IS HE USING YOU? - Signs You Are Being MANIPULATED! | Terri Cole

100 X YOUR CONFIDNECE NOW: bit.ly/3UK2WAK
DISCOVER THE BADASS IN YOU: bit.ly/3fSXqNe
On Today's Episode:
The thought of family gatherings gives the best of anxiety. Navigating close relationships and those once or twice a year holiday encounters doesn’t have to be so intimidating with the right tools.
The key is recognizing that you have disordered boundaries, and the Boundary Boss, Terri Cole, is back with us again to make this super easy to follow. Terri is a licensed psychotherapist and female empowerment expert. The steps she lays out for you to take the Resentment Inventory are life changing.
We all tell ourselves lies to avoid the conflict and get around difficult conversations but this doesn’t make our relationships any better, and it leaves us with more stress than being succinct, accurate, and honest about our preferences from the start.
By the time you finish this episode you’ll have the skills and strategies you’ll need to identify your disordered boundaries that need work, and catch the amplified emotions that are stemming from childhood traumas.
SHOW NOTES:
0:00 | Introduction to Terri Cole
0:36 | Take A Resentment Inventory
6:40 | Self Blame for Broken Boundaries
13:00 | Learned Boundaries From Childhood
23:19 | Reading Emotional Boundaries
30:48 | Unmet Needs In Relationship
34:43 | Internal Boundaries Are A Must
35:30 | Codependent Relationships
45:47 | Are You Auto-Advising People?
52:22 | Suppressed Anger Boundaries
58:40 | Tips To Express Your Boundaries
1:05:01 | Strategies for Family Gatherings
1:13:50 | Broken Boundaries Have Real Consequences
QUOTES:
“When it comes to our boundaries, it’s always an us thing. Because we are the keeper, we are the one who knows…” [5:39]
“At the base, so much of disordered boundaries has to do with people pleasing [7:20]
“It’s about becoming the observer without judgment of yourself and your reactions in real time.” [17:38]
“If you have a deep pain from you don’t actually love, I promise you, you’re most likely having a transference.” [18:06]
“It’s so much easier to go to anger, [...] than it is to be vulnerable and say, ‘this is why I’m hurt.’” [28:43]
“Anger feels empowering, where sorrow does not.” [29:24]
“Being a boundary boss means keeping your word to yourself.” [34:56]
“At its core, codependency is and overt or covert bid to control other people’s outcomes.” [36:33]
“Resentment is anger. If you’re feeling resentment, most likely something happened that initially you felt angry about.” [56:26]
“Silence is a lie. You are abandoning yourself and not saying what is on your mind.” [58:29]
“Your job is to be as unprovokable as possible.” [1:06:22]
“Not all boundaries are non-negotiable, some things are just preferences.” [1:16:11]
Follow Terri Cole:
Website: www.terricole.com/
KZbin: / @terri_cole
Podcast: www.terricole.com/podcast/
Twitter: / terri_cole
Instagram: / terricole
Facebook: / terricolelcsw

[@LisaBilyeu]

WARNING: I will never ask for your contact info in the comments section, that is someone impersonating me!

[@millyday]

Hacked!?

[@jtidema]

@@millyday Almost every content creator seems to have this recently... so annoying...

[@user-ej5jc5dk1e]

@@jtidema MAY I ASK HOW OLD ARE YOU ? YOU SOUND VERY YOUNG OR MAYBE VERY INEXPERIEBCED . IT'S NOT ENOUGH TALKED ENOUGH .

[@KKay-ny9xi]

​@@jtidema8i😅😅😅....😅.😅p.o&&000😢 f 😊

[@edgreen8140]

Abusers will make you feel this way. Best sentence I ever heard. "If you feel like you have to think; or be a detective around a person your probable dealing with a person who has a personality disorder".

[@peacefuljustice4801]

Who doesn't have personality disorder.. the culture induces it through advertising, silencing truth in media and general power dynamics of social structures.. . Muzzle mouth rules the day in corporate environments

[@Momo-po5tn]

Having a personality disorder doesnt make you an abuser

[@cinemaximum5654]

@@Momo-po5tn not all twisted people are abusers but all abusers are twisted people. And if you yourself have a personality disorder, you're a lil twisted yourself too.

[@Momo-po5tn]

@@cinemaximum5654 what are you defining as twisted? Some people cannot help but have a personality disorder. Like being born with a disability

[@jtidema]

@@Momo-po5tn I don't think anyone is saying they can 'help' it... Yes, it's like them being born with a disability. If someone is going to be a wheelchair user for life, you can SEE that and make a decision to get into the relationship, knowing that it make take a particular commitment. But personality disorders are 'invisible' and so these types of shows help people to SEE that, so that they can make an informed decision.

[@szz6629]

"The most important thing is that you're not giving up information that makes you unduly vulnerable to people who may not be emotionally trustworthy."

[@michannepotgieter8891]

The fluffy pillow behind Terri looks like it could be her angel wing 🤍

[@tyheath4068]

I have always honored my morals and values to the point where I am willing to stand alone. I would rather you not like me than me not liking myself.

[@katelyn442]

Love this

[@Michelle-Life-connection-coach]

I agree

[@lovelv1278]

That's where I'm finally at!!!! We deserve respect , love and to be valued !!! If we don't give ourselves that- we will keep seeking others to abuse us . I'm perfect example dealing w a narc mother . Much love ❤️ 😊

[@yvettegietl1759]

If you can't afford to gift the money, don't lend it.

[@xannaz9226]

"If you have something to say, silence is a lie." Mike drop.

[@ceciliamac4283]

Il not sure I am fully grasping it. Could you explain why please? :) Thank you 🤍

[@jasmineparker3227]

Spot on with money. I gift it rather than expect it back. If I don’t have it to give then they don’t get it. I feel better this way and then they don’t avoid me because they think they have to pay it back.

[@lush4real]

I am definitely guarded around people that remind me of other people that have offended me in the past

[@sarahwalker7547]

I love this woman. Her book changed my life. If you are struggling in any relationship buy her book Boundary Boss. There is something YOU can do to turn it all around. Thank you Terri Cole

[@terri_cole]

Thank you @sarahwalker7547 ❤

[@The_nqeen]

thank you for recommendations

[@melgonz.6962]

I intuitively knew how to draw boundaries with my narcisstic mom growing up. However, the problem is now I have overly aggressive boundaries with people, to the point I have trouble trusting. It's a mess.

[@kari25nov]

I understand that you feel it is a problem that you do not trust people the way you did. However, I believe this is just a phase that you need to go through. Anyway, sometimes life is black or white and maybe it is better not to trust a person until the person deserves your specific trust. Too many people trust too easily anyway.

[@athenasmith5866]

“Defensiveness is the arch enemy of listening “

[@Corrans]

It seems to me like we need stronger boundaries and more skills in protecting our boundaries nowadays because society is raising so many people to be takers, to be abusive and selfish and narcissistic. Very few (and they do exist) people are considerate of others and worry about overstepping boundaries. So now we need to arm ourselves with all these boundary-settibg skills.

[@pauladuncanadams1750]

I can't always anticipate what boundaries people will break. Sometimes toxic people take advantage in ways that I can't possibly imagine. They say, "gee I'm sorry but...it's your fault that I did this horrible thing and besides I didn't do it, you did." DARVO

[@racheal74]

I still won’t stay around a person that yells at me even if they remind me of my father

[@XtineJohnes]

Bless you if you have enough energy to fix other people's problems. Mind your own business, work hard, save and invest your money, and whatever you do, DON'T worry about what a man is doing or not doing. He will fit himself into your life if he cares. If he's defective or tries to get you to support him, you can't fix him - move on. If someone is resentful towards you at work, transfer away from them - they're not going to sit down with you and try to figure it out, they're trying to get you fired. Same thing with predatory siblings, they're trying to push you out of the family and any inheritance. They're not going to work it out. I think this video is setting people up in a way because it is giving you the expectation that there is something you can do about crazy, angry people that we meet in the world, when in actuality the people who are receptive to working things out are VERY few and far between. USA is a predatory country and it's set up to make winners and losers in any given situation, and it's ultimately all about profit and attention. I'm not saying that there isn't a person who might be mad at you, but eventually work it out and realize "who really hurt them". I'm just saying that 99% of the time, they're not going to do this. AND FURTHERMORE, most men are total users who don't work on their problems because they actually just don't have to. Why should they work things out with you when there is another woman just around the corner who is going to take a couple years before she is tired of his behavior? If you want a normal, monogamous man, he's most likely going to be from an area where this is a normal behavior and sadly, this isn't the USA. Get smart and stop expecting to take crap and make it into gold - if you really want to, go find some gold. It's not around here.

[@XtineJohnes]

That piece about "accepting a man's quirks and problems"? That's called Settling. The truth is, you don't like him. And he's weird. This speaks about just not having the man you actually wanted, and accepting someone who is a weirdo because most likely he is your best option. So it's really about you - are you wiling/able to Settle??

[@missta1820]

Well said.🌼

[@DiamondsRexpensive]

Yes it is a predatory country. It went for other countries and now it's paying the price by having kids, the future, pay it.

[@annab2796]

Try living in Russia…. Men over there expect women to work, raise children, cook, clean while looking like a model most of the time while his “majesty” lays on the sofa after work and does nothing! Men expect home cooked meals most of the time and wouldn’t help. Plus they are cheaters and most have mistresses on the side. Majority are alcoholics. Few well established men who are married, the wives are constantly worry if they will divorce them and complete with younger women by doing plastic surgeries. At least American men help women in raising children, good providers and aren’t demanding for a woman to be beautiful. I see a lot of American women looking masculine, not well groomed with handsome fit husbands who help a lot with household chores, cooking, cleaning, taking children to after school activities, babysitting them, provide for families financially completely and actually are open to a dialogue with their wives when there is a problem. I’m talking about the majority statistics. Yes are are jerks out there for sure, but compared to Russia? No wonder a lot of beautiful and young women want to immigrate to either Western Europe, Australia and the US.

[@DiamondsRexpensive]

@@annab2796 Hahahahahahahaaaa!!!! These ugly women are paying the bills of the pretty men they're with so the pretty men stay with them!!! They're not providers!!!! The women in the USA are the masculine ones!!! His spineless majesty, the American man wants a woman who brings a table and something to it! And wants you to step on one knee and give him a ring!!!

[@PhetteHollins]

The story Terri shared about her sister truly resonated with me. I have been building a peaceful life for myself for years & when folks around have chaos in their lives, I used to think I had the answers to “fix them,” when I absolutely DO NOT. Everyone has to go on their own journey. When I realized that I cannot fix people &, nor am I here to, a weight was lifted. I just have to trust that those that I love & care for who are going through a difficult time will make the best choice for them💜

[@JuliaShalomJordan]

Amen. I’m in the same place.🤍

[@terri_cole]

@feeETT I am so happy to hear it resonated with you ❤ Right on!

[@lesliesmart4595]

Amen 👏🏽 💯🙌🏾

[@sherriflemming3218]

We cannot fix or change anyone.

[@shimmeringlight8929]

“I’m not giving up information that makes me unduly vulnerable to people who may not be emotionally trustworthy” --✨GOLDEN✨--I love this Woman, just bought her book!

[@susanfakhouri1950]

Wow! Thank you Terri and Lisa for opening my eyes to why I’ve been a people pleaser and would drop everything to “save” others now to my detriment for honesty most of my life. Trauma and codependency played a major role. I feel confident and empowered to take care of myself first and move on to a purposeful life. I’m in tears as this realization sets in and for the first time understand it. Love you ladies! 💕

[@terri_cole]

@susanfakhouri1950 You are so welcome and so not alone ❤ 🙌 to feeling empowered!

[@My_Secret_ArtSketchbook]

Saving oneself is more important, mental health important. You matter, there is only ONE you.

[@priscillarodriguez268]

Story of my life. I pray God remove everyone in my life that doesn’t belong there.

[@jennas.9063]

Wowwwwww please have this lady come back again!!! I struggle w boundaries and codependency even with narcissistic in laws and small groups where you can’t avoid them across the room. I loved her responses to if people interrupt or ask rude questions I always never knew how to respond without getting my emotions involved. Thanks for this video! Also both my parents are narcissistic and the way she described how narcissistic mothers act w their daughters was exactly how my mom was w me growing up. She’s a lot better now oddly but still tries to control things in various ways.

[@myaalberto2959]

Her book Boundary Boss & Boundary Boot Camp course was life changing!!!

[@triciaashe611]

Truly incredible I learn so much listening to this 🙏🏼💜☮️🙏🏼

[@maritzaenpetervanderkruk-p2214]

0

[@terri_cole]

@jennas.9063 So glad it resonated and that you found it helpful ❤

[@lanzeborille7518]

With the current problem around the world today I think it's best everyone invest more in digital asset than Saving in banks and real estate. Just my thoughts

[@heinvu4229]

Yeah , I think the importance of investment is highly undermined and overlooked which is probably one of the biggest problem we face today. To me investment strategies should be taught in schools

[@jayrenee1552]

Speaking of digital assets do you mean bitcoin?! I don't think investing in bitcoin now is a good idea, I'm currently running on huge loss the market is crashing

[@simonethomas9393]

@@jayrenee1552 this is more reason you should invest with an expert, even with the fall in price I make good profits weekly from my investment in bitcoin. Last week I got a profit of 56,000

[@simonethomas9393]

digital assets are actually the best way to save money cause you are earning huge as you save unlike banks

[@antoniohandel8332]

@@simonethomas9393 waw that's huge, how do you achieve this huge profits from bitcoin l'm interested

[@Kiwiwanderer]

Always choose guilt rather than resentment. I do a lot of positive projection.

[@conniedada2302]

Wow...high functioning co-dependency...so me! Not allowing yourself to be sucked into the center of someone else's problem...and not taking it on. How to respond to another without taking it upon my shoulders...huge!!! Thank you!

[@terri_cole]

So glad this resonated with you @conniedada2302 ❤

[@guitarsz]

Ba loo my mind when Terri talks about how her therapist showed her she was trying to CONTROL her sister because her sister's dumpster fire relationship was disturbing her peace! WOAH! That really hit home.

[@senatus1113]

Great advice. I really appreciate this. My adopted mom was a BIG Narcissist. She would always lie on my brother and I. If we were upset we had no reason to be. Especially me I was always being gas lit. We all had to tiptoe around her. If our adopted dad didn’t agree with how ridiculous she was acting she would belittle him too. If she wasn’t in a good mood everyone was supposed to also not be in a good mood because she made it unbearable. I spent a lot of time isolated in my room reading and writing because that was my escape. She and my adopted dad would make comments like I didn’t want to be a part of the family or I thought I was better than everyone else. When I got old enough to call her out on her behavior, I was gas lit. She played the victim and blocked me on Facebook and the family stopped talking to me. I was so hurt and wounded for many many years. But it was also the best decision. I would rather live a life that is quiet and only me instead of being in a toxic family. This lady sounds like Dr. Ramani

[@ceciliaruns72]

My mother has a history of just booking a flight and saying she can't change it, just so she can visit. I have repeatedly asked her to verify with me first if I am free and able to have visitors. She did it again yesterday and said, I booked a flight for me and your dad and we're coming next week. I had to tell her "NO" in a polite way and reminded her that moving forward I need to verify dates prior to final flight bookings and I will need at least 2 weeks notice. It is SO HARD to set boundaries with an aging mother! I am 50 and FINALLY NOW setting boundaries.

[@sarahsalter678]

Well done 👏🏽 ❤

[@nyuuuchan]

can't you say you're not at home? or just don't open the door :D it's what I've done to people in the past, they eventually went away.

[@annabanzon313]

My resentments are always high. It's because I never feel safe.

[@scubagirl1971]

I recognize this pattern in myself several years back but didn’t have a label for it. I started saying to myself- not my monkeys, not my circus whenever I felt compelled to act. I asked myself would this situation be better served having someone else take the lead? Is this my responsibility? I am so much happier now. I have more personal time, less resentment. And great boundaries.

[@howtosober]

I've learned that underneath poor (or nonexistent) boundaries, or problems speaking up about boundaries, is always one of the three insecure attachment styles. Heal your attachment style and boundaries will never be an issue again. It's also unlikely you'll attract or get entangled with people that intend to manipulate you.

[@jessl5024]

Can you please consider interviewing Kim Kiyosaki? She's all about teaching women to be financially independent. I think she would really help a lot of women and men as well.

[@whatrtheodds]

Yes plz❤

[@sandyhenry3238]

Making my abusive Step Father laugh kept me safe. Today I still go back to feeling like if I make them laugh cater to their needs I'll be safe. This has destroyed me as an adult

[@latinamamai18]

I absolutely love Terri Cole, I’m so glad she’s receiving the recognition she deserves. Her book has changed my life. I will never be the same person I was before learning about Terri and her excellent advice regarding boundaries. She shared my comment on her Facebook post. ❤️ She really is an awesome, down to earth person. I see so many great things happening for her.

[@VikingSpirit942]

Yes agree totally- if you serve yourself up on a silver platter trusting others will be as honest and well intentioned as you, and think they will love you for it, you’re very much mistaken. They will just keep asking and taking until you are an empty shell.

[@MarcM143]

Terri Coles voice is perfect to goto sleep to, perfect podcast for bedtime

[@RachelSDay1982]

Oh hell!! I'm attracting bullies in my life because of my birth family's bullying?!!?? What can I do to stop it already??? p.s. I certainly wish when this happens to me in the workplace, that management would do their job and appropriately deal with this hostility. Hostile work environments are terrible!!

[@72CrossingRS]

I hear ya and have reported things that have gone over looked, then when you start to take a stand for yourself they say you're the problem. That is when it's time to take your skill's where they will actually be appreciated. Same with people... Let them go...

[@pumpyourselfup7683]

@@72CrossingRS true unfortunately you gonna have to let them go

[@JanineHarris]

“Boundary Boss Draws the Line...” 😂love it

[@thenutrientwhisperer3700]

It’s also important to remind people that the way in which the message is delivered, is also very important. Say it with less emotion and more intelligence and make eye contact while communicating your message

[@christelnielandt5117]

Stunning and SO much true : it is not up to us to solve other people’s problems. Throughout my personal journey, all the amazing things I learned, that came across my life, I now FINALLY realize it is important simply to listen and NOT to solve anyone’s problem, how precious that person might be to me. From now on I love to learn to listen without judgement AND simply be ‘present’. HUGE thanks 🙏🙏🙏❤️❤️❤️

[@tammys701]

I am noticing a pattern with some of my women friends. I see I am attracting women who are emotionally unsupportive or dont have time for an intimate conversation unless there drunk. Some I dont hear from until its time for a catch up. The in between moments are can be lonely. I was left out with my peers at school and bullied as a child. Im 50 now and im yearning for loving healthy intimate girl friends who love me deeply as I do them. Im struggling with this.

[@trezur8693]

I’m in my 20s and feel the same… it’s like they’re only friends just to say they have a friend but they don’t truly care. Tbh women like this on KZbin have become my “friends” hope u can do the same

[@louiseelizabeth9613]

Weaponised incompetence is a real thing and is abuse. It's different to someone forgetting once or twice, but that is how it starts

[@misshern3696]

I haven’t even watched over a minute and I want to express that I’ve been in a few of the things are talked about. I took time to learn about my experience and I was able to try the new habits and the response wasn’t very easy at first, six years later and I have seen significant changes in those close to me. It really gets better. Keep fighting.

[@bellaqueen7654]

This conversation with Terri and the nuanced discussion of boundaries, connections- with specific “scripts” of what to say and real life scenarios, examples, there’s so much gold here…love it, brilliant! Thank you Terri and Lisa

[@terri_cole]

Thank YOU @bellaqueen7654 ❤

[@pauladuncanadams1750]

Narcissistic friends, oh yes! I had a friend in school who would come over to my house. She and my mother would get together and attack me. Never got lucky enough to have a mentor though.

[@tanyakashyap6944]

Terri looks like a fairy with wings with the cushion behind her 🧚🧚 Wat a brilliant strong woman 👠❤️

[@angieeissa8679]

This is one of the best talks I have ever watched. I was for years, a high functioning codependent woman.

[@MrAngiePangy]

I love this woman!!! I love that when she said, that they have to be "emotionally trustworthy"!!!! My new standard as of now!!! giant hugs and many thanks :)))

[@THEBIGDOLLL]

I literally love Lisa’s facial expressions EVERY podcast! ❤️🤣

[@chelseaaa7360]

Dude yes!!!!!!😂😂

[@YuliaGrushevskaya-bi6he]

😊never been used always been loved❤ and protected😊

[@joelmasantos879]

First time here, Liza seems to be genuine and carefree she is dancing with Terri and more importantly fully present. Terri sounds so easy to listen to, no grandiosity, and with no harshness it is easier to absorb it, I'm subscribing for these reasons and will listen to this again. I like the wisdom of Ester Perrel, however in my opinion insight is not enough.

[@wejoin]

My mom is narcissistic and she does use what I say against me. Gaslighting and bullying is how I grew up. Married a covert narcissist and after the divorce got with another narcissist - all this before I ever knew what it was!! Sooo many times wasted with the wrong people. I was in therapy the second year of my marriage. Apparently she didn't help me

[@mararamitchpeace]

I am so in love with this woman! She is such a healing presence! I am so glad to see her on the show today! Let the healing words and energy wash over me and correct my broken boundaries! 🥰🙏

[@terri_cole]

Aww, thank you so much @marandaslayin6920 ❤🙏

[@simonar6492]

I love Terri! Thank you for inviting her! She has such a calm voice and good advice!

[@whatrtheodds]

Thank you Lisa and Terri. Great Interview ❤🫧✨🌸

[@RomieM-mh7yv]

yes, learning the language and retraining and reprogramming our minds breaking out of bad behavior. I love this talk of poor boundaries & Manipulation because it's happening everyday of our lives through family and leading into our relationships. Something I needed to hear and be reminded of so, thank you Lisa and Terri.

[@samantha4130]

Incredible chat. So much valuable advice. I so appreciate how much you put out here on the internet to help us all.

[@kimberlykleparek-xe2qo]

Love this! Love your show Lisa, and I love your authenticity. ♥️

[@lisaeve6426]

Brilliant...as long as we are NOT provoked....as that's the game.... keep your game ladies! Keep your power!!

[@PinkZePeony0]

Oh my gosh !!! Life changing!! Thank you life long people pleaser here !! I’m being healed and delivered 🙌🏻🤣 love this episode will watch again ❤️

[@JessByer]

Incredible interview Lisa & Terri Loved every minute of it, I had to watch it twice. I have so much gratitude for the incredible tools 🧰 and wisdom that you both so generously shared with us. Feeling #BLESSED.

[@laceyfelix9310]

Such an eye opening interview. Thank you💯

[@munchey99508]

Wow! I love this so much! ❤️Thank you! Wonderful…😊

[@phemery1182]

Terri's book & YT channel are excellent, highly recommend.

[@n.m.9971]

I love Terri's humour the "I think I made it up" response to Lisa tickled me

[@analaurar7202]

Omg this hit the nail on the head 🎉I freaked loved it and shared it because this is the kind of conversations we need to have among us women. Thank you both !!! 🎉❤

[@The_nqeen]

WOW, Thank you Terri and Lisa. I just ordered your book Terri. As a nurse listening to you is improving my skills. God blessed you laddies ❤️❤️❤️. Stay well

[@JodySugarspringerdoodles]

You guys have helped me so much I've got to listen to this video again! Thank you so much so so very much!!!

[@SunshineAnia]

That was the most open minded, helpful, amazing and carring podcast I ever watch! Thank you!

[@etiennemarchione2207]

Holy crap! I love & value the part about “emotional labor“ I think I’ve spent my life shouldering all the “emotional labor”for everyone in my entire family, and even some of my close friends! Oh my Chihuahua! talk about eureka moment in codependency! Wow when I tell them what I need and I have to keep reassuring them on my boundary and hand holding through the steps that’s BS and I NEVER even thought of it this way! How they keep relying on me to do the work and how I need to be sure they do it themselves. Thanks for the helpful advice, insights and great ideas on how to assert boundaries.

[@jackrippper3389]

Your guest is fire! I love her insight. Listening is love. I'll remember this.

[@foreignlovedreams]

Thanks for this video. It is really important to know where your boundaries are and to defend them. Unfortunately, we are not taught this in childhood and our parents sometimes violate it. And already in adult conscious life we are forced to deal with this. The sooner - the better. And the better we will be able to build relationships with people.

[@Valerieinlovewithfashion]

To repeat and say the boundary is amazing because it shows you that you're trying that with the wrong person. Because, if they then go and make it sound like a complaint and all about you, it sucks. Its better to count on the right person and save the time and heart pain. People can say oh I didn't mean it, and I meant well for years and excuse any single action, so best not to accept any of this. People will meet you where you are if they want to.

[@xannaz9226]

The idea of looking at my anger and identifying it as points of resentment...oh wow. Narcissistic mother really did a number on me.

[@personne3837]

Woow i could have written your words. My narcissist mother was a monster to me, I couldn't express my emotions and i didn't even know i have emotions, I only thought I was crazy cause she has been calling me crazy since I'm a child. I thought everything was my fault, i had something wrong going on inside me. I was parentified and that made me a doormat to everyone. My path to recovery has been rough, painful, hard and full of tears but My God, I wouldn't change anything. Be blessed.

[@tee-py7sp]

Im so happy I found this channel. This is the third video i watched today and it has given me so much insight. I have a lot of work and healing to be done. But im up for the challenge! I say all this to say… thank you!

[@ravennamoonrise]

Loved this video - Thank you!

[@seriousmario8915]

Just hearing advice from this woman makes me feel more empowered and safe in myself. Fantastic advice

[@ligiasommers]

Soooo helpful and clear , thank you 🙏🏻🌹✨🙏🏻

[@alcudiababe1]

It says alot how people react when they're having a bad day and how they cope and handle stress because stress is a part of a normal every day life. Like they've had a row and are having a bad hair day. I understand that you want to feel empathy but if their bad behaviour towards you is affecting you don't justify it. It's almost like getting into a toxic relationship but saying oh well he's having a bad day - you can respect your right to be treated with dignity

[@simmoko6779]

Her Voice is so calm. Love listening to her!

[@jamierusche6419]

You are both shining so bright. ✨️

[@kristineahrens2158]

"I think I made it up" .... 🤣 I'm learning so much but that really made me chuckle! You are totally on to something

[@grumpycheerleader]

Terry is a class act. I always appreciate her videos.

[@dalilabendjekidel9968]

Very enriching conversation I’m have watch a few times how ever understood every single bite of this talk and for this thank you ladies.

[@shellanderson8381]

Awesome interview

[@marsalizadeh2624]

I absolutely loved listening to this episode l!!! Thank you thank you thank you Lisa for bringing all the powerful people to your show!!!❤️🙏🙋‍♀️🙌🔥💪❤️

[@teffygr5947]

This message hits home ♡ How I wish I could have heard it long before - I recently became a divorcee... I would greatly appreciate any advice from those who have gone through it... Thanks for taking the time to read me out!

[@funshinebear4822]

Love Terri Cole. She's effortlessly elegant and poised. ❤️

[@nursequyen]

Amazing interview, it deserves more views

[@00Kath]

Amen thank you for discussing these topics in such detail. It’s extremely helpful. Thank you both! 🎉😊

[@user-io7pn4vl1g]

Hello Kat

[@clairelariviere3122]

Two of the smartest, kindest most authentic women on KZbin. Thanks!

[@spawnkie]

This video is so helpful! Some of us have been working through this for years! I am currently working through this right now....how to heal correctly....this was very insightful.❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@alcudiababe1]

I've no problem telling my Mother no. Or someone I don't care about saying no. It's holding firm under that person or person(s) manipulation. I don't have to take it from just about anyone. A lot of other people that I don't specifically care about makes it easier to just break free from. It's a lot harder when it's your Mom. Now I know I'm starting to get a better relationship with my Mom recently. She still tries telling me what to do but I don't care as much because I know I don't have to do things her way. I push back a lot on angry aggressive dominating conversations it's usually a mixture of don't engage and pick my battles but I find I remember a lot of other behavioural traits Mom does have and remember them more. There was a time when she was loving, patient and understanding and she can be, it's within her somewhere but she went onto being critical and faultfinding, using guilt trips - scare tactics - she thinks she can speak her mind to family but for me there's a line. When it has been crossed because it's like fighting fire with a lionesses even though sometimes I have gone to battle with her but for the majority of the time I don't give her my time. I answer the phone less - I know why I'm doing it because I can't be around her when she's like that but I'm less likely wanting her to change and accepting this is my mom but I remember something DR Ramani said, that she may have her softer moments where she is kinder than usual but that all those other things are wrapped around inside of her so just because I'm getting the softer side now I'm not an idiot she could turn but I feel I'm getting better at not personalising - it's hard but I've done it but I've got to think this is a reflection of herself when she's loosing that control that power over me and because I can choose how to handle myself in that moment with her so just because I turn up in peace doesn't mean I'm not ready to go to war with her. It's holding firm under the pressure of the manipulation and doing it anyway. I never knew that by trying to be open and honest that it would invite so much pressure off her. I've been told I'm silly for making my own life choices and decisions, that if I don't do such and such they won't do something for me. I've been through it all, the threats that come from Dad, the emotional blackmail and the gaslighting where they want me to feed into the belief I'm the problem. I have to take myself off sometimes and say no I've done my inner work I'm on my healing journey even though both my parents think they are right but it's not about them, it's about me and the relationship I have with them. I probably should explain a boundary though that when I feel undermined, unvalued and they treat me like crap I will have to limit the time I come over but it's saying that in a way that doesn't come off as a threat because it's not, or if they'll twist it and put a spin on it to make it seam to be a threat but at least they'll know why I'm doing what I'm doing and it is something I know I can follow though on

[@leighparratt3015]

Yea!!!! Terri on Lisa’s show 🥳

[@ddee7307]

Wow spot on! Thank you

[@klbinka]

Fantastic talk! :) Such a wise lady 🙏❤️

[@terri_cole]

Thank you @janabady ❤🙏

[@vibrantly50]

Please have Terri on again! This was so very helpful. I have a LOT to learn about healthy boundaries and love the infusion of wisdom found here.

[@JuliaShalomJordan]

Yes! Me too!🤯🤍🙏🏻

[@user-vn9sh6hv8r]

She has her own podcast/yt channel - hours of listening & fantastic advice. Definitely worth subscribing.

[@healingypsy]

Very very insightful

[@nfischer7854]

This title undersells the episode. Quality content though!

[@behnazb6724]

I agree 100% - the title is not accurate

[@Momo-po5tn]

Yes title feels a little clickbaitey overall its about boundaries and healthy relationships period, not just romantic

[@addi2014]

Wonderful wisdoms and it’s eye opening --because of your not to speak out your acted out

[@alcudiababe1]

I remember I was trying to explain something about me to Mom because I felt like I'd figured parts of myself out and I was hoping for this in depth discussion and I didn't mind questions or anything like that. I could answer what someone might describe the uncomfortable questions but everytime I explained myself I got matched with yes but you shouldn't think about it like that. Or, you should do what everyone else does and do this. You personalize. But based on someone's actions and behaviours I know when I feel at least considered - she doesn't have to agree with everything but if an effort is made to think how I might take something I feel like on some level she's actually been decent