Why the INTJ is the worst spouse

[@JT-wc3hr]

“Don’t tell them what they should be doing because they can see the future so much that it’s almost insulting to tell them what they should be doing” ..... omg yes, sometimes when people try to give advice or tell me what I should be doing it drives me nuts because I’m left with the impression that they’re not seeing what I’m seeing, it’s as if they’re seeing steps 1 through 3 and I’m seeing steps 1 through 30 and then they think I’m crazy because they can’t see the extra 27 steps that I do, this happens so frequently that sometimes I even wonder “am I the crazy one?”

[@chrisv1674]

Yeah this. People at work are like "why would you do that?" and after 15 years I just respond "Strategy. We can discuss if needed." And if they want to discuss the conversation is, more or less, "here is the standard operating procedure, but...let me show you my crystal ball..." You need that meeting in order for people to see the flaws in SOP. In the INTJ you must trust.

[@anonimowelwiatko9811]

Yeah. I hate being told what and when to do. It's irritating beyond measure.

[@Toni-S]

Enjoyed the conversation. I’m the INTJ & my husband is the ISTJ. You two had me laughing because it was so familiar. 35 years married this year. I wish I would have known MBTI earlier, would have been beneficial.

[@dearkristin]

I loved this video! My ISTJ housemate and I watched it together and marvelled at the similarities. It helped her to make sense of her relationship with our ENTJ housemate as well. Many relatable moments. I also enjoy how you guys were so authentically yourselves - you are very watchable and I would love to see more from you guys! :D

[@GhostofJung]

I love that you say authenticity -- I strive for that so much with content. We are definitely gonna do more!

[@mbtisocialclub]

Deanna did an amazing breakdown of INTJ qualities from an Si perspective. I honestly took so much from this!

[@GhostofJung]

We talk about it all the time in our private life so she is extremely well-versed on this perspective!!

[@evanalex4607]

The passive half/listening, losing details very much feels like a man’s perspective as an INTJ. Women, biologically , are more aware of sensations, to notice colors, scents, sounds, etc. whereas men are one track minded, going forward in a linear hallway. Some have more doors to open, so to speak. Female INTJs are usually not this way, I’d assume, out of being female. Our memory is so strong that ruminating often follows, hence twice as likely to experience depression - quoting Stanford presentation over major depression. I’m female INTJ, 5w4. We never forget getting slighted or receiving courtesy. Fi - Ni feedback loop (ruminating) can get unproductively terrible. If I’m out in nature, I want to be ALONE. Swimming, rock climbing, roller skating, an arts festival, museum, ALONE. If someone is with me, my emersion experience is compromised and I’m left not rejuvenated. It’s good to know ISTJs get nervous around incoming unfamiliarity. I find new things exciting. Movies, books, and series can get boring because the patterns are so immediately clear. Agreed, please refrain from telling us what we should be doing. No one sees the future down the road with the accurately like we can. Plus, our set is extremely individualistic due to being hardwired so differently. I want my brain stimulated, my theories challenged, my opinions called out for being unfounded. My ENTJ partner (we’re still in our twenties, so the ego interferes) notices my different thought pattern but dislikes long winded talking and descriptions. He’s very action oriented and social. He can see where I’m coming from but his perspectives remain shallow in comparison, often replying “that doesn’t make sense.” I’ll explain again in a different way to him again and again. But abstract understanding is lost on him, like explaining why server rooms have to be kept at a cool temperature, as computers produce heat, constantly running produces an abundance of heat that can impact - anyway. He has to be there to see it and understand. That’s due to lack of patience and sensitivity to overwhelm - gets overwhelmed by paragraphs like state statutes. I believe, similarly, I get overwhelmed by physical stimuli in social situations: being touched, spoken to with no direction, small talk.

[@brinitygeorge2495]

@Evan Alex I was going to ask Deanna how her memory was about childhood experiences..but I found your comment and thought you may have a similar experience to mine.. If it made an emotional impact, or made your brain go alive with wonderful connections to information or experiences, you remember things, but when you think back to your growing years, there is just fog if you aren't trying to remember a specific experience from those years..same with even your recent years. However, you remember where you encountered a certain idea for the first time, or first looked up a word's meaning to make better sense of what you were reading so you remember where you first encountered the word, and so on.. Is this the INTJ experience? This is my experience, but I have never talked to an INTJ to ask..would you tell me?

[@omglol89]

As a female INTJ, I couldn’t relate with some of the traits she mentioned about him and I concluded it was because I am a female and there will just be some differing things there. for instance, If I was in a new relationship and we shared a car and they took it for a whole day I probably still would not be trusting enough of them yet to not question them. I also am capable of ruminating a lot, however I wouldn’t say my memory is immaculate by any means. As an INTJ I remember/experience memory moreso depending on the experience I had and what I felt - which sometimes makes me forget other details but remember other ones that illicit more of an emotional reaction/awareness from me. I think getting them out of their head is an amazing thing and would also agree with the avoiding the “should” part. Definitely have gotten into arguments with my ISFJ (Male) partner who tried to tell me something I should’ve done…

[@srhigman]

It was so helpful to listen to you both. I am an ENFP married to an INTJ. My boss is an ISTJ and I feel like I have so much to learn from both of your personality types. Opposite functions can be challenging at first but they help balance and make us well balanced. Glad you have taken the time to figure each other out. Thank you for caring this content!

[@GhostofJung]

We are so glad to have helped in some way. How is your boss as an ISTJ? I'm curious about that. Very different from your INTJ husband?

[@srhigman]

My ISTJ boss comes across as dry and focused. She has a memory of an elephant. She brings our heads out of the clouds and is pretty quick at making logical decisions. One thing I am impressed with is her public speaking. She is very well spoken. She does not give praise often and neither is as good with connecting people. So I think having an opposite personalities on a team can help with that. My coworkers and I sometimes think she is displeased with us. Perhaps its the way she presents herself. However after we all took an MBTI and I learned she was a ISTJ it helped me understand her immensely and respect her strengths and weaknesses. She is good at giving constructive criticism like Deanna. Matter of fact her name is Anna lol. One thing that Deanna has helped me understand is to give concrete details to my boss. I believe this will improve our communication. My INTJ and I speak a similar languages. I find my boss is more serious but maybe thats because she is my boss! Lol

[@GhostofJung]

Could be that she is your boss, yes! Do you know her outside of work? Great! MBTI allows you a bit more sympathy and the ability, like you mention, to present information to her in a way that is most conducive to great communication. Likely this reduces everyone's overalls stress.

[@srhigman]

@@GhostofJung not outside of work no but COVID has also not allowed many of these opportunities. Despite her exterior at times, I find her fun, understanding and laid back a majority of the time. I feel like we have a good working relationship. I appreciate her directness. When I started this new job she had an immense amount of responsibilities and deadlines going on so I think that played a part indirectly how she presented herself. I have recently proved I can pull my weight and contribute since I oversaw her responsibilities when she was on leave. I think she has more trust and respect for me now. Plus being on vacation and coming back always helps rejuvenate oneself! Let me know if you or Deanna has any other advice for me 😁 Thanks again for your content!

[@mdona9]

Okay, I totally love this. I am an ISTJ married to an INTJ. So just the exact reverse from you guys. Very interesting and would love to see more or this!

[@GhostofJung]

Nice! Do you agree with the advice?

[@mdona9]

@@GhostofJung for sure. I had my wife watch with me again and she was nodding her head a lot. She doesn't necessarily always want to stay in and read (that's more me). She does like to go on walks and such but is still in her head when she does so. Besides that everything else was spot on with us.

[@meaghanmulhall5762]

We have the same breakdown, ISTJ husband, INTJ wife, I like to go on walks alone, and am very much still in my head, hubby likes to be inside as much as he likes to be outside, but when inside, he usually uses a device or tv to get that sensory input, whereas I am way more likely to be reading haha. This was insightful, thank you all.

[@SimoneEppler]

Okay, but that's real cute! ❤️👏😍 Edit: I've been with an INTJ for 15 years, and I agree with the memory, missing details. I am actually an INFJ but can relate sooo much to what Deanna says! 🤭☺️

[@GhostofJung]

We live too much in our heads Simone! Life long task to get better with it

[@SimoneEppler]

@@GhostofJung Well, I mean, we all have our weaknesses, right? But on the other hand, I love the inspiring conversations I have with my partner and that he grounds me (I am more anxious about stuff). And I truly appreciate the loyalty. I always say: once you've won the heart of an INTJ, they will be there for you, also during challenging times.

[@blakethetank]

I'm an INTJ and I am VERY detailed oriented if I can mentally imagine it. However, I can see the first example play out extremely easy in my own life as I am not concerned with menial work or tasks. How hard is it to do the dishes in the dishwasher? I also feel like listening and remembering details on a task like that is extremely hard for me to do.

[@GhostofJung]

HAHHA, thank you for backing me up here. It's a weird phenomenon. Mentally we just check out with menial tasks, even though it's not a tough thing to actually do.

[@enfieldjohn101]

I know what you mean. I think the big difference here is that we love details when they apply to something we are focused on and interested in. If it is menial, or uninteresting to us, we struggle to focus on the details of it and drift off into daydreams. We might not be interested in loading a dishwasher the way our spouse thinks we should (I personally am convinced that my technique allows for better contact of each dish surface with the water jets than my wife's method), but when the dishwasher breaks down and I decide that it's a problem that I am determined to solve, suddenly every minute detail of the machine and how it works jumps into sharp focus. I'll take the thing completely apart, fix or replace the problematic part, and put it back together, following a protocol for doing so that I've researched, if I need to.

[@OhMyDaysRecords]

I think there’s a very analytical side which means that we focus on the important details but we « know better » in our mind because we’ve analyzed the best path forward already and so it just makes sense to do it our way 😅 I like being given a task and then I’ll take pleasure in analyzing the way forward, I hate being given precise instructions 😂

[@mamu7976]

Awesome video. Together you both destroyed so many stereotypes and great advise also.

[@breehanson3415]

TIL: Even though Joe is an old cat, you gotta take your INTJ on a walk.

[@GhostofJung]

That's a lovely proverb you've just created

[@mialindvall]

Love this, Deanna gave some very helpful advice 😊 /INTJ

[@GhostofJung]

Mia, what type are you? And thanks for the comment!

[@mialindvall]

@@GhostofJung I'm an INTJ ⭐ I hope for some more INTJ specific content. We need it 😉😊

[@InternetLiJo]

Deanna seems cool as heck! And I totally agree with her 😆

[@GhostofJung]

Cool as heck is correct! 😂

[@ENFPerspectives]

It is hilarious to hear her talk about an INTJ. Being his anchor. Head in the clouds. Big picture. Not detailed in the moment. Not putting out the ideas/fire with water. Sounds really similar to living with an ENFP. How odd.

[@dianatorralbo7690]

As ENFP I think the husband INTJ and I will deal perfectly lol. I don't care about details, I care about ideas and plans. I also like to collect knowledge. The only think is that I like to do a lot of activities outdoors, god but a man who lets you do your stuff and it is not angry about it and doesn't care and it's not clingy? God, that's heaven.

[@GhostofJung]

Ideal!

[@MoPoppins]

I’m an INTJ, and though Se is obviously not my strong suit, I’ve always made an effort to be well-rounded, and above all else, value being high-functioning in as many areas as possible. I also don’t ever want to be a burden on people, and needing to be nagged to do something that I should initiate on my own…like regular house chores. If I can’t remember to do something, I freaking SCHEDULE IT. That’s what calendars and lists are for, and WE’RE GOOD AT ORGANIZATION & PLANNING. Se tasks are effective in helping us w/ problem-solving. We can still be in our heads while we carry out some rote, mundane task like loading or unloading the dishwasher. It’s a productive 5 - 15 min. that results in a well-run household, and during that time, the INTJ might glean some new insights, while also not irritating their spouse/housemate. 🙄 Unlike a klutz becoming an elite athlete w/ quick & refined physical reflexes, there are things we can work on, that don’t actually take up too much mental bandwidth or precious time.

[@joannecaradonna6877]

" Living with.you is like living with a very old cat"... Hilarious!😄

[@GhostofJung]

Yeppp!!

[@JO-iv7tl]

As an INTJ I tend to not care as much about most things. The details come way later. If it's already figured out why do I need to think about it again. I don't bother with the obvious.

[@GhostofJung]

samesies

[@kuro_tadori]

Cool to compare these two types like this! I'm an INFJ and my mother is (I think) an ISFJ so I can see some similarities in how we differ too

[@GhostofJung]

Thank you!! I think think that's a good comparison to make as you both share extraverted feeling and empathy

[@mayowa60]

Lol. I relate to the intj soo much. I forget things soo easily. My dad is istj. He can remember things from 20 years ago. He NEVER forgets. Frustrates him so much how forgetful I can be. I'm always in my head. I zone out so much to details. Hahaha. So interesting watching these kinds of videos

[@GhostofJung]

My wife says she has the memory of an elephant. INTJs are goldfish apparently 😂

[@BreckoniousMaximus]

Too funny! My wife is an ISTJ and I'm an INTJ-T as well. You guys are right on the money. I'm going to forward this to my wife. I hate details and routing tasks, but we are detail oriented. I think it has to do with INTJ's not liking to be told what to do and WHEN to do it. It's in our nature to rebel, we do it subconsciously, so don't take it personal. We can be extremely clean and neat when left alone or given our own domain. Now, about memory, INTJ's have great memories, but we have to access our subconscious mind to recall the information, which takes time. As compared to ISTJ's memory, which is like SDRAM memory in a computer. In other words, quick recall memory in the frontal lobe. Also, I don't mind being outside, as long as it's not hot and sunny......boy do I hate the sunshine! Winter/fall is the time my wife and I spend time outdoors together. I have to disagree about our ideas. When we discuss them, we are in the brainstorming phase of our plans. There is no limit to our creativity and if it can be thought, we will think it. But our logical side will always bring our ideas down into the concrete upon completion. You see, it's the logical side that acts as an anchor to our wild ideas. In the end, our ideas must actually work. Another final thought about the dishwasher example. INTJ'S learn from the top down. Never give us little bits of information, such as when and how to do the dishes, without giving us the big picture in your head. For example, why must I do the dishes at this specific time and manner? What is in the ISTJ'S head for her master plan? This is because an INTJ needs all the information to determine if, in fact, doing the dishes now is the best strategy or most efficient way. If you give the big picture, then the INTJ can create a much better way to accomplish the task at hand in accordance with the big picture or long term strategy. Again, great video! 👍

[@GhostofJung]

Thank you for this thorough comment. Let me know what your wife says as well!

[@syebethel]

Agree very much about the big picture! I'm thinking, 'I was going to load the dishwasher anyway. Please don't criticize until you can PROVE to me why I shd switch to your way.' (I'm INTJ.)

[@jeffshaw674]

Very interesting video and pure. Both of you really give value to the needed communication and understanding relationships demand. That said freedom given to each other, which is the coolest part.

[@GhostofJung]

We need to do more videos

[@danad401]

This is super interesting. It’s cool that y’all work! ❤️

[@TheZMom_Emmelia]

INTJ see detail oriented in our own heads we just don’t need to do it your way.

[@GhostofJung]

So do we focus on minute details or just ignore the details that others think are important?

[@TheZMom_Emmelia]

@@GhostofJung depends, do you love your wife and want your marriage to be successful? ;)

[@GhostofJung]

@@TheZMom_Emmelia all day everyday 🤗

[@TheZMom_Emmelia]

@@GhostofJung I would say If you can consider your wife’s needs a personal challenge it might help you focus on what she’s saying.

[@elypelowski5670]

I really enjoyed watching this. The ISTJ subconscious is ENFP so seeing this relationship is very interesting for sure being that INTJ/ENFP is such a natural pairing. At any point in making a compromise with one another, do either of you feel you need to reach into your own subconscious to accomplish this? Also, it is fascinating watching the body language difference here. Deanna(sp) you are very keyed in using sensory and watching for micro expressions/body language on Joe's face as he talks. I follow your eyes and you are literally following every lip movement, facial gesture, eye movement etc. I have also noticed females do this way more than males do. Females are really much more aware and in-tune with body language, and micro expressions and reading what the body is saying as well as what is actually being said. I just thought I would point that out since I noticed it. Joe, when Deanna is talking try practicing watching her eyes, lips, facial movements etc while she is talking with you. This will deepen connections while talking.

[@ENFPerspectives]

INTJ/enfp is not a natural pairing for every one. It can be great for any pairing depending; morals and other factors are more heavily important by far. Imho

[@hfortenberry]

I noticed this as well. Deanna is very in tune. INTJ here so I get being in your head all the time; but, to you INTJs, it is really lovely to actually look at someone, giving them your undivided focus. 😍 I’m 54 and learned to do this decades ago and it’s a beautiful thing.

[@ourhumblecommode]

Female INTJ - I learned what details matter and which don't. I hand wash dishes because no dishwasher is good enough. Outside is great on an overcast day in the fall/winter but no heat or sunburns, thanks. I was raised by an extrovert and two sensors so learning to pay attention to details was necessary in order to deal with them. Being an INTJ female is a little different to being a male . . . at least that's my understanding.

[@GhostofJung]

good perspective! And yes, the differences in male/female are pretty noticable within each Type

[@miahan8988]

I’m an enfp who wants to understand other peoples’ perspective and I’m so glad I found your channel! I’ve noticed that mbti is getting more popular each day and many people are often satisfied with just reading a description on the 16personalities site (and I get that), which can cause misconception and misunderstanding. So far I’ve been studying mbti for only a year, so I’m not that knowledgeable. I’m not very skilled with typing people irl yet, though I’m slowly being able to recognise a specific function in them. It’s fascinating. Thank you for your videos :)

[@GhostofJung]

Awesome that's such a nice thing to hear! Keep studying. Let me know if you need further help.

[@hollyhayes9640]

(I'd also look into Enneagram if you're interested in learning about other people.) ☺️ --Love, from an INTJ 5w6 (548).

[@miahan8988]

@@hollyhayes9640 Enneagram is certainly interesting :) now I know I’m a 9w1 6w7 2w1 ENFP.

[@getreadywithmemamma]

Brave, this was awesome. I’m married to an INFP and I’m an ESFP but consume sleep blast play so Dave and Shan say my Ni is double activated. I feel like your combo is a super pair especially for efficiency and planning, like would live on an isolated small complex you guys ran haha. Damn the thinking power here is next level. Also, ISTJs seem like great BS detectors in INTJs too but in a really grounding and like good way. Very powerful dynamic there. My hubs and are also super independent types for sure and infp hubs disappears into books daily, but also needs and I mean needs to get outside for runs on most days and is in his head but about people and needs to be around people to do his work but also independently tending the to groups he leads. I go and go and go at work as a nurse or now with our kids but am mostly independent too. When I’m home I need to have time to sit in a shower haha or walk or run alone and I’m always consuming mostly lectures on my current interests or funny shows we watch together a lot but we have desks where the back of the chairs touch so I can write and consume things for the writing or listen to music and he can read and write…we both do that part mine for writing and he for doing house things like dishes haha. I’m surprisingly quite haha for an ESFP at home I mean people exhaust me but not the hubs. Well and I’m like raising kids mostly these days too which takes all of my fun people energy time haha, esfp parents are really fun, I’m old so schedules have become my jam but I’m still a party on legs without needing other people or party things haha. I need quite introversion energy around me to recharge from the other people haha so I love the let’s hang out inside and zone…. Could be being old and a parent though haha.

[@GhostofJung]

Love the thoroughness and thoughtfulness of this comment. Truthfully I don't know much about OP though I am subscribed to their channel

[@getreadywithmemamma]

@@GhostofJung I love watching my functions upside in INTJs too since we are just reversed and it was great to see the IxTJ interaction with you guys. I’ve been consuming them for a year haha so I’m pretty close to hearing a lot of their info and system enough to get it. And thank you hopefully it wasn’t too stream of consciousness, I’m trying to hit up the INTJs from Joyce’s channel to see what you all are about. You said in a video that knowing Type was everything and I’m curious to know what you meant by that… I can guess based on what you’ve shared but can you explain more?

[@getreadywithmemamma]

@@GhostofJung kzbin.info/www/bejne/roPalaOagbimb6c also here is a like 2 minute video from ops describing play and sleep and there’s another on consume and blast. Since my animals are consume sleep blast play I’m more like an infp and in ops I’m: C= Se+Fi=. De+ Oi S= Fi + Ni= Oi + Oi B= Ni + Te= Oi + De P= Te + Se= De + De

[@sylviaowega3839]

This is a very interesting video, because I’m an INTP whom was raised by a rules loving and traditional ISTJ mother, and now married an INTJ husband. Lol

[@888Longball]

Ha! I'm an INTJ married to an ISTJ too! There is only one right way to do things and I can never remember it. I am always looking for a better way rather then the tried and true. My wife likes going to the mountains and I'm like Joe. But, i go along with her because there is time to do both and there is usually a microbrewery after the hike. But, she does keep me grounded when i need to be.

[@GhostofJung]

Being grounded when we need it is such a vital task of the ISTJ spouse that I do not know what we would do without them

[@affinity266]

that was so nice and cute guys! thanks for sharing and keep it coming ❤

[@GhostofJung]

Appreciate you! I think we want to do more 🚀

[@hfortenberry]

Oh wow, 54 year old female INTJ here and I am EXACTLY like him. My dream day is to sit and read cozy inside with the rain outside. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the sun and nature and I will go out and sit in the sun (with a book :-)) to get vitamin D on my skin and fresh air, for health reasons and because I love animals and plants, and I do garden. And I LOVE hiking. For goodness sakes, I have a KZbin channel called Beyond Sustainable Living because I love nature SO MUCH. But, I don't need to be outside as much as I need to be learning and studying and planning. THAT is the most heavenly, fulfilling thing for me. And I absolutely ADORE rainy, stormy days. HEAVEN!! On a different note, Deanna, your sweater is adorable! And your hair is meticulous! Wow! I wear black a lot although my ESFJ step-mom finally got me to start wearing "more colors!!". :-)

[@GhostofJung]

Thank you for validating this! I'm not anti nature, I just don't need to be in it 24/7 like others do. Deanna very much appreciates the compliment 🤗

[@CTailey]

This is a really interesting video, thank you Deanna and Joe! INTJ and ISTJ can have hard times communicating even when they are talking about the same thing, due to their fundamental difference when seeing/ understanding the world (Ni vs Si), and this difference will lead to they having different hobbies and interests. I am an ISTJ and recently talking to an INTJ. Although I appreciate so much about the wit and depth of knowledge he has, I sometimes find it hard to engage or get a topic going when talking to him, not knowing how to do. Really curious about the love story of you guys, may I know what made your relationship getting closer and what are the traits that attract each other the most whey you guys were dating?

[@GhostofJung]

yes! we definitely talk past each other even with a subject we both feel has no room for interpretation! LMAO! I think we both were attracted to the other person's work ehtic and action oriented mindset. I think we saw in each other an equal in both brains and value set so it was a natural fit from day 1.

[@MrsESsmich]

My hubby is an ISTJ-A and I am an INTJ-T and we work just fine. Watching your video was quite fun. Thanks for your Video

[@GhostofJung]

Great! That's usually a great dynamic

[@miriambreslauer6014]

I am typically the dreamer, but due to Engineering training I learned to break apart my own thinking and problems. It is weird and disturbing when I crush my own dreams with practical thinking and detail planning. When I go on walks, I don’t see anything around me. I am always lost in fantasy land unless I am talking to others while walking.

[@GhostofJung]

Ugh I totally relate to this. I wonder how much we miss by being in our own heads too much?

[@janeofthejungle4]

😂👍😂🤣 As an INFJ married to an ISTJ, I reeeeally felt the “you just need be good at… humouring them… you don’t necessarily have to *believe* them..” oooh yes! We INFJs and INTJs can be quite “out there” at times, lol! 👽🛸

[@intjmoses2752]

I can imagine that she has helped you with your Si spiritual side too. Mbti has allowed me to embrace that part away from just Te analysis.

[@GhostofJung]

yes in a way - usually by force and then I end up liking whatever we did

[@intjmoses2752]

@@GhostofJung the charity and forgiveness of the ISTJ is amazing.

[@LyonSolytaire]

INTJ 5w4 here! In my commentary, I'll try to solve some of the problems raised in this (nice) video, therefore, I'll ask Deanna and Joe (lovely couple by the way) not to take it too personaly, because everybody can relate to what I'm about to say. Let's go! ISTJ wife has to understand that everyday life chores (dishwasher...) are sooooo boring to INTJ hubby, who's more focused on important things like how to save this world from total collapse. For that matter, INTJ husband has to put himself in ISTJ mode and relate to his ISTJ sweetheart whenever boring things get in the way of his "more knowledge, more knowledge" hysterical thirst: "She does things like that? Ok, let's do it the same way, I got better things to do/think anyways." -> Time saver, memory saver, better trust in each other! Maybe INTJ husband can indulge in some video games to develop Se while indoor, which activity still lets him simultaneously watch interesting YT videos/podcasts/conferences/interviews? Whenever ISTJ wife will wanna go for a walk in nature, INTJ Hub will spot more details, animals and stuff, and be less in his head. Not every video game genre can be played without sound, but anyway, story-driven games being more into feelings and emotions than pure gameplay, they won't really be that interesting to INTJs. So more sports games, strategy games, arcade games, action games than story-driven games with a lot of dialogues. Maybe ISTJ wife could speak to INTJ lover's Fi to "manipulate" it, and make it understand what is important to her Si? Hubby will remember so much better! Fi is the Force hidden in every INTJ. Use it to make lover.exe get out of his routine/confort zone! If you want to make an INTJ go for a walk, try to tell them that it's important to you for a specific reason or project, and that you need help: "I want to make a photo album for my mother's birthday, I'll need snapshots of beautiful trees, cute birds and nice places. Can you help me with it, I need to spot the right things while in the woods?". Also works with "I need ingredients for the cake I want to make, let's go to the grocery store, we could discuss what kind of cake we wish to have on the way", and so on. Hoping thoses pieces of advice will be of some help, I'll return to my home planet ;p Looking forward for more videos from you. Over & out!

[@hfortenberry]

Deanna is adorable! Please have her on more often. As an INTJ, a fellow Te/Fi user but not a Sensor, I am very interested in her perspective.

[@GhostofJung]

Gonna be doing another video soon!!

[@ronniemurphy2124]

I'm an INTJ, but I love being outdoors and learning things in nature. I love canoeing, whitewater kayaking, mountain biking, rock climbing, and mushroom foraging. This is where my knowledge is invested because every rock cliff is different, and every river is different and even different at given water levels. I'm always learning new things and sure I'm happy at home playing video games now that I'm retired, but I'm not a lazy INTJ.

[@PlumGustave]

Oh you two are sooo GORGEOUS 😍🥰😄

[@GhostofJung]

Stop it you 😇

[@stu6097]

I think INTJs can like to go outside if the environment is appealing and its easily accessible so little effort/energy is required to go experience it. I (INTJ) used to live right next to beach. I would bike ride and go on walks all the time. When I moved inland. Environment is stale and now I never go outside and driving to the beach requires too much energy.

[@DB-uk9bs]

As an INTJ I used to go on regular hikes , when I was like not working . But once’s starting working, I am on low energy, it would require one week of recharge to be able to go on one walk. ..idk about other intjs but it seems we’re running on 20% battery constantly

[@MrDuLac]

6:40 • The concept of us INTJ being similar to a *really old cat* is such a great descriptor of our independence.

[@GhostofJung]

There's simply no better way to put it

[@leliavoinea1942]

Honestly that sounds like my INTJ female friend.😂😁😀 She as a INTJ is the old cat and I as a INFP the sleepy cat.😂

[@bigeazymc]

When she says outside you can see the dread in his face. I feel you brother.

[@GhostofJung]

Thanks my dude 💪

[@sylviaowega3839]

The most annoying thing about both ISTJ mom and my INTJ hubby was their Te getting in the way. They would often come to me complaining and saying something like, “Oh you should do this”, or “You shouldn’t have said that!” It take away from my sense of autonomy

[@fredrikdippel3664]

Yes! So true! The worst I know is when someone tells me on a regular basis what I should do or insinuating on what should be done. It's so disrespectful to treat a grown man like a kid that needs to be told what to do. I freaking know what should be done and I do it my way according to my list of priorities. You don't need to project your own insecurities on me by trying to reinsure yourself...🤮

[@enfieldjohn101]

That's hilarious, yet so true when Deanna says that Joe is like taking care of an old cat! I bet my wife feels that way too. She grew up always having a pet cat as a girl. Sadly, I'm terribly allergic to cats so we can't have one now that we are together, but maybe I've sort of taken the place of a cat. :) Like a cat, I'm very independent, most of the time I don't want physical interaction - with anyone, I'd rather be alone most of the time, now and then I spaz out for no apparent reason when all the stuff I keep bottled up (positive or negative) suddenly boils over, etc. Yes, 'should' vs 'could' is a big thing. We INTJs are very possessive of our ideas and actions. Being told by someone else that one of our favorite big idea or thing to do is wrong or not a good idea, we hate that. Even if you don't mean it that way, we may take it that way. My wife I and very rarely argue as both of us are adverse to arguing, or even being around other people who are arguing. We don't even like to watch TV shows or movies that feature a lot of arguing. The closest we come to it is more like trying to find common ground when we realize that we are coming at the same idea or problem from totally different perspectives. Another time when i'm tempted to argue or get mad with her, but my strong willpower almost always shuts such impulses down, is the rare instance where I perceive that she's dismissing an idea I have for no good reason. I can handle it when the person has a logical, valid point, but not when they dismiss it just because they don't like it or can't understand it. My wife is certainly my anchor in reality. Now and then, she has flights of fancy too. When she does, it is so fun to hop on that plane with her and daydream together! Moments like that, I think sustain our, so far, 18 year marriage more than just about anything else, I would say. But most of the time, she's the more practical down to earth one. We compliment each other well because my strengths are her weaknesses and vice versa. She has trouble thinking of what the long-term consequences or possibilities of a decision might be, for example, while doing so is second nature to me. Meanwhile, she's better at figuring out tangible non-philosophical problems than I am. She can solve a Rubik's Cube, for example, while I get so frustrated by trying to solve it the 'correct' way, that I just want to pop the removable blocks off the frame and snap them where I want them to wind up. I actually did that with a Rubik's Cube when I was a kid. It worked, but the cube never quite rotated around as tightly as it used to. Great video!

[@GhostofJung]

thank you!! great comment.

[@sylviaowega3839]

My ISTJ mom always wanted to go outside and interact with her friends, and be around her colleagues at work, but me the INTP, just preferred my little home space so I can read countless book and watch a good film. My ISTJ mom was also a vociferous Sun worshiper and loved to go to the shopping mall. Lol we were just both very independent.

[@jesssss12]

I don’t cook, I don’t clean - INTJ

[@GhostofJung]

LOL, I cook everyday of the week

[@no-thanks]

Literally... I’ve met an INTJ female who will watch you slave and clean. At least you’ll get a thank you ???...

[@GhostofJung]

Hopefully that much

[@VRIceblast]

Cleaning isn't something I like either, never heard that was a INTJ thing though. I cook though, because I don't want to starve. :)

[@AvalynGirl]

I thought your dishes example was hilarious because I can’t train my husband to load the dishwasher correctly either, but we’re the opposite-I’m the INTJ and he’s the ISTJ. (But I care about how dishes are loaded out of efficiency, not for details.) But all of your other ISTJ-INTJ examples were relatable on the INTJ side, like about memory and him being the one trying to go places instead of staying home, and how irritating it is when an INTJ is told they should be doing something…. though when it had to do with chores I sometimes need the reminder because I don’t always add chores into my planning. :)

[@GhostofJung]

LMAO its nice to hear other ISTJ-INTJ couples have similar issues

[@DB-uk9bs]

The same to me, not a relationship but a coworker. We have a dishwasher at our workplace and me the INTJ is always concerned to load it efficiently in a specific way, and he the ISTJ doesn’t stress the importance of that detail. But the thing with memory is apparent in other areas.

[@lucialuz8730]

I am ISTJ and I love to be home, read for a whole day but going out in nature is also my thing! Acknowledge is also very important, and I hate sun and love rain... I think is more personality...

[@lucialuz8730]

Omg... I know why I love rain I just discovered that I was INTJ and not ISTJ hahahahahhahahaha

[@ccayana88]

Sharing this with my ISTJ husband. Take me out for a walk, show me things or give me space.

[@GhostofJung]

Great! Does that mean you're an INTJ?

[@ccayana88]

@@GhostofJung yes, correct :)

[@heedmywarning2792]

top down thinker vs bottom up thinker. Meet in the middle by making a checklist of details and leaving it next to the dish washer. If she knows how his brain works.... why is she trying to change how it works?

[@elusiveglasslizard]

I'm an ESFP married to an INTJ and, still struggle every day with the knowlege i have about them. Unlike your ISTJ, i'm not as independent and seek out his attention. But, i fill in his forgetfulness gaps and bring a little more energy into his life! :D

[@GhostofJung]

hahah and those two things are greatly appreciated, even if your INTJ seems frustrated by it

[@Englishsea24]

An ESFP with an INTJ in a relationship? Hell's bells, I bet that's hard work! I'm INTJ and know a few ESFPs, but can't be around them for too long, as our personalities are so different, it's not long before I have to get away from them and recharge again lol. If it works though, well done

[@elusiveglasslizard]

I don’t think we’re that different- they are called the aspirational pair- same stack just flipped. We mirror each other just use different parts more dominantly, as you know. Most esfps are enneagram 7, but I’m a 9- and I feed off of the often narrow or assertive personality of the intj. Additionally, I love to be an extrovert, but I’m a great cameleon and generally adjust well to a very low energy environment preferred by INTJ. Also it helps that both my parents are NTJs and I just grew up in that environment 😅

[@Englishsea24]

@@elusiveglasslizard Yeah that's the interesting part of it for me. I used to kind of envy the Extroverts excessive energy and friend making abilities because it used to make me feel like I was missing out on life to some degree, but I now accept it more because I've figured out I kind of have a chameleon side too. Even though I typically like calmness, I can sure find lots of energy stacked away when it's something I really want to do, like going on an adventure holiday, or having long conversations with people I have lots in common with, or working on a project that I'm into tirelessly. Every type has its pros and cons of course, and as long as the individual is aware of them and is able to make the most of them, life is more trouble free and harmonious. Edit, I've just found out I'm 5w6 so the most common INTJ lol. Interesting stuff

[@JT-wc3hr]

As an INTJ I filter out details that I don’t consider important, drives my wife crazy because she will tell me some plans she made for us to do on the weekend and two hours later I’ve completely forgot because leisure plans take a back seat to the project I’m working on mentally plus I assume she will remind me when the time comes. It really drives her crazy because I forget what she told me two hours ago but I have an entire catalog of useless facts and information of things I learned and found interesting that I’ll never forget. My wife is ISTJ so I really related to this video

[@grahambutler734]

Or, consider this. Your just being lazy. Everyone has a calander on their phone. Pop it in there with a reminder.

[@sylviaowega3839]

My ISTJ mother was exactly like that, -that she was always worried about things going wrong, whist I the INTP would always have the attitude that “Well … you don’t know unless you try!”; or “We need to know the facts, before you start worrying”. Lol

[@jamalcole1985]

MBTI, Name numerology, lifepath #, complete birthchart synastry all plays a part. Not just MBTI

[@GhostofJung]

Based

[@arnycsendes6652]

Thank you for this video. I'm trying to understand my conflicts with someone. And though in my case the person wasn't a partner but a close friend, I suspected some kind of incompatibility in our personalities. The examples in your video were great to compare.

[@GhostofJung]

What are your two types?

[@jordy_beats2980]

Write a book on washing the dishes. Problem solved~fellow intj 😂

[@GhostofJung]

1000 page how-to guide incoming

[@Introvert_Honey]

Make it one page, man. Screw the unnecessary details. Smarter, not harder.

[@Dylan-bl7xl]

Why do I feel like only other Thinking and Judging types can successfully criticize INTJ? Feelers don't stand a chance....

[@kellikakes81]

Now I get why ENFPs work with Intjs

[@GhostofJung]

Lmaooo and vice versa!

[@DB-uk9bs]

“…birds…” 😅😅😅 typical answer and reaction . As an INTJ I find it so relatable and funny

[@carolmartha8449]

My god my mum is an istj as brilliant as she is ,i dont get along as much with her ,totally agree with ur darling wife

[@ak9335]

I showed this to my roomate and she’s like OMG thats literally you! The ‘inside the head’ and ‘autoresponse’ was spot on she said 😂 poor my roomate

[@sugarmagnolia33]

I'm an ENTP but surprisingly related so much to the INTJ experience in this video. The one exception is I do like being in nature, but moreso because it's a calming backdrop for me to daydream in 😂

[@GhostofJung]

Given that we are shadow types, I think it makes more sense than you'd think 😇

[@kd7334]

I'm an INTJ, and I'm very detailed.

[@yewo.m]

12:47 I've just gotten used to playing it cool when someone tells me to do something which I've already thought of doing

[@tradways]

Important details matter, Insignificant details do not. Details in efficiency matter, Insignificant details do not. Goal oriented details that move toward the desired end state matter, all other details do not. Unless one has specifically practiced and trained (with many failures along the way) to develope the back seat traits and preferences

[@chrisradano]

Lol. I'm INTJ. I think we're a good spouse! If someone gives me detailed instructions to the letter, that's not going to stick with me. Also we're the opposite of most people...the big picture is ALL that matters to us. Details are only how you get to the big picture, they are not as important. Believe me, INTJ is all abut getting to the point. In fact, we'll think everything through so much, that sometimes we don't feel a need to actually do the action! Also, we're laid back...my wife is the one who may have issues with me...I get along with her fine. Contrary to your video, I've been told I'm neat and organized. Actually I do notice a lot of details. I think your husband's traits don't apply to all INTJ. Maybe some of it is his birth sign? You two are a good young couple!

[@chrisradano]

Sorry Ghost, I was responding to your wife.

[@VRIceblast]

@@chrisradano Yeah, sometimes I'll think something out, and not do it, because for some reason I'll believe I already did it. :)

[@JoeSmith-kn5wo]

Haha, so true. My wife swears she told me something. I swear I don’t remember her ever telling me. I might have been mentally somewhere else. 🤣🤣🤣

[@GhostofJung]

Definitely a robotic response I'm sure you gave her

[@JoeSmith-kn5wo]

Yeah, I think I do that to my kids to too.

[@dazydream123]

I'm INTJ but I can relate to a lot of what Deanna is saying about how her Te works. I normally want to jump to solve a problem. On the other hand, I cause people to crash into each other in grocery stores because I was in my head thinking about something. My memory also is not always the best. Not to the degree of joe but it's not good. Do you guys know your enneagram type with wings? I wonder if that has anything to do with the way Deanna jumps to solving and joe not as much.

[@GhostofJung]

Lol that's really in your own head! I know I'm 5w6 but haven't checked hers

[@ZTRCTGuy]

We INTJ's might trip over a rock sometime but I think ISTJ's don't spend enough time looking up at the stars. That's how you get stuck in a dead end job, like a worker drone going through the motions until they die. Effectively going around in circles.

[@frankvee]

Totally disagree. I'm an INTJ and I am very detail oriented. In fact, INTJs are good at analysing *because* they are good at noticing details and patterns.

[@GhostofJung]

Sometimes. But I get alot of pushback on this one

[@jorgecatolico810]

I caught the mystype :) Jeje, joking, but although INTJs can get the details right on projects they like, for things they find boring or bureacratic they will fall on errors quite easily based on disregarding details. At least that happends on my case.

[@frankvee]

@@jorgecatolico810 Yeah you're definitely right about that. If I don't care much about the project I do frequently make mistakes and disregard details. I don't mean to do it, it's not on purpose but just a result of my low interest.

[@syebethel]

@@frankvee me too. Causes problems at work, since I know (they don't) that I only intend to be there for a few months. I'm not willing to fill my head with things I'll not hv to use in life ever again. 😆

[@VRIceblast]

My father had a Genius IQ, and he earned my respect. So, if he told me to do something a certain way, I knew there was a real reason for doing it that way, even though he might not explain that reason at first. Because of him, I learned to follow how someone does something in detail. While big picture is very important to me, but if given enough detail, I will build a big picture understanding quickly. Otherwise, if you tell me to do something, and you don't give me enough information, I'll see more than one answer, and won't know how to proceed without getting more data. I have to know the over all purpose of what you want to do, and then I can find the fastest way to accomplish that goal. It would be faster to tell me your goal, than to go into detail at first, because I might be able to make leaps of logic very quickly. The other way I can learn is, just should me how you do something, and I'll record it in my mind, and Mimic it back to you as if I had been doing it for years. I'll make leaps of logic on why you do it the way you do as well. So in a way, I'm learning your experience as well. I also like just staying in the house. I literally don't leave the house for months at a time, only when I need food, and I'll buy enough food to usually go for a month or 2. A tank of gas can last me a year. I never feel stir-crazy. I read a lot, and usually use a text to speech program, that will read 6x times the speed. I'm a Multitasker, so I can listen to, and follow a book, while playing a game, with 3 keyboards and mice, while running a business. I also using the tts to read webpages, and comments. Yes, I can entertain myself, but I would rather have my girl with me, because she would be my favor book to read. She's always a interesting read. :) INTJ can adapt usually, because there is a chance that we already thought of that happening, and understand why it might happen, and what we might do about it, or will look at the cause and effect of it, and see the solution, or problem, or if there is a problem, or if it's really anything to worry about in the first place, or I might just say, I don't know, and start from there. I have a poor memory on certain things. Like how to do something, but I learn so fast, that I can usually to reteach myself how to do it with leaps of logic, and most people wouldn't even realize I didn't know how to do it when I started. I literally have to shift memory into habit, and trust myself when I start to do something, as if it's muscle memory. I'll know that I'm correct on something, but can't remember why. I can't remember that work I did to get to the answer, I just know that I'm right. :) Yeah, I can turn off my body signals, like am I hot or cold, am I hungry. If I'm doing something really interesting for my brain. I don't need sleep, I don't need anything but more of what I'm doing, and I can sleep for 2 hours, and wake up refreshed, like I had 8 hours sleep, and go right back to doing what I was into like I never stopped. For 1 month, I slept only 1 hour a day, and couldn't get enough of a book series I was reading. Probably the most fun I had in my life. :) Apparently, I'm a strange INTJ, because it's hard for me to focus fully on just 1 thing, because I'll focus on multiple things at the same time. I can focus on one thing to the point that I don't hear anything going on around me, but that doesn't happen very often, because I usually don't come across things that interesting. :) Doing just one thing is boring for me. I'll fall sleep after 15 minutes of driving, because I'll be too bored. I have to do something to keep my mind occupied, otherwise I'll just go to sleep. I use to drive 400 miles a day for work, and I use to read physical books to keep myself awake. Being able to multitask so well, made that very easy for me. Might be better to just suggest, or brainstorm on a idea, and if you ask us to do something, it would be better to give a reason why you want it, give us your planned goal. If you ask us to do something, without a purpose given, we might not remember it, but if you trigger our planning mode. So we are thinking about how to do what you ask, we are more likely to remember to do it. Just understand, we might have a different way of getting to the goal you set. Also, be pretty exact on what you want, don't leave us with multiple options. Otherwise, we might do the wrong thing, or not do it at all. Yeah, we make leaps of logic. We can take info from many sources and create our own solution. I sort of think of it as doing experiments. Sometimes though, I'll skip a few steps along the way, that I can't skip, and my plan will fail, but usually I'll just learn from the mistake, and create a solution, or learn I can't do it, and hire someone to do it for me. :) Yeah, I'll understand something in such away, that I can't explain it. It's usually because my understanding is from tons of small pieces of data over years of experience. I can't explain, because I can't point to where I got all my understanding from. I just know that I'm likely right, because my track record for things like that is very good, and that's what a INTJ really is.

[@CoreyB777]

I'm an intj and I enjoy outdoor activities like kayaking alone.

[@sylviaowega3839]

I can tell that hilarious story of how my 2nd oldest brother attempted to feign my ISTJ mom being sick. He tried to heat up the thermometer 🌡 by heating it up with a match. Now ask me if she got fooled, or not! Lol 😂

[@faz1232]

Dianne - Im an ISJT here! I’m constantly being told I’m rude, abrupt and cold - although this has never been intended. Have you ever had this issue? I dont like beating around the bush, I find it fake and back handed. How have you dealt with this if its also been an issue for you?

[@GhostofJung]

"fake it till you make it" -deanna

[@syebethel]

Thx for explaining the "ivory tower". I just didn't understand why ppl think I think I know everything. On the one hand, they will come to me with qns or advice that are easy for me to answer, maybe bc I've already experienced same in my own life, & they thank me. I'm happy to hv helped. On the other hand, when they hv a qn I cant answer, the response is that I'm dumb or stupid or mean to withhold information. At the same time, who do I go to for advice?

[@jamilifontenele6171]

Whenever I look at Deanna in videos all I can think about is: "Girl, you got it bad, huh? I feel you sis." Lol She has the face of someone crushing really hard. When she looks at him its like he the most handsome, inteligent, amazing man in the whole world. She keeps staring at him all the time with those puppy eyes. Its sooooo cute ❤🧡

[@GhostofJung]

Lmaooo!!!! Wow, I need to tell her about this

[@Xereszone]

lovely, thank you for sharing.

[@GhostofJung]

My pleasure

[@tinasWindow]

Young INTJ from an old INTJ, get into nature, your “outside the box “ thinking will not only be helped but so will your relationship 🌺 Happily celebrating thirty years of marriage and no were not robots, were coconuts , hard on the outside, sweet and warm on the inside and so loyal they would save your life if you were stranded on a desert island 🏝

[@GhostofJung]

So great that you are validating this for a young INTJ. Appreciate you!

[@justanotherboringyoutubech244]

I'm an istj, time to find for me an intj partner

[@coachdavemarch]

Great work!

[@GhostofJung]

Thanks coach!

[@Magicalpow1]

You two are like the best pair ever. May I ask why you named your channel Ghost of Jung?

[@GhostofJung]

Thank you! Well, it seemed aspirational at the time and a solid goal to strive towards

[@ObsidianBehemoth]

"Another story recounts that a maid found Newton standing in the kitchen with a saucepan full of boiling water. He was holding an egg in bewilderment, and his watch was in the pot."

[@calbaking]

as an intj myself, im hella jelly of ur wife

[@GhostofJung]

Lmao I'm a lucky man

[@johns998]

This is so true. I had my wife watch it so she can understand me better. Also, Joe, what about eye contact with your wife. I thought I was bad. She is looking at you the entire conversation, and you must have eye contact with her three or four times. Loved the dialogue. Joe, a question for you. Are there any correlations between your type and your Zodiac sign? I am INTJ and Scorpion. And I think that the combination is not a coincidence.

[@GhostofJung]

I maintained eye contact with her via the camera which was on purpose. I didnt want to keep turning my head because I was already looking at her in the camera lens. Also it could be I am also INTJ/Scorpio!! What do you think that's about?

[@johns998]

@@GhostofJung You are kidding! Another INTJ/Scorpion. I don't know, but there is got to be a connection somehow. I follow you on LinkedIn. Thank You! And no maintaining eye contact through camera doesn't count. 🤣

[@GhostofJung]

@Watson welcome to the team

[@Introvert_Honey]

I have never come across an INTJ who found value in astrology. Never ever. This is interesting…

[@GhostofJung]

I wouldn't say I believe in astrology but I just know that I'm a scorpio

[@sylviaowega3839]

My hubby being an INTJ is much more of a conspiracy theorist as an Ni hero than I am. I on the other hand as a Ti user need to know the facts more before I being in, say UFO sighting, ghosts and other forms of magical entities, or even religion

[@J_Trask]

Sounds like my ISFJ wife that puts out a lot of my INTJ ideas, even when they’re just conceptual, and not even very serious, just being told it is dumb.

[@audiofeinz5754]

Some details make you miss the big picture

[@gungnir3926]

I keep getting intj but i am very sporty, nature orientated. I am a mix with entp i think but hard to tell which is my main type.

[@sylviaowega3839]

Both of us INTJ’s and INTP’s are very big picture oriented. Lol

[@srs1659]

6:40 How do you think we get along so well? It’s like taking care of an old cat.

[@GhostofJung]

best description ever given

[@Rezzmari]

I'm an ISTJ married to an INTP but I'm seeing some similarities here between the INTP and INTJ. XD

[@baronvonlichtenstein]

How about ESP cheaters or ESTJ wife beaters? Granted, I've never been married but I don't think I would be the WORST. Someone should make a video about how ISTJs are the worst mothers.

[@minjoolee2231]

Deanna you have Astrid vibes (httyd)

[@borgsorj9438]

Needed this 😑

[@anonamous7935]

🤣🤣🤣 it's possibly the tone of your voice when instructing the INTJ. If someone uses the wrong tone of voice, I stop listening. I'm physically present, even nodding my head along in response but I've stopped from the beginning

[@BigD365]

Joe wincing at camping I can relate to. What's the point of camping?!

[@GhostofJung]

People have nothing to do 🤌

[@johnknight9150]

Auto-responses aren't an INTJ thing, they're a man thing. What music do you hear in your head when the ladies speak?

[@GhostofJung]

Polyphia

[@INXIETE]

INTJ face says it all, ‘idgaf’ haha😂