It's hard to get over cause you just experienced abandonment from a person you gave every indication that you're there for them through thick and thin.
@austinsavage3540Ай бұрын
💯😢
@andrewadler2982Ай бұрын
Yes and a person that likely made it clear they were afraid of abandonment themselves. I trusted her and thought she would never do that to me because she was just as scared of it. How naive I was.
@ritapeters1330Ай бұрын
Me too ...I also thought he would never ghost me again
@brego12317Ай бұрын
I don't blame myself anymore and have removed her from the pedestal thanks to your videos. Your definitely right when you say once you understand them emotionally and intellectually. It makes a huge difference and has changed my mindset for the better.And having an anxious attachment style I did have to work for that love and approval and it was no stranger to me. This video hit the mark for me and reminded me that I was chasing the highs.Thanks again 👍
@johndevivo8683Ай бұрын
I’ve never had so much pain. But I’ve never learned so much from an experience. I now know how to conduct myself in every relationship I am in. No love bombing. No chasing. No willingness to prove myself. No desire to connect with the inconsistent person. I felt bad but I had to cut myself completely off from this craziness. I gave her the breakup she wanted and no access to me and slowly learned and detoxed. I remind myself if she took responsibility went to therapy I would have slowly engaged. It was hard to prioritize my well being over my desire to please and validate her. But when I don’t listen to my feelings for her, and just think about who she is, what she did, my attraction to the dynamic it becomes so clearly a mess that is not good for me in any way. And I keep moving forward some days easier than others. There are so many things I could say about all this but if I had to pick one-I would say that what ultimately saved me was giving her NO ACCESS. A complete block. And then I got better
@Vanessa-527Ай бұрын
Shame John I relate to everything you said. Indeed the pain is excruciating. Yes, keep moving forward regardless of the bad days and trust me there are many but with each passing month, it gets better.
@marguskiis7711Ай бұрын
And next you will explore that other women are pretty the same.
@marguskiis7711Ай бұрын
@@Vanessa-527 actually no. It is 6 months after my break up and it does not get better. Sometimes it seems getting way worse.
@ritapeters1330Ай бұрын
@marguskiis7711 yes it does .for empaths it gets worse
@anthonyc5039Ай бұрын
I really destroyed myself in the 2 months after a brutal rug pull. I have been with many women but this relationship utterly destroyed me when it vaporized out of nowhere. One day we were a perfect match, and literally 30 min after a joking fun text exchange I was called and dumped. I will never, ever forget the pain. I just need to dig myself out of the hole I dug with gambling and drinking since it ended. I’m a total mess and in recovery programs but I just feel like my life has utterly exploded.
@petersouza6554Ай бұрын
I AM IN 12 STEP ALSO, AND AM TOTALLY RECOVERING FROM THE DISCARD, IM 5 MOINTHS OUT, MY EX IS TRYING TO BE NICE NOW AND IM NOT ENGAGING, WAS HARD WORK, WALKED THRU ALOT OF TEARS, BUT WORTH IT, I ALSO DID TALK WITH COACH RYAN 4 OR 5 TIMES AND LISTEN TO THESE UTUBES REPEATLY
@smaimer4974Ай бұрын
9 months. Got depression as all of my life exploded after being discarded and only more problems came up…hopeless…but decided not to be hopeless anymore. If you Wanne talk let me know
@anthonyc5039Ай бұрын
@@smaimer4974when I get up tomorrow I might take you up on this. I really am struggling
@anthonyc5039Ай бұрын
@@petersouza6554I am really going to get into a 12 step next. It’s just eating me alive. It’s 4am and I’m not sleeping and I have work to do. This isn’t the life I want
@Vanessa-527Ай бұрын
@@anthonyc5039 Don't do this to yourself. I know people are trying to reach out to you. Take that opportunity. I will also be a friend. I am almost over my pain and hurt after 6 months. I won't allow a person to cripple me.
@Beth1300Ай бұрын
I definitely find watching these videos helpful in letting go, because understanding why their behaviour made them so addictive to me (and that it was nothing I did wrong, it's them) feels like a massive relief. I learned about intermittent reinforcement years ago and came across a video about it again recently - one about animals, where they showed that the intermittent rewards for a behaviour made them much more 'needy'. It makes sense. Especially as you're going through withdrawal with the person when they leave or breadcrumb you, but you never get to make real progress if they keep coming back. It's a constant cycle of addictive chemicals in your brain - constant highs and lows, and you're always look for the next high; your next 'fix'.
@BlackWolf-gk8snАй бұрын
Just sendet her a text, that I´m done. Where I said, she was disrespectful and treated me badly. That I don´t hate her, but she has no place in my life, after her betrayal. That she betrayed my trust and I don´t even like her anymore. I simply have 0 Interrest in her anymore. That I deserved better than that. That she had a chance to make things right and didn´t take it. I don´t care if she ever reads this or not. But I feel releaved sending it and finally saying, what I coulnd´t do for a long time. Because she wanted to shut my mouth about it. This chapter is now finally closed for me after 4 Months. I´m happy that I made this step and found the streingh, to face my Emotional abuser and take my power back. Thank you for your Videos. You helped me a lot during this time, to heal my Emotional Trauma with this Woman. My Heart will still be open for those, who treat it well. And I have a lot Love to share now, for the right people.
@NDN_FTRАй бұрын
No closure, is closure. I hope that all of you in the comments can embrace the peace granted by a discard and use this time to heal, grow, and move towards becoming the best possible version of yourself.
@marguskiis7711Ай бұрын
Women do not like good men at all. So, no need to be better.
@rubberducky1507Ай бұрын
Worst break up ever ! And I was the one that left because I deserved better !
@karenrusso3773Ай бұрын
I can relate. I had a breakup almost two years ago with an avoidant. I didn't know about attachment theory until about that time and I just couldn't understand what was happening. I knew he had some childhood rejection issues, but we are in our 60s and so thinking we are past that trauma junk from childhood. But no, if someone hasn't worked on themselves, they carry it for a lifetime. Now I've had another breakup this week with another avoidant who didn't seem avoidant at all until well into the relationship. Now, in hindsight, I see the warning signs. Life is a journey. All we can do is let them go their way peacefully and work on ourselves, knowing that ultimately we are better off than being with someone who chooses not to bond. At least this time around I know it's not my fault. I was absolutely a very good partner in both relationships and that's probably why they started to avoid. I'm ok with myself this time. And also have more awareness of myself and others. I have very fond memories of both relationships and no hard feelings. They can't give what they don't have.
@karenrusso3773Ай бұрын
These videos have helped me soooo much!! I have watched lots of attachment theory videos and read lots of information in the last two years after being in a relationship with an avoidant. And now another relationship ending with an avoidant. This video explains very clearly what is happening in our brain and why we ruminate. Now it's understanding we gave a choice to focus on something else and begin letting go. Avoidants will not change until they understand themselves and start working on their issues. Love yourself, figure out WHY you are attracted to an avoidant, and make better choices. I'm doing a lot of introspection these days. Best wishes to all!!
@BryonyWalkerАй бұрын
Thank you for being there with me every step of this journey. When you talk it’s like i’ve told you everything about my situation because everything you say is so relevant. It’s incredible to me how precisely you have the measure of him, and your videos have helped me to stop blaming myself so much. Still a work in progress, and made harder by the fact that we’re both autistic and i have some much milder avoidant issues too.
@kateaghaghiri2968Ай бұрын
My FA understood himself and his issues and was able to explain them to me. Because of that I hung in there with him over 2 years trying to be supportive. Then I broke it off when I found out he was having what he called “casual sex” with another. That blindsided me even though I now understand it was his way to protect himself from emotional closeness with me. I never felt like I was to blame for anything. He justified it by saying I should have understood this since he was always honest about his issues. Avoidants have NO business getting involved with anyone. He didn’t want to break up. I offered to stay if he would work on the relationship and he said no. All that being said, it has been the hardest break up ever and maybe because I had such hope that I could “help” him. That is another trap us open hearts fall into. 😢
@Nonfiction.ReaderАй бұрын
Helpful information. Thanks Coach Ryan.
@faithing8828 күн бұрын
All my previous partners left and always came back after years and most of them after breaking up 10 years ago they still want me back. What i know is im good to whoever i date, so he is free to leave but he will one day come back and i would have healed
@ianbooth4010Ай бұрын
Thank you. Needed this right now.
@jonahshore2423Ай бұрын
I recognize that I literally had withdrawal symptoms from my avoidant partner when she would leave or need space. She attempted the slow fade and dropped clues like she is back on the dating app while simultaneously asking me to come over and work her dreads and fix stuff around the house or repair her car. but this wasn't healthy, keeping me around like a pet and a few hugs and kisses to lead me on while I did domestic chores for her. I maintained a friendship with some hope that she would come back. Then out of no where and for no other reason than to respect her new love interest
@我是一片雲-x9oАй бұрын
it's very sad, It's torture and even insult, and you have to make a wise decision to leave her ASAP. Otherwise you will continue this torture until it crushes you
@DominionMovementDotOrgАй бұрын
you deserve more and so do animals. they are family and friends that love and deserve love too
@rafkelly2841Ай бұрын
Was in a relationship with an avoidant too… got discarded last weekend. However i must say that towards the end it was a constant struggle of her wanting to have a 2 week meeting rhythm but i was telling that in a relationship need at least to be seing my partner once or twice a week. she also took up to one day in time to reply to text messages which i also did not accept. It was such an emotional demanding time for me that after the discard i feel so much at peace thinking i don’t want this back… lol maybe i am also avoidant
@craignason4258Ай бұрын
I feel that. Towards the end of mine we were arguing a lot. About wants and needs mainly. Made out like I was too demanding and putting too much pressure on her. Over the course of 2 weeks I could feel her get colder. In person and through calls/texts I said I could sense the difference. She text me saying she now wanted to see someone else and how it “came out of nowhere”. It’s a weird dynamic that I never want to be in ever again
@Vanessa-527Ай бұрын
The no reply to text messages was the straw that broke the camel's back. Respect me or else. Any person who shows no respect in my books is weak.
@marguskiis7711Ай бұрын
You did not love her.
@marguskiis7711Ай бұрын
@@craignason4258 totally average young woman, not DA.
@ritapeters1330Ай бұрын
You are not avoidant ..just fed up 😂
@SamsungMy-zo3cgАй бұрын
When i used get phone calls. I was so happy. I knew i was addicted to this toxicity.
@LiaVeniceMirandaАй бұрын
For a week we are good communicating. We are online friends lovers dating etc. today he seems off. He replied to my good morning and thats it. He is silent. Im thinking are we gonna be like in that cycle again where he will stop and not talk 🤦🤷 its truly mind boggling.. but been there few times i feel like i just need to prepare or expect it will happen again. I hope they will change and they will truly heal. They're pushing good genuine people away.. im giving so much understanding and patience but i hope i won't run out of that..
@BiscuitsNGravy-p3lАй бұрын
Your only solution: LEAVE! Find someone who is there for you how you need them to be. The Avoidant ain’t it.
@89DeluCsАй бұрын
Mine did 2 years of theraphy before we met and after i was discarded she went right back in teraphy How i was discarded? She told me she has to fight her demons start crying i love you but lets take a break lets be friends a period...if im with you right now im gonna hurt you and by hurting you im hurting myself so i was blindsided i still dont get it after a month 😅😅😅 Im a secure attachment so im moving on quickly
@InnerAbysАй бұрын
The same here. My Fearful Avoidant ex is also in therapy. She says she doesn’t feel I’m enough for her and that the negative aspects of our relationship outweighed the positive ones. But I dont know why because it was so good, and only getting better. Since the breakup (six weeks ago), I’ve seen her twice. Both times were so enjoyable and fun. She repeatedly told me, on her own, how much she loves me, and we were intimate. She can’t explain why she ended the relationship, but I know it’s because she’s overwhelmed by EMDR therapy. She doesn’t want to string me along, which is why she’s so firm about the breakup. She needs space. But it’s hard because I love her, and I can see in her eyes that she loves me too. I don’t know how to move forward. I did five weeks of No Contact, but my mind keeps going back to her.
@89DeluCsАй бұрын
@InnerAbys she wants to be friends im in two weeks of no contact I only respond to messages shes seending tiktoks in morning is like shes telling me good morning in middle of the day and the night like good night thats How we comunicate 🤦♂️ Some times shes sending a text how are you how was your day
@Freudster21Ай бұрын
@@InnerAbysSomeone like this is going to continuously hurt you, it’s like a drug she then pulls it back and then gives you another hit, then pulls it back, etc. You need to go cold turkey, heal yourself from the withdrawal, and get on a nutritious diet of a healed and well adjusted partner. Someone who was capable of truly loving you wouldn’t do this to you.
@pedroleitao5102Ай бұрын
Crazy, mine told me the same thing. she needed silence to be with her toughts and fight her demons. I asked if she wanted to talk about it and offered help and she ghosted me. Amazing! :D
@89DeluCsАй бұрын
@@pedroleitao5102 I'm not ghosted were in touch we communicate every day I want to speak more with you Pedro can we share social media or something?
@evgeniyabakurina1010Ай бұрын
Thank you, Coach Ryan. Healing now
@LauraAmanda8888Ай бұрын
I haven't left him yet but I'm planning to. It's so painful. He is a good man but he is in so much pain. Truly heartbreaking
@SamsungMy-zo3cgАй бұрын
Set boundaries because he will soon leave you. If you enforce the boundary then at least you have the control.
@seansworldkc5 күн бұрын
Why are you breaking up with him if he is good man? Women complain all the time how they're no good men, but when you get one you don't want him?
@BruceJC75Ай бұрын
It’s almost a year and it still hurts. Still bread crumbs.
@BiscuitsNGravy-p3lАй бұрын
You have to block whatever means you are receiving breadcrumbs through. If it is text, block it.
@lizardluminals9324Ай бұрын
Intermittent reinforcement is very heartbreaking. Avoidants don’t intentionally do it but it feels similar.
@youtubeaccountserio2633Ай бұрын
It’s an oxitocin withdraw, it’s obviously going to hurt
@marisel0410Ай бұрын
You are amazing…!!
@SuperChilliJam9 күн бұрын
Thank you so much
@Victoria-zt7zyАй бұрын
Bravo!
@steveostereo3015Ай бұрын
My God! This is happening to me! 😮
@johnnycalderon9951Ай бұрын
After 4 months she was still breadcrumbing me i had to literally curse her out to put a stop to it. Now 2 months later not one word from her and healing process has started.
@BiscuitsNGravy-p3lАй бұрын
Yup! You must get that breadcrumbing to stop either by telling them directly or blocking them. For my ex, I just ignored her text messages and never responded. She eventually stopped.
@MattCassCookАй бұрын
lol that list at the end. Tick, tick, tick, tick… 😂
@DominionMovementDotOrgАй бұрын
the closest real explanation i got was later when i asked if i did something to drive him away. he said, no, more like i did the wrong things for self-help
@esha2696Ай бұрын
Are they cheating when they're losing feeling from us?
@BiscuitsNGravy-p3lАй бұрын
They can be. My DA ex gf was cheating for 8 months before we broke up.
@BlackWolf-gk8snАй бұрын
My DA Micro cheated on me and I catched her. I just made ourself food. I always made the household and everything, when I was bored. She sat on the couch as so often. Then I went outside to the balcony, drinking coffee and wanted to delete my dating app, because I forgot about it. Then I saw, that she legit posted a picture there, that I made from her during our vacay.. In the middle of our Vacay lol. With the status on Single. I wondered why she writes so much on her phone, because she said, she has only 1 friend. Then I knew. I went back inside obviously pissed. She wondered what is going on, I sat down to eat. She said. Am I in trouble for something? I just said, depends. Are you hiding something ? The hole time she was super nervous. I kept calm. Then after we ate up, I opened my phone and asked her. So, what is this and why you doing this?... Well 2 weeks later she discared me🤣 Wasn´t the only thing she did tho. But yeah one of her toxic behaviours.
@BiscuitsNGravy-p3lАй бұрын
@@BlackWolf-gk8sn Sorry to hear. I am certain you did not catch her in the act but had a feeling about it and asked her, she would have said “No, I am not doing anything.” I tell you, you cannot put anything pass anyone.
@BlackWolf-gk8snАй бұрын
@BiscuitsNGravy-p3l Nah she said oh she just forgot too and lied to me. I wanted to see, if she can be honest. She was not. Because, this picture was freshly put in, so she can't say, she just forgot. She thought I had already deleated this app tho, because I said that. But as said. I forgot, because I was barely at my phone, because of work and stuff. That's why she felt safe to micro cheat. She was shocked when I found out. Nah, she was treating me like a option. That's what hurt.
@esha2696Ай бұрын
My boyfriend is watching porn more than usual ..chrome, Instagram, telegram, saved in phone's private locker. In that private locker I saw porn downloaded from Instagram, some nude screenshots of nude girls on internet and his own dick pics captured on 3 different weeks. And a his picture with an average looking girl where his hand is on her waist. When I asked why he's hiding her photo in safe folder he said it's because I'll get angry and he wanted to crop that picture because he is looking good in that photo. He even asked a girl to hangout when I was sleeping next to him. When I asked why he did that... He said he wanted to take revenge on me because I talked with my old friend but if he wanted revenge he shouldn't have deleted any message.
@Caa310Ай бұрын
Hi Ryan, I live in Australia. I was wondering if I could pay for Skype call for an hour of your time to get some advice please? Thanks, Christian
@austinsavage3540Ай бұрын
More volume please! Its like your whispering , love the content tho
@cramnergotti5517Ай бұрын
Volume fine on my end. Think the problem is on your end.