Why I Thought I Couldn't Be Autistic | Neurodivergent Magic

So, some of you have noticed that I have some conflicting videos on my channel. One says I'm not autistic, another one says I am...what's going on??
Here's the gist: I am autistic, but for a while there, I thought I couldn't be. This video explains why I was so confused for so long. If you're also exploring whether you might be autistic, I hope this video helps clarify some things for you.
😊 Hi, I'm Megan Griffith, I'm a neurodivergent life coach and content creator on a mission to help neurodivergent folks embrace their strengths, cope with their struggles, and be their true, authentic selves.
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[@dustyscribe8397]

I was depressed for nine years, so a lot of my outward autistic traits were severely repressed because I basically lost touch with myself and had no personality. When I first started looking into autism, I recognized a lot of the inward traits but I felt like an imposter because they didn't "manifest" like they were supposed to, and I had such a strong disconnect between my inward and outward selves. Since the depression ended, it seems like my autistic traits keep getting "worse" because I'm finally becoming myself!

[@marisad292]

You are SO lucky to have people who give you time when you don’t respond right away! I don’t really have the kind of non-speaking episodes you do, but I have ADHD & listening is very difficult for me, so if someone says something to me, I need time to make sure I “caught” what they just said (unless I flat-out missed it, in which case I ask them to repeat it). Most of the people I know get impatient with me if I don’t answer immediately, & say my name in an annoyed tone, or tell me to “wake up” or something, which puts me on the defensive. Empathy makes communication SO much easier…on both sides!

[@idadamgaard4351]

For me the number one reason was that I'm very empathetic. You know in that enmeshed way where I have a hard time not feeling other people's emotions, which turns out to be a very neurodiverse way of experiencing empathy. But the stereotype held me back and I just got diagnosed a few weeks short of turning 42. I also have ADHD and the two mask each other.

[@lunablossom4737]

The hardest part is wanting friends but not wanting friends at the same time. I have 0 friends other then my mom dad and sisters 😅

[@ando1445]

Not immediately responding to a prompt is totally relatable. I have to process a lot of things before I respond.

[@LindySouthern243]

I also thought I didn’t have social differences! I actually do. Mine show up as: conversational differences including, but not limited to: interrupting (a LOT), topic changes, also a lot, typically to whatever’s on my mind, even if it’s completely unrelated to the conversation at hand, talking *excessively*, and less interest in non preferred topics that aren’t my special interests.

[@anamei9]

One of my friends studied psychology in university and told me I couldn’t be autistic. We both took an RAADS-R test online, and I scored extremely high (“Very strong evidence for autism” and 4 points short of “Autistic female”). She was genuinely shocked but I wasn’t 🤭 We know our own lived experiences more than others, as as you said, we don’t all fit the narrow view of typical.

[@fury5500]

I literally have the stereotypical autistic childhood, and my autistic traits have led me to social failure. My parents refused to get a diagnosis despite my teachers insisting that i probably have autism because they thought it would go away. It never did, and now as an adult, i finally had the chance to talk to specialists who actually understand autism. It's actually insane how many mental health professionals are completely oblivious to signs of autism and can not detect it and will insist every issue you have is minor depression or anxiety without helping you figure out what's causing it. Another thing about autism is that when you also have adhd, it can really mess with how your symptoms present themselves, so a lot of diagnostic lists are pretty unhelpful and also when you aren't good at self introspection it's hard to know exactly what issues you have.

[@wibble5543]

Best thing I did was to find a neurodivergent therapist. So much more understanding and can really tune into neurodivergent struggles!

[@furballpuker]

When you mentioned your husband, I smiled at my boyfriend next to me, who is also accommodating like that. I got my autism diagnose about 2 months ago, and he wasn‘t shocked at all - he just said: „now I know a little more of you, and that‘s great because I’m excited about every part of you I meet“

[@stormyco8446]

I used to think I didn't have nonverbal episodes at all, bc I thought they were just random episodes where you suddenly couldn't talk. But I have nonverbal panic attacks and shut downs. I have times where I'm super anxious and I physically can't talk, aswell as times where im over stimulated and talking just feels like too much, I can talk I just really really don't want to. Sometimes learning what exactly certain terms looks like is incredibly helpful

[@Bertie_Ahern]

I notice this is also what many doctors do to many neurodivergent patients even for regular health issues, because we don't "look" or "act" in the ways they assume we should be looking or acting. Case in point: when I had Coxsackie B and myocarditis, and they kept sending me home from ER because "I look(ed) healthy," even though I had pretty bad bloods (especially liver enzymes). Thankfully, I knew I was really sick, and had the presence of mind to stain my skin bright yellow using a chemical dye (2-4 dinitrophenol), which made it look like I had jaundice and artificially raised my body temperature (fever). They admitted me this time, and that same evening I had a severe heart attack (due to the myocarditis/pericarditis). Given how far I live from a hospital, I would almost certainly have died had I not done this. This is only one of many examples I've experienced. I genuinely have so little respect for doctors, psychiatrists, therapists because they all seem to be like this. They seem like textbook sociopaths.

[@gabriela_xy]

I got obsessed with so many different personality disorders back then, bpd, borderline... I was a depressed teen that time and I felt something was really wrong with me, my mood and brain were a mess and realization started to hit. Now I am obsessed with ADHD (and recently with autism) cause it would explain SO MUCH about my life. I thank youtube and tiktok that took off the wrong stigma that I had about ADD and autism, I had a wrong and hurtful idea about it my whole life. Now I am once again afraid that I am just an attention seeker, like I felt when I got diagnosed with depression and anxiety and didn't want to tell anyone. My whole life I was told I was weird, "gifted", then lazy, broken, quiet, with weird cringe mannerisms and hyperfixations that I should change. And when I reached out to my mom that I might have some executive dysfunction and wanted to see a professional she replied "I made you perfect. You just WANT TO HAVE a disorder".... and she is not wrong: I feel like I am craving a diagnosis for so long time, cause I have to live with myself and my thoughts everyday and I know there is something different that makes so hard to me to behave "normal". I want a diagnosis to finally get to know me for who I am. To accept me and learn more and have the right treatment. It should not be shameful to want that, right? I am 20+ already and this question mark keeps haunting me and hurting my social life, my grades, my relationships and dreams.

[@susanswinny588]

Me too regarding the HSP vs ASD topic.

[@DeJaVuNous]

I’m an adhd-ER but sometimes I wonder…The diagnosis is less important than finding tools for a life with less spoons.

[@shockthetoast]

I had the exact same thing, thinking stimming was involuntary so whatever I was doing wasn't that. It didn't even seem like a "real" thing to be doing, just a weird quirk I would stop when I noticed I was doing it. Just knowing that stimming is voluntary (but also very helpful) has been such a huge deal.

[@Lil_Yuri]

2:34

[@NoahLoftier]

Out of a lot of other autistic YTs. You're the one I relate to the most in terms of how I reached to the conclusion I am indeed freaking autistic.

[@idunno5720]

I don't think I'm autistic, but I'd love being told that I am. That'd give me a sense of belonging somewhere. I am definitely a sensory seeker, I can have times when the only thing I think about is my interest (october aaaaaa), I stim almost all the time, in various ways, but I don't know if I have any social deficits. Sure, I go partially mute a lot (There are times when can speak, but it's really hard to start doing it). Except that I need to have precise instructions for what I have to do or I can get something wrong. And I exeprience few other stuff. I never belonged anywhere. I was always felt as the weird one despite having many friends. I just, I just feel different. But I think my social skills are too good for an autism diagnosis. I also never felt like "everyone has been given a manual except for me". Sometimes I wish I could belong somewhere. But yeah, that's why I'm probably not autistic. Probably, because there's always this 1% chance that I may be. But I'm probably just searching for a problem where it's absent.

[@kittysunlover]

"So we're always going to need textbooks, and diagnostic criteria, and studies on these things. You know what we also need? We need lived experiences."