Why I Don't Want Kids

How to not waste your life and speedrun to resentment ..or am I actually missing out on what's really important?
Welcome back to Dystopia Daily with Daniel Howell - the talk show about the KZbinr that doesn't want to be on KZbin. Where the content may sporadic, but every day on Earth is a waking nightmare!
Stay tuned for the next three videos in the season finale.
Twitter: / danielhowell
IG: / danielhowell
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CREATED BY
DANIEL HOWELL
PRODUCED BY
SOPHIE NEWTON
CREATIVE PRODUCERS
JACOB RICKARD
KENNY ENGLAND
PHIL LESTER
DIRECTOR OF PHOTOGRAPHY
CIARAN O’BRIEN
CAMERA ASSISTANT
JOE ROWE
SOUND ENGINEER
WILL LANGDALE
ART DIRECTOR
LOUIS GRANT
EDITORS
ELLIOT GOUGH
DAN HOWELL
ANIMATORS
JAMES PAINTER
PJ LIGUORI
Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound:
Asteroid One - Czar Donic
Night Driver - Ballpoint
Never Forgotten - Christopher Moe Ditlevsen
Temple of Runha - DLFL
Sea Clown - Martin Klemp
Captions - amara.org/videos/sPImHM98WozX... thank you!
German - AnnikaSp
Dutch - Juul J
Portuguese - Mirian Rodrigues
Ukranian - Zoe
Turkish - Pelin

[@skeletonboi2377]

Dan doesn’t need kids because he’s been dealing with us for at least a decade

[@machokoolkat]

true

[@starianovon1723]

I mean... you ain't wrong lol.

[@ygnik]

exactly

[@microsofterror880]

Exactly we have been MORE than enough lmao

[@danielhowell]

i really raised a whole generation of nerds with questionable mental health

[@gabbyf8924]

love how dan made this as if any of us actually expected him to want kids. i wouldve been more shocked if he DID want children

[@champselyseesao3]

literally 💀

[@Artdefines06]

Theres old video of him on younow talking about how much he wants kids and would be a great dad so we kinda thought that still applied. Even he kinda says he still feels that way even though it doesnt make sense. Nice for an update though so we can adjust our mindsets and expectations.

[@baguettegott3409]

He used to say he definitely wanted kids. Older fans that are still around would probably expect that to still apply.

[@alexanderjusem-laporte7501]

PSA for everyone. If you dont want kids, even a little, do everyone a favor and dont have them. Youll just ruin 2 lives for the price of 1.

[@poolnoodleninja8686]

Sadly, a lot of people who want kids also shouldn’t be having them 😢

[@karynnthedreamer]

This!! It is the one commitment you cannot get out of. You have a kid, you will forever and always have that kid no matter what. Why would you do it if you're not genuinely enthusiastic and excited about it?

[@miminaomi9844]

literally, if you question it it's a NO

[@Sabinee211]

I don’t think it’s as black and white as that. I think you can have doubts but still have a wonderful life with the children. How much doubt is too much is different for every person, but the key is to think it through and be aware of the commitment

[@jamiedodger2361]

​@@Sabinee211 I agree that a certain level of concern and worry is normal, even among those who really want to have kids. My parents planned me and my sister very carefully and they still felt run into the ground and found themselves awake at 3am thinking "what the hell have we done?" If the doubts start to overwhelm everything, that's when you have a problem (either postpartum depression or that you didn't actually want a child in the first place). The issue is that children are still treated as a standard life milestone rather than a permanent lifestyle commitment. It's also important to realise that even if you want to make that commitment, you may not be able to. I'd like to be a parent because I want to help raise and guide a young human through the world, but I'm autistic and ADHD and this can make looking after just myself very fifficult at times. I'm still pretty young so this may change with time, but I've acknowledged that wven if I really want to, I might not have the energy and consistency to provide the best care for a small dependant human.

[@DoctorWhoTheFuck]

As a woman I am so done with people questioning my decision to not have kids. The amount of people who smile and me and say 'you'll change your mind' drive me insane. No random aunt who I barely see, I don't think I'll change my mind after over 10 years of knowing that I don't want kids. My partner always says 'but they are so amazing, youll love them', and then I remind him how many times he has cleaned our cats litterboxes since he got them, and that babies need cleaning a whole lot more.

[@aynilaa]

Yes! All the reasons Dan has mentioned are so valid! And there's still this myth of "motherly instincts" in everyone with a womb. But I know what's best for me, so I stick to working with children but being child-free myself.

[@jocelynduran6206]

i’ve been telling my parents abt how much i dislike kids and how i don’t think i ever want to raise one on my own, hence me coming to a decision of not having kids. my mom keeps telling me “oh but when you have one you’ll change your mind, it’s different having your own child” like yea, the only difference is now that kid is MY responsibility 😭😭 like i genuinely dislike kids i hate them crying and throwing tantrums and being a whole menace. and my mother keeps telling me i’ll change my mind and now i’m fully determined on not having kids. before it was just a maybe kids aren’t for me but she helped me make my mind LOL

[@Kyenta]

Yeah it's nice to not have little humans running around, already content with our two ferrets and reptiles.

[@azuradawn5683]

This is why you find a partner who doesn't want kids even more than you don't want kids.

[@Nimoes_archive]

Sounds like you don't have the same life goals, perhaps think about finding a new partner?

[@caya6394]

honestly the audacity of our parents to put us on this earth

[@scrawnymf]

we did not ask for this

[@danielhowell]

like of all the planets you pick the dying one with elon musk on it way to go mum

[@x_.flowerbunny._x2190]

@@danielhowell fr, Like at least pick a pretty planet mom

[@I_am_Lauren]

I did not consent to be here.

[@brynnexsmile]

current mood is i did not consent to be here but my parents paid too much money for me not to be

[@eileen8403]

Phil: taking quizzes about being adopted Dan: immediately no

[@aldii8614]

he felt true fear xD

[@unionfire]

Couple announcing they're trying for a kid (=saying they have sex without condom every night) is totally okay during family dinner, but say you don't want kids and they're shocked you said something so controversial

[@jade_is_tired]

both of those should be fine

[@unionfire]

@@jade_is_tired In a perfect world, we're not there yet

[@hayden4256]

Facts

[@ahuman5772]

Don't be weird, there's nothing gross about trying for a kid. Both should be acceptable.

[@hamclammed]

@@ahuman5772ok but have you considered nobody cares if you’re having bare unprotected sex? It’s weird as hell that people announce the state of their sex lives to other people. Why not just announce a pregnancy(equally unimportant information) instead of telling everyone that you started fucking more and without protection?

[@riverstein7251]

Some parents have kids because “I just want someone to love me unconditionally and spend time with me” and in that case they need a dog not a child. Millennials getting plants and pets to use as an emotional outlet is the healthiest thing we’ve done in a while and I say if we’d just turn all parental instinct energy towards taking care of the plants and animals on planet earth and we might just be ok.

[@Malbeur]

Yeah, parents owe kids unconditional love but kids don't owe their parents anything. Expecting anything in return for parenting is ripe for toxicity.

[@beaulieuc8910]

58 childfree and no pets only plants

[@ambercooper4676]

I feel like this might be a misleading comment, pregnancy and one’s own choice to have kids is more complex than just thinking I wanna get for emotional support, I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone say that. Kids are rewarding but a lot of work and aren’t for everyone, but accident do tend to happen, and people surprise themselves with how well they actually love being a parent. Dogs and plants are great too, but I wouldn’t push it down to a whole generation.

[@angelaholmes8888]

@@Malbeur 🎯

[@ryadsch]

The fact they need an emotional outlet is anything but healthy. Their dependency on others, regardless of the form, implies they are children who never learned to face and deal with reality.

[@seveniscrying2182]

it’s ok dan you already parasocially raised a bunch of depressed internet teenagers

[@dinosaurs_rule]

That is very true

[@lottepegacorn]

dan saying he would actually be there for his kid makes him automatically better than a lot of our dads

[@danielhowell]

i even say things like 'brb going on hiatus' and leave a channel for 5 years that's a true realistic dad experience

[@Lisallamaa]

​@@danielhowell90's dad: "going to get a pack of smokes" *never returns*

[@bricheesyy]

@@danielhowellyou are so wrong for this ASJFIEBFND

[@poisonedkilljoy9304]

even with the hiatus, the strange parasocial relationship was definitely better than my literal parents 😂

[@3295i]

@@danielhowellHAHA true, Atleast you announce your absences /j

[@HellsArchangel]

As a 22 year old female trying to get my tubes tied, I feel this. The amount of people that have told me I’ll change my mind, or my future husband might want kids, is ridiculous. If my future husband wants kids, he WILL NOT BE MY FUTURE HUSBAND BECAUSE WE ARENT COMPATIBLE like seriously is it that difficult of a concept. I don’t like kids. I don’t want kids. Why is that someone else’s decision that is made for me. Besides, Dan, you and Phil already raised an entire generation. Don’t worry about it.

[@unapologeticallylizzy]

Exactly, this is the thing. Whether you want kids or not is kind of a deal-breaker for partners. Also, society making people have kids who don't want kids is incredibly harmful. The parents will be unhappy and kids will likely grow up traumatised. Having kids is a big decision and some people really do it for the wrong reasons, then it's the kids who suffer. Honestly, live your best life. Enjoy it. I don't get why it's hard for people to understand.

[@gothsloth]

The man you haven’t yet met has more say in your body than you! Fantastic!

[@emcg4041]

Wait until your prefrontal cortex has finished developing.

[@frostfang1]

Also why should a kid grow up with a sperm or egg donator in the house that clearly doesn't want them and refuses to parent them? And why would I want a future partner who wants (or in reality *has*) kids if it means I get less attention because if he was responsible, he'd be splitting his attention and resources between us? Maybe if I was poly and had other partners I wouldn't care. But there's just so much logic that breeders and parents absolutely refuse to confront when approaching the concept of childfree. And an adult life without making babies and parenting.

[@emcg4041]

@@frostfang1 ‘less attention’, ‘breeders’. Literally zero critical thinking skills.

[@sable1233]

People should never feel pressured to have kids. It’s a giant responsibility and if it’s not in one’s heart, then those kids can turn out catastrophic.

[@eeveefennecfox]

I wish kids came with instructions,that would make things a bit easier and less scary as hell

[@xinvader_iceex]

Welp there goes all those 2013 "Dan and Phil adopted me" wattpad fics /j

[@KoolAidMansBitch]

LMAOOOOO unlocked like 50 cursed memories i blocked out-

[@TheOfficialDirtyDan]

FRRRR lmao 😭

[@PaintSplashProductions]

*cries*

[@lets-all-love-lain]

Rip

[@bloody_pooodlez]

we dont speak of it

[@shelby2901]

honestly the idea of being the cool supportive aunt seems way more fulfilling than parenthood

[@KKISCRAZYFUL]

I love my nephews, but they do remind me of why I don't want my own kids myself

[@asfaltsflickan]

It’s amazing. You get to have all the fun, and then you can just hand them back to the parents who have no choice but to deal with all the difficult and gross stuff.

[@LovelyAngel.]

I'm different, once my sister announces her first pregnancy I leave the country 😂

[@allegra.abloom]

I came here to say this haha - supporting/shaping/being looked up to by children but without the day-to-day responsibilities!

[@al9387]

I've never really wanted kids but my sister having a daughter made me realize how cool and rewarding it is to be in a kids life as they grow up. but it also confirmed that I don't want kids and being an aunt is fulfilling enough.

[@oracleofdewphi]

I’m a 37-year-old woman and I never wanted kids. I’m glad I didn’t let people pressure me into that.

[@EpicFaize]

This honestly could't have come at a better timing. My longterm boyfriend just broke up with me because I have decided to undergo surgery due to medical issues, which leads to me not being able to have kids. I've been upfront with him since day 1 about not wanting to have kids. I never saw the issue because he had a happy relationship, and he said that he was fine with it. But he secretly just didn't believe me and when I told him I'm getting the surgery, he dumped me. Thank you for talking about it, I agree 100%. And reding the comments about women feeling the same way and invalidated although it sucks to know that it's reality, it's nice to know that you're not th eonly one feeling like this.

[@bethanyfield6035]

How awful and insensitive that he did that to you :( sending hugs and I hope the surgery goes well x

[@kisakisakura6663]

Someone who expected you to change isn't worth your time. I'm sorry that he wasted so much of your time by not being upfront.

[@Sona77.]

You’re better off without him! You’re amazing and so proud of you!

[@larcenciel7428]

honestly i can relate to “ppl who don’t want kids should probably be the ones raising the new generation”. it scares me so much how many unprepared (in my eyes) people just have kids like it’s nothing, whereas if I ever do have kids I want to provide them with the best conditions and opportunities I can. I’m still scared they would end up being very similar to me lol. My poor mom did not deserve such a complicated child.

[@vassamadison4914]

unprepared or dumb or unstable people as parents😱 Like most of serial killers stories begins with psychotic parent. Or like in the Idiocracy film

[@mosshealy3280]

Honestly!! Everyone I know who has children had them before they were financially, mentally or emotionally prepared for it (and did it INTENTIONALLY) and then they realise too late that they can’t provide for their children

[@KreeZafi]

It's very unfortunate that incompetence has a causal relationship with increased breeding

[@BlazeDupree1525]

​@@mosshealy3280most of my friends that have kids already should not have had kids... And by Most I mean all of them... 😐

[@hollo0o583]

Honestly I was sure I didn’t want kids but then I realised I might end up in a same sex relationship and that realisation hit me harder then I thought because there are so many reasons not to have children but in the end what the point in trying to fix this shithole if not for a next generation who was raised to do better. Less traumatised.

[@maddielc204]

I've never wanted kids, but as a woman so many people think it's unnatural. I've been trying to get my tubes tied for 3 years and the amount of shit I've heard from doctors (you're too young (I'm 28), did you ask permission from your bf, you might want kids later) is wild. I really wish women had control over their bodies and reproductive systems. Considering the struggle to get my tubes tied and abortion rights getting reverted back to the 1800s in the States, it's really getting scary being someone with a uterus who doesn’t want kids.

[@dragonshadow4145]

Why can they even say no???

[@AnEmu404]

Genuinely, doctors asking someones partner for permission over _their_ body makes me so angry. It makes me even angrier to hear that some doctors literally prioritise a future, nonexistent parter when someone isn’t in a relationship and wants that surgery. I wish you the best of luck friend, i hope you eventually get to talk to a medical professional who isn’t a shithead and lets you have control of your body

[@ThePegasiPony]

​@dragonshadow4145 some doctors are hesitant to do it because they're worried about patient regret, but I think that's absurd. If you're an adult, you should be allowed to make choices about your own life.

[@tristadilly]

There are Reddit posts about doctors who will do tubal litigations without asking any questions. I’m in KY and got mine removed at 26

[@Stickweeed]

My partner is thankfully getting a vasectomy, after years of my having medical complications from birth control. One of my guy friends was like "why don't you just get your tubes tied?" I was like THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY?!?! Woman can't get their tubes tied unless they're like over 35 or something (I'm 26) or have had at least 3 kids. He was shocked.

[@totallyrheesworldco4837]

As a single mum i honestly do not blame you. As great as it is, your priorities have to be them and suddenly youve no idea who you are anymore.

[@beaulieuc8910]

exactly your identity just goes

[@GLamoRousCooKie]

This is my biggest fear. Losing my identity.

[@Katieisspeaking]

as someone absolutely determined to have kids, i agree with every single point youve made here. raising kids is a responsibility and a privelige and its not for everyone, nor should it be.

[@nonbinarii]

as a 20 year old lesbian you genuinely articulated all of my feelings about possibly having kids

[@laurachambers9447]

As a 21 year old lesbian, same 😂

[@MiotaLee]

I'm a nonbinary asexual and I couldn't agree more.

[@angelacanedit]

25 year old lesbian, same

[@diamondust2054]

Same!!!!!!!!

[@nyoosha]

as a 21 year old lesbian same

[@lesdyxiatoo]

“My most paranoid fear is that the people choosing not to have kids are probably the people that should be raising the next generation” scary how true that seems to be 👀

[@zellafae]

Yup, a lot of people that have kids shouldn’t have kids

[@Vuedanto]

Yep. The most thoughtful choose to not have kids, while many others mindlessly pop them out just for social respect, not wanting to raise them.

[@BethanyElle317]

For YEARS my grandma used to say "you have to have kids for your mum so she can be a grandma." Only in the past few weeks has she changed her tone and is now saying "if you choose to have kids one day..." She's FINALLY learnt. PSA: I'm only 25.

[@aynilaa]

Many people are pressured to have children, so others can have fun with them while you're still doing all the hard work. The minister at my grandma's funeral said to me "such a shame she never met her great grandchildren." Rude?! I was 26 and didn't want them anyway!

[@paradox9369]

@@aynilaa wow... That was so out of line from them...

[@KlaraL-_-]

The problem is that a lot of the people who are having kids have them for the wrong reasons and end up being horrible parents ☹

[@SkyeID]

My mom is, to put it nicely, not a nice person, so yea....

[@RioRav]

I might have kids but the amount of forced socializing with other parents is much more frightening than the lack of sleep and headlice infestations.

[@lurategh]

If that ain't me. One of the things I dread if I ever have kids is having to interact with other parents. I'm an aunt and even being at the playground while my nephew's around kids he doesn't know is anxiety inducing enough. I've already had a bad incident in that department. Dealing with other parents who may be entitled or think their kid's a perfect angel who can do no wrong, and then there's some sort of incident between another kid and my potential kid in the future? Stressful af.

[@KreeZafi]

Really? I don't recall my parents interacting much with other parents when I was a kid

[@febberz]

Trust me, as a mum, you need a village to raise a child but society has deprived parents of that because if you do it with a partner, you still both need to work to pay the bills ...

[@RioRav]

@@febberzLike I said, exactly the reason I dont want kids. I hate talking to people and I prefer my villages isolated.

[@RioRav]

@@KreeZafiEvery playground, setting up playdates, birthdays, school functions and soccergames. Yeah you wouldnt know because when theyre talking to the adults its because youre nearby doing something else.

[@Charrbonic]

I cannot imagine anyone with remotely decent intentions attempting to convince someone who doesn't want kids to have them; do they really want children to have unenthusiastic parents who might regard their existence as a mistake? Considering that we are 8 billion strong, I think we can stand to shift our priorities from the expansion of our species to creating a greater standard of living for those who are born. The only arguments against this tend to value the unborn over the living.

[@D0MiN0ChAn]

Absolutely 🙌

[@etheric_dissonance]

*standing ovation* 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

[@KreeZafi]

Absolutely, parenthood is a HUGE deal so anything less than a 100% enthusiastic yes should be considered a no!

[@meenal1139]

Well said

[@dandeliondunmer3637]

There is an actual downside which is that populations that are having less kids tend to have an inflated population of older people that is not sustainable because they can't contribute to society as much since they are past retirement age. This places a lot more burden on the younger workforce and also brings up the struggle of a shortage of care for said inflated elderly population. I understand where you guys are coming from but there are a lot more consequences to consider than you are acknowledging. Also 8 billion people would *rapidly* decrease if most people weren't reproducing. Think of in 100 years what the world would look like if everyone didn't have kids. We would literally just all be dead. Everyone. Obviously that's unlikely to happen but for the sake of illustration it bears thinking about the massive impact of birth rates. The world population isn't static, we are still victim to our individual lifespans.

[@livhornsby6638]

as someone who works with kids and want them, I think the only people who should be having kids are people who want them and are planning for them and are excited for them. it should be an opt in.

[@Rockine59]

As a childfree woman, I'm so happy you made this video 😭

[@telepathicmagicshop]

Me too. It’s interesting hearing it from a man.

[@10969pauline]

Seriously tho... why do people who don't want to have kids have to defend their choice? I mean, you don't see people who do want to have kids do it 🙃

[@kristianawilson9038]

a great question, i think its a mixture of misery loves company, boomer parents, women being told their bodily function of carrying children = our only purpose

[@magi_cait]

I’m 31. Neither me nor my husband want children and the amount of times I get told that I’ll change my mind or that I’m still so young I have time to change my mind. Or my fave “I know so many people who said that and now they love the ones they have.” Sure Linda. I’m sure they’re thrilled.

[@bettyboosh8384]

I respect people who say they don't want kids. I mean I have one and even I don't want kids. 😂

[@MsPaulisa]

I also don't want kids and I struggle with A LOT of pressure from work colleagues and family who keep telling me that I MUST have kids and I am wasting my life and I am a failure if I don't have any.. I don't even have actual friends anymore because of all the pressure I got from them too. I am dealing with severe anxiety and depression because of this and I even thought about ending my life... it is just too painful for me to have to deal with everyone who feels like guilt tripping me to have kids 😔

[@Chillitz]

pifft you do if youre younger, people think your crazy if you settle too young... what about a career! how could you throw your life away yada yada yada

[@Anonymously179]

Dan basically raised us lmao I think he has done his part

[@420Boy]

Thiss

[@thienthien444]

true

[@anamariejb]

so fucking true

[@Djahnie]

As a parent of two toddlers I can say that supportive adults in the lives of small children are SO VALUABLE! Please don't have kids if you don't want to carry the responsibility. But if you feel like being a grownup friend to a child in your surroundings that can be just the fulfillment you need. And it helps the parents so so much. Let's promote more open ideas of family. :)

[@zellafae]

I don’t want kids of my own but i am excited to help raise my future niece

[@TheMetizic]

A lot of people who don’t want kids don’t want to help take care of some else’s either.

[@bethanyhupp447]

​@@TheMetizicthat's not really what they were getting at, they said "if you feel like" No one is/or should be obligated to have children in their lives. I understand your point wholeheartedly, and agree, but I feel like you've misunderstood theirs a little bit.

[@phoebe.robyn13]

THIS!!! I'm becoming a teacher because I want to help support the next generation, but I don't want any kids of my own. The notion that because someone doesn't want kids that they must hate children is baffling to me, you can still have positive impacts on kids lives without being a parent

[@HunterPup13]

Probably won't have kids of my own unless I get my shit together to an astonishing degree. But I love spending time with my friends kids

[@mostar1219]

I don't need a child. I've got a 9 year old Chihuahua that I still call my baby.

[@dragonshadow4145]

I physically can’t have kids and my parents are still in denial over it, people are obsessed to an unhealthy amount over this stuff

[@mattiemccarthy9102]

People who can’t or don’t have kids are treated so horribly

[@2a3ylin]

@@mattiemccarthy9102no one is treating people who cant have kids horribly, everyone feels sorry for them

[@MsPaulisa]

I also don't want kids and I struggle with A LOT of pressure from work colleagues and family who keep telling me that I MUST have kids and I am wasting my life and I am a failure if I don't have any.. I don't even have actual friends anymore because of all the pressure I got from them too. I am dealing with severe anxiety and depression because of this and I even thought about ending my life... it is just too painful for me to have to deal with everyone who feels like guilt tripping me to have kids 😔

[@Illzy]

@@MsPaulisa????? Girl how often do kids even come up forbyou to be this stressed about it

[@theTwilightSystem]

Same. I told my dad pregnancy had something like an 80% chance in resulting in my death. He told me to try it anyway because he wants grandkids. Ignoring the fact that he already has grandkids that he disowned for not being white.

[@Roxax3]

Everytime I get the feeling I might maybe change my mind about having kids, I just go visit friends who have kids. After that I always think 'oh hell no'

[@brynnexsmile]

I can deal with kids for like a day max but afterwards I need to take a 3-5 day relaxation trip.

[@autumnleaf2263]

They're so... sticky. And loud.

[@hailimoseley1365]

Just remember those are their kids; they raised them. If you disapprove, if/when you become a parent, you would have complete control over doing so differently

[@m00nrac00n]

Same. It literally changes those friends...which is obvious and should be the case. But still...damm.

[@glimmah]

I'm working in a maternity hospital and even tho most of them seem really happy my gosh, the things they have to go through

[@k.orberg6367]

I've actually wanted kids since I was little, but being autistic, burned out and asexual....I'm starting to see my limits...

[@corrina1963]

Don't give up, and don't limit yourself! You can also always adopt if you want

[@k.orberg6367]

@@corrina1963 thanks! though it's dumn to have a child if I'm not emotionally stable since I can't have focus on myself... 😅 but I'll do my best thank you!

[@sand_eater101]

@@k.orberg6367I absolutely feel you. I too wanted kids when I was younger, but then life did a 180 on me and suddenly my mental health was shit and the world was shit and that I’m a huge nuisance to my parents even if they would do anything for me. And I don’t want to adopt a kid and grow to dislike their existence because I didn’t realise being a parent is a fulltime job.

[@k.orberg6367]

@@sand_eater101 yeah... it's not always up to yourself if you're able to have kids or not... BUT we could heal with time and have the ability later!

[@Malbeur]

Oh hey! I'm autistic, burned out, and asexual. I didn't really think about kids till my 30s; now I have one and I absolutely adore him and also it's exhausting and I don't know if I'll have another. Time will tell whether this gets more manageable or not...

[@dragonqueenyona3108]

There's already a shit ton of people in the world (8 billion and counting) we don't need anymore.

[@dblyw7443]

I’m 41 and childfree…no regrets! Can’t wait to hear your thoughts on this topic.

[@Dares9]

That's always awesome to me to hear stories of more alternative pathways! Most adults I know obv had kids, but I love seeing people who chose not to and are happy! besides, I think having kids doesn't have to be such exclusive experience; I'd love to help my friends with raising theirs.

[@dblyw7443]

@@Dares9agree with all of this!! It’s sad that it’s still so stigmatized but honestly, as an aging researcher, it’s rare for people who choose this path to regret it.

[@lisa5756]

@@dblyw7443 it’s stigmatized because if it were the reverse it would bring on the inevitable extinction of the human race.. I swear humans went from the most intelligent species to the most dense

[@endieisded]

I wish more people would remain child free instead of forcing themselves to have kids. I've heard of too many parents regretting becoming parents. I'm happy you stayed true to yourself! ♡

[@cinna4462]

as a woman in her 20s i can relate so much- we’re so often told that this is the time to have children and the misogynist claims of our “biological clock” ticking 💀 it’s ok to not want kids and it shouldn’t be stigmatized

[@TiaMat99]

The biological clock isn't a thing. It's only FOMO.

[@jijitters]

My mom had me (first and only child) when she was 36 :) Caused absolutely 0 problems for either of us. Don't worry. Modern medicine is great. You have many years left to decide that. It isn't over until menopause happens.

[@MsPaulisa]

I also don't want kids and I struggle with A LOT of pressure from work colleagues and family who keep telling me that I MUST have kids and I am wasting my life and I am a failure if I don't have any.. I don't even have actual friends anymore because of all the pressure I got from them too. I am dealing with severe anxiety and depression because of this and I even thought about ending my life... it is just too painful for me to have to deal with everyone who feels like guilt tripping me to have kids 😔

[@TiaMat99]

@@MsPaulisa studies show that people who don't want kids are actually happier throughout their lifetime. There's one time where parents' happiness is bigger: when the kids leave the house. Yeah, let that sink in. Go your own way!

[@aynilaa]

I'm 27 and constantly get asked 'when' I'm having children. People just assume I do but there are so many valid reasons not to.

[@magi_cait]

I am 31. Neither me nor my husband want children. The amount of times I STILL get told “you’ll change your mind” “oh you’re still so young! You still have time” “I know so many people who said the same thing and they have more than one! They love it!” (Ya I’m sure they do) “but children are so fun! They’re like drunk little humans” (what about that sounds fun?). I fucking hate it. The thought of a human forming inside my body is revolting. I said that to someone recently and they still had the audacity to tell me that I can change my mind. FUCK. OFF. Normalize not wanting kids.

[@whitneyv.8211]

Sorry you're around morons like that. I had a colleague with grown kids that would laugh at her whe she cried. She was pushing the same shit on me but after the third time I went stone faced locked eyes "I would never try to tell you that your choice to have kids was wrong. That would be rude." And she apologized the next day!

[@baguettegott3409]

Sadly, that's probably not gonna stop for as long as you could technically have children, which is at least another decade.

[@kisakisakura6663]

People suck. I'm all for normalizing not wanting kids, but hear me out: shaming people for even asking "Why don't you have kids, yet?". It was a suggestion on another forum I've read years ago based on someone being fed up by being asked when they couldn't have kids. When people ask, making the situation so uncomfortable so they wont again and hopefully wont ask anyone else either. In their case they were being brutally honest: "After the X amount of misscarriages we stopped trying because it is too heart breaking. Thanks for bringing up our trauma, Isabelle." Or even things like: "That's so rude to ask. It's not about wanting, I can't have them and I don't want to raise someone elses." People don't consider these possibilities when they ask. So just reminding them, that those can be the reasons, really should put their audacity in perspective. "I don't want them." should be a all around be respected, but asking for respect and receiving it is sadly in the older generations something they are less likely to do, than adjusting their behavior when they are called out for causing outright harm. So: Do not harm me vs. Please respect me. It's sad that both of those are the bare minimum anyway and so often neither is met.

[@afterglow2935]

I’m a 38 year old woman, I’ve always known I didn’t want kids and I am SO GLAD I never had them. Love hearing other people talking about this, it’s been taboo for way too long. Having children is not the only choice. 🎉

[@ceruleanfox]

I’m glad more creators are starting to talk about this. Even just making it clear that NOT having children is an option, since, like being straight, it’s seen as the “default,” is so important. I recently underwent sterilization surgery and it was liberating. I’m happy that I can now truly live my own life on my own terms.

[@MsPaulisa]

I also don't want kids and I struggle with A LOT of pressure from work colleagues and family who keep telling me that I MUST have kids and I am wasting my life and I am a failure if I don't have any.. I don't even have actual friends anymore because of all the pressure I got from them too. I am dealing with severe anxiety and depression because of this and I even thought about ending my life... it is just too painful for me to have to deal with everyone who feels like guilt tripping me to have kids 😔

[@MonkeyBonesGeorge]

@@MsPaulisa I am so sorry that you're in that position. It's horrible.

[@no-xi4gx]

​@@MsPaulisaadopt some animals and care for them and then that can be your weird purpose to them lol, the world is messed up anyway and assuming you have the want or means you could make a shelter animals life a bit better

[@MsPaulisa]

@@no-xi4gx I have 4 adopted cats and I often get shit about that too... People make fun of me that I am a cat lady and I get told that it is a waste to take care of cats and I should give them away and have kids instead because that is better...

[@Lilafly]

@@MsPaulisa these people have clearly never known the honour of having earned a cat's love. cats are a chaotic blessing that we are unworthy of

[@Bradsinabox]

It always makes me smile when Dan posts

[@danielhowell]

damn you mustn't smile a lot my bad

[@Bradsinabox]

@@danielhowell I mean you’re not wrong 🫶🏻

[@pheeble29]

@@danielhowell help😭

[@audreydoyle5268]

​@@pheeble29 don't cry

[@alessandrahull5637]

It’s even worse being a 31-year old woman who knows I don’t want kids, but everyone is like “you’ll change your mind.” UMM, NO I WONT!

[@unionfire]

I feel you. I was 19 when I told my same age cousins I didn't want kids (Don't remember the full conversation) and they had the same response. I'm 28 now, it didn't change ughhh Imagine if we used that line for other stuff... ''Hey, you want to go get tacos?'' ''No, I don't feel like having tacos'' ''You'll change your mind'' How do people not see how weird it is to say this??

[@MegaRambit]

I've been saying I don't want kids since I was a teenager. I'm a mental disaster who can't hold down a job, and also I'm LITERALLY INFERTILE because my OVARIES DON'T WORK... And people still pressure me about having kids. Like... Y'all, look at me. Really look at me. Do you think /I/ should /CREATE LIFE/?!

[@aynilaa]

Yes! I'm experiencing the same at 27 and it's so annoying!

[@ChristieCora]

your body, your rules.

[@RumerPriestly]

Saaame, I'm 31 and have said I don't want kids since I was about 16, but always got "YoU'lL cHaNgE yOuR mInD" or "it's different when they're your own!" Yet here I am, more certain than ever that I won't have kids 😅

[@only1bladetitan]

I’ve had this conversation with myself a million and one times. I’ve landed on the result of: adopt so I personally am not making more kids when there are already kids who need homes existing, and raise hordes upon hordes of hippies.

[@jessica23claire]

yep that's what i tell people if they hit me with the "but what if you change your mind?!" argument

[@only1bladetitan]

@@jessica23claire oh me too, happened plenty of times. I’ve learned to just get up and walk away from them at that point if they pull that card. If they follow and try to continue, just ignore that they exist and move on with your day, if they’re not going to respect me, I don’t respect them.

[@ashleytompkins185]

Hello a mother here, don’t have kids if you don’t want to point blank period. One of my close friends keeps flipping if he will ever really want a kid and I tell him all the time if a kid doesn’t fit into your life don’t have one but don’t fully close yourself off to it. When you find a life partner it’s definitely a conversation to have with them so keep a little wedge in that door and wait till you either feel like you and your parters life can fit with a child or you guys can decide to just be the cool uncles to you’re friends kids. This goes to anyone who is thinking but isn’t sure, you are so valid in whatever choice you make don’t let others pressure what fits you and your life.

[@pigeondance]

so real, thank u for that

[@KawaiiKeks91]

Well at least the males have nearly their whole life time to produce babys...its easier for them to say well after ten years when I'm 45 its cool...

[@mediamom27]

I'm a mother as well and I second everything you've said.

[@Beaverthing]

I'd like to add that it's okay to not want children of your own, but still wanting to be something for a child. Be the cool, lesbian aunt! Or the neighbour who always have the time to see a fun bug they found. Or the one who teaches your friends' children how to draw or play the trumpet. It's not all or nothing.

[@bunny3436]

💕💕💕

[@celestemedrano1799]

My plan was always to be the cool aunt type. Basically just be there for everyone else's kids. Make my house a safe space. I can handle kids in small doses but I can't even begin to imagine living with or raising one. I dont want that responsibility.

[@brynnexsmile]

the cool aunt is the way to go fr

[@carinen8119]

We love cool aunts! So wonderful for the kids (and their parents) to have people like this. :)

[@graym00n]

this !!!

[@ghostchiryou]

Same but I want to be the cool uncle

[@D4NC3Rable]

I love this. Millennials rock so much for collectively picking up the expectation to just have kids without considering their own plans, dreams, want, needs and capacity and inspecting this expectation carefully before smashing it against the nearest wall and then making their own decisions based on a set of criteria that actually matters.

[@lydiaponce8817]

Once you have kids, you're forced to settle down. I don't want to settle down. I don't want kids.

[@majesticmajesta5463]

Exactly

[@sunflower8931]

Dan has raised millions of teenagers around the world, so it makes sense that his family planning is now completed and he wants to relax

[@isabelroldan00]

as a lesbian i ain't going through the extra physical and financial burden of IVF just to have a child that never asked to be born into such a terrible world. I'd much rather that, when I "settle down", my partner and I adopt. That child is already alive in this world, and it's our choice to help make the life they were forced to live, just a little better than growing up in the system.

[@hazelcoodo4814]

The world is the best it's ever been. Not perfect at all, but better than the past

[@jijitters]

@@hazelcoodo4814 I think it's unnuanced to say everything is better *or* worse. Some things are better, some things are worse, but the thing that has increased most is human awareness, and it makes sense why 'aware' people are more likely to make a child-free choice.

[@hazelcoodo4814]

@@jijitters Lol I would never choose to be born any other time in the past. I am very lucky to be where I am today

[@meumundosecreto7694]

​@@hazelcoodo4814 and yet is this the best age to live or could the future be even better? It's all very circumstantial, maybe if you were born in a place with really bad life quality you wouldn't still think that.

[@hazelcoodo4814]

@@meumundosecreto7694 Sure the future would be better but I am living well and my needs are met. And yes I was born in a place with bad life quality but was helped out of that situation :)

[@hannahwatermelon]

I have perfectly come to terms with the fact that I don’t want to have kids, and I think that people should stop pressuring other people to have kids if they don’t want to. Especially by saying “well maybe when your older” or “you never know! You’ll probably love them when you do finally decide to!” Or “its selfish to not have children” any of these phrases is very harmful.

[@Sebisajiminstan]

I personally think it’s more selfish to have kids. Why do people generally have them? They want to be a mom or a dad. They want someone to love them unconditionally. They want their genes or the family name or whatever to continue. They want a helping hand in their old days. It’s literally only about the parent’s wants. Nobody can know the child’s opinion on this matter because the child doesn’t exist yet.

[@averyreganward]

I befriended an older woman in my apartment building who never had kids and she doesn't regret a thing. Her and her husband moved to Puerto Rico and are living their best life now. Every day I am more convinced I don't really want kids, because I want my life to be mine.

[@radiant_rory]

i'm living the gay uncle life: not having kids of my own, helping shape my sister's kids, still plenty of time for selfishness! there are so many ways to contribute to the next gen without having kids of your own

[@icecream7695]

This video is oddly comforting, because I used to be in a position where I felt like I had to stay with someone who wanted three kids. I feared being alone, but now I've fully embraced being alone, happily queer, and kid free. Now anytime I hear a child screaming or being bratty I say "free birth control."

[@aylishsmith]

I've always known I didn't want kids. Everyone always says I'll change my mind. I'm 25 and haven't yet, and that's when they say the brain is done developing 🤷‍♀️

[@aynilaa]

I'm 27 and I haven't changed my mind yet either. The reasons he mentioned are so valid and I'd cause myself so much mental and physical harm having one.

[@alexv1190]

I just need to find a girl that doesn't want them either

[@JustanotherYoutuber771]

@@alexv1190Funny, they always tell me I’ll never find a guy who doesn’t want them. It’s nice to see men express the same worries.

[@aynilaa]

Your arguments are so valid! I'm a 27yo bisexual woman and people are also starting to ask me about kids. It's never 'if' I want them but 'when'. I don't want them for all the reasons you've mentioned (and some more) and I couldn't have them physically either without causing my body trauma. So for my mental and physical health, I won't and that's absolutely valid.

[@moupimukhopadhyay7318]

This 12-minute narrative arc was literally all my thoughts on this topic in the last decade in chronological order.

[@Jaguar470]

Looool this is the best comment ever 😂

[@tati2660]

I'm in awe of people who decide to have kids, I get scared even thinking about it, I can't take care of myself, how do everyone expect me to raise a whole new human?

[@TiaMat99]

Well, you could do what the rest of society does: divorce and have a timeshare baby! Or run off to buy milk and never return. Or abuse them mentally and physically! The world is your oyster.

[@brandoneber6485]

I guess if you want it badly enough some people make that leap of faith

[@tati2660]

@@brandoneber6485 it's admirable really

[@momiji7789]

I think it's not really a controversial opinion for people around Dan's age and younger. Everything is so expensive and depressing. Plus giving up certain job opportunities and nice hobbies just for mediocre kids is so not worth it lol. After I saw that tiktok lady with no teeth due to pregnancy, only a rich woman would be ready for that. Cuz not me.

[@Pandaiee]

Get a job like everybody else to take care of you and your kids 🤦‍♀️

[@aliceallgrown]

I told a friend who's a dad my age once and he said he didn't think I was that old and I said, "Ya, that's what not having kids will do for you." Facts.

[@heatherofhyrule9050]

Everyone talks about “what if you change your mind!!!” In regards to staying child free but nobody ever asks the question in reverse. If for whatever reason I’m 50 and regret not having kids adoption/surrogate are on the table, but if I’m 50 and want to live the childfree life I’m abandoning something I brought into the world

[@SkyeID]

I don't hear people say, "You want kids? Oh, it's just a phase, you'll change your mind in the future."

[@CatieMannino]

Why is it that I am a mom of 2 boys and have been happily married almost 7 years and this video made me go “well..Dan’s got a point” 😂😂😂

[@SoffyChannel]

That's because you're a cool mom!

[@darkdaughters19]

I am 32 and I just see myself continuing on with plants and a dog. I absolutely do not want kids. My genetics are horrible, and I dont want to pass this misery I'm currently experiencing on. Also, I can barely afford to take care of myself let alone a baby.

[@captainxemo3804]

I hold that children are the worst of humanity's inventions.

[@jessica23claire]

As an AFAB person with people constantly on my back about my decision to not have children, it’s so comforting to see you talk about why you don’t want them too! I’m happy to raise my cats and be the cool aunt.

[@umwha]

Were you merely assigned female at birth or are you female?

[@kris.l]

children require levels of patience i will never have ever

[@Tatycharmz]

at least u have the awarness, like so many are unaware and for some reaso those people want and have kids, my dad was one of them so i speak as a rresult of it

[@itsiz9738]

When one of my dad's coworkers was pregnant, all the parents in the office were like "yeah, parenthood is great! :) You'll love it! :)" My dad told her, "Having kids ruins your life. But! There is nothing more fulfilling," and she was horrified. When she came back from maternity leave, she told him, "You're the only one who told me the truth."

[@beaulieuc8910]

HAHA

[@morganmick4188]

now I have something to show at the next family gathering prior to being asked about populating the planet

[@JamaicanRain]

I am so fucking hopeless that my family stopped years ago asking me.

[@saraht3196]

maybe parenthood isn't for dan but i bet he'd be a great uncle! unconditional love without losing spontaneity :)

[@whitneyv.8211]

I would hate to be expected to be a loving aunt. Nope

[@juliapl5623]

I'm always baffled by this idea of children loving their parents unconditionally. Who says they'll do? Who says they'll wipe your butt and feed you when you're old? Maybe they're off being spontaneous and living their best life (as they should be tbh). Personally, I don't want kids because a) I barely have my own life in order and b) I don't like them (which, in my experience, is an INCREDIBLY frowned-upon thing to admit) 🤷‍♀️

[@salamanda11]

Totally. Kids don’t “owe” their parents anything. (Especially if their parents were shitty.) Kids don’t ask to be born. By having a kid, the parent promises to care for them with nothing guaranteed in return.

[@swaanm]

I don’t particularly like kids but a lot of the people who go around talking about how they hate children, like… take it too far, y’know? Like, they’ll go, “I’m wanna punt a stupid crotch goblin into the sun” and I’m like damn remind me to never leave a kid alone with you

[@antidotebrain69]

Not liking kids is valid. I don't feel anything about them either way but the ideal of raising or being in charge of one is phobia inducing.

[@aynilaa]

This "you owe us something" is so messed up. My parents weren't great, I don't have much contact with them anymore and I don't regret it. I'm feeling much better without them.

[@onceupona.ruby6754]

My dad was very much how you described how you believed you would be as a parent. He allowed me to have my freedom, make decisions for myself and learn from my mistakes. Always let me choose who I wanted to be and what I wanted to explore, if he didn’t agree he always kept it to himself and never tried to force or influence me to change. I’m glad the last few years of his life I got to know him as the person he was and actually a friend not just a parental figure. He never stopped supporting me as rough as some situations got. He was a single parent the last 8 years & always was so proud of my sister and I. I miss him so much and it makes me sad that if I choose to have children they won’t get to meet him and have him as a grandparent. He passed away suddenly last year and now I’m nearly 24 and still not sure if I want children or not, but there’s still time to figure things out. In the meantime I’m more than grateful to have my dog and cat by my side 🖤

[@MariqueAltariah]

I'm craving for representation of people like me who don't want kids so I'm really happy you took time to talk about this !

[@Frankenzebra]

On Facebook we have tons of childfree pages! Childfree by choice - UK is great and I'm childfree, especially THAT childfree if you're kid hating too 😂

[@acebernaise4087]

if studying psychology taught me anything it's never to have kids 👍🏻

[@theo.g.b_striesand-_-5505]

How? I'm intrigued 😂🤔😱 in a genuine way no hate

[@tivianengel7789]

So Many ways it can go wrong

[@alsmiled]

I'm currently watching my 4-year old nibling for three weeks. Last night she refused to sleep for nearly two hours before we both passed out from exhaustion. Then, when we woke up after she slept for 13 hours and I suffered as her tiny bony feet used my body as a trampoline, she promptly announced, completely unprompted, "and of course I peed the bed last night". I will never ever question why someone doesn't want kids. They are precious little hellion monsters that will destroy you, your sleep, and your sheets with absolutely no provocation.

[@sarasthoughts]

You are watching your what?

[@botticellibarbie]

@@sarasthoughtsgender-neutral term for niece or nephew

[@carinen8119]

100% relatable! XD

[@averytischer2144]

Dan, you sold a kid an axe, I don’t think you’re gonna be a parent anytime soon 😊

[@hayliecassidy711]

I FORGOT ABOUT THAT

[@StaceyDougal]

legit makes me feel better reading through this comment section and it not being flooded with comments from people trying to tell people that actually they do want kids they just don't know it yet or whatever. the amount of times that happens whenever this topic is addressed (both online and off) is so frustrating so it's nice to find a place where that is not happening ❤

[@StaceyDougal]

while i'm here i'd just like to vent a tad: i've never had any desire to have kids (biological or otherwise) and honestly it's exhausting having other people (especially literal strangers on the internet) try to convince me otherwise. it's not just for the reasons dan mentions in this video either cos there is the added pressure from being the one who would actually have to give birth and that is a huge no from me. even if i were to go down an alternative route, and not physically give birth myself, i still would not want it. to the point i've actually felt guilty for not only feeling that way but for feeling guilty when i read about people's struggles to conceive when they want kids and here i am presumably able to and not doing so, literally wishing i could just hand over (donate) my reproductive facilities to someone else who could use them but apparently science is not there yet (and also i'd be terrified of the surgery and whatnot even if it were lol). but anyway. i never normally comment on videos anymore but this one made me feel less alone and crazy.

[@JustinW332]

I'd say at this point people should stop having kids and start adopting them. There are too many great kids being traumatized by our messed up foster care system. They need love

[@annas4191]

this. i'm adopted and it has been extremely life changing! so blessed

[@Vuedanto]

The thing is, most people want their genes to roam the earth without having to put in much energy. (People that shouldn't be parents) Many want their genes to roam the earth with putting in much energy. (People that'd make great parents) Some don't want their genes or other's genes to roam the earth with their energy. Very few want other's genes roaming the earth by putting in their energy. (Great adoptive parents)

[@TiaMat99]

The only two reasons that ever crossed my mind were "I don't want kids, but what if I regret it later?" and "My parents really want to be grandparents..." I never wanted kids. I don't mind babysitting a few hours and there are a few kids I really like. But that's plenty for me. It's like having a really energetic husky or a very expensive car: I might enjoy it for a bit, but the negatives will soon outweigh the positives. It's just not my life.

[@notquiteasamazingjess]

I think the big thing on the first reason, at least for me, is that it’s much easier to regret not having a child than regretting having a child. Especially since said child can usually pick up on the resentment that usually comes with that regret.

[@storminmay]

In the U.S. we have Big Brothers Big Sisters, which is an acclaimed youth mentoring program. I have a "Little Sister" and she's been AMAZING to mentor and chat with and to see grow up into an awesome teen. 11/10 recommend for folks who don't want to have kids themselves but would still love that direct experience of getting to help impact a young child's life in a positive way. Plus, they're a queer-friendly program!

[@zellafae]

That sounds like an awesome program

[@ContemporaryMeepsie]

I think Barnardo's in the UK has a similar program.

[@charli3sam]

My biggest fear isn’t having children but passing down generational trauma to them

[@aynilaa]

That's such a valid point! I come from a messed up family and am still working on myself. I know that mentally and physically, it's best for me to not have them.

[@katty8470]

the way i see it, i'd rather be old and regret not having kids than regret having them while having to care for them, probably traumatising them in the process.

[@seraisntsmart]

as a 12 year old in 2015 i weirdly projected my lack of a father onto you so you’re basically my dad

[@mandreja9062]

I love how I've been watching Dan since I was 12 and now 8 years later turns out we have so much in common such as being gay, depressed, stressed about recycling and houseplants and not wanting kids haha

[@stylishneo]

the entirety of the sims series is why that is a relief for humanity dan

[@kelp9116]

Don't know why "you don't have to entertain a cactus" got to me so much 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@TheRedPandaCat]

Having children in The Sims is better than irl

[@lmyoung94]

Agree, far less messy 😂

[@ashleyy7108]

And Dil is an excellent son

[@dancerchronicles]

even then they can still be a nightmare to take care of as toddlers cause half the time the parents don't do what I tell them to do to care for the toddler 😂😂

[@monikahight5568]

Is it bad that I don’t even have the patience for that? I age them up as soon as I can. I just don’t have the patience to be a parent, man. 😂

[@petermjbags6254]

sims children are STRESSFUL

[@mylifeismylaptop8529]

I’m pretty sure I do wanna have kids one day but damn my feelings about settling down have never been put so eloquently by anyone else before

[@MotherEingana]

I'm 31 with no kids, and I'm getting my tubes removed in two days; also getting a cyst removed, but yay for my gyno listening and agreeing and happily saying okay when I asked if I could get a salpingectomy along with my ovarian cyst removal. I honestly have no idea what it's like to want kids. I never had the desire. As a kid I thought it was something everyone just did. The only thing I would do to play around with the idea was think of names. But when I graduated high school and really thought about what I want in life, I realized I didn't want kids. It feels so alien to imagine myself pregnant or as a mom. And feels overwhelming to imagine raising a person, and being able to provide. Heck, I can barely provide for myself. I applaud people who are able to do it, or figure it out. I definitely know people who wanted it and are happy to be a parent, or didn't expect it, but are happy anyway. But also know people who wish they did things differently. I think if you know, you know. Either way, what you decide for yourself, should be respected.

[@gidgetgirl93]

I've worked with young children for the past 6 years, and all I can say is that if I do have children, I'll be thrilled because I know what to expect and how to build a relationship with them. But if for some reason I am unable to have any, I will look forward to peaceful child-free adult life. As long as the life you want works for you and your SO, no one else's opinion matters. Life is too short to live through the expectations of others.

[@HeisenbergFam]

Dan definitely would make a great dad, considering he has +6 million kids

[@Noah-sr1co]

as much as I love the guy he abandoned us for 2 years, he's not father material he's gay uncle material

[@BlazeDupree1525]

​@@Noah-sr1coat least Dan comes back from time to time 😂

[@kathrynmft]

@@Noah-sr1cohe’s already a gay uncle to freja!

[@circo_]

"The people who don't want kids are probably the exact people who should be raising the next generation" hits deep and is also making me question my decision to be childless because that struck fear into me

[@zellafae]

Adopt then

[@thenopedetective]

This is a thing which always struct me. A chunk of us are those who've done the therapy, the research, and actually fully understand all the risks and benefits. Realistically I'd make a great mom, I just don't want to. I worry about the future where I'm still alive though

[@frostfang1]

It's okay. We can still be an influence to more children on a grander scale, and hopefully far grander a scale than that of the parents who are fucking them up.

[@paradox9369]

That's why we can get into careers where we still help the new generations, such as teaching, mentoring, social services, even law. With that perspective and time, we might be able to change the lives of hundreds for the better, not for just 1 or 2 children, if we were to procreate.

[@conversekitty3378]

I hear this all the time and honestly I think it's not fair. like almost gaslighting.

[@hannah2.012]

As someone who wants kids I have never thought once about then taking care of me in my old age. It's crazy that people do that.

[@michidaisydog1816]

you don’t need to be a dad you’ve been our dad this entire time

[@amyisbored27]

As someone with a child I would not recommend it to anyone who isn’t sure. He’s the worlds best and sweetest boy and I love him so much but by heck is it hard to create and sustain life. Use all that energy to be the cool uncle to all your friends kids

[@sv-wolfheart_tfg2186]

I unapologetically like the “selfish lifestyle”. I like being the main factor in my day to day life. Being tied to another thing that’s completely dependent on me is my worst nightmare. I think my CAT is a lot of effort. A child would be so much worse.

[@sv-wolfheart_tfg2186]

I have so many problems of my own I can’t take care of someone else’s problems

[@telepathicmagicshop]

My dog WEARS me out! Being in a long term relationship and having a pet are enough for me. I love my partner and my dog so much but I couldn’t love another thing that hard without losing me.

[@amandakucsera]

I think of it less of “independent” and more of “catcher” we are watching idle in the sidelines, ready to help any lost soul who falls off this carousel of life. It can feel lonely, for sure, and people will always think of you in a ~certain way, because of this.

[@superfreakmusic7681]

They say we're selfish but in reality theyre prob just jealous

[@topangaleija]

FR my puppy has consumed my everyday life for the past 4 months since I got him, imagine having something reliant on you for at least 18 years 😭

[@kittiescorner222]

I wanted kids when I was younger, but didn't meat my husband until I was 36. By that point I realized that I was used to my life the way it was and didn't want kids anymore. At any rate, there are way to many people on this earth already.

[@baileyharadastone3935]

This is exactly what I've been trying to explain to all my friends for years. Also the part about the general colorful chaos of children's toys clashing with my dark and minimal aesthetic hit home.

[@afterdaark0]

i heard a saying that was “if you’re having a child in place of anything negative in your life, don’t have one” and it stuck with me. of course it’s unrealistic to have the perfect life, but wanting children should be about not repeating the mistakes of your parents and trying to shape a life that promotes their individualism, with equal opportunity to live the same way everyone else should. with a world like ours at the moment, that is very rare - homophobia, trnasphobia, racism, the government? i want kids, purely because i think the idea of a family is really appealing, and i want to give them the best life possible on top of learning some things myself. not possible to raise a kid and have them not experience any of the worlds horrors atm, ESPECIALLY as someone who would be an LGBT parent this is just worrying, idk. i’m so torn, it’s not like i wouldn’t attempt to educate them the best i could to be a great person, but i feel if they have to relive the same trauma i did is it worth it? this is rambling but!

[@Illzy]

Theres a very easy question to is it worth it; arent you glad to be given a chance at life, despite it all? You dont sound like someone who thinks the misery wasnt worth it, otherwise you’d be having very dark thoughts instead of thinking of starting a family. We all choose to live. I was born into a poor single mother family but so what? Rarely anybody sits at home GENUINELY mad that they were given a chance at life. Even if it goes awry later; we all choose to be thankful and move on.

[@shineseeker7]

​@@IllzyI'm guessing your new here lmao

[@justtired2050]

Sending to all my Mormon extended family that wants me to have kids and maybe it will scare them into no longer asking about it

[@starfirebird3099]

I feel exactly the same way tbh, and I try not to judge people I know for having kids but there's always a part of the back of my mind going "really?"

[@medea4751]

lmaoo

[@FreyaStaer]

Dan you’ve always made me feel like i’m just slightly less insane and alone in this world