Why What We Feel Matters More Than What We Think. | Natasha Sharma | TEDxStMaryCSSchool

In the digital age, Emotional Fitness will be more critical than ever to the quality of our lives. It remains the most accurate predictor of success and happiness. This is because we experience the world emotionally - not cognitively. We make most major decisions based on how we feel - not what we think. And it is these feelings that guide the actions we take. Therefore our emotions determine the entire experience of our lives. The 3 emotions that drive and motivate us in life more than any other are: Love, Hate, and Fear. Being Emotionally Fit is to know what motivates you and to be in charge of how you feel. No matter what your challenges are it is the key to overcoming them, reaching your highest potential, and controlling the quality of your own life.
Natasha Sharma is a Psychotherapist, TV/Media Personality, and “Doctor of Psychology” Candidate. She is also the author of The Kindness Journal, owner of NKS Therapy, and a Co-Founder of Rule Your Emotions.
In 2007 Natasha walked away from her 6-figure salary job that "a million girls would kill for" to study psychology at Johns Hopkins. Since then, she has been devoted to inspiring and helping others to master emotional fitness, learn how to be happier, and live their most fulfilling lives, counselling thousands of individuals and couples.
Natasha’s expert advice been featured frequently in the Media including The Globe & Mail, The Toronto Star, The Huffington Post, Elle, Global News, and Breakfast Television.
She is a regular contributor to the globally renowned Yummy Mummy Club, and frequently lends her expertise through collaborations with her other Alma Mater, McMaster University.
As a seasoned Speaker, Natasha enjoys integrating her clinical knowledge with personal and meaningful stories that help people connect to the importance of mastering their emotions…and how to do it.
For more information visit: www.thekindnessjournal.com, www.nkstherapy.com, and www.ruleyouremotions.com
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

[@surya7930]

" Don't run away from your negative emotions.Don't distract yourself and figure out ways that you didn't have to deal with them.Insted, sit with them.Let yourself feel them.Don't push them aside.Make yourself get acquainted with them.Become friends with them.Take the longest walks of your life or even turn down invitations to go out with people and stay home at Saturday night so that you could sit alone in the silence of your own thoughts." WELL SAID !!!

[@xiaocaoxiong]

My heart physically hurts when confront with negative emotions. like a knife straight in the heart. i think it takes huge courage to do that.

[@jahnavibhargava2572]

@@xiaocaoxiong lol same, anxiety

[@paystar3436]

Right on ...! Read my comment Above. Thank's for your sharing ... and caring.

[@XXgenderloveXY]

Xiaocao Xiong it does take courage, you're right. Some people think going to war is courageous, or doing a dangerous job, or bungee jumping. But what takes the most courage is sitting quietly and allowing our heart to show us how we really feel. It's not as scary with God there (if you want God there I mean). I picture God as a giant Teddy Bear whose lap I crawl into. God knows our heart and loves us more than we can even conceive of. There is no judgement, just a gentle, safe presence. I am not speaking of the God of the Bible. I don't know that God. Probably because he doesn't exist. We must find the courage to face the darkness within ourselves, so our light can shine and start to change the world. "If not me, then who? If not now, then when?" Peace to you my friend.

[@mariabowles4817]

Everyone needs love and connection. No matter how hard it may be to accept. And the world would be a better place if we have the courage to be vulnerable enough to accept it. Many times if we have been hurt it's hard to open up to people, but it's worth it.

[@heartworkbykitty7933]

Agreed!

[@natsharma007]

Hi Maria Bowles - replying to some comments here today. :) Thanks for listening to my talk. I agree wholeheartedly that love and connection essentially form the foundation for a long and healthy life. We are better when we are aware of that and, with love for ourselves firmly in tact, consciously invite connection with others in from that place of awareness and free will. It is when we believe we are less than whole without others, or when we are lacking in self-love, that we tend to chase connections with others from a place of urgency rather than choice. Connection will always matter - but the motivation for making a connection matters as well. What do you think?

[@giftedintrovert]

@@natsharma007 agreed

[@paystar3436]

Right on ...! Read my comment Above. Thank's for your sharing ... and caring.

[@LunaLu-00]

"love, hate and fear will drive your decisions more than any other emotion"

[@johneagle932]

All this blended together in various degrees is what we call DESIRE.

[@christinamanxhari1672]

This is a really great talk. While most “self help” encourages readers/listeners to resolve issues by being logical, this video [correctly] points out that this is largely not effective because most of our big decisions aren’t driven by logic but by emotion. Thanks for the wonderful talk highlighting the importance (and lack of) emotional health in our world today.

[@mobk9774]

Even if you fall flat on your face its better to try and see if it will work out than to live in fear and with the weighty regret of not even trying.... Don't let fear stifle your dreams, let love propel them into your reality. Thank you Natasha

[@natsharma007]

Wonderful sentiment MOBK. Thank YOU and be great!

[@curtisking5138]

1/Be mindful that there are people who are driven,not by the need to be loved,but by love! 2/Fear is an emotion that drives reaction 3/Linking fear with hate is too general a statement. People may hate the fact that they have an irrational fear,what is called a phobias. Refusing to admit or face that fear, usually leads to the rationalisation of that emotion as hate. "I hate flying" does not really mean that fear of flying has morphed into hatred of flying!

[@jacobrhodes7433]

I know what many people don't realize and that is intelligence is linked to emotional intensity. The more intelligent someone is, in general the more emotional they are. Not always, but a lot of the time.

[@Helensvat]

Hmm, how did you come to that decision?

[@eyelessjack8260]

@@Helensvat I assume what Jacob thought is that the more intelligent (including your reasoning skills; not your studying degrees) one is, all the more easier it can be for him or her to see what's really important for the human world.. and that, more often than not, will be emotions. Emotions are the reason for *everything* around us.

[@paystar3436]

Right on ...! Read my comment Above. Thank's for your sharing ... and caring.

[@pyang264]

Amazing...I've come a long long way from depression and this just brings clarity for me.

[@natsharma007]

Pakou Yang kudos to you for besting that journey. :) Thank you for commenting.

[@Julika7]

So, "negative emotions" aren't negativ, they are unpleasant but very valuable.

[@natsharma007]

Julika7 yes and no. Healthy negative emotions are necessary and part of our growth process, therefore of value. Unhealthy negative emotions are not, in that they do not help our personal development and growth as humans - in fact they hinder it. Both types are usually unpleasant to experience. How to determine "healthy" versus "unhealthy" negative emotions (and minimize/control the latter) - could be another great TEDx topic if I am invited again.

[@harlesbalanta2299]

All you need to increase accuracy of respond is clarity of perception, just take the time to see, hear and meet, without being reckless, so you can see others as they are, not as you are.

[@paystar3436]

Right on ...! Read my comment Above. Thank's for your sharing ... and caring.

[@chandrikakambalur2916]

Beautiful talk. This was amazing. Please come up with more of these kind. This was really short.

[@natsharma007]

Thank you Chandrika Kambalur, so glad you enjoyed it. If you head over to my Channel you'll see many more of these, now and more to come soon. Stay tuned, and stay awesome! :-)

[@sourabhs14]

1. Love: it is desirable to be loved and it can make you happy but dont take it to extreme. You dont always need love to be happy. 2. Hate/Anger: hate and anger has its value, but dont get stuck into it. Sometimes things're not fair and you have to let it go, because the world is not a just or equal place all the time. If we understand this, a great weight is lifted off us. 3. Fear: sometimes we remain in misery because we are terrified. It motivates us to inaction. You cant think your way out of fear, you have face it and act on it. You have to confront the fear in order to get over it. Hope, excitement and confidence are the emotions to live by. Emotions rule, so learn to rule your emotions.

[@rosieposy8]

This fascinating- but where is part two where we learn how to do this?

[@natsharma007]

Sachi Perez and rosieposy8... Thanks for your comments. Truly glad so many are connecting and engaging with what I've said.

[@sbdgrwnmrw6085]

By reversing the order... what we think is actually more important... where does an emotion or feeling come from? We feel this way or that way based upon what we think of any given set of circumstances.... You have to have already given some critical thought to an experience before you find yourself in favor Oof it or not....

[@natsharma007]

Thanks for your comment sbdgrwnmrw! Fantastic idea for a next Video: The origins of emotions and how they are created! ;-) I'm glad you connected with this and thanks for watching!

[@sbdgrwnmrw6085]

I understand where you're coming from... is thought of greater value to us just because it always precedes emotion or feeling? Would you rather we live in a world where people react based solely upon how they feel, or their current emotional state? Or would you prefer what currently, and admittedly imperfectly prevails: logic and reason. Imagine our courts judges having no limitations when presiding over cases where they sentence or hand down punishment. Is what they feel more important? Or what has been determined to be reasonable more important?

[@natsharma007]

Thanks sbdgrwnmrw, glad to spark conversation on this! But that's just my point: We tend to believe we are logical and rational with our decision-making process, but quite often we are not. Here's an example: If you're buying a house, it won't matter how good a price it is, how well it's structured, if it's in a great neighbourhood, and near the best schools (if you're a parent) - if you don't feel good about it, or if it doesn't feel right for you, you won't buy it. Logical and rational thinking is quite important - my point is rather that quite often, we are not engaging in either. Thanks for your comments!

[@shar1ngthemusic]

Thank you for making this message about emotional fitness & that sitting with your emotions & reflecting is helping you to understand yourself. It's something I've done since I was a child, but also stopped when I felt it was too much of the negative ones. So this is kind of encouraging to hear.

[@natsharma007]

You're welcome. I'm glad you found value in my talk. It's partly instinct to push away negative emotions (we are naturally pleasure-seeking as humans), and also partly conditioning by current culture/zeitgeist. When negative emotions are moderate and fit the situation they are felt in, then they are necessary and healthy. Not pleasant though. But in order for positive emotions to exist, so too must negative ones. Be well! xo

[@paystar3436]

Right on ...! Read my comment Above. Thank's for your sharing ... and caring.

[@VidCLR]

there is just a few people that talk into this theme wisely like you.. thank you

[@natashasharma8051]

Thanks for watching clr filho. I'm grateful you enjoyed my talk!

[@XXgenderloveXY]

Real wisdom like this, the truth, is so often underappreciated. It's so rare to hear someone talk about emotions in this way, the right way. We are emotional beings and our soul (our real self) has been designed with the ability for us to handle any and every emotion. That's pretty huge, because although I believe that, I can also sit here and name a few emotions off the top of my head that I feel I CAN'T cope with. That I would rather die than feel them. And I'm really struggling to live. I'm 37 and I think I have c-ptsd. And schizophrenia. But I'm not sure. I've never had a therapist that I could talk to. But I do know that facing my darker emotions head on, with God, has always been beneficial. I've never regretted feeling anything. Except for one emotion, an experience of terror, that I still tremble when I think of. It lasted all day, I threw up, sweated buckets and truly thought I was dying at one point for about 2 minutes. And didn't seem to do much for me afterwards which really surprised me. Any time I release an emotion of fear/terror, anger or especially grief, I feel better. Sometimes right away, sometimes a day or two. But not that time. I don't know what that was but I want to know and I'm going to find out. Feel it to heal it. Grieve it to leave it. Great talk, thank you very much.

[@marta-kj8qn]

Love is what this world is lucking a lot. Some countries have a lot of social life. Neighbour visiting a neighbour by just knocking the door and showing up. Not in northern America, you have to call ahead and make appointment. People often stay home alone. They do not visit their friends, neighbours as much. More isolation and lonely time culture.

[@redsxncubs23]

Wow this is eerie....Everything she talked about at 11:50-13:06 happened to me! I wrote in my journal about this a few days ago exactly the way she explained it and now I'm seeing it here! After college I hit my ultimate low. Growing up I was taught that emotions are a sign of weakness and we never got to talk about them. Anything I ever felt I would suppress. During my low point, I was severely depressed and crying all the time. I was so confused because I never felt so much emotion and I had no idea why this was happening or what to do about it. After about 2-3 years of feeling that I FINALLY, a few days ago, found out about who I am and what my needs are. Just like she said, I wrote down in my journal how I suddenly felt confident, hopeful, and excited about my future. Guys I am a new person. Seriously just take time for yourself and feel things out. For me, it was music and films that helped me really zero in on myself. I listened to sad music and watched artsy movies and then I was able to understand what I was feeling and what it said about me. I was honest with myself and finally accepted my emotions as NORMAL and OKAY. When I was able to do that, everything suddenly became clear! Okay that's enough with my testimonial. I really hope you guys can learn from your emotions and let them guide you towards a better future!

[@natsharma007]

ShenkelMcDoo thanks so much for sharing your personal story. I think it is the story for many, at one point or more in their lives, one so many can relate to. I'm so glad that you did! :)

[@paystar3436]

Right on ...! Read my comment Above. Thank's for your sharing ... and caring.

[@harlesbalanta2299]

Love is connection, hate is a corrupted perspective and fear is ignorance.

[@paystar3436]

Right on ...! Read my comment Above. Thank's for your sharing ... and caring.

[@violetmoon6233]

this is the best talk ever! thank you so much. I'm in my 40's &soul searching this really helped :)

[@natsharma007]

Thanks Huey St Claire - so glad you enjoyed it! Stay awesome! :-)

[@violetmoon6233]

Natasha Sharma thank you this made my day:) sending positive vibes from Australia

[@waterdragon5418]

We do need love. Those who say we dont have not truly been without.

[@natsharma007]

Hi waterdragon 541, we desire it. Hopefully for companionship, connection, family, mutual value and so many more positive experiences. Not for validation of our own self-worth. We are worthy simply by being born, not through being loved by another. Loving - and being loved - are two of our greatest desires and joys in life.

[@maixck]

@@natsharma007 I believe we need love. Love can only be freely given. So the only way to be really happy is to love yourself unconditionally, if you do that, then the world seems different. You're the only person that can give you love all your life. If you have that then you can go around and give love to other people, creating more happiness.

[@natsharma007]

@@maixck I couldn't agree more about needing to unconditionally love ourselves, and this being a key part of creating more happiness. If everyone could practice more self-love and self-acceptance, we would live in a completely different world. Thank you for commenting. :)

[@pnovaone]

I think what she says is important, but I believe we're here to learn to experience greater joy. And becoming emotionally adept is supposed to aid us in that.

[@paystar3436]

Right on ...! Read my comment Above. Thank's for your sharing ... and caring.

[@baramita]

Very inspiring talk thanks for figuring out one on the biggest issues

[@natashasharma8051]

Cheers ahmed saed, and thank you! :-)

[@willallwayslovemusic]

I am in this situation right now and you are so right!! I love this! I do as you Tell, but knows a lot of people who dont, and it seems like i’m on my Way. so thanks!!!!

[@paystar3436]

Right on ...! Read my comment Above. Thank's for your sharing ... and caring.

[@Suzy3223]

Feeling unloved is soul crushing.. can we really feel happy without it? My gut says no.

[@natashakeerti2323]

Sue's Journey - if you mean without love from yourself - to yourself, without conditions - then I agree. Feeling unloved is something every person has the power to avoid experiencing because no matter the circumstances, you can always choose to love yourself.

[@ccsworldaustralia4332]

Sue's Journey, i so agree, to be loved is primordial for our well being and health. take care xx

[@dreamthedream8929]

@@ccsworldaustralia4332 well how would you then respond to natasha above you who obviously disagrees?

[@mickadatwist1620]

no...as I get older my life gets simpler and more problem free. Never been happier

[@goddessinfin9itecompletion554]

listening to this video as I write , bam right in the beginning. Straight facts !! Have to stay tuned to hearing the end of this video. Thanks for sharing all this information. With those that want to be emotionally fit!!

[@paystar3436]

Right on ...! Read my comment Above. Thank's for your sharing ... and caring.

[@maximus9402]

Very timely video. I have been so depressed lately. Thanks.

[@natsharma007]

Olamilekan Nuru - I'm so glad you got something out of this. By the way, feeling depressed is not the same as having Depression. I dare say almost every one of us will feel depressed at one point or another in life - it's part of the human experience for most. I hope whichever you are experiencing that you have good supports and stay optimistic. :-)

[@maximus9402]

You're so kind! I agree with what you said and I am fully aware of the difference. My case is more anxiety related, because I overthink and end up feeling "depressed", or in a less confusing word, downcast. Nevertheless, this has been decreasing for many reasons and one them has been that of becoming more honest about my emotions and speaking out whenever I feel uncomfortable, which I never did before. This is a video I will continually revisit, because of its great content. Thanks again for your reply, I really appreciate your concern. I wish you the best of everything life has to offer. (:

[@natsharma007]

You are most welcome! And you are on the right path: Being honest with yourself about your emotions - even the negative ones that don't feel so great (they have something to say to you too) - is always revealing and ultimately leads to peace of mind. All the best! :)

[@rlabarbera]

I heard this Dr. on Oprah who lost 3 of his limbs say "Don't believe your thoughts". It was the most profound thing I ever heard. You are not your thoughts. It's not the real you. Wishing you all the best!!

[@maximus9402]

rlabarbera thank you so much for your positivity! I wish you the best as well and that all your goodness is reciprocated, always! Especially whenever you need it the most! Thanks again (:

[@agenttoffiehere9578]

Thank you. I needed this. May god bless us all to become emotionally stronger.

[@natsharma007]

You're most welcome. It's not easy ... but if we are lucky to live long enough, it's inevitable. Be healthy and well! Thanks for watching.

[@afemzy]

Great talk. One question: it's easy to tell people to let go of stuff but how do people get closure? Look at what happens when someone is convicted of a crime, people feel the need to expose them as a wrongdoer to the world and it helps when justice is served. If people wrong you all the time and makes you worse of, it's probably better to advice them to forgive but never put themselves in a position be hurt again. It always helps if you can become better rather bitter but you need to take practical steps to achieve that, it's not easy to just say let go. Fantastic insight in this talk, more of it please.

[@natsharma007]

Thanks for your comment afemzy - you raise a very important subject: That of Closure. So many look for it following events that are unpleasant (i.e. breakups, being treated a certain way, etc.) What exactly does it mean to you? To anyone? Most often and in my experience, it usually looks like 1) Seeking to understand WHY something happened, or somebody did something; 2) Seeking someone to recognize and acknowledge their behavior; or 3) Seeking an outright apology from someone. I think the concept of Closure is an unhealthy one - the idea is to be able to not REQUIRE closure. This is because we may never get those things I mention above. It's nice if we do... certainly. But in many (if not most cases) we don't. So we have to teach ourselves to not NEED them - i.e. to not need Closure - in order to accept and move on. If at all, Closure lies within you through the process of forgiving the situation and letting it go. That doesn't mean you're ok with what happened - it just means you are through being angry. If people frequently treat you badly, you may need to examine why that is, and what role you may play in that. Through no fault of our own we all get hurt/treated badly once in awhile in life - it's part of the experience. But if it's happening all the time, you may be making some poor decisions about who you hang around with, the quality of the boundaries you set with others, and how you continue to let others treat you. I hope this is helpful. Thank you for watching and your kind words!!

[@afemzy]

Natasha Sharma Thanks for the in-depth reply, judging by the comments here, people want a Part Two. Again, it shows you're worth your salt as a professional and you know what you are talking about. Thanks for explaining further about forgiveness, letting go and moving on. It is true that most times in looking for closure, we want the perpetrator to acknowledge the wrongdoing and offer a worthwhile apology. I however feel like if we're letting go and forgiving the situation but remain closely attached to the same person without letting go of them, we remain susceptible to painful flashbacks and possibly more hurt because it is business as usual for the person doing the hurting. It is probably easier to move on with the benefit of time and distance. Thanks again for replying, I wouldn't expect a thread developing from this but I just thought to comment. Thank you.

[@natsharma007]

Forgiveness and deciding to stay close with someone are two separate choices afemzy. You can forgive, and decide to stay in a relationship with the person, but in other cases decide you no longer want a relationship with the person who caused you hurt. Just because you forgive something, doesn't mean you have to stay close with someone - or in a relationship with them at all. You can forgive (i.e. accept that you were hurt and no longer feel angry) and at the same time decide to stop knowing someone IF that's best for you.

[@paystar3436]

Right on ...! Read my comment Above. Thank's for your sharing ... and caring.

[@giftedintrovert]

"emotional fit" "you cant think your way out of fear, you have to act your way out" ...

[@fredwilson373]

yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@paystar3436]

Right on ...! Read my comment Above. Thank's for your sharing ... and caring.

[@hadabali1438]

It was so lovely and interest speech,but life full of examination,

[@veganchaatparty]

Super cool....super thanks for sharing...thank you....

[@bluedreamer6564]

i originally clicked on this, because i thought it was going to emphasize the importance of intuition in decision making

[@natsharma007]

Hi tmi 420. Intuition is, in fact, largely an emotional experience. According to the Cambridge English Dictionary: "Knowledge from an ability to understand or know something immediately based on your feelings rather than facts. Views, understandings, judgements, or beliefs that we cannot in every case empirically verify or rationally justify." Intuition is a very important and meaningful concept in making some of our decisions. Thank you for integrating it into the dialogue!

[@bluedreamer6564]

thank you, also, for your enlightening response

[@natsharma007]

You're welcome! :)

[@oumarsountal6628]

Natasha Sharma she posted amazing videos thank you very much everyone for sharing it's a lot meaningful

[@natsharma007]

Thank you Oumar. Be well!

[@lilithlevaykjeldahl5257]

Thanks Natasha. A very thought-provoking and highly relevant topic. Emotional intelligence is not something we are taught but I I wish I had been in the same way I was taught math and English.

[@paystar3436]

Right on ...! Read my comment Above. Thank's for your sharing ... and caring.

[@Helensvat]

Very impressive and very true! Thank you a lot! :)

[@speedypete3725]

EXCELLENT TALK

[@malandrina559]

When I lisend to this I had chills. Why because I realized a lot of things I was doing wrong. I’m probably still doing wrong but I at least know why I’m doing the things I do.

[@paystar3436]

Right on ...! Read my comment Above. Thank's for your sharing ... and caring.

[@MayaTheColdplayer]

Great talk. Thanks for the insight.

[@natsharma007]

Thanks MayaTheColdplayer; I'm so glad you found it informative! :-)

[@jazzeclectikk]

Wow this was phenomenal ❤️

[@williammcdonald2320]

Explaining how finace is more than what you see is worth the while! I used to always think what is here will be here and I don't have to worry about what is taught to gain good space or a home! But really theirs more going on than just the physical material and than laying down in bed! The type of energy and behaviour is what makes the difference of feeling warehoused or at home!

[@paystar3436]

Right on ...! Read my comment Above. Thank's for your sharing ... and caring.

[@doablefilms9380]

very good talk Natasha!

[@natsharma007]

Thank you, and for watching. Be well!

[@waleedalgharabally9385]

Even I understood it and accept it ! Lovely teacher Wish you infinite confidence

[@user-xw2zw5uy5k]

Thank you!

[@sdz4383]

Very coherently spoken 👌🏼

[@Protectobot]

I agree COMPLETELY. Although I often distrust my own instincts, I will often err on the side of a basic survival instinct when it comes to work and earning money. It's easier for me to change my thoughts than my feelings. When I receive a new piece of information about a situation, even supposed 'facts' don't always seem believable to me: especially if they're based on probability. They can counter my current feelings about something that scares me in life, but I often hold out for more evidence to support the most recent information I have received. I try to be practical as much as possible, in terms of self-awareness when it comes to my strengths and weaknesses in the workplace. I HATE taking risks a lot of the time, and not just because I worry about making huge mistakes that I feel should have been easily avoided--that could hurt me as well as others--but because I feel that, by taking one risk, I'm missing out on another opportunity, such as a job that fits me better. I try to minimize the roles of 'good luck' and 'good timing' in my professional life.

[@natsharma007]

Thanks for sharing Protectobot! It's insightful of you to self-reflect in this way, no matter your strengths AND weakness (we all have both). I believe that by definition there are no actual 'mistakes' , at least not the way we define it. Mistakes are simply choices, either to achieve a certain purpose or goal, or on account of acting out due to emotional weakness or ego. We all make them, and will until the end of time. Don't be afraid of them: Many of the best opportunities for personal growth occur within our "mistakes." :) Cheers, and have a wonderful day.

[@Protectobot]

Well lol, I guess the obvious mistakes would be the ones we're not aware we did until perhaps a later time (I'm trying to remember what I was thinking about when I posted that comment, btw! HAHA). I know what you mean about trying to learn and grow from our mistakes. It's too bad we can't have a 'do-over' every time there is an unfortunate outcome from making a mistake, but that's risk for ya. Cheers from a self-aware U.S. American :)

[@paystar3436]

Right on ...! Read my comment Above. Thank's for your sharing ... and caring.

[@TheALLYISLAME]

such a great talk

[@GraceCanadaful]

Health can prevent you from confronting your fears and moving forward...

[@ThisIsRusko]

this is amazing!!!

[@hannah-6498]

The woman who is married is going to say you dont need a genuine connection and love to be happy. Brilliant.

[@natsharma007]

Hi Hannah, thanks for your comment. Yep - I am a married women, and it's a happy marriage so far, but one of the points in my talk is that there are more ways to love and connect than through marriage. Or the romantic approval of us by someone else. Your happiness will never come from somebody else giving it to you - from their validating you. We benefit tremendously from having love and connection in our lives, no doubt. We won't die on the spot without them, but we probably live much shorter lives, and with more illness, if we live with zero connection. What I'm trying to say in my talk is 1) Look beyond romance for love and connection; and 2) Most of the "benefits" and joys come from you doing the loving, and the connecting - from your side. You can connect to people/person, or children, you can connect to a project, a cause, the environment, the earth. It's great to have a partner in life - and for sure, most of us have a strong and very natural desire/"drive" for one. But that's all it is. The day I wake up "needing" my husband instead of "wanting/desiring/choosing" him consciously as an important part of my life is the day I know it's no longer a healthy marriage. What are your thoughts? I'd love to hear them. Be well.

[@foramzaveri5897]

You are amazing ! 😃

[@apprisedbeauty6783]

I'm terrified of spiders and my partner ironically considers neurotoxins from venom is a great painkiller. Needless to say I'm learning to see things his way out of love. I might even breed some one day. Life is wild.

[@stephentreanor5044]

I'm feeling so much fucking hatred and anger at the moment towards so many people because of what they've done and how they've abused me, however Im going to get through this I know I am I know I can do this!!! Xxx 😊

[@maximus9402]

Stephen Treanor hi Stephen! I feel the same, however, you will be alright don't worry! Just talk to someone you can really trust. It worked for me. It will work for you too! It's been a week already, so I hope you're doing fine!

[@pnovaone]

Have you read the book 'A Boy Called It'?

[@kamelguedd9083]

Are you ok now, hope you are.

[@ladyrosalune8907]

Thank you for this video. I've been working hard for around six months now to try to take control of my emotional health. Mandy Saligari also has a really good video about this topic that I could relate to more than I wanted. I know I have trouble advocating for myself and even recognizing that my feelings have value. I've been trying to learn to take care of myself, but it's a difficult thing to learn after two decades of intentionally sacrificing my own emotions to try to cater to others'. Anyway, thank you again for the video and I look forward to the follow-up.

[@natsharma007]

You're so welcome Lady Rosalune! It's very true what you say. I can understand why self-care and self-advocation has been tough for you, because we are taught to be either Selfless or Selfish in this world. Both are unhealthy states of being: In the 1st all you do is Take, and in the 2nd all you do is Give. What we really need to be taught is how to be Self-Interested, a balance between the two. I'm glad you enjoyed this talk. Feel free to head over to my channel, where we are doing a rebrand and relaunch. Follow up videos to come very soon, on these very topics. Thanks for watching and be great! :-)

[@paystar3436]

Right on ...! Read my comment Above. Thank's for your sharing ... and caring.

[@TheNewLifeOfFienie]

Loved this talk! ❤

[@natsharma007]

So glad you did Fienie Vidi Vici! :-) Thank you for giving me your precious time.

[@prachip4476]

Excellent....

[@kaylynnclarke9451]

Great though, but humans are social creatures and we literally do need someone to love us

[@emotophobiccdd8006]

Totally! I'm sure that the technology exists to raise a baby without any human contact/love at all. I think that we all know why it's not the done thing. But it's no accident that parents are more and more physically disconnected from their babies as we "advance". To make a consumerist society "function", we need to have selfish, short-sighted, "fairytale" ideas about love, and everything else, so that we feel EMPTY & compensate by CONSUMING. Emotional intelligence is the essence of life and THE BASIS OF GOOD DECISION MAKING; so is socially engineered out of the equation by the ruthless social-scientists/government/elite!

[@josipmarasovic7084]

Why isnt enough to love yourselfe. Of course u gona have friends family but i think she talks about love beetween man and women. Sorry for my bad english dont use it much ;O

[@erichbrough6097]

@@emotophobiccdd8006 So true: isolated, disconnected people are much easier to manipulate than grounded, caring people

[@maixck]

If you love yourself that's enough. If you don't love yourself it does not matter if someone else loves you.

[@tiffanykrieger5035]

We need to learn to love ourselves first.

[@msk7443]

This is such an amazing talk!

[@natsharma007]

Thank you Ms K!

[@DavidofSteele]

Great talk thanks Natasha

[@natsharma007]

You're welcome David Steele. :-)

[@maixck]

I'm on the other spectrum, i have low emotions most of the times. People think i'm cold, distant, etc. People don't really like it when you're logical. When i say that statistically X problem does not matter more than Y problem, they don't want to hear that because X problem strikes their emotional cords.

[@queilacasanova742]

Perfect❤❤

[@Mr.ZimmersClassroom]

Such a great talk.

[@natashasharma8051]

Thank you! :) I'm so glad it's resonating. Would LOVE to hear from viewers - welcome all constructive feedback! :-)

[@beam8250]

Natasha Sharma your talk has inspired me to stive for being emotionally lean 💜. Bravo! I really needed to hear this. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

[@natsharma007]

Aw, thank YOU Bea M! So excited that my Talk sparked something in you! Be great! :-)

[@mahrukhd2481]

Thank you Natasha this was great!

[@natsharma007]

So glad you enjoyed it Mahrukh D! :)

[@rebeccadegail1163]

Brilliant watch though I would adapt her 3 emotions theory to say that there is really only 2, as I have always believed that hate comes from fear so, really only 2 emotions, love and fear. Dr Gerald Jampolsky Love is letting go of fear

[@christyg487]

Rebecca de Gail hate is anger

[@mejf2105]

The hardest time in life is youth and childhood. Everything is the end of the world. This is why there are so meny suicides among young people. After forty good life finally begins and afrer sixty it becomes a bliss.

[@zakUSDedelman]

Amazing thank you lots

[@natsharma007]

zak edelman: You're welcome lots :)

[@phooongtion]

Such a great great talk, ive been working on my meditations, self love, and peace lately. Emotional fitness is key to life, truly.

[@hmkaimal1]

Love all Serve all ❤️

[@MakeMePreety]

Do not try to prove that they are bad... Except if they're a narcissist, if it makes you 'feel' better to tell your story then DO IT

[@dominiqueraymond2174]

Thank you. I am trying!

[@natsharma007]

Go girl - you got this!

[@dominiqueraymond2174]

Thank you ☺

[@ivfchic3316]

It's a fantastic talk... But where is the 'how'? Help!

[@marangelliramos]

Excellent! ❤️

[@natashasharma8051]

Thank you Marangelli Ramos.

[@xPurple26]

It bothers me that people associate love and hate as a dichotomy. As if they are on opposite sides of the emotional spectrum. The opposite of love is not hate... It's apathy. Hate is more of a multitude -- a quantification of anger.

[@natsharma007]

xPurple26 - I agree with you there. Wherever you are, be safe and be well!

[@sagebreezy]

loved it

[@natsharma007]

Thanks Just Rose! So glad you connected with it!

[@dreamtripsgoimd6614]

Which one comes first, logic or emotion when we perceive things? I thought both influences each other. In this video what I got was the influence of emotion is stronger than logic and determines our decision, but I have no idea which one always comes first.

[@dreamtripsgoimd6614]

if a human being always perceives things with logical analysis first then emotional fitness can simply be achieved by increasing the quality of our intellectual thoughts. But I think there are certain things that spark emotion arises ahead, especially past experiences that we have labeled them with some meanings. Another thing could be what we call intuition. At last, things that most matter to us which determine most of our decisions are feeling easy (good feeling) or uneasy (bad feeling), except we logically accept a feeling uneasy with an intention to overcome it to reach emotional fitness at that state.

[@paystar3436]

Right on ...! Read my comment Above. Thank's for your sharing ... and caring.

[@alanthampi4718]

For men its generally Logic over emotion most of the time .. but it can vary a lot

[@andismith2084]

Wow amazing

[@macaloow2372]

This is educational. Why so short?!

[@natsharma007]

Thanks macaloow - I'm glad you enjoyed it. TED Talks are limited to 12-18 minutes in duration. The response has been so positive to the talk however that I'll be creating a follow-up video. Stay tuned, and thanks for watching!

[@paystar3436]

@@natsharma007 Right on ...! Read my comment Above. Thank's for your sharing ... and caring.

[@stephentreanor5044]

This is such a fucking a great video especially when you speak about how fear or how scared I am rules my/yours/our life's. Thank you so much for this. Xx

[@natsharma007]

You're so welcome Stephen Treanor! I'm glad my Talk could be of some help in understanding our motivations in life, and how to gain more control over personal freedom. :-)

[@ianfromoz5247]

Wow loved it

[@natsharma007]

Ian Lambert - I'm so glad that you did!

[@GlassellPark]

3:10 mark so true about what we are conventionally programmed to do.

[@natsharma007]

Misak we are still untying ourselves from equating intelligence solely to test results, IQ scores, and academic pursuits. The earliest definitions of intelligence actually have little to do with any of those 3 things. Thanks for watching and commenting. Be well!!

[@paystar3436]

@@natsharma007 Right on ...! Read my comment Above. Thank's for your sharing ... and caring.

[@stephentreanor5044]

There was alot of meditations on what not to do in the adverts.

[@shameembunsie785]

Hallelujah

[@janeflynn6051]

great

[@winniekemunto263]

great sentiments..

[@natsharma007]

Thank you winnie kemunto! :)

[@annsmith386]

Yeah I don't want my emotions. I basically cry almost every week because of them and the problems aren't that big but I still cry.

[@natsharma007]

Hi Ann Smith. Pretty hard not to have 'em though, am I right? Especially when they're unwanted - it's when we notice them even more. I'm sorry you're going through a difficult time if this is the case. Wishing you peace.

[@unzahid]

great.

[@eileenwelzel824]

these talks save me

[@awakening882]

Facing your negative emotions are good to some extent. But the more you dwell in your negative emotions the more you become physically sick. I would choose replacing your negative emotions with positive ones.

[@natsharma007]

Thanks for commenting Sleeping Awake. :) Actually, I would not advocate for replacing negative emotions at all. They have their place and usefulness in the experience and reality of life, just as positive ones do. I would instead suggest keeping negatives in moderation as much as possible (i.e. don't amplify them or "dwell" on them as you insightfully point out), and shift focus and amplification to positive emotions and experiences instead.

[@danielsanichiban]

Bang on point

[@natsharma007]

Thank you Dan Elleson. So glad you enjoyed this! Have a great weekend! :-)

[@Shaykre19]

Sitting alone with my thoughts is dangerous

[@emilysmyth5665]

Same

[@fausttalos5807]

And where is the advice on how to do that?

[@briannaberry2883]

Zombie Anna good job making it with a real gentleman and I feel a slap on my video and I do and I feel yeah I know that's the sound on my drum all birthday

[@charlesdavidson427]

the question imho was never answered as per the talk title. it seems to me that emotions are a result of what we think. and our values cause what we think. e.g., if you are a pessimist. you may experience fear. an optimist would see opportunities. if you know your own worth, you'll know that mature love that includes self-worth, caring , responsibility, understanding, respect, will enable you to appreciate who you are and your life. and, the relationships with yourself and others that ensue, are what is value.

[@natsharma007]

Thanks for your comments CharlesDavidson! I agree, our core beliefs and values shape our perception and 'lens' of the world, which in turn determine many of our emotional experiences. But it is the emotions we are most in touch with and aware of, and the ones which we remember when we reflect back on our lives - how we felt/feel, not what we thought/think. We tend to believe that we go through a rational process when we make decisions, but in fact most major decisions are not based on rational thinking, but on how we feel. A perfect example of this would be a typical decision-making process for where to live. I'm glad this Talk was stimulating for you! :-)

[@vernaharris4700]

Does anyone here know how one can get on TED talks?

[@rohanjindal5945]

Why Is The Video Titled Like This?

[@guerrerocameron422]

look!...its all cuz we're human beings! why else? lets give ourselves a f@@@@@@ break!💛

[@JasonOwensSpeaks]

Natasha, I think that rosieposy8 makes a great point. You've just given the perfect opener for a 3-week Emotional Fitness Bootcamp! Where can I sign up? :)

[@milkYkiss7]

is it safe to say to take away is to go back to school?

[@natsharma007]

Hey TheEyeTraveler :) I was aiming for this as the takeaway: That our emotions drive all of our big decisions (such as going back to school for e.g.) so we should make sure those emotions are healthy ones. I'm always about pursuing education as humans - it's how we grow and thrive. But education comes in many forms - especially nowadays. For some, college/university makes sense and for others, other types of education are more valuable. All big decisions are totally up to the individual and the specific reasons/value they may or may not hold for him/her. :-) Cheers!

[@musaadnan3599]

👍👍👍