Why we hate conflict and need to get over it (autistic communication)

Conflict is difficult when you are an autistic adult. You might actually hate it. It can feel impossible to effectively communicate your needs while navigating processing delays, sensory challenges, and emotional dysregulation. Unfortunately, failure to effectively manage conflict and the tendency to avoid confrontation can have significant consequences. This video discusses how autistic communication styles and life experiences contribute to our tendency to avoid conflict and confrontation. Ultimately, we need to learn to get over it in order to live healthy lives in adulthood.
#autistic
#autism
#communication
#proudlyautistic

[@malcolmkinnon8436]

I didn't realise why all my life I hated and avoided conflict until I realised that it was connected with being autistic. It's the replaying it after and analysing etc.... as well. Very helpful video.

[@paulreid7370]

I haven't watched the video yet, but wanted to share one of the reasons I hate conflict more than anything else in the world, before hearing what you say on this topic. Almost every time I experience conflict with someone, my mind is sent into a tailspin of thoughts about what the conflict is about, why it happened, etc... I then can't stop thinking about it and and often end up hurting myself physically (not on purpose), because my mind is spending so much energy on the thoughts of the conflict instead of focusing on a task that I'm doing in that moment. I'm looking forward to watching this one to see what all you have to say about this topic!

[@nozhki-busha]

I am an autistic person, but as a professional journalist and Editor-in-Chief, I have had to learn how to deal with conflict. I have to set editorial policy, enforce journalistic ethics, and I am often in conflict with other departments trying to push the boundaries of what my department will and wont do. I dont like conflict, but asserting myself is critical in my career, so I do it.

[@ProudlyAutistic]

Agree. It's a critical skill for professional development. Thank you for this comment!

[@stevencito1000]

Hi Karen, this is my subject too, gonna watch it later

[@user95395]

I'm wondering if this is another autistic black and white thing. I have to tone down my desire to have conflict. At this point, at 38, the number one thing i say in my head is "just don't even reply" because so many conversations have the chance for conflict. I'm not sure how to have an authentic conversation without conflict. But for most people, conflict disrupts their identity, and they punish those who made them feel some type of way during the conflict. I have yet to not experience this. Me advocating for myself openly means someone will be vindictive. I work as an autism teacher, and the kids that display close to me are openly treated this way by staff, confirming my assumption.

[@victoriousbooks]

It's currently killing me that the people I work with keep forgetting I'm Autistic and getting frustrated with me because my mask slips and I start acting like a dysregulated person with autism. They apologize but it's always my fault because I mask too well

[@Heidi-k4m]

I very much hate conflicts

[@kellyschroeder7437]

Only conflict saw, learned, repeated etc. … was yelling and screaming … so avoidant now and unprepared for right way of doing it in authenticity …..

[@ProudlyAutistic]

I grew up in an environment like that too. I know it's hard, particularly with our challenges in communication. Personally, I do the best I can to slow it down and use "I" statements to assert my feelings. I'll be doing a series on boundaries soon. I get it's awkward, but it's in our best interest to find a way that works for us.

[@DreExploresAutism]

@@ProudlyAutistic Thank you! Looking forward to the new series on boundaries because it's a very difficult concept for me to both grasp and utilize (especially because they're about me and my response based upon the boundaries for others).

[@lanternsown3525]

Avoid conflict is especially hard this time year with the Election coming up.

[@Heidi-k4m]

I very much avoid conflicts I hate conflicts

[@ProudlyAutistic]

Yeah, me too. I hate conflict, but it's not really good for us to avoid tough conversations. It definitely has been a growth area for me.

[@helenaskew4851]

Anything to do with my past I walk away from and leave it there and move on if reminded of the negative and say it is in the past and live in the present as I am a future person as only talk when need to as not of life now