Wife Asked Would I Rather Be With My Dying Mother Or Her During Labor r/Relationships

[@cstmollins]

The reddit comments trying everything to make this poor guy the ahole.

[@jimjohnson394]

surprised?

[@cstmollins]

@@jimjohnson394 nope....

[@Astronuty91]

They made my blood boil I wanted to throw something to the tv. Stupid comments on a row

[@ksbs2036]

It's Reddit so man=bad woman=good until there is Overwhelming evidence the woman is being a douche

[@cstmollins]

@@Astronuty91 Thats reddit for you

[@LorienInksong]

Story 1- I do not like how people dogpiled OP. I don't understand why everyone is sympathizing with a married pregnant woman playing 'pick me' against a dying woman. Honestly I don't think OP did anything wrong, and playing games of 'fighting hard against a decision to prove yourself' is toxic AF. Additionally bringing up desiring marriage counseling after such a serious argument is perfectly reasonable, its scary/messed up that she punished him for it. I'm glad OP is seeking therapy and has friends. I understand wifey is going through it through her pregnancy but its clear she's being really selfish with OP, even before the pregnancy it sounds like she was selfish with not making OP her priority #1 while demainding that treatment.

[@niyablake]

That sub hates men

[@TigersandBearsOhMy]

And to not even go to his mom's funeral with him? I understand being heavily pregnant, been there, but to not even show up for 10 minutes to be there for your husband? I cannot possibly imagine that. I don't understand why everyone is giving her a pass. Being pregnant isn't an excuse or a reason to treat people like garbage.

[@335chr]

Because men are bad and women being abusive is socially acceptable

[@Nathan_Bookwurm]

Yea..She never contributed financially, she doesn't let him in the delivery room, doesn't want counselling, she chooses her friends over him, and isn't there when his mother dies... Still, they sympathise with her. Yikes.

[@LorienInksong]

Normally I'm a bit more forgivving of the stay at home partner not contributing financially but it doesn't sound like something OP agreed to. @@Nathan_Bookwurm

[@kagekun1198]

The tone of OP in Story 1 is of an emotionally defeated person. He's been blown off and denied so many times that he shuts down to protect himself.

[@boomlove3454]

Right ! The comment section was much worse . Their gaslighting op to compromise more and APOLOGIZE for saying he wants to be with the mom? And then accusing op for caring less. My blood is boiling

[@aikikaname6508]

YES! That’s the exact word that came to me too. It sounds like this is just one of many tantrums he’s had to put up with and he doesn’t have the energy to argue anymore

[@GLoLChibs]

Precisely this. This a defeated person worn down by abuse.

[@AngelaVEdwards]

Some of the commenters here did the same thing. I just answered one above who claimed that OP has been emotionally checked out from his wife for a very long time and yada yada yada. The way people act simply because someone is male is unbelievable to me.

[@Adamskyize]

Or OP is like me. I have an almost religious position that everyone is allowed to make their own choices about their own lives. I will make my needs known and ask "are you sure?" once or twice, but I never argue with someone who claims to have made up their mind as long as it's their decision to make.

[@theunknownone5663]

Story one: get a divorce. She sounds terrible. Now with a baby in the mix. I feel sorry for him.

[@PinkMarshmallows]

Yep! And she's going to get most likely 85-90% of his income (child support and alimony).

[@kakalukium]

I'll always choose saying goodbye over saying hello. You can make it up to a child...but letting your own mother die alone is evil.

[@coreymartin6486]

Totally agree. A good spouse would encourage you to be with a dying parent.

[@beccaf262]

I don’t even think it’s making it up to the child. Baby won’t know. Idve said NAH if it were an actual situation but she sounds nasty as.

[@kristinezerilli9995]

Absolutely I'm glad I read the comments before I wrote One myself...

[@kristinezerilli9995]

Also I've given birth three and all three times my husband did not help me at all in the delivery room I could have done without him..

[@Hoosierdilf]

It’s not about saying hallo. It’s about supporting his wife. U should always choose the living over the dead. His mom won’t remember him not being there, his wife will.

[@GalaGrinsArt]

Story 1: Interesting how everyone is avoiding the fact that the wife was abusive. She kicked him out over a hypothetical. She admitted she would do the same. She got angry over couple's counseling. She used him not being allowed into the delivery room as a punishment. She did not support him at his own mother's funeral, let alone attend it. She is disgusting. Edit: I am glad this comment section is sane.

[@owl7072]

The delivery room part was especially baffling in how so many comments ignored it. "You're okay with missing the birth of your child?" She's the one that made such a big deal about it then kicked him out anyway, like how are they not seeing the hypocrisy unless they're actively choosing to ignore it 💀 Do they just expect him to fight her on that or force himself into the delivery room? They'd burn him at the stake for that.

[@eldeano9964]

Yep, sounds like reddit.

[@robertx8020]

@@owl7072 Yes they expected him to 1) repsect her wishes and 2) forcer her to let him in...what? are you saying you can't have both? Reddit disagrees ...those id*ots

[@LayfonDragnia]

@@owl7072 Same, there are several stories where a guy wants to be in the delivery room and Reddit tells them to respect the mom’s decision but they got on OP’s case because he did exactly that.

[@Whooachannel]

​@@owl7072 because women are eternally the victim and it's IMPOSSIBLE for a woman to abuse a man according to the vast majority of society due to a severe lack of brain cells and common sense

[@Kati_P]

Asking that question sounds like some manipulative bullshit to me. "Oh, let's test him and see what he says. Wait! You didn't do it right! You're such an a-hole!" Holding being present for the birth of your child over the other parent's head over a "hypothetical" is some toxic behavior. Pregnancy shouldn't be a get out of jail free card for toxic, manipulative behavior.

[@snafubar5491]

Loaded questions are made to blow up so the one asking has an excuse to complain regardless of any answer, you are dayummed if you do, dayummed if you don't. Wouldn't be surprised if she ask these type of questions all the time and blows up.

[@oompaloompa83]

Exactly. Also, apparently he usually picks her, so she was literally asking for an ego boost. I'm glad he was able to be there for his mother.

[@eagle-ny8rc]

I was wondering when someone would say this! As a woman, it's easy to go swimming in your own emotions, but this is one of those things mature women have under control. It was a small, but still real emotional power trip and she needs to understand that she created drama where there wasn't any and that's not ok.

[@JW-vd4il]

​@@eagle-ny8rc well said. I'm also a woman and HATE seeing women act like this and men think it's just "normal female behavior" or "understandable." NO! It is Manipulative, immature BS. And everybody can go off the rails now and then or get too immersed in their own feelings.... But good people and good couples try to connect more than making up reasons to disconnect and play games about it. And When you are having a child! dam I hate knowing how many immature people are making new babies to F"mess" up.

[@JW-vd4il]

​@@eagle-ny8rc"swimming in your own emotions" 😁 Forgot to mention I loved that. Felt it, know it, you said it well! 🙂❤ And we ALL do it, both men and women. But dam if you are having a new baby I hope you have self understanding and self-realization. it's not bad or wrong but it IS bad or wrong if you weaponize your normal feelings.

[@beingalittleextra]

Hearing the comments in story 1 was like hearing reddit DESPERATELY trying to find a reason why the OP was the AH

[@leafyishereisdumbnameakath4259]

Ikr they're gaslighting him so hard

[@Pysnpai]

That sub-Reddit has a bias against men in. Heavily. Someone made the exact story one week, with the man being TA, and then the second story with the genders flipped and the man was still TA. When it was pointed out, the mods deleted the posts and banned the profiles.

[@magiv4205]

​@@PysnpaiOh that's absolutely hilarious.

[@ineedhoez]

That part.

[@owl7072]

Story 1: She gave him a very difficult question to answer then got offended when it wasn't what she wanted 💀 "Your wife isn't feeling the love and support she needs right now" yeah that's why she gave him an unfair hypothetical then told him to get out when the answer wasn't exactly what she wanted to hear 🚶🏻 Edit: These comments are so desperately grasping at straws to find any reason to make Op the bad guy. "You're okay with missing the birth of your child?" You want him to just force his way in while she's in labor after very clearly stating she doesn't want him there🤨 "You could have taken accountability" for WHAT? _She_ gave him the unfair question, a question _she admits she would have done the same in response._ A question that upset Op and instead of taking accountability herself, _she denied it then made him sleep in the guest room._ She's selfish and reddit is once again tripping over themselves to make sure Op is gaslit into believing "Um, no actually You're The Problem and she's a saint who can do no wrong and if she does, it's your fault 🤓" Edit 2: "She's the MoThEr oF yOuR cHiLd" and literally started this entire situation herself

[@sharyebethancourt3660]

*_ALL OF THIS!_*

[@theghostguy5475]

Exactly I paused the video and went on a minute rant lol. Like they tried so hard to make him the bad guy. I tried to see from their pov but couldn't see how he was in the wrong in any way. People were really saying this is a tough one🤦.

[@MrNemitri]

One of the reasons I stay away from Reddit, but I love all the drama stories that arise from there.

[@owl7072]

@@theghostguy5475 man so did I, I was in the middle of getting some food and had to pause it cause I was so mad at the comments 💀 No hate to Mark, love his videos and stories like these give me an excuse to let out any pent up anger by ranting about the people in them that are being dumb but _god-_

[@randomusername3873]

This entire thing is so stupid that I'm starting to think she was looking for an excuse to not have him there in order to check if the baby is of the right color...

[@momo382844]

I remember this story. This was a no win situation from start. Poor OP is in an emotional abusive relationship and seems oblivious to it. Hell, even after my parents divorced years ago, my mom continued to visit my grandmother (Dad’s mom) until she passed away from cancer in 2022. And this heifer can’t even send her MIL some flowers! SMDH 🤦🏾‍♀️

[@SiFireHasSpeed]

Even the comments were oblivious to it but that’s par for the course with Reddit. Bunch of prepubescent teenagers acting like they have life experience

[@jimdob6528]

@@SiFireHasSpeedwell it’s Reddit. They are full of man hating and supporting women no matter what. That’s what’s popular right now.

[@jimjohnson394]

Any guy has three choices in a no-win argument stirred up by his wife, 1) He can act like a man and not put up with the drama queen's BS by just not taking her seriously. 2) He can leave and never come back, 3) he can continue being a doormat and apologize for nothing until she completely loses respect for you. Looks like he chose door #3, so she divorced him instead.

[@BruinPhD2009]

Same here. My parents divorced after I left for college and they joked that they got custody of each other's mothers. It certainly helped that my grandmothers were both cool people who didn't involve themselves in my parents' issues. I miss their wisdom and humor.

[@johnbradbury8610]

Op has a prenup. This is his fault. He has the spine of an earthworm.

[@persgodiva]

Am I nuts? I'm completely on the husbands side in Story 1.

[@carolroberts4614]

Me too! I do not understand why reddit piled on him like that! I feel so bad for op!

[@ChocoKittyMew]

Reddit is a cesspool of idiots and this isn't a first time that they completely dropped the ball

[@Paulsen18]

It's reddit, woman can do no wrong in their eyes, it's ALWAYS man's fault

[@hausofphid3966]

Yep, me, too. His wife sounds awful and abusive.

[@magicalmomo9987]

Nah, you're totally normal. Sometimes reddit can be really good at giving help, support or advice. And other times it ends up as an echo chamber like this where majority has a bad opinion they're all planning on sticking to, assuming the worst without given more information/context and anyone with a normal opposing opinion gets downvoted to hell lmao. It happens.

[@coolbeans194]

Story 1: why is everyone demanding OP apologise for her actions??? She asked a morbid and insensitive question. Kicked someone out of their home. (Didnt even care if he slept on the streets) Denied a father access to the delivery room out of spite. Didnt attend her mother in law's funeral. OP sounds apathetic but the wife doesnt sound all that great either. At this point divorce should be on the table right?

[@robertx8020]

This Divorce him! And everybody that shames OP for leaving his wife with no money? 1) She can work 2) All those AH Redditers can give her money

[@LayfonDragnia]

The comments have the “well, what did YOU do to cause her to act like this” vibe.

[@Astronuty91]

Yea and if it was reverse they would call the reactions victim blaming. Because a woman can't do anything wrong I Guess

[@krishanpaul2]

he's broken. he's been worn down.

[@brenscott5416]

Given how he's described her actions to him I 100% don't blame him for being apathetic, she obviously doesn't love him and he's starting to feel it. His problem is that he needs to get his ass in gear and start the divorce process. She's a terrible wife and on some level he knows it

[@potatoempress5731]

Story 1: OP is in an emotionally abusive marriage and unfortunately OP is a man asking reddit for advice~

[@tashahantz4643]

Im currently pregnant, and it's been a not so fun journey. After listening, i asked my husband who hed pick, and he also said his mom. I told him good cause I'd be pissed if he wasn't there for her in her last moments. Id rather him miss the birth.

[@epicXtrollface]

Right?! I would absolutely demand my partner to go to his mom if something like that would actually happen. Not being there in his mother's final moments even though he could have been is something he'd never forgive himself for. That kind of pain and guilt will never go away. Missing the birth is devastating, but he will be there for every day after. His mother won't be. For a mother who raised her child as best as she could to be dying alone... in that moment, there is nothing more important than to be there. I don't think I could ever forgive my partner if he believed otherwise. Good luck with your pregnancy. I'm sorry it's been tough and you're very strong for pushing through. I hope the birth will go smoothly and without complications.

[@alexanderhenby1362]

Op sounds so defeated. Poor guy. I hate when people try to make a significant other "prove" or "come after them" it's childish.

[@UchuKejiMovan]

Nah she asked him a Lose/lose situation question and reddit immediately just jumps to "Maybe you're doing something that's making her unsure" no she's just a messed up person and her pregnant hormones are not an excuse smh

[@jakeking3859]

Right? Like, from the get-go, I was like "but his mother is DYING! Where is the grace extended to him, a child grieving his mother?"

[@BNezzy]

reddit always defends women, especially pregnant ones. they always think it is the man's fault and that he could be doing more. It is frustrating.

[@DrewLSsix]

Maybe he was, but she didn't seem at all interested in addressing that. As usual there's at least one other side to the story, but it's not like op made himself look great either, he's a pushover that shouldn't be having kids with someone that can't communicate or otherwise build a decent relationship. If that stuff was in place and she was just riding the hormone dragon they could have done something about it.

[@UchuKejiMovan]

@@DrewLSsix maybe he was or maybe his wife is selfish. Asking that question was out of line and she knew it. Hormones are not an excuse

[@loganjoh1]

Story 1: OP needs to wake up to how abusive his wife is he should be the one to divorce her. She became a stay at home fiancé before having kids? That was a massive red flag. Glad it at least seems like in the last update he is starting to wake up to the fact she doesn’t love him but still trying to make it work after she banned him from the delivery room of his child, didn’t show up to his mom’s funeral and kicked him out of his own house for answering a stupid hypothetical question.

[@F1fangirl96]

The fact she didn’t even go to the damn funeral pissed me off and then didn’t allow her husband into the delivery room. That’s her mother in law who just passed and she didn’t feel like going to the funeral???

[@trilbynhiss]

I'm starting to wonder if he's even the father of that baby.

[@mayaya1613]

Story 1 made me feel so bad for op. It’s obvious he checked out long before that question and that the wife doesn’t love him/likes having power over him. Op said that the wife chooses her own living family over him many times over, but got mad that the husband would want to say goodbye to his mother. I’m glad that she won’t get anything from a divorce.

[@kentario1610]

He didn't get outwardly upset, I don't think, when she refused to go woth him to the funeral, like you or I would have with a hypothetical spouse; but he didn't, because he didn't expect anything from her anymore, and she proved him right again. He sounds so tired.

[@PinkMarshmallows]

"I’m glad that she won’t get anything from a divorce." -- Maybe not assets, but most likely 85-90% of his income (child support and alimony).

[@ineedhoez]

​@@PinkMarshmallowslmao.... that's not how alimony and child support work. Child support breaks out to be about 20% of the combined income for the household. If she receives alimony, it's only awarded in about 10% of cases, it will be for about 4 or 5 years so she can get into a position where she can take care of herself.

[@PinkMarshmallows]

@@ineedhoez Tell that to my BIL who gives about 90% of his paycheck to his horrible and abusive ex. He can't survive on his own and has to live with his mom. Gtfo with your bs.

[@stephadoodledoo]

OP giving her a lot of grace by trying to "not argue with a pregnant woman". She might be pregnant but she isn't incapable of fighting her own battles, especially since she started the fight and planted the seed of doubt by her own hands.

[@ParrotMan01276]

The scariest and saddest thing about this story is that he married and had a kid with this broad. She is HORRIBLE. He needs a co-parenting situation pronto.

[@dummygirl1201]

OP isn't #1 for his wife, but she expects to be #1 for her husband? Why are they together? Do they even like each other?

[@RequiemPoete]

Sounds like he is putting her first.

[@LayfonDragnia]

For story 1: why did this feel like it was “damned if you, damned if you don’t” for the op. Like, if he did what half those comments said people would tell him that he shouldn’t be fighting/stressing out his wife. Edit: also, that comment that said for op to sleep outside the house and essentially laid all the blame on them. WTF?

[@jimjohnson394]

As soon as I see one of those scenarios, it means they will always be a jerk no matter what I do, so I can do what I want and cut ties with them.

[@browhattheactualfu-2659]

Society if people would stop asking questions with answers they obviously can't take:

[@jackwatt8988]

Wife: if you got a call that I was in labor or your mom was going to die, who would you pick? Me: Oh, is that what we are going to do today? We're going to fight? Best to not engage in these ridiculous questions.

[@july_paradox3094]

The wife js overall just disgusting.

[@hospitalqueen4047]

1st: If i was his wife and im pregnant. I would be ok with my husband go to say goodbye to his mom since he will always see me and the baby any day of the week while he will not see his mom ever again. That wife is an asshole for not letting him in the delivery room. 2: no not the ah. I would not want to spend money on my brother to party with. You're a great daughter. If my son acted like you i would be super thankful and be helping my son with anything he might need.

[@shadowkissed2370]

Except, there is no guarantee he will see his wife and baby ever again. Childbirth is one of the most deadly things to a woman, and women die in childbirth far more than people think and there is never a guarantee that you will have a living healthy baby come home with you. (not agreeing or disagreeing with him being there or not just adding on to the original comment.) I agree her not letting him in the delivery room was very ridiculous and childish.

[@GiordanDiodato]

it's her choice to have someone there.

[@chubbychan5950]

I felt the same way.. And the way she showed him no support afterwards, showed her callousness... Her question showed that she was in secret competition with his mom.

[@tireddaily]

@@shadowkissed2370 ​​⁠passing away in childbirth is a possibility of course but the mom not surviving will happen, it’s an understandable stance to take

[@ruthsaunders9507]

@@shadowkissed2370 Possible but not likely. His mother is going to die. Wife sounds awful.

[@ps9501]

I started watching AITA subreddit videos since cough cough started and i learned quickly that this area is very biased against men. Even in this story this man did almost everything "correctly" and they are still lashing into him blaming that he should have done things better so her feelings don't get hurt.

[@BNezzy]

when you stop and look at everything you will find most of it is biased against men. Divorce court, alimony, child support, child custody, wage gap argument, protected class rights, everything. How people take pity on women over men, I'll never understand.

[@LadyBern]

If it wasn't likely improbable I would have believed that all of the comments were the wife, her friends, and family trying to gaslight him. It's sad that the guy was so checked out that even the comments gaslighting him weren't taking effect.

[@AndyyWithAY]

I hate hypotheticals like this. I was going YTA at first. But with her putting her family first, admitting she'd choose HER mom, putting him out of the delivery room and their bedroom. It's just too much! Seems like she's just using him as a paycheck. It doesn't seem like she likes him at all. OP sounds detached but I think he's just been through too much with this woman

[@tayflowers13]

I think it could've been a reasonable conversation to plan for the future. My aunt died a few months ago because if cancer and everything had to be planned in advance. It could have been more along the lines of, what should we do if this happens in the worst case scenario and talk about it from there. Although neither of them seem to be on the same page.

[@theghostguy5475]

I'm confused on how he was remotely in the wrong.

[@robertx8020]

@@theghostguy5475 He wasn't She is terrible person and was just looking for a fight and a way to guiltshame him!

[@GLoLChibs]

Exactly, she's worn him down with her abuse. Bet she's hoping he'll divorce her so she can take him to the cleaners.

[@bhutehole]

​​@@theghostguy5475 cause he is a man and not a woman. Lots of sexist people here and on reddit.

[@RuthieAA]

This first story reminded me of the book The Argonauts, a memoir by Maggie Nelson. In it, her partner is with his mom while she's dying while Maggie Nelson was in labor. Instead of being angry about it, the author made it into a poem about the love and connection between the two partners. One was bringing new life into the world, the other being present with a beloved person as they died. It's an incredible piece of writing about love. The book might not be for everyone, but people do sometimes live through this and keep loving each other.

[@damien678]

This is a great comment. Cheers ❤

[@Mario-SunshineGalaxy64]

People are _desperately_ trying to make OP the bad guy in the situation, it’s not even funny. dO yOu EvEn LoVe YoUr WiFe??? Like, bro, it’s transparent that his wife is manipulative and emotionally abusive and OP is just going along for the ride because he really does love her to just accept her bullshit. I’m curious about the amount of karma that little comment got.

[@madambutterfly1997]

She has no right to be insecure especially when she's been made first priority every single time before the pregnancy

[@unluckypuppy13]

You don't know that that's true. Dude sounds like he's been ready to give her the boot for a while tbh

[@madambutterfly1997]

@@unluckypuppy13 well when you always put your partner first but they can't be bothered to do the same thing and that continuously happens repeatedly yeah I can understand why he sounds like he's ready to give up. This is why I invalidate her insecurities because it's literally something she created with her own actions

[@unluckypuppy13]

@madambutterfly1997 but again your making up backstory in your head. Assuming he's a great husband that always puts her first. And there's nothing in the story that remotely suggests that.

[@loiracitr]

​@unluckypuppy13 but that's what (apparently) she says to him: she got hurt because since that question he has always put her before everything else

[@madambutterfly1997]

@unluckypuppy13 The fact that Op outright mentioned how his wife always prioritizes everyone over him.... How am I making things up? HOW?

[@Ravenishish]

She didn't go to the funeral of her husband's mother and wouldn't let him in the delivery room. Assuming she has no legitimate trauma around the mother honestly, I would divorce her just for that.

[@randomusername3873]

What people fail to realize is that a decent spouse would be the first to tell op to go and see his mother in her last moments

[@P.H.R.O.G]

Reddit: no does not mean convince me! Also Reddit: I know she said no but you need to convince her!

[@CionJSBJJ]

Gets mad he would choose to spend his dying mother last moments with her, then doesn’t let him come to the delivery anyway! If it was such a big deal, surely you would want me at the damn delivery! And then you don’t even come to his mothers funeral or really offer emotional support. Being pregnant doesn’t simply make you a terrible partner like this.

[@brandyholmes1094]

That wife sounds like an emotional terrorist. I feel really sorry for that child.

[@TsukiKageTora]

Yeah she got mad about how he felt. Despite saying she would have done the same thing. Get out of the marriage and hope to god that baby is an affair baby to have no attachments to that psychotic witch.

[@ivorydragon]

S1: hear me out, op sounds like he’s emotionally burnt out from the situation. Between trying to be a good partner and giving her as much room as possible and the accusations from reddit, maybe he’s just tired. But like most posts say. This is just a snippet of their lives. Its hard to say if op has just reached the end of his rope or this is just the natural status quo with them

[@audreym3908]

And from visiting his mom at the hospital. Visiting sick family members are always emotionally draining.

[@notevenlistening6072]

I'm disappointed that so many people were so hard on OP1. He didn't seem uncaring at all, just maxed out emotionally. Neurodivergent people often have atypical reactions to emotional stress. Further, this "wife" is terrible. Self-centered, bratty behavior. She's just self-indulgent, and cares nothing for her husband

[@ghost-husband]

yeah, as a neurodivergent person, I related a lot to his reactions/judgements. like it kinda seems like they're judging him for not being emotional enough and underreacting and I relate to that a lot.

[@AngelDeed]

Except it seems like he was like this before the pregnancy too. That part about the prenup was telling. When a woman doesn't work, she is the one who should be protected but Op's first thought was to protect himself in case of a future divorce. Then why did he agree to let her stay home to begin with? And nobody forced him to marry in the first place.

[@notevenlistening6072]

@@AngelDeed He was neurodivergent the whole time

[@daddytopps8261]

Honestly, the amount of redditors that gaslit the first OP.. yikes. I'm sorry, but final goodbye tops the first hello, especially when the person giving birth has plenty of support.

[@keishaizawesome2836]

It sounds like OP loves his wife but is sick of the drama. Listening to this story, I'm 100% sure this isn't the first time she's been like this.

[@catsncrows]

Yes, her asking it in the first place is manufactured drama

[@YellaBellaReno]

Reddit: “Get therapy.” OP: asks for therapy Reddit: “How dare you ask for therapy!”

[@starfangssecrets5118]

Story 1: that’s a horrible question to ask someone, even as a hypothetical.

[@rinpaisys]

While in most cases I fall in the camp of “respect the wishes of the person shoving a human out of their body” I think the final moments of a dying loved one is one of the few things that trump that. Also that woman just sounds plain abusive, hope op runs for the hills and gets as much custody of their kid as possible.

[@hi_stranger9156]

Story 1: Listening to this story, I'm not sure it ever worked to begin with. Sounds like two people just got together out of fear of being alone or something, they were never a good match to begin with. And now shit escalates. I hope the dysfunctional situation wouldn't effect the kid in the future because it's going to be a sad life if it does.

[@GiordanDiodato]

this is a no-win situation.

[@leafyishereisdumbnameakath4259]

Of course everyone found a way to blame OP. Yall really don't see men as human

[@hi_stranger9156]

@@leafyishereisdumbnameakath4259 where's the sentence mentioning i blame the OP? Did i type a *"HE"* in this comment?

[@becauselifts9913]

Agreed. Mark's comment "sounds like he's already checked out" I wondered if he'd ever checked in. A prenup to protect pre-marital assets? Fine, makes sense. Immediately then creating pre-marital assets to ensure the wife got hosed if a divorce happened? Yeah, he wasn't ready.

[@veezopolis]

​@@hi_stranger9156blaming BOTH of them when only one party is to blame

[@fyoutube9410]

Let's follow the logic, the mom is dieing and he would never get to speak to her again. Where as, he would still get to live and interact with the wife and son even if he missed the birth. After the updates, yikes, the dude should run, who entertains marriage counseling for something as egregious as missing a spose parent's funeral!

[@leafyishereisdumbnameakath4259]

4:06 this cowards deleted their account before defending a monster 11:42 my god reddit is gaslighting him so hard.

[@nyashahardley]

Did the commenters forget that OP in story one was actively losing his mother? The man was already grieving when he asked this question on Reddit. His wife is horrible. She asked him a stupid hypothetical question then kicked him out, dismissed him when He gave her concrete evidence of her putting other people before him. Her not supporting him at his mother’s funeral should’ve been the nail in the coffin. She does not sound like a nice woman at all.

[@SilverNightx1]

The double standards of reddit. That wasn't a hypothetical question, that was a manipulation tactic and they basically beaten down a abused man into basically not caring. The best thing he got was that prenuptial agreement because he'll be using it sooner rather than later.

[@WolfyFancyLads]

I hate the comments of that first post. His pregnant wife acts crazy over a hypothetical situation and everyone's like "She's pregnant! He's at fault!". Then, when he's like "I feel like a bit of a punching bag" and proves it, he's banned from the birth of the child and banished to the guest room, then pushed out of the house and everyone's like "She's pregnant! He's at fault!". AND THEN, his mother dies and his wife doesn't even turn up KNOWING how important it is to him! If he didn't delete his profile, I wouldn't be surprised it people STILL blamed him for her not being there. His wife is emotionally abusing him and sounds like she's enjoying the cushy life of "stay at home". And also, key thing? "She never takes my side, she always sides with her siblings over me."

[@charliesangel1]

Story 2 I feel for OP cause I know what its like to go above and beyond for family to help them but when you need it they won't help you I've helped my family financially for years and when I move out get married etc oh lord I see them for what they are. I was a cash cow for them I got burnt put of jobs for them cause heaven forbid I had a day off I wasn't allowed to.

[@firen6784]

3:30 He did NOT get the hypothetical question wrong... I mean... yes missing the birth of you child is "messed up" (depending on who you ask) but missing the last moments of your mothers (one of the only human beings that cared for your well being and happiness for the first 18 years [Approximately]) life is even worse (unless your mother was a despicable human being) i mean... They're the last moments you get to spend with your mother (who would be dumb enough to not take the chance.) If i was in OP's shoes I would re-think the whole relationship and marriage thing.

[@deifieddata4462]

I like how op's wife admits she'd make the same choice in his shoes and proceeds to punish him anyway

[@insanecowstar3008]

First story 1: why can't people say something really messed up to just shut down that thought process. Just say "oh, I already figured it out, I was going to wheel my dying mom into the delivery room. It'd be the best dying memory to see the birth of her grandchild before she passed."

[@LadyLoveMa]

Why would she even ask a question like this first off😮? I would definitely tell my husband go be with his mother for the very last time.

[@DragonicGamer32]

Story 1 sounds like the marriage has pretty much gone and hit the pavement to be honest. She kicked him out, wanted to be chosen first over his mom and then when they talk the next day she admits she would have chosen HER mother too over OP. And then stops talking to him when he suggests marriage counseling. Something tells me she's afraid to hear something about her state of mind. That she's afraid that things will come up in the session that she's not entirely ready to face. And the fact her friends came to offer condolences but the wife did NOT is baffling. She hasn't even discussed it with OP and something tells me, with his mom gone, she may be hoping that 100 percent of his attention and dedication can be on her. I'm not saying she's abusive but...the signs are there that she's definitely acting like one. And she knows very well about OP's defeatist attitude And that he will not fight her on these things. More likely than anything, she's probably hoping OP remains this way so that he feels like he cannot get out of the marriage because of their child. He's already said he will pay child support, so I think he should definitely cut out of there and focus on his mental health.

[@theseeker9442]

Its a no win situation being brought forward by the OPs wife but even then OPs wife will have her mother there with her.. OP though will be losing his own mother and ANYONE who attacks OP for choosing his actual dying mother to be there one last time with her over his wife who will be supported regardless of OP being there or not is disgusting and wrong OP did not come from abuse ot anything that would justify him leaving his dying mother alone during her final moments and he absolutely needs to be comforted and supported just as much as his wife is being Edit: CLASSIC reddit trying everything to make the man in the situation the bad guy "why arent you trying to stay? Why dont you wanna be in the room? Why would you take the house?" Meanwhile OP is suffered seeing his mother die a slow painful cancer death and is now suffering through the death of his own mother with zero support from his awful wife and is trying not to stress her out while she is carrying their child

[@july_paradox3094]

That question should have never been brought up. If she feels neglected i would understand, but never bring that question up. Its like saying oh who would you rather save in the house on fire your toddler kids or your spouse. Either answer will always hurt someome. It is not as simple as choosing a flavor of ice cream.

[@pinklemonade8320]

Right. Even if she were feeling neglected, setting OP up to fail with a loaded hypothetical, kicking him out of the house, and banning him from the birth of his child is still the most abusive possible way to go about it.

[@2a2n]

My grandmother died the same day my cousin was born. If I recall correctly, my uncle was there with her when she died and was able to be there when my cousin was born a few hours after. But my aunt took no issue that my uncle was with his dying mom. So...

[@averageviewer4256]

Why is it that reddit kept trying to paint the OP in the first story as a villain who somehow managed to steal Christmas?

[@catalinaplaza7909]

Am I the only one that thinks that first OP is not wrong? He answered sincerely to a very difficult question (that even the wife said she would do the same) and she got angry and asked him to leave, he did, so she wouldn’t get more stressed out. Why he notice that they have trouble communicating, he suggested getting help. When she said she didn’t wanted him in the delivery, he respected her wishes. What was he supposed to do? Push her? Disrespect her??

[@SaturnSenshi3105]

One you can never speak to again. One you can. So yeah not the asshole.

[@TheMixzero6]

Story 1: The Wife is a terrible person... The fact that she asked such a stupid question, didn't allowed OP to be present at the birth of his daughter and didn't went the funeral of OP's mother is just disrespectful, she didn't support her husband at all during a moment like that. OP is being too kind, but I get it since he wants to enjoy his newborn child for now.

[@kateemma22]

The wife was never going to let him into the birth and started this fight to give herself an excuse to exclude him.

[@tigernotwoods914]

Story 1: NTA. Mom literally has cancer. Wife and kid have their whole life with him. Apologies? For what? He did nothing wrong. Why is he being attacked? He’s the victim here.

[@randalhill6283]

S1) pregnant or not. If my significant other tried to kick me out over a hypothetical question she would be the one out. What a nutcase.

[@goatkiller666]

Story 1 - I am reminded of how my maternal grandfather died of colon cancer, just a few months after I was born. There existed exactly one photograph of my grandfather holding his first even grandchild. Not that I personally did much, other than exist, but I am quite proud of this.

[@Denuhm]

I love the fact that people just can’t understand that someone who is emotionally overwhelmed by someone’s continued abuse is not reacting to further escalation in the most natural way possible.

[@misternoodle1236]

Story 2 - I think OP is a better human than I could be. I am basically NC with my mother and would never be able to stomach giving her money (my dad was a deadbeat who has since passed away). Being disregarded by your family but supporting them anyway is a very noble thing to do. OP deserves some insane respect for making their parents a priority and setting a clear boundary. There is no way anyone can be expected to fuel favoritism toward another sibling.

[@leoniemarks4594]

She sounds a nightmare to live with! It's all about her - and the fact he puts her first always and then on the one time he doesn't she kicks off ... what does that tell you about her?!

[@MorganVsTheInternet]

1-am I in Bizarro World? His mom is dying, and Reddit is dog-pilling him for saying he's going to pick saying goodbye to his mom over being at his daughter's birth?

[@fandomtrash7505]

Man I was getting so frustrated when the comments were telling HIM to apologize. Like what? Of course he’s choosing his DYING mother.

[@madalynashworth5708]

13:36 Oh honey throw the whole marriage away. That woman was so bitter about OP choosing his dying mother over her in a _hypothetical scenario_ that even when it didn't come to pass, she couldn't even be bothered to show up to the funeral or offer her husband any support. I'm glad she'll get nothing in a divorce, OP's suffered enough.

[@jenniferanderson7010]

The preggo creature in story one is awful. I hate it with these people and their hypotheticals. Dying person more important. Also, with ADHD, we can get bored quickly by a relationship and will end them on a whim. Sounds like he did that and I can't blame him in this case. That creature he married is a nightmare.

[@eldeano9964]

Story 1 Her: Do every ridiculous thing i demand. Op: ok. pRedditors: Omg you're such a monster. Shes obviously gonna weaponise the kid against him either way, and call him a 'deadbeat'.

[@savageinkstudios2969]

I didnt want my partner in the birthing room either. It meant the world to me that he respected that and said he wouldnt hold it against me. I ended up asking him into the room because i went into labor in the middle of the night and i didnt want him to drive home exhausted or have to sit int he waiting room with a bunch of sick people, but the fact he was ok with staying out just strengthened our relationship.

[@bettreon]

Story 1. NTA she treats you like crap and you just don't see it. Hopefully you protect yourself and your future child.

[@phoenixfire8978]

I’d be mad at my husband if he DIDN’T leave my side to go to his mother if I were in labour and she were dying. Yes, it would suck and be terrifying but I’d have my medical team for support and his mother could only be consoled by her child.

[@TsukiKageTora]

14:04 the wife is too. I could not imagine being married to a person and not going with them to support them through their parent’s passing and funeral. It seems like she wants something out of that relationship but it isn’t a loving relationship

[@hunterjames8653]

Story 1: idk, idc, it’s her choice I have no agency in my life like wtf?! Also all the comments helping the wife emotionally whip this man

[@aga3852]

I am gonna say it... But I feel horrible for the OP. No condition is an excuse to treat someone in a manipulative manner. OP tried to make things better but it is true that if the other person just wants to find a fault, you can never do anything right. I know that from my own experiences. You just, sometimes, can never please someone. The whole 'I am secure' and 'I stopped caring' is OP being emotionally being worn down with no support. I can not imagine making vows to support someone and not following through helping them, like the wife did to the OP. Being pregnant is NOT an excuse. I don't know but I can say that OP was just in such a bad spot and I hope he finds someone who actually will love him and not ask stupid ass questions AND THEN GET MAD AT HIM. Home girl needs some help. And again tis is from how everything is explained.

[@LisaApril]

1: This poor guy, his wife sounds really bad, uncaring, unsupportive, self-centered, probably abusive.

[@daralic2255]

Story 1 is a prime example of some stories having the wrong commentators seeing a post at the wrong time.

[@alannahd.7417]

Jesus everyone wants this guy to go to therapy 😭 like? His PREGNANT wife put up a boundary “please go and give me space” and he followed it so she wouldn’t get even more stressed and upset

[@AA-ed6ek]

He needs to divorce this selfish brat.

[@bradleymartinez185]

How is are these redditors still blaming OP and saying everything is his fault? She has proven she does NOT care about it and is emotionally abusive. Reddit has a collective IQ of 12 i swear

[@beaner2night732]

When I know questions will lead to a bad result, I don't answer immediately. I either give a bs answer or walk them through the process and figure out an answer with them. I do this by asking questions. I will ask them questions before giving an answer. These are the type of questions I would ask: Where is this coming from? What do you think is the right answer? What would you do in this situation? Think about it, your mom is about to die? Is my mom dying? The bs answer would be something like "I would hate to be in that situation, it is a lose-lose situation. I want to be there for both things and that's what I would try to do. Regardless of the outcome, understand that this will break me as a person. Would you be there to support me if I make the wrong decision?"

[@davidsantiagotate7380]

I thought I was going insane when everyone went after OP in story 1. He was put in a no win situation by a partner that kinda sounds emotionally abusive. I’m glad this comment section noticed that too!

[@ineedhoez]

Story 1: the amount of gaslighting in this story is mind blowing! It is not his responsibility to read her mind. They are both crazy real talk. He is a dismissive avoidant and she is an anxious preoccupied. She needs reassurance because he shuts down. They are stuck in a cycle.

[@welshbandit7208]

What makes story 1 so sad is, we can all see he's in an abusive setting. But when he went for help to Reddit, they might have done more harm than good. And while he said he's going to therapy, whose to say it's an actual good therapist? Sadly, dude might be in the fog for a while. And while i don't know this lady, i could see the wife cheating on him, and he'd probably still stay with her. Especially because of the child.

[@darnelltucker9163]

Story 1: OP is definitely NTA. His wife asked a dumbass hypothetical question. What was the point of it? She's looking for attention. If I was OP, I would've gave the same answer. His wife clearly is selfish. She gets mad at him for giving him that answer, then makes him sleep in the guest room when he calls her out on what she did wrong, doesn't provide emotional support after his mother died while also denying him being in the delivery room for their daughter's birth. Pure selfishness, and the commentors are acting like she's entitled because she's the mother of his child. So f&^king what? His wife doesn't get a pass for all the crap she's done. I'm glad OP is in therapy and had the prenup made. She doesn't deserve nothing for the mental and emotional abuse she's caused him.

[@RikouCam]

I could never even imagine asking my husband that question. If his dad was on his deathbed while I was in labor I would tell him to go be there with him. We have the rest of our lives to enjoy our kid, so go say goodbye. My dad died recently and being there to say goodbye even though we didn't know it was goodbye just meant everything to me. The thought of taking that moment away from someone I love....I could never. ps It was truly heartbreak listening to just how he seemed to become more and more defeated as the story went on. Like he was slowly dying on the inside. I hope he was able to find help with Therapy and hopefuly has a support system. :(

[@shymistborn1517]

The first story: how heartless and selfish is OP's wife that she would actually not want her husband the father of her child to be able to say goodbye to his mother, that's not a chance he will have again, he will have a lifetime with his child and if more children followed he would be there for their births. And to not go to the funeral....

[@dandotvid]

Story 1: Wait wait wait. Wife is angry at a *hypothetical???* I thought this was an actual choice (which OP would still not be wrong). This woman is crazy. RUN! Dying mother trumps child's birth. Sorry, but it just does. Geeze, it just gets worse and worse for OP. He seriously counts his wife forcing him to sleep in the guest room instead of kicking him out entirely as a "win"? Dude... she's beaten you down so much, stand up for yourself a little. Wife is totally out of line in this story. HE APOLOGIZED?! NO!!! Okay, final edit... This man just seems utterly passive in his everyday life. Like, he doesn't care enough about anything huh? Yes, you cannot control other people, but you can at least make your case and have consequences if you feel you aren't being respected. He's being a pushover for no reason, no wonder his wife feels like she can act this way towards him. I'm not saying "he's a *man* he should be in control". What I'm saying is you, and only you, are the only true advocate for your happiness.

[@benjiro8793]

One word: "Stay-At-Home-Fiancé" ... That was the red flag before the marriage.

[@darkestasian6921]

The wife in story one is a actual nightmare

[@Abutado]

As a woman that just gave birth to my 5th child literally 2 days ago, I would wholly support my husband rushing to the bedside of a dying, deeply loved relative versus being by my side. There are plenty of people there to support me in that situation. Of course I'd be disappointed, my husband's support during labor and delivery is my preference, but I'd be hurting on his behalf and would feel horrible if he had regret not being there to say goodbye when we'd always be there. With it being completely hypothetical, this woman is abusive for punishing him at all for his answer. She's an awful partner.

[@Old_Toby]

Story 1: it's a lose lose situation for OP. Sorry brother. Best of luck.

[@Vash_Carrison]

1st Story: I feel like OP was just so overwhelmed with his mom and his wife. The dude is mentally and emotionally numb, preventing himself from breaking down. I can feel it though the story.

[@DerekScottBland]

Any spouse that tries to trap you with bullshit like that is someone not worth being with.

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Hey you yes you, take a deep breath let it out slowly, and lower your shoulders. Know that you are important to someone even if you feel like no one loves you, guess what I do. I'm so proud of you being here. Thank you. Now make sure you take care of yourself and drink some water, eat something and take a stretch break.💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗

[@Peeges_]

Thanks for hanging out with us ❤

[@ReederAnonymous]

The way OP in story 1 got put down shamed was supremely depressing and part of the reason so many guys are shying away from even trying to find a partner. Better a closed off heart than a beaten and broken one.

[@johnpostlethwaite6086]

Sounds like he has a form of depression where he doesn't feel any emotion. It's more common in people who suffer bereavement.