Why I Stopped Oversharing

[@leslie.dixon.]

I’m an over sharer. I hate not being real, but it has never served me well. It has been used against me more often than not.

[@ComplexPtsdRecovery]

I understand how you feel as at first I thought that way too. Now I understand there is wisdom in having layers of how much I let people in :D Just one next step lovely!

[@spaceforthesoul6286]

Yes, me too!

[@nomg563]

How do you forgive yourself for doing this? I still beat myself up heavily for this (with old friends and not online).

[@gigimargal9234]

🥺🥺🥺

[@tasnubaahasan8178]

I have the same problem with oversharing and I regret everyday for oversharing lots of things people i barely know.

[@ComplexPtsdRecovery]

heart hugs, trauma recovery is definitely a journey

[@surbana9803]

I don't think of it as *oversharing*. To me, i just think I'm being honest, so this is where I struggle, bc it feels dishonest to hold back. 😬 Hard to find the right balance.

[@spaceforthesoul6286]

Even with a therapist I now start to realise it is ok to not share everything and to remind myself (I really shared my bottom preciously and another person never get me 100%)

[@ComplexPtsdRecovery]

Very true!

[@orangetulip1261]

Thank you, great video ❤

[@ComplexPtsdRecovery]

You are so welcome!

[@makaylahollywood3677]

I handled a difficult situation at work. Then, I over shared it with a good friend. But, this person always makes me feel worse by pointing out things. I am better off handling things myself- or finding the right person to share. Thx!

[@ComplexPtsdRecovery]

Good idea! Definitely only share with people who are supportive and understand. You can do this!

[@spaceforthesoul6286]

So important... I hurt myself a lot with joining a spiritual group for years which encourages the oversharing. Or at another place me sharing but another person not sharing with me... :( And I feel my old friends (I did not see for a while and meet again) expect the oversharing and when I do not do that anymore, there seems to be less connection. But I stay more true to myself. I do not know how the healthy way, but start with being more true to myself.

[@ComplexPtsdRecovery]

Great idea! Being true to yourself is important for a healthy recovery

[@beaulieuc8910]

Very important. Narcs will use it against you.

[@ComplexPtsdRecovery]

they definitely do!

[@tiaraflowers3044]

Definitely an over sharer, working on it

[@ComplexPtsdRecovery]

just one step at a time!

[@gigin9774]

I would like some examples. What type of info is too much info? If you are this guarded, at what point do you decide to open up? Can't go through life assuming everyone you meet is a narc.

[@ComplexPtsdRecovery]

The healthy way is to give the relationship time to unfold, not offer up deeply personal information at the first meeting, which is a trauma response.

[@dorahmulinge3800]

Good content ❤

[@DIY4Profit]

its hard for me not to overshare in work and it could hurt me please give me a tip how to hold the urge to just spit out

[@p_tiffanii]

You can start by remembering the FACT that your coworkers are NOT your friends. And, because they are not your friends, they do not owe you loyalty. That means, everything that you voluntarily tell them, can be used against you. This could absolutely jeopardize your reputation and job, if you overshare with the wrong person. Also, think about how much you share about yourself, versus how much you know, about others. How do you feel about creating an unbalanced dynamic?

[@DIY4Profit]

@@p_tiffanii Thanks! :)

[@DIY4Profit]

@@p_tiffanii Much appreciated

[@ComplexPtsdRecovery]

Remember to be conscious of your boundaries. Just how close do I want to let this person into my life?

[@DIY4Profit]

@@ComplexPtsdRecovery Thank you, you are right. I can say i am doing much better then last month when i posted this. I guess in a new workplace there is anxiety and can lead to those acts. Now I find myself much more with borders and stuff i dont want to share i just dont as i think of having positive outcomes is whats important in the end

[@beaulieuc8910]

It is very sad that we are unable to express ourselves because of some people though, yes, when you say No, or if you have a different opinion, it is interesting to know how they react. I get a bit nervous if people ask if I have kids, because I would say No and immediately, I would be put into Other category. At work, because I have no kids, I used to get gangs of mums cliquing together. You have a different lifestyle but it is enough for them to turn against you, something so simple. When they ask me if I have kids, I wonder if that is a covert narc question....

[@ComplexPtsdRecovery]

I'm not sure if it's a covert narc question or a question to see if the person can relate to your or not?

[@barbann675]

Helpful video. Thank you for making it. Just in short background, been through hell scapegoat of narcissistic family and hell marriage/divorce from a narc also, and setting boundaries and trying to heal, but I have a problem with anxiety talking feels like a panic and I try and give the other person time to talk and they don't so I feel like I am obliged to fill the uncomfortable silence and I have serious trust issues and being a science nerd and lots of hobbies (just trying to have some fun in life after surviving hell) so I try and share the excitement or helpful info, and always feel afterwards I talked too much. I have no desire to control anyone, want to inspire people, and want to see people thrive and be successful, but I always feel alone and odd afterwards; if a name comes up I'm not perfect but I try and say a positive about the person like so smart or great garden or beautiful house, etc, but I am often left with feeling exhausted. I know I have c-ptsd, I have been emotionally shredded and physically attacked by family and exspouse, and working on healing....can you share please advice on panic talking....I am working on it...trying to give longer pauses for the other person to talk (seems forever while my mind races), hiding from society (lol). I can feel the intensity of the other person; I wasn't always this way was more quiet and shy growing up; this cropped up after divorce and social isolation of a decade caregiving for extreme disabled loved one...and constant discarding/devaluing by family...my heart was shattered so many times. Are there mind exercises you know of that can calm my social panic? I'm ok in a crowd because I can listen and observe, but one on one I feel the spot light is on me to provide entertainment and make the other person feel welcome or offer something helpful/useful that I think is in their area of interest like weather forecasts for gardeners or plants from the garden, etc. So I think that is people pleasing part of the panic too and something I am working on, but it's like a deepset subconscious reflex panic, UG!!!! Thank you.

[@ComplexPtsdRecovery]

You're welcome! You've got this!

[@barbann675]

@@ComplexPtsdRecovery Thank you :-)

[@drewkwabs]

Still struggling with these same problems you've mentioned, hope things will get get better soon with time and effort

[@annawright4545]

Psychologists, let me correct: dilettante psychologists advise us, all the time, to speak-out, to tell about "how-do-you-feel-about this or that..." they only need attention by telling things everybody loves to hear. All people use that info (not just narcissists) because disclosing too much too soon is perceived as "weak" and destroying or attacking the weak it is in our earthly-nature. Giving less info about one-selves in not being "not real" it is being more reserved and find out more about the other first.

[@ComplexPtsdRecovery]

It's also a sign of emotional maturity.

[@princeofb7383]

Thanks for the helpful content ☺️

[@ComplexPtsdRecovery]

You’re welcome! 🦋

[@akala-bluesaville9866]

10-12 close? Friends? You should consider the feelings of a human without friends or family for many years😔cptsd childhood abuse,trauma bad enough. Not welcome anytime or anywhere. Outcast 😨

[@ComplexPtsdRecovery]

As someone who lost ALL their friendships twice I find your comment insensitive to the reality of my journey and how hard I’ve had to work to get to where I’m at today. There is nothing in this video to suggest I’m not aware of the incredible pain of childhood development trauma and the impact it has on our relationships. I’ve been there where I’ve had no one to turn too or rely on. This video reflects a stage of recovery where relationships become an option again and how to navigate those relationships in a healthy manner. You are obviously not at this stage so seeking help for where you are at is vital. It sounds like from your comment you need to learn some social skills and get stabile in your recovery. I am not the person you need, please seek effective professional help and get hold of Pete Walkers book too. I wish you every success through this very hard recovery journey.

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

@@ComplexPtsdRecoveryI have good social skills, I am kind, fun, resilient and adaptable and I have very, very few friends or people to call on- in case of an emergency. This is my reality