Why do women like to be treated poorly?

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[@RobertTaylor-gz2fu]

Then they say to nice guys: "I wish I could find someone like you. Not you, obviously. I mean someone like you - but tall, handsome, athletic, charismatic & rich".

[@haikuny]

Truth is women don't ever fall in love with a man, they fall in love with a situation....Mr. Perfect that can provide everything they ever could want. It's in their DNA.....

[@redcupidselagance1294]

​@haikuny, that's not true it's not in their DNA. Trust me, there are plenty of women that do not care about money. Or like you said "the situation". Some are still old fashioned even though we're not in the 1950s no more sadly. 😄

[@Semiotichazey]

You've left a bunch of comments here. You're obviously invested in these ideas. I think you need to watch this video again and really understand it. Because Caitlin is saying something that pertains to you: this belief you have is rooted in your own poor self-esteem, just like the women who are drawn to poor partners are driven by their own poor self-esteem. You're not seeing the good women just like those women aren't interested in the good men. You're trapped in a self-perpetuating cycle of insecurity. Stop blaming the women and stop blaming yourself. Look for and appreciate the quality women, and they too will be drawn to you. I say this as someone who is happily married with a good woman. And no, it has _nothing_ to do with being "old-fashioned," it has to do with peoples' self image.

[@RobertTaylor-gz2fu]

@@Semiotichazey They don't want me, though. Caitlin doesn't acknowledge the lack of opportunities for men who aren't tall, handsome, athletic, charismatic, rich etc.

[@Semiotichazey]

@@RobertTaylor-gz2fu What is charisma? It's not some kind of mysterious art of saying the right thing at all times. I think it's been pointed out many times, but the most important ingredient is confidence. Where does confidence come from? It's not a simple decision. It's something you have to build over time. A big part of it comes from having a healthy self-esteem. That leads to better outcomes, and better outcomes lead to confidence. Everything that Caitlin says is correct. Sure, money and looks are very helpful. But self-esteem is essential. You can have everything else, but if you don't feel good about yourself, you'll never be happy. Woman or no woman. Don't blame women. Don't be down on yourself. It's all attainable, but it's hard work and you don't get there overnight. Be patient with yourself and the world, and don't give up on either.

[@RobertTaylor-gz2fu]

Most say they want nice guys, but reject every nice guy who shows an interest in them.

[@darthvader0219]

Unless he a chad

[@RobertTaylor-gz2fu]

@@darthvader0219 Are there any Chads who are also nice guys?

[@darthvader0219]

@@RobertTaylor-gz2fu there are objectively handsome men who are boring people. Women lust for them, but soon lose interest after speaking to them

[@RobertTaylor-gz2fu]

@@darthvader0219 Yes, but a Chad would get plenty of action even if he's boring.

[@japacapa]

smart man once said - there is a big difference between what women say they want, what they think they want, and what they feel they want

[@dwaynemcallister7231]

A lady I was with back in the day told me " I like you a lot but there is one thing about you that bothers me, you never get angry with me". Well later I did get angry, I kicked her out of my car and made her walk home., she treated me like gold after that for a little while. In the end we just were not compatible. I didn't want a woman I had to discipline, I wanted mutual respect, I didn't want have to be her Dad.

[@agentorange153]

In retrospect, it would have been even better if you kicked her out of your car and then never even answered her calls or e-mails again -- if being on the receiving end of your anger is what it takes for them to want you, then they're not worth having!

[@robertcimino8588]

I will admit though, sometimes that daddy-daughter dynamic between a girl can be pretty damn hot but it just depends on if the guy likes that as well

[@RobertTaylor-gz2fu]

Imprisoned serial killers receive fan mail from female strangers.

[@RobertTaylor-gz2fu]

If low self-esteem is the reason they choose the worst men, why do they reject/friendzone nice guys for being not good enough for them?

[@Noqqin]

Simple: the nice guys are usually unattractive.

[@notmyname154]

They'll still say you're not good enough for them even if they really believe they are not good enough for you.

[@Noqqin]

Simple: nice guys are often unattractive. You're not burying this, Caitlin. You know it's true.

[@agentorange153]

@@Noqqin WRONG -- I am nice AND attractive, so this is FALSE!

[@Noqqin]

@@agentorange153 If that's you on your profile picture, somebody lied to you, big guy.

[@rowauthority]

I had the good fortune to be adopted by the 8 year old daughter of a neighbor, this past summer. Sadly, this pattern of behaviour is already evident, at the age of 8. She does not respect the people who are kind to her, and she (desperately) needs the approval of the people in her life who treat her poorly. I suspect she is in for a rough time as she matures, so I have resigned myself to play the role of "The friend she can count on". Nothing more. Nothing less. It breaks my heart, but I cannot undo, what has been done.

[@0659usmc]

2 words: attraction and arousal. These are what women fail to learn learn from and recognize. If you ask a woman what she's attracted to, she'll describe the nice guy who makes her dryer than a shamwow in the Sahara desert. But if you ask her what arouses her, she'll describe Chad Thunderstroke, Pokemus Cervixus Maximus, and Deep Impact Rey-Rey.

[@thaneros]

I think I found my new gamertag. Thanks!

[@Apeiron242]

I was with the love of my life. I derailed my post military plans to be with her. While I was away for a month trying to get my driver's license she went to get knocked up by her ex. While breaking up with me, she said "I know he mistreats me". He later cheated on and left her.

[@evangelosalexiou3605]

People have a tendency in their subconscious, to act in patterns. Patterns are familliar, they have experienced them before, they can handle them, it's something they can be prepared for and actively or passively seek. People that have never been to therapy or look inside ALWAYS act according to what's familiar to them, not what's best for them. They also search for people to fall in love with, not understanding that love depends mostly on circumstances around a person, rarely on the aforementioned person.

[@thecatsbackyard4833]

I like the message about self worth. Society tries to appraise our value. But each one of us needs to recognize our inherent value as people.

[@bryanrobertday]

Fantastic video! This needs to be said more. It all comes down to childhood stuff. That being said, men also need to take responsibility for their actions as "nice men". There are so many men (myself included) that do unhealthy people pleasing behaviors. Many women can feel it when a man is in his power and being kind and when he is doing the behavior from a place of insecurity. The latter is not attractive behavior. Attraction is a two way street. Both parties need to take responsibility for their part.

[@andreiadetavora8471]

I agree... I dated really nice guys, men who are good people, but also confident, secure and upfront in what they wanted from me! That was the secret. And they were nice. Nice people and all that. This nice guy trope has another explanation, in the lines that you've wrote. Most friendly "nice nice guys" act from a place of insecurity as you said. But also, one other reason that makes them non attractive generally to a certain type of female is that we (women) usually know what they want (sex/lust) . And that is as any other men!! But they try to not show it. They don't act on it. Instead, most of the times, pretend interest in other parts of ourselves that they don't actually care at first glace! And i say one thing: nice nice girls also can approach guys the same way sometimes, unfortunelly (i did that mistake in my younger days ;) ). I think the more honest people are the more attractive they become. We don't need to be jumping to the final scene (sex), but the seduction time...the lingering eyes... The confidence in the approach has to be there. Its all necessary to be noticed by the lust "radar" (which is the radar both genders usually notice first when they start to know a person). The nice guy/girl usually don't take the hint that we (people in general) aren't interested and they choose to stay friends in order to try to get some opportunity. That's not playing honest, that's manipulating. Again: any gender can to this type of thing... :(

[@Noqqin]

@@andreiadetavora8471 "I dated really nice guys..." It didn't end well for a *single* one of those guys in the end, did it?

[@GPosner8]

Thank you for making this video! My current love interest is so sweet and kind and giving and loving and yet she still sees herself as undeserving of love and care. This aspect is a huge stumbling block in our relationship and I find myself desperately trying to tell her, show her and prove to her that she is so much more than she thinks she is.

[@RandomAccessedMemories]

Thanks. I needed to hear that.

[@Apeiron242]

One trouble here is the word 'nice'. People use the word nice to describe someone who is kind/generous/thoughtful AND someone who pretends to be those things to get what they want. So there's nice and "nice". Women want a nice guy, not a "nice" guy. The "nice" guy is a manipulator who thinks if he throws enough kindness/generosity her way that she'll come to like him. He might not be aware this is his MO. The nice guy will be kind and generous, but won't be a suck up. He will have boundaries. He won't expect something in return. Women would prefer a good man over a "nice" man, but will settle for a bad man because he at least shows confidence. She knows the "nice" guy won't be there for her when the shit hits the fan. A good man will be there on her bad days, during tough times, and he won't see her as a sexual vending machine.

[@michaelhenderson4682]

Great message. Thank you!

[@angelrogo]

Thank you SO much for this video and these tips. Now I know it's not my fault; it's all about their superficiality, their lack of self-confidence, and their lack of self-worth. I also have issues to heal but I'm a good person, available to any good woman who truly wants to be treated with care. I'll be ready when that happens.

[@mickih2872]

This is all absolutely true.

[@francisbradley1027]

Thank you so very much

[@RaulFlores-uf5se]

Many thanks your like a life saver

[@HammyTime13]

“Look for women who have healed that part of them and understand that they’re worthy of love” Oof. It is no accident that the women described above are 30ish and have spent the last decade depleting their beauty and eggs in service to Chad and Tyrone. It’s tough out here lads, Godspeed.

[@csgmike]

It’s also a maturity level, if I had met my wife in my 20s, she dated jerks and I was a jerk, we wouldn’t have lasted.

[@chrishiking8818]

Such an awesome beautiful woman who knows so much about men and women

[@theuncletim920]

I disagree with a lot of this. Yeah what she says is true but I think most women suffer from the same immature decision making skills shallow men do. They see the show put on by a man and not what he is really about. It's not just a women problem...it's a generational issue with most of us not educated on love languages.

[@TheNationOfTexas]

I think that's an excellent assessment. Guys and girls both jump into the first thing they become attracted to. If society supported the "out of date" style of courtship, both men and women would make better choices as they get to know one another. Just my humble opinion.

[@RobertTaylor-gz2fu]

If you know someone who repeatedly chooses awful partners, is there a way to help them not do so any more?

[@neotenylv09]

It's not your job to help them. Find a better woman for you and leave the damage goods behind.

[@borise4104]

No. This is their need.

[@andreiadetavora8471]

Hi!! Psychologist here (but from Europe- Portugal)!! Yes there is. Usually there's some pattern in that type of behaviour that can be traced to childhood/family upbringing. It can be changed with psychoterapy :)

[@benster5]

And they wonder why us single guys get irritated with women with their absurdly high standards.

[@borano2031]

Wimmen with low self esteem don´t have high standards, they have standards you YOU don´t understand. wimmen with truly high standards have worked hard, studied hard to reach their goals in life. THEY do NOT accept a dude who´s been playing around with the gang, beer cans, Playstations, guns and the truck in the garage throughout his whole life. Who wants to marry a grownup child?? Rgr

[@Bayan1905]

Oh good, when you get the answer you can let my mother know. My mother since 1986 has been in one relationship after another from my stepfather who cheated on her and verbally abused her until the guy she's married to now who is a church pastor and believes the women in the marriage are to obey the husband without question, etc.

[@notmyname154]

I think part of the issue with being a nice guy is coming across like you have a false squeaky-clean idealization (rooted in inexperience) of what relationships/sex will be like.

[@TheNationOfTexas]

Also nice guys often don't outwardly show their dominance, decisiveness, and other traits that say "I'm a leader, protector and provider" so women go for the men who are showing that side of them to the world, usually to their own detriment.

[@gmlgml780]

Yeah. Mostly out of two reasons. 1, Out of fear of LIFE. 2, 'Cause they find it less boring.

[@gmlgml780]

(And in the very worst and surprisingly frequent case they do it for both. 1 AND 2. So in the end even they won't know what was the first. What is the cause and what is the effect.)

[@lornegilbert9734]

A better question. How do I get women to stop ghosting/bailing on me?

[@tward4980]

Some of them want to meet a nice guy but instead they choose to get attention from social media,,they had rather show their bodies to the world instead of showing it to someone that would actually care about them,, social media has ruined this country

[@gbonkers666]

nice guys want to see naked girls to

[@cnlights2]

Not enuf drama in their life. It's how they grew up and gets carried over into relationships. Get help, seriously.

[@michaelsalazar1665]

Not some, but most.

[@BL-N3xus]

Gentlemen, NEVER become a saviour!!!

[@danninagy6895]

TOP G RULES

[@geraldhague6170]

The saying nice guys finish last it's true

[@agentorange153]

Not always true -- if they have enough experience, they can finish at the same time as their women! ;-) (Or, sometimes, they can finish first and roll over into cowgirl so the woman can finish herself on him!)

[@BrandenoidDestroyer]

I think it`s the upbringing that affects them as well as taking in whatever society states as a necessary standard of men. Sad really

[@coachdan1235]

Slightly off topic but on topic... what's up with women who have degradation kinks? Is it linked or something else all together?

[@traydevon]

Answer: Stupidity and they want the excitement of the untamed guy.

[@steelstreet79]

How come some women never get over they "controlling " "Narcissist " ex boyfriend?

[@TheNationOfTexas]

Not a bad take, but I think more often than not it's that women are subconsciously and biologically attracted to men who express their aggression. Nice guys often seem like they're lacking the masculine traits that come from testosterone and the resulting aggression, so women see them as agreeable. Women are not very good at discerning which men have their aggression under control, and which ones don't until they're already in the relationship.

[@gbonkers666]

I think because they love sex, but then are embarrssed by it.

[@RobertTaylor-gz2fu]

Is it the same regarding men who choose women whom they know to be awful?

[@notavailable3913]

I call bullshit on this one. If the hot chick feels like she doesn't deserve love. Why not put up with the nerdy guy who will do anything? She still falls in love with the out of work hot guy, with the garage rock band, still lives in his mom's basement, buys him dinner and drives him to the lame ass gig in some crappy bar.

[@davidminnick9860]

Low self asteem

[@YellowFellow86]

No white knighting gentlemen.

[@Rockzilla404]

👍👍👍👍

[@offairhead]

🙄

[@viewtifultophs5745]

They belong to the streets.

[@wishpunk9188]

"Nice guy"cavemen didnt bring home the bacon. Being nice is... nice. But doesnt = breadwinner.

[@agentorange153]

What about medieval knights, though??? THOSE guys were assertive to a fault (to say the least), but they WERE nice to their women -- in fact, if any of them ever mistreated women (as Sir Marhalt did once, for example), they could expect another knight to challenge them to a duel to the death (or to kill them outright if they refused to fight)!

[@wishpunk9188]

@agentorange153 you do realize knights were the organized crime of their day. They pillaged the populations at will. Not very nice.

[@jnmc-vx4fw]

All women want the exciting Bad Boy , and they want to be the one to “ change” him into the nice guy. Once they have what they want , then they want the “ BBD” bigger better deal. And they all want a bigger then avg member

[@agentorange153]

How about women who have VERY LOW excitement-seeking scores???

[@Szpec79]

Maybe she thinks she is so special that beast will change for her

[@WouldntULikeToKnow.]

We don't. End of story.

[@ZerefCifer707]

You're older aren't you. Cause only the older women say this 😂

[@RobertTaylor-gz2fu]

Many do; many choose what know to be awful men.

[@ZerefCifer707]

@@RobertTaylor-gz2fu They always know. Always. I'm tired hearing them confess it but they think they can changeeee them :v

[@Iwillroastthesocksoffyoass]

​​@@ZerefCifer707Exactly. The only time they get sensible is when they age or become undesirable by the type of men they really want.

[@roydenpurvey1047]

I'm bit drunk atm the moment esp as don't drink. Got a friend whose I'm a nice guy but she's with an abusive partner. She had to get restraining order on him when he almost strangled her to death. Went to jail for 6 months then she fell for his charm and back again for more abuse. Destroyed her 40th birthday in November 2023. Then near end of year called her an ungrateful little b*itch. He's ice and nation user 3 kids to 3 different girls. He's abused her since 2021 but gave him another chance. Like all my girlfriend's your nice guy. I had friends with benefits with her in 2020 then when that finished she met this piece of sh*t. Ice nation addict ubused her. Broke her but even after jail time fell for his charm. I'm 56 never had a Valentine ever so loser I guess hate Valentine's day lost everyone have nothing now hence getting written off. But just don't get it myself. Abusive jail time falls for his charm and still abusive behaviour not ever as I see it a relationship. That's half bottle of jim beam whiskey 37%. Roll into bed now stay in bed all day Valentine's day wake up hopefully next day. World is sh*t when it comes to nice guys. Night lol😴😴😴😲

[@jameshumphries5059]

Andrew Tate has done more good for the youth than bad

[@chesah]

🤡

[@needparalegal]

Nice guys are seen as betas, and usually are.

[@CryptoKing347]

The whole Tate bashing thing is low IQ. It would be like watching the first half of the 2017 Super Bowl and saying Tom Brady is a garbage quarterback.

[@agentorange153]

He is a RAPIST -- simple as that!

[@agentorange153]

LEGAL NOTICE to whoever is removing my replies about Andrew Tate (INCLUDING to KZbin's community standards department, if they are the ones doing so): doing so makes you an ACCESSORY AFTER THE FACT TO RAPE, so you will IMMEDIATELY CEASE AND DESIST from doing so (INCLUDING from using any automated algorithm to do so) and IMMEDIATELY RESTORE MY REPLIES ON THIS MATTER WHICH YOU HAVE ALREADY REMOVED, or you WILL BE CRIMINALLY PROSECUTED TO THE FULL EXTENT OF THE LAW and you WILL GO TO JAIL! Is that clear?!

[@omnipotentone5628]

Sorry, but doing all this "work" on yourself and the woman will flock to you is BS. You might be able to raise your SMV by .5 or 1.0 points, but that's it. That's not going to change anything.

[@blindesquirrel6992]

Unfortunately, most women sadly fall prey to men’s BBD🤔Stay Awesome @Caitlin V 😊Best…🫶