Grateful I Didn’t Quit Tango: lessons that changed everything | Season 3, Episode 13

[@mysticzyoga]

Hi,Community brought me back. I first tried in Huntington Beach California but didn't have a schedule that allowed me to attend regular lessons or milongas. I was a novice and even though leaders and the community allowed me to try, I was a total novice and knew I was a hindrance. I felt out of place in those Milongas. There was no sense of community to me due to my work and schedule. Now 8 years later I finally retired from that career and had time to finally attend a Tango boot camp follwed by a Milonga back to back about 5 months ago in Phoenix AZ. This community sense and the welcoming tolerance is what brought me back and helped me to get over my newness. The leaders gave grace and patience and encouragement. Also, I found a wonderful teacher, she is the biggest part of what brought me into this community and was the first person who danced with me at the Milonga after the Boot camp that first day a few months ago.

[@mysticzyoga]

I'm further into your video and realize how lucky I am to dance where I do. Competition among followers for leaders is unheard of here. Then again, we have occasionally had more leaders than followers at one of the regular Milongas but, generally it is even. There is no competition at all. Zero, what a relief, I cannot imagine having to worry about anything other than connection, (not looks, not clothing, not our bodies or anything else, just connection.) However, the community here felt MUCH more inviting to me than my brief attempt in SoCal.

[@shirleyli9767]

Dear Y, thank you for sharing your experience, I had the exact same moments. I’m so glad to hear it today. Very encouraging ❤

[@imsotango]

Thank you! I’m so happy this resonated with you.

[@elfdddd]

I cannot stress how valuable your content is to me! These topics are never discussed within the tango society and we should talk about these more. I still have a love and hate relationship with tango. It's mainly because of the complex technicality and the people/culture in the community. All these issues lead me to this blackhole of having less confidence and less fun. I always find myself needing some time off and inspiration to find my way back to tango. Also, mindset shifts (such as going to a milonga without expectations of great dances and just going there to socialise with people) make me re-connect with tango. There are so many things I would like you to talk about. I wanted to give some ideas that you can develop further: - I started tango when I was very young. The age gap with the other dancers felt and still feel like a barrier to me, especially in socialising. It is also looked down upon by my friends. I think this may be a challenge in increasing the young population of tango community. Do you have any tips for young dancers and any structural changes to the community that may help attract/maintain younger dancers? - What makes the difference of community between salsa/bachata and tango? How can we learn to be more fun, sociable and relaxed like them? Or shall we avoid copying them? - The notion of 'tango-friendsips'. Pros and cons of it? Is it possible to actually make friends in tango? - The role of arrogance in tango? I find arrogant teachers/dacers annoying but if they are too friendly, it kinda diminishes their value in my eye unfortunately. Is this a me problem :)

[@imsotango]

Ah! Such GREAT questions, thank you! And I would LOVE to chat with you about your experience of starting tango at an early age! I will put these questions on my list to go through, thank you for sharing! Feel free to reach out to me on IG @imso_tango if you want to chat further

[@georgesoong4149]

I am also at a turning point deciding whether to stay or quit. There are a few reasons. 1. For me, most places have quite poor audio systems which do not reveal the levels of music properly. So I choose to attend mostly milongas with live performances. 2. I do not see or feel the emotion in the music from partners. I also decided to learn following to see how close I can get to be a follower in two months. My teacher laughed because she and her sister decided I was a better follower than a leader. 3. Social dancing have too many rules to really have fun with the dance, and few really improve over the years. Recently I had the opportunity setup a place for practice and started to teach from a different perspective: Have connection with the music emotionally and physically, train the body to be able to express the feel for the music, and communicate the feel with your partner in the dance. I also act as an assistant in my teacher’s group class dancing both roles because she teaches in a way which first inspired me to start out. Actually, guys start to want to practice with me. I also get to feel how each is improving or shifting to a less desirable direction. I am also looking into Nuevo style and other styles to play around with, so I am considering starting Tango Nuevo practica to let people come and just play around with different ideas. My other way of keeping in touch with Tango is working the audio systems. Working on setups for bands and DJed events seems to be another way to at least get the minimum audio quality I can dance to😂. So we shall see where this leads.

[@imsotango]

wow it sounds like you are making your own path which is WONDERFUL! I hope you do a nuevo practica and get men interested in learning to follow. That would be an amazing service to tango. I also appreciate your sentiment about the importance of good audio. I myself am very picky when it comes to sound quality and will frequently leave if it's not good. Once you start. your practica AND have good audio, I bet your place is gonna be hopping!

[@TatianaPrescott]

Dear Yelizaveta, Very insightful and on the point again. Thank you! As for me, I found you and your work early enough in my dancing years to be supported and guided by ... sometimes, I even surprised how much your topics resonate with my own chaotic thoughts.. I found your way of giving very practical advice and sharing your knowledge and experience very useful in tango navigation. Especially for beginners in tango ... I do recommend it to everybody... and always receive thanks for my recommendation ! Please continue with your work 🙏

[@imsotango]

oh wow thank you so much for your kind words. I so appreciate hearing your feedback and I'm so glad my podcast has been helpful for you on your journey

[@clsrangle]

Your vulnerability is priceless. Thank you so much. ❤

[@imsotango]

Thank you so much! I really appreciate your kind words.

[@royhammond7854]

This is one of the most useful and encouraging talks I've ever heard. Thank youl

[@imsotango]

You are so welcome! Thank you for listening!

[@lisap6225]

Thank you so much for your candor and courage. I really enjoy listening you touch on so many intricate and intimate/unspoken elements of dance. Thank you!

[@imsotango]

You are so welcome! Thank you for listening :)

[@hamuraihamu8907]

In the @44:44 where you mention the acknowledgement of mistakes, i have a slightly different view on that. I would argue that this is very crucial. Because in milongas, it's more often than not that people are not aware of the "mistakes", and when a mistake like "kicked you in a sacada" happened and the person executing the sacada doesn't understand that he/she kicked the receiver of the sacada, is problematic i would say (i know it might sound extreme, but i know many people who have suffered of this). 50% of solving a problem is recognizing it. Now of course the point of socially dancing is to have fun, and you shouldn't beat yourself over small mistakes like "oh i stepped weirdly there". And i can agree that the perfect is boring and that small imperfections are nice. We are not robots! Another point of, dancing with people you know, that you made earlier in the video, is also a bit not accurate to me. I understand that is comforting dancing with people you know, but isn't the point of social dancing, to meet and dance with people you don't know? Not necessarily in the search for that tango high, but generally speaking. And i also understand that for some people this can be very hard (ex. introverts, which is the majority from my experience of the tango social dancers).

[@imsotango]

It depends on your personality. Some people dance for the purpose of dancing with new people while others prefer to dance with people they know. I don't think there is any one way of approaching social dance.

[@zanafong7316]

What a great video podcast 🤗 thank you for sharing so much about yourself with us and showing your vulnerability during your tango journey experiences. There is a lot you mentioned so many can relate and has talked about since I started 💓great to hear how you handling some of the situations we all find ourselves in at some points of our journey. For me socializing was always top of the list in anything, tango included and it for sure pushed a lot of issues to the surface. Which again is a ok if we are surrounded by kind and encouraging peers from the beginning if possible. Growing and maybe even healing through dance together ❤

[@imsotango]

Thank you for listening :)

[@Msnancyseattle]

Thanks, Y, for talking all this through. I’m older, have worked hard on my tango and am picky. The last milonga I went to, I realized the next day that I had only danced with my partner (they were all amazing tandas)! I enjoyed chatting with friends and followers. It’s typical for me to leave unsatisfied because I’m trying to dance with people Ive never danced with (typically younger) and I just don’t know them! So, building community and just being friendly and enjoying the whole event, that does produce satisfaction.

[@imsotango]

Thank you so much for sharing, yes I am pretty picky myself haha

[@delducja]

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings so openly! I appreciate your words and am very grateful!

[@imsotango]

You are so welcome! So glad this resonated ;)

[@WildRoseAlchemy]

This video came at the exact right moment for me. Thank you 🙏

[@imsotango]

Oh I'm so glad! Hugs!

[@lancastrian413]

We don't make mistakes. We create opportunities.

[@imsotango]

"happy accidents" - Bob Ross :)

[@furahinitluway8543]

Thank you for sharing and for being vulnerable, I completely relate especially as an introvert whose social battery depletes quickly. 😊❤. I have had several mini quitting episodes, but always come back 😂

[@imsotango]

Ah I'm so glad this resonated :). Thank you for your feedback

[@juliemonroe5086]

I met you in Albuquerque and I really wanted to dance with you. I danced with your husband and he is a delight. Will you be at the San Diego festival? Thank you for the podcast and the encouragement. 😊

[@imsotango]

Hello! So sorry we didn't get to dance! I am not sure I will be in SD this year. I look forward to crossing paths with you soon

[@PCPMVideo]

Sounds so much like the path I have followed (except for the competition part). Hope to see & dance with you at sometime in the future. I like the creative exchanges in leading. Maybe you know some? I will also be in SD after numerous years of not attending. Just fyi - not a fan of performances. Not a fan of mandatory close embrace. This was a good episode!

[@imsotango]

Thank you for the feedback! I hope you enjoy SD!

[@joccykatt6398]

People that stay in tango probably have spaces within the community to process frustration and find encouragement. I tend to keep the vulnerable tango topics inside and I think that was my undoing. (After 10 years it boiled over and I quit.) After quitting tango, I turned to dances where I could dance alone, like pole dance, and I've been much happier. My current hypotheses are that either/both: (1) I was always a solo dancer and not "built" for tango, or (2) I never found space in tango to express my individual tango voice in a way that was joyful for me, so I kept getting lost in how people told me to dance.

[@imsotango]

WOW what a powerful question/observation! Thank you for sharing!!

[@imsotango]

I have so much to say about it but it's all jumbled in my head... I think it might be another episode in there haha

[@joccykatt6398]

@@imsotango hope so!

[@Betan.1969]

En mi opinión y por si ayuda, seria bueno hacer un poco más "compactas" estas reflexiones... ver que estos videos duran casi una hora puede hacer no querer verlo.

[@imsotango]

¡Muchas gracias por tu aporte! Mis episodios siempre han sido un poco más largos para ofrecer una discusión más completa, pero entiendo totalmente la preocupación por el tiempo. Para hacerlo más fácil, pronto agregaré capítulos para que puedas saltar a las partes que más te interesen. También puedes usar la función de velocidad de reproducción para ajustarlo a tu horario.