WHY THEY ARE PICKING FIGHTS WITH YOU!

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Күн бұрын

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@AM-xe4iq 2 жыл бұрын

I just don’t agree that they’re not aware of what they’re doing. They know exactly what they’re doing. They might not understand why, but they know that their behavior is purposeful. Here’s proof…..watch how they pull it together in front of others to put on a good face when needed, and then when the coast is clear, they go right back to being abusive toward you. They know.

@mootsooblankson9294 2 жыл бұрын

I agree! They are fully aware of their behaviour

@skylar6818 2 жыл бұрын

They know exactly what they are doing!

@heatherlicious8224 2 жыл бұрын

They do and even if they don’t in some situations it’s still subconscious. I’ve seen both but mostly they know what they are doing at all times.

@sidgrover8628 2 жыл бұрын

I can dig it it’s like a dual personality like two-face from Batman movies…she can be such a beautiful person around the people that she cares about…the people she wants to impress with her beautiful side…but then when she’s alone with me and my young kids she acts like she has no self control at all…I think she actually has a demon that lives inside her and has for probably most of her life..she can switch faces and behaviors in an instant….it makes me look at her and say wow is that the same person I saw just a few moments ago…it really weird and scary at the same time…going thru a divorce now after being married for 17 yrs and 2 young children 10 & 14 I thank God for these videos and others that are showing me I’m not alone and I’m not crazy….I’m finding strength in educating myself about what to look for and how to set boundaries now and in the future as she’s going to be around for awhile…at a distance 👍🤠

@meriembengana787 2 жыл бұрын

Yes they know! And they chose to do what makes them feel good despite others wellbeing

@Meggiebeth19 Жыл бұрын

Refuse to argue with a narcissist. Walk away. Remain silent. Ignore them. Do not engage them. You give a narcissist an inch they’ll want a mile.

@democratictotalitariansoci1462 Жыл бұрын

yeah, just behave like ostrich.

@ZenZone-li4fr Жыл бұрын

Our attention to them is their fuel.❤

@democratictotalitariansoci1462 Жыл бұрын

yeah, world would've been much greater place if everyone just had ignored Hitler.

@jeffcastetter6122 Жыл бұрын

Some truth in what you typed. But, it is impossible to Ignore them when they keep getting worse and worse until you react.

@propheteyebert7063 Жыл бұрын

I force my narc friend to debate logically whenever he starts an argument. If he flies into a rage, I end the interaction and NOT be the first to make up. This deflates his ego so much that he has stopped that behavior.

@steadypace1262 2 жыл бұрын

Narcissists are troublemakers not peacemakers, they will always pick fights with those close to them. They can't live in peace for long it's too boring for them, they like excitement positive or negative. Don't react to the narcissist when they push your buttons for narcissistic supply, give them nothing.

@damonw2286 2 жыл бұрын

exactly! trouble makers...not peace makers...my soon to be ex-wife thrives on absolute chaos.

@steadypace1262 2 жыл бұрын

@@damonw2286 Yes narcissist's are all clones of each other. They are very impatient people especially with their partner's, when it comes to others though they have all the patience in the world.

@damonw2286 2 жыл бұрын

@@steadypace1262 Thx Steady Pace...I also noticed (for example) if I say "Hey we need to save and invest" I'm insane because I'm not living for the moment and Dave Ramsey is an A Hole----But, If someone down the street says "Hey you should save and invest" it's Gospel! Can't express how many times this has happened to me with my wife on almost every topic.

@steadypace1262 2 жыл бұрын

@@damonw2286 Yes female and male narcissists are similar to each other in so many ways. Narcissist's play down what you say to them, they hate to validate you in any way. They come home from work etc and tell you the very same thing you told them before only now it's suddenly important almost like a revelation because it's come from someone else. The covert narc did that a LOT to me. Narcissists withhold things from their partner on purpose. Midnight here will check back in morning in case you reply. Enjoy the rest of your day.👍

@qq84 2 жыл бұрын

They don't pick fights with everyone. They do have their accomplices and flying monkeys.

@JohnSmith-wo7ns 2 жыл бұрын

I think as soon as their initial obsession with us inevitably disappears, they are back in their default mode, constantly irritable and angry at their life, so they take it out on us. Picking fights distracts them from their own thoughts of failure.

@maravilloso002 2 жыл бұрын

Definitely an obsession. When they're pouty and bored w/ you, you seek them sulking and having. melancholy. They try super hard to make themselves more visible. I tactically ignore ppl, showing no outward signs of interest in them. They slam things, whistle, always bringing their "flying monkeys" around to seem cool in your presence, so you join in, but they really don't want you apart of their clique.

@susanaustin_filmproducer 2 жыл бұрын

Exactly 💯 % this is what I know also! x

@JohnSmith-wo7ns 2 жыл бұрын

@@susanaustin_filmproducer sad but true 👍

@stevensteven3417 2 жыл бұрын

I am a little older so not a tik tok generation, back in the day we simply used to call it to just f... with somebody. They are bored and want some fun and they dont see you as equal to them they know you are weak so they will f with you, for no good reason but just because they can. And also they are like vampires and feed on from your negative emotions they will cause you.

@JohnSmith-wo7ns 2 жыл бұрын

@@stevensteven3417 I think some actually believe their latest victim can bring them the peace and happiness they crave. But once again months down the line they're bored and irritable again. They're too stubborn and blind to look within for the answer to this continuing problem in their lives. So they blame and rage and look out for someone new.

@73kristilee 2 жыл бұрын

It's pretty evil. Pushing your buttons again and again until you react then they sit back and humiliate you like you're the crazy one with issues. Then when you call them out for it, you're gaslit again and told you're too sensitive taking it the wrong way. Really messed up. They have a long hard road ahead of them don't they

@oscarwilliamson1128 2 жыл бұрын

Kristi Lee,Hope you are not with a narcissist

@73kristilee 2 жыл бұрын

@@oscarwilliamson1128 not any more. 4 years ago.

@oscarwilliamson1128 2 жыл бұрын

@@73kristilee You deserves better.I will be glad to know you.Are you on Facebook?.If yes what’s your username let me add you

@marlenevideos8666 2 жыл бұрын

That which you said "you're too sensitive", tells me what is being said is meant to be mean. Is that what you're saying?

@73kristilee 2 жыл бұрын

@@oscarwilliamson1128 no I don't have any social media other than KZbin

@deehall47sdadjokes 2 жыл бұрын

Because they're miserable with themselves and like to take it out on others. Simple

@danyelleterry2138 2 жыл бұрын

Sad,but true...

@ShareTheMystery 2 жыл бұрын

Simple😢

@Michelle-ld9vj 2 жыл бұрын

lol true it's sad

@caseyoliver165 Жыл бұрын

You are absolutely right about that and that is so true indeed.

@lucylu9083 2 жыл бұрын

Narcissist pick fights because they want attention, if you argue back then that’s what they want, they then have your attention, They love to gaslight to stir you up , Best thing to do is ignore and stay ignoring them, then block them. Break all contact with them

@BAKER22-l4u 2 жыл бұрын

EXACTLY

@petekdemircioglu Жыл бұрын

Exactly

@petekdemircioglu Жыл бұрын

Build that Wall to all Narcs!

@keithwittman4741 Жыл бұрын

There are a few that say, with regular therapy a narcissist can be helped. I hope to find a way to get my wife to the dr. Frustrating that a narcissist refuses to believe they are not the problem!

@liberilibri2710 Жыл бұрын

According to J.Franklin ("Death by Enchantment", London 1971), the priests of Satan (witches and sorcerers) adopt a sweet, pleasant, kind, friendly, very cooperative external behavior to better hide the will to destroy all those they have sympathy for them and trust their smiling face. These elect do not attend traditional groups and indeed speak out clearly against covens such as Gardner's Wicca, but often bind themselves to a few other elect. Perverse by nature, they have no need to cultivate the arcana of classic sorcery. Franklin's questionnaire would give concordant and precise indications that isolated witches are antisocial, quarrelsome right from school age, persecuted by other children (considered vulgar and stupid, moreover, by the witch) who torment the strange companion because they are jealous of her position, of his intellectual superiority. But the brilliant mental qualities of witches - Franklin continues - remain superficial; their character, marked by some suffering in childhood, by lack of parental guidance, make these subjects perfect vehicles for demons: one of them takes the future witch by storm when she becomes a woman and guides her towards the path of witchcraft. Franklin then sees the "normal" life of the predestined to witchcraft unfold like this: very young, the witches choose even before leaving school, without hesitation or hesitation or mistakes, a young, sensitive and tender man who they manage to persuade of their deep love , until he gets to marry the witch who is now happy to have the first victim; tormenting her unfortunate husband in every way, she reduces him to a coward, worthy of contempt; slowly leads him to depression, to the loss of vital energy: himself an unknown victim of witchcraft, he will die precisely of this lowering of his vital dynamism ...

@DNTCreativeMedia Жыл бұрын

"The gaslighting allows them to not be accountable." This is SO true.

@diningroomfish5470 Жыл бұрын

That's the exact reason, because my wife is good with everyone who just let's her think she's the boss, but me the husband tells her I don't like how you talk to me, and treat me, then that's it she avoids me because I don't just go alone with her BS

@dougfredricks2017 Жыл бұрын

If the narcissist wets the 🛌 bed it's the Mattress fault... 🙄

@dougfredricks2017 Жыл бұрын

@@diningroomfish5470 the best way to, well IMO to trigger a Narcissist is telling them the Truth

@diningroomfish5470 Жыл бұрын

@@dougfredricks2017 it works every time

@diningroomfish5470 Жыл бұрын

@@dougfredricks2017 exactly

@danthesquirrel 2 жыл бұрын

The only thing that works with narcissists is to have enough self love to remove them from your life. Working to stay in a relationship with anyone working to destroy you is called codependency, and it’s a problem that has to be fixed before being emotionally healthy is possible.

@BAKER22-l4u 2 жыл бұрын

EXACTLY

@deannestjames5590 2 жыл бұрын

It is so difficult to do that..When she has your two grandchildren!

@danthesquirrel 2 жыл бұрын

@@deannestjames5590 When my marriage ended I had to break all contact with 3 kids that called me Danpa. Protecting the kids from the fallout of me trying to say "I still love you" was what I considered the last way my ex-wife would ever hurt me again. If your partner is a narcissist there is no way you can maintain contact with those kids without you regretting that in the end. Even if you stayed with a narcissist your feelings for the grand-kids would be weaponized at some point and your relationship with them sabotaged. Keeping them was never an option. Exiting the meat-grinder you are in is.

@deannestjames5590 2 жыл бұрын

@@danthesquirrel,Thank you for responding so throughly and astutely! Your words are filled with knowledge and Wisdom. It is painful to think of my grandchildren and not feel sad. I hold out hope that my relationship with them remains intact. However, concerning their parents, I am beginning to feel a little better each day. I took my stand, I should have done it much sooner. Your response is so thought provoking’✨🙏✨

@samuelbarbary8603 2 жыл бұрын

Bingo. I wasted 40 years of my life adhering to for "better or for worse, in sickness and health " My marriage vows seem like for worse or worse and in sickness and sickness.

@MrsM222 2 жыл бұрын

Narcissists thrive off chaos. It makes them feel alive. If they're pushing your buttons they're getting a thrill.

@heyoldman2003 Жыл бұрын

my ex’s fav place was the bowling alley.chaos indeed . loud , 100 things going on . yeah , sadly her comfort zone

@daverhee5034 Жыл бұрын

True that

@idid138 Жыл бұрын

Arrested development. Eternal children. Heck mine had "Forever Young" tattooed across his shoulders.

@adopteeonamission Жыл бұрын

My dad always kept things in a state of constant chaos while I was growing up. If I got 10 minutes to relax he would immediately begin calling me lazy and dig up some non-sensical chore for me or start complaining that I wasn’t involved with enough activities. I was in constant survival mode trying to avoid his criticisms and ridicule. It was hell, and it all came back to me after he passed.

@gabbypage6929 10 ай бұрын

@@adopteeonamission Same . My father kept the family in a constant state of chaos. Later in life I’m still suffering from the abuse.

@kiefajordan 2 жыл бұрын

“I either get my way or I get you apologizing to me for something I actually did” !!!!

@hhsg11 2 жыл бұрын

Exactly what happened here about 2 months ago (well he’s been like that for a year) its what broke the camels back as they say. He yawned so loudly at 6:30 one morning that I’m sure the people down the street thought it was a ship’s fog horn, just to waken me up because he was. I ignored it at the time as I was tired. When I got up at 8, I made a joke about it and that I’m sure he woke the dead, he went ballistic. I went to work and when I came back he flew up the stairs to the room I was in demanding I apologised to HIM. I didn’t and got a torrent of abuse for over 2 hours. He threatened to follow me around the house and annoy me until I hit him and he’d call the police and have me arrested for assault. He told me he was capable of being horrible and was very good at it and make me ‘f’ing suffer’, it went on and on. What he didn’t know was I was recording him on my iPad as I had done since 2 months earlier. He threatened to put the house up for sale (again), we were only in it 3 months, I told him to do it. He’s now buying me out and I move 2 weeks on Friday. I’ve been to a lawyer and the police who asked me to put the 100 recordings of rage and threats onto a hard drive and hand it in, which I’ve done. This may well end him in having to go to court now.

@maryheaster2784 2 жыл бұрын

Nailed it

@SentinelOfTruths 2 жыл бұрын

Narc-psychology in a nutshell👍

@hhsg11 2 жыл бұрын

@@SentinelOfTruths absolutely. I had that on Saturday from the narc (I move out in 11 days 👍), he told ME to apologise to HIM for the last year of torment.

@lisalynn9696 2 жыл бұрын

This is my life I'm constantly having to apologize for arguments that they have started and twist them to their likings of what I did as I see how I enabled my caretakers over decades it will not change I have finally seen the light after too long it still goes on. On my birthday which is not the first time but it happened in ( March )where they started to fight and they are still looking for me to apologize over and over and over again. We are in late ( November ) now and I still can't get over it. Remind you I did apologize just to get along and also because I was threatened that they would cut me off. Absolutely nonsensical evil and disgusting

@actionpls. Жыл бұрын

The person closest to them and does everything for them like a spouse they abuse mistreat and neglect. But ,They prioritize and cater to everyone else that does nothing for them. The narcissist will find anything to get upset about everyday. Just to engage you into an argument. It's absolutely insane!

@nickf9392 2 жыл бұрын

Well, for starters they are arrogant, selfish and self entitled. Their mind set is...."they are above you" already.

@rosalindluper2801 2 жыл бұрын

Absolutely in a nutshell. My sister always starts conversations with "I think you ought to..." "Have you done such & such yet?" "What have you done about..." as if I ought to be following her commands, with no consideration of my lifestyle or circumstances. I have led a very successful, balanced life and I don't need to be pushed around, but she still thinks I do, it's unbelievable.

@nickf9392 2 жыл бұрын

@@rosalindluper2801 Do you notice any of these traits in either your mother or father? Just curious, I have seen where Narcissist traits are commonly inherited, or passed down by a parent. Its tough when its a close family member because of the time you spend with them.

@toomanymodz 2 жыл бұрын

"this is when you are supposed to say....". You wouldn't believe how many times my ex would start a conversation with those words.

@amandatarkington6877 2 жыл бұрын

Sigh...this gets really old!

@nickf9392 2 жыл бұрын

@@amandatarkington6877 The sad fact is narcissistic personality disorder is becoming more prevalent than ever. There is a lot of crap driven by the internet and media that promotes class division, that devalues others for any host of reasons and none of it is good. What ever happened to accepting people for who they are, being humble and understanding of others.

@blurglide 2 жыл бұрын

They pick fights for negative supply. They crave the attention, and get off on hurting you. Make's 'em feel powerful/important.

@speciallife2900 Жыл бұрын

Want a supply to make them powerful and suck ur blood for their survival.

@bobchevallier8456 Жыл бұрын

The narcissistic smirk when they know they have put you down or caught you in a situation that makes you look stupid or whatever their opinion is of you makes me believe they know exactly what they're doing because they even set you up for it. Karen here

@mysticjen379 Жыл бұрын

Yes they try to make us squirm. Even when they do that I overcome it by thinking how pathetic they are, how they have to grasp at power in such a way because they haven’t got any 🤷🏼‍♀️😆

@joanmcadam2627 Жыл бұрын

What is it with the evil grin Or that smirk ....... 😈

@liberilibri2710 Жыл бұрын

@ebony41441 Жыл бұрын

It’s actually called the narcissist smirk. Look it up. They all do.

@brigittereddin1096 Жыл бұрын

The smirk was a give away. They know exactly what they are doing. Nasty.

@sarahs5340 2 жыл бұрын

They pick fights for a number of reasons. One is they may have another “love interest” or other supply. A fight means they can spend time elsewhere. Also, they like to pull energy from you and a fight will insure they are on your mind. A fight may allow them to get their way even if it is unfair or a-moral. Negative attention is better than peace. Peace is an enemy because it shines light on their inner world too acutely.

@vickijohorne9695 2 жыл бұрын

Yes! wow! That's very insightful and so very true! That's why they're always blowing and going, keeping busy so it's to avoid true intimacy of heart.

@kaminibulkhan7859 2 жыл бұрын

Absolutely true

@Aaine784 2 жыл бұрын

My ex narc picked fights constantly while he was having an affair - gave him an excuse to storm out of the house and see her/call her. Six years divorced and he still does it when he feels like he's not getting enough attention. Most recently our 18yo daughter has celebrated two major milestones within a few weeks (highschool graduation and 18th birthday). He picked fights over both events because he literally could not stand that she was the centre of everyone's attention rather than him. Obviously I ignored all of it but I warned my daughter he would do it and of course, as predicted he did.

@Michelle-ld9vj 2 жыл бұрын

That is so true they do that when they r talking to someone behind ur back

@sweetlikeme 2 жыл бұрын

Fight for what why won't they just go be with that person

@DrPhilGoode 2 жыл бұрын

Last week the cov narc in my life teared up while telling me that she had recently researched “gaslighting”…and since she wasn’t educated in mental health, she didn’t know what it was and that’s why she did it. My response “no one ever told me to not gaslight people, decent people just don’t do it”.

@Michelle-ld9vj 2 жыл бұрын

wow good response it's so true they just don't get it

@denisedevoto5703 2 жыл бұрын

Good for you!

@MattMussett Жыл бұрын

🤯

@nv_chino Жыл бұрын

Real

@catherineskis Жыл бұрын

Sir, you are saying that no one taught her not to lie and that's why she did it? Are you also saying that no one taught you also not to lie?

@Doug5614 2 жыл бұрын

I dated someone like this. I used to tell her she's got to stop creating these ridiculous fights between us. I seriously used to stop and think, "Is it me, or is it her?". I gave her a lot more chances than I would normally give to anyone. Wanted it to work, but she was impossible with those arguments she'd pick. Finally walked out on the situation.

@kalintini Жыл бұрын

Good for you ! Congrats !

@catherineellis9511 Жыл бұрын

U will not regret it trust me i went through the same thing to long found Jesus and haven't look back so stay focus and Be Bless

@liberilibri2710 Жыл бұрын

@@catherineellis9511 According to J.Franklin ("Death by Enchantment", London 1971), the priests of Satan (witches and sorcerers) adopt a sweet, pleasant, kind, friendly, very cooperative external behavior to better hide the will to destroy all those they have sympathy for them and trust their smiling face. These elect do not attend traditional groups and indeed speak out clearly against covens such as Gardner's Wicca, but often bind themselves to a few other elect. Perverse by nature, they have no need to cultivate the arcana of classic sorcery. Franklin's questionnaire would give concordant and precise indications that isolated witches are antisocial, quarrelsome right from school age, persecuted by other children (considered vulgar and stupid, moreover, by the witch) who torment the strange companion because they are jealous of her position, of his intellectual superiority. But the brilliant mental qualities of witches - Franklin continues - remain superficial; their character, marked by some suffering in childhood, by lack of parental guidance, make these subjects perfect vehicles for demons: one of them takes the future witch by storm when she becomes a woman and guides her towards the path of witchcraft. Franklin then sees the "normal" life of the predestined to witchcraft unfold like this: very young, the witches choose even before leaving school, without hesitation or hesitation or mistakes, a young, sensitive and tender man who they manage to persuade of their deep love , until he gets to marry the witch who is now happy to have the first victim; tormenting her unfortunate husband in every way, she reduces him to a coward, worthy of contempt; slowly leads him to depression, to the loss of vital energy: himself an unknown victim of witchcraft, he will die precisely of this lowering of his vital dynamism ...

@erikrudolph5769 Жыл бұрын

Should've had kids with her

@ThurmanStantonII-mh9qd Жыл бұрын

Geez you nailed my situation.

@maggie6 2 жыл бұрын

They KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THEY’RE DOING! They have a need to be the boss to run the show and have full control. If someone steps out of line they KNOW exactly how to push that persons buttons to bring that person under control again. If you say they don’t know why they have this insatiable need for winning and control, ok. Maybe. But they damn well know exactly what they’re doing.

@melissajenniferjones9959 2 жыл бұрын

They are consciously aware of what they are doing. They enjoy putting people down. They don't care if they hurt you mentally or physically.

@nv_chino Жыл бұрын

Sad they do it to their own friends

@taniayager3361 Жыл бұрын

@@nv_chino They can also do it to their own families!

@daboxer181 Жыл бұрын

Yes they do! I wonder if the video creator has ever dealt with one or just studied them. They know ....

@xmannythakidx Жыл бұрын

@@taniayager3361 they mostly do it to family or ones closest to them. They are snakes in the grass ALWAYS.

@maggie6 2 жыл бұрын

They pick fights because they are unhappy miserable people and as the saying goes MISERY LOVES COMPANY they’re miserable so their life’s plan is to make everyone who crosses their path miserable too.

@4x4girl40 2 жыл бұрын

Been dealing with this since January, criticizing or nagging everything I do down to how I walk, talk, chew food, even breathe.

@dotdashdotdash 2 жыл бұрын

They want your death, essentially. The only solution is No Contact.

@leegorringe5580 2 жыл бұрын

The narc man I was married to many years ago used to tell me while we were having dinner at a restaurant 'You Swallow very loud and then he would start swallowing very loud while laughing' Even worse and unbelievable He would stand outside the bathroom door and make sounds like peeing when I got out. It was so very humiliating. I tried even not to use the bathroom when he was at home. Nightmare and so so sick. Thank for this video. Also thankfully this awful person has been out of myself for years. I sometimes wonder that I didn't totally lose my mind but I didn't by some miracle

@someoneyoudontknow7705 2 жыл бұрын

@@leegorringe5580 Wow, I’m so sorry you had to deal with that! I’m glad he is out of your life and I hope you’re doing much better now (which I’m sure you are!) 😊💜

@KL-pq3mz 2 жыл бұрын

This type of person has ZERO chance of changing. It took me years to realize that this is PURE nonsense. Love yourself and love your peace enough to not waste time battling this person for just you being human. It’s ridiculous. ❤❤

@maggiemarseille7599 2 жыл бұрын

P😊😊😊p

@laabsenceofcol8079 2 жыл бұрын

It's all about control. Nothing else. They must be in control otherwise their false self will crumble to dust. They live through you because their scared child real selves are locked away in a prison cell inside them. The way they learned to cope is deeply ingrained in their behaviour. Some narcs can become self aware, others never do.

@rseals9895 2 жыл бұрын

Well said!

@charlotteclark6061 Жыл бұрын

...Most never do! You're correct though!

@liberilibri2710 Жыл бұрын

@FLAVCO Жыл бұрын

Yep it’s totally in their interest to keep you down because they need you way more than you need them and they know it!!

@xmannythakidx Жыл бұрын

Oh how they love to judge EVERY SINGLE THING YOU DO.... And the verdict.......always negative.

@petermaloney8138 2 жыл бұрын

A narcissist will show fake empathy. They claim they want to help people but the reason is they want people around them for supply where a good person would help just because they want and not expect anything in return.

@shirleyguinyard8183 2 жыл бұрын

Are they do it too get something out of you they are manipulators

@blueskies6475 2 жыл бұрын

Sorry, the Narc drains you of your good intentions.

@nv_chino Жыл бұрын

So sad

@mysticjen379 Жыл бұрын

This. It’s predatory and about control.

@FREEDOMGUNNER Жыл бұрын

I've been married 28yrs and my wife has NEVER said sorry or admitted being wrong even one time! She's never consoled me, or shown any compassion when I genuinely felt sorry and accepted the pain and responsibility for unknowingly hurting her. Even when I became ill, she occasionally helped me, begrudgingly, while pointing out the mistake I made that caused the illness, as I'm physically sick. I finally realized this woman has disdain for me and hates when I'm happy when she's not. (I can't be happy unless she's also happy, but she's NEVER happy. Thus, she expects me to be imprisoned with her misery because I'm the source of her misery and responsible to fix it!) NEVER ENDS!

@michelebrown5142 2 жыл бұрын

I'll never forget how when my dad died and we were standing over his body in the hospital, my mom's first words were "now who am I gonna argue with?" I told her she better make it her dog. Nope. As soon as the funeral was over she tried to pick me as her target. I just cut her loose and that was 11 years ago. I just finally got fed up. Let her current husband take the blows.

@gradetrend8138 Жыл бұрын

Good for you!!!

@eriomnyc6073 Жыл бұрын

♥️

@karlascott3569 2 жыл бұрын

So true! I was with someone who could spin anything into a5-6 hour argument. He'd deprive me of sleep to keep it going. Always accusing me of not owning my $h!t. I began to say I was sorry everytime he had a complaint to avoid the argument. So much so after a while he told me to stop apologizing. It's been 4 years now. I'm thankful I left.

@tristamarie7115 2 жыл бұрын

I knew a guy who didn’t like I when I apologized. I’m thinking you said ____________ bothers you, so I would say I’m sorry. He didn’t like that.

@karlascott3569 2 жыл бұрын

@@tristamarie7115 it was more like, there are crumbs on the floor ( I didn't make the mess but I knew better after a while not to defend myself) I'd just say I'm sorry and clean it up.

@flysensi 2 жыл бұрын

Omg!!! How many times I’ve heard that- own your $h*t! Even when I’m not engaging, he just keeps coming back for more and more and more and more and more….. and more.

@iammarycarter 2 жыл бұрын

Omg are you serious? He would argue for days and I never understood how this was possible. I would apologize to shut him up and he would never stop.He was always smarter,right and never would apologize. He would twist everything around . He was full of ego and never listened to me. He would get excited it seems for an argument. I stayed with him for 8 years and I cried for most of them. He drained me and he knew it but I'm so thankful that I am healing and moving on. I've never experienced that with a man before and I pray I never again.

@iammarycarter 2 жыл бұрын

@@flysensi absolutely I heard own you S?!t daily. Of course I was always wrong and he never was.

@akhusal 2 жыл бұрын

A narcissist doesn't have any power, unless you decide to give it to them. Whatever they say, it is your choice of how you react. Consider that they are behaving according to their lack of intelligence/ wisdom so you should treat them like they are disabled - with compassion and love. So no need to get upset, but also no need to allow your emotions to be a slave to their whims.

@mysticjen379 Жыл бұрын

This lol! Their grasping at power is pathetic really. Grey rock all the way 🪨👏

@blossom1643 Жыл бұрын

Oh Yeah. That’s Easy to Say.

@idid138 Жыл бұрын

Yes, easier said than done, but if you hang in there long enough, this is what generally happens if you strive for any inner peace.

@jackiep5009 7 ай бұрын

Try this with you partner inched from your face screaming at a pursed lip. The emotional abuse is a 15 out of 10

@ingelaperry2253 2 жыл бұрын

I am from Sweden and moved over here to the US twenty years ago and even thou my english is very good my American husband is really good with words and at twisting my words. I realized just a few months ago that he is a narcissist and I am not sure if I can deal with him any longer. It is so exhausting and I am so depressed.

@yoshi4691 2 жыл бұрын

Hej Ingela! Do you have family in Sweden? Or a good friend you can stay with? When I left my Narc, I faked a family emergency in order to create physical space, started legal proceedings once I got there. Police were able to get a stop entry flagged at the border in case he tried to come into my country. I hope you can do whatever you need to keep yourself safe.

@hikerhobby1204 2 жыл бұрын

@@yoshi4691 Great advise Yoshi❤

@bekind2376 2 жыл бұрын

Hej Ingela, Vet inte om du kommer ihåg någon svenska : ). Jag vill ge dig några tips på vad som hjälper mig. Jag är ur relationen sedan 3 1/2 år och även om man är ute ur relationen så behöver man arbeta med sitt mående, jag förstår att det viktigaste är att komma ut ur relationen, men för att göra det måste du samtidigt stärka dig själv för att orka. Traumat vid att vara i ett sådant hör förhållande bryter ned en både psykiskt och fysiskt då traumat till slut hamnar i kroppen. För att läka traumat i kroppen, för att du ska känna dig lugn och trygg så hjälper YOGA väldigt mycket. Tips på en bok: The body keeps the score: mind, brain and body in the transformation of trauma" av psykologen Bessel A. van der Kolk. Han har en massa youtube klipp också som är bra att lyssna på, han säger bl.a att yoga är bättre än många mediciner vid behandling av trauma. Det är ingen avancerad yoga som behövs, bara att du gör någon yoga. Jag kör ett pass varje morgon på 20-30 min. Djupandningen är viktig. Önskar dig all lycka till!🙏

@pauladuncanadams1750 2 жыл бұрын

Narcissists often choose foreigners because they are easy targets, especially if they can trap you and keep you there.

@hikerhobby1204 2 жыл бұрын

@@pauladuncanadams1750 That’s sick to intentionally put someone in a place you know they can’t get out of.

@KR-os6nn 2 жыл бұрын

Absolutely. My mother did this in my teens and twenties. I tried everything I could. As I developed my own independence, she hated it and gaslighted about it. Finally just moved out a couple of years back and never looked back. Been on a journey of healing myself now. Thank you for explaining.

@amiblack8294 2 жыл бұрын

Good for you :) Thank God you didn't waste another couple decades dealing with that kind of behavior in your life. I didn't figure it out until my 50s after wasting years navigating narcissistic bs from mine so good on you!

@mariaroncara2132 2 жыл бұрын

Maybe YOU did this to your mother to escape the responsibility to be near her in her later life. Go on on your journey until YOU get old and lonely. i

@Akcd11r2002 2 жыл бұрын

@@mariaroncara2132 Shame and blame much??? Spotted the Narcissist... Abusive parents deserve NOTHING. They had children because it was the thing to do... NOT because they were qualified to love and nurture.

@jeangentry6656 2 жыл бұрын

My mother did it to me literally until she died this yr.

@r3sfernjbb 2 жыл бұрын

@@mariaroncara2132 so, in other words, the narcissist only has children to take care of them in the future. Sounds kind of narcissistic , doesn’t it?

@blueberrycornbread Жыл бұрын

Yes, chipping away at you. It is also known as contempt which is #1 predictor of divorce. They tear at who you are as a person the core of who you are to where you down. And it is about control. The fruit of the Spirit are in Galatians chapter 5. Seek after peace. Life is too short. Blessings~

@mysticjen379 Жыл бұрын

Indeed. And their master is already defeated. Today of all days ☀️🌸

@indiesindie1984 2 жыл бұрын

I believe they are consciously aware! They thrive on one upmanship!

@melissajenniferjones9959 2 жыл бұрын

Yes ..agreed 👍

@deannestjames5590 2 жыл бұрын

One up ya!!! They are highly competitive and do not like feeling that they cannot control you. Now in their crazy thinking you are a Huge Threat! If you are a reasonably happy person they will seek to undermine you.

@Eman-vp5wk 2 жыл бұрын

They know that their one-upsmanship never lands.

@liberilibri2710 Жыл бұрын

@s.d.crockett486 Жыл бұрын

Oh they are aware, meaning their personality and ego, but I don’t think their soul is aware, or they can’t find there way to the part of them that could be a good loving person capable of true emotional intimacy because they need to develop that with themselves first- and their pain is too much in the shadow of the subconscious to emerge. It would take deep digging and I don’t think they want to face it- hence why they are the way they are.

@richardeliasjames5190 2 жыл бұрын

I had a bad experienced with this Unfortunately, people with narcissistic personality disorder can't handle taking the blame themselves, so they accuse other people in their lives instead, usually because they are not feeling secure. Because narcissists' inner guiding voice is so critical and harsh, narcissists try to avoid all responsibility for anything that goes wrong. In order to avoid self-hatred, they project the blame onto someone else. If they are lying, then they will accuse others of lying. If they are cruel, they will say that others are cruel. If they are stealing and scamming, then they will accuse others of stealing and scamming. They never take responsibility, and it's always someone else's fault.

@joeykrauza5216 Жыл бұрын

Facts

@mariaisabelsantos55 Жыл бұрын

Yes, it is always the other person’s fault. No matter that the issue was out of anybody’s control (late to happy hour because of traffic, unexpected rain ruined the barbecue, the contractor didn’t show up, the computer is acting up, etc. etc) I am convinced that I married a sick individual: mentally, emotionally and morally insolvent. And, people like that can make you feel small, never, ever let them!

@Juicingwjade Жыл бұрын

ALWAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@marcialussier2467 Жыл бұрын

They don't have a hard time handling blame. They did it on purpose. So of course they're not going to take any blame. They don't feel guilty about it. They enjoyed getting you upset. It's not that they can't handle it, it's that they did it on purpose

@WolfKing158 Жыл бұрын

Word up, I normally get this when I explain my issues and get the "I can say the same thing" yet she never said anything about it until I brought it up smh

@mrrobert6173 2 жыл бұрын

This is what I believe on this subject as to why narcissists pick fights. Having been with a female narcissist for ten years. The reason why narcissists pick fights is because they enjoy it. And they take pleasure in it. They enjoy making you angry. And they enjoy hurting your feelings. And they enjoy breaking your heart. And they enjoy driving you crazy. And that’s not love. That’s wicked. And that’s evil. And that’s because narcissists are wicked and evil. Crazy making is wicked and evil. Mind games and guilt trips is wicked and evil. Driving someone so crazy that they have a nervous breakdown is wicked and evil. Driving someone so crazy that they contemplate committing suicide just to put an end to the mental abuse and emotional abuse and the verbal abuse is wicked and evil. So don’t defend these narcissists. They are wicked and evil. And they belong to the devil. They act like the devil. And they’re full of the devil. And there for they are doing the devil’s work. They lie, deceive, trick and betray those who they claim to love. And that’s not love. That’s pure evil. It is only by the Grace of GOD that I’m still alive today. And I thank GOD the HE gave me the sense enough to walk out on her and divorce her and shut her out of my life forever. No more arguing. No more fighting. And no more fights. She is the one who enjoyed antagonizing and provoking me with her hateful, spiteful, hurtful words. And she’s the one who enjoyed provoking me with her vicious name calling and insults and threats. And she’s the one who was out to destroy me mentally and emotionally and financially from day one when she seduced me with her lies and empty words and empty promises. Kissing me and hugging me and telling me that she loved me. And then fussing at me and arguing with me and fighting with me and picking fights with me over and over and over again until she broke my heart to the point that all I wanted to do was to get away from her to put an end to her crazy making behavior. Narcissists are manipulative and deceitful. Don’t trust them with your heart. And don’t believe them for a minute that they’re sorry for hurting you. They are sick minded and sadistic. And the only one that a narcissist loves is themselves. Love is kind. Love is not hateful and spiteful and mean. And love is not vengeful and revengeful and vindictive. So don’t give these devils and she devils a free pass to continue their wickedness and deceitfulness. Because one day they will have to answer to GOD for their actions. And for all of the people that they have destroyed in their lives. And that’s the only comfort that I have in this life is knowing that at least GOD knows the hell that she put me through. Help those who’s hearts are breaking. Not the heartbreaker and the emotional manipulators. My heart goes out to those who’s lives were destroyed by these monsters. Wolves in sheep’s clothing. That’s what they are. And never, ever trust a narcissist. They will always break your heart. And that’s because they enjoy it. And they take pleasure in it. And that’s just pure evil. May GOD have mercy on us. Not on them. The devil came into this world to steal, kill and destroy. And narcissists belong to the devil. So protect yourself from these people. I only wish I knew now what I didn’t know back then about these people. And I would have saved myself from a lot of heartache and heartbreak and misery and grief. GOD BLESS ALL OF YOU WHO WERE LIED TO AND DECEIVED AND TRICKED AND BETRAYED BY THESE PEOPLE. And remember this… You’re all winners. And never believe them when they call you a looser. They’re the looser’s. And that’s because they lost the best thing that they ever had. A good and descent person who has a heart and a conscience. Narcissists have no conscience. And their hearts are cold. Cold hearted and heartless and cruel. And you deserve to be treated with kindness and treated with respect. Not disrespected. Narcissists disrespect others and tear others down because they believe that they’re better than everyone else. And who wants that in their life? Thank’s but no thanks.

@mrrobert6173 2 жыл бұрын

GOD IS GOOD. And Jesus Is Lord.

@penelopefcollins4528 Жыл бұрын

AMEN!!!

@penelopefcollins4528 Жыл бұрын

AMEN!!!

@cynthiajohnson1914 Жыл бұрын

💯

@shepink6204 Жыл бұрын

I felt that 💯💯

@skylar6818 2 жыл бұрын

They are aware because if they need to get something from you they are consciously aware of what to do to get it. They understand right from wrong and they know when they are hurting someone so please stop with they don't know what they are doing.

@liberilibri2710 Жыл бұрын

@tbunnyshy1 2 жыл бұрын

They hate truth tellers. ☠️😂

@MattMussett Жыл бұрын

Especially when they make problems 🙄 Basically they are someone with a large ego Self centered and always needs to be ✅ and hate losing . Yet overlook anyproblems they cause and shift blame or make up vivid story's from a 3 years old perspective They always will make ammo if they don't have any to get out of any problem they dig themselves in

@thelovechannel7236 2 жыл бұрын

This is so hard when my body won’t stop shaking and mind racing from all of the previous pain and trauma coming up . I end up looking like a mad women .

@kirsikka3752 2 жыл бұрын

I hope you can get out of the relationship. You need a peaceful life. ❤

@danilaroche1156 2 жыл бұрын

Call on the name of the Lord Jesus. He will help and heal you. It's His job, man!

@ceeceethatsme9769 2 жыл бұрын

...That was the whole purpose of their abuse. To break you down. Eff that. Who is ANYONE to subject you to emotional destruction just because THEY are screwed up?...

@paulw7647 2 жыл бұрын

My body starts shaking too when I am able to speak about this with my therapist. You’re not alone.

@bomgodd 2 жыл бұрын

Just don't take it out on the black guy at work.

@puremaledark8305 2 жыл бұрын

The gaslighting is what got me. I just waned a calm, cool relationship. Never started fights, but i did try to resolve problems. Then she would flip that on me saying i was the one starting fights.

@barrybleich3455 2 жыл бұрын

I hear you same thing 25yrs if your not married run.

@dakoderii4221 2 жыл бұрын

Narcs start fights and then say, "I just want to get along. Why don't you want to get along?" 😢

@berlizgonzalez6736 Жыл бұрын

Same here! I always want to resolve our issues but if I disagree with him, then it's me starting a fight. I realize for him, a fight is someone disagreeing with him and not going along with his choices.

@laurahall992 Жыл бұрын

God it sounds like you’re in my relationship 😂 That’s exactly what my partner does ALL the time to me and it’s sooo frustrating and angering and sad! We will NEVER win 🤷‍♀️

@laurahall992 Жыл бұрын

@@berlizgonzalez6736 that is so incredibly true! How do you deal with it if I may ask

@mmommo10 2 жыл бұрын

they pick a fight to justify the bad behavior they just had....helps them feel better, they can blame me for it all.

@gkfrandsen7739 Жыл бұрын

They turn everything into fights, act passive aggressive, or humiliate or laugh at you, because they have to be right, win, prove they are better, they are emotionally so immature they need this.

@elizabethbowie9753 Жыл бұрын

Master Manipulators. SO TRUE. 😡 First they're nice to you, but they end up taking everything you say, twisting your words & lying about you behind your back. Pathological Liars. When you're out of the picture, they target someone else. "Bully," is too polite a word, to describe them. 🙄🙄🙄 They Know dang well, Exactly what they're doing.

@hhsg11 2 жыл бұрын

I’ve had enough of the narc’s behaviour for the last year, escalated more so in the last few months, I move out 3 weeks today. I started secretly recording him for the last 4 months with his rages and threats, I went to see a solicitor last week and had eventually to go to the Police and report all this on Monday. I have 100 recordings of his rages and I had written them into 2 notebooks by hand. The police officer photocopied all the pages and asked me to put the recordings onto an external hard drive and hand it in which I have. I should get an appointment soon for a video interview then if there is sufficient evidence for them, it will go to court. At the weekend he said I owed him silly money for utilities and that I had to find somewhere else for my frozen food as he was switching off his small freezer if I didn’t pay. I owed him nothing and was even in credit, but he switched it off and ruined over £30 worth of food I had in there. It’s called Coercive Abuse and in the U.K. since 2015, it’s a criminal offence.

@NopeNotTodaySatan 2 жыл бұрын

I’m so sorry you had to experience this!! You were incredibly smart to do what you did!! I pray that everything goes in your favor, these people need to be held accountable. Hugs to you! ❤

@GodiscomingBhappy 2 жыл бұрын

i hope you win... but even if the court does not agree with you, you need to get out of there.... even if the Court grants you money...... there is no amount of money that can buy your peace of mind.... i left with a suit case despite me having accumulated lots of things for over 10 years.... (with "the beast" it went on for 4-5 years) i must have "lost" in material possessions and money but the beast could not keep my soul. Now i am wiser happier, better (and yes poorer too but i have all i need) i hope you understand what i was trying to say.

@aju3842 2 жыл бұрын

Helen sorry for it. Fighting or proving them right or wrong will be at your cost and time. Whichever is going to court or police makes you attached to the person and that's the attention they want. Working to leave the excess baggage and moving forward with new and productive things only can renew your ownself. Presently I am also going through such a thing of emotional and mental torture; removing cards from my wallet and house key ect (many to pen)

@hhsg11 2 жыл бұрын

@@aju3842 thank you. 💗. He won’t want me attached to him, he wants me gone. I’ve exposed him and have been for weeks now and he’s doesn’t want the attention of this. However, will see what the police say in the next few weeks.

@hhsg11 2 жыл бұрын

@@GodiscomingBhappy thank you, yes I totally understand what you are saying, I’m not looking for money. I move out 3 weeks yesterday. 👍

@davidrahman389 2 жыл бұрын

We all suffer from toxic personalities but seeing Narcissism fully blown out in people is a deep study!!!! Yes, I have had to deal with Narcissism on a personal and professional basis. I am helped when I see experts like you take on this subject.

@samuelbarbary8603 2 жыл бұрын

Great explanation. Loved it.

@liberilibri2710 Жыл бұрын

@JoeyBvr Жыл бұрын

They have no remorse or mercy either, spinning something out of nothing. They will punish u as worse as possible. They hate u for what they do to you

@Andypandieful 2 жыл бұрын

It’s a way to get the internal environment and external to be cohesive. The brain likes that. So they stir up chaos where there is none. It’s actually soothes them. Where as a non narcissist would be on pins and needles, triggered, upset. The narc has that Cheshire Cat grin on its face.

@mr.samurai901 2 жыл бұрын

My ex was a "mental health therapist". We were together 10 years. She was my caseworker at a transitional housing program. A demented sick narcissist. I just left here with nothing but a backpack, crossing the entire country. I let her have everything. The worst thing that ever happened to me. She ALWAYS had that cat grin when she would ruin a perfectly fine day.

@CLTHIKER Жыл бұрын

This defines my Father. Took me 38 years to figure out why he always fights with me and my siblings. It is enlightening once you understand why they act the way they act. Time to heal and ensure I become a better person then he ever was.

@ebony41441 2 жыл бұрын

Also if you are feeling happy we all know they don’t like that so they have to attempt to bring you down.

@BQ900 2 жыл бұрын

It’s shocking to encounter these types of relatives. Then I go over everything I did to try to figure out if I did something to upset the person.

@kisigma1011 Жыл бұрын

No contact trust me I've dealt with these people since birth it sad when u gotta deal with this through out ur child hood and adult hood every where u turn there a narcissist

@Liz-in8lu Жыл бұрын

Oh man, the last four months of dating my ex… every night I would go home feeling terrible and mad and confused and thinking what did I do wrong? How did I not support him properly?

@AEHudg 2 жыл бұрын

My brother stalks, slanders and picks fights with me through other pple because I stopped talking to him 8 yrs ago. He admitted he was jealous of me, that he abused me, that he lied on me and he STILL WON'T STOP AND LEAVE ME ALONE!

@EstherH85 2 жыл бұрын

My husbands mother is a narc, last time she started getting at me, lying, manipulating, I told her “believe what you will” She stopped and hasn’t talked to me since (thank goodness lol)

@lynnebucher6537 2 жыл бұрын

Your response sounds kind of like what some call "grey rocking"... Basically not taking the bait.

@mysticjen379 Жыл бұрын

Excellent response OP. Spot on Lynne 👍

@sanjeevbains690 Жыл бұрын

Witty Strong presence Good with words Likes confrontation Enjoys winning the fight (ego) Not able to own what they are doing Twist words Manipulate & Gaslight The need to be right (ego) Not open to other perspectives- control & win (thrives in an argument) Likes to feel superior (ego) I don’t want to treat you this way & I do love you … Desire to win due to inner Shane & insecurity (supply from outside) Give me attention Make me feel important No awareness (I need to feel good ) Not about being healthy vs addiction to winning No ability to self reflect Master manipulator Good @ gaslighting so not accountable for anything Enjoys hearing themselves speak - they are always a victim or interrupts others or not interested in what others have to say on a consistent pattern : 2 hour lectures where they repeat themselves 3 times over and it’s a monologue - they can’t discuss with compromise. It’s a two way street They chip away at you by picking fights because you are not agreeing with them. Discard - they pick on you because they are not getting their way or start to do things behind your back

@LisaRichards_123 Жыл бұрын

Being g with a narcissist is like always being in court, and being charged with something

@JB111-b4d 11 ай бұрын

Well said 👍

@chosenonekay 2 жыл бұрын

Ive learned that they pick fights methodically because its part of the devaluing and discard phase. So if they pick a fight prepared to be discarded altogether

@user-qf8uz2ul7n 2 жыл бұрын

Aʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠɪɴɢ ᴛʀᴏᴜʙʟᴇs ɪɴ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʀᴇʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴsʜɪᴘ ᴏʀ ᴍᴀʀʀɪᴀɢᴇ ᴏʀ ᴘᴀʀᴛɴᴇʀ ᴊᴜsᴛ ʙʀᴏᴋᴇ ᴜᴘ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʏᴏᴜ! ʜᴇʀᴇ ɪs ᴛʜᴇ sᴏʟᴜᴛɪᴏɴ ғᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜ....

@user-qf8uz2ul7n 2 жыл бұрын

☝️☝️☝️☝️what¶ats'app hjm

@SonicSpeedfan23 2 жыл бұрын

That actually makes sense. So best thing to do is be silent, ninja like and remove yourself from the situation right?

@chosenonekay 2 жыл бұрын

@@SonicSpeedfan23 exactly, remove yourself first before they do it. Since when they do it its more painful

@SonicSpeedfan23 2 жыл бұрын

@@chosenonekay I see, thanks. it's just I feel somewhat indebted to them, and I'm wondering if backing away is the best thing to do.

@ritafarris1618 2 жыл бұрын

I have worked with a narcissistic woman for years and she makes my life hell with her criticism of everyone , her voice gets louder and louder as she basically gets excited when she has an audience. She talks about her customers behind their backs about the most trivial things that most normal people wouldn’t even think about. I wish I had more self esteem because I just shut down when she’s around because her personality is just too strong.

@mysticjen379 Жыл бұрын

Her personality is toxic not strong. She sounds awful.

@blossom1643 Жыл бұрын

Well one Good thing goin for you -it’s not your family. When it’s your immediate family it’s Even Harder.😢

@catherineskis Жыл бұрын

"Time to go on a smoke break." "I need to use the Loo".

@robinsmith4499 Жыл бұрын

Absolutely win at any cost! If she gets caught being mean, the learned behavior of manipulation flows from her. She never struggles with telling lies, making up stories, and creating chaos. 😔☹️😚

@CC-br9qg 2 жыл бұрын

Narc would always pick fights on Friday or Saturday nights like clockwork. I already knew he was feeling like a party person that weekend just by his behavior in the days leading up. He'd get cold and distance himself and then pick a fight when I reacted to it. Friday night, argument, blocks me, goes out clubbing with his cheater friends, blame me for his behavior, damage control, repeat.

@c-fo3335 2 жыл бұрын

CC, I cant lie-that was me at a point. I was a new father and really didn’t know how to coupe yet so going out was my thing. All it took was one day she flipped out to realize I was venting & using the club as a crutch. Got with other guys who had kids figure things out. Sorry it happened to you, but we do dum shit. Sometimes 🤦‍♂️😆😎

@marilynm677 2 жыл бұрын

@@c-fo3335 The self awareness you display here indicates you are not a narcissist.

@mysticjen379 Жыл бұрын

This!

@mysticjen379 Жыл бұрын

@@c-fo3335 What Marilyn said ⬆️👍❤

@revelationboerboels8578 2 жыл бұрын

Mine would pick a fight to elicit a response from me so he could gaslight me into feeling I had done something wrong and needed to somehow make up for it

@mysticjen379 Жыл бұрын

Control. He was wanting to bring your energy down because it had gone too high frequency and close to God’s plan for you for his evil liking. Yes 👍

@jonb4722 2 жыл бұрын

Fantastic stuff. You have to remove yourself from such people at all costs.

@matthewmatt5285 2 жыл бұрын

lol,.It's all VAGUE garbage,.No such thing as a Narcissist,.Just people dumb and weak enough to stick around terrible people,.. That's NOT their fault

@johngurvan8279 2 жыл бұрын

I had enough of my wife's abuse, it took me 30 years to kick her out but it was worth the wait. Downside I find I cannot trust women now. Been single now for 12 years.

@AlphaTroll Жыл бұрын

because you arent masculine. you see red flags in people and ignore them out of fear of loss. males who dont have high self esteem and are more desperate, choose teh wrong people

@juliegervais8278 Жыл бұрын

Wow! I really needed to hear this. When you spend years with someone with these behavior issues, you get used to their toxic personalities. It's called being with someone, yet you're alone. 😢 Autopilot 😢

@jackiep5009 7 ай бұрын

Lonely in a relationship- yep this is a thing

@shackartionmchenry9516 2 жыл бұрын

My wife for ten years broke me apart and smile why she was doing it, I am a Leo so I love hard and she took advantage of my heart. Took my child and moved out! Talking about pain! AZ)))

@danscott2059 Жыл бұрын

Same here, but 3 kids.....

@_VelociDad Жыл бұрын

Same here… 4 kids. Leo and still in Covert Narc hell.

@henrysmith8012 2 жыл бұрын

My older brother resents me because I retired a year ago. He called me a bumb and says he cant ever retire because he is close to half a million in debt. Who's fault is that ? He is a beast and has Raged on me for the last time. He cant control me and it kills him. I have cut him off totally.

@CB-hi7mf 2 жыл бұрын

My narc mom told me yesterday that "I hope you get in a wreck." She usually flips me off everyday as well. Apparently it's all my fault that as an adult I have to work and she is 86 and has a horrible attitude

@marcialussier2467 Жыл бұрын

Don't you think it's time to cut mom out of your life? Why would you put up with that? Just because she's your mother doesn't mean she can abuse you. If you make it crystal clear to her that you're not going to have anything to do with her if she continues to be abusive to you, then watch and see what happens. If she stops then good. If she doesn't, you really need to walk away. I know. I cut my sister out of my life for 17 years and then she died and I just didn't care.

@drivethruabortion280 10 ай бұрын

@@marcialussier2467 Not everyone is living in a house their dead husband bought, like you. This person is poor

@rheahoover7004 2 жыл бұрын

They tell you a bunch of bull shit and if you don't go along with it they blow up at you and call you names.

@franchi8601 Жыл бұрын

Where it says 'a bunch of bull shit', I replace it with 'what to like or dislike'. And damn me if I don't like what the narcs want me to like, they blow up and falsely accuse me with made up character attacks.

@tomkeeler4243 2 жыл бұрын

Stephanie, you remind me of how I grew up, with values and respect. So cool to listen to you.

@user-qf8uz2ul7n 2 жыл бұрын

☝️☝️☝️☝️what¶ats'app hjm

@barbarawarner4645 Жыл бұрын

They derive energy/self worth from conflict. And they must win at all costs.

@spaceted3977 Жыл бұрын

One of the Many Narcissists I met was always shouting and screaming all the time !!! He was always angry because he was Stupid and Uneducated. He always made a mess of anything he did, but it was always everyone elses fault !!!! Now I have nothing to do with him !!!! Narcissists are Cowards and Liars so the only way to deal with them is to Shun Them !!!!

@fenderblue9485 2 жыл бұрын

When I see the patterns of their behavior brewing, it gives me the excuse to walk away and do my own thing. I love it when the ignoring phase starts! Funny I took it to five weeks living in the same house. PS. I didn't cook for them either, been out of sight. They get the message silently loud and clear.

@oh-get-real Жыл бұрын

EUREKA!!! That's it! "patterns of behavior brewing" ty 4 that. I can SEE the patterns, so I can just walk away b4 I am drawn in

@AndreyaWryght 2 жыл бұрын

He started a fight and got told to fck off because I started to see this pattern,we would be ok and he would just go off on one for no reason, happening for over 3 years. So relieved I don't deal with him anymore

@donreitmeyer1966 Жыл бұрын

This woman is very good 👍. Spot on with her words. I wish you all happiness and healing. Don't let these horrible souls ruin you anymore than they already have. God bless you and all

@Miss-bizzy-body 2 жыл бұрын

Ive got one next door, she is the biggest bully, she constantly says things to try to provoke me into her crazy fights, some of the shit she says i think what the hell, she literally makes up stuff in her head and then tries to turn it into a fight, i have learned to fully ignore her now, not even acknowledge when she is staring at me from her yard, i think ignoring her pisses her off more, but dam its hard sometimes when all my instincts say tell her to shut up or something, she watches my every move like a stalker, and is sooo jealous of everything, she threw the biggest tantrum when i bought a new car, she made sure the whole street knew she was angry, its just not normal behaviour, she acted nice when i first moved in then snap hates my guts over nothing

@Elvenboadicea Жыл бұрын

My nextdoor neighbour does this too! It's really odd! Must have such boring lives.

@torymitchell6040 Жыл бұрын

Im so sorry you going though same bullshit im going though she a a Newsome in a hoarder and on drugs have some mental illness rolls Furniture against the wall throws food at the back door and trash her oldest son breaks all windows everyday fights with her I'm so tired music playing everyday all night I've been going through hell since I moved here 2 years so I know what you're going through

@guyreid8692 Жыл бұрын

Picking fights is a great outlet for all that anger, jealously, resentment and shame.

@judithgannon5642 Жыл бұрын

I'm tired of being the outlet or receptacle.

@EmpoweredPercussion 2 жыл бұрын

Spot on here. I went through this a few months ago. A fellow narcissist was called out for a dark comment then found out we didn’t like what he said 6 months later. Then 2 years went by with this person holding a grudge… visibly keeping distance at family functions until a drunken bonfire. The gaslighting, accusations, rage, desperation, lies came out and I endured it calmly, rationally and sober. The next day he apologized and only because the conversation was being overheard by his wife, she made him conduct quality control which was nice but felt somewhat half hearted. The entitlement that night was head spinning. Seriously not sure how anyone could live with a person that has an ego so large that it borderlines mental illness. I’m not sure what draws the line between clinical narcissism vs narcissism as a personality but please feel free to share. In the end we still don’t speak much but I still have my joy around family and only wish people well who are under the cloud of the wounds that enslave us. I had an ego death in my 20’s through meditation and it was the hardest point in my life but I chose life and got through it stronger on the other side. Thank goodness there are things like plant medicine or near death experiences that might help people with injuries that enduce narcissism. It’s a total curse and believe it takes divine intervention for one to transparently understand the nature of who they have become unconsciously.

@mavrotv3409 2 жыл бұрын

the narcassitic weapon is pride

@dionnejordan3588 2 жыл бұрын

They will pick and pick and pick because deep down their reality eats them alive. They are not that naivve they know they are wrong but that need YOU to take responsibility for it. I don’t think it’s due to lack of attention from parents I think it’s to lack of ACCOUNTABILITY from parents. It’s very sad when you see adults walking around who cannot grasp that their actions come with consequences. Sometimes permanent ones. There is no winning of losing and that’s what they can’t understand. You have done something wrong and that’s it. They turn it into a game to cover their shame. Anything to hide the shame

@icalotdonthide2646 2 жыл бұрын

Beautifully said. There is no game, there is only life and all choices have consequences, good or bad. They absolutely know what they are doing.

@adamcefalu9430 Жыл бұрын

I can’t amen enough.

@jean6370 2 жыл бұрын

Stephanie has just described my brother in law….my sister has just had enough. She was always too good for him but taken her 40 years to realise it. I pray this time she don’t back down and resume any relationship with him. For 40 years I have resisted smacking him in the mouth every time I have to see his face.

@DJH97 2 жыл бұрын

This is exactly what I went through when I started taking my power back and standing up to his BS. Arrogance and pride like I’ve never seen in my life. It was bad before but when I started standing up to him it got disgusting. Thank you for explaining very well.

@Cherry-kt8zo Жыл бұрын

Same

@mysticjen379 Жыл бұрын

I noticed that too - they hate us being independent.

@levellelinadaniels 2 жыл бұрын

They pick fights so they can leave😎

@Elvenboadicea Жыл бұрын

I wish mine could leave. He's a parasite

@Eman-vp5wk 2 жыл бұрын

“Narcissists“ aren’t the problem. Gangstalking and gangstalkers are the problem. Evil is the problem.

@clairevogel8213 2 жыл бұрын

Narcissists pick fights to upset you and to let you know they still have power and control over you and you had better not deviate too very much

@Eman-vp5wk 2 жыл бұрын

@@clairevogel8213 They’re easy to put back in their place

@MattMussett Жыл бұрын

🤡💩💯

@davidhinkson8856 2 жыл бұрын

I think they get off on it TBH! My narc former wife and her mother could change the slightest thing into a big unnecessary argument, and whenever they saw you having fun - even in the case of my wife when I was playing with our daughter when she was little - she'd find something to criticize and ruin the moment. Now we are separated she still tries to look for issues to bitch about. They like to be the centre of attention so any time the focus is off them, they look to start something negative so you would notice them.

@amberinthemist7912 2 жыл бұрын

Narcs hate other people having fun. It's so hard to understand. My mom always makes the excuse that you'll make a mess - no making cookies, no doing crafts etc. I realize now that's just her excuse. She's so profoundly unhappy she can't stand seeing other people happy. I'm sorry you're having to deal with co parenting with a narc but I'm glad for your daughter that you're aware of what's happening. I wish my dad could have done.

@barrybleich3455 2 жыл бұрын

Yep sounds like my wife her sister spies on me wife's sister told wife I wasn't home who does she think she is I make the money she doesn't work wife was away so went out for the day it was nice outside not going to sit home this sister in-law is a big problem in my life she needs a life and get out of mine.

@jamesfrancis303 2 жыл бұрын

I think it’s a constant need for validation.. they are almost always disagreeable, the conflict feeds that need..

@blueskies6475 2 жыл бұрын

It's the lack of identity and numerous other issues.

@mariaisabelsantos55 Жыл бұрын

Yes, they need to feel validated. And anything that contradicts them is cause for a fight, even when it was out of anyone’s control. They don’t want to be confronted with logic, they prefer to have their way. When I called him out on something that was obvious, the response was completely unrelated to what I said.

@marysisak2359 2 жыл бұрын

Near the end of my mother's life (it might be the last time I saw her) I was stunned when she said she liked to fight. Don't I wish I had known that like 50 years ago.

@heatherlicious8224 2 жыл бұрын

Omg.. my ex finally saw I wasn’t gonna answer him anymore and kept texting and I felt happy and good. Then I felt guilty and finally answered this and then he took control and blamed me for everything and I lost it and he said hurtful things… even said he stopped drinking bc of me. I got him in therapy and medicine they felt he needed and he just played around. He at time would own up and apologized but he never changed…. Well changed for a teeny, tiny minute and then he’d giving me. He knew he started a lot of the fights bc he said his feelings for me scared him and he doesn’t know what to do so he pushed me away…. Moral of the story… no matter how good I was to him it never mattered he always in the end made me feel like nothing

@Maplecook 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for EXACTLY describing my ex-wife. Holy crap, as you talked, it eerily felt like you actually KNEW her in real life, you were so spot-on.

@BillieJean1974 2 жыл бұрын

Not all people are egotistical when discussing things with people. I’m a survivor of an acute level of carbon monoxide poisoning and I now have a brain injury so that contributes to your issues with people being in a discussion with someone and wanting to finish what they say before they forget. So it really depends on the situation. Brain injuries can be misconstrued when discussing things with your partner .

@ronaldguffee8696 Жыл бұрын

As an awakened former Narcissist, I caused the greatest pain to my dear wife and children. And undoubtedly many others as well, I have been working for 30+ years to repair that damage with mixed results. As far as knowing exactly what we are doing...I will say I wanted my way all the time and I was unwilling to compromise. I no longer live that way and when I occasionally tell people of my past they don't believe I could ever have been that way. My progress doesn't in the least make up for the damage I caused.

@JayMcCracken Жыл бұрын

Your advice is so solid. Going through a horrific breakup over and over because the attraction is so intense but when I feel the pull, and it is so strong, I keep reverting back to these videos and find myself ever so slowly breaking the pattern. Thank you 🙏🏼

@Winning29 2 жыл бұрын

In the name of God… Somebody, please make a narcissists offender watchlist. If you have them for sex offenders why do we not have them for narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths?

@Barefootforestwanderer Жыл бұрын

That would be a great idea!!!

@donnagalt3008 Жыл бұрын

I Agree on this one 👍

@adopteeonamission Жыл бұрын

Because most of the people in power are narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths. Lol

@peterstclair2610 2 жыл бұрын

My brother is a narc and he never picks a fight with me because he knows what will happen he always backs down because if he does not shut up I will shut him up !!!

@mysticjen379 Жыл бұрын

Nice one 👏👏👏

@pizzakrydder2515 2 жыл бұрын

If you feel like you're getting provoced into fighting with this person, reactive abuse is something to look further into.

@the_one_who-knocks 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for the info on reactive abuse. i didn't know there was a term for this . But this is definitely what I go through on a regular.

@pizzakrydder2515 2 жыл бұрын

@@the_one_who-knocks I'm glad you found it useful. It def helps to know what they're doing and that it's a manipulative tactic. Makes it easier to stay clear headed and not get so emotional.

@bomgodd 2 жыл бұрын

Reactive abuse...more info plz.

@ChannelZero1031 2 жыл бұрын

@@the_one_who-knocks Yeah be careful. You could be really calm and quiet, and they will pick and a fight. When you start to lose your cool in the argument? They will find a way to flip it. That's reactive abuse. Because they will try to abuse you with your own reaction. Self-control is your best weapon. Don't lose your shit and stay in your own power. Trust me, it works. I have diffused a lot of Karens aka Narcissists like that. They go away.

@ChannelZero1031 2 жыл бұрын

@Robyn Your welcome

@purduevoices Жыл бұрын

I’m recently very self confident due to a spiritual experience and awareness of God. I don’t need approval and I welcome criticism which most narcissists won’t do. I will stand my ground in a disagreement in traditional religious beliefs which can be viewed as narcissistic.

@pac-man2907 2 жыл бұрын

My covert / vulnerable narc ex had an extraordinarily fragile ego. Her mother was a narc who prioritized herself over her child. My ex never heard “I love you” from her mom until she was an adult. As such, she protected herself fiercely and instinctively through all the covert narc tactics -- but incredibly subtly, deftly and with zero self-awareness. She would pick fights in order to ensure a feeling of superiority. She would escalate a conversation or question about simple facts into arguments - argue voraciously - and then, turn around and say “Why do you have to argue and always insist on being right?” If I did something which received the attention and praise of her friends - even if it was something for her that she enjoyed (eg cooked dinner, laid a stone patio, surprise gift) -- after they left, she would bait me into a argument through criticizing or telling me something I did wasn’t good -- and then turn it around on me for fighting - tell me I had emotional problems and that I need to change - and stop arguing. I tested that - went to CBT - became the epitome of calm and zen poise. I would no longer engage in arguments. I never raised my voice - I corrected everything that she had observed as a flaw…. Simultaneously, I began experiencing more success in my career - got a job that doubled my salary, earned a large bonus - became more physically fit - and got attuned with my personal life mission and spirituality The more successful , happy and balanced and simply didn’t have anything to criticize -- she found new flaws…. Talk about picking fights -- try this * You set the clothes dryer 15 mins too long * Your footsteps are too loud * You put the leftovers away in the fridge wrong (you didn’t put it on the shelf I told you) * I started to drive on a different road to get to a restaurant 0.5 miles away. “Why can’t you just do what I ask?” It was then that I learned that there is no winning with her….. the narc HAS to feel superior by finding something -- anything - wrong with you. The will initiate and escalate fights over anything, just to get that feeling. She could only understand and accept absolute dominance and control. She literally had a blank stare of “does not compute” and could not respond to very simple asks from me, such as: * In any relationship, no one will ever agree 100% of the time. Can you accept that I have different thoughts? * I am doing this for me (eg working out, visiting my family, etc). I know you don’t want me - but I have needs. I’m not asking your permission - I’m just asking for your acceptance. * When can you accept me for who I am? It’s very sad -- but very destructive, insidious and not worth sacrificing your sanity and personal truth…

@Juicingwjade Жыл бұрын

Well said!!!

@angelakeegan2237 Жыл бұрын

So sorry you had to live a life like this! It’s a horrible way to live.

@cassiebennet4262 Жыл бұрын

Wow thank you for sharing. It shows how utterly miserable they are. I noticed that no matter how good things are going my husband will find something incredibly petty to complain about when he's dysregulated. It's exhausting.

@rudycamposjr4147 Жыл бұрын

When she first came to my house she saw pictures of me as a kid and she said you were ugly as a kid

@alexleghan8406 2 жыл бұрын

Hi Stephanie my therapist and you really helped me get past the last five years. My goodness my x is in jail currently. She still blames everyone else for her actions. Amazing! Will she ever change? She lost her girls already, she actually tried be her own lawyer because she thought she knew all about the law. It was embarrassing to watch her do this type of stuff. Thank you for your KZbin it’s helped fill in the gaps of my therapy and helped me realize it’s not always me.

@human_4real 2 жыл бұрын

Sounds like my ex wife. I know how you feel

@alexleghan8406 2 жыл бұрын

@@human_4real is she in jail?

@shecaptain3444 2 жыл бұрын

Funny but sad when someone attempts to represent themselves in court. Funny because it's just funny and sad because their ignorance is astounding. Hilarious and pitiful at the same time.

@alexleghan8406 2 жыл бұрын

@@shecaptain3444 honestly I think it’s her narcissistic personality that makes her do these absurd things! Common sense is not in her control!

@steffiekensley8743 Жыл бұрын

Oh wow, a covert narcissist did the same thing - represented themselves and lost everything doing it. They believe they're above the law, are the law or know the law better than the law knows itself. 😂

@vittoriacolona 2 жыл бұрын

Great video. Priceless. I sort of wish I had this when I was younger. But as I got older I gradually clued in that people who exhibit this type of behaviour do so out of fear, shame and insecurity and they want to take you down to their level.

@schevalirae 2 жыл бұрын

First time I've watched one of your videos and you are spot on about the narcissist. My adult son is my narcissist, and the last 30 years have been hell. It's finally gotten better after he moved to a city 4 hours away, which certainly didn't happen spontaneously. "Here's your sign," LoL, to not forget or let my guard down too much because he has been visiting me for Thanksgiving after not seeing each other for 14 months. It's early Sunday morning and he is still here, sleeping on my couch. Thank goodness he is leaving today because he works tomorrow. Primarily he has been stationery on the couch with his laptop and headphones, gambling online. He wanted to take me gambling in person somewhere, but I begged off because of the potential long drive, minimally 2 hours. I not only have moderate COPD but a 3rd cancer diagnosis for which I will meet my new Oncologist and a Radiologist this week. I'm not a gambler, but that is one of his addictions. So much concern for Momma! Ha! Isn't it touching? Yes, I am being a smartass. At this point I just want him to go home. I am also hoping he gets out the door and down the road without us having any kind of showdown. Wish me luck! Been a little while since I've listened to anything about narcissists, and this video resonates so much I downloaded it. I read through most of the comments. Sometimes I feel sure my son must know what he's doing and other times I don't know. To be honest, he's done such awful things to me that I think he must not be aware because he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he was. Maybe that is what shameless really is. Hhm... shameless = no empathy? No compassion...no concern for what others think or how others feel... what a complexity. Polar opposite of the Empath or highly sensitive person. Thank you for this video. ❣️✌️🥀

@shaunogg9966 2 жыл бұрын

Winning isn't always winning. You learn more from your mistakes and defeat which is winning overall.

@MichaelMolli Жыл бұрын

--- quote --- "They dont have any self awareness" --- unquote --- I thik this is one of the most important findings about narcissists.

@The0ryZer0 2 жыл бұрын

My girlfriend of 21 years fits this exact personality 100%. All of this hits home. Knowing this is great but also leaves me with still no real power to help myself against her. All these years of abuse has me defeated pretty much. I've been blaming myself for all these years and believing the gaslighting to the point of just folding any time she gets even remotely upset. I'm ashamed of who I have become

@daverhee5034 Жыл бұрын

Exactly how I feel

@kalintini Жыл бұрын

The longer you stay the harder it is to leave. I’m truly sorry for you. Don’t beat yourself up. If you feel you can’t or won’t leave, educate yourself in how to deal with her to stay sane. The scenarios are mostly the same so you have lots of company. Learn everything you can, you will become wiser and better to yourself. Peace. Love yourself.

@Harmonious-jm3sy Жыл бұрын

I stayed 34.5 years. It was a living hell. That woman was a monster and knew very well what she was doing, enjoyed doing it, and enjoyed others pain. Her typical MO was to start a fight either after seeing her supply or before so she could leave and see him. And why do I blame myself? Why do I care? Why did I ever care for the monster? I’m perplexed.

@mysticjen379 Жыл бұрын

Bless you. Tell her to F right off mate. Can’t bear these people. Evil 😒

@mysticjen379 Жыл бұрын

@@Harmonious-jm3sy So that’s what that is? One I knew (I’ve met a few) used to change personality and become a complete monster after meeting with a certain female friend. It was like he was injected with venom for weeks afterwards. If he didn’t meet with her for a few weeks he wasn’t so bad. Really weird! I’ve realised since that they don’t have a strong sense of self, so are swayed by whoever they spend the most time with, hence the change around her. I don’t think there was anything going on but she was horrible to me and definitely a flying monkey.

@Judexkybeatz Жыл бұрын

I told my ex, if you want happiness then give happiness first...that statement was like a sharp knife in her soul...also every action has an equal reaction, meaning there are consequences to our actions

@sarahcook908 2 жыл бұрын

You feel it coming like a storm 😬

@user-qf8uz2ul7n 2 жыл бұрын

☝️☝️☝️☝️what¶ats'app hjm

@CD-DMV Жыл бұрын

My narcissist mother would text me at work and start her rant with " I know your at work but I hate how you etc etc...." Her texts were so vicious and mean and hurtful that it would literally ruin my day. I didn't want to completely block her in case there was an emergency ( this was before I went no contact ) but I would start to scan her paragraph long texts. If I saw one or two words that were negative I would just delete the text. Now that I have blocked her I hope she knows to call 911 in a emergency. She's lost all my trust.