Why Do Widowers Date Soon after their Wife Dies?

It's common for widowers to start dating months, weeks, or even days after their wife dies. Why do they do this? Does it mean they didn't love their late wife or had a bad marriage? The truth is a lot more complex. In this video Abel Keogh guides you through widower psychology 101 so you can better understand why widowers date so soon and how you can tell if the recent widower you're dating is ready to move on or just looking to fill a hole in his heart.
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Marrying a Widower amzn.to/2Qyf48r

[@DatingaWidower]

How sood did Abel date after his late wife died? Get your free e-copy of Abel's memoir Room for Two and find out for yourself. Simply sign up for his newsletter to get the free copy of the book as well as the latest on his new books, videos, and other projects. More information at www.abelkeogh.com/newsletter-2/

[@evilvolts]

How does one go about dating again after 20 years of marriage then being widowed It's been a year and a half since my partner of 20 years passed on I haven't even felt like reaching out again plus I'd think the dating scene has to have changed a ton by now

[@rocketsurgeon1746]

I lost my precious wife of 14 years, 3 weeks ago. How on earth can people even think about dating!? God thru Jesus is the only thing that keeps me going thru this. God bless you

[@vcoonrod]

Frankly, some men just want sex and that likely explains quite a bit. In addition, men like a housekeeper, cook, and such. Many men go for the younger girl too. When my mother died at age 48, my father started dating women 20 years younger than himself. No data was provided on the divorce rates for these marriages, so clearly this is just one opinion piece. Data is showing that women are far less likely to remarry and report that they dont want to go there again.

[@rocketsurgeon1746]

@@vcoonrod great evidence for finding a Godly man. One that holds God first, his wife second and everyone else before himself. I can’t imagine making thru a day without wanting to be with my wife.

[@motrhead69]

@@vcoonrod incorrect on your "assumption".... everyone processes grief different ways, maybee sex,a maid is what some men want... typical feminist comnent

[@omayma4921]

I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you are doing better

[@rocketsurgeon1746]

@@omayma4921 thank you

[@Malachor8091]

I'm a recent widower (one month) after being married for 38 years. Yeah the feelings of wanting some female companionship have entered my mind. Not so much wanting to date but just to be around some females my age. I'm looking at going to social events where I can at least talk to women. There is some guilt associated with these feelings and I understand the feelings of being broken. Thanks for the video and it explains why I'm feeling what I am feeling.

[@mikebelair5784]

Feel the same way. My wife has been gone +2 years ,after 36 years I find I miss the female company.

[@stevewyche5232]

A month???? Wow, I was a zombie for at least the first 4 months

[@Malachor8091]

@@stevewyche5232 in the months leading up to my wife's death, she made me promise to re-engage with the world after her passing and not to mourn her. I honored that promise. I still think of her often but I'm playing the hand I was dealt.

[@stevewyche5232]

@@Malachor8091 Hey I admire you. I just can't do it. Not yet anyway.

[@dannyjimenez9054]

I understand that everyone is different and handle things differently, time, etc, etc. But a month, a few weeks, a couple of months after your spouse has passed away and the surviving spouse is already dating. I think that's too soon, generally speaking. How does someone just bypass the recent death of a spouse and start dating that quickly? IT'S COMPLETELY DISRESPECTFUL!! A few weeks, some months after, a person would still be trying to grieving and trying to comes to terms with their loss. Dating or whatever wouldn't even cross my mind. Just my thoughts on it. Thanx for allowing me to share my thoughts.

[@DatingaWidower]

The first chapter of Dating a Widower addresses this very question. You can read it at www.abelkeogh.com/#/dating-a-widower/

[@mountpilotmikefelts9090]

I have been a widower for 6 months. This is so helpful. The best advice is to take it slow

[@jonaichs1976]

I lost my beautiful wife to suicide January 15, 2020. She was only 36. I'm not dating anyone. And certainly will never re-marry,I married who wanted to marry. I haven't had not a single night without shedding tears.

[@deriusbrown25]

My prayers are with you brother. I lost my wife a month ago. There's not a day I don't smell her clothing and look at pictures on the wall. I carry her pic in the driver side of my side.

[@omayma4921]

I'm so sorry for your loss i hope you are doing better

[@AShyLily]

@@deriusbrown25 My condolences and prayers to you.

[@AShyLily]

Jon Aichs, my condolences and prayers.

[@veelll19]

I hope I find love again after a 28 year marriage that had it's problems.

[@alyssapowell6060]

My mom died on September 1st and already my dad has a new woman in his life. You can try to rationalize why he’s doing this but it doesn’t make it hurt any less. It’s so difficult going into the holidays without my mom but I feel like my I’ve lost my dad as well. He’s incredibly happy, so I know I should accept this. It’s his way of dealing with Mom’s death. But what’s difficult is explaining this to my kids. My 6 yo asked why Grandpa is so happy and if he misses Grandma. I really don’t know what to tell her. She misses Grandma so much. He’s avoiding everyone in the family since he knows we aren’t happy about this. He went to Thanksgiving dinner with his new girlfriend at an Italian restaurant rather going to dinner with me and my family at my aunts (my mom’s sister who has been hosting holiday dinners since my mom got sick 2 years ago). Maybe it’s a YOLO thing and he wants to do things before it’s too late, but he’s already talking about going on a Mediterrean cruise with his new girlfriend. There’s nothing wrong with his new girlfriend, but she’s at least 10 years younger and she’s inserting herself into everything. It’s nice she’s helping, but she referred my dad to her gardener. Next thing we knew, all of my mom’s rose bushes and flowers have been removed. I wish I had been given the option of transplanting the roses, but nope.The first news I got that the roses were gone was driving up and seeing the flower beds were gone and replaced with mulch. My mom spent so much time caring for those roses and to see them gone - it compounds the sadness. I can’t process this. I just can’t.

[@hardiemartellgarnett2911]

You sound like a big Cry-Baby. like you were spoiled. your father has one life, let him live it. You knew he loved your mother because he stayed with her for so long. Now he wants to be in love again and you're trying to hold him back. You need to realize what really is your problem, you don't want the new woman to get her hands on your father's money period... And now you want to go crying over the roses like a big crybaby. Roses really you just a big crybaby

[@celinedumoulin4485]

I understand how you feel but you need to love your dad as much as you loved your mom. It’s not fair for him and for you. Your mom will always be part of you and don’t think your dad stoped loving your mom. He is just surviving and trying to get a little happiness. Why won’t you plant roses your self at your place. It will remind you of your mom and how she loved flowers. Maybe your dad hurts so so much that he can’t be around ,on a daily basis,around things that his wife loved so much. She is in his heart and yours forever.xx

[@whitneymandel6118]

HARDIE MARTELL GARNETT could you be any more insensitive? Her mother’s roses were sentimental for her, who are you to mock that!?

[@alyssapowell6060]

@ HARDIE MARTELL GARNETT What money? My dad still has massive debt from my mom's medical bills and other expenses put on credit cards from her illness. He's considering selling his house to try to pay those off because declaring bankruptcy is too difficult with his 401k and other assets. And that woman he was seeing right after my mom died - she left him once she figured out about his financial problems and that he was paying for that lifestyle with credit cards. And that's all women are really interested in with him - what he would buy for them. He's probably going to end up moving in with me and my kids since it financially makes more sense and he doesn't need that big house living all by himself. I have a very successful career. I don't need money from my dad and I'm probably going to end up helping him financially.

[@leslierusgrove164]

I will absolutely agree, that children need to be careful how they interfere in their parents' business. But the roses were quite special and sentimental. Yes, they could have been saved. Don't be mad at her for that!

[@s.sage-arkoudas2798]

Women! This applies to us too, don’t feel guilty for dating just because you feel it’s uncommon to date earlier. I was widowed at 23, my late husband and I were best friends growing up and enjoy friendship, dating and marriage over a 10 year period. I started dating about 5 months after he passed away and my current relationship is fantastic. If you feel at peace with someone go for it!

[@dkarukas]

Widow's Fire. In my early 20s, I bought a house in a nice neighborhood. There was a nice family across the street. A few months after I moved in the husband died. Not long the widow would bring me supper and it led to an very passionate 3 or 4 month affair. Then as suddenly as it started she ended it and moved on. I was heart broken and didn't realize what was going on until my wife passed away and I read about Widow's Fire.

[@juliekawuba2093]

Thanks, Abel, for sharing your experience. You are not different from other widowers. I have been a widow for seven years and I am pleased to have taken the time to grieve for my late husband. This time of mourning gave me a chance to come closer to God, something I would never have known if I were married immediately after the loss. Widowhood in Africa is very difficult financially, but I chose to remain alone rather than carry my baggage to someone else. But like I said, we're not like each other. You have succeeded in balancing your emotions, which is why you are happily married 15 years on the road. Now I feel recovered from the intense pain of the past seven years. Whether I am unmarried or married, now I have a relationship with the Lord that gives me satisfaction. Thanks for this vlog. God bless you

[@Sarah-es2qf]

Be careful dating a widower too soon. They are broken and can break you. They will heal but you may not.

[@shonaosmond4886]

Sarah Irick you are 💯 right

[@annconforti9294]

I've dated 2 briefly. I won't do it again.

[@jessicacole3167]

Yes I agree be careful

[@mordanistl9869]

I’m a widower July 2 will be a year. I sold an item on market place, when we met up for the exchange ( not even thinking this ) actually more the thought I’m done 4 Eva! She pulled up and I was like , um wow she’s pretty. We chatted about 10 minutes, had her kids with her she is widowed 8 years ago. so we parted ways. I could not sleep the entire night. The full range of emotions. 2 days later , I messaged her, we’re just texting a bit but I’m ok with what ever plan the lord has, his speed not mine great video thanks man

[@mammamia8882]

Thanks Abel, this is a good topic. A friend pf mine married last Saturday, his first wife passed about 3 to 4 months ago. Some of his adult kids were concerned, and one who is my shero was not, saying that if that is what Dad needed to do, then she was fine with it, that it will bring stability to the family. The funny thing is that my widower's adult kids think this is crazy, for some have done everything to prevent their Dad and me getting together, while their sister in law is encouraging her widower father to live his life...what a contrast in diversity.

[@charlieswearingen500]

My wife, Conni, and I had an overall happy marriage and two sons for forty-three years. Our relationship developed from puppy love lust to what I would call a beautiful "oneness" that resulted during those happy years. And now my life-long partner is gone and taken my very soul with her. I am desperate to replace that oneness and repair my soul, but I can't because she is not here with me, so when my time comes, I will search for her and find her again somehow in heaven...

[@resianemaculate.]

It's been nine years as a widow, I feel it time to move on. May the Lord give me a good husband

[@DatingaWidower]

I hope He will give you one too.

[@user-eu2yv6iy7t]

Thank you for this video. I am dating over who lost his wife almost a year now we’ve been friends since October last year and decided to start dating in March and this video helped me to feel better about our relationship as he has totally committed to me and I was not sure that it was true, and trust my own not to get hurt thank you for this. I feel so much better and the relationship.

[@southernexposure123]

My wife was burried 2 days ago. I can think of 2 reasons why the surviving spouse rejects the idea of getting onto another serious relationship. One is that the mirrage was so good that the survivor is certain the potential mates they'll find can't possibly be *as good as* the one who died. Two is the marriage was so bad that the survivor is certain the only potential mates they'll find will definitely be *as bad as* the one who died.

[@caddyman7725]

My wife passed away a month ago yesterday. I’ve been doing ok with it. We were married nearly 22 years. This week I began texting a local widow ( she sent me a condolences card) and I feel so drawn to her, but I don’t feel like it’s right to be interested in her. It’s a weird, mixed up feeling.

[@bevjohnson5280]

With all due respect , joining dating sites and chasing women only months after your wife's death is eratic and irrational behaviour, commonly associated with the grieving process. A recently widowed man is a vulnerable man, he may leave a dating site even more depressed than when he found it. I have made these mistakes myself. The grieving process for me has taken 3 years

[@dbrhb5729]

63, and my husband died 6 months ago. I have zero desire to marry again. Most men are looking for "gap-fillers", imho. I have no desire for that, and he left me able to take care of myself. Not a nurse Not a purse. Not a tart For some old fart. 🤷‍♀️

[@DatingaWidower]

I'm glad you know what you want. So many widowed folks don't know.

[@peterurquhart6580]

Hi mate. I enjoyed hearing your story. My wife and I were happily married for over 36 years until she passed away at home due to cancer 2-3 months ago. I found your insight into the post-wife thoughts, emotions, and prudent cautions on how to move forwards really solid and practical. Thanks for sharing it mate 👋🏽👍

[@DatingaWidower]

You're most welcome!

[@germerican7182]

I was married 15 years (not the best marriage) I met a great lady 2 months later been 2 years idk what’s gonna happen but keep living

[@karenrawson4887]

Thank you Able. I started Dating my widower 3 months ago. I saw my first video by you shortly after. The timing was good then and was even better now!! Things have been amazing for us. His wife passed 7 months prior to us starting to date and yesterday was 3 months for us dating. Warp speed slow in all aspects of dating is key. Number two...holding hands and kissing brings new meaning to building a meaningful foundation to a relationship that we connect on every level possible. I’ve watched so many of your videos. Thank you for your advice!! 😊

[@tomobedlam9045]

Widowers date because they're scared of being alone. Grieve first, for at least a year. Nobody wants to compete with a ghost, especially if all you talk about is your deceased loved one.

[@TummyStuffer]

Are you speaking from experience? if so, share.

[@nobodyyouknow_968]

Grieving is like a never ending process you'll dont know until when you need to stop on grieving..well it depends on the degree or impact of how painful it was to loss your love ones..

[@elijahglenn9046]

How do you know timing?

[@skyisthelimit-zq8cp]

I lost my wife also an i dont know what to do we have 3 children oldest 16 years old young 4 years old youngest 2😭😭😭😭 but i pray to God for guidance Good video..

[@laram5104]

It s understood. People should not judge but they do. I found myself thinking about dating in 3 m. People do not know my circumstances. Having a big house and big property and manage everything by myself i found very difficult. I need a man in my house. Also being by myself made me almost crazy going downhill mentally and physically.. not eating not doing anything, just surviving the tragedy. I figure out i need to go fwd otherwise i stacked in past and it will destroy me. So there is no word “ too soon”. Everybody is different.

[@anicop6739]

So you want to use another man to help you with your big house so that you could peacfully miss and love you late husband? And do not forget to remind your new man how your late husband did everyting around the house better than him and he should be thankfull to your late husband for shaping such an amazing woman like you. He will be trully one lucky man.

[@TummyStuffer]

@@anicop6739 you must have gone through stuff. Three months out has me looking at the future with loneliness. I just need a deeper connection. The last thing I'd want is someone that I'd confuse with my late wife. I'd just like to find someone (different) to have a good conversation with along with an air of potential. I get my fill of man talk. I can go on forever. But two things. 1: I'd like someone to share my life with.. It's how I'm programmed, I'm 53, my friends are married, & intimacy doesn't work with guy friends on average... for me and them. 2: I'm an inherent team player and I believe a man and a woman are the ultimate team on this earth.

[@loisroberts2216]

When u been with someone for years and they pass it make u want to have a partner someone to eat with talk too to hold and too spend your life here on earth . it don't mean you did not love the person who passed.

[@gingerbread1212]

I dated one. 6 months after his wife died. I'll never ever date another widower. Their grief blinds them to the pain the cause the women they date before they are actually ready.

[@user-et4xx6jv3k]

What my wife died six mouths now ,is there some wroug with me

[@MikSrf723]

My wife died and I have no desire to date. None. You can't fix being broken. You can't fix a problem by creating a new problem.

[@omayma4921]

I'm sorry for your loss I hope you are doing better.

[@lillibethbata7470]

I hope you feel better after one year of grieving. Time is a great healer especially when we let God help us in our griefs. I lost my husband 11 years ago and I thought i could never survive the pain but I placed my life in the hands of an all-loving God. He understands us best though we cannot understand why we have to go through such pain. I pray you'll feel bettet as the days go by. Gid bless you.

[@stevepollard2169]

I was married 40 yrs to my soul mate, she died 4 months ago. I am 69 my wife was 76 filipino but looked 60. She always wanted me to be happy after she was gone. I feel a great loss for my wife and cry every day, but I cannot let the past control my future. I started online dating six weeks ago and have met a lovely chinese lady. I cannot live alone, I need someone to love and to love me. As the hospital psychologist said I had a fantastic forty yrs. Cherish those memories which I do, but at 69 I need to enjoy what is left of my life, I cannot live in the past. We are only here once, this is not a rehearsal. It's not easy moving forward, it's bloody hard, but I have to do it, no one can do it for me. My strength comes from within. The way i see it, we have two choices, either live in the past or enjoy the time we have left.

[@K6TJO]

I agree with almost everything he said. I am going through this myself and my reasons for dating is for the practice and experience. It is not that I need the sex or anyone to take care of me but because i want female companionship. That won’t come quickly so it is important to start trying. It is better to be socializing than sitting home licking wounds.

[@DatingaWidower]

Yes, much better to be out and about with people than home alone.

[@iyeshaindigo]

Advice begins @ 8:00

[@ronaldfank7187]

It has been 5 years since my wife passed and i will never date as long as i live. I will not betray the love of my life by being with another. I am loyal to my wife. I only pray she will forgive me for not stopping the cancer that took her life and my failure to protect her. Some husband I turned out to be

[@The_Recessionista]

Don’t blame yourself I lost my husband in May

[@ronaldfank7187]

I do blame myself plus i will never forgive myself for my horrible deed

[@Todoooties]

@@ronaldfank7187 you are really one of a kind! your beautiful heart and loyalty is soo moving. Remember, Its not your fault! We are human, and we cant control everything in life nor do we have the answer to every question. take your time to grieve and heal, but please don't blame yourself! It will get better, believe that your beloved is safe now, free from pain and is having wonderful time in heaven free from all suffering!

[@Tbn48ibp]

@@ronaldfank7187wow…let this go and be at peace. She wouldn’t want you to feel This! Get into some Grief counseling and take one day at a time. Try not to be hard on yourself Because she wants you at peace!

[@segovia1able]

Those who really loved their spouse don't want to date. At least not for a long time.... This should make sense for most people. Those, who dates soon, didn't TRULY loved their wife. Or the person does not have a very sensitive and deep soul. There are big differences in spiritual sensitivness and developement among individuals.

[@vmax1399]

I don't really agree in my case l nursed my wife for 8 years she was totally bedbound always cheerful and loving. Two reasons firstly l am in a mess l wouldn't want to use someone as a life raft. Secondly l will before l start square it across with my family because l have had wonderful support and love with which l am sure l would have sunk without trace. In my mind l have set a year and a day in the meantime. I can get educate myself and make myself ready for another chapter. Don't want to leave it to long as lm a long summer.

[@sojenbur9122]

Dating too quickly after a spouse dies is not a good idea.A new realationship won't help with the broken peices.When a spouse dies try to find yourself first like what do you want to do with the rest of your life.My husband died three years ago after thirty seven years.I was fifty seven then.I felt lost.I ask myself what now but dating was not an option.Three years later what is my life like?I have kept myself busy by doing anything that is legal that i can make some money from.Now my new love is money and i don't see myself dating anyone.This is the first tlme in my life that i don't have to worry about finances and i am loving it.At this stage of my life i do not want a man in my life to complicate things.If you are busy you won't feel the loneliness.Younger people might still want to date but at least give yourself sometime after the death of a spouse.Give yourself time to breathe.Enjoy being single again then you will be able to choose the right partner.

[@shelleycoykendall8878]

Just seeing this video and I resonate with your comment. My husband passed from cancer almost a year ago, and I’m still grieving. I keep busy, and have strong faith in God. Although I would love a man friendship and dinner now and then, I’m busy finding my self again especially after being his caregiver. I’m 74 and thankful for the memories and each day.

[@arkstudios1]

I've lost my beautiful wife two months ago to cancer, she was my soulmate, we were together for over 35 years. The last thing I want to do at the moment is date another woman.

[@angelabluebird609]

Hope you will continue to do what is best for you. My husband of 40 years passed 5 years ago. Even the idea of dating makes me nauseous and do not want to. So I won't. I don't expect this to change, though I suppose it is possible. Everything seems like it was a million years ago yesterday. I'm glad to have been so loved and loved so well. It is more than enough for me.

[@dave-j-k]

If you feel any guilt, if you can't stop talking about your late partner, if you have pictures all over, still wearing a ring, then your'e probably not ready yet. You will never forget your late partner but you can love again, there is no time rule, no limit, we are all different.

[@tmc20100]

I have become a window a month ago. I don’t want to date . I just need to release this frustration. I miss him so much . We were so happy. I know it’s just my body feeling the loss of him. I just feel so lost.

[@frankmitchel7605]

I know the feeling of emptiness, from losing my wife. Staying busy helps but Grief will find you no matter where you are. I lean on my faith . Try Griefshare.org I'm so sorry. My condolence's

[@deriusbrown25]

Right. I lost my wife a month ago and it's hard to cope with things. But I lean on God wholeheartedly. He's the only getting me through this

[@dianaharvey6066]

it's hard for me to anyone refer to the spouse as "late" (wife or husband). It does feel detached. But, thank you for this forum. It's been 2 years 3 months since my husband crossed over. I feel like I'm ready to poke my toe out there.

[@ChrisJohnson-lh9qb]

I'm so sorry I know how it feels to be lonely without the person you love, we've all lost our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I understand how you feel but life goes on because death is inevitable and we'll all have to face it someday, I lost my son jersey on may 24th 2020 during lockdown on a car accident he just turned 22 on his birthday, got hit by a drunk truck driver, that was the worst and most lamentable day of my life as a single Dad raising two kid's, my 13yr old daughter is my everything and the reason I keep strong, my late wife passed away 3yrs ago to a cardiovascular disease, I felt deeply devastated with grief, but that's the past now, time is indeed the best healer. I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind! it'd be nice if you just say hi, here is my number [phone] or rather you can send me your gmail address so I could reach out on you.

[@morganfalkdesigns]

My widow brain works more like widower’s brain. I am devastated by my husband’s suicide…we were together 40 years, and I have no intention of staying single for the rest of my life.

[@fjones63]

I'm a widower raising grandkids. My wife of 42years past 11 months ago . I want to date again but my 10 year old takes much of my time and I find it hard to know how to date. I'm 76 and in good health but the grandkids take a lot of my time. Not sure what to do.

[@ddflower7]

I'm troubled the someone can replace my beautiful sister who wanted so much to live anf died of struggle with breast cancer. It makes me want to cry that after 35 years of marriage he ca date and slept with someone else like hes forgotten my poor sister that I miss i haven't forgotten her never will!

[@DatingaWidower]

No one is replacing or forgetting but I can see how some might see it that way.

[@WickedWildlife]

As a man who lost his wife to cancer I can assure you he hasn’t forgotten your wife, I lost my wife 5 months ago, and would love companionship and to spend time with someone, but I still think about about my wife every day

[@richiem1867]

You hit it right on ! Something inside is missing , part of you is gone. Need to take care of someone.

[@lessauder5711]

At 6 months I'm just able to get out of the house to do a little social activities. Not ready for problems and drama yet.

[@DatingaWidower]

Take your time, one step at a time.

[@matthewholmes74]

I am a wider of 5 months recently I have been having these feelings of wanting to get back out there but I thought it was wrong and then got thinking well what is an appropriate time frame you videos are very informative I've watched a few so far and I'm gonna watch a lot more of them thank you

[@DatingaWidower]

You're welcome!

[@loriwhite8501]

Hmmm the man I like has been a widower for 2.5 years and still has not started dating. Not all men jump right into dating. I'm trying to be patient but I think he may not change.

[@grl57]

Invite him to coffee/tea at a public coffee house. If you like him, tell him you enjoyed his company and that you should meet again. Maybe he is shy or does not know you are interested. As a widow, I didn't think I was interested in dating until a man made an affirmative move. He awakened my interest. So if you meet with him, you will know he is interested or not and move on if he is not. A spouse dying really affirms that we have one glorious life to live. Don't waste too much of yours waiting.

[@omayma4921]

How old is he ?

[@sofistacy4176]

Let him be. His love, his best friend, hus family member died. They were meant to be. Find someone else. Don't manipulate him.

[@kurtvanluven9351]

I waited until our daughter was grown, so that means I started dating after 14 YEARS. Unfortunately, social media happened since then. I have had no luck finding a traditional woman.

[@nataliechaplain4489]

I lost my husband to cancer. Its been a year now and I'm hurting badly and I'm very lonely.I don't know if I can find happiness in an embodiment , nevertheless thanks for the video

[@susansmith9318]

Natalie, I'm so sorry for your loss. I also loss my husband from cancer. We were married 33 wonderful years. I have given myself permission to love again after 5 years. I met a wonderful widower. Life is short and I hope you find love again and live life to the fullest! Take care

[@kinsmade--wherecraftsarefa7830]

Many marriages allow men to do 8 hours of daily responsibility and nothing more. What a shock to the system to have to carry the cognitive load of running a household! You can bypass a lot of personal responsibility and personal growth by finding a woman to cre for your needs. This theory of mine coincides with how many women swear off men forever after losing their mates.

[@Good-DaySunshine]

Every widower I have met dated quickly after they loose their spouse. I think its bc they can't find their socks & underware. 😁

[@DatingaWidower]

There's a lot of truth to this...

[@eileenwatt8283]

If the wife had a terminal illness the widower had already morn her passing before she died. The longer the illness was the sooner the guy will date and marry earlier.

[@jimmyhlatun]

Probably filling up the hole but can’t admit it.

[@angiesuchan3940]

My best friend died 3 years ago and her husband started dating hafter her passing 5 months. He forgot about Robin. My best friend mattered.

[@joliejohnson1098]

Because I really I'm date widower and I didn't found out that his wife dies two week after. I try to tell him that he's still grieving and to get help no help. U right one of his son is autistic and he need that plus someone to help him. He sucker me in when I told him let be friends until you feel better after I found out month later about the late wife. He still talk like my wife did this my wife my wife. Guess what I didn't date for few years . I m now been with him helping the whole and I feel like leaving because I think it was a lot in the beginning.

[@AndrielleHillis]

So, as a widow, is it normal that I'm starting looking around? Is it just for widowers? My husband has been gone almost but not quite six months.

[@DatingaWidower]

Yes, it’s normal. Widowers usually wait 6 weeks-not 6 months. 😀

[@hardiemartellgarnett2911]

Is looking around just for widowers? What a silly question who says its just for widowers ? that is a question you need to answer for yourself

[@carlomom1]

im 53 years old I was married 30 years with 4 children all adults ages 26 to 36 my husband died @ 47 march of 2017 only 3 months after finding out he had pancreatic cancer i was his primary caregiver and i was on the front lines of the devistating effects of cancer ..( not to mention my own father at the exact same time had the same cancer disgnosis) . .. there was a man in my church who lost his wife 10 years prior to cancer and he had 5 kids all adults except one 17 year old. we had started a friendship that lead to a very quick bond we had EVERYTHING in common fell in love with each other so quickly ( my husband had been gone only 4 months ) 2 of my kids went ballistic and didnt want nothing to do with me , my friends disowned me i was accused of being a whore and of disrespecting his memory and ruining my kids( as well as our friends ) ability to properly grieve and heal , and even accused of an affair because in ,most peoples minds I MUST have been cheating to move on so fast .we were even asked to leave the church which we did( because they felt we hurt and betrayed my children) . i was not looking for a relationship at all not even a friendship i was prepared to spend my life alone i was truly broken and devistated with his death but somehow my heart was ready when i met this man (his family went nuts too even after 10 years of theyre mother being gone one of his daughters even threatened suicide it got that dramatic) some people lose a spouse and theyre ruined for life and couldnt possibly think of going on to another relationship others bounce back and realize the brevity of life and want to live and love and enjoy for all they can in life , theres no set time for grief the heart heals when its ready and you need to be happy , i dont know what you ended up doing but 4 months after i met this man we got married its going on two years this november my oldest son still has nothing to do with me my youngest will only see me if i visit him alone and never mention him all my friends except 2 have nothing to do with me and in theyre book i disappointed them and disgraced myself , dont wait till somone gives you permission to live your life follow your heart im sad on one hand for how theyre reacted to me and our decision to be together but im still alive and im not finished living and loving, at the end of the day we have our own lives to live and ourselves only to live with i truly wish you the best on your journey and hope you find love but dont wait for anyone to be ok with it is what im trying to say im still as in love as I can be and my husband is my best friend and biggest support yes i lost people and i had to be ok with it at the end of the day

[@laram5104]

Andrielle ; nothing wrong w that. I lost my loved one and surviving is hard and it destroys me . If i won t start dating again i will probably just collapse. I am mentally in so bad condition .. i avoid people because they all feel sorry for me and that s it.. no help , no calls . Nobody knows how i deal w my loss. So if they do not care why would they care if i m still alone or not. So go ahead and do what u want to.

[@annconforti9294]

My Daddy died in April. My mother started dating in June. My mother got engaged in Oct and remarried in Dec. Date if you must but please remember others. He lived fior over 24 years and their marriage was awful.

[@privateerpix]

Completely untrue. Loving soulmate died 11 years ago. Still alone with no prospects. You are clueless!

[@cosmiccatzen]

This video is about a man telling people it’s ok. to move on to your next caretaker (wife) as soon as possible 😄 Pay attention, ladies.

[@johnj.iamaio8375]

Thank you for your insight, Abel.

[@stevewyche5232]

You also have to understand that while men do that, many of them can't find a suitable partner and they take a break.

[@resianemaculate.]

I am here

[@goldfishi5776]

Not everyone chooses that path. Sounds very ‘cs lewis esque’ in my opinion but maybe I’m jaded.. Some of us will not date at all.

[@snowyowlz5992]

I don’t want to be a long term caregiver ever again, not even short term caregiver. I’m done. Gone MGTOW. 43 years married. Widower for 2.5 years. I’ll keep a distant, polite, and respectful perspective for all of them.

[@kingdomambassadorladykathl9922]

Awesome share Thank You Gratefully appreciated, GOD 🙏🙌❤️ BLESS, Shalom

[@cataderian]

Your explanation, unfortunately, still frames women as a useful commodity not a person. They don't miss the woman, they miss the multitude of services she provided- which is why they want a replacement pronto. Hard to make enough money to pay for all those services!

[@TummyStuffer]

I believe men and women complement each other. I don't want to get poetic here but hey... Like the sky and the sea. Like trees to the son. You pick what gender is what in those statements. It doesn't matter. Maybe it's because I was brought up by good women that make me feel such a connection. But even though my late wife was the complete version of me at the time. I know in my heart that there are things intrinsic in the feminine that cannot be replaced. Any good man knows this. If not on the shallow, then deep in his soul. One thing I know for sure is the absence of that connection whether forever or a fleeting moment (insert dating) is a life with a little less light.

[@superchatcat658]

Is it the sexual aspect that prompts men to date so soon? That's always been my thought.

[@gabrielletanner5339]

I know several men who did that, BUT none of the woman.

[@DatingaWidower]

Many such cases.

[@kellymcnabb3693]

Yeah.....selfish....meeting HIS needs! He wants to get his life back!!!!!! Hes lonely and will use you to fix HIMSELF!!!!!! MAKES ME SICK!!! HE USED ME!!!!!! I WAS HIS BANDAID!!!!!! After 3 years and a failed fiance relationship (2months before our wedding) everything exploded!!! Now hes dating a widow WITHIN 2 MONTHS!!!!! I WAS NOTHING!!!!! NOTHING!!!!!!!

[@anicop6739]

The widowers should be avoided. There is more chances of forming a loving relationship with an addict than with a widower. Approx. 90 percent of all relatiosnhips with widowers break, 70 percent of marriges end up in divorce. Much worse than an average second marriage. And they still belive that they are the best catches on the dating market because they love so deeply someone else and never forget to remind you about this great love for another woman. Are you enjoying this? It's cruel, it's emotionally abusive. I am sorry darling but when i go dating I am looking for a great love for myslef, somone who will be loving me not another woman and only settling down with me becuse he cannot be with her. How totally selfish and rude to use another human as a bandage. And at this age? Shame on you. Use prostitutes for sex and family and friends for companionship not a loving woman who is looking for love.

[@bradynnixon3495]

I notice many people keep on speaking about Episoketren System. But Im not sure if it is good. Have you ever try this popular training course?

[@diannedean390]

I believe because they love their deceased wife so very very much and miss them so much they just have 2 date because it's hard for men to be emotional they were not brought up that way it hurts so badly and they miss their deceased spouse so much. My opinion!

[@naomifalco2598]

Part 2 to my comment - Just want to add I am the first one he dated since his wife died two years ago.

[@Paula-ir9el]

Just started dating a widower that is fresh...10 weeks. I am very concerned. He seems like he knows what he wants and needs but there is still stuff all over the house. Clothes all still in the closet, her urn and photos all over. Makes me wonder if he is still in shock and not fully processing. Any insight Abel? I do not want to get in deep and then have him pull back. I did voice my desire to take things super slow.

[@DatingaWidower]

He's not ready. Not by a longshot. There's lots of work he needs to do.

[@wigglywoo8899]

I'm recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I married the love of my life 17 years ago, with plans of growing old with him. When I'm gone, he has my final wishes to keep photos of me up, for the sake of our kids. I don't want my kids coming over for future holidays to a house with NO memories of me. I don't want to be forgotten...would you want to be forgotten? What kind of woman knowingly dates a man who lost his love 10 weeks prior? I hope he never gets rid of her pictures.

[@ronsmith2241]

All the best. My very accepting wife died 6 months ago. We were married 51 years and she had MS 26 years, and unable to ambulate for the last 15 years. I cared for her. But I am gay. I always was. So I might be looking to date a man, but not a woman. But I am not seriously looking to go on dates but I am definitely NOT looking to date a woman. 51 years in a Mixed Orientation Marriage is quite long enough. I have not been sexually active with anyone for many years. Sad but true. I have been very lonely. I am a former Baptist Pastor - enough said. I am not welcome to even attend church anymore. Time to move on. But I would like to start doing some travel. I've not been able to do this before because of my carer role.

[@angelabluebird609]

There are churches where everyone is welcome. If you wish to attend, I hope you'll find one. I was heartened to learn the First Baptist church in my city (in the South) welcomes gay people, and all people, not only to attend, but also in leadership roles. I also hope you will find someone to share time and love with. Wishing you all the very best. I was widowed 5 years ago, and have no interest in dating. Everyone is different and must be true to themselves. PS When the Pope was asked his opinion on gay relationships and marriage, he made the very best answer, "Who am I to say?" Precisely.

[@teresacaulder6627]

does anyone know how i can send Abel a direct question

[@DatingaWidower]

You can send me a message here, Teresa www.abelkeogh.com/contact

[@estherkibe2146]

Am widow 13yrs am from kenya am 39yrs

[@Tbn48ibp]

My widower dated (And was on several Dating sites within months after his wife’s death)…problem Is now 2 years later, his kids are giving him hell And they’ve not had closure and guess who pays the price is this non closure ?? lol guys…maybe take it slower for everyone’s sake!!

[@julieannesimms6236]

Women are better at being alone than men normally jump straight back in

[@DatingaWidower]

Truth.

[@ChristinaOstil115]

I’m stuck dealing with the bishop waiting for me to do a ordinance and endowment at the Mormon Temple. He keeps expressing to me that I am supposed to be sealed to late spouse and I feel like running away from him because I feel guilty about what I did to God and Jesus Christ.

[@hardiemartellgarnett2911]

He is up to two things. Number one he wants your assets to be given to the church. He doesn't want you to get married again because then your assets will go to your new husband not the church. Number three he doesn't want to see you as a woman moving on so soon and getting married. If you were a man it would say yeah go ahead and get married again

[@hardiemartellgarnett2911]

Oh yeah and you are not stuck with dealing with the bishop. Ex him out of your life and run.

[@bassguyification]

The Bishop does not run your Life obviously He wants to

[@carlomom1]

Honestly you can’t be allowing the church’ to control you and besides that there’s no marriage in heaven look up Matthew 22:30 your free to live life after your spouse dies that is why the vows say till death do us part and in Mark chapter 12 24:-27 Jesus was asked if a woman was married 7 times who would she be united with in heaven and he told them none because we’ll become like the angels in heaven where there is NO marriage .. hope that makes sense to you best of luck

[@rocketsurgeon1746]

Avoid religion and seek true relationship with God. Bible says if your spouse dies, you can remarry. It also says “you no longer need a priest”. Jesus is enough. God bless you

[@joliejohnson1098]

I t crazy. How I got the son to speak words during one year and the father to see there is Life outside that awesome. I still talk too him to go get some counselling for that. I'm tired him threw her title at me. Im not her. I'm not going too be her. Im Way better. Soo my decisions are made up. I don't like negative.

[@bellad.1274]

Ready to "Date again"..after only 2 months.?. He totally leaves out the sexual aspect. Lol !! "Date around" some funny terms.

[@naomifalco2598]

Giving space to the window - man I was dating for two months. He has a daughter that likes me ,but does not want us to date. She is 10 going on 20. I worked with her in a school and know this man for a few years. His wife died two years ago. The daughter puts a big wedge between us when we try to go on a one-on-one date ect.. I don’t think he totally ready and we went to fast in his opinion which tells me maybe he thinks I’m not the one??? I’m confused I am not sure in what to do. For now giving him space. Do you have any advice??

[@glendaennis7150]

I started dating a widower about 1 mo ago and I find myself really liking him but he says he is never going to marry again but wants to take our relationship to another level . Do you think he is just using me

[@DatingaWidower]

Depends if you want to marry him?

[@christineplaton3048]

A bull has two of them on their heads, that's why.

[@adriennevanstaden9460]

Understandble

[@joliejohnson1098]

Well I'm late on this video

[@angiesuchan3940]

Your spouse should have mattered.

[@Leslie-es5ij]

Til death do us part ! The end.

[@av-ij5gu]

Don’t date! Your spouse was the person meant for you. You will never find a soulmate twice. Rip to my soulmate I love you Douglas

[@leslierusgrove164]

Respectfully, please don't tell someone not to date. The things you stated are things someone has to figure out for themself. If that is what they believe for themselves, that is fine. But don't convince someone on what you are convicted on.

[@leslierusgrove164]

@Alastor do you really believe someone will go to hell because they remarry after losing their spouse to death?!? What proof do you have?

[@kimberclevelandmusic]

I don't believe in "soulmates," so that doesn't work for everyone. That doesn't mean I'm "right." For people who do believe in them, that's cool. My beliefs and opinions are always subject to change.

[@eileenwatt8283]

Why torture yourself. Once the spouse dies it's time to move on with living life. The vows has ended. The relationship has ended. Until death do us part. One has to reconnect with self and another living person. The dead person is not coming back. Dont make them your ghost.

[@FelixTetteh]

Lol you think you have only one soulmate in life? Then why didn't you marry your first girlfriend?

[@angiesuchan3940]

Jump around sick.

[@sherrytemple7031]

Sick.

[@angiesuchan3940]

Just nasty..