know why this is happening, and you hit the mail on the head. Seeking comfort, crying or expressing needs beyond hungry/sleepy/thirsty was NOT ok and would leave me excluded from the family.

[@LessThanThree76]

Hey there Kati! Idon’t know how to say this because I come in peace, but are you ok? ❤️ You’ve seemed a bit uninspired and almost been rushing through the questions like a robot lately. I can’t help but miss the ”olden days” where you went on long side rants and felt more bubbly and happy. I wish you all the best though and only want you to be as happy doing this, as we are listening to you. ❤️

[@rachaelharper3778]

Loved this podcast sm ❤❤

[@lkfarnsworth]

Hi Kari. I know how my mother influenced me during my childhood and throughout my life to start growing my SHAME monster which at age 50 is now a SHAME/GUILT TSUNAMI 🌊. I was the problem. I caused the problems. I was told I was a ‘small person’ that I ‘better never have children’, that I was ‘selfish’, and many other hurtful things. The message was, of course, that I was not a good person, not a person of solid character. I can reason with these early seeds of shame knowing I was just a child. What I cannot justify is that these character flaws have been verbally repeated to me by other people in my life over the decades beyond my childhood. I feel to my core that I have earned my shame/guilt. I see no way of escaping these now fully ingrained beliefs about myself. 😢

[@afraalsamkari2445]

Ignore it. It is not true ❤.

[@stacijones5888]

I have a friend who comforts me however she lovingly trys to make eye contact with me, but I hide in her comfort because I am ashamed of my feelings. I am scared to cry in front of her. I am slowly making progress, but I used to be threatened for crying and expressing my feelings from one parent who was emotionally abusive and I was emotionally neglected by my other parent. Sometimes I may need a hug, but feel like I'm too needy....lately I've been thinking why can't I just seem to get/feel enough love? However I have been working on inner child work lately, and I think that's why I'm making progress. Sometimes I feel like I'm over attached to this friend, but Im also trying to carefully expand my circle of safe friends, which I think helps our relationship. Thanks for all you do and you're great advice.

[@user-sy9xb4gc7u]

Thanks Kati😊

[@TT-zu5pr]

Gosh i love this woman

[@nikkimckay860]

Sending love support comfort and care and love to all here for whatever mental health you are struggling with ❤❤❤

[@itzajdmting]

😊🫶🏽

[@alleveddet118]

Thank you so much i never bin more angry and un trust full on terapist like never before right now in this times.

[@nikkimckay860]

AKA podcast.hello and good evening Kati from Nikki from uk been a while since I watched these podcasts so getting back into watching and listening to these it's so good to see you again and hear your soft calming voice lastly very interesting and important questions and hearing your answer s I am going though a rough time at the moment with my mental health and physical health ❤❤❤

[@anniekate76]

I think the algorithm stopped showing them to me when she switched what channel she put them on even though I am subscribed to both! Silly algorithm

[@chronicpain5220]

Keep going. Thank you

[@leroybrown1580]

Thank you very much for your videos. Greetings from Germany.

[@lisa.66]

I relate to this prompt so much. And I dont know if any of yall kind strangers can give me some advice on my situation but something happened recently and this is going to be long. If anyone cares to read this I'd love some advice. I was at a bar on a Saturday night with a good friend, we had a couple drinks and a lot of fun. Later, in her car on the way home, I decided it would be a good idea to bring up something that was bothering me that she had said earlier, maybe a few weeks ago at this point. The conversation at that moment was deep and positive so I thought it was a good time to bring it up. In the middle of me explaining the situation that bothered me (in the gentlest and most sensitive way posible mind you), my friend out of nowhere becomes extremely upset and starts yelling at me. Something along the lines of 'if you have a problem you need to confront me right now!', and I mean she's literally SCREAMING something along those lines. At this point I completely shut down; her angry statement was triggering for a number of reasons, many of which being me not being allowed to show emotion in childhood and having to be a people pleasing doormat for most of my life/relationships....and I dont know if it was the alcohol but I snapped. And my people pleasing version of 'snapped' means I imitated her tone and voice, repeating back to her in a mocking way, 'if you have a problem you need to confront me right now'. That was huge of me to do. But I found her to be extremely rude and insensitive in that moment. After all, I'm the one who's supposed to be mad at her, not the other way around! Why am I not allowed to express any of my feelings? (On a side note she also has very bad road rage and was screaming at drivers on the road as this was happening). She threatened to drop me off on the side of the road, but didn't and proceeded to drop me off at my place without saying a word. We havnt spoken since. But we have an event coming up; me, her and 2 other people and I have no idea what to do...its going to be so awkward. I know a normal person's advice would be to communicate and have a conversation about what happened, but that's the literal cause of our fight to begin with; she cannot communicate....she becomes angry over the tiniest criticism. Am I in the wrong for wanting to confront her a few weeks after something bothered me? I'm the type that needs to process things and that doesn't want to say things out of anger. Plus the situation that upset me (that I attempted to explain to her before she became irrate) was during a dinner party, does she actually expect me to start up a yelling match in front of all our friends and family? Anyways what do I do? I don't want to lose years of friendship over this, but she is continuously rude (not just to me... ie her road rage) and tramples over my feelings constantly. She is also ironically very passive aggressive despite portraying herself as a 'say it to my face if you have something to say' type of person. Do I force myself to go to this stupid event coming up or just make up an excuse? I don't want to be avoidant as I know that's an unhealthy behavior but I also don't want to be around a toxic person.

[@ericb8413]

I wouldn’t have a friend like her. Sounds toxic. I only want loving, kind people in my life.

[@katharinaben9922]

Hey Lisa, u said that she cannot communicate and that she is a toxic person who tramples over your feelings. Why do you consider her a friend? What is good about your friendship and the connection you have? Does that balance out the negative things you mentioned? And if not, why do you cling to this friendship? About the situation when u brought up the issue you had with her, maybe try to reverse the roles to find out if it was a good situation and way to deliver it ( how u tell it you say that it was a positive and deep conversation but you also mention her extreme road rage, indicating that driving might be very stressful for her ). Like if someone hat an issue with you ( that was a big and maybe triggering issue for you) how would you have reacted had it been delivered to you in such a situation and manner?

[@MagnoliaPantherWoman]

A therapist can reset your emotional affective circuits using somatic therapy. It's gentle and depolarizing. You learn about the range of emotions in each set, removing the negative stigma. It brought my emotions down from all encompassing and overwhelming to manageable within myself and my expression.

[@huha123]

I know exactly why I am a bad person. I try to be good and nice, but I clearly don't do a good enough job because I don't have friends. Even my therapist just itches at ending my session as fast as possible. I am about to quit therapy because I have gone through so many and I get nowhere. Bridge statements don't work for a person being responsible for someones suicide.

[@SarafinaSummers]

Listen to me and listen well. You are not responsible for that person choosing to die by suicide. Did you place the method into their hand and force them? No. Did you do your best to help them? If yes, then rest easy. Your therapist is a dick for clearly communicating that they want to end their sessions with you as quickly as possible.

[@smushface3999]

Maybe the first step is stop thinking about yourself so much and start thinking about others. Negative repetitive thoughts get us to hyper focus on ourselves and our problems, and you sound like you are isolated in the middle of a tornado. Not everything has to be about you, start focusing on other people and maybe you’ll feel feel less obsessed with what’s wrong with you and more like you have friends. If you truly have no one, join a meet up or volunteer or do something that will put you interacting with new acquaintances… eventually some will become friends.

[@jatnarivas8741]

Look for Dr Ripperger 64 virtues and tell me again

[@aleciabernardoni1255]

Maslows hierarchy is not totally linear. It is to a degree but at the same point there is a continuum to the needs being met.

[@smushface3999]

Bad people don’t generally spend much if any time wondering about whether they’re a bad person.

[@user-yc5qu2xk7o]

My first therapist I started to notice when I was upset or mad or cried I looked up and she rolled her eyes. Then I’m another session she actually silently was laughing at me. The next session I confronted her and she admitted it and apologized but then did it again in the next two sessions. I stopped seeing her. Should I report her? Will it matter if I do? It really hurt me cause I let myself get so down I Almost shot myself in the head before I finally agreed to have a therapist and then she did that crap in session. Thank God I have a good therapist now.

[@smushface3999]

What were you upset or mad or crying about? It sounds like your therapist was unprofessional, but when I think about what might make anyone - let alone a licensed professional - roll their eyes or laugh when listening to someone who is upset I think of narcissistic behavior or an adult with an overblown sense of entitlement throwing a childlike tantrum.

[@saraghhh]

@@smushface3999it doesn’t matter what they were upset or crying about. If someone is upset or crying about anything at all and their therapist is laughing or rolling their eyes at them that’s unprofessional behaviour. I would report them.

[@thefrog4990]

That would piss me off so much I would probably lose it and no kidding would get violent lmao fck all of that

[@smushface3999]

@@saraghhh clearly you haven’t dealt with personality disorders like narcissism or borderline, or just listened to a child throw a tantrum over nothing. Again, therapist was unprofessional if they truly did those things, but everyone has their breaking point and depending on what they were dealing with I don’t think rolling eyes (which for some people is an unconscious reaction) is worth potentially destroying someone’s career/livelihood when they may have been dealing with a person who may have been acting irrationally, abusive, or otherwise requiring the patience of a saint to manage (or they may even be paranoid and conflating normal gestures into things that they were not). A therapist who is regularly seeing patients will generally have more grasp of their composure than the average person, so using Occam’s razor the patient was really likely to be behaving in some extreme way to illicit such a reaction. Hence asking for more context, which was not supplied. Try being impartial.

[@whipwalk]

Damn. That hits. "It's ok to show other people kindness but it's not ok to show yourself kindness because it wasn't allowed". Oof.

[@alishanightshade3270]

Sometimes I think I’m a terrible person too. I know the reason causing this but I can’t find the balance. I’m so afraid to ask people questions, for helps, talk about myself in conversation and interview, my opinions. For the ask questions and helps, I can at most ask one question or help and never ask again because I feel like if I do it twice or more, I will become a selfish person that don’t solve problems by myself. This probably caused by my school. Teachers and my class didn’t like to help me because I was a boy. They kept telling me to try solve it by myself and usually I asked because I couldn’t. Teachers said something like “Do you think I’m your maid?” “Are you dumb, everyone knows the answer!” My classmates learnt that and put it on me. Talk about myself and my opinion, I always think my opinions are ‘no main point, obvious, everyone knows that, why I have to mention that’ I hate myself every time (seldom) I express my view on the question and I felt happy that moment but immediately doubted myself after saying it. Or during a conversation, I usually keep in mind that I never talk about myself. Sometimes I accidentally said it then I feel I’m a terrible self-centre person. No one wants to know me. Why I have to talk about it. About 2 years ago, I hate using words like I, Me, My etc. People would hate me if I mentioned me. It affects interview. I don’t want to be self-centre in personal statement. I feel so bad writing my own interests and experiences. My primary school really mess me up. I always talked about myself that time maybe due to insecurity. That’s my fault. One day, my teacher blamed me in the class. She accused me on something I don’t know. There’s a chance it was misunderstanding because the content is about a classmates sit right next to the door in a cold winter and I sit on the same sit that time and I felt freezing. I don’t know what they overheard. But I was dumb that time. The teacher is a horrible person. She screaming all the time, pushing desk, throwing someone schoolbags etc. It was 7 years ago. She said I was a selfish person that didn’t see things in different angles. Growing up in a greenhouses and self-centre. I never understand why my classmates love this teacher so much. I don’t like them. Most of them are as horrible as the teacher. Anyway, she asked the class “If you think he is mean please raise your hand!” I saw a great amount of classmates,even people I never talk too raise their hand. I remember there’s two person that didn’t raise their hand. One is a girl who always joking on me. She said “Oh, I didn’t raised my hand because I’m way more meaner than you!” The first time I feel great about her. Two is a normal boy that told me he doesn’t think I’m mean in the graduation camp.

[@user-dr6ov3sk8b]

I know where my issue started but I find that people still try very hard to make me feel terrible. I always think of others first, make things for people, super nice, and agreeable. but still people talk to me like I'm offending them. It's such a bad way to feel. Like we have to be complete saints just to be worthy of called kind.

[@chronicpain5220]

Ooh I love intro so faaa

[@harrymetalhead3776]

My decisions have brought me to my knees.

[@johnspokus]

A few years ago I was an in patient at a mental health facility twice. Each time I was released I was referred to the worst therapists you could ever imagine. The first one I believe hacked my Facebook and email. I know that sounds crazy, but in my meeting with him, he made a statement that he "could find out anything he wanted to". That was suspicious.

[@laitinlok1]

Playing fall guys is definitely comforting and soothing

[@PM-yc1rf]

Therapist in France have to prove that they went through therapy for a while before to be able to be licensed. So they don't project on their clients their own issue.

[@Lee82295]

Hey Kati! Love your videos. I have a few questions I'd like for you to answer if possible. How do I deal with a friend who is constantly negative? Should I drop them as a friend or distance myself from then? My friend's husband is also very negative too so I don't like going over to her house. How should I bring that up to her or do I just bite my tongue & keep going over when invited? I also feel closer to my friend like more attached to them then I feel like they are to me. Why is this & how can I fix it? Thank you so much for your time.

[@user-kp8do9bp8c]

I had this pediatrician in my childhood and my pediatrician was a she, she would force me to sleep at 9:30 PM which is like 9 hours and 30 minutes of sleep and she gave that bedtime for 13 year olds and when I went to high school she forced me to sleep at 8:35 PM cause my school started at 7:20 AM

[@alain_sans_c]

Because I am, simple as that

[@jasonbarney4278]

LCMHCA here- OMG! That first story. Please report this therapist to the state board and detail what happened.

[@nickjsky1]

That therapist may still be bad, but Kati missed a crucial detail. The writer hadn't betrayed the therapist so much as she betrayed a fellow patient. She recognized an acquaintance coming from therapy and later gossiped to a friend about it. Then, feeling guilty about it, she confessed to the therapist about it. I wonder if the therapist was obligated to tell the other patient of the betrayal of confidentiality?

[@ryannesumbry4130]

I had to report my therapist she talked about her ex husband grooming her and being verbally abusive and not having any ill will towards her in-laws for abandoning her during their divorce. I reported her and it felt good and I did it anonymously and to this day she doesn’t know it was me!

[@katharinaben9922]

@@nickjsky1 Well i am not sure if i got that correctly, but how exactly did a betrayal of confidentiality happen here? If i leave a therapists office ( or for that matter any doctors office) and somebody sees me they are under no obligation to keep that information to themselves. The therapist however can not tell the other person that someone saw them coming from therapy and gossiped about it because that would be a betrayal of confidentiality ( because it was told to them by a patient during session ) . What they probably should do is explore with Patient A, who gossiped, why they did it ( because they are obviously in the same position as Patient B both seeking help from even the same therapist). So why did they feel the need to gossip, what does it say about their own need for therapy and their feelings about that? And, depending on the relationship Patient A and Patient B have helping P.A find a way to deal with the guilt they feel and maybe encourage them to apologize to P. B. ( even tough that is probably a very tricky thing as the therapist is of course still not allowed to confirm that Patient B really is a patient there so they have to be very careful with their words)

[@nickjsky1]

​@@katharinaben9922my impression is that there was crucial information missing from the writer's question that would have clarified the situation. Her own words admit that she betrayed a trust and "crossed a line". Whatever it was, it was bad enough to make the therapist angry. It sounds like there's something more to this than a little slip of the tongue. I disagree with your assertion that two patients of a therapist or clinic have no obligation to maintain confidentiality for each other. Breaking the confidentiality of a therapist's office is just as damaging regardless of whether it was done by the therapist or by a fellow patient. So while you might be comfortable with the fact that you go to Dr. Shrinkmeister becoming public knowledge, another patient might be devastated by that leak of what should be private information.

[@katharinaben9922]

​@@nickjsky1 maybe it is a cultural thing than, because where i live it would definitely not be a break of confidentiality. ( u might be an unkind asshole especially if u use this information to make someone look bad, but that's about it) . Unless u are in a group therapy setting, but then you have to sign a kind of contract that everything said in this group sessions has to be treated as confidential. But still i don't know if this would be legally binding or if it still is just a social rule that is super important for such a group setting to work and create a save space for every one in it. And if u break it it would rather be a break of trust. It would be interesting though if the Person has both, group sessions and alone sessions with the same therapist and told the therapist in one of the alone sessions about the betrayal of trust (break of confidentiality ) but refuses to come forward about it in the group. That would bring the therapist in quite a bad position as they, one the one hand, have to make sure that the group sessions are a save space for everyone and therefor they would have to protect the group from that betrayal , one the other hand though they have to treat what there patient told them with confidentiality so unless they can convince the patient to come clean about it they are not allowed to disclose it in the group sessions. That would really bring the therapist on a shitty position where i could see them getting angry at the patient. I wonder if it is allowed therefore for a therapist to offer both, group and single sessions to one and the same patient.

[@melissamason2983]

I broke my therapist trust in me because I was recording our sessions I was too embarrassed to ask for permission but I did record them because my memory is terrible and everything she said was really really good she's a really good therapist she explained to me that after that if I wanted to record I needed to ask her

[@indridcold8433]

Therapy is simply not for me. It is extremely successful with most. But, for me, it is not effective. Therapy depends tremendously on interpersonal, social, interactions and bonds. I am not a social person. I am suspecious of everyone and form no social bonds. I have no friends, nor even acquaintences. I learned my lesson long ago, trust nobody. Without any form of trust in anybody, there can be no successful therapy for me.

[@Notmyr3alname]

Regarding the first question answered, I think it would be a good idea to at least allow room for some possible misunderstanding or addressing the client’s perspective on what their therapist was doing in the session and encouraging the client to at least talk about it one time with their therapist in session before making a blanket statement that they are being abusive and should find another therapist . Isn’t it possible the client may not have processed what was happening accurately?

[@covert_warrior]

I love you Katie 😂

[@BhaktiRosin108]

Hi katie, how can i submit my own question for this series? Id really like some advice if you could help.

[@sage9836]

The narc gets real mad at people who don't have social anxiety.

[@Han________]

regarding question 1 - what if the client broke the therapists trust by crossing a boundary, such as attempting phsyical touch without consent. etc. That is surely the kind of thing that the therapist could have been referring to? It seems very premature to judge that this therapist should loose their lisence, no? Because we don't know what the client did, and perhaps her not backing down was her upholding a boundary. Would love to hear thoughts on this

[@user-im3nq5fs9u]

I know I'm a monster. And nothing can change that.

[@sportygal1991]

I hate having bpd. It ruins my life. I can’t be friends without being obsessed and my fear of abandonment, fear of rejection and threats come out & the person doesn’t wanna know me anymore. I feel bad constantly

[@smushface3999]

You can’t change having BPD. Focus on the things you can change, or at least improve.

[@thefrog4990]

Honestly this is gonna probably sound dumb but I had really similar issues to you. Once I just embraced being alone things got so much better holy shit

[@Amir_469]

learn to live with bpd and find someone who gets it. you will find that being obsessed with that person has its benefits. people will always come and go and take advantage of you.

[@ALLIE2104_]

I recently out from hospital due ti suicide attempt. And few days after My dad just told me that he couldnt give me mental supports any longer. I had no one else. I havent even reach 25. It felt like gunshot when he said that. I have always felt like a loser daughter. Burdening

[@emiigarzon]

I’m so sorry 🤍 I hope you find peace in whatever form it comes in. You are worthy of help and support.

[@LeonidasLPP]

Is there any chance or any way I could talk with you?

[@leahfrench3494]

To the first question.. I wonder if we have the same therapist? (Past therapist.. I no longer see her)

[@SarafinaSummers]

Mine proudly and loudly stated she spent five years locked up in facilities and was seeing patience. Claimed OSDD/DID aren't real and called them MPD. Said I fake my emotions. Yeah oh yeah I reported her ass.

[@leahfrench3494]

@@SarafinaSummers holy cow! I always assume at this point that most therapists have a history of mental illness either themselves or at least close family members, which is why they’re drawn into the field. :-/. I’m sorry you had that experience.. to be invalidated and gaslit by a therapist of all people is the worst.. it’s abuse.

[@lacylashay83]

❤❤

[@rachaelharper3778]

Omg this found me for a reason I think I’m so rude 😢

[@covert_warrior]

❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

[@covert_warrior]

😭

[@fishermancig7209]

You are probably not a bad person. But you can definitely still be a BAD PERSON. Some people are just not good humans

[@laitinlok1]

I definitely looping into the shitty memories and ended up panic attack at some point

[@janetlink3626]

Oh I totally understand that scenario. Many times in the past I have had memories or flashbacks come up and tried to use one of my coping tools for this situation. My therapist has been trying to teach me how to use the coping tools. But of course I usually become emotionally disregulated when I am alone, which is something I struggle with. How ever I am going to definitely use kati's suggestion today about asking my therapist if I can get a recording of him talking me through one of these type situations while we are in session so that I can listen to it when I get in one of these states. Such a perfect suggestion. I can use one of my tools while listening to his calming voice at the same time. I really think this is going to help while I am attacking all these memories and flashbacks. Maybe you could try this too. Good luck

[@Scotty.doggins]

🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

[@justinh5701]

"ass-backwards". Yaaaaaaaay! 👏👏👏

[@georgewallace6525]

The church teaches that we are terrible from birth

[@edbrown5956]

Good start so far but calling people patience bugs me. I choose to see my therapist and will not die if I don't see the right one asap. I'm a patient to my doctor who I will need to see as I get older. I'm not "triggered" or spazing on you. I like client better. To each there own though. Now......back to your video😅

[@too_tired_for_this]

In thinking about breaking your therapist’s trust, what if you have a safety plan, or promise not to act on something, but you do anyway. Isn’t that breaking the trust of the therapist. I’m always afraid that my therapist will refuse to see me anymore because I can’t promise to stay safe.

[@SarafinaSummers]

Oh please. If they can't handle that then they shouldn't be a therapist.

[@smushface3999]

If you don’t feel emotionally safe enough to be honest with your therapist than they are either a bad therapist or aren’t the right therapist for you.

[@j0.ZEF-Who]

i sucked thumb infront of the TV until I was 15yrs old.. but I also had a blanket - it was green with silk edges. My family still calls it kiki - because i rubbed mine inbtween my fingers so much . So much in fact my 8yrs older sister started mirroring the soothing behavior i began with a different blanket of her own she had. Now i use the bottom edges of my lab coat while at work or the Cherokee tags sewed onto my scrubs- My family still make fun of me for the self-soothing i did growing up, always bringing up a time in the Grocery store i went up to a man to rub the edges of his shorts btwn my fingers - he had on some Umbro soccer brand shorts so they have soft 'n' sharp edges around the leg holes so I new i was in for a treat. The gentlemen in line was pretty shocked but still cool when he realized there was a 4 yr old rubbing his fingers on his shorts. Lately - I'm trying to imagine my brain as a rumble ball now when i get too deep into this soothing comfort I've created - shit nothing there anyways- my hope is that i can use this meditation/mantra/ball to get out of the darkness of this comfort in an attempt to find and safely get outta my head and back to reality so i can make good decisions going forward.

[@RosesAndPoisonIvy]

I was wondering if you could talk about dissociative daydreaming. My therapist laughed at me when i asked. Needless to say, I broke up with HER.

[@lauraburystedmundsyoga8231]

You always sign off by saying "do your homework" - what do you mean by that? I've never been given homework by a therapist! Should they have been doing this?

[@Swiftie52]

Not necessarily, it depends on their approach, and it can also be subtle so you don't even realize you've been set homework, but it doesn't really matter if you haven't been set it. It all depends on you and your therapist

[@lauraburystedmundsyoga8231]

@@Swiftie52 I've lost a lot of faith in therapists after being dumped by mine a couple of months ago. Still reeling, trying to process everything alone 😢

[@Swiftie52]

​@@lauraburystedmundsyoga8231ah, I promise it will get better. I know it's really hard, but when you're ready, in your own time, try and find another therapist. If they're good they will help you work through this, and make you a lot happier. If you need some help, ask someone close to you, and If you're ever really struggling, please reach out to a helpline. It will be ok ❤️

[@SarafinaSummers]

Yeah, that's bullshit. Therapy was stressful enough without having homework piled on top of it. I told my therapist that if they give me homework it's not getting done because I physically don't have the energy to keep track of half the shit they want. If they want it they're going to have to fight for it.

[@lauraburystedmundsyoga8231]

@@SarafinaSummers I would also struggle with the demand of homework if it were explicitly set!

[@Swiftie52]

What if you really are a bad person though? What if you upset your parents all the time, not meaning to, and they shout and swear and say you do mean it, and that when you cry you are faking it just for attention. Maybe i am. I cant help it. There is something wrong with me, i get bullied at school as well, so there must be a reason. You might say its not true but you dont know that

[@UnimaginableWorld]

Hi Swiftie, I'm not a therapist but I just wanted to give some thoughts I had in the past that helped me. Everyone is a bad person, no one is "good", it's about what you do about it, do you want to be a survivor or victim? Even if you were a victim till now, you always have the chance to be someone better and to become a "survivor". So just try your best, and even if you don't like anything about yourself- there are always good things. for example, the fact that you have made it through all of those things, already says that you are strong. Even people you might idolize also have many screwd up things they do but sometimes don't realize, so just live unapologetically yourself!

[@mammamonssterr]

Even if you upset them, the fact that they accuse you of doing it on purpose when you know that's a lie and you TELL them and they invalidate it, that's abuse. And then they tell you you're faking it and that you're an attention seeker? Definitely emotional abuse. That plus the bullying, I wouldn't be surprised if you were really really angry inside, that's why you do things that upset them. I'm sorry you're going through this, this must be really hard. You're strong as hell and you DON'T deserve any of this. You're not a bad person, you're literally being abused through and through. You literally have the most "normal" response a human being can have on those circumstances. You definitely don't do it for attention, you're just in pain. Your actions are a cry for help if anything. But I definitely think you mostly do it because you're overwhelmed by your situation. I wish you the very best, darling. I hope your life changes soon so you can heal and feel better. You deserve a good life. Have compassion for yourself. You have unmet needs and the people in your life are treating you badly. Of course you're "acting out". View your situation from a third perspective. See how you're doing nothing wrong and you're acting out of pain. Try therapy, find a way to healthily let out your emotions (especially your anger and pain), and empower yourself. I wish you the best xx

[@Swiftie52]

​@@mammamonssterrI can't find a healthy way to express myself, it's mostly sh and disordered eating, but I deserve it. I am a bad person because I genuinely don't mean to do things to upset my parents and I literally can't help it and then they react because I upset them. It's my fault. I don't know what's wrong with me, and I can't get therapy because I'm a minor and my school counselors left. My anxiety is through the roof and I literally have no one. No one really cares or understands. They know it's my fault to

[@mammamonssterr]

@@Swiftie52 how can you be a bad person if you don't do it on purpose? You don't do things to cause pain or out of malice. The way I see it, 1) you're not doing anything wrong and the people around you are gaslighting you, or 2) you're acting out of pain. You need to stop associating the things you do from the things you are. The moment you understand this is not "you", you can work on being better. If you let toxic shame floor you, you'll have no strength to work on it. You'd hide and drown in self hate. Try to express pain and anger through some sports, running, boxing, dancing. Be present with your emotions while doing it. Journal about it, talk about it with a friend, do a voice message to yourself on WhatsApp (?) expressing it out loud. Something that makes you feel a little lighter. There's lots of books that you can download free online about toxic shame and how to work through it. And know that this is temporary, you will left behind your parents and your bullies. You will be in a safe space and you will process all this sh*t. You will be ok.

[@Swiftie52]

​​​@@mammamonssterri try to let my emotions out but they're overwhelming AF and when I do it's so triggering that I either sh or restrict my eating. With excersize I can't do it at my house because my parents don't really let me, and I'm terrified of leaving my house. Plus I don't really have any energy, and I don't have people I can talk to in my life because as much as my best friend is amazing, he's autistic, and he misses social cues completely, my other best friend is really toxic and has got her own s*** going on and I can't talk to my boyfriend because him giving me affection feels so uncomfortable. I have no one. Its really confusing with my parents, as they are nice to me most of the time, and me upsetting them makes them stressed. It is my fault as much as you say it's not, and now I have basically nobody I can trust. Well I guess that's why my mental health is so bad, but no one really cares, and I saw a referral to a mental health service at my school for me and it hurt so bad. It said I was 'beginning' to make "accusations" about my parents even though I'd talked to the person referring me up to years before about it and she was really invalidating, plus she completely ignored my anxiety in the referral even though it's my biggest problem and she said the closer you try to get the more I use abusive language. The only thing I say is f*** off if they won't leave me alone, and only once. They make me seem even more of a bad person there. Idk. What the heck's wrong with me?

[@ryannesumbry4130]

Time stamps 👀 anyone

[@junkettarp8942]

I am a bad person.

[@JaimeeLeahHumphrey]

Manic Psychosis from untreated Bipolar Disorder.

[@MusicRemedy105]

7:25 Stupid question...is it weird that I started feeling REALLY uncomfortable/anxious when Kati started pinpointing where these thoughts of feeling like a bad person could come from? I feel like she's hitting my situation right on the head, but shouldn't that be more comforting than uncomfortable? Literally had to take a beat and pause the video...anyone else? Just me? K...I kno I'm a weirdo, was just checking 😅

[@Swiftie52]

It's not a stupid question at all, and no it's not weird that that made you feel uncomfortable, it made me feel uncomfortable too, but I think that's because it was almost like she was validating it, saying it wasn't my fault, and there's two thoughts about that, one maybe it's not my fault (which does feel uncomfortable because I believe it is) and also how would she know, because she doesn't know me and I could just be different and that also made me feel uncomfortable, so it's definitely not weird. You're not alone. Please don't be embarrassed, and don't call yourself stupid, there's a reason, and whatever you feel, it's valid

[@amandamcquade1272]

🫡❤️‍🩹 Dear One, that is not, NOT a stupid question. 😢 If someone else said just what you said, wouldn't you show compassion to them...and suggest that they slow down and look more closely at those feelings? You're not a weirdo, nor the only one. I felt it too...and I'm years into therapy and healing. I hope you'll keep going with that investigation, and get good help. Blessings and respect to you. 🕊🩷🫡

[@laitinlok1]

I definitely need the McDonald's, coca cola and something sweet to crave to feel okay.

[@nataliakravcukova3261]

I so much agree with you answering the first question, yes, that therapist was soo off. ... I would like to add something to the second question from my experience: sometimes we can feel like somethins wrong with us or that we are bad not because of our caregivers, or something someone said to us. I have struggled (and still do a bit) with such feelings because of my father who rejected me before I was born and I never met him. I believe that we absorb feelings and are sensitive already in the womb and prenatal stuff influences us a LOT. It can heal and I heal it with the help of God and angels. ... I also want to say (to the third question) that I learned that the best way to process feelings we don't understand is to somatically experience them. And doing that we will likely get ti the root, which is usually something from our childhoods (can be also even an unprocessed stuff from our ancestors that we absorbed as it always happens).

[@SarafinaSummers]

A follower of Gabore Matte? No. Epigenetics is bullshit.

[@johnlovesbridge]

The "bad person" has an overbearing superego. There is a sadomasochistic element. The superego forms mainly from the external world.

[@guardianangel100percent]

If im tierd so much i feel realy realy stil in bed even i go any where

[@thermionic1234567]

Because you - and we - are bad, fallen people.

[@SarafinaSummers]

Fucking religious psychotic nutjobs.

[@aliyaaliya3866]

ahahah because elena elexandrova attack me and im afraid i can not defend myself)) easy

[@aliyaaliya3866]

not bad but not enough of strenghth

[@jamesgatlin4162]

Are you taking new patients

[@junkettarp8942]

You will never be out of a job Kati......The world is sick......and needs help.