Why We Cannot Simply “Choose Happiness” (And What We CAN Choose!)

Emotions are not light switches. You cannot simply turn them on or off just because you (or somebody) would like to.
Being told (or telling others) to calm down, cheer up, or get over it is dismissive and unhelpful. There is no direct mechanism for selecting your emotions.
The biggest problem is that this type of command is outcome based - become x new emotion now. But without a process for changing your emotions you may do more harm to your current emotional state.
I'm sharing with you that process here.
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Disclaimer: This content is not intended to be a replacement for receiving treatment. It is purely educational in nature. My relationship with you is that of presenter and audience, not therapist and client.
But I do care.

[@bigscarysteve]

Whenever anyone tells me, "If life gives you lemons, make lemonade," I always retort, "You can't make lemonade without sugar!"

[@JamesC-ie5iq]

I agree, I also say I'm sweet enough that you don't need sugar.

[@ZPS51491]

Can't you though?

[@bigscarysteve]

@@ZPS51491 Lemon juice is not the same thing as lemonade.

[@candicecfcl2971]

Classic!! I will be stealing this (with permission of course) 😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@bigscarysteve]

@@candicecfcl2971 Sure! Go right ahead. I'm always happy to enlist another soldier in the battle against stupidity.

[@saltiestsiren]

"That's the thing about pain. It demands to be felt."

[@huha123]

People like me feel nothing but physical pain every moment of my life from nerve damage in my mouth and breaking bones almost every day. That is all I get to feel other than anger and hatred at myself for having to suffer it all the time.

[@don-eb3fj]

"Just choose happiness" is the emotional equivalent of telling a 3 year old with a skinned knee to "suck it up and stop crying before I give you something to cry about, I don't have time for you, I'm trying to enjoy my soap opera." when the appropriate response would be to hug the child, ask him/her to show you where it hurts and tell you how it happened, and clean and bandage the wound. Unfortunately we have little choice but to do this for our own wounded child, because in fact almost everyone is just too immersed in their own soap opera to be bothered with you, sad but true.

[@hestiathena4917]

The worst of it is that almost everyone is "trying to enjoy their soap operas" because they can't/don't want to/never learned how to deal with their own pain, and really don't want to have someone else's (real, complex and present as opposed to fictional, trivial and distant) pain added on to it.

[@don-eb3fj]

@@hestiathena4917 Yes, exactly. It doesn't seem to prevent them from inflicting it on others though, intentionally or not.

[@JamesC-ie5iq]

When ever I feel depressed, sad, or low, i often think about the time I went an hour deep into the Australian bush, found myself a large sturdy tree, tied a rope pretty high up and unpleasantness aside the branch broke, twice. While I sat under the tree feeling worse than hopeless, out of nowhere, my dog rocks up with a croissant in his mouth. Three things then went through my mind, how did you escape the yard, where did you find the croissant, and I cant leave you behind. I am thankful that he found me that day, and the croissant just topped it off.

[@bonnieragain2708]

Wasn’t an accident ❤

[@lynnodonnell4764]

I agree to a bit of dark humor in your story- Your loyal doggo showed up as your Knight in Shining Armor . His name isn't Knight is it...? I had a person intervention this year in Feb. I was DONE !... HAD IT! I went to B&N and a guy asked me to sit w him and visit. He was reading a historical fiction book by an author I really like. And during our conversation I found out he was no stranger to mental illness within his family. He was also a strong Christian. So am I. I did not mention my dark intention to this delightful man who I realized, after I got home, saved my life. I will never tell him that. I was MASSIVELY LONELY having just turned 69 and no best friends. He was in his early 70's so my age was not repugnant to him. Divine Intervention. Please, give your dog another 🥐

[@JamesC-ie5iq]

Yeah, it was a moment I am grateful for, and I love telling the story, cos even in one of my darkest moments, there that twisted sense of humour the universe has. And no im not offended, I say it for the humour in it. Oh by the way, he refused to share the croissant.

[@JamesC-ie5iq]

I found him at 5 weeks old 100s of ticks and full of worms, from day we were inseparable. We had each other's backs.

[@JamesC-ie5iq]

That was also the day that I realised happiness is perspective and a choice I could choose, so I left 6 years of domestic violence, and walked the east coast of Australia with my boy, we had a heck of an adventure, sleeping in burnt out cars on the side of the road, and changing people perception of dingoes along the way, winning hearts of complete strangers, tho unfortunately he had epilepsy and is now on an adventure of his own. Im grateful for the time we had together and knowing that he was much loved and saw many amazing people and places fills my heart with happiness.

[@iannorton2253]

Whenever someone says ' cheer up', 'things can't be that bad' or 'you should be grateful for what you've got' or makes any similar, as you quite rightly say, invalidating statement, what they're doing is shaming us; it's as if depressed people don't already feel shame about how we feel or what impact our behaviour when depressed has on others.

[@donnaglogowski3619]

Wow, Dr. my depression must be so strong and stubborn. Force my self to exercise but there are times it doesn’t help me feel better. 🤷‍♀️

[@sixtoomanycats9769]

It's like telling someone to "just swim," when they're actively drowning. Or saying to someone with PTSD to "just get over it."

[@wrjsn231]

If we really could choose - would we choose this??? Not in a million years. Thank you for lifting some of the guilt, and providing a path.

[@ericar2856]

I just hate when someone says, be grateful, you should be grateful for everything you have. Ugh

[@anonymous16472]

Yeah That's very annoying. only thing what would make me grateful is that my Anhedonia would get better but that won't happen

[@JamesC-ie5iq]

I used think grateful was a load of crap. I was in a domestic violent relationship for 6 years. Fortunately I got out with my life tho all I had was a cup and my dog, then I became townless, homeless, friendless, and without a clue, for over 2 years. I am grateful for hot and cold running water, a flushable toilet, does that lock, the ability to have clean clothes and a stable job. I'm also grateful for my now friends and my ability to just keep plugging along. And believe me it was hard work, as I have aspurgers, schizophrenia and PTSD.

[@Delmworks]

I agree. Gratitude works great for getting you from neutral to content, but useless in getting you from sad to neutral. After all, a man missing a foot still has a major problem, even if it’s less than that of a man missing the whole leg

[@Andrea-HeIsKing]

​@@JamesC-ie5iqyou come a long way. ( Pat on the back) I know that is corny but I really mean it.

[@JamesC-ie5iq]

@Delmworks it's not about longing for what uou don't have, or comparing yourself to others, it's about making the most of what you do have, finding the love in what you've got, and and embracing who you are, I know I'm not everyones cup of tea, I'm not here to impress other people, I'm here to experience life, happiness, and enjoy the life I have

[@michaelshannon9169]

Biggest part of the stigma in all this is choice, choosing depression. Where to even start...

[@no_peace]

Yeah it's victim blaming

[@roseyc.5846]

I've NEVER believed that ridiculous, "Choose happiness" . PUHLEESE. I so WISH I could. You're absolutely right, as usual, Dr. Scott. Thank you for the validation. Rosemarie

[@knorman982]

At this point, your videos are the closest I can get to feeling understood. I’m starting with a new therapist next week, but sometimes it feels like “the definition of crazy by doing the same thing” in getting yet ANOTHER therapist. Your videos reach the right people and sometimes at particularly good moments. Thank you for making them.

[@Andrea-HeIsKing]

My last one was so triggering.( CPtsd) I gave up big time. With therapy that is... I mean she was just a REAL work. Sheesh.😮

[@michelem189]

My brain always goes to the dark side. I don't consciously make that happen. It's almost like a reflex. (A blade of grass could trigger it. Sounds ridiculous, but it happens.) If I could control it, I would. Fighting to "make it go away," or dwelling on it, only reinforces it. If I'm with someone who really knows me, I might say to them, "Damn! My brain always goes to the dark side." I get through it in less time when I just let the dark thoughts float in and out of my head . . . almost like I "accept it and move on." That may make no sense to anyone else, but I don't know how else to explain it.

[@PhsychoSomatic]

When i start having a depressed episode, I remind myself that its just a phase and that its ok to feel that way. The thoughts that emerge under this state are unreasonable. Its just a trip

[@Killerstar13]

Well, at the moment my job is the major reason why I feel depressed and I can't find anything else. That's killing me.

[@natcat65]

At least you have one...

[@natcat65]

At least you have one...

[@sd7785]

That sucks. I was in the same way last year until I completely burnt out and quit with no plan. Thankfully it worked out, but it wasnt easy. I truely hope it gets better for you.

[@QuiltLady]

Can’t walk around all the time pretending all is fabulous! I have a brother that throws out “be positive, only think positive” . If something horrible has happened to you, that you had no part in, he still says “ you brought this on yourself by not being positive”!!! A constant Pollyanna! Exhausting. Not helpful to me. People that have not experienced the deepest of depression, like many here, they don’t understand how debilitating it is. Because they can’t. And we get written off. Been the pill and therapy route. At age 70 I refuse meds that make me feel like a doorstop. I get up, grateful for what I have, at least this day. And do my best. It’s the little things I look for to start. Crack of sun through a shade, tiny purple flowers on my Un mown lawn. Hot cup of tea. And try not to be hard on myself. This is a nice site. Sending a hug to you all. The best gift I ever get these days is the gift of someone’s time. I will take that. I stopped trying to please everyone a while back. It helps. ❤️

[@erikarae5856]

@Quiltlady, loved your comment. So true, so hard to walk around constantly pretending everything is fine when it's not. Sometimes those people who live looking through rose colored glasses for people like us can be so annoying & frustrating! Proud of you for finding at least one good thing every day. All we can do is take one step, then another each day. A hug back to you. ❤

[@ControversialChristian]

Music is the therapist that tells me i need therapy. I have struggled with MDD most of my life, and I'm 60 now. When I'm severely depressed I have a music playlist of songs about depression, anxiety, and even hopelwssnee. The songs, and comments in the songa remind me I'm not alone, helps me feel the emotions under the depression, but more importantly people around me know I'm not okay , if I didn't figure it out already. Depression starts off, for me, in very subtle ways.

[@LunarWind99]

Same here, funnily enough my partner can always tell by the sound of my voice when depression is coming on, I usually have no clue, and then a few hours later, before I know it, there I am, swimming in depression haha 😔😩 much love x ❤️

[@ControversialChristian]

@LunarWind99 don't let that one get away. Someone who loves you that well is hard to find

[@TheAustisticNerd]

your videos really changed how I see the world and myself, I'm always eager to watch your videos! Thank you so much for putting this much effort in helping people!

[@Almitafru]

Same here!

[@jeankipper6954]

They say "cheer up," or "choose happiness," as if I choose to feel so bad. It's said so much, maybe some people actually can do that. I had a shrink long ago say "Don't go into that again. You have so much good stuff. You can choose to not go there...". So I cheered up and acted the way he wanted. He thought he helped. It did not go away. At least for me. And I did proceed, functioned enough. And here it still is. Your videos help, your perspective is so helpful. At least some of the suggestions are very helpful. Thanks.

[@JamesC-ie5iq]

I chose one day whilst working probably one of the most unpleasant jobs I've had that I want happiness, and with notice halfway though a shift I just threw my hands up and walked out, then started to study what emotions and happiness was, that was a spiritual journey that interestingly went down a road of quantum mechanics aswell, and to my surprise to understand happiness I also had to understand all the other feels, bur the impotent thing I gad to learn was yes I had to feel the unpleasant emotions, was not to let them control me. I think um the happiest I have ever been, I used to be a heavy alcoholic and had other addictions, now that stuff doesn't even cross my mind. If I'm feeling angry or sad, i acknowledge that feeling and what may have triggered it, and I look atwhat I can do, and what I have learnt is, things outside of me are out of my control I can control how I respond to thos outside stimulus. It is true that if all you look for is the negative than that is all you will see, changing your perceptive is a journey worth doing.

[@sixtoomanycats9769]

When people tell me to "just be happy" it angers me and I distance myself from them. They don't get it. The word happy isn't even in my vocabulary, and I don't know what it means to "feel happy."

[@amymyers5503]

YES. A million percent yes to all of this. I say this as a lifetime member of the mental health frequent fliers club. We can't just choose happiness or some other positive emotion, BUT we can choose to be skillful. We can use our skills to move toward how we want to think and feel. It's not a cure. It won't solve everything that's wrong. Being skillful will improve things. Eff toxic positivity and invalidating chuckleheads with their terrible advice. I did 2 and a half years in a DBT support group. We emphasized skillfulness. However, skillfulness depends on willingness. Are you willing to be skillful? It isn't magic. You might do some breathing exercises and go from being 100 percent angry or panicked to 50 percent. You might feel depressed and get out of bed and eat a meal, and then you feel 25 percent better. Do what you can in the moment to improve your thoughts and feelings. Then validate yourself for being skillful. In conclusion, feel your feelings, validate your experience, and use skills.

[@lisamarkowitz3121]

Great message, thanks 🙏🏼

[@Andrea-HeIsKing]

Great advice. Thank you.😊

[@amymyers5503]

@@Andrea-HeIsKing no problem. I need to take my own advice.

[@Andrea-HeIsKing]

@@amymyers5503 new habits don't come easy do they.?? Keep on keeping on.😊

[@annegretwei7148]

You are absolutely right, Dr. Eilers. Thank you very much! There is another problem with the claim of others to „choose happiness“: a feeling of isolation, loneliness and being invisible.

[@10ON10]

*I have depression and I'm connecting really well with your videos, I think it's because you said you have also went through depression, I wish everyone saw videos on depression to know what depression feels like and how to understand from viewpoint of people who have depression*

[@BubblGrl]

Toxic positivity really ticks me off!! I was watching a video to try and learn how to better parent my ODD child (calmly) and this woman completely invalidated stress. She said “oh that’s just stress - you can choose not to feel that”… and my immediate reaction was “hold the phone, lady!…there’s stress and then there’s STRESS… the kind of unrelenting pressure of obligation that makes me frequently give adulting a solid 0/10 would not recommend”. Gee all those Drs that say stress kills have apparently just overlooked our choice whether or not to feel it. Anyway - as you can see…it went down like a lead balloon with me. Right up there with “calm down” and “you’re over-reacting” . 🤬Excuse me while I share this video/podcast with everyone who ever invalidated my emotional response. They need to hear it!

[@madalinaanton3253]

If you have a brain that is prone to catastrofizing you can treat those thoughts as intrusive thoughts or you can treat them with respect and compassion. As someone who thinks of my parents death every day since I was a child I cannot just say it's my brain doing me dirty thinking negatively, it's pathological but it's not without a cause and coping mechanisms as going to the gym, hobbies, journaling, immersing in nature even if they are healthy for you, they can be used to amplify your sense of dread if you are using them to control your life. If you have a brain like my own that fears chaos and tragedy you will get attached to a coping mechanism and when one day you stop going to the gym you start feeling the armageddon is going to descend upon you. If it helps someone: my brain thinks terrible things because it expects terrible things to happen to me for no reason, it has learned life is cruel and unkind and it will punish you maybe tomorrow, maybe one year from now but it will punish you, it's a trauma response, seeing it for what it is makes you feel sad but it makes you feel less alone, of course you can go on walks and you can paint or whatever, but without hoping it will fix you which I find is a hope wounded people ascribe to the most mineal thing out of desperation.

[@oztaseco]

I this is my official news channel, because it is about my daily real agenda, which is my hopelessness and despair, sometimes happiness and hope but not these days. Thank you

[@williamramos3350]

I know that I will not feel positive like I did before...ever again. All the pain I have felt has both mentally and physically obliterated me. I am just keeping the remaining pieces together until it's my time to leave this plane of existence. It's a horrible reality I have come to terms with. But It will not stop me from creating art. That is the only thing that has not given me pain nor disappointment.

[@lisatomlin6501]

When someone says, "choose happiness" or anything like that it feels more like, "put that mask on and pretend." I feel I need to pretend I am happy when I am not. It gets so tiresome to do that day in and day out. I feel those who say , "choose happiness" actually don't want to deal with my anxiety or depression.

[@KD-kp3zc]

This is SUCH a great video, I wish everyone, especially therapists could listen to this. You have captured and explained this perfectly. Thank you so much.

[@Almitafru]

Specially therapists… true! Well… we are witnessing the beginning of the best approaching to depression till now 💪🏼

[@harvestmoon12345]

I've accepted that feelings just are. I have no control over whether I feel angry. Or sad. I do have a choice in what actions I take, and what attitude I put out into the world. There is a time and place for venting and complaining, and emotional intelligence is balancing how you feel with how you act. I can choose to look on the bright side of things. But I also have the experience of going through many difficult things in life and coming out on the other side just fine. It's those experiences that have helped me realize that I am strong, that bad feelings are temporary, and things do work out in the end. I'm fortunate in that.

[@nadeau1]

Good point. If we did have a switch, relationships wouldn't end like they do.

[@Schizm65]

Exactly why platitudes are so unhelpful.

[@pickledherring8759]

That icky, "skin-crawly feeling..." Yeah, I get that, too.😆 Oh, why can't I just throw up my hands, Scott? LOL Sorry, I've just been having that kind of day so far, but watching this made me laugh at myself, and maybe I can do something productive now, so I increase the odds of feeling better when this day is over. Thank you.😊

[@Adlerjunges83]

That's what gurus and so-called coaches don't accept and don't want to hear. Thx for this video. Finally someone I think I can trust a little bit.

[@duddoright63]

This might be the most forthright and reasonable and sensible explanation of this topic I’ve EVER heard. I felt like I was sitting, listening to the voice of reason and sanity tell me something I already had the pieces of inside of my mind. He just brought those pieces together in the ONLY logical way they could fit together, then handed them to me on a serving tray in such a well-arranged manner that it was inevitable that I would conclude that this is true. Thank you for the sense of soundness you’ve pointed out so well and made accessible.

[@enice617]

12:33 I feel like this almost every time I get on social media. I just haven’t found the will power to replace it with healthier habits.

[@cattails1166]

Good hypothesis. I beleive there are many things that need to be challenged and re-researched in psychology to update information (possibly because of a generational/cultural change). Thank you for your videos!

[@susanmercurio1060]

I believe that a lot of psychology is based on cockamamie suppositions of past "authorities" and all of them need to be looked at and changed

[@susanmercurio1060]

I believe that a lot of psychology is based on the suppositions of past "authorities" and all of them need to be looked at and changed to more updated information.

[@Snow_Whyte]

This also reminds me of the hundreds of times growing up that my (neglectful/abusive) mother would say (after hearing me sad about a hurtful comment from a friend or a mean experience with a bully) “no one can make you feel any way.” It was such a crushing response, bc it just added the feeling of being weak for not being able to avoid feeling bad bc of those painful events… to this day it upsets me to think back on that.

[@tyland9417]

Just got your book as an early graduation gift, only about 40 pages in so far but man… what a great piece of knowledge… thank you Dr. Scott, thank you for all you do and take care!

[@margaretdonovan1649]

Thanks Scott, for the validation 😊❤

[@mariagoodey1153]

Thank yo so much. You are helping so much. 😊

[@lesliejacobs9767]

Omg, that statement about your kids really hit home with me, I actually knew what you were going to say after you said the joy only lasted a millisecond bc I do the very same thing - what if something terrible happens to them? What if they grow up and become drug addicted? What if...

[@phoenixrising5338]

I have four children. 3 have had terrible things happen to them. So terrible that, at this point, those lists where you can check off the most traumatic things you can endure? Sea of ink plus a few that somehow didn't make the list -- too hard for people to wrap their heads around or just too out there to be commonplace or something. The 4th has been the cause of some of the terrible things happening, deliberately and maliciously. Then my church keeps basically ordering those of us still standing to "be happy," "feel joy," "choose happiness," -- as though we somehow chose all the garbage that's happened -- "just make up your mind to be happy and trust God." I'd like to ram every single speaker of these inanities through a wood chipper.

[@susanportrey3223]

Thank you. Some days I feel like I could win the lottery and still feel depressed - it’s that strong

[@ST-ff1zd]

I find that it IS a choice to do the best I can under any circumstance. 12 stepping, the model prayer, a journaling tool _12 stepping a problem_... I must choose to pursue these & practice these regularly. It does not come naturally. The choice is to engage the battle. I can choose to take the next right step, even tho I don't "feel" like it.

[@Cowface]

The phrase “the only way out is through” comes to mind here. If I’m feeling depressed or in a shame spiral I will sit down and think “come at me bro, do your worst I’m ready” talking to my negative emotions. And I will let them overtake me. I stop resisting and just let myself feel depressed or ashamed. Sounds awful right? The funny thing is, every single time I’ve done this, my emotions’ attack has been underwhelming. Like “is that all you got?” They can’t really hurt me, they’re just emotions. Eventually I just get bored with the exercise and my mind starts to wander to different topics and I’m like “wait I was all upset about my crush why am I now thinking about galactic super-voids?” At that point I know the exercise was successful. I’ve been get out of a shame spiral in minutes by doing this, instead of the days or weeks it can take by me trying to force them away, or counter them by happy thoughts.

[@katemarr1984]

Thank you for this, quite informative. Although you didn't use the exact terminology, my take away is along the lines of developing tools and building a tool box you can use to cope with feelings until they pass and/or improve.

[@ControversialChristian]

Great opening during the wait

[@info1418]

Alot of comments here about people being told to be grateful. I agree that when my depression takes over I can't be told anything. But making myself feel grateful on my own is truly an antidote to depressive thoughts. I think gratitude is very undervalued as a tool to fight depression and it has helped me alot. Even simple things like "sure my life feels shit, but at least I got a damn roof over my head" works at times.

[@terrywert6587]

Thank you for living in reality! So few others get this point.

[@terryg4415]

Thank you for this. I wish everyone who had ever said any of these things to someone who is depressed could watch this and understand how unhelpful it is. I think it stems from their inability to tolerate emotions that are difficult from people they care about. I wish I had a dollar every time some well meaning person invalidated how I was feeling.

[@catorb6607]

Really liked the comparison of our mental state to an odds game. I've been kind of obsessed with card games lately and I feel like that's a huge part of why, showing an uncomfortable reality to myself.

[@joseanvega]

Yes, Scott. It was quite helpful. Even though I feel crapy in the mornings I still get up, get on My bike and go on with My day. I loved the example You gave the other day about "very shorts term action that Will make a difference. Example: (literally) My very next goal (bed-am) is SIT. I know celebrate that!!! Yeap, Just sitting. Then get up and so forth.... Only people who have experienced clinical depression understand this. You are giving us cool tools we can use to cope and WE appreciate it so much. Empathy and authenticity could not reach higher levels. God bless you. your business and your loved ones.

[@roseinthestorm18]

I appreciate these videos so much.

[@Snow_Whyte]

I’d argue it’s worse than saying nothing. Telling someone to just choose to be happy not only won’t help achieve happiness but will also likely lead to feelings of being a failure as well.

[@user-pf2yn3pq4t]

With "happy people" around, I already feel pressure. The things you say really help me a lot right now, for I am fighting, with the back against the wall. I have a stable social structure, but it's just that, just a straw to cling to, that keeps me from drowning.

[@CyndieAmala]

My anxiety and depression are slightly improved. But not from "cheering up" lol it's because of my fibromyalgia meds. I'm on Lyrica which is a seizure medication that for some reason treats fibromyalgia pain and as a bonus can help with anxiety.

[@marygoldberg8255]

I've been telling my friends this informaton for years!!!!!

[@JohnNathanShopper]

Wow, finally there’s somebody that understands.

[@kayfitzgerald309]

Yes, I've noticed if I try & "get over it" its 10x worse, so I just allow myself to wallow in my depression...until...😢

[@pazu8728]

Thank you, take a load off my mind. It enrages me when people give me the advise of "choose happiness" when I am in the season of depression.

[@helenaMe325]

Once again, you are in my mind! And many others, it seems. I have never believed in this choose happiness nonsense. I have always thought, yes, I can choose what I do that I know makes me usually feel better - which is exactly what you said! Choose happy is just dismissive and invalidating. You really do get this 👍💜

[@williamchevalier2224]

Stuck in big city traffic i jam my music and it gets me through it.

[@mimicocto]

We can not get to the bottom of our depression anxiety or any other form of mental health issues because all of that is stemming from our emotional trauma(s) which we had at some point in our life and most probably in early childhood. It is scientifically prooven that emotional traumas (especially in early childhood) are causing physical changes in our brain and genes. Regarding brain imaging, there are proofs of inflamed parts of our brain around amigdala that is resulting from constant emotional pain we feel. Ware trying to mitigate it by different coping mechanisms we developed over the time. The most usual coping mechanisms are all sorts of addictions and some of them are very subtle and don't seems as real addictions (workaholics, extreme exercing, shopping, eating disorders, etc.). Sadly, none of those mechanisms are working on long run. The only way to heal our brain and get free from our pain is address those traumas. Therefore, we must find the therapist who is expert in that field.

[@suzannesharpe4529]

Thank you, Dr. Scott!

[@paulwood3609]

Thank you, Dr Scott!

[@joanniescalf2336]

Thank you, truly thank you.

[@khattabsongs7906]

Your work is very helpful thank you again 🙏🏻

[@debbysimon120]

Thank You for all that you do. Your videos really really help me.

[@sonyas.1124]

I feel the feeling and so on.

[@sharonphillips3341]

Thank you. You have put this very well. Influence how you feel.

[@jhfdhgvnbjm75]

I think you're entirely right on this, its the same way I feel alot of the time.

[@1chumley1]

Golden insight

[@JeffMitchell-lv4zx]

I'm not trying to start a religious debate, but "choosing happiness" reminds me of when people tell me to believe in a God that will make my life great. All I gotta do is believe. I wish I could make myself believe, wholeheartedly, in an idea that would make me happy. But one can't lie to oneself. Either you believe or you don't. Either you feel happy or you dont.

[@ChefScottSUP]

Your videos are eye-opening! Thanks for your dedication in updating psychology knowledge. Keep up the great work!

[@amy52347]

This is incredibly realistic and down to earth. Thank you!!

[@carly106]

I agree with you. Absolutely.

[@user-hy2ju8oe4v]

Loved this. Very helpful! Thank you!😊

[@mariagoodey1153]

Starting watching again missed the begining and needed to hear it all and without upsetting comments. 😢

[@jilldickson4352]

This has really helped me, so thank you for sharing sir. ❤❤

[@devoncrumay5040]

It definitely takes commitment and effort but what you are describing really works!!

[@valariebreann6346]

I’m in such a bad way in my life and wish I could find a therapist like you that’s been through it . I don’t even know if that would help me with the situation I’m in and how my life is but I’m sure there would be more of a chance then all the therapist that haven’t been through it . I’ve been through dozens of therapist , been in dorsal twice and I’m still trying to climb out feeling like I’m going back in . I try for nothing , like you said in another video , we get to where we stop trying bcuz we get no where . I’m so tired and there’s no hope for change , no advice applies to me or works with me bcuz my situation is so different then most . It’s hopeless and I feel Helpless . Even therapist don’t know how to help me. I don’t know what to do anymore . Everything hurts and drains me . I have no energy for anything , I can’t work and have been trying to get to a place where I can work for 17 years , so I can get out of an abusive relationship and environment but nothing changes . It’s just to much .

[@Almitafru]

So true! Really helpful for managing depression 🙌🏼 it is exactly how it works 👌🏼

[@dianedodge7821]

Thank you

[@Lw11.]

Thank you ❤

[@markjames4745]

Hi Scott,you have many wonderful things to say,love it when people say cheer up ,it could be a lot worse your depressed isn't that enough.

[@martincomeaux6949]

I know when I'm going through what I call a meltdown, feeling good isn't a possibility. I've even tried doing something that normally I enjoy which is photography. What happens is that I can't see pictures, for lack of a better term. I'm working on it as best I know how. I recently came across your channel. You've touched up on things that have helped. Thank you.

[@boris9047]

Great video, clear and easy to understand. And one more thing about the odds game. Sometimes when flipping a coin many times you can get one side 10 times in a row, even if it's still 50-50 chance. So to all people who read this, you can fail even though you do things right. Sometimes it's just a cluster of bad luck.

[@ladysparkymartin]

Defiance is a pretty good description. I may not directly react to those who tell me how to feel, but I do sometimes imagine kicking them in the shins. But as frustrating as it is, we do have to take some time to train those we love to keep them in our lives, if we want them there. Thank you 🦋

[@Michael_Livingstone]

This makes sense. When people told me to choose an emotion I never understood why it never worked for me.

[@Zar2244]

Excellent information

[@rosalindarcher6060]

100% true. I’ve always said it myself. Spot on

[@wendywoo7031]

Well, I've found that having another being to think about, ie, a companion animal, i have better emotional health than if i try to exist without one. I currently have a 3 month old kitten, after my other cat passed in February at 20 years old. I spent over a month without an animal in my life and it was miserable. The kitten has brought chaos, but i have to shrug and say 'eh' because i can't control her and it helps me to be easier with other chaos in my life

[@monicalonghini2438]

Only: Thank You so much! Your explanations and "emphaty level" are the best and It's a Huge thing in my life🌱🙏

[@ashleypearson7848]

I remember my little sister telling me a counselor actually told her no one can make you feel a certain way. Its all up to you! I told her hes so wrong ppl do effect others moods and behavior its facts backed up by science. But i always tell myself that i can try to do emotion regulation its hard and i dont always get it right but everyday i try and sometimes you have to shrug your shoulders and realize somethings are out of your control thats just the way life goes. Thank you for this video! Appreciate it! 😊

[@patriciasalem3606]

The whole positivity fascism thing has created a rift between me and a sibling, who not only believes all the bad things in my life come from "negative thinking," but has convinced others in the family that this is correct. This has led to an insidious system of meritocracy, where I don't deserve a better life because I have grief and depression. Even if I veer towards realism (a pandemic is coming, so I should stock up on supplies), I'm still being "negative." I would do much better living in France, I think lol. And yes, trying to think the opposite of what I'm feeling doesn't work. Usually, it fills me with rage. Okay, anger is probably better than depression or sadness because at least it can be galvanizing (scrub, scrub, scrub that bathroom, as you hold imaginary conversations with offenders). But it's not sustainable because it's exhausting. So mostly I lean into the bad feelings for a short time. I put work aside for an hour or two, retreat to the bedroom, and watch aspirational videos or scroll Pinterest for ideas. I try to find something that will spur me to take a positive action (rearrange bookshelves, try a new recipe, go for a walk, etc.). Usually it works. But I have to get there in a meandering way. I can't force it.

[@user-bn3zg3sz6y]

This is so on point unfortunately the people that I live with say stuff like this all the time. They know I have CPTSD, and my Mother who is extremely abusive never wanted to take accountability and go into therapy with me. She also has no interest in learning on how to support me. She brushes everything under the rug! I have tried extremely hard to give her content to understand. She just doesn’t have any interest even in learning about my PTSD. Unfortunately I live with her and my Aunt who grew up with an abusive Mother. Both of them together every day team up and I can’t get any traction. I work on my PTSD but it’s impossible to heal living in a toxic family environment. I know the first thing is to be in a safe environment to start working on TRAUMA. I feel stuck and constantly trying to work on it but I get so set back. It’s like climbing a mountain with sand under your feet.

[@dnhacademic4535]

Damn this is insightful! Thank you for sharing! I’ve had experiences like this - trying to force happiness and - it doesn’t work. And why do we all have to be happy all the time?! It’s not realistic.

[@susanmercurio1060]

Our society values extroverts and "cheerful Charlies." I realized a long time ago that expecting people to be happy all the time was unreasonable.

[@reverie_song]

"Happiness is a choice" is a phrase that hurts

[@DutchIsraeli]

Thank you for these videos 🧡🎗️

[@jolenemurphy2777]

As if one wakes up thinking I could choose to feel good, but I think I will choose lousy. Thanks for confirming how ridiculous this is.

[@michelekurlan2580]

Emotions/feelings/ intuitions are not argueable/ negotiable.