Why Some People Don't Want To Solve Conflict in a Relationship

Why Some People Don't Want To Solve Conflict in a Relationship In this video I'm going to explain to you why some people just don't want to solve conflicts in a relationship.
Conflict is so unpleasant and even painful that it is easy to assume that every person wants the same thing when a conflict occurs: Resolve and Repair. The problem with this assumption is that it isn’t true. Some people in certain situations don’t actually want resolve and don’t actually want repair. And when we don’t understand this, or the reasons why they don’t, we can end up pretty confused as to why nothing we do to create resolve and repair ever works.
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Video References:
3:09 Are You Being Triangulated a Common Manipulation Technique in Relationships
• Are You Being Triangul...
12:28 How to Win at Lose-Lose (no win) scenarios
• How To Win at Lose-Los...
12:31 Why the Choose me Dynamic can be toxic for relationships
• Why The "Choose Me Dyn...
17:12 Why People are stuck in the cycle of either complying or rebelling
• Why People Are Stuck i...
17:16 The Freedom Connection Split Within Humanity
• The Freedom/Connection...
19:36 How Owning the Truth Solves “The No Resolve” Pattern in Relationships
• How Owning the Truth, ...
20:01 Why You Should Never Make Compromises in a Relationship
• Why You Should Never M...
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Teal Swan is a personal transformation revolutionary. She was born with a range of extrasensory abilities and is a survivor of severe childhood abuse. Today she uses her gifts as well as her own harrowing life experience to inspire millions of people towards authenticity, freedom and joy and teaching people how to transform their emotional, mental, physical and spiritual pain.
The result when people are restored to wholeness is that the world will be restored to wholeness. Teal Swan's teachings invite people to step fully into their authenticity, knowing that this will bring about the positive change that we want to see in the world.
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[@MandyJRoss]

If you're reading this I'm praying something amazing happens for you today. 🙏🏻❤

[@sansiaray777]

Ditto my friend 💕🙏🦋

[@sharmpadayachee8939]

Thank you 🥺

[@mollysreadings4845]

You too. Thank you. 🌹

[@RoseMarieJamesJr]

Thank you Mandy! Same to you, and to you, dear reader 💗🙏🏾

[@Klitavox]

Thank you💖

[@jordansaintemarie]

I spent a year and a half in an abusive relationship trying to get the abuse to stop. I tried everything. I finally realized, he didn’t want it to stop and never would. This is why abuse only ever gets worse. I also had to realize that even though I was being victimized, there was still a part of me that was choosing to be in the abusive relationship and that it was my responsibility to heal that part of me. When I took responsibility for my situation, I finally found the ability to leave. I had to give up everything but now I know that that will never happen to me again because I’ve healed the parts of me that attracted the abuse.

[@caseymaree4370]

Mel W I’m personally doing meditations nightly to heal that part of me. It’s on an app called insight timer and the meditation I’m using is healing negative childhood programming. Releasing shame. By Lisa a Romano there are lots of options on there but I found her to really resonate for me. I’m 4 weeks into a min 6 week routine and I feel like a new person. Best of luck on your healing journey beautiful. You are loved, you are beautiful, you are worthy. Namaste 🙏💗

[@Haley22_22]

Very true..when you heal..you are no longer a match to toxic parts within yourself that attracted it..❤️

[@davidgarcia9944]

Yes. Conflict is how some people gain control. Be aware. There is people who want healing and there is ones who want revenge. People who want healing they seek help. The ones who want revenge they will scapegoat and blame anyone. Even if they are not part of the conflict. Some how they bring you into their own conflicts and issues. Great video.

[@nmrigaud]

very true, I had a narc family member whom I haven't spoken with in two years contact me out of the blue saying her mom was harassing her and possibly me, I didn't believe a single word she said and asked her friend.. then turned around and petitioned an HPO against me and said I was the one harassing her for three years. she's unstable. willing to throw her mom under the bus to get close to me again.

[@KiKi-te9yd]

That's not strictly true. I found myself in a situation wanting revenge against a hurt..... because I couldn't get it resolved. He was one of those who didn't want to resolve the conflict and that ended up hurting me immensely, then I wanted revenge hurt (not my finest moment).

[@davidgarcia9944]

well I think that's exactly what teal is talking about. they keep the conflict for control. I believe that karma is the best revenge. when you force things it always backfires. especially when you are hurting. talking by experience. work on your self and find happiness.

[@KiKi-te9yd]

@@davidgarcia9944 true, it does backfire!!

[@KiKi-te9yd]

Holy moly, what a gem of a video. We both realised that when things got good, he would do something to ruin it. Id ask him what his needs were, he couldn't tell me. I'd try resolve issues, he would drag them out and stonewall for control. He wants to be in a connection, but also wants to be alone. I never understood so simply that we weren't aligned on actually WANTING to resolve conflict. WOW. This seriously is going to be on my relationship checklist going forward.

[@strugglingmillennial1298]

I’ve had fallouts or distanced myself from these types of people. At some point I just realized that I can’t help or save anyone who doesn’t want it. They have to make changes themselves. People who are used to chaos and dysfunction find comfort in it. You described many aspects of my childhood and sadly I was always told these types of conflicts are “normal“ to have.

[@Cass63450]

This is giving me new insights into a very painful situation, that I have taken myself out of, but still feel deeply connected to as well as confused by. Thank you, Teal.

[@wall.daisies2952]

Yep gonna have to listen to this 700 more times

[@aurora5652]

Me too 😂

[@calni27]

Lol, I’m on the 3rd time already!

[@sadysparks8243]

Hahaahahahaaha totally!!!!

[@cecekimberly1420]

😂😂😂

[@audhumbla6927]

exactly, trying to take notes become a book of my life 😅😅

[@lunastar8448]

This video was mostly done from the perspective of the person experiencing the person creating the conflicts. But from watching this video, I've realised that I am the person who creates the conflict and I really want to change. Please create more content for people like me. I saw nothing but conflict growing up and my whole entire programming is geared like this. It is unconscious and confusing and I'd love some more insight to find my way through. Thanks x

[@teajovanovic4445]

Same here. I realized that Both me and my partner (but more so me) does this.

[@jordansaintemarie]

May I recommend a book to you? “The Pathwork of Self-Transformstion” by Eva Pierrakos

[@lunastar8448]

@@jordansaintemarie thank you so much x

[@nikolaikozlov8083]

Same here. For me, it was eye-opening to realize how I benefit from a conflict (in more than one way).

[@andrealeon]

Same here, I would love to learn to overcome this pattern and stop putting my loved ones through that pain.

[@RL-lf3no]

Well this is going to trigger lots of people! 🤣😅 Continuous gems from Teal. Always making us think and feel MORE 🙏🙌

[@RoseMarieJamesJr]

I am at 8:31 and had to pause the video to see if others are triggered in the comments and this was the top comment! 🤣.

[@naturevids88]

I really got a lot of value from the video, both recognizing aspects in my relationship patterns and things I do as well 🙏🏻

[@CristalLaLune]

Your point 5 is so comforting. I never knew it was normal. Whenever I voiced these feelings, mentionning that I would never take any action on them, that it's just thoughts that come and that I feel ashamed of, people treated me as if I were insane, dangerous, abnormal... I had enormous consequences and I thought I was the only one with those occasional revenge desires. I love you.

[@leilaaustin4593]

Same here. I spent the last year or so feeling ashamed and even often crying because of the amount of shame I felt for having such thoughts which were also quite intrusive (probably because I was trying to suppress them) so yeah, hearing it is normal was so comforting for me too.

[@TurtleFlowerboi]

Literally going through this issue right now, the timing of this video could not have been better. Thank you Teal.

[@freshstrt3140]

Indeed 🙏🏽👍🏽🤙🏽🙌🏽 💙

[@abbye3813]

Same

[@mikkovaan8636]

Me too hashtag heh, both on the internet engaging in pointless arguments with people who thrive on conflict in expense of their authenticity, as well as with a person who doesn't consider the feelings of others the least bit. That person is both me and the person I was arguing with.

[@franjodelac4103]

yeah, me too. it's been years now. it never occured to me such a simple thing might be at the core of it - she doesn't want resolution, because she gets the things she needs by putting me in a lose-lose situation, which can only be perpetuated by the never-ending conflict.

[@xjanine77]

Great video. This really resonated with me and a few aha moments. In my last relationship I tried so hard to resolve conflict whenever one arose, and was always faced with gaslighting, aloofness, indifference and a lack of resolve. Now I realise the conflict was potentially meeting many of their needs (as well as replaying old familiar trauma patterns), hence their resistance, avoidance and lack of interest in resolve. Thanks for sharing.

[@magicwandm]

Same. This was such a revealing video.

[@xjanine77]

@@melw3313 yes. This sounds much like my experience. Over the years it really wore me down. Its hard to stay in a healthy communication style when your up against all of of the above, every time. With the best will in the world, you're eventually going to get triggered yourself as it's creating more damage each time.

[@Mizzmeta4]

That's my current reality!! so these videos wake me up to the things I have issues processing and moving forward thru my journey this deep self learning of who I am and loving myself so I can grow and hopefully help my children to escape some of the generational wounds that I've passed to them. Awareness is key and Teal wakes up that in me. Thank you. Teal how r u able to make sense in such a way that resonates with my soul???

[@chloeobermeier4951]

This is so me and I had a feeling before even seeing this video that I was creating relationships like this on a subconscious level. I am a person who struggles in nearly every aspect because I’ve been hurt within my family. I self medicate through substances and recreating my traumas. I’m covered in shame.

[@ildikowesselynekupi7062]

😔

[@siren3147]

Same same same!! 100%

[@BertrandS.]

I was just watching one of your best video ever posted: "Happiness is The Purpose of Your Life! Want to Know Why?" I really love and appreciate your wisdom.

[@kinhotas]

Lmao 🤣😆 4:25 I honestly love you and your team for not cutting these things. Stay true

[@jacobhibbard8038]

She’s looks so huggable with that jumper on (sweater)

[@naturevids88]

The sweater was the first thing that caught my eye. It is rad 👍🏻

[@jacobhibbard8038]

@@marijana.majic. I love it!!! The colour is so warm 😍

[@jacobhibbard8038]

@@naturevids88 I would totally rock that sweater 😎

[@naturevids88]

@@marijana.majic. remember that line from Bambi?

[@magicwandm]

Maybe you'll find it on her website..

[@nikid3690]

Wow the timing of this is impeccable.

[@FloStudios]

It is so difficult for me to accept that some people don't have good intentions.

[@marinanabutovskiy1161]

You cant solve conflict with narcs who torture u for a sport.

[@makeslifesimpler5168]

You are such a great psychologist! I love the way you express and counsel the world.

[@marinanabutovskiy1161]

She is not a psychologist!

[@milkandspice1074]

@@marinanabutovskiy1161 by definition she is.

[@spiritualsandy]

She isn’t a psychologist she is a spiritual leader!

[@berniv7375]

@@spiritualsandy Could we say that Teal Swan is a spiritual leader who is versed in the art of psychology.🌱

[@rachelhartjes313]

@@berniv7375. Wonderfully put. 👌💛

[@angelinaalarcon132]

TEAL amazing 👏 and powerful massage revealed to the masses to absorb and understand their dilemma and life as a whole. I was in the middle of this issue of conflict and was asking guidance from a higher source and your video just popped up. Many blessings to you, this channel and every viewer. 🙏

[@savannahjohnson7672]

So if you realize that you are someone who keeps conflict going in a relationship because of xyz reason, what do you do to heal it?

[@lauralupu4252]

Ask yourself the questions at the end of the video and see what do you actually want from that conflict. (For example: attention) And then, instead of going towards conflict to get attention, actually go into the direction of what you want, like asking for attention

[@TheLenkaGr]

You’re such an amazing and valuable gift to the world, Teal!

[@mikkovaan8636]

This reminds me of the law of mirroring. I just find myself being in a way just as crooked as those who oppose me, making them feel like I feel, but I wonder if they started it or was it really I? With the abusiveness, that is. I am vindictive and while it's not a good thing, it does feel a lot better than walking away, as you said. Thank you for this lesson, Teal. It's a valuable one. I'll be sure to digest it properly and seek betterment for my fallings.

[@truthseer6082]

Thank you so much for this video Teal. Answers so many questions. ❤️🙏

[@LeahStorm]

Teal, you're so amazingly insightful!!

[@jonathanRenzo]

Thank you Teal... Your channel has really helped me dig deep and understand my mistakes.

[@D4NC3Rable]

Thank you for making such good material to ponder for so many years.

[@shiahula-hoop5788]

Mind blowing as always 🙏 thank you so much for digging deeper and deeper

[@gill426]

That's really neat, thank you for this video. I hadn't looked at it this way. Also, this is a really pretty jacket, I love it! 🤗

[@phoebemallett]

This is a really really good video. Very useful. Thank you Teal

[@viktorija1999]

I was just watching other videos of Teal while waiting a new one! And again, another great video ! ❤️😍🍀

[@RippleDrop.]

This top information. Million thanks to you Teal.

[@mikeogden5256]

Oh Teal! So good to see You! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@Mynameisdarkxxo]

My problem is addressing issues in a calm but effective manner, I grew up with strict parents who loved the silent treatment and talking about my needs almost always ended up in arguments, I’m becoming more aware of my abandonment issues/ anxiety attachment style cause my mom left me with different baby sitters growing up. Now that I’m in a relationship, lately my partner started to become distant- this really triggered me and I called him out in a way that caused tension - It was an impulsive decision, I felt so powerless and ignored that being upfront about it felt relieving and I couldn’t understand why if I knew I was going to regret this later, which I am because now he’s defensive too. My communication skills always end up hurting me the most

[@TealSwanOfficial]

Incase You'd Rather Read About It Instead: tealswan.com/resources/articles/dontresolve/

[@FahimAhmed-lf6xb]

Ilikeyou

[@thoomm]

This was SO liberating!!!! Thank you thank you Thank You!

[@kennethshaw8890]

Thanks again for your insight Teal Swan! I hope you make it to Dallas someday!

[@Dr_Nutrition]

Wow, this is such good insight! Thank you 🙏

[@YogastudioNaomi]

Thank you for making more videos on relationships🙏

[@Mom_Luvs_Tech]

This is so well said. Thank you thank you thank you!!

[@teddi111]

So helpful. Thank you very much!

[@stevehartwell1861]

One of your hard hitting pieces. Thank you

[@Eduardado]

thanks a lot for these lessons Teal.

[@MotherIsRising]

Amazing. As always. Thank you

[@JeremiahNudell]

I wish it was as easy as sending them a teal swan video lmao

[@AZ-ti8jt]

Right!! Wouldn’t the world be such a nicer place if it was this easy lol

[@dorotaem6621]

Great video, Teal

[@JD-wd5fb]

Teal, thank you 🙏

[@cobyhizkiya3756]

Tysm Teal ❤

[@blue_sky_bright_sun7599]

Such good timing.

[@burtsmith6452]

I love you, Teal!

[@quinndirector]

Teal your videos are so helpful and enlightening. - one technical note - the second camera you use (a kind of 3/4 view) is very similar to your main camera. It will edit better if it’s on more of an angle or a tighter shot (close up). Hope this is helpful in some way. Again, your insight is so positive and welcoming. Thank you for making these.

[@jeffcox9930]

Very eye opening.

[@annegaellenicole]

So enlightening !

[@RegularHuman]

THANK YOU!!

[@andreajedlohorova6234]

Thank you for your very interesting videos and your work, it is genius!

[@FoXWoR]

Thank You!

[@Eyeamthewitness]

This is an awesome video thanks

[@SwannReid1010]

Thank you ☀️

[@MiauxCatterie]

this put a lot of things my ex did into much better context. thank you

[@olgakunitsyna7886]

Very interesting in-depth analysis👍👍👍

[@MargaretHarmer]

This is dense… so much information and really fast.

[@OneaeBlack]

"What others teach I say too Violence and aggression destroy themselves. My teaching rests on that." - ☯

[@dawnemile7499]

Very interesting thoughts to contemplate.

[@vanjaz6972]

A revelation 💙 thank you ☺️ and I adore your shirt *¥*

[@ThomasDoubting5]

I've not watched this, you can't resolve a conflict with an individual that 1 is looking for you to accept all responsibilities for the conflict because they can't possibly be held accountable because they can't face l the perceived shame and guilt associated with doing so, and 2 they are getting pleasure and sensations of power from withholding resolutions that you are seeking from them. This is what people do they like to say things like I'm not ready to accept a resolution as if to gain control from the situation and also to punish you teach you lesson so you are playing by their terms. The only resolution to any conflict is to identify the conflict the signs are almost always clear and refuse to engage when it does manifest , and hold sway stay sensible don't get drawn in to ownership of what is being projected on to you and remain calm, if you can't just announce that you will have to walk away because now is not a good but you will speak later.. Do not overthink. A person looking for conflict is childish one and should be treated as such, and that includes you if your guilty own your part of it but explain that your admittance and explanation is closure on the subject not an excuse to guilt trip or used as a weapon against you in the future. So if it does get brought up you can refer to what you have already said regarding closure, if this is not enough then the person or persons are of the sort that are harmful and toxic and should be shut out as soon as possible and including your family, because you will continue to be made to suffer these irrational imbeciles. Take care of yourselves.

[@thedeekabides]

That jumper really works for you, T!

[@celineduperier3036]

I LOVE your jumper!! 😍😍😍

[@taramorris4722]

Just wow 😳 this really helped me

[@AccountantByDay553]

What a beautiful sweater!!

[@Keyallah528]

TY, Dear Teal.... I do Love your psychological expressions....As Above, so below.... Just need that Deep Dive into the Psyche, the Archetypals and the seed points of this distorted 3/4D patriarchal matrix.... For the Spiritual Intuitive, It's an Inside Job of Balance, Reconciliation of our Story/Myths and the outer will follow.... This Lion's Gate portal will bring us some more Clarity...and Truth.... Big Unconditional Love and Blessed are the Peacemakers⚖♾🌌✔

[@reeo5756]

I came in here thinking “Yeah, let me hear about (those people) who I can’t seem to get along with.” Hearing what their issue may be, but then also realizing I am totally point #12. 🙏

[@DaAxiomatic]

"Conflict can be a way to get what you want, not resolve and repair. Now of course until human beings realise this never actually works, we're gonna be in a whole heap of trouble." Never works towards...?

[@RL-lf3no]

7:43 - The face Teal makes every time she out does herself 😂😂😂😅🙏😜

[@brunolima8506]

Nunca te tinha visto assim sabes, gratidão.

[@danielbarrera8391]

I don't think there are people who just 'dont want resolution'... Its just the way people are wired in these times: owning up to wants and needs is something were conditioned to feel ashamed of in the first place. Also, some of us are in so much pain that we don't even think resolve is possible or feels like it means revisiting pain we're not aware of that we have. And again, if so much of this exists because of splits? Those parts are just feeling that its too much of a lose to even bother trying. I mean people can say and act as if they want resolution but if another part is in the background not really on board? Its just going to take over anyway. I mean until people are fully aware of these parts? Relationships are going to be a tug and pull or lose-loses. I have some awareness but diving or feeling into parts that feel shame? Its extremely hard. Especially if your health is already bad and your mental state is unstable... I could say I need help with these practices too but the problem is that other part is conditioned to run before anything even starts...

[@D3XthaTriF3ctA]

Omg tysm teal

[@katatarot597]

Thank you 🌹

[@katherinecarlson463]

Thats so crazy you made this video because my twin flame does not want to fix or make better situations in our twin flame journey. Althow he un-conditionaly does love me he wont meet me half way in comunicating it out. Thanks Teal Swan

[@TheSapphireLeo]

F*nkin' same with mine!

[@jeettan8011]

Hi Teal, will you be making a video on what is going on in the world and the spiritual perspective behind this, as well as your experience with SRA and how it connects together with this absolute scam of a pandemic? I think a lot of people that were "fast asleep" including myself has had their eyes open to things that were hidden under the shadow during this crisis. Best, -Jeet

[@kamalsarraj-andaloussi5593]

Totally Comprehensive, not one stone left unturned, let’s just say to live and experience everything discussed in today’s conversation, is messy, frustrating and downright a torn in one’s potential fulfillment, some might see it as blessings and a test of endurance to caretake elderly of this sort and good deeds, I say it’s been a tug of war with no end in sight.

[@lizafield9002]

I just finished a decade of caregiving 2 elder parents & had exact same thought. HARD. One an iron willed but needy oblivious bludgeon sort, the other spouse with pitiable Alzheimers, me in the middle annihilated, evaporated by the pathos & mess of their suffering. Nothing is resolved, yet it is. Then you become free. A blessing of earth school. If you are in this, YES, you WILL get back out sooner than you think, 9 million pounds lighter, freed from yourself, weaned, open to every sort of suffering you see & able to love humans. If i were to do it again i would skip the supper dishes, returning calls, forcing a shower etc, & just throw arms around each one, way more often, to say "you did so good. You're the best. Life is hard! I love you."

[@kamalsarraj-andaloussi5593]

@@lizafield9002 Blessed are those rocking this boat and having to fry the big fish, they will never come to you and say it straight, their own suffering is prone to paint a totally discrediting picture of not only your efforts but also the results your spiritual ingenuity has delivered for whatever moments of sanity they might return to from dementia from time to time, that’s how they desire people to believe you are. At least it is the case I am living through , however I don’t get tired, overwhelmed or fazed by it.

[@kamalsarraj-andaloussi5593]

@@lizafield9002 and yes we are the supercook, the miracle worker, the monk and the shrink, but then again being authentic, is to give as much of whatever God breaks the mold when he made you, to them or in romance for Love.

[@lizafield9002]

@@kamalsarraj-andaloussi5593 Yes. They can't thank you right now. They will fuss and complain. They're depressed, confused & lost. I will thank you for them. You hug them for me. You're our hero.

[@Charlie-zp2se]

I love your jumper!

[@definitelynotyuri3908]

I love Teal's Jacket on this one.

[@wall.daisies2952]

Wow this was unexpectedly much needed! Blown away again my Miss Teal.

[@samanthak4583]

omg Teal's videos every Saturday are almost always EXACTLY what I need to know more about something I'm going through in my life 😄 Thank you!

[@magicwandm]

This was such a revealing video.

[@gachaconscious1851]

Damn, I haven’t had a new favorite video in a while !

[@1diotwithideas]

I've been subscribed to you for so many years and what you say makes sense but I can never seem to implement most of it humans are so difficult and hard to understand and not very logical

[@DTheHAge]

I think implementing these things means acknowledging them, understanding the root cause and than defining your path based on this (will you accept it? will you solve the root cause? will you discontinue the relationship?).

[@lesaspravka1173]

Well that explains a lot about my now deceased dad. So I know I have the pattern too. Thanks for the illumination. I feel like now I have real power to be happier. 🙏🏽💚🙂🌳

[@petramartinovic9866]

What if someone really badly hurt ..and that person think that it is al good.. and you try to talk to resolve and no matter what you do .. in time makes the same things...by my opinion its is time to leave forever..and fine someone who really loves ..end of story..❤❤❤❤

[@dirtyredds4398]

Your amazing❤️🔥🙏🏾💫

[@karenKristal]

Teal is so smart

[@butterflytiffany]

I love your sweater Teal

[@hesperianscholar1481]

@Teal Swan ...I'm about to acquire a copy of your first book. The only one I will have had read so far.

[@TScott-ik3zs]

Girl yes! Good one😁

[@Angelina123321]

HOLY FUCK TEAL. ON POINT I NEEDED THIS EXACTLY TODAY THANKS TEAL 🙌🙌🙌🙌. GOING THROUGH THIS EXACTLY

[@margaritaharalambeva9992]

I loved the video, thank you! However, after the first few minutes, when your sweatshirt looked a bit too colorful to my taste-I just could not take my eyes of it and I really loved it.Yes, I know that was the idea :) I just wanted to confirm -it works. Have a good day ;)

[@BARFHOUSE]

Love this

[@beckhamseven10]

Wow. Excellence and amazing to listen to. Now I see what Teal meant about other spiritual leaders not letting her talk at their events, she completely blows the lot out the water. Fact. It is what it is.

[@aroguereptilian]

Daaaang teal lookin stylish with the parka!