WHY I LEFT CAMBRIDGE UNIVERSITY

Hello everyone!
This is probably the most personal video I’ve ever made but I felt like it was necessary to share this. Please feel free to share this video with someone who needs to hear that their struggles are real.
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I hope you enjoyed this video!
Lots of Love,
Elena
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Music in this video
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P.S.: A documentary about mental health at Cambridge was released a few days ago and you can watch the entire documentary here: • FEELING BLUE? Mental H... My personal experience was different to many of the experiences described in the documentary, but the documentary gives a wider idea of issues in dealing with mental health at Cambridge.

[@ElenaHandtrack]

Thank you to everyone who was here for the premiere! Here's a little blog post I wrote about the situation if you'd like to know more: www.elenahandtrack.com/single-post/2019/06/02/Why-I-Left-Cambridge-University

[@PlanningNerd]

Take good care of yourself Elena! You are not alone, many people have your back, and you'll see the light at the end of the tunnel. Thanks for talking about such an important issue and being an example. xx

[@nedafiroz514]

Take good care of yourself sis, eat well and sleep well. Don't panic, Spirituality helps to deal with depression most often. God help you and be positive. Also I will thank you for sharing this with the world so that others can be get help too from your similar experiences. 👍🏻🌸😘

[@tejutejashwini6315]

How did you overcome?? I think I'm in the same situation from past 3 years... Just nothing going well and I'm having no interest on anything... And it's really getting day by day... People around me doesn't understand and they want me to cheer but I really don't know how?? It would be helpful if you can advise anything for me..

[@tejutejashwini6315]

Getting worse day by day*

[@jitendratiwari6886]

I think you didn't learn to ballance your emoticons yet but dont worry these suffering will make you a more refined person. Dont you know how gold shine it shine because it purifies by fire. Once I was also depressed but I overcome and I have a beautiful vision for future. This vision inspires me and it comes and groom in me during my depression. I read some beautiful spiritual book and practice alot of science exercises because it gave me a peace little bit but I took long time to understand them.I was completely unfocused as compared to my peers. If you need I may suggest some books to you I don't know if it works for you or not. But I would like to help anyone who is suffering like me. [e-mail] This is my id. Well I dont speak too much about my dream but this suffering will decide connection of your neurons which ultimately develop your personality, your interest, your direction of thinking. It happens with every one . I was also doing alot of meditation at that time. It helps me alot. If you are too much emotional and thought about more than three four things simultaneously , it happened with me too. I would suggest you to live alone but meet with friend on evening time. There are so many things.

[@londier4967]

well, the first video i saw from you was the one where you vlogged a day in cambridge, going up at 4am in the morning, studying the whole day, having time with friends and looking perfect all the time. I was wondering how to have such a nice life, beeing so motivated and always looking good. So i wasnt prepared for this video, have seen the vlog yesterday again and it kinda motivated me. Now i just realize that even the people making a good impression do have huge problems. I am so sad that you had to go through all of this. hope you feel better now, love love love

[@annaisharry]

@King Comic ツ Con bruh. ARE U EVEN SERIOUS!

[@marialaurariquelme8612]

Same

[@rebecaguimaraes9497]

tiniiily I had the same impression

[@perfect_es]

Me2

[@nesnessa1276]

same heree😭

[@nataliatapia7727]

Your feelings matter, it is admirable how you are brave to share this and talk openly about it. Thank you so much for sharing such a personal video with us. We are here to support you, much love!

[@onyinyeobudulu3662]

I hope you are okay ♥️ You will meet bigger and better opportunities

[@agnessjoblad3101]

Elena - you seem to be a truly incredible person and I wish you all the best in this process. Health and well-being always have to come first! We are all rooting for you to get better, but do not rush the process for anything. Take your time, read a book, drink some tea. xx

[@Healthygreatmindset]

I went through the same thing when I studied abroad for almost four years, depression, anxiety and crying were controlled my life, I was unhappy because of lots of difficulties at dormitory and mean students and so on, but one day, it was stage four and I was extremely exhausted with everything, while I was crying over quiz which I got 0.5 out if 10, my doctor told me look life is not all about studying and college, life includes much more things than you've ever thought about. She said there are lot's of levels in life which you are going through, collage exams don't worth a cry, you know at that time I didn't got it all. But now it has been a year I've graduated and I realized collage is something never worth to be concerned about, and it doesn't matter in which situation you are, it will pass just be patient and believe that god directs to get you out from difficulties, you ought to believe and trust in him, that's enough for you!!

[@NegativeAccelerate]

This made me cry sooo much. I was depressed when I was 14. I isolated myself from all my friends, I quit all 7 of my sports, i skipped school as often as I could, my grades dropped, I didn’t care about anything and had no interest in anything which is a feeling much worse than those words sound on paper. Whenever my parents tried to talk to me I’d scared at them because I didn’t want anyone to know it acknowledged that I was depressed. I thought there was something wrong with me that I couldn’t let others know about. Everyone stared at me as I went from the intelligent happy popular girl to a girl with low grades and no friends. I didn’t know how to hide it from everyone in my year group (140 people) I felt so horrible and never told anyone which was dumb

[@matheusminto]

When u got better?

[@NegativeAccelerate]

Noticeably better by 16, most of it was over by 18

[@couldntclaireless]

this is an incredible thing to put onto the internet - so wonderfully happy for you that you were able to make that right decision x

[@acourtesan]

I remember feeling this way when I first began the Sorbonne in Paris. I also did some self isolation. I did stick it out though, with the help of some friends and a counselor. I finally finished and I am glad that I did.

[@nimratkaur437]

We're always with with you, in our hearts and our prayers....stay strong and get well soon...

[@ytlurcwn]

I looked at your day in life video just before and knew how pretty and glad you were!!!! I never expect this type of thing will happen to you. I stand by you forever and wish you a pleasant journey ahead!!

[@raisadrawss4190]

Going through the same thing. Relate to you so much. I hope you’re okay x

[@no_name2136]

Believe me, nobody is judging you. You are not ungrateful, or whatever you might think. I think that if you’re not happy there, you don’t have to spend a single second in there if it’s making you that miserable. 🌸 Don’t worry about what everyone else thinks, they don’t know what you’re going through, so they don’t really need to understand. Do whatever feels right for you, and you will always be happy ☺️☺️

[@peytonhuang2919]

I actually took a leave of absence for one semester during my uni days as I was not feeling well but didn’t know what was the reason. I would only to realise later on it was stress induced. The break really helped me a lot to just forget about everything and reset myself. In the end what’s one semester (6 months) in the grand span of your lifetime. Sometimes we just need a break to step away and reset.

[@jali140]

Well thank your for this video I twice have failed to get into UWC from NC AFGHANISTAN. And since my last try I have been soo demotivated from life. I feel soo in touch with your story. I will sure try to seek help. And talk about my condition with my friends.

[@dikshantkamble72]

Elena never gives up!!

[@belu2438]

Its normal and its fine. You dont have to do what the world tells you to do. You have to do what makes you happy, what makes you feel alive.

[@PeoniesRoses]

Be proud of yourself for leaving as it didn't feel right! You are not ungrateful or anything!!! There is a different kind of unhappy that not everyone understands and not a little distractration can get rid of that you just explained perfectly! Be proud of yourself for mending your soul when it needed it. It took me almost three years to do it, and I always wish I had done it much sooner. ❤

[@kajawawrzyniak1589]

You are going to be ok. Really. You are very strong and brave.💗💗

[@yiyiyangyangxixi]

YOU DON'T ENJOY YOUR LIFE ): I KNOW THE LEARNING IS VERY IMPORTANT BUT ... ENJOY YOUR LIFE IS MORE MORE MORE AND MORE IMPORTANT !!! YOU CAN MANAGE YOUR TIME TO DO EVERYTHING I THINK YOU SHOULD SPEND SOME DAY OR A FEW OF TIME TO WALK AROUND WHERE YOU LIVING,TRAVEL,GO SIGHTSEEING,PICNIC,CAMPING,CAFÉ,PARENTS,... VALUE OF LIFE IS LOVE-HAPPY GOOD LUCK

[@LilacStar34]

I relate so much, I’m at Cambridge and I tried to drop out last year. I’m sticking at it, unhappily, currently 7 days from finishing my second year exams. I’ve been depressed my whole time here, no friends (certainly none who would EVER check in on me. Thats the scary part. I could die in my room and nobody would notice or care about where I was) overwhelmed with work, it’s so so hard. Thanks for sharing.

[@JeonJungkook-zn8kk]

I hope you're doing better now 😥

[@disneyjin]

Elena thanks for sharing ur feelings with us. I hope u will get better. We have time which only can help us. I also had a hard time at uni but i didn’t realize how i feel exactly at that time. So i’m positive for u to realize ur feelings honestly and cope with it wisely. 🌸

[@ArrayRay_physio]

This happened to me in the first year of my undergraduate degree. So I decided to transfer to another university. It was the best decision for my mental health and overall happiness.

[@kellyy-studies-law5687]

Can I just say, I'm so jealous of you having the support. I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder so these feelings are constant for me and probs will be until I die. I'm asian so my parents dont understand the concept of mental health and theyre only judgmental about it - they dont provide any support at all. I really wanted to take some time off but I couldnt and ended up failing a bunch of subjects because my depression had gotten so bad that I literally almost killed myself last year 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃 thanks for coming to my ted talk lol

[@nicole_holding]

So glad you have taken intermission and giving yourself time to heal. So many people suffer depression and it is nothing to be ashamed about. It is like any other illness or injury and people need time to get over it just like a broken leg. Take the time you need and don't push yourself back into studies until you feel ready - you will know when that time is. In the mean time enjoy your family and friends and enjoy life. Most people in their life suffer some form of depression and we all need coping strategies to manage life itself. We have so many things pushing and pulling us in all directions that we often need to stop a while and reflect. You will get through this and I am glad Cambridge has been a positive support base for you. Everything will be fine. We all go through ups and downs in our life.

[@luisramrod9121]

I went through depression while at uni. It's an awful experience. This was 2 years ago. I am glad I am better and can continue with my studies. Having people that understand you and are patient always helps.

[@alizashahzad5612]

this video was honestly so amazing but i just wanted to point out the 'what would blair waldorf do?' poster. it just made me smile for some reason

[@rosette6437]

Hey Elena, It's so good that you realized you had to take a step back to figure things out❤I started watching your videos when I found out I was going to UWC this year, and I fell in love with them ever since. I know it's not my place to assume things, but you may want to consider your major choice as what's keeping you unhappy? You seem to have a very creative side that shines through your videos, and you never lost the motivation to keep going with them even during your troubled times. Maybe reanalyzing what you want to do in life should help. Many college students realize 1 or 2 years in they don't like the major they're studying. Even though youtube is just a hobby, maybe studying law is what's bring you down? Please consider it, I'm a big fan❤

[@sofiaribeiro5842]

Espero que dê tudo certo, muita felicidade em sua vida ❤️, o que, no final, é a única coisa que importa.

[@julietcrowson3503]

College buildings are beautiful but material things don't have spirit. Keep your spirit and don't be side tracked by £££ that distorts thinking away from good acts... 🕊️

[@cometoloserville]

Just take care of yourself

[@craigmalcom6294]

What problem did she have then ?

[@barbarabiancucci8315]

i feel the same and i’ve been struggling a lot with depression lately (and this is starting to affect my relationships with family and friends) and unfortunately it’s getting worse and worse but how can i ask for help when people don’t think i have a real problem? they alway underestimate the problem or they address it but never try to fix it

[@catarinacarvalho2181]

have you switched universities? sending lots of love from Portugal!

[@CharlieVane21]

Watch the video

[@flashnani]

God Bless , Stay strong . nothing is worth unhappiness

[@carolinesafara4011]

I'm also a law student and struggle since my first term with this issue. I skip classes because i'm afraid of meeting people, but i also don't wanna be alone. I get panic attacks for no reason and can't sleep because of my negative thoughts. I'm lying to my family, but i'm struggling, i'm burned out and under so much pressure! But i'm ashamed of taking a break because i don't want my mates to be ahead of me at university.

[@JV-eh3lh]

Stop comparing yourself to others and just think about your mental health

[@mediokritet]

I have been in a similar situation. If you can, please seek professional help, ie a psychologist. It is probably miserable now but with some help it can be overcome. You can and you deserve to have a good life ❤

[@schwester6523]

Detto. I have been struggelling with depression and OCD for a while, and its freaking hard to keep up with my studies, and have a good mean to stay financed by the government. Not to mention social aniexity.

[@rinaari4928]

😐 do you hear yourself? Your struggling in law school but skip classes 🤨 how does that sound. Your afraid of meeting people? You’ve meet people all your life. You don’t have to talk to those people. You just making excuses to feel sorry for yourself, when every m problem you mention is fixable. Literally.

[@avataraang7760]

@@rinaari4928 i don't think that's necessary. we all have different upbringings, and you cannot know for sure what the other person is feeling.

[@bellabb13]

This video is SO IMPORTANT. The first video I watched, before this one, was “a day in the life of a Cambridge student” and it all seemed so distant and not relatable at all for me. Now this... this I can relate. I’ve been there. I’m still there sometimes. I also had to take a break from uni, struggles with depression and anxiety, and all of the things shown here. This is a real problem that deserves way more recognition.

[@lindab8765]

I feel very sorry for her. I also watched the exact same video right before this one. I'm kinda confused tho. Wasn't that vlog posted about half a year after this one? Didn’t she leave in the end? I do not intend to be disrespectful or anything. I'm just a little confused.

[@Avontario]

@@lindab8765 Same, i don’t understand? 😔

[@Koalaeats]

SAME!!!!

[@bee-72]

The one time I'm really hoping this is clickbait

[@sarahsedmot1682]

this has 1000+ likes and no replies sooo.... hi :) have nice day!

[@videotutorial4450]

Now its has 2 replies

[@Chadbadsad]

Sick of the click bait

[@lillyt889]

"She was unstoppable, not because she did not have failures or doubt, but because she continued on beside them."

[@concurseiraeximia9611]

What book is this sentence from?

[@lillyt889]

I don’t know.... but I know it’s from the author Beau Taplin.

[@sanamograbi6835]

Thank you I needed to see this

[@elinemadeleine]

The best university is the one where you feel at home and cheerful and excited about your study program, but also about your life outside it! ✨❤️✨

[@ManIsh-kg8oi]

Very nice

[@lucrezia7241]

We are so proud of you for prioritising your mental health and I’m truly wishing you all my love and support 💜💜 you will come back from this so much stronger xx

[@yuxuanliu696]

Similar feeling, academic atmosphere in Cambridge is too competitive. Everytime I go home diring holiday. I feel like I am a different person much more confident.

[@yuxuanliu696]

davy boy Exactly the same, no matter how hard I work, my exam grade is always miles away from a first. Other smart guys can achieve it fairly easy.

[@sarahszss]

I left 11 years ago. And although looking back I remember the best 3rd year ever (the year I finally settled down and enjoyed the place), I can sort of remember how bad the 1st and 2nd year were. I was lucky I had amazing friends, and I am so happy I survived it and I can say I am a Cambridge graduate.

[@sarahszss]

@davy boy I did medical sciences. Went off to London for clinical school. Studied much less but did much better 😂😂 I tell people that its alright if you don't get into Cambridge. It might be a blessing in disguise

[@johancortes4442]

I think isn't about competitive, It's about your personal insecurities

[@agoocat6970]

I studied 4 years in Cambridge and had experienced the biggest rollercoaster of emotion there.When I was in Cambridge I feel stressed and lonely the moment when I got back to that city. You have to look at the bright side in there all the time. Also there are good consultancies there, they are of great help. Depression is very very common in Cambridge. Please come back and carry on once you feel better. Best luck for you.

[@inccincc2007]

sam

[@Lennroe]

I must say I was always jealous of the students of Ivy League universities or Cambridge, Oxford, as I am gifted but also late diagnosed with ADHD and not from the right family or the right country and never really had much support for studying. I struggled a lot and switched universities and anytime I was reading a blog or watching a video from one of those perfect schools I just thought, it wasn't fair and they were all so lucky. But then I found numerous videos from these schools of people talking about mental health problems and the preassure to be perfect all the time and I realised that nobody really has a perfect life, there is always something. I was happy to see that you actually went back.

[@UPAKHOSALA]

Lots of Geniuses were AdHd, they had learning problems but they chased their dreams so believe in urself,ur infinite abilities,

[@valevalerie1482]

I understand you 100%. I decided to move and go far from home because I wanted to study at a good university. But since I moved it was all horrible, I didn't like the classes, I couldn't make friends, all I wanted to do was staying in bed all day. I hadn't the excitement of starting a new life, in a new city, with new people. So I decided to left University and came back home. Since then I'm happy, and I remember those days at university as something horrible. From this experience I have learnt that there is a resolution to everything. I'll start, again, University this October, near home, in an environment that suits me more.

[@asmaeessalmi7145]

I felt that

[@UPAKHOSALA]

Why not try US university

[@tamannatazz5800]

Mental health is so important for us, we often choose career over health. Sometimes we forget that we live our life both physically and mentally

[@juliesenpai6818]

I’m in a similar situation but don’t know if I’m capable of going back to uni since I went from taking one term at a far away uni to community college and I’m not sure if other unis will see me as a failure when I decide to apply after a year

[@FufuFang]

Well, I think you did the right thing to be open about it, and you will be returning to Cambridge. I was a Pembroke NatSci between 2009-2011. I ended up failing my second year. If you fail your exam, they don't let you retake. I come from a Chinese family, we are far less open about our feelings. So my problem was never addressed, and I ended up dropping out. Anyway, if you ever experienced mental health issue again in Cambridge, try and get it sorted before the exams, my understand was that if you take the exams, the results will count, and you are not allowed to retake. At least that was the case 10 years ago. I ended up switching to do Computer Science in University of York. Now I am doing a PhD in University of East Anglia. But this depression thing has never fully gone away. I have to say not getting a degree from Cambridge was one of the more traumatising thing in my life. I was forced to leave, because I failed my exams. I hope that does not happen to you. I think if you really dislike Cambridge, choosing to leave yourself is better than being forced out. Oh by the way, you are still entitled to CamCard (the alumni card) even if you end up dropping out. :) I don't know if it is a good thing or a bad thing. I think of it as a good thing. I made some good friends when I was in Pembroke. My name ended up in my Cambridge best friend's PhD thesis, because I helped him out. I know my words probably won't make you feel any happier, all I want to say is that in the worst case, even if you don't end up getting a degree from Cambridge, you definitely would have learnt something. At least I did. I used my knowledge to help out the friend I met in Pembroke for his PhD. I used to visit him twice a year, until he moved to America. Anyway, good luck, feel free to contact me at [e-mail], if you feel like you need someone to talk to. Yes, ff266 was my CRsID. I feel happy for you, in the sense that you are intermitting. You still have a chance to get a degree from Cambridge. I didn't address my own mental health issue, I ended up dropping out. Well done for being brave enough to talk to people about it and get help. :-) And always remember, your friends are always there for you. The ones who look down at you are not your friends.

[@ellahenry3816]

@davy boy Hey, bit late but I'm currently in second year doing NatSci. Honestly it is not that different now in terms of expectation and workload, still the degree with the most contact hours (at least in first year with 6 9am's a week) and seemingly the most stressed students. I read your post earlier about chemistry practicals - can relate so much! Last year they were the worst 5 hours of my week, stress levels extremely high throughout every single one since they were all assessed and came out feeling mentally drained every time. Struggled a lot in first year between whether I should study 24/7 just to stay afloat or do I get involved in all the amazing activities on offer and fun things to do in cambridge - and not sleep. Weird times now that we have all been sent home and having remote teaching instead because of the virus. They're even proposing giving us online exams at the moment, though not sure if that will take place for all years or only third years.

[@MGstaR17]

They should treat international students in an equal way.

[@davidc4408]

University of york is still excellent for computer science

[@lm5542]

You're so kind. You're not alone in what you've faced, may God bless💛

[@faeriehearthwitch6185]

Elena, please know that your are a brave and courageous young woman who is taking the right step; for now your major is taking care of yourself! School will always be there, various life paths and opportunities will be at your fingertips, choices will always be offered when you think doors have been shut. But far more important is health, a truly happy smile and laugh, and your fans have your back too! Have a beautiful summer and get well! Post when you want, not because you feel you have to. Hugs to you! Embrace the journey of healing. 🌹

[@Carolina-rd3gh]

I'm really proud of your decision. You have proven to be an intelligent and good human being. Several universities and people have noticed this. Taking this time out will only do you good. The opportunities and the future you worked for will be waiting for you when you are ready. Much love from your subscribers!

[@l.l.l364]

Im in a shitty college and still go through this 😂

[@matheusminto]

Hahah

[@melo3427]

Samw

[@Amy-tc4jc]

I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I had that unhappiness in my uni but I realised it wasn’t the course or the uni, it was me adapting to ‘not being top’ at uni and being scared of failing. Once I embraced failing and just trying things it slowly but surely helped me. But it’s really amazing you realised how and why you were feeling that way. As we get older it’s hard to take control of our own health and you made the right choice for you. This is a great video for others.

[@ninalily3217]

I keep checking back in here, this has been on my mind ever since I saw it a few days ago. I really hope you're doing alright! I have to admit I was very shocked to see the title, but as long as you're alright and happy with your decisions, that's what matters!

[@ccbp8990]

the first and hardest step: Acceptance. youre in my prayers.

[@faeriehearthwitch6185]

Oh my goodness. Elena is not really the type to do clickbait so this has me very worried. I hope you are okay and this was a positive decision for you. You are so intelligent and talented, you will succeed in whatever you pursue, but now I have butterflies in my stomach.

[@theopolinashikongo8791]

Honestly I think you are quite strong because if I was in your position I would have never been able to keep myself together that long. #All our feelings matter

[@martavoltarel8004]

Hi sweetie ! I went through something similar during the years of my bachelor's degree in interpreting and translation... I used to stay at the university like 9 hours a day. Lessons were so heavy and exams too hard to be passed easily..there were classmates so competitive and selfish, all seemed to be a TV show with a final prize. Go for your way, study, think about your future, you won't be a student forever ! Life is not all about exams, mean classmates and pressure.

[@Healthygreatmindset]

I went through the same thing when I studied abroad for almost four years, depression, anxiety and crying were controlled my life, I was unhappy because of lots of difficulties at dormitory and mean students and so on, but one day, it was stage four and I was extremely exhausted with everything, while I was crying over quiz which I got 0.5 out if 10, my doctor told me look life is not all about studying and college, life includes much more things than you've ever thought about. She said there are lot's of levels in life which you are going through, collage exams don't worth a cry, you know at that time I didn't got it all. But now it has been a year I've graduated and I realized collage is something never worth to be concerned about, and it doesn't matter in which situation you are, it will pass just be patient and believe that god directs to get you out from difficulties, you ought to believe and trust in him, that's enough for you!!

[@inccincc2007]

sam

[@ludyakesturi521]

these "mean classmates" turns out to be an internationally shared problem 😂

[@vmcnamara2391]

Elena. Brave, inspirational and brutally honest. You words will help so many other students who are struggling and those who will now appreciate that they can help their friends. Most of all, I hope you get all the help and love you need to be able to return to your studies and fulfil your dream to become an outstanding human rights lawyer. I wish you all the best and hope that you can move away from the dark times and into the sunnier side of life. Vivien x

[@cdada344]

Hi Elena Just wanted to tell you about my similar experience. I was in my second year of Law studies at university when I experienced severe depression and a deep dive into my illness. My depression is biological (side-effects of Malaria medication when I went on Holiday to Mozambique). I ended up changing my course completely and now I am a qualified teacher in English studies. I am completing my Law studies part-time. At that time, it was the best decision I could have made. Yes I regret having to study part-time now but for my health it was the best decision I could have made.

[@sz8138]

This is so relatable, I am on a break for my degree too, I got accepted by a very good university but I was not happy. I could not go to uni, I could not do anything, I missed so many lectures, tutorials... I want myself to get better but I just can’t.... as a perfectionist, this is such a pain😢 I feel you completely, you are not alone.

[@cam8257]

I am really confused is this a click bait title, or has she actually left?

[@lenkasustackova4560]

She left for a bit but she's back

[@llleiea]

I hoffe es geht dir gut! Und hast einfach nur einen besseren weg im Leben für dich gefunden!

[@zov3532]

At one time, I left the university after studying there for 2.5 years and realized that it was not mine, although no one could understand me, but it was my choice. I entered another university and spent excellent student years there, while I paid very little attention to my studies directly. I devoted everything to student life. One of the important points was participation in student meetings and conferences. So while studying at Moscow University, I visited India three times, Turkey three times, as well as Spain and Sweden. Moreover, we traveled all over the European part of Russia, just participating in various kinds of meetings. I didn't get good grades, but I enjoyed the opportunities that my university gave me, I also went to the pool every day and did swimming with the coach, it was part of our program and played tennis, at the same time my best friend who studied with me refused all this for the sake of good grades. As a result, after graduating from University, we got the same job and I really miss student life. I understand that work will never give me what I had when I was at university. Then I was free, I had everything. I remember my five years as an interesting and wonderful time. And now I have a vacation only twice a year for two weeks and 9 more days of winter holidays when I can go somewhere to relax. The rest of the time I just work, but looking at my friend, who has a diploma with honors, I'm glad that I didn't chase it, that I didn't sit for hours and crammed history and political science textbooks to get an excellent grade. I was mediocre among other students at the university, but my life was filled with pleasant emotions and I would really like to live this life again.

[@shindoxxx]

This sounds like a good plan, but might not work if you are an engineering or CS student. I wonder if you can pass the classes without studying, probably you'd have to retake the classes several time until you finally accept the reality and study.

[@polom5963]

💖as someone who has battled with depression in the past and still with anxiety (though a lot better than it was) I really feel for you. Very brave video and one that will help many people. Hope you receive all the help you need. 💝

[@SmileyEssie]

oh my gosh elena my heart broke when i saw the intro 😭❤️ sending you so much love bb thank u for being so strong and also for sharing your story this is such an important topic

[@ujjwalasingh7689]

Elena just know that everything that happens, happens for a reason. It's all part of a plan and you will soon look back at this video and know that what happened, happened for a reason. Stay strong! I wish you all the best. Everything will be just fine.

[@dsgarden]

I F**KING LOVE YOU GIRL

[@prithakshrestha]

Please elaborate. Why and how?

[@kawaiicraftsworld]

ure so strong, thank u for ur strength, despite hardships, u still manage to inspire others, thank u

[@emmafacio2397]

I watched your vlog about your day as a Law student in Cambridge, where you looked very self-motivated and now watching at this. Wow...! Such a contrast. This reminds me of myself. I started my studies in the best Law School of one of the most prestigious universities in Latin America (UNAM) with same vibe: enthusiastic, self-motivated. And now, 10 years after entering Law school and 6 of being graduated, I'm an unhappy lawyer who is working very hard to get retired of law environment as I realized through the timeframe between being a law student and work as a licensed lawyer, that I've chosen the wrong career, hence this is not my passion. I understand and support your struggle, and I'm glad you realized what are your priorities and listen to your heart to do what is the best for you, before it was too late, as in my case...

[@azbtart]

elena, so much respect for making this video. I've had to undergo a fairly similar journey this year, and I have to say there is some comfort in knowing I'm not the only one.

[@MarMel19]

You know, I feel you. I haven’t been in one of the best universities in the world but I have been in the place where I feel sad with everything I have, even tho, I have everything I need and even more. If you don’t feel happy with where you are then listen to yourself and be honest with yourself, if you don’t feel happy then say “fuck if”, maybe life has something better for you, but what would you prefer!? To give up your happiness or to actually be happy and let go of the things don’t make you feel that way!? You know, one time time I read in a book, “there is the me that is miserable and afraid, and there is the me that is curious and excited. That second me is not a masochist, she’s wise. She remembers that even though I can’t know what will come next in my life, I always know what comes next in the process. I know that when the pain and the waiting are here, the raising it’s on it’s way.”. I feel you are right now in the “me that is miserable and afraid” but you have to let go of it, the second you is curious and excited to know what comes next. Let go of everything, it will probably will hurt at first and you’ll have to be patient to wait and see what’s there for you, but the waiting and pain won’t matter because then it means you are doing the right thing, rise AGAIN!!! Better things will come in your life!!! 😉-> BE HAPPY, NOT MISERABLE!!! 😌❤️

[@PlanningNerd]

Not sure what happened but I hope you are ok! And when one door closes in life, another opens, it's always fine in the end.

[@nourhanalex1824]

I really hope you get better soon and i know that you can get better soon and it is totally okay to feel unhappy when every thing is right❤

[@glorianaem]

Same. I was in a good law school but I got social phobia and I just hated school. So I stopped going for about a year. That year really put things in perspective and I was able to get back and graduate. Now I'm going to do the bar exam soon. Sometimes we need a break😊.

[@bailumusic595]

It's unbelievable how strong you are to tell this story of yours, to show yourself vulnerable and thus help others to not fall as deep as you fell. Thank you for your bravery!

[@张琼丹-e1r]

Elena, always remember, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger 🤗🤗🙂

[@TigerPrawn_]

My dad got depression at university and had to drop out. So it happens to a lot of people

[@user-zf7zm5dl8z]

You're not ungrateful ! You shouldn't feel guilty or ashamed about your decision ! You did what was right for you and as someone whose also been in that position I understand you. Take time off and find yourself ! Your mental health is most important ! Take care xx

[@carlotaa4457]

for me, university is something that anyone would be excited and grateful of. that this thing happens to you is very, very, sad. I really hope that when you go back you feel better and optimistic, I know you will, because cambridge is a magical place, and do not blame yourself on feeling like this. you have all of my kindness and support!

[@baptistepiguet]

Hard... If you were so unhappy there you made the good choice, I wish you a great future.

[@alimag515]

"because you deserve it" made me tear up

[@IsnieB]

I have a cousin who is now studying law and she once talked to me about this feeling of burn-out. I was expected to pursue law too but instead, studied Masters in Philosophy of Islamic Politics at Indonesia. I sometimes feel burn-out too especially being alone and far from my country (Philippines) but I keep on struggling with the jobs and studies cause there is a reason I chose to study far and not commit to what my family expected me to. Maybe we just need time to pause and reflect. Im new to your channel and I immediately fell in love with your productivity which I need at this moment (inspiration). Whatever your decision is, we support you. Stay strong.

[@clarissaramalho_]

Omg elena!! I hope you are ok!! I'm brazilian and also a law student... I love your vlogs!! ♡

[@marygolli8555]

Worse than someone notice is, that nobody cares about you.....

[@emanharis4575]

I switched from an international board, Cambridge, to a local board after olevels so I could get into a medical college much easily but after switching I was DEPRESSED. Local board was terrible, forcing students to memorise crap. At first I thought that I would get used to it but it only got worse with time. I failed almost every exam that year. But due to corona the finals got cancelled. So this year I will try my best but I don't think I'm gonna make into medicine which is TOTALLY fine. Dentristy or any bio field will work. (Just typing my feelings out)

[@eri_na28]

I’ve watched one or two videos from your channel and this popped out on my recommended vids. I only have to say, you are incredibly amazing, strong and brave. I was diagnosed with depression when I was in high school, but everything got better, because my mom and therapist helped me. Last year, my 3rd year at university felt horrible, I felt horrible, tired and completely not happy at all...so I decided to take less classes and take it more easy. In my case, my unhappiness was stress, one thing I had to confront was the fact that I needed to part ways with the only friend I have at Uni, but it was my health first, even if I have to take the rest of my career alone. You are so strong, hope you’re doing well. I know you can do it ♥️ P.D: Sorry if I spelled something incorrectly or my grammar, english it’s my second language 😅

[@ElenaHandtrack]

Thank you so much and I'm so sorry to hear that you went through this! Wishing you all the best :)

[@ritaora3426]

Why law students are so good looking!!!❤❤❤ I love your discipline your mind set and how you choosed to solve your problems instead of ignoring them, you girl are freaking awesome 🌟🥰❤❤

[@katewareing4386]

Really happy you're getting the support you need and deserve. I empathise with you completely. I'm in a very similar position, 1st year MMLer at Cambridge who intermitted this year also due to depression. I really feel you. It's going to get better. I hope it all works out for you. x

[@weebstersnation2968]

Woah, for this girl's channel I went from "A Day In The Life Of A Cambridge University Law Student" to "The Truth" video. Anyway, you're wonderful. I envy that you had the opportunity to study in Cambridge University but it's your choice to stay or not. Hope you're happy in what ever path you took :D

[@camilatorres8322]

Hope you get better! You’re such an amazing girl and deserve everything💘 Thank you for inspiring me to be a better student 💫

[@kieronspoors1608]

Elena, it has been a pleasure to get to know you from not realizing it was you sitting next to me in Michaelmas term to then discovering we were both law youtubers. You are kind and your videos are amazing. I hope you have a happy and prosperous life whatever you do and know that we are all behind you every step of the way xxx

[@kakaphd3563]

I was in a similar situation, moved, got accepted to a famous uni for hs and was in a crisis for the last year. The only difference is that I had no friends and I kept having bad grades even though I am in the highest section and also I had got into many dramas and bullying due to competetiveness. Plus, I had to deal with the judgefulness at home. It was the worst thing. I learned through that experience is to not give a fck at all even though i am still suffering from the developed mental illness (i had this before, though I managed to heal it and it came back once again due to that one year.) And how to manipulate my reality and manipulate other people too sadly. I am proud that we both are getting slowly back in track, as i as well left but not in that way. I completed and got into another school that I hope is good. Lets all love and give ourselves a break. Thank you for sharing your experiences, it will forever inspire us.

[@hanna473]

No se si leas esto, pero se exactamente como te sientes, yo también estoy en la que se considera de las mejores universidades del país. Tengo problemas emocionales que me han pasado durante todo este tiempo, siento que me asfixio, siento impotencia y muchas veces sentía que yo era el problema.Ahora entiendo que el sistema es el problema, he tenido pensamientos oscuros, me he sentido inútil muchas veces, siento que no tengo tiempo para perderme en mi misma, pero aveces es bueno hacerlo, olvidar todo, alimentar nuestro cuerpo y alma, y lo mas importante amarnos. Recuerdo que hize un árbol con raíces(fortalezas), tronco(yo), frutos(éxitos) en ese tiempo sentía que no los tenía, pero los logros no tienen que grandes cosas, incluso lo es el hecho de haber nacido. Bueno se que este video es de hace un año, pero espero que seas muy feliz y saludable 🌺🌟💖

[@raphaelchinwuko4243]

Thank you so much for sharing this! I hope you get better. ❤️❤️ Stay strong😊

[@rosebud6649]

I'm not going to lie, watching this video made me a bit stressed because I have a place at Cambridge if I reach my A-Level grades. People have mentioned to me that it is an extremely high pressure environment and that I won't be happy there, so I'm wondering if perhaps it isn't the right place for me. Do you have any advice on the kind of mindset to go in with, or any tips on how to handle the first term, whilst protecting your mental health? :) x

[@alexisnjeri5066]

If you feel like Cambridge is the uni for you then go for it

[@ElenaHandtrack]

Hi! Congrats on getting a place! I’d recommend consciously checking in with yourself every few days and asking yourself how you’re doing! If you’re not feeling great for weeks, talk to your tutor about it to address it before it gets serious!

[@tiannah7049]

I admire your courage...thank you for sharing this❤

[@ksenichkakolosova8024]

Oh, it can happen with everyone. It’s just new step to understand what do you exactly want. Yeah, it’s disappointment. Cambridge is very cool university. But it doesn’t mean that it’s the best for everyone. It’s hard life period but you’re strong and smart girl. You will survive everything and you will find something better! I believe I’m very sorry for my English, I know that it isn’t very good With love from Russia!

[@haleyhowarter141]

I relate to this so much. I go to university out of state and it’s not too far away from my home (about 4 hours away) and I was initially excited to go. But after a series of bad events and horrible luck with roommates for a year and a half, I fell into a pretty deep depression since I didn’t have any real friends there. I fought it for a year and a half while getting grades I never thought I’d be able to get. But over the holiday break, I decided to stay home and just take care of myself and make sure I’m happy and healthy before I venture out again. Mental health is so important as a student and it’s something that always needs to be addressed when things don’t feel quite right. I’m glad your taking time to help yourself and making decisions that are the best for you. Stay strong! ^-^

[@julietcrowson3503]

You sensed something IS wrong with law in the UK...££££ over people

[@shreyasingh3488]

Stay strong sweetheart we all are with you 😘😘

[@susi5610]

„We all grow at different rates“. And that is beautiful. Take your time for yourself. Mental health is the most important. 💕

[@celeanadavies3703]

I was in my 2nd year of college and I ended up dropping out as I never got any help with my struggles of keeping up with my work load and for my dyslexia. One of my courses was media studies. I had two teachers, one was really good and the other one was terrible and showed up late constantly. She wasn't very good at explaining the work and made a lot of people change their topics late on. My other course was English Language which I used to love but the 2nd year was triple the work and I was drowning in information that I knew I wouldn't be able to remember it all. I tried in my 1st year to get help for my dyslexia as there should be support put in place for people with learning difficulties. I also broke down in student services about how much I was struggling with psychology and that I want to drop the subject so I could concentrate on my other courses. They kept on saying that I can't do that as I need three A levels which I did as Welsh Baccalaureate counted as one. But they kept on trying to say that it was impossible and unless I wanted to pay which was not the case. In the end I didn't have to pay. They just didn't want to be losing out on money. They also didn't care that my mental health was deteriorating. They only cared for money. I attempted my 2nd year even though I didn't do well in my exams but hoped to up my grades with the 2nd year coursework. I finally got help in my second year and it was not helpful in the slightest. There was no proper support. In the end my mental health was more important and I dropped out. I wish I still carried on in college but that college was not right for me. The system was terrible. If I feel like going back to college in the next year I will be going part time and probably redoing my 1st year In a different college. Sorry for the long ass comment😂