Why Don’t I Love My Step-Child?

Why Don’t I Love My Step-Child?
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[@akc783]

Kudos for her for being brave enough to call in with this. I suspect a LOT of people feel this way but she is one of the few who is brave enough to say it.

[@elainenilsson5472]

And shouldn't feel guilty.

[@daniellek414]

The poor little boy. I want to hug him 😢

[@gemmagemma-wx2bs]

Ok PickMeisha, go raise somebody's kids like the dope you are

[@Msnfreedom]

Anyone that says you should automatically love the stepchildren has never had to be put on the spot. I had a stepchild try to light the house on fire, broke my make up brushes, peeled paint off the wall, broke the fridge and pissed on towels and put it back on the rack for me to use. That was in the first few months. Safe to say that the fate on that relationship was sealed

[@stardustmelody2709]

That’s because you married a bad parent.

[@ineedhoez]

God damn. Aint no way.

[@carramrod8232]

@@stardustmelody2709living that horror currently

[@hazemorris1898]

@@stardustmelody2709it’s doesn’t even have to be about a bad parent, children often act out of resentment when they feel like someone is taking attention away from them, they are not old enough to understand & compartmentalize that everyone can get attention & affection like children who grew up with both parents or with siblings …

[@chrissmarie455]

This is why dying is every mothers worst fear! No one will love your child like you do and then you have situations like this where step parents don’t feel anything but annoyance for your child 😩😭 that child is seeking her too 🥺

[@aynia3262]

Exactly 😭

[@whitneyw.7919]

This is really not mother's worst fears... otherwise they would never ever file for divorce and many do

[@chrissmarie455]

@@whitneyw.7919 what does divorce have anything to do with dying and what I said? If your ALIVE it would be irrelevant if another hag loves your kids or not because YOU are their mother and will love them regardless. I’ve been with my husband since I was 17 and even I can understand that divorce isn’t what many women asked for or wanted many get cheated on or their is domestic abuse.

[@sophiesumleen7872]

The woman in the video is also a mother. :/

[@Amila-ym7ny]

Shes also a mom

[@leslie3566]

Dr Delonys advice here is on point! that 7 year old has no fault in anything and needs all the love possible ❤

[@shelbysycamore637]

If I were in this woman's situation I would be as cordial to the child as possible. It would be dishonest to say I could make myself love someone else's child as much as my own, but I would treat them as if they were my own child. They would never be able to say that my child was given more than them, but they may say that they never had as close of a connection to me as I had with my child 🤷🏿‍♀️

[@brandyg6966]

Wow. Loved this so much. Teared up. Being a stepparent is so hard and I appreciate her being honest and talking through the struggles

[@ilovethebeach1877]

But she is not being honest. She is being honest with a stranger that has 0 impact in her life. True honesty would be to communicate this with her husband. She will not because she knows she is evil for disliking the fact that her step child likes her so much he greets and hugs her. How could you be so cold you dislike a child's genuine hug.

[@usulman8834]

Non-stepparents just don't get it. Being a stepmother especially is so challenging.

[@tanianabulsi5354]

It takes a lot to be honest about something like this so I appreciate her for it too...

[@murdahmammiez]

Im a step mom n i love her as much as i love my first born and the 2 babies me n her dad have together. I guess people are different. N i would never be with him if he didnt love my child as his own ​@@usulman8834

[@victoria_gi]

why do people get married to people with kids that they don't even like or want? it's entirely avoidable but happens so often and creates lifelong wounds

[@leslie3566]

agreed 💯!

[@thaimuayshoo1171]

Because the U.S. has the highest rate of single parent households in the world. I have to flip on my windshield wipers to keep all the single moms off of me.

[@erbjp]

Exactly

[@JustActNormal]

I know!!!

[@michaelh2282]

Why? Because we all want to couple up, but by a certain age in life, we can't all marry people who are childless. And the ones who are still childless at that age likely have serious personal issues.

[@danielrierson6683]

The step parenting thing works better if the kid was an infant. Then you both have a bond. I don’t know why people expect a 7-10 year old kid to accept a stepparent

[@alqoshgirl]

The boy seems to scream for this lady love. This is all on her

[@user-ru3ke7qk3q]

This doesn’t always matter, I been in my stepdaughter’s life since she was 2 she is now 13 and she will boast to my Son that she is not talking to me for a week…And she will walk past me as if I don’t exist…

[@sarahsaysfu]

​@user-ru3ke7qk3q these type of behaviors shouldnt be tolerated from anychild. Step child or not. Rules need to be set in the house. Kids need rules and boundaries. Allowing kids to do whatever they feel like just because they are coming into that age is crazy! The first time she tried to ignore you, that should have been shut down immediately. Not doing so has set in her head now that whenever shes feeling pissy at you that she can ignore you or your husband. That is madness. You dont want your children to act like shithead preteens then shut that behavior down at the beginning or it will get worse and worse. They are not entitled to to act however they want in their emotions. Kids that do that is because the parents allow it and juat say oh it the age. No its because you gave them the ok to behave like that.

[@SwimSweetie100]

This comment section is so harsh. It seems like she wants to change, that’s the first step. This is something she may be able to work through, so her initiative is so important for change

[@lexiportillo9830]

You have a point but not connecting with a partner’s kid to the point of not being able to joyfully accept a hug spells trouble and should be an indicator that the marriage isn’t a fit. You can choose your partner but you can’t choose the children they have and not being able to accept their kids is a red flag

[@IGBOisraelite]

​@@lexiportillo9830I agree 100% with this statement.

[@lilylife4426]

Biological mother and child develop an oxytocin bond at birth. It's the strongest brain chemistry that exists. Step mothers do not feel that because it is impossible for them to produce that amount of oxytocin towards a kid they didn't give birth to. It's biology.

[@lilylife4426]

@@panthornberry Are you a physician? Your opinion doesn't change science.

[@HopelessObserver]

@illylife You're absolutely right. I'd also add that it's crazy to expect that someone else will have the same level of love for your child as you do

[@karinafernandez6665]

I’m the type that love others kids like my own and they love me back. More than their actual blood. Not everyone can do that

[@triggered577]

@@HopelessObserverYou act like trash parents don’t exist. Not everyone who has kids is a good, loving parent. 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@HopelessObserver]

@@triggered577 Where did i say, or the person i was responding to say, that all biological parents are good parents???

[@sunkist3304]

But her husband is also a stepparent… what if he had the same feelings she has towards her daughter…

[@xsgtxbigboy1655]

Everyone would say that’s a trash dude and to leave buttt since it’s a girl they empathy her

[@hectorsanchez5509]

I have a step daughter and I don’t love my stepdaughter. I just tolerate her.

[@NoirGunSlinger]

Looks like you have something to fix bro @@hectorsanchez5509

[@triggered577]

@@hectorsanchez5509lol

[@soulfiree88]

That happens all the time Reality Is you don't love kids the same way a biological parent does. There's alot of science & socialogy at play in step family dynamics

[@kimberlysmith7625]

Just because you fell in love with his father does not translate that you will fall in love his children. This little boy is dealing with a lot. What he thought was safe and secure has been marginalized by trusted adults in his young life, by virtue of divorce. Find what he's interested in and pursue that. You're expecting far too much from a youngster who does not have the life experience or emotional maturity to navigate adult issues. He is in chaos and trying to figure out where he fits in a scenario over which he has no control. He is in your life by default. Now, find out what he's interested in and develop some common ground.

[@addiskassa5165]

Well said!👍

[@ineedhoez]

You assume that his home was safe and secure.

[@SamanthaURen]

If you marry the father, the child comes with that. You either love the child or you don’t marry the father, especially when they’re 7. If they’re teenagers I can understand it may be more removed, but he’s 7.

[@tuszajnojneeg0052]

Unless you've been a step parent you'll never know how hard it is. Especially with kids that are a little older and not babies. Being a bio mom is hard already. Imagine being a step mom, having to raise a child that had probably already developed important relationships-bonds, attachments styles, personality, characteristics, etc. Not really knowing his history etc. And, dealing with how dad wants to raise the child. Some partners make it really hard too. It's a mess. I would never ever do it again.

[@ambergreen981]

Well, damn. Good thing these grown adults have the opportunity to leave if they want 👍 Because the stepkids have no choice in that matter. They have to tolerate all of their parents’ bullshit and their partners who resent their existence.

[@tuszajnojneeg0052]

Thanks for being empathetic.

[@ambergreen981]

@@tuszajnojneeg0052 thanks for being empathetic to stepkids. 👍 The difference here is “choice”. Leave if you realize it’s a bad one that you can’t handle.

[@katieperino8171]

I agree with you. I’m currently a stepmom of 3. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Others that haven’t been in a stepparent role usually don’t have the capacity to feel empathy for the stepparents and the unique struggles they face. The same children from a stepfamily that they give empathy for could very well one day become a stepparent themselves. Every one in a step family endures their own struggles. It takes a great personal toll on a stepparent to give give give everyday for children that may not ever care for or love you. And to almost always feel like you’re either doing way too much and need to step back, or feel like you’re just an invader in someone else’s already established family.

[@tuszajnojneeg0052]

Until you've walked in someone's shoe. It is easy to judge.

[@shelbysycamore637]

This is why I see a lot of single parents try to couple with child free people. Most people don't want to put up with other people's kids 🤭

[@chrissmarie455]

And that’s okay and the right thing to do if you j is you wouldn’t have any emotional connections to your partners child. I think those people are wise

[@shelbysycamore637]

@@chrissmarie455 you say wise, I say honest. I actually don't think it's wrong to not feel the same connection with your step child that you would a biological child. You can still not treat them like crap though. Sadly most adults want romantic love and they think their child is "more special" than other children so their child will be recieved differently once they enter a marriage.

[@chrissmarie455]

@@shelbysycamore637 it’s okay to be honest and I agree, I personally don’t think I could love another child like my own that’s why I would never be with someone with children because I know myself. I know women in my personal life who DO love their stepchildren like they love their own, I have seen it first hand how she literally turns into a puddle for her step kids and fought for their custody. I tell her all the time she’s built differently and is amazing for being able to do that.

[@whitneyw.7919]

Yah, step parenting is truly difficult... more so or less so depending on the situation. The requirements and low lying contention just lead to lack of peace and/or divorce

[@6ft7guy]

​@@shelbysycamore637your own biological children are way more important than any step kid is. If the house is burning down you don't rescue the step kid

[@rhondasavage8590]

I wish Dr John would have leaned into it a little more with the question how would you feel if your husband treated your daughter this way, or how does your husband treat your daughter.

[@mattlantzy5093]

I had the exact same question

[@jillians5792]

Poor little boy, this broke my heart.

[@Joss31]

Having a blended family is difficult. I have a teenage daughter. My husband and I have been together since she was 7 years old. Her biological dad is not in her life , he has a drug problem . My husband has been taking his place and helping me raise her. But my daughter can be very difficult, sometimes she loves us and sometimes she hates us. Her favorite quote seems to be “ you are not my dad, you can’t tell me what to do “. I cannot imagine how difficult is for my husband to hear that but I know he loves her dearly. Gets up every morning at 5 am to drive her to cross country practice, I just hope one day she realizes how much she is loved.

[@DNA350ppm]

Teenagers try any arguments that might help them get their way. You as the wife/mother do intervene, and tell the daughter: "I as your biological parent give my husband the right to tell you what to do, when it is reasonable and the same as I would tell you!" We have discussed this and we care about you and agree. And the daughter will shout: I hate you! And the parents, both of them, will say: but we don't hate you, we only want the best for you. A teenage daughter can any time take you for a rollercoaster ride of the most scary kind -stay grounded and calm. She is in the middle of a tug-of-war between teenage coulture and some reasonable adult demands. Don't beat about the bush, be outspoken and clear about what's it all about. Talk about the risk of rape and trauma, talk about difficulties for women to raise children without a good education when a husband them left or cheated, talk about what dirty locker-room-bragging does for a girl's reputation. I know you don't like to spoil her innocence, but not being honest can destroy her life, being too gullible. Discuss the me, too, experiences of many girls and women, and discuss the difference between reliable boys and shameless men, and how to see the difference, and what good strategies she needs to know. And that she always can rely on help and support from you, but you are NOT going to feed her to the woolves!

[@Joss31]

@@DNA350ppm oh yes i discuss a lot with her . I told her my struggles raising her as a teenage mom myself without support of her biological dad. And we talk about various subjects. Yes teenagers can be difficult lol thank you for the advice.

[@DNA350ppm]

@@Joss31 Yes, you are doing so right, feel only good about your being such a caring and capable mum. Teenager who loudly and dramatically speak their struggling and protesting minds, are probably growing up healthy and will be doing fine. Some honest and determined congress women come to mind!

[@nicolab2075]

@@DNA350ppm Rather than her trying to get her way, she might be testing whether he will really stand by her no matter what.

[@DNA350ppm]

@@nicolab2075 Hopefully that can be cleared by talking at length , 'cause there really are many possibilities.

[@actuallyterry]

I can't imagine feeling annoyed when a little kid hugs me. I don't think people should get married to people whose kids they don't like. Nobody wants to be in that situation.

[@show_me_your_kitties]

It's natural.

[@beckkavenia3769]

Hard to say. Kids grow up and sometimes change for the worse and become disrespectful... the bad behavior is what becomes burdensome...

[@TheRealHerbaSchmurba]

Cause you’re not her. Get outside of yourself. At least she is trying. Quit judging.

[@KrystleLaughter]

When people reject and hurt us as her stepdad did to her, it can affect you in ways you don't understand. When things like love, kindness, and compassion are withheld in childhood, it can make it hard for us to give the same things to others, and we may not understand why. I don't think this woman is evil. I think she is broken and the trauma she experienced from not having her stepdad care about her is manifest in this situation. She needs therapy. It's not too late to change things. My heart goes out to the innocent child. He sounds like an amazing kid. Adults, please stop making a child pay for your trauma.

[@veracityhunter7777]

Well said. Underrated comment 👏🏼👏🏼

[@LD-tk7qf]

This is why I don’t date anyone with kids! Oh hell no!!! I don’t want to put up with kids

[@hectorsanchez5509]

I did it. Don’t ever do it. You’ll never love them the same or even close to it.

[@LD-tk7qf]

@@RangerZero45 I’m a woman!!! Ain’t no way in hell I’m raising someone else’s kids

[@Zero-xl2ef]

@@RangerZero45yup and they hate you when you try to raise them lol. I’m dealing with that right now but I’m glad I am not married. I can leave whenever I want

[@codychow651]

Yeah they kinda suck honestly

[@codychow651]

Yeah they kinda suck honestly

[@mhairi3726]

If you truly are a kind and compassionate human being, you won't judge other people. Full stop. ❤️🙏

[@Officialprodbytreybeats]

That's a true fact, but that doesn't mean you'll bond with them...

[@jwhite5396]

Please hug that little boy longer than he wants to hug you. Let him let go first. He will feel so loved and you will feel great about yourself. Do the same for your daughter! ❤

[@ivonned32]

Holding grudges as the grown up is the problem. She needs to put her self in her husband's shoes in regard him bing her daughter's step dad. The way she wants him to treat her is the way she should treat this innocent boy. Glad she made this call. He is 7!

[@TPWK216]

Totally agree with you! I think her problem is that she problably has the "perfect" child so far, she is only 8. As she said that boy is alot to handle right now but he will calm down later on. Then there is gonna be a teenage daughter in the house and then she is going to start make her own discoveries. The thing is thats always these parents who think they are the best parents because they raise the perfect child and cant be bothered by others children. I have a seven year old boy with severe adhd, who struggles ALOT. But the thing is those other parents problably dont sacrifice and put as mutch time, patiente and love into theire child as someone with kids who really struggles because those kids just tag along. I hope she do find that love in her heart to accept this child othervise its best to leave the dad and his son alone. That boy deserves all the love and time from his dad.

[@jvogt4643]

Being a step parent is hard… And it’s solely because of the Bio parent. They feel as if they don’t need to set boundaries and discipline their kids because the failed previous relationships. And the step kids take advantage of it because… They’re kids.

[@elainenilsson5472]

Have people ever stop to think all of this could have been avoided by not getting divorced? What a mess.

[@addiskassa5165]

That was exactly I thought before I read your comments!!!👍🙏👊..What a mess! The lord said " I hate divorce!" I am really sorry whoever faced divorce! 🙏

[@maddieb.4282]

Divorce is wonderful. Many of us would be dead if it wasn’t for the amazing institution of divorce :) and I love it!

[@elainenilsson5472]

@@maddieb.4282 Not if you kill them first.

[@yoelsyhutchinson4377]

Oh by marrying someone with a child,

[@jasminesuarez8358]

And yet God did make a provision for divorce in cases of adultery. So yes in some cases its warranted. Also abusive situations are not healthy for kids to witness or be a part of.

[@nonono-rf7ox]

So unfair!!! She wants her husband to accept her daughter but she doesn't wholly accept his son? I would feel an inkling of empathy if she entered into the marriage without a child as well..... Get over yourself and don't be weird towards a 7 year old, kids always feel weird/offish energy

[@theduke6174]

Being a step son myself, my mother died when I was a toddler, and having a step Mother, I've only come to realise she struggled to see me as her son even when I saw her as my mother. I went above and beyond to act like a good son, but it wasn't enough.

[@MusicFreak61594]

She isn’t a horrible person for not connecting to her step son. But people need to stop getting into relationships with people who have kids or some other sort of prior responsibility they cannot run from. That little boy didn’t ask to be her step son, but she as an adult knew what would happen if she married his father. How would she like it if her husband had that same sort of feeling or attitude towards her daughter. She wouldn’t be comfortable with that. Like I said she isn’t a bad person for feeling how she feels. But if she can’t change her feelings she needs to step out. People can sense how others feel towards them. Children should be a top priority for parents.

[@bulkathos154]

As a step parent for over 10 years. My best advice is: don’t.

[@janisemills1]

Lololol fr

[@chriswalker7895]

From my personal experience having had multiple stepmothers and stepfathers. One thing I've noticed is that women oftentimes have an extremely hard time loving non-biological children. Men on the other hand seem to be able to love non-biological children pretty easily. But seeing as how men aren't the ones who get pregnant and generally have to accept paternity on faith it makes sense.

[@rainemonet]

See that’s interesting 🤔 because data indicates it’s the step father who has a hard time not the mother ??? Due to her Nurturing instincts?? Please don’t take this wrong but I wonder if your father just unintentionally pick a wife (Or wives) who just didn’t have this nature to begin with? Some studies show men pick the wife who carry the same nurturing tendencies as their own mother had or lack their of and not even realize they did it. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@chriswalker7895]

@@rainemonet there's a lot of nuance to understanding "data". Your second thought about my father's Choice in mates is something I've thought about. I have also noticed in my personal experience that sweet caring men tend to end up with mean cold women. Obviously that has something to do with my opinion in this particular situation. Perhaps this woman as nice as she may seem is one of those women. I bet the husband is a really nice guy who doesn't have a problem accepting her daughter.

[@cinemaclassica151]

Accept paternity on faith? Are you implying women just randomly lie about fidelity in their relationships?

[@mcarthurspark8636]

@@rainemonet That's interesting considering I've had two stepmother's that were horrible. Yet my dad was good to their children. I think women are very protective of their children and demand that the men in their lives love their kids at the expense of his. Men just want to keep the peace and force their kids to be on the short end of the stick.

[@nicolab2075]

@@chriswalker7895 Although the research data shows that abuse and murder of stepkids is overwhelmingly carried out by stepfathers not stepmothers. Really overwhelmingly. The stats that say kids are about 100 times more likely to be murdered by a step parent only refer to step fathers at all.

[@marytownsend6239]

Never get involved with anyone with kids 😣

[@braziliannigga]

Dang, man. If you need a whole pep talk to be able to love and hug a sweet little 7yo... I'd def drop this woman quickly.

[@JKNat9004]

I think I'd fall (in a maternal way) for the 7 year old faster than I would his father, and for that reason I'd probably tell the dad I'm not comfortable dating him, but I'd gladly babysit.

[@weathamorris4251]

She has a kid of hers and I am sure she wants the husband to love that kid.

[@michaelh2282]

I do wish people were more empathetic with her instead of just shaming her for how she feels. It's perfectly natural to not love your stepchildren. They're not your blood. People are not biologically wired to naturally love their step-children. People with grace and with much effort can, but most won't truly love children not their own by blood. She at least is trying to make the effort, so I give her credit. Also, she can't understand it (and for whatever reason Delony won't say it), but instinctually, she views the boy as a threat to her daughter. He's a competitor for the limited family time/resources to raising her daughter properly. Furthermore, there are high rates of sexual abuse between stepchildren of opposite sex so he's also a potential physical threat to her, so that's why her hostile/protective maternal instinct kicks in when the boy tries to get close to her.

[@shelbysycamore637]

I wouldn't say it's because they aren't biologically realated, rather, she didn't raise this child initially. I don't think she's a monster, she's just honest.

[@michaelh2282]

Yes. It's because they aren't biologically related. You as a woman will always feel a unique connection to a child you carried in your womb for 9 months, brought it into this world through incredible pain and blood, and then breastfed. Also, I couldn't resist this relevant aside. In the animal kingdom, the first thing many animals who couple up with their mate for a long term relationship will do is murder all the offspring of the other if they are not their blood. I'm obviously not justifying this towards stepchildren. I'm just saying that there's a very strong natural instinct from parents to not love/trust the children of their spouse who are not their blood. For most people, it's learned and takes much time and effort or great grace.

[@shelbysycamore637]

@@michaelh2282 I still don't agree but I'll tell you an aside I read. This woman was accused by her husband because he did a paternity test on their child and the child wasn't biologically related to him. She never cheated and she was devastated. She didn't lie, and it turns out that they were given the wrong baby from the hospital because the woman wasn't biologically related to her. Would you say the mother in this case didn't love her child that child as if the child was hers biologically? Did she not know the child wasn't hers because of this primal link you are referring to? Does a woman who puts a child up for adoption right after birth love their child more than their adoptive mother?

[@michaelh2282]

@@shelbysycamore637 actually with regards to adoption, the overwhelming majority of women who's men abandon them decide to keep their child. They don't give them up for adoption. Any childless couple who has been trying to adopt for years will tell you how difficult it is to find babies to adopt. Women who give up their children for adoption are a rare exception to the rule, and exceptions don't disprove rules. As to your scenario about the baby mixup. That happens, and in the news there are stories of parents accepting the children after the fact, and sometimes they don't. But yes, I'll agree with your point that the earlier you raise a child, the easier it is to connect with them, so yeah, if you take care of a non-blood baby at birth, it's easier to connect to than a 9 year old.

[@shelbysycamore637]

@@michaelh2282 hopping on the adoption point, wouldn't that lean more towards my point that the biological connection isn't dominant? If you go to other countries, it's not hard to to find stories of live babies being disposed of by their biological mothers. Usually this is done because the child isn't wanted or the mother was in dire straits, but if your belief was true, then the biological connection would make every woman do what they can to keep their child by any means neasicary. I don't believe my grandmother and mother love because I am biologically related to them, rather, we have a shared history that began since I was brought onto this earth that makes them compelled to go what they can to care for me rather anyone else on this planet. My grandmother would have instantly stepped in place of my mother in the event of her untimely death because of my title as her granddaughter, not because I am her biological granddaughter.

[@namiraofthehunt2606]

I needed to hear this today even though it was posted a year ago. My SS is 7 and we have him 50/50 so he is here with us every other day and every other weekend. We found out he has been lying between both households creating expensive court conflicts or simply lying over small random things, being ONLY disobedient, fights, screams, rages out, he lied to police about abuse from his dad that never happened, says hurtful things for no reason etc... For years his lies have created immense conflict between us and the bio-mom that probably could have been avoided. Violence, property damage, CPS, cops from the bio-mom. it's caused me so much resentment and anger. While i KNOW he's only 7, this wasn't the life I signed up for and find myself so angry at him.

[@saribrown7156]

How can someone feel annoyed when a child comes to hug you?! 😯

[@whitneyw.7919]

Because you're burdened by the situation in general and what is represents.

[@mrs.parker663]

Lol because the child I know only wants to hug me to throw me off from them not finishing their food. Like yeah yeah thanks for the hug but you not slick go finish eating your food. The hug is only given to get out of something lol

[@saribrown7156]

@@mrs.parker663 Lol

[@show_me_your_kitties]

Think a little deeper, if you can.

[@beckkavenia3769]

^^ I hope that provides a better explanation as to why it can be annoying. I've worked in childcare and in schools. Always loved the kids I worked with, but I've learned just how vastly different co-parenting is to short term care.

[@whitneyparis24]

Some of the best advice I’ve seen Dr. Delony give. People really don’t understand what divorce does to a child. It’s up to all the adults in this situation to put aside their emotions, wants and needs to make sure this young boy grows up to be a happy and healthy young man.

[@CJ2023Incognito]

I love how Delony is really going to bat for this kid. Great advice, I hope she can follow it.

[@MH_Prof]

It is possible to love step-children, parent them, and discipline them. It takes a lot of work-discussions of expectations, spending time together, etc. You have to be open and drop many preconceived ideas. But it can happen.

[@marinaray6381]

It’s always the people that have never been a step parent or been in this ladies shoes that have the nerve to judge. No one should feel forced or bad about not loving a child as their own. it’s not that simple.

[@Advorsaeresdocet]

This lady is so brave, I hope her situation gets better and her stepson does not become an insufferable inconvenience, may she learn to love him. She does not feel a connection and that’s not her fault, is she supposed to goddam control how she feels ?

[@charlottedenekas3995]

I think what’s happening is her step father refused to connect with her, and that probably hurt a lot as a child, and now she’s having a hard time connecting with her step-son because it’s triggering the hell out of her. It goes deeper. She just needs to work on herself and her child hood wounds.

[@theodorelaurence1790]

I would not want my daughter to marry a man with children, for the very reason. It’s bad enough that if she had her own children, her husband would dump the bulk of the child rearing on her. It is completely inappropriate for a man to expect a woman who is not the mother to be the caretaker, and to even expect her to spend more time with the children than he does. That is his child with another woman. The care taking needs to be arranged between the two of them. I highly recommend you don’t become the new woman he dumps his kids on. He is a grown man. There are single mothers all over the place, fathers can step up and do the same. If she stays with him she is going to be miserable. It’s interesting tha no one in the comments section is criticizing the father for a) dumping his kid on a woman that’s not the mother and b) dumping his kid on a woman that doesn’t want to do this. I completely agree with her not wanting to; it’s not her kid. Maybe she should have kept the guy as her boyfriend or something in order for him to respect her boundaries.

[@alexlewis8143]

I agree somewhat but if you marry someone with kids you sign up to care for those kids too. But I don’t think parents should remarry while kids are young it opens the door for abuse.

[@michaelh2282]

So I assume from your logic you'd agree that a man who marries a single woman should not provide for her kids because they are "her children from another man."

[@thaimuayshoo1171]

If however you had a son who was a single father, you'd probably be singing a different tune. I at least hope you're consistent and are also in agreement if you flip the genders around.

[@shelbysycamore637]

It's amazing how many people think a child free/childless person would be more than happy to join a union with someone who already has. Can it be done, of course, but you're more likely to get someone with similar life obligations.

[@whitneyw.7919]

Agree Theodore!

[@aurikap6900]

We r not judging you Tamara ♡ parenting is hardest job ever...and stepparenting is even hardest! ❤

[@pnwsaylorcolumbia8572]

Some kids will grow up never knowing what it feels like to be loved. Genuinely loved. I know this had to be hard for her to admit but I feel sick to my stomach for this child. I just want to love him exactly the way he is at this exact moment. The more people that your child knows love them, the better off they will be. Just knowing they are loved makes a huge difference. They won’t try so hard later in life to be liked or loved. My heart hurts.

[@pnwsaylorcolumbia8572]

Just love him. Know the way he is acting is not his fault! Not his fault! Holy hell.

[@amiblack8294]

I'm right there with you :( Poor baby...

[@kekejefferson9219]

Lol! Dr Delony said eff your feelings!

[@breathe3146]

Wait, he WILLING hugs you?! Man, you got it lucky!! I’d kill for an accepting hug from my stepdaughter.

[@auemmjee]

I'm not really into kids but I dated several men with kids, from newborns to teenagers, when I was in my 20s and when you choose to do that, your job is to engage with and treat the child well whether you feel bonded to them or not. I cooked with the kids, held a birthday party for one of the kids, helped them learn about fields they were interested them, babysat, took them places, etc. For what it's worth though, I don't date men with kids anymore, not really even so much because of kids themselves but because of their mothers, and I encourage young women to avoid men with kids if you dont have kids yourself, unless you just really love spending time with and taking care of kids.

[@JudePi-jx7yo]

Interesting. Some people just keep their lives separate though.

[@Melanie-kk1sq]

This was amazing!! I needed this so much

[@Angelina-pi2cc]

She became the step parent that she had. I hope she chooses to be different.

[@ineedhoez]

I think the step kid thing is so bad because most people don't actually raise their children. They are terrible parents. Having a terrible child in your home AND not having clearly defined roles, is a bad combination! Well behaved kids are easy to like. You may not love them as your own, but you can care about them as you would a neighborhood kid. If there was a kid who needed a meal, place to crash, and a hug every now and again, you would absolutely do it. If that child was an ill behaved brat, you wouldn't. My best friend has a child who is Horrible!!! It's her fault because she has failed to raise the child properly but I still don't ever want to be around it. The attitude, the temper tantrums, the failure to listen to commands, the screaming, the screaming, yelling, it's too much. Her other child is sweet and kind and I love being around him. Fix the kid's behavior and this goes away.

[@marlowilliams4264]

If your friend’s one kid is bad, and the other is good, is it the mom’s fault for raising them poorly?? A lot has to do with personality from birth. I raised 3 kids the exact same. 2 are as sweet as pie, one is the devil 😂

[@sobeliever1638]

Projecting....

[@kristenivory628]

Those behaviors are often linked to neurological disorders, genetic conditions, adhd, autism my son has this. Sounds like child needs medical help or at least an evaluation.

[@whitneyw.7919]

Do you send the neighbor kids the majority of his paycheck every month? This and many other reasons are why this is not a good analogy But yes agree some people don't raise their kids and some kids are ill behaved

[@maddieb.4282]

Uh if one of your friends’ kids is bad and one is good, doesn’t it logically follow that the children’s behavior is caused by something OTHER than parenting style? Like a developmental disability, trauma, bullying, autism? Have you told your friend you think she’s a bad parent?

[@karinafernandez6665]

This is soooo sad!! I’m always inviting and love other kids like my own

[@rebh2602]

Damn I am sad for that little boy don’t know don’t love his dad but feel compassion and have empathy just like this speaker … thank you for being able to share with her good info in a very kind way… I would not have been so kind because my mind was blown 😬🙈🤦🏻‍♀️ glad she called to get help

[@fifinanti80]

The majority of women want their bf or husband to play step fathers to their children and accept their children 100% financially, emotionally, invest etc for their child. They're quick to say "stepdad season" but not "stepmom season". When it comes to the man having a child they want nothing to do with his children. It's sickening to see adult women treating a child like crap. It's great to see that she wants to change this narrative. I like how the Dr. stated your feelings does not matter bc this is a child & stop applying adult ideology on the child.

[@MaryJaneOctane]

Not all personalities mesh. Not all blends are easy... most are near to impossible. My stepson is ODD so my situation is a little different but it's never simple.

[@janisemills1]

How is he odd? Lol

[@hitbodywork]

It's a medical diagnosis

[@sookibeulah9331]

@@janisemills1oppositional defiant disorder

[@rachelabate2401]

Thank doc. I am learning what I need to do to invest in my kid. 😊

[@JordanEvansMusic]

This Caitlyn stark calling about jon snow

[@raymondjoseph9704]

If her husband knows how she feels, her duties leave her immensely. No man or woman should be with a person that feels this way about their children

[@BarnabyBarry]

Incredible video-my adopted step child said it best to me (though hurt a bit) she was talking to me and said “my dad” -(she was not referring to me) never can forget it but it is the truth!

[@lestercaldera3776]

The lady wanted sausage end didn’t think about the kids

[@TheMFStudios]

Jumping in at any age over 5 would be impossible

[@sightseerproductions]

Dang. I appreciate her being honest about this. Being a stepparent is so hard. Especially when you’re brand new to it flying blind.

[@Jessthebes]

This was really sad to listen to. I hope her husband watches this video and opens his eyes to the fact that the woman he married doesn't love his child.

[@Mercury688]

I could not agree more. She’s horrible

[@brandyg6966]

Not nice. She wants to do better and just didn’t have the tools to do better.

[@shelbysycamore637]

@@brandyg6966 I agree. Most people do not want to face the dark sides of themselves. It's nice to be the hero and say the right thing, but it's hard to be in denial and know in your heart you feel differently from your actions. She's a commendable person for trying to find a way to not have this child feel alienated and her willingness to do introspection on her negative traits makes her a good person in my eyes.

[@Jessthebes]

@@brandyg6966 I can understand your point of view. I think I’m also struggling with the fact that she waited until after they were married to address this issue. Seems a bit odd that she could stand at the alter, exchange wedding vows (knowing she doesn’t love her husband’s child) … and then wait an additional 2 years before saying or doing anything about it.

[@weekendnomad5038]

Some kids are just terrible. I’ve only met two kids That I didn’t like in my 37 years of life. One i was able to deal with the other I could not.. I always assume there is a reason and I always try to work it out.. but sometimes you just can’t. I called off an engagement over a bad kid. She was horrible and abusive to my kids. Would scream and throw herself on the ground in public if he held my hand. She was absolutely bat sht crazy. My kids would look at her and then look at me like why is she doing this we are all having fun. They even tried catering to her and tried bonding with her she would be mentally and physically abusive to them . She was absolutely horrid .

[@whitneyw.7919]

Stepparenting is a completely raw deal and it's really unrealistic to expect that the relationship will be anything akin to a biological parents bond w/ a kid. Most of the time the child's and the stepparents interests are actually in direct conflict. Bio parent is then caught in the middle and either pisses off their spouse and sides w/ child leading to contention or divorce or sides w/ stepparent and risk alienating their child sometimes for good. Very tough situation for all involved, don't recommend. This probably doesn't apply as much 1. if the other bio parent is dead or 2. studies show that being a stepfather is easier than being a stepmother for several reasons Also, this doesn't mean it always happens, but if there's a stepparent in the home your kid is something like 10x more likely to be abused for obvious reasons so proceed w caution!

[@DorothyM45]

She sounds cold. Bottom line she doesn’t like the little boy, which is sad.

[@xhaltsalute]

At least it is honest. There are no rules that say we must love every person we interact with. There are different expectations when they are your beloved spouse’s child. There are so many levels to that relationship with that boy. I was raised with girls, when my grandson was born, I thought “good grief what do I do with him?” It is a process with him because our two personalities are so different. But I love him to pieces.

[@ilovethebeach1877]

@@xhaltsalute she is not honest. She is being honest with a stranger. She is obviously not being honest with her husband.

[@LD-tk7qf]

It’s impossible to love someone else’s kids!!!

[@jenniferrosario8515]

No its not.

[@6ft7guy]

​@@jenniferrosario8515yes it is.

[@show_me_your_kitties]

Yes, it is. You can be there for them,support them, care for them, all that good stuff, but love no. People don't like to admit this.

[@lad8087]

Honestly that’s ludicrous. Why wouldn’t someone be able to love someone else’s kids? I love many kids, even my friend’s kids.

[@lad8087]

@@show_me_your_kittiesthat’s so not true. Why would someone have to be your own kid to love them? Why couldn’t you love someone else’s kids?

[@s.o.k2271]

I don't think she likes this kid, because it's not her kid. Simple. It's not about being raised with just girls, the qualities of a 7 year old, she just doesn't like the kid, because it's not hers. It's a responsibility she's been thrust with because of her husband. It's not too late though because at his age he's still trying to form attachments, but if he was older and if she just came in then? Oh honey, you're not getting a hug. It's about making your mind up that you're not babysitting this child, and making up your mind to treat him like your own even if it's 2 weeks in a month. It's still half a year. Make up your mind to love him as your own daughter, as if you have birth to him, and not some responsibility.

[@Yaya-cl3tu]

I was with her until the part about him hugging her bothering her. You signed up to be with a man who has a child. Get a grip or get a divorce. That poor kid doesn't serve to be treated poorly.

[@ingramwifey2016]

Just love on that little boy 😭 he won't be little forever!

[@Officialprodbytreybeats]

A lot of time spent trying to form a bond, but we are so different. Trying to use the similarities to bond doesn't always work.

[@lestercaldera3776]

Poor kid she needs to leave She hates him

[@TheTeacherMuse]

I think the issue with society is the expectation that a stepmother must love her stepchildren as her own or she is the evil step mom. It’s this constant dichotomies that women are placed in. Really, the child has a mom and a dad who ideally love them unconditionally. The stepparent is there to support in the raising of this child but not be the primary caretaker or provider. I think that the stepparent ends up with way higher expectations that are not even placed on the biological parent. Bio parents get away with neglecting their duties as a parent but a stepparent has to do be absolutely selfless and give everything and give up boundaries to make it work - it’s not sustainable because what the stepparent gets back is reproach, accusations, devalued position in the family unit, unrealistic expectations, and zero gratitude. Love is an ideal that honestly is even wife and husband do not feel completely for each other all the time. Heck! Sometimes you hate your spouse. Step relationships are the same. But for whatever reason it causes a huge “gasp” if a step parent says “I kinda don’t like my step kid right now.” Moms sometimes don’t like their own bio kids. Some kids have terrible temperaments. Teenagers are a$$*s. So the question should not be - does the stepparent love the child as their own (it’s almost impossible to achieve that and likewise for the stepchild to love the stepmom/dad as a their real mom or dad) - the question should be: does the stepparent RESPECT the child and helps take care of the child’s needs?

[@rayf6126]

It sounds like she's exhausted from work and he comes quickly into her space. I love hugs but that transition between home and work is incredibly stressful. The boundaries things is important.

[@Vbe796]

That doesn’t sound like what she’s saying here. Seems like there’s an overall disdain for the child.

[@arieltaylor2811]

God I needed this….

[@luminescentempath]

The concept of “they’ll always be ahead of me” the jealousy part of being the second wife or second family. It’s def a little tiny tinge of sadness and grief that we go through. I def have felt that way when being around my step/bonus daughter. Especially considering that I’m childless. Putting effort, resources, time, energy and all that into someone else’s child, while not having my own is definitely hard on me sometimes. It def brings up jealous and grief. I know this and I address this as it comes up. And I tell myself all the time, second and last wife. Second and last family. And she can be my kid too. I’m not perfect and this life isn’t perfect. But we’re doing our best to keep her as strong and happy as possible. Us too. Our marriage is worth it. My husband is worth it. I am too.

[@scullyfox4271]

Having low progesterone can give the symptom of not wanting to be touched. Some doctors have dubbed it the "cuddle hormone" It's normal to be annoyed by the presence of another human being especially if your hormones are out of wack.

[@scullyfox4271]

@A 7108 you're right. From my understanding oxytocin is released through cuddling, but low progesterone will make you not want to be touched.

[@shelbysycamore637]

Do tell more. I honestly hate being obligated to give hugs for the most part (I enjoy hugs from my spouse or a like hugging a relative I haven't seen for a while, but everything else I pretty much hate touching people). Since I was a child, I wasn't too fond of physical contact (I don't have a history of abuse, I just don't like people to violate my personal boundaries.) Do you think this would also align with why I can't stand little kids? What are other symptoms?

[@scullyfox4271]

@@shelbysycamore637 Possibly. The best thing might be to get your hormones checked by a good doctor who understands this stuff.

[@shelbysycamore637]

@@scullyfox4271 understood, thank you!!

[@David-wo9un]

Who is the adult? She is not a good person; I hope this innocent little boy gets way from her.

[@leslie3566]

so sad I hope she is able to change the way she acts towards him 😢

[@Helena88111]

Being a step parent is a tough job and most of the time the kids are not accepting of you no matter what you do.... There's always two sides to every story it's not always the step parents fault.

[@Helena88111]

@@silentnot4812 Speaking from experience here... Granted you have a valid point as the adult you have to take the lead, however that doesn't mean putting up with disrespect from the child... In my case my ex's adult children never welcomed me no matter what I did... I finally got fed up and left there has to be mutual respect period.

[@Helena88111]

@@wordsalad01 Yes you have a point, my situation was with adult children so yes I understand it's different with small children.

[@karinafernandez6665]

She’s lucky he is a kid!! I have two grown kids that don’t want anything to do with me and shut me out. I wish with were more like this little boy

[@reikimasterkari5251]

I wish people would be more empathetic as to how hard, and unexpectedly hard it continues to be despite best efforts and desires, being a stepparent. Being a stepparent, and all the challenges that come with it, is becoming a bigger thing as many families are becoming blended. There is a great book on the sociology of stepparents. It's called Stepmonster. It speaks to how it is too easy for people to villainize, scapegoat, invalidated and give unneeded advice to the stepparent, without realizing they probably have a very hard role within a family dynamic (just like the step-kids and bioparents)!!! They have to be a parent while putting their feelings on the back burner. The ugly truth is that most stepparents don't particularly like being a stepparent. It takes a lot of resources and time to parent a child, let alone one they did not develop the biological chemical connection to (oxytocin) and to a kid who probably doesn't want a stepparent and is thankless, etc. The other bioparent may also not want the stepparent around...Their partners and friends often don't get it either. Nonetheless, stepparents do it and often do it without complaining and all along while feeling alone and feeling judged by others. I get the sense you are a really great stepmom and know absolutely how to take care of that boy!!! I bet you are already doing the "advice" he is giving you. I'm sorry I get the impression from him as well as some of the comments below that you're being shamed for your natural feelings. I think it's absolutely okay to not like your step kid. That's natural. Not everyone likes everyone, and your roles are by their nature more complex. And I bet you already knew and don't act on that though...I hear from many stepparents that while they don't necessarily like their step kids from time to time, they do develop a deep love and still treat them with respect. Not everyone is going to like everyone. And that's okay. The fact that you are reaching out to process your feelings and get support on that is great, though!!! To me that shows you care and do have love. I think we need to celebrate stepparents and help them with their mental health (including processing their mix bag of emotions)...validate ALL the feelings (even the ones we might feel threatened by) that come along with this role...so that they in turn continue to be better stepparents. As mentioned, I enjoyed the book Stepmonster and also liked the book Stemoms' Club. I think it's important to talk with other stepparents who really get it. And/or seek professional counseling support from those who are trained to be nonbiased. You don't have to be alone or feel ashamed for your feelings. I believe you can healthfully process them. To be and continue to be a good stepparent I think we have to fill our cups, likely most often even more so than biological parents. Self-care is key! I've learned not to talk about this topic with non-stepparents, as unfortunately they may not get it and may unintentionally shame you further (around your likely, deepest mistaken fear of being inadequate in this difficult role!)--for simply being a stepparent. You can validate yourself though. You are okay and you are very likely an okay stepparent. I'm also sure you did not enter this role blindly or with little thought...As stated, a lot of people feel threatened by the notion of a stepparent, are triggered by natural feelings, etc as the stepparent represents the failure of a romanticized family...it's not idiolect. Others may come from split homes themselves. They have been step kids and maybe they have not reconciled their own issues with their stepparent or the symbol of the stepparent...are still projecting their pain on the stepparent, etc...or may be they feel shame for their failed marriage and their children having a stepparent...and it's easier to be scared of others....In the end, I believe we all need love for each other....Really seek to understand and validate each person's role within the family. Love for the stepparent. Love for the step-kids. Love for the bio parents. I also really love the Gottman Method for family dynamics. It's a bit normative, but the principles are sold. Afterall, we are all in the same soup...together. You got this!

[@jaynaysay1273]

Totally agree! I have two step sons for over 7 years and still struggle. I’m now having my very first bio child and I’m so nervous about how much more disconnected I’ll feel from the boys.

[@nkengasong5078]

Thanks for sharing, greatly appreciated 😊

[@HappyDays6058]

Try treating him like you want your husband to treat your daughter. She sounds like a horrible immature woman.

[@estefaniapena1533]

Why would you ever marry someone and not like their kids?

[@whitneyw.7919]

Why would you ever marry someone and not like their parents/your inlaws?

[@auemmjee]

​@@whitneyw.7919unless the parents live in the marital home, that's like comparing apples and oranges.

[@Frankybroadcast]

Dating a single mother is like putting gas in a car, that another man already wrecked. Don't do it fellas. You get all the responsibility and none of the authority. Don't ever expect to come first in your partner's life. Expect to be third, and if you have a dog, you'll even come after the dog. You'll only be disappointed in the end.

[@L--C]

Stop creating step families. It’s literally terrible for the children involved basically 100% of the time.

[@gabrielaquevedo8012]

I think it also has a lot to do with the biological mother. Thankfully my stepdaughters mother is supportive of our relationship and she allows her to call me mama too. She is 11 years old now and still calls me mama, even in front of mom and she is totally cool with it. Because of this awesome situation, I grew to love my stepdaughter like my own. If mom created issues with her, I probably would have felt the same way.

[@susanjean3114]

If a child came up to me for a hug, I would hug them.

[@jeanlaubenthal698]

That 7 year old is at such a crucial age of needing guidance and feeling safe for his development. Boy’s can be taught to sit down and pee! LOL

[@show_me_your_kitties]

The kid has a REAL mother in his life.

[@BirdDogey1]

This is why stepmothers are so dangerous. It is very unusual for a woman to treat another woman's child as her own. Professionally, I've seen this soooo many times. Latent abuse is very common especially if the stepmother has their own child in the household. Single fathers need to be very weary of getting remarried if they have their kids. I've had to deal with a crazy number of child abuse cases involving stepmothers. Many more than stepfathers.

[@annakitchen8692]

You have a small window that kids want to be around parents. Seven more years and they will be too busy. Enjoy it while you have it and it will be remembered later in life. The child will most likely be an amazing adult and you will want them to have good memories of their parents.

[@addiskassa5165]

Very true!!! That is what I intentionally doing it with my kids..enjoying them the fullest, make sure I love them give them huge to become a better person they can be, Love is amazing thing, without a word you can communicate, let's us spreading love one to another make this world a better place to live. This generations need to feed a lot of love! God help us!!!🙏🙏🙏

[@amiblack8294]

Here's a thought-how about not making babies if you aren't committed to providing a stable home/family for them?? Yeah, old fashioned concept but guess what? Children are little humans trying to cope with lives apart by the adults who were SUPPOSED to protect them and provide a safe, loving home for them instead of throwing them into a world of chaos, multiple homes/families, etc. Making children collateral damage to your selfishness, personal failures, poor choices, isn't fair to them. They didn't ask for any of that-what child do YOU know says, "I want the only family I've known to be destroyed, be made to live in two different places, drag my things around in backpacks, meet a bunch of boyfriends/girlfriends, and then be made to live with the one dad/mom decided to marry." ?? So many justify it by saying "Kids are resilient, they'll adapt" when in reality, their actions are DAMAGING to their children. Kudos to this woman for reaching out for help, however, I feel awful for that little boy-this woman just doesn't sound right. Do I sound judgmental? Does my comment trigger those of you who put your own kids through h*ll just to get YOUR needs met because you wouldn't/couldn't live up to the responsibilities that YOU created? I couldn't care less about you; it's your kids I feel sorry for. Think about it-if you're offended by what I said, how much more are your children offended by the chaos they're forced to deal with thanks to the adults who are supposed to protect them?? The truth is that this little boy's parents failed him because they couldn't get their crap together. He was failed yet again by his father and this person on the phone who can't reciprocate love to what sounds like a normal 7 year old boy who actually wants to love her (sorry, but it sounds like there's something lacking in this woman), and when THEIR marriage fails, this little boy will face yet another loss in his life and ultimately have to deal with the father's next squeeze and her kids.... STOP procreating if you're not going to provide a stable family for them, folks. Just STOP.

[@philiposwald780]

It’s unnatural to truly love a child not of your bloodline. You can like them a lot, but you will never consider them yours, because they aren’t.

[@philiposwald780]

@@panthornberryit’s nature. You can even love them, but never like you would love a child of your cloth.

[@philiposwald780]

@@panthornberry you’re arguing exceptions and anomalies. I’m arguing the rule. The nature of things don’t change. Period however, I definitely believe that you can have a deep fondness and love for them, but never as much as your own blood, all other things being equal. Perhaps you feel differently and that’s OK too, but there’s a reason that when a lion takes over a pride, it kills its competitors offspring. We are not pure beasts, and we have the ability to reason, but those innate drives are still there.

[@philiposwald780]

@@panthornberry then you don’t know enough people. Also, I’m sure some of the people that you know in those situations think that as well. It’s just not socially acceptable to be honest about it.

[@atomicgeisha]

I read the entire harry Potter series to have something to talk about when I met my 16 years younger half sister. Great Books even for adults.

[@kristinaherrejon7181]

I love that. She’s lucky to have you.

[@SearchForTruth1]

This lady is a selfish simpleton. The kid sounds perfectly good and even hugs her. She knew this guy had a kid already. Her poorly thought out feelings are irrelevant. I hope she doesn't ruin this kids life with neglect

[@firefly9838]

Kid sounds like a douchebag and she's trying to cope with not wanting to be around that.

[@akc783]

John normally does a great job, but talking to stepparents with issues is not his forte. He should have more sympathy for them.

[@dbizzle85]

Because raising someone elses child is just unnatural

[@terreceshannon9008]

What about foster families who end up adopting? I've seen many families who love someone else's baby as their own ❤

[@elyse443]

Selfishness is just driving this society further and further into the ground.😢

[@kcourtney6826]

It sounds like he’s a 7year old child the problem is he’s not her child and she is insecure . I wonder if her husband knows. If you marry someone with children there might not be this automatic connection in the beginning but the affection you have for your spouse should extend to those he cares about in time you may develop an individual relationship with them. I’ve learned this with in-laws.

[@whitneyw.7919]

Would you say the same about in-laws or his alcoholic best friend? or his child w/ his mistress? It's not realistic to think that affection you have for him will translate to those he loves

[@usulman8834]

Does your husband have custody of his parents?

[@aurikap6900]

Cause they r not our kids...it's work , warming up to kids...i have two stepkids , i know how she feels❤

[@thisis.michelletorres444]

She needs to see this as an opportunity to learn what it's like to have a boy and have compassion for him. Kids follow the adult's lead most of the time, if she was leading with love, they'd be forming a bond. The fact that she was struggling with her husband about sound financial attitudes and she's struggling about his kid means they didn't do the work before they got married! Grow up and quick!!!

[@aladyknight]

I think the word he’s looking for is “adult meaning”

[@lexiportillo9830]

I literally cannot conceive marrying somebody who had a child that I have no connection to. ESPECIALLY if I have my own kid of whom I expect to be parented and cared for my by partner who has the child I don’t care for myself. It honestly baffles me how anybody would willing go into a marriage with a person who has a kid that they don’t like or connect with. Like that’s your partners life. Now it’s your life. If you don’t vibe with the kid, it ain’t a fit. Or you make it fit and that kid ends up feeling pushed to the side and abandoned.

[@atdepaulis]

Yes boys are way more energetic than girls!! Lol But there is a reason why God doesn’t like divorce… the kid is half mom half dad and those two will know how to raise the child.. you might totally be able to work with the spouse you chose to marry but the child maybe won’t be so easy… you have to make sure you are totally ready to get to know that kid in their own way.. I like that she was honest… my husband doesn’t want some random kid hugging him either but I love any and all kids and am a total hugger so would always love it… but I do understand people male or female not wanting to be hugged or touched.. but it’s also very important to make sure kids feel loved so agree with Dr John… you have to figure out how to do that.

[@firefly9838]

Not always true. I was a very calm, well mannered young boy according to my parents. My step sister was always getting in fights, causing trouble, and making messes. Gender has little to do with it, your genetics do however.