Becoming Whole: Healing the Exiled & Rejected Parts of Ourselves | Richard Schwartz, Soren Gordhamer

[@Wisdom2]

We hope you enjoyed this session at Wisdom 2.0. We offer a series of Online and In-Person Events on Presence and Modern Life. See more at: www.wisdom2summit.com/

[@artwatch-y9j]

The host kept interrupting Dick, i wish he can just close his mouth

[@reg8297]

Still feel humiliated at 51 by my.mothers abuse of me lost evrrythin n my life due to her abuse of me still in shock n n so much hurt n pain she betrayed me

[@shannonstone865]

I’ve been waking with frightening anxiety for several months. Today thankful to IFS work with my therapist when I woke I was compassionate and curious trying to understand which part was anxious. It was a blessing to feel just a part of me was anxious. I could relate to a leader in me who un ravel this mystery over time. I felt so much more peaceful.

[@chrisvaccaro229]

This video is SO helpful. 11:41 - let's all just take a moment to appreciate Soren and how awesome it is for him that he did a FULL IFS session for us to learn from. To go on stage in front of hundreds of people and talk about his darkest exiles and keep going the entire way for people to learn. Richard even says "how far do you want to go with this?" because most people would ever have the balls to do this.

[@truethehero]

Full session. Super valuable for me, too. I've got a few explainer videos as well on my channel that may be useful for y'all too. God bless!

[@fredjones554]

Courage

[@alysmarcus7747]

i did many years of IFS - yes, Soren is lovely and brave.

[@coralmccrystal4606]

This is fantastic! I work with my trauma therapist using IFS and I'm very impressed by this session, which also reassures me and lets me know we're working along the right lines as she conducts our sessions this way too. It's very healing and stops you fighting with yourself. I think I'd like to train for this work. It's fascinating.

[@gratitude1181]

7 of the 8 C's Of Self Leadership... Compassionate, Calm, Courageous, Connected, Creative, Clear, Curious

[@claudiapenna8778]

For me, this one is one of the most helpful, enlightening videos about how IFS works. Thanks so much for posting this!!

[@rubawaytheday]

Agreed!

[@TheMrIndiankid]

Maaann really true stuff!!

[@lisaslay-z8342]

Dr needs to be therapist for trump cuz hes on target wit what he says

[@jennifermcadams4168]

Any other really good ones that you know of? I'm new to it! Thanks!

[@Andrew-yw6kt]

@@lisaslay-z8342 Trump is wonderful! Knock off the TDS

[@alau2058]

I absolutely resonate with this approach to healing. And this method fits perfectly with Dr. Mate's teaching. What a winning combination they are! So grateful to have found them both and for these videos. Light and Love to them and all who are on the path toward wholeness and mental health.

[@aislingobrien5194]

I cried the whole way through this video because I resonated so much with it. I know in times of current stress ,I refer back to childhood stressors for a solution. As an adult u appear to yourself and others as irrational and erratic in your reaction. It is so though to break childhood cycles of beliefs and practices.

[@oleeotv]

32:05 IFS "Self" is Buddhism "No-Self." The sweet relief of getting a question answered after holding it for five years. Great discussion and practice. Thank you to both a skilled a courageous interviewer/participant and a present and clear theory founder.

[@lorishu48103]

This is so complimentary to Peter Levines work

[@maywest0518]

I really appreciate this and thank you Soren for being willing to demonstrate. I also have a serious part.

[@judithenglish]

This was super useful to me. I followed along the session with my own protector and exile, and ended up in a wonderful place. (I had to listen to the session slowly, with lots of starting and stopping). It was very healing, and I loved where I landed. Thank you so much for this

[@tiaturnbullchampionscoachi9587]

Same. ❤

[@bowdencable7094]

That’s it 22:00. The ego is a part of us to be accepted and beloved. I’ve had so much resistance to the “ego = bad, get rid of it” stance for years.

[@divinelyguided1144]

Wow this is like a shamanic practice 😮 amazing!

[@sonyaberkenpas5071]

What a healing experience for the host. Praise God 🙏🏽

[@sliz9271]

This process feels very similar to EMDR, specifically around rewriting narratives of trauma and how they sit in the body/mind. And accepting difficult emotions/sitting with discomfort reminds me of ACT and DBT. This all makes so much sense and is so powerful and healing. Soren is super receptive to the process!

[@lukecarey613]

Since I found this video yesterday I must have listened to the meditation 20 or 30 times working on different parts and unravelling almost my whole life.. I can’t wait for Richard’s dive into working with addiction. Thank you so much

[@rbvp45]

Did it help?

[@lukecarey613]

Re Peregrin , yes that’s why I repeated it .

[@Andrew-yw6kt]

@@lukecarey613 how did you benefit? Does this really work?

[@lukecarey613]

@@Andrew-yw6kt I found Richards videos very helpful in remembering who I am.

[@Peem_pom]

yassss!

[@davidhuston495]

I just started seeing a therapist this week, here the description of how to deal with parts is very similar of starting with the protectors. That if you go the exiles, the protectors will push back. So I am glad to hear this. My late GF had DID, so I previously have experience deal with a very hurtful protector, the 'persecutor' alter (my term for part for someone with DID). I listened to her and held her and she just opened up and started to treat the child alters better. Umm, I'm in tears. I want to connect to myself so that I can connect with others.

[@annemurphy8074]

I have D.I.D with over 200 parts. You can't just go to the exiles as they are heavily protected. Working successfully with protectors and bringing them on board, they become the most powerful allies in the healing process. Our motto is "no exiles". I can tell you, you gave a wonderful gift to your late GF and her system and protector part. You can give the same to yourself.

[@therapyoutsidethebox5466]

I can't wait meet and learn from Dick for the second time at the Art of Living Retreat Center this April. In my experience, IFS is the most profound, compassionate and creative healing modality of our time 🙏

[@EOShorts]

I am completely in awe. About 8 years ago I did this on myself with 3 traumatic times from my life as a child. I used to think of those occurrences every single day and they’d bring me so much grief. I did this. I didn’t know what to call it. I didn’t know where it came from, I didn’t know how to explain it and I’ve never heard it explained anywhere until just now. But it was so healing and so remarkable. Eventually I understood it to be the Holy Spirit guiding me, because what I was doing was exposing painful truths, and it was the truth that set me free. and I became Orthodox Christian when I heard Christs words, “I am the Truth”. I’m just blown away by these therapy. I thought I’d never find another person who knew it, the imagery and going inward and being to the inner child what the needed…..all of it. This is so amazing to see

[@jemwxyz]

"I am selling HOPE to these parts."

[@debrarosenzweig9714]

That was fantastic. Dick you are such a blessing! And amazing that Soren could step in and trust despite his initial hesitation.

[@truethehero]

Thank you, Dr Schwartz. Your wisdom and courage to bring this work to the light is world-changing.

[@bw2442]

Self= our spirit. Where God dwells in us.

[@teresa1710]

@@alegriart I totally agree with you!

[@kiva822]

if that works for you, fine...but please don't push that on other people. It no joke can ruin it for some of us.

[@Andrew-yw6kt]

@@alegriart of course, because we hate Christianity right?

[@Andrew-yw6kt]

@@kiva822 yeah, YEAH we're atheists here and we hate God

[@Andrew-yw6kt]

@@teresa1710 you hate Christianity too? Hmm very curious 🤔

[@wendykendall5017]

Dick is just so efficient in his language. 👌 Great demo and thanks for sharing this. So helpful.

[@healthymindhealthybody9324]

Really appreciate the willingness of the interviewer to share his vulnerability so openly. When he said that if he hadn't responded the way he did to situations he would have had a lot more fun & that meant a lot to me, when thinking of my journey. Thank you for sharing 🙏🏻

[@nichecalhoun5513]

I needed this so much.My triggered exile from being bullied.I locked away all my fun and laughing parts.I didnt know what was happening to me.

[@jenniferwong2245]

When I want to help someone understand what IFS is and how profound it is, I send them this video. I am so grateful!

[@aquickstory2196]

great exercise for reparenting the inner child....we need to do more of this to cultivate the abandon self

[@donaldswan1587]

Wow, Soren - unbelievable going so far with that, on a stage at a show which he is simultaneously hosting!

[@enieni2379]

Soren Gordhamer is the most wonderful, insightful recipient of IFS. Loved the dynamic.

[@roshnaidoo4217]

Thank you so much. Just fabulous work and I love the generosity of both these men! Thank you for teaching the process of working with protectors and caring for and growing the exiles back into community of Self. I felt some release of energy just listening to you both. Deep appreciation.

[@delaney6066]

Dick’s voice is so soothing. So glad I found his work!

[@CoachPortia-WeUnBurdenTogether]

I Love the Healing Power of Our Amazing Parts! I Love being a Coach and specializing in this Great Field! This Parts Work session is Euphoric!

[@jakecorynthian3516]

Excellent! I would appreciate another video elaborating further on the role of such “protector” parts in the genesis and maintenance of addictive behaviours , and maybe even a talk with Gabor Mate ! 👍

[@Cb22075]

I am DYYYYYYING to hear that Ekhart Tolle rant!!!!!!

[@clark864]

Thats my traffic law like batman the orig movie. "Who's in charge? Eckhart.oh no,

[@clark864]

Yep

[@clark864]

Yep

[@clark864]

Shugar plum

[@annaalcyone6469]

Me too 😂

[@letUSbeFOREVER]

I appreciate the hosts vulnerability in this. To do this on stage takes some real bravery.

[@Kuutamo73]

Interesting. However, I would prefer it if the host's voice wasn't so much louder than the guest's. It is interesting that, as the host goes within himself, he becomes more authentic and doesn't feel he needs to impress people as he otherwise does. He becomes more relaxed and his voice has a tone similar to his host and thus more pleasant to hear

[@genuinearticle]

I hear the voice differences as the protector and exile, and see it in my own life.

[@badmamjamma]

I turned it up to hear Richard's level, and then it would blast my ears when Soren's mic was on. It's too bad because the content was great

[@RobbiePfunder]

the host is wildly obnoxious. far too loud, unnecessary active listening noises, even interrupting… wow almost ruins the video

[@opllars]

The sound engineer is to blame....

[@traceyvaccarino]

This is so funny look at all of the parts on display here😂

[@TheWayofFairness]

What we push away becomes our master.

[@tiaturnbullchampionscoachi9587]

Wow, I just went through this for an aspect of me in my past. I paused the tape and recorded myself going through it talking with my self. I know it will also be helpful for me to listen to it again and instill it and add anything of I feel its needed. Thank you 😊 💓

[@UntangledKnots]

This is new to me but somehow very instinctual. I’ve been doing something similar with a kind of inner-mother and inner-father. It’s just something I started doing after seeing my parents in myself. I’ve been doing a lot of self exploration through Chinese massage, the concepts of yin and Yang and all that and this seems like a helpful new direction. I’m intrigued!

[@therapyoutsidethebox5466]

That's the essential beauty of this model. It's intuitive to most of us 🙏

[@CoachPortia-WeUnBurdenTogether]

Yessss... people ask me all the time is this hypnoticism because they really go where the Parts take them. I just Love this Great Work🥰

[@janetandamocha7874]

This is so interesting because I have only heard a lot of these terms in relation to Dissociative Identity Disorder. This makes a lot of sense - like, DID is when these parts actually manifest as individual people outwardly.

[@MsSmoothieking]

This made me cry

[@firststepshardest1656]

This whole thing is Genius

[@badmamjamma]

The noise at the beginning and the sound quality throughout is almost painful, especially because Soren's mic had a much louder volume. But I'd watch anything with Richard Schwartz, so I'm still grateful for the video, and the content was great. Just need a little sound engineering changes for next time hopefully.

[@joannahardwick192]

Very helpful. Thank you for this.

[@kevinleeds979]

my mom sent me the link! - memories,sensations,emotions,andbeliefs it's all one word :) :)

[@reg8297]

Where is that video

[@anytayatyta]

True expert of his craft.

[@maryb9284]

Wow this was extremely powerful

[@beautyroses8771]

If you're having a hard time listening to this because it's triggering, try listening to this at 1.5X while doing something else

[@denisealley9822]

I do this and I can't answer these questions, as fast as he does, with legs crossed and not in a trance like state. I'm triggered and so I thank you for this message 🤗💖

[@hellensonga8009]

this is so beautiful

[@Leo-z1o5v]

it looks like r. shwartz create the best thing for a living for him and for ppl in general. also it is super easy to do for both sides

[@jocelynrharvey]

So so so good to watch and so enlightening! Excited for my IFS journey x

[@devonbright7984]

I like the idea of IFS but the whole 'talk to yourself' thing has never worked for me and is so awkward and uncomfortable. Once a therapist asked me to talk to my inner child and I had to eventually make up stuff just so we could move on. I already love and respect and listen to all my parts. I'm compassionate to myself, NOT to the people who wronged me. I have disgust and anger for them.

[@unclehenk3433]

I am really open and curious on Richard Schwartz critique of Eckhart Tolle (I love both Richard and Eckhart), does anyone know what his critique consist of or where I can find writings / interviews about this?

[@therapyoutsidethebox5466]

I haven't come across it either, but knowing both their positions pretty well, I'm guessing Dick probabky challenges Tolle having eradicated his ego, as he has declared. Because Dick/IFS sees ego as basically a collection of protectors, he would say its not possible to get rid of any of our parts. Unburden and help them transform, yes. But not rid ourselves of them.

[@SuperBlakes2]

Thanks that was lovely❤

[@jemwxyz]

"Tell me about your pain."

[@denisepolkgill]

Unbelievable! So helpful to watch the process.

[@darinsmith2458]

I just started watching these youtubes. In ACA we talk about our Inner Family and that is similar to how you talk about Exiles-Managers-Firefighters. What I can relate to is the parts. I haven't really identified what the parts are.

[@kathleenbrady9916]

Thanks for having the courage to do that work, it really helped me 🙏

[@berylcomar]

Mindful state ... Hypnotherapy uses Parts Therapy and talks to the various parts directly to find its intention, what’s its trying to do for the individual, the age and what was happening at the time it came. Then we do the inner child work and give it resources, sometimes watch whilst we give resources to others involved that they didn’t have then. Forgiveness all round

[@samglickman5961]

"It seems like our culture is built around creating personas out of trauma." @ 23:45......Perfectly expressed in the movie "Moonlight."

[@OliviaRappel]

Very grateful for your videos. Listening and learning and looking forward to using these methods to heal deeper.

[@fredjones554]

This is amazing

[@hyalos6894]

Thank you for this information.

[@metaphor5774]

Feedback to interviewer: 6:27. Moment to keep silence instead of showing off your cognitive ability. Richard was explaining something much more important than anything you could say.

[@icyhot2116]

So where does Doug Doug come in?

[@toastingeggs9392]

i thought i was the only one who noticed 💀

[@BF-non]

I WANT TO HEAR the Eckart Tolle Rant MANNNN.

[@vamama100]

This guy ws so anoying with his voice and puuuussshhhh sort of way to start with. Was really transformational for him because he spoke quetly in the end as if he does not need to prove himself anymore

[@strangerintheselands251]

3:18 - you're exiling all your juice [...] and all those parts that before they were scared or shamed were those lovely inner children who could give you all kinds of awe --- got me into tears, as that's exactly what it feels like. Being shamed all my life (with my father's best intention) might really stifled the creative vulnerable spontaneous part in me and activate the compensatory part that pursues knowledge to rebuild the basic sense of low self-esteem. How fucking sad. 18:30 the Guy is really such a great sport, impressive doing the process in public like that. Wow.

[@shantibeach1871]

Forgive ourselves ❤

[@reg8297]

Wat does that really mean if ones parents destroyed them

[@Shrink007]

Psyche fragmentation and working with different sub personalities is a basic psychodynamic idea, the protectors are the defense mechanism put in place against the pain that a child has no psychological resources for. The exiles are the fragments that carry the pain or our Inner child or ID or Shadow -so it’s really nothing new, we are back to the basics such as Sigmund Freud, Carl Gustav Jung and Pierre Janet

[@bobak5126]

I’ve always felt incompetent. How do I resolve this?

[@henrike34]

Amazing work ❤

[@savesoil3133]

Quite amazing! Also, have you heard of the #ConsciousPlanet movement before? And #Innerengineering

[@hectorwahken5925]

Interesting how rare pure curiousity and interest is in our world, you need to pay someone to be interested in you because almost no one is

[@muskduh]

thanks =)

[@blisslikethis4090]

Mind blowing 🤯

[@kristineshepherdson3190]

So wholesome

[@lucertola123456]

Thansk for this R Schwartz, have you been successful with persons with narcissistic personality disorder? My former partner suffers from this and I was wondering which would be the best approach to sent some information in order to open their desire to heal Thanks (I am healing for my traumas as well using your method).

[@jimbobbles2265]

Aww heck, I wanted to hear what Dick has to say about Eckhart Tolle

[@Peem_pom]

Me too! I have found tolles work an interesting theory but critical and unworkable

[@carolaustin100]

I think he revealed his opinion on his comment about the ego. Tolle wants us to recognize and rid ourselves of the ego whereas Dick states his opinion that the ego is just another part that is looking for acceptance.

[@fancyfree8228]

I can’t find any parts. Nobody else seems to be there.

[@nicolaslade6733]

I wonder if you could do a programme on shame in and of old age

[@nancyinthegarden3160]

I know I’m a beautiful being but others treat as though I’m not their kind

[@celticphilomena]

Nancy In the garden it’s because they don’t know you. 😉

[@and__lam1152]

I find that what I don't like or find uncomfortable about other people is a reflection of what I'm struggling with myself.... as they say here near the end "I can't stand being around anxious people because of my own anxiety " By reconnecting with our true self, embracing your shadow side, finding love for yourself and using compassionate inquiry within rather than judging yourself you'll see you're just the same as everyone else. A human doing the best they can at that moment with what they have within themselves. Everyone is in pain..... we're all one, we're all connected.

[@bobbieh3155]

I'm a food addict. I go to a program we call FA. Based off AA. It's not the addiction we see it's the cause of the pain.

[@swim610]

So true about the religious community. I love God but I cant tolerate the intolerance and shame my religious community assigns individuals and whole groups of people.

[@lauravitale8007]

This process reminds me of Jung's active imagination process.

[@KawakebAstra]

interviewers voice too loud harsh & interfering ..made me recoil & i couldn’t watch

[@SankiKingOfficial]

Then turn down the volume instead of complaining. Focus on the message.

[@pluscarnalivero]

@@SankiKingOfficial when I turn it down i can't hear Richard Schwartz, I suspect this person is experiencing the same problem. Some people have computers or programs on their computers that equalize sound in instances where it is uneven in this way. I do not and it sounds like the commenter doesn't either. Someone can't focus on the message if they can't hear it properly.

[@jomk5731]

Could you connect with that part of you, be compassionate towards it, and ask it to help you manage the discomfort so that you can listen and process this video with ease....... imagine if both their voices had a colour, probably a different colour, once you identified their colours and/or shapes, what if you could try to make both their voices have the same colour and shape........ You're welcome :P

[@effortlessschool]

18:30 explanation

[@clausthalerstudentin]

8:15

[@13mesh]

Love the discussion. The audio is shit though lol

[@kidsmoked]

I've always had a fantasy of tying a narcissistic ex to a chair and demanding DEMON, BE GONE! And now I know why.

[@therapyoutsidethebox5466]

I met Dick in 2006-ish and told him "You're kinder, gentler exorcist" 😀

[@IdotKid]

Wheres dougdoug

[@mariagreen5987]

7:30 Exercise

[@allarawinters2808]

Could night time jaw clenching be seen as a part that is doing a protective job?

[@annaalcyone6469]

experienced that … likely a controller or manager part, always alert even at night ❤

[@Star-dj1kw]

✅ good

[@LIVE-SAGT]

Wow.

[@dionysis_]

Reading on the Castlewood Lawsuits and hearing IFS people talk of themselves is quite worrying to be honest..

[@cynthiathurman3108]

Did that exercise/treatment "take"?

[@daysjours]

Highly doubt it.

[@olehelgerson7996]

No self? Or is it.....Know self.... all of 'em. Works here ! :*)

[@Rs-ft3sb]

Why did you use the words humiliating experience and not traumatic experience? This was unbelievably healing to try. Thank you!