WHY THE INFJ HERMIT MODE IS THE KEY TO LEVELING UP

[@Wenzes]

Do you end up in hermit mode more often than most?

[@user-dn8hd1de2d]

I end up in hermit mode when I am around people who talk a lot about nothing, interrupt me when I want to be part of a conversation, not their monologue or have a 'this is just the way it is' attitude about 'reality' . One person in my life - family- whenever I am around them, acts like they're the 'tour guides of the known life'. They endlessly describe EVERY boring thing they notice or thought they have and when I want to make a comment they raise their voice to drown me out and proceed with their monologue. Arghh. It makes me feel like wallpaper. So I hibernate to find myself and the thread of my dreams. Recently had to do this for several days and it made me feel like I am back in the centre of my life.

[@MatikoxPL]

u made my day. gona think about this all day xD

[@tlong2485]

Yes! Currently in hermit mode now. Been here for the past 2yrs. I didn't realize how much I even needed this 😩 but after restructuring my boundaries im ready to get back out there... kinda 😅 I really like my solitary lifestyle. I just get lonely at times.

[@MegaCyberleader]

yup usually playing video games as a cannible. CAuse ya know thats what they are good for.

[@simovtransportmedia1137]

Very well explained with the three steps. Most people will live the second step as rebeliouse state, we have it as the hermit mode, when we choose to be alone in order to find ourselfs and the third step comes afterwords when we have finally found what we are and who we are and then we can realize our selfs in outer world. The independence state have to be the state of heeling your traumas and you should never hurry to step out of it. You have to proccess your self first and step slowly into interdependence till you shure that you are actually there mentaly otherwise you will fall in serial toxic relationships and hardships.

[@AliciaNicoleJackson]

I went through these exact stages just as you described them. From the extreme of wanting to be accepted, to the extreme of saying forget everyone! And then the balance comes. And new people enter. Now my hermit mode feels more like self-care. It’s not for as long, and it’s rejuvenating. Thats a far cry from when hermit mode felt like a need to protect myself. But in that phase I discovered that I was the strong one all along. Great video!

[@Thisisrenae]

I’m going through this exact thing. Currently trying to move past the extremely wanting to be accepted part and step into my idgaf phase 😂😂😂 it truly is a duality struggle

[@AliciaNicoleJackson]

@@Thisisrenae I was there not so long ago. For me it took being pushed to my breaking point. I know I’ve heard Wenzes mention on several videos that that’s what it took for her too. It’s like you keep going and going and then somebody pushes you too far and *SNAP* I’m through! 😂 *INFJ huge door slams!

[@Thisisrenae]

@@AliciaNicoleJackson omgosh that INFJ rage wenzes talks about. My narc mother/ family are finally pushing me to my breaking point enough to just walk away.

[@AliciaNicoleJackson]

@@Thisisrenae Yes, I believe that’s exactly what Wenzes was talking about. That breaking point!

[@troycarpenter3675]

@@Thisisrenae if they're true narcissist, they almost for sure will never change. :/

[@TroyPosey]

I do go hermit mode when my ego gets hurt. I try not to have much of an ego, but when someone goes out of their way to act like they're better than me, I will straight-up walk the f*** away. And go mind my own business where someone (me) likes my taste of things and being around me. If someone doesn't like it, f*** 'em. I'm better than that. I'm tired of kissing ass just to have friends. If I have zero friends, but feel at peace, then that's ok, too.

[@Thisisrenae]

I feel like INFJ is going through this as a collective.

[@joy_villa]

YES WE ARE 🎊 😊

[@riyajacob2909]

@@joy_villa possible.i am in a space of moving towards interdependence.

[@beccabledsoe9444]

I am currently coming out of Hermit Mode after seven years. I finally just couldn't do it any more and pushed everyone away, friends, family, lover. I chose to focus on my new home and my wants and needs, to build a place I could call mine that felt safe and happy. I filled this space with all the things I want in my life, all the things that make ME happy, not the things everyone else says should make me happy. When people didn't understand why I became so secluded socially (even more than my usual) I didn't try to explain or get upset, I just said this is what I need and for once in my life I'm going to take care of me. I'm done being what everyone else wants me to be, what everyone else thinks I should and I'm just going to be ME. In all my weird glory I am going to embrace all that I am and when I'm ready to emerge anew I will stand tall and speak my mind and not back down when anyone tries to make me feel bad for what I feel or believe. I am me and I am ready to face the world. Thank you Wenzes for helping me to see that I was on the right path all along, no matter how scary it has been.

[@suesteig3025]

Love this. ❤️

[@MJN_TheCouchSessions]

Same. Seven plus years.

[@MJN_TheCouchSessions]

And scary it absolutely is. ✊🏻✊🏻🙏🏻

[@annikajohansson9171]

Amen!

[@johnwilhelm385]

There are few activities I strongly prefer to do alone, such as hiking, mountain biking, and photography. I read alot and practice the Classical Guitar, obviously alone. Then I like to go out on my own and I easily initiate conversations with others and enjoy it. But I like to be left alone and select a couple of friends very carefully.

[@msthang5366]

I like myself, I enjoy my own company. Other people drain me.

[@russellaustin4988]

Pretty much permanent hermit mode here. People have destroyed my confidence in them with their uslessness. Customers think they are my friend and my friends don't exist.....because they were never friends....only takers.

[@tiredofallthis7716]

What if I don’t find hermit life limiting? The older I get the more isolated I get. The turns and twists of life have taken me away from even the friends I love, and still love, and I don’t do anything to replace those face to face relationships. It gets harder and harder to want to come out of hermit mode.

[@lauraf.e2788]

I've been living as an INFJ recluse for years now. I mean, I go out and about, but I rarely meet up with others. In my early 20s, I went out of my way to deny my introversion. Faked being an extrovert, but ended up physically disabled. There is no easy answer.

[@maximinoblas1171]

How did u get physically disabled

[@lauraf.e2788]

@@maximinoblas1171 developed very, very severe fibromyalgia. Next came sepsis, and then a vestibular condition. Each of these conditions came on after feeling burnt out from peopleling. I recently went to visit someone -- ended up with an aggressive Strep A bacteria that has been attacking every part of my body. It's been 4 months of intense suffering and unable to work at all. Seems my only option is cats.

[@lauraf.e2788]

@Moondust they certainly are. Gosh, it really can be hard being this way. I look out and see a sea of ES types, blissfully unaware of just about everything.

[@harithap9228]

I ended up with severe fibromyalgia , CFS and rheumatoid arthritis ( autoimmune). I had it for last 10 years, became severely disabled , lost job, all relationships. After 6 years of research, i foundTMS helped me. Dr Sarno came up with this TMS theory and it helped many. My pain is almost reduced now. Occasional fatigue. Living a life thats for me, is the key to my health. I am in hermit mode now, and healing.

[@HaleyMary]

I often take time for myself to heal from past emotional traumas due to bullying. Oddly, when the pandemic happened, I felt like it was a great relief to not be around people all the time and relished my alone time. It gets lonely sometimes, but then I think about the alternative which is usually being around people who don't appreciate me, don't value me and try to change me.

[@PLHogan]

As a 65 year old INFJ male it wasn't until recently that I have been able to take full advantage of Semi hermit mode. After 40 years of codependent relationships I knew I needed down time but never allowed myself the time. I finally had to break my inner tape and I left the states and now live in Albaina. I wanted to be in a place that I didn't know and a language I didn't know. My spirituality has grown, I blog for a spiritual website now. I venture out and socialize with others but only limited. Great job on your video.

[@terrijamison9154]

I used to think hermitizing was an unhealthy thing. But now I feel really good about it!

[@DalleDC]

I always end up in hermit mode in and out of relationships. I always end up needing it to hide mostly from myself.

[@lorraine8962]

You are spot on. I’ve been in seclusion for the last 2.5 years, but I needed that time to heal. I’m enjoying the journey to wholeness and starting to enjoy relationships with good boundaries. I’m in a much better place and am feeling like me! I’m putting myself first for once in my life. Yes, I’m creating an amazing life!

[@mylifeasjessio]

so great to hear!

[@Chercheure_Indépendante]

I am in seclusion for at least the same amount of time but I am not completely healed yet so I am extending my seclusion until healed enough.

[@blossomooo]

Same!

[@roseaduke8835]

Hermit mode is natural for any INFJ & more episodic than phasic since it's recurring/can recur. And given the depressing degree of toxicity in the present, it can easily become a lifestyle. A never-ending episode. Times when you step out to test the waters & barks (or even bites?) of toxicity send you reeling back to your solitude sharpish! Nowadays, these episodes are more for gearing oneself up to handling the hounds than anything!😇 Currently exploring a hermit mode episode myself & I'll advise all on like journey to ensure they've fully grasped the resolution mentioned here before stepping out there cuz premature "interdependence" can be a slippery slope back to "dependence", which means zero growth. Cycle repeats. For those who have it sussed, according to their stage in life, tread carefully, don't rush. May we all find such balance that can sustain us to & through our inevitable hermit modes!

[@mygreatescape]

Several years ago, I stepped out of my comfortzone and posted several photos of a model on FB that I thought was so brilliant in her creations and loved her style. I immediately received backlash from my friends. They said the photos looked weird, asked if I had some "lesbian crush on her", said it wasn't healthy to be "obsessed" and on and on. I immediately deleted the post and felt physically sick over it. Now after hearing this video, I realize I was trying step 3 but I wasn't ready or even aware of what was going on. I went back to milk toast posts that wouldn't rock the boat after that for fear of being burned by showing something I truly liked again. So, Thank you! I have changed so much since that experience already but this video helped shed light on why I reacted the way I did :)

[@michellem775]

I absolutely love, love, love your channel. The best INFJ channel ever. I love that you give solid personality guidance and you don't make silly introvert videos like the rest of the KZbinrs. I can actually take what you say and really self reflect and make changes in my life. No matter what sign you are we all can make improvements. Thank you so much. 😁👍

[@bisibisbi]

Today I´m 55 and during the last weeks I decided to go in hermit mode for a longer period. So many hurt, so many trauma and so many "friends" who weren´t there for me when I needed it most. I don´t want to deal with their BS any longer and it feels so reliefing. I have to dig out my true self again, under all those layers of social norms and what others want me to be. Will wait and see if I take another step some time later or if I am just a happy hermit for the rest of my days.

[@mrtommypickelz3441]

7:40 is so true... you get tired of people just judging you and hermit mode is your self care, relax, meditative place of peace...

[@mr.goodwrench8273]

Do I end up in hermit mode more often than most? Yes. Once I ended up here in hermit mode, I have stayed here. Not because I dislike or hate people. I just get around people in small doses and it works out better for me. When I am by myself, I tend to be more productive or when I'm not needing to do anything I can finally recharge and get that much needed sleep, or just chill out and relax. It's been a slow yet sure effort over time to get here because when I had given of myself before, my time was monopolized, people did not appreciate me for it, and I was not enjoying life as much as I needed to. Now that I am taking in larger doses of that "epic life", I wanna keep it that way.

[@DevonExplorer]

I feel exactly the same way, Mr G. I live in a small town, don't drive and have to go out regularly for groceries, etc, so I see neighbours, people around town and shopkeepers regularly. I enjoy the hellos and short chats and that's absolutely enough for me. Since my son left home to live abroad 15 years ago my home has become my shell, completely infused with my own personailty, colours and things that I love, and I'm extremely careful about who I invite in - which I haven't done for some years now, lol. I'm truly at home in hermit mode. :)

[@2CER]

If it isn’t productive for my goals, I wouldn’t want to waste time doing useless things outside. I would rather work hard and sacrifice to have a better life for me and my loved ones- a life that i / we deserve for all our hardships, than to indulge in superficial things that aren’t long lasting and unfulfilling.

[@joy_villa]

currently practicing: HERMIT MODE and it feels soooo good. 😊 it’s a beautiful gift of self care. I’m in the being by myself seclusion phase. I try not to stay here too long, just a few days tops. I’m working on being in the interdependence state, right now I’m just entering into the FALLING IN LOVE WITH ME!

[@kimkeck6266]

I am cracking up at "few days" top. For me it going to be years IF not forever! 🥴🤭🌷🙏🥰

[@ryanunderwood5465]

Our toughest task is finding the balance between our personal boundaries vs people pleasing. We are people pleasers from birth, but pleasing is someone who treats you with the same respect you give them! Do not compromise pleasing bad behavior to people who don’t deserve it!

[@ryanunderwood5465]

They will pass judgement regardless, who cares

[@ryanunderwood5465]

Only god can judge you!

[@mariejost9699]

There are always risks with sharing your authentic as an INFJ. Some relationships will not survive. My mother is a narcissist. Growing up with her as an INFJ was torture beyond belief. But humans are hardwired to do, as children, what will keep our parents engaged with us, especially our mothers. If we are also bullied, ostracized, and isolated from our peers, then we are in a truly toxic situation with no positive input from any direction. No where in our lives do we get validation for anything that is our authentic self. The message is only-if you are like this, you are unacceptable and I will abandon you (emotionally if not physically). In my mid-twenties I had finally had enough of the criticism and manipulation and took a silent stand for myself that had huge repercussions. While this narcissistic mother was criticizing and gaslighting me during a phone call, I finally had enough and knew that I had to change this toxic relationship. I very gently hung up on her while she was in a tirade against me. A few days later I got a letter in the mail from her saying that our relationship was at an end and she would no longer be in contact with me. But that wasn’t the end of it. It turns out that she very publicly denied my very existence whenever anyone asked her about me. She would say that she only ever had one daughter, my sister. I only found out about this when my grandmother called me very upset by what her daughter was doing. For 5 years we had no contact. Then one day out of the blue she called me, acting like nothing had happened, and tried to pick up where we had left off. But I had moved on and the codependent connection was broken. A couple of years later, she got made at me and chucked me out of her life again. The second time it hardly mattered to me. I had no connection to her anymore. Over time, I have come to accept her for who she is, and who she will never be, and I can calmly be around her and let her critique me and judge me because she isn’t a person who matters to me anymore. Another place that being yourself can get you into difficulties is at work. I had a boss for many years who was constitutionally incapable of understanding me. She must be as far from an INFJ as you can get. Whenever I would get all excited about something happening in my life and would share it at work, I would get called in and told that what I was doing (which was really an extension of who I was being) was unacceptable and I had to stop it. I tried for many years to find another job, but with no success. Through this experience I learned to live a double life. My work life was one where I had to present a highly edited version of myself to hold down the only job that would have me however bad a fit it was. Then there was my “real” life, the one I lived the rest of the time. This was the life where I could give full rein to my passions, interests, creativity and modes of expression. Discovering others who shared some of my passions on social media was a liberating experience. Finally I could connect with person X in Asian who shared interest 1 with me, or person Y in Europe or South America who shared interest 2 with me and who appeared to understand and appreciate the contribution I was making to the conversation. Suddenly I wasn’t so alone anymore. I even got to travel and meet some of these people on their home turf. My only regret is that I still haven’t found anyone locally I can hang out with where I can be fully myself. The older I get, the more socially isolated life becomes. I’ve sat down for coffee with a few coworkers that I thought I was making a connection with, but those encounters never translated to anything outside of work. Those have remained purely situational relationships. I’ve taken various classes over the years in areas of interest to me, but never was there enough of a mutual connection for friendship to happen. So the difficulty now, especially with ongoing isolation due to the pandemic, is how to meet new people locally. I’m gregarious and speak to a lot of people going about my daily life. I’m open to making friends with new people, but for whatever reason, nothing ever clicks. I would really like more interdependent relationships, I just don’t know how, at 64, one goes about finding new people who could potentially develop into friends. It can’t simply be based on a few common interests. There has to be the potential for a deeper connection.

[@mastermindrational1907]

INXJ male here. This was helpful, thanks. I have realized lately that if I don’t go into hermit mode, I will never realize my goals. I need to disappear in order to focus, study, and plan. The social distractions I feel obligated to take part in need to be eliminated-they are killing my progress. There’s no escape until I can find a place of peaceful isolation. My question is this: how far will I need to move away from my friends and family in order for them to excuse me from these unwritten social obligations and ‘get-togethers’? If you live close to them they get upset if you don’t visit, but if you live far enough from them they don’t expect you to visit-where is the line?

[@snowyowlz5992]

Great question, I’m pondering that myself.

[@lifelessonswithjo]

I am currently going through it now. I am ignoring calls and texts. I am over it! I don't want to fit in nor people please! I am loving who I am! I am setting boundaries too! I don't give a damn anymore! I am going to go my own way like you said. I am feeling more peaceful.

[@kan0762]

I always wondered why I would view the world in other people's lenses, it was excruciatingly painful ...now things have changed and the hermit mode really helps

[@lindateuling7862]

My "Dependent" stage was usually when I (1) experienced strong emotional dependence or (2) was looking for a relationship just for "relationship's" sake - after all, we're "supposed" to have relationships, aren't we?! 🤔 (For a long time I saw a relationship - whether with friends or romantic ones - as obligations rather than a way to to enrich life.) My "Independent" stage began at a point where I finally got sick of all the dependence. I then chose to own my social life and completely re-create it, as you say, Wenzes, on my own terms. I also quit my job at a place where I'd been for 10 years and rebuilt my whole working structure. All this re-doing happened during the independent stage. I can't speak for everyone, but it seemed like the "Interdependent " stage grew naturally from choices made during this time. So I can confirm from personal experience what you described here. I think that once we recognize this pattern, it could even make it fun! 🙂

[@jazibasi6677]

You have articulated my dependent stage sooo perfectly with (1) and (2).

[@jayrtee]

Wow, this one hits hard. My husband of 13 years was a hardcore alcoholic. I am going though these stages as we speak - I did the dependent stage, and the independent stage. I put my foot down to get to a space where I felt I could exist. I made compromises to make it seem I could live like this. It wasn't working, but I was working to make myself feel that it was. Then he passed away, due to his alcohol use. That's when I got more into the independent stage, and thinking about living on my own. Establishing my own routines, doing things the way I wanted to than how they were dictated by a preoccupied, self-centered center of my life. Now I'm in hermit mode, and have been considering how to get out of it. I refuse to allow the same things in my life that have come before - I'm financially stable now, I'm emotionally stable now, and I have a good idea of what I want in a relationship, be it friendship or romantic. I am just at the cusp of the interdependent stage. Now...how do I get out of the house and find that person I want to be interdependent with?

[@kimkeck6266]

I am right with you on all accounts! 40 years with a Malignant narcissist. I had no idea what that even was AND I had no idea who I AM! WOW! Love is crazy! 💪🙏🥰🌷

[@JoseGarcia-hv4mq]

I wrote a very long letter to myself today. I spoke of the same things you mentioned in this video. I spoke of social norms and about reducing myself for the sake of others. I spoke of no longer wanting this world because it isn't for me. I spoke of how I used to take up space and allowed no one to diminish it. When I was younger, I loved it when someone would say to me "You just think you're better than everyone else." I didn't. Thank you for speaking about the same things.

[@swmart6498]

I should be a case study of the INFJ. I check every single box. I always have been painfully empathic. but since taking the MBTI and discovering INFJ after taking it twice a year apart. Gosh, I appreciate these videos, its definitely reassuring to know I am not alone.

[@jamieraintree]

Do we have to be human? 🤣 This is actually perfect timing. I just fell into full hermit mode. I’ve been heading that way for many months but I’ve been afraid of losing people. Just this morning, I reached the point where I was truly done and willing to risk the relationships I’ve had because they don’t fit me anyway. When I’ve tried to explain to my good friends about wanting to be a hermit, I’ve struggled to explain why this was actually a good thing, because society has negative connotations around pulling away from society. But I just knew in my heart it was right, and here your video is, explaining it perfectly. Looking forward to interdependence. 💞

[@gzu-em8we]

Big feels ✌️ you got this!

[@mylifeasjessio]

It's interesting how many people will walk away during this phase and not respect it all. It definitely hurts, but it's better now than later!

[@thegoddesswithin8859]

Hermit mode is self care for an INFJ. The secret to it becoming this in a really healthy way, rather than using it as a place to ruminate on internal looping lies in the 5 Pillars. Once you get this, the world is your oyster as an INFJ. You give yourself the down time that you do need but you also know how to not stay stuck there. I wish I'd learned this earlier, but unfortunately personality types don't come with a manual. Until now. Thanks Wenz. 🙏👑

[@jaysgone2020]

I'm still trying to stop feeling guilty for creating exactly what I want. Sometimes I'm totally ecstatic about my results, but there are still times I feel guilty.

[@margohannah52]

Girl you have really been getting me through my negative self-perception. For so long I thought something was wrong with me and I felt super alone. Thank you for your videos

[@gzu-em8we]

Perfect timing I'm just entering my hermit nose down and grind mode. Your videos make this journey alittle less lonely and I appreciate what you're doing ✌️

[@boiseraise]

I feel like am in interdependence stage.. and am the happiest I have ever been.

[@Anonymous_Anon882]

Other people enjoy the INFJ’s company more than they enjoy others’. They’ll do their thing and show up when they have to (or when they get the spontaneous want, which does happen sometimes) but generally they’d rather love deeply from a distance. It’s that combination of caring for people very much (far more than most) but kind of wanting to be left alone in the flesh 6 or 7 times out of 10. They turn up when they turn up (and disappear again for 10/11 months). It’s a tricky one:

[@galacticman3376]

Currently in hermit mode. Kind of have been for some time now. I feel bad about it sometimes cus I rarely see my friends anymore, and when I do, I’m always worried I’m gonna be too much lmao. Ik there are these unspoken rules to being social but I kinda hate it. For one, I need everything explained to me like I’m 5 in order to understand shit. Two, most of my life I’ve been in toxic relationships (ex, friend, parents, etc.) so that’s all I’ve known until I went to hermit mode and figured out some of that stuff. Idk man at this point it just feels easiest for me to just be polite when I go outside and hope for the best, socially wise

[@kja200018]

Wow, you’re describing each step or phase of my life as an infj. Scary accurate!!

[@jessicalynn7461]

Thanks for the video! This is very synchronistic for me. I have come to realize that I have had a pattern of self abandonment likely based on being an infj, projections and unmet needs in childhood. I have been in hermit mode for a while, but I am now ready for more fulfilling connections and I am happy to have seen this video as confirmation of what I've been going through.

[@ryanunderwood5465]

No drama, no distractions is when we strive

[@Mossy-Rock]

Wow, did you hit the nail on the head!!! Your understanding of the INFJ soul surpasses anyone I've ever seen, and what's even better, you communicate the dynamics clearly. As an INFJ, I recognize all of these stages that I've gone through and it's good to know that I've finally reached the interdependent mode.

[@jasmin1773]

It's so empowering, that a lot of INFJ have similar topics, sometimes even to the same time! The good side is that, then they can help each other not feel alone anymore.💙

[@amyj.4992]

No one has done, what's inside of my mind before. We make our own pace, and not fall prey to the pace of others. I don't let their ridicule, stop my vision.

[@aniokay]

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 Well done! I have been in forced hermit mode (on/off) for 6 years due to concussion/stress and have been forced to go to therapi. I swear, I might even have gotten out of a behavioural pattern that has resembled something like a personality disorder (/complex ptsd depending on how you look at it). It has been like coming out of the Matrix. I am now recovering (still a LOT of work) and trying to take the new step into a new reality...

[@genem3785]

The universe brought me to this video right when I needed to see it. Thank you Wenzes!!!!!

[@imnedmonton]

I have a long inventory of ways to push the joy button that don't involve two-legged folks. I love being alone because it's joyful, mostly. My four-legged companion, Bella, and I are in love. It's an inter-species relationship. Actually, cats are probably extraterrestrial. Love from Canada. ♥

[@neonspinx]

I took the step of moving to a new city by myself to grow and work on myself but of course i doubt this decision everyday, and your videos have been very comforting and encouraging. Thank you.

[@jakemcnamara8317]

I realize I've been in hermit mode for a quite a while.

[@thenewearth5313]

I come out of hermit mode whenever i please, but always go back to it. I feel like i went next level when i started viewing everyone as an NPC, which made it very easy to not care what they think about anything. Leaving me free to be me! 😆

[@markh4926]

I've been in hermit mode for two months now. It is not difficult for me because I've always been a loner and am not afraid nor am I lonely. Part of the reason is I'm recovering from surgery and there is pain. Aside from all that, there are two narc women who've been giving me shit at our AA meetings. If I dare to speak to another girl, the next thing I see is this narc chick talking to her and the poor girl becomes afraid of me and won't talk anymore. All of this is highly stressing and very difficult to counter. The pain in my body has receded so I think I may be able to get to meetings by next week. Thanks for your videos, they help knowing that someone else understands and I'm not a Lone Ranger with these problems.

[@ingridxo23]

My INFJ boyfriend got mad at me (ENFP) for being addicted to discord today lol I left the servers immediately cuz I can live without it. Glad I found this 💯

[@johnwilhelm385]

My path was Independent to Dependent to Interdependent. Thanks for the very good information! I could never figure this out on my own.

[@tashaflores5770]

Wow, I am so thankful that I found you. Your videos describe me to the T. It's amazing to finally realize that there are other people uniquely like me (rebel). I feel like I stay in hermit mode. However, it's been a great benefit for me helping me go within while bringing me peace and helping me find balance. I'm learning to use this time to work on projects and new hobbies that make me feel good and accomplished.

[@IndigoChild60360]

Hermit mode has given me so many answers to situations lately, even situations that haven’t happened yet.

[@randallrobinson4189]

I'm just learning about INFJ's. I'm going thru this exact same thing with people, especially my roommate. I don't know 100% if I'm an INFJ, I fit a lot of it's traits. I see things before they happen I know what people feel. It's very strange to me. I wish death would come to me

[@ChaoticCardTarot]

Reminds me of the tarot card The Hermit for obvious.reasons ,Tells of a similar story but of course it changes perspective based on the persons current stage of there "hero's journey" I would agree the state of solitude can be and is blissfully rewarding.

[@ryanunderwood5465]

Hermit mode for us is self growth in peace

[@sali6522]

I realize I have been going through these without realizing how real it was.. My biggest thing is being amazing when I am in hermit mode but as soon as I go around people especially people I am unfamiliar with things go left. Not in the worst way but I realize that I mirror what is happening then walk away feeling like they did not get a true impression about who I am. After meeting new people I tend to do better the 2nd time around because I reflect and create a strategy for being around them. However, I struggle with just showing up as me, if that makes sense. I either say something or feel that something I said could have been mistaken. Then I wonder why do I always feel as if the new people I meet never get a true sense of who I am? Why does this happen so often? Maybe I am not who or what I think I am? It's crazy.

[@madizen6312]

Wow! I totally do this cycle. I call my independence my hibernation. You become monk like, meditation, detachment, etc.

[@FantogemeStudios]

I live in solitude, and I love it. I do nice things for myself. Its great. My thing honestly is.. I've come to realize over a span of 5 years, that I'm stronger with a companion. Like when it comes to manifesting my ideals into a close approximation of reality. Trying to navigate life all on your own is doable, but it's not effective.. depending on what you want out of it. (thats for you to decide) You're also dealing with all your own shortcomings constantly, and there's never anyone around to cover for it. But I have to say.. you truly learn how strong you actually are. Things could of gone very badly for me had I not lost focus on the bigger picture. I look back and even I'm amazed I accomplished what I did despite the odds not really going in my favor. My journey has been a trial by fire for sure.

[@kumbasaidy9894]

Hello great team I couldn't know early enough I was INFJ until when I first saw one of your videos and then things started to sink in for me and I could relate with all the things that you mentioned in this video and it makes more sense each time I continue to watch your video because I am able to relate with them and it also helps me better understand myself

[@triplemmm333]

Sometimes falling back to hermit mode, but yes, finally stage 3 is a visible solution for me. ^^

[@lindavalentin5582]

In addition there is an expression: If you don’t RUN behind people, they will run behind you

[@selfmademillian4093]

I never felt so heard in my entire life

[@MegaCyberleader]

I was in hermit mode when this video was released.

[@cc1k435]

Hermit is my end goal. As in, what I want to be when I grow up. 🤣

[@sarahsmith9766]

This is a circular conflict for me… share vs I’m entitled to my privacy. Like sharing interest and opinions ok, but details about my love life, not willing to share. I guess I should share what I want to connect on and not share what I don’t want to connect on?!? Like I don’t want my friendships based on my romantic life and I feel a lot of women I’ve encountered only want to gossip about that.

[@qazedc3]

Right I had this conflict of putting my love life on blast too after being secretive about it. They watched me get hurt and didnt give a shit like it was entertaining reality TV. Fuck people and their selfishness. And I was belittled for being the true friend who called out a friend back then when they were putting themselves into a harmful situation. Also this is why I cant get along with girls anymore when they act like high schoolers who only want to gossip and not look at their own dirty laundry or talk about interesting intellectual topics. 🙄🙄

[@sarahsmith9766]

@@qazedc3 yes! People lacking in their love life with use yours for their entertainment. I shared way too much, because I believe in transparency, big mistake. My one friend was starting to have dreams about my man cause I had such a romantic relationship. I wasn’t a fan of that at all. Once I started pulling back, she was indignant in getting me to open up again and would say she’s just looking out for me. That’s when I had a blowout cause my boundaries were crossed one too many times. I’m hopeful their are women out there that are fulfilled and can be supportive without engulfing.

[@augustothegray7883]

Great stuff! I’m definitely in my independent phase, but walking towards interdependence. ;)

[@RMbaph]

Wow, now I feel even more alone realizing that people are not as conscious and thoughtful about life. It feels like I’ve been letting myself be drained for so long, but at the same time i dont know if its narcissistic to be think that way. Regardless, I appreciate your videos they have helped me be more mindful about myself I always seen to put myself last.

[@MrGadfly772]

As usual this is spot on. I'm in a kinda hermit mode as I just retired. As an INFJ I can get away with this next question I hope; how is an INFJ created? Is it their childhood? Genetics? Parents?

[@ajestlemonde]

I found people who completely accept me and love me as is. OMG! They let me reboot and plug in. Why don't people understand this? I have people, finally, who understand that I need recharging time and let me be an emotionally expressive person. I have never felt this loved & understood. I think I can finally find a real relationship now.

[@YouilAushana]

People do want to love you for exactly who you are and as an INFJ being complex etc it is hard for us to allow ourselves to be loved by others for who we are since we are never satisfied and struggle for better, improvements and a place for others to shine around us.

[@JT-gm4fk]

For me personally, I'm more than willing to allow myself to be loved by others for who I am. The problem is, those people who seem to be drawn to authenticity or our personality are nowhere to be found. It doesn't hinder me being myself at all but the truth is after decades....those people have yet to surface . I think the saying "you'll find those who accept you" isn't always true...but that's still ok. Conformity is not an option for me.

[@YouilAushana]

@@JT-gm4fk yeah, well your average person just wants to conform and we just make them feel too uncomfortable to stick around man

[@JT-gm4fk]

@@YouilAushana I agree with you on that completely

[@joy_villa]

Your words are honey to my soul ❤

[@harithap9228]

Thank you for all of this awesome information. I can see myself in every word that you say. I am an INFJ, HSP currently in hermit mode after 50 years of dependency and exhausted. But yes, although I am peaceful and meditating and very comfortable with my peace and solitude, I do genuinely sometimes feel the need for some connection. I don't know where to go, how to start yet. All old connections are now broken. Which were of course never authentic to begin with because of co dependency. I have been watching all your videos and can relate to it so much. I wish I had known this before. But my daughter is an INFJ too, and I have been sharing these videos with her. My hope is, if she understands all of this about herself, she can start living a fulfilled life. Thanks once again

[@FamousDEntPrize-ze9pw]

OK kl 😊 so this won't be for much longer ok I am right there right now but I am smiling throughout this uncomfortable stage I wonder how am I doing it. I am being tempted to go back to the old life and way of living but my intuition is so strong now 😊 I am an infj my life is not like others around me 😊😊😊Devine love and light 🚦 Rastafarie still lives..... I don't care what anyone thinks but I love these people. The enemies are coming out into the light now they can't hide and they know😊 whenever I talk about God these family members get small they are so afraid

[@CW91]

I identify as a hermit, looking for other hermits out there. Hermits, please reach out to me.

[@Betscu.]

I need to break free from my hermit mode.

[@tylerthornton3107]

Tuning in about HERMIT MODE!

[@romaben8297]

thank you wenze 🙏 and there's one other thing I would love to learn from you , it's fluency and being explicit . cuz another reason, rather than fear of judgement, for not allowing myself to authentically be me around people is that I just don't know how to express myself.

[@camdenb5780]

Crazy I feel so seen. I can relate to all of these stages (well not the third one... but eventually).

[@JustforusCanada]

I’m in between independence and interdependence mode

[@super-intelligentastrology3572]

This is really relevant to where i am right now. the sharing ... it's a process...

[@pippalewisNYC]

I'm currently in hermit mode. 😊

[@spectralcav]

OK - so what if you've been living in hermit mode for a long time, generally comfortably and just getting by. But then something triggers a want/need to change but you feel like you don't have any particularly 'great gifts' to share and you really haven't created an 'amazing life' that you believe anyone would ever want to share with you. Where do you go from there? I think the temptation is to hope to ride-out the storm and hope that whatever the trigger to want to change somehow fades into the background, becoming just another memory, so you can go back to the stability of what you know (solitude). That might even work but it's no long term solution. How the heck do you break-out of this mindset in the absense of meaningful connections?

[@alisasaunders5233]

Simon Lambert, I think that depends on what you want to create for yourself. If you want to be known by people and in relationships and you know who you are, if you've healed from the things that hold you back, then the answers are pretty straight forward about what and how to create it. If old relationships are still there or if mending things and creating a new level is what you want or just ditching the old and creating new... Only you know this! But having found the stability of these things is kind of imperative before leaving the "hermit" mode. Do you acknowledge these things about yourself and love and appreciate them for what it is? If not heal them. There are many ways but you won't find real love and connection if you haven't given it to yourself. Self love is crucial. You cannot share with others what you don't yet understand. And they never will understand if you can't. If you have done this then you'll find ways of getting back out there based on your own interests and desires. Joining in slowly and keeping your awareness of self love in the forefront so you don't lose your way and slip back too quickly... like testing the waters. Or if you're absolutely solid in self.... then just jump! Rejection doesn't matter. You love who you are and don't mind when others don't get you. It takes so many "NO's" to get to a yes in sales and marketing. I got pretty used to the NO's... I thank them for not wasting my time and I move on.... CREATE WHAT YOU LOVE!! Good luck!

[@spectralcav]

​@@alisasaunders5233 Thanks very much A'lisa. Really appreciate you taking the time to reply to my comment! I was having a really bad day when I wrote it, just churning stuff around in my head and getting nowhere. A bit of human interaction, really just meaningless chit-chat, seemed to clear the fog a bit. This miserable negativity tends to comes in waves that serve no purpose and clearly that situation has to change... I think it's fair to say that I do not understand love at all. Only one person - inclusive of family members - have ever said those three words to me and, when they did, I didn't believe them anyway. I do not blame or have any malice towards them - I know that my parents didn't have the most loving upbringing and my siblings likely received the same as myself, although they seem to have handled it better than I have. I guess I've always felt fundamentally unloveable, have accepted that as a fact and lived most of my life in that belief. It's actually been a surprisingly effective coping strategy that somehow allows me to present a largely optimistic and positive face to the world. Of course it's a mask. I can guarantee that the vast majority of people wouldn't see it as a mask - it rarely, if ever, slips The main trouble with it, apart from the obvious lack of what I'd call 'real' connections and not being true to myself (fear of confirming my fears) seems to be the inability to accept complements or to attach any meaning (pride?) to day-to-day accomplishments. I have a project on my hands!

[@LevelDroneRCX]

I am in hermit mode but need to get out of it for an opportunity.

[@jameyedwardsartwork]

I’m so glad I discovered your channel. This has helped me so much! A definite God-send!!

[@meimeiamore394]

current situation!

[@simplypositiveme]

I'm currently in one, it's needed.

[@mylifeasjessio]

wow, what is the likelihood that YT would suggest this video today. You just summarized what i've been going through. I've been trying to move into the interdependence phase this summer and have already started reconnecting with old friends and sharing my views that I would not ordinarily share. I must say - so far it seems easier to stay in hermit mode 😞😞, but like you said, it's better to allow them to connect to your authentic self so that you can show up as your unique and wonderful self everyday and if they don't like it, the right people will find their way into your life. Thank you!

[@spinyourmind5586]

INFJ's move homes and/or jobs often due to going into hermit mode?

[@aniokay]

I can't say enough how much this resonnates for me. Thank you! ❤❤❤

[@RedTBasco]

You are truly a wise and beautiful Soul 🙏

[@drbeaverhausen]

Thank you sooooo much! I love your content. I've been in hermit mode a bit lately because I'm already being more social than the norm, and I'm starting a new job. I have friends who don't understand this. I feel this will help me explain it to them.

[@jakemeredith278]

Thank you so much for your videos, I have recently discovered your channel and your insight has helped me immensely. I feel like you understand me better than I understand myself. Thank you again, have a lovely day!

[@matildalarsdotter2285]

I am not sure that I am an INFJ because I have got different results on the test. Both ISFP, INFP and INFJ. But omg I resonate so much with this and so many other videos you make are spot on! They are both so comforting and helpful, thank you!

[@joy_villa]

The I in all of those will be super real to you no matter what because you’re an Introvert 😊

[@bethiciaprasek1008]

I embrace (or at least accept) hermit mode in the Winter. Otherwise I make serious efforts to nurture friendships. As a result, when I am not able to get around due to an automobile accident I have many who are providing emotional and practical support. I love helping and communicating with people during the better time of the year, but also see how my investment is helping me when I am in a tough spot. Interdependence is great, but during the Winter I prefer to do a bit of hermiting.

[@real.mariam]

I’m just so glad I found your channel. Thank you so much for this valuable and unique content. ♥️🙏🏻

[@sergiosotomayor2685]

Finding your channel has been a blessing! I've been able to learn a lot more about myself, and I've confirmed so much of what I found on my own. Thank you!