Wish You Could Take Back What You’ve Done?

[@pejisan]

to all stay-at-home-moms out there: I managed an entire department of engineers then became a SAHM (assuming it would be easier) but being mom was so much harder! Caring for little people requires 10x the work and attention! You need some time off...hire a sitter 2x per week to be alone. It will change everything.

[@Mercurychyld1]

Sadly many of us cannot afford that.

[@rvaidya98]

I don't think some of the other comments calling the first guy a wimp or a loser are very helpful. He's clearly in a lot of pain emotionally, needs love and support, and yes - needs to leave. But it is probably such a tough decision especially with kids, even if it looks like an easy one to us on the internet.

[@megalopolis2015]

I agree. It's going to be a horrid adjustment for him and the kids. He called because he needs help navigating all of this. My heart goes out to him.

[@rubthesleep]

Anyone who thinks it's easy to just leave should be married and shouldn't have kids

[@standground8284]

⁠@@rubthesleep Are you talking about him leaving or the wife who left numerous times? I’m married and I have children that are biologically mine. My wife and I discussed infidelity being a dealbreaker long before marriage. That said, one of us cheating is equivalent to putting an end to the relationship. Yes, I’d be more than welcome to forgo half of everything than to remain with someone who doesn’t respect me and clearly wants someone else. Men do have the ability to be good fathers without remaining in the relationship with the mother. A cheater should be thankful that you leaving them because they’d no longer have the guilt or burden of sneaking around, lying and misleading. That said, aren’t you doing the cheater a huge favor by exiling yourself from their life? Why is he asking should he leave when she already left him long ago.

[@brandyk]

Yeah no need to call him a wimp or label it or him in any way. He's foolish to stay though n she likely sees him as a wimp or someone she can walk over otherwise she wouldn't have done what she did twice n then had the gall to try to come back. Imagine a person who has so little regard for you that she doesn't just cheat on you but with not just one friend but two. Like there aren't a million other people to cheat with if you're that intent in doing it.

[@mr.anderson9938]

@@standground8284hopefully you get to understand that journey and be a great example on how’s it done

[@JohnBrown-ig5nc]

With that first guy, I can hear the brokenness in his voice

[@kcourtney6826]

She wants to come back because the grass wasn’t greener, he needs to move on and find better friends.

[@carnivoreRon]

He needs to get paternity test And DNA test the kids. How many times will she commit adultery for him to realize she doesn't love nor respect him. It doesn't matter what he feels because she doesn't love him

[@sarahalderman3126]

I agree.

[@Ink30]

😔

[@tacooflove6175]

Oh that’s right I hadn’t considered that the kids might not be his too 😢 on top of everything else that’s awful 😢

[@Cheeba118]

I was coming here to say the same thing.

[@UTOT222]

Sad for him and the kids. I hope he can find peace.

[@thermalreboot]

After a few weeks she came back and wanted to change things. Translation - the guy she monkey branched with doesn't want her full time, he just liked the illicit fun and now she wants the security she had with her husband and can't get from mr. monkey branch.

[@megalopolis2015]

Her husband is a security line, it seems.

[@whitneyw.7919]

How much time do you spend in the manosphere?

[@danieldoca7158]

​@@whitneyw.7919how what he says doesn't make it true? Manosphere or not it doesn't change reality

[@brandyk]

Yea whatever one calls it I think that's true mainly bc she doesn't give him or he certainly didn't share what the impetus of this realization was. Anyone who is upset or maybe an an argument with someone but then they beat a song with a particular message on the car radio or sees a movie or heard of a person's death n it maybe puts things into a little more perspective but not this kind of behavior. She would need years of therapy to understand why she is choosing to do this multiple times to someone she claimed to love n her childrens father. I wouldn't even dream of doing this to a casual boyfriend.

[@kristencobb230]

Sounds like she’s losing a good and faithful man. Hope he moves on and find someone who truly cares for him.

[@tomnohmy1273]

I feel bad for that guy, bad enough she cheated, his close so called friends. I wouldn't go back with her.

[@Nadine_IBRfarms]

With the mom struggling I feel like you were talking to me. Thanks to her for coming on

[@tinam761]

Isaac - she doesn’t respect you. At all. She is only realizing things aren’t working out on the other side like she hoped. She wants you to take care of kids and $$$ … until she can find option #3. It probably sounds crazy… you probably should do paternity tests on your kids. She’s not a woman that knows how to be faithful.

[@sarahalderman3126]

Wow. This is incredibly sad! Who knows what really happened here but holy cow. This poor man💔

[@Cowgirlkate]

I just want to wrap my arms around Shea; you are a blessing sweet Momma...hang in there. Much love to you my girl!

[@Sarahxxxxxxx]

John I love your show! I have learned more about relationships in the past few days binge watching your videos then I’ve learned in my entire life.

[@normantheforeman9866]

First dude, she pry just wants your money or to not be alone. Leave her and get paternity tests

[@sarahalderman3126]

Oh gosh this poor momma! I remember feeling this exact way as a young mom. Though those feelings were brought on by my husband cheating and lying during the years surrounding our first 3 children. I wonder what else is going on in their lives…

[@michaelallen1154]

The third caller has no idea what emotional safety is. He has absolutely a dead-in-the-grave level of emotional intelligence.

[@soni05131]

You know boo...how many more times she has to cheat on you for you to realize this is over. Get a paternity test before the divorce. Make sure those kids are you. She has no respect for you or the family she created w you.😢😢😢

[@vanessapanek9959]

There’s an old saying that my grandpa told me when it comes to divorce😂 another man’s trash is another man’s problem

[@tomnohmy1273]

Dr J has consistently upped his game, surpassed me a bit today

[@b.r.7079]

Isaac , you never had anything together with your spouse, you need to know if those kids are yours. Man up and leave! But you can always be a part of these children if they are yours. You must be a nice guy, She will probably do it again!

[@rubthesleep]

Why does she keep sleeping with his friends of all people omg

[@vanessapanek9959]

Every time you let her walk in and out of that door she’s destroying you and she’s destroying your children because she’s self-centered and selfish and she feels self entitled to do whatever she wants in and out of your life. Have fun because misery loves company always

[@megalopolis2015]

That husband should probably call it a day, then go for full custody of (I hope and pray) his kids, because she only leaves chaos and destruction in her wake. Even though she was seeing his friend, either currently or recently, she still tried to rekindle with the husband, like he's a human safety line. His feelings didn't seem to enter her mind at all, and neither did her kids'. If I was the father, I might even push for her to get supervised visitation only. As for the lady with self worth issues, as well as the perfectionist guy, I've been there more than a few times. My faith helped deliver me in many ways from my feelings of worthlessness, as well as my desire to please everyone and do everything right. Praying for the best outcome for everyone.

[@iw9338]

Yes, i heard somewhere, rules without relationship leads to rebellion 😢😮😮😅

[@OlgaSuner-dx7fq]

I am old school and of course from a very traditional family. Adultery is never acceptable by any circumstances. Once trust is broken it’s not repairable it’s like trying to pour water in cracked vase.

[@OlgaSuner-dx7fq]

Thank you for your comment Blue. I actually have seen such cases where wife cheated many times and husband took her back because “ he loves her”. And I often thought how could he? Because to me it is not only gross physically, morally but spiritually. According to him his wife is a changed women. Well if it works for them may they have a happy Healy lives. I think it is a personal choice and decision.

[@rubthesleep]

Unfortunately it happens more than you think with older generation. DNA tests are finding that out which is why there are warnings before you take one. It also used to be unacceptable to divorce. It's definitely fixable but depends on the people in the relationship

[@standground8284]

*I’m in my 30s married and I have children. My wife and I discussed infidelity being a dealbreaker long before marriage. That said, one of us cheating is equivalent to putting an end to the relationship. Yes, I’d be more than welcome to forgo half of everything than to remain with someone who doesn’t respect me and clearly wants someone else. Men do have the ability to be good fathers without remaining in the relationship with the mother. A cheater should be thankful that you leaving them because they’d no longer have the guilt or burden of sneaking around, lying and misleading. That said, aren’t you doing the cheater a huge favor by exiling yourself from their life? Cheaters on thrive because people forgive them and remain with them instead of forgiving them and leaving the relationship.

[@Daniellapalo]

The first wife had the spirit of jezebel.. and he’s showing sings of ahab

[@Tara_thatonegirl]

I just LOVE the Wisconsin accent!! So very much.

[@NoMoreRatRaceForMe]

Thanks John- you are a good dude- lots of us needed this - much appreciated-

[@aembusiness]

Isaac seems like a really good guy. It’s apparent he cares about his children and his marriage. Unfortunately, his wife does not care near as much. Possibly, not at all.

[@vanessapanek9959]

Well, Dave Mustang is the best friend of my older brothers since high school and they used to work at a car wash together so it’s one of those things family

[@sassafrasstree7449]

Caller 1. As i understand she had a affair with your groomsmen ( 1st affair) then a different close friend of yours in a current present day affair( 2nd). Please divorce. For the kids and yourself.

[@vanessapanek9959]

Without a solid cement foundation underneath the house, everything would crumble proceeded

[@stephanieharries7746]

Good ❤ advice😅

[@iw9338]

Why not have quiet time evry day, the kids can go in their room and read, nap or play for 15-20 minutes 😅 And momma bear can go to her room and chill. Just a thought 💭🤔

[@ptsdsucks9069]

Very disappointed to hear John “play down” one night stand cheating. Yes, it’s much less severe than with a best friend, but it is still very serious. Stating that “ life happens” comes across as a voice of personal experience. For a lot of relationships it is a deal breaker. Just saying 🤔

[@k4xxxminecrafter792]

Oh man!!!!! So sad for the sweet girl (with the lousy parents) and the guy whose friends suck!!!!!! Love both them- heart and soul ❤

[@EllieGraham-we1tj]

Wow...caller #2 .... Im there with you

[@marisolpooh1]

Im early this morning 😀 love your shows Jhon 🎉great work, great advice you give ! Helps us out here in this thing called life 🥰

[@MS-ns4ki]

I had the chance to have a beautiful life and now it’s over

[@sandraroybal2923]

What is your definition of a "best friend"?

[@vanessapanek9959]

Did you see the thirty point buck in the woods?😂 back in the early 90s on country radio. In Northern Minnesota. There is a funny hunting solved called the 30 point buck.

[@smokedawg9371]

Narcissistic/Sociopathic -Women who want to be with a man will break rules to be with him not make rules. - Rollo Tomassi You deserve better!

[@chrisgrace81]

God did not murder his kid. As humans, our standard fell short of His standard and His plan, so He Himself in the form of Jesus came out of sacrificial love and gave His life to pay the price for our actions. In Christ, we find our worth, not in ourselves.

[@ptsdsucks9069]

❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@CoffeeSA96]

I can’t believe the first caller is that weak, he find out his wife cheated on him then he still stays with her, she cheats on him again and he’s considering getting back with her. Unbelievable this guy has no self respect or manhood

[@sackettfamily4685]

You must have missed the part where they separated and were living apart. After the first time she confessed to.

[@SB_McCollum]

Last guy is trying to differentiate from his family, he can’t just bend the knee and agree to do his life just as his parents want, he’s got to figure out how to be his own man but as an honorable man in relationship with his family of origin. He needs to deal with his drinking as a problem For Him, not as a problem for his family. He has to decide how he uses cussing in all aspects of his life, not just how his family has a rule for speech. Granted, he behaved really badly with his family, but he has to resolve with the fact that his life and his parents’ lives are separating from each other now. He’s not fully under their authority anymore, even if he is still financially dependent in certain ways. Both sides have to get comfortable that the family isn’t minor children with parents training up a child anymore. They are a family with adult children, and they have to make a new peace among themselves As Adults in fellowship, not children in training.

[@kitkat9655]

This man's parents are still showing him their "disaproval." He has grown up with shame.

[@vanessapanek9959]

If you call me a groupie, just don’t ever call me a groupie or else

[@lilibethvilella]

Don’t use your kids as a report card 🙏❤️

[@vanessapanek9959]

Every semi truck has one of those little counter things on there containers😂

[@vanessapanek9959]

There is no such thing as not doing something wrong in life. Without a consequence that’s called the train of consequences don’t you like listen to Megadeth😂

[@afterthestorm9355]

This dear momma is totally on sensory overload! She really needs a good OT to help her develop a personal sensory diet throughout her day!!

[@vanessapanek9959]

Dave Mustain you’re in trouble right in songs with my brain😂

[@vanessapanek9959]

Do you know what the train of consequences really means? It means that stupid people when stupid prizes when it comes to stupid, trusting the wrong people

[@brandyk]

Caller #3 has very little insight into why he is how he is. It almost comes off like John is trying to get him to blame his parents n he doesn't want to do that which is good. He has yo understand however how thingd even if they didn't mean to shaped him. But yes definitely apologize when you know you were wrong. Why do yiu need to ask?

[@jeradkiester698]

7:50 When a man cheats on a woman: John "he's a creep" When a woman cheats on a man: John "this feels like there's another side to the story, what did you do to make her cheat?"

[@flashthecorgi2053]

He literally said this feels one sided 7:44

[@brandyk]

I think John only said this bc what the wife did not once but twice is so outrageous that he couldn't help but wonder if she is trying to hurt him intentionally to get back at him. Of course he should have said if there was anything that could possibly fall into that category but he didn't n I assume he's telling the truth

[@vanessapanek9959]

Somebody has been writing lyrics about my notes David

[@seanporter6431]

This guy is a big wimp, she cheated on him with his groomsman, she has no respect for this guy. And u can see why she knows he is a weak man. No self respecting men would put up with it. Get a DNA test with your kids. At least one of them are probably someone else.

[@sarahalderman3126]

Yeah clearly he feels that she's the best he can get. Otherwise he would have moved on a long time ago. Imo he weighed his options and chose this woman over his other options. Everything in life is a choice and most are not "fair".

[@diannebudd1]

why do we women all feel like we have to have to have children? some of us...maybe lots of us... would have chosen otherwise if that had been an option.

[@sarahalderman3126]

Outside of rape, it is always an option to abstain. Unfortunately human beings rarely choose the route of abstinence. Hence the astronomical numbers of "single parents". Sex always comes with the risk of pregnancy, period.

[@ptsdsucks9069]

Not all of us women do. I am 60, married 39 years and never had kids by mutual choice. I have lots of loving, four legged fur babies. We love our lifestyle.

[@brandyk]

This guy needs to run n run fast. he's lucky he even has an friends or "good people around him "; Not to make him paranoid but he probably thought those other 2 friends were good people. She sounds pathological. Im with John', you certainly don't want to excuse infidelity but there are different kinds n this one is the worst n she did it twice. Not even twice before they were trying to work things out but even after. These are rhe sane women that always want society to feel bad for them n feel entitled to money from parents, n even move back with parents n expecting built in babysitters etc bc they are the woe is me struggling single mom. Then they quickly on the dating sights to lure in some fool who cant see whats up n in to baby #4. Wish i knew this guy n could help in some way.

[@mistypfitzer111]

Um... Ya, that won't work if you have kids that are older than toddlers lol 🙄😑 would be lovely if it was that easy/simple to get your kids to leave u in peace/give you a break, when they won't stfu & ur so overstimulated that u want to literally rip ur hair out lol 😬

[@sarahalderman3126]

🤣 As a mother of 8 boys (22 through 11) and one 16 year old girl, atm I agree! 💯🤯🌋💥🧨

[@kitkat9655]

Where's the Dad? It's his job as their parents to be there for her. Take them out for a while

[@brittanygarcia6447]

The wife is clearly in the wrong no matter how you look at it but I doubt she’s the single cause for the separation. Never would infidelity ever be the answer but most woman aren’t vulnerable unless pushed to that point. If you were to talk to the wife I’m almost certain the husband is not completely innocent. Someone who wants help with their relationship must be open & honest about their faults as well. I’m not saying he’s lying but very few woman suddenly cheat especially if they are treated well at home. His best friend is off limits but that’s what tells me she was struggling with something within the relationship because she wasn’t actively seeking another relationship the friend was nothing but convenience, it could have been anybody in the world who was around her at that time. I wish he would have been asked if he has ever cheated on his wife. I bet opinions & views would be totally different if the answer was yes!

[@YoYo_Ma]

Mama sounds like she might also have undiagnosed ADHD.

[@kmb5678]

Yep! My husband had undiagnosed ADHD.......sexually explicit messages, messages to women, fired for sexual harassment (sending porn images to a female co worker), setting up dating profiles. Its a lot.

[@YoYo_Ma]

@@kmb5678 I suppose ADHD could impact the impulsiveness of doing all that, but I think the two are unrelated. Sounds like your hubby is just a selfish asshole. Sorry.

[@sarahalderman3126]

@@kmb5678uh that sounds more like a cheating loser than anything remotely related to adhd.

[@racheltarentino3314]

​@@kmb5678that has nothing to do with adhd

[@vanessapanek9959]

Is this a should’ve could’ve would a moment

[@vanessapanek9959]

I swear you’re gonna get in trouble David

[@reneel2441]

Run my dude. Get paternity tests

[@vanessapanek9959]

Bailey Zimmerman you’re gonna get it too snitch😂