Why do Narcissists have weird routines and habits?

Download the Free answer guide To Get Answers to the Top 10 Questions Every survivor of Narcissistic Abuse Asks: www.emotionalabuserecovery.com
Chapters
00:00 Introduction
00:28 Why A Narcissist has a bizarre routine and set of hard-to-change habits
00:56 The narcissist's behavior is controlled by a set of habits
01:52 Rigidity in repeatability
02:36 They dissociate through the routines and habits
03:33 These routines give them a false sense of functionality
04:43 Sync the inner world with outer
05:18 Routines sustain and maintain their false self

[@narcabusecoach]

Download the Free answer guide To Get Answers to the Top 10 Questions Every survivor of Narcissistic Abuse Asks: www.emotionalabuserecovery.com

[@susanjones8489]

Dear Sir, could you do a segment on narcissists and their odd bathroom habits. I think you will get gazillions 👍🏻 and comments galore.

[@fatimacharty8854]

My abusive narc man had the same routine every day: he went out roaming the city from 8pm pm to 6 am of the next day, came back home at 6 am, drank milk and ate plumckackes, watched TV,slept at 9 am until 5pm when as soon as he woke up he played the same creepy and cringey music every single day, he got up from bed already mad and nervous and ignored me...then drank coffee, smoked weed while listening to the worst news... in silence, then pushed my buttons to start a fight for any reason possibile push me to reactive abuse. Then he did his hypocritical prayer (he claimed to be Muslim too) then got ready to go out roaming again until around until 6am of the next day when he came back without telling me where he had been...He had this exact routine since ever I've known him and he has never worked a single day and even after my 10 million attempts to change his habits..he behaved like this for 6 years of relationship.

[@NellieOllson]

I need your counsel

[@NellieOllson]

@fatimacharty my husband is also “muslim” but refuses to go to mosque with me

[@fatimacharty8854]

@@NellieOllson even mine, he also refuses to pray together at home...in 6 years we have never prayed together even if I asked him several times....I believe his way of avoiding it it's a proof that he's actually evil....

[@gloriachapman5618]

The ex narc’s only routine was lying,cheating, gaslighting and laziness.

[@shopperoo99]

[@gloriachapman5618]

Oh and manipulation as well.

[@gloriachapman5618]

And stealing

[@jenniferalbrecht2967]

YES!!! You said it all!!!

[@queenofplantbasedvegan]

Yesss!!! Exactly!!! Lying, cheating, gsslighting, manipulation…I felt like he really lacked any routine…but I found out recently he saw his side chick faithfully every morning before work…so I guess he was good at that 😂😂.

[@vacationeyes6430]

There are a lot of weirdos who are actually nice people. It's important to not mistake them for narcissists. In my experience, Narcissists aren't weird in a charming Einstein-like way. They are robotic, mechanical, humorless, mundane, unimaginative and have no depth. They tend to follow their routines no matter what and also impose them on others.

[@francalatona591]

Some can be quiet humorous in a social group. Center of attention, and put on a good comedy show. If fact they could sell tickets to it. Yes, they can be that good with the act. I have seen it repeated many times with a couple of narcs....It's quite amusing. But, the s*** show comes later, when audience has left the building.

[@gigiw.7650]

Unimaginative. My ex exactly! He always got my music and said that he loves it. Iced coffee. He loves it. To the point that it was irritating. Anything that I liked he would go crazy over it, but never had his own tastes, or assume that his tastes were mine. Yuck!

[@sisterlavender1188]

Hmmm..besides blonde jokes and sht or slapstick they're pretty cheesy. But they force others to play along. Not I.

[@jessa555]

He wasn't lazy when it came to work but when it came to communicating, honesty and loyalty or being accountable when being caught- the epitome of lazy. I just want to forget I was with him it was a wasted 12 years, just mind games, deception and a total fraudulent relationship.

[@ladyvirgo9514]

Sounds the same for me with my FAKE husband of 12 years

[@jenniferwells2291]

My husband is very diligent and hard working when he's at work. But at home there's basically nothing. He can't even be bothered to talk with me let alone be helpful. If he does manage to do something lots of praise is expected for a couple of days afterwards. The lying makes me irritated. It's like it's compulsive, doesn't matter what you ask.

[@jessa555]

@@jenniferwells2291 YESSS!!!!!!! it drove me absolutely insane!

[@mowiesissy7618]

Got it! 💕

[@avivabillington5514]

100% well said!! In my experience, I relate too. So sorry to hear you went through this as I feel the same myself. Despite having no contact after so many years it still felt as if so much time was wasted on this narcissitic & abusive ex who went against what they pretended to be but weren't like or about what they said. Broken promises & shattered dreams sadly

[@dyoung2739]

💯he’s chaotic, paranoid & extremely disorganized. When I worked out of state temporarily,even tho I pre-cooked/froze meals that he simply had to heat up, he started eating on a regular basis at a local colleges cafeteria. Even after I completed my out of state assignment,he continued to eat at that cafeteria. I’ve figured out that this is so he’ll be around young supply & he’s been able to transform the cafeteria workers into flying monkeys. They see me as a neglectful wife. I say good because he’s gonna need somewhere to eat after this divorce❤️😊👍🏾.

[@dyoung2739]

@Mercy David Smh because that’s exactly how exactly how mine started out. True,you never feel safe with a narcissist. Its better for me to be alone and at peace. Sad thing is the threat of an STD,covid,etc won’t stop them from cheating. Narcs have no conscience and are truly demonic. Thanks for the private investigator info❤️

[@truthh8597]

You my dear woman, are a winner 😂✊

[@dyoung2739]

@@truthh8597 😂Thanks❤️,6 months later still waiting on him to stop fighting this divorce. But key word “divorce”❤️👏🏾

[@katielung6515]

Amen 🙏

[@muirgirl]

Hope you’re almost done dealing with it!!

[@davidwelch4841]

Danish. You said the right word; "Creatures" of habit. They're not human only mimicking human behavior.

[@pattyh1039]

Well put 👏

[@DJCHomestay]

My sister and I have recently realized our parents are both covert narcs. And not just slightly on the spectrum but the whole full meal deal. Sister and I are adults with our own families. She will sometimes mention how they are not human just act like they are. It is so jarring to hear because I know she is right. What a bizarre place to be in life’s journey🤷🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️

[@simonpegg1196]

Through a little bit of trial and error, a narc arrives at a routine, and/or set of schedules that work for them for the long term. They are so regimented in their day-to-day life, that they might be eating healthy, and look young for their age (aging is a narc's worst fear), while their victim might be putting on weight inexplicably (often the result of stress perpetrated by the narc). Ignore and go no-contact with a narc. Zero supplies will make them self-destruct.

[@rolandoscar1696]

So true. My dad has a strict diet, because we have inherited a high cholesterol in our DNA. I know he fears death, because he. refuses to believe in God. He also said keeping dogs ensures a longer life. Now he's a shell of his former self. Alone, no longer omnipotent, and living in his karma.

[@aasthaaastha542]

He always used to say.. Don't I look young like a college guy? He was 43. He was super thin. He kept losing weight to look skinny and young. But he looked like a skeleton

[@Hadesvids384]

Incorrect - no self destruction (they find a new supply or hold onto hidden old supply ) so your no contact means nothing. They go onto the next one

[@simonpegg1196]

@@Hadesvids384 I think we are all entitled to our own opinions.

[@rolandoscar1696]

@@Hadesvids384 There is a ring of truth in what you say. However l think you are referring to a younger narc, full of delusion and entitlement. When they get old and nothing seems to add up anymore, doubling down is their only strategy. A narc never apologizes. But deep down they know they fucked up. Alcohol and sleeping tablets are their only escape.

[@texastrader1]

My Narcissist mother was obsessed with her church, cleaning and order to the exclusion of everything else. The house was spotless, her four children spotless and not allowed to get dirty. When we were small our hair had to be shampooed twice. She would strip and wax her wooden floors once a month. We were never allowed to help with the housework because we were told we never did anything right. There was no affection or love shown for we children. In summers we were sent out to play after breakfast and not allowed to come in before supper. We didn't have lunch. She hated children, especially sick children, cooking, holiday's, animals, visitor's and all of the neighbor's but her house was perfect until the day she died.

[@ellenfarmer3498]

That's why mom yelled, belittled us kids even more at meal times, holiday gatherings, vacations, was absolutely the pits for all of us kids...but, when visitors show up, she did an absolute about face, was all pleasant, smiling as if just minutes before she was not hell on earth. Ugh

[@texastrader1]

@@ellenfarmer3498 I can relate. My mother did the same in public. Our home life was hell too.

[@texastrader1]

@@ellenfarmer3498 My mother did the same. When I was a toddler in arms the difference between her house personality and her public personality frightened me very badly. It was like she was possessed at home and then turned into someone else completely around people.

[@farhanah2244]

Gosh. So much resonates. It all comes down to control doesn't it.

[@TheSMILive-fk3sp]

Thank you for sharing this about not wanting you to do anything because they don't think you will do it right!

[@ABIGAIL5282]

This is soooo crazy. I finally understand my mothers obsession with apparent routine. She used to berate me for “not having structure”. And was unreasonably rigid. Insisted that my 2 year old child comply with her rules. Then became angry when he didn’t comply. I mean; he was TWO! This makes a lot of sense.

[@sunnyadams5842]

Not having 'structure' is an echo from my past, too! It almost ruined me, made me ruin myself. In reaction to my father's rigid structure of self-made schedule cage, I abhored, rebeled against, and ran away from ANY sort of structure. A happy medium is a happy thing!! Slowly becoming able to create some 'structure' for myself now that he's in my No Contact zone. Yay!!!

[@see2saw]

My mil who saw my 2 yr old not waking up by 9 said my baby has sleepomania..(she made up a condition)

[@shabreidavis7790]

@Ava Maria what is a grey hat bcuz that sounds intresting??.... shit I know alot of people who need that service!! 🤔

[@shabreidavis7790]

@Ava Maria Btw....much healing to you Ava after this situation!! 😕

[@_Renee2]

Same with my mother. She even complained my child had a demonic spirit and stormed off like she was the two-year-old instead of my toddler.

[@sararichardson737]

You’ve fully explained his behaviour. I always said : he didn’t have a life so much as a routine. Now I know

[@deborahmeyers551]

I am soooo sorry you had to go through that with your father

[@southernbred16]

You provide the most accurate description of a "NARCISSIST" I've ever heard. 💯💣

[@HonestyIsAVirtue7]

Everyday, he got up at the same time. He pooped at the same time. He left the house at the same time. Came home from work at the same time. He said the same things when he walked in everytime. He Took off his hat as soon as he came in the door. He Put his stuff from his pocket in his hat. Put his hat in the same spot. Went to the bathroom, and sat on the commode for about an hour. Then, he showered. Then, he would ask what's for dinner? I was his servant slave. I had to make sure his belly was always full, and his clothes were clean, the house was clean, the children were taken care of properly. We only talked when he wanted to. He ran the TV. The remote control to it stayed in his hand. He didn't care what anyone wanted to watch. If the children and I were watching something we liked, he would automatically change the channel. Channel surfed all evening long. I am soooooo glad he's gone! I always said that he was robotic. He seemed to be programmed. He was most definitely robotic.

[@TheSeekeroftruth1]

Yes, control of the remote control, turns off your programme, or at least grumbles that you are watching something when he wants to watch TV, and then channel surfs, you begin watching something they have put on and then 15 mins in he turns over and carries on until they go to bed, not really having wanted to watch anything, just stopping you watching something.

[@HonestyIsAVirtue7]

@@TheSeekeroftruth1 Yes, he would channel surf all night, every night. He would act like we were gonna watch a good movie. Then, Just when I would get good, and interested in it, he would start channel surfing again. I would say, "I was interested in that movie."He would pretend like I wasn't there.

[@Dj.D25]

Channel surfing seems like a cliche or stereotype of a man who watches tv in their underwear or barely any clothes, unshaven doesn't have much of a life, doesn't care to discover something different to watch to commit to, gets bored easily even if he does find something to watch like a drama or good movie. Even with a TV guide or the guide from the cable provider to show what is showing on every channel, they don't bother to use that because it would require reading. Are men like these always narcissists?

[@lb9371]

You just described my husband. He once came home from work after my two young sons were asleep, ages 3 and 5. He couldn't find the remote and stalked around like a nazi telling me that if I didn't find it, he was going to wake the boys and make them find it. He knew I didn't want that or to have him bullying them so I did what I was told and searched for it and found it. He always threatened to be bad to the children if I didn't have a compliant attitude. I have left him and only regret that I didn't leave sooner. I'm glad yours is gone too! God bless you and your children. It's a horrible thing to experience.

[@HonestyIsAVirtue7]

@@lb9371 Thank You! God Bless you, and your children too. ❤

[@Miu_Nisht]

Some of this Narcs habits seemed OCD to me , like, washing his hands up to the elbows with very hot water , not being able to touch door knobs or light switches with his hands . Other weird things he does is bathing with rubber flops on, taking 2-3 hours in the bathroom destroying any morning routine I could have , he wakes up at 4am for his routine but had I to awake at 3.30 am to get some bathroom time , he would then awake at 3.05 am the following day just so I couldn't follow a routine , each time he uses the loo he sprinkles water around it and makes sure the floor is wet , he also spills bleach on the toilet floor and just leaves it there.When there's aggression from him and I talk back, he immediately goes to pray , I always wonder if he prays to remove his sins so he can start anew again . He has no hobbies to speak off and hates doing any chores but he likes to supervise me moving heavy furniture by myself and offer advice on "how it should be done" . He can watch the same movie everyday if he knows I dislike it , he did so once for 6 months just waiting for me to blow up about him making life at home like groundhog day . He literally re-cooks the food in the microwave when he's heating it up . He uses a whole bar of soap in a single day 3/4 for bathing and the rest for washing his hands . In his house Watching TV was a big deal, he would just switch it of and put what he wanted on when he felt like it. He would never watch what I did like my taste is so shallow , yet if a "friend" recommended the same movie to him, there'd be a fuss about it and how fab this movie must be even though I'd have said the same and watched it months or years before . The other habit I can't stand is he uses his foot to flush the loo , and if electronic devices have knobs he uses his knee to turn them. He also hoards broken electronics and heaps old receipts , cig boxes and basically dirt in one corner of the kitchen . If he drops something he never picks it up, if he spills some liquid, he'll smear the mess around with his shoes . He also throws his shoes in any place he feels like and he has a lot of shoes . He also bangs on the door after locking it like 10 times ( he's broken all the door handles in the house ) and speaks loudly enough for everyone to hear that he is leaving . He also has had his whole street and the security guard watch and report my daily activities . Had I to mention I had an appointment somewhere , I'd be shocked to know everyone on the street already knew where I was .

[@SS-qo3nt]

I hope you physically escaped from this situation.

[@Miu_Nisht]

@@SS-qo3nt I haven't been so lucky yet

[@ST-yc7uj]

This is not narcisssm this is heavy ocd. He should be hospitalized.

[@dominor120]

Run

[@Miu_Nisht]

@@ST-yc7uj These are just the "weird" rituals part , not his behaviour towards me for years now

[@susanjones8489]

The narcs I have encountered must eat at a scheduled time which never changes, and must never ever be interrupted.

[@maryheiser311]

He had to have a fixed time for everything - House, cars, “stuff” perfectly clean and maintained but no concept of preventive maintenance regarding relationships - mechanical sex on a schedule once a week - threw away his teenage daughter, his own family, his in laws and eventually his wife of 30+ years. The wife and some of their couple friends were catching onto him by asking questions and pointing out abnormal behaviors and unexplainable financial transactions. Picked up “new supply” within few months of discard and starting over with her doing the same things he did with ex-wife. Unfortunately I think She taught him a lot that he will use to victimize the new supply (new wife) and probably worse as he is older now and running out of time.

[@eeeriebrilliance]

Thank you, Danish, for your informative videos. Your knowledge on the topic of narcissism is evident in every statement you make. I hate that you were subject to your fathers narcissistic abuse growing up but I love that you use his behavior to illustrate many of the tendencies you discuss and admire the way in which you appear to have taken those lemons and turned them into lemonade. Keep up the excellent work!

[@alimccreery755]

I like the expression that this other counselor said in regards to the narcissist he used the words functional lunatic. Fits really good 👍 😊

[@jewishgirl1581]

Thank God I'm not part of the narc's routine anymore ❤

[@PoojaGupta-zi7om]

💓🙏✨

[@vp5296]

So interesting and spot on. My ex always said "i'm a creature of habit" and was convince it was such a great trait

[@julieschaefer9964]

Yes, mine had a routine, but called it being disciplined. He spent 3 to 4 hours a day at the gym, watched the morning and evening news, then watched movies until 1 or 2 in the morning. Thank you for clarifying that, Danish.

[@ethergal7311]

Julie! This fool in my life did the same thing!!!

[@RajHK8]

When did he work? Lol

[@julieschaefer9964]

@@ethergal7311 Really? I can't believe how much alike these narcissists are.

[@julieschaefer9964]

He was retired and I'm the one that worked and paid for everything. Shame on me!

[@TheJoyofCooking24]

Activities that are very individual. You have to insert yourself in their routines.

[@amelhenniart]

This episode was very interesting thank you …I believe that religious people especially Muslims have the most narcissistic people in their communities since I am from Muslim background … we’ve been raised on such a toxic and abusive way 😢

[@peaceofmindofpeace1650]

Christian too though, just differently.

[@edemontfort9482]

@Ava Maria why are you cutting and pasting the same comment in different places? Are you trolling for business?

[@susanjones8489]

Churches are magnets for narcissists and their supply

[@BubbyorBubs]

I’ve met 3 women like that.

[@TheJoyofCooking24]

Religious people in general tend to get overly controlling.

[@dianac5764]

My sister hoards stuff, collections, food and recyclables. She has empty cardboard boxes stacked in the house and lots of empty cans which she sometimes washes. You can barely walk through the house because of all the stuff.

[@galaxyqueen8835]

He had a routine of waking up at 4am, meditate for an hour, workout @ 6am for 1 hour, get ready for work for an hour, at 6am I’d help get out kid ready for school, he’s drop her off, and god knows what he was doing at work cause we were always broke, (I was always frugal with money) I would clean clean and more cleaning (all of his and my daughters messes) I had little time for myself and became depressed. It was a routine I had of a non paid house keeper/janitor/handyman/etc. I fixed everything that was wrong with the house. He didn’t and if he did he would fix it with anger in his heart. It was horrible. I’m now single and I’m looking good now and notice the guys who trying to hit on me all look like they need a mom or maid or someone to help them out with their life. NOT ME, BABY!!! NOT ME!!!

[@marcginthe5d]

once you do stand up to them then it goes silent mode victim mode or malevolent mode that's their only 3 options

[@macnchessplz]

🎯

[@anitaelwell8434]

Thank you for opening your life to us - very helpful. I’m sorry you had to endure his abuse and I’m proud that you were finally able to stand up to him ❤️

[@Nancy-yw1rr]

My ex would fill the sink with dirty dishes instead of putting them into the dishwasher because he said opening and closing the dishwasher to insert dishes every time would wear out the hinge. He tried to control how many times other doors were opened and closed for the same reason. He complained about me using the stove top because he said it would get dirty, and the oven might get crumbs. He had TONS of weird ideas and rules that he tried to force me to follow.

[@malachintloko3945]

My ex-wife is in this "End-time message believer's" church. She still attends the church servies 3 times a week with so much devotion, almost like a robot. This church believes the end of the world is near and only those in the church will be saved. One of the reasons we broke up is that I refused to participate in that madness. And what was worse, was that although she was a professing, heaven-bound and born-again Christian to others; she was a living devil at home.

[@MrStrangelyBrown]

Street angel / home devil

[@freud5898]

We lived through that scenario, too. Your description of a robot is one of the most accurate I've heard. They really don't enjoy living, and once they are out of sight of the rest of the 'saints,' they are loud/mean/angry/bitter/thoughtless to the people they live with. Glad you got out.

[@cassiebennet4262]

So she believes only her specific congregation will be saved? If so that's a cult and not a normal church.

[@pocahontas4583]

Well maybe something else was wrong with the one I was dealing with or this applies more to a covert narcissist. Because the one I was dealing with was very chaotic and unorganized in everything he did. But, he checks every box on the list for traits of a narcissist and sociopath. The only thing I saw him do routinely was laziness.

[@agatamakulska4442]

I agree my husband is completely dosorganized and lazy. He is so self-centered that does not give shit other people around and just forces everybody to adjust. But his covert mom indeed runs on routine.

[@christinefletcher6939]

Ditto

[@Earthoceanfire435]

Mine was paranoid but so bad he had 4 guns, 1 always loaded facing me on the nightstand to the bed, a container full of 22’s on his side of the bed. He religiously had a $1 store alarm on the house door. Checked it like 5 or 6 times before bed. I could go on and on with him. Thank you Danish you clarify do well.

[@pocahontas4583]

The one I was with was really paranoid too. It leaves you on edge all the time.

[@heatherchamberlin7877]

Only one gun? Mine has 3 large safes, must have over 50. Yikes

[@skystorm569]

What's wrong with having guns though? If the person is a problem, then it's the person that's the problem. Not the guns.

[@susanjones8489]

@@skystorm569 not when the guns become the center of your existence.

[@skystorm569]

@@susanjones8489 That's still the person that's the problem. Not the guns. That's like blaming a car for someone getting into a car accident because they were drunk driving. It isn't the car's fault if someone does something they're not supposed to. It's the person's fault.

[@JanetSnakehole28]

Hoarding seems to be another common coping mechanism, especially with boomers. It's so strange, like they're constantly anticipating disaster & have to be prepared by having 200 bottles of shampoo in storage, lol. Their hobbies always seem to be warped in a way too, like an enjoyment of knitting turns into an unhealthy, robotic compulsion to knit hundreds of squares for no reason, in the case of my mother. They can't just sit quietly with their thoughts - they constantly have to be doing something so they don't have to face self reflection.

[@HonestyIsAVirtue7]

Yes! He could never relax. Always had to be moving, and doing something. Collected objects. Hoarded everything. Receipts! Piles, and piles of receipts. Would buy a candy bar, and coke, and keep that receipt.

[@simonpegg1196]

I knew of a boomer narc who would get someone to accompany her on one of her daily shopping sprees, keep on walking inside the mall, and then ask the companion, "Are you tired?"

[@SS-qo3nt]

I'm so sorry to hear this but it's not just Boomers, if the narc is using their pride to think they can eat lots of carbs or eat nothing but vegan throughout their lives, they "can" develop the beginnings of dementia or altzheimers which causes similar behavior, warped perception of reality. My mother was from The Greatest Generation, and I'm a late Gen-X who had to care for her, But I don't mean to take away from the reality of your story. It's horrible distortion, I know.

[@cynthiae6230]

You're funny 💝

[@macnchessplz]

Bc their parents likely did that. A lot of Boomers are children of depression era parents.

[@sajor1847]

His routine was to do absolutely nothing but sit and watch TV and eat It was so disturbing he had no interests whatsoever! Ugh. He was also a hoarder. He never threw anything away even trash. Never did any chores because mess dirt and clutter didn't bother him. He was an absolute mess. He showed alot of fear and paranoid behavior too. If he was sitting he always shook his leg. He couldn't sit quietly and still. Very disturbing.

[@wandaandre2341]

How aweful! I know

[@HelenTudor-Douglas]

All Brilliantly stated by Danish! I spent over 34 yrs with my narc husband who one day in Sept. 2017, walked out on me & our entire family. It was surreal, since he never indicated unhappiness with myself or his 3 Successful, Adult Sons. That's spending over 12,400 consecutive days with the SAME person, who wakes up one day & decides to replace me with a much older (age 74 co-worker of his, one who left their own 45 yr. marriage) person. 5 yrs later, I am still perplexed by the decades of what I thought were joyful years, mixed in with lots of his "weird routines & habits". Also, with the invention of the Smart Phone Cell Phone, he developed a completely different life with other people I knew nothing of. Tragic during 2017 & unbearable. Still not sure how I've survived this. I'm living in a very lonely, primarily posthumous life, I guess.

[@simonpegg1196]

Please don't feel lonely. I'm not sure when you might have realized that your ex-husband was a narc, but absolutely no one in a narc's life is indispensable. People are not relationships to a narc - narcs treat people worse than trash paper. That's why until and unless, one is unfortunate enough to be born to narc parents, it's best not to have to do anything with a narc. Even if born to narc parents, disengage carefully, with a plan, dignity, sanity, safety, and finances in place.

[@gerahuey3706]

The very best thing to do is-- Live your best life NOW!!! I know that might be easier said than done but maybe start by doing something for yourself that you've wanted to do for a long time-- maybe writing a book or something!!! Maybe you've had your pity party BUT think about how they just know they won and that ought to make you rise AND shine!! Hope this helps you a little bit!! Blessings!!!

[@jennywager6228]

Helen, 30 years I’m living it too and it’s like severe concussion… ❤

[@BubbyorBubs]

Believe what I say they will reap what they sow. God bless you and live your best life.

[@rupaliparikh758]

You are so right..!! She prays and reads religious books everyday..but by the evening when I am back home, the spirituality has already evaporated and the show begins with devaluation, demeaning, silent treatment and so on..! I can hardly believe that she can even concentrate while 'praying'!.. awful..

[@Amuzic]

Thank you for opening up Danish. You have done so much for us, so here's something from me. I feel for you. Why is it that narcissistic parents often have empathetic children?

[@angiehayes7397]

Good question!!

[@ashcash8539]

Yes good question. God gives them beautiful children and all they do is boss and bully. But it's sad they don't see that.

[@gail9566]

My narc ex got up at 4 am to get in his semi by 5 am. He wanted me to go to bed at 7pm with him every night. So glad I noped out of that relationship

[@SS-qo3nt]

This is so true. The one who is my 34 year old female roommate, on the other side of the house, took DAYS ( instead of employing common sense,) to learn to use the stove vent, and open 2 windows while cooking her stinky stuff. She kept using the dining room area for an electric skillet fry, sending grease into the dining room and living room area for me to have to freshen up later -- since she doesn't like to clean in the first place and has cried and screamed at me in front of the Landlady that I'm "hurting her intentionally with the air freshener I use that makes her sick to her stomach." (She, however, thought she was entitled to spray vinegar all over the place and not wipe it up afterwards as a cleaning agent, especially before I would have company over to visit me.) She "pretended" to not know that me being allergic to garlic and onion meant allergic to their cooked fumes as well, and "sorry" only when she was called to task for it by my landlady, who shares a whatsapp private chat with us. On top of it, she seems to have Selective Amnesia, suddenly, that there is no cooking of pork in this household, and stunk up the kitchen even worse today with what smelled like days-old PICKLED pigs feet being burnt or overheated. She can't f-ing change her routine in a sensible way unless someone she plays up to (the Landlady) tells her to change. She also has developed the habit of hoarding for no good reason in her room - instead of using the ample empty kitchen cabinets to store her appliances and whatever she eats off of, when she sees me coming to make a cup of tea she quickly gathers her appliances and runs with them and her meal to her room, as if to intimate I am going to do some kind of harm to them or her. THEY REALLY ARE LIKE SOUL-LESS 4 YEAR OLDS, OUT OF TOUCH WITH REALITY UNLESS IT IS THEIR OWN. I have suspected her of having episodes of psychosis as well, and avoid her especially after sundown because of this. I have a few medical conditions of my own to clear up before the Lease expires, so I am behind closed doors on the other side of the house most of the time, and I thank you for the presence of your channel so that I can stop by and realise how many people are going through a process of becoming healthier before they physically leave the narc. (financially healthier, too!)

[@clairejohnson6522]

Are you in the same house as myself or did i sleep type !!!?This is uncanny.She leaves the door to her room open and stinks the house out.I open the window she shuts it,I shut the window she opens it.The hoarding and bringing back crap,old cabinets,old pram,carpet etc and leaving things so i trip over them.Brown nosing landlord who is also a narc.Brings back,sneakily her druggie/alcoholic friends who do a swift covert exit when I'm in the bathroom in the morning.They must think I'm stupid.She told me that the airfreshener i used was no good for me although I've had asthma attacks due to her chain smoking.She couldn't care less.Put a toilet block on the toilet rim so when it flushes it cleans the toilet,she took it off and put it in the hallway!!! Now trying to sabotage everything i do. I feel for you,just remember that you are far from alone! These Narcs are evil and they are so cunning that they make US out to be the bad guys.They need putting in an asylum and keeping there.

[@mattdonna9677]

Avoid her after sundown? A vampire narcissist ? They are maddening to share living space with, the cruelty they do earns the hatred they deserve.

[@lennie1703]

So can relate to this! It felt like I was being treated with utter contempt. The sheer arrogance was breath taking.

[@andydufresne8034]

I figured out that my mom needs to be perceived as perfect as a survival skill she developed to survive her dad's psychological abuse. He was worst on her older sister, destroying her mind with gaslighting and nonsensical nitpicking, and unable to figure out what his problem was or how to deal with it, she drew the conclusion that being perfect was the key. So she developed an eleaborate act of holiness and fake niceness which most people fall for and she bullies those who don't into believing. It would be forgivable if she didn't need to gaslight me and destroy my mind and life to support her lie. I just want to tell her "your dad is dead now, stop worrying about him, and realize he was insane and terrible to begin with and you should have never worried about him to begin with." But alas...

[@philip4193]

You have just described my own mother!

[@rosiepreston3965]

You've described mine too! I'm 58 and have just seen the light and realised what her unreasonable demands my whole life have impacted on my relationships...thank you for the insight xx

[@Tend2Rose]

My ex narc had a routine using his hobbies and habits so he didn’t have to deal with being alone. I was part of that routine. He controlled what time we talked in the evening, we always spent weekends together - never saw him in the week. He ruled and controlled the relationship so he could fit in his nasty secretive habits in between his routine with me. He knew my work pattern, but I never knew his. His motorcycle was his biggest form of supply - but apparently he has had to sell this. He texted me saying he was in a bad place and seeking mental health services. This is probably through declining supply. I have left him and now he doesn’t have his motorcycle to pretend he is this youthful man riding out with the boys and having attention on him ( he’s 54) supply is not so much available at his age.

[@munichgirl2514]

Sounds like my Husband

[@amandapearce5343]

This sounds exactly like what I just went through... Weekends and evenings only were the only times we saw each other, I never knew if and when he was at work- he'd take off often and never tell me, and he had a pickup truck he had been fixing up that was his pride and joy. That is probably the only thing in his life that he cherished

[@SS-qo3nt]

Even when he texs you about what looks like "reform" - avoid the hoover!!! Yellow rock.....yellow rock, then avoid!

[@onlygameplay134]

You showed us an average man with average hobbies who managed his time correctly. How does it mean he is a narcissist?

[@sajor1847]

Rosie I have a neighbor who sounds just like what you described. He is in his 60's and rides this motorcycle as if he was a young man. He obviously is having a hard time with supply but unfortunately he's found a target. Problem is we are in a retirement community so we have to hear this machine ever so often whenever he starts it up. So selfish!

[@lindadebenedetti5710]

So true. He would work in my yard everyday like an obession. He planned everything we did everyday with a lot of repeating. I use to think how he was like a robot.

[@munichgirl2514]

I can relate to a lot of what you said about some of those weird routines & weird habits, that I had to experience with my mother and unfortunately partner . The past 7 years learned about NPD , I tried to understand & learn because of the unusual ways that just don’t make sense to me or most people, that it was so extreme that I literally Google a odd behavior, that then pointed me to NPD . To make a long story short , learning about it helped me better understand & also better deal with it over all , it took a very long time . What I still don’t quite understand sometimes, and this might be a different video, how is it that very often these individuals with NPD , and I know most of it is just “supply” for them , but in some cases they know it will just backfire on them , which is so odd because all they want is admiration & be the best of all & well liked , but still mess up over & over again, is still a big ? for me ….🤷‍♀️

[@colette2612]

Yes, they want admiration, but if they cant get that, they will provoke you into giving them any kind of attention, good or bad. They seem to need a reaction so they can feel like they are in charge and in control of your emotions. They are bizzarre.

[@helenahon]

Again, spot on and very clear explanation of why they have these routines. Everything is falling apart for them, they create so many identities they dont even know who they are so the only thing that makes sense is these OCD-like routines.

[@lynnbrown4364]

My narc sister was addicted to ghost and alien shows. Her home, to the naked eye, was clean and orderly. But, behind the shower curtain was mold. The fridge was filthy. Every closet was stuffed and disorganized. Her basement was that of a hoarder's. Behind her bedroom curtains, headboard, and under her bed was years of dust. Sad, really.

[@TheJoyofCooking24]

That's my family house. Living room is immaculate.

[@a3minutevideo737]

Well i recently graduated and my narcissistic father's new favourite is asking me everyday 'When will u get a job'

[@ST-yc7uj]

You don't want to work?

[@jamesringler987]

Thats probably because he wants rent etc if he actually is a narc you should find your own place to live if you can make enough money

[@sirishavenkatesh8415]

You are truly awesome, Danish ! A blessing to many! An alchemist ! Take a bow.!

[@triple999fruitful]

It's courageous of you to be this open considering the normative expectations and consequences you would experience for doing so. I' have subscribed due to your courage and the presentation of your information is interesting and helpful.

[@sarahkhaliq327]

Very well said..only Christ's power and His Holy Spirit can overcome this type of a wounded and hurt person..thx for your insight..greatly appreciated..

[@surabhigupta1082]

Every single word you said... is so so so true, real.. i just relieved my experiences with my father during your narration

[@wendimento9374]

WOW!! Again, you hit the nail right on the head!!! Thank you🙏🏻

[@wandaandre2341]

Danish , thank you for this particular subject you have spoken on, big eye opener for me. With all the numerous topics you have spoken about it has totally revealed to me what’s been a very destructive and confusing long term relationships in my life. Every topic you present another piece of the puzzle is put into place .

[@MsMaruska1]

Thank You very much for this clear explanation 👍👍👍

[@catherinebabisha6818]

I'm so sorry about your childhood my ex husband never took any interest in our children and was religious but abusive ! I dated a covert narcissist 5 years after this ..now am out of the abuse . Oh and yes! My ex fed on such awful negative news !! Constantly

[@rimbakei5492]

Yes, they are not flexible creatures. Their routines are like a computer program, robotic. They are not creative. They are also hoarders. Any interruption to their routines is like all hell break loose.

[@simonpegg1196]

The irony is when a narc terms their victim mechanical, robotic, soulless, hoarder - everything they themselves are and the victim is not.

[@narelleking9040]

This was so so interesting and enlightening. Thank you for sharing

[@tuhinasarkar9957]

Yesterday I finally took the better step for myself and cut off that jerk from my life. Yes,I have noticed all the patterns in him you have talked about. He is very specific doing few things like- He would spend time with plants and others things,he baths in a specific time daily,he needs his food ready on time daily( the time he fixed for himself to eat),he protrays himself as a perfectionist on everything,he never do mistakes more than once bcoz he feels a person is a fool if he repeats mistakes,he regularly drinks and keeps record in his head and whenever he drinks he wants me to keep sitting with him and listen to him whatever shit he speaks that time. If I accidentally leave the place he would make my life hell by making chaos for no reason. If I don't seat,he will keep dialling other people's number religiously to speak with them. I found out many strange and unrealistic habits in him ,which I really couldn't figure out thinking that why a person would do so. If I don't serve him food on time or gets a bit late,he will start saying me I am the person who is irresponsible who doesn't have a perfect routine and sense of doing things on time. He would even put pressure on me to be like him,a perfectionist. After some time I used to get too much irritated with his habits and shout out at him in frustration. Then he used to say me that I have a mediocre mentality and if I have to be in his life I have to become more efficient and perfect. I started to question one thing then- how can a person be so much obsessed with perfection and not making any mistake. He used to insult, make me feel so inferior and low if I couldn't perform in a good way on something. Your videos helped me a lot to understand him in a far better way.

[@lauracullifer730]

Alcohol, lying, abusive, lazy, negative . Constant chaos and drama

[@normawright3179]

Mine told me he was OCD - I wasn't totally personally involved with him but close enough to see through the mask many times. His mask was a well put together polished doctor but underneath I saw a frightened little boy who never had any say about his life, always had to perform. OCD is all about controlling your environment whether it be a person, place or thing. It's so sad - but it's hard to show compassion for someone who turned out to be so evil.

[@corib1843]

People with OCD have a high chance of also having NPD. It makes sense. My stb ex husband has OCD and well- he showed his true narcissistic self two years ago.

[@katielung6515]

100 💯 turned out to be evil indeed

[@TheJoyofCooking24]

​@@corib1843are OCD very clean and organized? They also read through your movement. They can notice even when you move.

[@brendaleverick3655]

Interesting! Very informative. Thank you for your excellent teaching. Best wishes.

[@erezcohen5453]

Thanks for sharing very personal insightfulnesses,,, it's very supportive,,,,

[@II.PP.11]

This relates completely to my inlaws and almost everyone in the comunity where I live. When I married and came to live to my inlaws home, among many control attempts, I was asked, and even tortured to cook food the exact way that my MIL did, following her exact processes, bypassing the fact that I have professional cooking training and know how to do things in a better and eficient way. Also my SILs tried to "teach me" how to do things that I already knew how to, because I'm not a small girl but and adult, and even tried to subtlety change my personal routines to accommodate theirs, or giving me tasks like I was their servant/care giver. I had to stand strong and self advocate to finally get rid of them, not without a smear campaign and watching them playing the victim. Anyway, now me and my husband we're all peace and enjoying our life without the family narcs annoying directly. Still they try to do sometimes, but I know how to deal with them and ain't going to give even an inch of my space/life to them for their childish games. Speaking about the comunity, they lack so much of depth, that is sickening. They act like robots, just following their traditions but without any meaning. And the same with religious and social gatherings: just getting together for having food and search whatever serves to them for the next days or months gossiping. Really sickening weird people...

[@earthrooster1969]

Wow! Thanks again for this insightful video. I was anticipating exactly what you have mentioned. About both my Mom and my Brother. They are so routine driven. Wake up, sleep, bathing, walks...it's all predictable and very repetitive. I get exhausted just being around them. And they get exhausted in an unfamiliar setting, and wait to go back to their area of control as soon as they can! Thankfully enough, i do not live with them anymore! I appreciate you speaking about your own Dad it must have caused so much trauma. I grew up so traumatized by my own Mom and a kid thought i was really worthless and even as an adult i sought out friends or partners who would happily take advantage of me as for me i was trained to feel worthless and be ready to do anything to make up for that feeling of worthlessness...

[@harmonyvaneaton4101]

Yes, they hate travel!

[@malcolmwaddilove1822]

So true Danish,I lived it the same way untill I had my eyes ears heart changed,I challenged it all very slowly,so life continues but now a little differently. Thanks!!!

[@kikataye6293]

My ex narc stayed in the bathroom for hours every day…he was cheating online and needed a quiet place

[@grandmais4you]

I wish I could give this video more thumbs up! So insightful!!!

[@chandaniberry9369]

Thank u for opening my eyes. Thanx a lot .

[@kiberadini8679]

Danish I appreciate ur input..very informative

[@mariasartzis-Sartzis-PELLICIER]

My goodness, I experienced this routine thing with my diagnosed covert and malignant ex-husband. He is sooooo RIGID. I didn't get it then; but I do now.

[@TheSMILive-fk3sp]

Wow oh wow oh wow Danish. This makes so much sense....thank you for making this video.

[@mick5740]

Wow. Great video !

[@zandatee]

I also dont understand why they do not have this mechanism as we have - if you feel bad inside, you want smth. positive from outside to lift you up. That they want to see negativity and search for it or try to create it and hold to it. Thats something very different.

[@shylajanaiksatam9730]

Every word you said about the narcissistic is true . 👍🏼

[@macnchessplz]

The people I suspect might have NPD stalk. It IS a routine and these people do it DAILY. They take SHIFTS , as crazy as it sounds, this is what they DO! Is it an obsession? Oh Yes! They will stalk even the most boring and mundane of daily actions. It’s a severe form of harassing and they won’t let up. It’s truly insane!

[@ND-or5so]

Good video as ALWAYS

[@TheShigoobee]

My ex Narc washed her hair every second day after work for 2 hours and every evening for 6 hours play games strangers and yell at them. There was never time for us, I had to plea for her to make time for us.

[@lisabrightly]

Sweeping the ground incessantly. Even in the dark, even when there's nothing there! 😕

[@ErumEhmad20]

My mother is like that. Doc diagnosed her as ocd. The psychiatrist put her on anxiety and depression meds. She refuses to see a psychologist. And I'm the only one who knows the truth. She is a narcissist. There were only hurtful comments, scripted, repeated, and heartless statements whenever I tried connecting with her emotionally as a child, as an adult, until I realized I am only hurting myself further. So I accepted and limited my interactions with her. She continues to be the victim. I just don't pay any attention to it anymore.

[@mackthisarrowhearth295]

My ex-narc was a clean freak, like, changing clothes coming in, cleaning all your other stuff in alcohol, the feet may never touch the floor directly, or you have to wash them directly. Let me not start about cooking or dishes. Everytime anything of these 'rules' was a little broken, she would flip-out, rage or refuse to let you sleep tonight... And if you had nothing but outside clothes... well, guess you walk through the house naked all day...

[@melissak.8385]

Appreciate you illuminating this..agreed.

[@janetcorey5102]

You share words of wisdom. Thank you

[@apontutul]

This was a good analysis

[@ef7856]

Wow! So insightful. Wonder where this leaves people out there who preach morning meditation and such, as part of overall health and healing, as THE answer? I have found a man named Dan Buglio on you tube "pain free you" who actually teaches how to heal chronic illness without any routines. Thanks Danish for this informative video!

[@jill4268]

Excellent video

[@Melissa-lovinlife]

This one is sooo good!!!!

[@joylinda2120]

I also noticed this and before knowing about this personality I would ask him why he behaved that way and stuck to that. Now I know. Thank you

[@munichgirl2514]

Some of these people comment on regular routines and say that’s normal to have a routine, well that’s not what Danish is talking about ….1st of all he is stating weird repetitions & habits , and 2nd he is saying how often they are being done differently & weird compared to people that don’t have NPD , and if someone grew up or is around with NPD , believe me they know what he is talking about….🤷‍♀️

[@claudiagalindo3326]

Wow so accurate of the Narc I knew! I used to always say he was like a “slave” to his routines and then u said it also 😮

[@aduanaba5903]

Fixed routine and mindset, so regimented just like a robot. Unbelievable!

[@shasha2608]

1. He would play the same movie every night, it was playing in the background while he slept. 2. Smoking, when I asked him to slow down - he smoked more. 3. Sex was mechanical. 4. I objected to his tantrums and he responded by going into the corner of the garage to sulk and smoke. 5. He randomly hated the State of NY because of gun laws. He would watch the news and social media for those types of stories and rant about it. I am from NY, so he thought he was insulting me. 6. He would take me to antique shops, looking at him it felt like he was reliving his childhood with the items there. 7. He over decorated for the holidays, but there was no joy in it. He face was stone while putting up lights and decorations. 8. The video game collection was overwhelming. He had an addiction and lashed out at anyone who spoke up about it. 9. The number of DVD's took over the living room, I saw his repetitious behaviors as self soothing mechanisms that children learn.

[@sunnyclouds1372]

Wow that's amazing how accurate this is to what I went through

[@amnahaque9058]

My inlaws are narcissistic. The time I spent in that house has left me with mental health issues. Sadly my husband has narcissistic traits and I don't blame him because he grew up in a toxic environment.

[@agatamakulska4442]

This is exactly what I see. Toxic mom raised intoxicated children.

[@racelibaura4500]

Thank you.

[@baptizedbychrist9976]

So true, my mother is literally exactly like that. She loves The most basic routine over and over and over and over and over and over and over

[@PoojaGupta-zi7om]

Same here with sibling

[@jagrutidurani7395]

My narc has a very predictable vocabulary. He would have met some people, had a good time , and yet when asked how his meeting went ..he always says “ ok “- and then gives info on how he went from here to there, how bad the traffic was, how tired he is, and then what all he ate - very insipid narration.. poor thing can never share his Jokes , or appreciate jokes from other.. his happy moments.. earlier I would feel very left out ( coz I felt deliberately separated by him ). But today I just see through his inability , and see him as a trapped human being , artless, and boring . Manipulative & very gamey . 🙏

[@masaniazura2131]

My mom's Narcissist behavior is religion/belief system based. "You're sinning". No one believes like I do, and you all are wrong. No one (man) wanted us ( the girls). When we were trying to Daye "tou're living wrong" or ""they're just fooling you. She wouldn't believe her 2nd daughter was getting married. No one really wanted her. What we found ou, she wanted to keep us all for herself.

[@TheJoyofCooking24]

Ohh Gosh...my mom recently told me that at least this guy asked you for marriage. I told her I have been asked for marriage since age 18. She never saw me and thought I was invisible to everyone.

[@metasharp2120]

Everything you said is so true

[@angelabell7182]

You nailed this!

[@angelabell7182]

I was the scapegoat.

[@angelabell7182]

Being an Infj made things worse because whether it was physical or psych abuse they could not make me conform.

[@amirulzamri7833]

omg the nex I know was exactly like that, "religious and abusive". You're right on the lip service they do but they don't exactly indulge the religious deeds meanings and the implications of whatsoever. Sharing and spreading hadith and videos around but never actually do any of them. Calls you out on it but when you calls them out you're not respecting the "elder". Wow just wow.

[@fizakhan1191]

I go thru vedios of u about narsiccent and got learned so much and relatable things which I have observed and seen sooo Soo accurate commendable sir

[@lydiawhitting5406]

Even when any outcome or silly habit doesn't work, they will still do the same stupid things. Don't have logic or appear to be able to learn better skills.

[@carolinearguin8080]

I recognize my mother. Thank you Danish. 🙏

[@judyp5836]

My ex boyfriend had to have TV on day and night when in house. Had to be at certain noise level in bedroom when we slept so he could hear and screamed at me when i wanted to turn it off or down, many times hit me if i dared turn it off! He raged over that. Said it was his house & he'll do what he wants. He smoked cigarettes in house and didnt care if it bothered me! 18 years of that & i finally left. I still think of him because was my life, trying to go on but scary by yourself.

[@chica2000ok]

You have to remember everyday that it was a pure evil control freak. A demon and you were under his spell. It is so sad you cant enjoy your freedom yet because you were so addicted to him. You will be more happy trust me.. everyday you will get better. Trie to live a better life . Love yourself remember who you were before you met this evil demonic child. Yes they are still children. But rotten to the core. Be glad you escaped. Every day is a new day without the chains. Take care of yourself and live your best life 💪🙏