Why you're not healing and how you can

[@trinaq]

"The wound is not my fault, but the healing is my responsibility." Marianne Williamson

[@StimParavane]

The wound is your fault. Stop resorting to victimhood.

[@titavaughns7698]

@@StimParavane Blaming the wound on yourself is victimizing. You're contradicting yourself

[@titavaughns7698]

The healing is a responsibility I never asked for. It feels unfair and I don't know how to calm the anger

[@StimParavane]

@@titavaughns7698 This makes no sense at all. Take some personal responsibility for your actions and their consequences.

[@StimParavane]

@@titavaughns7698 Yes you did. Don't perform the actions in the first place if you don't want the consequences? This victimhood culture is out of control.

[@queenhearts9613]

After 5 years of trying to help my family I have learned they won't change. I am now looking after myself, going to therapy booking myself for facials and massages, going to the gym, learning to drive and save up to leave this house and the drama and trauma behind 😊

[@mediumchungus]

Great attitude!! Once you move out, remember that as adults, our interactions are voluntary! If your parents keep disregarding your feelings after you tell them what you feel or have felt , you dont have to keep interacting with them! It will drop a boulder from your shoulders and you will find it easier to find people who also apreciate honesty and vulnerability! Good luck.

[@Lagann11]

@@mediumchungus facts

[@noneya3635]

One of the best lessons I learned finally. When one finally gets the benefit of not just saying "not my problem" but moves away from those throwing their behavior on your plate; we learn how much better life is without the burden of things we cannot fix for others. I'm very happy for you.

[@trinaq]

Yes, well done on your progress. The hardest part is learning that no matter what we do to try to please your loved ones, there's no changing them. However, we CAN still change ourselves, and how we think.

[@Yuusfw]

People change of their own free will. It doesn't matter how much you try. The changes are in ourselves.

[@quirky7735]

"my best friend abandoning me during the worst years of my life" I FEEL YOU ANA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@ChemistTea]

This must've happened to a lot of people in 2020. The best part about this for me is that I found out my friend's true feelings and intentions. Definitely one of the best things that happened to me.

[@quirky7735]

@@ChemistTea same!! Amen to that!!

[@RicardoMoralesMassin]

Is she referring to the twins??

[@Bats_]

@@RicardoMoralesMassin I am also curious of this, where did they go?

[@Kingatje]

​@@RicardoMoralesMassin asking myself the same question 😢

[@Mallowmelloww]

I started asking myself “what if my healing was stronger than my trauma?” And I’ve found it helps me stay present and avoid a trauma response or negative cycle,

[@growing.flowers]

Hell yes!

[@Xstargojo]

I don't get that

[@Mallowmelloww]

@@Xstargojo I guess I mean, the trauma already happened. I cannot change or undo what happened. But I can choose how I view it. I see each piece as a lesson in how strong I can be

[@syanhc]

Anna is the only person I know who combines psychiatry, spirituality, comedy and her own personal fashion show....a cat walk of sorts....kudos!

[@Efflorescentey]

Ooh I had an ‘instant therapy’ moment! As an adult, I met my father that abandoned me as a child. I also met the child he kept. Seeing how nasty he is and how much the child (now an adult too) suffered, I instantly felt SO LUCKY that he left me. I was spared the same fate! Literally lost all my daddy issues in one afternoon.

[@oherix]

“How can I turn the worst thing that has ever happened to me into the best thing that has ever happened to me?” Even though I feel confident that I have found the best inside of the worst, this still resonated deeply with me. Thank you.

[@jclyntoledo]

Yeah but you don't have to do that. You don't have to find the silver lining in every bad or tragic thing that happened bc things do not happen for a reason, it's mostly random af.

[@berbudy]

​@@jclyntoledo it doesn't have to be silver lining, as simple as sharing your bad experience story can be benefit to other people.

[@PokhrajRoy.]

It’s a very tricky balance because you don’t want to be too attached to what hurt you but then again, you shouldn’t downplay the hurt you’ve gone through as well. Letting go is an art form.

[@justbhavya]

wow i love this comment. well articulated.

[@PokhrajRoy.]

@@justbhavya Thank You so much!

[@jennyj9506]

wow this is what I'm going through right now.. needed to see this

[@Scipio12232]

The Problem is that I am attached to my mother. Who hurt me 😂

[@melon-e7131]

I’ve been watching your videos for 8 years. I’m proud that you produce content that revolve around personal growth and vulnerability in an authentic and educational way. I am the biggest advocate for self-growth as well as a fellow content creator, so growing up with your presence really uplifted me to lean into discomfort and be the person I am proud to be today. You’re doing amazing and I’m so happy you exist, Anna❤️

[@film9491]

I have been struggling with cancer for a while. As a result I have put a lot of effort into cancer charities. Good to know this is a therapy approved coping mechanism

[@Henry258654]

During one of my recent meditation sessions I realized that the reason I wasn't able to love myself was because I was dehumanized for many years during my early life due to my neurodivergence, which drove me to a never ending rat race in search of having my humanity recognized Since then I've been writting "I AM HUMAN" on a whole sheet of paper every day, which is both an objective fact and also my love language. This is making a lot easier to accept my limitations, forgive myself for my stakes and engage on things sincerely, without ulterior motives

[@Onthe9thlife3730]

It's definitely a hard task to feel like a human when everyone else just gets all this unconditional love and support yet all I get is rejection and shamed for anything and everything. I resent the fact that I am human because it just further highlights that I'm lacking something and don't belong anywhere.

[@Henry258654]

@@Onthe9thlife3730 I've been there, I even became obssessed with transhumanism for a time. What worked for me was to understand the functioning of society, find trustworthy people with whom I could develop my social skills, and be kind and generous but also never submit to those who want to do wrong

[@letsdomath1750]

​@@Onthe9thlife3730 Been there, done that. If you're open to it, withdraw your attention from the outside world and the mental echoes of the voices of those who said unkind things. Then, in a mirror, gaze into your eyes and say "I love you. I am (or you are, if you prefer) enough." Say it over and over for 10 to 15 minutes, preferably at least twice a day. Then close your eyes, and imagine those closest to you actually saying lovely things to you. Imagine hearing them say kind words to you. Do this because it feels good and provides relief. Repeat for 90 days, and you will notice that the feeling of separation is no longer prevalent in your daily life.

[@Onthe9thlife3730]

@@letsdomath1750 that's very good advice and I know it works for some. It's just a tool in the end but a tool only works in certain situations. That's why cognitive behaviour therapy works for some but gaslights others. Such a process unfortunately never did work for me. I've done all those sorts of things, high giving myself in the mirror every morning, 5 second countdown to force bias towards action (though I shortened it to 3 because 5 wasn't working for me), consistent daily meditation, focusing on the positives, journalling out negative situations, I actually followed unreservedly for nearly a year Abraham Hicks process for law of attraction until something happened and I stopped to look around and check where I was at only to find everything, every single aspect of my life, was actually worse off. Being human, being a person, just isn't for me, even though it's been reinforced by my family and society, living in this capitalistic hellscape is a complete detriment to me being able to function or exist as a person. No options, no money, not enough health to do the bare minimum. I can't even find a job I can do that won't destroy the little health I've managed to recover from burnout. I'm actually okay with having very little contact with people, and don't buy into society's mental conditioning of what work people should do or how they're supposed to do it, I just don't have the financials to support that or a life that will allow me to thrive instead of struggling just to leave my house. Healing isn't possible when in survival mode.

[@MeTalkPrettyOneDay]

Something I constantly have to remind myself and others of is that while learning something as a result of your traumatic exerience(s) can be great, it is not a justification for that trauma.

[@Onthe9thlife3730]

Yes this!

[@NoEnvyNoFear1]

I am crying! I applied this to my most recent trauma, putting my cat down. He was old and sick and I had basically been his nurse for years and his loss is so painful. And I know he was suffering at the end and it was the right thing to let him go, but hearing someone else say something similar just made it more real. If he would have continued living he would have suffered forever. Now he can rest and I have to live on with the pain without him but I have the possibility to give more abandoned, sick cats the care they need and their forever home.

[@dogtrainingmexico]

My father did and does exactly the same

[@Tuakie]

Reminder: trauma bonding is when you feel deep bond with the person who is traumatizing you, not when you can relate to trauma that someone else had been through

[@bellyjellybean248]

I think it's used enough as the second meaning in this day and age to essentially have picked up that meaning as well, regardless of what it may originally have been

[@feelingReckless13]

@@bellyjellybean248 yup, it's gone the way of prodigal tbh

[@bhavikashah8221]

Thanks for clarifying this

[@jclyntoledo]

Yes! Finally! Thank you!

[@jclyntoledo]

@@bellyjellybean248 I highly disagree

[@benadamclimer671]

I think this is very good, and I think there's another layer when talking about trauma, specifically. A traumatic event may become the fixation of the survivor for good reason. They never want it to happen to them again. Clinging to the intensity of the feeling, therefore, serves a practical role in attempting to block further trauma, a very normal goal. It can be scary to let go of the intensity of the feeling because it feels like you are opening yourself back up to vulnerability.

[@warmwhensleepy]

wow. i needed this. had a very difficult friendship-breakup around this time last year and i have been suffering and questioning myself since then. this truly helps me. thank you.

[@mimino_codingbee4313]

I have been watching your contents for 5 years now. I didn't know about your sister. I'm sorry to hear that Anna. It rakes a whole lot of courage to talk about your trauma in such beautiful flow for helping people through your contents. We're really grateful that you exist.

[@emilys.heather5089]

WE NEVER MISS AN ANNA AKANA NOTIFICATION!!!

[@droid9893]

This definitely applied to me, as a man, but it's also amazing that simply applying a moustache effectively communicates masculinity. I'm also starting to believe that your dad, really founded squarespace.

[@apala09]

After going through a second breakup with the same person made me realize many things. I've been centering my self worth around the fact that how I can "save" the other person. I do engage in this toxic cycle of rehashing my pain again and again. I hope to be better and do better and heal parts of me that I've been abandoning over the years. Thank you Ana

[@exmrsnowwomanscorned8369]

Same..😢

[@rafael82x]

It takes time to heal , don’t zero yourself out , there are people that care about you

[@rukomb3738]

First off, I love your videos Anna, I have a slightly different opinion on the topic, While I do believe suffering can be turned into something positive , I'm reminded of an episode of Bojack Horseman, where one of the characters is struggling to write a book about her trauma, as she wants to bring something greater from her trauma. In the end, she decides to write about something light and fun which also contributes to making a change, now I'm not an individual with specialized training but i think it showcases that there is a multitude of ways to overcome our trauma. there will never be one single method to heal. I love your videos as they bring insight into how to heal and the multitude of options available. What I loved about that episode of Bojack and ultimately your type of videos, is that they allow a space to learn about trauma and how to process it. :)

[@lornaspencer4731]

You're so eloquent, I'm so glad you wrote this 🤍 Diane's storyline really moved me. Similar to her I kept trying to turn my pain into something creative hoping it could help other people, but it continues to trap me in unproductively immersing myself in a kind of suffering that maybe I don't have to transform into anything other than what it is. The pressure to seize altruism as the final step to healing is exhausting and if that's not my path I don't want to keep feeling like I'm failing, if it could just be okay to accept that some bad things are bad and that I wasn't given these experiences to help other people, they were just bad experiences, it might be marginally easier to look outwards at other things I could invest my time in.

[@Onthe9thlife3730]

I stopped to think about it and there isn't a way to assign meaning to what I've had to experience simply because now I know the root causes and contributing factors that allowed it to occur I get to experience it while knowing what's going on instead of just struggling with something being wrong but not knowing how. Bojack horseman is one of my favourite shows because of things like that.b

[@psylentknight]

Yes to all of this! I can think of so many times where I felt too comfortable to do the work to not only heal from decades of trauma, but also reframe it into good things. Not just for myself, but for other people that were going through similar things. The benefits have been amazing and often unexpected in the most pleasant ways possible.

[@ratsalad178]

love your username!

[@Rittmanite]

You always seem to say the thing I need to hear right when I need to hear it . Thanks .

[@BruceRiggsGamer]

"Damn it, Bones, you're a doctor. You know that pain and guilt can't be taken away with a wave of a magic wand. They're the things we carry with us, the things that make us who we are. If we lose them, we lose ourselves. I don't want my pain taken away, I *need* my pain." ~Captain Kirk

[@BruceRiggsGamer]

@AnnaAkana.. No.

[@P3arlJang]

Please never take down your videos. I keep coming back to your channel again and again. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[@junlo7070]

I think a big reaction against this mindset for a lot of people is to associate it with the advice from dismissive people we know, who callously hurried us to pull ourselves out of our depressions by looking for silver linings and getting out of a victim mindset. So to any of those people here, I want to say: you can adopt these mindsets to help yourself, for YOUR sake and YOURS only, and it will NEVER validate the dismissal of your negative emotions these people showed towards you, nor will it invalidate the time you needed to grieve and wallow before you felt ready to rise up again. The thing about good advice from assholes: it's still good advice, and they're still assholes.

[@Sophieslazy]

One ding = one "yes" from my part. Busted. Thank you, Anna, I'll do that homework TODAY !!!

[@bhargavimurthy4638]

You are truly helping in ways most people cannot.

[@tatemick1]

I fcking can't. It's like she has a direct line to my life. Somehow she uploads videos that are exactly relevant to where I am in life to a creepy level. Love ya Anna

[@sorsedo]

You've been a huge part of my personal and emotional growth over the years... I love your videos and you have such a positive impact of the world. I'm genuinely proud of you and what you have achieved and are achieving constantly improving, that itself pushs me to be a better version of myself. You are such a queen, stay awesome.

[@miketheonly9996]

The posture collar is a nice touch for a discussion on suffering and pain. 🖤

[@jclyntoledo]

is that what that is?!... 😮

[@shreemoyee_art]

Anna, thank you for existing. You are a life-saver.

[@StrumVogel]

I needed to be reminded of this today. My first divorce made me realize that I can be the better parent in my first son’s life. My second divorce made me realize that I’m not qualified to help someone with drug addiction.

[@azhar456]

After 5 years of therapy , Your videos actually the one that helps me heal.

[@Impossible033]

Almost in tears at how beautifully put this is ♥️♥️♥️♥️

[@superstiti0us]

Why are your videos literally the best adulting advice/lessons that every human needs for life? Thanks for this

[@lalalalala8502]

I felt like I lost everybody including myself when I became a mom. I felt like I didn't have anybody even when people were around...when I was by myself I felt even worse. I had gone through a nasty divorce before I met current partner and started a family. I did the work and got through the mess of my mind he left behind after I had my kids. I thought I was better. I thought I was a new person. Once that was over I realized how much I hated myself. I want to be my own best friend. I want my kids to love themselves but I can't teach that until I learn it for myself. Thank you Anna, you are really helping me.❤❤❤

[@miluk2118]

I appreciate you so much Anna~ wherever you are

[@JasmineCB2013]

I give you praise for addressing this very heavy and complex topic so succinctly. Sometimes deconstructing trauma can be managed in a simpler way than we think. You're so awesome for this! Thank you!

[@sunny.jasmin]

This is exactly what I needed. I LOVE YOU ❤️

[@Katiesgotmail]

This felt raw. Thank you Anna and good luck

[@anjali9524]

This was so beautiful. Thank you for this!

[@Atta_ched]

Thank you Anna. This content is timely for me. I always appreciate your messaging. ❤

[@elizabethdiannestravinsky6946]

i found the answer... there is comfort in suffering.... wow that shall be my comfort

[@Ezayla]

from all of your videos, this probably helped me the most. I feel it already. Thank you.

[@emma4557]

Thank you so much for all your videos Anna, they are wonderful

[@MrReese]

Sometimes Anna has this phase where she just throws out these insanely helpful videos one after another.

[@manimations7007]

I was just talking about this to my therapist today. So true Anna!

[@tavenstrickert9658]

Viktor frankl is really wonderful and his logotherapy for the therapy of meaning has definitely been very impactful for my life. The entire extrapolation from existentialist and stoic philosophy transformed into an actual clinical form of therapy has had incredibly transformative on many people and I encourage others to read his works as well as some of the philosophical inspirations.

[@Eclipsingg]

WOW, I needed this. In just the first couple sentences it wasn't even a slap, but a gentle eye-opener. The whole claim to your pain is something hard to let go of because sometimes it feels like self-betrayal. I, personally, am writing characters that showcase a lot of the pain I went through and that is part of the claim to it. I want to remember it so I can write it accurately and well.

[@finneblub8768]

Thank you for this. A wake-up call for sure. I will have to think about how all the situations that happened to me can be reframed to have positive meaning and purpose for my life and the life of my loved ones ❤

[@nicholasherner8012]

Wooo!! Yes! Daddy Square space! Plus your content is genuinely inspiring, right on!

[@Caitydidnt]

I LOVE your videos! Therapist here, you always make it so accessible for others to do the hard “therapy” work in a shorter time. ❤

[@BossBerry_]

LUVVVV that Choker and Will always carry your advice with me ❤

[@JarynTheBear]

Anna, as always, I love you & thank you for your contributions to this world

[@hobragen]

Omg this was right when needed. Thank you!❤

[@hernrypalacios2219]

Recovery is a battle, l will win not immediately but definitely 👌

[@indiecloud100]

Hearing about tips that have worked for you really have made an impact on my thoughts. Thank you for sharing

[@noronahahaha]

Wish I’d had this advice almost 10 years ago, when the guy I was seeing for over a year ghosted me and I didn’t get over it for years. I’m a lot better but I still have a lot of growing to do. Wallowing and feeling bad for years has imprinted counter-productive patterns in my thinking, especially in my sense of self-worth. And I wish my mom had access to this decades ago, before she molded her identity around being a victim because she doesn’t believe she has the power.

[@leooo5985]

I haven't been able to seek out therapeutic help yet but I've been trying hard to heal and let go of my feelings of hurt and anger. So far I don't feel like I've made that much progress, since I still have my occasional fits of anger and rage and can be overly sensitive when the person who hurt me (emotionally) gets brought up. This is exactly what I needed, thanks for the tip Anna. Will give this exercise my best try :).

[@hoagapyear]

Thank you Anna, just what I need to hear right now

[@jerzoslaw]

Anna your videos are just fantastic. I truly appreciate the knowledge you share here. It has enormous effect on getting my life back on track.

[@Apathy3107]

This was amazing, I really needed this. Thank you.

[@siddhanthdas8622]

Be your own best friend !

[@beatpirate8]

Thank you. When I have had those thoughts of equanimity and care and I’d rather it be this way… it is always a feeling of small spaciousness that I can breathe into… thank you for this reminder. Sometimes sufferings feel so gripping even when I’ve learned this lesson before .

[@longlostkryptonian5797]

I think this is your best observation and advice ever on this topic.

[@raynabelle9397]

I accidentally stumbled onto this when I was prepping interviewing for a job, the question was ‘what’s your weaknesses and strengths?’ I started to spin my ‘weaknesses’ and rephrase them as strengths… but then I kept the mindset moving forward in everything. How can I make this a positive?

[@SeelenTaucher]

Holy Lord, gosh, dear, I needed this from U. I was thinking "Hm, what feels healing Like?" Putting meaning and thank to the greater meaning within our lives. Blessings. ❤😍🙏🏻

[@amitlaor9732]

One of your best videos for sure

[@traveler-a113]

Always gotta rely on Anna giving that helpful goodness

[@AlaskaSkull]

Thanks Anna. You are truly magical and have helped see things in just the right ways. I wish you all the best. You are loved!

[@zane2302]

Great advice, Anna. Thanks for sharing🙏

[@owlcu]

Turning suffering into value is the whole concept behind art. The pearl is a perfect example, as an oyster surrounds a painfully intrusive bit of sand or grit with its protective sealant, layer after layer, until something beautiful is formed.

[@ababyrat3576]

Thank you bb🤍

[@anaramazan1461]

thank you Anna, really thank you from the bottom of my heart

[@_aiborie]

Thank you Anna, for the work that you do.

[@kathleenwharton2139]

Let Go! Just Be! 😊❤

[@SICRoosterKido]

Stunning!

[@jennyj9506]

Anna you're so strong

[@crystalpistey-lyhne3406]

Yes, So Relatable!😢🫣🥹🥰🎛🖥

[@kwinsty]

Ughhh I love youuuu, so eloquently said ❤

[@knoxmanagementconsulting]

I've read a lot of Caroline Myss, but hadn't heard of this one. Thank you!

[@burrahobbit]

Anna, you're the best and I love you. My problems are serious and it's challenging. The end.

[@sillylovesong7]

I really needed it right now. thank you so much Anna

[@andrewcoll6850]

“How can I turn the worst thing that has ever happened to me into the best thing that has ever happened to me?” I normally find these videos quite informative and/ or entertaining but that strikes me as one of the most naïve things I've ever heard. We must live in wildly different societies. EDIT Okay, I've thought about it and realize that I was, in fact, quite naive to say that.

[@tsenohda]

Exactly what I needed. Thank you!

[@682sunidhibhardwaj7]

Thanks❤️

[@tammieb543]

I have been reframing for 12 years. All my pain I am greatful for. Meanings to me don’t hold much weight though. It’s a mental thing, not so emotional. I understand many people who experience pattern interrupts can have profound change from it. Shifting the meaning may provide a more positive outlook & emotions do follow, but it hasn’t created much actionable change, especially around my primary challenges. No matter how I think, speak, or feel

[@mychannelafc]

0:40 ANNA PLS TELL ME WHERE YOU GOT THAT FLORAL TOP THANK YOUUUUUU

[@lmitchell9234]

Love ❤️ that necklace and omg I needed this Anna! Thank you

[@Domo716]

I needed this rn. Thank you and always thank you for the book recommendations!! ❤

[@urielpolak9949]

I am sorry you had to go through so much pain

[@tira2993]

This was significantly easier to follow and pay attention to after taking my ADHD meds. It's like the fourth time I've tried to watch it but the only time I could actually understand it lol.

[@chimauzoma786]

Yes, I was as the press conferences.

[@AndreikVlogs]

Thank you Anna ! u da best !

[@Darkstorm1011]

I don't know her at all, and yet I'm so impressed with anyone who provides a service with the intention of healing more than just themselves. Very few people I consider a gift to the world or that of a higher viberation. Thank you for your content.

[@Angell_Lee]

WOW you're literally a Goddess, thank you Anna. New sub xo

[@jinchuriki7022]

Finding strength in trauma and being comfortable with it is hard to accomplish. Extinguishing the trauma is harder

[@elsaluvsnutella]

Anna, thank you